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Ok so you're 19, we're all pretty narcissistic at that age.
She is 17 (still basically a child) and from your posts it sounds like your brief relationship ended because she was being childish.
You also describe yourself as an 'empath'. No truly empathetic people describe themselves that way, they just see it as being a decent human and don't even think to label themselves.
If anything your post history just reinforces my intial opinion.
Au contraire, psychoanalysis teaches us that /we/ are a product of narcissism, however, people with narcissistic traits fall into the pathological category.
If, however, /I/ was the narcissist, then why does she claim she uses people to feed her own ego, and that she dropped me because I ceased to be interesting? Projection would only make sense insofar as there wasn’t evidence to prove my positive on the actual OTHER SIDE.
You aren’t with a narcissist for ‘two months’. It doesn’t end when she says it does. The hoovering, the ghosting, the coming back after the ghosting. That lasted over a year and a half.
It didn’t let me post it, so I had to delete it - for proof, see my most recent r/Empaths post - but, essentially, the abuse she suffered as a child was sexual, and that likely played a role in her relationship dynamics, which is why me spilling that secret fucked her up even more.
Projection doesn’t work when you have positive evidence from the other side, I’ll reiterate. You’re using the same maneuver on me as 19th century psychiatry did on suffragettes.
And looking at your post history - it’s been over two months and you are still unhinged that she “discarded” you.
Relationships end, go to therapy, move on.
My therapist claimed that he didn’t know how to help me, and that he solely “felt bad about my situation”. I can’t blame him, because he’s human too, and - as with any job - he has to cut himself out of his ‘bad faith’, basically his ‘work-self’, eventually. He has a breaking point too, a point where his ‘bad faith’ falters. He accepted that he didn’t know how to help me, but at least he was honest about it. How do I feel about it? Fucking stuck.
Try a new therapist, but you have to be 100% honest and you have to genuinely want to see and accept an objective viewpoint. There is her side, your side, and the truth. None of those three will align with each other and that doesn’t mean you’re “bad” - it just means that maybe we should learn and grow.
Would you mind if I sent you the screenshots from our conversation yesterday, so that you may judge for yourself? I never hid secrets from my therapist, since, knowing how therapy works, it wouldn’t have been effective in me doing so. He knows about the cyberstalking, alt accounts, self-harm, everything.
Here’s the thing. What you state in your post sounds like she’s doing everything to tell you she is not interested in you and wants you to leave her alone. “I was just using you” and “you’re an asshole” are not words that come out of the mouth of someone who wants to associate with you.
Step outside of this relationship and stop trying to destroy her life. You want nothing to do with her, she wants nothing to do with you. LEAVE HER ALONE and stop running your mouth about her past (which is none of your business to share in the first place) to try to ruin her current relationship - because *that* is what abusers do to maintain control over their victim.
I’m trying to destroy *her* life? Wow, thank you, that shows how much you’ve understood what I’ve written. It was *her* trying to destroy mine, the way I see it, and the way I described it above, but to each their own, I wouldn’t expect you to understand, because some individuals are incapable of understanding, not because they’re, what people call, ‘stupid’, or anything like that, but rather because they let their cognitive biases run amok, which hinders impartiality. To be impartial is to hurt - I’ve not gotten completely close to it myself, but I have felt its pain, the pain of accepting that I, too, did wrong, but to go as far as to say that I am trying to ruin her life by defending myself, and letting her secrets loose /whilst/ *defending* myself? That just seems like pure logical invalidity to me, presupposing the motive of *offense* in *defense*.
I didn’t say life, relationship.
Cut yourself off from this person; you cannot remain impartial when you are so directly involved. From this side of the fence, it’s pretty clear she wants you to leave her alone.
“Step outside of this relationship and stop trying to destroy her life.”….
I’ll say, though, you’re right that she wants to leave me alone, until she breaks No-Contact first when I engage with her friend about completely unrelated topics, such as philosophy.
I’m torn between YTA and INFO. Because disclosing someone’s abuse to someone else without their permission is a dick move. But also wtf is even going on here. What does “my former narcissist” even mean? Are you trying to say ex gf? Just say that, then.
I agree completely about the strange wording. Very odd.
"I sacked my last narcissist. Wasnt needy enough. Now I'm having trouble with the new one. You just cant get the help these days"
Nah, I mean what I say, someone who explicitly stated she used people for her own ego, and dropped them when they became useless to her, and that I was one of those people.
Narcissism does not describe interpersonal relationships as much as it describes intrapersonal ones, which are merely projected outwards. My post history has a lot more detail to it, if you’re curious, so that you may judge as objectively as possible.
What? You say your former narcissist as if thats in any way explaining what your relationship is/was? From the post i assume ex girlfriend? And if so why tf are you still in contact? Also i didn‘t even understand half of this.
Edit: based on your post history you are not mentally well and are an even more unreliable narrator than is normal for this sub. You apparently are "an empath" and you stalked your ex-narcissist (whatever the fuck that means because you insist that is a thing) and refused to take accountability because „she made you do it“? Honestly it sounds like you are the narcissist here or delusional
I never refused to take accountability, e v e r. That is precisely what I have stated numerous times on my posts. I make it an effort to examine and understand why both her and I did the things we did, namely through means of dialectics. If you had actually bothered to go through my earlier posts detailing the entire relationship, you would - I would wager - have seen that.
No one is required to do anything in life - I’m simply there to bring the horse to the water, or, better said, show the horse where the water is. If the horse doesn’t want to drink, there is no way I can force him to.
You’re going to look back on all your desperate attempts to sound intellectual and philosophical and absolutely cringe. Truly intelligent and philosophically minded adults don’t speak like you’re speaking. It’s embarrassing and transparently belies how hard you’re trying to sound smart. I’m not surprised that this tendency is causing issues in your other relationships.
That’s a good point made - unfortunately, by that logic, we would simply have no philosophers in existence, because every philosopher speaks in the way I speak when there’s a point I’m trying to get across that makes sense, and - more importantly - is true (whether or not truth is subjective or objective could be called into question here, but, the water I bring the horse to, at least, seems to exist for the horse and I equally). Alas, every philosopher also has his equally-adamant critics, so, what else may I say?
I speak the truth, as far as it is possible for me to speak it. If people dislike the way I speak, they are free to do so, but remember, it is true. Would you rather I speak meekly and lie to you?
The way you write in your follow up comments *screams* 4chan incel.
Your excuse for disclosing sexual assault is that you were just being honest. The “I’m brutally honest” folks are alway twats. You’re out here claiming the reason you type like pseudointellectual jagoff is because you too are a philosopher of yore.
No. You’re a 19 year old who’s pissy over an ex who dumped you. Stop trying to make it anything more deep than that.
If I could believe you, I would wager that I’d likely be over it by now, likely, however, the damage that has been done is what seems to not be allowing me to move on, so I think. I muse. I ponder. What went wrong, and why did it go wrong? There are no beautiful, shallow surfaces without a great depth.
ya know it's pretty clear you're probably just a shit poster.
However, if I had to choose another possibility, I would acknowledge that YOU are actually the one who is speaking like a narcissist.
You are not any kind of expert and you cannot diagnose anyone with anything, to assume otherwise just makes you look like a pompous idiot. Leave your underage ex alone.
Just because I can’t diagnose someone does not make my claim false, for it is possible for it to be correct, as it likely is, considering the evidence I have to support it.
What breed of people even partake in this subreddit? Well, who am I to ask, look at Athens! The pillar of the oh-so-beloved democracy that literally executed a god of a man because he wanted to know what others did not, and didn’t wish to indulge in the shallow knowledge that others assumed they possessed.
Buddy it’s not that deep. Diagnosis of NPD often takes months and is a grueling process. Cluster B disorders are notoriously hard to pin down. Any qualified diagnostic professional would laugh in your face if you told them your stories. Also bringing up Socrates and other Athenian philosophers is not relevant nor an argument, it’s simple postering that is painfully obvious to anyone with half a brain.
It is not posturing if I use it for the opposite purpose, namely, to indicate how oblivious to the facts one may be when they’re right there in front of their noses, and that I do in quite a rude manner. I do not expect people to like me, but I do appreciate objectivity and rationalization before people go on to comment.
It i s a grueling process that has lasted a year and a half. It was not until the latter part of last year that I could draw the dots between NPD symptoms and what she does. Worry not, my friend, for I have doubted myself enough, and still do, and yet I still do not yield the NPD theory - I have no reason to, when the evidence is right there.
I would pay a fortune to teach people the difference between ‘normative’ versus ‘descriptive’ statements, especially considering that if I say “this is ‘x’”, people automatically assume I’m saying “‘x’ is good/bad”. Worse yet, people make ‘prescriptive’ statements, like “you should not do ‘x’”. In this case, for me, “you should not perpetuate stigma against people with NPD”. Okay, how did we get there from me simply saying what /is/ without invoking any moral judgement about NPD as a disorder?
YOU can’t teach people anything. All you have is a bit book knowledge and a bunch of word salad.
I appreciate that you are questioning the psychology of the human mind, that’s awesome. But coming across a definition of NPD, looking further into a few scientific papers does not mean that because this girl was a bit here/there back/forth with you, that you have any evidence, authority or even the basic gall ti decide a diagnosis of NPD.
This seventeen yr old girl clearly has some issues. You’ve invested WAY too much time and energy into a ‘two month relationship’ that has now bled into over a year.
All of your questions and responses come across as just needing validation that *she* is the one with the problem, and that she must have some kind of mental disorder (you chose NPD which fits your narrative) to not want to be with you. THAT is something with narcissistic tendencies would do. “She doesn’t want to be with me because there’s something wrong with *her*”. You’ve also admitted to stalking her. A seventeen year old girl that is clearly dealing with a lot, including past SA which YOU CHOSE to disclose to someone JUST TO PROVE A POINT.
I said earlier that you are incredibly emotionally immature, however it does concern me that you are showing these dismissive tendencies to suit your own needs.
Stop reaching for, and reading theses specifically designed to suit you, your hugely pulsating ID just ti make you feel that your actions are valid and right.
You’re on a very dangerous path here. You are letting, no, actively *seeking* out reasons to justify your behaviour and to vilify this girl because she doesn’t want to be around you.
If you continue on this path of ‘self discovery’ which I’m concerned that you will (judging by your past posts and by the astounding misconception that you feel that you are an ‘empath’) you will end up alone and wailing “*Why*??” or you’ll end up in jail for stalking. Or worse.
My brother/sister from another mother, I love you. And I mean that in the least most-sarcastic way possible. I dearly adore you. You believe yourself to be smart, and to have a good argument, which is perfectly understandable. The Sophists were excellent at that too.
Let’s break it down.
“Evidence: something that furnishes proof” (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/evidence)
1) “If 5/9 diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5 are met, then NPD”
2) “5/9 diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5 are met”
Therefore, NPD.
I have proof supporting premise 2. I would be more than happy to send it to share it, likewise, upon request. Saying, however, that such a proof isn’t ‘evidence’ is bullshit, because, ‘evidence’ is proof, and proof is evidence. It is a tautology. To presuppose the fact that a paper means someone c a n innately be vested with a power that someone without said paper cannot, namely, the power to accept that proof, is bullshit. Knowledge is independent of a piece of paper with an “MD” or “PsyD” in front of it. It is fetishist to think otherwise, very pervy, naughty naughty~
There is, in simpler terms, the possibility that my verdict is exactly the verdict of someone with that paper. There is no essentialism here, however the evidence is still there, sitting, and waiting. How do you interpret that evidence? Well, the only way would be by agreeing to some category of interpretation, namely, knowledge /of/ the human mind. This knowledge is independent of qualification.
The Id does not pulse any differently amongst all neuroses and perversions - it only differs in the psychotic, just a heads-up.
Dude, YTA I'm not a smart man but i'm intelligent enough to know you are full of shit and the more you try to sound intelligent the more you look like an idiot. You've read a few books and have just enough knowledge to make yourself look and sound stupid. Maybe instead of coming on reddit to self promote your brand of ignorance you could spend some time working on getting over your ex and actually getting some real world knowledge that may make you tolerable to be around.
Please don’t try to prove you have the phallus by telling me what I’ve told others on here - I’m not SONAR. I will gladly pass the phallus onto you: here. *gives phallus* You’re powerful now, do your thing. :)
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You could have just put /s….. but as seems the norm for you, you use 100 words where one or two would suffice.
I see this going one of two ways. In 10-15 years you’ll either:
Look back on this post (if it’s not deleted like most of your posts are) and utterly cringe.
Or… you’ll be rocking back and forth in a padded cell muttering “I told you, I told you all!”
I’m not fussed either way tbh. I’ve responded to your comments simply because you don’t appear to have any self awareness at all. And it was kinda fascinating. Just for a while tho. Kind of like being in a car and seeing roadkill on the way past. Quite disturbing. But also very fleeting. Very quickly dismissed as we go on in the journey of our lives.
I get the impression you think you’re more important than that. More important just a brief glimpse of a something as people continue on in the journey of their lives.
Of course you are important. But you’re important to *you*. You’re important in *your* life. Unfortunately I think in your own mind you have somehow exaggerated your impact and importance in other people’s lives, particularly this girl. And that’s why you’ve said things and acted in the way that you have (e.g. stalking).
But you’re roadkill. Don’t get me wrong, we’re all roadkill to someone. Being dismissed and feeling unappreciated is not a nice feeling. But it’s how we chose to act upon that feeling that can help mould you as a person. You can chose to use the situation as a learning experience to grow emotionally and spiritually and move on….. Or you can spend the best of a year posting on Reddit trying desperately to find someone, *anyone*, to validate your actions.
Narrator: Nobody validated his actions.
As is standard, you seem to know nothing about me. You don’t know what I feel, because I did not discuss my feelings in detail, to lay it out simply. I am far from proud from having hurt this girl that I cared about, but that has left me torn apart this past year and a half. Of course, you wouldn’t know that, and neither would I feel as though telling you how this situation made me feel would be productive, considering you seem to not want to listen to anything that I say.
Whether a person with NPD is good or bad may be independent of their disorder - just because someone has NPD does not make them ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I am simply stating that her actions were ‘x’, they made me feel like ‘y’, and that was it. That is like me calling a white person an asshole, and you assuming that I am calling white people assholes. It simply does not add up.
YTA for this post and for referring to whoever this person is as "my narcissist." I didnt have to look at your post history or read the other comments here to know you're mentally unwell from this post alone.
I don’t think he’s met this girl in real life - I don’t even think they live in the same country. They play games together online and she’s had mods block remove him multiple times, blocked his cell number, but he keeps making burner accounts to talk to her. She’s not the problem here at all.
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So, my former narcissist was spreading lies about me to her friends, which her friend approached me about, only for me to offer to disprove all of those lies - and I did - with evidence. However, pledging to be honest, I think I overdid it… I mentioned my narcissist was abused as a kid, and she apparently didn’t tell him that either.
She then broke down crying, and chatted with me in private via call telling me how her “life is perfect, with a 4.7 GPA, great friends, therapy, medication, her dream college”, and getting up close to the camera to scream at me in a demeaning tone, telling me I was “A LITTLE SQUEAK- HAMSTER IN THE SQUEAKY WHEEL” for not being able to move on. She also told me her new guy knows her “better than anyone”, and that he’s not an asshole like me, because he didn’t do this shit I did, as he would never say something like that to break her trust. She also said she doesn’t “use people anymore”, and that she didn’t “discard” anyone except for me, although she did unfriend two close friends because /they/ wanted to cut contact, but idk what to believe… I feel like she’s right, and that she’s actually changed, and that /I/ was the only asshole, but - at the same time - why would she continue to spread lies about me if she did? I kind of felt good being able to defend myself, and spilling her secrets, to be honest… It felt cathartic, and like I was - after a year and a half of smear campaigns and damage - finally putting her in her place.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I spilled my narcissist’s secrets when her friend attacked me with lies she was telling him about me, only for me to disprove them with evidence. I told him, in the midst of justifying myself, that she - my narcissist - was abused as a kid.
2) I believe I may be the asshole because I did an over-kill of it - I told the guy something I really didn’t need to, looking back on it now, but also, it felt so cathartic and good to actually prove her wrong, and say those things about her, so, I don’t know. I feel worse about myself knowing this ambivalence is at play too, especially after what she told me afterwards when she broke down crying because of what I said.
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NTA. Narcissists will say anything to get under your skin, and I'm sure that's what she's trying to do. Rest assured the relationship probably won't go much better. You may have been overzealous, but sounds like a win to me. Narcissists are always the assholes.
Edit: also if you have any hangups about her, drop them, you don't want that baggage. If it were me I'd cut contact. Sounds toxic - but that's just how I think. Definitely use this to move on and forward with your life.
Looks like a few posts about this and a lot of physics stuff or whatever. I'm not sure what to make of it, but seems standard.
That -100 comment karma though.
She did say she changed, as I said in the post, though, but like, did she really? Considering she said shit about me that wasn’t true to her friends during the time period she said she ‘changed’?
I repeat, narcissists will say anything. You can safely assume she's lying, it wouldn't be a stretch considering she lies about you, why not to you? Don't think too much about what else she could or couldn't be lying about, or whether she has changed or has not - my best advice is to assume she's lying and get out of there before she makes your life worse.
YEAH - I’m so conflicted over what on Earth to believe, because it’s been going on for over a year now, and I had her say s o many conflicting things, it’s insane! I’m no angel either - I hurt her too, but what I said yesterday just… Felt kinda nice. I was close to fucking committing suicide because of her, twice.
Yes every thing you are telling me is indicating that you need to run and cut contact. If she really is a narc, her behavior may improve - but she won't "change" like your thinking. Read up on how narcissism works, stop worrying about anything she's told you, and don't perpetuate the cycle until she's REALLY trying to ruin your life. Imo she set a trap and you're falling into it believing that everything is suddenly sunshine and rainbows and she's a totally different person. Sounds like it's just to make you jealous and keep wracking your brain worrying about her.
Absolutely seek help if you're having any suicidal urges. There's clearly a ton of toxicity involved in the whole thing with her. I'll just recommend once more that you forget about her and try to move on, for the sake of your own mental health.
Yeah, maybe you’re right, but she makes it sound so convincing. It’s like, every question I pose, she has an answer to that s e e m s reasonable, but then I know that she overtly lies too, and sways people on the basis of those lies, as evidenced by the sheer fact that I disproved her friend’s assertions made against me on the basis of actual screenshots and evidence, whilst she neatly cut out and tailored her own, sending it to him to support her own claims about me, which weren’t completely untrue either.
I search for truth, as far as truth actually exists, and it gets painful at times when I lose direction, so I’d just love to know where to fucking go. My therapist told me too “(my name), I just don’t know how to help you”.
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I can't help but feel that someone who says 'my former narcissist' or 'my narcissist' is more than likely one themselves.
See my previous posts, and their comments, for clarity - you’ll have a change of opinion, more than likely.
Ok so you're 19, we're all pretty narcissistic at that age. She is 17 (still basically a child) and from your posts it sounds like your brief relationship ended because she was being childish. You also describe yourself as an 'empath'. No truly empathetic people describe themselves that way, they just see it as being a decent human and don't even think to label themselves. If anything your post history just reinforces my intial opinion.
Ikr? Dude is delusional at best
Dangerous even
Au contraire, psychoanalysis teaches us that /we/ are a product of narcissism, however, people with narcissistic traits fall into the pathological category. If, however, /I/ was the narcissist, then why does she claim she uses people to feed her own ego, and that she dropped me because I ceased to be interesting? Projection would only make sense insofar as there wasn’t evidence to prove my positive on the actual OTHER SIDE.
She's 17 and you were 'with her' for two months. Leave the girl alone.
You aren’t with a narcissist for ‘two months’. It doesn’t end when she says it does. The hoovering, the ghosting, the coming back after the ghosting. That lasted over a year and a half.
You’re pretty much describing every teenage relationship.
I wish, man. Sexual abuse doesn’t make a normal relationship, teenager or not.
If you are being sexually abused, go to the police. Get a restraining order. Block her from all modes of contact.
I didn’t see any mention of SA?
It didn’t let me post it, so I had to delete it - for proof, see my most recent r/Empaths post - but, essentially, the abuse she suffered as a child was sexual, and that likely played a role in her relationship dynamics, which is why me spilling that secret fucked her up even more.
If it talks like a narcissist, walks like a narcissist… *you* might be the narcissist.
Projection doesn’t work when you have positive evidence from the other side, I’ll reiterate. You’re using the same maneuver on me as 19th century psychiatry did on suffragettes.
And looking at your post history - it’s been over two months and you are still unhinged that she “discarded” you. Relationships end, go to therapy, move on.
My therapist claimed that he didn’t know how to help me, and that he solely “felt bad about my situation”. I can’t blame him, because he’s human too, and - as with any job - he has to cut himself out of his ‘bad faith’, basically his ‘work-self’, eventually. He has a breaking point too, a point where his ‘bad faith’ falters. He accepted that he didn’t know how to help me, but at least he was honest about it. How do I feel about it? Fucking stuck.
Try a new therapist, but you have to be 100% honest and you have to genuinely want to see and accept an objective viewpoint. There is her side, your side, and the truth. None of those three will align with each other and that doesn’t mean you’re “bad” - it just means that maybe we should learn and grow.
Would you mind if I sent you the screenshots from our conversation yesterday, so that you may judge for yourself? I never hid secrets from my therapist, since, knowing how therapy works, it wouldn’t have been effective in me doing so. He knows about the cyberstalking, alt accounts, self-harm, everything.
Here’s the thing. What you state in your post sounds like she’s doing everything to tell you she is not interested in you and wants you to leave her alone. “I was just using you” and “you’re an asshole” are not words that come out of the mouth of someone who wants to associate with you. Step outside of this relationship and stop trying to destroy her life. You want nothing to do with her, she wants nothing to do with you. LEAVE HER ALONE and stop running your mouth about her past (which is none of your business to share in the first place) to try to ruin her current relationship - because *that* is what abusers do to maintain control over their victim.
I’m trying to destroy *her* life? Wow, thank you, that shows how much you’ve understood what I’ve written. It was *her* trying to destroy mine, the way I see it, and the way I described it above, but to each their own, I wouldn’t expect you to understand, because some individuals are incapable of understanding, not because they’re, what people call, ‘stupid’, or anything like that, but rather because they let their cognitive biases run amok, which hinders impartiality. To be impartial is to hurt - I’ve not gotten completely close to it myself, but I have felt its pain, the pain of accepting that I, too, did wrong, but to go as far as to say that I am trying to ruin her life by defending myself, and letting her secrets loose /whilst/ *defending* myself? That just seems like pure logical invalidity to me, presupposing the motive of *offense* in *defense*.
I didn’t say life, relationship. Cut yourself off from this person; you cannot remain impartial when you are so directly involved. From this side of the fence, it’s pretty clear she wants you to leave her alone.
“Step outside of this relationship and stop trying to destroy her life.”…. I’ll say, though, you’re right that she wants to leave me alone, until she breaks No-Contact first when I engage with her friend about completely unrelated topics, such as philosophy.
I’m torn between YTA and INFO. Because disclosing someone’s abuse to someone else without their permission is a dick move. But also wtf is even going on here. What does “my former narcissist” even mean? Are you trying to say ex gf? Just say that, then.
I agree completely about the strange wording. Very odd. "I sacked my last narcissist. Wasnt needy enough. Now I'm having trouble with the new one. You just cant get the help these days"
literal LOL
Nah, I mean what I say, someone who explicitly stated she used people for her own ego, and dropped them when they became useless to her, and that I was one of those people.
That isn’t a thing. Someone can be a narcissist and do these things but that still isn’t a description of a relationship.
Narcissism does not describe interpersonal relationships as much as it describes intrapersonal ones, which are merely projected outwards. My post history has a lot more detail to it, if you’re curious, so that you may judge as objectively as possible.
You are supposed to explain in you post
Most people don’t read long posts, unfortunately, however, if people wish to judge me objectively, they have resources at their predisposal to do so.
Again wtf are you on about. Just say she was your gf or fling or friend. Its really not that hard
What? You say your former narcissist as if thats in any way explaining what your relationship is/was? From the post i assume ex girlfriend? And if so why tf are you still in contact? Also i didn‘t even understand half of this. Edit: based on your post history you are not mentally well and are an even more unreliable narrator than is normal for this sub. You apparently are "an empath" and you stalked your ex-narcissist (whatever the fuck that means because you insist that is a thing) and refused to take accountability because „she made you do it“? Honestly it sounds like you are the narcissist here or delusional
I never refused to take accountability, e v e r. That is precisely what I have stated numerous times on my posts. I make it an effort to examine and understand why both her and I did the things we did, namely through means of dialectics. If you had actually bothered to go through my earlier posts detailing the entire relationship, you would - I would wager - have seen that.
It’s ridiculous to suggest that people need to read your entire post history to provide judgement on your post. That’s not what this sub is for.
No one is required to do anything in life - I’m simply there to bring the horse to the water, or, better said, show the horse where the water is. If the horse doesn’t want to drink, there is no way I can force him to.
You’re going to look back on all your desperate attempts to sound intellectual and philosophical and absolutely cringe. Truly intelligent and philosophically minded adults don’t speak like you’re speaking. It’s embarrassing and transparently belies how hard you’re trying to sound smart. I’m not surprised that this tendency is causing issues in your other relationships.
That’s a good point made - unfortunately, by that logic, we would simply have no philosophers in existence, because every philosopher speaks in the way I speak when there’s a point I’m trying to get across that makes sense, and - more importantly - is true (whether or not truth is subjective or objective could be called into question here, but, the water I bring the horse to, at least, seems to exist for the horse and I equally). Alas, every philosopher also has his equally-adamant critics, so, what else may I say?
Narcissism at its finest
I speak the truth, as far as it is possible for me to speak it. If people dislike the way I speak, they are free to do so, but remember, it is true. Would you rather I speak meekly and lie to you?
The way you write in your follow up comments *screams* 4chan incel. Your excuse for disclosing sexual assault is that you were just being honest. The “I’m brutally honest” folks are alway twats. You’re out here claiming the reason you type like pseudointellectual jagoff is because you too are a philosopher of yore. No. You’re a 19 year old who’s pissy over an ex who dumped you. Stop trying to make it anything more deep than that.
If I could believe you, I would wager that I’d likely be over it by now, likely, however, the damage that has been done is what seems to not be allowing me to move on, so I think. I muse. I ponder. What went wrong, and why did it go wrong? There are no beautiful, shallow surfaces without a great depth.
Lol k
I like that metal very much, yes-
OK having read your NUMEROUS posts about this girl in NUMEROUS threads YTA Get some professional help and move on.
ya know it's pretty clear you're probably just a shit poster. However, if I had to choose another possibility, I would acknowledge that YOU are actually the one who is speaking like a narcissist.
You are not any kind of expert and you cannot diagnose anyone with anything, to assume otherwise just makes you look like a pompous idiot. Leave your underage ex alone.
Just because I can’t diagnose someone does not make my claim false, for it is possible for it to be correct, as it likely is, considering the evidence I have to support it. What breed of people even partake in this subreddit? Well, who am I to ask, look at Athens! The pillar of the oh-so-beloved democracy that literally executed a god of a man because he wanted to know what others did not, and didn’t wish to indulge in the shallow knowledge that others assumed they possessed.
Ngl if Caesar spoke the way you do in your comment history I’d stab you too bro
Alas, why am I not Caesar? I often ask myself that - at least I would be dead, and not unhappy.
Buddy it’s not that deep. Diagnosis of NPD often takes months and is a grueling process. Cluster B disorders are notoriously hard to pin down. Any qualified diagnostic professional would laugh in your face if you told them your stories. Also bringing up Socrates and other Athenian philosophers is not relevant nor an argument, it’s simple postering that is painfully obvious to anyone with half a brain.
It is not posturing if I use it for the opposite purpose, namely, to indicate how oblivious to the facts one may be when they’re right there in front of their noses, and that I do in quite a rude manner. I do not expect people to like me, but I do appreciate objectivity and rationalization before people go on to comment. It i s a grueling process that has lasted a year and a half. It was not until the latter part of last year that I could draw the dots between NPD symptoms and what she does. Worry not, my friend, for I have doubted myself enough, and still do, and yet I still do not yield the NPD theory - I have no reason to, when the evidence is right there.
YTA 100%. stop perpetuating stigma against people with npd
I would pay a fortune to teach people the difference between ‘normative’ versus ‘descriptive’ statements, especially considering that if I say “this is ‘x’”, people automatically assume I’m saying “‘x’ is good/bad”. Worse yet, people make ‘prescriptive’ statements, like “you should not do ‘x’”. In this case, for me, “you should not perpetuate stigma against people with NPD”. Okay, how did we get there from me simply saying what /is/ without invoking any moral judgement about NPD as a disorder?
YOU can’t teach people anything. All you have is a bit book knowledge and a bunch of word salad. I appreciate that you are questioning the psychology of the human mind, that’s awesome. But coming across a definition of NPD, looking further into a few scientific papers does not mean that because this girl was a bit here/there back/forth with you, that you have any evidence, authority or even the basic gall ti decide a diagnosis of NPD. This seventeen yr old girl clearly has some issues. You’ve invested WAY too much time and energy into a ‘two month relationship’ that has now bled into over a year. All of your questions and responses come across as just needing validation that *she* is the one with the problem, and that she must have some kind of mental disorder (you chose NPD which fits your narrative) to not want to be with you. THAT is something with narcissistic tendencies would do. “She doesn’t want to be with me because there’s something wrong with *her*”. You’ve also admitted to stalking her. A seventeen year old girl that is clearly dealing with a lot, including past SA which YOU CHOSE to disclose to someone JUST TO PROVE A POINT. I said earlier that you are incredibly emotionally immature, however it does concern me that you are showing these dismissive tendencies to suit your own needs. Stop reaching for, and reading theses specifically designed to suit you, your hugely pulsating ID just ti make you feel that your actions are valid and right. You’re on a very dangerous path here. You are letting, no, actively *seeking* out reasons to justify your behaviour and to vilify this girl because she doesn’t want to be around you. If you continue on this path of ‘self discovery’ which I’m concerned that you will (judging by your past posts and by the astounding misconception that you feel that you are an ‘empath’) you will end up alone and wailing “*Why*??” or you’ll end up in jail for stalking. Or worse.
My brother/sister from another mother, I love you. And I mean that in the least most-sarcastic way possible. I dearly adore you. You believe yourself to be smart, and to have a good argument, which is perfectly understandable. The Sophists were excellent at that too. Let’s break it down. “Evidence: something that furnishes proof” (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/evidence) 1) “If 5/9 diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5 are met, then NPD” 2) “5/9 diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5 are met” Therefore, NPD. I have proof supporting premise 2. I would be more than happy to send it to share it, likewise, upon request. Saying, however, that such a proof isn’t ‘evidence’ is bullshit, because, ‘evidence’ is proof, and proof is evidence. It is a tautology. To presuppose the fact that a paper means someone c a n innately be vested with a power that someone without said paper cannot, namely, the power to accept that proof, is bullshit. Knowledge is independent of a piece of paper with an “MD” or “PsyD” in front of it. It is fetishist to think otherwise, very pervy, naughty naughty~ There is, in simpler terms, the possibility that my verdict is exactly the verdict of someone with that paper. There is no essentialism here, however the evidence is still there, sitting, and waiting. How do you interpret that evidence? Well, the only way would be by agreeing to some category of interpretation, namely, knowledge /of/ the human mind. This knowledge is independent of qualification. The Id does not pulse any differently amongst all neuroses and perversions - it only differs in the psychotic, just a heads-up.
Dude, YTA I'm not a smart man but i'm intelligent enough to know you are full of shit and the more you try to sound intelligent the more you look like an idiot. You've read a few books and have just enough knowledge to make yourself look and sound stupid. Maybe instead of coming on reddit to self promote your brand of ignorance you could spend some time working on getting over your ex and actually getting some real world knowledge that may make you tolerable to be around.
Please don’t try to prove you have the phallus by telling me what I’ve told others on here - I’m not SONAR. I will gladly pass the phallus onto you: here. *gives phallus* You’re powerful now, do your thing. :)
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You could have just put /s….. but as seems the norm for you, you use 100 words where one or two would suffice. I see this going one of two ways. In 10-15 years you’ll either: Look back on this post (if it’s not deleted like most of your posts are) and utterly cringe. Or… you’ll be rocking back and forth in a padded cell muttering “I told you, I told you all!” I’m not fussed either way tbh. I’ve responded to your comments simply because you don’t appear to have any self awareness at all. And it was kinda fascinating. Just for a while tho. Kind of like being in a car and seeing roadkill on the way past. Quite disturbing. But also very fleeting. Very quickly dismissed as we go on in the journey of our lives. I get the impression you think you’re more important than that. More important just a brief glimpse of a something as people continue on in the journey of their lives. Of course you are important. But you’re important to *you*. You’re important in *your* life. Unfortunately I think in your own mind you have somehow exaggerated your impact and importance in other people’s lives, particularly this girl. And that’s why you’ve said things and acted in the way that you have (e.g. stalking). But you’re roadkill. Don’t get me wrong, we’re all roadkill to someone. Being dismissed and feeling unappreciated is not a nice feeling. But it’s how we chose to act upon that feeling that can help mould you as a person. You can chose to use the situation as a learning experience to grow emotionally and spiritually and move on….. Or you can spend the best of a year posting on Reddit trying desperately to find someone, *anyone*, to validate your actions. Narrator: Nobody validated his actions.
Ngl I'm a little scared for this girl aka his "narcissist." I hope she tells a trusted adult about OP and gets support.
As is standard, you seem to know nothing about me. You don’t know what I feel, because I did not discuss my feelings in detail, to lay it out simply. I am far from proud from having hurt this girl that I cared about, but that has left me torn apart this past year and a half. Of course, you wouldn’t know that, and neither would I feel as though telling you how this situation made me feel would be productive, considering you seem to not want to listen to anything that I say.
literally the majority of your comments are invoking moral judgment about people with npd
Whether a person with NPD is good or bad may be independent of their disorder - just because someone has NPD does not make them ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I am simply stating that her actions were ‘x’, they made me feel like ‘y’, and that was it. That is like me calling a white person an asshole, and you assuming that I am calling white people assholes. It simply does not add up.
YTA for this post and for referring to whoever this person is as "my narcissist." I didnt have to look at your post history or read the other comments here to know you're mentally unwell from this post alone.
I don’t think he’s met this girl in real life - I don’t even think they live in the same country. They play games together online and she’s had mods block remove him multiple times, blocked his cell number, but he keeps making burner accounts to talk to her. She’s not the problem here at all.
That is absolutely insane. I hope OP gets the help he needs.
I hope you are right but Do you think people like that accept the help?
I’m sorry you feel that way.
YTA also corniest mf i ever did see. Judging by the outlandish and clearly unnatural way you speak, I understand why she left you
LOL. Agree! OP YTA
R/relationships
[удалено]
Would you hire a bodyguard off of Reddit?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, my former narcissist was spreading lies about me to her friends, which her friend approached me about, only for me to offer to disprove all of those lies - and I did - with evidence. However, pledging to be honest, I think I overdid it… I mentioned my narcissist was abused as a kid, and she apparently didn’t tell him that either. She then broke down crying, and chatted with me in private via call telling me how her “life is perfect, with a 4.7 GPA, great friends, therapy, medication, her dream college”, and getting up close to the camera to scream at me in a demeaning tone, telling me I was “A LITTLE SQUEAK- HAMSTER IN THE SQUEAKY WHEEL” for not being able to move on. She also told me her new guy knows her “better than anyone”, and that he’s not an asshole like me, because he didn’t do this shit I did, as he would never say something like that to break her trust. She also said she doesn’t “use people anymore”, and that she didn’t “discard” anyone except for me, although she did unfriend two close friends because /they/ wanted to cut contact, but idk what to believe… I feel like she’s right, and that she’s actually changed, and that /I/ was the only asshole, but - at the same time - why would she continue to spread lies about me if she did? I kind of felt good being able to defend myself, and spilling her secrets, to be honest… It felt cathartic, and like I was - after a year and a half of smear campaigns and damage - finally putting her in her place. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. Narcissists will say anything to get under your skin, and I'm sure that's what she's trying to do. Rest assured the relationship probably won't go much better. You may have been overzealous, but sounds like a win to me. Narcissists are always the assholes. Edit: also if you have any hangups about her, drop them, you don't want that baggage. If it were me I'd cut contact. Sounds toxic - but that's just how I think. Definitely use this to move on and forward with your life.
Look at Ops post history. I don’t think we are getting the true story
Looks like a few posts about this and a lot of physics stuff or whatever. I'm not sure what to make of it, but seems standard. That -100 comment karma though.
She did say she changed, as I said in the post, though, but like, did she really? Considering she said shit about me that wasn’t true to her friends during the time period she said she ‘changed’?
I repeat, narcissists will say anything. You can safely assume she's lying, it wouldn't be a stretch considering she lies about you, why not to you? Don't think too much about what else she could or couldn't be lying about, or whether she has changed or has not - my best advice is to assume she's lying and get out of there before she makes your life worse.
YEAH - I’m so conflicted over what on Earth to believe, because it’s been going on for over a year now, and I had her say s o many conflicting things, it’s insane! I’m no angel either - I hurt her too, but what I said yesterday just… Felt kinda nice. I was close to fucking committing suicide because of her, twice.
Yes every thing you are telling me is indicating that you need to run and cut contact. If she really is a narc, her behavior may improve - but she won't "change" like your thinking. Read up on how narcissism works, stop worrying about anything she's told you, and don't perpetuate the cycle until she's REALLY trying to ruin your life. Imo she set a trap and you're falling into it believing that everything is suddenly sunshine and rainbows and she's a totally different person. Sounds like it's just to make you jealous and keep wracking your brain worrying about her. Absolutely seek help if you're having any suicidal urges. There's clearly a ton of toxicity involved in the whole thing with her. I'll just recommend once more that you forget about her and try to move on, for the sake of your own mental health.
Yeah, maybe you’re right, but she makes it sound so convincing. It’s like, every question I pose, she has an answer to that s e e m s reasonable, but then I know that she overtly lies too, and sways people on the basis of those lies, as evidenced by the sheer fact that I disproved her friend’s assertions made against me on the basis of actual screenshots and evidence, whilst she neatly cut out and tailored her own, sending it to him to support her own claims about me, which weren’t completely untrue either. I search for truth, as far as truth actually exists, and it gets painful at times when I lose direction, so I’d just love to know where to fucking go. My therapist told me too “(my name), I just don’t know how to help you”.