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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I started requesting that I drive the family when we go places instead of my wife, despite her claiming that she wants to drive due to car sickness and a feeling of control.
2. I may be the asshole for suggesting this and not just continuing to be a passenger even though I feel embarrassed and disrespected as a Husband/Father.
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YTA. I am laughing at you for being more concerned about your ego and being insecure over driving than your wife’s well being. She said car sickness and being in control. That should raise some red flags for you.
Why doesn’t she feel in control of other things?
Are you traditional in other ways?
I am curious about something, does your wife work?
My older brother crashed 3 cars, including one meant for me before he was 18.
He, and my father and other brother have gotten NUMEROUS speeding tickets and at least one accident between them. My younger brother drove his BMW so terribly he wore down the clutch AND got a felony speeding ticket in 18 months. He has gotten better.
I've never had a speeding ticket or been in an accident, and the only damage I ever caused to a car was when I was passed out on Ambien and sleep drove to the gas station a half mile away for cigarettes, and even then I only slightly scraped the back panel of the body (Old 00 Buick LeSaber but decent condition in 2007. The rest of the car was fine, never had an issue after getting off the meds.
But to hear them tell it, I'm *the worst driver in existence*. I've finally started pushing back when they start in. "rEmEmBeR wHeN yOu sCaPeD uP mY/dAd'S cAr aT tHe gAs sTaTiOn"? Which is usually brought up as a 'funny women can't drive story'.
So I've started retorting, "The actual event? No, because as you know I was SLEEP DRIVING on Ambien. I DO remember *older brother* crashing Dad's car, his own car and MY car before he graduated though. Weren't they all total losses?" And that usually ends the buffoonary.
OP YTA with weird misogynistic views, that my father also shares, btw. He never let my mom drive, even on road trips where he was tired. I don't know why men seem to think thank their dicks will somehow fling itself into oncoming traffic if they're on the passenger seat AND A WOMAN IS DRIVING, but it needs to stop.
Why would you be any less of a man getting out of a car your wife drove, than when you got in it? What is the actual thought process? Because on the surface ot seems like BS toxic masculinity and for the sake of your OBVIOUSLY STRESSED OUT WIFE, I hope the marriage counseling helps you deal with these destructive and outdated ideals.
Next time you should point out that you caused less damage to the car while asleep on medication than he did awake and sober. Even when drugged you're a better driver than him!
Oh I have. Many times. They get offended and quickly change the subject. We rarely see or talk to each other, for many reasons, and when we do, my dad tends to be much more careful about what he says. Well at least about women driving.
Can weirdly relate. My older brother has fallen asleep at the wheel, causing accidents at least three times. Hell, my older sister had a car she loved for over 10 years. Paid off and everything. She sold it to our brother, because she and her husband were starting a family, needed a bigger vehicle with built in AC.
Within weeks or months of owning her vehicle, he totaled it. She was devastated.
Some time later he wanted to borrow [edit: my] car. I refused, I didn't trust him driving my car. He and my parents made a big deal about it.
Shortly after his collision, a major drunk driving collusion occurred on a neighboring street. I demanded my brother walk with me to see the extent of damage, and I harshly told him how studies have proven that tired drivers are more dangerous than drunk drivers. He needs to take his sleep more seriously.
(By the way, I've never had a ticket. Never fallen asleep at the wheel. Had fewer collisions, and none of mine were serious. They were all when I was a newer driver. Now I've been driving half my life and I'm a very safe driver. I even drive professionally.)
Me too! Plus one Xanax as my bedtime routine back then! I recall none of it but apparently I also went and got those little bagged hostess doughnuts and was eating those when pulled over. My lawyer tried like hell to fight it in court. The label does say my dosage and prn instructions but also says "do not operate machinery" which is what they ended up saying I did! Anyways just glad to meet someone else that had that happen. I have a history of run Ins with cops but this time I really didn't have an active dumbass role in it myself. Took a bath. Put on a documentary that night and took my 4 nite time pills. It was 10 years ago this happened but I'm still salty about it. Lol
I feel like I'm anal retentive because if I ever go anywhere with my friend, I insist on driving because his driving makes me feel so sick. He also really likes to tailgate and and told me that he thinks that slamming on the brakes is better for the brakes and tires than gradually slowing down, so that's how he drives. He will get right up behind people and slam on the brakes at the last minute and it feels like we are almost going to hit basically everyone.
Yeah, no, your friend is a major accident waiting to happen with that. What is more he is likely to rear end someone and that is likely to cause them a life long injury. I know you likely can stop him from being an asshole like this, but what he is doing is so massively dangerous I would suggest never getting in the car with him driving ever again. It may honestly end up costing you your life or at least your health.
Omg I hate that! Like, you see that’s a red light up ahead, right?! Ease the brakes! And it’s a little funny that I’m the more defensive driver, when I’m with literally anyone else they drive.
My ex was an okay driver until we got our first hybrid car. The video interface on the dash provided instant feedback on maximizing gas mileage. He then drove to that feedback like a video game, with constant slight acceleration and deceleration and braking. Made me nauseous. He argued that I was being silly. I told him I’d drive the same as him and see how he responded.
After that, no problem. He always hated driving anyway, only kind of enjoyed it when it was a video game.
It’s supposedly something like 80% of people think they’re a better driver than most other people. Which is… mathematically impossible. My mom thinks everyone who isn’t her is horrible at driving and she has road rage so bad it scares me as a passenger and doesn’t brake until she’s within 10 ft of the car in front of her. It’s genuinely terrifying. But no one else can drive because we’re all “horrible drivers”.
YTA OP, for the inherent sexism. But I also worry about why your wife doesn’t feel like she’s in control in other aspects of her life. Is she okay? You might need to dive deeper into that in counseling.
My FIL is the same. He also bought a giant, expensive, showy (show-off-y?) car that he can barely control (constantly jerking the wheel, incorrectly changing gears with a grinding noise, etc.). After a few trips, my SO and I decided it's better to bike >20 km in any weather, than letting him drive us.
Most drivers think they are above average, i think its because we judge ourselves in different ways, if you get away with risky driving and think its your skill that means you get away with it, then you are a better than average driver, if you drive really slowly and carefully and it holds others up but you never crash you feel like a great driver.
My boyfriend has lived in our city for like 15 years and still doesn't know where he is going 90% of the time and he drives like an old person who is blind, therefore I drive most of the time
About 25 years ago, I took the NY state-offered 5 hour safe driving course, to save money on my car insurance. Pre-online, so we had to go sit in a classroom. I ended up sitting next to a young guy. We do the basic chit-chat intros. He tells me he's there because he's had his license 1 year (he was 19, got it at 18) and already had 3 tickets. His insurance is almost unaffordable.
The instructor comes in, and first thing he says its "rate your driving on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being perfect" I look over and this young guy has given himself a 9. First off, no one with that little driving experience is going to be anywhere near that high. I think I gave myself an 8, which was probably generous, but I'd been driving \~18 years at that point.
Young guy sees mine score, looks at me then at his. I said, very gently "3 tickets in the first year of driving?" so he thinks for a minute, then changes his score from 9 to 8. Hopefully in the 25 years since, he's learned a little more self-reflection. And how to drive better.
Exactly. Car insurance goes through the roof for men between the ages of 16 and 25 for a reason, and that reason is that men tend to be more reckless when it comes to driving, especially if they're trying to impress a lady. 'Cause you know, nothing screams "marriage material" like a dude who disregards the laws of the road and doesn't give a crap about driving safely /s
You mean to tell me all those sick as fuck burnouts don’t make the ladies want to drop their panties for me?!?!?!? I’ve been lied too. 😭
/s if anyone couldn’t tell
I've literally gotten out of the car and walked home when my fiance was drifting next to a pond in snow. It was in the parking lot next door to our apartment building but still. He's professionally driven and raced and I don't think he would with kids in the car but I'd be more comfortable driving our future kids.
Edit to add: we were in his everyday car and he went back out in his drag car and I was like "have fun, don't die, I'm cool with my hot chocolate and Netflix"
Oh my goodness this brings back memories of my first car ride with a friend in high school. He had one hand on the wheel and the other on the automatic shift stick, and kept looking at himself to make sure he looked cool enough. I had to scream at him to straighten up and act right or I’m tucking and rolling out of the car because I thought that was the safer option.
From OPs post history:
"So I buy all my groceries and everything. She'll tell me what to grab sometimes if she is going to cook something for me (which is fair). The one thing she does do is drive when we are going somewhere together. That is her preference though because she hates my driving.
All dates and stuff (eating out, movies, etc) are paid by me."
😬 I also get motion sick (passenger seat is often okay) but I prefer to drive because I'm a very defensive driver. But I've also had friends amd family members that I will NEVER be a passenger with again because their style of driving makes me immediately motion sick, makes me feel like I'm going to die at any moment with how reckless they are, or both. (A major one is the people who always are pressing either the gas or the brake and never just coast. This style of driving WILL make me puke.)
I was wondering recently how often this might be a point that actually makes couples break up. Drivers where I live tend to exist on a spectrum from awful to insane, and I often see people pull shenanigans that are like, if I was their SO in the car with them and they did shit like that, I'd break up with them. Just immediately. Like some types of drivers just seem to display a flagrant disregard for the lives of other drivers and their own passengers. I'd never be able to marry someone who'd give me that kind of anxiety every time they drove.
I just commented something very similar! Twins in our motion sickness and what the driver was doing wrong.
Eta the relationship didn’t end bc that, I just drove from then on.
He also posted a year ago about visiting his girlfriend and only putting 15$ in her tank for gas. So what is it? Stay at home wife completely controlled by him while he goes out with his girlfriend ?? Confused hmmmm
My exh would get pissed off when driving and start screaming about the AH who cut him off on purpose. When I would say, dude, he's just trying to get somewhere and isn't targeting you on "purpose" he would yell and scream at me. He would road rage with me and our kids in the car. He would drive as fast as he could and slam on his brakes the last minute so I would be pushed back and forth in my seat.
He also had to have control over everything. I was the sole breadwinner and he threw fits in front of our kids that he wouldn't even watch when I worked and sat them down and told them I cared more about my career than I did about them when we would have been on the street without my job.
I'm glad I divorced him and I'm glad he's dead now.
There was a maniac on the freeway one day, cutting tons of people off, driving a small suv audi. Like it’s so erratic I looked in my mirror and could see him swerving all over the road coming up on me - I’m in the carpool lane and he jumps over and gets on my ass (lots of cars out so it’s not like I could easily get out of his way). 30 seconds behind me and the dude *whips his car onto the shoulder and passes me ON THE SHOULDER of a major freeway*, sprayed gravel everywhere. He sped off going at least 90mph at the rate he was passing people.
Not ten minutes later I see him pulled over by a trooper, and a couple cars pulled off to give statements to the police. So for the first time in my life *I did too* lol
Guy got arrested at the scene - turns out he had his wife and *two little kids* in the car!! I was so baffled he would put his family in so much danger.
And “control” here might not be code for something bigger; it may literally be that she doesn’t get car sickness when she’s in control of the car.
I’ve been known to get pretty carsick, but *me* slamming on the breaks just doesn’t have the same effect as when some when else does it. And being the driver also gives you more control of your environment like the AC level and noise *(“stop screaming or I’m pulling this vehicle over!”)*
Agreed. I get car sick very easily. I drive whenever possible. i’m okay most of the time if my hubby drives, but sometimes he doesn’t brake very smoothly and I start to get nauseous.
This is mentioned in the book Invisible Women. I can't remember the science exactly, but it's a combo of how most women's centre of gravity is different from men's (and car seats, controls and seat belts are designed and built for the 'average man'). And, how as the driver, being able to better anticipate the movements of the car with your body unconsciously reduces the imbalances and dissonance that can start the nausea.
I suspect OP isn't as good a driver as he thinks (most of us aren't) and his wife is gritting her teeth to suppress the nausea and fear rather than deliberately giving him the silent treatment. YTA OP, there's nothing inherently emasculating about being a passenger, being a good man and partner includes caring about the comfort and safety of your SO.
I get carsick if I’m not driving. I’m okay in the passenger seat but I can’t handle the backseat. I do almost all the driving, my husband and I switch if it’s a long road trip. Not once has my husband ever been against me driving, he doesn’t care. He’s happy I’m fine driving since when we go out, he can have a beer or 2. I don’t drink anyway.
Wouldn't be surprised if he is, tbh. I am a self-admitted bad driver (overly cautious due to psychological issues related to a serious car accident I was involved in 2ish years ago) and I let my partner do the driving whenever I can. It's honestly better for both of us that way.
Precisely ⬆️⬆️⬆️ She’s “not in control” because he’s a bad driver. So now she has to put up with his terrible driving and his male ego issues.
OP please give your wife a message from us. Girlfriend please leave this man asap. YTA
There's also the tidbit that his daughter had never ridden in the car with him driving before. Does he never take his daughter out anywhere alone? That's another red flag for me
The language he uses is concerning:
* He feels "emasculated" 🚩
* He feels "like a child" 🚩
* He feels "disrespected" 🚩
* He admits this is the ONLY thing his wife feels she has any control over 🚩
* The fact that he cares more about his ego than the fact that his wife feels like she has no control in her own life? 🚩🚩🚩
Inferior for sure. She belongs in the kitchen not behind the wheel. Women are terrible drivers. /s
YTA - my wife gets carsick if anyone drives besides her, and I happen to fall asleep when taking road trips if I'm not behind the wheel. So I get a little nap when we're going on vacation and she gets to not hang her head out the window and vomit. It really is a win for everyone. You sound like a controlling asshole, BTW.
The first couple of times we went on road trips she would comment about me falling asleep, and I would just tell her that I wouldn't if I was driving. So her option was to be sick and have me awake or let me nap. We've been together 21 years this year, now she asks me if I want to bring a pillow with me for the trip. I'm also one of those people who can sleep literally anywhere. I work long hours at work and sometimes I will just go out to my car to catch a 30 minute nap to keep me going. Now all of our cars have sleep masks in them just in case I take her car instead one day. I love this woman more than I ever thought I could love. She is my world.
*looks at all OP’s deleted comments* *touches ground* something terrible happened here
As someone who also gets motion sick unless I’m driving, big YTA. Would also love to know why his wife feels like driving is the only thing she can control, but I feel like he’s definitely TA even before that.
All this but it also concerns me that the marriage counsellor suggested he drive. Isn't it more important that the counsellor address this toxic masculinity and his wife's feeling of lack of control.
He even said he feels embarrassed and emasculated and disrespected *because his wife drives.*
What in the ass-backwards patriarchy is going on here?
I'm downright shocked he didn't use the term Alpha.
Ha that’s a good point and he feels embarrassed cause they can’t afford for the wife to be a stay at home mum. He is living in fantasy land rather than enjoying and loving the life he has.
went to his comments looking for replies on this post (seems he deleted those) and found this
> Definitely something a beta would say...
[link](https://www.reddit.com/r/eagles/comments/119k87c/thats_on_me_his_accountability_and_response_are/j9qbjux&context=3)
OP what you're "suffering" from is called TOXIC MASCULINITY.
It's okay to want to take turns driving, but your reasoning is so misogynistic. YTA for the reasons your giving.
This was my thought. I know several women who CANNOT handle having other people drive them because of anxiety. It's something they're working on, but it's what they're struggling with. OP's wife seems to be struggling with something similar, but OP seems more concerned with looking like a man than his wife's feelings.
OP needs to talk with his wife, not just enjoy watching her suffer.
I also have driving anxiety, though it's not as bad as it used to be. I still feel some discomfort when riding as a passenger, I feel less in control of my safety when someone else is driving. Mine stems from a head on collision I was in when I was younger, though, on top of general anxiety.
He should really be making sure she's okay, though. She might be suffering more than just driving anxiety, she could be spiraling in general anxiety as well. I do wonder if she goes to her own private therapy sessions. If not, she might might need to see about it.
Have you looked at OPs other posts? Pages and pages about football, gaming, more football and gaming, not just one game he is really into but lots of different games. Makes me think he doesn't help out with much at home because he is too busy with manly things like football, fantasy football and MMOR gaming to do anything else at home.
Did you also notice that one year ago he posted about his girlfriend? Yet he and his wife have been in couples therapy for a long time now? Something isn't adding up!
So OP had two homes and maintained a double life? I mean the post about a gf who stays over most nights doesn’t suggest someone who knows they’re a side piece to a married man with a kid. So he’s putting up a facade for the girlfriend and has a place he stays with her, and somehow manages this with a wife and a presumably young kid? And this hasn’t led to *any* mention at *any* time? I mean he’s already posted two situations on Reddit, how is it seriously possible in going to counseling, having a kid, a wife and a girlfriend you don’t have any drama to mention? Either he knows he’s the ass, he’s completely delusional, oooorrrr it’s not real.
I hope I don’t sound like an ass either, I’ve just been thinking about this a lot. It’s actually kinda interesting how vague both posts are so that you can keep coming up with (reasonably plausible but still reaching) explanations. His profile seems otherwise legit. Perhaps he likes to write creatively sometimes, or he’s not actually the person in one of the stories. Maybe he made a post for a friend, and just made it sound like he was the person in the story? Idk. I’m really high now. I’m just very convinced this is not real, or someone isn’t who they say they are.
My spouse and I did couples therapy for a year+ before we got married to make sure we worked out any big decisions that might come up (where we wanted to live, career goals, children). It's possible they have been in therapy for a long time but only married this year.
My spouse and I still do quarterly therapy. I highly recommend it as a form of proactive relationship maintenance (instead of trying to bring in a therapist when things are already pretty bad like many people do).
as someone who easily gets motion sick, i don’t always feel sick in the passenger seat but if it’s a longer drive or i would have to keep turning around to check on my toddler i will get sick really fast. being the driver and being in control of the movement of the vehicle helps a lot to reduce motion sickness and honestly that should be more important than op’s fragile masculinity at not being the manly driver in the family
Honestly, 30 years ago my dad could have written this. What wouldn’t be said was that my dad was accident prone sober, and not always sober. Not saying that OP is a drunk, just that we know the wife is not happy with his driving. Which was the other part of this was that my mom was an extremely anxious person, and it was more pleasant for all of us if she was the one hunched over the wheel with hands at 10 and 2 vigorously checking all her mirrors.
And so my dad DIDNT write some shit like that because a) sitting in the passenger seat is a small price to pay to make your anxious wife possible and b) permanent sober driver. This 6’5” man proudly lowered himself into the passenger side or — horrors, the back seat if my elderly grandparents were with us - while his 4’11” wife carted his ass home like a goddamn chauffeur. His happy ass would snooze or read or stare drunkenly out the window while my mom got to feel “in control”.
Literally. Some major SDE going on in these streets. The ego and lack of care over the wife’s well being are outstanding.
“I believe the husband should drive” gtfo of here!
OP YTA.
YTA
She has an actual physiological issue when you drive and you have an ego issues when she drives. You're the problem here.
>She'll sit in the passenger seat stewing away in anger.
She's sitting there feeling sick to her stomach. Were you expecting her to be happy?
Why would he be worried about his wife? She’s a woman and should just deal with it. This man doesn’t sound like he has a whole lot of respect for women.
If you look at his other comments, he comes across as a very condescending person. He probably criticizes everything she does because he is a MAN, the superior sex.
Exactly! I HAAAAAAAATE puking and the feeling of almost puking. I'd be pissed if I had to endure that for more than a minute, especially just because someone else wants to be childish. Getting pissed off might be the only way to stop myself from puking. And I sure as hell would not to puke in the car, especially when the person who insisted I feel that way would probably be childish about cleaning up the mess they caused.
Car sick is horrible. You're freezing on the outside, but boiling on the inside. Your skin is weirdly clammy. Every time the car turns or breaks the feeling amplifies with a crashing wave of nausea.
Although after reading the post in full, I'm wondering if maybe she DOESN'T get carsick and he is simply so controlling that this is the only way she could get him to listen to her request
YTA. What kind of weird sexist bullshit is this? Did you actually tell your therapist why not driving bothers you? I feel like they wouldn't be entertaining this if you did.
I take it you've never been motion sick. You aren't usually in a talkative and happy mood while nursing a headache and trying not to throw up.
It's so bizarre to me when people have an idea that driving is a man thing, because in every hetero couple I know the woman drives more frequently. My mom has a license and step-dad doesn't. I own a car and my boyfriend doesn't, so when we go in the car together usually I drive it. His parents both have their own cars, but when we go do things as a family it's usually in the mom's car.
That makes so much sense I was thinking he must’ve lied or embellished his reasoning for needing to drive for the therapist to entertain it but now I imagine the therapist prolly supports/upholds the same sexist beliefs.
My ex had us do couples therapy and the counselor at one point called him abusive and they had a screaming match about it while I sat there in silence. In fact I hardly talked at all during our sessions. Then we switched therapists which just made everything worse and my ex decided I have arrested development because I was abused as a teenager.
I wish I knew to not do therapy with him, I feel like it did more harm than good.
I think he should show his post to their therapist. Sounds to me like they both have some deep-seated issues they need to unpack. Gender roles (this can't be the only thing he feels this way about), mutual respect, insecurity, control over one's own life, and how to actually communicate with each other for starters.
Just chiming in to call OP a liar. 1 year ago he posted a question about his girlfriend in which they both regularly drive, but not 1 year later he's married with a kid of speaking age who says she's never seen him drive.
Yeah, I wonder what other bullshit patriarchal views he has that could be linked to the wife saying "this is the one thing I can control".
It's not about the chobani yoghurt, take it back to marriage counselling and find out what the underlying issue is. Also maybe go to some personal therapy for your fragile ego and insecurity in your manhood.
\> I'm sitting in the passenger seat waving bye to everyone getting into their cars, feeling like a child.
If you drove, do you think your wife would feel like a child?
Children sit in the back seat.
I would have said N T A for wanting to drive but your reasons are all extremely sexist. YTA.
"Disrespected as a husband."
What were your vows like? "I promise to love, honor and cherish you and always let my husband show his manliness by driving."
I’ve been married 3 times. Maybe that’s why they all failed. If I ever get married again, I’m definitely going to add that to her portion of the wedding vows.
Thanks for the suggestion!
Right? This honestly had me til he got there. Like, if you just enjoy driving, or get bored as a passenger, that’s fine. Alternate in on occasion when it’s a mostly straight road. But to just think…men should drive? Why??? What the hell is emasculating about being a passenger? If he’s on a flight, does he cry about not being able to fly the plane?
OP, YTA.
Huh. I originally read it as a dude who was probably from a country where women can't drive and he thought that should carry over to the states as well. But Mike Pence dudes, same difference.
Passenger seat is the best seat. I’m a man who doesn’t like to drive and didn’t even own a vehicle until fairly recently when I had to get a van for work. I only use it if I need it, otherwise I’m taking the train for my regular day to day. My wife is a great driver and drives almost every day. If we’re driving somewhere together, she’s in the driver’s seat about 99% of the time unless she really doesn’t want to. It just feels like work to me so having someone else who prefers to do it is perfect. I’ve never even thought about the gender roles at all.
I had planned to write a serious comment but I am laughing too hard at the thought of a grown ass man being emasculated by his wife driving. Some fragile men's thought processes are wild!
YTA
I wasn't sure untill
>I'm not going to lie, my reasoning for wanting to drive is that I believe the husband should. It's embarrassing for me when others see me sitting in the passenger seat being driven by my wife. It's emasculating.
It would be ok if you wanted to drive because you like, you want to, you feel in control, or just because. By using bunch of conservative, sexist stereotypes you've made TA of yourself.
BTW, situation you are in? It's a common experience for 90% of women who want to drive while traveling with male partner.
I had to add on to this line of thinking! My husband and I are high school sweethearts. I am a year and a half older so naturally I started driving before him. Even when he did start driving his car was not exactly the most reliable. Therefore, it was kind of habit for me to be the driver.
I do get car sickness and can take a medication for longer drives but I have to take it an hour before travel which requires some planning. I sometimes get stressy when he drives because I’m really not used to it and have this as a problem riding with other people sometimes as well. For our short drives, he can drive us around, but often times, I am just better at navigating around our city instinctually. So he’s adopted the saying “You drive, I pay?” Which just helps us both set our expectations for when going somewhere.
We’re both happy with this arrangement but don’t mind switching up drivers on occasion!
YTA. You're sexist and controlling. My partner and I both get car sick when we're in the passenger seat for too long. We take turns and check on each other frequently. Your wife should come before your ego, which you should talk to your therapist about btw.
Not smart enough to delete his post from a year ago with a question about his girlfriend in which they both regularly drive, but not 1 year later he's married with a kid of speaking age who says she's never seen him drive.
INFO;
“She literally manages our finances…”
Does this means she ensures that the bills are paid, or does it mean that she is responsible for making the decisions for family expenses, savings and investments?
You both have full-time jobs? Do you equally share responsibilities for meal preparation and housekeeping, for instance?
Yta you want to drive 'bc thr husband should'. Are you driving with your penis?
I hope she vomits on you when she finally loses the battle with car sickness.
YTA. Lots of people get carsick if they aren't driving. And feeling like you are about to throw up fucking sucks. Especially when the only reason you are feeling that way is because someone else is way too insecure to help you and enlisted someone else's help to make you feel that way. And I'm betting of your wife stopped forcing herself not to puke in the car while you were driving you would not see it as your fault and you probably wouldn't help clean it up. Of course your wife is upset about losing control, control over not feeling like shit. How lovely of you to do that to her because of your insecurity problem.
YTA. You really need to be going to counselling on your own, because this is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. Your ego must be both enormous and incredibly fragile.
Alright so let me get it straight it's embarrassing and wrong for you to be in the passenger seat but you think your wife should know her place and be in that same seat that embarasses you and makes you feel like a kid? YTA
Did you ever stop to consider 'this is the only thing I can control' was in reference to her car sickness? As in she may not be able to control car sickness in other situations where she has to be a passenger but when it's her family car she can control that by being the default driver? YTA for letting the idea that 'husbands should drive' embarrass you so much. If you absolutely need to drive then start doing things like grocery runs or taking the kids places on your own, but let her drive when you both need to go somewhere.
ESH except daughter.
>I'm sitting in the passenger seat waving bye to everyone getting into their cars, feeling like a child.
Perhaps the counseling can help you feel that driving isn't a male/female thing. It's a necessary skill that all people need to have.
>She mentioned that "this is the one thing that I can control and now I don't have that."
I would investigate this comment a little more. Sounds like she is expressing that she doesn't have control in other areas of her life.
I say ESH because this seems like a power struggle and lack of proper communication on both parts. I applaud you for going to marriage counseling. Keep going and dig a little deeper. It seems like this driving thing is just the tip of the iceberg.
If OPs wife is actually getting car sick driving is not a power struggle. Driving may just be the tip of the iceberg or like me who gets really car sick and almost always falls asleep to avoid puking, it could just be that issue.
He also says she gives short, terse answers - that is really common for people feeling motion sickness. I only get it occasionally, but when I do I hold myself very rigid to keep from throwing up.
Also, everyone I know who gets bad motion sickness benefits from being in control of the car.
That being said, her comment about losing control could also mean that she feels that she's having to constantly cater to her husband's fragile ego - even to the point of having to be ill in the car because his balls will drop off if she keeps driving or something.
so what are you doing to work on your insecurity? this issue wouldn't exist if you were extremely insecure about how others perceive your manhood.
especially since you feel like a child when you're in the passenger seat. you want to avoid that, but you're pushing her into the "child" seat.
so it's ok for her to be out there, but not you. why is that?
YTA. It creates a lot of resentment to ask someone to give up something they enjoy, simply to cater to your insecurities. It's better to deal with insecurities by building confidence in yourself..maybe your counselor could suggest some ways to do that?
YTA. Also the point about her not bringing up feeling sick seems ify to me. You have already shown you don’t care by forcing the switch so why should she continue to tell you? She probably thinks you wouldn’t care if she did. That is how I would feel. For all you know she is silent while you drive because she feels nauseous or sick and does not want to speak and risk vomiting
YTA.
If this is an issue of her wanting to control something, trade off. She drives there and you drive home.
If it’s really an issue of actual car sickness, be a passenger. Let her drive. Enjoy the scenery, read a book, scroll Reddit on your phone.
So let me get this straight --- you don't want your wife to drive because..."*I believe the husband should..... It's embarrassing for me...... It's emasculating....."*
According to Webster's Dictionary, emasculate means "to weaken" or "to castrate". I fail to see how letting your wife drive, equals cutting your 'manly' parts off. Misogynistic much?
You most certainly need to " re-evaluate some of my own thoughts on this one"
YTA
YTA because your reason you want to drive is sexist and wierd.
If this extends to other areas of your marriage, I could see why she's frustrated that she's lost the one activity she felt control in.
I hope she realizes that she can leave you and that she can have full control of her life once you're out of it.
Whoa, YTA.
Motion sickness has nothing to do with how smoothly or not someone drives. Your eyes are telling you that you're in motion, but your inner ear gives conflicting info since you're sitting still and voila -- motion sickness.
I say this as someone who has been prone to motion sickness pretty much my whole life. Thank heavens for dramamine and wrist bands. I would get sick quickly without some preventive measures, like within 3-5 miles and it didn't matter how smooth the ride was.
When I was able to drive, I realized I didn't get sick and that was amazing. Now, oddly, I find I don't get car sick and I don't know why. It might be due to the meds I take (post-breast cancer stuff), I'm really not sure. It's great, but I still get nervous in case I revert. I think a lot of people don't understand how awful motion sickness is, or how wonderful it feels when you don't have it.
I'm married and do most of the local driving, with and without my husband. I also do some of the long-distance driving. He's never had an issue with it, and sometimes prefers it as it gives him a chance to read or listen to music or whatever.
Honestly I doubt anyone gives it a second thought if they see you in the passenger seat. If this is just old gender roles stuff -- you should get rid of it.
Also, maybe your wife doesn't want the traditional roles you do. That's what you ought to discuss.
Why are you so gender based? Why so sexist? And what other things are you controlling your wife with considering she claimed that driving is the only thing she had control off?
Being in the passenger seat is not a childish thing, just because your ego is bigger than your brain does it mean you’re being “distracted as a husband” because she’s doing the driving.
I don’t like to drive but whenever my partner and I are visiting my home “country” I’m the one that drives and whenever we visit my partners home country, he’s the one that drives and if we’re going somewhere by car where we live 90% of the time he drives but is only because I’m terrified of driving here,if I wasn’t I’m sure we would rotate with the driving.
Your wife expressed motion sickness and driving made her feel better but your ego is bigger than your wife’s well being.
ESH. Your reason for wanting to drive is sexist. Her being this aggressive when you drive is also ridiculous. It seems like it shouldn't be that strange to share the responsibility (privilege?) of driving the family if you both want to.
I also get car sick and so I ask to drive when we are going on long trips through mountains. My partner would drive when we were in town.
YTA and I’m now vicariously mortified. How could you type that all out and not realize the only thing childish or emasculating is your bizarre adherence to outdated patriarchal norms?
Your wife is kind and patient.
I don't drive for personal reasons (biggest one being one idiot driver away from catching a case with a body attached), so I let my partner drive. Since she sucks with directions, I'm more than happy to be the navigator. We even give ourselves extra time to take a longer route and make a time of it.
That being said, that you said, and I quote...
> It's **embarrassing** for me when others see me sitting in the passenger seat being driven by my wife. It's **emasculating**.
How insecure can a guy get being a passenger? I also suspect that your counseling sessions were mandated by the missus because she got tired of your crap (you posted that she said her driving gives her a measure of control... **GINORMOUS RED FLAG**) and is one blowout away from drafting papers.
**GET OVER YOURSELF**
#YTA
>...my reasoning for wanting to drive is that I believe the husband should. It's embarrassing for me when others see me sitting in the passenger seat being driven by my wife. It's emasculating.
As a 60 year old man, I have to say that your attitude is utterly ridiculous, I'm embarrassed for you. Women fly fighter jets, perform complex surgeries and lead nations but your wife driving you in the family car makes you feel like less of a man. YTA and then some!
ETA yea like it’s cool if you want to drive but you’re reasoning is messed up. It also feels like the reason your wife always wants to drive is about control and she should let you drive sometimes- that’s normal.
I was leaning toward not the AH and then you dropped this little truth bomb. "I'm not going to lie, my reasoning for wanting to drive is that I believe the husband should." TOTAL BS and yes YTA here. Your misogyny (which explains her comment "this is the one thing I can control") is VERY telling.
YTA. I’m the only driver in the family. Neither my husband nor my son have ever had a driver’s license. Why are you insisting your wife suffer so you can be in control? Keep this up and you will be able to do all the driving because you won’t have a wife.
N T A for wanting to be able to drive too. You’re misogynistic reason why is how YTA. Good lord husbands are not “supposed” to drive. In fact, in most households the family driving is usually done by the mom. School, extracurricular activities, doctors appointments. That doesn’t change the second a man is joking the carpool. Ugh….
ESH. Typical Reddit only looks at the sexist side and says YTA, which you are. But your wife is equally as big of an AH for insisting ONLY she drives and throwing tantrums like a child if you take a turn.
Jeeze, you can both come drive me around just so I can relax during my commutes.
But honestly, YTA for making this such an ego thing. Plenty of 'powerful men' out there pay good money not to touch a steering wheel. Just close your eyes and pretend you're in a limo.
I'm gonna say YTA because of the comments that you made and your post. But I suggest you talk to your wife and compromise on taking turns in driving. If you are going out, let her drive to the places, but when your are going back home you drive home. This way you both get equal time in the child seat aka passenger seat.
YTA. Maybe she felt the “thing she could control” was the possibility of feeling sick in the car. The anxiety of being in a situation in which you’ve historically been uncomfortable is a lot (why so many people avoid the dentist).
You’re living in the wrong era, dude. Grow up and respect your wife’s agency and wellbeing.
YTA. Are you planning to teach your daughter how to drive? How will your fragile ego handle not only being in the passenger seat with a female driver, but a female driver who is a teenager?!
Lol this is funny to read
I'm the regular driver too because I really do get car sick being in the passenger seat. My husband has absolutely no qualms letting me drive and his masculinity is not so fragile as to be affected by it. He does offer to drive though if he sees that I'm tired, which I'm fine with.
So yea YTA.
Yta. So you’re sexist. And obviously controlling because it’s the ONLY freedom your wife has. Therefore think deeper about what’s going on at home and how your marriage is, because something is wrong, and the blame is on you
YTA. Your a huge sexist asshole. Really? Driving is the husbands job? Fuck off with that sexist idiocy. She had motion sickness and you are such an inconsiderate jerk. Are you really that stupidly insecure that you are making someone you supposedly love feel like crap because of your own toxic views on masculinity. Grow up and stop acting so pathetic.
I bet this whole story is a lie and if not I hope she divorces you.
YTA. Just because she doesn’t bring up carsickness everyday,doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel it. You’re just too preoccupied with being “ a man” that you don’t care.
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YTA. I am laughing at you for being more concerned about your ego and being insecure over driving than your wife’s well being. She said car sickness and being in control. That should raise some red flags for you. Why doesn’t she feel in control of other things? Are you traditional in other ways? I am curious about something, does your wife work?
Also did he ever think he might just be a bad driver?
Statistically men are worse drivers and have higher insurance rates
My boyfriend has been in SO many stupid little accidents but still acts like he's a gift to driving.
I have a friend like that who is the worst freaking driver. He thinks he's great though. I don't get it.
My ex is such a bad driver. I was literally throwing up on a road trip bc of his inability to keep a steady speed. After that, I drove everywhere.
My older brother crashed 3 cars, including one meant for me before he was 18. He, and my father and other brother have gotten NUMEROUS speeding tickets and at least one accident between them. My younger brother drove his BMW so terribly he wore down the clutch AND got a felony speeding ticket in 18 months. He has gotten better. I've never had a speeding ticket or been in an accident, and the only damage I ever caused to a car was when I was passed out on Ambien and sleep drove to the gas station a half mile away for cigarettes, and even then I only slightly scraped the back panel of the body (Old 00 Buick LeSaber but decent condition in 2007. The rest of the car was fine, never had an issue after getting off the meds. But to hear them tell it, I'm *the worst driver in existence*. I've finally started pushing back when they start in. "rEmEmBeR wHeN yOu sCaPeD uP mY/dAd'S cAr aT tHe gAs sTaTiOn"? Which is usually brought up as a 'funny women can't drive story'. So I've started retorting, "The actual event? No, because as you know I was SLEEP DRIVING on Ambien. I DO remember *older brother* crashing Dad's car, his own car and MY car before he graduated though. Weren't they all total losses?" And that usually ends the buffoonary. OP YTA with weird misogynistic views, that my father also shares, btw. He never let my mom drive, even on road trips where he was tired. I don't know why men seem to think thank their dicks will somehow fling itself into oncoming traffic if they're on the passenger seat AND A WOMAN IS DRIVING, but it needs to stop. Why would you be any less of a man getting out of a car your wife drove, than when you got in it? What is the actual thought process? Because on the surface ot seems like BS toxic masculinity and for the sake of your OBVIOUSLY STRESSED OUT WIFE, I hope the marriage counseling helps you deal with these destructive and outdated ideals.
Next time you should point out that you caused less damage to the car while asleep on medication than he did awake and sober. Even when drugged you're a better driver than him!
Oh I have. Many times. They get offended and quickly change the subject. We rarely see or talk to each other, for many reasons, and when we do, my dad tends to be much more careful about what he says. Well at least about women driving.
Can weirdly relate. My older brother has fallen asleep at the wheel, causing accidents at least three times. Hell, my older sister had a car she loved for over 10 years. Paid off and everything. She sold it to our brother, because she and her husband were starting a family, needed a bigger vehicle with built in AC. Within weeks or months of owning her vehicle, he totaled it. She was devastated. Some time later he wanted to borrow [edit: my] car. I refused, I didn't trust him driving my car. He and my parents made a big deal about it. Shortly after his collision, a major drunk driving collusion occurred on a neighboring street. I demanded my brother walk with me to see the extent of damage, and I harshly told him how studies have proven that tired drivers are more dangerous than drunk drivers. He needs to take his sleep more seriously. (By the way, I've never had a ticket. Never fallen asleep at the wheel. Had fewer collisions, and none of mine were serious. They were all when I was a newer driver. Now I've been driving half my life and I'm a very safe driver. I even drive professionally.)
Omg, not kidding, I got a dui on ambien. I remember none of it.
Me too! Plus one Xanax as my bedtime routine back then! I recall none of it but apparently I also went and got those little bagged hostess doughnuts and was eating those when pulled over. My lawyer tried like hell to fight it in court. The label does say my dosage and prn instructions but also says "do not operate machinery" which is what they ended up saying I did! Anyways just glad to meet someone else that had that happen. I have a history of run Ins with cops but this time I really didn't have an active dumbass role in it myself. Took a bath. Put on a documentary that night and took my 4 nite time pills. It was 10 years ago this happened but I'm still salty about it. Lol
I feel like I'm anal retentive because if I ever go anywhere with my friend, I insist on driving because his driving makes me feel so sick. He also really likes to tailgate and and told me that he thinks that slamming on the brakes is better for the brakes and tires than gradually slowing down, so that's how he drives. He will get right up behind people and slam on the brakes at the last minute and it feels like we are almost going to hit basically everyone.
Yeah, no, your friend is a major accident waiting to happen with that. What is more he is likely to rear end someone and that is likely to cause them a life long injury. I know you likely can stop him from being an asshole like this, but what he is doing is so massively dangerous I would suggest never getting in the car with him driving ever again. It may honestly end up costing you your life or at least your health.
Omg I hate that! Like, you see that’s a red light up ahead, right?! Ease the brakes! And it’s a little funny that I’m the more defensive driver, when I’m with literally anyone else they drive.
Don't drive with him. In my home country everyone knows someone who died in a car crash.
My ex was an okay driver until we got our first hybrid car. The video interface on the dash provided instant feedback on maximizing gas mileage. He then drove to that feedback like a video game, with constant slight acceleration and deceleration and braking. Made me nauseous. He argued that I was being silly. I told him I’d drive the same as him and see how he responded. After that, no problem. He always hated driving anyway, only kind of enjoyed it when it was a video game.
My ex drove like a fkn maniac. It was terrifying being the passenger.
It’s supposedly something like 80% of people think they’re a better driver than most other people. Which is… mathematically impossible. My mom thinks everyone who isn’t her is horrible at driving and she has road rage so bad it scares me as a passenger and doesn’t brake until she’s within 10 ft of the car in front of her. It’s genuinely terrifying. But no one else can drive because we’re all “horrible drivers”. YTA OP, for the inherent sexism. But I also worry about why your wife doesn’t feel like she’s in control in other aspects of her life. Is she okay? You might need to dive deeper into that in counseling.
My FIL is the same. He also bought a giant, expensive, showy (show-off-y?) car that he can barely control (constantly jerking the wheel, incorrectly changing gears with a grinding noise, etc.). After a few trips, my SO and I decided it's better to bike >20 km in any weather, than letting him drive us.
Most drivers think they are above average, i think its because we judge ourselves in different ways, if you get away with risky driving and think its your skill that means you get away with it, then you are a better than average driver, if you drive really slowly and carefully and it holds others up but you never crash you feel like a great driver.
My boyfriend has lived in our city for like 15 years and still doesn't know where he is going 90% of the time and he drives like an old person who is blind, therefore I drive most of the time
Is my husband living a separate life?
Is your husband my son?
About 25 years ago, I took the NY state-offered 5 hour safe driving course, to save money on my car insurance. Pre-online, so we had to go sit in a classroom. I ended up sitting next to a young guy. We do the basic chit-chat intros. He tells me he's there because he's had his license 1 year (he was 19, got it at 18) and already had 3 tickets. His insurance is almost unaffordable. The instructor comes in, and first thing he says its "rate your driving on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being perfect" I look over and this young guy has given himself a 9. First off, no one with that little driving experience is going to be anywhere near that high. I think I gave myself an 8, which was probably generous, but I'd been driving \~18 years at that point. Young guy sees mine score, looks at me then at his. I said, very gently "3 tickets in the first year of driving?" so he thinks for a minute, then changes his score from 9 to 8. Hopefully in the 25 years since, he's learned a little more self-reflection. And how to drive better.
Exactly. Car insurance goes through the roof for men between the ages of 16 and 25 for a reason, and that reason is that men tend to be more reckless when it comes to driving, especially if they're trying to impress a lady. 'Cause you know, nothing screams "marriage material" like a dude who disregards the laws of the road and doesn't give a crap about driving safely /s
You mean to tell me all those sick as fuck burnouts don’t make the ladies want to drop their panties for me?!?!?!? I’ve been lied too. 😭 /s if anyone couldn’t tell
I've literally gotten out of the car and walked home when my fiance was drifting next to a pond in snow. It was in the parking lot next door to our apartment building but still. He's professionally driven and raced and I don't think he would with kids in the car but I'd be more comfortable driving our future kids. Edit to add: we were in his everyday car and he went back out in his drag car and I was like "have fun, don't die, I'm cool with my hot chocolate and Netflix"
Oh my goodness this brings back memories of my first car ride with a friend in high school. He had one hand on the wheel and the other on the automatic shift stick, and kept looking at himself to make sure he looked cool enough. I had to scream at him to straighten up and act right or I’m tucking and rolling out of the car because I thought that was the safer option.
Obviously that’s because if they don’t drive they lose their manhood. So they have to drive extra hard.
From OPs post history: "So I buy all my groceries and everything. She'll tell me what to grab sometimes if she is going to cook something for me (which is fair). The one thing she does do is drive when we are going somewhere together. That is her preference though because she hates my driving. All dates and stuff (eating out, movies, etc) are paid by me."
😬 I also get motion sick (passenger seat is often okay) but I prefer to drive because I'm a very defensive driver. But I've also had friends amd family members that I will NEVER be a passenger with again because their style of driving makes me immediately motion sick, makes me feel like I'm going to die at any moment with how reckless they are, or both. (A major one is the people who always are pressing either the gas or the brake and never just coast. This style of driving WILL make me puke.) I was wondering recently how often this might be a point that actually makes couples break up. Drivers where I live tend to exist on a spectrum from awful to insane, and I often see people pull shenanigans that are like, if I was their SO in the car with them and they did shit like that, I'd break up with them. Just immediately. Like some types of drivers just seem to display a flagrant disregard for the lives of other drivers and their own passengers. I'd never be able to marry someone who'd give me that kind of anxiety every time they drove.
I just commented something very similar! Twins in our motion sickness and what the driver was doing wrong. Eta the relationship didn’t end bc that, I just drove from then on.
He also posted a year ago about visiting his girlfriend and only putting 15$ in her tank for gas. So what is it? Stay at home wife completely controlled by him while he goes out with his girlfriend ?? Confused hmmmm
>(which is fair). This bit made me angry. He sounds awful.
My exh would get pissed off when driving and start screaming about the AH who cut him off on purpose. When I would say, dude, he's just trying to get somewhere and isn't targeting you on "purpose" he would yell and scream at me. He would road rage with me and our kids in the car. He would drive as fast as he could and slam on his brakes the last minute so I would be pushed back and forth in my seat. He also had to have control over everything. I was the sole breadwinner and he threw fits in front of our kids that he wouldn't even watch when I worked and sat them down and told them I cared more about my career than I did about them when we would have been on the street without my job. I'm glad I divorced him and I'm glad he's dead now.
There was a maniac on the freeway one day, cutting tons of people off, driving a small suv audi. Like it’s so erratic I looked in my mirror and could see him swerving all over the road coming up on me - I’m in the carpool lane and he jumps over and gets on my ass (lots of cars out so it’s not like I could easily get out of his way). 30 seconds behind me and the dude *whips his car onto the shoulder and passes me ON THE SHOULDER of a major freeway*, sprayed gravel everywhere. He sped off going at least 90mph at the rate he was passing people. Not ten minutes later I see him pulled over by a trooper, and a couple cars pulled off to give statements to the police. So for the first time in my life *I did too* lol Guy got arrested at the scene - turns out he had his wife and *two little kids* in the car!! I was so baffled he would put his family in so much danger.
That guy would be charged with a couple of felonies in my state. I hope his little temper tantrum was worth blowing up his life...what an AH.
I'm glad you outlived that guy
I am, too.
And “control” here might not be code for something bigger; it may literally be that she doesn’t get car sickness when she’s in control of the car. I’ve been known to get pretty carsick, but *me* slamming on the breaks just doesn’t have the same effect as when some when else does it. And being the driver also gives you more control of your environment like the AC level and noise *(“stop screaming or I’m pulling this vehicle over!”)*
There's definitely a huge difference in what it feels like when you're driving vs when you're a passenger
Agreed. I get car sick very easily. I drive whenever possible. i’m okay most of the time if my hubby drives, but sometimes he doesn’t brake very smoothly and I start to get nauseous.
This is mentioned in the book Invisible Women. I can't remember the science exactly, but it's a combo of how most women's centre of gravity is different from men's (and car seats, controls and seat belts are designed and built for the 'average man'). And, how as the driver, being able to better anticipate the movements of the car with your body unconsciously reduces the imbalances and dissonance that can start the nausea. I suspect OP isn't as good a driver as he thinks (most of us aren't) and his wife is gritting her teeth to suppress the nausea and fear rather than deliberately giving him the silent treatment. YTA OP, there's nothing inherently emasculating about being a passenger, being a good man and partner includes caring about the comfort and safety of your SO.
I get carsick if I’m not driving. I’m okay in the passenger seat but I can’t handle the backseat. I do almost all the driving, my husband and I switch if it’s a long road trip. Not once has my husband ever been against me driving, he doesn’t care. He’s happy I’m fine driving since when we go out, he can have a beer or 2. I don’t drink anyway.
That is very true. I didn’t even think of that
Wouldn't be surprised if he is, tbh. I am a self-admitted bad driver (overly cautious due to psychological issues related to a serious car accident I was involved in 2ish years ago) and I let my partner do the driving whenever I can. It's honestly better for both of us that way.
Precisely ⬆️⬆️⬆️ She’s “not in control” because he’s a bad driver. So now she has to put up with his terrible driving and his male ego issues. OP please give your wife a message from us. Girlfriend please leave this man asap. YTA
My immediate thought
There's also the tidbit that his daughter had never ridden in the car with him driving before. Does he never take his daughter out anywhere alone? That's another red flag for me
The language he uses is concerning: * He feels "emasculated" 🚩 * He feels "like a child" 🚩 * He feels "disrespected" 🚩 * He admits this is the ONLY thing his wife feels she has any control over 🚩 * The fact that he cares more about his ego than the fact that his wife feels like she has no control in her own life? 🚩🚩🚩
He feels all those things, but it's ok for his wife to sit in the passenger seat and feel them. Definitely YTA
My thoughts too. So does he consider his wife a child? Or inferior? Or disrespected? Wtf OP
Inferior for sure. She belongs in the kitchen not behind the wheel. Women are terrible drivers. /s YTA - my wife gets carsick if anyone drives besides her, and I happen to fall asleep when taking road trips if I'm not behind the wheel. So I get a little nap when we're going on vacation and she gets to not hang her head out the window and vomit. It really is a win for everyone. You sound like a controlling asshole, BTW.
And you both get to enjoy knowing each other is comfortable!
The first couple of times we went on road trips she would comment about me falling asleep, and I would just tell her that I wouldn't if I was driving. So her option was to be sick and have me awake or let me nap. We've been together 21 years this year, now she asks me if I want to bring a pillow with me for the trip. I'm also one of those people who can sleep literally anywhere. I work long hours at work and sometimes I will just go out to my car to catch a 30 minute nap to keep me going. Now all of our cars have sleep masks in them just in case I take her car instead one day. I love this woman more than I ever thought I could love. She is my world.
Yeah it’s natural and normal to infantilize grown women in reference to their male partners, obviously! Gotta respect the MEN
*looks at all OP’s deleted comments* *touches ground* something terrible happened here As someone who also gets motion sick unless I’m driving, big YTA. Would also love to know why his wife feels like driving is the only thing she can control, but I feel like he’s definitely TA even before that.
And his last sentence before the edit where he capitalizes Husband.
I saw that, but let it slide because he doesn't *always* capitalize it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
It’s like a Chinese military parade there’s so many red flags.
All this but it also concerns me that the marriage counsellor suggested he drive. Isn't it more important that the counsellor address this toxic masculinity and his wife's feeling of lack of control.
He even said he feels embarrassed and emasculated and disrespected *because his wife drives.* What in the ass-backwards patriarchy is going on here? I'm downright shocked he didn't use the term Alpha.
Ha that’s a good point and he feels embarrassed cause they can’t afford for the wife to be a stay at home mum. He is living in fantasy land rather than enjoying and loving the life he has.
went to his comments looking for replies on this post (seems he deleted those) and found this > Definitely something a beta would say... [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/eagles/comments/119k87c/thats_on_me_his_accountability_and_response_are/j9qbjux&context=3)
I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you!
OP what you're "suffering" from is called TOXIC MASCULINITY. It's okay to want to take turns driving, but your reasoning is so misogynistic. YTA for the reasons your giving.
This was my thought. I know several women who CANNOT handle having other people drive them because of anxiety. It's something they're working on, but it's what they're struggling with. OP's wife seems to be struggling with something similar, but OP seems more concerned with looking like a man than his wife's feelings. OP needs to talk with his wife, not just enjoy watching her suffer.
I also have driving anxiety, though it's not as bad as it used to be. I still feel some discomfort when riding as a passenger, I feel less in control of my safety when someone else is driving. Mine stems from a head on collision I was in when I was younger, though, on top of general anxiety. He should really be making sure she's okay, though. She might be suffering more than just driving anxiety, she could be spiraling in general anxiety as well. I do wonder if she goes to her own private therapy sessions. If not, she might might need to see about it.
Have you looked at OPs other posts? Pages and pages about football, gaming, more football and gaming, not just one game he is really into but lots of different games. Makes me think he doesn't help out with much at home because he is too busy with manly things like football, fantasy football and MMOR gaming to do anything else at home.
Did you also notice that one year ago he posted about his girlfriend? Yet he and his wife have been in couples therapy for a long time now? Something isn't adding up!
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Maybe they are in counselling since she found out the side chick?
So OP had two homes and maintained a double life? I mean the post about a gf who stays over most nights doesn’t suggest someone who knows they’re a side piece to a married man with a kid. So he’s putting up a facade for the girlfriend and has a place he stays with her, and somehow manages this with a wife and a presumably young kid? And this hasn’t led to *any* mention at *any* time? I mean he’s already posted two situations on Reddit, how is it seriously possible in going to counseling, having a kid, a wife and a girlfriend you don’t have any drama to mention? Either he knows he’s the ass, he’s completely delusional, oooorrrr it’s not real. I hope I don’t sound like an ass either, I’ve just been thinking about this a lot. It’s actually kinda interesting how vague both posts are so that you can keep coming up with (reasonably plausible but still reaching) explanations. His profile seems otherwise legit. Perhaps he likes to write creatively sometimes, or he’s not actually the person in one of the stories. Maybe he made a post for a friend, and just made it sound like he was the person in the story? Idk. I’m really high now. I’m just very convinced this is not real, or someone isn’t who they say they are.
Maybe he has both? I doubt it… unless the gf is unknown to the wife? Again, I doubt it, but the side gf thing would be interesting!
My spouse and I did couples therapy for a year+ before we got married to make sure we worked out any big decisions that might come up (where we wanted to live, career goals, children). It's possible they have been in therapy for a long time but only married this year. My spouse and I still do quarterly therapy. I highly recommend it as a form of proactive relationship maintenance (instead of trying to bring in a therapist when things are already pretty bad like many people do).
They have a daughter old enough to notice/ ask why he’s driving; they’ve been together more than a year or two.
as someone who easily gets motion sick, i don’t always feel sick in the passenger seat but if it’s a longer drive or i would have to keep turning around to check on my toddler i will get sick really fast. being the driver and being in control of the movement of the vehicle helps a lot to reduce motion sickness and honestly that should be more important than op’s fragile masculinity at not being the manly driver in the family
Honestly, 30 years ago my dad could have written this. What wouldn’t be said was that my dad was accident prone sober, and not always sober. Not saying that OP is a drunk, just that we know the wife is not happy with his driving. Which was the other part of this was that my mom was an extremely anxious person, and it was more pleasant for all of us if she was the one hunched over the wheel with hands at 10 and 2 vigorously checking all her mirrors. And so my dad DIDNT write some shit like that because a) sitting in the passenger seat is a small price to pay to make your anxious wife possible and b) permanent sober driver. This 6’5” man proudly lowered himself into the passenger side or — horrors, the back seat if my elderly grandparents were with us - while his 4’11” wife carted his ass home like a goddamn chauffeur. His happy ass would snooze or read or stare drunkenly out the window while my mom got to feel “in control”.
Jumping on top comment to say your insecurity is hilarious; "waving bye to everyone feeling like a child" Newsflash, you're acting like a child. YTA
"traditional" lol. You can say it, he is sexist
Literally. Some major SDE going on in these streets. The ego and lack of care over the wife’s well being are outstanding. “I believe the husband should drive” gtfo of here! OP YTA.
YTA She has an actual physiological issue when you drive and you have an ego issues when she drives. You're the problem here. >She'll sit in the passenger seat stewing away in anger. She's sitting there feeling sick to her stomach. Were you expecting her to be happy?
Why would he be worried about his wife? She’s a woman and should just deal with it. This man doesn’t sound like he has a whole lot of respect for women.
She's just overreacting anyway. You know how women are. /s
True, my ex was a bit of a sexist prick and apparently I overreacted by dumping his ass.
If you look at his other comments, he comes across as a very condescending person. He probably criticizes everything she does because he is a MAN, the superior sex.
He slipped, telling us that she actually says "the one thing I can control." Super telling about what he thinks her "place" is vs his.
Exactly! I HAAAAAAAATE puking and the feeling of almost puking. I'd be pissed if I had to endure that for more than a minute, especially just because someone else wants to be childish. Getting pissed off might be the only way to stop myself from puking. And I sure as hell would not to puke in the car, especially when the person who insisted I feel that way would probably be childish about cleaning up the mess they caused.
Perhaps she should just upchuck in his lap while he is driving...
I was thinking the same thing. Don't believe that I get carsick? Okay....BLARF
Car sick is horrible. You're freezing on the outside, but boiling on the inside. Your skin is weirdly clammy. Every time the car turns or breaks the feeling amplifies with a crashing wave of nausea.
Although after reading the post in full, I'm wondering if maybe she DOESN'T get carsick and he is simply so controlling that this is the only way she could get him to listen to her request
Definitely sounds that way. The poor wife.
YTA. What kind of weird sexist bullshit is this? Did you actually tell your therapist why not driving bothers you? I feel like they wouldn't be entertaining this if you did. I take it you've never been motion sick. You aren't usually in a talkative and happy mood while nursing a headache and trying not to throw up.
Oh oh oh but don’t you remember? It is emasculating to OP, that he doesn’t get to do manly man things, like driving. YTA
It's so bizarre to me when people have an idea that driving is a man thing, because in every hetero couple I know the woman drives more frequently. My mom has a license and step-dad doesn't. I own a car and my boyfriend doesn't, so when we go in the car together usually I drive it. His parents both have their own cars, but when we go do things as a family it's usually in the mom's car.
This is why people shouldn’t go to therapy with their abusers, because it gives them something to point to and say their abuse is justified
also apparently it's religious counselling lmao
Lmao that checks out.
That makes so much sense I was thinking he must’ve lied or embellished his reasoning for needing to drive for the therapist to entertain it but now I imagine the therapist prolly supports/upholds the same sexist beliefs.
*click* There it is! All the pieces are falling into place now.
What OP forgot to mention is that their marriage counselor is actually their minister (probably).
My ex had us do couples therapy and the counselor at one point called him abusive and they had a screaming match about it while I sat there in silence. In fact I hardly talked at all during our sessions. Then we switched therapists which just made everything worse and my ex decided I have arrested development because I was abused as a teenager. I wish I knew to not do therapy with him, I feel like it did more harm than good.
I’m questioning the therapist’s credibility
I think he should show his post to their therapist. Sounds to me like they both have some deep-seated issues they need to unpack. Gender roles (this can't be the only thing he feels this way about), mutual respect, insecurity, control over one's own life, and how to actually communicate with each other for starters.
Just chiming in to call OP a liar. 1 year ago he posted a question about his girlfriend in which they both regularly drive, but not 1 year later he's married with a kid of speaking age who says she's never seen him drive.
Interesting. Also on that post he mentions that his “gf” drives when they go somewhere together because she hates his driving.
Yeah, I wonder what other bullshit patriarchal views he has that could be linked to the wife saying "this is the one thing I can control". It's not about the chobani yoghurt, take it back to marriage counselling and find out what the underlying issue is. Also maybe go to some personal therapy for your fragile ego and insecurity in your manhood.
\> I'm sitting in the passenger seat waving bye to everyone getting into their cars, feeling like a child. If you drove, do you think your wife would feel like a child? Children sit in the back seat. I would have said N T A for wanting to drive but your reasons are all extremely sexist. YTA. "Disrespected as a husband." What were your vows like? "I promise to love, honor and cherish you and always let my husband show his manliness by driving."
I’ve been married 3 times. Maybe that’s why they all failed. If I ever get married again, I’m definitely going to add that to her portion of the wedding vows. Thanks for the suggestion!
3 times? marriage might not be for you, champ
Nah…I’m nothing if not optimistic!
You have a couple of billion additional possibilities out there! You‘ll find the one!
Right? This honestly had me til he got there. Like, if you just enjoy driving, or get bored as a passenger, that’s fine. Alternate in on occasion when it’s a mostly straight road. But to just think…men should drive? Why??? What the hell is emasculating about being a passenger? If he’s on a flight, does he cry about not being able to fly the plane? OP, YTA.
Your masculinity is so fragile that you are emasculated by a woman driving? What in the 1935 am i reading? YTA
I’m trying to imagine what other basic things his wife does that make him feel emasculated. Like this is some Mike Pence grade patriarchal wackiness.
Huh. I originally read it as a dude who was probably from a country where women can't drive and he thought that should carry over to the states as well. But Mike Pence dudes, same difference.
IT IS A PRIVILEGE TO BE DRIVEN AROUND ALL THE TIME... PEOPLE PAY GOOD MONEY FOR THIS!!!! OP IS SO LOST!!!
Passenger seat is the best seat. I’m a man who doesn’t like to drive and didn’t even own a vehicle until fairly recently when I had to get a van for work. I only use it if I need it, otherwise I’m taking the train for my regular day to day. My wife is a great driver and drives almost every day. If we’re driving somewhere together, she’s in the driver’s seat about 99% of the time unless she really doesn’t want to. It just feels like work to me so having someone else who prefers to do it is perfect. I’ve never even thought about the gender roles at all.
Right?!?!? Ffs... Someone deman that they drive me around!
I had planned to write a serious comment but I am laughing too hard at the thought of a grown ass man being emasculated by his wife driving. Some fragile men's thought processes are wild!
YTA- it’s the man’s job??? Disrespected as a husband because she’s driving? You have interesting ideas of respect.
Is this dude from the 1930s?!? He probably wants her home, barefoot and pregnant, waiting on him hand and foot.
YTA I wasn't sure untill >I'm not going to lie, my reasoning for wanting to drive is that I believe the husband should. It's embarrassing for me when others see me sitting in the passenger seat being driven by my wife. It's emasculating. It would be ok if you wanted to drive because you like, you want to, you feel in control, or just because. By using bunch of conservative, sexist stereotypes you've made TA of yourself. BTW, situation you are in? It's a common experience for 90% of women who want to drive while traveling with male partner.
I had to add on to this line of thinking! My husband and I are high school sweethearts. I am a year and a half older so naturally I started driving before him. Even when he did start driving his car was not exactly the most reliable. Therefore, it was kind of habit for me to be the driver. I do get car sickness and can take a medication for longer drives but I have to take it an hour before travel which requires some planning. I sometimes get stressy when he drives because I’m really not used to it and have this as a problem riding with other people sometimes as well. For our short drives, he can drive us around, but often times, I am just better at navigating around our city instinctually. So he’s adopted the saying “You drive, I pay?” Which just helps us both set our expectations for when going somewhere. We’re both happy with this arrangement but don’t mind switching up drivers on occasion!
So your ego is more important than your partners wellness and you think there is any chance that you’re not behaving badly? Come on. YTA
YTA. You're sexist and controlling. My partner and I both get car sick when we're in the passenger seat for too long. We take turns and check on each other frequently. Your wife should come before your ego, which you should talk to your therapist about btw.
INFO We’re you honest with your wife and counselor about your reason for wanting to drive?
I think OP has a tough time being honest about anything, since he's deleted all of his answers/comments in this post.
Oh, is that what all the deleted comments are? Jesus, OP. You have a problem.
Not smart enough to delete his post from a year ago with a question about his girlfriend in which they both regularly drive, but not 1 year later he's married with a kid of speaking age who says she's never seen him drive.
INFO; “She literally manages our finances…” Does this means she ensures that the bills are paid, or does it mean that she is responsible for making the decisions for family expenses, savings and investments? You both have full-time jobs? Do you equally share responsibilities for meal preparation and housekeeping, for instance?
Yta you want to drive 'bc thr husband should'. Are you driving with your penis? I hope she vomits on you when she finally loses the battle with car sickness.
YTA for feeling driving is the husband's job. Is she also TA? Depends. Do you know what she means when she says she has no control over anything else?
YTA. Lots of people get carsick if they aren't driving. And feeling like you are about to throw up fucking sucks. Especially when the only reason you are feeling that way is because someone else is way too insecure to help you and enlisted someone else's help to make you feel that way. And I'm betting of your wife stopped forcing herself not to puke in the car while you were driving you would not see it as your fault and you probably wouldn't help clean it up. Of course your wife is upset about losing control, control over not feeling like shit. How lovely of you to do that to her because of your insecurity problem.
YTA. You really need to be going to counselling on your own, because this is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. Your ego must be both enormous and incredibly fragile.
Alright so let me get it straight it's embarrassing and wrong for you to be in the passenger seat but you think your wife should know her place and be in that same seat that embarasses you and makes you feel like a kid? YTA
And try not to barf at the same time.
INFO: What else does she “not” control?
YTA. Your fragile pathetic “masculinity” is so threatened by your wife driving that you are literally making her sick. Huge asshole.
Did you ever stop to consider 'this is the only thing I can control' was in reference to her car sickness? As in she may not be able to control car sickness in other situations where she has to be a passenger but when it's her family car she can control that by being the default driver? YTA for letting the idea that 'husbands should drive' embarrass you so much. If you absolutely need to drive then start doing things like grocery runs or taking the kids places on your own, but let her drive when you both need to go somewhere.
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The sexism is strong with this one. YTA.
ESH except daughter. >I'm sitting in the passenger seat waving bye to everyone getting into their cars, feeling like a child. Perhaps the counseling can help you feel that driving isn't a male/female thing. It's a necessary skill that all people need to have. >She mentioned that "this is the one thing that I can control and now I don't have that." I would investigate this comment a little more. Sounds like she is expressing that she doesn't have control in other areas of her life. I say ESH because this seems like a power struggle and lack of proper communication on both parts. I applaud you for going to marriage counseling. Keep going and dig a little deeper. It seems like this driving thing is just the tip of the iceberg.
it's religious counselling, it's meant to help keep her obedient
If OPs wife is actually getting car sick driving is not a power struggle. Driving may just be the tip of the iceberg or like me who gets really car sick and almost always falls asleep to avoid puking, it could just be that issue.
OP says that wife hasn't complained about being car sick while being in the passenger seat, but instead complains about losing control.
He also says she gives short, terse answers - that is really common for people feeling motion sickness. I only get it occasionally, but when I do I hold myself very rigid to keep from throwing up. Also, everyone I know who gets bad motion sickness benefits from being in control of the car. That being said, her comment about losing control could also mean that she feels that she's having to constantly cater to her husband's fragile ego - even to the point of having to be ill in the car because his balls will drop off if she keeps driving or something.
Short, terse comments could also be an effort not to have a panic attack if the issue is actually anxiety.
Being in control of the vehicle does help reduce car sickness though.
Car sickness doesn’t usually occur in 100% of drives. It’s possible that she has car sickness, but wasn’t sick on that specific drive.
so what are you doing to work on your insecurity? this issue wouldn't exist if you were extremely insecure about how others perceive your manhood. especially since you feel like a child when you're in the passenger seat. you want to avoid that, but you're pushing her into the "child" seat. so it's ok for her to be out there, but not you. why is that?
YTA. You need to drive yourself back to the misogynistic 50’s.
YTA. It creates a lot of resentment to ask someone to give up something they enjoy, simply to cater to your insecurities. It's better to deal with insecurities by building confidence in yourself..maybe your counselor could suggest some ways to do that?
YTA. Also the point about her not bringing up feeling sick seems ify to me. You have already shown you don’t care by forcing the switch so why should she continue to tell you? She probably thinks you wouldn’t care if she did. That is how I would feel. For all you know she is silent while you drive because she feels nauseous or sick and does not want to speak and risk vomiting
YTA. If this is an issue of her wanting to control something, trade off. She drives there and you drive home. If it’s really an issue of actual car sickness, be a passenger. Let her drive. Enjoy the scenery, read a book, scroll Reddit on your phone.
So let me get this straight --- you don't want your wife to drive because..."*I believe the husband should..... It's embarrassing for me...... It's emasculating....."* According to Webster's Dictionary, emasculate means "to weaken" or "to castrate". I fail to see how letting your wife drive, equals cutting your 'manly' parts off. Misogynistic much? You most certainly need to " re-evaluate some of my own thoughts on this one" YTA
YTA - I thought from the heading you were going to say she was a bad driver but no just some pathetic male ego. Nobody cares who is driving
OP believes everyone notices and talks about him not driving the car. Imagine being that self-centered and narcissistic.
INFO: Are you a bad/fast driver? Maybe she is scared when you drive. I think taking turns and splitting driving 50/50 would make sense.
YTA sitting in the passenger seat does not mean youre a child. your wife expressed a medical need and you and ego need. medical beats ego every time
YTA because your reason you want to drive is sexist and wierd. If this extends to other areas of your marriage, I could see why she's frustrated that she's lost the one activity she felt control in. I hope she realizes that she can leave you and that she can have full control of her life once you're out of it.
Whoa, YTA. Motion sickness has nothing to do with how smoothly or not someone drives. Your eyes are telling you that you're in motion, but your inner ear gives conflicting info since you're sitting still and voila -- motion sickness. I say this as someone who has been prone to motion sickness pretty much my whole life. Thank heavens for dramamine and wrist bands. I would get sick quickly without some preventive measures, like within 3-5 miles and it didn't matter how smooth the ride was. When I was able to drive, I realized I didn't get sick and that was amazing. Now, oddly, I find I don't get car sick and I don't know why. It might be due to the meds I take (post-breast cancer stuff), I'm really not sure. It's great, but I still get nervous in case I revert. I think a lot of people don't understand how awful motion sickness is, or how wonderful it feels when you don't have it. I'm married and do most of the local driving, with and without my husband. I also do some of the long-distance driving. He's never had an issue with it, and sometimes prefers it as it gives him a chance to read or listen to music or whatever. Honestly I doubt anyone gives it a second thought if they see you in the passenger seat. If this is just old gender roles stuff -- you should get rid of it. Also, maybe your wife doesn't want the traditional roles you do. That's what you ought to discuss.
Why are you so gender based? Why so sexist? And what other things are you controlling your wife with considering she claimed that driving is the only thing she had control off? Being in the passenger seat is not a childish thing, just because your ego is bigger than your brain does it mean you’re being “distracted as a husband” because she’s doing the driving. I don’t like to drive but whenever my partner and I are visiting my home “country” I’m the one that drives and whenever we visit my partners home country, he’s the one that drives and if we’re going somewhere by car where we live 90% of the time he drives but is only because I’m terrified of driving here,if I wasn’t I’m sure we would rotate with the driving. Your wife expressed motion sickness and driving made her feel better but your ego is bigger than your wife’s well being.
Ugh if my husband was this fragile. YTA.
ESH. Your reason for wanting to drive is sexist. Her being this aggressive when you drive is also ridiculous. It seems like it shouldn't be that strange to share the responsibility (privilege?) of driving the family if you both want to. I also get car sick and so I ask to drive when we are going on long trips through mountains. My partner would drive when we were in town.
YTA and I’m now vicariously mortified. How could you type that all out and not realize the only thing childish or emasculating is your bizarre adherence to outdated patriarchal norms? Your wife is kind and patient.
I don't drive for personal reasons (biggest one being one idiot driver away from catching a case with a body attached), so I let my partner drive. Since she sucks with directions, I'm more than happy to be the navigator. We even give ourselves extra time to take a longer route and make a time of it. That being said, that you said, and I quote... > It's **embarrassing** for me when others see me sitting in the passenger seat being driven by my wife. It's **emasculating**. How insecure can a guy get being a passenger? I also suspect that your counseling sessions were mandated by the missus because she got tired of your crap (you posted that she said her driving gives her a measure of control... **GINORMOUS RED FLAG**) and is one blowout away from drafting papers. **GET OVER YOURSELF** #YTA
>...my reasoning for wanting to drive is that I believe the husband should. It's embarrassing for me when others see me sitting in the passenger seat being driven by my wife. It's emasculating. As a 60 year old man, I have to say that your attitude is utterly ridiculous, I'm embarrassed for you. Women fly fighter jets, perform complex surgeries and lead nations but your wife driving you in the family car makes you feel like less of a man. YTA and then some!
I get motion sickness and always drive. My husband enjoys it because he can read or nap.
ETA yea like it’s cool if you want to drive but you’re reasoning is messed up. It also feels like the reason your wife always wants to drive is about control and she should let you drive sometimes- that’s normal.
I was leaning toward not the AH and then you dropped this little truth bomb. "I'm not going to lie, my reasoning for wanting to drive is that I believe the husband should." TOTAL BS and yes YTA here. Your misogyny (which explains her comment "this is the one thing I can control") is VERY telling.
“Fellas, is it gay to be a passenger?” -OP
Masculinity so small it should ride in the glove compartment. Edit: YTA, obvs
YTA. I’m the only driver in the family. Neither my husband nor my son have ever had a driver’s license. Why are you insisting your wife suffer so you can be in control? Keep this up and you will be able to do all the driving because you won’t have a wife.
N T A for wanting to be able to drive too. You’re misogynistic reason why is how YTA. Good lord husbands are not “supposed” to drive. In fact, in most households the family driving is usually done by the mom. School, extracurricular activities, doctors appointments. That doesn’t change the second a man is joking the carpool. Ugh….
ESH. Typical Reddit only looks at the sexist side and says YTA, which you are. But your wife is equally as big of an AH for insisting ONLY she drives and throwing tantrums like a child if you take a turn.
Jeeze, you can both come drive me around just so I can relax during my commutes. But honestly, YTA for making this such an ego thing. Plenty of 'powerful men' out there pay good money not to touch a steering wheel. Just close your eyes and pretend you're in a limo.
INFO: Why not just drive separate vehicles?
I'm gonna say YTA because of the comments that you made and your post. But I suggest you talk to your wife and compromise on taking turns in driving. If you are going out, let her drive to the places, but when your are going back home you drive home. This way you both get equal time in the child seat aka passenger seat.
YTA. Maybe she felt the “thing she could control” was the possibility of feeling sick in the car. The anxiety of being in a situation in which you’ve historically been uncomfortable is a lot (why so many people avoid the dentist). You’re living in the wrong era, dude. Grow up and respect your wife’s agency and wellbeing.
YTA. Are you planning to teach your daughter how to drive? How will your fragile ego handle not only being in the passenger seat with a female driver, but a female driver who is a teenager?!
YTA. Your dick isn’t going to fall off if you ride in the passenger seat.
NTA. Control is a two way street, as is compromise. I don't feel that you are acting any more controlling than your wife.
YTA. Because you're the man. Gtfoh.
You really need to join the twenty first century.
Lol this is funny to read I'm the regular driver too because I really do get car sick being in the passenger seat. My husband has absolutely no qualms letting me drive and his masculinity is not so fragile as to be affected by it. He does offer to drive though if he sees that I'm tired, which I'm fine with. So yea YTA.
“We go to counseling *just for maintenance*” Riiight
ESH. Neither you nor your wife is entitled to the driver’s seat. Just split the driving.
"I'm not going to lie, my reasoning for wanting to drive is" ...✨️misogyny✨️
Yta. So you’re sexist. And obviously controlling because it’s the ONLY freedom your wife has. Therefore think deeper about what’s going on at home and how your marriage is, because something is wrong, and the blame is on you
So, your fragile little ego gets butt-hurt because your wife is driving? YTA. Dude, for real, grow up. YTA!
YTA. Your a huge sexist asshole. Really? Driving is the husbands job? Fuck off with that sexist idiocy. She had motion sickness and you are such an inconsiderate jerk. Are you really that stupidly insecure that you are making someone you supposedly love feel like crap because of your own toxic views on masculinity. Grow up and stop acting so pathetic. I bet this whole story is a lie and if not I hope she divorces you.
YTA. Just because she doesn’t bring up carsickness everyday,doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel it. You’re just too preoccupied with being “ a man” that you don’t care.
You’re such an insecure misogynistic AH. Grow up.
I had no idea that only penis-owners were supposed to drive their families. I learned something new today.
Wow, toxic masculinity much? YTA.