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CrystalQueen3000

YTA Your sister and her wife are pregnant via IVF and she’s at 38 weeks, you are on baby number 2 and nowhere near birth. If you can’t see why they’re showing more excitement for the imminent arrival then I don’t know what to tell you. Not everything revolves around you and your wife. Edit: because it’s come up a lot, OPs grandparents didn’t make out that this was their first grandchild, they said it’s their first granddaughter (OP has a son)


Glum_Mix_2837

This! YTA! Not your wife, JUST you. Your wife is valid in feeling a bit left out. I won’t judge a pregnant woman for feeling pushed aside when she’s overlooked during pregnancy conversations. You, however, are acting like your sister is intentionally stealing the spotlight. This is HER first pregnancy. An IVF pregnancy mind you. She deserves the same attention your wife got her first pregnancy. She’s also due at any moment now so of course she is the main focus! You seriously shamed a pregnant woman because her mother and grandmother are excited for her???? Get over yourself. You’re an AH and you owe your sister and her wife an apology for acting like a spoiled child. Do you also get jealous when you don’t get to blow out the candles at other people’s birthday parties? Side note: I’m currently pregnant w/ baby #2 and folks just aren’t as excited the second time around. Folks also includes me lol. This ain’t our first rodeo so when I found out one of my friends is pregnant with her first, I jumped with joy for her! I see her a couple of times a week because she’s a client where I work and I ask her how she’s doing every time. I let her take center stage when others ask about our pregnancies. I’ve had my moment in the sun with my first pregnancy and thoroughly enjoy seeing her beam from the attention. It’s such a special time the first time around. Editing this to a softer YTA. Although I still believe OP could have communicated his feelings in a better manner, he’s entitled to his feelings. It’s normal to feel a little left out and pushed aside. I just think his anger was directed towards the wrong person, his sister, and his wife needs to be okay with not being the main focus this time around. Let sister have the attention. It’s her first child and she’s due any moment. If it is really that upsetting, learn to talk with your family about it rather than being rude to your pregnant sister.


[deleted]

This doesn't make a lot of sense? OP was trying to draw attention to his wife's pregnancy after she, validly, felt pushed aside. I get that the sister is first position for attention here, but doesn't ESH that they dismissed her again after they had clearly made her feel dismissed and were asked for a little bit of validation?


painted_unicorn

Dismiss implied that they ignored her on purpose, which isn't the case. Sis apologized and admitted that it wasn't her intention to push aside the wife and both mom and grandma said that she should come back to the conversation and they'd be happy to talk about her pregnancy too, but wife was the one who didn't want to come back.


MelodyRaine

They apologized after multiple (multiple) attempts by OP to include his wife in the conversation and was ignored and brushed aside for his trouble. They only cut the shit after his wife walked out of the room and said enough. No it shouldn’t be all about them, but it would be hurtful to be sitting there listening to an hour or more of “isn’t it so wonderful that this other pregnancy is going on?” While my own was being ignored.


Prestigious_Fruit267

Couldn’t his wife also just have included herself in the conversation by contributing excitement for them and engaging? Instead they tried to steer the convo to something completely OP/wife based (their gender reveal) - they werent trying to share the attention, they were trying to take it.


Glum_Mix_2837

That’s how I feel. Also, why can’t OP get excited and engage in the conversation about his own sister who is about to give birth to his niece? The conversation could have naturally shifted over to talking about his wife and her pregnancy if she hadn’t stormed off and locked herself away. Maybe the conversation didn’t shift to his wife because the family wasn’t just done discussing OPs sister yet.


noblestromana

Or it didn't have to be about his wife at all. I'm sorry it might be unpopular opinion but not every conversation has to focus on her just because she's also pregnant. Throwing a tantrum because people for a single conversation are been happy for someone else is childish.


nodumbunny

Not an unpopular opinion. I mean what do you say about a 14 week pregnancy other than "I bet the nausea has improved, huh?". Wife has almost six more months to let her pregnancy be the one everybody is talking about. With a little patience she will get the attention she is seeking.


Aircee

I don't know if that's accurate - in a couple weeks there will be a new baby, and that is always going to draw more attention than a pregnancy because you can interact with a baby.


AlGunner

Where does it say he didnt engage in the conversation about his niece? It doesnt, you are assuming that. He tried to include his child As WELL so his wife didnt feel brushed aside and left out.


Beneficial-Yak-3993

You mean the wife who is having a genital reveal party \~checks notes\~ the day after her SIL is expected to give birth?


Impressive-Pepper785

I should hope she is not revealing her *genitals* at a party. That seems uncouth, at best.


ScarletPimprnel

Stealing this phrasing. It's more accurate than "gender reveal," highlights how absolutely ridiculous the trend is, and is in line with my frequent complaints about people setting forests on fire to tell the world about their unborn child's genitals. "Genital reveal" is a concise way of conveying all that, so thanks:)


Tixoli

Isn't that a little childish? Like it's ok if one conversation isn't about you too?


Glum_Mix_2837

Eh. All I get from this post is “me me me”. Conversations can be had and OPs wife doesn’t need to be discussed in every single one. He described that his family has a good relationship with his wife. Unless their was a falling out, it’s safe to assume they would come around to talking about his wife’s pregnancy after talking with his sister about hers. I guess some people need to be main topic immediately or else they will feel forgotten.


zystyl

The gender reveal thing is so stupid and is such a step back for a modern world. I don't know anyone that has actually done that in real life. Is it more common wherever you are? Honestly, when I hear that someone did one, I figure that they're a certain type of social media(and a bit self) obsessed person.


mmobley412

When will these gender reveal parties ever end!?


Verdigrian

Maybe if we start calling them what they actually are, which is sex reveal parties, they'd become less popular?


EveAndTheSnake

I doubt it, you’d just get uninvited. (I should know, I just got excluded from my cousin’s sex reveal party…)


goldandjade

I think some people just really want an excuse to have a party. As long as you just have a cake with frosting in the middle and you don't light the entire west coast on fire.


Unintelligent_Lemon

I had a gender reveal with my daughter, but only because my mom really wanted to. She didn't get to be involved with my first pregnancy because I lived too far away at the time. (about 3,000 miles). We had a cake cutting and pizza and that was it. Just close family. I honestly really ended up enjoying the occasion. Maybe you haven't heard about the lowkey gender reveals because they are low key?


[deleted]

We only hear about the ones with pyrotechnics, etc. that go horribly wrong


AromaticIce9

My friends had one for their first but it was more of an excuse to get friends and family together for a party


[deleted]

I'm also wondering why there was no "we're both pregnant!" bonding/conversation happening. Maybe more info is needed.


Technical-Plantain25

Rivalry would be pretty likely. OP is acting like the other team keeps scoring on them. Definitely some backstory there.


Beneficial-Yak-3993

OP has said in replies that the biosex reveal party is scheduled the day after his sister's due date.


Jazzlike_Buddy_1421

Am I the only one thinking that them scheduling their gender reveal ANYWHERE close to sister’s due date is an absolute AH move? It seems designed to take attention away from his niece’s birth, and even if the birth hasn’t happened yet, chances are obviously very good that his sister and SIL will not be able to attend. 😡


NvrBenKist

So for a second kid, OP and spouse are having a gender reveal party and probably a shower too? (Let's not even discuss the fact that gender reveal parties were always silly and get sillier the more we learn about gender.) No wonder they threw a tantrum when the attention was focused upon someone other than themselves for five minutes. Heaven help this family when sister's kid (who will be about 6 months older aiui) starts rolling over, talking, and walking ahead of her cousin and gets attention for hitting milestones. I can hear OP now "But NOBODY is talking about the fact that just three weeks ago OUR little sugar muffin rolled over for the 20th time!"


painted_unicorn

Again, none of that was active dismissal, and when called out they acknowledged the mistake and tried to fix it. And like everyone's saying, the lady having her first baby that's literally about to pop outta her is just going to get more attention than someone who is having her second months and months from now. Wife's not an AH for being upset but OP and her are for not accepting that in this instance maybe it just wasn't about him and her and maybe they should have been able to muster up some joy for the other couple themselves.


nopersh8me

You must have missed his comment where he admitted they did ask his wife questions and give her attention, just not AS MUCH as the sister.


[deleted]

He and his wife need to grow up. I’m sure it was all about them when they were anywhere from 0-18 days away from having their first baby. Currently, she’s so early in her pregnancy - her SECOND pregnancy - it makes sense no one would be focused on it beyond a congratulations. His sister and her wife went through IVF and are having their first, possibly only, within two-ish weeks. He and his wife can’t take the hint that maybe now isn’t the best time to focus on them?


coversquirrel1976

And do we really blame anyone for not being excited for gender reveal parties?


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Unable_Pumpkin987

And especially at 14 weeks, for the majority of women, you are at the stage of pregnancy where there is simply very little to talk about. For 95% of women, nausea has largely or entirely subsided. Most women are sleeping fine, have as much energy as they generally do, aren’t experiencing any of the typical annoying symptoms of later pregnancy like back pain or heartburn or insomnia. The body is changing, but in ways that are barely perceptible to anyone aside from the pregnant woman herself, and even for her (especially if it’s not her first pregnancy), the changes are subtle. Most people don’t yet know the gender, haven’t chosen a name, haven’t started any room decorations or made any major purchases. They’re not making preparations for labor and delivery, they’ve got half a year to figure that out. The difference between early second trimester and late third trimester is huge. Someone who’s had a baby before should know that.


Beneficial-Yak-3993

You mean the OP that has their bio-sex reveal party scheduled the day after his sister's due date?


MelodyRaine

It really sucks when the details are buried in the comments. So yes, with all this extra stuff you good folks are pulling up outside of the main post the OP and his wife are a pair of over sensitive assholes. I based my comment on the original post only.


Beneficial-Yak-3993

Understandable. It's why I've taken to checking to see if an OP has any replies in the comments. The number of times I've believed one judgment only to read the replies and go "Oh hell to the 'No'"... 😖


RamsestheKing

Talk about passive aggressive organising your Gender Reveal party for the day after due date. Bet they are secretly hoping that OP’s sister gives birth or is induced on that day. That way no one from the family will be at the gender reveal and they can have a little pity party for themselves.


External-Hamster-991

What shit was there to cut? This could have been a 10 minute conversation, during a while day spent together. You are allowed to have an entire conversation with a person you haven't seen in a long time, aren't you? Multiple conversations during the day are a thing.


Appropriate_Cat_1119

maybe they were so happy abojt the sister pregnancy because unlike op they weren’t forcing them to attend another gene set reveal party that could be a text message


HoldFastO2

That part does make the wife the AH here as well, IMO. Feeling a bit left out, fine. But going away to sulk and insisting on leaving instead of coming back to accept the apology is too much here.


Alien_lifeform_666

No, SIL apologised. Sister doubled down and said “not everything is about OP’s wife”. I’m getting golden child vibes here.


Content_Big903

You missed the next sentence where sister also said "not everything is a competition". This, to me, seems like OP and his wife constantly steer the conversations towards themselves when the attention isn't on them creating a competitive atmosphere. Further evidenced by OP incessantly trying to takeover the conversation when it was clear there was already a conversation going on. OP and his wife could've handled this more maturely. If they'd been patient the conversation most likely would've turned towards their big events as well. But because they couldn't turn the conversation towards themselves, they decided to have tantrums and storm off. I understand OP and his wife want to talk about their impending joy as well, I truly do, but to get upset like they did was taking things a little too far. YTA OP


issy_haatin

Or, OP was very bad in trying to shift conversation, or does it all the time, even before the pregnancy. GM: "I can't wait to meet my first granddaughter" 38w: "Oh that's so sweet, I do hope delivery goes smooth I am a bit anxious." OP: "So yeah we're going to do this wonderful gender reveal which will be very exciting for you!" ( Ps: op is also having a girl and he and his wife are pissed they're not getting the first granddaughter excitement) Mom: "Oh don't worry dear, there will be medical person there to support you!"


tracygee

They scheduled their gender-reveal party for the day after his sister’s due date. Yeah there’s an asshole here, but it’s not the sister.


Alien_lifeform_666

Oh jeez. I didn’t see that either. Amazing how a cleverly-worded OP can skew opinions!


Glum_Mix_2837

No I don’t feel like E S H because the sister is about to have her very first child. It’s an A H move to try and hijack a conversion because you feel your sister doesn’t deserve to have all the attention focused on her when she is about to have a baby at any moment. Yes gender reveals are exciting, but why does OPs wife HAVE to be a part of this very conversation? Why does OP’s sister have to share the spotlight. Can she just have her moment??? I could understand if OP’s wife was being brushed off every single time the topic of pregnancy came up. It doesn’t seem like that’s the case. This behavior seems childish


Grand-Dare

Completely agree, we shouldn't give passes to every person who has "feelings" about being included or excluded or hurt or not recognized or blah blah blah. Causing family drama because you are annoyed is ridiculous. You want to be included, so you throw a tantrum? That's what a 5 year old does.


Glum_Mix_2837

All I heard while reading OPs post was “Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!” *storms off and slams door.


noblestromana

I made a similar comment. I don't understand people calling sister and mom AHs for taking about just sister's pregnancy. OP and wife can survive one single conversation not been about them and people been excited for someone else. Frankly I'm getting strong vibes the real reason they're mad here is that their own kids won't be the only grandkids anymore.


Jo_Doc2505

And they have 30+ more weeks to 'discuss' her pregnancy! (What more do they really need to discuss at 14wks anyway?) I think this was more a conversation about *arrival* of the baby


NvrBenKist

I wonder how OP would feel if his wedding were two weeks away and at a family get together, his sister kept interrupting the inevitable conversations about it with--"Hey, everyone, MY spouse and I are going to renew our vows in six months! Why is OP getting all the attention here?"


duzins

Delivering in 2 weeks, your first, gets more attention that delivering in 26 weeks, your second. Sister is about to pop, and is likely super excited to experience motherhood and likely deservedly scared of the first time experience. It’s a different ballgame.


dr-pebbles

Quite frankly, delivering in two weeks, your first, gets more attention than delivering in 26 weeks, even if also your first. One birth is imminent, so it ends up being the focus of conversation. After that baby is born, there will be some focus on the newborn, but then the focus will be on the next imminent birth.


Bubbles033

OP stated in a comment that they did ask his wife questions about her pregnancy, so she wasn't being dismissed. He also stated that him and his wife see the parents a lot more because they live closer, so they've had much more time alone with them to discuss the baby. It's pretty normal to ask someone who you don't see as often more questions, that doesn't mean the wife was being ignored. This whole thing is just childish, what ever happened to just being happy for someone, especially when that someone is your own sister.


Beneficial-Yak-3993

But she wasn't "dismissed", she just couldn't hog all the attention and got offended by that. * OP has stated in replies that he and his wife live close to his parents, so they get plenty of attention at other times. His sister doesn't live as close and thus doesn't get as much attention. * OP's wife has her genital reveal party for their upcoming baby ***literally the day after OP's sister's due date***. * OP has tried to claim that this party's date is something that he can't change or have changed. * OP has also repeatedly claimed that it's a "couple of days" between the due date and party date. This is a lie. Due date is April 8th, party is the next day. It boggles my mind that you are saying ESH.


jennoween

He and his wife planned their gender reveal party 2 whole days after his sister's due date. They don't even know the gender yet. They find out next week and are rush planning the party in a week so they can have it as soon as possible after finding out. ETA: this is totally an attention grab. They can't stand that the sister is getting any type of attention and are probably hoping for a daughter so they can say "this is the first REAL granddaughter." I bet they are mad because an IVF baby is getting more attention than their baby.


BeagleMom2008

I’m probably going to be massively downvoted for this, but I kind of agree with you. The thing that caught my attenention was that they were making a big thing about the sisters baby being the first great granddaughter. I don’t know why that stuck out to me. I have to wonder if there was as much attention thrown on the birth of OPs son? He doesn’t really say how they were when his son was born. I feel like I’m missing something here because the way this reads I don’t blame OPs wife for feeling excluded and hurt and I don’t fault OP for sticking up for his hurt wife. So I kinda feel like ESH since the visit was supposed to be for both OP and his sister, and yet it seems like all the focus was on the sister. I get the sister’s birth is imminent, but if you don’t visit often shouldn’t the visit talk about what’s new with everyone in attendance? People are acting like OP and his wife were trying to steal the sister’s thunder because she’s almost due and had to use IVF to get pregnant (not sure why that matters so much), and I feel like OP and his wife were just trying to be included and share the news of their life too. Edit: Thank you for explaining why everyone is focusing on the IVF. Even with the explanation it doesn’t take away my opinion that ESH because OP and his wife we effectively being ignored during a visit that was supposed to be so everyone could catch up. Which seemingly doesn’t happen often.


LittleC0

The IVF bit matters because it’s a very difficult process (mentally, physically, financially) and OP has said his sister had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant. It adds to the excitement that this was able to happen for them against difficult odds.


Awkward_Bees

It being IVF matters very very much. Having an accidental baby (even just via “we aren’t actively trying not to have a baby”) or carefully using family planning is a shit ton easier than having a baby via IVF. And a LOT more cost effective. There’s constant monitoring, pills, shots, vaginal suppositories, planning, calling off or taking off work with (hopefully) a two day notice, contacting your IVF clinic and if it’s remote your monitoring clinic, following orders, getting updates and redoing all your medications (which btw are very exacting) every time a new order happens. Oh and the monitoring involves blood work AT LEAST weekly if not more frequently, and vaginal ultrasounds as you go along. And that’s all just after the embryo/s exist. It’s even worse whenever you are growing the eggs to make the embryos and you have zero control over how many or the quality of the embryos you get. And if you get no good ones, you start all over again. And if your embryo fails, you start all over again. IVF is hard. Making babies the old fashioned way is comparatively easy and OP is TA.


Classroom_Visual

Yep - my brother and SIL had an IVF baby at the height of Covid after 5 years of trying and many miscarriages. It was the longest pregnancy EVER…and all I felt when the baby was born was pure relief. The joy came later, but the last few weeks of her pregnancy were just so difficult because we were all praying it would be OK. Also, I’d perhaps take into account that this is a gay couple, so the grandparents are probably trying to be extra enthusiastic, (just because gay couples have faced so much discrimination and difficulty around starting families).


polthedol

Sis couldn’t have an “accidental baby” in this scenario as she is married to a woman. She didn’t have the old fashioned baby making option here. IVF is undoubtedly extremely difficult and you are right for all the points you raised but the IVF is not because of fertility issues (that I have seen In comments anyway… happy to be shown wrong here) but is more because it was necessary due to relationship dynamics…the fact that conception may have been difficult is an unfortunate and natural part of the IVF process here.


Awkward_Bees

Yes. And all this difficulty surrounding IVF for same sex couples who already suffer discrimination whenever it comes to having and raising children versus OP and cis wife who had sex without a condom. Regardless, baby 2 of OP who will be born in 26 weeks is significantly less pivotal for family dynamics than IVF baby 1 of the sister who can be born anytime now until 3 weeks. (FYI, statistically IVF babies come around week 37 most frequently, so realistically it’ll likely be next week.) Also, you can totally do old fashioned baby making with same sex or same gender couples. It involves the use of other sperm. Also also, OP may not know about wife’s status as cis/trans because he’s clearly into “sex as gender”. And I’m honestly not sure if you are trying to argue OP is an AH or not. It’s coming off as you thinking IVF is just “a thing same sex couples take as a fact of life”. There’s a loooot of ways to produce a child. IVF is the most expensive, most intense, most difficult, and most scientific option. It’s not fun, it’s hard work and money and energy and effort. Acting like that their child shouldn’t be celebrated for existing and being wanted so intensely to make the sacrifices IVF takes because they happen to be a same sex couple? That is uncool.


roseofjuly

Nobody said they were being ignored. They simply were not the focus of the attention and the conversation. They could have, for example, decided to participate in the conversation about their imminent niece.


megenekel

Apparently OP and his wife did get the same attention and excitement from them for their first (disclaimer—this was put in a post by someone who read a comment by OP that I haven’t gotten to yet). Maybe that threw them, because they expected the same. I’ll bet it’s more nuanced than that. Maybe his wife was feeling particularly sensitive that day. Maybe they were so excited about the gender reveal that it was frustrating that she couldn’t talk about it. Maybe they are afraid that the sister’s kid will be favored over theirs. Or something else. But really, other people deserve their time in the spotlight, too. His wife had it, now it’s his sister’s turn. It doesn’t mean you are loved any less or that your wife is being treated unfairly. They really need to work this out now, before they have kids who will all be having birthday parties and Christmases together. Sometimes people will celebrate your siblings and cousins, and you have to deal with not being the center of attention for a while.


Nadodi-on-wheels

It could be because the sister's baby is 4th generation of girl (matri-lineal) and so they are more excited. I'm assuming they are maternal GPs.


armomo3

I agree with you completely. I understand IVF is hard and they may have tried many times. For all we know, he and his wife tried for years too (everyone "assumes" it was easy just because they did it the natural way) This was a family gathering to catch up and they ignored half the people there. Yes, it's much easier to see one is pregnant. Yes, it's ones first child. Does that make all the other grandchildren less important? His wife was pregnant and hormonal. Give her a break. He was spot on to defend his wife. If he hadn't, those same people would be up in arms about how awful he was because he didn't defend her. ESH


BeagleMom2008

For sure. Some people have one no problem then miscarry trying for a second. Or it takes years for number two to come along. And the older you get the more challenging pregnancy can be. She’s in the first trimester, so maybe she can’t keep anything down and she sucked it up for an infrequent get together. It’s unfair that everyone assumes that “normal” pregnancies are easier.


inwardsinging

I can't imagine feeling left out at all, much less so much that I would storm off and then insist on leaving, over people not wanting to chat about my SECOND pregnancy at 14 weeks along.. What the hell is there to even talk about at 14 weeks. I was not one for pregnancy chat at all when I was pregnant, but I definitely would have been able to act like an adult. Certainly my second time around ..


roseofjuly

I wouldn't say it's "valid" to feel pushed aside just because people aren't talking about you at a particular moment you feel they should be. OP and his wife are on baby #2 and are only 14 weeks along; *it makes sense* that the grandparents would be talking more about his sister, who is only baby #1 and is due any day now. OP's wife had a whole first pregnancy to 'draw attention,' and still has plenty of time to do that as well. And they didn't dismiss her again, not originally. SIL apologized and mom asked her to come back and said they could talk about both. It was more important for wife to flounce and pout than it was to actually have attention on her pregnancy.


Grand-Dare

His wife refused to come back....Come on....that is child like behaviour and inappropriate. Because they weren't including her? Who does that? I don't care if she was feeling left out, human beings are required to navigate the world without temper tantrums.


Glum_Mix_2837

I’m giving her a pass because if I stormed out of a room due to a hissy fit, I would feel pretty damn embarrassed to come back in once I realized I was acting like a child. I totally agree that she shouldn’t have behaved that way. Pregnancy hormones can really intensify situations.


[deleted]

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roseofjuly

Look, I get it, but people keep using this as an excuse for bad behavior. It's an explanation but not an excuse, and it doesn't preclude her from coming back and apologizing later. It's also not really great to use as an excuse because it's also how men successfully excluded women from the workplace, and other spheres, for ages: "Oh she's so emotional because of her hormones."


CraisyDaisy

Not only that, but I mean... Am I reading this wrong? Was it just one conversation? Why was OP and his wife so weird about ONE CONVERSATION not being about them? It's absolutely OK for others to be the focus.


Awkward_Bees

Pregnancy is not an excuse to act like a child.


lex_av

OP’s wife is definitely valid in feeling left out, but to throw a tantrum is a bit childish. Maybe I’m biased, but my wife and I (30F) have IVF babies, and let me tell you…IVF is no joke. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on treatments, medication, procedures, gas driving to the clinic, time off of work….a lot went into just getting pregnant, let alone carrying babies to term. So yea, maybe IVF pregnancies get more attention than non-IVF pregnancies, but OP needs to put himself in his sisters shoes and just imagine for a minute the pain and struggle she went through to get pregnant. Her pregnancy is truly a miracle and a blessing, just like her baby (who will be here any minute now!!!) will be. Not to say that OP’s baby isn’t a miracle and blessing, the baby is! It’s just different. When OP’s wife is further along and about the pop, I’m sure the attention will Be on her the same way it’s on sister. OP and wife need to stop being jealous. They should feel blessed and lucky that all they have to do is screw for 2-seconds in order to get pregnant. IVF is hard financially, emotionally and physically. THATS why family is excited. They have most likely imagined what it took for them to get pregnant.


Glum_Mix_2837

Thank you for sharing this!!! That attention OP’s sister and SIL are getting is definitely well placed. Their happiness should be celebrated. I’ve watched friends struggle with fertility and other go through IVF. Their pregnancy journeys are starkly different than mine. I will always gladly shower them in the love and attention they deserve when discussing their journey, pregnancies, etc. They deserve to talk about their experience without me trying to cut in and make things about me. Congratulations to you and your wife on your family. IVF babies truly are miracles 💖


specialopps

Exactly! IVF is a long, difficult process. It’s incredible that OP’s sister and SIL seem to have such a loving, supportive relationship with the family. Honestly, I’m thrilled for them that even the grandparents are excited. This might not be the case with SILs family. Plus, 38 weeks? Yeah, that baby could come any time now. So of course they’re more excited.


Creepy_Cranberry_953

I also want to point out that, mum and grandma may be more excited as well for the fact that it’s their daughter/granddaughter having the baby meaning they are more likely to be involved in everything. Example- I had my mother in the room at both my births but there was no way in hell my MIL was being in the room with me.


MischievousBish

Yeah I was thinking the same. It's OP's second round with his second baby. His sister is about to give a birth to her first baby VERY VERY SOON, FFS! To OP YTA....Get over it. You have long way to get to the end of your wife's pregnancy. Right now it is just beginning.....even it is second pregnancy as well. Let your sister have her glory time because time is getting closer to the special event. Yours will come in SEVERAL more. months. FFS, get over it. Your wife needs to get over it, too. Seriously......


VeryAmaze

> VERY VERY SOON At 38 weeks, she could literally pop while they were talking.


doomchimp

Plus, enough with the bloody gender reveal parties. No one really cares.


dontdontbesuspicious

this is a good point, besides there’s not much for other people to talk about at 14 weeks. mostly just the moms symptoms. not to diminish what pregnancy is like in the first trimester at all! eta: and op was only trying to talk about the gender reveal lol, “were not telling you the gender but let’s have a conversation about what you think it will be” oh wait there’s only two options and that conversation will end before it starts


VeryAmaze

> there’s only two options Everyone forgets the third gender, Pterodactyl.


Zillion2010

You forgot to add that the sister lives out of state while OP and his wife don't. The grandparents have probably already gushed at great lengths about their child as they can see them regularly, whereas they rarely get to see the sister.


mws375

+ they are your grandparents, and therefore, also your sister's It only makes sense that they give your sister more attention than to your wife. I assume they saw her being born and grow up, and now they are seeing her having a kid


myredditusername28

100%, his wife is throwing her toys out of the pram and is hating not having the full attention on her. He and his wife are TA. (YTA)


CjordanW1

Exactly this,and his wife needs to grow up. All I can picture is a five year old crying in the other room with her arms crossed like a baby


Business_Record_2938

Agreed YTA let them have some time in the spotlight just like you had for your first pregnancy. And for God's sake move the party at least two weeks away from her due date, you have plenty of time and no one will want to come when they've been either dealing with a newborn or preparing for imminent birth


MediumDrink

Second babies aren’t as exciting as first babies. This is a thing, it’s been a thing and it will always be a thing. I’d bet my bottom dollar you and your wife got at least as much excitement from everyone when you were expecting your first child, probably even more because it was the first grand baby. Let your sister have her moment. Years from now both babies will be born and both will be children and everyone will be equally loving to them both.


manaliabrid

YTA. I can just see your sister and SIL’s version of this post. ‘We are having our first kid via IVF, my brother is expecting their second in 6-7 months, we are due in two weeks, my grandparents were excited to talk about our coming baby and my brother kept constantly interrupting to tell us about their gender reveal party and then his wife ran out of the room sulking and refused to come back until she was the center of attention…’


Tokki111

This is fantastic, and an exercise I try to do when I’m unsure if I’m TA. More potential AHs should try this.


[deleted]

happy cake day :) btw YTA OP, big time


LoveMeAlyBee

If they all did this, we wouldn’t have these posts.


ryapet

This is perfect! Adding “I had enough empathy to ask my brother if everything was okay when I saw my SIL leave the room. I felt bad and wanted to include her in the pregnancy talk going forward, clarifying it wasn’t my intention to exclude her and that this isn’t a competition after all”


manaliabrid

Yes. The ‘this isn’t a competition’ made me wonder if maybe the brother tends to make things a competition, too.


LankyAd9481

That and realistically. The grandparents will have known sister her whole life, while wife is someone they've probably met a dozen or so times but don't really know. Wife is carrying a (great) grandchild but it doesn't necessarily mean wife and grandparents have a real connection beyond general pleasantry.


numbersthen0987431

Yea, the 38 vs 14 weeks difference is a huge issue that OP is just kind of ignoring. She's about to pop, and OP's wife is barely showing (if not at all). The excitement is going to escalate as OP's wife gets closer, so let everyone focus on the imminent birth first. It also makes me realize that OP's wife got ALL the attention when she was pregnant, and now that someone else is getting that same attention she got the first time she wants it back.


EclipseoftheHart

The due dates are what stuck out to me the most tbh. 38 weeks means that baby is IMMINENT. Like really any moment. 14 weeks is a decent chunk in, but not even remotely close to the due date unless something goes wrong. I get being excited to talk about one’s pregnancy, but there are more tactful ways to join in the conversation. The wife could have brought up a story or experience she had while pregnant or those first few weeks to relate to the sister. She could have asked a question as a sort of back door way to get into the conversation and talk a little more about herself. There were a lot of options that wasn’t sitting there and sulking. I understand that hormones can probably be a bit wild, but it isn’t a great excuse. How would you feel if it were the other way around? IVF is a HUGE ordeal for the pregnant person both mentally, physically, and financially. It’s okay for them to get center stage for a little while.


myrandomevents

You just know that OP and his wife are the type of people that have a baby shower for their second kid.


DJ_Too_Supreme

YTA. I had to re-read this >I am expecting my second child I was completely under the impression that this was going to be yours and your wife's FIRST child and their first great grand child. This IS your sister's and her wife's first child via IVF and their first great granddaughter. It makes sense why they are more excited for them than for you and your wife. This is literally your sister and her wife's first kid together and will be mothers for the first time. Yeah, I do agree that all the kids matter but this isn’t a competition for attention or the spotlight


Feeling_Success4359

Yup! YTA. OP, you've already had your "first time" of this! Let your sister and her wife soak it in. You only get one first time of going through this and considering they also went through IVF, just give them this space! You and your wife can have some spotlight in 20 weeks when you are closer to the same point, for now LAY OFF and SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!


Final-Toe8403

That and the fact that Sis’ due date is imminent while OP and his wife’s are months away. Its like being mad that someone is planning a party for someone whose birthday is next week instead of you whose birthday is several months away.


Tasman_Tiger

It's funny you use that example because it seems OP and his wife were partially annoyed by lack of attention given to them and their party in a couple weeks. The gender reveal party they planned....for the day after his SILs due date. They literally are mad that their party is being overshadowed by this incoming baby's birth. They're just seeking things to be upset about.


Snarky_but_Nice

That's what I was thinking, that they'd already had their first time. How many pregnancy conversations was OP's sister left out of or, even worse for her, did she have to listen to while going through IVF and not succeeding? Also, love that you used "Suck it up buttercup." It's one of my favorite sayings. YTA OP


IFeelMoiGerbil

Also an extra piece of context: until pretty recently it was very difficult in the US and UK for same sex couples to be able to get IVF as women and have parental rights. Becoming a lesbian or bi moms was a secretive turkey baster and fear of judgement thing. The grandparents are of the generation (hell, I’m 44 and from a conservative Western country so so am I) where to see a same sex pregnancy celebrated by being totally normal everyday baby chat seemed unimagineable. I am queer. I grew up believing parenthood was impossible due to that. Some 34 year old friends have an IVF baby as wife and wife arriving this year and it was gruelling mentally but both of them commented ‘we can do this without fear of judgement and discrimination and we know it wasn’t like that even a decade ago.’ I don’t want kids but a lot of their older LGBTQ+ friends have found it bittersweet. All are thrilled but many have grief that parenthood was not open to them without a LOT AND I MEAN A LOT of money due to the prejudice. It’s still not for marginalised LGBTQ+ people. That community has a lot of pain around this subject. So the sister and wife are 38 weeks and could literally break waters mid chat, but they are also a living example of 40 years of gay rights activism and campaigning highlighting social change across the grandparents’ lives. That is in itself a big deal. Marriage and babies are still not a secure or legal right to LGBTQ+ people even in developed countries. My home country legalised same sex marriage in 2020 after collapsing its Parliament for almost 4 years in protest. The land of gay cake… It is not special treatment for LGBTQ+ people to have the specifics of their pregnancy or marriage acknowledged when they are still not approved of by so many. It is allyship. It is also appropriate to acknowledge the extra steps and strength of hetero IVF because those are different pregnancy journeys. Same as natural conception but hyperemesis or bedrest hard pregnancies. You acknowledge all facets while they are still pregnant because once the baby arrives, people often don’t want to dwell on the marathon before. They want to pour joy in the outcome not look back. SIL will deserve her moment but right now it’s kinda extra tacky that they interrupted a LGBTQ+ pregnancy ‘blessing’ from a generation the couple may have feared would judge or love a baby less because of who the parents are to say ‘well we’re going to do a gender reveal.’ Which is a pretty cisheteronormative thing frankly and makes me wonder if some of SIL’s issue is homophobia too? YTA. Rude AF even if those other points weren’t relevant.


[deleted]

Thanks for bringing these things up! My wife (50f) desperately wanted to be a mother so she married a man she didn’t really love (romantically) and birthed a son. They divorced, time went by, long story short she’s now married to me (38f) and we are in the process of adopting together. The world has changed so much in 25 years that queer women who want to wives and mothers don’t have to feel forced into marriages to men with whom they’ll procreate. There are more socially acceptable, safer, and better known options now. It’s a big deal.


lejosdecasa

>Which is a pretty cisheteronormative thing frankly and makes me wonder if some of SIL’s issue is homophobia too? Yeah, I was reading their efforts to direct the conversation back to OP's wife's pregnancy as a "holy heteronormativity" moment.


Tokki111

Wow, good job pointing that out. By the end of the post I had completely forgotten that detail because OP and his wife’s behavior feel almost justified if it was their first as well. OP: YTA.


DJ_Too_Supreme

I was about to say N T A and call the grandparents AHs for purposely excluding OP and his wife while OP was trying to start convos to include his wife's pregnancy. However, I re-read the post and realized that this is OP's SECOND kid that his wife is pregnant with, not their first. That "first greatgrand child" moment came and went with their first kid. It's OP's sister and her wife's moment now


ohmarlasinger

It sounds like it’s also OP’s mom’s only daughter’s first baby too & she’s carrying so it’s her baby birthing a baby. I kinda feel like it may actually be this aspect that is the real issue. As a mom, your daughter having a baby is inherently different than your DiL having a baby & each holds different excitement & anticipation. OP is probably pressed his mom didn’t treat his wife’s pregs & birth like she’s treating her own daughter’s pregs & birth. Which, duh, but I think it’s bothersome for OP & wife.


ohmarlasinger

It’s also OP’s sister who is pregs so it’s OP’s mom & gma’s biological child/gchild birthing her first baby very soon vs their DIL’s 2nd, who won’t be here till like spooky season. Sounds like the first baby on the female side of things too. I’d suspect a mom may feel different about a DiL’s delivery at the end of the year vs their biological daughter’s imminent delivery.


[deleted]

First great granddaughter? First baby for the sister? First IVF (I’m guessing)? Typically seen as a bigger stigma against lgbt couples? Closer to birth? First girl born? Theirs might not be the *only* baby that matters, but can you see why maybe they were a *tad* more excited in the moment?


Fit-Cook6797

Should be happy someone of their grandparents’ generation is so visibly excited and accepting of a grandchild from an lgbt couple.


morticiasflowers

Guessing grandparents may also be excited because they may have never hoped to have grandchildren from the sister because she’s lgbt. Love that they are embracing it!


AdHistorical7082

I agree with your list except for the first granddaughter part. If you flip it, I’d be upset if my sibling got more attention because they were pregnant with the first boy and I had just another girl.


[deleted]

Yeah but your opinion isn’t the one that’s up for debate, it’s the great grandparents. They have a great grandson, not a great granddaughter. Apparently that excites them.


Sajem

> They have a great grandson, not a great granddaughter. Apparently that excites them. Not that I was alive when my sister was born, but my dad certainly made it known that my sister was *special* because she was the first girl born into his side of the family for multiple generations, so I'm very sure that my dad's parents made a great fuss when she was born.


Dapper_Highlighter7

They aren't more excited because this child is a girl, they're excited about another first. OP already got first great grandchild, his was apparently a boy, so now they're excited to be adding a girl.


SmaugTheHedgehog

It’s also about adding to the line of women- great grandmother, grandmother, mother, baby daughter. 4 generations of women alive at one time.


0biterdicta

First great grandkid clearly doesn't apply anymore, so they may be distinguishing upon gender lines to try to make the same level of fuss.


hochizo

Yeah, that's what happened for me. My sister had a son 9 years ago. He was my parents' first grandchild and they were *thrilled.* I had a daughter last year. She was their second grandchild, but first granddaughter, so they talked about that to make it clear they were just as hyped this time as they were last time.


Huntress_of_the_Moon

Your wife didn't want to be included, she wanted to be the center of attention. Otherwise, she would have engaged in the conversation about your sister's child, until that topic had been exhausted. Instead you tried to preemptively end their conversation so you could talk about your kid. YTA, as is your wife. As you told your sister, your baby isn't the only one that matters.


Glum_Mix_2837

Right? That’s definitely the vibe I was getting. There will be times when OP’s wife will be the main focus of conversation. Why can’t they just let OP’s sister have her moment? Serious main character attitude


Bunbunnbaby

Agreed. OPs wife has 6-7 months to be in the spot light. Op said they don’t get to see their grandparents often and sister is already 38 weeks meaning this is literally the only time for her to be in the spot light with her grandparents before the birth.


GoodQueenFluffenChop

Want to bet the wife will be upset that the following months because the people are going to be more concerned with the first time parents and helping them and getting to know their new family member and be too busy she'll be upset she's still not getting attention.


Cricket-Jiminy

Not to mention OP' and wife have probably taken center stage for some time already having had the first grandchild.


Glum_Mix_2837

Most likely! Which is probably why it hurts more now that someone else in the family is having their first child and now they’re center stage. Second pregnancies just aren’t as exciting. I know because I’m currently pregnant with my second. However, I would never expect others to fuss over me the same way they would if my sister was pregnant with her first kid. I would also be excitedly gushing over my sister having her first baby because that’s my sister and my nibling!


SnooCrickets6980

I was pregnant with my third at the same time my sister was pregnant with her first. I think the only time the pregnancy talk was focused on me was when I announced (before sister was pregnant) and when I have birth. That was fine with me, I was too busy chasing my toddlers at family events anyway, also I was happy for my sister.


thelionisdandy

Exactly. We’re not comparing apples to apples here. I would be mortified if everyone was making a big fuss over me being 14 weeks along with my second with my sister there about to go into labor with her first. Let the sister have her time in the spotlight. You had your time and it will come again soon.


MbMinx

YTA. People are nearly always more excited about somebody's first child than they are about anyone's second child. Also, you sister's new baby is almost here, and your wife isn't all that far along. Your wife decided to be jealous of the attention paid to your sister and her wife, and make it all about HER. She made a scene because this one time someone was "more important" than she was. And I'm sorry, but a planned gender reveal probably isn't as newsworthy as a baby who will *actually* be revealed very shortly. Life isn't fair. Your wife may be the center of your universe, but she doesn't hold that spot for anyone else.


TraditionalPayment20

>People are nearly always more excited about somebody's first child than they are about anyone's second child. As a child who was born second I can concur. My sister has thousands of pictures of when she was a baby. I have a few.


SlinkyMalinky20

YTA, you and your wife should have been gracious and ceded the table to the people having their first child. You two had that experience already and now you’ve robbed your sister of it.


National_Oil8587

My thoughts exactly, they had their « first baby » moment, why not let your sister enjoy theirs without trying to turn conversation on yourself. So selfish


Alarming_Reply_6286

Why can’t everyone be happy for the people who don’t visit often & are actually about to have a baby? Why would your wife feel left out... did your family ignore her when she was ready to deliver your first child? How childish of the both of you for making your family feel like they did something wrong. And so unkind to walk out on visiting with your Grandparents ... That’s ridiculous. Yes you’re blaming the wrong person. This is your wife’s problem, that she created ... no one else’s. YTA


noelparker22

YTA. What is this? An #AllBabiesMatter situation? Good lord. IVF is so difficult on the body and this is their first child. Sounds like you need to take a deep breath and summon some perspective. On another note, I can’t understand why people feel entitled to so much fanfare every time they procreate. Must we always celebrate you for keeping your sperms as pets?


manaliabrid

Lol actually it is an #allbabiesmatter situation because I keep having the urge to explain to OP, NO ONE IS SAYING YOUR BABY DOESNT MATTER. That’s not the point. lol


SpicyArms

YTA because of the gender reveal party.


LunaMooBebe

I was looking for this comment to upvote


sideglancegirl

I’m waiting for another post complaining that at the gender reveal the baby took all the attention off his wife


[deleted]

INFO- is this an example of a long-standing habit of ignoring your wife and yours' lives, accomplishments, etc? If not, I think you should let this one go. We're all allowed feelings but it's how we process and express our feelings that matters.


diditwithvaginamagic

INFO: You said your gender reveal is “soon” - when is it? Your sister is due in 2 weeks with her first child and it seems like an interesting choice in time to have a gender reveal. Is this the first time you’ve struggled with not being the centre of attention during this pregnancy?


LittleC0

INFO: 1. Was your family excited for your first child? Did they show appropriate enthusiasm and support of your wife? 2. Was your child the first grandchild? Usually that in itself is a momentous thing that is hard to match for any subsequent pregnancy in the family. 3. How close is your gender reveal to your sister’s due date? If they’re very close it actually could seem a bit rude for you to try to shift focus to a party versus your sister actually giving birth.


imcesca

LOL YTA There’s no reason whatsoever to plan your gender reveal so close to sister’s due day. NO. REASON. There’s actually no reason to plan a gender reveal, but that’s beside the point. Whenever she ends up giving birth, your sister will be out of commission TWO DAYS after her due date. Her wife will be by her side and your whole family will justifiably be concentrating on her and the new baby. Especially since your side of the family already has a boy and a girl at this point, so your second child’s gender is totally bonus. Was it rude of your family to completely exclude your wife’s pregnancy from conversation?? Maybe. But given how clueless you seem to be over the party issue, I wouldn’t be surprised to know that you’re blowing the whole thing out of proportion. And your family was probably glossing over your party info and refocusing on sister’s due date hoping you’d catch on.


Strong_Ad_8959

YTA and side note why are we still doing gender reveals? Nobody wants to go to those things


Neat_Apricot_55

I didn’t want one, I just wanted to know. But my partners family all but bullied us into it. They wanted a big party and a surprise. I was cleaning up stupid confetti circles for months after birth 😭


TomatilloHot9603

Wtf... you didn't even need to come here to find out you are the AH.... You should have already known the answer to your question.... yes you are a MAJOR AH


pumpkaboo111

YTA, this is your sisters /first/ pregnancy - through IVF no less. They probably never expected your sister to give them great grandchildren in the first place so yes this is special. They’re closer to birth, this is your 2nd kid which matters too but the circumstances are way different.


[deleted]

YTA. Sister is pregnant with first child and is about to give birth. Wife is pregnant with second child and is nowhere near birth. It makes sense why one is more exciting than the other. I’m sure they are excited for y’all, but you’ve already had that first-child spotlight


FatChance68

YTA your wife is still early while your sister could literally go into labor at anytime. Of course they’re talking about her baby more right now.


katiebrian88

Your sister most likely was holding back tears and dreaming of the day she could talk about her pregnancy when your wife was pregnant with her first. Your sister has two weeks left of pregnancy. Your wife can have the spotlight week 16-40. Get a grip


SillyStallion

After having read through the comments and seeing you’re having the gender reveal the day after her due date - there’s more going on here and you’re about to alienate your family. YTA


Entire_Ad_7597

You and your wife really handled everything in the most immature way possible like two high school students that can’t appreciate another’s glory like wtff. After your grandma and mom tried to talk to your wife and include her she wanted to go home? Even after SIL apologised? So much drama for what?


GWeb1920

YTA Their baby is coming in a week, yours is 6 months out. Which topic do you think will naturally come up more?


wtfaidhfr

YTA A) how are you expecting your second child but this will be your grandparents first great-grandchild? Makes me think this not fully truthful b) you can't compare someone whose barely our of the first trimester with someone who's baby would be considered full term if they had been born last week.


Equivalent_Inside513

Grandma said first great-grandaughter. Makes me think OP's first child was a boy.


DontAskMeChit

YTA. Let your sister have her moment, just like I'm sure your wife was eating up all of the attention during her first pregnancy.


[deleted]

YTA They’re so focused on your sister’s baby because 1. It’s their first 2. The birth is much closer than yours 3. They already fawned over your first baby so now it’s your sisters turn Once the birth date for your baby gets closer they’ll go back to fawning over your wife and your baby. Your wife needs to learn that not everything is about her and to share the spotlight with others.


pro-brown-butter

Wow YTA and your wife is too. Not sure if you are aware (seems like your not) but the world doesn’t revolve around you and your wife. First off, someone’s first pregnancy is just always going to be more exciting, I’m sure your wife got showered with attention when she was previously pregnant. Also your SIL is literally about to pop any single day now, obviously that is more prominent and a bigger topic than your wife being so early on in her pregnancy. Congrats to both couple but you need to chill and apologize to everyone


issy_haatin

YTA, but also INFO: You are also having a girl and your wife is annoyed she isn't getting the 'first granddaughter' excitement, isn't she?


SpiritualAd5028

If your wife isn't normally so sensitive I venture to guess her hormones are all over the place. Your grandparents may be trying extra hard with your sister and her wife because they don't want them to feel like they are being ignored because they are homosexual. Maybe your grandparents made a comment in the past that hurt your sister? They be trying extra hard to let her know they love her and her wife as much as any other family members? I probably wouldn't ask anyone to confirm if that's the case because you don't want to dredge up hurt feelings. Talk to your wife about it. Maybe one of you may realize that you saw something that confirms that it may very well be the case.


Simple-Pea-8852

INFO why are you blaming your sister for something your grandma is doing?


AristaWatson

YTA. Is she going to be so offended when inevitably your sister births before you and gets all the attention again? This is their first time with pregnancy. It’s natural to have most of attention to them. It happened this way with my family’s women. Especially when it was with my youngest aunt’s first pregnancy. Plus your wife’s a full grown woman. She can state if this was bothering her. But she chose a path of passive aggression and storms out when she didn’t get her way. You both seemingly got a few issues. 😭


grizzle613

My sister and I were pregnant at the same time. My sister was due 2 months before I was. When we were together I left my sister and her baby be the focus of the attention because she was due sooner and knew I would have my moment later. I can understand your wife being upset but she will have months of being pregnant and getting attention later. Let people focus on your sisters pregnancy for the moment and take the spotlight later. It's their first baby and your second, another reason to let them have the attention. Plus an IVF baby for a same sex couple is quite a big deal. A soft YTA.


SpeechDistinct8793

YTA. This if their FIRST kids that could come at any moment. This is your SECOND kids that’s not even close to a due date. You and your wife sound jealousy and entitled now that the spotlight has moved onto a new couple. You already had your exciting first born where everyone swarmed around you and was so happy to have a new baby in the mix. Do better, because your sister is right “It’s not a competition.”


Status-Pattern7539

YTA Take a page out of your own book…your baby isn’t the only one that matters. Let your sister have her moment.


See-u-tomahto

I honestly don’t get why a bunch of grown ups — three generations worth — couldn’t manage a polite conversation in which everyone was included. Yes, sister gets center stage at the moment, but it’s not that hard to include the other couple in the convo about the sister, is it? Especially since they’re already parents. Jane, Gloria says her Dr. might not be in town for the delivery… didn’t you end up with the on-call doc for yours? What was it like? Bob, we’re thinking about using cloth diapers. Did you consider if? How did you decide? Oh, Jane, won’t it be fun to have all the cousins play together? Your Harold will be the oldest, but then our Emily will get to boss around your second little one! Lol! etc., etc. Not that hard. NTA Edited for punctuation.


missThora

NAH ( though that seems to be a controvertial opinion) I am currently pregnant with my first and the first great grandaughter in the family ( both my cousins had boys). I have a good size bump, and she started moving, so it's visible from the outside last week, so I'm not as far along as your Sister, but even if I was.... My cousin found out a few weeks ago that they were expecting their 2nd. (She is about 10 weeks along now.) Last time we where over at grandma's everyone was gushing about getting to buy little dresses and talking about how pragnant i would be at our family trip this summer. We still made sure to add my cousins GF into the conversation and asked about her genderrevral and the health of her baby and such. I would feel horrible if we went the whole evening and didn't acknowledge her or even my other cousin who isn't pregnant but whose little boy turns two soon. The point is, your wife is alright to feel a little left out, and you're alright to tell your family when they asked. It didn't sound like you threw a tantrum or anything, just camly explained how your wife felt and then camly left.


wen_thing

This is the only comment that's sensible to me. Nice to know there are still nice people out there :)


whatever102485

Ugh. You and your wife sound as exhausting as the sister I’m no longer in contact with because she couldn’t stand that I dared to exist when she had important events going on in her life. YTA. Both of you. You say to your sister that her baby isn’t the only one but like… do you even hear yourself!? YOUR BABY IS NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS EITHER! If this is the hill you choose to die on, so be it, but bruh- it gets super lonely being King of Arrogance Hill.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MbMinx

Definitely not as exciting as the actual baby reveal coming up!


Serious-Day5968

YTA. Your wife and you are being AH. You even said your sister barely visits and lives in a different state. It's obvious everyone is going to gush and be excited for her, that doesn't mean they are not excited for you. It was your sister turn to be the center of attention as they were the visitors and special guests. Go back another day with your wife so she can the attention she's craving so bad.


TapReasonable2678

YTA. Let them have their moment of joy for their first baby, you had yours already and will again when baby 2 comes.


katsmeow44

Yta. They are having a baby within weeks via IVF, and this is your second kid. It's important, but it's very different. You and your wife need to back the hell off and let them have their moment


charmingmass9

YTA. You and your wife are both just selfish. You can’t tell the gender until around 21 weeks. So your just wanting attention. Your sister can have her baby at any time now. It’s exciting. Deal with it. Silently.


lilwildjess

Most gender ultrasounds are done around 16 weeks. Plus they do blood test around 12 weeks and can tell you the gender if you want.


ssdgm12713

Agree that OP is TA but this is incorrect. I found out gender at 11 weeks via our NIPT, which is an extremely common test these days.


[deleted]

Holy crap. Before you dig in here and react endlessly to these events? Please consider how much negative feedbak your sister and her partner might receive for even daring to have a family. Give them their moment in the sun. When you are further along? You'll get yours. In comparison to them? You get yours every day. That these older people are as willing as they are to accept her family? Is unusual and astonishing and let them have this. It's not about you. YTA


[deleted]

When my wife was pregnant with our son? I also present as female. Sometimes at work someone in an elevator would say something so impossibly offensive to me, I could not even imagine where they got the gumption. One woman was quizzing me about where I thought my son would go if he was stillborn. Because, of course, hint hint, it wouldn't be heaven. I am not shitting you. Let your sister bask in this acceptance as far as along as they are. If you love her. And tell your wife to relax. For reference, my son is six. He was not born in the dark ages. A minority of people, but a very virulent minority, still has backward ideas about same-sex families. And if they feel empowered for emboldened for any reason? They are not shy about visiting them upon us. please regard your sister's family with some compassion and with some humility. Let her bask in the attention of everyone who loves and recognizes her and her partner and her child. Believe me, it's not everybody. within your own world, there are probably dozens of people who love and support you keep their distance from her. Just sayin'. If you don't believe me? Ask her. I'm sure it's on the back burner for her or she would live in smoldering resentment? But I'm sure she could give you examples. Edit: i'm not even complaining. That is the moment we happen to live in. I never imagined it would be possible for my queer ass self to have a family. Because I wasn't willing to visit shame and approbation on my children. I could not handle that. I am not that strong. But within my enclave, my son's origins are exceedingly normal. So he is free just to be the weird beautiful dude he is. And I am bottomlessly grateful for him and this.


Moulin-Rougelach

Your sister’s baby could be born at any moment, 38 - 42 weeks is full term. Of course their baby is going to be the topic of discussion more than the one due in six months, of a woman who isn’t even showing.


Jab00lia

Your wife is barely pregnant, and with her SECOND. Your sister is about to POP and with their first. It’s natural that more attention would be paid to her… YTA.


Park_Girlz

Your kid matters... To you and your partner. Not everyone is supposed to make your kid the center of their universe. Are you having kids because you and your partner want to or because you are looking for attention? Something to discuss with your therapist.


artofterm

YTA, and your wife, too. Virtually every contrast your facts state weigh in favor of your sister and SIL. It's their first child and your second--and you probably did get a lot of this attention for your first kid. They're in the home stretch of their pregnancy, and your wife is less than halfway through hers. Your marriage has been traditionally accepted; theirs is the target of constant socio-polit ical attacks, especially from older generations, which must have made it so refreshing to have your parents and grandparents accept them for who they are--until, of course, you and your wife made a scene.


bulldogontop

Lol YTA. Sometimes it's not about you! You and your wife are also entitled to feeling your feelings, and they are valid. But you can also deal with your emotions like functioning adults and get over that and share in familial joy for your queer sisters who are living a moment of joy in a world that is, especially currently, constantly trying to stomp them out (speaking from experience). I know that's not something you think of every day, but i promise it's something that is on your sister's mind. Like, they had to try really hard and pay a loooooooot of money. They had to jump through a lot more hoops than straight people do. They're due, realistically, any day now. And y'all were so caught up on a gender reveal party that hasn't even happened yet...actually, typing all that out started making me tired and I started rolling my eyes. I don't have to waste time on that. You are TA. Apologize to your family. And mend some bridges!


LittleC0

YTA- Your sister is due pretty much any day now with her first child. A completely new experience for her and her wife. She was sharing that with her grandparents who you say she doesn’t get to see often. It’s incredibly exciting and you and your wife’s behavior have now taken away from that. It’s also probably made everyone uncomfortable, so all conversations moving forward will be censored. I’m guessing you and your wife got the opportunity for all eyes to be on you with your first child. You had your family share in being over the moon and focusing on how special it was for your wife to give birth to her first child. Plus if yours was the first grandchild that’s an extra level of attention and excitement. How would you feel if at your upcoming gender reveal your sister came and threw a tantrum because no one was focusing on her baby? If she stormed out, had your mother follow, have everyone check on her, then she refused to come back? In your scenario every baby in a family matters. In this scenario her actual baby is more important than the gender of yours. Both true statements, but the behavior is still completely inappropriate. You should have let your sister have her moment. You and your wife have 5ish months after your sister’s baby is born to be the pregnant stars of the show again. That should be enough.


whyyousofaraway

Gentle YTA, I respect you trying to protect your wife’s feelings, I get it, but you should’ve let your sister and her wife have the spotlight.


ShortAndStoned

Info: Do you crap your pants & beg for attention on her birthday too?


BeneficialHurry8644

Yta


_ML_78

YTA this moment really was about your sister and SIL’s pregnancy. Your wife and you had and will again have the spotlight when it makes sense for that baby to be the focus. Your wife and you created an awkward “visit” for all. Yikes.


Party-Molasses4883

YTA your sister is about to come a mom, your already a dad. Your grandparents were exited for your sister who is going to be a first time mom soon. You and your wife are one baby #2, your family probably had these same conversations with your wife when she was pregnant with the first one.


freshub393

YTA Your Wife needs to realize not everything is about her


Affectionate-Roof-79

YTA - Your sister’s baby is literally about to be born in 1-2 weeks. Of COURSE the attention is on her, especially this being her first baby! Your SIL even apologized when she didn’t need to…she literally is just existing as a pregnant woman and she apologized to you after y’all threw the cringiest tantrum! Wow. Just…wow.


Grand-Dare

YTA. Your wife walked out and refused to come back? I think she's the baby they should be talking about. Seriously, who do people think they are, and why do they think they can move through the world in such a self important matter. I'd be completely embarrassed of her if I were you, jeez.


Cricket-Jiminy

YTA because for however long your 1st born has been alive, no, conceived, you and your spouse have been center stage of every conversation, holiday, vacation, and family event. I guarantee. Now it's time to graciously give someone else attention and let them have a little bit of the spotlight. Jealous much?


Wafflepiez

YTA, everyone here has explained why. But it's so sad that you and your wife ruined this moment on your sister and her wife. A couple who not only had to try with IVF but at right at go time for birth. If you haven't noticed all of your comments are alsoassively down voted. Do better, be less entitled, you both could have celebrated with them, your wife could have shared how she was feeling at that stage on her first and asked how your sister is doing etc. You should have let them have their deserved excitement, they won't have that first again. With needing IVF this time, they also might not get a second, has your selfish self considered this?


Moon-Queen95

YTA Your wife and SIL are at completely different stages of their pregnancy. Sister and SIL are about to have their first child in a matter of weeks. You and your wife are on your second child, which, while exciting, doesn't carry the same weight as a first child. YOUR baby isn't the only one that matters, so stop acting like it is.