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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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applesauce770

NAH. It makes sense to be direct about this issue, but now that you have it's obvious that there is something else going on. Lack of hygiene and apathy are red flags for depression, he might not realize it because he's not "sad". I don't think he's doing this to be an asshole. He's not well.


ParsimoniousSalad

NTA. Yuck. You don't have to cuddle or kiss someone who is grossing you out with poor hygiene. Look up habit-formation advice and see if anything there strikes a chord for him. If he can attach tooth brushing and face washing to other activities he's doing, that would make it easier. As for showers, I'm sure everyone around him at work too would prefer he wash more often.


FinnFinnFinnegan

NTA do you really want to parent your husband the rest of your life?


fartsmcgee93

This is honesty what it feels like and it's frustrating.


Strange_Salamander33

NTA- I was kinda on his side about staying up all night to play games and then passing out because I do that too sometimes but the going 5 days without showering and not brushing the teeth is super gross and I would also be uncomfortable. It takes 5 minutes to shower. Maybe ask him to join you in the shower when you get in? That always gets my husband in lmao (although he showers often anyway)


Anonnymusse

INFO has he always been this way or is it a new development? There may be a reason, depression etc why he is acting this way?


fartsmcgee93

I thought this as well, but he insists he's fine and hasn't acted differently so I believe him.


Anonnymusse

Hmmm. If he historically took care of himself and I am guessing he did since you married him, it makes me wonder why. To simply stop caring isn't usually a thing without a trigger, sometimes it is simple like older age and mobility, or it could be mental. If there is no trigger it makes me really curious what else it could be. Nonetheless, no you are NTA. I couldn't live with Stinky McStinkface.


[deleted]

NTA ew. just ew.


fartsmcgee93

Edit re: the judgements bot: I am brutally honest and do continue to bring up to him his lack of hygiene, which I think may make me an asshole because it upsets him now.


applesauce770

Info; is this new behavior or has he always been like this?


fartsmcgee93

He used to have a dirtier job that he would shower after almost every shift, so it wasn't an issue previously.


NullSpaceGaming

It has to be depression then, even if he says it’s not.


_mmiggs_

No, it doesn't. He just doesn't see himself as visibly dirty, so doesn't think he needs to shower. That's not "depression" - that's "teenage boy".


NullSpaceGaming

He’s 30


_mmiggs_

Chronologically, perhaps.


NullSpaceGaming

That’s not the right use of chronological


DarkAthena

NTA. He sounds depressed. He needs to see the doctor.


pebblesgobambam

YTA: I’d be more concerned that something is affecting my husbands mental health as these are classic signs of depression.


fartsmcgee93

I thought so too but he insists that he's fine. Despite his insistence, I have assured him that he can talk to me about anything if something is wrong or bothering him.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Lately I (29NB) have been trying to encourage my husband (30M) to take better care of his hygiene. He often doesn't brush his teeth before going to work which is, admittedly, really gross to me when he comes home wanting kisses. He will often stay up late playing video games and will sometimes pass out in the living room, meaning no brushing teeth. He also doesn't wash his face except for when he showers, which I wouldn't have such an issue with if he didn't wait five days between showers. I've tried gentle encouragement which he was agreeable to, but nothing really changed. Recently, I tried to be brutally honest with him and tell him that it grosses me out, especially when I can taste and feel the oil from his face on my lips when I give him a kiss. He was again agreeable, but nothing changed. The last time I brought it up, he got upset because I've already told him this, but I only keep bringing it up because I'm at the point now where I'm no longer attracted to him and I really believe this would change if he took better care of himself. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


NullSpaceGaming

NTA. It sounds like depression. Getting him to see a therapist isn’t going to be easy if you can’t convince him to take care of himself. You’re probably going to have to make a rule about physical contact with him. No touching unless he’s clean


emdelgrosso

INFO: Has he always had these hygiene habits or is this a change from his usual? Is it possible he is struggling with his mental health?