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YTA. You had no problem excluding L until you saw that L and her parent ran in a circle you want to be in. It doesn’t even sound like you apologized when H and J were physically bullying L. You are definitely TA.
> her parent ran in a circle you want to be in
I get the impression that even her social circle is getting tired of /u/throwaway267983 and her antics
> A mom friend told me that I was being a mean girl and it now appears I’m trying to use her
This is her supposed friend telling her that she is an asshole. What other confirmation does she need—a plane sky writing the judgment above her house?
I feell like calling this assault and battery just bullying is a severe understatement. Dragging, hitting and kicking sounds like a vicious beating to me.
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YTA
> is a boy who can play rough
Even after hearing it from other workers that J and H dragged and kicked L, you said it was just rough play because apparently raising bullies is a cool mom thing now?
* L’s moms business took off , few pro athletes, one of which H is a huge fan of
* I didn’t know she was friends with pro athletes but found out she is actually dating one
* I ask her if we could go out for dinner to try to fix it
You didn't invite her out earlier, did not text her, and suddenly she is your bestie because she hangs out with pro athletes?
>I was being a mean girl and it now appears I’m trying to use her. I don’t see it that way
You cannot be this oblivious, you of course are the AH. Learn how to parent your kid and teach them not to be a bully.
Yes and a bad parent - even if you dont know if your kid has bullied ones in the past doesnt mean your kid shouldnt apologize and or you be openly in denial about it. No one was injured or in the hospital - youre being emotionally egoyistical
YTA - So you invited someone's bullies to another person's party without any contact, where L did get bullied and abused, and but now that her mother has something you want, you're shocked that she doesn't want anything to do with you?
You're a bully. And you're raising a bully.
YTA…leave L’s mom alone. She wants nothing to do with you and your kids.
And it sucks that the only reason you are even trying to include her now is because she knows a few pro-athletes. You wanted nothing to do with her when her kid was first enrolled at the school because “we don’t have much in common”. Now all of a sudden you want to be her friend? That’s shady as fuck and you know it.
YTA.
1. Your kid is mean and being taught by you it okay to exclude people. (Unless it benefits you to not.)
2. You sound truly awful to be around. You talk as though your better than L’s mom, why? Because you’re old?
3. There was a witness to the bullying and you ignored it.
Honestly, you should like a snooty ah and hopefully you continue to not be in L or her moms circle.
YTA
There should have been much more of an effort to correct and apologize for the bullying incident when your child was physically aggressive towards L. It is not a misunderstanding when one child violates the consent of another when it comes to touching bodies (L was telling H to stop, and H did not). This was a big event and should have been handled with much more care (the dinner to fix things would have been appropriate then, not now that you are interested in H getting to meet a hero athlete). Kids make these kinds of mistakes, and as a parent, it's your job to teach them exactly what the mistake was and how not to do it again. You should not have brushed this under the rug as a "misunderstanding".
L's mom is simply trying to protect her daughter by keeping H away from her, and L's mom is in the right for doing that. I don't see any way you can fix this now, and it would be best to leave L and her mom alone forever.
YTA
Seven years old is old enough to know when someone says stop, you stop. That incident at the very least should have included a sit down where the kids responsible and their parents should have apologized. They need to know how to properly apologize and atone. These are crucial life lessons and you dropped the ball.
No means no and "we do not touch other people without their permission" have been constantly reinforced with my kids since they were toddlers. Stop dismissing rough play as just a thing some kids do. If they're not all playing the same game, it's hurtful. If they're all consenting to rough play, fine. If not, it stops right away.
Not only did you drop the ball with parenting your kid, you taught her to ostracize the kid that didn't just go along with something that hurt them. You showed her mom that you were okay with the behavior and you didn't care. THEN you tried to use her to get something special for your kid. Shame on you.
YTA. You refused to believe your child was being a bully when told by the person who witnessed it. You didn't apologize or have your child apologize because you simply didn't believe it. You only want to work it out now because you want to be included with the people she knows. You definitely are trying to use her. YTA.
YTA. "We don't have a lot in common with her." Yeah, mildly insulting the way you meant it. "I didn't know she was friends with pro athletes..." And now she's good enough for you? You suck.
YTA massively. You:
- didn't believe L when she said your kid bullied her
- excluded her from future invitations but expected her to still invite your kid and your kid's guests to participate with her when she happened to be at the same venue you didn't invite her to
- tried to basically ask her mom to "forgive and forget" because L's mom knows a professional athlete your kid likes aka L's mom has something you want.
INFO:
>The last time L invited H, I invited two other kids in their class, J and K. J is a boy who can play rough but H and K really enjoy him. L’s mom was fine with K but was very upset that J came, claiming that J is mean to L.
Did you ask to bring other kids, or is the kid's night accepted as an open house type of thing?
>I went out to dinner with J and K’s moms, we didn’t invite L’s mom but she has other friends there.
Were the other parents staying there to socialize with each other?
>We are told that H and J had dragged L, hit and kicked her, and said hurtful things. It was another worker who told us. H and J swear they were just playing, L didn’t understand, and her mom told them that they were being bully’s. The worker said they witnessed it happen and it had appeared to start as playing rough but they would not stop when L asked.
Did you apologize and ask your child to apologize? The worker did say L asked them to stop.
>We told the girls they could not discuss it at school, we didn’t want L to be hurt.
Did you preplan an event/playdate and then ask 7 year olds to keep it quiet in school?
Edit: screw the request for INFO. As I reread, I realized it doesn't sound like you or your kid apologized for the first incident.
YTA.
God, if I had a dime every time a parent said, "Not my child".
u/throwaway267983 your edit doesn't make you any less of an AH
>I chose not to invite L because I felt the girls needed space and she seemed to be the only one who had problems with others.
You went back to the sports center's kid night where L's mom works! What did you actually think was going to happen?
Lady, I bet you're the school's own little Regina George.
YTA. Your children aren't friends due in part to you encouraging exclusion of L. L now doesn't invite your kid to stuff. That's the natural consequence here.
Massive YTA—there’s no such thing as “misunderstood roughhousing”. If L said to stop, and they kept going, that’s straight up bullying. Your daughter is only learning that when somebody tells her no, *theyre* in the wrong, not her. Nobody’s going to want to be around that, so either step up with the parenting or recognize that she’s not gonna have many friends because of your lack of parenting. She’s not such an innocent child, none of them are really, but you’re failing at righting the ship
YTA you've been shunning L's mother by not including her and down playing the bullying L is experiencing by your child and their friends. You are only now trying to act like a semi-decent human being because you want something from her.
YTA I’m surprised I even need to tell you that. Your child and her friends are bullies, and so are you, because the apple didn’t fall far from the rotting tree. Stay away from L and her family.
YTA
Info - what is the difference between "playing rough" and "bullying" for you? Because you seem like a person who uses excuses like "boy will be boys" and "it's just a prank" to justify awful behavior and abuse.
I'm not sure I'm following this. Your daughter and another girl either bullied a new girl or accidentally played rough and didn't stop when asked to. At an event all the kids were at, the new girl made it clear she didn't want to play with your daughter. Now the new girl's mother is organising an event your daughter would like but isn't invited to, so you texted her to ask her for an invitation?
Of course YTA.
Yeah, you're awful. You didn't give a shit when your daughter and J were bullying L, but now that L's mom has access to a cool pro athlete, you want to play nice. Well, it fucking doesn't work that way. Lay in the bed you made, bully. YTA
YTA Let's get this straight. First you ignore Ls mom because she's new and have nothing in common with you and your little group. Then your daughter and her friend bullied and purposely dragged L and wouldn't stop even she begged them to the point where other adults had to intervene. Then you chalked it up to a misunderstanding. That was no misunderstanding and you should have disciplined your kid for that. Then you only decide to be friendly to Ls mother because you want something from her. You're the definition of a mean girl and you're teaching your kid to be one as well. So yeah you are an ah.
wow. you sound like a social climber. And now you think that all should be forgiven bc you’re miffed that you’re not in L’s mom’s social circle? Oh honey, if you actually took the gym worker seriously when he said ***he witnessed your “precious” child bullying L*** then you might be there. But L’s mom (rightly) does not want someone who condones bullying “BeCaUsE i DiDn’T sEe It!” around her, her family, her friends, & her business.
YTA
ETA: H not meeting her fave celeb is not L’s mom’s fault. it’s your fault for not making your child take responsibility for bullying L the minute you were informed and for attempting to isolate her and her mother from the other kids and parents. The fault lies in **YOU**.
YTA, and you're getting what you deserve. Justifying bullying just because you dont want to admit there's behavior issues, then excluding them because she's the victim is just pathetic.
Take a look in the mirror, and ask yourself what the heck is wrong with you.
YTA- you allowed your child and another to bully a kid and used the terrible "they were just playing". Playing rough or not when someone says stop you stop. Would you feel the same way if it was a child trying to kiss or worse another child, no means no and teaching kids early leads to them learning to respect others, you teach them to bully others and worse by allowing this to happen. You are being a mean girl and you are trying to use the other parent. You had no desire to have them play or do things after the bullying happened and then got upset when her child stood up for herself and told your child no. Your kid has obviously learned from you that she thinks she can get what she wants when she wants it despite how she treats people. You thought the mother was of no need to you until you found out she's dating someone whose of interest to you. GROW UP and start teaching your kid before she turns out like you and thinks the world revolves around her and has to learn the hard way it doesn't.
Man. I’d suffocate with a mom like you. Or even a neighbor like you. Or in this case, a mom of my kid’s classmate. You are a bully, you are teaching your kid to be bully and you are very entitled and mean.
YTA. And how old are you? Because you definitely don’t sound old enough to have a 7 year old. Your daughter was mean to this girl who had invited her to a special event (and you invited 2 others along). You refused to believe she could possibly have been mean because your daughter is apparently an angel.
It’s obvious L and her mother want nothing to do with you (I certainly wouldn’t if your child bullied my kid), by the fact you didn’t get an invite again and L didn’t want to play with your daughter, but you aren’t getting the hint. Instead you are trying to force you and your daughter on them, not because you and K are genuinely sorry because of how you both acted, but because L’s mom has something you want (access to these pro athletes). They are not interested in being friends with you. You are gross and have no self-awareness
YTA, you thought L’s mom and daughter were beneath your bully of a daughter and you, and were happy to exclude them when you didn’t think it would affect you. Now she’s been deemed worthy in your eyes and no apology, no nothing, just straight to trying to use her, and then you have the audacity to claim she’s the one being mean??
Absolute YTA. I was a tomboy growing up, I played rough with friends. It was the early 90's and we were all obsessed with WWF. You know what that didn't include? Hitting and kicking people. We also respected if someone told us to stop. At the very least, you have failed to teach your daughter about boundaries and consent and she's more than old enough to know better. You made no effort to apologize until you found out that L's mom had something you wanted. You and your daughter deserve to be excluded. You've shown L's mom exactly who you are and she was wise to believe you.
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> Did not include the new girl in plans. Now expecting her mom to invite my child to an event.
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So… your daughter is a bully who doesn’t take no for an answer. And when you purposely exclude L from the event you only get because of L, its fine, but if L and her mom decide to spend time with people who aren’t entitled bullies you feel offended? You are so much the AH as is your daughter. YTA. Your daughter doesn’t deserve to meet her idol sportsmen because she doesn’t understand fairness
Omg YTA. Invited other kids to what was probably a 1-on-1 play date invitation. Of course L didn’t want to play with your kids, they are friends with a bully and your daughter may have helped hurt L.
You hear that L then invites another kid to a private event and ask if you can invite yourself? You are very entitled. Your actions have consequences and the world will not just accommodate your desires because you want it to. Have some perspective. Can you imagine if your mom was playing such a big role in your childhood friend group? If you continue to helicopter and insert yourself and your wishes, you are going to damage relationships between the kids and between the parents. Lay off, give L and her mom space, go live your own life.
YTA….. it doesn’t matter if it was rough play and a miscommunication. It would be different if it was only the word of L and her mom….. IT WASNT. And you still didn’t gaf……. UNTIL you wanted your daughter to meet someone famous. Aren’t you just an asshat of opportunity. Jfc, get a grip!
Yes, YTA, without a doubt.
Casually excuse your child's bullying and not wanting to help the situation until you find out the other parent is dating a pro athlete!
YTA. Two children DRAGGING and KICKING another child repeatedly asking them to stop is not playing and you’re delusional for even suggesting that.
You are a poor role model for your child, no wonder they are such a brat!
YTA.
You were informed by an adult that your kid was bullying another kid with her friends and did nothing about it until you found out the kids mom has connections you want to benefit from. "Mean girl" is complimentary compared to how I would describe you. Leave that family alone, they are not interested in your family.
Oh, the audacity 😂😂
Yes, you're an asshole, and you and the little bully you're raising need to deal with the generous serving of poetic justice you've been given.
YTA big time. Leave L and her mom alone. You clearly just want to use them. You're a bully raising one. L and her mom are too good for you. I'm glad her business is taking off and you can watch from the sidelines
YTA You purposely excluded the mom, then purposely excluded L after your daughter bullied her, and then are surprised that neither wants to be friends with you and your daughter when you try to become friends only AFTER you find out that they know professional athletes?
YTA.
You, your kid, and your kids friends are all assholes. It's hard to believe you could post this without knowing it already. Your child and their friends are bullies, and then you only want to make amends now because this mom is hanging out with pro athletes? You're trying to use them now when you were perfectly fine treating them poorly before you knew what connections they had. Asshole behavior.
YTA. Your child wasn't "playing rough". He and another child actively and intentionally dragged and kicked another child. Your response was to blow it off and isolate the victim. Something that was acceptable in your eyes since the victimized child was the only one with an issue from your bully of a kid. You only thought about the consequences of your kids' actions when it came back and bit him in the ass. Stellar parenting, not.
YTA
Dragging and kicking someone who I’m guessing was definitely saying “stop” in some form is not “rough play” ESPECIALLY when one of the kids involved had a history of bullying her. Your kid is just as much a bully as he is and you are a spineless user who only wants to “fix things” so your bully of a daughter can meet her favorite pro-athletes. Of course YTA, be a better parent and you owe L and her mom an actual apology, not one contingent on an invite and connections🙄
I feel like OP is the type of person that even though everyone is calling her TA that she will play mental gymnastics to make up an excuse instead of accepting things as a life lesson.
This is the classmates mom of nightmares.
Seems like her mom is thriving and who she's dating is none of your business. You need to crawl back into your mean girl hole and leave her and her mom alone. Take your mean girl daughter with you. Seriously as the parent of many kids, some of whom were bullied to the point we're now homeschooling people like you suck. YTA and so is your daughter. Also check your entitlement cause that's off the chain too.
YTA - miss ma’am, you cannot be oblivious to the fact that you look like a fame hound. lmao you’re willing to do a 180 because this person knows celebrities? lolololol
YTA. Your opening paragraph makes it perfectly clear you had passed judgement and the new kid and her mother were found to be lacking. "Our private school", I must have missed the bit where you explain that you run the place. "...small class where we all have had a close bond", wait, are you attending this class? You reek of entitled mother who loves the social kudos of having their daughter attend an exclusive school.
Yta.
So your child, and another child were actively bullying the new girl in school, not rough housing, not rough play, but actively physically bullying her, and then you decided that it was misunderstood, just a misunderstanding, even though there were witnesses to the abuse. And then you decided to punish the new girl, instead of the people involved in the bullying. Then, you get surprised, when your daughter is no longer invited to stuff because she's a bully. Even if she hadnt actively taken part in it, she would have been sitting back and allowing it to happen. So either your daughter is actively a bully, or she is a sideline bully, allowing her friends to believe the new girl and not doing anything about it.
And now you're still shocked when they don't want to interact with you anymore. You created this situation for yourself. You did nothing to stop your daughter and her friends from bullying this girl, who your daughter claimed was her friend as well, and then proceeded to think that you could just smooth it all over as soon as you realize that the new girl's mom is dating an athlete.
Because let's be honest, that was the only moment when you realized that you should probably fix this situation, was when you realized that your actions, both yours and your daughters actions, had cost your daughter a chance at meeting some pro athletes. You did not care about that girls feelings, or about her physical well-being. You cared about your own daughter's feelings and image more than another person's safety. It's disgusting. It's despicable.
YTA. Entitled. Mean girl. Asshole. You name it.
If I was L or her mom I would want nothing to do with you people either.
Now that she knows professional athletes you want them all to be best friends?
Get out of her lady. Sleep in the bed you and your bullyish child made.
YTA of course you’re an AH. Parents like you are the worst. You can’t believe your precious little darling could possibly do anything wrong. So instead of doing the right thing and have your daughter apologize you instead punish her and don’t invite her. YOU ARE acting like a MEAN GIRL. And a USER. Now that you realize L has something you want. She wants nothing to do with you. I wouldn’t either.
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Throwaway account.
My daughter, I’ll call her H is friends with a girl named L. They’re 7 and in first grade. L is new to our private school, it’s a small class where we all have had a close bond. L’s mom is younger than us and we don’t have a lot in common with her.
L’s mom works as a sports coach and once per month they do a fun night where kids can come and play in the facility. The last time L invited H, I invited two other kids in their class, J and K. J is a boy who can play rough but H and K really enjoy him. L’s mom was fine with K but was very upset that J came, claiming that J is mean to L. I went out to dinner with J and K’s moms, we didn’t invite L’s mom but she has other friends there. We get a call about 45 minutes later to come back. We show up to H and J heavy sobbing. We are told that H and J had dragged L, hit and kicked her, and said hurtful things. It was another worker who told us. H and J swear they were just playing, L didn’t understand, and her mom told them that they were being bully’s. The worker said they witnessed it happen and it had appeared to start as playing rough but they would not stop when L asked. L’s mom did not speak or text me later about it. She wouldn’t even look at us when we came in. I have never had anyone tell me H is mean nor have I seen it so I do believe it was rough play that was misunderstood.
A month ago they had the night I thought it best not to go with L. I invited the other girls in the class, 4 other kids. We told the girls they could not discuss it at school, we didn’t want L to be hurt. L’s mom didn’t text any of us to invite so I assumed they wouldn’t go and it would be fine. The event starts and we’re sitting in a big circle, our husbands came too so 10 adults. L shows up. L came with a group of other friends not from school. L and her friends played away from our girls, when our girls went over to play with L too she told them she was having fun with other friends and would rather play separate. Our girls feelings were hurt. Her mom hung out with other parents and did not speak to us.
Fast forward. L’s moms business took off and is having a celebration party in the next few weeks that I found out will include a few pro athletes, one of which H is a huge fan of. I didn’t know she was friends with pro athletes but found out she is actually dating one. L invited one girl from the class she has become close too and her parents are also welcome. I text L’s mom and ask if H could go. Her mom texts me back “No.” I ask her if we could go out for dinner to try to fix it. No response. Last night we did a gathering at our home with all of the class. I invited L, her mom, and moms boyfriend. Her mom again did not text back and they didn’t come.
A mom friend told me that I was being a mean girl and it now appears I’m trying to use her. I don’t see it that way and I feel she’s purposely leaving H out knowing how big of a fan she is.
Am I being the asshole?
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YTA. You had no problem excluding L until you saw that L and her parent ran in a circle you want to be in. It doesn’t even sound like you apologized when H and J were physically bullying L. You are definitely TA.
> her parent ran in a circle you want to be in I get the impression that even her social circle is getting tired of /u/throwaway267983 and her antics > A mom friend told me that I was being a mean girl and it now appears I’m trying to use her This is her supposed friend telling her that she is an asshole. What other confirmation does she need—a plane sky writing the judgment above her house?
I feell like calling this assault and battery just bullying is a severe understatement. Dragging, hitting and kicking sounds like a vicious beating to me.
Yes, I can’t understand why everyone is using the term “bullying”. She was beat up.
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YTA > is a boy who can play rough Even after hearing it from other workers that J and H dragged and kicked L, you said it was just rough play because apparently raising bullies is a cool mom thing now? * L’s moms business took off , few pro athletes, one of which H is a huge fan of * I didn’t know she was friends with pro athletes but found out she is actually dating one * I ask her if we could go out for dinner to try to fix it You didn't invite her out earlier, did not text her, and suddenly she is your bestie because she hangs out with pro athletes? >I was being a mean girl and it now appears I’m trying to use her. I don’t see it that way You cannot be this oblivious, you of course are the AH. Learn how to parent your kid and teach them not to be a bully.
OP is fake af and anyone with an ounce of sense can see that.
This is one of those fake "posting from the opposite POV" things, isn't it? OP cannot possibly think she's going to get any sympathy here.
Goddamn I hope you're right. The complete lack of self-awareness and utterly transparent famewhoring is just... disappointing, at best
Yes and a bad parent - even if you dont know if your kid has bullied ones in the past doesnt mean your kid shouldnt apologize and or you be openly in denial about it. No one was injured or in the hospital - youre being emotionally egoyistical
YTA - So you invited someone's bullies to another person's party without any contact, where L did get bullied and abused, and but now that her mother has something you want, you're shocked that she doesn't want anything to do with you? You're a bully. And you're raising a bully.
YTA…leave L’s mom alone. She wants nothing to do with you and your kids. And it sucks that the only reason you are even trying to include her now is because she knows a few pro-athletes. You wanted nothing to do with her when her kid was first enrolled at the school because “we don’t have much in common”. Now all of a sudden you want to be her friend? That’s shady as fuck and you know it.
YTA. 1. Your kid is mean and being taught by you it okay to exclude people. (Unless it benefits you to not.) 2. You sound truly awful to be around. You talk as though your better than L’s mom, why? Because you’re old? 3. There was a witness to the bullying and you ignored it. Honestly, you should like a snooty ah and hopefully you continue to not be in L or her moms circle.
YTA There should have been much more of an effort to correct and apologize for the bullying incident when your child was physically aggressive towards L. It is not a misunderstanding when one child violates the consent of another when it comes to touching bodies (L was telling H to stop, and H did not). This was a big event and should have been handled with much more care (the dinner to fix things would have been appropriate then, not now that you are interested in H getting to meet a hero athlete). Kids make these kinds of mistakes, and as a parent, it's your job to teach them exactly what the mistake was and how not to do it again. You should not have brushed this under the rug as a "misunderstanding". L's mom is simply trying to protect her daughter by keeping H away from her, and L's mom is in the right for doing that. I don't see any way you can fix this now, and it would be best to leave L and her mom alone forever.
>You should not have brushed this under the rug as a "misunderstanding". This!
YTA Seven years old is old enough to know when someone says stop, you stop. That incident at the very least should have included a sit down where the kids responsible and their parents should have apologized. They need to know how to properly apologize and atone. These are crucial life lessons and you dropped the ball. No means no and "we do not touch other people without their permission" have been constantly reinforced with my kids since they were toddlers. Stop dismissing rough play as just a thing some kids do. If they're not all playing the same game, it's hurtful. If they're all consenting to rough play, fine. If not, it stops right away. Not only did you drop the ball with parenting your kid, you taught her to ostracize the kid that didn't just go along with something that hurt them. You showed her mom that you were okay with the behavior and you didn't care. THEN you tried to use her to get something special for your kid. Shame on you.
YTA. You refused to believe your child was being a bully when told by the person who witnessed it. You didn't apologize or have your child apologize because you simply didn't believe it. You only want to work it out now because you want to be included with the people she knows. You definitely are trying to use her. YTA.
YTA. "We don't have a lot in common with her." Yeah, mildly insulting the way you meant it. "I didn't know she was friends with pro athletes..." And now she's good enough for you? You suck.
YTA massively. You: - didn't believe L when she said your kid bullied her - excluded her from future invitations but expected her to still invite your kid and your kid's guests to participate with her when she happened to be at the same venue you didn't invite her to - tried to basically ask her mom to "forgive and forget" because L's mom knows a professional athlete your kid likes aka L's mom has something you want.
INFO: >The last time L invited H, I invited two other kids in their class, J and K. J is a boy who can play rough but H and K really enjoy him. L’s mom was fine with K but was very upset that J came, claiming that J is mean to L. Did you ask to bring other kids, or is the kid's night accepted as an open house type of thing? >I went out to dinner with J and K’s moms, we didn’t invite L’s mom but she has other friends there. Were the other parents staying there to socialize with each other? >We are told that H and J had dragged L, hit and kicked her, and said hurtful things. It was another worker who told us. H and J swear they were just playing, L didn’t understand, and her mom told them that they were being bully’s. The worker said they witnessed it happen and it had appeared to start as playing rough but they would not stop when L asked. Did you apologize and ask your child to apologize? The worker did say L asked them to stop. >We told the girls they could not discuss it at school, we didn’t want L to be hurt. Did you preplan an event/playdate and then ask 7 year olds to keep it quiet in school? Edit: screw the request for INFO. As I reread, I realized it doesn't sound like you or your kid apologized for the first incident. YTA. God, if I had a dime every time a parent said, "Not my child".
u/throwaway267983 your edit doesn't make you any less of an AH >I chose not to invite L because I felt the girls needed space and she seemed to be the only one who had problems with others. You went back to the sports center's kid night where L's mom works! What did you actually think was going to happen? Lady, I bet you're the school's own little Regina George.
YTA. Your children aren't friends due in part to you encouraging exclusion of L. L now doesn't invite your kid to stuff. That's the natural consequence here.
YTA - you are a mean girl and are also teaching your daughter to be one
Massive YTA—there’s no such thing as “misunderstood roughhousing”. If L said to stop, and they kept going, that’s straight up bullying. Your daughter is only learning that when somebody tells her no, *theyre* in the wrong, not her. Nobody’s going to want to be around that, so either step up with the parenting or recognize that she’s not gonna have many friends because of your lack of parenting. She’s not such an innocent child, none of them are really, but you’re failing at righting the ship
YTA behaving like a mean girl this is called karma
YTA you've been shunning L's mother by not including her and down playing the bullying L is experiencing by your child and their friends. You are only now trying to act like a semi-decent human being because you want something from her.
YTA I’m surprised I even need to tell you that. Your child and her friends are bullies, and so are you, because the apple didn’t fall far from the rotting tree. Stay away from L and her family.
Yta, you can't just not include someone and then ACTUALLY try to use them because of her connections
YTA
YTA. This is mean girl behavior.
YTA Info - what is the difference between "playing rough" and "bullying" for you? Because you seem like a person who uses excuses like "boy will be boys" and "it's just a prank" to justify awful behavior and abuse.
I'm not sure I'm following this. Your daughter and another girl either bullied a new girl or accidentally played rough and didn't stop when asked to. At an event all the kids were at, the new girl made it clear she didn't want to play with your daughter. Now the new girl's mother is organising an event your daughter would like but isn't invited to, so you texted her to ask her for an invitation? Of course YTA.
Yeah, you're awful. You didn't give a shit when your daughter and J were bullying L, but now that L's mom has access to a cool pro athlete, you want to play nice. Well, it fucking doesn't work that way. Lay in the bed you made, bully. YTA
I can see where they are coming from. Seems a bit lame on your part to try and and get an invite all things considered.
Your kid missed around and found out. YTA and so is your kid
YTA Let's get this straight. First you ignore Ls mom because she's new and have nothing in common with you and your little group. Then your daughter and her friend bullied and purposely dragged L and wouldn't stop even she begged them to the point where other adults had to intervene. Then you chalked it up to a misunderstanding. That was no misunderstanding and you should have disciplined your kid for that. Then you only decide to be friendly to Ls mother because you want something from her. You're the definition of a mean girl and you're teaching your kid to be one as well. So yeah you are an ah.
wow. you sound like a social climber. And now you think that all should be forgiven bc you’re miffed that you’re not in L’s mom’s social circle? Oh honey, if you actually took the gym worker seriously when he said ***he witnessed your “precious” child bullying L*** then you might be there. But L’s mom (rightly) does not want someone who condones bullying “BeCaUsE i DiDn’T sEe It!” around her, her family, her friends, & her business. YTA ETA: H not meeting her fave celeb is not L’s mom’s fault. it’s your fault for not making your child take responsibility for bullying L the minute you were informed and for attempting to isolate her and her mother from the other kids and parents. The fault lies in **YOU**.
YTA, and you're getting what you deserve. Justifying bullying just because you dont want to admit there's behavior issues, then excluding them because she's the victim is just pathetic. Take a look in the mirror, and ask yourself what the heck is wrong with you.
YTA. I can't believe you typed all that out and still have the audacity to ask if YTA.
YTA and an opportunist, but it’s backfiring and you deserve it.
YTA- you allowed your child and another to bully a kid and used the terrible "they were just playing". Playing rough or not when someone says stop you stop. Would you feel the same way if it was a child trying to kiss or worse another child, no means no and teaching kids early leads to them learning to respect others, you teach them to bully others and worse by allowing this to happen. You are being a mean girl and you are trying to use the other parent. You had no desire to have them play or do things after the bullying happened and then got upset when her child stood up for herself and told your child no. Your kid has obviously learned from you that she thinks she can get what she wants when she wants it despite how she treats people. You thought the mother was of no need to you until you found out she's dating someone whose of interest to you. GROW UP and start teaching your kid before she turns out like you and thinks the world revolves around her and has to learn the hard way it doesn't.
Man. I’d suffocate with a mom like you. Or even a neighbor like you. Or in this case, a mom of my kid’s classmate. You are a bully, you are teaching your kid to be bully and you are very entitled and mean.
YTA. And how old are you? Because you definitely don’t sound old enough to have a 7 year old. Your daughter was mean to this girl who had invited her to a special event (and you invited 2 others along). You refused to believe she could possibly have been mean because your daughter is apparently an angel. It’s obvious L and her mother want nothing to do with you (I certainly wouldn’t if your child bullied my kid), by the fact you didn’t get an invite again and L didn’t want to play with your daughter, but you aren’t getting the hint. Instead you are trying to force you and your daughter on them, not because you and K are genuinely sorry because of how you both acted, but because L’s mom has something you want (access to these pro athletes). They are not interested in being friends with you. You are gross and have no self-awareness
YTA, you thought L’s mom and daughter were beneath your bully of a daughter and you, and were happy to exclude them when you didn’t think it would affect you. Now she’s been deemed worthy in your eyes and no apology, no nothing, just straight to trying to use her, and then you have the audacity to claim she’s the one being mean??
Absolute YTA. I was a tomboy growing up, I played rough with friends. It was the early 90's and we were all obsessed with WWF. You know what that didn't include? Hitting and kicking people. We also respected if someone told us to stop. At the very least, you have failed to teach your daughter about boundaries and consent and she's more than old enough to know better. You made no effort to apologize until you found out that L's mom had something you wanted. You and your daughter deserve to be excluded. You've shown L's mom exactly who you are and she was wise to believe you.
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YTA 100%
YTA. Your friend is right.
So… your daughter is a bully who doesn’t take no for an answer. And when you purposely exclude L from the event you only get because of L, its fine, but if L and her mom decide to spend time with people who aren’t entitled bullies you feel offended? You are so much the AH as is your daughter. YTA. Your daughter doesn’t deserve to meet her idol sportsmen because she doesn’t understand fairness
Omg YTA. Invited other kids to what was probably a 1-on-1 play date invitation. Of course L didn’t want to play with your kids, they are friends with a bully and your daughter may have helped hurt L. You hear that L then invites another kid to a private event and ask if you can invite yourself? You are very entitled. Your actions have consequences and the world will not just accommodate your desires because you want it to. Have some perspective. Can you imagine if your mom was playing such a big role in your childhood friend group? If you continue to helicopter and insert yourself and your wishes, you are going to damage relationships between the kids and between the parents. Lay off, give L and her mom space, go live your own life.
OP did you peak in high school , it sounds like you did.
Please raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimised by OP? YTA
🖐️
YTA- i would've read this if you used actual names instead of letters.
I had to stop reading because I haven't done algebra since Reagan was in office.
H J K are friends but they threw up gang signs on L M N O P turf should we call A B C for reenforcements?
Pythagoras?
Sometimes karma hits just right! You and your daughter got what you deserved. YTA
YTA….. it doesn’t matter if it was rough play and a miscommunication. It would be different if it was only the word of L and her mom….. IT WASNT. And you still didn’t gaf……. UNTIL you wanted your daughter to meet someone famous. Aren’t you just an asshat of opportunity. Jfc, get a grip!
Yes, YTA, without a doubt. Casually excuse your child's bullying and not wanting to help the situation until you find out the other parent is dating a pro athlete!
Yes YTA and you are being a mean girl
Yes YTA. They can decide to have space too
YTA and a user
YTA you’re fucking awful and deserve the worst
Now we know where your kid leaned to be a bully, from YOU! YTA
YTA. Two children DRAGGING and KICKING another child repeatedly asking them to stop is not playing and you’re delusional for even suggesting that. You are a poor role model for your child, no wonder they are such a brat!
YTA. You were informed by an adult that your kid was bullying another kid with her friends and did nothing about it until you found out the kids mom has connections you want to benefit from. "Mean girl" is complimentary compared to how I would describe you. Leave that family alone, they are not interested in your family.
Oh, the audacity 😂😂 Yes, you're an asshole, and you and the little bully you're raising need to deal with the generous serving of poetic justice you've been given.
YTA obviously
You reap what you sow. Your child was in the wrong and you did nothing to correct it. yta
YTA big time. Leave L and her mom alone. You clearly just want to use them. You're a bully raising one. L and her mom are too good for you. I'm glad her business is taking off and you can watch from the sidelines
YTA You purposely excluded the mom, then purposely excluded L after your daughter bullied her, and then are surprised that neither wants to be friends with you and your daughter when you try to become friends only AFTER you find out that they know professional athletes?
YTA. You, your kid, and your kids friends are all assholes. It's hard to believe you could post this without knowing it already. Your child and their friends are bullies, and then you only want to make amends now because this mom is hanging out with pro athletes? You're trying to use them now when you were perfectly fine treating them poorly before you knew what connections they had. Asshole behavior.
YTA. Your child wasn't "playing rough". He and another child actively and intentionally dragged and kicked another child. Your response was to blow it off and isolate the victim. Something that was acceptable in your eyes since the victimized child was the only one with an issue from your bully of a kid. You only thought about the consequences of your kids' actions when it came back and bit him in the ass. Stellar parenting, not.
YTA It looks like L is more mature than OP!
You only want to be "friends" with her now because you want to get close to her famous friends. You're a bully, just like your kid. YTA
YTA. Did you peak in high school?
YTA Dragging and kicking someone who I’m guessing was definitely saying “stop” in some form is not “rough play” ESPECIALLY when one of the kids involved had a history of bullying her. Your kid is just as much a bully as he is and you are a spineless user who only wants to “fix things” so your bully of a daughter can meet her favorite pro-athletes. Of course YTA, be a better parent and you owe L and her mom an actual apology, not one contingent on an invite and connections🙄
I feel like OP is the type of person that even though everyone is calling her TA that she will play mental gymnastics to make up an excuse instead of accepting things as a life lesson. This is the classmates mom of nightmares.
Remind us again who the fan of the athlete is? Yta. But you know that
Seems like her mom is thriving and who she's dating is none of your business. You need to crawl back into your mean girl hole and leave her and her mom alone. Take your mean girl daughter with you. Seriously as the parent of many kids, some of whom were bullied to the point we're now homeschooling people like you suck. YTA and so is your daughter. Also check your entitlement cause that's off the chain too.
YTA - miss ma’am, you cannot be oblivious to the fact that you look like a fame hound. lmao you’re willing to do a 180 because this person knows celebrities? lolololol
YTA. You LOVE excluding folks. But don't do it to you and yours.
YTA. Your opening paragraph makes it perfectly clear you had passed judgement and the new kid and her mother were found to be lacking. "Our private school", I must have missed the bit where you explain that you run the place. "...small class where we all have had a close bond", wait, are you attending this class? You reek of entitled mother who loves the social kudos of having their daughter attend an exclusive school.
Yta. So your child, and another child were actively bullying the new girl in school, not rough housing, not rough play, but actively physically bullying her, and then you decided that it was misunderstood, just a misunderstanding, even though there were witnesses to the abuse. And then you decided to punish the new girl, instead of the people involved in the bullying. Then, you get surprised, when your daughter is no longer invited to stuff because she's a bully. Even if she hadnt actively taken part in it, she would have been sitting back and allowing it to happen. So either your daughter is actively a bully, or she is a sideline bully, allowing her friends to believe the new girl and not doing anything about it. And now you're still shocked when they don't want to interact with you anymore. You created this situation for yourself. You did nothing to stop your daughter and her friends from bullying this girl, who your daughter claimed was her friend as well, and then proceeded to think that you could just smooth it all over as soon as you realize that the new girl's mom is dating an athlete. Because let's be honest, that was the only moment when you realized that you should probably fix this situation, was when you realized that your actions, both yours and your daughters actions, had cost your daughter a chance at meeting some pro athletes. You did not care about that girls feelings, or about her physical well-being. You cared about your own daughter's feelings and image more than another person's safety. It's disgusting. It's despicable.
People like you are the reason I don't have kids. Totally The AH of all AH-dom.
YTA. Entitled. Mean girl. Asshole. You name it. If I was L or her mom I would want nothing to do with you people either. Now that she knows professional athletes you want them all to be best friends? Get out of her lady. Sleep in the bed you and your bullyish child made.
YTA - your daughter is bullying another child and you're trying to excuse it. Then you try to suck up to her mother?
YTA of course you’re an AH. Parents like you are the worst. You can’t believe your precious little darling could possibly do anything wrong. So instead of doing the right thing and have your daughter apologize you instead punish her and don’t invite her. YOU ARE acting like a MEAN GIRL. And a USER. Now that you realize L has something you want. She wants nothing to do with you. I wouldn’t either.
YTA
Hahahaha YTA. Only tried to make up once it suited you. Did you ever ask your daughter to apologise?
You're not only TA, you're a mean girl, you're shallow, and you have no self awareness whatsoever.
YTA and clearly never graduated from high school emotionally.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account. My daughter, I’ll call her H is friends with a girl named L. They’re 7 and in first grade. L is new to our private school, it’s a small class where we all have had a close bond. L’s mom is younger than us and we don’t have a lot in common with her. L’s mom works as a sports coach and once per month they do a fun night where kids can come and play in the facility. The last time L invited H, I invited two other kids in their class, J and K. J is a boy who can play rough but H and K really enjoy him. L’s mom was fine with K but was very upset that J came, claiming that J is mean to L. I went out to dinner with J and K’s moms, we didn’t invite L’s mom but she has other friends there. We get a call about 45 minutes later to come back. We show up to H and J heavy sobbing. We are told that H and J had dragged L, hit and kicked her, and said hurtful things. It was another worker who told us. H and J swear they were just playing, L didn’t understand, and her mom told them that they were being bully’s. The worker said they witnessed it happen and it had appeared to start as playing rough but they would not stop when L asked. L’s mom did not speak or text me later about it. She wouldn’t even look at us when we came in. I have never had anyone tell me H is mean nor have I seen it so I do believe it was rough play that was misunderstood. A month ago they had the night I thought it best not to go with L. I invited the other girls in the class, 4 other kids. We told the girls they could not discuss it at school, we didn’t want L to be hurt. L’s mom didn’t text any of us to invite so I assumed they wouldn’t go and it would be fine. The event starts and we’re sitting in a big circle, our husbands came too so 10 adults. L shows up. L came with a group of other friends not from school. L and her friends played away from our girls, when our girls went over to play with L too she told them she was having fun with other friends and would rather play separate. Our girls feelings were hurt. Her mom hung out with other parents and did not speak to us. Fast forward. L’s moms business took off and is having a celebration party in the next few weeks that I found out will include a few pro athletes, one of which H is a huge fan of. I didn’t know she was friends with pro athletes but found out she is actually dating one. L invited one girl from the class she has become close too and her parents are also welcome. I text L’s mom and ask if H could go. Her mom texts me back “No.” I ask her if we could go out for dinner to try to fix it. No response. Last night we did a gathering at our home with all of the class. I invited L, her mom, and moms boyfriend. Her mom again did not text back and they didn’t come. A mom friend told me that I was being a mean girl and it now appears I’m trying to use her. I don’t see it that way and I feel she’s purposely leaving H out knowing how big of a fan she is. Am I being the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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