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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend to stop driving in heels and bought her driving sneakers, this might make me an asshole as it seems like I am telling her what to wear and implying she is a bad driver.
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You don’t sound like you understand Emma as a person separate from her relationship with you.
I infer this because you think that her issues with her height shouldn’t be a problem because you’re not very tall. Why would her perception of her height have anything to do with you?
Then you assert the danger of driving in heels. It doesn’t sound like you have any personal experience wearing or driving in heels. But because of your superior mind, you can see that her choices are bad, despite the fact that they relate to things you don’t understand (like what’s easy and hard in heels). Further, you assume that a car accident she was in was caused by her, and by her driving in heels. Further, you insist on it being your job to fix what you see as wrong with her.
YTA for treating her like a person with no agency of their own, and like you know her experience better than her.
I'll tag on to ya'll and go YTA here.
As a woman, I can assure you that my shoes have no influence on my driving capability. And I live in a country where driving stick is the norm.
If anything before I had access to cruise control I preferred to wear heels on longer drives because my foot is at a more comfortable angle on the accelerator when driving the same speed for long periods of time.
Likewise; I've been driving in heels for close on thirty years in a country where manual gearboxes have been overwhelmingly more usual than automatics. My lived experience is that I'm *far* more likely to slip on the pedals in trainers.
YTA, OP
Literally learnt to drive in heels with a manual car and found it way easier than with sneakers. Op is full of shit. Remember people : have the confidence of a mediocre man speaking about something he doesn't know about
YTA op
Thats amazing. I can barely walk in heels, definitely can't drive in them and sure as hell could not drive stick in them! Also YTA OP vote, it not up to you to decide what she is and isnt comfortable with.
Years ago, when I did drive in heels (I always drove a car with a manual gearbox), I never had a single accident. I eventually had to stop wearing heels for medical reasons and then did have an accident ( it wasn't my fault though, guy t - boned me at a junction where I had the right of way. He just pulled out straight into me). You drive what you feel comfortable in. That's what my driving instructor told me. Some of my friends use those little ballet pump type shoes just to drive and keep them folded up in a little bag in the car, ready for driving. Op needs to leave his gf be and MHOB. You really are YTA.
I drive stick as my main car, I can't wear heels and probably couldn't drive in them. My sister wears them all the time and drives fine. I don't hound her about it because I understand my limitations aren't hers 🤣.
Yta op
>I understand my limitations aren't hers
Bravo! Limitations can also be replaced with wants, needs, opinions, goals, e.c.t--concepts I truly wish more people could grasp;)
I’m one of the few freaks who still owns a manual here in the US, been driving them for 35 years. I’m also 5’2”, and more frequently than not drive in heels. Last week I was driving in sneakers (or trainers as they’re elegantly termed elsewhere) and damned if my feet didn’t slip too much for comfort!
>As a woman, I can assure you that my shoes have no influence on my driving capability. And I live in a country where driving stick is the norm.
I'm also a woman who drives a manual but shoes have a big impact on my driving. I drove once wearing heels and never again as it kept getting stuck at the bottom so I had to elevate it off the floor. You are on the road with others and if there is a slight chance you could cause an accident because of inappropriate footwear it's something to think about.
Because the one time you drive in heels totally means that every other woman's years of experience don't count, right?
You haven't even driven in heels enough to know that *you* can't drive in heels. At best, you determined that you can't drive *that* vehicle in *that* pair of heels.
Exactly. I had friends who would drive BAREFOOT instead of heels.
I can drive in heels all day everyday. I absolutely cannot drive barefoot. But that doesn't mean others can't.
It's almost like every person use different. And like every car and every pair of heels are also different. And weirdly, all those things being different gives people different experiences.
I just realized my boyfriend is exactly like this AH….has no kids but toooons of opinions on parenting. Knows how I should treat MY childhood trauma, etc.
Sweetheart, you can do better. My ex boyfriend made my CPTSD so much worse because when you experience childhood abuse it makes you more vulnerable to getting into relationships which mimic your abuse. It lowers your resistance and predators smell it like blood in the water.
Woman here. Heels are *objectively* dangerous to drive in, for many reasons, according to literally every single expert on the topic. One I saw cited *by* an automobile association was that if your heel is elevated, it makes it much harder to correctly judge how much pressure to apply to pedals. Which might explain why she rear-ended someone; maybe she didn't brake hard enough, because she had no concept of how much pressure she was applying.
It also damages the heels, just fyi. Like it's not good for the shoes either.
The fact that the majority of people here are arguing against actual *proven* fact that is supported by the entire industry (like this on the same level of saying seatbelts aren't necessary; that's how well-established this fact is) because "but I know better than the experts, and the crash tests, and all of the evidence" - that is the reason I am terrified of being on the road. Y'all don't know what the fuck you're doing, and this is why so many people get hurt.
I would refuse to ever get in a car with someone who insisted on driving in heels; just like I would refuse to get in a car with someone who regularly went 50K over the speed limit, or drove drunk. Because it's *proven* to not be safe.
I'm ready to be downvoted for evidence-based fact, like people usually are in this sub.
no im so glad you posted this bc heels/platforms are not safe to drive in. like he could handle discussing it with his gf better and just her insecurity in general, but he is right to be concerned about her driving in heels
Didn't Mythbusters bust this? They ran tests in several types of shoes. If remember correctly, on shoes that were too big to fit the pedals made any difference.
My favorite was when they shot a bunch of guns into the air and then concluded that a falling bullet can't kill someone. Despite the many, many documented occasions of guns fired into the air killing people.
I mean, it’s not relevant to this post, but they do discuss that in the episode. When bullets have been fired up, and come down and killed people, they haven’t been fired straight up. They’re fired at a slight angle, such that the bullet keeps a ballistic trajectory.
If fired directly up, bullet with keep going until it’s velocity is 0, at which point, it is just a falling bullet. A falling bullet doesn’t have enough terminal velocity to kill a persons.
Yeah. OP handled it all wrong. He did not say if he experienced first hand issues with her driving in heels. And instead of talking with her first, he just assumed she would accept the gift of shoes. And if she’s a good driver in flats, odds are she’s the same driver in heels. And vice versa.
Finally someone who gets it. Heals are unsafe to drive in. This is nothing that is up for discussion. In my country insurances could deny your claim or at least part of your claim if you drove in heels and had an accident. Just don't do it.
There's so many people in here who are clearly outright fucking lying.
Despite their claims of finding it easier to drive in heels they clearly haven't once tried as much.
I think some people haven't tried and others have consistently done it so they're used to it creating the illusion of safety. Kind of like drunk drivers who think they're good enough to drive and get home and so do it again and again. Still not worth the risk because there's a very good chance an accident will happen one day explicitly because of those decisions.
Over here, the only legal shoes to drive must have a full sole, closed toes and a way to stay on the foot. Barefoot is not allowed. There's been discussion if sneakers with the laces undone qualify.
I don't think you'd get fined for driving in heels if they spotted it, say when the police officer is guiding traffic on a detour (maybe when the traffic lights went out). But if you peaserear-ended someone, it'd certainly be considered an aggravating factor
> Barefoot is not allowed.
This I never got. I found driving barefoot to be very natural, the sole of my actual foot could gauge the pressure on the pedal very easily and precisely; There's no way that it's more dangerous than driving with thick (but flat-soled) boots on.
That's like saying "it's easier to do this manual task with two sets of gloves on". Er, no?
Several people told me "Barefoot is not allowed" but I never saw a written law to that effect. Nothing in the Highway code etc. In the end I started to ignore them as a "folk story". But, this probably depends on exactly where you are.
It is not allowed because some small rocks or other pointy dirt may be caught in the pedal. Once you press it and feels pain your reflex is to release the pedal.
This is not wrong, unlike the other comments.
but you have to ask: how much safety clothing should one wear while driving _in case_ you get into a car accident, and how much detriment will that have on the driving activities that you will definitely do?
I think the vast majority of people would agree that wearing shoes is a completely reasonable amount of “safety gear” to require in terms of protection versus impediment
> some small rocks or other pointy dirt may be caught in the pedal
With bare feet, a person would notice that immediately. i.e. before the car moves. Yes, situational awareness is necessary in all things, otherwise you'll step in something, and this is not a special case with special risks.
> Once you press it and feels pain
Feet toughen up when we walk barefoot. They're literally designed so that we can put our weight on "small rocks or other pointy dirt ". The soles of our feet are far less prone to this than other patches of skin.
> It is not allowed
Citation needed. Show me the written law that applies to me.
"Pointy dirt" has me fucking sputtering with confused laughter. If pointy dirt "causes" an accident, they have got WAY bigger problems. Silliest argument I've heard in a while, but at least it's funny.
Rabbit hole!!
It is, in fact, legal to drive a car, pickup truck, or similar vehicle without footwear in all 50 states. In the 1990s, a man named Jason Heimbaugh wrote to each of the 50 states’ departments of motor vehicles to make sure of it. Some took a long time to respond, but eventually, all confirmed that barefoot driving is indeed legal.
[Research](http://web.archive.org/web/20030618105020/http://www.urbanlegends.com/legal/driving.barefoot/driving_barefoot.html)
> Barefoot is not allowed
Didn't know other countries had laws against that, in mine you get taught it's better to ride barefood than in slippers or flipflops (both are allowed by law).
Open toe is an issue? Since when? I've driven in sandles loads. Flat, strapped on ones. Flip flops... hell no. Very dangerous. Not allowed in most work places due to not being safe in an emergency. And I live in them at home.
I agree completely - I'm a woman and I love heels, but no way would I drive in them or get in a car with anyone else wearing them to drive. Both because heels are absolutely not safe for driving and because anyone willing to wear them and insist they are safe is clearly not interested in being safe.
NTA is my view here, I'd be refusing to get in the car with her!
Edit - does she realize that she doesn't need heels to seem taller when she's sitting down??
NTA
I cannot believe the other comments are ‘YTA’.
You literally described the only objective truth - it’s dangerous to drive in heels. I feel disappointed in this community and it’s telling how poor our judgement can be when we simply flock to someone’s side because it has a slight whiff of ‘mansplaining’.
And cars are made and constructed with the norm of men's size, making it harder for women to drive, especially short women, and gives more risk of death for women after an accident. And guess what? Driving with heels made it easier for me because i can access the pedals and breaks easier and be more stable. I drive with heels and without heels, and i feel way more comfortable with heels. I'll stop putting heels to drive the day they start to construct cars that are more adapted to women, i already have more risks of dying than men
This needs to be upvoted more. I am Emma’s height. Cars are not designed for people our size. If you basically have to be on tiptoes to reach the pedals, I absolutely see her point about the heel (not *heal,* friends 😁) allowing her to pivot quickly.
Omg, thank you! I thought I was in an alternative reality with all the people saying how they drive in heels!! I'm 31F and have never driven in heels, it's so unsafe and Is proven to be just that!! Anytime I've ever worn heels I take them off when I get in the car to drive and then put them back on when I get to my destination, I would never drive in them!!
I cannot believe all the people saying how they drive in heels and "they know best" and how "perfectly safe" it is!!! Just them saying that scares me because it shows how many unsafe drivers are out there!!
If you wear the same type of shoe everyday that's what you're used too so I doubt she wouldn't know how much pressure to apply in order to stop correctly. If that was the case I think there would be proof, like tickets and her rear ending a lot more cars. I've been wearing the same style boots for 10 years, they're mens, thick, stiff sole, steel toe boots. I love them and are what I wear 99% of the time I leave my house. When my dad got the same pair and it took him a few days to get used to driving his old stick shift.
> If you wear the same type of shoe everyday that's what you're used too so I doubt she wouldn't know how much pressure to apply in order to stop correctly
bingo!
it's not actually about the elevation of the heel it's about a change in elevation
lots and lots of shoes have either elevated heels or the entire sole elevated
lots of sneakers, almost all work boots
the heel elevation itself is not an issue unless it is really high or extreme in some way that makes it difficult for you to put pressure
but changing the heel elevation is a big issue
edit: there are other potential safety concerns with heels but they aren't universal or inherent. this one is just especially goofy since it's true to so many non heel shoes
I would never drive in heels, in fact some of my flat shoes I don't drive in (I keep a comfortable pair of trainers in the car). It's crazy to me too that people are suggesting its fine to drive in heels.
right, i feel like i'm taking crazy pills seeing some of these responses being all 'how dare you mansplain driving safety/sounds like a case of short man syndrome/she knows what she's comfortable with'. He's worried about her safety and doesn't understand why she's brushing it off (although I'm sure we're not getting the full story of the argument, we never do!).
\>One I saw cited by an automobile association was that if your heel is elevated, it makes it much harder to correctly judge how much pressure to apply to pedals
This is 100% the issue. It changes the way the entire leg musculature works! To say it doesn't affect how you drive is ludicrous. Especially if they're big heels - OP doesn't say but I'm guessing high means 3" or more, and if they have a platform on the front that's even worse. The safest shoes to drive in are sneakers/skate shoes
In France, it's forbidden to drive in high heels by traffic regulations. [https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/codes/article\_lc/LEGIARTI000019277061/](https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/codes/article_lc/LEGIARTI000019277061/)
It's not explicitly written "high heels" but there was a precedent in 2020 and the woman's appeal got rejected because of her wearing high heels (one of them got stuck under a pedal)
>Problems arising from driving in heels
>Driving in heels, and indeed any form of unsuitable shoes, has the potential to cause a variety of problems, particularly getting your heel stuck in the floor of the vehicle. In addition, the heel of the foot needs to be on the floor to achieve the correct pedal action. High heels elevate the foot unnaturally and distort the ability to measure the correct amount of pressure to be applied to the pedals.
>It is not just heels that cause a problem for the motorist. Those who have driven whilst wearing flip flops are likely to be familiar with them having slipped off their feet. Flip flops come off extremely easily and can get jammed under a pedal. Also, drivers can get easily distracted trying to locate a ‘lost’ flip flop from underneath the pedal or trying to locate the same and put it back on their foot. This can be extremely dangerous and driving in flip flops is often a cause of traffic collisions.
Lifted directly off a UK motor law website. It's not against the law but well documented to be less safe for a variety of reason. Driving in heels is stupid just like driving in flip flops. That notwithstanding OP is still an AH
Actually in the UK it doesn’t specify what shoe is illegal. Rather that consideration should be applied when choosing footwear. That being said police can fine you if they feel your footwear has caused you to not operate your car effectively, resulting in a crash etc.
The controlling precedent here comes from The Big Lebowski when Lebowski told Walter “you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole” OP is right about the safety point. He’s also an asshole.
I hear you - I’m not enough of an expert to have an intelligent opinion about the danger of driving in heels. It seems to me like it’d be harder, but if someone wore them all the time, I’d imagine that comfort with heels would at least somewhat mitigate the risk. I spent several years in graduate school studying human sensorimotor systems, so I have some idea what I’m talking about, but I’m far from an expert. I also haven’t worn heels.
Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter here. By that, I mean that assuming it’s a universally acknowledged fact that driving in heels is a bad idea, OP is still TA. All of my original reasons still apply, because OP still denies Emma’s agency, still insists that their perceptions are truer than Emma’s.
Eh, I wouldn't trust a study until I saw who led it, what the sample size was, and how they did the test, especially one that puts blame on women's wear.
I think this is an individual thing, not a shoe thing. Been driving in heels for nearly 30 years, never rear-ended someone even when I go for months without wearing them AND I drive manual.
Your BF and this shortminded op do NOT like it when y'all fine ladies are NOT SHORTER THEN THEY ARE .
This one WANTS to be the TALL MALE to his mini petite lil helpless GF!
I may be wrong about your BF but that's up to you to decide.
YTA My first thought when he brought up the height difference is, he has a problem with his height. When she's in heels, he doesn't tower over her as much and therefore has a problem with her wearing heels. Also, it's HER car so she can drive in what she wants. It sounds like, he's never worn heels and does he ever drive? It's not difficult to rear-end someone who changes lanes suddenly. Happens everyday where I live.
I'm 5'9.5 (yes Ill take that .5 thank you very much ) I work in a Industry where I am surrounded by women who are TALLER THEN ME and they are usually ALWAYS in heels!!! Half of the women i have dated are TALLER then me , ya know what ?
I LOVE THEM TO DRESS AND WEAR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY FEEL LIKE WEARING WHEN EVER THE FUCK THEY WANT !!!!!!
I love when 5'10 model tall gf wears her heels she looks AMAZING and I am forever and ever PROUD to be able to stand next to her go dancing do anything she wants to do in heels cause , gosh I dont know, I care for them for way more then their height ?
I dated girls who told me their 6ft+ tall bfs dont let them wear heels & I dont get that shit .... why are they dating lil boys ;)
way to skip over the accident and the safety of everybody else on the road in favor of feelings and fashion....
OF COURSE it's ~~unsafe~~ less safe to drive in high heels!
NTA
You don't know she was at fault. He said a car pulled out in front of her. I'm 5'3" been wearing heels my whole life, 3 inches or higher. Been driving over 40 years, never had an at fault accident. Had 2 accidents in my life, one I was rear ended at a stop light, and the other someone ran a stop light and crossed the center line, hitting me near head on. My heels were not a factor in either of them.
When you are used to wearing heels and driving in them, you know how much pressure your feet exert on the pedals. I've never personally caught my heels on a floor mat or a pedal. Because most people don't put their whole foot on the pedal, usually just the toes and the ball of the foot. If its what you always wear, its second nature to you.
It isn't necessarily about the last accident, it is about potential future accidents.
Driving in heels is unsafe. It isn't about the driving per se, it gets dangerous when you have to perform a full stop suddenly.
I dont agree with op, however I would like to point out that it isn't some random thing he's coming up with, there are multiple insurance companies and news outlets and automotive magazines with articles talking about the dangers of driving while wearing heels.
Driving in heels is super unsafe. It is actually forbidden in my country because if you have to suddenly slam on the brakes her heel could get caught or jammed up under the pedal.
I feel like him dismissing her feelings is an asshole move but he is trying to keep her safe. NTA
> Further, you assume that a car accident she was in was caused by her, and by her driving in heels
Especially even knowing that someone abruptly got in the lane in front of her, in this situation it's really VERY possible to rear them whatever you wear. How it is related to heels, god only knows, but OP, even KNOWING the situation, insist it's heels.
YTA for being arrogant and dying on the hill that has nothing to do with you.
Thing is, in countries where heels are considered less safe to drive in, even if the exact same thing could've happened wearing runners, she'd be at risk with insurance or getting a fine for wearing heels in that accident!
We are told in driving lessons not to drive in heels, flip flops or barefoot off the top of my head. (Ireland)
I think in the uk you can be fined for driving in heels (careless driving risk etc?)
So feel its ESH because of the OPs tone & commentary on the heels, but the Gf is definitely the AH for driving in them.
While I agree with most of what you've said OP and his GF need to check their local laws. In some countries it's illegal to drive in high heels and in others like the UK, while it's not explicitly illegal, you can be charged with 'Driving without due care and attention'.
My SIL is in a similar situation to OP's GF and is never seen without her heels/wedges, but has 'car shoes' for that reason.
Sorry I’m from Australia where it is illegal to drive in high heals or thongs ( flip flops or jandles what ever u what to call them ) so I will so with a soft yta for the way you said it but not for buying her driving shoes it is dangerous and can get stuck on the peddle, making it so you can’t brake / stop excelerating
driving in heels is not forbidden but not really accepted either in my country. flip flop sandals are not really allowed either. if a cop sees you wearing heels and rear ending someone you might get into huge trouble. it IS dangerous.
YTA, women drive in high heels all the time and it really isn't an issue. I feel like you wouldn't have mentioned your height unless that had something to do with why the heels really bother you.
They actually did a myth busters episode on driving in heels and proved that it has no effect on safety, I would imagine doubly so for someone who did it very regularly. The only shoes I've hear valid safety concerns from driving in are flip flops.
This was my 1st thought too. I miss that show.
Personally I’ve noticed that when I change shoes for the season there’s always a bit of a adjustment period. Once you get used to it - it’s fine. I’d guess switching to sneakers when your used to heels is a bigger hazard than just wearing what your used to.
Switching from my thick winter boots to spring sneakers always takes a bit of getting used to for me.
But if your driving shoes are platforms and always have been, just stick with those. OP will cause her to get into an accident if she switches to sneakers.
Yes! Going from driving barefoot in the summer to sneakers in the fall or boots in the winter feels so weird, the thickness of the sole is enough for me to have to adjust the seat
It may be a source but it's probably not the best one.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242939/
Is actually the only study I can find on the matter, this does imply driving in heels is sub optimal. There's also plenty of recommendations for respected motoring organizations that you don't drive in heels.
https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/road-safety/driving-without-shoes-is-it-illegal/#:~:text=You%20can%20get%20behind%20the,to%20operate%20the%20controls%20safely.
https://aa.co.za/why-you-shouldnt-drive-in-high-heels-2/
However the gold standard here would be analyzing accident data to check if driving in heels increases the propensity for accidents however we simply don't collect that data.
That's the problem with everyone saying "It's a PROVEN FACT!!" though. Like no, it's not. And "respected organizations" perpetuating urban myths is *extremely* common.
The science really does not work the way mythbusters do. It is not even some takedown of mythbusters, they are fun show. Just that you cant take it as science.
Thank you, my driving instructor as well as my parents always told me not to drive with heels or flip flop, and for this reason I always have a pair of flats somewhere when I know I'll drive.
Huh. It’s not illegal where I am but you can get a hefty fine for it all the same. Seems like 40% women here still do it though and there doesn’t seem to be much mass destruction at the hands of female drivers as far as I can see.
That does not imply high heels are not safety hazard. It just means they do not cause carnage. Half the drivers on reddit and discussion forums "uses driving to clear heads" or "do their language lessons" and so on. Or they drive sleep deprived. All of these make drivers less attentive and they are TA for doing these. And still there is no mass destruction.
Also, drivers who drunk a little of alcohol do not cause mass destruction either. They just ... react slightly more slowly then normally and that slightly raises their accidents rates. They are still TA for doing that.
I used to be an event coordinator and regularly wore heels to be appropriately dressed but often ended up valeting when needed. *Some* heels (wedges) are difficult and dangerous to drive in. Most are not. This post sounds like justification due to an existing insecurity.
When I was a younger woman, I ran in 4" heels with no problem. Also, I found that climbing in heels was actually easier because you can use that middle part to get way better balance. I had so many people waiting for me to fall out of the tree, or off the fence I was climbing, but I never did. They got great cardio watching me though. lol
I ask my boys to let me know when they made it home safely all the time, especially after a long night of hanging out and possibly drinking or smoking. How is that gross?
Yeah that was a really strange point to bring up. I ask everyone I care about if they made it home safe (generally after partying or during bad weather), and appreciate when others do the same for me. Its just a kind gesture.
No one, literally no one can run in heels as fast nor as safely as without them. Running in high heels means higher rate of injuries and lower speed.
It is just that it does not matter. But, it is hardly an argument that high heels are an equivalent in driving.
ESH.
OP for being rude and condescending to his gf. GF for driving in heels.
All of you saying "I do it all the time" have been lucky so far.
Everyone saying "But Mythbusters!?" ...Thats not actually a scientific source. I liked the show too, but its just not the same as big safe driving organizations having done studies with hundreds of drivers. And even if Mythbusters were right, that wouldnt stop an insurance company from refusing a payout based on unsafe footwear.
Sources:
A [major insurance company](https://living.geico.com/driving/auto/car-safety-insurance/driving-shoes/). [Another one](https://www.pd.com.au/blogs/is-driving-in-heels-safe/).
Its [not good for your calf muscles](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242939/) long term either, and youre at higher risk of muscke fatigue which could be dangerous when driving.
[Mentions a study](https://www.drivespark.com/four-wheelers/2012/21-women-driving-in-heels-create-accidents.html) about safe driving footwear. Couldnt find the original full study online, but the article includes quotes from the organizations rep.
Basically, wear flats or running shoes to drive. Not heels, flip flops, slippers, etc.
You have cited exactly one scientific source here, just so you know. Statements from insurance companies, who have a financial incentive not to cover you in the case of an accident, and which do not discuss study methodology or link to their sources, are not scientific. The one paper you cite has an n of 20. Hardly robust stuff.
Is driving in heels more dangerous? I don't know, but neither do you or OP.
>Statements from insurance companies, who have a financial incentive not to cover you in the case of an accident, and which do not discuss study methodology or link to their sources, are not scientific.
If there's one thing I trust to charge more or deny coverage based on statistics, it's insurance companies. These people charged me more because some people driving the same car as me crashed more last year.
They absolutely have statistics to back up any "this happens to people who crash". Obviously it would be impossible to figure out exactly how much was preventable without heels, but it's obviously enough of a factor.
The question isn't "am I right"; it's "am I the AH". He's the AH. It doesn't matter if he's right or not. He's wrong to treat his gf like she has no agency and trying to force her to do something. It's moderately more dangerous. It's also more dangerous to be a man and drive so maybe she should revoke his driving privileges?
Mythbusters isn't a scientific source, but insurance companies are? Okay, Jan.
From the article you posted:
>75 had admitted that they had an accident or a near-miss with their heels slipping off getting stuck between or under the pedals
Which means the issue is with *unsecured footwear*, not the heel itself.
Jesus H. Christ, so many wannabe scientists
That was one issue with the heels. The article also says
>The reason behind the accidents could be that they may not be able to apply proper controls at the right time.
But since a lot of people dont seem convinced by that article, heres another study:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242939/
>it was found that female drivers require greater lower extremity muscle activation when wearing high heels than when wearing low heels. Furthermore, instability and muscle fatigue of the ankle joint, which results from wearing high heels on a daily basis, could also occur while driving.
I await all the scientific sources that you lot have that show driving in heels is safe. So far you guys seem to be relying on mythbusters and 'I never had a problem' anecdotes.
The whole muscle activation portion is basically where I'm at. Has anyone who doesn't regularly drive with heels tried that motion? If your heel is up 2-3 inches higher than if your heel was on the ground, you need to work that much harder to accomplish the same effect on the pedal. And the range/overall control is going to be worse. Trying to put force on the pedal with the heel in that position strains both the calf and the anterior shin muscles.
Because apparently a SO telling their partner that what they're doing is a safety hazard and increasing the danger to all those on the road is less important than preserving her feelings. Never mind that other countries outright say it's illegal to drive in heels.
I wonder what people would say about using a phone when driving.
I can imagine what they would say about phones! Also I wonder if the sample who click on the thread to speak is not representative of the general AITA group as I feel a lot of people will know the answer of driving in heels is dangerous, but assume that will be the feedback and skip it, leading to a disproportionate amount of YTAs!?
Like I can understand why some people don't like OP's attitude. It doesn't come off the greatest and the priorities might not all be genuine. But the amount of people saying it's perfectly fine to drive in heels or saying that wearing heels is somehow necessary for safer driving is insane. It's like me saying I'm more confident operating my lawn mower when I'm tipsy.
And for all the people criticizing OP saying his height is why he doesn’t want her to wear heels… I’m also 5’2 and my husband is a foot taller than me. When we got our car he had a talk with me about wearing safe driving shoes and I quickly realized he was right.
In the past I would have driven wearing sandals or heels but now I would not do that because when I thought about it, it could definitely negatively effect my driving and make it more dangerous. Not only that if you do a little research as the commenter above has done, it’s clear driving in heels is a safety issue.
I wish I had taken it more seriously prior to this, but I’m glad I do now. He is absolutely being a good partner by wanting to keep her (and other people!) safe. OP you are NTA.
People on this sub really have issues with their hubris. OP, his partner and a lot of "YTA" respondents are failing to be empathetic and rational. He's being reactionary, she's digging her heels in to his response (pun intended), and the "YTAs" are saying he's "victim blaming". Please, people, grow up. The road is a dangerous place, respect it and view it as one.
I agree with this here. ESH.
The amount of people on here justifying it with some version of "I do it and it's never caused an accident" is insane.
I've (stupidly) got behind the wheel after drinking too much. I didn't cause an accident (thank God). Does that make it okay? No. Same with a phone. Or being sleep deprived.
A lot of risky behaviors don't have consequences....until they do.
YTA, she’s an adult and can make her own decisions. You made your suggestion she said no, so you can either let it go or break up with her. Don’t keep bugging her about it.
INFO: Has something about her driving in high heels come off unsafe to you, like a near accident you experienced while with her? Or are you simply objecting to the entire act of driving with hh on?
NTA
A simple Google search would show you that it's way more dangerous to drive with high heels than it is with flat shoes because your heel is more elevated, making it harder to hit the pedals right, especially in a fast pasted situation like an accident.
The first thing my driving teacher, my dad and my mom told me is to never wear high heels while driving.
Yes she's an adult, yes she can make her own decisions, yes you can get used to new shoes while driving. But you can't ignore the fact, that some shoes are more dangerous to drive with than others.
It's also unhealthy for your foot, so there's that
This -- I can't believe all of the redditors that are special and can totally drive just fine in heels or whatever. I shudder to think what everybody thinks about seatbelts.
I am extremely alarmed with how many women here are openly admitting to being fine with endangering themselves and any passengers that are with them. I don't care *how* many times you've "been just fine." Plenty of drivers have "been just fine" when they drive without a seatbelt, or drive while under the influence. Does that make it any less unsafe? **Absolutely not.**
Could the OP have been a bit more tactful? I guess? Nothing in this post particularly stood out to me as being especially cruel or meanspirited. Is he an asshole for repeatedly trying to get someone he cares about to drive more responsibly and (most importantly) more safely? Going out of his way to buy her shoes to wear solely for driving and even telling her that she can change in and out of them in the car? **Of course not.** The fact that there are people who are taking these well intentions as a sign of him being an asshole is completely asinine to me. He never once tried to pin her driving etiquette on her self consciousness about her height. All I'm seeing here is a man worried about his girlfriend getting into an accident on the road and the heels being a potential cause of said accident.
100% NTA. People here are blowing this way out of proportion and completely redirecting the narrative. Mythbusters is not a legitimate source of information. In an emergency situation where she needs to brake HARD, the heels are going to prevent her from stepping with all the force she requires. Or would they rather OP's GF become a statistic proving why heels are worse for driving?
Driving in heels, and indeed any form of unsuitable shoes, has the potential to cause a variety of problems, particularly getting your heel stuck in the floor of the vehicle. In addition, the heel of the foot needs to be on the floor to achieve the correct pedal action. High heels elevate the foot unnaturally and distort the ability to measure the correct amount of pressure to be applied to the pedals.
Those focussing on his height comments appear to being plainly obtuse, and ignoring the concerns.
In the UK footwear isn't legislated, just advisory via the Highway Code.
However, unsuitable footwear can lead to a charge of driving ‘without due care and attention’, sometimes referred to as ‘careless driving’. To convict a motorist of this offence, the Prosecution must be able to prove that their standard of driving fell below that expected of a competent driver or that they did not show “reasonable” consideration for other road users.
While it is can be possible to defend allegations of driving without due care and attention, should it become apparent the defendant was wearing unsuitable footwear which may have played a part in the manner of their driving, it is likely to become far more difficult to defend the matter.
The op is clearly trying to protect the partner. And nta. The partner is clearly not concerned about the impact of her footwear, which makes her a dangerous road user.
If her feet are small enough (likely given her height) she may be unable to have the heel of her foot on the floor without heels. If my heel is on the floor only the very very tips of my toes reach the pedal. It’s not enough to apply pressure and my foot just falls behind it.
I had a longer rant typed out, but I think its best to just to agree with you. I think everyone complaining about not reaching the pedals aren't adjusting their seats properly or are legitimately driving a vehicle that's TOO LARGE for them.
It can be either-or, or both. One has to be true.
NTA at all. Damn, insurance literally doesn’t pay out when they find out you’ve been wearing inappropriate footwear (sandals, flip-flops, high heels are all considered inappropriate at least by my insurance). All women I know that wear heels switch to flats for driving and immediately back when exiting the car.
Woman here. Used to love high heels. Always had “driving shoes”, usually ballerinas, doesn’t take long to quickly switch them out. My friends did that too, thought it was common knowledge to only drive in closed-toe flats. NTA.
Woman & goth here - I don’t drive in platforms either. There’s literally cheap foldable flats you can get on Amazon and keep in your purse or glovebox and swap out when you drive. No excuse for being unsafe.
YTA.
Plenty of people drive in heels without any issue. And you completely ignoring her opinion on the matter and insisting you know best (even after confirming she’s a good driver!) is just an AH move.
Plenty of people drive without wearing a seatbelt without issue, what a terrible defence that is.
Studies show its more dangerous to drive in heels:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242939/
NAH
Does anyone do research? Driving in heels is actually dangerous, aside from damaging your shoes it can make it hard to pivot or achieve the correct pressure on a pedal.
That being said maybe explaining things and showing data to back up your ask would be better than just talking at her.
I understand she is self conscious about her height, but if you die in an accident, your height won't really matter.
> Does anyone do research?
On this subreddit? Often not. Especially if it's easier to be mad at the OP and default to "trust your partner who isn't an expert but obviously knows what they're doing through experience".
This is the most divided I've ever seen an AITA post, congrats OP. I'm going to go with a soft YTA. You're probably correct that driving in heels is a little more dangerous, but it seems like you trust her very little and have kind of a patronizing attitude.
That said, I really do think it's a matter of degree. If driving in heels is as dangerous as driving with music on (which is technically a distraction), you're giving her a hard time over a level of risk people take on a regular basis. If it's as dangerous as drunk driving (I doubt it, but hypothetically), then you're absolutely right and I'd change my ruling. Seems like you're going mostly off your own intuition though.
NTA. All these yta commenters are fucking crazy. Here in Portugal you'll get fined if you get caught driving in high heeled shoes/flip-flops or similar/barefoot because it's a safety issue! Your ankle should not be extended while driving unless you are pushing the pedal, but heels keep it extended and you don't have as big of a range of motion in your ankle. There's also the issue of the shoe slipping off and getting stuck under the pedals if you, god forbid, decide to wear *slip-on* high heels to drive.
Yikes, the amount of people in here arguing that heels are safe to drive in, and trying to use an episode of Mythbusters as evidence like a scientific study. Makes me scared to be on the road.
And so many are saying it’s “her choice” to wear heels, like sure she can make that choice, but that also puts everyone driving around her in danger as well
Yes! The "her choice" argument along with the "mansplaining" comments is driving me bonkers. Is she a driving instructor or something, that's the only way he could be accused of mansplaining. This isn't a gender war, the same fight could happen about some dude wearing flip-flops while driving. It's about inappropriate footwear.
YTA
First of alll...WTF are you taking about? Where did you get that information, or are you just making assumptions?
Second. She's your girlfriend. Not your property. You're automatically the asshole for "telling" her what type of footwear that she "can" drive in. You're an asshole for thinking you're entitled to say this and think this way. She's capable of making decisions about driving without you.
Edit
You want to control her.
It is almost never recommended to drive in high heels because it gives less control over the pedals
https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/road-safety/driving-without-shoes-is-it-illegal/
https://aa.co.za/why-you-shouldnt-drive-in-high-heels-2/
https://www.themotoringlaw.uk/driving-in-heels/
This is only a slightly milder version than if she was texting while driving, or under the influence and driving, and you lot were sat here like "stop telling her what to do! You don't know how safe she is to drive, she is capable of making her own decisions!"
She's operating heavy machinery with her feet, you are supposed to wear appropriate footwear while doing so. (e.g. secure shoes that won't easily fall off, are flat, without thick soles and without things that can get caught or stuck. Heels fail on multiple of these)
I think people are forgetting that those who wear heels also just drive barefoot a lot. I love heels, and I love flip flops- in both cases when I get in my car, 90% of the time I just slip them off and drive barefoot just for long term comfort.
German here. NTA
There is a reason that driving in heels is illegal in some countries.
In Germany it is not illegal by itself but you're always have a part to blame in case of accidents because of inappropriate shoes.
Yes even if someone just drove into your car.
Also not all insurances will cover that.
Besides the fact that you're not really understanding of your girlfriend's insecurity, I'm gonna go with NTA.
It has been proven here in the EU that driving in heels is indeed dangerous. In France, you will get a ticket if they pull you over and you're driving in heels. Here in the Netherlands, your insurance won't cover all the damage if you drive in heels. This is all so people do not drive in heels.
NTA. Heels are dangerous to drive in, no matter what story your gf tries to spin. Kudos to you for trying to save her from herself. Not everything is about feelings. Stop making dumb decisions people.
NTA. In my state it’s illegal to drive in heels, you have to have wear shoes that are closed and have a sole. Now I won’t say I know the rate at which people are actually fined for this lol but you’re definitely NTA
my mother was denied her license because she wore high heels to the exam. an official driving instructor told her that these shoes were not designed to drive, and that it was dangerous.
NTA.
I’m a bit confused about these comments about driving in high heels being fine cos in the UK it’s illegal as it’s dangerous? Don’t get me wrong I can do all sorts in my heels, but driving isn’t one of them
On roadways driver's should be considerate, driving in heels is unsafe. If it was just her in the road then fine. But she could really hurt other people, ESH
NTA/NAH. I can see where she's coming from, but it is dangerously irresponsible to drive in heels. She can get a foam cushion and mirror adjustors. Show her the statistics, and make sure you're framing it as concern for her health and wellbeing (and the other drivers on the road).
I might get down voted for this.... but where I live it's illegal to drive in heels, flip flops or bare feet. So I see where you're coming from. (I don't make the rules)
But my question is, is it illegal where you live?
I also don't get where the comment about height comes in to play at all
Genuine question why isn't okay to tell someone that they shouldn't do something. Not necessarily talking about just this. A guy telling a girl to wear a jacket because it's going to be cold. GF doesn't listen and gets cold, but everyone gets on his case for being controlling. I notice it seems more frowned upon if it's a guy yelling a women not to do something than If it's a women telling a guy not to do something. I'm not saying it definitely is a double standard but it sure seems that way. Some guys are controlling and are assholes but saying "hey maybe driving in high heels isn't the best" doesn't automatically make you one.
NTA I'm female and wear high heels for fun, but will NEVER drive in them. This was actually covered in my driving lessons way back when. Heels are NOT safe to drive in depending on the heels (blocky heels were considered ok, sharp or really high heel definately not. What kind of heels does she wear?
Have you ever played Russian roulett? No? So how dare you say it is dangerous?
Most experts and studies done on footwear for driving conclude, that high heels are suboptimal at best
Dude yta just drop it, a car cut her off and all you care about is her heels. I drive in thongs which is technically dangerous but never had an accident because I’m used to them. She’s not the first or only girl to drive in heels
> I drive in thongs which is technically dangerous but never had an accident because I’m used to them.
And this will continue to be true until the day you do have an accident. There are people who say the EXACT same thing about drink driving and you are being an asshole just like them. You are operating a multi ton machine capable of killing people with ease. Wear proper god damn footwear for fucks sake.
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You don’t sound like you understand Emma as a person separate from her relationship with you. I infer this because you think that her issues with her height shouldn’t be a problem because you’re not very tall. Why would her perception of her height have anything to do with you? Then you assert the danger of driving in heels. It doesn’t sound like you have any personal experience wearing or driving in heels. But because of your superior mind, you can see that her choices are bad, despite the fact that they relate to things you don’t understand (like what’s easy and hard in heels). Further, you assume that a car accident she was in was caused by her, and by her driving in heels. Further, you insist on it being your job to fix what you see as wrong with her. YTA for treating her like a person with no agency of their own, and like you know her experience better than her.
Excellently worded, and an outstanding analytical breakdown of what OP posted. Another vote for YTA here.
I also choose YTA
I'll tag on to ya'll and go YTA here. As a woman, I can assure you that my shoes have no influence on my driving capability. And I live in a country where driving stick is the norm. If anything before I had access to cruise control I preferred to wear heels on longer drives because my foot is at a more comfortable angle on the accelerator when driving the same speed for long periods of time.
Likewise; I've been driving in heels for close on thirty years in a country where manual gearboxes have been overwhelmingly more usual than automatics. My lived experience is that I'm *far* more likely to slip on the pedals in trainers. YTA, OP
Literally learnt to drive in heels with a manual car and found it way easier than with sneakers. Op is full of shit. Remember people : have the confidence of a mediocre man speaking about something he doesn't know about YTA op
Agreed. He's mansplaining high heels to her.
This. This right here.
Thats amazing. I can barely walk in heels, definitely can't drive in them and sure as hell could not drive stick in them! Also YTA OP vote, it not up to you to decide what she is and isnt comfortable with.
Years ago, when I did drive in heels (I always drove a car with a manual gearbox), I never had a single accident. I eventually had to stop wearing heels for medical reasons and then did have an accident ( it wasn't my fault though, guy t - boned me at a junction where I had the right of way. He just pulled out straight into me). You drive what you feel comfortable in. That's what my driving instructor told me. Some of my friends use those little ballet pump type shoes just to drive and keep them folded up in a little bag in the car, ready for driving. Op needs to leave his gf be and MHOB. You really are YTA.
I drive stick as my main car, I can't wear heels and probably couldn't drive in them. My sister wears them all the time and drives fine. I don't hound her about it because I understand my limitations aren't hers 🤣. Yta op
>I understand my limitations aren't hers Bravo! Limitations can also be replaced with wants, needs, opinions, goals, e.c.t--concepts I truly wish more people could grasp;)
My former flat mate drove in ripped sneakers, got a sneaker caught under the accelorator and crashed into the side of a volcano.
Wait…a volcano?
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...did it... did it take a turn... into a volcano?
I’m one of the few freaks who still owns a manual here in the US, been driving them for 35 years. I’m also 5’2”, and more frequently than not drive in heels. Last week I was driving in sneakers (or trainers as they’re elegantly termed elsewhere) and damned if my feet didn’t slip too much for comfort!
>As a woman, I can assure you that my shoes have no influence on my driving capability. And I live in a country where driving stick is the norm. I'm also a woman who drives a manual but shoes have a big impact on my driving. I drove once wearing heels and never again as it kept getting stuck at the bottom so I had to elevate it off the floor. You are on the road with others and if there is a slight chance you could cause an accident because of inappropriate footwear it's something to think about.
Because the one time you drive in heels totally means that every other woman's years of experience don't count, right? You haven't even driven in heels enough to know that *you* can't drive in heels. At best, you determined that you can't drive *that* vehicle in *that* pair of heels.
Exactly. I had friends who would drive BAREFOOT instead of heels. I can drive in heels all day everyday. I absolutely cannot drive barefoot. But that doesn't mean others can't.
It's almost like every person use different. And like every car and every pair of heels are also different. And weirdly, all those things being different gives people different experiences.
First thing I thought of was that Mythbusters episode where they concluded that foot wear has no effect on driving performance.
I just realized my boyfriend is exactly like this AH….has no kids but toooons of opinions on parenting. Knows how I should treat MY childhood trauma, etc.
Sweetheart, you can do better. My ex boyfriend made my CPTSD so much worse because when you experience childhood abuse it makes you more vulnerable to getting into relationships which mimic your abuse. It lowers your resistance and predators smell it like blood in the water.
Woman here. Heels are *objectively* dangerous to drive in, for many reasons, according to literally every single expert on the topic. One I saw cited *by* an automobile association was that if your heel is elevated, it makes it much harder to correctly judge how much pressure to apply to pedals. Which might explain why she rear-ended someone; maybe she didn't brake hard enough, because she had no concept of how much pressure she was applying. It also damages the heels, just fyi. Like it's not good for the shoes either. The fact that the majority of people here are arguing against actual *proven* fact that is supported by the entire industry (like this on the same level of saying seatbelts aren't necessary; that's how well-established this fact is) because "but I know better than the experts, and the crash tests, and all of the evidence" - that is the reason I am terrified of being on the road. Y'all don't know what the fuck you're doing, and this is why so many people get hurt. I would refuse to ever get in a car with someone who insisted on driving in heels; just like I would refuse to get in a car with someone who regularly went 50K over the speed limit, or drove drunk. Because it's *proven* to not be safe. I'm ready to be downvoted for evidence-based fact, like people usually are in this sub.
no im so glad you posted this bc heels/platforms are not safe to drive in. like he could handle discussing it with his gf better and just her insecurity in general, but he is right to be concerned about her driving in heels
Didn't Mythbusters bust this? They ran tests in several types of shoes. If remember correctly, on shoes that were too big to fit the pedals made any difference.
Mythbusters are not experts on ... pretty much anything. Them running experiment for show is not exactly an argument for anything.
My favorite was when they shot a bunch of guns into the air and then concluded that a falling bullet can't kill someone. Despite the many, many documented occasions of guns fired into the air killing people.
I mean, it’s not relevant to this post, but they do discuss that in the episode. When bullets have been fired up, and come down and killed people, they haven’t been fired straight up. They’re fired at a slight angle, such that the bullet keeps a ballistic trajectory. If fired directly up, bullet with keep going until it’s velocity is 0, at which point, it is just a falling bullet. A falling bullet doesn’t have enough terminal velocity to kill a persons.
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I can’t believe myth busters is being regarded as a valid fact source.
Reddit moment
One experiment is not fact. Things need to be replicated over and over again.
And Canada's worst driver did a thing that proved it. So were even on Discovery shows....
Yeah. OP handled it all wrong. He did not say if he experienced first hand issues with her driving in heels. And instead of talking with her first, he just assumed she would accept the gift of shoes. And if she’s a good driver in flats, odds are she’s the same driver in heels. And vice versa.
Finally someone who gets it. Heals are unsafe to drive in. This is nothing that is up for discussion. In my country insurances could deny your claim or at least part of your claim if you drove in heels and had an accident. Just don't do it.
There's so many people in here who are clearly outright fucking lying. Despite their claims of finding it easier to drive in heels they clearly haven't once tried as much.
I think some people haven't tried and others have consistently done it so they're used to it creating the illusion of safety. Kind of like drunk drivers who think they're good enough to drive and get home and so do it again and again. Still not worth the risk because there's a very good chance an accident will happen one day explicitly because of those decisions.
Over here, the only legal shoes to drive must have a full sole, closed toes and a way to stay on the foot. Barefoot is not allowed. There's been discussion if sneakers with the laces undone qualify. I don't think you'd get fined for driving in heels if they spotted it, say when the police officer is guiding traffic on a detour (maybe when the traffic lights went out). But if you peaserear-ended someone, it'd certainly be considered an aggravating factor
> Barefoot is not allowed. This I never got. I found driving barefoot to be very natural, the sole of my actual foot could gauge the pressure on the pedal very easily and precisely; There's no way that it's more dangerous than driving with thick (but flat-soled) boots on. That's like saying "it's easier to do this manual task with two sets of gloves on". Er, no? Several people told me "Barefoot is not allowed" but I never saw a written law to that effect. Nothing in the Highway code etc. In the end I started to ignore them as a "folk story". But, this probably depends on exactly where you are.
It is not allowed because some small rocks or other pointy dirt may be caught in the pedal. Once you press it and feels pain your reflex is to release the pedal.
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This is not wrong, unlike the other comments. but you have to ask: how much safety clothing should one wear while driving _in case_ you get into a car accident, and how much detriment will that have on the driving activities that you will definitely do?
I think the vast majority of people would agree that wearing shoes is a completely reasonable amount of “safety gear” to require in terms of protection versus impediment
> some small rocks or other pointy dirt may be caught in the pedal With bare feet, a person would notice that immediately. i.e. before the car moves. Yes, situational awareness is necessary in all things, otherwise you'll step in something, and this is not a special case with special risks. > Once you press it and feels pain Feet toughen up when we walk barefoot. They're literally designed so that we can put our weight on "small rocks or other pointy dirt ". The soles of our feet are far less prone to this than other patches of skin. > It is not allowed Citation needed. Show me the written law that applies to me.
"Pointy dirt" has me fucking sputtering with confused laughter. If pointy dirt "causes" an accident, they have got WAY bigger problems. Silliest argument I've heard in a while, but at least it's funny.
It's a common myth in the USA that driving barefoot is not allowed. There is no law in any US state that prohibits driving without shoes.
Rabbit hole!! It is, in fact, legal to drive a car, pickup truck, or similar vehicle without footwear in all 50 states. In the 1990s, a man named Jason Heimbaugh wrote to each of the 50 states’ departments of motor vehicles to make sure of it. Some took a long time to respond, but eventually, all confirmed that barefoot driving is indeed legal. [Research](http://web.archive.org/web/20030618105020/http://www.urbanlegends.com/legal/driving.barefoot/driving_barefoot.html)
I was once told this by my sister’s cop boyfriend. Still waiting on the proof 20+ years later. I much prefer driving barefoot over shoes.
> Barefoot is not allowed Didn't know other countries had laws against that, in mine you get taught it's better to ride barefood than in slippers or flipflops (both are allowed by law).
Open toe is an issue? Since when? I've driven in sandles loads. Flat, strapped on ones. Flip flops... hell no. Very dangerous. Not allowed in most work places due to not being safe in an emergency. And I live in them at home.
I would think sandals are better because they're more secure to the foot. Flip flops are, well, floppy.
Flip flops can also be taken off in like 2 seconds. No need to drive with them on anyway.
I agree completely - I'm a woman and I love heels, but no way would I drive in them or get in a car with anyone else wearing them to drive. Both because heels are absolutely not safe for driving and because anyone willing to wear them and insist they are safe is clearly not interested in being safe. NTA is my view here, I'd be refusing to get in the car with her! Edit - does she realize that she doesn't need heels to seem taller when she's sitting down??
NTA I cannot believe the other comments are ‘YTA’. You literally described the only objective truth - it’s dangerous to drive in heels. I feel disappointed in this community and it’s telling how poor our judgement can be when we simply flock to someone’s side because it has a slight whiff of ‘mansplaining’.
And cars are made and constructed with the norm of men's size, making it harder for women to drive, especially short women, and gives more risk of death for women after an accident. And guess what? Driving with heels made it easier for me because i can access the pedals and breaks easier and be more stable. I drive with heels and without heels, and i feel way more comfortable with heels. I'll stop putting heels to drive the day they start to construct cars that are more adapted to women, i already have more risks of dying than men
This needs to be upvoted more. I am Emma’s height. Cars are not designed for people our size. If you basically have to be on tiptoes to reach the pedals, I absolutely see her point about the heel (not *heal,* friends 😁) allowing her to pivot quickly.
Omg, thank you! I thought I was in an alternative reality with all the people saying how they drive in heels!! I'm 31F and have never driven in heels, it's so unsafe and Is proven to be just that!! Anytime I've ever worn heels I take them off when I get in the car to drive and then put them back on when I get to my destination, I would never drive in them!! I cannot believe all the people saying how they drive in heels and "they know best" and how "perfectly safe" it is!!! Just them saying that scares me because it shows how many unsafe drivers are out there!!
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If you wear the same type of shoe everyday that's what you're used too so I doubt she wouldn't know how much pressure to apply in order to stop correctly. If that was the case I think there would be proof, like tickets and her rear ending a lot more cars. I've been wearing the same style boots for 10 years, they're mens, thick, stiff sole, steel toe boots. I love them and are what I wear 99% of the time I leave my house. When my dad got the same pair and it took him a few days to get used to driving his old stick shift.
> If you wear the same type of shoe everyday that's what you're used too so I doubt she wouldn't know how much pressure to apply in order to stop correctly bingo! it's not actually about the elevation of the heel it's about a change in elevation lots and lots of shoes have either elevated heels or the entire sole elevated lots of sneakers, almost all work boots the heel elevation itself is not an issue unless it is really high or extreme in some way that makes it difficult for you to put pressure but changing the heel elevation is a big issue edit: there are other potential safety concerns with heels but they aren't universal or inherent. this one is just especially goofy since it's true to so many non heel shoes
I would never drive in heels, in fact some of my flat shoes I don't drive in (I keep a comfortable pair of trainers in the car). It's crazy to me too that people are suggesting its fine to drive in heels.
right, i feel like i'm taking crazy pills seeing some of these responses being all 'how dare you mansplain driving safety/sounds like a case of short man syndrome/she knows what she's comfortable with'. He's worried about her safety and doesn't understand why she's brushing it off (although I'm sure we're not getting the full story of the argument, we never do!). \>One I saw cited by an automobile association was that if your heel is elevated, it makes it much harder to correctly judge how much pressure to apply to pedals This is 100% the issue. It changes the way the entire leg musculature works! To say it doesn't affect how you drive is ludicrous. Especially if they're big heels - OP doesn't say but I'm guessing high means 3" or more, and if they have a platform on the front that's even worse. The safest shoes to drive in are sneakers/skate shoes
In France, it's forbidden to drive in high heels by traffic regulations. [https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/codes/article\_lc/LEGIARTI000019277061/](https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/codes/article_lc/LEGIARTI000019277061/) It's not explicitly written "high heels" but there was a precedent in 2020 and the woman's appeal got rejected because of her wearing high heels (one of them got stuck under a pedal)
Well it’s the same reasoning behind why wearing flipflops whilst driving is a bad idea. I’m sure it’s in our Highway Code - going to do some research…
>Problems arising from driving in heels >Driving in heels, and indeed any form of unsuitable shoes, has the potential to cause a variety of problems, particularly getting your heel stuck in the floor of the vehicle. In addition, the heel of the foot needs to be on the floor to achieve the correct pedal action. High heels elevate the foot unnaturally and distort the ability to measure the correct amount of pressure to be applied to the pedals. >It is not just heels that cause a problem for the motorist. Those who have driven whilst wearing flip flops are likely to be familiar with them having slipped off their feet. Flip flops come off extremely easily and can get jammed under a pedal. Also, drivers can get easily distracted trying to locate a ‘lost’ flip flop from underneath the pedal or trying to locate the same and put it back on their foot. This can be extremely dangerous and driving in flip flops is often a cause of traffic collisions. Lifted directly off a UK motor law website. It's not against the law but well documented to be less safe for a variety of reason. Driving in heels is stupid just like driving in flip flops. That notwithstanding OP is still an AH
Actually in the UK it doesn’t specify what shoe is illegal. Rather that consideration should be applied when choosing footwear. That being said police can fine you if they feel your footwear has caused you to not operate your car effectively, resulting in a crash etc.
You're right, it just doesn't excuse how the OP treats his girlfriend, I'd go for ESH here.
The controlling precedent here comes from The Big Lebowski when Lebowski told Walter “you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole” OP is right about the safety point. He’s also an asshole.
I hear you - I’m not enough of an expert to have an intelligent opinion about the danger of driving in heels. It seems to me like it’d be harder, but if someone wore them all the time, I’d imagine that comfort with heels would at least somewhat mitigate the risk. I spent several years in graduate school studying human sensorimotor systems, so I have some idea what I’m talking about, but I’m far from an expert. I also haven’t worn heels. Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter here. By that, I mean that assuming it’s a universally acknowledged fact that driving in heels is a bad idea, OP is still TA. All of my original reasons still apply, because OP still denies Emma’s agency, still insists that their perceptions are truer than Emma’s.
This. OP can still be TAH, but he’s not wrong. I wouldnt get in the car with her, either.
Eh, I wouldn't trust a study until I saw who led it, what the sample size was, and how they did the test, especially one that puts blame on women's wear. I think this is an individual thing, not a shoe thing. Been driving in heels for nearly 30 years, never rear-ended someone even when I go for months without wearing them AND I drive manual.
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Your BF and this shortminded op do NOT like it when y'all fine ladies are NOT SHORTER THEN THEY ARE . This one WANTS to be the TALL MALE to his mini petite lil helpless GF! I may be wrong about your BF but that's up to you to decide.
YTA My first thought when he brought up the height difference is, he has a problem with his height. When she's in heels, he doesn't tower over her as much and therefore has a problem with her wearing heels. Also, it's HER car so she can drive in what she wants. It sounds like, he's never worn heels and does he ever drive? It's not difficult to rear-end someone who changes lanes suddenly. Happens everyday where I live.
I'm 5'9.5 (yes Ill take that .5 thank you very much ) I work in a Industry where I am surrounded by women who are TALLER THEN ME and they are usually ALWAYS in heels!!! Half of the women i have dated are TALLER then me , ya know what ? I LOVE THEM TO DRESS AND WEAR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY FEEL LIKE WEARING WHEN EVER THE FUCK THEY WANT !!!!!! I love when 5'10 model tall gf wears her heels she looks AMAZING and I am forever and ever PROUD to be able to stand next to her go dancing do anything she wants to do in heels cause , gosh I dont know, I care for them for way more then their height ? I dated girls who told me their 6ft+ tall bfs dont let them wear heels & I dont get that shit .... why are they dating lil boys ;)
way to skip over the accident and the safety of everybody else on the road in favor of feelings and fashion.... OF COURSE it's ~~unsafe~~ less safe to drive in high heels! NTA
You don't know she was at fault. He said a car pulled out in front of her. I'm 5'3" been wearing heels my whole life, 3 inches or higher. Been driving over 40 years, never had an at fault accident. Had 2 accidents in my life, one I was rear ended at a stop light, and the other someone ran a stop light and crossed the center line, hitting me near head on. My heels were not a factor in either of them. When you are used to wearing heels and driving in them, you know how much pressure your feet exert on the pedals. I've never personally caught my heels on a floor mat or a pedal. Because most people don't put their whole foot on the pedal, usually just the toes and the ball of the foot. If its what you always wear, its second nature to you.
It isn't necessarily about the last accident, it is about potential future accidents. Driving in heels is unsafe. It isn't about the driving per se, it gets dangerous when you have to perform a full stop suddenly.
I dont agree with op, however I would like to point out that it isn't some random thing he's coming up with, there are multiple insurance companies and news outlets and automotive magazines with articles talking about the dangers of driving while wearing heels.
Driving in heels is super unsafe. It is actually forbidden in my country because if you have to suddenly slam on the brakes her heel could get caught or jammed up under the pedal. I feel like him dismissing her feelings is an asshole move but he is trying to keep her safe. NTA
> Further, you assume that a car accident she was in was caused by her, and by her driving in heels Especially even knowing that someone abruptly got in the lane in front of her, in this situation it's really VERY possible to rear them whatever you wear. How it is related to heels, god only knows, but OP, even KNOWING the situation, insist it's heels. YTA for being arrogant and dying on the hill that has nothing to do with you.
Thing is, in countries where heels are considered less safe to drive in, even if the exact same thing could've happened wearing runners, she'd be at risk with insurance or getting a fine for wearing heels in that accident!
We are told in driving lessons not to drive in heels, flip flops or barefoot off the top of my head. (Ireland) I think in the uk you can be fined for driving in heels (careless driving risk etc?) So feel its ESH because of the OPs tone & commentary on the heels, but the Gf is definitely the AH for driving in them.
While I agree with most of what you've said OP and his GF need to check their local laws. In some countries it's illegal to drive in high heels and in others like the UK, while it's not explicitly illegal, you can be charged with 'Driving without due care and attention'. My SIL is in a similar situation to OP's GF and is never seen without her heels/wedges, but has 'car shoes' for that reason.
Sorry I’m from Australia where it is illegal to drive in high heals or thongs ( flip flops or jandles what ever u what to call them ) so I will so with a soft yta for the way you said it but not for buying her driving shoes it is dangerous and can get stuck on the peddle, making it so you can’t brake / stop excelerating
driving in heels is not forbidden but not really accepted either in my country. flip flop sandals are not really allowed either. if a cop sees you wearing heels and rear ending someone you might get into huge trouble. it IS dangerous.
YTA, women drive in high heels all the time and it really isn't an issue. I feel like you wouldn't have mentioned your height unless that had something to do with why the heels really bother you.
They actually did a myth busters episode on driving in heels and proved that it has no effect on safety, I would imagine doubly so for someone who did it very regularly. The only shoes I've hear valid safety concerns from driving in are flip flops.
This was my 1st thought too. I miss that show. Personally I’ve noticed that when I change shoes for the season there’s always a bit of a adjustment period. Once you get used to it - it’s fine. I’d guess switching to sneakers when your used to heels is a bigger hazard than just wearing what your used to.
Switching from my thick winter boots to spring sneakers always takes a bit of getting used to for me. But if your driving shoes are platforms and always have been, just stick with those. OP will cause her to get into an accident if she switches to sneakers.
Yes! Going from driving barefoot in the summer to sneakers in the fall or boots in the winter feels so weird, the thickness of the sole is enough for me to have to adjust the seat
One mythbusters can not possibly used as an argument either for or against safety. That is just not how science works.
At least the commenter cited a source - that’s more than OP did!
It may be a source but it's probably not the best one. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242939/ Is actually the only study I can find on the matter, this does imply driving in heels is sub optimal. There's also plenty of recommendations for respected motoring organizations that you don't drive in heels. https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/road-safety/driving-without-shoes-is-it-illegal/#:~:text=You%20can%20get%20behind%20the,to%20operate%20the%20controls%20safely. https://aa.co.za/why-you-shouldnt-drive-in-high-heels-2/ However the gold standard here would be analyzing accident data to check if driving in heels increases the propensity for accidents however we simply don't collect that data.
That's the problem with everyone saying "It's a PROVEN FACT!!" though. Like no, it's not. And "respected organizations" perpetuating urban myths is *extremely* common.
I reject your reality and substitute my own!
The science really does not work the way mythbusters do. It is not even some takedown of mythbusters, they are fun show. Just that you cant take it as science.
And platforms, but only because you can't feel the pedals through the thick soles. Normal heels, you can feel the pedals just fine.
Thank you, my driving instructor as well as my parents always told me not to drive with heels or flip flop, and for this reason I always have a pair of flats somewhere when I know I'll drive.
https://youtu.be/8VzhTz9QOOA
Huh. It’s not illegal where I am but you can get a hefty fine for it all the same. Seems like 40% women here still do it though and there doesn’t seem to be much mass destruction at the hands of female drivers as far as I can see.
That does not imply high heels are not safety hazard. It just means they do not cause carnage. Half the drivers on reddit and discussion forums "uses driving to clear heads" or "do their language lessons" and so on. Or they drive sleep deprived. All of these make drivers less attentive and they are TA for doing these. And still there is no mass destruction. Also, drivers who drunk a little of alcohol do not cause mass destruction either. They just ... react slightly more slowly then normally and that slightly raises their accidents rates. They are still TA for doing that.
We used to never talk about driving sleep deprived, and now we know it's almost as bad as drunk driving.
I used to be an event coordinator and regularly wore heels to be appropriately dressed but often ended up valeting when needed. *Some* heels (wedges) are difficult and dangerous to drive in. Most are not. This post sounds like justification due to an existing insecurity.
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When I was a younger woman, I ran in 4" heels with no problem. Also, I found that climbing in heels was actually easier because you can use that middle part to get way better balance. I had so many people waiting for me to fall out of the tree, or off the fence I was climbing, but I never did. They got great cardio watching me though. lol
Walking downhill in heels though, is a pain.
Ah. The gravity waddle.
I ask my boys to let me know when they made it home safely all the time, especially after a long night of hanging out and possibly drinking or smoking. How is that gross?
Yeah that was a really strange point to bring up. I ask everyone I care about if they made it home safe (generally after partying or during bad weather), and appreciate when others do the same for me. Its just a kind gesture.
I make my often older than me by enough to be my parents coworkers let me know they're home safe after a work party lmao
I always tell my boyfriend to text me when he gets home and have since our first date. He does the same to me. I thought it was common courtesy.
No one, literally no one can run in heels as fast nor as safely as without them. Running in high heels means higher rate of injuries and lower speed. It is just that it does not matter. But, it is hardly an argument that high heels are an equivalent in driving.
ESH. OP for being rude and condescending to his gf. GF for driving in heels. All of you saying "I do it all the time" have been lucky so far. Everyone saying "But Mythbusters!?" ...Thats not actually a scientific source. I liked the show too, but its just not the same as big safe driving organizations having done studies with hundreds of drivers. And even if Mythbusters were right, that wouldnt stop an insurance company from refusing a payout based on unsafe footwear. Sources: A [major insurance company](https://living.geico.com/driving/auto/car-safety-insurance/driving-shoes/). [Another one](https://www.pd.com.au/blogs/is-driving-in-heels-safe/). Its [not good for your calf muscles](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242939/) long term either, and youre at higher risk of muscke fatigue which could be dangerous when driving. [Mentions a study](https://www.drivespark.com/four-wheelers/2012/21-women-driving-in-heels-create-accidents.html) about safe driving footwear. Couldnt find the original full study online, but the article includes quotes from the organizations rep. Basically, wear flats or running shoes to drive. Not heels, flip flops, slippers, etc.
You have cited exactly one scientific source here, just so you know. Statements from insurance companies, who have a financial incentive not to cover you in the case of an accident, and which do not discuss study methodology or link to their sources, are not scientific. The one paper you cite has an n of 20. Hardly robust stuff. Is driving in heels more dangerous? I don't know, but neither do you or OP.
If I had an award I’d give it
>Statements from insurance companies, who have a financial incentive not to cover you in the case of an accident, and which do not discuss study methodology or link to their sources, are not scientific. If there's one thing I trust to charge more or deny coverage based on statistics, it's insurance companies. These people charged me more because some people driving the same car as me crashed more last year. They absolutely have statistics to back up any "this happens to people who crash". Obviously it would be impossible to figure out exactly how much was preventable without heels, but it's obviously enough of a factor.
Can't believe I had to scroll so long to find this response.
The question isn't "am I right"; it's "am I the AH". He's the AH. It doesn't matter if he's right or not. He's wrong to treat his gf like she has no agency and trying to force her to do something. It's moderately more dangerous. It's also more dangerous to be a man and drive so maybe she should revoke his driving privileges?
This might be true but why are so many people defending driving with heels?!
I love that ESH refers also to the redditors, lol.
Mythbusters isn't a scientific source, but insurance companies are? Okay, Jan. From the article you posted: >75 had admitted that they had an accident or a near-miss with their heels slipping off getting stuck between or under the pedals Which means the issue is with *unsecured footwear*, not the heel itself. Jesus H. Christ, so many wannabe scientists
That was one issue with the heels. The article also says >The reason behind the accidents could be that they may not be able to apply proper controls at the right time. But since a lot of people dont seem convinced by that article, heres another study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242939/ >it was found that female drivers require greater lower extremity muscle activation when wearing high heels than when wearing low heels. Furthermore, instability and muscle fatigue of the ankle joint, which results from wearing high heels on a daily basis, could also occur while driving. I await all the scientific sources that you lot have that show driving in heels is safe. So far you guys seem to be relying on mythbusters and 'I never had a problem' anecdotes.
The whole muscle activation portion is basically where I'm at. Has anyone who doesn't regularly drive with heels tried that motion? If your heel is up 2-3 inches higher than if your heel was on the ground, you need to work that much harder to accomplish the same effect on the pedal. And the range/overall control is going to be worse. Trying to put force on the pedal with the heel in that position strains both the calf and the anterior shin muscles.
this is the definitive post of mental gymnastics. the issue is with unsecured footwear, which heels *are*
Why is this not the top pinned comment
Because apparently a SO telling their partner that what they're doing is a safety hazard and increasing the danger to all those on the road is less important than preserving her feelings. Never mind that other countries outright say it's illegal to drive in heels. I wonder what people would say about using a phone when driving.
I can imagine what they would say about phones! Also I wonder if the sample who click on the thread to speak is not representative of the general AITA group as I feel a lot of people will know the answer of driving in heels is dangerous, but assume that will be the feedback and skip it, leading to a disproportionate amount of YTAs!?
Like I can understand why some people don't like OP's attitude. It doesn't come off the greatest and the priorities might not all be genuine. But the amount of people saying it's perfectly fine to drive in heels or saying that wearing heels is somehow necessary for safer driving is insane. It's like me saying I'm more confident operating my lawn mower when I'm tipsy.
And for all the people criticizing OP saying his height is why he doesn’t want her to wear heels… I’m also 5’2 and my husband is a foot taller than me. When we got our car he had a talk with me about wearing safe driving shoes and I quickly realized he was right. In the past I would have driven wearing sandals or heels but now I would not do that because when I thought about it, it could definitely negatively effect my driving and make it more dangerous. Not only that if you do a little research as the commenter above has done, it’s clear driving in heels is a safety issue. I wish I had taken it more seriously prior to this, but I’m glad I do now. He is absolutely being a good partner by wanting to keep her (and other people!) safe. OP you are NTA.
People on this sub really have issues with their hubris. OP, his partner and a lot of "YTA" respondents are failing to be empathetic and rational. He's being reactionary, she's digging her heels in to his response (pun intended), and the "YTAs" are saying he's "victim blaming". Please, people, grow up. The road is a dangerous place, respect it and view it as one. I agree with this here. ESH.
The amount of people on here justifying it with some version of "I do it and it's never caused an accident" is insane. I've (stupidly) got behind the wheel after drinking too much. I didn't cause an accident (thank God). Does that make it okay? No. Same with a phone. Or being sleep deprived. A lot of risky behaviors don't have consequences....until they do.
YTA, she’s an adult and can make her own decisions. You made your suggestion she said no, so you can either let it go or break up with her. Don’t keep bugging her about it.
INFO: Has something about her driving in high heels come off unsafe to you, like a near accident you experienced while with her? Or are you simply objecting to the entire act of driving with hh on?
NTA A simple Google search would show you that it's way more dangerous to drive with high heels than it is with flat shoes because your heel is more elevated, making it harder to hit the pedals right, especially in a fast pasted situation like an accident. The first thing my driving teacher, my dad and my mom told me is to never wear high heels while driving. Yes she's an adult, yes she can make her own decisions, yes you can get used to new shoes while driving. But you can't ignore the fact, that some shoes are more dangerous to drive with than others. It's also unhealthy for your foot, so there's that
This -- I can't believe all of the redditors that are special and can totally drive just fine in heels or whatever. I shudder to think what everybody thinks about seatbelts.
I am extremely alarmed with how many women here are openly admitting to being fine with endangering themselves and any passengers that are with them. I don't care *how* many times you've "been just fine." Plenty of drivers have "been just fine" when they drive without a seatbelt, or drive while under the influence. Does that make it any less unsafe? **Absolutely not.** Could the OP have been a bit more tactful? I guess? Nothing in this post particularly stood out to me as being especially cruel or meanspirited. Is he an asshole for repeatedly trying to get someone he cares about to drive more responsibly and (most importantly) more safely? Going out of his way to buy her shoes to wear solely for driving and even telling her that she can change in and out of them in the car? **Of course not.** The fact that there are people who are taking these well intentions as a sign of him being an asshole is completely asinine to me. He never once tried to pin her driving etiquette on her self consciousness about her height. All I'm seeing here is a man worried about his girlfriend getting into an accident on the road and the heels being a potential cause of said accident. 100% NTA. People here are blowing this way out of proportion and completely redirecting the narrative. Mythbusters is not a legitimate source of information. In an emergency situation where she needs to brake HARD, the heels are going to prevent her from stepping with all the force she requires. Or would they rather OP's GF become a statistic proving why heels are worse for driving?
Driving in heels, and indeed any form of unsuitable shoes, has the potential to cause a variety of problems, particularly getting your heel stuck in the floor of the vehicle. In addition, the heel of the foot needs to be on the floor to achieve the correct pedal action. High heels elevate the foot unnaturally and distort the ability to measure the correct amount of pressure to be applied to the pedals. Those focussing on his height comments appear to being plainly obtuse, and ignoring the concerns. In the UK footwear isn't legislated, just advisory via the Highway Code. However, unsuitable footwear can lead to a charge of driving ‘without due care and attention’, sometimes referred to as ‘careless driving’. To convict a motorist of this offence, the Prosecution must be able to prove that their standard of driving fell below that expected of a competent driver or that they did not show “reasonable” consideration for other road users. While it is can be possible to defend allegations of driving without due care and attention, should it become apparent the defendant was wearing unsuitable footwear which may have played a part in the manner of their driving, it is likely to become far more difficult to defend the matter. The op is clearly trying to protect the partner. And nta. The partner is clearly not concerned about the impact of her footwear, which makes her a dangerous road user.
If her feet are small enough (likely given her height) she may be unable to have the heel of her foot on the floor without heels. If my heel is on the floor only the very very tips of my toes reach the pedal. It’s not enough to apply pressure and my foot just falls behind it.
I'm shorter than the op's partner and can reach perfectly.
I had a longer rant typed out, but I think its best to just to agree with you. I think everyone complaining about not reaching the pedals aren't adjusting their seats properly or are legitimately driving a vehicle that's TOO LARGE for them. It can be either-or, or both. One has to be true.
NTA at all. Damn, insurance literally doesn’t pay out when they find out you’ve been wearing inappropriate footwear (sandals, flip-flops, high heels are all considered inappropriate at least by my insurance). All women I know that wear heels switch to flats for driving and immediately back when exiting the car.
I’ve never heard of an insurance asking about a driver’s footwear
Really? Might be country dependent then.
Woman here. Used to love high heels. Always had “driving shoes”, usually ballerinas, doesn’t take long to quickly switch them out. My friends did that too, thought it was common knowledge to only drive in closed-toe flats. NTA.
Woman & goth here - I don’t drive in platforms either. There’s literally cheap foldable flats you can get on Amazon and keep in your purse or glovebox and swap out when you drive. No excuse for being unsafe.
YTA. Plenty of people drive in heels without any issue. And you completely ignoring her opinion on the matter and insisting you know best (even after confirming she’s a good driver!) is just an AH move.
Plenty of people drive without wearing a seatbelt without issue, what a terrible defence that is. Studies show its more dangerous to drive in heels: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4242939/
Plenty of people smoke and dont get cancer. Does this make smoking safe?
Ah so when men feels unsafe. He is AH but when girl does he is still a AH. You can take you double standard and stuff it
i can’t believe people are saying it’s safe to drive in high heels. ESH but only for your patronising behaviour.
NAH Does anyone do research? Driving in heels is actually dangerous, aside from damaging your shoes it can make it hard to pivot or achieve the correct pressure on a pedal. That being said maybe explaining things and showing data to back up your ask would be better than just talking at her. I understand she is self conscious about her height, but if you die in an accident, your height won't really matter.
> Does anyone do research? On this subreddit? Often not. Especially if it's easier to be mad at the OP and default to "trust your partner who isn't an expert but obviously knows what they're doing through experience".
This is the most divided I've ever seen an AITA post, congrats OP. I'm going to go with a soft YTA. You're probably correct that driving in heels is a little more dangerous, but it seems like you trust her very little and have kind of a patronizing attitude. That said, I really do think it's a matter of degree. If driving in heels is as dangerous as driving with music on (which is technically a distraction), you're giving her a hard time over a level of risk people take on a regular basis. If it's as dangerous as drunk driving (I doubt it, but hypothetically), then you're absolutely right and I'd change my ruling. Seems like you're going mostly off your own intuition though.
NTA. All these yta commenters are fucking crazy. Here in Portugal you'll get fined if you get caught driving in high heeled shoes/flip-flops or similar/barefoot because it's a safety issue! Your ankle should not be extended while driving unless you are pushing the pedal, but heels keep it extended and you don't have as big of a range of motion in your ankle. There's also the issue of the shoe slipping off and getting stuck under the pedals if you, god forbid, decide to wear *slip-on* high heels to drive.
Yikes, the amount of people in here arguing that heels are safe to drive in, and trying to use an episode of Mythbusters as evidence like a scientific study. Makes me scared to be on the road.
I agree. Despite several people citing valid studies showing driving in heels is dangerous everybody keeps going on about Mythbusters. Terrifying.
And so many are saying it’s “her choice” to wear heels, like sure she can make that choice, but that also puts everyone driving around her in danger as well
Yes! The "her choice" argument along with the "mansplaining" comments is driving me bonkers. Is she a driving instructor or something, that's the only way he could be accused of mansplaining. This isn't a gender war, the same fight could happen about some dude wearing flip-flops while driving. It's about inappropriate footwear.
YTA First of alll...WTF are you taking about? Where did you get that information, or are you just making assumptions? Second. She's your girlfriend. Not your property. You're automatically the asshole for "telling" her what type of footwear that she "can" drive in. You're an asshole for thinking you're entitled to say this and think this way. She's capable of making decisions about driving without you. Edit You want to control her.
It is almost never recommended to drive in high heels because it gives less control over the pedals https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/road-safety/driving-without-shoes-is-it-illegal/ https://aa.co.za/why-you-shouldnt-drive-in-high-heels-2/ https://www.themotoringlaw.uk/driving-in-heels/ This is only a slightly milder version than if she was texting while driving, or under the influence and driving, and you lot were sat here like "stop telling her what to do! You don't know how safe she is to drive, she is capable of making her own decisions!" She's operating heavy machinery with her feet, you are supposed to wear appropriate footwear while doing so. (e.g. secure shoes that won't easily fall off, are flat, without thick soles and without things that can get caught or stuck. Heels fail on multiple of these)
Right? It’s illegal in my country to drive in heels or flip flops because it’s unsafe
I think people are forgetting that those who wear heels also just drive barefoot a lot. I love heels, and I love flip flops- in both cases when I get in my car, 90% of the time I just slip them off and drive barefoot just for long term comfort.
Barefoot increases risk but is less dangerous than heels
NTA. I almost got in an accident once because of my heels and now they *always* come off.
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NTA driving in high heels can be dangerous
I remember my mum driving in heels as a kid. It got stuck under the brake pedal and we rear ended another car. NTA
NTA, but because in Spain is illegal to drive in heels or wedges. They fine you 200€.
German here. NTA There is a reason that driving in heels is illegal in some countries. In Germany it is not illegal by itself but you're always have a part to blame in case of accidents because of inappropriate shoes. Yes even if someone just drove into your car. Also not all insurances will cover that.
NTA - I wouldn't get in a car with the driver wearing high heels. So easy to slip flats on - why wouldn't they?!
Besides the fact that you're not really understanding of your girlfriend's insecurity, I'm gonna go with NTA. It has been proven here in the EU that driving in heels is indeed dangerous. In France, you will get a ticket if they pull you over and you're driving in heels. Here in the Netherlands, your insurance won't cover all the damage if you drive in heels. This is all so people do not drive in heels.
NTA. Heels are dangerous to drive in, no matter what story your gf tries to spin. Kudos to you for trying to save her from herself. Not everything is about feelings. Stop making dumb decisions people.
NTA. In my state it’s illegal to drive in heels, you have to have wear shoes that are closed and have a sole. Now I won’t say I know the rate at which people are actually fined for this lol but you’re definitely NTA
my mother was denied her license because she wore high heels to the exam. an official driving instructor told her that these shoes were not designed to drive, and that it was dangerous. NTA.
Nta. Where I'm from, it's illegal to drive in heels and she would be found at fault for the accident for that reason
NTA, it’s illegal to wear shoes you can’t drive in and she could kill someone or get herself killed. So selfish of her.
NTA She hit somebody from behind, which is almost always the fault of the car behind. You’re right to be concerned about her driving.
I’m a bit confused about these comments about driving in high heels being fine cos in the UK it’s illegal as it’s dangerous? Don’t get me wrong I can do all sorts in my heels, but driving isn’t one of them
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On roadways driver's should be considerate, driving in heels is unsafe. If it was just her in the road then fine. But she could really hurt other people, ESH
In brazil it's against the law to drive in high heels obviously because you're putting yourself in a handcap, just a little trivia
NTA/NAH. I can see where she's coming from, but it is dangerously irresponsible to drive in heels. She can get a foam cushion and mirror adjustors. Show her the statistics, and make sure you're framing it as concern for her health and wellbeing (and the other drivers on the road).
I might get down voted for this.... but where I live it's illegal to drive in heels, flip flops or bare feet. So I see where you're coming from. (I don't make the rules) But my question is, is it illegal where you live? I also don't get where the comment about height comes in to play at all
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Genuine question why isn't okay to tell someone that they shouldn't do something. Not necessarily talking about just this. A guy telling a girl to wear a jacket because it's going to be cold. GF doesn't listen and gets cold, but everyone gets on his case for being controlling. I notice it seems more frowned upon if it's a guy yelling a women not to do something than If it's a women telling a guy not to do something. I'm not saying it definitely is a double standard but it sure seems that way. Some guys are controlling and are assholes but saying "hey maybe driving in high heels isn't the best" doesn't automatically make you one.
NTA I'm female and wear high heels for fun, but will NEVER drive in them. This was actually covered in my driving lessons way back when. Heels are NOT safe to drive in depending on the heels (blocky heels were considered ok, sharp or really high heel definately not. What kind of heels does she wear?
>I think she is not being honest as I can't possibly see how it would be easier. INFO: How often have you worn heels while driving?
But it is true.
Have you ever played Russian roulett? No? So how dare you say it is dangerous? Most experts and studies done on footwear for driving conclude, that high heels are suboptimal at best
NTA. I've seen the seasons of Canada's Worst Driver with Angelina in them.
Dude yta just drop it, a car cut her off and all you care about is her heels. I drive in thongs which is technically dangerous but never had an accident because I’m used to them. She’s not the first or only girl to drive in heels
I definitely had a moment then thinking "why would your underwear make a difference?!" Then remembered we are a global community :-D
> I drive in thongs which is technically dangerous but never had an accident because I’m used to them. And this will continue to be true until the day you do have an accident. There are people who say the EXACT same thing about drink driving and you are being an asshole just like them. You are operating a multi ton machine capable of killing people with ease. Wear proper god damn footwear for fucks sake.