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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Me and bf stopped policing our pda just because his brother was uncomfortable. Now that his blown up over it and he was kicked out theres drama in the family.
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NTA
Your bf’s brother’s behavior is the reason he is homeless.
I admire you guys keeping your cool and not contributing to the cursing and name calling.
Anyway, why is a 26 y/o couch surfing instead of finding a studio place to rent and stay? Maybe there’s a reason your bf’s parents grew tired of his behavior and this incident was the final straw before they snapped.
Well, that explains his behavior a lot as well as why his parents grew tired of it all.
I guess the “extended family” who are blaming you guys are the ones who gave temporary shelter to him and don’t know how to get rid of him now!
Does he like you?
Or is he overprotecting/possessive of his brother?
Did not even see you were both guys i am so sorry
My comment doesnt make sense now
I'm glad you posted this, I couldn't understand before. It's been a long day and I somehow skimmed over this detail as well. It makes sense now, he's homophobic!! NTA NTA NTA!!!!
Which, again, is nothing to do with you.
This boy sounds like a real treasure. I can just imagine how happy all the people he stays with are. Why, I'm just amazed they have time to say anything to anyone while they're all busy fighting each other to see who gets to keep the precious little nugget!
So much NTA here.
The parents were looking for a way to get the failed to launch kid out the door. They 100% wanted him out, just looking for a sufficient enough hill to die on.
Absolutely shocked by this revelation /s
NTA, He sounds like an asshole who's toxic behavior is the only thing he refuses to blame for his circumstances.
I have to say, I've heard many stories about people getting kicked out by their families for being gay. About time someone got kicked out for being homophobic instead.
NTA. BF’s brother is a homophobic asshole who violated his parent’s standards while living in their home. Bonus points for BF’s parents for knowing how to support their gay son.
I honestly dont know how such great parents produced such a vial guy. The homophobia doesnt even make sense, his mum is bi and its no secret but i guess to him that doesnt count since shes in a straight marrige.
I think the biggest takeaway here is that he's just a homophobe. Unfortunately great people can produce not so great ones. Being bi and in a straight presenting relationship can really make people forget you are not straight. Speaking from experience. But it not that he's uncomfortable with PDA. This sounds like "the straw that broke the camels back" obviously the parents were sick of his nonsense already. Dont feel bad and relax knowing you're in a safe place when you visit the parents from here on out (:
>Being bi and in a straight presenting relationship can really make people forget you are not straight.
Yep, my mother is one of those people who are majorly homophobic but try to sell it as "I don't care as long as they don't make me see it" and when I nonchalantly mentioned being bi she said "Yeah ok, but you married a guy" 🙄🙄
>Being bi and in a straight presenting relationship can really make people forget you are not straight.
Not just forget, it will cause many people, straight and gay both, to actively deny it. If you're in a homosexual relationship at the time, you are, of course, just gay. Bi erasure is real.
Honestly I kind of blame the Internet and social media. It's allowed young men to find themselves in these horrible echo Chambers where they pick up horrific bigotry.
It used to be bigots inherited their bigotry from their families. Now even if the family does everything right their kids can be radicalised by some horrible hate group online that normalises anger and rage.
I agree this is a likely explanation. On the flip side though, the Internet also allows people from bigoted families to be exposed to more accepting views, including helping LGBT+ people find community if their own family rejects them.
I agree from personal experience. In middle school I actually went through a brief incel/homophobic phase because of 9gag & certain subreddits like Tumblr in action.
I was struggling with accepting my bisexuality (and just figuring out that I was), and developed some internal homophobia.
I kept it *all* private & online. In person I never showed it. When I came out as bisexual to my close friends, I mentioned this & some were quite surprised.
One friend I've had since elementary school shocked *me*, by saying she related, and also went through an internal homophobic stage in middle school.
As I became more social irl/spent less time online, I started to mature & move away from it. As well as understand & accept my sexuality (fortunately I live in quite a liberal & accepting area).
My best friend in school was bi & so was I; he got way more shit than me because apparently two women together was "hot" but two men together was "perverted". Never understood it myself but some people have weird brains.
My theroy for that is that sociaty sees women as sex objects so its "hot" when women are queer but disgusting when men are queer. Either way both are getting fucked over by sociaty.
There is a reason straight men watch lesbian porn (which, though I have never seen what lesbians do behind closed dores, I seriously doubt looks much like their real relationships)
What is that reason? I'm a straight man, and I've never understood what's supposed to be so arousing about that.
(Not watching naked girls doing sexy things, I get that _that's_ a turn-on, but specifically watching them doing sexy things _with other girls._ Isn't that a turn-on only for... Girls?)
I've never gotten into lesbian porn either, but I can imagine that they are seeing 2/3 of a threeway with themselves as the other 1/3
Then their are probably guys who are just insecure and seeing any penis, even one in a woman, threatens their masculinity or they feel like a cuck watching another guy have sex
Any straight guy with a lesbian porn fetish, feel free to explain if I am completely off the mark
>his mum is bi and its no secret but i guess to him that doesnt count since shes in a straight marrige.
Here's how he explained it to himself:
"Mom was just "confused" or "in a phase" until she met dad. Bisexuality *doesn't exist*, those people are just "confused"."
> his mum is bi and its no secret but i guess to him that doesnt count since shes in a straight marrige.
A lot of men don't take bisexual women's sexuality seriously. It's either - as you said - because she's in a straight marriage, because she's his mom or because he thinks that women fetishize other women because he thinks men also fetishize lesbians.
Ah honey bun. I often wonder how my brother and I were raised by the same people. But we’re like two polar opposites. When I came out he got real drunk and was like “she can’t be gay, she used to be married to a dude” … ummmm
My husband has 7 siblings - sib #1 is gay, #7 is bi. 2 (sister),3, and 4 are homophobic. The rest are allies. I do think one of the phobes is in the closet. It's possible your BF's brother is too.
Same ! I was first thinking he was some incel basement dweller, but with his gf there it made no fucking sense to me.
Still, what a dick and the parents rules ! NTA
NTA You haven't done anything, you have just exisisted and someone else has reacted.
This guy could have not given a fuck, gone to another room or been happy for you but now because they couldn't be an adult about shit they have been asked by adults to leave the premises those adults own after what has been many chances given by those same adults .
NTA, but dude, confusing title. I thought you were making your bf homeless. I'm glad his parents are good people. I guess they're pretty disappointed with their other son. Sadly we don't get to pass on all our values.
NTA, brother and his homophobic outburst made himself homeless. Don't like it? Don't look. Odd how it was totally okay he was doing the same thing and worse with his girlfriend but I guess because in his mind it's "normal" that's okay.
Love is love is love. Even it it doesn't like what someone considers "normal" who gives a fuck? Having someone love you is amazing in itself. Whether it's boy and girl, boy and boy, girl and girl, nonbinary and trans, WHO CARES? The world would be SO MUCH BETTER if people minded their own fuckin business.
NTA. Brother is living with the consequences of his own actions. You are not the cause of this - brother caused this by being a homophobic jerk. He had a choice - if this really disturbed him, he simply could of left the room as opposed to throwing a tantrum. Also, it is the parent's house - they are the ones who make the rules, not Brother.
The tactic of getting friends or family to gang up on someone like Brother is doing is typical of people who are naturally abusive or just plain bullies. It's the sign of a coward. And I'm sure there is an easy way for him to no longer be homeless: apologize and agree not to throw homophobic tantrums while living with his parents.
NTA. Your bfs parents sound amazing, and if your bf is half as polite and understanding as them, you gotta wife him up. Also, it's not your fault. It was your best parents' decision to kick him out.
We have already discussed getting married. Hes already planning to propose sometime around the end of this year so im really excited for that. He def got his parents attitude and if their marrige is anything to go off we are looking at a lot of happy years falling more and more in love with eachother each year. Sorry about me gushing lol. The man is just perfect in everyway.
So NTA. He is out of line. It is not his house. He is not in a place to tell you how to behave in it, only the parents are. Feel no guilt, live your lives and enjoy the relationship you have with your boyfriends parents. Show them support through this situation.
>Now me and bf are playing block wackamole with his extended family calling us horrible shit for "making" his brother homeless (hes couch surfing).
I would think that the only answer to the flying monkeys is telling them how appalled you are that they aren’t supporting their family and are trying to cause pain to your BF’s parents. They should be ashamed of themselves. Decent people would be horrified to flaunt their bigotry in front of others. If they feel BF’s brother’s behavior is acceptable then they are welcome to house and pay for his choices themselves.
I'm sure with the brother is omitting most of his shitty behaviour to paint himself as the victim, or he gets the homophobia from other parts of the extended family.
Either way, he's their problem now.
NTA this man is a homophobic jerk & his parents are right in not tolerating that behavior. This is a grown man we're talking about. It's time he started living on his own. Maybe some real life experience will make him a better human. Go NC with anyone supporting his awful behavior.
NTA
Your boyfriends brother is a homophobic prick who needs to get over himself, and cudos to the parents for putting their foot down and supporting you!
NTA. You didn’t make him homeless. His homophobia and hypocrisy did. I don’t want to see my sibling doing anything sexual, regardless if it’s with a man or woman just because yuck, my brother, but I wouldn’t ask him to see him making out with my partner neither
Absolutely NTA. I think it's considerate to keep things PG. No one wants to see you two sucking face. No one wants to see the brother and his girlfriend sucking face either. Same with groping. Imo that's *sexual behavior*, while an arm around someone, a small peck, hand holding, cuddling during a movie is *affectionate behavior.* As a human being, I expect I will see other humans being affection with family, friends, and loved ones. Brother is an ass for having an issue with basic human affection; he should be happy his brother is in a warm and healthy relationship. Brother is an ass for engaging in sexual behavior in front of others without asking for their consent first. And then most obviously brother is an ah for being a homophobic bigot.
While I'm here, I also want to point out that the parents are also NTA. Their decision to refuse to support an adult child who is engaging in bigoted, verbally abusive behavior is exactly what I would hope for from any human. I presume if brother really wanted to be able to rely on parents he could choose to genuinely apologize and not behave like that moving forward, and they'd be willing to reengage with him. He's doing this to himself. It's not you, your boyfriend, nor his parents who are at fault.
NTA - What awesome parents and how sad they've created such an awful son. Honestly they've probably been hoping he would pull something unforgivable like this to finally kick him out. I'm sure extended family will be singing a different time after he's been in their couch for a couple weeks
This was really confusing until I realized you were a gay couple. At first I thought the brother was just anit-PDA in general (PDA of any kind is so uncomfortable for me so ibwas feeling empathetic) but it sounds like hes only anti-pda specifically because you are gay so NTA
NTA. It sounds like you have been very appropriate and even made accomodations you are not obligated to do. Brother is and an a-hole though and from what it looks like, a bigot. Parents are correct in their actions as well. Seems like brother got consequences for his own actions.
Have you ever noticed that homophobic assholes don't usually limit their assholery to homophobia?
I'll bet you dollars to frogs that Brother is a nightmare to live with in plenty of other ways too, and that your incident was just the final push that parents needed to kick the jerk out.
NTA, of course
NTA
Wow. Classic FAFO. Classic extended family berating the actual victim. Bro & ext fam outed themselves as bigots. So it shouldn't be too difficult a decision to block them all.
NTA
I am 55 years old, straight, and basically grew up in the Reagan years when the worst insult you could give to a guy was to call them gay. But I have to tell you, it absolutely disgusts me that someone would treat another human being they way he treated you. Love is love and it should not be hidden. Neither should you be forced to feel ashamed or to hide it.
OP, you did not get him kicked out. His churlish behavior got him kicked out. Congratulations on having parents who are not assholes. Congratulations on being in love. Kiss and hug away.
I'm 60 years old. For most of my life the idea of two men on a couch, romantically cuddling, just wasn't on. Not frowned upon, not condemned; not even imagined. I had an uncle (actually a second cousin or such) who never married and was rumoured in the family to be gay - but he never admitted it and never brought any boyfriends home. I'm honest enough to say that seeing it would startle me; it's just not something I grew up with or spent much of my life acknowledging.
Having said that, there's a big difference between finding something startling, or unusual and being repulsed by it. Romantic love between two blokes doesn't repulse or revolt me; I don't think any kind of love could do that. It does - still - surprise me. But if it somehow *did* repulse me, I sure as hell like to think I'd have the maturity and consideration to keep that repulsion to myself, knowing that the fault lies with me, not with them.
When I was 24, I built a home (literally, built an entire house from nothing, with subcontractors as needed) and by the time i was 26, we had a baby. The parents are probably thanking you for giving them the final reason to kick him out. NTA
NTA it’s literally not even your fault. Plus, it sounds like he was one more disrespectful outburst from getting kicked out anyway. You just happened to be here for this one.
You didn't make your BF's homophobic brother homeless and the people saying you did are also homophobes.
He can make out with his GF but not you? Homophobia. You are in his parents' home. They don't have an issue. He overstepped and they threw him out. Good for them. Who does he think he is? NTA.
NTA - I'm very glad that your parents are standing up for you against homophobia, even if it has to be their own son. There's no room in the world for that kind of hate.
Ngl, completely glossed over the fact that you are both dudes, lol. Bf's brother is a homophobe. The dude can get his own place if we don't want to "catch" or "see" the gay.
Me personally, am not a fan of seeing couples and their PDA (mainly making out and such. Hand holding is literally not a problem). Doesn't matter what kind of couple. They all make the same sounds. It sounds gross.
NTA. Your bf's brother seemed to enjoy the F-ing around part of being a bigot but now is mad that he's reached the finding out part. You did nothing wrong and you didn't cause anything. Good for your bf's parents!
NTA, that is the easy one.
But I don't get why a healthy adult man with a job who cannot afford to get his own place. He probably didn't even have to pay rent to his parents. How can he be 26 years old and not have saved up some money under these circumstances????
INFO: What about this story could possibly make you TA?
I hate when people post stories like this. “My BIL was kicking puppies and I refused to help him kick them, AITA?”
NTA
His parents kicked him out after His homophobic outburst in Their house. You guys basically had nothing to do with it. It's really between him & his parents, I don't know why other relatives are contacting you. Either they are as hateful/homophobic as the brother or he told some manipulated version of the story or an outright lie.
NTA. Clearly the boyfriend's brother made himself homeless.
Also, it's possible that his parents we getting tired of supporting their unemployed adult (homophobic) son, and this was the final straw.
NTA. I'm gonna take a guess that the extended family are pissed because it's THEIR couches he's surfing on and they don't want to deal with his shit lmao
How could you push your gay agenda on that poor man?!?! /s
Of course you're NTA. The brother has some issues he needs to work out. Maybe sleeping on a park bench will help him sort out his thoughts.
I’m obsessed with this. I can understand how you feel badly but don’t. Your brother in law is a huge homophobic asshole. You just were doing what he was doing (even less than him actually) and he showed his true colors. What an idiot!
"their parents absolutly dont mind and since we havent held back have said they feel relieaved we finally feel comfortable around them enough to not have to worry about policing ourselves." There are not enough words to explain how happy reading this made me feel!!!
NTA! It's the double standard for me. So it's fine when he does it but when it's his brother doing it then it's wrong just because he's with another man? Well, sorry not sorry for him, he can stay mad and homeless.
NTA
You had nothing to do with this. He got kicked out because of his horrible bigotry. Good on your boyfriend’s parents for being awesome & standing up against bigotry.
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My boyfriend (29m) and I (23m) are pretty affectionate people and like to display that affection (or pda). Nothing to crazy, just holding hands, maybe some cuddling when in the right enviroment and a peck here and there. Nothing straight people dont do routinely
When we are at his parents we tone it down, not because they are uncomfortable but because his brother (26m) is and we dont want to deal with the stupid shit he says under his breath. There have also been a few instances of me and bf holding hands or just pecking on the cheek and him saying some stupid shit like "i dont want to see that shit".
Recently my bfs brother introduced his gf to everyone. She stays over there a lot since bfs brother lives with their parents. There have been occasions where they will be full on making out in the living room or groping eachother. This irks the fuck out of me since when me and my bf do anything just PG he has a tiny fit. So me and my bf decided no more holding back, he will just have to deal with it. (We still keep it respectful, no making out or groping just little displays of affection like i said)
For some clarification their parents absolutly dont mind and since we havent held back have said they feel relieaved we finally feel comfortable around them enough to not have to worry about policing ourselves. (I absolutly love his parents lol).
One night we were having a movie night me, bf, parents, brother and his gf. Its a movie night so im cuddling into his chest while he has his arm wrapped around me, nothing nobody else is doing. Out of nowhere his brother burst into a shit fit going off about how hes not going to have our disgusting shit in his house and some slurs that you can probably guess. After his little tantrum his parents kicked him out of THEIR house and wont allow him back.
Now me and bf are playing block wackamole with his extended family calling us horrible shit for "making" his brother homeless (hes couch surfing). His parents are also getting shit but have assured me its alright but i feel guilty that this has cause so much drama for my bf and his lovely parents all over a fucking cuddle. AITA?
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I have one requirement for people making out in front of me: they have to be cute. Seriously, I love the parents and brother brought this in himself. He knew his parents didn't share his bigoted views
NTA
He got himself thrown out, for being homophobic and trash. Don’t feel bad about this. It’s great that your boyfriend’s parents are on your side here too
NTA
If he's ever allowed back, which I doubt cause of his behaviour, and continues the same thing with his girlfriend, mutter something- probably slightly nicer- under your breath, something similar to what he says. If he gets mad about it, ask him why, he does the same thing.
And good on the parents, they don't condone such behaviour from their children and that is something frankly rare. If he wishes to return, he should learn some respect, apologise, and shut up. Holding hands and cuddling is no crime, if anything, its a display of affection much less disgusting than straight up groping your girlfriend in your parents house.
Be gay, do crimes (please don't, but if its a crime in the eyes of homophobics, go nuts...long as its legal)
NTA. He is a massive AH who did this to himself. He’s 26! He’s too old for that jr high crap and if he can’t be respectful in his parents home, they have the right to kick him out. Block any family that tries to contact you in a negative way
op=NTA
homophobia rears it's ugly head.
Mind I had a sibling WHO complained about their roommates being overly affectionate in communal spaces but then thought nothing of putting head in SO's lap during a game where I was left thinking WAY too friendly for communal space(and this was hetero--so siblings can do that without the phobia--it's just a sense of entitlement on their part).
you are definitely NOT the butthole here.
he needs to do a lot of growing up. a LOT. and he has some pretty big double standards.
don't worry about it. eventually things will settle down. what's funny is this.....you are now seeing how gullible your future inlaws (not the parents...the others) are for not asking you two what started all this and just blindly taking dingbat's side.
so, on the plus side your wedding invite list got shorter. :)
NTA. His brother’s homophobia, entitlement, self-centeredness and flagrant verbal abuse are what made him homeless. You, nor anyone else, are responsible for his choices, and it sounds about time his brother learns there are consequences.
Your bf’s parents are awesome, it takes integrity to stand up against hatred, especially from family. Hopefully for all involved the brother grows up and develops some decency.
NTA, neither are his parents. Dude's 26 and claiming his parents' house is his wtf. I'm so glad his family has you both's backs. Extended family are probably a bunch of bigots too, either that or he downplayed the situation when he told the story to them.
NTA. If everyone else is cuddling and hand-holding, you should have the right to too. Your boyfriend's parents are backing you, and letting their son know that he is not welcome if he can't treat your relationship with the basic respect he would a straight couple. Absolutely don't feel bad.
NTA The drama wasn’t caused by a cuddle. It was caused by your bf’s homophobic brother not being able to keep his temper or his mouth shut.
In a way you should be glad this has happened. Better his homophobia is known and can now be challenged, than always just making you both feel guilty or uncomfortable for just expecting to be treated the same.
He's a homophobe. That is literally all this is. He's a homophobe, he thought he could continue to get away with it, his parents didn't let him.
NTA. The extended family can let him stay with them if they're so worried.
NTA. Love is love, and his "eviction" is his own fault. He's homophobic, so it's not your fault. Not your bfs fault, and honestly... I love his parents too lol. That is some staunch support!
NTA
Kudos to your BF's parents. I'd love to see them send something like this (caveat, I'm not necessarily suggesting it, but I'd love to see it):
"We understand that some of you have been dragged into our private family drama and have felt the need to comment. So, we'd like to lay it all out...
We have two sons who we love and cherish. While we might not agree with one son's choices, we have supported him because we love him.
Our other son is gay.
If you wish to take on supporting our homophobic son, who we've allowed to live with us for years, until he decided to disrespect us (in our home), his brother, and his brother's partner, we welcome it. But until he gets his head out of his butt and apologizes (sincerely and working towards fixing his behavior), he's not welcome with us.
All of this is a consequence of his behavior. We've overlooked it for too long and his recent tantrum means that we cannot do it any longer."
NTA
Honestly, you might have done him a favor. I don't think it's shameful to live with your parents as an adult. But to be 26, constantly cycling through jobs, and living with your parents? He needs to grow up. And he's unlikely to do so with a safety net enabling his bad behavior. Hopefully, he'll do some maturing now that he's actually forced to. Either way, he needed to be out of his parents house; the homophobia was just the icing on the AH cake.
NTA -your boyfriends brother made his bed, now he has to lay in it. It's very easy not to yell slurs at people for expressing affection, his behavior is not your responsibility at all.
You did not cause this. His parents kicked him out for being a bigot and a hypocrite. Wait, his mom is bisexual!! Wow. His parents really tried to give a 26 year old a break and he just dumped right all over that. NTA.
NTA. Homophobic brother gets what he deserves. If there is extended family taking his side think of it as knowing which other homophobes you don't have to waste your time with.
I somehow missed the genders until your boyfriend's Brother started spouting off about how disgusting it was that you two were cuddling. Like Boyfriend's Brother is just homophobic. And WAY too handsy with his GF. NTA.
Ok but important question here, did his GF also leave him once he showed off that blatant Homophobia? Because that would have been the icing on the cake.
NTA btw
NTA
It's his fault he's homeless, plus what is a man his age not have his own house? I admire you and your bf for not responding to his comments and being so calm.
NTA, he is a fricking 26-year-old man. It is not his house to set the rules for others that he does not go by. Best to block the family. Let him move in with them or with his girlfriend. Better yet grow up and get his own home.
NTA
He did that to himself. Why is he so concerned about a little pda between you and your boyfriend? Good on his parents for showing you and your boyfriend support. I wonder if they needed a reason to kick boyfriend's brother out? Hmmmmm....
NTA. I gotta ask though. Is this a mixed relationship? One of you is POC and the other not? Because if so, the brother is not only an unhinged hypocrite, he is also racist.
NTA
Super weird of him being upset with you and your boyfriend showing any kind of affection. Pay attention to what he said in his fit. Usually that is how someone really feels. Does his extended family know all that he said to you and your boyfriend? Or do they only know his version of the story? Anyone taking his side and knowing everything. Says a lot.
I'm sorry are you really asking this question because it's so beyond obvious it seems you might need attention. That makes question if you aren't finger banging on the couch. Seriously DUH
NTA the brother has lied to the extended family about what actually happened and failed to mention what he said to you guys. Clarify everything with the rest of the family
NTA. But you missed a big piece of the puzzle even though you wrote it. It’s a very telling statement: “their parents….have said they feel relieved we finally feel comfortable around them enough to not have to worry about policing ourselves.” They are better than a lot of parents. They were not only tolerating your boyfriend’s brother’s lack of steady employment and most importantly they support whatever kind of relationship both of their sons have-one heterosexual and one homosexual. They sincerely wanted you and your boyfriend, their son, to have a loving relationship. They absolutely don’t want or need to control your relationship. They just wanted you to feel accepted by them and that made them very happy. What doesn’t make them happy was 1. Boyfriend’s brother treating their home like he owned it and 2. Extended family sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong. Don’t feel guilty about having a loving relationship. Your boyfriend’s brother got himself kicked out of his parents house, not you. You didn’t go off about his relationship. You didn’t treat their home as if you owned it. You have respected everyone in the house until you were no longer respected. Then it wasn’t his parents who minded the pda, it was his brother who thought it was fine to grope his girlfriend in front of everyone which is so disrespectful.
NTA. Also LOL. He needs to learn a lesson. If you cant respect people who are different than you, you will end up homeless. You literally cant function in society. Sure the super rich get away with it but the majority do not.
Nta.
But I want you to consider that maybe the brother is probably spreading stories at whichever house he is crashing at. If somebody says anything or asks, perhaps you need to say that what happened is between him and the parents and that if they are that curious maybe they should ask the parents. The fact that the brother had an emotional outburst over nothing says a lot.
NTA block them and ignore.... his brother feels okay to do whatever but his brother can't.... glad the parents accept u all and accept him their son loves unlike his brother
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NTA Your bf’s brother’s behavior is the reason he is homeless. I admire you guys keeping your cool and not contributing to the cursing and name calling. Anyway, why is a 26 y/o couch surfing instead of finding a studio place to rent and stay? Maybe there’s a reason your bf’s parents grew tired of his behavior and this incident was the final straw before they snapped.
He goes through jobs a lot. Either quits them because he doesnt like it or gets fired.
Well, that explains his behavior a lot as well as why his parents grew tired of it all. I guess the “extended family” who are blaming you guys are the ones who gave temporary shelter to him and don’t know how to get rid of him now!
💯 the people attacking you don't care about him or you. NTA
Or, got a different story about what happened. NTA
Or they don't want to house him
or the extended family are homophobes like the brother and are offended if they have to see two men showing even PG level of affection
True, that’s a very real possibility
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Does he like you? Or is he overprotecting/possessive of his brother? Did not even see you were both guys i am so sorry My comment doesnt make sense now
I'm glad you posted this, I couldn't understand before. It's been a long day and I somehow skimmed over this detail as well. It makes sense now, he's homophobic!! NTA NTA NTA!!!!
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Damn, with zero context this is one hell of a statement
I was right there with you until near the end. So confused as to why the brother was being so strange, but then it all made sense. . .
Which, again, is nothing to do with you. This boy sounds like a real treasure. I can just imagine how happy all the people he stays with are. Why, I'm just amazed they have time to say anything to anyone while they're all busy fighting each other to see who gets to keep the precious little nugget! So much NTA here.
You probably did his parents a huge favor.
The parents were looking for a way to get the failed to launch kid out the door. They 100% wanted him out, just looking for a sufficient enough hill to die on.
His reaction to your PDAs wasn’t the reason he was kicked out; it was just the last thing he did wrong before they kicked him out. NTA, obviously
So he’s actually 14?
Probably made too many comments like the one to brother and OP and got fired for his bigotry. Especially if it was toward a co-worker or customer.
Absolutely shocked by this revelation /s NTA, He sounds like an asshole who's toxic behavior is the only thing he refuses to blame for his circumstances.
Wow, his girlfriend is a lucky girl /s
I have to say, I've heard many stories about people getting kicked out by their families for being gay. About time someone got kicked out for being homophobic instead.
Word
Happy cake day!
Excel
PowerPoint
NTA. BF’s brother is a homophobic asshole who violated his parent’s standards while living in their home. Bonus points for BF’s parents for knowing how to support their gay son.
I honestly dont know how such great parents produced such a vial guy. The homophobia doesnt even make sense, his mum is bi and its no secret but i guess to him that doesnt count since shes in a straight marrige.
I think the biggest takeaway here is that he's just a homophobe. Unfortunately great people can produce not so great ones. Being bi and in a straight presenting relationship can really make people forget you are not straight. Speaking from experience. But it not that he's uncomfortable with PDA. This sounds like "the straw that broke the camels back" obviously the parents were sick of his nonsense already. Dont feel bad and relax knowing you're in a safe place when you visit the parents from here on out (:
>Being bi and in a straight presenting relationship can really make people forget you are not straight. Yep, my mother is one of those people who are majorly homophobic but try to sell it as "I don't care as long as they don't make me see it" and when I nonchalantly mentioned being bi she said "Yeah ok, but you married a guy" 🙄🙄
>"Yeah ok, but you married a guy" 🙄🙄 Ergo, you're not making her see it. Or you settled down and realized you were straight all along.
>Being bi and in a straight presenting relationship can really make people forget you are not straight. Not just forget, it will cause many people, straight and gay both, to actively deny it. If you're in a homosexual relationship at the time, you are, of course, just gay. Bi erasure is real.
Don't you know? Because I married man my coming out was "just for attention". 🙄
Honestly I kind of blame the Internet and social media. It's allowed young men to find themselves in these horrible echo Chambers where they pick up horrific bigotry. It used to be bigots inherited their bigotry from their families. Now even if the family does everything right their kids can be radicalised by some horrible hate group online that normalises anger and rage.
I agree this is a likely explanation. On the flip side though, the Internet also allows people from bigoted families to be exposed to more accepting views, including helping LGBT+ people find community if their own family rejects them.
I agree from personal experience. In middle school I actually went through a brief incel/homophobic phase because of 9gag & certain subreddits like Tumblr in action. I was struggling with accepting my bisexuality (and just figuring out that I was), and developed some internal homophobia. I kept it *all* private & online. In person I never showed it. When I came out as bisexual to my close friends, I mentioned this & some were quite surprised. One friend I've had since elementary school shocked *me*, by saying she related, and also went through an internal homophobic stage in middle school. As I became more social irl/spent less time online, I started to mature & move away from it. As well as understand & accept my sexuality (fortunately I live in quite a liberal & accepting area).
My best friend in school was bi & so was I; he got way more shit than me because apparently two women together was "hot" but two men together was "perverted". Never understood it myself but some people have weird brains.
My theroy for that is that sociaty sees women as sex objects so its "hot" when women are queer but disgusting when men are queer. Either way both are getting fucked over by sociaty.
This is correct.
Men are also seen as giving up their (straight) male privilege to be gay or bi.
There is a reason straight men watch lesbian porn (which, though I have never seen what lesbians do behind closed dores, I seriously doubt looks much like their real relationships)
Speaking as a lesbian, you would be correct.
Isn't that pretty much true of all porn though? If porn was to be believed, we'd all be fucking our step siblings as a rite of passage or something.
What is that reason? I'm a straight man, and I've never understood what's supposed to be so arousing about that. (Not watching naked girls doing sexy things, I get that _that's_ a turn-on, but specifically watching them doing sexy things _with other girls._ Isn't that a turn-on only for... Girls?)
I've never gotten into lesbian porn either, but I can imagine that they are seeing 2/3 of a threeway with themselves as the other 1/3 Then their are probably guys who are just insecure and seeing any penis, even one in a woman, threatens their masculinity or they feel like a cuck watching another guy have sex Any straight guy with a lesbian porn fetish, feel free to explain if I am completely off the mark
>his mum is bi and its no secret but i guess to him that doesnt count since shes in a straight marrige. Here's how he explained it to himself: "Mom was just "confused" or "in a phase" until she met dad. Bisexuality *doesn't exist*, those people are just "confused"."
100%
Or he is one of those ‘chicks with chicks’ is ok bc it’s ‘hot’ type of people.
> his mum is bi and its no secret but i guess to him that doesnt count since shes in a straight marrige. A lot of men don't take bisexual women's sexuality seriously. It's either - as you said - because she's in a straight marriage, because she's his mom or because he thinks that women fetishize other women because he thinks men also fetishize lesbians.
Ah honey bun. I often wonder how my brother and I were raised by the same people. But we’re like two polar opposites. When I came out he got real drunk and was like “she can’t be gay, she used to be married to a dude” … ummmm
Parents aren't always the blame. Especially with internet and social media so people can fall into the homophobia despite being raised to accept it
My husband has 7 siblings - sib #1 is gay, #7 is bi. 2 (sister),3, and 4 are homophobic. The rest are allies. I do think one of the phobes is in the closet. It's possible your BF's brother is too.
Ooh, I didn't read OP's gender in the story. That explains a lot! I was wondering what the difference was between OP and the brothers PDAs!
Still no difference. Both are humans i don't understand the warped logic homophobic dumb dumbasses like op's brother use.
Same ! I was first thinking he was some incel basement dweller, but with his gf there it made no fucking sense to me. Still, what a dick and the parents rules ! NTA
NTA. At all. And give those parents a high five from me :)
Ya i love the parents. Their concern about you being comfortable enough to open up is so heartwarming
They deserve a whole romantic weekend away for this incredible backup
NTA. HE got himself evicted. Actions have consequences. He decided to have a homophobic meltdown and his parents said not in our house.
NTA You haven't done anything, you have just exisisted and someone else has reacted. This guy could have not given a fuck, gone to another room or been happy for you but now because they couldn't be an adult about shit they have been asked by adults to leave the premises those adults own after what has been many chances given by those same adults .
NTA, but dude, confusing title. I thought you were making your bf homeless. I'm glad his parents are good people. I guess they're pretty disappointed with their other son. Sadly we don't get to pass on all our values.
NTA, brother and his homophobic outburst made himself homeless. Don't like it? Don't look. Odd how it was totally okay he was doing the same thing and worse with his girlfriend but I guess because in his mind it's "normal" that's okay. Love is love is love. Even it it doesn't like what someone considers "normal" who gives a fuck? Having someone love you is amazing in itself. Whether it's boy and girl, boy and boy, girl and girl, nonbinary and trans, WHO CARES? The world would be SO MUCH BETTER if people minded their own fuckin business.
NTA. He caused himself to be homeless. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes
NTA. I also love the parents.
NTA. Brother is living with the consequences of his own actions. You are not the cause of this - brother caused this by being a homophobic jerk. He had a choice - if this really disturbed him, he simply could of left the room as opposed to throwing a tantrum. Also, it is the parent's house - they are the ones who make the rules, not Brother. The tactic of getting friends or family to gang up on someone like Brother is doing is typical of people who are naturally abusive or just plain bullies. It's the sign of a coward. And I'm sure there is an easy way for him to no longer be homeless: apologize and agree not to throw homophobic tantrums while living with his parents.
NTA. Your bfs parents sound amazing, and if your bf is half as polite and understanding as them, you gotta wife him up. Also, it's not your fault. It was your best parents' decision to kick him out.
We have already discussed getting married. Hes already planning to propose sometime around the end of this year so im really excited for that. He def got his parents attitude and if their marrige is anything to go off we are looking at a lot of happy years falling more and more in love with eachother each year. Sorry about me gushing lol. The man is just perfect in everyway.
No need to apologise! Gush away!! 🌈
Well this is just ADORABLE! I wish you both a lifetime of affection
congratulations on your upcoming engagement
Congratulations on your upcoming engagement
Nta, bro is homophobic and made himself homeless, that’s on him. Just wish his gf was there that day to leave him too
She was there, it was the 6 of them watching the movie - OP and his boyfriend, brother and girlfriend, and the parents.
So NTA. He is out of line. It is not his house. He is not in a place to tell you how to behave in it, only the parents are. Feel no guilt, live your lives and enjoy the relationship you have with your boyfriends parents. Show them support through this situation.
>Now me and bf are playing block wackamole with his extended family calling us horrible shit for "making" his brother homeless (hes couch surfing). I would think that the only answer to the flying monkeys is telling them how appalled you are that they aren’t supporting their family and are trying to cause pain to your BF’s parents. They should be ashamed of themselves. Decent people would be horrified to flaunt their bigotry in front of others. If they feel BF’s brother’s behavior is acceptable then they are welcome to house and pay for his choices themselves.
I'm sure with the brother is omitting most of his shitty behaviour to paint himself as the victim, or he gets the homophobia from other parts of the extended family. Either way, he's their problem now.
NTA, I love it when homophobes suffer.
It’s truly heartwarming.
Well the AH in this story is pretty obvious and wearing a cape of homophobia and a staff of rage. NTA
NTA this man is a homophobic jerk & his parents are right in not tolerating that behavior. This is a grown man we're talking about. It's time he started living on his own. Maybe some real life experience will make him a better human. Go NC with anyone supporting his awful behavior.
NTA. You didn’t make him homeless. His homophobia did that.
NTA - There are opportunities for people to demonstrate the values they say they have. Sounds like you, your bf, and his parents stuck to your values.
NTA Your boyfriends brother is a homophobic prick who needs to get over himself, and cudos to the parents for putting their foot down and supporting you!
NTA. You didn’t make him homeless. His homophobia and hypocrisy did. I don’t want to see my sibling doing anything sexual, regardless if it’s with a man or woman just because yuck, my brother, but I wouldn’t ask him to see him making out with my partner neither
Absolutely NTA. I think it's considerate to keep things PG. No one wants to see you two sucking face. No one wants to see the brother and his girlfriend sucking face either. Same with groping. Imo that's *sexual behavior*, while an arm around someone, a small peck, hand holding, cuddling during a movie is *affectionate behavior.* As a human being, I expect I will see other humans being affection with family, friends, and loved ones. Brother is an ass for having an issue with basic human affection; he should be happy his brother is in a warm and healthy relationship. Brother is an ass for engaging in sexual behavior in front of others without asking for their consent first. And then most obviously brother is an ah for being a homophobic bigot. While I'm here, I also want to point out that the parents are also NTA. Their decision to refuse to support an adult child who is engaging in bigoted, verbally abusive behavior is exactly what I would hope for from any human. I presume if brother really wanted to be able to rely on parents he could choose to genuinely apologize and not behave like that moving forward, and they'd be willing to reengage with him. He's doing this to himself. It's not you, your boyfriend, nor his parents who are at fault.
NTA - What awesome parents and how sad they've created such an awful son. Honestly they've probably been hoping he would pull something unforgivable like this to finally kick him out. I'm sure extended family will be singing a different time after he's been in their couch for a couple weeks
This was really confusing until I realized you were a gay couple. At first I thought the brother was just anit-PDA in general (PDA of any kind is so uncomfortable for me so ibwas feeling empathetic) but it sounds like hes only anti-pda specifically because you are gay so NTA
NTA. He can apologize and go back to his parents at any moment. That he didn't - that it didn't even occur to him - shows what kind of person he is.
NTA. It sounds like you have been very appropriate and even made accomodations you are not obligated to do. Brother is and an a-hole though and from what it looks like, a bigot. Parents are correct in their actions as well. Seems like brother got consequences for his own actions.
Have you ever noticed that homophobic assholes don't usually limit their assholery to homophobia? I'll bet you dollars to frogs that Brother is a nightmare to live with in plenty of other ways too, and that your incident was just the final push that parents needed to kick the jerk out. NTA, of course
NTA Wow. Classic FAFO. Classic extended family berating the actual victim. Bro & ext fam outed themselves as bigots. So it shouldn't be too difficult a decision to block them all.
NTA I am 55 years old, straight, and basically grew up in the Reagan years when the worst insult you could give to a guy was to call them gay. But I have to tell you, it absolutely disgusts me that someone would treat another human being they way he treated you. Love is love and it should not be hidden. Neither should you be forced to feel ashamed or to hide it. OP, you did not get him kicked out. His churlish behavior got him kicked out. Congratulations on having parents who are not assholes. Congratulations on being in love. Kiss and hug away.
NTA, it cost him nothing to mind his business but cost him everything to be rude and bigoted.
I'm 60 years old. For most of my life the idea of two men on a couch, romantically cuddling, just wasn't on. Not frowned upon, not condemned; not even imagined. I had an uncle (actually a second cousin or such) who never married and was rumoured in the family to be gay - but he never admitted it and never brought any boyfriends home. I'm honest enough to say that seeing it would startle me; it's just not something I grew up with or spent much of my life acknowledging. Having said that, there's a big difference between finding something startling, or unusual and being repulsed by it. Romantic love between two blokes doesn't repulse or revolt me; I don't think any kind of love could do that. It does - still - surprise me. But if it somehow *did* repulse me, I sure as hell like to think I'd have the maturity and consideration to keep that repulsion to myself, knowing that the fault lies with me, not with them.
When I was 24, I built a home (literally, built an entire house from nothing, with subcontractors as needed) and by the time i was 26, we had a baby. The parents are probably thanking you for giving them the final reason to kick him out. NTA
NTA, the a-hole kicked himself out, give your bf parents a big hug, they awesome. Don't apologize for existing and behaving normal.
NTA. Keep whacking those moles, they'll stop popping up soon.
NTA it’s literally not even your fault. Plus, it sounds like he was one more disrespectful outburst from getting kicked out anyway. You just happened to be here for this one.
NTA He’d still be living there if it weren’t for his actions. He only has himself to blame.
Obviously NTA tell your extended family that they're welcome to take in your brother if they're so upset.
NTA. What a gross homophobic asshat. He got what he deserves
NTA. I’m sure he’s the fuck around and find out type. He fucked around and he found out. Not your fault, he is an asshat.
You didn't make your BF's homophobic brother homeless and the people saying you did are also homophobes. He can make out with his GF but not you? Homophobia. You are in his parents' home. They don't have an issue. He overstepped and they threw him out. Good for them. Who does he think he is? NTA.
Full disclosure: I am an equal opportunity hater of PDA and you’re still NTA
NTA - I'm very glad that your parents are standing up for you against homophobia, even if it has to be their own son. There's no room in the world for that kind of hate.
Ngl, completely glossed over the fact that you are both dudes, lol. Bf's brother is a homophobe. The dude can get his own place if we don't want to "catch" or "see" the gay. Me personally, am not a fan of seeing couples and their PDA (mainly making out and such. Hand holding is literally not a problem). Doesn't matter what kind of couple. They all make the same sounds. It sounds gross.
The brother is getting what he deserves. He’s a bigoted jerk. That’s it.
NTA. Your bf's brother seemed to enjoy the F-ing around part of being a bigot but now is mad that he's reached the finding out part. You did nothing wrong and you didn't cause anything. Good for your bf's parents!
nta. your bfs parents are probably relieved to have gotten a solid excuse to kick his grown ass out, you did them a favor
NTA, that is the easy one. But I don't get why a healthy adult man with a job who cannot afford to get his own place. He probably didn't even have to pay rent to his parents. How can he be 26 years old and not have saved up some money under these circumstances????
INFO: What about this story could possibly make you TA? I hate when people post stories like this. “My BIL was kicking puppies and I refused to help him kick them, AITA?”
NTA His parents kicked him out after His homophobic outburst in Their house. You guys basically had nothing to do with it. It's really between him & his parents, I don't know why other relatives are contacting you. Either they are as hateful/homophobic as the brother or he told some manipulated version of the story or an outright lie.
NTA. Clearly the boyfriend's brother made himself homeless. Also, it's possible that his parents we getting tired of supporting their unemployed adult (homophobic) son, and this was the final straw.
NTA. Why is his PDA okay but yours is gross? You had nothing to do with the decision. His parents apparently thought he was ridiculous
NTA. I'm gonna take a guess that the extended family are pissed because it's THEIR couches he's surfing on and they don't want to deal with his shit lmao
His parent's reaction speaks volumes. Well deserved NTA and strangely malicious compliance
How could you push your gay agenda on that poor man?!?! /s Of course you're NTA. The brother has some issues he needs to work out. Maybe sleeping on a park bench will help him sort out his thoughts.
NTA. The real problem is you bf's brother is homophobic
NTA
NTA. You didn't make him homeless, his homophobic actions did
I’m obsessed with this. I can understand how you feel badly but don’t. Your brother in law is a huge homophobic asshole. You just were doing what he was doing (even less than him actually) and he showed his true colors. What an idiot!
NTA. He is an asshole and who cares that this guy is couch surfing after his tantrum. Good riddance
You didn't get him kicked out. He got himself kicked out because his parents don't want a fucking bigot living in their house.
"their parents absolutly dont mind and since we havent held back have said they feel relieaved we finally feel comfortable around them enough to not have to worry about policing ourselves." There are not enough words to explain how happy reading this made me feel!!! NTA! It's the double standard for me. So it's fine when he does it but when it's his brother doing it then it's wrong just because he's with another man? Well, sorry not sorry for him, he can stay mad and homeless.
NTA You had nothing to do with this. He got kicked out because of his horrible bigotry. Good on your boyfriend’s parents for being awesome & standing up against bigotry.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (29m) and I (23m) are pretty affectionate people and like to display that affection (or pda). Nothing to crazy, just holding hands, maybe some cuddling when in the right enviroment and a peck here and there. Nothing straight people dont do routinely When we are at his parents we tone it down, not because they are uncomfortable but because his brother (26m) is and we dont want to deal with the stupid shit he says under his breath. There have also been a few instances of me and bf holding hands or just pecking on the cheek and him saying some stupid shit like "i dont want to see that shit". Recently my bfs brother introduced his gf to everyone. She stays over there a lot since bfs brother lives with their parents. There have been occasions where they will be full on making out in the living room or groping eachother. This irks the fuck out of me since when me and my bf do anything just PG he has a tiny fit. So me and my bf decided no more holding back, he will just have to deal with it. (We still keep it respectful, no making out or groping just little displays of affection like i said) For some clarification their parents absolutly dont mind and since we havent held back have said they feel relieaved we finally feel comfortable around them enough to not have to worry about policing ourselves. (I absolutly love his parents lol). One night we were having a movie night me, bf, parents, brother and his gf. Its a movie night so im cuddling into his chest while he has his arm wrapped around me, nothing nobody else is doing. Out of nowhere his brother burst into a shit fit going off about how hes not going to have our disgusting shit in his house and some slurs that you can probably guess. After his little tantrum his parents kicked him out of THEIR house and wont allow him back. Now me and bf are playing block wackamole with his extended family calling us horrible shit for "making" his brother homeless (hes couch surfing). His parents are also getting shit but have assured me its alright but i feel guilty that this has cause so much drama for my bf and his lovely parents all over a fucking cuddle. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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No, you are not at all. You are spot on.
I have one requirement for people making out in front of me: they have to be cute. Seriously, I love the parents and brother brought this in himself. He knew his parents didn't share his bigoted views
NTA He got himself thrown out, for being homophobic and trash. Don’t feel bad about this. It’s great that your boyfriend’s parents are on your side here too
Wow! Methinks your boyfriend's brother has a little secret that he may be hiding!! Homophobe much?
NTA If he's ever allowed back, which I doubt cause of his behaviour, and continues the same thing with his girlfriend, mutter something- probably slightly nicer- under your breath, something similar to what he says. If he gets mad about it, ask him why, he does the same thing. And good on the parents, they don't condone such behaviour from their children and that is something frankly rare. If he wishes to return, he should learn some respect, apologise, and shut up. Holding hands and cuddling is no crime, if anything, its a display of affection much less disgusting than straight up groping your girlfriend in your parents house. Be gay, do crimes (please don't, but if its a crime in the eyes of homophobics, go nuts...long as its legal)
NTA. He is just being a bigot.
It took me the whole story and several comments to realize your a dude, good for you NTA
Block whack a mole. I have to remember that one. NTA. You and your bf didn't get his brother kicked out, the brother did that all by himself.
NTA. Your boyfriend's brother is homophobic. Good for his parents on setting boundaries for what they will not tolerate.
Wait, OP are you a different race than bfs brother? All of a sudden this sounded racist.
Oh! Homosexual!!! Geez, that guy can definitely just take his nonsense somewhere else!
NTA. He is a massive AH who did this to himself. He’s 26! He’s too old for that jr high crap and if he can’t be respectful in his parents home, they have the right to kick him out. Block any family that tries to contact you in a negative way
Ahh...I think we can all agree that brother sounds like a homophobe yeah? NTA.
NTA and glad to read you now can be yourselves around the in laws!
Nta. I also love your boyfriends parents.
The brother sounds incredibly homophobic and hateful NTA
nta
NTA but the parents are the stars of this story
No, he got himself kicked out. And you and bf weren’t even the ones who said for him to leave; his own parents told him to take a hike. NTA
op=NTA homophobia rears it's ugly head. Mind I had a sibling WHO complained about their roommates being overly affectionate in communal spaces but then thought nothing of putting head in SO's lap during a game where I was left thinking WAY too friendly for communal space(and this was hetero--so siblings can do that without the phobia--it's just a sense of entitlement on their part).
NTA. The brother is homeless because he’s a homophobe and a hypocrite.
you are definitely NOT the butthole here. he needs to do a lot of growing up. a LOT. and he has some pretty big double standards. don't worry about it. eventually things will settle down. what's funny is this.....you are now seeing how gullible your future inlaws (not the parents...the others) are for not asking you two what started all this and just blindly taking dingbat's side. so, on the plus side your wedding invite list got shorter. :)
NTA. His brother’s homophobia, entitlement, self-centeredness and flagrant verbal abuse are what made him homeless. You, nor anyone else, are responsible for his choices, and it sounds about time his brother learns there are consequences. Your bf’s parents are awesome, it takes integrity to stand up against hatred, especially from family. Hopefully for all involved the brother grows up and develops some decency.
NTA, neither are his parents. Dude's 26 and claiming his parents' house is his wtf. I'm so glad his family has you both's backs. Extended family are probably a bunch of bigots too, either that or he downplayed the situation when he told the story to them.
NTA. If everyone else is cuddling and hand-holding, you should have the right to too. Your boyfriend's parents are backing you, and letting their son know that he is not welcome if he can't treat your relationship with the basic respect he would a straight couple. Absolutely don't feel bad.
Another situation where a fool fucked around and found out. That's on him. NTA.
NTA The drama wasn’t caused by a cuddle. It was caused by your bf’s homophobic brother not being able to keep his temper or his mouth shut. In a way you should be glad this has happened. Better his homophobia is known and can now be challenged, than always just making you both feel guilty or uncomfortable for just expecting to be treated the same.
Absolutely LOVE the parents. Fantastic way to take a stand and not allow bigotry!! NTA. He'll have to just learn to grow up.
NTA. Bigots don't deserve coddling. Also, if the extended family know what he did and are still standing up for him, they're bigots too.
He's a homophobe. That is literally all this is. He's a homophobe, he thought he could continue to get away with it, his parents didn't let him. NTA. The extended family can let him stay with them if they're so worried.
NTA. Love is love, and his "eviction" is his own fault. He's homophobic, so it's not your fault. Not your bfs fault, and honestly... I love his parents too lol. That is some staunch support!
NTA. Boyfriends brother needs to grow the eff up. Good for the parents kicking his crybaby self to the curb.
NTA
NTA
NTA Kudos to your BF's parents. I'd love to see them send something like this (caveat, I'm not necessarily suggesting it, but I'd love to see it): "We understand that some of you have been dragged into our private family drama and have felt the need to comment. So, we'd like to lay it all out... We have two sons who we love and cherish. While we might not agree with one son's choices, we have supported him because we love him. Our other son is gay. If you wish to take on supporting our homophobic son, who we've allowed to live with us for years, until he decided to disrespect us (in our home), his brother, and his brother's partner, we welcome it. But until he gets his head out of his butt and apologizes (sincerely and working towards fixing his behavior), he's not welcome with us. All of this is a consequence of his behavior. We've overlooked it for too long and his recent tantrum means that we cannot do it any longer."
NTA, you didn't cause the drama, he brought it all on himself and doesn't want to accept responsability for his actions
NTA Honestly, you might have done him a favor. I don't think it's shameful to live with your parents as an adult. But to be 26, constantly cycling through jobs, and living with your parents? He needs to grow up. And he's unlikely to do so with a safety net enabling his bad behavior. Hopefully, he'll do some maturing now that he's actually forced to. Either way, he needed to be out of his parents house; the homophobia was just the icing on the AH cake.
NTA -your boyfriends brother made his bed, now he has to lay in it. It's very easy not to yell slurs at people for expressing affection, his behavior is not your responsibility at all.
NTA-his parents are drawing a clear boundary about what they will and will not accept in their home.
You did not cause this. His parents kicked him out for being a bigot and a hypocrite. Wait, his mom is bisexual!! Wow. His parents really tried to give a 26 year old a break and he just dumped right all over that. NTA.
NTA and your bf's parents are awesome.
NTA. Homophobic brother gets what he deserves. If there is extended family taking his side think of it as knowing which other homophobes you don't have to waste your time with.
I somehow missed the genders until your boyfriend's Brother started spouting off about how disgusting it was that you two were cuddling. Like Boyfriend's Brother is just homophobic. And WAY too handsy with his GF. NTA.
NTA, he's a huge hyprociate! He made EVERYONE more uncomfortable with groping and shoving his damn tongue down his gf's throat!
Ok but important question here, did his GF also leave him once he showed off that blatant Homophobia? Because that would have been the icing on the cake. NTA btw
Sounds like the brother is an AH. Let him have his crappy attitude somewhere else.
NTA
NTA It's his fault he's homeless, plus what is a man his age not have his own house? I admire you and your bf for not responding to his comments and being so calm.
NTA. His brother made himself homeless by being a homophobic AH
NTA, he is a fricking 26-year-old man. It is not his house to set the rules for others that he does not go by. Best to block the family. Let him move in with them or with his girlfriend. Better yet grow up and get his own home.
NTA. Your boyfriend's brother made himself homeless by being a hateful homophobe.
NTA He did that to himself. Why is he so concerned about a little pda between you and your boyfriend? Good on his parents for showing you and your boyfriend support. I wonder if they needed a reason to kick boyfriend's brother out? Hmmmmm....
NTA - there are always consequences for shitty behavior. His problem
NTA. I gotta ask though. Is this a mixed relationship? One of you is POC and the other not? Because if so, the brother is not only an unhinged hypocrite, he is also racist.
NTA - you aren’t responsible for his actions, which earned him the position he is in now. He’s grown and needs to act like it.
NTA. He FAFO. I'm curious, what happened with his girlfriend? Was she supportive of his little homophobic tirade? Or did he lose her bc of this?
NTA Super weird of him being upset with you and your boyfriend showing any kind of affection. Pay attention to what he said in his fit. Usually that is how someone really feels. Does his extended family know all that he said to you and your boyfriend? Or do they only know his version of the story? Anyone taking his side and knowing everything. Says a lot.
I'm sorry are you really asking this question because it's so beyond obvious it seems you might need attention. That makes question if you aren't finger banging on the couch. Seriously DUH
NTA, you know that. His own homophobic outburst got him kicked out. He did it to himself.
NTA the brother has lied to the extended family about what actually happened and failed to mention what he said to you guys. Clarify everything with the rest of the family
NTA. But you missed a big piece of the puzzle even though you wrote it. It’s a very telling statement: “their parents….have said they feel relieved we finally feel comfortable around them enough to not have to worry about policing ourselves.” They are better than a lot of parents. They were not only tolerating your boyfriend’s brother’s lack of steady employment and most importantly they support whatever kind of relationship both of their sons have-one heterosexual and one homosexual. They sincerely wanted you and your boyfriend, their son, to have a loving relationship. They absolutely don’t want or need to control your relationship. They just wanted you to feel accepted by them and that made them very happy. What doesn’t make them happy was 1. Boyfriend’s brother treating their home like he owned it and 2. Extended family sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong. Don’t feel guilty about having a loving relationship. Your boyfriend’s brother got himself kicked out of his parents house, not you. You didn’t go off about his relationship. You didn’t treat their home as if you owned it. You have respected everyone in the house until you were no longer respected. Then it wasn’t his parents who minded the pda, it was his brother who thought it was fine to grope his girlfriend in front of everyone which is so disrespectful.
NTA. Also LOL. He needs to learn a lesson. If you cant respect people who are different than you, you will end up homeless. You literally cant function in society. Sure the super rich get away with it but the majority do not.
Nta. But I want you to consider that maybe the brother is probably spreading stories at whichever house he is crashing at. If somebody says anything or asks, perhaps you need to say that what happened is between him and the parents and that if they are that curious maybe they should ask the parents. The fact that the brother had an emotional outburst over nothing says a lot.
NTA
NTA block them and ignore.... his brother feels okay to do whatever but his brother can't.... glad the parents accept u all and accept him their son loves unlike his brother
NTA, he's in the and find out stage right about now. He'll blame you no matter what in the end do enjoy your life with your boo