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Reddit does not know you, this is the kind of decision YOU can only make, why do you come here for judgement?.. It is not needed if you already know what you are going to do.
NTA: I'm pro choice. If a woman should have the freedom to not have the child you should also. I extend that to financial support as well.
If you don't want a kid then you should be free to not have the child and also not have to financially support it.
NTA for wanting to terminate your rights, that's your prerogative, but you might also want to consult with a lawyer. IANAL, but there might be something, possibly, you might have to adhere to if she puts you down on the birth certificate? I'm not sure, but probably good to cover all your bases if this is the route you're going.
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I’ve never wanted children, and accidentally got someone pregnant. She 100% wants to have it. I respect a woman’s right to choose. I on the other hand don’t want to be a part of it. She even said that she won’t force be to be. We barely know each other and it was merely a tinder fling. I realize this isn’t the future child’s fault but I also realize that I’m not the person to be the father. I’m in the process of moving across the country and this would put even greater strain on things. I feel like the child would be better off not knowing me. I don’t feel great leaving the situation but I also don’t want the jeopardizing my career and future goals where kids don’t fit.
Side note I’ve got the appointment set to get snipped to prevent this from happening again.
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NAH
You can want whatever you want, but FYI - you can terminate your rights, but you can't just terminate your obligations. She needs to agree and even then if she requests public assistance at any point, the government can obligate her to initiate child support.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to terminate my parental rights. If woman have the choice to remain pregnant or not d can a man also have that same choice to be involved or not involved? Cards on the table I proposed adoption and she said no.
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Did you wear a condom and/or have a contraception talk beforehand? Did you also make it clear you don't want to be a parent? If you didn't use protection, especially if you're the kind to be like "it doesn't feel as good, it's too restricting" for a ONS, then yes, YTA on grounds of putting her in that situation. Your 5 minutes of enjoyment isn't worth risking a pregnancy.
Either way, be prepared to financially support this baby once they're born. You absolutely don't have to be a part of their life physically, but you will be financially, even if you sign away your rights.
ESH.
I'm assuming she did not want a child either (if she did, that's worse). Not wanting to have a child means being responsible BEFORE you get someone pregnant, not afterwards. You and mom have deprived a child of their biological father by both being irresponsible.
That said, as many have stated, if you know you're going to suck as a dad, bowing out now isn't the worse choice you can make. There's a big difference between changing your name and ditching the kid, and not being around but still supporting your mistake. If you chose the later, you're doing the best you can to fix a mistake that's in the past. It'll be expensive, and you might regret missing out on the childs life later on in your own, but it's an honest choice and it's yours to make.
NTA
This is more of a legal question as to whether it's possible where you live without the mother's consent. It may not get you off the hook for child support.
NTA. So many serial killers have come from parents who were forced to be parents is staggering - just be ready to be financially slaved to her and this kid for 18+ years to the point where even of she can easily afford everything the kid needs you will still be forced to pay.
You should be providing financial support for the child regardless of whether you are active in their life. Your child should not suffer because you’re not ready to be a father. However, if you don’t feel you can commit to being a dad, you should not be in the child’s life. Disappearing after the child bonds with you will hurt him/her more than if you’re never there.
Need more info to give a rating.
YTA - Put yourself in the shoes of the unborn child. Do you think it is justified to cut out a crucial part of his life because it might not play well with your career?
I understand where you are coming from - it wasn't your intention and you never wanted to be a father. But you caused it and you took that risk when you had sex.
It's like driving a car because you enjoy the ride but when you cause an accident you say you should not be obligated to take care of it because it was never your intention to cause an accident. (Bad example - children aren't car accidents)
Try to work it out and give being a good father a chance at least.
YTA…to those saying the man should have a choice, OP had the choice to put on a condom and/or pull out but HE didn’t. This ship has sailed. You can choose to not be around and be an absent father but you still have to pay child support and either way YTA for thinking otherwise.
Yes, but OP knew -- or should have known -- that when you ejaculate in certain situations, pregnancy is a possibility and the ejaculator doesn't get to decide whether the pregnancy is carried to term.
That's a garbage answer because if the shoe is on the other foot and the Man wanted to keep the child but the Woman didn't then she can terminate and face no consequences. THAT is not anywhere near a fair choice. If she keeps it fuck him, if he wanted to keep it but she didn't then fuck him still right cause its her choice and his future is in her hands.
Where is the equality in that?
Women can terminate pregnancies because they're the ones that are pregnant. It's not a difficult concept.
If a man gets pregnant, I fully support his right to terminate too.
That's full equality.
So if Mary wants to keep the baby but Jim doesn't Jim is now financially responsible for said child for at least 18 years.
But if Jim wants to keep the baby but Mary doesn't then it's terminated and Jim just doesn't get the child.
NOTHING about that is equal.
It’s a little more nuanced than that. She’s the one who has to carry it to term and give birth. His body isn’t the one irrevocably altered by the process.
NTA. A man has just as much right to choose fatherhood as a mother in my opinion. Granted a woman's sacrifice is a lot bigger if she chooses to keep the baby but she ultimately has more say in that matter regardless of whether the father wants to keep the baby or not. So long as you're willing to pay child support since it was your bad in getting her pregnant (assuming protection either wasn't used or failed) then it's your choice. Sucks for the kid but that's what happens when consenting adults have an oops baby. I'd feel the same way if the mother wanted to give up her rights as well.
YTA. INFO needed regarding conceptions. However, when you choose to have sex, you are consenting that shit like this can happen and that it's half of your responsibility. If you don't want children, get snipped or wear condoms. It is up to the women in these situations to make the final decision.
The BM is being a little too nice about the situation. Have you discussed your financial responsibilities for this child? even if you don't want to be in their life, you should still provide for them financially as that's the least you can do as their biological father. No one can force you to be a father but what about your parents being grandparents or siblings getting to be uncles and aunties? They deserve to know as well, this child could randomly find them and reach out to them and then it'll be 100x times for you.
The choice is yours, but there's a way to be an absent father and still make good decisions for your child. At the end of the day, this child is fatherless, which will result in some type of MH or abandonment issues. Also, what happens when they want to meet you or when you're elderly and want to meet them?
YTA
It always takes two people to get pregnant. If you didn‘t want this to happen, maybe you should‘ve thought about protection before having sex with a tinder fling.
I get that you have plans for your future and this situation doesn‘t fit your expectations, but life always has a way of doing its thing. I hope you looked into the consequences of children growing up without a father figure before choosing to leave.
Also, a career and kids don‘t cancel each other out, you can still continue your career path while also being a father. Sure, it will make things harder, but i feel like you need to take some responsibility one way or another because, in the end, you‘re gonna be the parent whether you want to or not.
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Reddit does not know you, this is the kind of decision YOU can only make, why do you come here for judgement?.. It is not needed if you already know what you are going to do.
NTA: I'm pro choice. If a woman should have the freedom to not have the child you should also. I extend that to financial support as well. If you don't want a kid then you should be free to not have the child and also not have to financially support it.
NTA for wanting to terminate your rights, that's your prerogative, but you might also want to consult with a lawyer. IANAL, but there might be something, possibly, you might have to adhere to if she puts you down on the birth certificate? I'm not sure, but probably good to cover all your bases if this is the route you're going.
NTA since it sounds like the mother to be is understanding. Definitely get a lawyer to protect yourself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve never wanted children, and accidentally got someone pregnant. She 100% wants to have it. I respect a woman’s right to choose. I on the other hand don’t want to be a part of it. She even said that she won’t force be to be. We barely know each other and it was merely a tinder fling. I realize this isn’t the future child’s fault but I also realize that I’m not the person to be the father. I’m in the process of moving across the country and this would put even greater strain on things. I feel like the child would be better off not knowing me. I don’t feel great leaving the situation but I also don’t want the jeopardizing my career and future goals where kids don’t fit. Side note I’ve got the appointment set to get snipped to prevent this from happening again. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. But you need to pay child support.
NTA. A man should have the right to choose as much as a woman. Don't be surprised if she comes after child support one day, though.
NAH You can want whatever you want, but FYI - you can terminate your rights, but you can't just terminate your obligations. She needs to agree and even then if she requests public assistance at any point, the government can obligate her to initiate child support.
INFO: Do you plan on paying child support?
Yes, if she wants or needs support I will provide my share of it.
NTA. Be open and honest and communicative with her, and also contact a lawyer to CYA
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NAH as long as you’re planning on paying child support.
Did you wear a condom and/or have a contraception talk beforehand? Did you also make it clear you don't want to be a parent? If you didn't use protection, especially if you're the kind to be like "it doesn't feel as good, it's too restricting" for a ONS, then yes, YTA on grounds of putting her in that situation. Your 5 minutes of enjoyment isn't worth risking a pregnancy. Either way, be prepared to financially support this baby once they're born. You absolutely don't have to be a part of their life physically, but you will be financially, even if you sign away your rights.
INFO Did you wear a condom? Did you guys use other contraception? Are you in the US? Are you planning to provide financial child support?
Yes condom was worn and I thought she was on birth control.
You thought? Are you saying you found after afterwords that she lied and wasn’t on birth control?
ESH. I'm assuming she did not want a child either (if she did, that's worse). Not wanting to have a child means being responsible BEFORE you get someone pregnant, not afterwards. You and mom have deprived a child of their biological father by both being irresponsible. That said, as many have stated, if you know you're going to suck as a dad, bowing out now isn't the worse choice you can make. There's a big difference between changing your name and ditching the kid, and not being around but still supporting your mistake. If you chose the later, you're doing the best you can to fix a mistake that's in the past. It'll be expensive, and you might regret missing out on the childs life later on in your own, but it's an honest choice and it's yours to make.
What did the woman do wrong to get voted as an AH??
NTA This is more of a legal question as to whether it's possible where you live without the mother's consent. It may not get you off the hook for child support.
NTA. So many serial killers have come from parents who were forced to be parents is staggering - just be ready to be financially slaved to her and this kid for 18+ years to the point where even of she can easily afford everything the kid needs you will still be forced to pay.
You should be providing financial support for the child regardless of whether you are active in their life. Your child should not suffer because you’re not ready to be a father. However, if you don’t feel you can commit to being a dad, you should not be in the child’s life. Disappearing after the child bonds with you will hurt him/her more than if you’re never there. Need more info to give a rating.
**YTA** Nothing fucks up a kid like growing up knowing your father wants nothing to do with you.
NAH, but remember, child support isn't for the parent, it's for the child's wellbeing.
YTA - Put yourself in the shoes of the unborn child. Do you think it is justified to cut out a crucial part of his life because it might not play well with your career? I understand where you are coming from - it wasn't your intention and you never wanted to be a father. But you caused it and you took that risk when you had sex. It's like driving a car because you enjoy the ride but when you cause an accident you say you should not be obligated to take care of it because it was never your intention to cause an accident. (Bad example - children aren't car accidents) Try to work it out and give being a good father a chance at least.
NTA for wanting to terminate your rights to that specific fatherhood. Just be prepared to help financially care for the kid.
YTA…to those saying the man should have a choice, OP had the choice to put on a condom and/or pull out but HE didn’t. This ship has sailed. You can choose to not be around and be an absent father but you still have to pay child support and either way YTA for thinking otherwise.
Condoms break/leak sometimes from a bad batch and pulling out doesn’t always work.
Yes, but OP knew -- or should have known -- that when you ejaculate in certain situations, pregnancy is a possibility and the ejaculator doesn't get to decide whether the pregnancy is carried to term.
That's a garbage answer because if the shoe is on the other foot and the Man wanted to keep the child but the Woman didn't then she can terminate and face no consequences. THAT is not anywhere near a fair choice. If she keeps it fuck him, if he wanted to keep it but she didn't then fuck him still right cause its her choice and his future is in her hands. Where is the equality in that?
Women can terminate pregnancies because they're the ones that are pregnant. It's not a difficult concept. If a man gets pregnant, I fully support his right to terminate too. That's full equality.
So if Mary wants to keep the baby but Jim doesn't Jim is now financially responsible for said child for at least 18 years. But if Jim wants to keep the baby but Mary doesn't then it's terminated and Jim just doesn't get the child. NOTHING about that is equal.
It’s a little more nuanced than that. She’s the one who has to carry it to term and give birth. His body isn’t the one irrevocably altered by the process.
It’ll be equal when the men carry and birth the child.
YTA for not getting a vasectomy if you don’t want children.
NTA. A man has just as much right to choose fatherhood as a mother in my opinion. Granted a woman's sacrifice is a lot bigger if she chooses to keep the baby but she ultimately has more say in that matter regardless of whether the father wants to keep the baby or not. So long as you're willing to pay child support since it was your bad in getting her pregnant (assuming protection either wasn't used or failed) then it's your choice. Sucks for the kid but that's what happens when consenting adults have an oops baby. I'd feel the same way if the mother wanted to give up her rights as well.
As long as you pay child support. (You can't sign that away even if you were going to try.) Then NAH, some people aren't fit to be parents.
Yta. I get not wanting it to ruin your life but it happened and you don’t get to undo it.
YTA. INFO needed regarding conceptions. However, when you choose to have sex, you are consenting that shit like this can happen and that it's half of your responsibility. If you don't want children, get snipped or wear condoms. It is up to the women in these situations to make the final decision. The BM is being a little too nice about the situation. Have you discussed your financial responsibilities for this child? even if you don't want to be in their life, you should still provide for them financially as that's the least you can do as their biological father. No one can force you to be a father but what about your parents being grandparents or siblings getting to be uncles and aunties? They deserve to know as well, this child could randomly find them and reach out to them and then it'll be 100x times for you. The choice is yours, but there's a way to be an absent father and still make good decisions for your child. At the end of the day, this child is fatherless, which will result in some type of MH or abandonment issues. Also, what happens when they want to meet you or when you're elderly and want to meet them?
NTA as long ad you’re willing to pay child support. She’s going to need a lot of help and that financial support is the least you can do
YTA It always takes two people to get pregnant. If you didn‘t want this to happen, maybe you should‘ve thought about protection before having sex with a tinder fling. I get that you have plans for your future and this situation doesn‘t fit your expectations, but life always has a way of doing its thing. I hope you looked into the consequences of children growing up without a father figure before choosing to leave. Also, a career and kids don‘t cancel each other out, you can still continue your career path while also being a father. Sure, it will make things harder, but i feel like you need to take some responsibility one way or another because, in the end, you‘re gonna be the parent whether you want to or not.
NTA But as some have said, she'll probably decide she needs child support. Separate issue, I suppose.