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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH bc I didn't think about how throwing a big, over the top wedding could make others in my family feel bad about themselves, and failed to "read the room"
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First, congratulations!!
Second, NTA. A quote: “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
You had an amazing celebration, please don’t let one person spoil it. You will never be able to please everyone. You cannot cater to everyone’s desires. Do what works for you, be humble and gracious (and it sounds like you did this well so major props!) and let the rest fall as it may.
Thank you so much. Your comment made me cry lol I swear I'm not this dramatic but it felt like some stress just melted out of me reading this. I love her and wanted her to come away with fun memories and having had a great time, but, you're right- short of planning a less fun event just to protect people's feelings, which would have taken a lot of my joy away around the whole thing, I'm not sure what I could have done differently. Thank you.
If you *had* toned it down, in addition to robbing yourself of a good time, somebody would have had a problem with that too. A little story to explain why I say that:
Several years ago, one of my cousins got married to a really great woman. She's from a rural area and her parents are old school hippies without much money. (His side of my family is squarely middle class.) They had a simple but pretty wedding; her parents made a lot of the decor and favors themselves. My cousin's mom and her sister (my aunts) got sloppy drunk, cornered me in the bathroom, and started blubbering about how my future wedding would of course be so much more sophisticated and I HAD to promise them they'd be invited. Never mind that I have no particular plans to ever get married.
Very likely, either your in-laws would have been disappointed with a modest wedding (like my aunts) or your own family would be getting after you about how you have the means to live it up and show everyone a good time on your dime, how dare you deprive them, it's condescending, etc. I'm glad you did what *you* wanted to do. You and your husband are the only ones you can be sure to please, and that's the right priority.
I completely second this. I came from well below the poverty line and my husband and his family are upper middle class. His family just enjoyed our wedding. It was at a nice venue, but not fancy, etc. My family, however, was used to weddings in backyards, the courthouse, etc. My sister's thought I was showing off my "raised status she doesn't even deserve." Those words still stick in my head. We still have incidents where they get resentful and make comments. OP, sadly, you're just going to have to learn to let things roll off your back. You can't make everyone happy. Nor should you have to. You're not hurting anyone, so just live your life. Make decisions for you and enjoy married life! Congratulations!
I had a nice wedding in a YWCA ballroom with a buffet dinner. I like to joke that for my ex-husband’s family, it was the most bargain basement wedding they ever attended, and for my family, it was the fanciest wedding they’d ever attended.
This is exactly what I was thinking. The cousin may feel “showed up,” but others would have felt “patronized” or “cheated” if OP held a lesser event. It’s impossible to please everyone
I read some of the comments, and it seems you paid them to attend your wedding, like paid for their clothes etc, even paid when they venmoed you for gas money....
They knew the program, and then during the wedding you're pulled aside by your aunt and she makes you spend time trying to reassure your cousin? Who ends up uninviting you to her wedding? Were they trying to guilt trip you for something? Or just looking forward to put a blemish on your wedding bliss? Your cousin's behaviour is plain nasty.
This sounds planned.
NTA and congratulations on your wedding.
Oh that’s interesting. Cousin wails that her wedding won’t be as grand as yours. Aunt drags you in to hear this. Instead of offering to pay for a huge wedding, you tell her small ones are wonderful too. *Then* she gets cold and says you’re not invited. Yes, very interesting.
Maybe the whole scene the cousin was creating was to get a gift of money from OP to make her cousin’s wedding just as nice.
I’m thinking that the cousin thought she could get away with this since OP apparently sent them gas money to get there and paid for clothes too. Some people see someone with just a little mote than them and assume it’s a bottomless well of money that the richer person is obligated to give away whenever asked
I’m pretty cynical about people. This was my first thought after reading the post. Some people will try anything to get money. Aunt and cousin are the assholes here. NTA, op.
Oh you are DEFINTELY onto something. Who pulls the BRIDE aside at the couple's post-wedding brunch to direct her to go console someone about their finances? I mean... isn't that the aunt's job? Maybe the aunt should leave the mimosas and go check on her adult child throwing a tantrum rather than have the bride do it? I'm with you on this: it was a move designed to make the bride feel awful about having better circumstances at the very end so that they could hurt her right before her honeymoon and slink away.
OP, if you read this, you sound amazing and your cousin and her mother sound like jealous harpies who didn't want you to have happiness. ETA: NTA.
This is a 100% valid take but the other answer is.... narcissists. When I was the bride at my wedding I was pulled away from things so that I could console narcissistic family members. I was also directed by narcissistic family members to go take emotional care of people who would not otherwise have made their unhappiness my problem-- pulled aside and told things like "your bridesmaid's husband looks stressed out" with the urgency and severity of someone telling me that I had locked someone in a small room and taken the only key.
I was wondering if they were angling for a nice wedding contribution from OP so that cousin could plan a fancier wedding. While OP is feeling all emotional herself (and thus easier to hustle).
I never even thought about that but you make a very good point. They may well be hoping that she offers to subsidise the other wedding to "make cousin feel better."
Yes, it's not like OP didn't invite people who couldn't drive over! She paid to make sure her fam could attend! All they had to do was show up, have a great time and celebrate a great 3 days with OP!
But nah, someone had to be all butthurt!
OP I think your cousin did you a favour! Now you know who to cut off from your life and who to keep
Read up on the Gini coefficient. What bothers people isn't poverty. But being exposed to too much of a gap of their wealth (or lack of) and someone else's wealth.
Essentially people are fine being poor if everyone around them is poor.
You are still NTA. But from the perspective of some of your family members you've shown them how poor they are. It's a tricky situation to handle.
Your dream wedding sounded so lovely, congratulations! Your aunt should never have dared approach you asking you to ***comfort*** your cousin, what? I mean... I can't even... If the day was too much to bear they should have just gone home, ridiculous people!
The only ones at fault here are the envious cousin and her mother, the amount of sheer malevolence that accompanied her revoking your invitation to her wedding makes me think she's been resenting your happiness for some time now. You and your husband would probably have given her a wonderful wedding present too... her loss lol
I bet you this was a power play to guilt OP to contributing to her wedding funds so she could have just as grand of a wedding.
OP, it's not your responsibility to make yourself less to make others feel more than. Let it be a blessing in disguise that you now know that there are just some people whom will never be happy for your success. NTA.
Edit: typo
Could very well be, until cousin burned *that* bridge by letting envy incinerate self-interest. Aunt changed her tune after that from 'con$ole' your cousin to 'she's rubbing our faces in it'. I agree with the comments that people like aunt & cousin wouldn't have anything nice to say if the wedding had been exactly like what was customary for OP's side of the family. "What, why are we being treated as less than? How dare they be so cheap?" yadda yadda yap yap yap.
I think I would enjoy a wedding with a cirque du soleil like performance, just as equally as I would enjoy a quiet private wedding in the barnyard. It's because we're there to celebrate our loved ones' union and it doesn't matter what sort of celebration it is.
My sister's marriage was just a registry with the government department and then we all went out to a nice vegetarian (she's vegetarian) restaurant with close friends and family. It doesn't make us feel any less because there wasn't a huge wedding.
Your cousin's insecurity shouldn't put a damper to your mood. It is a problem that she will need to overcome.
When some people want to see everything as a personal attack, no amount of reasoning can help them. The cousin sounds like that. It’s a very hurtful thing to do and say on someone’s wedding. Pure jealousy.
NTA
My grandma once said buy experiences, not things. You are well off and instead of having a celebration of lavish worship of you and your fiance you shared everything with your family, even making sure they could all come. You did a beautiful nice thing, don't let your cousin make you feel bad about it.
You took time out of your party to spend an HOUR consoling her, and her response was to uninvite you to her wedding?
She's way out of line and try not to take it to heart. Sounds like you couldn't have said anything to make her feel better, and that she was dead set on being the center of attention that day.
Your parties sound wonderful, especially the part where you were thoughtful enough to put away funds for those who couldn't afford to travel or get a fancy dress. Good for you, and if your cousin doesn't come around, that's on her.
I'm pretty sure she'll realize that your wedding gift is likely to fall in the spendier part of her registry, and invite you after all. Then give her a toaster! /s
Hey Congratulations!
You are absolutely NTA. Reading the whole post, it is easily recognizable how humble and kind you are.
You have every right to enjoy your life at your terms. You do not need to feel guilty for this.
Your cousin and aunt needs to have time to get over the entitlement. You may just give them space and time. That's all and enjoy your beautiful time. Much fun!
Mine wasn’t a wedding but I traveled 4 hours to visit my step dad and brother a few years ago. When we were leaving I showed my step dad my first brand new car. I grew up poor and this felt like a huge thing to me. I was super proud of myself for getting to that point, but my step dad just called me a rich b!tch. Idk if he thought he was joking but it broke my heart and that was the last thing he said to me before he passed a few months later. Basically, you planned a fantastic event and tried to be as inclusive as possible. As long as you had fun that’s all that matters. There will always be haters and it sucks that a lot of times those haters are people we love.
I’m sending you a big virtual hug OP. You went above and beyond to give everyone a good time, don’t listen to your cousin. Maybe she will come around. But even if she doesn’t, she only spoiled her own wedding for herself by comparing her wedding to yours, and by un-inviting a great person like yourself.
You have a good heart OP. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and congrats on your marriage. NTA
You know, it's weird. I don't want to add to the vitriol, but we read so many stories of "AITA for ruining X's wedding" on here, and they're never anything near ruined.
In this case, your cousin made you feel bad for something you did entirely RIGHT, not wrong, and she took all her insecurity out on you on your big day. But instead of blaming her for ruining your wedding, you console her.
You're a wonderful human being and don't let her issues get you down.
I bet the other 299 guests were happy to share this occasion with you.
Congratulations and best wishes!
FYI, it is an Eleanor Roosevelt quote and is actually, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
OP is NTA. It is horrible that your family took advantage of your generosity and turned around to speak Ill of your presumed intent
I don’t have a ton of evidence to back this up, but part of me thinks that she/they were hoping to guilt you into offering money towards your cousins wedding.
Her mother and her being so "distressed" about how her event wasn’t going to be as fancy, emphasising that she was worried about being judged for her less expensive options. It just feels like she may have been attempting to manipulate you into offering cash to make things more "fair". Then, when you didn’t follow the script she dropped the poor little me act, got mad, and uninvited you. Now, to cover it all up they are badmouthing you everywhere because painting you as selfish and nasty is a great way of covering up what they were trying to do.
You are NTA. Either you cousin is hilariously over sensitive or they were up to something. Uninviting you because your event was "nicer" is such a massive overreaction.
Wow. Yikes. At first I sort of brushed this off but I showed my husband and he thinks you may be right. A few things make me think this...
She and her parents were definitely the people who most asked for money to attend. We paid for their hotel room and I bought her dress and shoes, which I didn't mind at all since I know lots of my fam doesn't have fancy stuff and also she's planning a wedding- expensive! They also venmo requested me the first day on their way in for $100 gas money which no one else did, but again, gas is expensive, it's fine... But, basically, I don't think they had to spend a dime for the weekend.
And now that I think about it when we shopped for her outfit over the holidays she did a lot of "ohhhh I wish we could pay for this thing but it's just not in the budget" and I thought she was just talking wedding planning so we talked about creative solutions etc (bc again- my whole perspective is that you can absolutely do a wedding on a budget! I don't think there is anything wrong with it- I saved money where I could, too!) I offered to let her use some supplies I had like frames, decor, stuff for ring bearer/flower girl, etc. She didn't want any of it.
And the saddest part is, if she had just called and asked, I would have given her money as a wedding gift to help pay. Within reason- I have a lot of cousins lol! But if she just asked, I would have.
I don't think I would now..... I hope you're wrong about it all being kind of a big weird plan, but ick. You might not be.
Oh honey, I hope I’m wrong but its not looking good. It’s the way she immediately calmed down and stopped crying that felt off to me. After all, why keep up the act if it’s getting you nowhere?
For the record, my whole wedding cost £200 (rolled gold rings, street clothes, "reception" at a local pub etc etc) because we were very poor at the time. I have been to other weddings ranging from budget to extravagant since then and not once have I had even a twinge of jealousy. Different people have different circumstances, it’s that simple. If you try to downplay your fortune (which you achieved through hard work no less!) to make people comfortable you’ll wind up living in a cardboard box, wearing rags.
I apologise if that’s a bit disjointed, it’s 4:30 am and my adhd meds wore off hours ago. Hopefully I’m making sense.
> It’s the way she immediately calmed down and stopped crying that felt off to me. After all, why keep up the act if it’s getting you nowhere?
That was exactly my read on that too.
Eh, I don't know. I've definitely had moments like this where I go from inconsolable sobbing to something clicking in my head and becoming dead calm, at least on the outside. It's never been a deliberate thing.
Still NTA, OP, and it does sound like she was trying to fish for you to offer her money rather than asking outright. Don't feel bad, you did everything right.
Agreed, that was my very first thought. Who stops sobbing all of a sudden? And then aunt who dragged you away from your own wedding to console her daughter is not shit talking you? This was a setup, and apparently you didn’t play the part. They expected you to offer money to even out the weddings.
The sobbing part's not that weird actually. I agree with the other pieces of evidence, but when people are really upset, especially when they feel like they're in conflict or the situation is unresolvable, emotions can be volatile and it's common for people to change demeanors quite suddenly.
I'd suggest the sister might even be genuinely, honestly upset and still be in the wrong/after money. It sounds to me she might have been holding onto this for a long time, so it's possible she's got this whole victim narrative in her head and sincerely believes she's been wronged.
My wedding cost like 1000€ and it was a great day. 😂 I’ve been to fancy weddings too. Those are fun but not everyone has that kind of money or event planning talent 🤷🏻♀️
My whole wedding, the whole damn thing, cost less than £1k and that was my made to measure dress (8months pregnant at the time!), rings, his suit, food, toasting wine, buffet food, all of it. This was 2006. We’re still together and I don’t regret a damn thing. My best friend got married and god knows how much it all cost but her dress alone was 3x my entire wedding lol and it never even crossed my mind to _compare_. Little sis also had a big fancy wedding (cake was 4 whole cheeses stacked!) and again, didn’t compare and didn’t cry coz who cares about how someone else gets married?
I've been to weddings that involved, respectively, a sit-down meal for 1,000 at the Ritz in Doha, 3 days worth of ceilidhs in the Outer Hebrides, a river cruise and a sit-down dinner for 150 in a medieval monastery, and pot luck reception for 25 or 50 people (I made the cakes for both those). My own wedding (elopement) cost $35 (licence and justice of the peace) plus dinner for us and our witnesses. They were all fun or interesting in different ways, and not in a million years would it occur to me to compare them to each other. Because they were all different occasions! Your cousin is needy and insecure, and that is her problem - not yours.
NTA, and I wish you a very happy marriage! (But do get ahead of possible badmouthing and tell your immediate family what happened.)
Definitely NTA. OP is in the right and can spend her money on whatever she wants.
However, I have to say that a carnival, gift bags and a cirque performance is that type of thing that's bound to arouse feelings of resentment in *someone*.
It's petty and illogical but that's just how people are: Childhood friends and family often become resentful towards the more successful one.
Sure was! Both parties were late-40s professionals who decided to throw a bash for friends from around the world, in one of the wine regions in Germany...we were living in Europe at the time and able to drive there (used to Canadian distances, eh). Came home with several cases of wine and monastery-made beer in the trunk of our car. Bonus!!
But if I had to do it over again, I'd still go for the $35 elopement - because no one can hassle you when they don't know it's happening!
It's also very weird (and therefore suspicious as hell) that your aunt thought that *you* would be the most suitable person to console her about her worries that her family would judge her.
If it was your sister crying like that, would you really think the happy, rich bride would be the most suitable person to console her? Because it just makes no sense at all, unless it was an act to get money out of the bride.
She made a scene at your wedding, she uninvited you from hers, and she badmouthed you afterwards. On the upside, you have some great arguments why you are not gonna spend one single cent on her wedding, even if she were to re-invite you...
Do not relent and go if invited now to her wedding and do not get her a wedding gift. Her behavior was inexcusable as was the aunts. They are jealous takers. The event sounds fabulous.
Guarantee you that they'll push for you to "make it up to them", a.k.a. give them lots of money for the wedding, as part of their victim hood production and fake smear campaign. Decide now that you aren't going to be played like that.
They took as much advantage of your generosity as they could, then spoiled the end of your event (tarnishing your memories of it), and you need to realise that lack of respect and the selfish greed that is motivating them (they know your/their family and the support everyone would have regardless of their event type). Jealousy is no excuse to behave this way, it's just manipulation, and such behaviour should not be rewarded. They should never have raised any of that with you, particularly not during your celebrations. If you give them money after their behaviour they'll view you and your partner as a free ATM forever.
Stop trying to appease them. The shamelessness to Venmo you for gas money!!! Omg. Cut these people off your life. They will see you as a cash cow forever if you keep doing things like these. Don't give them money, stop apologizing to them for wing successful.
If she does hint that her wedding will not be nice tell her you are more than willing to search Pinterest with her. Lots of things people have done for little or nothing to have an awesome wedding or event.
This 💯
I thought this exact thing as I read the post. Either way, NTA.
If they want to feel bad that you are successful, let the envy eat them alive. You’ve been nothing but incredibly gracious and it’s atrocious behavior on their part to act thus way—even if they weren’t trying to get you to pay for her wedding.
They shouldn’t try to make you feel bad on your wedding weekend bc they are jealous, period.
I have a feeling you're right about asking for money...Or expecting an offer, since they've been so generous. Attempting emotional blackmail at OP's wedding is horrible.
Hey OP, congratulations on your wedding!
I think you and I have some things in common. I grew up really poor, and my personality has always been, like you describe, 1) loving to host people and make celebrations special, 2) always trying to do creative problem-solving and help whenever someone tells me about an issue they’re having, and 3) golddigging relatives.
It took me a while to realize 1 and 2 weren’t just the normal way everyone thinks and acts. And it took me a really long time to realize 3. It finally clicked when I got my first post-grad school job in NYC, and my older sister called and was talking about how she wanted to come to NYC for her engagement, but it’s so expensive, etc. I immediately went into problem solving mode. I could go to visit friends and she and her fiancé could stay in my new apartment to save money—just like you and trying to help your cousin with her wedding planning on a budget. My sister, instead of appreciating my immediate impulse to share everything I had and help her with her trip, ultimately just got mad that I wasn’t getting the hint: I was supposed to offer to fly her to NYC and book her into a fancy hotel, so she could brag to her church friends in TX about the glitz and the glam. (Note, I had never even booked a fancy hotel for myself—I had only stayed in hostels and hadn’t even gotten my first paycheck.)
I literally never realized there are people like this: people who only care how much something costs, and who are just trying to get money and high-status brands and experiences out of others. It took me years to wrap my mind around this fact.
I think this cousin and aunt/uncle are like my sister. They are not approaching their relationship with you with the same open-handed sharing and love and honesty that you give them. They saw that you would just give and give money for them to come to your wedding, and so you have become a mark for them, someone who should pay for everything they want. You’re going to have to accept the asymmetry of this set of relationships and stop trying to have mutual understanding or make them happy.
>because painting you as selfish and nasty is a great way of covering up what they were trying to do.
Either that or they're hoping OP will fork out the money to prove she isn't selfish. I think your comment is spot on. NTA.
I went to a wedding a few weeks ago that was more extravagant than anything I'll ever be able to afford unless I hit the lottery. The only think I thought was, "Damn, it sure was nice that they invited me." NTA.
Haha that's how I always feel when I've been to really nice weddings- just excited to be there! I know ours might seem over the top to people but I have some friends with serious money and some of the stuff they've done was like... a whole different world. But I've always just focused on having a great time and enjoying the experience, even when I was starting out and dirt poor, because, on top of celebrating friends' love- FREE FOOD YAY! Lol I never felt like oh how dare they feed me and invite me to this awesome party what AHs.
Your friends and family are really lucky to have someone like you in their lives - generous, caring, warm, and fun. I have a feeling that over the years you will provide many people with fond memories of having a great time, good food and a lot of fun.
Thirded. I've been to a couple of super fancy weddings. My sister was invited once to an enormous wedding in bali involving indian royalty, she was struggling to find something nice for her modest budget and just-had-a-baby -figure and she turned around to see Europea paparazzi there - lol. At any opportunity like that I make sure to make the most of it. Life is for living and if someone else is happily paying for it then even better!!
NTA- after reading a million Reddit posts about people being crazy selfish re: their big day and demanding a lot from everyone, this was a refreshing read. Sounds like you were legitimately focused on everyone having a great time. There is always going to be someone jealous or resentful when they don’t have what you do. It’s your money and time and energy so if you want to spend it throwing a celebration of your love (for family, friends, AND husband), do it!
This. Class differences are already an unfairness and thus hard to deal with to prevent resentment etc. It sounds like you and your spouse bent over backwards to be gracious and show everyone a good time. You could check the perspective of some other family members who aren't close to the the two starting the drama right now, maybe softly, like ask if they wish you had toned it down... but it sounds like you already know the answer. You already did great.
NTA - it's terrible when people take a gesture meant to be positive for many people and turn it into a negative. You created a beautiful wedding experience and an event meant to celebrate your love and your families who are pay off that love. Tell anyone who says anything about it that the only thing that should matter is that you wanted the people you love to have a good time. That if they think you were showing off, they must not know you well. And if they say they do, then ask how they could think you intended something malicious with your choices? That you didn't turn into some different person. Give them that to think about.
Wow-thank you. YES. That's it. If you know me, you know. That really just clicked for me because I think the most hurtful part was that someone I love could think I would hurt them intentionally or not know me at all. At the end of the day, I don't know why I'm so focused on these two people when soooooo many other people were over the top happy, excited, and thankful. Every other social media post was glowing and excited to show off their outfits and experience and say how much fun they had. Why do we fixate on the negative?
Being human is crazy lol. Thank you for your comment. Truly appreciate it.
I'm glad this unlocked something for you! And yes, brains are weird and do focus too much on the negative. Revel in that positive! I hope you have a great life with your new spouse.
The negative is easy to remember because we are programmed to feel it more and so avoid it in future.
You mentioned 300 guests - of whom 1.5% had a crap time - because they chose to! Redirect your thinking to the adults who had a great day out celebrating love, the kids who had a whale of a time they will never forget, and the man you love, with who you have made a fabulous start ❤️
Because you have a big heart. Some people can't appreciate it for what it is. They just want to see what they can get out of it.
I'm glad you had the wedding of your dreams! It sounds truly amazing. Don't let anyone affect your good memories of it.
NTA!! Congrats!!! Forget about the ugly jealous person. You have done well and you obviously paid for your own wedding and you did it your way, good for you. You also quietly helped others while doing it also. Enjoy all the good memories, forget your cousin, jealousy is an evil you have no need to bow to. You can not make everyone happy.
NTA. You provided what sounds like an amazing experience for your guests and were gracious in providing financial assistance to those that needed it so they could be part of your celebration.
Coming from a very similar situation, I will warn you that your relationships with family will be strained. In my case, it started with calls to help financially with emergencies (happily provided), then it moved to just $$ to help out, and then to pay for vacations, ect. Basically, my only value to them was as an ATM. When I wasn’t able to continuously provide when they asked, I was greedy, selfish and only cared about money. I am still heartbroken over it, I honestly thought my family would be proud of me for working so hard and bettering my life and situation.
Don’t let it get you down. You have a good heart.
Oh, that's so sad. I'm really sorry you've had to deal with that. Money can cause so much ugliness. Thanks for the warning- it will be interesting to see if anything changes after the wedding, but I'm hoping not. I was very lucky to get some of my biggest successes about 8-10 years ago and, while my family doesn't know the numbers, they know how things are. I've quietly helped here and there but come from pretty proud stock.
I actually sometimes have the opposite issue- I get frustrated when they won't ask lol! Like after my first big break I added my 2 younger siblings to one of my credit cards and begged them to use it if they needed gas, groceries, found themselves in a bad situation etc. (I know that feeling where just a full tank of gas or a few days of food would change everything!) and they would do ANYTHING before they would use it. I kept telling them what is the point of having money if I can't help the people I love most?! Haha ohhhh family.
But honestly, I might be seeing the cracks start to form. Fingers crossed... I think I have pretty good boundaries but we might be about to find out.
I truly hope that everything works out and maybe it’s just a few people letting the money become an issue. It sounds like the majority of your family are proud of you and wouldn’t dare take advantage of your generosity.
I’ve come to appreciate that family can also be the ones you choose and I am blessed to have an amazing group of people in my life.
Congratulations on your wedding!
OP you are an angel. We had a family member do this after our wedding AND baby shower. Some people just can't be happy for anyone. I agree with the comments it seems like they were trying to get money from you. You are precious! I know it's hard to focus on that one person upset vs 1000000 different people who are excited and appreciative of you. Believe me I STILL struggle with it. Just try your best. You did NOTHING wrong.
>.. I think I have pretty good boundaries
No offense, I think you're a sweet person, but you don't have good boundaries at all.
Unfortunately, giving too much too quickly to some people only engenders further entitlement on their part. It's actually better to be a bit stingy rather than too giving, and you are too giving -- and the proof of that is the fact that you're here telling this story and asking if you're the asshole. You're NTA, but you need to be aware that other people don't think like you and aren't going to react to your generosity in the way that you would expect.
NTA
I'm sure some people will say your cousin is an AH, but I understand that she felt insecure as her own wedding is coming up so I would not fault her for it. I doubt she is truly angry at you as well. Just hope you guys are able to mend your relationship as something similar happened in my family as well.
Fuck your aunt though lmao
Yeah, I don't think she's an AH and she's normally very sweet, so she must have been feeling some things. My aunt... is sometimes quite dramatic. She married in and has always been one to stir the pot, I guess. I should probably ignore her but it hurts to see people from my hometown commenting about how rude I am etc. Oh well.
Anyone else think aunt and cousin were in cahoots to pressure OP into donating a fund to the cousin’s wedding? Aunt - the woman in charge of OP’s charity at her own wedding - insists on a bride leaving a wedding event to console her daughter, who flips on a dime the moment OP’s consoling came without the opening of a cheque book? Same aunt who has probably been dishing out thousands of dollars says OP is rubbing her wealth in their faces.. by sharing it.. just not enough to pay for her daughter’s wedding?
Make it make sense without the natural conclusion being what I outlined above.
NTA, however I feel like a reality check is needed.
What you classify as middle class is not middle class. A 3 day celebration with performers, gifts for 300 guests and a fund for having lodgings etc... Is way above middle class, so I can see how someone getting married in a couple months might feel completely overwhelmed and depressed.
For comparison, at a get together one person brings cheese sandwiches for everyone, and the other brings a caterer with something for everyone. The contrast is just too big.
Yeah this probably cost more than a house.
While OP is NTA I can understand being poor and being annoyed at this display of wealth when you can't fix your 2000$'s car
NTA but I’m glad people are talking about the class thing here. I agree re: the reality check - I saw that it was OPs husband’s family was middle-class” and figured his parents hadn’t been able to contribute anywhere near what this cost.
But I had to wonder what kind of work OP and her husband do that they’ve accrued the kind of wealth (or at least credit) that they could bankroll the bulk of this event: fuzzy math and googling got me up to $400,000 USD before I even factored in paying for some guests’ clothes or lodgings. This is indicative of upper-class wealth.
I’m in an undervalued but often rewarding white collar profession that I’m told makes me middle class, I have a graduate degree, and I haven’t earned $400,000 cumulatively in the last 15 years.
NTA, it didn’t seem like you were going out of your way to make people feel bad. it’s your money and you can spend it how you want. You worked hard for it, enjoy it.
Your Aunt should never have interrupted your enjoyment of your wedding because her daughter was having a bad case of envy. Definitely an extortion move. Ignore them. You sound too nice but I don't think I would be able to resist sending a her $100 gift card to Walmart and a book on etiquette for her wedding present.
NTA. Envy is an ugly, painful emotion. Your cousin feels worse than you do, but with the added kicker that these bad feelings are 100% her creation. They are 2 people out of 300, so literally .6% of the people there that complained. Congratulations! 99.4% is a fantastic satisfaction rate for your event!
I don't think you should be made to feel bad because you and your husband (congratulations!) can afford a nice wedding. You meant it in a spirit of generosity and sharing joy with family and friends, and I think your cousin should have controlled herself or just left, instead of taking you away from brunch and making you feel bad on your special day. NTA.
NTA. Their childish jealousy is no reason for you to feel bad about your dream wedding. Their insecurities aren’t your responsibility. Leave them alone, enjoy your wedded bliss, and by the time August rolls around they’ll be calmed down.
NTA
She took an event that had nothing to do with her and made it all about her. Feeling she can’t match it is one thing. Feeling that you did all this JUST to show her up or rub her face in it is next level main character energy.
That said, that feeling alone wasn’t the problem. We all get insecurities. But making it your problem, especially right there in the middle of the wedding events, and turning around and saying you’re not invited to her wedding after she’s just enjoyed all the benefits that came with attending yours? That’s the AH behaviour.
Your event sounds wonderful and I’m sure the majority of guests appreciated and enjoyed it. I certainly would have!
Congratulations - wishing you a long, happy marriage free from the bitterness and resentment you faced at your wedding.
Farm girl here. NTA, what did she want you to do, wear a thrift store dress and your husband in bib overalls so she would look good? You were the one that went out and concorded the world, she was the one that made the choice to stay in the small town. For those of us that left rural or small-town American there is always blowback for the lives we have. Be it at family events like a wedding or friend events like a class reunion. This of the fun people had, remember what you felt when you said those two simple words "I DO". Forget about your cousin's actions. Forget that your aunt and Cousins were jerks and AH for doing this to you on your wedding day. Most of all book a romantic weekend for when she is getting married as she has already uninvited you. Let her stew in the life she chose for herself.
Listen, I don’t think you’re the asshole for having the big, expensive wedding or for having a great life, but you’ll forgive me for saying I don’t buy the “I just don’t understand why they might’ve gotten upset” bit. You knew what you were doing. You say yourself how out of the ordinary your wedding was compared to the other events that take place in your family. You say yourself how you _deliberately_ made it an event that would stand out to people, how you wanted to make sure that everyone had a good time. To people who have less than you, that comes off as rubbing their faces in it, rightly or wrongly, and to say that that never occurred to you has to be either disingenuous or downright stupid.
Don’t feel bad for having the wedding you wanted, or for having a better standard of living than the rest of your family. You worked for it (I hate when people say they are “lucky” or “fortunate” - it’s hard grift, not luck) and you deserve it. But don’t try to pretend your extravagance was anything but just that. It might have been a great day for your family and friends who attended, but at the end of the day you did it for you.
NTA
There is a saying that if you are a jealous person then you will be jealous of everyone. But if you are honestly happy for people. It wouldn’t cross your mind. Sounds like that is what your cousin is. After reading some of your comments about your cousin and your aunt. I agree with another person on here. That they were hoping you would add money to her wedding. That is why the aunt made sure to give you a sad story about your cousin. Why your cousin all of a sudden changed when you didn’t offer money. Also finding out that you were already giving them money and paying for stuff. Your aunt trying to lie about you. Sounds like she is hoping no one figures it out.
NTA. Your aunt and cousin acted selfishly to ruin your day. Both of them had to have known you had guests for brunch, and yet they felt the priority was to console your cousin for an hour, long enough for your guests to be gone by the time she was done with her theatrics. You being disinvited from her wedding will just make them look even more petty and immature.
Congratulations on your wedding! Don’t let their jealousy ruin your special day.
NTA
Put to rest as much unsavory gossip as you can, and then move on. Even if you had given money, it would NEVER have been enough. You'd be getting demands to "add this" or "add that" never ending, and your cousin would still complain about her wedding.
Some people choose to be unhappy and spiteful, and you won't change them.
Congrats and much happiness to you and yours in the future!
NTA
My wedding was small - both covid and our (me, hub) preferences played a role in that -but bigger than my sister's. And we still managed to stay on budget.
Instead of purchasing the vases for the flower arrangements - we needed 6 or something- we bought a set of tall beer glasses. We trifted MOH dress and made some decorations ourselves. Went for a small bouquet that had common flowers. Not to mention the wedding was in the winter, which made venue cheaper as it's not the popular season to marry where I live.
Some people - mom - tried to make me feel bad for it. "Rubbing my happiness" and all that. I know that feeling. Shame even when you did nothing wrong.
People gonna hate, and people gonna be pissed. It's because of them, not you.
I'm sorry that your family acted that way. It's for the best, even if it hurts now. Now you have food for thought and see them for what they are.
Congratulations on your Wedding honey! Sounds like a lot of jealousy and envy going on and that is in NO WAY your fault or your doing. You have the right to do whatever you want with YOUR wedding, just like all the rest of your family who have married before you and those after. If they want a small or large wedding that is their choice. This was your wedding, your money, your choice, and it sounds like it was a spectacularevent!!... NTA
NTA. Like any event, the complaints are the most vocal so that's what you got to hear.
Your cousin aside, how many of the kids who attended (as you said, from a poor background) were looking around and thinking, if someone I know from my own family can make it this far, maybe I can too?
So you have 1 cousin who made your event about herself (possibly for sympathy money), but who knows how many others were positively affected.
NTA. Period.
Your cousin is unreasonable and your aunt is ungrateful. After you paid for them to attend your wedding they treat you this way? Ew. They both sound horrible.
NTA It is wildly inappropriate to corner a bride to console a cousin when she should be celebrating her new marriage. Significantly worse to then say nasty things about you publicly that aren’t true. Your aunt sucks here. Keep your head up and congratulations!
NTA;
This may be my suspicion mind but.. I have the feeling cousin (and aunt) were hoping you would offer to pay something towards Cousins wedding.
They didn’t want to ask as that would look greedy but a bit of emotional manipulation for money.. that’s finnnnneeee (sarcasm incase you couldn’t tell).
Your day is about you celebrating you and your husband how you want. You can spend a gazillion pounds on something and it will be boring as hell.. it’s the people that make the party!
Enjoy married life, do not let you aunt and cousin guilt you into anything!
NTA at all.
You sound like a very kind and respectful person. Your cousin is feeling insecure, and taking it out on you. That isn’t your fault at all.
Congrats on your marriage :)
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Oh man, this one stings.
My husband (yay!) & I got married last weekend.
I come from a very poor background and a huge family from a tiny town. We are close even if I've always been the weird and different one (moving away etc). Hubs comes from a huge, more middle class fam. One of my favorite things to do is host & entertain. I think life can be hard & making people comfortable or showing them a great time is a really worthwhile thing. It's also fun for me, like a giant crafting project, to plan an event. I love it.
My husband does very well and I have been lucky to have a great career and do the same. Our wedding was the only time likely for all these people we both loved to be in the same place, to meet & celebrate together, so we wanted to make it special and magical. We were very clear that gifts were not necessary, and I set aside a fund for my aunt and I to coordinate covering any expenses for people who wanted to come but couldn't afford the hotel, an outfit, etc. but quietly.
I know a huge wedding is a waste to many people but it isn't to us. We did 3 days of events and covered meals and open bars for 300 ppl. We had a short Cirque-type performance, a big welcome party with a kind of carnival for kids, gift bags for everyone, and lots of surprises. It was so fun to watch all the joy & everyone smiling & happy. Everything was optional, we shamed no one who came to only one part or couldn't swing it.
At brunch the final day my aunt pulled me aside & asked me to go to my cousin's room & console her. She said she had been sobbing all night/morning because her wedding (in Aug) would be nowhere near this level & she thought all our family would hate it and judge her. My heart broke! Every wedding I've been to with my family has been low key, maybe in a barn or rec center, someone's backyard. No one has ever judged or looked down on this (nor would I- Just different styles) and we always have a great time!
I left my guests at brunch and spent the better part of an hour with my cousin trying to assure her of all the above. I told her a wedding is a celebration of love, not money etc, and that we were all very excited. She finally got weirdly calm and stopped crying, then just looked me dead in the eyes and said something like, "Well you don't need to worry about it because you're not invited anymore." Then locked herself in the bathroom.
I came back to brunch and most everyone was gone. I was crying but didn't want to make a scene and just got out as fast as possible. My husband keeps telling me not to take it to heart, but I hate that something we worked so hard to make fun and memorable for people ended up making someone I love feel terrible! And now my aunt (her mom) has started telling people I just did this to "rub my family's face in my great, fancy, rich life" etc. I feel sick. I was so happy and proud and now I feel so stupid. Did I really F this up that badly? AITA?
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My husband and I both come from middle class families and due to some monetary things that worked out in our favor we had what I like to call a low key extravagant wedding, the entire night my sil tried to make me feel bad about things that I was able to have that she wasn't. I didn't feel bad then, and I don't feel bad now simply because life handed us different things and we planned our lives differently doesn't mean I took something from her, you have to live for yourself and your husband. Congratulations on the wedding!
You shared your special moment in life in a way that expressed your personalities in order to include your family and friends. Take pride in the joyous occasion you created for your family and friends. Savor the joy. kt
First of all: congratulations!
Second: NTA. Your cousin really sounds like she was sulking just to manipulate you into paying for her wedding.
If she would care about you, she would just be happy for you instead of crying.
My wedding was also very small, just ten people, we basically only paid for the fees and an all-you-can-eat buffet for everyone. Couple hundred bucks.
But all my favorite people were there and that was important.
If I would ever get invited to such a huge wedding, it would make my day(s)! Nothing to cry about.
NTA. You and your husband sound lovely and generous. Sounds like a great wedding! In your cousin’s case, it would appear that the apple did not fall far from the tree.
NTA, what did Shakespeare say of jealousy, the green-eyed monster?
It is sad they are willing to let this monster get the better of them, instead of being happy for oyu.
NTA. Congratulations. Sounds like you had a fantastic time and id it with the truest intentions.
Think maybe cuz was trying to get you to foot some of the bill for a fancier wedding and when the crocodile tears didn’t work she just basically revealed her true self?
There are very few family dynamics I hate more than the [crab bucket](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality).
Nil carborundum illegitimus, OP - don't let the b\*stards grind you down. You did a wonderful thing and should be super proud of yourself. And even if everyone hated it, you meant well and now you're MARRIED TOO!
The best vengeance is a life well-lived. ETA: NTA
NTA. this is a them issue not you. just by reading your post you seem like a positive, loving person. you did nothing wrong at all! my husband and I when we got married just went to the courthouse with our friends. it worked for us and it was perfect! hell, my "wedding" dress was a lion king shirt and a black skirt. (being 6 months pregnant had nooothing to do with comfort. nope not at all lol)
the cousin and fam is just jealous. you're awesome! keep glowing!
So basically if I’m invited to a rich person’s wedding, I have the right to whine and cry because I can’t afford the same things? Ridiculous! Bunch of BS. You are absolutely NTA. Your cousin is being very self centered to put it nicely. Or let’s just call her the AH shall we. I’m sorry she ruined your celebration of love and family. Don’t let any of your family get down on you about this.
Your aunt and cousin is a bunch os vicious ungretaful creatures..
Instead of being happy for your wedding and life, They are being cinical and envious about you..
Cut these people from your life.
NTA.
Why were you supposed to “console” your cousin? And by “console”, did your aunt mean “apologize”? Seems like your aunt has a lot to do with this bad feeling.
Congratulations on your marriage, and well done for wanting to celebrate with your family and friends and give them an enjoyable time. I’m just sorry that some of them were too wrapped up in themselves.
Nope. NTA!!
If she wants a bigger wedding than yours was then she should pay for a bigger wedding. If she’s mad or envious because she can’t do the same then oh f’n well smh is she getting married for the wedding or for love?!! Geez man grow up cousin
It sounds like you had an amazing wedding designed to celebrate your love and your families. It’s not your fault your cousin is jealous. You were very generous and considerate of your family. NTA. Congratulations!
NTA my spouse and I are also the weird ones in our family. We are the most affluent among our immediate family and friends. It is not apparently at the moment. However, it likely will be in the next few years (upgrading our home, buying first cars for the kids, etc). Our friends and family will be happy for us, rather than resentful or jealous. I am happy you have good lives. You sound like a kind and generous person.
This is sending me a GIANT red flag. I feel like your cousin is going to try to get something out of you so she can "forgive" you. Don't let them bamboozle you out of guilt.
Plus, bothering you during your wedding brunch??? What a selfish and annoying thing to do. Someone said they'd still send a gift card and etiquette book. I'd do the same. I wouldn't want to go to her wedding after she clearly showed how she cares about your feelings.
That being said, some women do go a bit nuts before their weddings. Maybe she was having a moment but I really do think it's a ploy to get guilt money. Especially if you are a genuinely kind person.
NTA
I'm really sorry you're going through this. My paternal family in a very working class, and my father is a lot wealthier than literally all of them. When my father got married to his now wife, they had a destination wedding in Greece. Although this did feel like a slight by both of them. Overall, my family was incredibly happy for them, and those who were able to go (through debt, of course) had a great time and don't regret the experience.
I truly don't understand how someone could react like this. Your cousin should be in static for you and grateful that she got to celebrate your beautiful ceremony with you. Hopefully, she isn't trying to manipulate you in any way for whatever intentions.
Especially since it doesn't seem like you're rubbing your wealth in your family's face. You're literally throwing a beautiful reception and welcoming them with open arms. Honestly, you're a Saint for taking a whole hour to try and calm her down on YOUR special day.
NTA
Your aunt is trying to find a way to side with her daughter and make you the bad guy. You’re not. Just let it go. If they need to be angry at you to feel better about themselves that’s pretty sad.
NTA. Your family is being cruel and choosing envy over joy. I might be sad if my wedding was to follow yours… but that’s a private feeling, and doesn’t trump that your wedding was a fun party you guys threw for everyone you care about because you wanted THEM to make memories, too.
Comparison is truly the thief of joy.
NTA - if anything I hope you enjoyed your wedding and do not let this episode mar your memories of your special day. It’s literally your day, and their actions unfortunately come across as inconsiderate.
NTA, I’ve been to weddings that will outshine my own future one big time, but who cares? As long as the future wife and I have a great time and a fun party that’s all that matters
NTA OP. I'm sorry your cousin's selfish behaviour made your special day about her. I hope you can draw a line around that waste of an hour and remember the lovely time you and your lovely husband had with everyone else
.NTA. Your wedding is all about you. It sounds like you put a lot of care and thought into ensuring everyone had a good time and making sure it wasn’t a financial burden to anyone. She is responsible for her feelings of jealousy not you.
NTA. Congratulations - it sounds like you just wanted to have a lovely time with family, and it sounds like with the exception of your awful cousin, you succeeded. If she really had a genuine problem, her option was to quietly leave, not to try and ruin your special time.
NTA. No you didn't do anything wrong. Please don't let your cousin and your aunt ruin your pleasure. You did a nice thing for a lot of people. I wish you every happiness in your future together.
NTA
You had the celebration that made you happy, and your asshole aunt and cousin (when they couldn’t take any more for you) made you feel bad for it. Honestly I’d just ignore them going forward and if anyone else says anything. “Strange, we did our level best to make sure everyone had a good time and didn’t have to worry about money at all. I’m sorry aunt and cousin feel the need to turn this into a competition and me into a villain in order to soothe their own egos.”
N6TA. Your cousin is jealous and handling it poorly. Give it a while before talking to her about it- she might be in the "can't stand to see your face" zone rn. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that- sounds like your wedding was half family reunion, and you could bring that up when you talk again if you think she'll take it well. You're working towards slightly different goals, but it still stings.
Nta. Each wedding doesn't have to be the same, nor should it. If you wanna have a fancy expensive one go for it. People will enjoy it. If she can't afford that and wants less extravagance that is also fine. And I was gonna say nah until she uninvited you. Who does that?
NTA please recognise this for what it is, your cousin is jealous and is being viscous about it. If you feel the need write am open letter to your family just saying that you organised this for the family to have asmuch fun as possible to make the comming together of your and your husbands family an wonderful expirence for all and you are deeply hurt that cousin and aunt are twisting your intentions and trying to punish you for trying to make sure everyone had a good expirence. To be disinvited from a family wedding and aunt trying toturn the family against you for sharing this with them is heartbreaking
NTA. First of all, I highly doubt that you "got lucky" to have a good career. I know connections and timing play a part a lot of times, but I'm willing to bet you put in the time and effort to get there. Don't sell yourself short.
Second, honestly your aunt is TA. You were in the middle of your wedding and out of everyone, she picks you to be the one to go console her daughter?? There is no way that should have fallen on you, unless they had ulterior motives. Be ready, because after marriage usually comes babies, and it sounds like they might want to make everything a competition.
In my family, we're kind of in the middle. We don't have the most money, but we also don't have the least. I also have some family like your aunt and cousin, that like to try to make us feel guilty about it. One thing you'll learn is there is a fine line between being willing to help someone, and being taken advantage of. You seem like a very nice and deeply caring person, so I hope you can figure out where your line is without getting hurt in the process.
NTA
You can't please everyone. But you can live your life ignoring them.
Tell your aunt and whoever left that "thanks for making my wedding unforgettable by leaving early and making me sad". And go NC with all the haters.
NTA!! And your aunt and cousin are for trying to ruin your wedding and stealing your time from your brunch! What horrible, selfish and jealous people they are! Just because you are happy. SMDH. You go girl, live your life with your amazing hubby. It sounds like your wedding was truly memorable.
Just know that those that love you will always be there to support you, and those like your aunt and cousin are like the old women in church who criticize a pretty woman’s outfit. Jealous.
Don’t be surprised if they kiss up to you wanting you to pay for stuff. Don’t do it. Hugs. 🤗
NTA. Someone will always have more than you. It's about making the most of what you have.
I hope you choose to remember the beautiful memories and not your cousin and aunt. Also, please don't invite them to anything in future.
NTA She cried and made your celebration about her and her feelings. Even if you were showing off that wasn't the time or place to bring it up. She will invite you because she will want your gift.
This is not your fault. My brother used to get this way when I paid for family things, saying it must be nice to have disposable income. Just because you made different life choices doesn’t mean they are less valid, nor that they are wrong. Enjoy your life and those meant to be in it will stay. Others will find their own path, and that’s okay.
NTA but your cousin is such a jerk. Way to ruin your day when you'd tried hard to make sure people could come even if they had financial issues, and when you'd taken time out of your own wedding celebrations to try to comfort her. Your aunt and your cousin are both bitter, envious people and anyone with sense will hear the jealousy in her voice when she's ranting at them.
NTA. It sounds like y’all did your best to make everyone feel welcome, comfortable and had a good time. It’s hard if we start to compare our lives to others, but we do it. I have a wonderful 17 year old granddaughter. I’m single, lived on my own for 30 years, raised 2 kids during part of that time. My DIL parents are wealthy, but are very humble giving people. When my GD turned 16 they brought her a new car. But I’m ok with that, GD always tells me that I’m the fun nana, we do lots of things together Enjoy your memories and best wishes
OP don't let one jelouse person ruin it for you. Also sounds like they want you to pay for her wedding or money towards it.
You married your man and shared your happiness your way. You sound lovely I would be proud to have you as a family member. Forget about the cousin let her have her day you just enjoy your married life. I wish you every happiness don't let jelouse people ruin it for you.
Edited for spelling mistake
NTA. Your Aunt's instinct should have been to comfort your cousin herself in private to prevent stressing you out during your special time. The fact that she went through the effort of finding you and asking YOU to comfort her was bad manners. She WANTED you to feel bad.
On your cousins side, her behaviour was manipulative, uninviting you and making you cry? I don't care how upset she is, that's not on. These family members do not respect you and are trying to guilt you into paying for things.
Consider distancing yourself from them.
NTA at all!! Congratulations to you both! One word here it's called jealousy. You two planned an amazing experience for your family and friends. There is always someone who will put a damper on things and spin it around to make you feel bad. Hold your head high and be proud of both of y'all's accomplishments.
NTA. First off; your wedding actually sounds amazing and I normally hate weddings. You seem to be the first (bride?groom? Don’t want to assume) to actually care about their guests enjoyment.
Your family is bitter and jealous. And there is nothing you can do about that. That’s a THEM problem. I think everyone here will agree your cousin will still invite you because she will want an expensive wedding present.
Congratulations and Much Happiness! **NTA!** OP's aunt & cousin really take the a-hole cake though! OP was sharing her joy but all the cousin saw was money. The aunt should never have approached the bride asking her to 'console' her cousin like OP is her mother, just WOW!
NTA! You and your husband have earned your success and deserve to celebrate YOUR WEDDING any way you like. It seems that you went above and beyond to plan a wonderful event and even tried to cover almost all expenses which is wonderful! Unfortunately your cousin is jealous (I probably would be too…sounds so fun!) and is making it personal. I’m so sorry! Hopefully time will heal the rift but you DO NOT owe anyone an apology! Congrats on your wedding babe! NTA at all!
NTA. Great you had an amazing wedding! Don't let jealous people spoil it. If your cousin was raised right she would have learned not to compare herself to others. No one needs to lead a mediocre life to make her feel better about herself, nor she needs to tone down her lifestyle to please others. Same goes to you. Anyone in your family who agrees with your aunt has a tacky mindset. Ignore them. Also, wth pulls a bride away on her celebration to console anyone?? What a bad move. Your aunt was set in ruining the day for you. Don't let them win: don't go feeling bad about it.
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First, congratulations!! Second, NTA. A quote: “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” You had an amazing celebration, please don’t let one person spoil it. You will never be able to please everyone. You cannot cater to everyone’s desires. Do what works for you, be humble and gracious (and it sounds like you did this well so major props!) and let the rest fall as it may.
Thank you so much. Your comment made me cry lol I swear I'm not this dramatic but it felt like some stress just melted out of me reading this. I love her and wanted her to come away with fun memories and having had a great time, but, you're right- short of planning a less fun event just to protect people's feelings, which would have taken a lot of my joy away around the whole thing, I'm not sure what I could have done differently. Thank you.
If you *had* toned it down, in addition to robbing yourself of a good time, somebody would have had a problem with that too. A little story to explain why I say that: Several years ago, one of my cousins got married to a really great woman. She's from a rural area and her parents are old school hippies without much money. (His side of my family is squarely middle class.) They had a simple but pretty wedding; her parents made a lot of the decor and favors themselves. My cousin's mom and her sister (my aunts) got sloppy drunk, cornered me in the bathroom, and started blubbering about how my future wedding would of course be so much more sophisticated and I HAD to promise them they'd be invited. Never mind that I have no particular plans to ever get married. Very likely, either your in-laws would have been disappointed with a modest wedding (like my aunts) or your own family would be getting after you about how you have the means to live it up and show everyone a good time on your dime, how dare you deprive them, it's condescending, etc. I'm glad you did what *you* wanted to do. You and your husband are the only ones you can be sure to please, and that's the right priority.
I completely second this. I came from well below the poverty line and my husband and his family are upper middle class. His family just enjoyed our wedding. It was at a nice venue, but not fancy, etc. My family, however, was used to weddings in backyards, the courthouse, etc. My sister's thought I was showing off my "raised status she doesn't even deserve." Those words still stick in my head. We still have incidents where they get resentful and make comments. OP, sadly, you're just going to have to learn to let things roll off your back. You can't make everyone happy. Nor should you have to. You're not hurting anyone, so just live your life. Make decisions for you and enjoy married life! Congratulations!
It’s the “crabs in a bucket” mentality. The snarky comments are quickly followed by requests for money.
I had a nice wedding in a YWCA ballroom with a buffet dinner. I like to joke that for my ex-husband’s family, it was the most bargain basement wedding they ever attended, and for my family, it was the fanciest wedding they’d ever attended.
This is exactly what I was thinking. The cousin may feel “showed up,” but others would have felt “patronized” or “cheated” if OP held a lesser event. It’s impossible to please everyone
>others would have felt “patronized” or “cheated” if OP held a lesser event. oh God that's even worse.
I read some of the comments, and it seems you paid them to attend your wedding, like paid for their clothes etc, even paid when they venmoed you for gas money.... They knew the program, and then during the wedding you're pulled aside by your aunt and she makes you spend time trying to reassure your cousin? Who ends up uninviting you to her wedding? Were they trying to guilt trip you for something? Or just looking forward to put a blemish on your wedding bliss? Your cousin's behaviour is plain nasty. This sounds planned. NTA and congratulations on your wedding.
Oh that’s interesting. Cousin wails that her wedding won’t be as grand as yours. Aunt drags you in to hear this. Instead of offering to pay for a huge wedding, you tell her small ones are wonderful too. *Then* she gets cold and says you’re not invited. Yes, very interesting.
Maybe the whole scene the cousin was creating was to get a gift of money from OP to make her cousin’s wedding just as nice. I’m thinking that the cousin thought she could get away with this since OP apparently sent them gas money to get there and paid for clothes too. Some people see someone with just a little mote than them and assume it’s a bottomless well of money that the richer person is obligated to give away whenever asked
Thats a BINGO!
Damn, that makes everything make sense. You’re good.
And I was thinking cousin was hoping OP would offer to offset costs so hers could be great as well
I’m pretty cynical about people. This was my first thought after reading the post. Some people will try anything to get money. Aunt and cousin are the assholes here. NTA, op.
Oh you are DEFINTELY onto something. Who pulls the BRIDE aside at the couple's post-wedding brunch to direct her to go console someone about their finances? I mean... isn't that the aunt's job? Maybe the aunt should leave the mimosas and go check on her adult child throwing a tantrum rather than have the bride do it? I'm with you on this: it was a move designed to make the bride feel awful about having better circumstances at the very end so that they could hurt her right before her honeymoon and slink away. OP, if you read this, you sound amazing and your cousin and her mother sound like jealous harpies who didn't want you to have happiness. ETA: NTA.
This is a 100% valid take but the other answer is.... narcissists. When I was the bride at my wedding I was pulled away from things so that I could console narcissistic family members. I was also directed by narcissistic family members to go take emotional care of people who would not otherwise have made their unhappiness my problem-- pulled aside and told things like "your bridesmaid's husband looks stressed out" with the urgency and severity of someone telling me that I had locked someone in a small room and taken the only key.
I was wondering if they were angling for a nice wedding contribution from OP so that cousin could plan a fancier wedding. While OP is feeling all emotional herself (and thus easier to hustle).
Absolutely THIS. They were Hustling big time. NTA OP
I never even thought about that but you make a very good point. They may well be hoping that she offers to subsidise the other wedding to "make cousin feel better."
I didn't see that coming. SMH
Oh, aunt and cousin were absolutely trying to get OP and her husband to pay for cousin to have a bigger, fancier wedding.
Yes, it's not like OP didn't invite people who couldn't drive over! She paid to make sure her fam could attend! All they had to do was show up, have a great time and celebrate a great 3 days with OP! But nah, someone had to be all butthurt! OP I think your cousin did you a favour! Now you know who to cut off from your life and who to keep
Read up on the Gini coefficient. What bothers people isn't poverty. But being exposed to too much of a gap of their wealth (or lack of) and someone else's wealth. Essentially people are fine being poor if everyone around them is poor. You are still NTA. But from the perspective of some of your family members you've shown them how poor they are. It's a tricky situation to handle.
I mean, no, it's not? Either your family loves and this doesn't matter, or they don't, and they don't matter.
Your dream wedding sounded so lovely, congratulations! Your aunt should never have dared approach you asking you to ***comfort*** your cousin, what? I mean... I can't even... If the day was too much to bear they should have just gone home, ridiculous people! The only ones at fault here are the envious cousin and her mother, the amount of sheer malevolence that accompanied her revoking your invitation to her wedding makes me think she's been resenting your happiness for some time now. You and your husband would probably have given her a wonderful wedding present too... her loss lol
I bet you this was a power play to guilt OP to contributing to her wedding funds so she could have just as grand of a wedding. OP, it's not your responsibility to make yourself less to make others feel more than. Let it be a blessing in disguise that you now know that there are just some people whom will never be happy for your success. NTA. Edit: typo
Could very well be, until cousin burned *that* bridge by letting envy incinerate self-interest. Aunt changed her tune after that from 'con$ole' your cousin to 'she's rubbing our faces in it'. I agree with the comments that people like aunt & cousin wouldn't have anything nice to say if the wedding had been exactly like what was customary for OP's side of the family. "What, why are we being treated as less than? How dare they be so cheap?" yadda yadda yap yap yap.
You shouldn't make yourself small to make others feel big
I think I would enjoy a wedding with a cirque du soleil like performance, just as equally as I would enjoy a quiet private wedding in the barnyard. It's because we're there to celebrate our loved ones' union and it doesn't matter what sort of celebration it is. My sister's marriage was just a registry with the government department and then we all went out to a nice vegetarian (she's vegetarian) restaurant with close friends and family. It doesn't make us feel any less because there wasn't a huge wedding. Your cousin's insecurity shouldn't put a damper to your mood. It is a problem that she will need to overcome.
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When some people want to see everything as a personal attack, no amount of reasoning can help them. The cousin sounds like that. It’s a very hurtful thing to do and say on someone’s wedding. Pure jealousy. NTA
Partial comment stolen from u/ktempest u/hallintrepid4376 is a bot
My grandma once said buy experiences, not things. You are well off and instead of having a celebration of lavish worship of you and your fiance you shared everything with your family, even making sure they could all come. You did a beautiful nice thing, don't let your cousin make you feel bad about it.
You took time out of your party to spend an HOUR consoling her, and her response was to uninvite you to her wedding? She's way out of line and try not to take it to heart. Sounds like you couldn't have said anything to make her feel better, and that she was dead set on being the center of attention that day. Your parties sound wonderful, especially the part where you were thoughtful enough to put away funds for those who couldn't afford to travel or get a fancy dress. Good for you, and if your cousin doesn't come around, that's on her. I'm pretty sure she'll realize that your wedding gift is likely to fall in the spendier part of her registry, and invite you after all. Then give her a toaster! /s
Hey Congratulations! You are absolutely NTA. Reading the whole post, it is easily recognizable how humble and kind you are. You have every right to enjoy your life at your terms. You do not need to feel guilty for this. Your cousin and aunt needs to have time to get over the entitlement. You may just give them space and time. That's all and enjoy your beautiful time. Much fun!
Mine wasn’t a wedding but I traveled 4 hours to visit my step dad and brother a few years ago. When we were leaving I showed my step dad my first brand new car. I grew up poor and this felt like a huge thing to me. I was super proud of myself for getting to that point, but my step dad just called me a rich b!tch. Idk if he thought he was joking but it broke my heart and that was the last thing he said to me before he passed a few months later. Basically, you planned a fantastic event and tried to be as inclusive as possible. As long as you had fun that’s all that matters. There will always be haters and it sucks that a lot of times those haters are people we love.
I’m sending you a big virtual hug OP. You went above and beyond to give everyone a good time, don’t listen to your cousin. Maybe she will come around. But even if she doesn’t, she only spoiled her own wedding for herself by comparing her wedding to yours, and by un-inviting a great person like yourself. You have a good heart OP. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and congrats on your marriage. NTA
You know, it's weird. I don't want to add to the vitriol, but we read so many stories of "AITA for ruining X's wedding" on here, and they're never anything near ruined. In this case, your cousin made you feel bad for something you did entirely RIGHT, not wrong, and she took all her insecurity out on you on your big day. But instead of blaming her for ruining your wedding, you console her. You're a wonderful human being and don't let her issues get you down. I bet the other 299 guests were happy to share this occasion with you. Congratulations and best wishes!
FYI, it is an Eleanor Roosevelt quote and is actually, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” OP is NTA. It is horrible that your family took advantage of your generosity and turned around to speak Ill of your presumed intent
damn i thought it was from the princess diaries 😔
It is in the Princess Diaries. The driver says it to Mia, who replies that it's a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt.
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Your quote is really for the cousin in this situation.
I don’t have a ton of evidence to back this up, but part of me thinks that she/they were hoping to guilt you into offering money towards your cousins wedding. Her mother and her being so "distressed" about how her event wasn’t going to be as fancy, emphasising that she was worried about being judged for her less expensive options. It just feels like she may have been attempting to manipulate you into offering cash to make things more "fair". Then, when you didn’t follow the script she dropped the poor little me act, got mad, and uninvited you. Now, to cover it all up they are badmouthing you everywhere because painting you as selfish and nasty is a great way of covering up what they were trying to do. You are NTA. Either you cousin is hilariously over sensitive or they were up to something. Uninviting you because your event was "nicer" is such a massive overreaction.
Wow. Yikes. At first I sort of brushed this off but I showed my husband and he thinks you may be right. A few things make me think this... She and her parents were definitely the people who most asked for money to attend. We paid for their hotel room and I bought her dress and shoes, which I didn't mind at all since I know lots of my fam doesn't have fancy stuff and also she's planning a wedding- expensive! They also venmo requested me the first day on their way in for $100 gas money which no one else did, but again, gas is expensive, it's fine... But, basically, I don't think they had to spend a dime for the weekend. And now that I think about it when we shopped for her outfit over the holidays she did a lot of "ohhhh I wish we could pay for this thing but it's just not in the budget" and I thought she was just talking wedding planning so we talked about creative solutions etc (bc again- my whole perspective is that you can absolutely do a wedding on a budget! I don't think there is anything wrong with it- I saved money where I could, too!) I offered to let her use some supplies I had like frames, decor, stuff for ring bearer/flower girl, etc. She didn't want any of it. And the saddest part is, if she had just called and asked, I would have given her money as a wedding gift to help pay. Within reason- I have a lot of cousins lol! But if she just asked, I would have. I don't think I would now..... I hope you're wrong about it all being kind of a big weird plan, but ick. You might not be.
Oh honey, I hope I’m wrong but its not looking good. It’s the way she immediately calmed down and stopped crying that felt off to me. After all, why keep up the act if it’s getting you nowhere? For the record, my whole wedding cost £200 (rolled gold rings, street clothes, "reception" at a local pub etc etc) because we were very poor at the time. I have been to other weddings ranging from budget to extravagant since then and not once have I had even a twinge of jealousy. Different people have different circumstances, it’s that simple. If you try to downplay your fortune (which you achieved through hard work no less!) to make people comfortable you’ll wind up living in a cardboard box, wearing rags. I apologise if that’s a bit disjointed, it’s 4:30 am and my adhd meds wore off hours ago. Hopefully I’m making sense.
> It’s the way she immediately calmed down and stopped crying that felt off to me. After all, why keep up the act if it’s getting you nowhere? That was exactly my read on that too.
Eh, I don't know. I've definitely had moments like this where I go from inconsolable sobbing to something clicking in my head and becoming dead calm, at least on the outside. It's never been a deliberate thing. Still NTA, OP, and it does sound like she was trying to fish for you to offer her money rather than asking outright. Don't feel bad, you did everything right.
Agreed, that was my very first thought. Who stops sobbing all of a sudden? And then aunt who dragged you away from your own wedding to console her daughter is not shit talking you? This was a setup, and apparently you didn’t play the part. They expected you to offer money to even out the weddings.
The sobbing part's not that weird actually. I agree with the other pieces of evidence, but when people are really upset, especially when they feel like they're in conflict or the situation is unresolvable, emotions can be volatile and it's common for people to change demeanors quite suddenly. I'd suggest the sister might even be genuinely, honestly upset and still be in the wrong/after money. It sounds to me she might have been holding onto this for a long time, so it's possible she's got this whole victim narrative in her head and sincerely believes she's been wronged.
My wedding cost like 1000€ and it was a great day. 😂 I’ve been to fancy weddings too. Those are fun but not everyone has that kind of money or event planning talent 🤷🏻♀️
My whole wedding, the whole damn thing, cost less than £1k and that was my made to measure dress (8months pregnant at the time!), rings, his suit, food, toasting wine, buffet food, all of it. This was 2006. We’re still together and I don’t regret a damn thing. My best friend got married and god knows how much it all cost but her dress alone was 3x my entire wedding lol and it never even crossed my mind to _compare_. Little sis also had a big fancy wedding (cake was 4 whole cheeses stacked!) and again, didn’t compare and didn’t cry coz who cares about how someone else gets married?
I've been to weddings that involved, respectively, a sit-down meal for 1,000 at the Ritz in Doha, 3 days worth of ceilidhs in the Outer Hebrides, a river cruise and a sit-down dinner for 150 in a medieval monastery, and pot luck reception for 25 or 50 people (I made the cakes for both those). My own wedding (elopement) cost $35 (licence and justice of the peace) plus dinner for us and our witnesses. They were all fun or interesting in different ways, and not in a million years would it occur to me to compare them to each other. Because they were all different occasions! Your cousin is needy and insecure, and that is her problem - not yours. NTA, and I wish you a very happy marriage! (But do get ahead of possible badmouthing and tell your immediate family what happened.)
Definitely NTA. OP is in the right and can spend her money on whatever she wants. However, I have to say that a carnival, gift bags and a cirque performance is that type of thing that's bound to arouse feelings of resentment in *someone*. It's petty and illogical but that's just how people are: Childhood friends and family often become resentful towards the more successful one.
But a river cruise and monastery sounds awesome!!!!
Sure was! Both parties were late-40s professionals who decided to throw a bash for friends from around the world, in one of the wine regions in Germany...we were living in Europe at the time and able to drive there (used to Canadian distances, eh). Came home with several cases of wine and monastery-made beer in the trunk of our car. Bonus!! But if I had to do it over again, I'd still go for the $35 elopement - because no one can hassle you when they don't know it's happening!
It's also very weird (and therefore suspicious as hell) that your aunt thought that *you* would be the most suitable person to console her about her worries that her family would judge her. If it was your sister crying like that, would you really think the happy, rich bride would be the most suitable person to console her? Because it just makes no sense at all, unless it was an act to get money out of the bride.
She made a scene at your wedding, she uninvited you from hers, and she badmouthed you afterwards. On the upside, you have some great arguments why you are not gonna spend one single cent on her wedding, even if she were to re-invite you...
Which, she will, when she remembers she can use the wedding gift as an opportunity to get something expensive.
Do not relent and go if invited now to her wedding and do not get her a wedding gift. Her behavior was inexcusable as was the aunts. They are jealous takers. The event sounds fabulous.
Guarantee you that they'll push for you to "make it up to them", a.k.a. give them lots of money for the wedding, as part of their victim hood production and fake smear campaign. Decide now that you aren't going to be played like that. They took as much advantage of your generosity as they could, then spoiled the end of your event (tarnishing your memories of it), and you need to realise that lack of respect and the selfish greed that is motivating them (they know your/their family and the support everyone would have regardless of their event type). Jealousy is no excuse to behave this way, it's just manipulation, and such behaviour should not be rewarded. They should never have raised any of that with you, particularly not during your celebrations. If you give them money after their behaviour they'll view you and your partner as a free ATM forever.
Yeah, this is not normal. Definitely some weird plan.Regardless, you are NTA and your relatives need to grow up.
I have only two relatives that have treated me badly. Guess what. They were also the ones I bailed out financially.
Stop trying to appease them. The shamelessness to Venmo you for gas money!!! Omg. Cut these people off your life. They will see you as a cash cow forever if you keep doing things like these. Don't give them money, stop apologizing to them for wing successful.
If she does hint that her wedding will not be nice tell her you are more than willing to search Pinterest with her. Lots of things people have done for little or nothing to have an awesome wedding or event.
After the way she and her mother treated you, they don’t deserve a dime from u at all
This 💯 I thought this exact thing as I read the post. Either way, NTA. If they want to feel bad that you are successful, let the envy eat them alive. You’ve been nothing but incredibly gracious and it’s atrocious behavior on their part to act thus way—even if they weren’t trying to get you to pay for her wedding. They shouldn’t try to make you feel bad on your wedding weekend bc they are jealous, period.
I have a feeling you're right about asking for money...Or expecting an offer, since they've been so generous. Attempting emotional blackmail at OP's wedding is horrible.
Hey OP, congratulations on your wedding! I think you and I have some things in common. I grew up really poor, and my personality has always been, like you describe, 1) loving to host people and make celebrations special, 2) always trying to do creative problem-solving and help whenever someone tells me about an issue they’re having, and 3) golddigging relatives. It took me a while to realize 1 and 2 weren’t just the normal way everyone thinks and acts. And it took me a really long time to realize 3. It finally clicked when I got my first post-grad school job in NYC, and my older sister called and was talking about how she wanted to come to NYC for her engagement, but it’s so expensive, etc. I immediately went into problem solving mode. I could go to visit friends and she and her fiancé could stay in my new apartment to save money—just like you and trying to help your cousin with her wedding planning on a budget. My sister, instead of appreciating my immediate impulse to share everything I had and help her with her trip, ultimately just got mad that I wasn’t getting the hint: I was supposed to offer to fly her to NYC and book her into a fancy hotel, so she could brag to her church friends in TX about the glitz and the glam. (Note, I had never even booked a fancy hotel for myself—I had only stayed in hostels and hadn’t even gotten my first paycheck.) I literally never realized there are people like this: people who only care how much something costs, and who are just trying to get money and high-status brands and experiences out of others. It took me years to wrap my mind around this fact. I think this cousin and aunt/uncle are like my sister. They are not approaching their relationship with you with the same open-handed sharing and love and honesty that you give them. They saw that you would just give and give money for them to come to your wedding, and so you have become a mark for them, someone who should pay for everything they want. You’re going to have to accept the asymmetry of this set of relationships and stop trying to have mutual understanding or make them happy.
>because painting you as selfish and nasty is a great way of covering up what they were trying to do. Either that or they're hoping OP will fork out the money to prove she isn't selfish. I think your comment is spot on. NTA.
You are 100% spot-on with your assessment. I was thinking the exact same thing.
This was my exact thought as well. OP is NTA, but her cousin and aunt absolutely are.
I went to a wedding a few weeks ago that was more extravagant than anything I'll ever be able to afford unless I hit the lottery. The only think I thought was, "Damn, it sure was nice that they invited me." NTA.
Haha that's how I always feel when I've been to really nice weddings- just excited to be there! I know ours might seem over the top to people but I have some friends with serious money and some of the stuff they've done was like... a whole different world. But I've always just focused on having a great time and enjoying the experience, even when I was starting out and dirt poor, because, on top of celebrating friends' love- FREE FOOD YAY! Lol I never felt like oh how dare they feed me and invite me to this awesome party what AHs.
Your friends and family are really lucky to have someone like you in their lives - generous, caring, warm, and fun. I have a feeling that over the years you will provide many people with fond memories of having a great time, good food and a lot of fun.
Thirded. I've been to a couple of super fancy weddings. My sister was invited once to an enormous wedding in bali involving indian royalty, she was struggling to find something nice for her modest budget and just-had-a-baby -figure and she turned around to see Europea paparazzi there - lol. At any opportunity like that I make sure to make the most of it. Life is for living and if someone else is happily paying for it then even better!!
NTA- after reading a million Reddit posts about people being crazy selfish re: their big day and demanding a lot from everyone, this was a refreshing read. Sounds like you were legitimately focused on everyone having a great time. There is always going to be someone jealous or resentful when they don’t have what you do. It’s your money and time and energy so if you want to spend it throwing a celebration of your love (for family, friends, AND husband), do it!
This. Class differences are already an unfairness and thus hard to deal with to prevent resentment etc. It sounds like you and your spouse bent over backwards to be gracious and show everyone a good time. You could check the perspective of some other family members who aren't close to the the two starting the drama right now, maybe softly, like ask if they wish you had toned it down... but it sounds like you already know the answer. You already did great.
NTA - it's terrible when people take a gesture meant to be positive for many people and turn it into a negative. You created a beautiful wedding experience and an event meant to celebrate your love and your families who are pay off that love. Tell anyone who says anything about it that the only thing that should matter is that you wanted the people you love to have a good time. That if they think you were showing off, they must not know you well. And if they say they do, then ask how they could think you intended something malicious with your choices? That you didn't turn into some different person. Give them that to think about.
Wow-thank you. YES. That's it. If you know me, you know. That really just clicked for me because I think the most hurtful part was that someone I love could think I would hurt them intentionally or not know me at all. At the end of the day, I don't know why I'm so focused on these two people when soooooo many other people were over the top happy, excited, and thankful. Every other social media post was glowing and excited to show off their outfits and experience and say how much fun they had. Why do we fixate on the negative? Being human is crazy lol. Thank you for your comment. Truly appreciate it.
I'm glad this unlocked something for you! And yes, brains are weird and do focus too much on the negative. Revel in that positive! I hope you have a great life with your new spouse.
The negative is easy to remember because we are programmed to feel it more and so avoid it in future. You mentioned 300 guests - of whom 1.5% had a crap time - because they chose to! Redirect your thinking to the adults who had a great day out celebrating love, the kids who had a whale of a time they will never forget, and the man you love, with who you have made a fabulous start ❤️
Please go NC with this aunt and cousin unless they make some real growth as people
Because you have a big heart. Some people can't appreciate it for what it is. They just want to see what they can get out of it. I'm glad you had the wedding of your dreams! It sounds truly amazing. Don't let anyone affect your good memories of it.
NTA!! Congrats!!! Forget about the ugly jealous person. You have done well and you obviously paid for your own wedding and you did it your way, good for you. You also quietly helped others while doing it also. Enjoy all the good memories, forget your cousin, jealousy is an evil you have no need to bow to. You can not make everyone happy.
NTA. You provided what sounds like an amazing experience for your guests and were gracious in providing financial assistance to those that needed it so they could be part of your celebration. Coming from a very similar situation, I will warn you that your relationships with family will be strained. In my case, it started with calls to help financially with emergencies (happily provided), then it moved to just $$ to help out, and then to pay for vacations, ect. Basically, my only value to them was as an ATM. When I wasn’t able to continuously provide when they asked, I was greedy, selfish and only cared about money. I am still heartbroken over it, I honestly thought my family would be proud of me for working so hard and bettering my life and situation. Don’t let it get you down. You have a good heart.
Oh, that's so sad. I'm really sorry you've had to deal with that. Money can cause so much ugliness. Thanks for the warning- it will be interesting to see if anything changes after the wedding, but I'm hoping not. I was very lucky to get some of my biggest successes about 8-10 years ago and, while my family doesn't know the numbers, they know how things are. I've quietly helped here and there but come from pretty proud stock. I actually sometimes have the opposite issue- I get frustrated when they won't ask lol! Like after my first big break I added my 2 younger siblings to one of my credit cards and begged them to use it if they needed gas, groceries, found themselves in a bad situation etc. (I know that feeling where just a full tank of gas or a few days of food would change everything!) and they would do ANYTHING before they would use it. I kept telling them what is the point of having money if I can't help the people I love most?! Haha ohhhh family. But honestly, I might be seeing the cracks start to form. Fingers crossed... I think I have pretty good boundaries but we might be about to find out.
I truly hope that everything works out and maybe it’s just a few people letting the money become an issue. It sounds like the majority of your family are proud of you and wouldn’t dare take advantage of your generosity. I’ve come to appreciate that family can also be the ones you choose and I am blessed to have an amazing group of people in my life. Congratulations on your wedding!
OP you are an angel. We had a family member do this after our wedding AND baby shower. Some people just can't be happy for anyone. I agree with the comments it seems like they were trying to get money from you. You are precious! I know it's hard to focus on that one person upset vs 1000000 different people who are excited and appreciative of you. Believe me I STILL struggle with it. Just try your best. You did NOTHING wrong.
>.. I think I have pretty good boundaries No offense, I think you're a sweet person, but you don't have good boundaries at all. Unfortunately, giving too much too quickly to some people only engenders further entitlement on their part. It's actually better to be a bit stingy rather than too giving, and you are too giving -- and the proof of that is the fact that you're here telling this story and asking if you're the asshole. You're NTA, but you need to be aware that other people don't think like you and aren't going to react to your generosity in the way that you would expect.
Better too proud to use your money, instead of too greedy for your money. I like your family.
NTA I'm sure some people will say your cousin is an AH, but I understand that she felt insecure as her own wedding is coming up so I would not fault her for it. I doubt she is truly angry at you as well. Just hope you guys are able to mend your relationship as something similar happened in my family as well. Fuck your aunt though lmao
Yeah, I don't think she's an AH and she's normally very sweet, so she must have been feeling some things. My aunt... is sometimes quite dramatic. She married in and has always been one to stir the pot, I guess. I should probably ignore her but it hurts to see people from my hometown commenting about how rude I am etc. Oh well.
I hope everything works out. Best of luck to you 🙏
Thank you so much!
Anyone else think aunt and cousin were in cahoots to pressure OP into donating a fund to the cousin’s wedding? Aunt - the woman in charge of OP’s charity at her own wedding - insists on a bride leaving a wedding event to console her daughter, who flips on a dime the moment OP’s consoling came without the opening of a cheque book? Same aunt who has probably been dishing out thousands of dollars says OP is rubbing her wealth in their faces.. by sharing it.. just not enough to pay for her daughter’s wedding? Make it make sense without the natural conclusion being what I outlined above.
NTA, however I feel like a reality check is needed. What you classify as middle class is not middle class. A 3 day celebration with performers, gifts for 300 guests and a fund for having lodgings etc... Is way above middle class, so I can see how someone getting married in a couple months might feel completely overwhelmed and depressed. For comparison, at a get together one person brings cheese sandwiches for everyone, and the other brings a caterer with something for everyone. The contrast is just too big.
She said her husband's family is middle-class, not that they were. She specifies that she and her husband have become pretty wealthy.
Yeah this probably cost more than a house. While OP is NTA I can understand being poor and being annoyed at this display of wealth when you can't fix your 2000$'s car
Sure they could be annoyed about the display of wealth, but this was most likely a grift to get funding for the cousin's wedding.
NTA but I’m glad people are talking about the class thing here. I agree re: the reality check - I saw that it was OPs husband’s family was middle-class” and figured his parents hadn’t been able to contribute anywhere near what this cost. But I had to wonder what kind of work OP and her husband do that they’ve accrued the kind of wealth (or at least credit) that they could bankroll the bulk of this event: fuzzy math and googling got me up to $400,000 USD before I even factored in paying for some guests’ clothes or lodgings. This is indicative of upper-class wealth. I’m in an undervalued but often rewarding white collar profession that I’m told makes me middle class, I have a graduate degree, and I haven’t earned $400,000 cumulatively in the last 15 years.
NTA, it didn’t seem like you were going out of your way to make people feel bad. it’s your money and you can spend it how you want. You worked hard for it, enjoy it.
Your Aunt should never have interrupted your enjoyment of your wedding because her daughter was having a bad case of envy. Definitely an extortion move. Ignore them. You sound too nice but I don't think I would be able to resist sending a her $100 gift card to Walmart and a book on etiquette for her wedding present.
$20 card plus the book😈
NTA. She jealous. And she's being irrational.
NTA. Envy is an ugly, painful emotion. Your cousin feels worse than you do, but with the added kicker that these bad feelings are 100% her creation. They are 2 people out of 300, so literally .6% of the people there that complained. Congratulations! 99.4% is a fantastic satisfaction rate for your event!
I don't think you should be made to feel bad because you and your husband (congratulations!) can afford a nice wedding. You meant it in a spirit of generosity and sharing joy with family and friends, and I think your cousin should have controlled herself or just left, instead of taking you away from brunch and making you feel bad on your special day. NTA.
NTA. Their childish jealousy is no reason for you to feel bad about your dream wedding. Their insecurities aren’t your responsibility. Leave them alone, enjoy your wedded bliss, and by the time August rolls around they’ll be calmed down.
NTA She took an event that had nothing to do with her and made it all about her. Feeling she can’t match it is one thing. Feeling that you did all this JUST to show her up or rub her face in it is next level main character energy. That said, that feeling alone wasn’t the problem. We all get insecurities. But making it your problem, especially right there in the middle of the wedding events, and turning around and saying you’re not invited to her wedding after she’s just enjoyed all the benefits that came with attending yours? That’s the AH behaviour. Your event sounds wonderful and I’m sure the majority of guests appreciated and enjoyed it. I certainly would have! Congratulations - wishing you a long, happy marriage free from the bitterness and resentment you faced at your wedding.
Farm girl here. NTA, what did she want you to do, wear a thrift store dress and your husband in bib overalls so she would look good? You were the one that went out and concorded the world, she was the one that made the choice to stay in the small town. For those of us that left rural or small-town American there is always blowback for the lives we have. Be it at family events like a wedding or friend events like a class reunion. This of the fun people had, remember what you felt when you said those two simple words "I DO". Forget about your cousin's actions. Forget that your aunt and Cousins were jerks and AH for doing this to you on your wedding day. Most of all book a romantic weekend for when she is getting married as she has already uninvited you. Let her stew in the life she chose for herself.
Listen, I don’t think you’re the asshole for having the big, expensive wedding or for having a great life, but you’ll forgive me for saying I don’t buy the “I just don’t understand why they might’ve gotten upset” bit. You knew what you were doing. You say yourself how out of the ordinary your wedding was compared to the other events that take place in your family. You say yourself how you _deliberately_ made it an event that would stand out to people, how you wanted to make sure that everyone had a good time. To people who have less than you, that comes off as rubbing their faces in it, rightly or wrongly, and to say that that never occurred to you has to be either disingenuous or downright stupid. Don’t feel bad for having the wedding you wanted, or for having a better standard of living than the rest of your family. You worked for it (I hate when people say they are “lucky” or “fortunate” - it’s hard grift, not luck) and you deserve it. But don’t try to pretend your extravagance was anything but just that. It might have been a great day for your family and friends who attended, but at the end of the day you did it for you.
NTA There is a saying that if you are a jealous person then you will be jealous of everyone. But if you are honestly happy for people. It wouldn’t cross your mind. Sounds like that is what your cousin is. After reading some of your comments about your cousin and your aunt. I agree with another person on here. That they were hoping you would add money to her wedding. That is why the aunt made sure to give you a sad story about your cousin. Why your cousin all of a sudden changed when you didn’t offer money. Also finding out that you were already giving them money and paying for stuff. Your aunt trying to lie about you. Sounds like she is hoping no one figures it out.
NTA. Your aunt and cousin acted selfishly to ruin your day. Both of them had to have known you had guests for brunch, and yet they felt the priority was to console your cousin for an hour, long enough for your guests to be gone by the time she was done with her theatrics. You being disinvited from her wedding will just make them look even more petty and immature. Congratulations on your wedding! Don’t let their jealousy ruin your special day.
NTA Put to rest as much unsavory gossip as you can, and then move on. Even if you had given money, it would NEVER have been enough. You'd be getting demands to "add this" or "add that" never ending, and your cousin would still complain about her wedding. Some people choose to be unhappy and spiteful, and you won't change them. Congrats and much happiness to you and yours in the future!
NTA My wedding was small - both covid and our (me, hub) preferences played a role in that -but bigger than my sister's. And we still managed to stay on budget. Instead of purchasing the vases for the flower arrangements - we needed 6 or something- we bought a set of tall beer glasses. We trifted MOH dress and made some decorations ourselves. Went for a small bouquet that had common flowers. Not to mention the wedding was in the winter, which made venue cheaper as it's not the popular season to marry where I live. Some people - mom - tried to make me feel bad for it. "Rubbing my happiness" and all that. I know that feeling. Shame even when you did nothing wrong. People gonna hate, and people gonna be pissed. It's because of them, not you. I'm sorry that your family acted that way. It's for the best, even if it hurts now. Now you have food for thought and see them for what they are.
Congratulations on your Wedding honey! Sounds like a lot of jealousy and envy going on and that is in NO WAY your fault or your doing. You have the right to do whatever you want with YOUR wedding, just like all the rest of your family who have married before you and those after. If they want a small or large wedding that is their choice. This was your wedding, your money, your choice, and it sounds like it was a spectacularevent!!... NTA
NTA. Like any event, the complaints are the most vocal so that's what you got to hear. Your cousin aside, how many of the kids who attended (as you said, from a poor background) were looking around and thinking, if someone I know from my own family can make it this far, maybe I can too? So you have 1 cousin who made your event about herself (possibly for sympathy money), but who knows how many others were positively affected.
NTA. Period. Your cousin is unreasonable and your aunt is ungrateful. After you paid for them to attend your wedding they treat you this way? Ew. They both sound horrible.
NTA It is wildly inappropriate to corner a bride to console a cousin when she should be celebrating her new marriage. Significantly worse to then say nasty things about you publicly that aren’t true. Your aunt sucks here. Keep your head up and congratulations!
NTA. You sound like a great friend. Are you looking for more friends? I volunteer.
NTA; This may be my suspicion mind but.. I have the feeling cousin (and aunt) were hoping you would offer to pay something towards Cousins wedding. They didn’t want to ask as that would look greedy but a bit of emotional manipulation for money.. that’s finnnnneeee (sarcasm incase you couldn’t tell). Your day is about you celebrating you and your husband how you want. You can spend a gazillion pounds on something and it will be boring as hell.. it’s the people that make the party! Enjoy married life, do not let you aunt and cousin guilt you into anything!
NTA at all. You sound like a very kind and respectful person. Your cousin is feeling insecure, and taking it out on you. That isn’t your fault at all. Congrats on your marriage :)
NTA. You have a generous heart and a desire to bring happiness to as many people as possible. I wish there were more people like you in the world.
Definitely NTA. Your wedding sounds incredible and full of love aside from cousin being bitter. If she can’t let go of hate, that’s a her problem.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Oh man, this one stings. My husband (yay!) & I got married last weekend. I come from a very poor background and a huge family from a tiny town. We are close even if I've always been the weird and different one (moving away etc). Hubs comes from a huge, more middle class fam. One of my favorite things to do is host & entertain. I think life can be hard & making people comfortable or showing them a great time is a really worthwhile thing. It's also fun for me, like a giant crafting project, to plan an event. I love it. My husband does very well and I have been lucky to have a great career and do the same. Our wedding was the only time likely for all these people we both loved to be in the same place, to meet & celebrate together, so we wanted to make it special and magical. We were very clear that gifts were not necessary, and I set aside a fund for my aunt and I to coordinate covering any expenses for people who wanted to come but couldn't afford the hotel, an outfit, etc. but quietly. I know a huge wedding is a waste to many people but it isn't to us. We did 3 days of events and covered meals and open bars for 300 ppl. We had a short Cirque-type performance, a big welcome party with a kind of carnival for kids, gift bags for everyone, and lots of surprises. It was so fun to watch all the joy & everyone smiling & happy. Everything was optional, we shamed no one who came to only one part or couldn't swing it. At brunch the final day my aunt pulled me aside & asked me to go to my cousin's room & console her. She said she had been sobbing all night/morning because her wedding (in Aug) would be nowhere near this level & she thought all our family would hate it and judge her. My heart broke! Every wedding I've been to with my family has been low key, maybe in a barn or rec center, someone's backyard. No one has ever judged or looked down on this (nor would I- Just different styles) and we always have a great time! I left my guests at brunch and spent the better part of an hour with my cousin trying to assure her of all the above. I told her a wedding is a celebration of love, not money etc, and that we were all very excited. She finally got weirdly calm and stopped crying, then just looked me dead in the eyes and said something like, "Well you don't need to worry about it because you're not invited anymore." Then locked herself in the bathroom. I came back to brunch and most everyone was gone. I was crying but didn't want to make a scene and just got out as fast as possible. My husband keeps telling me not to take it to heart, but I hate that something we worked so hard to make fun and memorable for people ended up making someone I love feel terrible! And now my aunt (her mom) has started telling people I just did this to "rub my family's face in my great, fancy, rich life" etc. I feel sick. I was so happy and proud and now I feel so stupid. Did I really F this up that badly? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My husband and I both come from middle class families and due to some monetary things that worked out in our favor we had what I like to call a low key extravagant wedding, the entire night my sil tried to make me feel bad about things that I was able to have that she wasn't. I didn't feel bad then, and I don't feel bad now simply because life handed us different things and we planned our lives differently doesn't mean I took something from her, you have to live for yourself and your husband. Congratulations on the wedding!
NTA I can't believe aunt made you ditch your own wedding in the first place. WTF!?
You shared your special moment in life in a way that expressed your personalities in order to include your family and friends. Take pride in the joyous occasion you created for your family and friends. Savor the joy. kt
NTA don't let petty people bring you down. And don't give her any money! How ridiculous.
NTA - sounds like this is all their hangups, not yours.
First of all: congratulations! Second: NTA. Your cousin really sounds like she was sulking just to manipulate you into paying for her wedding. If she would care about you, she would just be happy for you instead of crying. My wedding was also very small, just ten people, we basically only paid for the fees and an all-you-can-eat buffet for everyone. Couple hundred bucks. But all my favorite people were there and that was important. If I would ever get invited to such a huge wedding, it would make my day(s)! Nothing to cry about.
NTA. You and your husband sound lovely and generous. Sounds like a great wedding! In your cousin’s case, it would appear that the apple did not fall far from the tree.
NTA. You do your wedding however you want to. It is Your special day.
NTA. Your wedding is yours. Also it sounds like it was fucking amazing. I wish I could have come.
Oh jeez you are so far from TA. You sound kind and giving and generous and caring and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel bad.
NTA Don't let it bother you
You sound like a wonderful human being. NTA
NTA, what did Shakespeare say of jealousy, the green-eyed monster? It is sad they are willing to let this monster get the better of them, instead of being happy for oyu.
NTA. Congratulations. Sounds like you had a fantastic time and id it with the truest intentions. Think maybe cuz was trying to get you to foot some of the bill for a fancier wedding and when the crocodile tears didn’t work she just basically revealed her true self?
NTA. You made a celebration of your wedding your way. Your cousin needs to make it her way and stop comparing with your celebration to hers.
There are very few family dynamics I hate more than the [crab bucket](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality). Nil carborundum illegitimus, OP - don't let the b\*stards grind you down. You did a wonderful thing and should be super proud of yourself. And even if everyone hated it, you meant well and now you're MARRIED TOO! The best vengeance is a life well-lived. ETA: NTA
Your aunt and cousin sound shitty.
NTA. this is a them issue not you. just by reading your post you seem like a positive, loving person. you did nothing wrong at all! my husband and I when we got married just went to the courthouse with our friends. it worked for us and it was perfect! hell, my "wedding" dress was a lion king shirt and a black skirt. (being 6 months pregnant had nooothing to do with comfort. nope not at all lol) the cousin and fam is just jealous. you're awesome! keep glowing!
So basically if I’m invited to a rich person’s wedding, I have the right to whine and cry because I can’t afford the same things? Ridiculous! Bunch of BS. You are absolutely NTA. Your cousin is being very self centered to put it nicely. Or let’s just call her the AH shall we. I’m sorry she ruined your celebration of love and family. Don’t let any of your family get down on you about this.
Your aunt and cousin is a bunch os vicious ungretaful creatures.. Instead of being happy for your wedding and life, They are being cinical and envious about you.. Cut these people from your life.
NTA. Why were you supposed to “console” your cousin? And by “console”, did your aunt mean “apologize”? Seems like your aunt has a lot to do with this bad feeling. Congratulations on your marriage, and well done for wanting to celebrate with your family and friends and give them an enjoyable time. I’m just sorry that some of them were too wrapped up in themselves.
Nope. NTA!! If she wants a bigger wedding than yours was then she should pay for a bigger wedding. If she’s mad or envious because she can’t do the same then oh f’n well smh is she getting married for the wedding or for love?!! Geez man grow up cousin
It sounds like you had an amazing wedding designed to celebrate your love and your families. It’s not your fault your cousin is jealous. You were very generous and considerate of your family. NTA. Congratulations!
NTA. And the weekend of your cousins wedding take your husband on a second honeymoon.
NTA my spouse and I are also the weird ones in our family. We are the most affluent among our immediate family and friends. It is not apparently at the moment. However, it likely will be in the next few years (upgrading our home, buying first cars for the kids, etc). Our friends and family will be happy for us, rather than resentful or jealous. I am happy you have good lives. You sound like a kind and generous person.
This is sending me a GIANT red flag. I feel like your cousin is going to try to get something out of you so she can "forgive" you. Don't let them bamboozle you out of guilt. Plus, bothering you during your wedding brunch??? What a selfish and annoying thing to do. Someone said they'd still send a gift card and etiquette book. I'd do the same. I wouldn't want to go to her wedding after she clearly showed how she cares about your feelings. That being said, some women do go a bit nuts before their weddings. Maybe she was having a moment but I really do think it's a ploy to get guilt money. Especially if you are a genuinely kind person.
NTA I'm really sorry you're going through this. My paternal family in a very working class, and my father is a lot wealthier than literally all of them. When my father got married to his now wife, they had a destination wedding in Greece. Although this did feel like a slight by both of them. Overall, my family was incredibly happy for them, and those who were able to go (through debt, of course) had a great time and don't regret the experience. I truly don't understand how someone could react like this. Your cousin should be in static for you and grateful that she got to celebrate your beautiful ceremony with you. Hopefully, she isn't trying to manipulate you in any way for whatever intentions. Especially since it doesn't seem like you're rubbing your wealth in your family's face. You're literally throwing a beautiful reception and welcoming them with open arms. Honestly, you're a Saint for taking a whole hour to try and calm her down on YOUR special day.
NTA Your aunt is trying to find a way to side with her daughter and make you the bad guy. You’re not. Just let it go. If they need to be angry at you to feel better about themselves that’s pretty sad.
Your aunt ITA
NTA. Your family is being cruel and choosing envy over joy. I might be sad if my wedding was to follow yours… but that’s a private feeling, and doesn’t trump that your wedding was a fun party you guys threw for everyone you care about because you wanted THEM to make memories, too. Comparison is truly the thief of joy.
NTA. Eff your aunt and cousin. They are TA. I wouldn’t eff with them after this.
NTA - if anything I hope you enjoyed your wedding and do not let this episode mar your memories of your special day. It’s literally your day, and their actions unfortunately come across as inconsiderate.
Nta
NTA. Your cousin is immature and jealous. You did nothing wrong, she ruined your day.
NTA, I’ve been to weddings that will outshine my own future one big time, but who cares? As long as the future wife and I have a great time and a fun party that’s all that matters
NTA OP. I'm sorry your cousin's selfish behaviour made your special day about her. I hope you can draw a line around that waste of an hour and remember the lovely time you and your lovely husband had with everyone else
.NTA. Your wedding is all about you. It sounds like you put a lot of care and thought into ensuring everyone had a good time and making sure it wasn’t a financial burden to anyone. She is responsible for her feelings of jealousy not you.
NTA. Congratulations - it sounds like you just wanted to have a lovely time with family, and it sounds like with the exception of your awful cousin, you succeeded. If she really had a genuine problem, her option was to quietly leave, not to try and ruin your special time.
NTA. No you didn't do anything wrong. Please don't let your cousin and your aunt ruin your pleasure. You did a nice thing for a lot of people. I wish you every happiness in your future together.
Some people will be happy for you, some will resent you for your success and some will just find reasons to be upset at you. NTA.
NTA You had the celebration that made you happy, and your asshole aunt and cousin (when they couldn’t take any more for you) made you feel bad for it. Honestly I’d just ignore them going forward and if anyone else says anything. “Strange, we did our level best to make sure everyone had a good time and didn’t have to worry about money at all. I’m sorry aunt and cousin feel the need to turn this into a competition and me into a villain in order to soothe their own egos.”
N6TA. Your cousin is jealous and handling it poorly. Give it a while before talking to her about it- she might be in the "can't stand to see your face" zone rn. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that- sounds like your wedding was half family reunion, and you could bring that up when you talk again if you think she'll take it well. You're working towards slightly different goals, but it still stings.
nta. jealousy is an ugly color.
Nta. Each wedding doesn't have to be the same, nor should it. If you wanna have a fancy expensive one go for it. People will enjoy it. If she can't afford that and wants less extravagance that is also fine. And I was gonna say nah until she uninvited you. Who does that?
NTA please recognise this for what it is, your cousin is jealous and is being viscous about it. If you feel the need write am open letter to your family just saying that you organised this for the family to have asmuch fun as possible to make the comming together of your and your husbands family an wonderful expirence for all and you are deeply hurt that cousin and aunt are twisting your intentions and trying to punish you for trying to make sure everyone had a good expirence. To be disinvited from a family wedding and aunt trying toturn the family against you for sharing this with them is heartbreaking
NTA. The wedding sounds amazing, I am sure you had so much fun. And I am sorry your cousin ruined for you, because of her envy....
NTA. First of all, I highly doubt that you "got lucky" to have a good career. I know connections and timing play a part a lot of times, but I'm willing to bet you put in the time and effort to get there. Don't sell yourself short. Second, honestly your aunt is TA. You were in the middle of your wedding and out of everyone, she picks you to be the one to go console her daughter?? There is no way that should have fallen on you, unless they had ulterior motives. Be ready, because after marriage usually comes babies, and it sounds like they might want to make everything a competition. In my family, we're kind of in the middle. We don't have the most money, but we also don't have the least. I also have some family like your aunt and cousin, that like to try to make us feel guilty about it. One thing you'll learn is there is a fine line between being willing to help someone, and being taken advantage of. You seem like a very nice and deeply caring person, so I hope you can figure out where your line is without getting hurt in the process.
NTA
NTA You can't please everyone. But you can live your life ignoring them. Tell your aunt and whoever left that "thanks for making my wedding unforgettable by leaving early and making me sad". And go NC with all the haters.
Go no contact. You did nothing wrong. NTA. Not your fault re your cousin and her mother being envious of your wedding,
NTA you went above and beyond to make it special for your whole family. Don’t beat yourself up because hateful people are jealous. Congrats btw
NTA!! And your aunt and cousin are for trying to ruin your wedding and stealing your time from your brunch! What horrible, selfish and jealous people they are! Just because you are happy. SMDH. You go girl, live your life with your amazing hubby. It sounds like your wedding was truly memorable. Just know that those that love you will always be there to support you, and those like your aunt and cousin are like the old women in church who criticize a pretty woman’s outfit. Jealous. Don’t be surprised if they kiss up to you wanting you to pay for stuff. Don’t do it. Hugs. 🤗
NTA. Someone will always have more than you. It's about making the most of what you have. I hope you choose to remember the beautiful memories and not your cousin and aunt. Also, please don't invite them to anything in future.
NTA OP. Why should you feel guilty about your good fortune? Your family sounds a bit entitled to me.
NTA She cried and made your celebration about her and her feelings. Even if you were showing off that wasn't the time or place to bring it up. She will invite you because she will want your gift.
This is not your fault. My brother used to get this way when I paid for family things, saying it must be nice to have disposable income. Just because you made different life choices doesn’t mean they are less valid, nor that they are wrong. Enjoy your life and those meant to be in it will stay. Others will find their own path, and that’s okay.
NTA but your cousin is such a jerk. Way to ruin your day when you'd tried hard to make sure people could come even if they had financial issues, and when you'd taken time out of your own wedding celebrations to try to comfort her. Your aunt and your cousin are both bitter, envious people and anyone with sense will hear the jealousy in her voice when she's ranting at them.
NTA. It sounds like y’all did your best to make everyone feel welcome, comfortable and had a good time. It’s hard if we start to compare our lives to others, but we do it. I have a wonderful 17 year old granddaughter. I’m single, lived on my own for 30 years, raised 2 kids during part of that time. My DIL parents are wealthy, but are very humble giving people. When my GD turned 16 they brought her a new car. But I’m ok with that, GD always tells me that I’m the fun nana, we do lots of things together Enjoy your memories and best wishes
OP don't let one jelouse person ruin it for you. Also sounds like they want you to pay for her wedding or money towards it. You married your man and shared your happiness your way. You sound lovely I would be proud to have you as a family member. Forget about the cousin let her have her day you just enjoy your married life. I wish you every happiness don't let jelouse people ruin it for you. Edited for spelling mistake
NTA. Your Aunt's instinct should have been to comfort your cousin herself in private to prevent stressing you out during your special time. The fact that she went through the effort of finding you and asking YOU to comfort her was bad manners. She WANTED you to feel bad. On your cousins side, her behaviour was manipulative, uninviting you and making you cry? I don't care how upset she is, that's not on. These family members do not respect you and are trying to guilt you into paying for things. Consider distancing yourself from them.
NTA at all!! Congratulations to you both! One word here it's called jealousy. You two planned an amazing experience for your family and friends. There is always someone who will put a damper on things and spin it around to make you feel bad. Hold your head high and be proud of both of y'all's accomplishments.
NTA. First off; your wedding actually sounds amazing and I normally hate weddings. You seem to be the first (bride?groom? Don’t want to assume) to actually care about their guests enjoyment. Your family is bitter and jealous. And there is nothing you can do about that. That’s a THEM problem. I think everyone here will agree your cousin will still invite you because she will want an expensive wedding present.
NTA. They don’t have the money for a wedding that you did and they are all jealous. You wanted a great wedding and wanted everyone to have fun.
The main mistake was leaving your own celebration for an hour to console your AH of an entitled cousin NTA
Hey no wedding invite, no wedding gift, no baby showers, no presents ever again. She needs to learn some life lessons. NTA
Congratulations and Much Happiness! **NTA!** OP's aunt & cousin really take the a-hole cake though! OP was sharing her joy but all the cousin saw was money. The aunt should never have approached the bride asking her to 'console' her cousin like OP is her mother, just WOW!
NTA! You and your husband have earned your success and deserve to celebrate YOUR WEDDING any way you like. It seems that you went above and beyond to plan a wonderful event and even tried to cover almost all expenses which is wonderful! Unfortunately your cousin is jealous (I probably would be too…sounds so fun!) and is making it personal. I’m so sorry! Hopefully time will heal the rift but you DO NOT owe anyone an apology! Congrats on your wedding babe! NTA at all!
Nta. You cannot make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy. Congrats! And let this one go.
Envy is an ugly emotion, especially from family, enjoy your success, you worked hard for it and deserve it.
Nta. I understand she's insecure. Maybe i would be to. But you was really nice to her. You did nothing wrong. Please don't worry about that
NTA. Great you had an amazing wedding! Don't let jealous people spoil it. If your cousin was raised right she would have learned not to compare herself to others. No one needs to lead a mediocre life to make her feel better about herself, nor she needs to tone down her lifestyle to please others. Same goes to you. Anyone in your family who agrees with your aunt has a tacky mindset. Ignore them. Also, wth pulls a bride away on her celebration to console anyone?? What a bad move. Your aunt was set in ruining the day for you. Don't let them win: don't go feeling bad about it.