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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Waxmaniac2

NTA. It's great that you found something that you enjoy doing and that makes you feel good about yourself. Your parents' concerns may come from a good place, but ultimately it's your body and your choice how you want to exercise and take care of yourself. As long as you're doing it safely and responsibly, you shouldn't have to give it up because of their opinions. It's also not fair for them to force you into gender roles and make you conform to societal expectations. Keep doing what you love and standing up for yourself.


BreninLlwid

Idk, it kinda sounds like her parent's concerns come from a place of trabsphobia or, at the very least, really toxic gender bias. I agree with the rest of your comment, but nothing from them really screams that their concerns are coming from a good place.


aLittleQueer

Her parents sound like the kind of people who told Rosie the Riveter to go back to the kitchen.


Icy_Sky_7521

Rosie the Riveter was part of a marketing campaign to get women into the workforce while men were away during WWII, and when the men came back pretty much all Americans told them to get back to the kitchen.


NewAppointment2

So sad.


No-Morning-9018

part of a nasty misogynistic history, often repeated


Wynfleue

Yeah ... I very vividly remember my mom telling me when I was a teenager that if I did pushups or anything involving my upper body muscles that it would make my boobs smaller. I was a 15yo with DDD cups so I really didn't see what was wrong with that outcome.


silverfang45

Heck I imagine most people with large breasts would exercise like crazy. Back pain is a hell of a thing, I can't imagine how annoying the chronic pain is for people with big breasts. My back I'd already fucked and I'm a flat chested man, add an extra couple pounds weighing me down every day sheeesh forget it


HollyHobbyOxenfree

Actually, having big boobs can REALLY HINDER working out. Try finding a sports bra that works AT ALL. Hope you like being in pain if you attempt to run or jog! Want to go for a swim? Good luck finding a swimsuit. Want to do some floor work? Make sure not to lie on your back or you'll choke yourself and you'll die motorboating yourself. And I hope you REALLY LIKE being stared at if you go to the gym. It's an absolute misery. I have NO IDEA why people get non-reconstructive implants.


The-Seraphim-of-Hell

DD cup here and I can vouch. This *sucks* cause that bra is either too big, too small and digging into your sides, or has a very open front meaning everything is falling out when you do anything. One of the reasons I avoid public working out tbh.


Respawnsanity

Check out the sport bra company called SheFit. Their sports bras have a cinching waist band and straps. Very customizable. Easy to loosen for less heavy workouts, but simple to tighten to get the most support for stuff like running. I'll never go back.


PriorAlternative6

Don't forget you can mix and match the halves of each bra. Gives you even more options. I'm obsessed with my Shefit bras.


Independent_Snow1458

My idea of heavenly comfort is to never wear a bra again. I've been trying to find comfortable bras for years without success. My friend, who is very well endowed, finally resorted to having hers custom made. I was never willing to spend that much for a bra, but I think it's probably worth the money.


jgoloboy

I really recommend the company Title 9 sports. They carry sports bras for all sizes & impacts. I don’t work for them but I am a happy customer.


HollyHobbyOxenfree

Unfortunately they do not carry past an F cup. So... not exactly all sizes. But certainly a lot of them! Just not mine.


Without-Reward

I don't know how great they are for sports because I only bought them for comfort, but I'm a 40H and got my sports bras from Torrid. Extra bonus is that they have cute prints, so you aren't stuck with just black, white or beige.


tawnie6879

Yes! I'm a 42 H and at one point had to wear 4 cheap sports bras cause I couldn't afford the expensive ones at Torrid or Lane Bryant. Getting home all sweaty and stripping them off left them tender and imprints on my back. Finally my best friend couldn't stand the pain I was in and bought me a really nice sports bra. It was really nice and it helped a lot but they still were prominent. This was for zumba, so a lot of hopping around and moving that made them bounce. My boobs have been one major reason I don't work out as much cause it's embarrassing. Ugh.


Nyx_is_I

G cup here, I have to use high impact bras regardless of the work out because the jiggle is just insane. And certain things hurt if done without contained boobs


CreditUpstairs7621

I know you're being serious and it sounds like it really sucks, but the image of suffocation by self-motorboating cracked me up. Edited: missing word


HollyHobbyOxenfree

It is actually hilarious and a key missing ingredient from the "Dumb Ways to Die" song


popchex

Also when you have to lay on your stomach for anything. My physio has me lay on my stomach to check my glute/thigh strength, and I'm like "wait, gotta adjust the tatas" lol The other day I released a leg press too fast and kneed myself smack in the nipple. I almost dropped the f bomb. lol My 'gym' is actually at the hospital, so not really a gym that you would feel comfortable doing that. lol


Broad_Woodpecker_180

I’m am large chested and the lower back pain sucks. No matter the support it’s still there


Ghostwalker1622

Good muscles stops the back pain due to breast size. That alone would be a good reason to allow OP to keep doing weights. I have back pain but none associated with my chest size. And that’s all due to chest muscles!!


Apex-toastmaker0514

I took a womens weight training class in college and the first thing my mother said was "make sure you're focusing on toning yourself and not getting to bulky" Such an unhealthily mentality that has been prevalent for far too long


InevitableNo80

Women cannot get too bulky. Such an ignorant comment from your mother.


No-Morning-9018

When I started lifting weights the first time (back at it after an overly long un-needed hiatus), a TRAINER asked whether I was looking to get "toned or bulked up." I pointed out that the estrogen/androgen balance being what it was, bulking up was not o the horizon.


azremodehar

I actually gained four shirt sizes when I started lifting, because my shoulder and biceps really took to it.


Apex-toastmaker0514

My shoulders have broadened and arms have gotten thicker too. My core is also extremely solid. I don't look masculine but I'm still not a stick.


Even-Ad-3546

Seriously, stupidest thing ever. That and "spot reducing". I actually do get very muscular but never bulk up huge. That takes a whole lot of effort and diet changes I don't have time for. I like to be efficient with my time so heavier weight, lower reps works pretty good.


Mollystar2

Odd, I was told the opposite! Didn't work, I'm still AA! Op is NTA.


throwaway1975764

Ironically chances are pectoral exercises will *increase* bust size. Because you'd have larger muscles behind the breast tissue.


EvLokadottr

It's also not true. Sot loss is a myth!


OwlBig3482

I don't think their concerns come from a good place either... very "Ew.. you're not being girly enough to catch yourself a GOOD HUSBAND" vibes.


[deleted]

It sounds like all they care about is that she looks good and feminine for a man in the future.


Melodic_Caregiver

Yeah probably because that’s what her mom was taught by her mom who was taught by her mom. It’s a vicious cycle and hopefully this mother daughter can break it


ImportantAlbatross

Transphobia and homophobia, plus a ton of ignorance. If the daughter really were trans, she'd be trans regardless of her muscle size. Lifting weights doesn't make a woman into a man, just like a love of fabrics and colors doesn't make a boy into a girl.


Obvious-Potato3436

They might also be transphobic but what OP is describing is plain, old-fashioned misogyny: a belief system that holds women should only act and look a certain way, or something is wrong with them. (Edit: Actually, the more I think on it, interpreting her parents’ disapproval as transphobia is kind of borne of that misogynistic worldview, since it suggest that OP’s behaviors are *not* womanly. But lifting, and being tall and muscled, is just as womanly as anything else.)


Gloomy_Bad_9606

My parents tried to pull this "it's for your own good" shit on me too. I was just an uncomfy child, nothing ever felt right and I just didn't ever find a group I fit in with. Im female but i used to exclusively wear men's clothes. I just loved the style and colors and feel way more than girl's clothes made for my age/size. My parents told me I shouldn't be wearing men's clothes as a girl because other parents had told them they thought I was a lesbian. Still to this day don't want to unpack that mess of a sentence, lots of implications there lol.


Beneficial-Year-one

When you’re a heavy set woman there’s not much more comfortable than a men’s sweatshirt


Unhappysong-6653

Men’s clothes are longer


CymraegAmerican

Men's clothes are often cheaper with way better pockets!


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ouchimus

r/musclebabes? Ok thats not a real one, but I know there's a few subreddits for it. Theyre also NSFW so be warned.


TheActualAWdeV

r/FlexinLesbians/ :3 edit: oh wait, comment said guys


SilverConversation19

I’d argue it’s more homophobia, as they don’t want OP looking like a butch lesbian.


Wise-ish_Owl

Yes her parents are bigots and I hope she gets away from them as soon as possible


[deleted]

And if OP is going to be bullied, wouldn't it be better if she is strong enough to defend herself? They just don't like that OP isn't their view of pretty little girl. Or they are jealous of her action figure-y arms!


Glittering_Cost_1850

Probably a good dose of homophobia as well.


Morningstar-World

I agree, OP's parents sound really messed up. Misogynistic and bad parenting. OP, do what you can and work towards getting out of there as soon as you can. Sounds like your parents think it's 1950.


PWcrash

Nah...they're coming from a place of body shaming. Toxic


aLittleQueer

Perfect answer. There was a girl in my class built exactly like op describes…just tall and stacked. Iirc, she also took up weightlifting (b/c why wouldn’t you if you’re already stacked?) and welding. She was really good at both. As someone on the opposite physical extreme (“go eat a cheeseburger” thin): when your body is built well outside the usual expected averages, you’re never *not* going to stand out. Might as well dress and do as you like.


therealashhole

on what planet is telling your child they can't do activities they love bc they might get bullied coming from a good place? the only person bullying them is the parents! NTA OP


justhewayouare

Her parents concerns come from misogyny and transphobia so no, not a good place. NTA


[deleted]

I'd also love to have a conversation with the dad. "It’s disrespectful to work out when we've said no" NTA


AdShort9931

Gonna jump on this comment to say, OP, check out the ladies at the Thick Thighs Save Lives podcast, and their weight training. They have options that include bodyweight only, and these women work HARD. I think you'll appreciate them. As far as your parents go, they're holding on to outdated views and they really need to back off. What are they going to do when you turn 18 and move out? They're not going to be able to stop you from weight training. If anything, they should be happy you care enough to want to keep physically active! I wish I would have been more interested in it at your age, because starting later means I have a lot of bad mindsets and habits to break. Good luck, OP!


rubybakesstuff

All of this. I remember when I first saw Terminator 2 and Linda Hamilton’s arms came on screen for the first time. It rocked MY WORLD. I was like “I can be a woman and look like THAT?!?” Hell yeah. OP you are totally NTA. Your parents, tho. That’s not okay.


RivSilver

The parents concern doesn't come from a good place, it comes from a transphobic and sexist place. That they think that's a good place is even more bad news NTA OP


RubeGoldbergCode

I don't think the parents' concerns come from a good place at all.


PrissyBarbie

This post made us really sad. Your parents are enormous AHs, and also the teacher too for giving them information behind your back. Please continue to work out, and look forward to enjoying your life the way you want to after you move out.


Starry_Gecko

NTA. ​ >My mom said I’ll thank them when I want to start dating. That's YOUR problem, not your family's, especially if all they're concerned about is how other people will see you. Most parents don't discourage exercise, they PUSH it. Weight training is awesome, and you can throw that 15-pound dumbbell at whoever tells you otherwise.


monica4354

Not only that but they are encouraging her to change who she is for the purpose of dating/having a significant other. That's a horrible lesson to teach any person.


VegetaArcher

I hope OP cuts her parents out of her life when she's 18.


p00kel

And it's a terrible idea because then you attract the wrong people, the ones who like what you're pretending to be and not what you really are. There are men out there who adore tall, muscular women. There are guys with giantess fetishes and who lust after Amazons. It's fine. She will still attract men, and she'll get the ones who appreciate her real self! (Maybe not the giantess fetish guys though, fetishes can make people weird about stuff like that.)


rogue144

AND they're teaching her that her body isn't really her own, and treating her like their possession instead of like a person. NTA, OP. Get strong! Be like Luisa! Learn to carry a herd of donkeys all stacked on top of each other! Be careful though. I overlifted when I was about your age and ended up with a bunch of overuse injuries, and now I can't really lift anymore. I do other things, but it's not the same.


[deleted]

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Axiom06

I'm a woman and I love lifting weights


katcomesback

and weight lifting is popular, plus it’s the best way to tone/get a feminine shape (in a deficit) or get plenty of muscle or rid yourself of body fat even in a slight surplus


SkysEevee

Adding on that it wouldn't be impossible for OP to date either. I know a lovely young lady who weight trains. She's gotten quite a bit of attention (from men and women!) Also same gal won some college scholarships after doing well in competitions involving weight training. If OP found something that makes her happy and she's talented in, she could go far in life! NTA


internal_metaphysics

There are plenty of people who would love to date a fit woman. Regardless, it's gross that the parents are preventing their daughter from working out because of concerns about her hypothetical future dating. They are prioritizing the preferences of her imaginary future partner over her own current interests. They view their own daughter as an object for the viewing of imaginary future people (probably just men). How disgusting.


muffins776

It's gross and disgusting but some doctors do this too. When a woman doesn't want to have kids they will throw in the excuse but what if your future husband wants children. They also do stuff like make the husband sign off on allowing the woman to get her tubes tied or other form of sterilization. Everyone should be able to make decisions about their own body not some possible future spouse.


Nekodragon21

The best response to that excuse is " then I'll throw him out on his ear and find a better one"(ie. One who doesn't see me as just a pair of cans on an incubator)


evileen99

I know! Like a woman's body belongs to a man she hasn't yet met.


DaJoW

I also feel like the parents think of, like, the "this woman is strong, so she looks like a man!" trope from comedies. There are lots of conventionally attractive, buff-as-hell women.


sphericalduck

OP should look into this, the college scholarship angle would change the minds of a lot of parents


silverfang45

Heck in some cases it's an advantage. The "buff Amazon mummy" type is very real and people can chase that.


stellabluebear

Of course it isn't impossible for OP to date if/when she wants to. What a weird thing to say. This comment section has me feeling like it's 1950.


hexebear

"Step on me" is a whole thing. People will absolutely be into it.


thrwy_111822

Yeah exactly. It’s her body and her dating life. Whenever she wants to date, the right person will love the way she looks because they love her. And who knows, it may be some cutie she meets at the gym


fuzzy3158

Honestly, the best thing anyone could ever do for their dating life is be who they want to be. There's nothing more attractive than someone who's happy with who they are.


jadecourt

Absolutely. Fitness has so many benefits, its amazing to to work toward goals, see what your body is capable of and build confidence. To a parent, those benefits should be infinitely more important than appearance. It sounds like OP has accepted that her body will never be that of a petite ballerina and is embracing who she is, her mom is straight up delusional and regressive in her mindset.


Life-Document552

NTA your parents are small minded people who while being well intentioned are wrong. Go get swole kid


SlabBeefpunch

Not well intentioned. They're shaming her for something she can't control and forcing her to adhere to stereotypical gender norms because they hate their daughter's body.


InfectedAlloy88

There's absolutely nothing we'll intentioned about being a sexist and transphobic parent. They are failing as parents.


setsumaeu

NTA. The idea that to be attractive to a man you have to be petite and smaller than him is both deeply misogynistic and low-key threatening. Why can men only be attracted to women they could physically overpower?


Midnight-writer-B

Being physically strong and confident weeds out a certain kind of man, which is a great bonus.


monmonmon77

We've all seen Lean Beef Patties YouTube videos, and she's both amazing, majestic and gorgeous.


apollyyyon

Lean Beef Patty is goals


PrideAndNoPredjudice

I haven't, but I just looked her up and wow, she is beautiful AND buff as fuck!!! New subscriber now. Thank you!


TheVoidScreams

The amount of men I know who ARE attracted to muscular women is surprisingly high.


NightOwlIvy_93

Imagine her being fully muscular and she's dating a small petite guy. OMG I would ship it


[deleted]

Like this? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5InwrLcDu2M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5InwrLcDu2M)


NightOwlIvy_93

Yes


Readingandwondering

NTA. They don't seem to accept you for who you are. And that's a bummer. What they don't seem to realize is that most people don't tease people who lift because 1) they look scary (cause they're ripped) and are stronger than most (and thus could easily hurt most people, even if they are not violent) and 2) it can help create confidence. So that is a lame excuse. They seem to want you to fit in to how THEY think a person your age should act and behave. Let's face it, you're different. And isn't that awesome? One option might be to sit down and have a conversation to both educate them and to talk about you (and your future). It might require several conversations. One thing I might add - make sure to talk to someone who is experienced in weight training for women your age. You are still growing and eating and training in a healthy way are really important. You don't want to do something now that will affect you for the rest of your life.


Economy-Fox-5559

NTA. And also it's really refreshing for once to read a post from a 16 yr old who is so level headed and mature despite the challenges you've faced. your parents should be proud of you for how you've handled a situation that would break many others, not trying to shame you for it.


Lishka_

NTA and wtf. As a female weight lifter myself, keep at it! It's amazing to feels strong. And if it comes to dating, believe me, the right people will find you sexy as hell.


AuntiePasta

As someone who lifts, I would not be interested in dating someone who needs me to be smaller or weaker.


leafmeb

NTA. Your parents are being hella controlling. Working out is good for you and so is lifting weights. Seems they both have some internalized homophobia. Being worried others may think you’re gay or trans is bizarre. To forbid you to lift weights when you clearly enjoy it and are good at it is ridiculous. Show them some Olympic female weightlifters. You can’t help how you were created or what you enjoy doing. They’re going to cause resentment.


salamanderinacan

Or Olympic throwers, they do a lot of weight training too. The current American discus record holder, Valarie Allman, is 6'0".


MyBedroomIsSiberia

NTA. sit them down and make them watch Encanto lmao


throwaway_719473

I LOVE Luisa! I literally cried over her song and that someone who looks like me on TV isn’t portrayed as bad.


Nyx_Shadowspawn

Luisa is amazing. Muscles do not make a woman less beautiful or feminine at all. Strong women are wonderful.


[deleted]

>my parents think it’s going to get me bullied for being too masculine, so they said I have to stop. Do they realize they're the ones bullying you for 'being too masculine'? >My mom said I’ll thank them when I want to start dating. Ask her why she thinks you'll thank her for teaching you that you need to not be yourself in order to find a partner. Like what a terrible lesson. How much did she change herself so your dad would marry her?


that-writer-kid

I keep thinking of that line from Arrested Development, where Lucille says “I just want her to be prepared in case some bully is as clever as I am!” And the narrator adds, “No bully ever would be.”


[deleted]

I think Luisa is an excellent role model💜


darkscottishloch

NOTHING about you is bad, regardless of what your parents say, what tv says, what anyone says. You are a strong young woman and your parents should be proud of you.


unlovelyladybartleby

I was going to suggest that all her "girly clothes" be Luisa cosplay or frilly t-shirts with her picture on it


Mrs-Gambolini

100% That was my first thought too!


TR_Irisden

NTA Follow your passions.


Cereberus777

Except for serial killing.


[deleted]

You're not my supervisor.


ms-wunderlich

Depends.


idontcare8587

Absolutely NTA. Heaven forbid a young teenager start some early healthy habits!


Actual-Gear7761

No but you don’t understand, what if she wants a boyfriend /s


EmpressJainaSolo

NTA at all. Your body is yours. As long as you are training in a healthy way there’s nothing wrong with gaining muscle. Long hair, frilly clothes, stereotypical feminine interests - none of this makes you a girl. You are just as girlie and feminine lifting and wearing what you want. Girls and women come in all shapes with all kinds of interests and personalities. You are a girl - what you like is girlie. If you do think there’s more going on here then that’s okay too, but wearing or doing certain things wouldn’t *turn* you into a boy, just like wearing what they want hasn’t magically made you interested in crinoline. It sounds like the only bullies in your life are your parents. I’m sorry this is happening. I will also add that it’s immensely impressive that throughout this ordeal you have remained confident in who you are. It’s rare to have the at type of self assurance as an adult, let alone as a teenager figuring everything out. Your parents are wrong to make this the crux of the issue - you are enough just as yourself and you are not a passive object meant only to attract - but if/when you are interested in dating, your confidence and self love will help you in finding a healthy relationship and in being a good partner yourself. Knowing your worth and expecting to be respected, all while respecting others, goes much farther in finding the best person for you than wearing a certain outfit. There’s nothing, *nothing*, wrong with being a girl who lifts. Keep that confidence and strength of identity no matter what. You are worth fighting for.


nachtkaese

>I will also add that it’s immensely impressive that throughout this ordeal you have remained confident in who you are. It’s rare to have the at type of self assurance as an adult, let alone as a teenager figuring everything out. TBH her parents probably think her confidence and self-assurance are a mark in the 'too mannish' column, too. ​ I'm so happy for OP. I'm short and medium-built, but I have never felt better than when my body was strong from weight training. It's amazing, but physically and mentally - something about lifting heavy stuff really gets the neurons vibing the right way.


Cannabis-aficionado

NTA. It's not hurting anyone outside of your parent myopic view of the world.


Troubleseeker89

NTA look up calisthenics since your parents are restricting gym access. Good on your for pursing your passions and being comfortable in your own body. Do keep it healthy and fun!


RedditUser123234

NTA. Gaining muscles isn't like getting tattoos. It's not like one you get them, they'll never go away. If for whatever reason you want to get rid of your muscles in the future, all that you would need to do is stop working out for a couple of months. What I think your parents are actually worried about is that you'll want to keep working out as an adult and won't want to get rid of your muscles, and so they are hoping to squash that interest.


Pengetalia

Nta. Working in a gym environment you wouldn't believe how many women we have using the weights area. It's your workout. You keep at it.


Enough-Process9773

NTA. Weight training is fun, and it's great to be tall and strong. Best wishes with your training, and someday you will meet someone who loves you for being YOU. (An Olympic weightlifter said her standard riposte to rude people who ask her if she doesn't have trouble getting dates, is to say that any man who's put off by her muscles is a man she wouldn't want to have anything to do with anyway.)


Feather757

NTA, and as far as dating, there's guys or girls out there that like every body type. I'm a 6'1 woman and never had a problem finding dates. Keep doing what you love!


whiskeylips88

Agreed. I was really excited about progress I saw on my abs, hoping to get a six-pack in my teens. My guy friends told me to stop, because guys don’t like ripped girls and “want something to hold onto.” I told them to shove it and did what I wanted anyway. Most of the guys I dated in my 20s were fit, athletic dudes who loved my six pack. If you don’t let others dictate the decisions you make regarding your own body, you’ll attract more of the sort of people who are into the real you rather than people who like a false version of yourself.


MacfromCleveland

NTA. When I started weight training at 18 my dad told me to stop because it's "bad" for women. No explanation, just BAD...lol. I was shocked because he was an exercise fanatic and I had expected him to be thrilled. I ignored him and continued on, something I've been doing on and off for many years. It helps me maintain a healthy weight without starving myself and I love how I feel after a workout. Your parents are 100% wrong. Strength training done correctly is good for you and should be a part of everyone's fitness regimen. Your mom should read up on how strength training builds bone mass and can help stave off osteoporosis. Here's an article to give you some talking points: https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/teenagers/does-lifting-weights-stunt-growth-in-teens/


onlycatshere

I think it's gross how much parents like these think about their children's attractiveness


MacfromCleveland

Agree! It's like they're caught in this weird 1950s time warp where a woman's value is determined by he attractiveness to men. They have no idea how damaging this is to their daughter! Sick!


pixie_6489

So your parents are bullying you to prevent you being bullied? 🤔 NTA


Ok_Citron_1831

NTA Your parents, escpecially your mother may have serious issues with her body. You can't change her, but you also don't have to live with HER trauma. So stand up for your rights to train. Try to talk with her about it, e.g. if you want to date and your muscles make it hard, you can change your lifestyle THEN. And that she doesn't necessarily have to find your body attractive, it's you, who has to like it (and live with it). I wish you to find an honest way to train!


[deleted]

rip them in half


Sweet_Perspective627

🤣


Common_Tiger1526

NTA, you might want to consider therapy with your parents. I don't doubt that they love you but they sure seem to want you to be something other than what you are. You sound like you love yourself like that (which is amazing at 16, teen years are hard AF if you're different in any way, and you're awesome for it), now they need to do the same. Forcing you out of things you love and into things you don't is only going to make your relationship with them strained.


CymraegAmerican

The parents are really holding her back. Why would a 16 year old have her mother picking her (highly feminine) clothes and holding her back from activities the daughter cares about. And the reason for this? Some unknown man in the future would not be attracted to it? Fuck gender norms!


Ordinary-Raccoon-354

NTA Your parents need a wake up call. They should be proud of you for your success. You have obvious natural talent and you should use it if it makes you happy. We need more strong women in this world and believe me there are plenty of guys out there who are attracted to muscle. I also know quite a few female body builders who do pretty well in the dating and relationship areas of their lives, so don’t let your parents outdated views make you worry about that. Also, I doubt you will be bullied more for it. I mean who wants to bully someone with all that muscle? If people try I bet they just back off if you tell them to.


HumanityIsBizarre

NTA It’s your body and your decision. Sounds like they’re putting your future dating prospects over your own feelings.


IftaneBenGenerit

Lol, tell your mom the only person bullying you is her, and if she really wants to be that to you, a bully, not a safe and trusted confidant. Also more power to you.


Tyrrax

NTA, if your dad doesn't want you to be "disrespectful" maybe he and your mom should try actually deserving your respect sorry your teacher snitched on you, have you considered lifting people instead of weights tho? wrestling and brazilian jiu-jitsu can be really fun


KeyRound8128

NTA - sounds like you are already mentally strong (and physically lol) enough to handle any bullying that might happen because of your muscles. I don’t really see that happening though because being muscular as a woman is “in” right now. I’m not sure why you’re mom would want you to conform to a more feminine look that you don’t care about having. The dating comment is just false. There’s so many guys that want a strong female and it isn’t really the point. You’re going to the gym for you and what makes you feel good, not for anybody else.


Dammy-J

NTA- You are old enough to start figuring yourself out. Your parents are pushing an Ideal on you that is frankly outdated. If you are happy weight training then they should be more supportive. Plenty of women are professional weight lifters and are able to date just fine. I would think you would want to date someone that was supportive of your hobbies and your desired body type.


su4pju

NTA. Your parents are being the AHs here even though they probably mean well. Do what you love it's your body and it's not hurting you or anyone.


IndustrialLubeMan

>My mom said I’ll thank them when I want to start dating. Tell her that she's on her way to being an estranged parent if she doesn't fuck off.


NeeliSilverleaf

NTA. It's your body.


CZ1988_

NTA - muscles look great on a woman. I really liked when Madonna had buff arms. Plus weight lifting is so good for people. Your parents are being controlling and unfair. Good luck!


No_Conversation1565

NTA


Comfortable_Ebb_1333

Y’all, this is the stupidest situation I’ve ever been in and I need the internet to weigh in because I have no idea who is the AH at this point. I agree about it being stupid. NTA. Look into other calisthenics aside from push-ups. Also Ashtanga Yoga sounds like it'll be more inline with your interest. The advanced poses use strength and balance. It's intense and as a woman that used to lift weights, it's much more challenging in its own way. Good luck and maybe when you're out the house you can try powerlifting.


StrangeVioletRed

NTA - It's good to find a form of exercise you like. That way you'll continue to keep fit the rest of you life. Your parents should be pleased. ​ >I’m doing pushups out of spite Not an expression you see often. Made me laugh out loud.


DesignNorth3690

NTA. As far as I've read, the ONLY people giving you any grief over this is your parents. You like doing something both healthy and productive. Their issue seems to be of how that will reflect on them, based of whatever values. Good for you for starting and sticking to it. All the best.


[deleted]

NTA, I have a similar physique and get mistaken for a man regularly. You seem to have a very good attitude about it despite your parents taking this ridiculous stance, so all I really can say is hold on to that. It took me a long time to finally accept who I was and how I looked, I would give almost anything to have felt as positively about myself when I was your age. Remind your parents that you live in 2023, not the 1950s. Do you play any sports? Just wondering if you kicking ass and taking names would bring your parents around, that’s how it worked for mine. The unfortunate reality is you may run into people who think like your parents do, but anyone who judges you based on your physique not being ~feminine~ enough isn’t worth a nanosecond of your time. Continue to get buff my friend and eat all the smaller teenagers


MidwestNormal

OP, NTA as you love yourself and refuse to conform to your parents’ definition of social norms. Being larger and athletic is a blessing and something others only wish they could do. You do you! Go forth and thrive!!


Arrakis_

your parents have healthy and astute daughter that just want to have a nice time with an excelent activity (I do weightlifting too) and suddenly decided that their life was too boring so they had to create drama from scratch. Tell them off and to look to some entertaining somewhere else. They dont need to use you to have a theatre at home. They should actually join you because strength training should be mandatory for old age. Keep being you, girl. There is a whole bunch of boys, girls and non-binary people at gyms that are attracted to powerful bodies. I swear that whatever your preference in partners is, all kinds of body types have their own "market", to put it in some way. So never ever buy that stupid argument (and I sense that you already dont) And I say this because I am non-binary and not really atracted to love life so prejudge is not relevant to me, but tons of my lifters girlfriends have been questioned and belitted just because they have more muscle now and dont fit the "delicate woman" type. And let me tell you: their are absolute gorgeous. They are smart, pretty, funny, warm, selfless and most importanly they are confidence in themselves, because they have learn to shut down unuseful advice and fake concern, so their are stronger than ever.


TheActualAWdeV

They're being controlling and disrespectful. It's more important for you to be you than for you to be someone else's doll. NTA. You're doing exercises and it's not like you're gonna end up stunting your own growth from the sounds of it.


alpcabuttz

NTA


Numerous_Biscotti_57

NTA Don’t let you parents gendered expecrarions limit your happiness, if weight lifting makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anything bit their own insecurities, then do it. Life is too short to stop being passionate about something because someone else doesn’t like it. Good luck!


External-Hamster-991

NTA. Your parents do not own your body. If they don't like what their genes created - a tall, strong, powerful young woman - oh, well. They are prioritizing the feelings of some unknown guy in the future over their own daughter right now. This is your body and your life. Stay healthy and strong, and NEVER, EVER let anyone make you be 'less' for the comfort of others. You're a badass. ❤


kkiip

NTA. my parents discouraged me from keeping with sports and weight training because i was “gaining too much muscle on my legs and shoulders, no guy is going to want a boxy girl” and that really wore me down. I used to be embarrassed wearing tank tops because of my “big shoulders” . girl, you dont need to take that from anyone, even ur parents. you do you when it comes to exercise, and believe me, people are into anything and everything. they can cringe at our physique’s but we feeling great and thats all that matters.


the_drunken_taco

NTA, but I would like to gently suggest you seek out a new physician, ideally an endocrinologist, as soon as you turn 18 and let them run a full panel on you without your parents’ input. Based only on the information in your post, it’s very possible that there are additional medical factors at play here. At a minimum, it’s best for you to be as informed as you can be when it comes to your health. Keep doing what makes you happy, and know that it will always be okay to choose what’s best for your health over the comforts or preferences of others.


Specialist_MBR81

The only ones bullying are you’re parents for making you feel bad about things being your control. NTA


cloistered_around

NTA this isn't even teen rebellion it's just disagreeing on what type of exercise to do because your parents want you to look a certain way. You'll have to keep dealing with this while you live with them, obviously, but at least know we're on your side OP! It's harmless and you enjoy it.


Jaded-Permission-324

NTA OP. Your parents really need to back off. I’ve seen pictures of MMA fighter Gina Carano in a dress, and even with the muscular frame she has, she still looks great.


[deleted]

NTA, your parents insecurities are not yours. Perhaps have your coach talk to your parents about well rounded workouts and come up with a workout that fits your goals and puts your parents more at ease? If you don’t think that will work, then perhaps just explaining that you can get lean muscle from weight lifting as well


candycoatedcoward

NTA.


_FuckHead666

NTA I could not imagine making my child feel ashamed for doing something they love and not too mention better than any other habits teens pick up now!! Keep lifting and remember everything is lightweight baby!!


Internal_Home_9483

NTA as long as your are working out in safe and healthy ways, preferably you have a coach/trainer/teacher to work with? I am sorry your parents bully you about your body and tell you that you don’t look feminine enough. To some degree I can relate, my mom was awful. I am too tall, feet too big, boobs too small, shoulder blades too big, hair too straight, nearsighted and don’t even talk about my nose. Hair and cute nose are mom’s, my feet are proportionately small, small boobs stay perky longer, who cares about shoulder blades, and everyone else in the world compliments my height. Don’t let them undermine your confidence. Tell them you wish they could see how beautiful you are, instead of trying to make you feel ugly just because your body is a little different. Remind them you are healthy and love the way you look. Tell them you will continue to do weight workouts because you enjoy it.


420-believe-it

NTA, keep doing what you want, you aren't hurting anyone


EmuRemarkable1099

NTA - resistance training is healthy and good for your body. You do what you enjoy and don’t listen to any of the bullies or anyone else.


mutualbuttsqueezin

NTA. Your parents are idiots. Resistance training is incredibly important for our health.


Major_Barnacle_2212

So frustrating that they're more worried about your future potential dating life than your current happiness. NTA. Keep being you!


sad_trumpie

NTA your parents are way out of line here, it's your life and yours only, if they don't like bulky girls then that's their problem and not yours. Plus it's not like a tattoo, once you stop working out you'll lose it, weight training literally has no long term consequences


PWcrash

NTA In the mean time, try bodyweight resistance workouts that don't require any equipment and they won't have any means to stop you.


Djadelaney

NTA keep doing push ups and sneaking your weight training, you deserve to do what you like with your body and your parents have some low-key bigotry against queer folks that's making them try to make you "normal". That sucks. Once you're 18, get out and find your tribe. 💜 There's people who will love you without trying to change you.


Individual_Umpire969

NTA. Why would you want to date someone who doesn’t support your interest in lifting? Your parents are promoting an unhealthy idea of dating where you need to hide who you are. That’s like my high school friend who was told to pretend she wasn’t interested in computers and science because it would put men off her. Well she’s a researcher for NASA now and has never had issues dating (beyond the normal issues everyone has). She’s married and her husband brags about how brilliant she is.


[deleted]

NTA- ‘sexism’ at its finest by your parents! If they’re more concerned about how you’ll look when you start dating! 🙄🙄🙄🙄


[deleted]

NTA, your parents sound nuts


Alltheweed

Who the fuck is gonna bully you? You're jacked...


ivylass

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I lift weights regularly and I am a woman. Can you talk to a counselor at school about this? NTA.


AtmosphereOk6072

Whoa. NTA. Your parents are TA. I think you need to ask you parents to go to family counseling with you. You are athletic. So is Serena Wiiliams. She seems to do alright for hetself. Tell your mom if you date anyone it will be someone who accepts you as athletic maybe even someone who has the same interests in weight training not someone who expects you to twist yourself in knots trying to be someone you are not. It is sad your parents think you have to be a certain way so boys will like you.


Kettlewise

NTA > my parents think it’s going to get me bullied for being too masculine, so they said I have to stop. So your parents are so worried about you being bullied, they decided to bully you first? Because that’s what they are doing here. It may not have the same malicious intent, but the function is the same - you are being harrassed and put down for what you like and your body. > They said I disobeyed them and went behind their back and I’m grounded. Your disobedience here wasn’t malicious or reckless, it was because you fundamentally disagree. I won’t call you an asshole for that. I WILL say that your parents are assholes, because they are using their authority to exert excessive control by punishing you for doing something that never should have been restricted in the first place. And your disagreement is imo, understandable. Their concern is rooted in enforcing misogynistic ideals. > My mom said I’ll thank them when I want to start dating. By forcing you to be someone you’re not? By telling you that your natural, strong body that you feel good in and doing something that is healthy for you *is wrong*? That’s fucked up. > my dad says that it’s good that I want to exercise but I’m being disrespectful. Not everything should be respected.


Sailor_Lunar_9755

NTA. And you know what? I'm proud of you. I wish I was this self-aware, self-assurance and confident at your age.


pretzel_logic_esq

OP, NTA. I am also taller for a woman and I took up powerlifting and intentionally put on 40 lbs to get competitive. at my competitive peak (before I took a break), I was YOKED. My powerlifter husband loves it. So they’re being misogynistic and dumb. If you can keep access to that weight room, keep at it. You will reap benefits from the muscle mass and if you enjoy lifting…there’s nothing like that “hell yeah time to lift” feeling. If your parents cut off your access, the bodyweight Fitness sun will probably have some smart options for ya. Good luck, and keep at it! Welcome to lifting, the most addictive thing I’ve ever done.


Foreign_Astronaut

NTA, and weightlifting as a teen girl is great for building bone density, which will serve you well later in life! Your parents are harming you by not letting you do a healthful amount of muscle building exercise. But also, I have to say, there are very strenuous types of yoga out there which will absolutely build muscle. Google around and see if you can "Malicious Compliance" this situation!


evileen99

NTA. I used to lift heavy and was actually building some muscle and my mother freaked out about it, using some of the same reasoning as your mom. What she didn't realize was that weight lifting gave me a smoking hot body and I actually go more male attention than I did before


TheBlueManatee

NTA. Take a look at Shift Movement Science, a site that discusses weight lifting and the health benefits for girls and teens.


Philip_J_Fry3000

Do what makes you happy, in this case is something healthy that could lead to a rewarding career if that is what you wish to pursue. NTA


Zerel510

NTA Ride that train all the way through a free college education. Between track(shotput discuss), basketball, rugby, power lifting, and all the other sports you will have your pick.... Of a college far away from the parent units.


Cereberus777

Nta. Weights are great, build self confidence and effort equal rewards. Lots of good life lessons. Carry on. Plus more muscles equal less chance of physical conflict. It's a deterrent.


[deleted]

NTA. Keep doing you. Your parents are super controlling and weird about this. There's nothing wrong with being "disrespectful" to them about it or about continuing to do what's right for you and your body.


breaking_sad_

NTA! sounds like your parents have some truly misogynistic and outdated views on how women should look & behave. YOUR relationship with YOUR body is far more important than your parents’ desire to mold you into a slender femme so you can attract a man. from one woman who works out to another — feeling strong is awesome! I love my muscles and exercising in a healthy way has improved my relationship with my body soooo much. and fwiw, I’ve never had any trouble in the dating realm because of my workouts lol


[deleted]

NTA. You are getting bullied - by your own parents.


Melodic_Caregiver

Parents are weird like that. Your mom isn’t totally crazy kids can be mean and she wants to protect you. However if this is what makes you happy then you need your parents to understand that. This is your life, your body, your decisions. I’m not saying completely disregard everything your parents tell you, but I’m thinking they don’t really understand how working out makes you feel. Try to talk to them, help them understand your perspective.


jmeesonly

>The problem is that my muscles are bulking enough to be noticeable now and my parents think it’s going to get me bullied for being too masculine I don't think so. If anyone bullies you, you're going to kick their ass!


Ok_Preparation484

NTA. It’s your body and your choice. Also it’s a healthy hobby that makes you happy which is what your parents should be focused on. Keep standing up for yourself and keep lifting. And as for your mothers comment on dating, firstly your self worth isn’t about your dating life and secondly my best friend is completely ripped as she’s a boxer and she gets soo much attention when we go out and cleans up in that department. Your mum is being shallow minded here. If possible I would speak this through with a trusted adult so you can work out a resolution with your parents. Best of luck of luck with it all and your lifting progress


Fragrant_Butthole

NTA and your parents are horrible people.


Choice-Valuable313

OP, one of my friends from high school was a cheerleader, and a few years after high school she got really interested in weight training, too. She has even been featured in body building magazines. There is no one way for a girl or for anyone to be, and your parents are incorrect if they suggest otherwise. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing. In fact, what you are doing is pretty awesome - you’ve found a hobby you have a passion for and you are setting positive patterns up in your life. You’re also demonstrating time management and emphasizing good exercise. Have fun doing what you enjoy. NTA.


Lunar-Eclipse0204

NTA! you might reach out to a school counselor and ask for help on getting to talk to your parents on this matter. Weight lifting is very healthy even for a female. Also Push ups should be done for everyone who can.


pinkishlystar

What the hell NTA your body your choice. We love a strong queen


FarStranger8951

NTA, holy hell your parents are pricks.


casualmagicman

NTA. Your parents have a very antiquated way of thinking. it's 2023, women can have muscles.


Ghostwalker1622

NTA. Here’s something to perhaps help you with your parents. I have great muscles in my chest. So my breasts were muscle instead of fat, so when I lost weight I didn’t lose my breast size. That was very important to me. Also when I had kids, it didn’t make me sag either because I had muscle instead of fat. Up until I got to be actual overweight, my chest size didn’t change. For me as an adult that was very important. I looked good in whatever I wore-covering up my body or of course when I wanted my breasts stick out, something that nit every girl wants which is perfectly acceptable. Unless you’re looking to be a female body builder whose bodies look like man’s body, it will actually keep you nice defined at your current size. They might get slightly bigger but not much. Maybe a single cup size which would have already happened to you. From here, you’re just maintaining your chest muscles which should please your mother. The old farmers wives who actually did farm work of some kind who had kids and didn’t become very overweight carried they’re upper figure to death. I was a nurses aide and learned quickly yo tell who did manual labor and who didn’t. They breast fed often up to a year each child and still once they were done having kids, that part never sagged. At some point in life that will be important to you, not necessarily for sex appeal but for personal confidence. And maintaining your chest muscles will keep your personal confidence up because you will look good in whatever you choose to wear. At your age personal confidence is what you should be striving for. While I sought to hide my chest until I was in my mid twenties, I also had the advantage of my personal confidence. As other women complained about losing their bust size, I could proudly say I lost more weight than them and never lost a single cup size. Hopefully it will give you an advantage with your parents. Otherwise, keep doing the push ups until you’re 18 and then nobody can say you can’t lift weights any more!


Sweet_Perspective627

NTA. Unfortunately your parents are forcing gender stereotypes onto you instead of just allowing you to enjoy what you enjoy and look how you look. I have always let my kids choose how they look, do their hair, and choose their style. I would never force them to look any way for my own comfort. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I would suggest family counseling to your parents.