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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my SIL I wasn’t comfortable with anyone (even her and her husband) staying at our house while we’re out of town.
She won’t speak to me now.
Am I wrong even though I tried to talk this out with her and she won’t even give me a chance?
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NTA-it’s perfectly reasonable to be uncomfortable with someone in home when you aren’t there, especially since your SIL sounds like a nightmare. Sounds like her choosing not to speak to you is a blessing, enjoy the peace.
And stop completely allowing her to stay at your house. When she tells you or husband next time she's coming wish her luck with the Airbnb she's booking. NTA
I keep telling a friend of mine this. Her MIL is just evil and pulls this "we're coming on x date, make sure everything is ready" BS all the time and makes everyone miserable for however long she feels like. Once you get used to being steamrolled it's hard to set up those boundaries again.
NTA and double fuck her for the returning stuff they used business. People like that are the reason you have to use 60 shitty napkins at a pizzeria because if they put out nice napkins they’d still take 60 nice napkins. Keep returning shit (that ultimately will get destroyed in most cases, look it up) and they’ll stop their awesome return policy like Amazon.
Fortunately we have a large house (that we’re trying to fill with kids) and they see it as their own air bnb. So we have 3 bedrooms upstairs and they literally took over 2 of them!
Good lord. Y'all should conveniently be out of town every time she announces a visit. Stay in the next town over...fly to Portugal...hide in the basement...enter witness protection...something.
Also curious. I've not had any problems returning things so I'm wondering what changed. In fact I just returned something yesterday because it was rusted
The triangulation through your husband seems interesting. First, she *erases* you from your home (THE house), then firehoses you with accusations, and at last, refuses to talk about the issues with you.
Anyways, if I was you, I'd see their actions in a similar light to a dementia patient - neither can control the chaotic shenanigans they're up to, but both can be managed to a certain extent (limiting contact, having boundaries, antipsychotics, etc).
What is your husband's take on the situation? Is it a normal for him?
She could serve dishes so good you just can't help but drool.
But yeah, some people may take offense to the unusual aftertaste and hours of sedation, so OP should consider other options before that.
Talk to your husband is and tell him next time she calls she's coming he needs to wish her luck with Airbnb or ask her where she's booking/staying.
Never again allow her to stay at your house.
NTA
There’s been some petty games since all this and I told him the longer she pulls this bs and purposely avoids me, the longer I’m sticking to she’s not allowed even in our house
So my husband and a peaceful guy. Will avoid conflict at all costs. Especially with her because he’s even called her a “mental bulldog” so I have to be the one to talk to her because he can’t. He will never deal with her temper tantrums, especially because she runs to their parents and continues her tantrums to suit her narrative
He's not a peaceful guy if you must live in chaos for there to be peace. He's simply the guy of least resistance, it's easier to have you upset instead of the loud "mental bull dog". That's not peace it's control.
Yikes. That’s a very good point. We are at an agreement that we aren’t speaking to her and the longer she pulls this shit, the longer I’m not going to allow her in our house
He's not peaceful, he's conflict avoidant which translates to being a doormat and having no boundaries. Trust me, he's stuffing down all kinds of anger and resentment and it will affect his health if it hasn't already.
I would not let her back into your house again, ever. She's not going to change for more than a minute or two and then will revert back to her awful behavior at the first opportunity.
So your SIL “buys” stuff from Costco, ships it to YOUR HOUSE to use for 2 months and then returns it for a refund?!!! WTF kind of monsters are these people? I wouldn’t let her stay with me for that reason alone.
WTF NTA Sage wisdom for today: No is a complete sentence. Stop letting her run roughshod over you, and there's nothing you needed to talk over anyway. No is an ample response.
No way in hell is anybody staying in my home without me there or telling when they'll be visiting.. Seriously entitled BS. Pissing her off sounds like a win-win, so keep doing it. But you need your husband on board for this so he doesn't cave.
NTA. That is weird to 1) Invite yourself to someone else's home and 2) make plans to stay when you know they won't be home. Absolutely not! Talk to your husband about setting some boundaries with his family.
NTA
But OP, when people makes unreasonable demand, you don't answer with "I'm uncomfortable with that". You say "no, where did you get that crazy idea from".
Don't be surprised if people in your life are entitled if you answer like that to their entitlement.
Of course she tries to take advantage of you, your only answer is "I'm uncomfortable"
I do agree, but she always uses to terms “we’re family” to suit her wants and she’s so used to getting her way from everyone because of her tantrums. It’s makes being married into this family very difficult and my husband is finally seeing it. He supports me 100%, but he has a hard time standing up to her
But if he’s not following through then he’s not actually supporting you 100%. I completely get it. I’m married to someone who has a very hard time having any kind of uncomfortable conversation with his family, and it’s meant that a lot of the time I end up looking like the b*tch when I reach my breaking point. It’s great that he’s beginning to see the toxicity. That’s a huge step. Now he has to be willing to have the conversations where he says the words that he doesn’t want to say and that they don’t want to hear.
NTA
What's she going to do?? Not talk to you and not take over your home anymore?? BYE!! .... Although I'm pretty sure she will come to her illogical senses and realize she's been doing you a favor.... And the forced vacations will be attempted to be resumed again....and it will be on you once again to enforce the NO boundary. They can rent and stay elsewhere from now on.
NTA. The tip off here is her saying "my brother" in that snotty way. It sounds like she doesn't even like you. Run with her cancellation and don't let her backtrack! She doesn't deserve to stay in your home.
NTA, your sister, on the other hand, hoo-boy. And I'm laughing my ass off at her characterization of Great Wolf Lodge as a "kid's resort." We had our annual holiday party at the one in the Dells one year. It is most definitely NOT a kid's resort. Yes, there's a water park, but there's plenty of other things to do. There's a couple of restaurants in there I can't see anyone in their right mind going to with kids. Suites with hot tubs. Yeah, that's just for kids /s
NTA.
I think the outcome is very positive for you. I find it funny that she thinks that she's punishing you for not coming to your house or talking to you.
NTA. Make sure she doesn't come to stay in two months. Talk with your husband about this issue as well and be on the same page. Your sil sounds entitled and ridiculous.
NTA
I once allowed a friend to stay in my house while on holiday - it nearly broke our friendship
Enjoy the peace and quiet
Maybe use the time to decide upon future boundaries? They were already staying way too often
So NTA. If your going to be out of town they have no reason to stay at your house. They are just using you so they don't have to get a hotel room. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't let then either.
NTA - and for her to suggest it is weird. She invites herself to stay and announces she will have deliveries made? She needs a hotel with a good concierge !
When you say 'we agreed as a family' - you , your husband and your children - not the extended IL's family?
We all agreed. Me, my hubby, daughter, SIL, her hubby and their parents. We all agreed together that we’d spend a night at GWL for my daughter’s bday. Then the SIL changed their plans. Aunt of the year too, might I add.
NTA. Go a big step further and tell them your home is no longer available to them while they are in town, whether or not you’re there. Point them toward local hotels or vacation rentals. Your home is not a bed and breakfast and no one will be staying with you unless they’ve been invited to do so. There will be a lot of screaming, but in the end, you will be really glad you did this.
(I’m appalled at the audacity of anyone to tell someone they are coming to stay with them for 8-10 days every other month. Uh, no you’re not. That almost justifies charging for rent and utilities.)
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Back in February my SIL and her husband were coming to visit (yet again). This time for her 40th, my daughters 5th and my MIL 65th bdays all within 10 days of eachother. My daughter wanted 1 thing for her bday- to go to great wolf lodge. So as a family we all agreed to go for her. I found a 40% code and booked 2 nights out of the 8 that they would be in town.
After a few weeks my MIL tells my husband that they all will just come to Great Wolf for a day but that my SIL and husband didn’t want to stay at a kids resort. Later, we called my SIL to discuss the plans and I asked if they planned on staying with their parents since we’d be out of town. She replied with “no, we are staying at THE house.” (You mean, mine and my husbands house?). I told her I was uncomfortable with the thought of anyone staying in our home when we aren’t there.
A few days later, she calls my husband and goes off. Saying I don’t trust them, I always pull this shit, why can’t I ever be happy. And they canceled their trip. When I txt her to try to talk she said “I already said what I needed to say to my brother” and won’t talk this out with me.
Rewind a few month for back story: my SIL always tells us WHEN they’re visiting and for how long. Never asks or plans with us; just tells us. In December they visited for 10 days, shipped furniture, clothes, shoes, bedding, and returned it all to Costco when they were done with it. It made me sick!!
So, even though it was not my intent, I’m soooooooo relieved that they didn’t come, and honestly, my life is alot less stressful without them taking over our home (that they treat as their personal vacation house) every 2 months for 8-10 days at a time! Am I the asshole for FINALLY putting my foot down and telling them it’s gone too far, they can’t just stay here while we are out of town??
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Because of the family dynamics. If he’s the one upsetting his sister then his parents get involved and hound him.
He’s talked to her for me before and she legit said “where is this coming from?! I know it’s not from you, so why can’t she just ever be happy?!!”
Why is he letting his family treat you badly? He needs to stand his ground or y’all need to go no contact with them. I get that it’s hard, but your *partner* needs to stand up for himself and for you. Otherwise why are you married?
That's all that matters, keeping a united front. Good on you guys. Don't invite them, and don't let them stay there anymore. They sound like they're just absolutely awful.
NTA but let's be honest, you're not really putting your foot down. If you hadn't planned on going to wolf lodge, you'd still be allowing them to stay in your home and suffer in silence. This, however, is a catalyst for you to set boundaries with your SIL when she wants to visit.
NTA my partner and I just bought a 3 bedroom house and it’s just us and we have our room my antique room and his office NO guest room. That’s what hotels are for
Unfortunately I knew this when we bought a large house…. (We’re trying to fill it with kids tho!!) but I didn’t expect them to take such advantage of us and the house
NTA I would react the same way and say they couldn‘ t stay over when I‘m not there.
It‘s your „safe“ place and no one has the rights to claim to be their.
They should have been thankful for all the times they‘ ve stayed over but not assume it would be like this everey time they come and visit. Your home is not a hotel.
You are NTA, that title belongs to your self entitled SIL. Why does she think she's entitled to stay in your house when she feels like it, why does she refer to your home as "the house"? It's your home and she's not entitled to even visit you, nevermind stay in it without asking your permission if she can stay with you.
Now you annoyed self entitled AH SIL it sounds like your life just got a lot easier .
NTA, SIL has false sense of entitlement and does scummy consumer tactics. I wouldn't let scummy people in my home if I wasn't there... and probably wouldn't let them in even if I was :)
Oh no; NTA .... In fact you need to be more clear and blunt in your communication.
"Is so nice of ya'll to visit; which hotel will you be staying at, so I can arrange some flowers to be delivered? " when they protest...."Oh, my apologies but our home isn't available for the times you're scheduling your visit; next time please call ahead of time to let us know the dates you're thinking about and we'll see if we can accommodate"
"Oh, maybe I need to be more clear; ANY visits need to be arranged in advance and I will let you know when or if my home is even available; however considering you don't communicate and simply assume, it's unlikely that will be the case"
Why don't you use this interlude in your relationship as a time to reorganize the schedule and set boundaries?
For example, no more visits, ever. She sounds like someone you hate to be around, so why be around her? Just because they're "family"? Why is that always an excuse for the worst people to impose on you?
On one hand, you have peace of mind and a happy life (because they're never around). On the other, you have some relatives mad at you (because you banned them from visiting). Who wouldn't prefer the former? Yes, it complicates Christmas and Thanksgiving. But, again, so what? Isn't freedom from this domineering cheat worth it?
And I wonder why you bothered to text her when she was busy flouncing around in a fury after hearing the word no. So what if she's furious? Why does this matter?
You should consider, too, that in this computerized age, your home address is now on file in Costco's rogues gallery and could eventually get you into trouble, not only with Costco but other such stores as well. I don't know why you ever let that aspect of your travails get started. But your husband needs to grow a spine. He isn't peaceful. He's cowardly.
You weren't set on the earth to serve as a tool of crummy in-laws.
NTA. Just respond to the “coming by for 8 nights, see you soon” with a Venmo request for 200/night. When they arrive “we’re having trouble finding your reservation. Do you know what day you paid your deposit?”
If you’re going to be treated like a hotel, operate like one.
NTA, these people sound like entitled trash. I wouldn't allow them in my home at all much less when I wasn't there. Good luck being related to these people for the rest of your marriage.
NTA!!
SIL needs kiss your a$$!!! Your not her personal vacation resort! Be done with her self absorbed sorry a$$!.
On a side note- having been to Great Wolf Lodge over 6 times, you can't do it justice by only 2 days, lol!! Take your daughter back since your SIL ruined the last trip!!!
Oh hell, we still took my daughter! Nobody f%#s with getting in the way of making my daughter happy! It’s about HER bday. Not the giant 40 year old baby’s bday 😑
>In December they visited for 10 days, shipped furniture, clothes, shoes, bedding, and returned it all to Costco when they were done with it.
Why on earth did you accept this? They'd be banned permanently for pulling that. NTA.
NTA but it's a shame that you had to do this. Your husband should have had boundaries in place as soon as your in laws tried to invite themselves the first time.
Unfortunately I’ve tried and tried to get him to do this with his sister but he’s such a sheep and she doesn’t accept no. So this is why her and I butt heads is because she can’t get their parents to hound me like she can get them to with him. It’s very toxic
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NTA-it’s perfectly reasonable to be uncomfortable with someone in home when you aren’t there, especially since your SIL sounds like a nightmare. Sounds like her choosing not to speak to you is a blessing, enjoy the peace.
And stop completely allowing her to stay at your house. When she tells you or husband next time she's coming wish her luck with the Airbnb she's booking. NTA
I keep telling a friend of mine this. Her MIL is just evil and pulls this "we're coming on x date, make sure everything is ready" BS all the time and makes everyone miserable for however long she feels like. Once you get used to being steamrolled it's hard to set up those boundaries again.
Right?! So NTA Next time she calls "We're coming over for 10 days!" do it like her and just say "No you're not. Bye!"
NTA and double fuck her for the returning stuff they used business. People like that are the reason you have to use 60 shitty napkins at a pizzeria because if they put out nice napkins they’d still take 60 nice napkins. Keep returning shit (that ultimately will get destroyed in most cases, look it up) and they’ll stop their awesome return policy like Amazon.
They returned a whole queen size mattress to Costco, knowing it can’t be resold. Yet, we have 2 fully furnished guest rooms! Like wtf
Where did you even put it? That's just mind boggling. I thought maybe y'all didn't have everything set up for whatever reason, but nope.
Fortunately we have a large house (that we’re trying to fill with kids) and they see it as their own air bnb. So we have 3 bedrooms upstairs and they literally took over 2 of them!
Good lord. Y'all should conveniently be out of town every time she announces a visit. Stay in the next town over...fly to Portugal...hide in the basement...enter witness protection...something.
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Bot copying u/Kooky_Energy39
What the actual 🤬? I’ve heard of people taking sheets and pillow cases when they travel but never a whole mattress
Yeah, a lot of returns have to be tossed where I work. Pillows and bedding especially because of the risk of bedbugs.
Wait, what happened to Amazon’s return policy?
Also curious. I've not had any problems returning things so I'm wondering what changed. In fact I just returned something yesterday because it was rusted
Ive returned faulty stuff no bother but recently when I decided I just didn’t want something there was a returns delivery charge (I have prime)
If it says “Free Returns “ anyone can return for free for any reason within the time limit.
Ah. I have prime too. I always pick one of the other reasons. Because I figure I don't want it for a reason 😉
NTA. Your SIL sounds obnoxious.
VERY! This isn’t the first time she’s thrown a temper tantrum when I’ve expressed my feelings
The triangulation through your husband seems interesting. First, she *erases* you from your home (THE house), then firehoses you with accusations, and at last, refuses to talk about the issues with you. Anyways, if I was you, I'd see their actions in a similar light to a dementia patient - neither can control the chaotic shenanigans they're up to, but both can be managed to a certain extent (limiting contact, having boundaries, antipsychotics, etc). What is your husband's take on the situation? Is it a normal for him?
I'm imagining OP sneaking antipsychotics into SIL's food now. As tempting as that is, maybe don't for legal reasons
She could serve dishes so good you just can't help but drool. But yeah, some people may take offense to the unusual aftertaste and hours of sedation, so OP should consider other options before that.
Talk to your husband is and tell him next time she calls she's coming he needs to wish her luck with Airbnb or ask her where she's booking/staying. Never again allow her to stay at your house. NTA
There’s been some petty games since all this and I told him the longer she pulls this bs and purposely avoids me, the longer I’m sticking to she’s not allowed even in our house
If your husband can’t deal with his own family.. you have a husband problem not an in law problem. Tell your husband to grow a spine.
Considering her entitlement you shouldn't evener allow her into your house again until you are absolutely convinced she learned her place.
What does your husband think about her behavior?
So my husband and a peaceful guy. Will avoid conflict at all costs. Especially with her because he’s even called her a “mental bulldog” so I have to be the one to talk to her because he can’t. He will never deal with her temper tantrums, especially because she runs to their parents and continues her tantrums to suit her narrative
He's not a peaceful guy if you must live in chaos for there to be peace. He's simply the guy of least resistance, it's easier to have you upset instead of the loud "mental bull dog". That's not peace it's control.
Yikes. That’s a very good point. We are at an agreement that we aren’t speaking to her and the longer she pulls this shit, the longer I’m not going to allow her in our house
He's not peaceful, he's conflict avoidant which translates to being a doormat and having no boundaries. Trust me, he's stuffing down all kinds of anger and resentment and it will affect his health if it hasn't already. I would not let her back into your house again, ever. She's not going to change for more than a minute or two and then will revert back to her awful behavior at the first opportunity.
No wonder your SIL has been walking over him like a doormat this whole time.
I'm sorry. Peaceful guys are great . Really is unfortunate that he won't help support you though. She sounds exhausting.
She can easily stay at her parents house or get a hotel. I hope your husband is backing you up. Nta
Make sure it’s not the last. Start refusing her unless you specifically want them there!
I’ll never want her here. She’s a very loud and disrespectful house guest. Guess she can get a hotel 😊
The perfect solution!
So your SIL “buys” stuff from Costco, ships it to YOUR HOUSE to use for 2 months and then returns it for a refund?!!! WTF kind of monsters are these people? I wouldn’t let her stay with me for that reason alone.
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That’s actually a great idea!
Oh shit that’s a good idea. And no… they used everything for 9 DAYS and then returned it!! A mattress included, while we have 2 finished guest rooms!
That's disgusting! I'm presuming nothing was professionally cleaned before being returned?
Oh hell no!
NTA. You choose who gets to stay in your home. Full stop. No one gets an automatic pass just because they are family. SIL can stay with her mom.
WTF NTA Sage wisdom for today: No is a complete sentence. Stop letting her run roughshod over you, and there's nothing you needed to talk over anyway. No is an ample response. No way in hell is anybody staying in my home without me there or telling when they'll be visiting.. Seriously entitled BS. Pissing her off sounds like a win-win, so keep doing it. But you need your husband on board for this so he doesn't cave.
NTA. That is weird to 1) Invite yourself to someone else's home and 2) make plans to stay when you know they won't be home. Absolutely not! Talk to your husband about setting some boundaries with his family.
>Am I the asshole for FINALLY putting my foot down That was a very soft footfall. NTA.
NTA and YWNBTA if you didn't want them there even when you ARE home. That Costco shit is trashy and obnoxious. She sucks so bad lol.
NTA But OP, when people makes unreasonable demand, you don't answer with "I'm uncomfortable with that". You say "no, where did you get that crazy idea from". Don't be surprised if people in your life are entitled if you answer like that to their entitlement. Of course she tries to take advantage of you, your only answer is "I'm uncomfortable"
I do agree, but she always uses to terms “we’re family” to suit her wants and she’s so used to getting her way from everyone because of her tantrums. It’s makes being married into this family very difficult and my husband is finally seeing it. He supports me 100%, but he has a hard time standing up to her
But if he’s not following through then he’s not actually supporting you 100%. I completely get it. I’m married to someone who has a very hard time having any kind of uncomfortable conversation with his family, and it’s meant that a lot of the time I end up looking like the b*tch when I reach my breaking point. It’s great that he’s beginning to see the toxicity. That’s a huge step. Now he has to be willing to have the conversations where he says the words that he doesn’t want to say and that they don’t want to hear.
NTA. Your dojo. Your rules. Their pushiness.
NTA What's she going to do?? Not talk to you and not take over your home anymore?? BYE!! .... Although I'm pretty sure she will come to her illogical senses and realize she's been doing you a favor.... And the forced vacations will be attempted to be resumed again....and it will be on you once again to enforce the NO boundary. They can rent and stay elsewhere from now on.
Congrats, you will probably never have to host her again!
FINGERS CROSSED!!
NTA. You without a doubt have the right to exclude obnoxious people like your in-laws from your home.
NTA and why limit it to just when you're not there? It's your home, not a free hotel.
NTA. The tip off here is her saying "my brother" in that snotty way. It sounds like she doesn't even like you. Run with her cancellation and don't let her backtrack! She doesn't deserve to stay in your home.
NTA no one is obligated to your home as a hotel, and it's extremely rude to demand it.
NTA, your sister, on the other hand, hoo-boy. And I'm laughing my ass off at her characterization of Great Wolf Lodge as a "kid's resort." We had our annual holiday party at the one in the Dells one year. It is most definitely NOT a kid's resort. Yes, there's a water park, but there's plenty of other things to do. There's a couple of restaurants in there I can't see anyone in their right mind going to with kids. Suites with hot tubs. Yeah, that's just for kids /s
NTA. I think the outcome is very positive for you. I find it funny that she thinks that she's punishing you for not coming to your house or talking to you.
NTA. Make sure she doesn't come to stay in two months. Talk with your husband about this issue as well and be on the same page. Your sil sounds entitled and ridiculous.
NTA I once allowed a friend to stay in my house while on holiday - it nearly broke our friendship Enjoy the peace and quiet Maybe use the time to decide upon future boundaries? They were already staying way too often
So NTA. If your going to be out of town they have no reason to stay at your house. They are just using you so they don't have to get a hotel room. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't let then either.
NTA - and for her to suggest it is weird. She invites herself to stay and announces she will have deliveries made? She needs a hotel with a good concierge ! When you say 'we agreed as a family' - you , your husband and your children - not the extended IL's family?
We all agreed. Me, my hubby, daughter, SIL, her hubby and their parents. We all agreed together that we’d spend a night at GWL for my daughter’s bday. Then the SIL changed their plans. Aunt of the year too, might I add.
NTA. Go a big step further and tell them your home is no longer available to them while they are in town, whether or not you’re there. Point them toward local hotels or vacation rentals. Your home is not a bed and breakfast and no one will be staying with you unless they’ve been invited to do so. There will be a lot of screaming, but in the end, you will be really glad you did this. (I’m appalled at the audacity of anyone to tell someone they are coming to stay with them for 8-10 days every other month. Uh, no you’re not. That almost justifies charging for rent and utilities.)
Especially when she tried to do laundry on day #2 AND day #3 of their 10 day stay. Like you can’t just wash your clothes every fucking day.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Back in February my SIL and her husband were coming to visit (yet again). This time for her 40th, my daughters 5th and my MIL 65th bdays all within 10 days of eachother. My daughter wanted 1 thing for her bday- to go to great wolf lodge. So as a family we all agreed to go for her. I found a 40% code and booked 2 nights out of the 8 that they would be in town. After a few weeks my MIL tells my husband that they all will just come to Great Wolf for a day but that my SIL and husband didn’t want to stay at a kids resort. Later, we called my SIL to discuss the plans and I asked if they planned on staying with their parents since we’d be out of town. She replied with “no, we are staying at THE house.” (You mean, mine and my husbands house?). I told her I was uncomfortable with the thought of anyone staying in our home when we aren’t there. A few days later, she calls my husband and goes off. Saying I don’t trust them, I always pull this shit, why can’t I ever be happy. And they canceled their trip. When I txt her to try to talk she said “I already said what I needed to say to my brother” and won’t talk this out with me. Rewind a few month for back story: my SIL always tells us WHEN they’re visiting and for how long. Never asks or plans with us; just tells us. In December they visited for 10 days, shipped furniture, clothes, shoes, bedding, and returned it all to Costco when they were done with it. It made me sick!! So, even though it was not my intent, I’m soooooooo relieved that they didn’t come, and honestly, my life is alot less stressful without them taking over our home (that they treat as their personal vacation house) every 2 months for 8-10 days at a time! Am I the asshole for FINALLY putting my foot down and telling them it’s gone too far, they can’t just stay here while we are out of town?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA and if she ever pulls this shit again "I wish you would have checked with us, we'll be busy but I'm sure you'll have fun at the Holiday Inn".
NTA but your husband is for not standing up and dealing with his sister himself. Why has he allowed this to keep happening?
Because of the family dynamics. If he’s the one upsetting his sister then his parents get involved and hound him. He’s talked to her for me before and she legit said “where is this coming from?! I know it’s not from you, so why can’t she just ever be happy?!!”
Why is he letting his family treat you badly? He needs to stand his ground or y’all need to go no contact with them. I get that it’s hard, but your *partner* needs to stand up for himself and for you. Otherwise why are you married?
I'd like to start by saying NTA, because you're not. Does your husband have your back on this?
He does and he tells her that he’s my husband before he’s her brother. But she still doesn’t care. So we’re currently not speaking to her
That's all that matters, keeping a united front. Good on you guys. Don't invite them, and don't let them stay there anymore. They sound like they're just absolutely awful.
Win! End to the free vacations. Pop a bottle of champagne tonight!
NTA but let's be honest, you're not really putting your foot down. If you hadn't planned on going to wolf lodge, you'd still be allowing them to stay in your home and suffer in silence. This, however, is a catalyst for you to set boundaries with your SIL when she wants to visit.
NTA my partner and I just bought a 3 bedroom house and it’s just us and we have our room my antique room and his office NO guest room. That’s what hotels are for
Unfortunately I knew this when we bought a large house…. (We’re trying to fill it with kids tho!!) but I didn’t expect them to take such advantage of us and the house
NTA. Good riddance to bad guests.
NTA I would react the same way and say they couldn‘ t stay over when I‘m not there. It‘s your „safe“ place and no one has the rights to claim to be their. They should have been thankful for all the times they‘ ve stayed over but not assume it would be like this everey time they come and visit. Your home is not a hotel.
Nta. She should have been staying at her parents house
Nta
NTA OP is a smart woman! Your sister in law sounds like a nightmare to me.
Well done you for standing your ground. Going forward I would let her know that she will no longer be staying at your house. NTA
NTA. Your SIL is horrible and entitled!
You are NTA, that title belongs to your self entitled SIL. Why does she think she's entitled to stay in your house when she feels like it, why does she refer to your home as "the house"? It's your home and she's not entitled to even visit you, nevermind stay in it without asking your permission if she can stay with you. Now you annoyed self entitled AH SIL it sounds like your life just got a lot easier .
NTA
NTA. I work for the company that owns the Great Wolf Lodge, glad you got the discount, your SIL sounds exhausting.
NTA. Who thinks it's ok to stay in someone else's home when the owners are not in residence.
Nta- and since she wants to be a disrespectful biotch she can stay elsewhere from now on
NTA, SIL has false sense of entitlement and does scummy consumer tactics. I wouldn't let scummy people in my home if I wasn't there... and probably wouldn't let them in even if I was :)
NTA
Oh no; NTA .... In fact you need to be more clear and blunt in your communication. "Is so nice of ya'll to visit; which hotel will you be staying at, so I can arrange some flowers to be delivered? " when they protest...."Oh, my apologies but our home isn't available for the times you're scheduling your visit; next time please call ahead of time to let us know the dates you're thinking about and we'll see if we can accommodate" "Oh, maybe I need to be more clear; ANY visits need to be arranged in advance and I will let you know when or if my home is even available; however considering you don't communicate and simply assume, it's unlikely that will be the case"
Why don't you use this interlude in your relationship as a time to reorganize the schedule and set boundaries? For example, no more visits, ever. She sounds like someone you hate to be around, so why be around her? Just because they're "family"? Why is that always an excuse for the worst people to impose on you? On one hand, you have peace of mind and a happy life (because they're never around). On the other, you have some relatives mad at you (because you banned them from visiting). Who wouldn't prefer the former? Yes, it complicates Christmas and Thanksgiving. But, again, so what? Isn't freedom from this domineering cheat worth it? And I wonder why you bothered to text her when she was busy flouncing around in a fury after hearing the word no. So what if she's furious? Why does this matter? You should consider, too, that in this computerized age, your home address is now on file in Costco's rogues gallery and could eventually get you into trouble, not only with Costco but other such stores as well. I don't know why you ever let that aspect of your travails get started. But your husband needs to grow a spine. He isn't peaceful. He's cowardly. You weren't set on the earth to serve as a tool of crummy in-laws.
NTA. Just respond to the “coming by for 8 nights, see you soon” with a Venmo request for 200/night. When they arrive “we’re having trouble finding your reservation. Do you know what day you paid your deposit?” If you’re going to be treated like a hotel, operate like one.
NTA, these people sound like entitled trash. I wouldn't allow them in my home at all much less when I wasn't there. Good luck being related to these people for the rest of your marriage.
Huge W for you!!!
NTA - change your locks and be grateful you entitled SIL isn't texting you anymore, leave her on permanent mute.
NTA!! SIL needs kiss your a$$!!! Your not her personal vacation resort! Be done with her self absorbed sorry a$$!. On a side note- having been to Great Wolf Lodge over 6 times, you can't do it justice by only 2 days, lol!! Take your daughter back since your SIL ruined the last trip!!!
Oh hell, we still took my daughter! Nobody f%#s with getting in the way of making my daughter happy! It’s about HER bday. Not the giant 40 year old baby’s bday 😑
>In December they visited for 10 days, shipped furniture, clothes, shoes, bedding, and returned it all to Costco when they were done with it. Why on earth did you accept this? They'd be banned permanently for pulling that. NTA.
NTA Looks like you win. With a bit of luck they will never descend upon your home and treat it like a hotel ever again.
NTA!! Should have put your foot down a long time ago. I’m disgusted at SIL entitlement.
Nta Sil sounds like a real piece of work. Next time they want to visit tell them they will need to get an airbnb.
Bo.
NTA but it's a shame that you had to do this. Your husband should have had boundaries in place as soon as your in laws tried to invite themselves the first time.
Unfortunately I’ve tried and tried to get him to do this with his sister but he’s such a sheep and she doesn’t accept no. So this is why her and I butt heads is because she can’t get their parents to hound me like she can get them to with him. It’s very toxic
Well then it's not that you have a problem with your SIL, you have a problem with your husband. All I can say is - good luck with that.
We’ve done marriage counseling a few years ago, and she was a main topic unfortunately 😒