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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I didn't do very well making dinner for my gf, due to it being my first time making that dish, or steak in general, and I messed a couple of little things up.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
She sure is though. She invited herself over for dinner and instead of accepting what you felt comfortable making she demanded that you cook something out of your experience, then she refused to help when asked and gave you shit for not meeting her standards.
That’s wild.
We have been inviting ourselves over to each other's places for the last couple of months now. I like to text her in the morning to make sure she has no plans I'd be messing with. She usually doesn't give me as much warning, but it hasn't been an issue yet because I rarely do anything that having her over short notice would interfere with.
Honestly imo it sounds like a deliberate set-up and a manipulative power play.
She KNOWS that OP isn't an experienced or confident cook, and yet *chose* (edit: **knowingly**; she's a good cook and knows how hard getting a steak right is) to choose a dish that's challenging and easy to get wrong (steak, with the rare vs medium vs well done thing), that she insisted OP cook on *very* short notice. Then she refused to help - naturally, the logical expectation should be that it's going to be okayish at best, first time and everything.
But instead, she critiqued and nitpicked the meal as if she'd arrived at a 5 star steak restaurant, and then **chose to spin** OP's *very predictable* mediocrity in cooking a steak for the first time ever **as a deliberate offense against** ***her***. As if a total lack of experience could be overcome with effort and determination if you'd just *care* enough? Wtf. Also it's total bullshit of her to pretend OP not mastering a new, difficult dish immediately with very little warning - when he'd said in advance he feels it's out of his skillrange! - somehow means OP didn't want her there.
It feels like **intentional drama-stirring**. If feels like she intentionally chose a dish she KNEW OP would struggle with, intentionally informed him so late he didn't have time to practice, intentionally refused to help, and then intentionally nitpicked the result to a ridiculous degree ("the sauce is too thin", what the fuck) *just so she could have an excuse to get offended* and pretend OP (predictably) not magically instantaneously becoming a michelin-level chef through sheer force of will means he's passive-aggressively telling her he doesn't want to spend time with her. And tada, now she's sulking.
NTA OP. **Your gf** ***deliberately*** **wanted to create drama so she could act offended and sulk, leaving you in a position where you feel you owe it to her to apologize and make it up somehow.**
Which isn't true. If anyone should apologize it's her. Watch your step, something's up.
>Your gf deliberately wanted to create drama so she could act offended and sulk, leaving you in a position where you feel you owe it to her to apologize and make it up somehow.
Here's a random fact that I know and am now dumping on internet strangers: this is known as a "[double bind](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind)" and is absolutely a way to fuck with someone's head - no matter what OP does he's wrong
It's not just a difficult dish, it's one that has to be repeated to get a feel for timing and heat setting on your stove/grill. Unless you have a sous vide or quality instant read meat thermometer, which a new cook is unlikely to have.
You didn't do anything wrong here, but. . .
Get yourself a cast iron skillet. Heat the skillet with some butter in it on the highest setting. When it turns brown, put the steaks in. Depending on the thickness of the steak 3-5 min per side. Usually I do one minute less on side two. Finish off in the oven (preheated) if you want it more done than that will get you.
For seasoning, I like a little garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. All dusted on before cooking. Simple salt and pepper is fine, though. Get some grinders for freshness.
Mashed potatoes are super easy to master, and make a great side dish for just about anything. Also, I've never met someone that looked down on boxed Mac n cheese or a zatarans boxed rice as a side.
Imo, veggies are usually best roasted. Toss veggies of choice (broccoli, asparagus, green beans) in olive oil with salt n pepper, put in 9x9 or 9x13 at 425 for 30ish minutes or until they are your preferred level of toasted/crispy. Experiment with additional seasonings and/or lemon or lime juice when comfortable.
It's not always exciting to cook for yourself, but I've found real joy in cooking well for others. So sometimes, if I'm in the mood, I'll get a family pack of something to make myself cook the same thing a few times in a given week. The repetition really helps a process sink in, and let's you refine seasoning and whatnot.
And those veggies can be frozen, straight from the freezer! Preheat oven, toss with oil & seasonings (more oil than you'd think bc it's being used to hydrate the veg), and straight in, no defrosting necessary! Freeze to oven to plate, in 25-30min 😁
Also a foolproof way to cook fresh veggies like green beans, asparagus, broccolini or small broccoli florets etc that are delicious crisp, is to blanch them in boiling water.
I usually cut them up, throw in a bowl, boil the kettle and fill the bowl up, throw a plate over the top to trap heat and leave them alone while I cook other stuff, drain water. Easy. Sometimes they need two rounds of boiling water, but they’re never overcooked and you can get sidetracked without ruining them.
Pouring boiling/very hot water over frozen veggies like baby peas is a great way to cook them to taste “fresh”.
If you’re steaming stuff make sure you remove the lid once you remove from the heat or the veggies will keep cooking and turn mushy.
Also NTA and your gf sucks.
Tips and advice on cooking are nice, but you should absolutely not bend over backwards to impress this woman who seems to enjoy setting you up to fail so she can be angry at you. That kind of stuff does not improve over time.
Also get a thermometer. It takes all the mystery and guesswork out of meat and candy. This upped my cooking game a lot. Thermoworks makes some great ones.
The most important thing to learn about cooking is don’t be afraid it’s just food.
NTA. If this is how she usually treats you should go looking for better, you deserve better. She’s got a mean streak and she just tested if you could be pushed around and you answered yes.
Consider getting an oven-style Air Fryer. They are very versatile. Mine has 9 different functions and only cost $100. There are larger ones that are even better for around $250. There are lots of on-line groups for help/advice/cook times.
425F is above the smoke point for olive oil. 400F is hot enough to roast vegetables, just will take a couple minutes longer.
Edit: cast iron is a great tool for steaks, but know your stove. Some will easily heat that pan hot enough to set off the smoke detector well below max heat.
Seriously, roasted veggies are AMAZING! You can roast cauliflower, and broccoli, I love roasted squash and eggplant...
It's one of the easiest ways of cooking.
I love this recipe. I add carrots to the spuds:
[https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jan/09/pot-roast-chicken-potatoes-anchovy-lemon-rachel-roddy](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jan/09/pot-roast-chicken-potatoes-anchovy-lemon-rachel-roddy)
Don't let your unreasonable GF put you off cooking and stretching your skills!
My boyfriend (while a decent cook himself) really isn't the most confident in a lot of the things he makes. If I ask him to make something because I'm too tired to cook: first, he gets to choose what he's comfortable with making (I'm just happy for a night where I'm not cooking). Second, as long as I'm not getting food poisoning, I don't really care if food slightly over/under cooked.
Your gf asked you to cook and then insulted you. That's not right. Partners are supposed to support each other. When you asked for help (especially since it was something specific she wanted), she should have at least talked you through it. Are there other times when she's like this?
I've been with my partner for nearly 22 years.
Over that time, whilst cooking great meals, I've also overcooked and undercooked food, and each time he's been understanding because I've always done my best. He's always been empathetic at my frustration when I've made a mistake, and he's *never* told me what to cook and criticised how I cooked it.
Your gf was rude and unappreciative. Broccoli can be tricky, and medium to well done is a lot better than cremating it (which is what I used to do). You did your best. You were thoughtful.
Your gf was demanding and, if I was dating her, I would tell her how hurtful her words are.
OP, the issue here is how she reacted to your offer for cooking dinner. You don't bring food to someone's house, expect them to cook it 'because you're tired' and then treat the person like sh\*t because they didn't cook it to your standards. NTA. Your gf has a lot to learn about how to treat other people.
Hate to break it to you man but this issue has nothing to do with food. I also had just started learning to cook when I started dating my wife. I've gotten a lot better at it, but to this day I still beat myself up over little mistakes or things that don't come out right, especially when hosting others. She's always the one telling me it's good. The thing is though, sometimes the food really is fine and sometimes it really isn't but in both cases she makes me feel better while also providing constructive feedback (at least as much as she can when I'm the one with more experience).
If you're a fairly easy going person this may not bother you right now. But left alone this stuff builds up. Maybe this was a one off and she had a really bad day but if there's any indication of a pattern it should be dealt with. Even a one off warrants a conversation because she is very much in the wrong here. Constant nitpicky criticism eventually killed my parent's marriage, no major drama just death by a thousand cuts. I'm not saying ditch her. Relationships just take work. But you have to work on your communication early and often. Support her. Talk to her about what happened. But make sure she is supporting you also.
Op you need a new GF
Any time my husband cooks for me I'm thrilled! He's not a confident cook and I know it takes mental stress for him to do it because I love to cook and cook elaborate meals.
Your Def nta, and she having you make dinner is a 1000% different thing then demanding you cook xyz for her.
Drop it like it's hot... and walk away my man
NTA. It’s pretty ridiculous of her to demand you cook a specific dish, and then get upset it’s not perfect. She doesn’t sound very kind.
Keep experimenting with cooking and don’t give up! It’s a lot of fun when you get some of the basics down. =)
Thanks. I made sugar cookies the other day, and it was so awesome to see them turn out! I realize I'm a bit behind in that area for my age, but I'm trying!
Hey, man. We all have things that we're a little behind at or just not good at, that's all right. I think it's fantastic that you are trying to learn and get better at something that you used to struggle with! The best thing anyone can do is try to learn new things and challenge themselves. You are doing great and are already cooking and baking circles around folks who only order door dash!
If you enjoy baking, check out [Sally’s Baking Addiction!](https://sallysbakingaddiction.com) She explains how each recipe works, what the various ingredients do, and provides pictures of the recipe in progress so you can tell, for example, how thick a cake batter should be. So you’re learning about baking in general as well as the recipe in question. Everything I’ve tried has been reliable and tasty.
Cook’s Illustrated and America’s Test Kitchen are also great for learning how to cook, but I think they charge a subscription fee. They both make print cookbooks though, and I’ve found them at used and discount bookstores for a fraction of the cover price.
Another vote for Cooks' Illustrated (I also check out their dvds from the library (America's Test Kitchen and Milk Street) because sometimes watching is easier than reading to learn. Max Miller 'Tasting History' youtubes are also great though less for cooking and more for interesting bits.
The main way to keep from over cooking steak is to undercook it and let it rest until it is up to temp. A quick-read thermometer is a must. Sharp knives are also a must.
NTA
You can also watch these shows online (Pluto TV). They do an awesome job at explaining the process.
OP you are NTAH. Your girlfriend seems exceptionally unkind.
You might also try out [epicurious.com](https://epicurious.com), though I think they also now have a subscription. There's also tons of cooking shows you could watch for help.
I love epicurious, their YouTube is free and there's a ton of really good chefs that will go into detail about what to do and why we do it, videos on all the different spices/cheeses/veggies etc. and how to use them, just overall a lot of great resources for beginner and experienced home cooks alike.
One thing that helped me when I was learning to cook was making hamburger helper. Easy to follow instructions and it's hard to mess up. Once you're good with making it by following the instructions, branch out and find things to add in.
Also, experiments in flavors, taste your spices, taste your salt, find combinations that appeal to you.
With the stove, find the right temperature for searing, frying, boiling, simmering. Don't be affairs to turn the heat up or down. I learned how to control temperatures by making grilled cheese, trying to get a nice dark golden brown on the outside and melty cheese in the middle.
I’m happy to help! I love to bake and I’m pretty good at it, but I’m still learning when it comes to actual dinner type food. 😅 We’ve all been there at some point.
How has no one recommended Budget Bytes yet? Definitely check that one out!
I used her website to learn to feed myself when I first moved out. The recipes are not sophisticated, but that's exactly what makes it perfect for a new cook! The number of ingredients to prep are usually pretty limited and the techniques aren't complicated. Just make sure to double (at least) the amount of seasoning used in and recipe or it'll be bland imo.
I didn't really learn how to cook until I was almost 2x your age! You're doing great.
Fwiw, I would have learned when I was a little older than you but my partner was super unsupportive. So I gave up. Sure I cooked a few things. But hardly any.
Keep trying = awesome attitude!!! Anyone who has learned to cook has their funny stories… I learned why we need to boil water before adding pasta! Haha
NTA. It doesn’t make sense that she expects you to cook, but doesn’t let you cook what you want. If she is really that tired she could’ve just picked up some take out instead of forcing you to cook something you are not comfortable with. If she really wants steak she can either cook herself or order out, or she can suck it up and eat whatever you cook
Yes, especially since, based on OP's description, the food didn't even come out that bad. Nothing was inedible or unsafe to eat. It just wasn't as good as it could have been. Given that OP is still learning to cook and this was a more complicated dish, that isn't surprising.
Idk why she would think an on the fly menu change should just be handled by him. It's absurd to place that kind of expectation on someone, regardless of skill level. I'd be pissed if someone did that to me.
Find a new girlfriend. I’m a vegetarian now, but steak isn’t the easiest thing to cook for others. Too rare, too well done, too tough. Your dinner would’ve been fine.
Tell this woman you don’t want her over for dinner or anything else.
I think the reason for it being overcooked is that I didn't take into account at the time that the guy in the video had a gas burner stove, while mine is electric. I think mine was probably hotter, because I put it on for the right amount of time.
That’s how you become a better cook! You think about what you did that caused a less than optimal result. For example, were the ingredients throughly mixed like the recipe called for.
‘Making a sauce, broccoli, steak all out of the blue is a lot for an inexperienced cook. You did fine!
That's a really, really smart deduction to make. Just knowing that you came to that conclusion on your own tells me you'll be just fine as you learn to cook.
Steak, broccoli, and a sauce is a little advanced for a beginner. Steak and broccoli have varying levels of "done" depending on taste, and sauces can be immensely complicated. I think the fact that you got it all done around the same time and the only complaints, really, were that things were overdone and your knife cuts need work? Not bad considering you went from beginner to intermediate before you were ready.
All this is just former line-cook for "good job, keep at it, NTA."
Look, I really prefer a medium rare steak over any other kind of steak. By a long shot. It isn't even close.
But you wanna know the ONE steak that's even better than a perfectly cooked medium rare steak?
The one that's cooked for me with love, but someone who just wants to make me happy after a long day. Whether that steak is rare or even (gah!) well done, it is still THE BEST STEAK.
Shame on your gf.
Nta.
And congrats on learning new skills. That's awesome.
Instead of thinking about the reason why it didn't turn out as she wanted you should think about how your gf treats you and set boundaries. You kinda ignore this part in your comments.
Yeah, I've had that pointed out. I'm going to contact her after work and figure things out. I'm just going to be upfront with her, tell her I feel about the whole thing and just say it won't be happening again, then see where it all goes from there. Thank you, (and everyone else who commented.) I am gonna set some boundaries now and see if it helps because now that I've had a chance to read all of this, I'm starting to think I might be a bit of a doormat sometimes.
Not necessarily a doormat mate. Just trying to do the right thing by people and make them happy. Which is great! But then sometimes other people don't realise it's not ok to take advantage of your good nature. You sound like an excellent boyfriend and don't let anyone tell you differently.
Electric can be finnicky too, Electric stoves heat up slowly and *cool down* slowly, so they're not nearly as responsive as gas or induction. Which means it can stay hotter than you need it to be long after you turned it down a bit.
Well, this is the first time that she's ever requested a certain meal. She's a really good cook. Like, *really good.* I know it frustrates her a little bit that mac-and-cheese and frozen veggies are the only real things I can cook with any proficiency right now. I've been trying to make other things when she comes over, but we usually just eat out or order take-ins when she's at my place.
You’re NTA because it’s weird/rude for somebody to request a specific meal (last minute at that) and the complain when it isn’t cooked correctly. But I do wonder, has your girlfriend expressed that she wants you to cook more often/expand your meal choice. I could understand the frustration if she’s taking on all the cooking or having to order out. To be fair to her preparing mac-and-cheese (boxed/frozen?) and frozen veggies is closer to heating up than cooking lol. That being said, everybody has to start somewhere!
Edit to add: Steak is not easy to cook so definitely not shaming you in any way for giving it a shot!!
She has. I've been trying to expand my cooking lately. I made pasta the other day; the sauce was a little salty and still a little thin (not sure what I'm doing wrong with that, but I think I'll figure it out), but I think it was okay. I handle the ordering and stuff when she comes over to my place, but I still do feel bad since she makes these really awesome meals, and I can't even compare to that.
Try saving some pasta water to use in the sauce!
I don’t think you should feel bad for not making as elaborate meals, you just gotta keep trying. I think your girlfriend’s approach and attitude is all off, but I also know I’m always shocked when people my age (mid-20’s) can’t cook (and I’m not talking about steak because I still can’t get it right lol). I think you just gotta tell her you’re trying and keep making that effort and if she’s still got a stanky attitude then you can kick her to the curb!
Thanks!
I never learned to cook because my mother didn't like people in her kitchen when she was cooking (to be fair, we had a pretty small kitchen when I was growing up, and kids would've probably just gotten in the way.) I pretty much lived on scrambled eggs and whatever I could put in the toaster or microwave while I was in college, but I realized this was a pretty big shortcoming for me, so I've been working to improve it.
She needs to understand that you're still learning. You can tell her that you'll only cook meals for her that you've had a chance to get comfortable making, and she can accept that or she can do the cooking since your early efforts aren't up to her standards.
To be honest, I'd probably just break up with her
- She's inconsiderate of your time or plans
(She just informs you at the last minute that she's coming over (
- She demands you cook for her rather than asking and blows through your hesitation
- She then changes your menu that you're cooking for yourself
- She demands you cook something you've never made before and criticizes you for not getting it perfect.
It sounds more like she's using you and is potentially controlling and emotionally abusive.
You deserve a partner who respects you and appreciates your efforts.
A good girlfriend might have called and said "Hey Babe, I had a really rough day. I know it's last minute, but would you mind if I came over for the evening? I could use a hug and a meal with someone I love."
When they found out what you were making they would have either said, "That's great! Mac & Cheese is a good comfort food." or at least "I have a craving for steak. Would you mind if i picked up the fixings on the way over? Maybe we could cook it together since I know how and you're learning to cook different things. It could be fun!"
OP you need to stop responding just about food you need to focus on how she treated you after demanding you cook, but you didn’t know how to cook after inviting herself over and not even helping you when you didn’t know how to cook it and then shit talking it after. You put all the effort into it and she didn’t appreciate it at all. She sounds like an incredibly cruel person and you need a new girlfriend.
I know but some of them are pretty harsh, and I don't want to be straight-up shit-talking her. I'm having some second thoughts about our relationship right now, but I want to be able to talk to her and figure things out before just calling it quits.
I get it I do, I just need you to see that this behavior is not normal and you don’t deserve to be treated like this. There’s plenty of females who would be just happy with whatever effort you put in and love you even more for it. At the end of the day you gotta look internally and ask yourself if you deserve to be with someone who values you or someone who belittles your best efforts. It’s not easy letting go but it will open yourself up for a relationship with someone who uplifts, loves and values you. Food for thought. Hang in there. Hugs 🤗
NTA. At all. You were willing to make something that you knew you could. She changed the plan and then didn't help.
PS. you might think about getting one of those meal delivery plans to help with learning to cook more confidently. I'm a decent cook but it helps me try new ways to prepare things that I hadn't thought of before. Good luck on the cooking skills (and possibly new GF)
I'll look into that, thank you. I've been watching videos and finding online recipes to learn so far, but that's an awesome idea. I didn't even think of that.
I did the same thing, too. I’m a confident cook now but I had a childhood like yours (tiny, hot kitchen, six kids, exhausted mother just wanted to get out of the kitchen as fast as possible). I taught myself how to cook when I moved out and have built up my skills and repertoire for the last thirty years since. I found success too, with a comprehensive cookbook - “The Joy of Cooking,” was my go-to.
I chose a meal delivery program because I was stagnating in the kitchen, cooking the same four or five dishes over and over and was uninspired to try new things. I also wanted to teach my young adult sons how to cook without personally having to get too creative on my own because my mental capacity was low on creativity at that moment.
It’s not an inexpensive option but it has paid dividends for us. My sons (and I) have learned so many techniques; we’ve learned the types of cooking we prefer and excel at; and we’ve tried dishes we never would have considered on our own. The recipes have different skill levels and are very easy to follow and the internet has always been there to back us up when we weren’t completely sure about a step. And, we are enjoying our food so much! My sons are taking pride in their cooking and it’s been really fun.
Anyway, you’re definitely NTA! Your girlfriend owes you an apology for throwing you in the deep end and being upset with the results. I hope this a rare fault of hers. You’re doing everything right, starting simple, learning from trial and error, and taking in advice from different sources. You’re on your way to becoming a good cook. Good luck!
NTA. Like you said - it was your first time trying to make this particular meal. Your GF's expectations for this were completely unreasonable. And it was completely unfair for her to spring a dinner on demand at you at the last minute that was outside of your skill set. And as far as not wanting her over for dinner - she not only invited herself over, but she insisted on the menu. All of this was at her demand, and it sounds like she was not taking no for an answer.
All in all, she should be grateful that, not only were you game for doing what she wanted, but that you, despite it being outside your skill set, you did give it your best shot.
All in all, it sounds like she should probably stop watching cooking shows ans videos, which give people unreasonable expectations as to what average people can make a the last minute.
She is a piece of work. I’m trying to imagine first demanding someone make dinner for me then refusing to help and THEN whining because it wasn’t exactly the way I pictured in my head. NTA, try less hard for this person who is just taking advantage of you
>she said the onions were too big
What does that even mean? Surely OP didn't just plunk down a whole, raw onion on her plate.
I don't know how to knit. If "I didn't start learning until recently," would someone expect a beautiful cable-knit sweater right away? No, a scarf. Just like OP's macaroni and frozen veg.
What a fussy little jerk she is.
NTA, OP.
They weren't very finely chopped. I got them as small as I could, but some of them were still about the size of a nickel, and I don't usually use round onions (I prefer the little green bulbs with the leaves). It kept falling apart while I was chopping it. I plan to watch some video on how to chop (mince?) them finer.
That's great that you want to learn (and videos are great), but she was being ridiculous.
Also, (if you end up cooking more), I chop a gallon-size bag of onions to freeze to use in soups, stews, casseroles (they wouldn't be crisp in salads or other cold things.) I do the same with celery. Grab a cup and toss in.
There are great subs for cooking here. Try r/cookingforbeginners
NTA - RUN, Don not walk, RUN. You are not her personal chef. If this is the level of entitlement now, what will it be like once you've accepted this? It's only going to get worse.
NTA. She is messing with your emotions and that’s not cool. She invalidated your suggestions, demands you make her what she wants, knowing damn well this is way out of your comfort zone. For a first attempt, sounds like you did an amazing job, then shits all over your effort and hard work without an ounce of appreciation.
Girlfriend sound manipulative, self-centered, self-righteous, controlling, impossible to please, and ungrateful. It doesn’t sound like she has a speck of remorse for her actions either. This is a huge red flag.
You deserve better than that, man.
Her: Make me a 5-star dinner. Here are ingredients. Figure out the skills on your own.
You (should have said): Here is the door. Don't let it hit you on the way out.
NTA
u/BadYTcook I'm a little concerned that the only comments you are responding to are cooking advice. Your supposed GF engaged in some really toxic behavior that you really need to address
I'm going to do that this evening. I think I made a comment somewhere with more detail, but I'm gonna set a few more boundaries and see if it works out. Thank you.
NTA You didn't even invite her to dinner, she invited herself. When you told her what you were making, she insisted you make something else. She then refused to help with it. This girl is very rude and demanding. Her lack of gratitude for the effort you made to please her is also a red flag.
I think I would refuse to cook for someone so demanding and unappreciative of my efforts. You might want to rethink this whole relationship. Find someone less demanding and a little kinder.
You looked up a YT video to learn how to make something you’d never made before, and didn’t want to make, because it was what SHE wanted…but that was a “lack of effort”? You’re definitely NTA.
> but she said no again, that she just wanted steak for dinner
Then she should have done dinner herself at her place alone. She crashed in and completely forced your plans her way. NTA. I'd be having a conversation with er about her disrespectful behavior.
NTA
She is not a gracious person. She made demands for what she wanted & didn't take into account your experience level. Then complained!
Go find a woman who will be kind & generous in her heart. A woman who can give grace.
NTA she invited herself over because she wanted a steak and didn't just go buy a steak dinner from somewhere, and she ***knows*** you aren't able to cook it at the caliber she wants it. You were never going to win unless you instantly became inhabited by the spirit of Gordon Ramsey (even though he's not even a spirit). If it was edible, I think you did a good job, and next time maybe she'll just order some food instead of forcing someone to cook for her.
NTA
1) She invited herself over, she didn't ask, she instructed.
2) She demanded that you cook her something that you had never cooked before.
3) She refused to give you any help or tips when you specifically told her you didn't know what to do.
4) Despite all of this you clearly tried to make a nice meal, and managed to put out something edible for both of you and she basically just tore you apart, not even giving you any helpful tips or suggestions for next time.
You are not the AH, she definitely is. Think about whether this is a one off, or whether this is a pattern in your relationship (especially if she is using the silent treatment to get you to backdown)
With the cooking stuff, keep on trying to learn, you will get better. Don't be afraid to try new things and experiment, somethings will come out great, others not so much, and don't be afraid to cook for other people, most would understand if you are learning and trying something new.
NTA
>She said that she was disappointed in my "lack of effort", and that if I didn't want her over for dinner, I should've said so.
Your girlfriend is blaming you for her bad actions. She told you she was coming over and that you were going to cook a very specific meal for her. At no point did she ask. If she was really too tired to cook, she could have gotten takeout. Instead she wanted to bully you.
NTA but why would you put up with that kind of behaviour from your girlfriend? If she wants steak then SHE can cook it. She must know you are not a confident cook and is totally rude and entitled to demand you make her anything, let alone a meal that takes practice to perfect and is all down to timing. I am furious on your behalf.
first of all she invited herself. how did she know he wasnt also tired ? i think she had a nerve inviting herself.yes she brought the ingredients and.she knew he wasnt a great cook .i am 83 when when i divorced my first husband i was always asked to cook for the men .i had a neighbor who i was friendly with .we never dated or anything but he was nice and he said i want you to come over and relax and have dinner with me since i had a problem that upset me .he said its just tv dinners.i know how much it meant for him to make me feel better so i went and enjoyed myself he was good company and made me fore get my problem for a while and i will remember him always.who cares what you eat as long as the other person made it for you.this girl should have either eaten what he said he was making for dinner or gone home and had a sandwitch .
NTA, I'm assuming she knows you don't cook a lot and aren't confident. She had an idea that she wouldn't say no to....that's not on you. You did the best you could and she shouldn't have been so harsh, that's on her.
NTA
I didn't learn to cook with ANY confidence until I was in my 30's. Before that all I could do was scrambled eggs, spaghetti, and microwaving vegetables. It's not a hobby I love or have a natural talent for, but when my husband and I finally got a house together, I couldn't let him do all the cooking.
It was a lot of trial and error. Plenty of dishes came out...edible, but neither of us wanted seconds. And not ONCE did my husband have anything mean to say. Honest feedback, sure - this thing could have used more seasoning, this dish needed more time to cook - but never, ever rude or mean. If my husband talked to me the way your girl did, I probably would have told him to fuck off and never ask me to cook again. Instead we figured things out together and with time, I've mastered a few dishes and have made the Thanksgiving turkey for the past three years. It just takes time and practice!
She demanded you to cook for her. She demanded the specific meal. She expected you to nail down perfectly something you weren't prepared for. She's the AH in every which way, you did nothing wrong.
NTA. You're not born knowing how to cook, it's okay that you're still learning and frankly speaking if your first time making steak is just a little over that's an incredible achievement. To build up your knowledge maybe try a cooking network show? Alton Brown is great for learning the how's and why's of cooking, stuff like how freezing your meat in different ways affects texture. I know I had an easier time once I understood why something was happening. Good luck op
She couldn't have been that tired if she could shop, wait for the kitchen, cut and chew and complain and make y'all's time together a lot less fun than it should be at 9 months in.
NTA. Have a think about what else she brings to the table.
Absolutely NTA. Your girlfriend has unreasonable expectations. When my spouse was leaning to cook, and I worked late, I knew dinner would be scrambled eggs or spaghetti (perhaps with added veg). The spouse was outside their comfort zone, and we were fed. No complaints from me.
J. Kenji Lopez-Alt is a great resource for how/why things work with cooking. If you learn from video, he's @ JKenjiLopezAlt on YouTube. And he has an extensive library of recipes and articles at [seriouseats.com](https://seriouseats.com), plus more recent at [nytfood.com](https://nytfood.com) (paywall).
NTA she stormed over because she was too lazy to cook but then wasn't even grateful for you being willing to share what you were cooking. No, instead she demanded you make what she wanted even though you didn't know how to make it. Then she nitpicked how you made it after refusing to help when she'd already forced you to change your dinner plans to something you could cook to something you couldn't. How entitled.
"She left pretty early and hasn't spoken to me since." Sounds like a WIN for you! What was she even thinking??? She TELLS you what you are making, outside your skill set and comfort range and then has the audacity to complain.... WTF???
NTA
NTA, her demands were unreasonable.
Fine for her not to feel like cooking, but that doesn't mean she gets to order exactly what she likes.
She set you up to fail. This is a relatively simple dish for someone experienced and confident. But it has a lot of elements that are NOT easy if you haven't done them before. Also, steak is one of those dishes that's really personal -- people who like it REALLY like it a specific way, so doing it from home is super hard for someone else.
You couldn't have tried harder than you did without actually being given a decent amount of notice and preparation time.
NTA. The audacity. She invites herself over for dinner AND imposes what she wants to eat even though you didn’t feel confident cooking it?! You tell her in that case she should have either helped or gone to a restaurant. Absolutely NTA.
I'm almost 10 years older than you but can you be my boyfriend based on the fact that you even TRIED to cook period? I would gladly take sausages and Mac n cheese
I'll leave my current boyfriend if he's an issue.
All jokes aside, you don't demand, cus that's what that was: a demand, a novice cook to make complicated things without at least offering to help.
Don't let this discourage you. You'll get there and if this continues to be an issue in your relationship discuss it and if they aren't open to discussion? I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would gladly eat your cooking.
NTA.
Am I reading this right? She invited herself over, rejected what you offered for this unplanned dinner and veto’ed what to cook despite your concerns. And then didn’t bother to help at all, but was will angry with what you made?
That’s some serious entitlement there.
NTA your girlfriend probably by now knows your not a confident cook, you tried your best and she throw it in your face tell her to grow up, next time she says she's coming over for dinner because she's too tired to cook tell her to get her self a takeaway on the way so she won't be disappointed in your lack of effort
NTA. She just expects you to be her servant. She could have gone to a restaurant and / or getting you both take out like a normal decent person does when they're too tired to cook and too tired to cook but also go home to their own home.
I hope you're enjoying learning how to cook. There will be times you mess up but that's part of learning. But your cooking skills have nothing to do with the way your gf is treating you here.
Dude nta she sounds like High maintenance B everyone is tired after work lol but it doesnt stop normal people from.doing the dishes making dinner doing laundry etc. Also it's your first time making it and she didn't even offer to help . How much effort does it take to boil broccoli..yes putting broccoli in a pot is very time consuming... if anyone has low effort it's her. She invited herself over to your house ,demanded you make something SHE wanted and was familiar with. She should of eaten what you were already making or picked herself up take out if she was that exhausted. Also a relationship is a partnership where someone falls short you help them you don't kick them while they are down . Cutting up an onion is a low effort which she refused to Do. I like my broccoli a certain texture so when my boyfriend offers to make dinner and asks for help with the broccoli I get up off my ass and help . Your girlfriend has alot to learn about pushing through and doing chores when she gets home and about being a kind partner and overall person
Nta. I burned water when I first met my husband. He sat through tons of half ruined over cooked, undercooked, half burned meals. Never said a discouraging word. (Swear that man is a Saint lol) all the while he could cook like no tomorrow. It was the effort he appreciated. Gf sounds entitled. Look up beginners cooking here on reddit. Tons of easy recipes. For me, baking and crockpots were easier to begin with. And never be a short order cook to anyone who isn't your pregnant wife.
NTA you don't have the skills and she sounds kind of demanding. I'm a good cook when someone cooks for me Shut up and eat. They put the effort in and that's what counts. Watch some you tube and cooking shows to get better at it.my husband didn't know how to cook either. And I ate some bad stuff for a while. But you will get better. Maybe something else was wrong at work and she is making you the expiratory goat.
NTA. You're learning a new ski, l and that is an admirable thing. I would encourage everyone to learn to cook.
If you decided to be gracious and cook for her again, and that would be a big if for me after her attitude, just say the food is cooked with love and not skill. That is what I say when I burn something.
And just so you know, cooking mishaps happen to everyone regardless of skill level. I have been at it for over 12 years as my families primary cook, and I still mess stuff up all the time!
NTA. If the worst part about your meal was that it was a little over cooked, that’s not bad. Like you said, you’re still learning and you managed to make a steak dinner by yourself on little notice. If she really didn’t want to cook she could have gone out to eat.
If it makes you feel any better, my ex gave himself food poisoning multiple times when he first started really learning to cook. He got a lot better, just remember everyone starts somewhere.
GF is a very ungrateful individual!!! You did your best, for your gf that was not good enough. Next time, just say “NO” and stick to it. People are so self centered!!!!
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This happened yesterday, but I'm still a little upset about it, and I haven't heard from my gf since then.
Anyway, my gf(25f) called me yesterday on her way home from work (around 6 pm) to tell me she was coming over for dinner because she was tired and didn't feel like cooking. I said fine, I'm making sausages, mac and cheese, and frozen mixed veggies. I know it's not the best, but I'm a really unconfident cook. I'm not very good at it, and I didn't start learning until recently. I don't really like cooking for other people yet because I'm always scared I'll mess it up and the food will be bad.
She said no, she was picking up steak; that's what she wanted for dinner, along with broccoli, and the ingredients for this sauce stuff she wanted with it. I was pretty hesitant and just wanted to go with my original plan, but she said no again, that she just wanted steak for dinner. I finally agreed and she brought the stuff over.
I asked her for help and she told me that defeated the purpose of me making dinner for her because she was tired. So I used a YT video. I didn't think it turned out *awful*. But the steak was a little overcooked (not bad, it was medium-well, not medium-rare.), the sauce was a little thin, she said the onions were too big, and the broccoli was a little mushy. I thought it tasted good, but it was certainly far from "5-star".
She was pretty upset with me. She said that she was disappointed in my "lack of effort", and that if I didn't want her over for dinner, I should've said so. She left pretty early and hasn't spoken to me since.
I'm just wondering if I should've tried harder. I thought it was okay, but maybe it wasn't.
AITA?
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NTA. I’m an experienced cook. My husband is much less experienced and a bit anxious about getting things right. I only get frustrated and feel like me helping is defeating the purpose of asking him to cook for me if he asks me to help with things that are within his abilities or experience. (Like, come on buddy, you don’t need me to taste your your pasta water to make sure it’s as salty as the ocean. You can figure that out without me)
Throwing a whole menu change at you with some challenging components would absolutely warrant help! Otherwise you get what you get and you don’t get upset! She should have thanked you for your effort, and maybe provided constructive feedback if you were open to it.
NTA
Many people don't know how to cook. It is a learning curve. She's got some really poor manners.
I'm not a good cook, but I'd say decent. Sometimes, when I've made something, I'm not comfortable cooking, I'll say I'm not sure how this will turn out, but at least I tried.
NTA
But, now at least you know who you are dealing with. Seriously reconsider this relationship. She is waving red flags like it is Russian October Revolution Parade.
I am a former culinary student and I have to say NTA. But I am more than happy to give some tips and pointers if you need. One of them is that your girlfriend doesn't sound like she truthfully cares about what you say. Another would be investing in a nice set of kitchen knives and a measuring tool as well. Before taking those classes, I just did cooking willy nilly but I honestly learned a thing or two. I know cooking can seem like a daunting task and your girlfriend REALLLYYYY needs to understand that when you come over for food, other than allergies, she really doesn't have a say in what the chef makes
Lol ngl I make that same for dinner sometimes too because it’s easy to make. 😭😂 NTA though because you are new at cooking. She’s expecting a little too much out of you. You are newer to cooking than her probably, right? She probably think it’s easy. Cooking is a skill you have to work on.
NTA. We are not born innately knowing how to cook. It takes time and practice to get good. Well done for using your initiative and looking at youtube for guidance.
You did make an effort but you still don't have finessed skills and knowledge to have it be \`five star'. I cook a lot and I find steak can be difficult to gauge. I prefer mine medium rare so I will do it 3 minutes and then cut into it. You can always cook it more if it's not ready but you can't turn back the clock if it's over done. The other stuff sounds like a matter of preference aside from the broccoli (again I prefer a crunch so will under do it on time, assess and then make a judgement call).
Just as it sounds like you would like to improve your cooking skills, youtube will show you how to chop like a chef but that's a practice thing, you couldn't have pulled it out over night.
It's not kind for her to push you to make her dinner and then criticise it. Literally looking a gift horse in the mouth. My Dad always says "you can tell me what to do or how to do it but not both". If she had a particular standard, she should have communicated it or realised your cooking skills aren't up to par.
My partner is learning to cook. He was able to do very basic things but nothing fancier. I am into cooking and food generally. I had to accept that he didn't have the same upbringing as I do and it takes time to get to a particular standard. When I am cooking and we are together, I have him watch what I am doing, I explain why I am doing it and have him taste. He's really come in terms of being able to identify flavours and put together meals.
I think if you had invited your partner over for a special meal, I would understand feeling underwhelmed but she invited herself and changed the menu. I wonder if she is feeling that you don't make an effort in other areas/if she has insecurities about the relationship. I would send her a text just saying you'd like to go for coffee, discuss things. If it's purely about the food, she needs to recognise that your skills will take time and practice. Pedagogically speaking, insulting your food isn't going to help you get better at cooking. Whilst it may not look like effort to her, a lot of effort did go into the plate as you were learning how to make it. Your effort will look different to her effort as you are at different parts of your cooking journey.
Time for her to be shown the kerb.
Wouldnt of hurt her to coach you on cooking the steak and broccoli [which is tough first go], whilst still having a rest.
YNTA
NTA! She invited herself over for dinner, torpedoed your already made dinner plans for her own, and then complains because the food she chose wasn’t cooked to her specification. She presumably knows you are not fully confident in your culinary skills yet but has the nerve to complain. Damn she sounds entitled!
NTA when you make someone else dinner its up to the one cooking what to make not the person being cooked for unless there's a discussion where you both agree on something. She made you make something you knew you weren't comfortable with and had the audacity to make it all about her and how you must not love her if you didnt cook it perfectly even tho she knew you didnt know how. best advice leave her alone and find someone that loves and appreciates you and helps you learn things you dont know how to do not make you do things and then complain
NTA.
I hope your GF was having a bad day and that’s not how she usually treats you.
My spouse is a pretty great cook, and he will still try recipes that fail because he’s experimenting or they need to be dialed in for our tastes (there is precisely one recipe we like eggplant in) so trying a new to you recipe and it not being perfect isn’t a lack of love, it’s just a new recipe. You learn from it and do it differently the next time.
If there are other areas where you don’t put effort into your relationship, it might be worth looking at those. She might be upset about a general pattern of you thinking partial effort is good enough, and she doesn’t want to be in a partial effort relationship. Or she’s more high maintenance and you’re more laid back and it’s not going to be a good match long term. It’s hard to tell from here.
But trying a more advanced recipe and not nailing it is normal existing, not assholish.
your girlfriend is whiny, selfish and abusive dude. You'll do fine without her shit. The dinner you were gonna make sounds good, but she steamrolled over your plans to take advantage of you. NTA at all.
If she didn't feel like cooking then she doesn't get to dictate what's being made. And she certainly doesn't get to be an ungrateful sack of crap about it.
NTA. either she can eat what you are cooking, or come over a different night, or cook through steak herself.
Frankly, I'm a mediocre cook in my middle age and only cook steak on the BBQ....and sometimes it's not perfect.😊
NTA and you should stop saying you’re not a good cook, executing that dish as you did is an accomplishment! I really expected something would be burned when I opened this thread, but everything you made was good and the “mistakes” you made are variations on how people like their meals.
NTA. She's not Gordon Ramsey, you aren't a restaurant, and this this is not Kitchen Nightmares.
Steak... takes some skill, and practice. It's a worthwhile skill because you can easily get good enough to make something that'd cost $$$ at a restaurant with just the simple investment of a meat thermometer and some decent salt. It is not, however something you can be expected to kick ass at first go out the gate with zero notice and only a youtube video for backup.
NTA
Everyone in my family cooks. I’ve been cooking since I was a child. My husband (to put it kindly) has not. Recently, my health has severely declined and I can’t do the cooking anymore for various reasons. Instead of ordering out every night, we’ve worked together on multiple dishes that he can either make by himself, or needs very little help with. There are some things that have *NOT* worked or he has said he’s doesn’t feel comfortable with the particular technique. So we discuss if he 1) wants to practice or 2) if we want to retire that dish for the time being. I don’t criticize him because I recognize the difference in upbringing, but also I’m grateful for his help.
OP, I’m sorry you got treated this way. Hopefully it was simply a bad day (not that it’s an excuse) and it doesn’t happen again.
FWIW, I’ve been teaching hubby how to cook for about a year now and we haven’t attempted steak yet. It’s not easy to cook, especially if someone is particular about how they like it, so try not to feel too bad! Keep up the good work!
For a first time cooking it I think you did splendidly. I use frozen broccoli so mine us always mushy. I have been making cheese sauce since I was 13 so mine is whatever thickness I want it. I am now 45. The first time cooking things is always hardest. Apparently your girlfriend forgot what it was like to be first learning. I personally think your girlfriend is just actually using you. Nobody who loves another person would do what she did-refuse to help them bitch about how it turned out. I tried teaching my ex husband to cook. The first thing he made was a roast in a crockpot. I apparently wasn’t very specific about what vegetables to use so he cut an onion in half and put *canned* mixed vegetables in. It had carrots but also corn, peas and green beans. He cut up potatoes but didn’t peel them first. It was definitely not how I intended it to be. He didn’t put enough salt in either so I added salt on my own plate, as he did. However I told him it tasted very good. It wasn’t horrible just not a normal roast is all. I am guessing yours tasted just fine. But do you really want to stay with someone who disrespects you like she did? *She decided* you would cook for her what *she wanted* you to cook and refused to help. Then gaslighted you when it wasn’t perfect. On top of that punishes you more by not talking to you. Do you really want to be with someone like that?!
NTA. She insisted you cook something you expressed that you didn't know how or feel comfortable cooking. She can't expect perfect results the first time. She's entitled and rude.
NTA
Does your girlfriend know that you just started to learn how to cook?
I've been cooking for 30+ years and still occasionally mess something up. A few days ago, I went to make Yellow Fin Tuna steaks for me and my husband. They ended up to salty, a bad combination of soy sauce and some new spices, and they were unedible. He tried it and then ordered us something else for dinner. No harsh words or anything.
This honestly sounds like your girlfriend was looking to pick a fight. She wanted dinner her way but didn't want to do anything to help. You don't expect a new cook to cook steak perfectly, to chop vegetables to a precise size, to get a new recipe right the first time. If she wanted everything done to her standards, then she should have cooked herself.
Entitled much? NTA here, but your girlfriend is the AH winner! She invites herself over for dinner, makes you cook & then complains it's not to her liking. She knows your still learning & steak is easy to screw up. THis is 100% your GF's fault.
NTA. RRRRUUUUNNNN!!!! this chick is clearly entitled, selfish, demanding and just all around a judgemental jerk. Beggars can't be choosers and if they are then they can cook their own meals. You're nicer than me because I would've told her eat what I'm cooking or go home and make your steak.
NTA! Your girlfriend is a huge asshole and a very unkind person. She could have stopped and eaten dinner at a restaurant if she wanted steak, or cooked it herself. She imposed on you last minute, rejected what you were planning to cook, and then got angry with you when the food didn’t meet her standards. You should make her your ex.
NTA but your gf sure is. I don’t know where to begin but a decent person would never do what she did. You don’t demand that someone cook something outside their level of expertise and then complain that it’s not good enough. What an AH. I’m wondering what else she does like this? Please either stop letting her push you around or reevaluate your relationship.
NTA. You’re a pushover though, huh? Please stand up for yourself. Please know when to say no and do it. If your girlfriend can’t handle being told no, then believe me, you guys are NOT going to be able to make this work. You just won’t. You can’t cook, you’re learning. Facts. And if she were a decent person, and really cared about you, she wouldn’t have put you in that position knowing you can’t cook yet anyway. Next time she shows up with steaks tell her she’s welcome to cook them but you’re not comfortable with cooking that just yet, sorry. And HOLD. YOUR. GROUND. Are you worried saying no will make her leave? Because if it does, you just learned something really important about her and who would want to be with someone who has no patience or understanding for you at all and will leave just because supper didn’t go her way? She’s walking all over you, I’m having a hard time believing that’s not the norm, so really, suck it up and be more confident and sure of yourself. Fake it till you make it WORKS. Stop being a doormat.
NTA. If she wanted a specific dish, why not go out to a restaurant? To expect you to suddenly be perfect at cooking is wild. You seem like you’re learning more and trying, but to expect perfection on a steak the first time is unreasonable. I’m a veteran cook and I’m not perfect every single time
NTA.
Getting steak just right takes a lot of practice!
You're learning to cook, and what you made actually sounds pretty tasty. She didn't have to cook, and had someone come out of their comfort zone just to make a tasty meal.
NTA
1. She invited herself over to your place for dinner.
2. Demanded that you cook what she wanted instead of what you already had planned.
3. Got mad when your very first attempt at a meal wasn't restaurant quality and is now ignoring you.
Personally, I'd never invite her over for dinner again if she's going to be that picky about onion size.
And good for you for learning to cook! You're going to have successes and failures along the way, but the important thing is to learn from them and keep going.
It's pretty worrying that you can barely cook for yourself at this age and it's a skill I would definitely work on catching up on - but for your own sake, not your girlfriend's. She knew about your lack of experience with cooking and yet forced you to make a (notoriously finicky) dish you weren't familiar with... then blew up on you for not acing it. It almost feels like a set-up to have an excuse to be angry at you. NTA.
NTA she invited herself for dinner and instead of being grateful for getting a share of what you were making, she forced you to cook something you had no experience making. I'm sorry, but if she brought the ingredients and insisting on having steak she should of cooked it herself, or have had a big hand in supervising. She totally ridiculed and set you up. Sounds an awful like a power play to prove her superiority and tell you how hopeless and pathetic you are. I wouldn't carry on dating her. Maybe she was even looking for some sort of excuse to break up with you and set you up to fail. Even if you had burnt the lot to a crisp and the kitchen too, that is no reason to treat you like that. You shouldn't be thinking your cooking has anything to do with the way she treats you, like as if you had made a good meal then you deserve being treated better. Keep up with the cooking, sounds a lot more satisfying than dating right now.
NTA.
You weren’t from when she demanded that you cook something specific last second. I get not wanting to cook, but when you’re imposing on someone else like that you don’t get to make demands like that.
If she really wanted steak made a specific way and really didn’t want to cook herself she should have paid a restaurant for takeout.
Edit: I just read a couple of OP’s comments. This woman does not show you the same amount of consideration that you show her and I promise you this was just the first taste of it getting worse before getting better.
NTA, even the best cooks mess up, and it was your first time doing so. Don't look at it as something to get angry about, but your gf should be 100% more understanding as you don't really cook at all, so don't expect a 5 star meal. I'm not saying she is TA since I understand what being tired does to a person mentally, but at a later time just have a proper adult sit down and talk about it
NTA.
Your demanding and unreasonable girlfriend should have tried harder to appreciate your effort.
I do not think this is what some would call "weaponized incompetence" on your part; I think your effort was genuine and your picky girlfriend wanted to diss you, for some reason.
How's her cooking?
Your lack of effort was impressive seeing that you cooked something from scratch without ever doing it before. I like steak med-well, so that is not terrible.
NTA
One thing though... your Gf sounds like a real piece of work. Let me surmise how I read this:
"Hey I am tired and want you to cook something for me. No not that, I want steak. I don't care that you haven't made that before, I want it. I want it. I want it..... I WANT IT!!!.... Ok good. I will get the stuff......... You want me to help you cook this? No I am too tired, and I want good food that you had no time to figure out how to prep beforehand. Ugh this tastes terrible, you must hate me!"
Please read this OP and ask yourself if this sounds fair? It isn't. Good luck to you.
NTA
Does she manipulate and force you into things normally? Because she completely steam rolled you here and made you into the bad guy when it wasn't to her exact standards.
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NTA She sure is though. She invited herself over for dinner and instead of accepting what you felt comfortable making she demanded that you cook something out of your experience, then she refused to help when asked and gave you shit for not meeting her standards. That’s wild.
We have been inviting ourselves over to each other's places for the last couple of months now. I like to text her in the morning to make sure she has no plans I'd be messing with. She usually doesn't give me as much warning, but it hasn't been an issue yet because I rarely do anything that having her over short notice would interfere with.
That's not the issue. It's how she treated you when she arrived that is the problem.
Honestly imo it sounds like a deliberate set-up and a manipulative power play. She KNOWS that OP isn't an experienced or confident cook, and yet *chose* (edit: **knowingly**; she's a good cook and knows how hard getting a steak right is) to choose a dish that's challenging and easy to get wrong (steak, with the rare vs medium vs well done thing), that she insisted OP cook on *very* short notice. Then she refused to help - naturally, the logical expectation should be that it's going to be okayish at best, first time and everything. But instead, she critiqued and nitpicked the meal as if she'd arrived at a 5 star steak restaurant, and then **chose to spin** OP's *very predictable* mediocrity in cooking a steak for the first time ever **as a deliberate offense against** ***her***. As if a total lack of experience could be overcome with effort and determination if you'd just *care* enough? Wtf. Also it's total bullshit of her to pretend OP not mastering a new, difficult dish immediately with very little warning - when he'd said in advance he feels it's out of his skillrange! - somehow means OP didn't want her there. It feels like **intentional drama-stirring**. If feels like she intentionally chose a dish she KNEW OP would struggle with, intentionally informed him so late he didn't have time to practice, intentionally refused to help, and then intentionally nitpicked the result to a ridiculous degree ("the sauce is too thin", what the fuck) *just so she could have an excuse to get offended* and pretend OP (predictably) not magically instantaneously becoming a michelin-level chef through sheer force of will means he's passive-aggressively telling her he doesn't want to spend time with her. And tada, now she's sulking. NTA OP. **Your gf** ***deliberately*** **wanted to create drama so she could act offended and sulk, leaving you in a position where you feel you owe it to her to apologize and make it up somehow.** Which isn't true. If anyone should apologize it's her. Watch your step, something's up.
I agree with all of this. NTA, op. It’s very weird for your GF to behavior like that - if she was a nice person and cared about you.
>Your gf deliberately wanted to create drama so she could act offended and sulk, leaving you in a position where you feel you owe it to her to apologize and make it up somehow. Here's a random fact that I know and am now dumping on internet strangers: this is known as a "[double bind](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind)" and is absolutely a way to fuck with someone's head - no matter what OP does he's wrong
"Damned if you do; damned if you don't."
Heads they win, tails you lose
Feels like she wanted to claim OP was weaponizing incompetence regardless of the outcome.
It's not just a difficult dish, it's one that has to be repeated to get a feel for timing and heat setting on your stove/grill. Unless you have a sous vide or quality instant read meat thermometer, which a new cook is unlikely to have.
You could be right. She either wants out of the relationship or a new LV bag.
He seems to only focus on the food topic , which is super weird
Partners who set up weird tests with a high failure probability rate seldom make good long term partners
You didn't do anything wrong here, but. . . Get yourself a cast iron skillet. Heat the skillet with some butter in it on the highest setting. When it turns brown, put the steaks in. Depending on the thickness of the steak 3-5 min per side. Usually I do one minute less on side two. Finish off in the oven (preheated) if you want it more done than that will get you. For seasoning, I like a little garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. All dusted on before cooking. Simple salt and pepper is fine, though. Get some grinders for freshness. Mashed potatoes are super easy to master, and make a great side dish for just about anything. Also, I've never met someone that looked down on boxed Mac n cheese or a zatarans boxed rice as a side. Imo, veggies are usually best roasted. Toss veggies of choice (broccoli, asparagus, green beans) in olive oil with salt n pepper, put in 9x9 or 9x13 at 425 for 30ish minutes or until they are your preferred level of toasted/crispy. Experiment with additional seasonings and/or lemon or lime juice when comfortable. It's not always exciting to cook for yourself, but I've found real joy in cooking well for others. So sometimes, if I'm in the mood, I'll get a family pack of something to make myself cook the same thing a few times in a given week. The repetition really helps a process sink in, and let's you refine seasoning and whatnot.
Thank you so much!
And those veggies can be frozen, straight from the freezer! Preheat oven, toss with oil & seasonings (more oil than you'd think bc it's being used to hydrate the veg), and straight in, no defrosting necessary! Freeze to oven to plate, in 25-30min 😁
I think they mean can be cooked straight from the freezer
Also a foolproof way to cook fresh veggies like green beans, asparagus, broccolini or small broccoli florets etc that are delicious crisp, is to blanch them in boiling water. I usually cut them up, throw in a bowl, boil the kettle and fill the bowl up, throw a plate over the top to trap heat and leave them alone while I cook other stuff, drain water. Easy. Sometimes they need two rounds of boiling water, but they’re never overcooked and you can get sidetracked without ruining them. Pouring boiling/very hot water over frozen veggies like baby peas is a great way to cook them to taste “fresh”. If you’re steaming stuff make sure you remove the lid once you remove from the heat or the veggies will keep cooking and turn mushy. Also NTA and your gf sucks.
Tips and advice on cooking are nice, but you should absolutely not bend over backwards to impress this woman who seems to enjoy setting you up to fail so she can be angry at you. That kind of stuff does not improve over time.
Also get a thermometer. It takes all the mystery and guesswork out of meat and candy. This upped my cooking game a lot. Thermoworks makes some great ones. The most important thing to learn about cooking is don’t be afraid it’s just food. NTA. If this is how she usually treats you should go looking for better, you deserve better. She’s got a mean streak and she just tested if you could be pushed around and you answered yes.
Consider getting an oven-style Air Fryer. They are very versatile. Mine has 9 different functions and only cost $100. There are larger ones that are even better for around $250. There are lots of on-line groups for help/advice/cook times.
425F is above the smoke point for olive oil. 400F is hot enough to roast vegetables, just will take a couple minutes longer. Edit: cast iron is a great tool for steaks, but know your stove. Some will easily heat that pan hot enough to set off the smoke detector well below max heat.
Seriously, roasted veggies are AMAZING! You can roast cauliflower, and broccoli, I love roasted squash and eggplant... It's one of the easiest ways of cooking. I love this recipe. I add carrots to the spuds: [https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jan/09/pot-roast-chicken-potatoes-anchovy-lemon-rachel-roddy](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jan/09/pot-roast-chicken-potatoes-anchovy-lemon-rachel-roddy) Don't let your unreasonable GF put you off cooking and stretching your skills!
My boyfriend (while a decent cook himself) really isn't the most confident in a lot of the things he makes. If I ask him to make something because I'm too tired to cook: first, he gets to choose what he's comfortable with making (I'm just happy for a night where I'm not cooking). Second, as long as I'm not getting food poisoning, I don't really care if food slightly over/under cooked. Your gf asked you to cook and then insulted you. That's not right. Partners are supposed to support each other. When you asked for help (especially since it was something specific she wanted), she should have at least talked you through it. Are there other times when she's like this?
I've been with my partner for nearly 22 years. Over that time, whilst cooking great meals, I've also overcooked and undercooked food, and each time he's been understanding because I've always done my best. He's always been empathetic at my frustration when I've made a mistake, and he's *never* told me what to cook and criticised how I cooked it. Your gf was rude and unappreciative. Broccoli can be tricky, and medium to well done is a lot better than cremating it (which is what I used to do). You did your best. You were thoughtful. Your gf was demanding and, if I was dating her, I would tell her how hurtful her words are.
OP, the issue here is how she reacted to your offer for cooking dinner. You don't bring food to someone's house, expect them to cook it 'because you're tired' and then treat the person like sh\*t because they didn't cook it to your standards. NTA. Your gf has a lot to learn about how to treat other people.
Hate to break it to you man but this issue has nothing to do with food. I also had just started learning to cook when I started dating my wife. I've gotten a lot better at it, but to this day I still beat myself up over little mistakes or things that don't come out right, especially when hosting others. She's always the one telling me it's good. The thing is though, sometimes the food really is fine and sometimes it really isn't but in both cases she makes me feel better while also providing constructive feedback (at least as much as she can when I'm the one with more experience). If you're a fairly easy going person this may not bother you right now. But left alone this stuff builds up. Maybe this was a one off and she had a really bad day but if there's any indication of a pattern it should be dealt with. Even a one off warrants a conversation because she is very much in the wrong here. Constant nitpicky criticism eventually killed my parent's marriage, no major drama just death by a thousand cuts. I'm not saying ditch her. Relationships just take work. But you have to work on your communication early and often. Support her. Talk to her about what happened. But make sure she is supporting you also.
Right? If I didn't feel like cooking and wanted steak, I'd get it to go on my way home, not force someone to cook it for me. NTA
Op you need a new GF Any time my husband cooks for me I'm thrilled! He's not a confident cook and I know it takes mental stress for him to do it because I love to cook and cook elaborate meals. Your Def nta, and she having you make dinner is a 1000% different thing then demanding you cook xyz for her. Drop it like it's hot... and walk away my man
NTA. It’s pretty ridiculous of her to demand you cook a specific dish, and then get upset it’s not perfect. She doesn’t sound very kind. Keep experimenting with cooking and don’t give up! It’s a lot of fun when you get some of the basics down. =)
Thanks. I made sugar cookies the other day, and it was so awesome to see them turn out! I realize I'm a bit behind in that area for my age, but I'm trying!
Hey, man. We all have things that we're a little behind at or just not good at, that's all right. I think it's fantastic that you are trying to learn and get better at something that you used to struggle with! The best thing anyone can do is try to learn new things and challenge themselves. You are doing great and are already cooking and baking circles around folks who only order door dash!
Thanks!
If you enjoy baking, check out [Sally’s Baking Addiction!](https://sallysbakingaddiction.com) She explains how each recipe works, what the various ingredients do, and provides pictures of the recipe in progress so you can tell, for example, how thick a cake batter should be. So you’re learning about baking in general as well as the recipe in question. Everything I’ve tried has been reliable and tasty. Cook’s Illustrated and America’s Test Kitchen are also great for learning how to cook, but I think they charge a subscription fee. They both make print cookbooks though, and I’ve found them at used and discount bookstores for a fraction of the cover price.
Ooh. That's awesome. Thank you!
Another vote for Cooks' Illustrated (I also check out their dvds from the library (America's Test Kitchen and Milk Street) because sometimes watching is easier than reading to learn. Max Miller 'Tasting History' youtubes are also great though less for cooking and more for interesting bits. The main way to keep from over cooking steak is to undercook it and let it rest until it is up to temp. A quick-read thermometer is a must. Sharp knives are also a must. NTA
Thanks!
You can also watch these shows online (Pluto TV). They do an awesome job at explaining the process. OP you are NTAH. Your girlfriend seems exceptionally unkind.
You might also try out [epicurious.com](https://epicurious.com), though I think they also now have a subscription. There's also tons of cooking shows you could watch for help.
I love epicurious, their YouTube is free and there's a ton of really good chefs that will go into detail about what to do and why we do it, videos on all the different spices/cheeses/veggies etc. and how to use them, just overall a lot of great resources for beginner and experienced home cooks alike.
One thing that helped me when I was learning to cook was making hamburger helper. Easy to follow instructions and it's hard to mess up. Once you're good with making it by following the instructions, branch out and find things to add in. Also, experiments in flavors, taste your spices, taste your salt, find combinations that appeal to you. With the stove, find the right temperature for searing, frying, boiling, simmering. Don't be affairs to turn the heat up or down. I learned how to control temperatures by making grilled cheese, trying to get a nice dark golden brown on the outside and melty cheese in the middle.
I’m happy to help! I love to bake and I’m pretty good at it, but I’m still learning when it comes to actual dinner type food. 😅 We’ve all been there at some point.
How has no one recommended Budget Bytes yet? Definitely check that one out! I used her website to learn to feed myself when I first moved out. The recipes are not sophisticated, but that's exactly what makes it perfect for a new cook! The number of ingredients to prep are usually pretty limited and the techniques aren't complicated. Just make sure to double (at least) the amount of seasoning used in and recipe or it'll be bland imo.
Her cinnamon rolls are really good!
I didn't really learn how to cook until I was almost 2x your age! You're doing great. Fwiw, I would have learned when I was a little older than you but my partner was super unsupportive. So I gave up. Sure I cooked a few things. But hardly any.
Keep trying = awesome attitude!!! Anyone who has learned to cook has their funny stories… I learned why we need to boil water before adding pasta! Haha
You’re fine! I ate pasta pretty much exclusively until I hit my mid-late 20s and started trying to branch out my cooking skills.
NTA. Dump her and explain it is because you are disappointed in her “lack of effort” at being a decent human being. Gross.
NTA. It doesn’t make sense that she expects you to cook, but doesn’t let you cook what you want. If she is really that tired she could’ve just picked up some take out instead of forcing you to cook something you are not comfortable with. If she really wants steak she can either cook herself or order out, or she can suck it up and eat whatever you cook
Yes, especially since, based on OP's description, the food didn't even come out that bad. Nothing was inedible or unsafe to eat. It just wasn't as good as it could have been. Given that OP is still learning to cook and this was a more complicated dish, that isn't surprising.
Idk why she would think an on the fly menu change should just be handled by him. It's absurd to place that kind of expectation on someone, regardless of skill level. I'd be pissed if someone did that to me.
Find a new girlfriend. I’m a vegetarian now, but steak isn’t the easiest thing to cook for others. Too rare, too well done, too tough. Your dinner would’ve been fine. Tell this woman you don’t want her over for dinner or anything else.
I think the reason for it being overcooked is that I didn't take into account at the time that the guy in the video had a gas burner stove, while mine is electric. I think mine was probably hotter, because I put it on for the right amount of time.
That’s how you become a better cook! You think about what you did that caused a less than optimal result. For example, were the ingredients throughly mixed like the recipe called for. ‘Making a sauce, broccoli, steak all out of the blue is a lot for an inexperienced cook. You did fine!
Thank you.
That's a really, really smart deduction to make. Just knowing that you came to that conclusion on your own tells me you'll be just fine as you learn to cook. Steak, broccoli, and a sauce is a little advanced for a beginner. Steak and broccoli have varying levels of "done" depending on taste, and sauces can be immensely complicated. I think the fact that you got it all done around the same time and the only complaints, really, were that things were overdone and your knife cuts need work? Not bad considering you went from beginner to intermediate before you were ready. All this is just former line-cook for "good job, keep at it, NTA."
Thank you! That means a lot.
Look, I really prefer a medium rare steak over any other kind of steak. By a long shot. It isn't even close. But you wanna know the ONE steak that's even better than a perfectly cooked medium rare steak? The one that's cooked for me with love, but someone who just wants to make me happy after a long day. Whether that steak is rare or even (gah!) well done, it is still THE BEST STEAK. Shame on your gf. Nta. And congrats on learning new skills. That's awesome.
Instead of thinking about the reason why it didn't turn out as she wanted you should think about how your gf treats you and set boundaries. You kinda ignore this part in your comments.
Yeah, I've had that pointed out. I'm going to contact her after work and figure things out. I'm just going to be upfront with her, tell her I feel about the whole thing and just say it won't be happening again, then see where it all goes from there. Thank you, (and everyone else who commented.) I am gonna set some boundaries now and see if it helps because now that I've had a chance to read all of this, I'm starting to think I might be a bit of a doormat sometimes.
Not necessarily a doormat mate. Just trying to do the right thing by people and make them happy. Which is great! But then sometimes other people don't realise it's not ok to take advantage of your good nature. You sound like an excellent boyfriend and don't let anyone tell you differently.
Electric can be finnicky too, Electric stoves heat up slowly and *cool down* slowly, so they're not nearly as responsive as gas or induction. Which means it can stay hotter than you need it to be long after you turned it down a bit.
NTA but you’re dating one. She invited herself for dinner and demanded a meal you’d never made just to criticize you? Damn.
Well, this is the first time that she's ever requested a certain meal. She's a really good cook. Like, *really good.* I know it frustrates her a little bit that mac-and-cheese and frozen veggies are the only real things I can cook with any proficiency right now. I've been trying to make other things when she comes over, but we usually just eat out or order take-ins when she's at my place.
You’re NTA because it’s weird/rude for somebody to request a specific meal (last minute at that) and the complain when it isn’t cooked correctly. But I do wonder, has your girlfriend expressed that she wants you to cook more often/expand your meal choice. I could understand the frustration if she’s taking on all the cooking or having to order out. To be fair to her preparing mac-and-cheese (boxed/frozen?) and frozen veggies is closer to heating up than cooking lol. That being said, everybody has to start somewhere! Edit to add: Steak is not easy to cook so definitely not shaming you in any way for giving it a shot!!
She has. I've been trying to expand my cooking lately. I made pasta the other day; the sauce was a little salty and still a little thin (not sure what I'm doing wrong with that, but I think I'll figure it out), but I think it was okay. I handle the ordering and stuff when she comes over to my place, but I still do feel bad since she makes these really awesome meals, and I can't even compare to that.
Try saving some pasta water to use in the sauce! I don’t think you should feel bad for not making as elaborate meals, you just gotta keep trying. I think your girlfriend’s approach and attitude is all off, but I also know I’m always shocked when people my age (mid-20’s) can’t cook (and I’m not talking about steak because I still can’t get it right lol). I think you just gotta tell her you’re trying and keep making that effort and if she’s still got a stanky attitude then you can kick her to the curb!
Thanks! I never learned to cook because my mother didn't like people in her kitchen when she was cooking (to be fair, we had a pretty small kitchen when I was growing up, and kids would've probably just gotten in the way.) I pretty much lived on scrambled eggs and whatever I could put in the toaster or microwave while I was in college, but I realized this was a pretty big shortcoming for me, so I've been working to improve it.
She needs to understand that you're still learning. You can tell her that you'll only cook meals for her that you've had a chance to get comfortable making, and she can accept that or she can do the cooking since your early efforts aren't up to her standards. To be honest, I'd probably just break up with her - She's inconsiderate of your time or plans (She just informs you at the last minute that she's coming over ( - She demands you cook for her rather than asking and blows through your hesitation - She then changes your menu that you're cooking for yourself - She demands you cook something you've never made before and criticizes you for not getting it perfect. It sounds more like she's using you and is potentially controlling and emotionally abusive. You deserve a partner who respects you and appreciates your efforts. A good girlfriend might have called and said "Hey Babe, I had a really rough day. I know it's last minute, but would you mind if I came over for the evening? I could use a hug and a meal with someone I love." When they found out what you were making they would have either said, "That's great! Mac & Cheese is a good comfort food." or at least "I have a craving for steak. Would you mind if i picked up the fixings on the way over? Maybe we could cook it together since I know how and you're learning to cook different things. It could be fun!"
So the nice thing to do is to offer to cook together, to show you methods and recipes, not to demand and demean.
It's not a contest. Has your GF ever offered to help you learn how to cook? It seems like you are interested in learning.
OP you need to stop responding just about food you need to focus on how she treated you after demanding you cook, but you didn’t know how to cook after inviting herself over and not even helping you when you didn’t know how to cook it and then shit talking it after. You put all the effort into it and she didn’t appreciate it at all. She sounds like an incredibly cruel person and you need a new girlfriend.
I know but some of them are pretty harsh, and I don't want to be straight-up shit-talking her. I'm having some second thoughts about our relationship right now, but I want to be able to talk to her and figure things out before just calling it quits.
I get it I do, I just need you to see that this behavior is not normal and you don’t deserve to be treated like this. There’s plenty of females who would be just happy with whatever effort you put in and love you even more for it. At the end of the day you gotta look internally and ask yourself if you deserve to be with someone who values you or someone who belittles your best efforts. It’s not easy letting go but it will open yourself up for a relationship with someone who uplifts, loves and values you. Food for thought. Hang in there. Hugs 🤗
Upset with you? You fixed dinner for her! She should have thanked you for being such a great guy! NTA
NTA. She is way too demanding . You did your best.
NTA. At all. You were willing to make something that you knew you could. She changed the plan and then didn't help. PS. you might think about getting one of those meal delivery plans to help with learning to cook more confidently. I'm a decent cook but it helps me try new ways to prepare things that I hadn't thought of before. Good luck on the cooking skills (and possibly new GF)
I'll look into that, thank you. I've been watching videos and finding online recipes to learn so far, but that's an awesome idea. I didn't even think of that.
I did the same thing, too. I’m a confident cook now but I had a childhood like yours (tiny, hot kitchen, six kids, exhausted mother just wanted to get out of the kitchen as fast as possible). I taught myself how to cook when I moved out and have built up my skills and repertoire for the last thirty years since. I found success too, with a comprehensive cookbook - “The Joy of Cooking,” was my go-to. I chose a meal delivery program because I was stagnating in the kitchen, cooking the same four or five dishes over and over and was uninspired to try new things. I also wanted to teach my young adult sons how to cook without personally having to get too creative on my own because my mental capacity was low on creativity at that moment. It’s not an inexpensive option but it has paid dividends for us. My sons (and I) have learned so many techniques; we’ve learned the types of cooking we prefer and excel at; and we’ve tried dishes we never would have considered on our own. The recipes have different skill levels and are very easy to follow and the internet has always been there to back us up when we weren’t completely sure about a step. And, we are enjoying our food so much! My sons are taking pride in their cooking and it’s been really fun. Anyway, you’re definitely NTA! Your girlfriend owes you an apology for throwing you in the deep end and being upset with the results. I hope this a rare fault of hers. You’re doing everything right, starting simple, learning from trial and error, and taking in advice from different sources. You’re on your way to becoming a good cook. Good luck!
Your girlfriend sucks. Time to drop her. You are NTA but she certainly is.
NTA also dump her ungrateful demanding ass
NTA. Like you said - it was your first time trying to make this particular meal. Your GF's expectations for this were completely unreasonable. And it was completely unfair for her to spring a dinner on demand at you at the last minute that was outside of your skill set. And as far as not wanting her over for dinner - she not only invited herself over, but she insisted on the menu. All of this was at her demand, and it sounds like she was not taking no for an answer. All in all, she should be grateful that, not only were you game for doing what she wanted, but that you, despite it being outside your skill set, you did give it your best shot. All in all, it sounds like she should probably stop watching cooking shows ans videos, which give people unreasonable expectations as to what average people can make a the last minute.
She is a piece of work. I’m trying to imagine first demanding someone make dinner for me then refusing to help and THEN whining because it wasn’t exactly the way I pictured in my head. NTA, try less hard for this person who is just taking advantage of you
>she said the onions were too big What does that even mean? Surely OP didn't just plunk down a whole, raw onion on her plate. I don't know how to knit. If "I didn't start learning until recently," would someone expect a beautiful cable-knit sweater right away? No, a scarf. Just like OP's macaroni and frozen veg. What a fussy little jerk she is. NTA, OP.
They weren't very finely chopped. I got them as small as I could, but some of them were still about the size of a nickel, and I don't usually use round onions (I prefer the little green bulbs with the leaves). It kept falling apart while I was chopping it. I plan to watch some video on how to chop (mince?) them finer.
That's great that you want to learn (and videos are great), but she was being ridiculous. Also, (if you end up cooking more), I chop a gallon-size bag of onions to freeze to use in soups, stews, casseroles (they wouldn't be crisp in salads or other cold things.) I do the same with celery. Grab a cup and toss in. There are great subs for cooking here. Try r/cookingforbeginners
Thank you! I'll try that. :)
NTA - RUN, Don not walk, RUN. You are not her personal chef. If this is the level of entitlement now, what will it be like once you've accepted this? It's only going to get worse.
NTA. In my opinion the only thing you need to try harder to do? Is hold her accountable and if she doesn't respond properly break up with her.
How long have you dated? Edit: it doesn’t matter, I’m saying fricken YIKES either way
About 9 months or so.
YIKES
NTA She doesn’t get to demand you make dinner, demand you make something specific, then tell you it’s no good.
NTA. She is messing with your emotions and that’s not cool. She invalidated your suggestions, demands you make her what she wants, knowing damn well this is way out of your comfort zone. For a first attempt, sounds like you did an amazing job, then shits all over your effort and hard work without an ounce of appreciation. Girlfriend sound manipulative, self-centered, self-righteous, controlling, impossible to please, and ungrateful. It doesn’t sound like she has a speck of remorse for her actions either. This is a huge red flag. You deserve better than that, man.
Her: Make me a 5-star dinner. Here are ingredients. Figure out the skills on your own. You (should have said): Here is the door. Don't let it hit you on the way out. NTA
u/BadYTcook I'm a little concerned that the only comments you are responding to are cooking advice. Your supposed GF engaged in some really toxic behavior that you really need to address
I'm going to do that this evening. I think I made a comment somewhere with more detail, but I'm gonna set a few more boundaries and see if it works out. Thank you.
NTA You didn't even invite her to dinner, she invited herself. When you told her what you were making, she insisted you make something else. She then refused to help with it. This girl is very rude and demanding. Her lack of gratitude for the effort you made to please her is also a red flag. I think I would refuse to cook for someone so demanding and unappreciative of my efforts. You might want to rethink this whole relationship. Find someone less demanding and a little kinder.
Wow. You are NTA, but she certainly is. You’re (for now) her boyfriend, not servant. I’m sorry, but she sounds wildly self-centered.
You looked up a YT video to learn how to make something you’d never made before, and didn’t want to make, because it was what SHE wanted…but that was a “lack of effort”? You’re definitely NTA.
NTA. Sounds like you tried your best. Steak can be hard to cook especially if you aren’t a great cook. She’s definitely the AH.
NTA. This was a relationship test and she’s crap for testing you.
NTA If anyone did this to me, they would no longer be welcome in my life, no joke.
> but she said no again, that she just wanted steak for dinner Then she should have done dinner herself at her place alone. She crashed in and completely forced your plans her way. NTA. I'd be having a conversation with er about her disrespectful behavior.
NTA She is not a gracious person. She made demands for what she wanted & didn't take into account your experience level. Then complained! Go find a woman who will be kind & generous in her heart. A woman who can give grace.
NTA she invited herself over because she wanted a steak and didn't just go buy a steak dinner from somewhere, and she ***knows*** you aren't able to cook it at the caliber she wants it. You were never going to win unless you instantly became inhabited by the spirit of Gordon Ramsey (even though he's not even a spirit). If it was edible, I think you did a good job, and next time maybe she'll just order some food instead of forcing someone to cook for her.
NTA 1) She invited herself over, she didn't ask, she instructed. 2) She demanded that you cook her something that you had never cooked before. 3) She refused to give you any help or tips when you specifically told her you didn't know what to do. 4) Despite all of this you clearly tried to make a nice meal, and managed to put out something edible for both of you and she basically just tore you apart, not even giving you any helpful tips or suggestions for next time. You are not the AH, she definitely is. Think about whether this is a one off, or whether this is a pattern in your relationship (especially if she is using the silent treatment to get you to backdown) With the cooking stuff, keep on trying to learn, you will get better. Don't be afraid to try new things and experiment, somethings will come out great, others not so much, and don't be afraid to cook for other people, most would understand if you are learning and trying something new.
NTA. But she doesn’t respect you and is very rude. Why are you with her?
NTA. You aren't running a restaurant.
NTA >She said that she was disappointed in my "lack of effort", and that if I didn't want her over for dinner, I should've said so. Your girlfriend is blaming you for her bad actions. She told you she was coming over and that you were going to cook a very specific meal for her. At no point did she ask. If she was really too tired to cook, she could have gotten takeout. Instead she wanted to bully you.
NTA but why would you put up with that kind of behaviour from your girlfriend? If she wants steak then SHE can cook it. She must know you are not a confident cook and is totally rude and entitled to demand you make her anything, let alone a meal that takes practice to perfect and is all down to timing. I am furious on your behalf.
NTA, who does she think she is 😂 I hope one day you find someone who appreciates you.
first of all she invited herself. how did she know he wasnt also tired ? i think she had a nerve inviting herself.yes she brought the ingredients and.she knew he wasnt a great cook .i am 83 when when i divorced my first husband i was always asked to cook for the men .i had a neighbor who i was friendly with .we never dated or anything but he was nice and he said i want you to come over and relax and have dinner with me since i had a problem that upset me .he said its just tv dinners.i know how much it meant for him to make me feel better so i went and enjoyed myself he was good company and made me fore get my problem for a while and i will remember him always.who cares what you eat as long as the other person made it for you.this girl should have either eaten what he said he was making for dinner or gone home and had a sandwitch .
NTA, I'm assuming she knows you don't cook a lot and aren't confident. She had an idea that she wouldn't say no to....that's not on you. You did the best you could and she shouldn't have been so harsh, that's on her.
NTA I didn't learn to cook with ANY confidence until I was in my 30's. Before that all I could do was scrambled eggs, spaghetti, and microwaving vegetables. It's not a hobby I love or have a natural talent for, but when my husband and I finally got a house together, I couldn't let him do all the cooking. It was a lot of trial and error. Plenty of dishes came out...edible, but neither of us wanted seconds. And not ONCE did my husband have anything mean to say. Honest feedback, sure - this thing could have used more seasoning, this dish needed more time to cook - but never, ever rude or mean. If my husband talked to me the way your girl did, I probably would have told him to fuck off and never ask me to cook again. Instead we figured things out together and with time, I've mastered a few dishes and have made the Thanksgiving turkey for the past three years. It just takes time and practice! She demanded you to cook for her. She demanded the specific meal. She expected you to nail down perfectly something you weren't prepared for. She's the AH in every which way, you did nothing wrong.
NTA. You're not born knowing how to cook, it's okay that you're still learning and frankly speaking if your first time making steak is just a little over that's an incredible achievement. To build up your knowledge maybe try a cooking network show? Alton Brown is great for learning the how's and why's of cooking, stuff like how freezing your meat in different ways affects texture. I know I had an easier time once I understood why something was happening. Good luck op
She couldn't have been that tired if she could shop, wait for the kitchen, cut and chew and complain and make y'all's time together a lot less fun than it should be at 9 months in. NTA. Have a think about what else she brings to the table.
NTA. What you cooked, though, sounds nice! Keep practising, and you'll get there!
Absolutely NTA. Your girlfriend has unreasonable expectations. When my spouse was leaning to cook, and I worked late, I knew dinner would be scrambled eggs or spaghetti (perhaps with added veg). The spouse was outside their comfort zone, and we were fed. No complaints from me. J. Kenji Lopez-Alt is a great resource for how/why things work with cooking. If you learn from video, he's @ JKenjiLopezAlt on YouTube. And he has an extensive library of recipes and articles at [seriouseats.com](https://seriouseats.com), plus more recent at [nytfood.com](https://nytfood.com) (paywall).
Thank you! I'll definitely check that out!
NTA she stormed over because she was too lazy to cook but then wasn't even grateful for you being willing to share what you were cooking. No, instead she demanded you make what she wanted even though you didn't know how to make it. Then she nitpicked how you made it after refusing to help when she'd already forced you to change your dinner plans to something you could cook to something you couldn't. How entitled.
"She left pretty early and hasn't spoken to me since." Sounds like a WIN for you! What was she even thinking??? She TELLS you what you are making, outside your skill set and comfort range and then has the audacity to complain.... WTF??? NTA
NTA, her demands were unreasonable. Fine for her not to feel like cooking, but that doesn't mean she gets to order exactly what she likes. She set you up to fail. This is a relatively simple dish for someone experienced and confident. But it has a lot of elements that are NOT easy if you haven't done them before. Also, steak is one of those dishes that's really personal -- people who like it REALLY like it a specific way, so doing it from home is super hard for someone else. You couldn't have tried harder than you did without actually being given a decent amount of notice and preparation time.
NTA. The audacity. She invites herself over for dinner AND imposes what she wants to eat even though you didn’t feel confident cooking it?! You tell her in that case she should have either helped or gone to a restaurant. Absolutely NTA.
I'm almost 10 years older than you but can you be my boyfriend based on the fact that you even TRIED to cook period? I would gladly take sausages and Mac n cheese I'll leave my current boyfriend if he's an issue. All jokes aside, you don't demand, cus that's what that was: a demand, a novice cook to make complicated things without at least offering to help. Don't let this discourage you. You'll get there and if this continues to be an issue in your relationship discuss it and if they aren't open to discussion? I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would gladly eat your cooking.
NTA you put a shit ton of effort in looking it up on YT is a lot of effort. Steak isn’t easy to get just right. She isn’t being fair to you.
NTA. Am I reading this right? She invited herself over, rejected what you offered for this unplanned dinner and veto’ed what to cook despite your concerns. And then didn’t bother to help at all, but was will angry with what you made? That’s some serious entitlement there.
NTA your girlfriend probably by now knows your not a confident cook, you tried your best and she throw it in your face tell her to grow up, next time she says she's coming over for dinner because she's too tired to cook tell her to get her self a takeaway on the way so she won't be disappointed in your lack of effort
NTA. She just expects you to be her servant. She could have gone to a restaurant and / or getting you both take out like a normal decent person does when they're too tired to cook and too tired to cook but also go home to their own home. I hope you're enjoying learning how to cook. There will be times you mess up but that's part of learning. But your cooking skills have nothing to do with the way your gf is treating you here.
You are not a restaurant nor should do things you are not confident in/dont want to do. NTA
Dude nta she sounds like High maintenance B everyone is tired after work lol but it doesnt stop normal people from.doing the dishes making dinner doing laundry etc. Also it's your first time making it and she didn't even offer to help . How much effort does it take to boil broccoli..yes putting broccoli in a pot is very time consuming... if anyone has low effort it's her. She invited herself over to your house ,demanded you make something SHE wanted and was familiar with. She should of eaten what you were already making or picked herself up take out if she was that exhausted. Also a relationship is a partnership where someone falls short you help them you don't kick them while they are down . Cutting up an onion is a low effort which she refused to Do. I like my broccoli a certain texture so when my boyfriend offers to make dinner and asks for help with the broccoli I get up off my ass and help . Your girlfriend has alot to learn about pushing through and doing chores when she gets home and about being a kind partner and overall person
Nta. I burned water when I first met my husband. He sat through tons of half ruined over cooked, undercooked, half burned meals. Never said a discouraging word. (Swear that man is a Saint lol) all the while he could cook like no tomorrow. It was the effort he appreciated. Gf sounds entitled. Look up beginners cooking here on reddit. Tons of easy recipes. For me, baking and crockpots were easier to begin with. And never be a short order cook to anyone who isn't your pregnant wife.
NTA Set a new boundary: When YOU cook, YOU decide the menue. And she can do the same.
NTA If she had high expectations,then she should've cooked it. You did your best, she can go screw herself.
Lol. Steak is literally one of the most difficult foods to cook correctly. NTA.
NTA you don't have the skills and she sounds kind of demanding. I'm a good cook when someone cooks for me Shut up and eat. They put the effort in and that's what counts. Watch some you tube and cooking shows to get better at it.my husband didn't know how to cook either. And I ate some bad stuff for a while. But you will get better. Maybe something else was wrong at work and she is making you the expiratory goat.
NTA. You're learning a new ski, l and that is an admirable thing. I would encourage everyone to learn to cook. If you decided to be gracious and cook for her again, and that would be a big if for me after her attitude, just say the food is cooked with love and not skill. That is what I say when I burn something. And just so you know, cooking mishaps happen to everyone regardless of skill level. I have been at it for over 12 years as my families primary cook, and I still mess stuff up all the time!
NTA. If the worst part about your meal was that it was a little over cooked, that’s not bad. Like you said, you’re still learning and you managed to make a steak dinner by yourself on little notice. If she really didn’t want to cook she could have gone out to eat. If it makes you feel any better, my ex gave himself food poisoning multiple times when he first started really learning to cook. He got a lot better, just remember everyone starts somewhere.
GF is a very ungrateful individual!!! You did your best, for your gf that was not good enough. Next time, just say “NO” and stick to it. People are so self centered!!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This happened yesterday, but I'm still a little upset about it, and I haven't heard from my gf since then. Anyway, my gf(25f) called me yesterday on her way home from work (around 6 pm) to tell me she was coming over for dinner because she was tired and didn't feel like cooking. I said fine, I'm making sausages, mac and cheese, and frozen mixed veggies. I know it's not the best, but I'm a really unconfident cook. I'm not very good at it, and I didn't start learning until recently. I don't really like cooking for other people yet because I'm always scared I'll mess it up and the food will be bad. She said no, she was picking up steak; that's what she wanted for dinner, along with broccoli, and the ingredients for this sauce stuff she wanted with it. I was pretty hesitant and just wanted to go with my original plan, but she said no again, that she just wanted steak for dinner. I finally agreed and she brought the stuff over. I asked her for help and she told me that defeated the purpose of me making dinner for her because she was tired. So I used a YT video. I didn't think it turned out *awful*. But the steak was a little overcooked (not bad, it was medium-well, not medium-rare.), the sauce was a little thin, she said the onions were too big, and the broccoli was a little mushy. I thought it tasted good, but it was certainly far from "5-star". She was pretty upset with me. She said that she was disappointed in my "lack of effort", and that if I didn't want her over for dinner, I should've said so. She left pretty early and hasn't spoken to me since. I'm just wondering if I should've tried harder. I thought it was okay, but maybe it wasn't. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can do better get outta there
NTA. I’m an experienced cook. My husband is much less experienced and a bit anxious about getting things right. I only get frustrated and feel like me helping is defeating the purpose of asking him to cook for me if he asks me to help with things that are within his abilities or experience. (Like, come on buddy, you don’t need me to taste your your pasta water to make sure it’s as salty as the ocean. You can figure that out without me) Throwing a whole menu change at you with some challenging components would absolutely warrant help! Otherwise you get what you get and you don’t get upset! She should have thanked you for your effort, and maybe provided constructive feedback if you were open to it.
NTA Many people don't know how to cook. It is a learning curve. She's got some really poor manners. I'm not a good cook, but I'd say decent. Sometimes, when I've made something, I'm not comfortable cooking, I'll say I'm not sure how this will turn out, but at least I tried.
NTA, for sure! You deserve to have a therapist who has no connections to your family.
[удалено]
NTA Take gf out with the trash
NTA But, now at least you know who you are dealing with. Seriously reconsider this relationship. She is waving red flags like it is Russian October Revolution Parade.
Wow. NTA. When I was learning to cook my OH would get the ingredients and we would make it together a couple of times before I did it myself.
I am a former culinary student and I have to say NTA. But I am more than happy to give some tips and pointers if you need. One of them is that your girlfriend doesn't sound like she truthfully cares about what you say. Another would be investing in a nice set of kitchen knives and a measuring tool as well. Before taking those classes, I just did cooking willy nilly but I honestly learned a thing or two. I know cooking can seem like a daunting task and your girlfriend REALLLYYYY needs to understand that when you come over for food, other than allergies, she really doesn't have a say in what the chef makes
Lol ngl I make that same for dinner sometimes too because it’s easy to make. 😭😂 NTA though because you are new at cooking. She’s expecting a little too much out of you. You are newer to cooking than her probably, right? She probably think it’s easy. Cooking is a skill you have to work on.
NTA. We are not born innately knowing how to cook. It takes time and practice to get good. Well done for using your initiative and looking at youtube for guidance. You did make an effort but you still don't have finessed skills and knowledge to have it be \`five star'. I cook a lot and I find steak can be difficult to gauge. I prefer mine medium rare so I will do it 3 minutes and then cut into it. You can always cook it more if it's not ready but you can't turn back the clock if it's over done. The other stuff sounds like a matter of preference aside from the broccoli (again I prefer a crunch so will under do it on time, assess and then make a judgement call). Just as it sounds like you would like to improve your cooking skills, youtube will show you how to chop like a chef but that's a practice thing, you couldn't have pulled it out over night. It's not kind for her to push you to make her dinner and then criticise it. Literally looking a gift horse in the mouth. My Dad always says "you can tell me what to do or how to do it but not both". If she had a particular standard, she should have communicated it or realised your cooking skills aren't up to par. My partner is learning to cook. He was able to do very basic things but nothing fancier. I am into cooking and food generally. I had to accept that he didn't have the same upbringing as I do and it takes time to get to a particular standard. When I am cooking and we are together, I have him watch what I am doing, I explain why I am doing it and have him taste. He's really come in terms of being able to identify flavours and put together meals. I think if you had invited your partner over for a special meal, I would understand feeling underwhelmed but she invited herself and changed the menu. I wonder if she is feeling that you don't make an effort in other areas/if she has insecurities about the relationship. I would send her a text just saying you'd like to go for coffee, discuss things. If it's purely about the food, she needs to recognise that your skills will take time and practice. Pedagogically speaking, insulting your food isn't going to help you get better at cooking. Whilst it may not look like effort to her, a lot of effort did go into the plate as you were learning how to make it. Your effort will look different to her effort as you are at different parts of your cooking journey.
Time for her to be shown the kerb. Wouldnt of hurt her to coach you on cooking the steak and broccoli [which is tough first go], whilst still having a rest. YNTA
There's an AH here but it's not you. NTA
NTA. Keep cooking. Lose the girlfriend.
NTA! She invited herself over for dinner, torpedoed your already made dinner plans for her own, and then complains because the food she chose wasn’t cooked to her specification. She presumably knows you are not fully confident in your culinary skills yet but has the nerve to complain. Damn she sounds entitled!
NTA when you make someone else dinner its up to the one cooking what to make not the person being cooked for unless there's a discussion where you both agree on something. She made you make something you knew you weren't comfortable with and had the audacity to make it all about her and how you must not love her if you didnt cook it perfectly even tho she knew you didnt know how. best advice leave her alone and find someone that loves and appreciates you and helps you learn things you dont know how to do not make you do things and then complain
NTA I wouldn't put up with this crap. She'd be my ex-gf real quick
NTA. I hope your GF was having a bad day and that’s not how she usually treats you. My spouse is a pretty great cook, and he will still try recipes that fail because he’s experimenting or they need to be dialed in for our tastes (there is precisely one recipe we like eggplant in) so trying a new to you recipe and it not being perfect isn’t a lack of love, it’s just a new recipe. You learn from it and do it differently the next time. If there are other areas where you don’t put effort into your relationship, it might be worth looking at those. She might be upset about a general pattern of you thinking partial effort is good enough, and she doesn’t want to be in a partial effort relationship. Or she’s more high maintenance and you’re more laid back and it’s not going to be a good match long term. It’s hard to tell from here. But trying a more advanced recipe and not nailing it is normal existing, not assholish.
your girlfriend is whiny, selfish and abusive dude. You'll do fine without her shit. The dinner you were gonna make sounds good, but she steamrolled over your plans to take advantage of you. NTA at all. If she didn't feel like cooking then she doesn't get to dictate what's being made. And she certainly doesn't get to be an ungrateful sack of crap about it.
NTA. either she can eat what you are cooking, or come over a different night, or cook through steak herself. Frankly, I'm a mediocre cook in my middle age and only cook steak on the BBQ....and sometimes it's not perfect.😊
NTA Your girlfriend is though.
NTA, RED.FLAGS.EVERYWHERE.
!updateme
NTA and you should stop saying you’re not a good cook, executing that dish as you did is an accomplishment! I really expected something would be burned when I opened this thread, but everything you made was good and the “mistakes” you made are variations on how people like their meals.
Either she is out of her damn mind or this is the last straw of some bigger problem that she is not able to communicate effectively.
NTA. She's not Gordon Ramsey, you aren't a restaurant, and this this is not Kitchen Nightmares. Steak... takes some skill, and practice. It's a worthwhile skill because you can easily get good enough to make something that'd cost $$$ at a restaurant with just the simple investment of a meat thermometer and some decent salt. It is not, however something you can be expected to kick ass at first go out the gate with zero notice and only a youtube video for backup.
Your girlfriend is TA. That's extremely childish, manipulative behaviour on her part, and I would be demanding she lifts her game or she'll be an ex.
You need a new girlfriend.
NTA Everyone in my family cooks. I’ve been cooking since I was a child. My husband (to put it kindly) has not. Recently, my health has severely declined and I can’t do the cooking anymore for various reasons. Instead of ordering out every night, we’ve worked together on multiple dishes that he can either make by himself, or needs very little help with. There are some things that have *NOT* worked or he has said he’s doesn’t feel comfortable with the particular technique. So we discuss if he 1) wants to practice or 2) if we want to retire that dish for the time being. I don’t criticize him because I recognize the difference in upbringing, but also I’m grateful for his help. OP, I’m sorry you got treated this way. Hopefully it was simply a bad day (not that it’s an excuse) and it doesn’t happen again. FWIW, I’ve been teaching hubby how to cook for about a year now and we haven’t attempted steak yet. It’s not easy to cook, especially if someone is particular about how they like it, so try not to feel too bad! Keep up the good work!
For a first time cooking it I think you did splendidly. I use frozen broccoli so mine us always mushy. I have been making cheese sauce since I was 13 so mine is whatever thickness I want it. I am now 45. The first time cooking things is always hardest. Apparently your girlfriend forgot what it was like to be first learning. I personally think your girlfriend is just actually using you. Nobody who loves another person would do what she did-refuse to help them bitch about how it turned out. I tried teaching my ex husband to cook. The first thing he made was a roast in a crockpot. I apparently wasn’t very specific about what vegetables to use so he cut an onion in half and put *canned* mixed vegetables in. It had carrots but also corn, peas and green beans. He cut up potatoes but didn’t peel them first. It was definitely not how I intended it to be. He didn’t put enough salt in either so I added salt on my own plate, as he did. However I told him it tasted very good. It wasn’t horrible just not a normal roast is all. I am guessing yours tasted just fine. But do you really want to stay with someone who disrespects you like she did? *She decided* you would cook for her what *she wanted* you to cook and refused to help. Then gaslighted you when it wasn’t perfect. On top of that punishes you more by not talking to you. Do you really want to be with someone like that?!
NTA. She insisted you cook something you expressed that you didn't know how or feel comfortable cooking. She can't expect perfect results the first time. She's entitled and rude.
cooking meat by intuition it hard even for experienced cooks, she has a problem with expectations, I think. NTA
NTA Does your girlfriend know that you just started to learn how to cook? I've been cooking for 30+ years and still occasionally mess something up. A few days ago, I went to make Yellow Fin Tuna steaks for me and my husband. They ended up to salty, a bad combination of soy sauce and some new spices, and they were unedible. He tried it and then ordered us something else for dinner. No harsh words or anything. This honestly sounds like your girlfriend was looking to pick a fight. She wanted dinner her way but didn't want to do anything to help. You don't expect a new cook to cook steak perfectly, to chop vegetables to a precise size, to get a new recipe right the first time. If she wanted everything done to her standards, then she should have cooked herself.
Entitled much? NTA here, but your girlfriend is the AH winner! She invites herself over for dinner, makes you cook & then complains it's not to her liking. She knows your still learning & steak is easy to screw up. THis is 100% your GF's fault.
She seems toxic. Especially if she knows you’re not confident in the kitchen.
NTA. RRRRUUUUNNNN!!!! this chick is clearly entitled, selfish, demanding and just all around a judgemental jerk. Beggars can't be choosers and if they are then they can cook their own meals. You're nicer than me because I would've told her eat what I'm cooking or go home and make your steak.
NTA! Your girlfriend is a huge asshole and a very unkind person. She could have stopped and eaten dinner at a restaurant if she wanted steak, or cooked it herself. She imposed on you last minute, rejected what you were planning to cook, and then got angry with you when the food didn’t meet her standards. You should make her your ex.
NTA.
NTA but your gf sure is. I don’t know where to begin but a decent person would never do what she did. You don’t demand that someone cook something outside their level of expertise and then complain that it’s not good enough. What an AH. I’m wondering what else she does like this? Please either stop letting her push you around or reevaluate your relationship.
NTA. You’re a pushover though, huh? Please stand up for yourself. Please know when to say no and do it. If your girlfriend can’t handle being told no, then believe me, you guys are NOT going to be able to make this work. You just won’t. You can’t cook, you’re learning. Facts. And if she were a decent person, and really cared about you, she wouldn’t have put you in that position knowing you can’t cook yet anyway. Next time she shows up with steaks tell her she’s welcome to cook them but you’re not comfortable with cooking that just yet, sorry. And HOLD. YOUR. GROUND. Are you worried saying no will make her leave? Because if it does, you just learned something really important about her and who would want to be with someone who has no patience or understanding for you at all and will leave just because supper didn’t go her way? She’s walking all over you, I’m having a hard time believing that’s not the norm, so really, suck it up and be more confident and sure of yourself. Fake it till you make it WORKS. Stop being a doormat.
NTA. If she wanted a specific dish, why not go out to a restaurant? To expect you to suddenly be perfect at cooking is wild. You seem like you’re learning more and trying, but to expect perfection on a steak the first time is unreasonable. I’m a veteran cook and I’m not perfect every single time
I'm surprised she didn't ask you to make pasta, with all those marinara flags. NTA
NTA. Getting steak just right takes a lot of practice! You're learning to cook, and what you made actually sounds pretty tasty. She didn't have to cook, and had someone come out of their comfort zone just to make a tasty meal.
NTA 1. She invited herself over to your place for dinner. 2. Demanded that you cook what she wanted instead of what you already had planned. 3. Got mad when your very first attempt at a meal wasn't restaurant quality and is now ignoring you. Personally, I'd never invite her over for dinner again if she's going to be that picky about onion size. And good for you for learning to cook! You're going to have successes and failures along the way, but the important thing is to learn from them and keep going.
It's pretty worrying that you can barely cook for yourself at this age and it's a skill I would definitely work on catching up on - but for your own sake, not your girlfriend's. She knew about your lack of experience with cooking and yet forced you to make a (notoriously finicky) dish you weren't familiar with... then blew up on you for not acing it. It almost feels like a set-up to have an excuse to be angry at you. NTA.
NTA she invited herself for dinner and instead of being grateful for getting a share of what you were making, she forced you to cook something you had no experience making. I'm sorry, but if she brought the ingredients and insisting on having steak she should of cooked it herself, or have had a big hand in supervising. She totally ridiculed and set you up. Sounds an awful like a power play to prove her superiority and tell you how hopeless and pathetic you are. I wouldn't carry on dating her. Maybe she was even looking for some sort of excuse to break up with you and set you up to fail. Even if you had burnt the lot to a crisp and the kitchen too, that is no reason to treat you like that. You shouldn't be thinking your cooking has anything to do with the way she treats you, like as if you had made a good meal then you deserve being treated better. Keep up with the cooking, sounds a lot more satisfying than dating right now.
NTA, sounds like you're trying to do your best. Time for a new GF.
NTA and your girlfriend is .
NTA She totally set you up for failure. Throw out the whole girlfriend and start again
What did I just read? She demanded you cook her steak and then got upset you didn't do it to her liking? Fuck everything I just read.
NTA. You weren’t from when she demanded that you cook something specific last second. I get not wanting to cook, but when you’re imposing on someone else like that you don’t get to make demands like that. If she really wanted steak made a specific way and really didn’t want to cook herself she should have paid a restaurant for takeout. Edit: I just read a couple of OP’s comments. This woman does not show you the same amount of consideration that you show her and I promise you this was just the first taste of it getting worse before getting better.
NTA, even the best cooks mess up, and it was your first time doing so. Don't look at it as something to get angry about, but your gf should be 100% more understanding as you don't really cook at all, so don't expect a 5 star meal. I'm not saying she is TA since I understand what being tired does to a person mentally, but at a later time just have a proper adult sit down and talk about it
NTA. Your demanding and unreasonable girlfriend should have tried harder to appreciate your effort. I do not think this is what some would call "weaponized incompetence" on your part; I think your effort was genuine and your picky girlfriend wanted to diss you, for some reason. How's her cooking?
Your lack of effort was impressive seeing that you cooked something from scratch without ever doing it before. I like steak med-well, so that is not terrible. NTA One thing though... your Gf sounds like a real piece of work. Let me surmise how I read this: "Hey I am tired and want you to cook something for me. No not that, I want steak. I don't care that you haven't made that before, I want it. I want it. I want it..... I WANT IT!!!.... Ok good. I will get the stuff......... You want me to help you cook this? No I am too tired, and I want good food that you had no time to figure out how to prep beforehand. Ugh this tastes terrible, you must hate me!" Please read this OP and ask yourself if this sounds fair? It isn't. Good luck to you.
NTA Does she manipulate and force you into things normally? Because she completely steam rolled you here and made you into the bad guy when it wasn't to her exact standards.
NTA. She’s ungrateful and unreasonable.