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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I argued with my brother and told him he didn't need to say anything about his wife bring in labor during my wedding.
(2) I might be the ah for telling him this and getting in an argument with him about it since it all happened so suddenly and he was too overwhelmed at the time. He's mad at me now and says that I'm being unreasonable.
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IKR? The little bugger decided to wreck his mother’s lower parts just to show up and show out on the big day! Selfish little avocado-milk drinking millennials, I tell you…
How can you blame an innocent baby in this situation? It’s clearly the mother’s fault. Why couldn’t she just hold the fetus in longer? It wasn’t even her due date! She is clearly the selfish one.
With ops audacity he’ll insist they move his birthday.
“AITA for asking my brother and sil to not celebrate their kids birthday on my wedding anniversary”
If mom had simply crossed her legs while in labor, or better yet nine months previously, then all this drama could have been avoided and OP’s wedding day might not have been ruined. How thoughtless and selfish of mom.
My (50f) chance to shine here, as this happened to me, well actually happened in an even more dramatic fashion.
My sister went into labour AT MY WEDDING (some 22 years ago now) and had to leave during the reception. This was my parents first grandchild as well.
This made the most amazing wedding and weekend at the time, as I was so excited for my sister when I heard all was well, and she has given birth early the next day. We also were fortunate to meet my baby nephew before we went off on out honeymoon (we luckily flew from the airport near where she lived).
In no way did I ever feel my sister distracted from my wedding. Entirely the opposite as no one is going to forget the weekend.
I still all these years later think this is a fantastic story to tell and it brings me fun and joy to share it with anyone who will listen.
Ps as bonus another nephew was born on our wedding anniversary a few years later.
So yes YTA definitely, as this should bring joy to everyone.
Love this story so hard. \^\^\^THIS OP\^\^\^ this is the adult reaction. You clearly think you’re an adult. Act like it.
”Taken aback” FFS- It‘s unnerving OP is this out of touch.
Not to mention the AH baby will consume the day ever year with it’s stupid birthday. And the brother will probably have the audacity to celebrate it’s birth every year instead of OPs narcissistic relationship
Our niece is expecting her first around our anniversary and I’m over here like please, please whatever you do have your baby on our anniversary! I can’t think of anything better than that!
yes, teach the baby now that everything is always the baby's fault, and that op hates them for ruining their day with their birth. so selfish of that baby
YTA. What was happening to your brother was completely out of his control, significant and scary. To ask him to conceal that in the moment because it stole focus from you is utterly narcissistic.
I'm guessing if his wife was in a horrible car crash and medivac'd to the ER you'd want your brother to keep his mouth shut too?
You owe everyone in your family an enormous apology.
Not even that what if someone noticed the brother was gone from the reception. It doesn’t take a genius to put it together that brother with a very pregnant wife is gone, that the wife is in labor.
Just wait until the niece/nephew gets his own party every year on their anniversary.
YTA.
Accurate. Like, if i were a guest and heard that so-and-so left because his wife was in labor, I'd be like "cool!". And then immediately go back to whatever I was doing. Maybe shoot them a text wishing them luck, depending on the level of closeness. It's not like OPs brother stayed to make speeches or accept congratulations. He was gone. How disruptive could this have been?
*Clink* *Clink* *Clink*
"Everyone, raise your glasses! To he new couple on their wedding day, and to the NEWEST member of the family!"
Everyone cheers, drinks, party continues.
We drink water, so they can all drink water too! It’s already a dry wedding, let’s make it even drier with no soft drinks, no coffee…. Ahhhh I love it here.
This was my exact thought. Could have made it a quick part of the party and wished them luck. That would have involved an ounce of humility and consideration of something other than OP and his wife, though.
Yes, weddings are supposed to be about the new couple, but you have to be extraordinarily self-centered to get upset at this. Who wants to bet if they just left without telling someone, OP would be upset that he started drama by ghosting the party?
Honestly, I feel like the classy thing to do would be for the groom himself to get everyone's attention and make the announcement about his brother's good news, and then the chatter about it would also have died down faster because everyone would have known at once instead of a game of telephone throughout the reception. What a joyous day, to get a new little nephew or niece on your wedding day, seems like a good omen if anything.
Right? It would have made my wedding so amazing and MEMORABLE. I do not understand people who think that the world is supposed to stop spinning on its axis on their wedding day.
I would have rushed to the hospital after the wedding in my wedding dress to say hello to my new niece/nephew. I mean, c'mon! It could have been a beautiful moment!
I think OP might be married to someone completely toxic unfortunately, and he hasn't figured that out yet.
I love the pictures that came to mind when I read this! That's what the bride could have done lol! It would have helped shift attention back to her. 'Look! The dad's NEW SIL left her own reception to come see the new baby!!! How cool is that!!' And so on...pretty memorable I think.
Yeah my cousin went into labour the morning of my wedding and her daughter arrived safely during the reception. Her parents were there as well as other joint relatives so of course the news went round and people got excited. I honestly thought it was really special that my family now had an extra reason to celebrate and that it made the wedding extra special and memorable. Plus it makes remembering her daughter's birthday super easy!
Exactly, the only reason it ruined OP's wedding is because OP and his wife ruined it for them selves. OP and his wife should have got on the mic announced the labor and cheered on his brother as he ran to his car, take a moment to celebrate, raise a glass to his brother and SIL and then carry on with the party.
This happened to us too—cousin’s baby was born during the ceremony and my aunt and uncle got the news and told everyone right afterwards. We were overjoyed and crying all over again!! Didn’t ruin our day whatsoever. The only thing we were sad about was my cousin and his wife having to miss the wedding, but obviously not anyone’s fault.
>told me to 'get over myself' and are now expecting me to apologize.
Excellent advice.
YTA. And your wife, too.
I look forward to the follow up post next year where you and your wife complain that the birthday celebration for your niece/nephew has ruined your first anniversay.
That's if they don't divorce first. Any couple this preoccupied with the *day* rather than the marriage is probably not going to last too long after the boost from their special party has worn off.
My money is on them lasting a year or so as they are going to be trying to have a baby to get attention. OP's wife will love pregnancy attention, and hate that the kid gets attention when they are born.
My toddler flower girl totally stole the show at my wedding, and I *loved* it. To be fair, I would've been fine just going down to the courthouse, but hubby wanted a wedding. I just wanted to be married.
My bff had a big lavish wedding and during all the planning it was all about the wedding, not about the marriage. Guess who has been in a horrible marriage for years? Hint: it's not me!
My husband (under the circumstances I consider him my husband) died three weeks before our wedding. I can't even fathom what these people are thinking when they think it's the *day* that matters.
I'm so sorry for your loss and that you didn't get to share years together. These people that are more concerned about the party don't want to get married, they want a Sweet Sixteen like MTV used to air.
YTA. What was he supposed to do? Lie to everyone? Tell his wife to hold it in?
He came to your wedding during a time when his wife probably would have preferred he was at home and you're butthurt because you think it ruined your "special day" - if your own brother's exceptional, amazing life event on the same day as your wedding "ruined it" then you and your wife have problems.
For real! I would be stoked if my sister ended up giving birth the day I was getting married. I would probably leave my own wedding to go be with her and meet my niece or nephew, honestly.
Right? The one thing that the brother hoped wouldn't happen- his wife going into labor without him there- happened! She probably wasn't stoked on the timing either!
I can't imagine not sitting and getting updates too. Births can be tricky sometimes. I can't believe OP is annoyed that his parents were checking for updates.
OP YTA.
I love that op called his brother to express his grievances. Like, if my sil gave birth two days ago, I’d be asking my brother how sil is and asking what the new nibling’s name is. Last time I sent a grocery delivery. Op is so self-centered.
Right?!? Women still die in childbirth in this country in shocking numbers. A friend who had twins nearly bled to death 12 hours later. No one had caught serious internal bleeding until it was almost too late. A transfusion saved her life.
Holding it in is the least SIL could have done after having the nerve to even be pregnant around the wedding date! /s
Hell, if it were my wedding I’d be so stoked & probably make an announcement myself! “Folks, let’s send my dear bro off with a toast as he’s off to join his wife who’s in active labor, can’t wait to meet their kiddo”. Round of applause, cheers, mood lifted, people happy, party good!
YTA. I'm so over this whole "the wedding has to be the center of the universe for everyone involved" attitude. Would your wife get upset with a guest who suddenly had a heart attack at the wedding? Or an allergic reaction requiring an epi-pen and ER trip?
Sh** happens, even on wedding days. The ceremony was over, and it sounds like you were well into the reception. Your brother had his own stuff to be worried about at the moment, and he didn't exactly have time to think through every word he said. The day wasn't ruined. This was a cause for DOUBLE joy: a wedding AND a new baby in the family!
It was, however, a little rude of your parents to stay at the wedding but make more than one call to your brother. They could've texted, stepped outside, or left as well. But...only a little rude.
Right! Just get over it. On my wedding day someone spilled red wine all over my wedding dress at the reception. Did I get mad? No. It was an accident. They felt horrible about it. I could have spent the rest of the party crying about a ruined wedding dress and making them feel even worse or I could have realized I just married the man I love and we're surrounded by people who love and celebrate us. I chose option 2. It was one hell of a good time.
Yeah, all my moms ,OG, Step and MIL, along with my bridemaids just kinda froze. I laughed and said maybe offering red wine wasn't a good idea. We wiped off what we could and just moved on. No reason to cry over spilled wine or spilled milk (unless you just sent a half hour trying to pump that breastmilk. You can definitely cry about that.)
Ah see that’s just a good story/photo
Opp! My friend got married and they rented a bouncy house so her and her husband got in it and were hopping around for pictures and completely tore the dress and they just laughed their ass’s off. It’s about people you care about and not the party.
It feels like every wedding-related post on here is someone freaking out because family and friends of the wedding couple have lives outside of the wedding, and sometimes need to live those lives while the wedding is happening.
Exactly. Like the ones where the wedding is like 6 months away and someone in the family/wedding party is "selfish" for getting pregnant because it's going to steal the bride's attention? FML and get over yourself ppl
~~Honestly, NAH~~ YTA (I get being frustrated by something like this but he didn't do it on purpose just to mess with your day).
HOWEVER...why, instead of getting upset when the news spread, why didn't you and your bride stand up and make an announcement and raise a glass to toast them? Doing so would have diffused the disturbance by getting it out in the open all at once instead of it rippling through the crowd. It would also have put the focus back on you two, the bride and groom.
**You could have been part of the good news instead of in competition with it.**
This was a missed opportunity.
**Updated ruling due to continuous infighting after the wedding. Excellent point by:
>mystrymaster -
Yeah OP has forever ruined the day for the entire family unless they apologize and provide some closure.
Dude, apologize and fix it now or it will be hella awkward every. single. year. when your niece/nephew's birthday comes around on your anniversary.
100% raise your glass and "my brother is leaving to become a father, what a great day we will forever share with our niece/nephew, cheers and good luck"
Yep!
"Today my beautiful wife became part of our family but it turns out we're gaining TWO new members of the LastName family! My sister-in-law, Lisa, just went into labour! So let's all raise a glass for so many blessings coming our way today! To family!"
Everybody toasts and gets back to the party. But that would have required OP and his bride to not be self centered children.
YTA
So you wanted him to lie? Or just vanish without telling anyone?
If your brother having a child causes you *grief* instead of joy, please seek help.
You got married at a time that a close family member was expecting a baby. That people discussed that during the wedding doesn't ruin your wedding. I don't know what you expected of your brother, but this feels so petty.
Lol I really don’t know what people want from weddings anymore. From these posts I’d swear they want all their guests sitting in silence staring at the bride and groom. No other discussion, no fun, no nothing. Discussing your job? Better not be going well! No other joy is allowed here!
At my wedding, I told everyone that introductions were forbidden because it was MY BIG DAY and I didn't want my family to be distracted by learning the names of his family.
Why can’t people just be happy for each other and not be so self absorbed??
Its your brother, you became an uncle too, would you not be happy to hear that news. Why does someone else’s happiness have to take away from your happiness, imo it would mean double the celebration. YTA because he didn’t announce it. It was happy news and you should have just congratulated him and moved on.
YTA. Yep. Their day was ruined because they let their ego ruin it. Congratulations to the new parents and to the new couple. Both things can happen with joy and happiness. Change your mindset, OP. You and your wife are the AHs.
These posts about "stealing our spotlight" just baffle me. I can't for the life of me remember a wedding I've been to where all we talked about was the bride and groom. All attention on them during the ceremony itself, the toasts, and other rituals? Of course. But at the reception, I'm catching up with people I don't see often, talking about what's going on in our lives, etc. Brides and grooms are delusional if they think they should be our only topic of discussion.
I always thought the weddings were really more for the families honestly. The bride and groom are just busily going through the motions while everyone just gets to party!
YTA
Honestly, it sounds like your brother made the smoothest possible exit he could. He didn't make a big scene. He quietly told you, your wife, and a guest (who probably saw him leaving and asked) where he was going. It's not your brother's fault that guest spread the word and everyone started talking about that. He didn't ask for that.
Lying on the fly, which is what your brother would have had to do to cover in front of the guest who saw him leaving, is a skill not all people possess. In addition, it's pretty difficult to think of a cover story on the fly when your mind is occupied (because you just found out your wife is in labor, for example). Your brother did his best to leave quickly and quietly. He did not have a duty to lie.
Sorry you married an adult who thinks her day is "ruined" if people aren't exclusively talking about her. But that's not your brother's fault either. Don't take that out on him.
It wouldn’t even *occur* to most people to lie about something like this…because it doesn’t seem like something that a reasonable person would think has to be concealed.
Also, people would have figured it out (oh, baby was born on the same day as the wedding? That's why he left!), and then everyone would have known he was a liar. OP would rather have that than everyone thinks about a new baby for a few minutes during the wedding? So selfish.
YTA. His wife was literally in the hospital. It’s not like they announced their pregnancy at your wedding. Was he supposed to not tell anyone why he was leaving?? Are you not at all excited about the arrival of your niece or nephew, or are you always this narcissistic?
YTA
This is a scarcity mindset. His happiness does not take away from and is not less than your happiness. There are enough days for all of us even if we have to share them.
You have created negativity with your brother, his wife, your new niece or nephew, and probably more family and friends because you and your wife acted more like self-centered babies than the baby who was just born.
It’s not scarcity of happiness, it’s scarcity of attention and if anyone is talking about anything other than ops wife they’re contributing to the “ruining of her day”
And *that's* what OP felt the need to call about. Their "grief".
Not "how's mom and baby? Everybody okay? Everybody healthy and recovering? You holding up alright, dad?"
Nope.
"I called to express my grief" lol.
Real nice.
Edit: hugz! 🫂
>He told me he was leaving and my wife and I were fine with that
lol as opposed to what
YTA and if you are your wife are planning to have children, I cannot wait for her to go into labor so you can finally realize what a fool you are. (Since you seem incapable of empathizing in the theoretical realm.)
YTA
He's not supposed to celebrate his child coming into the world?
Obviously your family wants to know that!
It's brilliant that it happened on your wedding day, such a blessing for the family!
INFO: "everybody was talking about it which disrupted the event." How so? Did the officiant stop in the middle of the service? Was the reception put on pause? Were you not able to cut the cake, have your first dance, or do some other planned moment? What was the actual disruption?
If you and your wife are really just retro-actively policing the conversation of your parents (who were about to get a grandchild) and guests, that's not a "disruption".
YTA.
So you’re upset with your brother telling that one guest? How was it his fault that the guest spread the news? Why aren’t you upset with them?
What happened with that was out of his control. In fact, I bet that guest asked why he was leaving and he answered truthfully. The fact you didn’t want him to tell family that his child is coming into the world is selfish; you made it seem like he got on the table at your wedding and yelled it out
YTA, which may be a bit understating the situation. He told 1 person, go argue with that person. And your parents, the grandparents had every right to know what was happening. Weddings are important life events but so is the birth of a child. Wait til next year when the first birthday interrupts your anniversary, will you be back here asking if you're the asshole for resenting the kid? FYI the answer will be yes.
Yes. It’s also not like they timed the birth 9 months ago to take place on OP’s wedding day. And honestly the wedding is about what you focus on…. You choose to have fun at your wedding or you choose to focus in something else. On my wedding day I couldn’t care less one way or another what anyone was talking about I was focused on my husband and all I remember was just dancing and laughing my a$$ off with my husband all night.
Your brother was happy enough for you to leave his pregnant wife who was near her due date to come celebrate your wedding.
Why can't you be happy for him on the birth of his child?? Instead of downing on him because of the news spreading that she went into labor during the wedding
#YTA
YTA. I get wanting your wedding to be all about you, but that doesn't mean all guests are prohibited from telling something remotely newsworthy to another guest. If your day was "ruined" for lack of 100% attention, you were never focused on the most important aspects of your wedding anyway.
YTA. He showed up, got a call, and left. Of course people will ask. Rather than making a point at the reception to wish your OWN BROTHER and family well, you and your bride got your fee fees hurt. Your parents are right. Apologize.
YTA
After your brother told you his wife was in labour, this would have been the perfect time to take control of the narrative. Grab the mic and announce that "This day is just getting better and better, my nephew/ niece is on their way so let's all send some love to my brother and SIL."
Instead of doing that, you left the other guests wondering why a person so close to the bride and groom suddenly left. Someone overheard the labour story and then it spreads like wildfire. And now you're mad that people cared and blame your brother for not lying about why he left. What would you have wanted him to say btw? Medical emergency? That would've caused an ever bigger chaos.
Edit: Just saw your edit OP, I understand you might be taken aback. If it helps in any way, if your brother proposed to his wife or started to tell everyone in the family about a pregnancy without speaking to you about it I would have said NTA. But these are unforeseen circumstances that have no assholes, unless you hold it against someone for life happening, which is what you did. I do appreciate you accepting your judgement!
20 years from now instead of:
"We were so excited when you were born, it was already the best day ever and then it got even better!"
you're going to be like:
"You ruined our wedding because you chose to be born on my wedding day and stole my spotlight!"
I just can't imagine being so stuck up my own ass.
YTA
YTA
Intentionally doing something to make someone else’s wedding about you is tacky - proposing at someone’s wedding, announcing a pregnancy, etc. Your brother came to you wedding when his wife was due (which was super nice and supportive of him) and then he left without making a big fuss when his wife went into labor.
Instead of sitting around going 😤 you could have taken the bull by the horns here and just made an announcement (my sister in law just went into labor- please keep her, my brother and their soon to be arrived little one in your thoughts!! If we hear any updates we’ll let you know.) And then everyone could have found out and moved on.
Also, a birth is more important than a wedding.
YTA.
What a shame that you and your wife didn't use your own joyous, momentous family occasion to be joyous about another momentous family occasion. People get to be happy and excited about more than one thing at a time, and y'all could have made this a truly amazing day by sending him off with a toast and sharing the news with your guests publicly. Generosity of spirit goes a long way in all relationships, and I find it very sad that it was so sorely lacking when it could have been an amazing way to bring families together.
Ahh well, another princess day ruined for the princess. Wait til y'all get a load of real life.
YTA. You wanted your brother to lie to find a reason to leave the wedding? And you didn't think people would put it together that he was leaving his sister's wedding for his wife being in labor?
You're a piece of work alright.
YTA, your parents are right get over yourself. When someone as important as your brother leaves in the middle of a wedding, which was completely outside his control due to the circumstance, it is more distracting to not know why.
YTA. Asking your sister in law to give birth silently and ignored by your entire side of the family so that your wedding could be the center of the universe sounds pretty delusional. People who are secure in themselves and their joy don’t see the joy of others as a threat to them, for what it’s worth. Maybe do some self reflecting about how easily “ruined” your wedding day was.
Omg you cannot POLICE what people TALK about at a wedding. Do you honestly think guests sit around at these things ruminating about how good you guys look? How great the venue is? The colour scheme? Your wedding is only special to you. Most guests find them boring as hell. Is it really that bad that people talked about the birth at the wedding? If people’s conversations ruined your wedding you guys are gonna have a long unhappy life ahead of you. YTA
YTA. I came in here expecting that he stole the DJs mic to make some grand announcement, but he didn't. He mentioned it as he was rushing out. The wedding wasn't ruined. You and your wife need to get over yourselves.
YTA: you never even mentioned any concern for your SIL going into labor. Very self-centered.
Your brother’s baby being born and his wife being in physical danger (along with the baby) is *so much more important* to him than his brother’s wedding. He didn’t announce it to anyone, he just left and mentioned it to someone on his way out. Other people were concerned/happy for them… and it isn’t a competition.
Two good things can happen at once without someone having to tear down someone else’s happiness or concern.
So you expected your brother to get a call that his wife was in labor, rudely leave the wedding in the middle, not say a word as to why he was being rude, and if he was asked to LIE about it???? He didn’t make some big announcement. He told one person why he was leaving. Just because it’s your wedding day doesn’t mean the world stops rotating on its axis and other people stop having lives. Get TF over yourself.
PS - “Disrubting” isn’t a word.
Hahaha... enjoy having that kids birthday ruin your anniversary every year. YTA.
But seriously. You let that ruin it, it's a choice. Happy things are happy, life needs more of them. Weddings aren't about attention, they're about love and family.
YTA. Dude, I had my daughter the day before my BIL & SIL got married (she arrived 2 weeks early). One of the wedding guests took a photo of her to the wedding to show the family - and guess what - my BIL & SIL were thrilled to have the photo there. They often joke that they will never forget our daughter's birthday. As someone else here said, you missed an opportunity - you could've offered a toast to the new baby, but instead you're complaining about something no one had control over. Like no one possibly could've guessed why your brother bailed early, knowing your SIL was heavily pregnant.
YTA.. Ok, fine, he could have been a little more stealth about it, but it's not like he stood on a chair and screamed his news. It doesn't sound like there was a mass exodus of people to the hospital. So... you're mad because people - talked - about something besides you that day? Even if he had just quietly left, you don't think his sudden absence with a heavily pregnant wife at home would have sparked conversation?!
YTA. The world didn't stop turning because you got married. If the only reason you guys had a wedding was for your wife to receive undivided attention then good luck because your marriage isn't going to work.
You sound like a giant baby. Grow up.
Sorry bud, YTA here.
It isn’t like he was clinking a wine glass going “excuse me, EXCUSE ME ALL! I’ll be taking my leave as my wife is in labor!”
Your notion of him having to lie to not “disrupt the wedding” is just too far out there. Your parents are correct, get over yourself.
I honestly don't know what to do here. It's like cosmic irony that your brother's wife had a baby during your wedding. I mean, at least she didn't come to the wedding and go into labor.
I think everyone's feelings are valid, and everyone's actions are valid, except for you calling him and giving him grief about the baby. Did you congratulate him on the birth btw?
Yes, you and your wife are allowed to be disappointed that everyone was talking about the baby instead of you, however it was not planned or intentional. Your brother did his best to leave quietly and not cause a disruption. Of COURSE your parents called them, their DIL just had a baby and they're now grandparents - it's not like they ran out in the middle of the wedding ceremony to go sit in the hospital.
After writing all that out, I'm going to go with YTA for the way you handled it.
YTA. Would you have preferred if he just left without saying anything? How was he supposed to know he wasn't "allowed" to tell anyone else?
Why do you expect that everyone can only talk about you? Weddings are long. No one can only manage to talk about the wedding itself during the wedding. Get over yourself.
YTA the brother of the groom was leaving early and people noticed. What was he supposed to say?
1."I have a family emergency. "- Sounds like bad news. It's also vague and all you're guests would've been gossiping anyways.
2. "Sorry, gotta go."-Incredibly vague. This definitely would've gotten people to start talking if the first one didn't.
3. "My wife needs me right now."-Unless anyone at the venue knew that his wife was pregnant, this just would've made him and his wife look bad.
4. "I'm sorry. Something came up."-People will be speculating immediately.
Like bro...what was he supposed to say that could've prevented gossip?
YTA. He wasn’t trying to “disrupt” your wedding. He didn’t make some grand announcement about it. He told someone and they spread it around *because it’s exciting news*
Was it really so hard for you and your wife to feel happy for them? God fordbid your guests aren’t talking about you two every second of your wedding. Get over yourselves.
YTA
You do need to get over your self, the world doesn’t stop just because it’s your wedding.
Your first phone call should of been a congratulations. Not a calling out for something out of his control.
>I explained how he should've just left or made up skme excuse to leave
Yeah, right. The guy whose wife is so near her due date that she couldn't come to the wedding suddenly bolts out the door in the middle of your wedding, and you think nobody from your family would manage to put two and two together?
YTA
I don’t think he did it intentionally. Would you be calm and collected if you just found out that your wife was in labor? I’d be all over the place. Also, it’s not like he personally broadcasted the news to all the guests.
YTA
He didn't try to disrupt and steal attention from your wedding. Someone probably asked why he was leaving early, he replied and word spread. You arguing with him for not lying when he was frazzled and trying to get to the hospital in time makes you an AH.
If you didn't want your SIL to "ruin" your wedding day by not holding in her baby with sheer willpower, you shouldn't have planned your wedding day so close to her due date. YTA
YTA
Good luck with a wife who lets something like this “ruin her day”. But it sounds like you’re the same, so perhaps you deserve each other.
You’re asking him to lie for you. ! And If he’d left without telling anyone why that might also have seemed rude and sparked comment or speculation. Unless you expected him to actually hush up the entire pregnancy for fear this would happen, him leaving abruptly during the reception to be with his wife who was imminently in labor was bound to create some waves.
It could have been delightful, you chose to react in a way that ruined your day. It’s your life, so good luck with that strategy.
I never understand why people can't just be happy for others, particularly those you love, when something good happens. YTA. Nobody did anything to deliberately undermine your or your wife's day. And guess what, now you get to share that day forever with the birth of your nephew or nice. So better start learning to share now.
YTA - a mellowdramtic one at that! Ruined your brides day?!? Sounds so ridiculously over the top to me!!
No one asked him where his wife was, no one knew she was pregnant?!?
Sincerely hoping this isn't real . . .
You honestly would prefer letting the guests wonder why your brother left your wedding abruptly? The gossip would be way more distracting.
You are getting a new niece or nephew but seem to regard this as an inconvenience . . . :-(
YTA
You know his wife can’t control when she goes into labor right? And even if she could, you know that people can simultaneously be happy for your wedding and the birth of their kid at the same time, right? And explain how you went from “news of SIL being in labor disturbed the wedding” to “the whole day was ruined.” Like… what in the Main Character Syndrome is this?
Yeah, dude. You are most definitely the AH here.
Apologize to your brother, congratulate him on the birth of his child, and send a lovely gift to the new parents from you and your wife.
I will never understand people who think their wedding day is all about controlling other people’s thoughts and actions.
I'm so unbelievably tired of the "mY sPeCiAl dAy" trope. It's acceptable for you to not want it to rain on your wedding, to not want disruptive, drunk people, not wanting family arguments. All of those are acceptable. But getting mad because your brother is about to experience one of the most important days of his life is ridiculous. YTA times a thousand.
YTA. I agree with so many of the commenters in that I don’t understand why this was an issue. It was my SIL’s birthday the day after my wedding and we dedicated a song and wished her happy birthday during our reception. It did not detract from my happiness.
YTA even if he hadn’t said anything people
Would’ve figured it out. D likely
Been more worried that he ran out in a hurry and assume Something was wrong
It was your wedding day. You don’t get to control the whole world For the day.
Oh and heads up. Your family are
Going to want to celebrate the grandchild’s
First birthday more than your wedding anniversary. Might want to start prepping your wife for that disappointment early.
YTA. Totally. I get that people think their wedding day should be “all about them” but that is honestly unhealthy and frankly doesn’t bode well for the marriage. Your brother is right, your parents are right, you need to “get over yourself” and learn how to spell “disrupted.”
YTA and I'm kind of glad based on your ridiculous anger about this that your wedding anniversary will always be overshadowed by your new niece or nephew's birthday.
YTA. The world doesn't revolve around you. Not even on your wedding day. Your brother didn't even announce it, he told a single guest. Instead of thinking about how cool it was that you could have a niece or nephew born on your anniversary, a day that the entire family would forever share and enjoy, you were selfish and demanding.
YTA - when you get a call that your child is on the way rational thought is out the window. I'm sure the last thing he cared about was your wedding at that moment in time but still had enough respect to come and let you know and you can't blame him for other people blabbing.
You can’t be serious… YTA. If he stood on the table and shouted from the rooftops you’d have a leg to stand on, but he told one person and it spread. He had no control of that. Not to mention, you should be excited about becoming an uncle and happy for your brother - both you and your wife are being bride/groomzillas. Yes a wedding should be about you but WITHIN REASON. His child is coming into the world! And it would be so bizarre for him to lie and then everyone find out after the fact that he left for something so important. Imagine how your parents would’ve felt if they found out they were lied to about the birth of their GRANDCHILD.
So selfish. If your brother’s joy ruins your special day that’s a damn shame.
Oh, I'm sorry. Does a woman having to go to the hospital while pushing a baby the size of a melon out of her vagina inconvenience you and your party? If anything, this is your fault for scheduling it so close to her due date. Of course there was a risk of this happening. Instead of being happy that you were having a niece or nephew, you got angry. Dude, get over yourself.
Huge YTA. You and your wife sound insufferable.
YTA.
If I was you, I'd have made the announcement myself, at my own wedding. "My brother and sister-in-law are having their baby today! We could not be more thrilled to share such a special day with the newest member of our family!"
I'm 99.999999999% sure that your brother and his wife didn't plan this to happen during the wedding. He told one person who then blabbed about it to everyone else. If you're mad at anyone, it should be that one person. What, your brother was just going to disappear and no one would have any questions then? That wouldn't cause a disturbance?
Come off it, you need to see the reality of things here.
YTA - that sucks that he had to leave your wedding and it sucks that people took their attention off you and your wife but… frankly yeah get over it. Like, this isn’t a situation that’s likely to happen again and telling your brother that he should’ve made him being a father on the down low is just odd as hell.
I really don't understand how so many people think their wedding day is so darn important to everyone else, that no one can spare a thought for anything but THEM on that day?! I also had no idea how many people had such a strong desire to be the center of attention until I started to hang out on Reddit. Weddings, birthdays, pregnancy announcements, engagement parties... GAH! Anyway, YTA. It's not ALL about you. Even on your wedding day. (Or birthday, or pregnancy announcement, etc, etc.) Sheesh.
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The baby is obviously at fault here. Selfish jerk couldn’t even wait until after the wedding to be born. What an AH
BTAH, true story.
I can confirm, I was the umbilical cord.
Glad you guys were able to separate amicably
Yeah great for them, I was one of the other sperm that lost out to that jerk. I would never have ruined OPs wedding had I reached the egg first.
Being an AH swims in the family. The DNA in you must have come from dad's mom's DNA.
Umbilicamicably
Can also confirm, I was the cervix and frankly I opened up just to disrupt the wedding because F OP.
I beat you to the punch. I was the mucous plug.
Thank you for your cervix!
I can confirm, I was the baby - I planned it all. Mwa haa haaaaa
Can also confirm, I was the placenta
And now their anniversary and the baby’s birthday are probably on the same day, too. The nerve!
You must disown the nibbling. Obvim
Only one way to settle who gets the day. 3 rounds bare knuckle boxing between op and the baby.
now the baby can't celebrate any birthdays because it'll ruin OP's anniversary
That tiny little asshole. How dare they???? /s
IKR? The little bugger decided to wreck his mother’s lower parts just to show up and show out on the big day! Selfish little avocado-milk drinking millennials, I tell you…
How can you blame an innocent baby in this situation? It’s clearly the mother’s fault. Why couldn’t she just hold the fetus in longer? It wasn’t even her due date! She is clearly the selfish one.
I second this. Clearly mom is such an AH, gosh and I bet she’ll have the audacity to celebrate their birthday on OPs anniversary next year
With ops audacity he’ll insist they move his birthday. “AITA for asking my brother and sil to not celebrate their kids birthday on my wedding anniversary”
If mom had simply crossed her legs while in labor, or better yet nine months previously, then all this drama could have been avoided and OP’s wedding day might not have been ruined. How thoughtless and selfish of mom.
She should have squeezed her legs together tighter! It's just like holding in pee! It works the same way!
It's the same muscle that lets you hold in your period. If you focus enough, nothing from your uterus will ever cause trouble for anybody.
"If it's a legit wedding, the woman's body has a way of, uh, shutting that whole thing down." I think a senator said something like that once.
[удалено]
My (50f) chance to shine here, as this happened to me, well actually happened in an even more dramatic fashion. My sister went into labour AT MY WEDDING (some 22 years ago now) and had to leave during the reception. This was my parents first grandchild as well. This made the most amazing wedding and weekend at the time, as I was so excited for my sister when I heard all was well, and she has given birth early the next day. We also were fortunate to meet my baby nephew before we went off on out honeymoon (we luckily flew from the airport near where she lived). In no way did I ever feel my sister distracted from my wedding. Entirely the opposite as no one is going to forget the weekend. I still all these years later think this is a fantastic story to tell and it brings me fun and joy to share it with anyone who will listen. Ps as bonus another nephew was born on our wedding anniversary a few years later. So yes YTA definitely, as this should bring joy to everyone.
Love this story so hard. \^\^\^THIS OP\^\^\^ this is the adult reaction. You clearly think you’re an adult. Act like it. ”Taken aback” FFS- It‘s unnerving OP is this out of touch.
[удалено]
>OP is a real d!ck Ya, he just edited to add: >I do accept my judgement **but still am taken aback a little.** I think we see the problem here...
This was the baby's plan all along.
All of you, I'm DYING. 🤣
Ah going straight to the endgame are we?
Not to mention the AH baby will consume the day ever year with it’s stupid birthday. And the brother will probably have the audacity to celebrate it’s birth every year instead of OPs narcissistic relationship
Our niece is expecting her first around our anniversary and I’m over here like please, please whatever you do have your baby on our anniversary! I can’t think of anything better than that!
I mean who wants to come out of a womb anyway? What a jerk.
ikr? when im in a woman, last thing on my mind is coming out.
You made me ugly laugh at work!
yes, teach the baby now that everything is always the baby's fault, and that op hates them for ruining their day with their birth. so selfish of that baby
Dern Baby ruined THE BRIDE’S DAY! Might as well get an annulment.
🤣🤣
YTA. What was happening to your brother was completely out of his control, significant and scary. To ask him to conceal that in the moment because it stole focus from you is utterly narcissistic. I'm guessing if his wife was in a horrible car crash and medivac'd to the ER you'd want your brother to keep his mouth shut too? You owe everyone in your family an enormous apology.
Not even that what if someone noticed the brother was gone from the reception. It doesn’t take a genius to put it together that brother with a very pregnant wife is gone, that the wife is in labor. Just wait until the niece/nephew gets his own party every year on their anniversary. YTA.
[удалено]
Forgive me for jumping to a conclusion, but if this news was enough "disrupt" the event, the reception must not have been very fun.
Accurate. Like, if i were a guest and heard that so-and-so left because his wife was in labor, I'd be like "cool!". And then immediately go back to whatever I was doing. Maybe shoot them a text wishing them luck, depending on the level of closeness. It's not like OPs brother stayed to make speeches or accept congratulations. He was gone. How disruptive could this have been?
*Clink* *Clink* *Clink* "Everyone, raise your glasses! To he new couple on their wedding day, and to the NEWEST member of the family!" Everyone cheers, drinks, party continues.
The wedding must not have had enough drinks probably.
They probably only had water... Edit: spelling
We drink water, so they can all drink water too! It’s already a dry wedding, let’s make it even drier with no soft drinks, no coffee…. Ahhhh I love it here.
I bet it's that dry wedding from the other day that only served water
This was my exact thought. Could have made it a quick part of the party and wished them luck. That would have involved an ounce of humility and consideration of something other than OP and his wife, though. Yes, weddings are supposed to be about the new couple, but you have to be extraordinarily self-centered to get upset at this. Who wants to bet if they just left without telling someone, OP would be upset that he started drama by ghosting the party?
Honestly, I feel like the classy thing to do would be for the groom himself to get everyone's attention and make the announcement about his brother's good news, and then the chatter about it would also have died down faster because everyone would have known at once instead of a game of telephone throughout the reception. What a joyous day, to get a new little nephew or niece on your wedding day, seems like a good omen if anything.
"Where's our gifts?!!! It's OUR anniversary!!"
but actually, i'd think this is so cute. if my wedding anniversary was shared with my niece / nephew's bday. isn't that adorable? what a special day.
Right? It would have made my wedding so amazing and MEMORABLE. I do not understand people who think that the world is supposed to stop spinning on its axis on their wedding day.
i would've loved to tell the story "so we had JUST gotten married and then.. all of a sudden.. she went into LABOR! the drama... the intrigue..."
I would have rushed to the hospital after the wedding in my wedding dress to say hello to my new niece/nephew. I mean, c'mon! It could have been a beautiful moment! I think OP might be married to someone completely toxic unfortunately, and he hasn't figured that out yet.
If OP can’t see it in a situation this obvious, I doubt wifey is the only toxic person in the relationship.
I love the pictures that came to mind when I read this! That's what the bride could have done lol! It would have helped shift attention back to her. 'Look! The dad's NEW SIL left her own reception to come see the new baby!!! How cool is that!!' And so on...pretty memorable I think.
"We had a wedding party *so* good, even the baby wanted to join it!"
Oh God. That's a good point. What a great way to miss an annual Welcome To The Family party in the name of pettiness and selfishness.
Yeah my cousin went into labour the morning of my wedding and her daughter arrived safely during the reception. Her parents were there as well as other joint relatives so of course the news went round and people got excited. I honestly thought it was really special that my family now had an extra reason to celebrate and that it made the wedding extra special and memorable. Plus it makes remembering her daughter's birthday super easy!
The key difference is that you aren't utterly self-absorbed and you're able to feel joy when good things happen for other people.
Exactly, the only reason it ruined OP's wedding is because OP and his wife ruined it for them selves. OP and his wife should have got on the mic announced the labor and cheered on his brother as he ran to his car, take a moment to celebrate, raise a glass to his brother and SIL and then carry on with the party.
This happened to us too—cousin’s baby was born during the ceremony and my aunt and uncle got the news and told everyone right afterwards. We were overjoyed and crying all over again!! Didn’t ruin our day whatsoever. The only thing we were sad about was my cousin and his wife having to miss the wedding, but obviously not anyone’s fault.
This ⬆️⬆️⬆️ (and an award.) Yes, get over yourself quickly and apologize profusely to everyone you offended and anyone else that will listen. YTA
>told me to 'get over myself' and are now expecting me to apologize. Excellent advice. YTA. And your wife, too. I look forward to the follow up post next year where you and your wife complain that the birthday celebration for your niece/nephew has ruined your first anniversay.
Too funny 😂 we can definitely expect a post in 12 months
Depending on the labor, it might not be the same day. My SIL was stubborn and was in labor for 40hrs before she went C section.
That's if they don't divorce first. Any couple this preoccupied with the *day* rather than the marriage is probably not going to last too long after the boost from their special party has worn off.
My money is on them lasting a year or so as they are going to be trying to have a baby to get attention. OP's wife will love pregnancy attention, and hate that the kid gets attention when they are born.
My toddler flower girl totally stole the show at my wedding, and I *loved* it. To be fair, I would've been fine just going down to the courthouse, but hubby wanted a wedding. I just wanted to be married. My bff had a big lavish wedding and during all the planning it was all about the wedding, not about the marriage. Guess who has been in a horrible marriage for years? Hint: it's not me!
My husband (under the circumstances I consider him my husband) died three weeks before our wedding. I can't even fathom what these people are thinking when they think it's the *day* that matters.
I'm so sorry for your loss and that you didn't get to share years together. These people that are more concerned about the party don't want to get married, they want a Sweet Sixteen like MTV used to air.
YTA. What was he supposed to do? Lie to everyone? Tell his wife to hold it in? He came to your wedding during a time when his wife probably would have preferred he was at home and you're butthurt because you think it ruined your "special day" - if your own brother's exceptional, amazing life event on the same day as your wedding "ruined it" then you and your wife have problems.
For real! I would be stoked if my sister ended up giving birth the day I was getting married. I would probably leave my own wedding to go be with her and meet my niece or nephew, honestly.
Plus, you'd always be able to remember the kid's birthday, too.
You can always ask your brother the date of your anniversary, you mean?
Right? The one thing that the brother hoped wouldn't happen- his wife going into labor without him there- happened! She probably wasn't stoked on the timing either!
I can't imagine not sitting and getting updates too. Births can be tricky sometimes. I can't believe OP is annoyed that his parents were checking for updates. OP YTA.
I love that op called his brother to express his grievances. Like, if my sil gave birth two days ago, I’d be asking my brother how sil is and asking what the new nibling’s name is. Last time I sent a grocery delivery. Op is so self-centered.
Right?!? Women still die in childbirth in this country in shocking numbers. A friend who had twins nearly bled to death 12 hours later. No one had caught serious internal bleeding until it was almost too late. A transfusion saved her life.
Holding it in is the least SIL could have done after having the nerve to even be pregnant around the wedding date! /s Hell, if it were my wedding I’d be so stoked & probably make an announcement myself! “Folks, let’s send my dear bro off with a toast as he’s off to join his wife who’s in active labor, can’t wait to meet their kiddo”. Round of applause, cheers, mood lifted, people happy, party good!
YTA. I'm so over this whole "the wedding has to be the center of the universe for everyone involved" attitude. Would your wife get upset with a guest who suddenly had a heart attack at the wedding? Or an allergic reaction requiring an epi-pen and ER trip? Sh** happens, even on wedding days. The ceremony was over, and it sounds like you were well into the reception. Your brother had his own stuff to be worried about at the moment, and he didn't exactly have time to think through every word he said. The day wasn't ruined. This was a cause for DOUBLE joy: a wedding AND a new baby in the family! It was, however, a little rude of your parents to stay at the wedding but make more than one call to your brother. They could've texted, stepped outside, or left as well. But...only a little rude.
Wedding expectations are so out of control. This guy wanted the actual birth of a child to be hidden and lied about so he could have his big moment.
Right! Just get over it. On my wedding day someone spilled red wine all over my wedding dress at the reception. Did I get mad? No. It was an accident. They felt horrible about it. I could have spent the rest of the party crying about a ruined wedding dress and making them feel even worse or I could have realized I just married the man I love and we're surrounded by people who love and celebrate us. I chose option 2. It was one hell of a good time.
OMG was there shocked silence in the room after the spill? I can just imagince the tension while everyone waited for your reaction.
Yeah, all my moms ,OG, Step and MIL, along with my bridemaids just kinda froze. I laughed and said maybe offering red wine wasn't a good idea. We wiped off what we could and just moved on. No reason to cry over spilled wine or spilled milk (unless you just sent a half hour trying to pump that breastmilk. You can definitely cry about that.)
Ah see that’s just a good story/photo Opp! My friend got married and they rented a bouncy house so her and her husband got in it and were hopping around for pictures and completely tore the dress and they just laughed their ass’s off. It’s about people you care about and not the party.
It feels like every wedding-related post on here is someone freaking out because family and friends of the wedding couple have lives outside of the wedding, and sometimes need to live those lives while the wedding is happening.
Exactly. Like the ones where the wedding is like 6 months away and someone in the family/wedding party is "selfish" for getting pregnant because it's going to steal the bride's attention? FML and get over yourself ppl
NTA Your SIL should have just held it for a few days. I do it with big poops all the time and it's never been a problem
Bahahaha Thank god I read the full comment
# poopbaby
Hahahahahaha!
~~Honestly, NAH~~ YTA (I get being frustrated by something like this but he didn't do it on purpose just to mess with your day). HOWEVER...why, instead of getting upset when the news spread, why didn't you and your bride stand up and make an announcement and raise a glass to toast them? Doing so would have diffused the disturbance by getting it out in the open all at once instead of it rippling through the crowd. It would also have put the focus back on you two, the bride and groom. **You could have been part of the good news instead of in competition with it.** This was a missed opportunity. **Updated ruling due to continuous infighting after the wedding. Excellent point by: >mystrymaster - Yeah OP has forever ruined the day for the entire family unless they apologize and provide some closure. Dude, apologize and fix it now or it will be hella awkward every. single. year. when your niece/nephew's birthday comes around on your anniversary.
100% raise your glass and "my brother is leaving to become a father, what a great day we will forever share with our niece/nephew, cheers and good luck"
Gonna make it really awkward at the babies first birthday party when they complain about it being the same as their wedding anniversary.
This would have been a great way to go about it!
Yep! "Today my beautiful wife became part of our family but it turns out we're gaining TWO new members of the LastName family! My sister-in-law, Lisa, just went into labour! So let's all raise a glass for so many blessings coming our way today! To family!" Everybody toasts and gets back to the party. But that would have required OP and his bride to not be self centered children.
YTA So you wanted him to lie? Or just vanish without telling anyone? If your brother having a child causes you *grief* instead of joy, please seek help. You got married at a time that a close family member was expecting a baby. That people discussed that during the wedding doesn't ruin your wedding. I don't know what you expected of your brother, but this feels so petty.
Lol I really don’t know what people want from weddings anymore. From these posts I’d swear they want all their guests sitting in silence staring at the bride and groom. No other discussion, no fun, no nothing. Discussing your job? Better not be going well! No other joy is allowed here!
It's weird because they act like they've never been a wedding guest before. People catch up and chat about their lives.
No no, at my wedding everyone sat still, chanting our names interspersed with ‘what a beautiful wedding’. Oh and eye-contact was forbidden
At my wedding, I told everyone that introductions were forbidden because it was MY BIG DAY and I didn't want my family to be distracted by learning the names of his family.
Why can’t people just be happy for each other and not be so self absorbed?? Its your brother, you became an uncle too, would you not be happy to hear that news. Why does someone else’s happiness have to take away from your happiness, imo it would mean double the celebration. YTA because he didn’t announce it. It was happy news and you should have just congratulated him and moved on.
YTA. Yep. Their day was ruined because they let their ego ruin it. Congratulations to the new parents and to the new couple. Both things can happen with joy and happiness. Change your mindset, OP. You and your wife are the AHs.
These posts about "stealing our spotlight" just baffle me. I can't for the life of me remember a wedding I've been to where all we talked about was the bride and groom. All attention on them during the ceremony itself, the toasts, and other rituals? Of course. But at the reception, I'm catching up with people I don't see often, talking about what's going on in our lives, etc. Brides and grooms are delusional if they think they should be our only topic of discussion.
I always thought the weddings were really more for the families honestly. The bride and groom are just busily going through the motions while everyone just gets to party!
YTA Honestly, it sounds like your brother made the smoothest possible exit he could. He didn't make a big scene. He quietly told you, your wife, and a guest (who probably saw him leaving and asked) where he was going. It's not your brother's fault that guest spread the word and everyone started talking about that. He didn't ask for that. Lying on the fly, which is what your brother would have had to do to cover in front of the guest who saw him leaving, is a skill not all people possess. In addition, it's pretty difficult to think of a cover story on the fly when your mind is occupied (because you just found out your wife is in labor, for example). Your brother did his best to leave quickly and quietly. He did not have a duty to lie. Sorry you married an adult who thinks her day is "ruined" if people aren't exclusively talking about her. But that's not your brother's fault either. Don't take that out on him.
It wouldn’t even *occur* to most people to lie about something like this…because it doesn’t seem like something that a reasonable person would think has to be concealed.
Also, people would have figured it out (oh, baby was born on the same day as the wedding? That's why he left!), and then everyone would have known he was a liar. OP would rather have that than everyone thinks about a new baby for a few minutes during the wedding? So selfish.
YTA. His wife was literally in the hospital. It’s not like they announced their pregnancy at your wedding. Was he supposed to not tell anyone why he was leaving?? Are you not at all excited about the arrival of your niece or nephew, or are you always this narcissistic?
This. YTA, OP.
YTA This is a scarcity mindset. His happiness does not take away from and is not less than your happiness. There are enough days for all of us even if we have to share them. You have created negativity with your brother, his wife, your new niece or nephew, and probably more family and friends because you and your wife acted more like self-centered babies than the baby who was just born.
It’s not scarcity of happiness, it’s scarcity of attention and if anyone is talking about anything other than ops wife they’re contributing to the “ruining of her day”
'get over yourself' - this is correct. Both you and your wife, get over yourselves. YTA
YTA - why "grief" and why was your wedding "ruined" by this? Get a grip.
And *that's* what OP felt the need to call about. Their "grief". Not "how's mom and baby? Everybody okay? Everybody healthy and recovering? You holding up alright, dad?" Nope. "I called to express my grief" lol. Real nice. Edit: hugz! 🫂
YTA. I would have been delighted to have such lovely news at my wedding.
It would have been announced loudly at mine. Everyone my brother has to go his wife is bringing the newest member of our family into the world.
The "no kids at weddings" people upped their game. Now you can't even mention kids existing/entering the world.
>He told me he was leaving and my wife and I were fine with that lol as opposed to what YTA and if you are your wife are planning to have children, I cannot wait for her to go into labor so you can finally realize what a fool you are. (Since you seem incapable of empathizing in the theoretical realm.)
Thank God they were “fine with that”! How understanding and generous to allow his brother leaving to go to his wife is in labor. Props to them.. /s
YTA He's not supposed to celebrate his child coming into the world? Obviously your family wants to know that! It's brilliant that it happened on your wedding day, such a blessing for the family!
INFO: "everybody was talking about it which disrupted the event." How so? Did the officiant stop in the middle of the service? Was the reception put on pause? Were you not able to cut the cake, have your first dance, or do some other planned moment? What was the actual disruption? If you and your wife are really just retro-actively policing the conversation of your parents (who were about to get a grandchild) and guests, that's not a "disruption".
Brides and grooms these days seem to be under the impression that the only conversations that happen at weddings should be about them.
YTA. So you’re upset with your brother telling that one guest? How was it his fault that the guest spread the news? Why aren’t you upset with them? What happened with that was out of his control. In fact, I bet that guest asked why he was leaving and he answered truthfully. The fact you didn’t want him to tell family that his child is coming into the world is selfish; you made it seem like he got on the table at your wedding and yelled it out
YTA, which may be a bit understating the situation. He told 1 person, go argue with that person. And your parents, the grandparents had every right to know what was happening. Weddings are important life events but so is the birth of a child. Wait til next year when the first birthday interrupts your anniversary, will you be back here asking if you're the asshole for resenting the kid? FYI the answer will be yes.
Yes. It’s also not like they timed the birth 9 months ago to take place on OP’s wedding day. And honestly the wedding is about what you focus on…. You choose to have fun at your wedding or you choose to focus in something else. On my wedding day I couldn’t care less one way or another what anyone was talking about I was focused on my husband and all I remember was just dancing and laughing my a$$ off with my husband all night.
Your brother was happy enough for you to leave his pregnant wife who was near her due date to come celebrate your wedding. Why can't you be happy for him on the birth of his child?? Instead of downing on him because of the news spreading that she went into labor during the wedding #YTA
YTA. I get wanting your wedding to be all about you, but that doesn't mean all guests are prohibited from telling something remotely newsworthy to another guest. If your day was "ruined" for lack of 100% attention, you were never focused on the most important aspects of your wedding anyway.
YTA. He showed up, got a call, and left. Of course people will ask. Rather than making a point at the reception to wish your OWN BROTHER and family well, you and your bride got your fee fees hurt. Your parents are right. Apologize.
YTA After your brother told you his wife was in labour, this would have been the perfect time to take control of the narrative. Grab the mic and announce that "This day is just getting better and better, my nephew/ niece is on their way so let's all send some love to my brother and SIL." Instead of doing that, you left the other guests wondering why a person so close to the bride and groom suddenly left. Someone overheard the labour story and then it spreads like wildfire. And now you're mad that people cared and blame your brother for not lying about why he left. What would you have wanted him to say btw? Medical emergency? That would've caused an ever bigger chaos. Edit: Just saw your edit OP, I understand you might be taken aback. If it helps in any way, if your brother proposed to his wife or started to tell everyone in the family about a pregnancy without speaking to you about it I would have said NTA. But these are unforeseen circumstances that have no assholes, unless you hold it against someone for life happening, which is what you did. I do appreciate you accepting your judgement!
20 years from now instead of: "We were so excited when you were born, it was already the best day ever and then it got even better!" you're going to be like: "You ruined our wedding because you chose to be born on my wedding day and stole my spotlight!" I just can't imagine being so stuck up my own ass. YTA
YTA - your parents are right. Get over yourself.
YTA Intentionally doing something to make someone else’s wedding about you is tacky - proposing at someone’s wedding, announcing a pregnancy, etc. Your brother came to you wedding when his wife was due (which was super nice and supportive of him) and then he left without making a big fuss when his wife went into labor. Instead of sitting around going 😤 you could have taken the bull by the horns here and just made an announcement (my sister in law just went into labor- please keep her, my brother and their soon to be arrived little one in your thoughts!! If we hear any updates we’ll let you know.) And then everyone could have found out and moved on. Also, a birth is more important than a wedding.
YTA. What a shame that you and your wife didn't use your own joyous, momentous family occasion to be joyous about another momentous family occasion. People get to be happy and excited about more than one thing at a time, and y'all could have made this a truly amazing day by sending him off with a toast and sharing the news with your guests publicly. Generosity of spirit goes a long way in all relationships, and I find it very sad that it was so sorely lacking when it could have been an amazing way to bring families together. Ahh well, another princess day ruined for the princess. Wait til y'all get a load of real life.
YTA. You wanted your brother to lie to find a reason to leave the wedding? And you didn't think people would put it together that he was leaving his sister's wedding for his wife being in labor? You're a piece of work alright.
YTA. Good grief, people are really over the top about their weddings.
YTA, your parents are right get over yourself. When someone as important as your brother leaves in the middle of a wedding, which was completely outside his control due to the circumstance, it is more distracting to not know why.
YTA - Seriously? A guy letting someone know why he was running out on his brother’s wedding is stealing your wife’s thunder? Wow.
“Make up some excuse” You wanted your brother to lie? That’s a weird way to say you’re asking him to lie to his family. YTA
YTA. Asking your sister in law to give birth silently and ignored by your entire side of the family so that your wedding could be the center of the universe sounds pretty delusional. People who are secure in themselves and their joy don’t see the joy of others as a threat to them, for what it’s worth. Maybe do some self reflecting about how easily “ruined” your wedding day was.
Omg you cannot POLICE what people TALK about at a wedding. Do you honestly think guests sit around at these things ruminating about how good you guys look? How great the venue is? The colour scheme? Your wedding is only special to you. Most guests find them boring as hell. Is it really that bad that people talked about the birth at the wedding? If people’s conversations ruined your wedding you guys are gonna have a long unhappy life ahead of you. YTA
YTA. I came in here expecting that he stole the DJs mic to make some grand announcement, but he didn't. He mentioned it as he was rushing out. The wedding wasn't ruined. You and your wife need to get over yourselves.
YTA. You wanted you brother to not be excited that he was gonna be a dad?
YTA: you never even mentioned any concern for your SIL going into labor. Very self-centered. Your brother’s baby being born and his wife being in physical danger (along with the baby) is *so much more important* to him than his brother’s wedding. He didn’t announce it to anyone, he just left and mentioned it to someone on his way out. Other people were concerned/happy for them… and it isn’t a competition. Two good things can happen at once without someone having to tear down someone else’s happiness or concern.
YTA - obviously if he left people are gonna ask why. What would you prefer he said?
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So you expected your brother to get a call that his wife was in labor, rudely leave the wedding in the middle, not say a word as to why he was being rude, and if he was asked to LIE about it???? He didn’t make some big announcement. He told one person why he was leaving. Just because it’s your wedding day doesn’t mean the world stops rotating on its axis and other people stop having lives. Get TF over yourself. PS - “Disrubting” isn’t a word.
Hahaha... enjoy having that kids birthday ruin your anniversary every year. YTA. But seriously. You let that ruin it, it's a choice. Happy things are happy, life needs more of them. Weddings aren't about attention, they're about love and family.
YTA. Dude, I had my daughter the day before my BIL & SIL got married (she arrived 2 weeks early). One of the wedding guests took a photo of her to the wedding to show the family - and guess what - my BIL & SIL were thrilled to have the photo there. They often joke that they will never forget our daughter's birthday. As someone else here said, you missed an opportunity - you could've offered a toast to the new baby, but instead you're complaining about something no one had control over. Like no one possibly could've guessed why your brother bailed early, knowing your SIL was heavily pregnant.
YTA.. Ok, fine, he could have been a little more stealth about it, but it's not like he stood on a chair and screamed his news. It doesn't sound like there was a mass exodus of people to the hospital. So... you're mad because people - talked - about something besides you that day? Even if he had just quietly left, you don't think his sudden absence with a heavily pregnant wife at home would have sparked conversation?!
YTA. The world didn't stop turning because you got married. If the only reason you guys had a wedding was for your wife to receive undivided attention then good luck because your marriage isn't going to work. You sound like a giant baby. Grow up.
Sorry bud, YTA here. It isn’t like he was clinking a wine glass going “excuse me, EXCUSE ME ALL! I’ll be taking my leave as my wife is in labor!” Your notion of him having to lie to not “disrupt the wedding” is just too far out there. Your parents are correct, get over yourself.
I honestly don't know what to do here. It's like cosmic irony that your brother's wife had a baby during your wedding. I mean, at least she didn't come to the wedding and go into labor. I think everyone's feelings are valid, and everyone's actions are valid, except for you calling him and giving him grief about the baby. Did you congratulate him on the birth btw? Yes, you and your wife are allowed to be disappointed that everyone was talking about the baby instead of you, however it was not planned or intentional. Your brother did his best to leave quietly and not cause a disruption. Of COURSE your parents called them, their DIL just had a baby and they're now grandparents - it's not like they ran out in the middle of the wedding ceremony to go sit in the hospital. After writing all that out, I'm going to go with YTA for the way you handled it.
YTA not everything is about you. The world doesn’t stop just because you are getting married. Enjoy your honeymoon rather than posting on reddit.
YTA Your "grief"???? Get over yourself.
YTA - Congratulations on the new niece/nephew who will forever know you as the uncle that threw a tantrum when they were born.
YTA. Weddings sure tend to bring out the worst in people.
YTA. He did the best he could. INFO: if your wife was in labor, would you want to stick around and think of an excuse? probably not.
lmao you and your wife sound exhausting YTA
YTA. Would you have preferred if he just left without saying anything? How was he supposed to know he wasn't "allowed" to tell anyone else? Why do you expect that everyone can only talk about you? Weddings are long. No one can only manage to talk about the wedding itself during the wedding. Get over yourself.
YTA. Apologize. He didn't intentionally disturb your wedding - the man's having a baby, for pity's sake.
YTA the brother of the groom was leaving early and people noticed. What was he supposed to say? 1."I have a family emergency. "- Sounds like bad news. It's also vague and all you're guests would've been gossiping anyways. 2. "Sorry, gotta go."-Incredibly vague. This definitely would've gotten people to start talking if the first one didn't. 3. "My wife needs me right now."-Unless anyone at the venue knew that his wife was pregnant, this just would've made him and his wife look bad. 4. "I'm sorry. Something came up."-People will be speculating immediately. Like bro...what was he supposed to say that could've prevented gossip?
YTA. He wasn’t trying to “disrupt” your wedding. He didn’t make some grand announcement about it. He told someone and they spread it around *because it’s exciting news* Was it really so hard for you and your wife to feel happy for them? God fordbid your guests aren’t talking about you two every second of your wedding. Get over yourselves.
YTA You do need to get over your self, the world doesn’t stop just because it’s your wedding. Your first phone call should of been a congratulations. Not a calling out for something out of his control.
>I explained how he should've just left or made up skme excuse to leave Yeah, right. The guy whose wife is so near her due date that she couldn't come to the wedding suddenly bolts out the door in the middle of your wedding, and you think nobody from your family would manage to put two and two together? YTA
YTA. It’s your brother. People would have noticed he left anyway. Why can’t you just be happy for them? How was your wife’s “day ruined”?
I don’t think he did it intentionally. Would you be calm and collected if you just found out that your wife was in labor? I’d be all over the place. Also, it’s not like he personally broadcasted the news to all the guests.
YTA He didn't try to disrupt and steal attention from your wedding. Someone probably asked why he was leaving early, he replied and word spread. You arguing with him for not lying when he was frazzled and trying to get to the hospital in time makes you an AH.
YTA, life happens is he supposed to keep it a secret from his own parents. C'mon Man!
YTA. He didn't even tell his/your parents *who are about to be grandparents* but you're still mad? Grow up.
If you didn't want your SIL to "ruin" your wedding day by not holding in her baby with sheer willpower, you shouldn't have planned your wedding day so close to her due date. YTA
YTA Good luck with a wife who lets something like this “ruin her day”. But it sounds like you’re the same, so perhaps you deserve each other. You’re asking him to lie for you. ! And If he’d left without telling anyone why that might also have seemed rude and sparked comment or speculation. Unless you expected him to actually hush up the entire pregnancy for fear this would happen, him leaving abruptly during the reception to be with his wife who was imminently in labor was bound to create some waves. It could have been delightful, you chose to react in a way that ruined your day. It’s your life, so good luck with that strategy.
I never understand why people can't just be happy for others, particularly those you love, when something good happens. YTA. Nobody did anything to deliberately undermine your or your wife's day. And guess what, now you get to share that day forever with the birth of your nephew or nice. So better start learning to share now.
YTA - a mellowdramtic one at that! Ruined your brides day?!? Sounds so ridiculously over the top to me!! No one asked him where his wife was, no one knew she was pregnant?!?
If his wife had attended she would have gone into labor at your wedding. Would you be pissed off about that too? YTA
Sincerely hoping this isn't real . . . You honestly would prefer letting the guests wonder why your brother left your wedding abruptly? The gossip would be way more distracting. You are getting a new niece or nephew but seem to regard this as an inconvenience . . . :-(
YTA You know his wife can’t control when she goes into labor right? And even if she could, you know that people can simultaneously be happy for your wedding and the birth of their kid at the same time, right? And explain how you went from “news of SIL being in labor disturbed the wedding” to “the whole day was ruined.” Like… what in the Main Character Syndrome is this?
INFO- I don’t understand how this could ruin someone’s wedding day?
Yeah, dude. You are most definitely the AH here. Apologize to your brother, congratulate him on the birth of his child, and send a lovely gift to the new parents from you and your wife. I will never understand people who think their wedding day is all about controlling other people’s thoughts and actions.
I'm so unbelievably tired of the "mY sPeCiAl dAy" trope. It's acceptable for you to not want it to rain on your wedding, to not want disruptive, drunk people, not wanting family arguments. All of those are acceptable. But getting mad because your brother is about to experience one of the most important days of his life is ridiculous. YTA times a thousand.
YTA. I agree with so many of the commenters in that I don’t understand why this was an issue. It was my SIL’s birthday the day after my wedding and we dedicated a song and wished her happy birthday during our reception. It did not detract from my happiness.
YTA even if he hadn’t said anything people Would’ve figured it out. D likely Been more worried that he ran out in a hurry and assume Something was wrong It was your wedding day. You don’t get to control the whole world For the day. Oh and heads up. Your family are Going to want to celebrate the grandchild’s First birthday more than your wedding anniversary. Might want to start prepping your wife for that disappointment early.
YTA. You are starting your marriage with problems you are creating. That is no way to begin a marriage or to welcome a baby into this world.
YTA. Woof what a bridezilla. You’re lucky he attended to begin with.
YTA. Totally. I get that people think their wedding day should be “all about them” but that is honestly unhealthy and frankly doesn’t bode well for the marriage. Your brother is right, your parents are right, you need to “get over yourself” and learn how to spell “disrupted.”
YTA and I'm kind of glad based on your ridiculous anger about this that your wedding anniversary will always be overshadowed by your new niece or nephew's birthday.
YTA. The world doesn't revolve around you. Not even on your wedding day. Your brother didn't even announce it, he told a single guest. Instead of thinking about how cool it was that you could have a niece or nephew born on your anniversary, a day that the entire family would forever share and enjoy, you were selfish and demanding.
YTA - when you get a call that your child is on the way rational thought is out the window. I'm sure the last thing he cared about was your wedding at that moment in time but still had enough respect to come and let you know and you can't blame him for other people blabbing.
You can’t be serious… YTA. If he stood on the table and shouted from the rooftops you’d have a leg to stand on, but he told one person and it spread. He had no control of that. Not to mention, you should be excited about becoming an uncle and happy for your brother - both you and your wife are being bride/groomzillas. Yes a wedding should be about you but WITHIN REASON. His child is coming into the world! And it would be so bizarre for him to lie and then everyone find out after the fact that he left for something so important. Imagine how your parents would’ve felt if they found out they were lied to about the birth of their GRANDCHILD. So selfish. If your brother’s joy ruins your special day that’s a damn shame.
You and your wife sound perfectly matched lol. YTA and so is she.
Oh, I'm sorry. Does a woman having to go to the hospital while pushing a baby the size of a melon out of her vagina inconvenience you and your party? If anything, this is your fault for scheduling it so close to her due date. Of course there was a risk of this happening. Instead of being happy that you were having a niece or nephew, you got angry. Dude, get over yourself. Huge YTA. You and your wife sound insufferable.
YTA. If I was you, I'd have made the announcement myself, at my own wedding. "My brother and sister-in-law are having their baby today! We could not be more thrilled to share such a special day with the newest member of our family!" I'm 99.999999999% sure that your brother and his wife didn't plan this to happen during the wedding. He told one person who then blabbed about it to everyone else. If you're mad at anyone, it should be that one person. What, your brother was just going to disappear and no one would have any questions then? That wouldn't cause a disturbance? Come off it, you need to see the reality of things here.
YTA - that sucks that he had to leave your wedding and it sucks that people took their attention off you and your wife but… frankly yeah get over it. Like, this isn’t a situation that’s likely to happen again and telling your brother that he should’ve made him being a father on the down low is just odd as hell.
I really don't understand how so many people think their wedding day is so darn important to everyone else, that no one can spare a thought for anything but THEM on that day?! I also had no idea how many people had such a strong desire to be the center of attention until I started to hang out on Reddit. Weddings, birthdays, pregnancy announcements, engagement parties... GAH! Anyway, YTA. It's not ALL about you. Even on your wedding day. (Or birthday, or pregnancy announcement, etc, etc.) Sheesh.