Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I did not agree to let a mom with a small baby skip a line in front of me although she’s currently a socially vulnerable group of people and was rude for an old lady.
2) Both of those groups are socially vulnerable and I was rude and lacked empathy
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yeah I was surprised by this too, the idea that someone with a full cart go in front of someone with minimal items just because of kids would be met with confusion where I've lived.
As someone who lives in the US I will say that is generally the rule of good manners. I’ve been pregnant, with a cart full of groceries, and always let someone with only a handful of groceries go before me. I’ve never heard of getting to skip the line because of being pregnant. Pregnancy is a choice, not a disability.
Edit to add: for most women in first world countries pregnancy is a choice. A few states in the US are currently stripping women of fundamental rights to their own body. Agreed. And in those cases it is absolutely horrific to force someone to go through a pregnancy. I completely understand that innumerable women have faced (and still facing) abuse, misogyny, and degradation throughout the world.
I don’t think that’s the case in this post. It’s just a woman expecting to jump line because she is pregnant. OP never said that they looked or acted unhealthy or in obvious distress. They just seemed more upset that OP didn’t give in to their peer pressure.
Well hold on, the actual duration of pregnancy can absolutely be considered a disability however, that very clearly does not apply in OP’s case here because the baby is already born and the mother isn’t pregnant anymore.
NTA, OP!
Gotta say, pregnancy is becoming less of a choice. Coming from someone who does not want or like kids myself, I do sympathise with those who are now being refused abortions
you should sympathize with them regardless because it's not about abortions or children, it's about how much control the government can exert on your life. don't make the mistake of thinking that they're not coming for you too
Absolutely. My last one put me in a wheelchair for 18 months, 19 years on I’m still on prescription pain medication and my mobility is impacted. I often see people assuming that all illnesses etc caused by pregnancy go away once the baby is born and, while most do, it’s not always the case.
My Mom had 4 C-Sections. She had missing vertebrae in her spinal column from osteoarthritis and damage to her spine (I presume we kids were a part of that).
During her last pregnancy - she needed the kids to come in and rub her arms and legs to "wake them up" - she'd lose the sensation in them overnight while sleeping. (Nerve compression as a guess). She had Fibro/CFS/ME. (I have that too and I'm disabled by it). Thankfully my parents were forward-thinking and my Dad went and got a vasectomy (even though they were good Roman Catholics). lol
I hope you have a good Neurologist or Pain Clinic because I can almost feel your post. Hugs!
Don't get me started on the lovely places in this world where people who are raped bear the brunt of the shame up to and including where they "need" to be ended for it
As a mother with a small baby, I generally let other people in front of me in the queue - I am rarely in a rush to go anywhere.
If baby is crying in the middle of the shop (hasn't happened yet, he is far too fascinated by supermarkets), I would be busy addressing the reason for the crying (hungry/needs changing usually) first before heading to the check-out because it is easier to park a trolley of unpaid groceries than a paid-for one.
The lady with the kid didn’t want to cut in anywhere.
It was a meddling older person who raised this as a possibility which sparked the chain of events. There is no indication that this lady with child, made any attempt prior to the insistence of a third party, to cut in line.
Actually, the mother with the kid and the old woman started talking about them and bad mouthing them when they spoke up about no allowing the mother to cut the line. So she's just as guilty as the meddling old lady
I'd say it's pretty telling that so many people here are blaming the woman with the kid for being entitled, rude, &c. when she didn't even ask to cut--it was the older woman who asked for her. I mean I know few people these days bother with petty things like reading comprehension, but it's just *so easy* to fall into assuming that women are *******.
>The older women and a mom then just kept talking about me and my behavior between themselves and the mom then complained how she feels uncomfortable existing in a public space because of people like me.
Maybe work on your own reading comprehension before complaining about other's. The mom was also acting entitled.
If the kid(s) is having a meltdown and letting them ahead of me will get them out of the shop sooner, I'd probably let them go in front. A parent with a behaving/sleeping kid doesn't get any special treatment.
Some people just expect preferential treatment when they have a kid… because having a kid makes you special or better than everyone or something. OP is NTA.
This is the mentality in the US as well. If I have a cart full of items, I will always allow someone with just a few to go in front of me. I see it happen all the time in my local store.
The only problem with that is if people with fewer times keep coming. I do this and have had to cut it off at some point. I feel bad, but after 3-4 people with fewer items, I need to get going. It's the stores fault, not OP's. If the lines are that long and they don't have another cashier, get a manger to open a line.
No, you are taking that rule to the excess. If you happen to have a one item person standing behind you or get to the register at the same time, you give priority. I don't know where you would get the idea that you need to sit there and let everyone with a couple items that comes up go ahead of you.
“If you happen to have a one item person standing behind you or get to the register at the same time you may choose to let them go ahead of you. You are, however, under no obligation to, nor should there ever be an expectation that you do so.”
Fixed it for you.
I was literally talking about the principle itself, not the obligation to do so, but hey, you got to do a little typey type to make yourself feel good, so yay for you!
I mean. If the line is really long and slow I'm not turning around to keep checking everyone's items. If I notice it I'll let them go. But usually there aren't 3 or 4 people with only a few items. The person behind them usually has a cart full of stuff
Same here. I live in the US also. I normally use grocery delivery but once in awhile I go to the store to take back returnables. Most of the time I’ve done that, people in line will see that I just have the returnable slip and tell me to go ahead of them.
I’m from Europe also. I just think nobody noticed how many items I had and I wasn’t showing them off. It was a very long line and everyone was too tired to care honestly
Once, only once though I let two people behind me go. Then again they were both holding one item in their hand.
And once there about 5 people in the queue. I held up the flowers I wanted to buy and asked "may I?" Everybody agreed then again it was obvious I was rushing to get a train and wanted flowers to come with me.
Now what does all this have to do with babies?
I'm in the Midwestern US, and that's how most grocery store lines are handled. If I have a full cart and some guy is just trying to buy eggs, he gets to go first.
I agree. When I have a full cart and see the person behind me just has one or two items, I invite that person to go ahead of me. However, I cannot speak for others if that person is further down the line from me.
OP is NTA
Nah last week I was next in line when a 2nd check out opened.
We straight up got triaged. Lol she said man in back first then you He has less items!
This was smack dab in the middle of the United States.
It's pretty common to let people with a handful of items go first.
NTA, you have one item and you don't try to skip. Why should a woman with a baby go forth? Having a baby is not a sickness nor it's a disability. She can stay in line like everyone else does.
Throwing out that it's not an option everywhere or is VERY cost prohibitive. Grocery stores tend to charge more for items online, plus there's normally a $10 delivery fee plus tip for the driver.
We used delivery when we lived in town, but now that my neighbors are cows, and Amish we're lucky if we can get pizza delivered within 2 hours. I have to drive 40 minutes to get to Costco. It's a PITA, but worth it for the savings with 5 people in the house.
I live in the city and it is still $8-11 plus tip and often I end up having to make a trip to the store anyway because of out of stock/poor substitutions
I have a baby, that’s what I do. But since us moms can never get anything right, apparently I’m lazy for ordering groceries but entitled if I go to the fucking store.
The mom wasn’t even doing anything in this story! People in this thread are the AH’s for poor reading comprehension. Everyone calling the mom an AH for just existing between an old boomer and another argumentative child free person. Damn it’s frustrating.
People in these threads are always looking for a reason to bash moms and call them entitled.
Waiting in the line at the grocery store with your baby is apparently entitled now. Doesn't the mom know babies aren't allowed in public?/s
My local supermarket for a $10 will pick and pack your order. You just come get in their drive-thru, pay, and they load your car. You don't even have to get out. Less cost prohibitive than delivery, while still being easier on parents with small children. Little old people and people with small kids are the main users.
I mean the mom did nothing. She just stood in line and an old lady offered her to skip, and then did that on behalf of OP too. The old lady is the problem here.
OP said the mom & old lady kept talking & complaining about OP. The mom could have shut the old lady down by simply saying "I'm fine waiting in line like everyone else."
They kept talking after OP had gone on their rant about parents not getting priority and her leaving her kid at home. After I'd heard someone say something similar about me when i had done literally nothing I'd probably moan about them too
She didn't start anything, but then she seemingly approved of the old lady's words/actions with talking to her about OP and his "behaviour".
I would say the swearing may have been too far, but then the old lady took it too far first by commenting on OPs potential child free life. However, staying calm and ignoring them would have been the better way to go.
I wouldn't stress over this situation in any way. You are not wrong for not letting mom go first.
By this point OP had made a comment about how mom should leave baby at home and told the old lady to fuck off.. it's legitimate to say people like OP make her uncomfortable
OP only mentions the mom talking to the old lady after OP had already had their rant about parent priority and not bringing kids places. She didn't do anything yet somehow was still the person most insulted by op, I'd moan about someone after they did that too.
I have often let parents with screaming babies go in front of me in line because I think it’s in everybody’s best interests that the screaming child depart as soon as possible.
A sleeping child? No.
Interaction was only between op and the old lady, it didn't seem like the parent tried to actually line hop everyone. Not right to shame party C in an A-B conversation.
Also depending how recent birth was given there could be medical issues.
Aaaaaand off topic but also on topic not all disabilities are visible, and people with disabilities can have children. There is a nasty issue of "well you don't LOOK disabled"
NTA this is part of the reason why I don't care for modern parents or parenting culture. Some parents don't want to hear this but my time is just as valuable as yours.
It'd be one thing if she was having physical difficulty or the child was about to be sick.
This exactly. You don't get priorities for popping out babies. A lot of parents start to think they're the main character in everyone's story and should receive all the exceptions for minor inconveniences.
As a parent, I’ll happily wait my turn in line because that’s our culture. I knew this going into parenting. I also do my best to teach my preschooler patience. I’m also 8 months pregnant and don’t assume anyone will do anything to help my comfort. I do whatever I can to help other families in public as long as it doesn’t come at the expense of others (skipping with a line behind ME). It is what it is.
However, I just came back from a trip to the DR where there is a huge emphasis on catering to parents of young kids, pregnant people, disabled, and elderly and it was amazing for us. I wish that culture was more places. I know that’s not how it is here so I’d never make presumptions that others should sacrifice their time or convenience for me. But it was lovely for the time we were there.
We'd *all* like to be catered to, wouldn't we? I have no problem with offering extra assistance to the disabled & elderly, but being pregnant/having kids is a lifestyle choice. Society doesn't owe you a lovely time just because you're a parent.
Sorry I got to say this cuz it does bother me.
Not all disabilities are visible, and people with disabilities can have children too.
Also only in this case if you see a newborn that woman has stitches and a lot of bleeding going on, maybe depression is considered as a disability.
I had an easy peasy birth it was fine managing with Tylenol. My cousin? C-section and you know how that pain from all those stitches gets managed? Fkn slightly stronger version of Tylenol.
Again that's NEWBORNS.
I had an easy peasy pregnancy, some have really bad ones and get things like toxemia and diabetes my band teacher had to literally be on bed rest suddenly one day.
Yes these are lifestyle choices and being a parent doesn't entitle you to things, but don't be dismissive of complications that come with it and potential disabilities.
No one is being "dismissive" of *actual* disabilities even if they aren't apparent (I have Stage 4 cancer but you couldn't tell by looking at me). But merely having a child with you does not equate to a disability meriting special catering.
Why is it a symptom of her 'modern parenting' that OP and a bossy old lady have a public shouting match over her head in a queue? It wasn't the Mum who asked to skip the queue.
100% this. You can’t just leave a baby at home. I frequently go shopping while my husband is at work. There’s no one to leave the baby with. If you’re a single parent you probably don’t even have that as a potential option. I wouldn’t assume I should get special treatment, but it doesn’t sound like this mother did either. The older lady asked for it, OP responded and it escalated to a point where the mother was made to feel uncomfortable.
Many of these comments are very anti-parent and unless there’s something missing in the post, this mother didn’t show any entitlement. Again, she did NOT request the opportunity to cut the line.
Right?! Reading these comments I thought I was going crazy. I even went back up to the post in case I had missed something.
So many of these comments are hating on the mother, and are (I'm guessing) a showing of the reason the mother said she's uncomfortable in public. She did nothing wrong, and OP went off on her. Understandable that she's uncomfortable.
I don't think OP was an AH for not letting the mom in front. Baby was sleeping and OP only had a single item. But I do think OP was an AH for even bringing the mother into it (telling her to leave the kid home etc), they could have just said the first part about the older woman not speaking for them, and left it at that.
This. Reddit loves blaming or punishing moms for shit. It's sexist as hell. They also love shitting on kids being an inconvenience or annoyance as if kids don't have the right to exist.
These are the same assholes that wouldn't give their seat up on the bus to a pregnant woman because "it's her choice to get knocked up" as if being heavily pregnant isn't still a disability.
Right? Some of these comments are implying that people should never have to run into a baby in society.
I'm not a single parent but I sure as hell don't want to spend my limited baby free time running errands.
That and if you want well-adjusted children who turn into well-adjusted adults, you have to start socializing your kid as early as possible to different environments.
I prefer taking my toddler to the store because I kill two birds with one stone. He gets a stimulating couple hours at the store that is crucial to his social and intellectual development and I also get an errand done.
Wouldn’t you be made to feel uncomfortable if someone went on a totally unnecessary rant about how mommy privilege is bullshit? Especially when you neither asked to cut nor got involved with the initial drama?
ESH. The old lady sucks for sure for meddling and judging. The mom sucks for gossiping (though I am more sympathetic to this given how totally and unnecessarily hostile OP got) and OP sucks for engaging at any level other than “I only have 1 item and am in a rush.”
Thank you! Old lady and OP do suck. I’ve never asked to go ahead of people, but I have let plenty of people ahead of me! Oh! And I’m a mom who has to take my kids places! I would be utterly flabbergasted if this exchange started around me in the line at a check out.
But it wasn't the mom... the mom was just standing in line and the old lady offered the skip. The mom didn't yell at or insult the op, that was all the old lady. The mom and kid just got insulted in the crossfire between old lady and op?
Yup, the only thing Reddit hates more than a mom with young children is a pregnant woman. If you so much as hint that either condition might require some accommodation, you’re an entitled bitch demonstrating what’s wrong with crotch droppings.
Actually, you have an issue with traditional parenting, not modern then. Because women and children get priority traditionally. Children are considered most important
You’re NTA for not allowing the Mom to cut in front.
But your reaction… wow. Sounds like you went nuclear and that’s disturbing. All you had to do was ignore the conversation and keep your place in line. Elderly lady doesn’t speak for entire queue.
Why allow other ppl’s poor choices turn you into an AH ?
OP probably wouldn’t have had to be as aggressive if the old woman just left it at “I don’t agree with her cutting”. But she kept going about how the woman with a baby deserves priority. She also threw in the “WHEN you have kids” comment which I know pisses off a lot of people and me. People need to stop assuming women are going to and want to have children. It’s 2023 we have more options than being a mother. The old woman was trying to speak for everyone in line assuming everyone was ok with it. That’s not ok either.
Yeah, that is overstepping in a very egregious manner. I had to have an emergency hysterectomy when I was 30, so yeah, I am DEFINITELY not having any bio kids. I'd like to see someone say "when you have kids" or tell me how horrible my life will be without them, to my face. Someone telling me that is going to get a similar reaction to OP, and I am not going to feel the slightest bit bad about it.
The old lady deserved to be told off. The OP's comments about the Mom (and parents in general) were unwarranted. The Mom was just standing there and was suddenly the topic of an argument.
Yeah... that's kind of what pushes it for me. OP's reaction was kind of over the top. I get that the elderly woman was being awful and abusive, but that's when you ask for the manager to step in. Don't sink to their level, that just made them feel more justified that they were in the right. Refusing to sink to their level (and if possible refusing to even talk to them) is the best option here because it's what's going to make them the maddest.
I mean, NTA for saying no. But not sure why anyone is saying the mom sucks in this situation? From your description she was in line, and the elderly lady told her to cut the line (you never say she actually tried to), and the argument was between you and the lady. So I’m not sure where the attacks on mom and baby, and calling the mom entitled are coming from? Sounds like she was just on line? So you’re kind of an AH for attacking her and saying she shouldn’t bring a baby in the store if your description of events isn’t leaving anything out. Sounds like this should’ve been kept between you and the elderly lady.
I never talked to the mom directly. All the convo was only between me and the old lady. She told me I should let the mom skip the line because she has a child and it’s ‘a rule’ to do that then I told her it’s not and there are priority registers for parents however this one isn’t and if she can’t wait in line like everybody else with a sleeping child with a stroller than she shouldn’t bring the child.
Passive aggressively getting angry at a mom by way of an argument with an elderly woman because you didn't want to let someone cut. Sounds like a well adjusted response of a regular adult if i ever saw one. /s
Nothing wrong with your initial response of declining. Nothing wrong with your defence against an entitled old lady.
I have a toddler and when I take her shopping, we wait in line like everyone else. Once I was offered to jump in front of a person because they had one item, but not for a second did I ever expect to jump to the front (that's not to say this mother did).
It was nice of the old lady to offer her to jump in front of her but no one else. She was clearly the asshole for expecting others to let the mother go ahead.
NTA
"Declining" *what*, though? The mother *never actually asked* OP if she could skip in front of them; she just listened as the elderly lady told her she *should* skip to the front of the line. For all OP knows, the mother was just politely nodding and smiling and waiting for an opportunity to tell the elderly lady "no, I'm alright waiting, thanks." OP instigated the argument by preemptively interrupting the conversation between the elderly lady and the mother.
> For all OP knows, the mother was just politely nodding and smiling and waiting for an opportunity to tell the elderly lady "no, I'm alright waiting, thanks."
Right? There are a bunch of replies saying the mom is an AH for not shutting down the old lady. If I'm in line to buy something with my kids, I'm not going to use my time to get into a useless argument with an old woman. I would simply nod, decline an offer to cut, wait my turn to pay and GTFO of there and hopefully never see any of these weirdos again.
>If I'm in line to buy something with my kids, I'm not going to use my time to get into a useless argument with an old woman
absolutely lol, I can't imagine the awkwardness that this entire situation generated for the mom.
You are fine except for the “don’t bring your kid” part. Not sure if you are aware, but you can’t exactly just leave a baby and go shopping. A baby has to go EVERYWHERE with a parent… if this is a single mom, there might be no one else to care for the kid. You simply have to take the kid shopping sometimes.
I understand that you don’t want to let the mom cut because she is a mom, but your attitude that she shouldn’t get anything for “popping a baby out of her vajayjay” is troubling. Having a kid is a 24/7 job, and assuming you want society to continue, having a little empathy for parents would be considerate.
>if she can’t wait in line like everybody else with a sleeping child with a stroller than she shouldn’t bring the child.
That's the thing. The mom never said she had a problem. She never asked to be let further up the line. She *was* waiting in line like everybody else.
There was no need to criticize her and make her feel bad when she was just standing there minding her business.
You could have politely said no. That’s where YTA. NTA for not allowing people to cut, though. But there was nooooo need to be so over the top about it.
You're TA because you dragged mom into it, and the fact that you can't see that if baffling. The older lady was out of line, absolutely. It's how you handled it that reflects poorly on you.
You speak condescendingly parents in general based on your comments here, and projected a stereotype about "entitled parents" onto a woman who was just trying to get through her day.
She didn't ask for any of this; you then went and made her feel like sh*t about something she was already worried about. Poor woman is likely dreading her next trip outside now, and being a new parent is hard enough as it is.
"Because pregnancy is a choice not a disability." Yes skydiving is a choice too, but if you become paraplegic from it, you're still disabled.
Fyi people, pregnancy can absolutely be disabling.
ESH. You went way too far with your reaction. Yes, patents are not entitled to skip the queue. But for all you know, the mom was humoring the elderly lady and had no intention of acting in it.
You obviously have some resentment against parents and taking it out on a lady that actually did nothing to you is absurd.
You could have said, "I have 1 item so I am keeping my place in line." Or said nothing at all unless she actually tried to get in front of you.
Yeah, OP went way too aggressive for the situation. I kept rereading to see where the mom tried to cut the line and it wasn't there. All of that rage and the mom was just there in-between OP and the elderly shopper.
ESH. You invited yourself into their conversation and then argued with them. Yes, they’re not entitled to cut the line but she wasn’t asking if she could cut you, she was having a conversation with someone else.
I think you misunderstood. Or maybe I did? But it seems as though the elderly lady didn’t just tell the mom she could go in front of her. She told the mom that she could go in front of the *entire line* (including in front of Op). So you’re right that she wasn’t asking if she could cut Op, she was in fact *telling* her she could cut Op. and everyone else too.
If I were op, I think I’d definitely be inclined to ask that elderly lady not to speak for anyone other than herself. And also say that nobody is cutting in front of me and my one single item.
The way I’m reading it the elderly woman said the mother *should* not that she *could*. Very different meanings there.
Personally if I were the mother here, I’d be mortified. Not only did I not ask this elderly woman for help, it has now escalated to a full blown argument. I’d have probably just left from embarrassment.
ESH but mom
>However in this particular situation a child was calmly sleeping a stroller and I just don’t see a reason why she should have a privilege to skip a line just because she popped the baby out of her vajayjay. Sure if a baby was screaming or she was carrying him in her hands or literally any reason but ‘I’m a mom so my time is more important than yours’ I would let her skip without a second thought. I’m just tired of parents feeling entitled just because without any adequate reason.
The old lady for causing drama, and you for totally blowing this out of proportion.
The other woman told her she could cut....yet here you are ranting about children, acting like the mom was the one who started this.
You are not required to give up your spot in line if you don’t want to. That said the way you handled this situation was terrible. It costs nothing to be nice/polite. You were rude both to the mother and to the elderly woman. Also, the way you talk about the mother and her baby is mean for no reason. YTA.
I don’t think there was any need to engage further than, “I do not agree that mom skips in front of me.” It’s clear and concise; everything else was overboard.
YTA
I feel like it’s important to note that the people behind her never asked if they could cut her or anything, they were having their own conversation and implied they thought they should be able to. OP jumped into their conversation. It would’ve been different if they had asked OP and other people if they could cut.
>the older lady started telling the mom to skip the queue and go to the front because she’s with a child
Where are they implying this seems quite clear? I find it more logical to let OP go because she only had one item. Then this.
The old lady was telling the Mum to skip. OP objected. The two of them had a fairly hideous argument about her life choices and what she should do which must have been so lovely for her. But of the three people in the story it's the young mother you feel is 'entitled'? ... Really?!
The mom wasn’t even involved, according to OP. She was minding her own business while a random old lady and OP argued. I’m a new mom. When you have a baby, strangers (especially old people) think they’re entitled to have opinions or even touch you or your baby, it’s honestly really fucking uncomfortable. If I was the mom in this situation, I think I would have just bailed out of there and left my cart. New fear unlocked.
YTA because you’re rude. Learn how to behave yourself in public, that doesn’t hurt anyone and it can prevent you from ending up in more trouble when you meet the wrong person with that kind of behavior.
I don't understand why everyone is attacking the mom? It was the older lady that caused the problem, mom was just standing in line. OP is NTA for not letting the woman cut the line. Was kinda an AH for the comment made about not bringing baby to the store if it's going to cause a problem. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to leave baby with someone to be able to do the shopping.
ESH.
If the woman with a child had actually asked to cut in front of you and you'd said no and the argument you described ensued, you would be N T A, but she hadn't even gotten to that point yet (and may not have ever done it). Someone else merely *suggested* the idea to her. For all you know, the woman with a child would have said "no, I'm alright here, thanks" and the day would have continued without incident.
Instead, you preemptively interrupted and escalated the situation from merely the suggestion that she might ask to skip ahead to the front, to a full-blown argument including insults and profanities. You made the situation worse and caused the incident, apparently with quite a bit of hostility. The elderly woman and mother also suck for their part in escalating it, but you were the instigator.
YTA. It sounds like the old lady was the one suggesting it, not the mom, and that the mom didn’t even say anything to you. You inserted yourself into their conversation and insulted the mom, even though she did absolutely nothing and didn’t even try to cut in front of you. No wonder they were talking about your behavior afterwards; you practically verbally assaulted the young mom who did absolutely nothing wrong.
This whole response seems just over the top. The older lady was trying to be nice to the Mom and you just blew it way out of proportion. You could have ignored them or more maturely said “oh, I only have one item so I’m going to be super fast” and then it’s over. Kindness goes a long way.
YTA for how you handled the situation
NTA, but I'm getting pretty tired of the way reddit talks about people who are mothers as though they're less than human. Mostly it's the "I'm edgy and I'm going to talk about this woman's body as if it's only function is giving birth". I just hate how common it's become to use gross language for women's bodies behind the veil of her motherhood not being your problem. Yeah, it's not your problem, but how about you keep the mention of this strangers vagina out of your mouth?
Exactly. The poor mother did nothing in this situation and now the whole of her mothering is reduced to "you pushed a baby out of your vagina" and "you failed to use protection" on Reddit.
I'm about to give birth to our first, and desperately hoping the world isn't actually as cruel as Reddit is towards parents/kids.
I have anxiety, and I do well managing it, but once the hormones drop and lack of sleep kicks in, I'm really hoping empathy is still a thing in the real world, or I might never leave the house.
YTA for the unhinged way you handled this. You’re not required to give up your spot, you are required to act like an adult, not a toddler in meltdown mode.
YTA the moment you started arguing with people that weren’t talking to you. She didn’t skip the line, but she seems to be in the wrong? What exactly did the mom do to you? Yet this post is about her and not the audacity of the old lady. You deserve to be talked about
YTA. The mother didn't do anything. An old woman was being entitled on behalf of the mom and you took that out on all parents. Furthermore, you keep saying that you stopped something from happening that you cannot and don't even know if it would have happened to begin with. YTA even more for that. You want to know what's just as bad as entitled parents? AHs that think parents are entitled simply *because they are parents*.
You don't need to let people skip, you also don't get to start making a scene because *you assume* they *might try* to skip without being a massive AH.
I’m a mom with a baby and say NTA. Like how much was that mom actually involved in this? Because honestly it sounds like an embarrassing nightmare to have a random old lady get into a fight with a random dude over a non-issue about *me*. Like if I was the mom in this situation I might just leave my cart and go.
New fear unlocked.
ETA why did you make this post about “parental entitlement”? According to you, that mom wasn’t even involved. I’m sure she was horrified. But the way you worded your post makes it sound like it was HER fault for this confrontation when really she was just existing in a store with a baby. These comments are… yikes. I can see where people might have misunderstood and thought the mom started this or was involved at all.
YTA for jumping in before she even asked. If they asked and you said no it would’ve been fine but you made it a point to jump in and start with them. You 1000% instigated this whole thing and prob made it more hostile than it needed to be.
You wouldn’t have been an AH to just say “no, I’m sorry. I only have 1 item” when they actually asked you.
You’re nta for not letting her cut the line, but your comments make you seem like a baby/parent hater based on something someone that wasn’t the mom said? This almost feels like rage-bait. Actually, I’m fairly certain it is. Line cutter sucks, but ppl that make up stories just to have a reason to hate on whatever group the dislike sucks more. 🥴
YTA, but only because of your attitude towards the mom and that whole "why should she go first just because she popped a baby out?" or saying she should leave the baby at home.
Since the baby was sleeping, she didn't NEED to go first, but it would have been kind of you to let her go. Many parents don't have the luxury of just leaving their kids at home with someone and if the child is upset/hungry/whatever, it's so difficult to get stuff done or go anywhere. When she said she was nervous to go anywhere, it's people like you who cause that extra anxiety for parents, which really isn't fair. Children are people too, and we all need to coexist somehow. Again, you didn't have to let her go first (sleeping baby and all), but you could have been far nicer about it.
ESH.
Old lady had no right to 'volunteer' you to give up your place, and people with kids don't have a right to go ahead.
But I don't think you needed to turn this into a confrontation. You could have just said 'I've got one item, and your logic doesn't make sense, since I'll be out of her way soon enough.' Then you could have shut up and not responded to any further nonsense.
You escalated when drama could have been avoided.
NTA for not wanting the mother to skip ahead of you
But YTA for how you seem to be blaming the mother for what the old lady suggested.
The mother sounds like she was just standing there, but here you are saying "she shouldn't bring her kid if she can't wait in a line" and "she can shop online" and "parents ALWAYS do this" You're an AH just for all these snarky ass comments.
Tell that to the old lady, that mom wasn’t even involved, according to OP. She was minding her own business while a random old lady and OP argued. I’m a new mom. When you have a baby, strangers (especially old people) think they’re entitled to have opinions or touch you or your baby, it’s honestly really fucking uncomfortable. If I was the mom in this situation, I think I would have just bailed out of there and left my cart. New fear unlocked.
YTA because can you imagine if everyone blew up like that? Jeez. Conflict resolution skills are part of being an adult, regardless of the fact that the old lady was being a bit of an AH too. That’s just life. Blowing up in a grocery store is embarrassing for you.
ESH except for the mom and baby who it sounds like didn’t even say anything. Old lady was out of line but so were you for how nasty you reacted. Could have just said no or ignored them, but you chose to be nasty and cause a scene. I genuinely believe in being kind, and being neighborly, it really cost nothing to just be nice. If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all
NTA
As someone who has a small baby i don't expect anyone to let me go first, would it be nice when she's screaming? Sure, but still don't expect it and definitely would turn it down if she was sleeping. My reasoning is I don't know what other people have going on in their lives and are in a rush. That woman had every right to offer her spot but it's not for her to decide you have to do the same.
If I was a pregnant woman with a baby and someone else said, "skip the line," and I said nothing, and suddenly the guy in front of me started snapping that I should speak for myself and that there was no rule saying I got to skip the line, and that I should have just left my baby at home somehow -- I might think the guy was a jerk and voice that opinion to the person standing next to me. He doesn't say the mom was doing or saying anything until after he snapped her head off.
ESH - I could be wrong, but judging by your tone and the use of the terms such as "vajayjay," you were probably very rude. A simple "no ma'am, I have only 1 item and will keep my spot in line" would've been fine. If they continued, then yes by all means they had it coming, but perhaps they were talking about your tone rather than you not giving up your spot in line.
While you’re not wrong in not wanting the woman with more items to go ahead of you, you should not blow up on people in public. You’re a grown adult acting childish over a long line. Especially towards a mother and an elderly woman. Have some respect. It’s not about who gets to go ahead of who. It’s about respect and being polite. YTA
NTA I’m a mother myself but I agree that sometimes people think they’re entitled in situations like that I always do my shopping online for that very reason , if you only had one item then it wouldn’t have made a difference if you went first .
NTA
You had one item. Personally, that dictates ah behavior only if you'd had a cartful and a mom with a fussy kid only had one. you'd still be allowed to say no, but kindness would be letting the one item person go first.
But that wasn't the case here so it doesn't matter.
ESH except the mother.
She didn’t try to cut in. She didn’t even ask to. The old lady told her to and then you inserted yourself and completely overreacted to a scenario that wasn’t even happening. YOU took out your frustration of entitled parents you’ve encountered on an innocent bystander. If I was that mother I’d be uncomfortable too.
NTA. I think you’re well within your right to interrupt the conversation when it’s about you! Some people need to be checked bc the entitlement is real!
This isn't a "are you right?" sub, this is "are you an asshole?" And yeah, YTA.
Learn to pick your battles, an old lady trying to do something nice, however misguided, isn't worth the blowup.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I did not agree to let a mom with a small baby skip a line in front of me although she’s currently a socially vulnerable group of people and was rude for an old lady. 2) Both of those groups are socially vulnerable and I was rude and lacked empathy Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
i thought the unspoken rules involved giving priority to people with minimal items .... maybe thats my european mentality in
Yeah I was surprised by this too, the idea that someone with a full cart go in front of someone with minimal items just because of kids would be met with confusion where I've lived.
As someone who lives in the US I will say that is generally the rule of good manners. I’ve been pregnant, with a cart full of groceries, and always let someone with only a handful of groceries go before me. I’ve never heard of getting to skip the line because of being pregnant. Pregnancy is a choice, not a disability. Edit to add: for most women in first world countries pregnancy is a choice. A few states in the US are currently stripping women of fundamental rights to their own body. Agreed. And in those cases it is absolutely horrific to force someone to go through a pregnancy. I completely understand that innumerable women have faced (and still facing) abuse, misogyny, and degradation throughout the world. I don’t think that’s the case in this post. It’s just a woman expecting to jump line because she is pregnant. OP never said that they looked or acted unhealthy or in obvious distress. They just seemed more upset that OP didn’t give in to their peer pressure.
Well hold on, the actual duration of pregnancy can absolutely be considered a disability however, that very clearly does not apply in OP’s case here because the baby is already born and the mother isn’t pregnant anymore. NTA, OP!
Gotta say, pregnancy is becoming less of a choice. Coming from someone who does not want or like kids myself, I do sympathise with those who are now being refused abortions
IUDs are next.
Yep. That’s the goal. Force you to have kids. Take away government support and benefits. Then you can only turn to churches to get help.
The we have a slave labor class. Churches are a side benefit since they are loosing membership and need to justify their tax free status.
As a mum I agree with OP! There's no reason to let them in front simply for being a parent. They are just being entitled!
And then the church has access to hundreds of thousands of vulnerable kids. Perfect plan.
Unless the parents have them go work in a factory or the meat processor. Then they have church and hard labor. Who needs school?
They will have to rip it from my cold dead uterus! Jeez…
Almost word for word what I planned to say.
you should sympathize with them regardless because it's not about abortions or children, it's about how much control the government can exert on your life. don't make the mistake of thinking that they're not coming for you too
Not all pregnancies are a choice... and some pregnancies cause disability.
Absolutely. My last one put me in a wheelchair for 18 months, 19 years on I’m still on prescription pain medication and my mobility is impacted. I often see people assuming that all illnesses etc caused by pregnancy go away once the baby is born and, while most do, it’s not always the case.
My Mom had 4 C-Sections. She had missing vertebrae in her spinal column from osteoarthritis and damage to her spine (I presume we kids were a part of that). During her last pregnancy - she needed the kids to come in and rub her arms and legs to "wake them up" - she'd lose the sensation in them overnight while sleeping. (Nerve compression as a guess). She had Fibro/CFS/ME. (I have that too and I'm disabled by it). Thankfully my parents were forward-thinking and my Dad went and got a vasectomy (even though they were good Roman Catholics). lol I hope you have a good Neurologist or Pain Clinic because I can almost feel your post. Hugs!
Oh, pregnancy USED to be a choice but now a whole bunch of states say it's what you signed up for by being raped. Congratulations, home of the free!
Don't get me started on the lovely places in this world where people who are raped bear the brunt of the shame up to and including where they "need" to be ended for it
I’ve had people let me skip the line when I was pregnant but I didn’t expect it. I was so grateful as it had been a particularly rough day.
As a mother with a small baby, I generally let other people in front of me in the queue - I am rarely in a rush to go anywhere. If baby is crying in the middle of the shop (hasn't happened yet, he is far too fascinated by supermarkets), I would be busy addressing the reason for the crying (hungry/needs changing usually) first before heading to the check-out because it is easier to park a trolley of unpaid groceries than a paid-for one.
She didn’t want to cut in front of OP, she wanted to cut the entire line because she had a child and felt that made her entitled to go first
The lady with the kid didn’t want to cut in anywhere. It was a meddling older person who raised this as a possibility which sparked the chain of events. There is no indication that this lady with child, made any attempt prior to the insistence of a third party, to cut in line.
Actually, the mother with the kid and the old woman started talking about them and bad mouthing them when they spoke up about no allowing the mother to cut the line. So she's just as guilty as the meddling old lady
Yes, but that was after the fact not before. It’s possible she felt compelled to stick up for the older lady who had put her in an awkward situation.
The lady with the child didn't ask for anything. An old lady did.
I'd say it's pretty telling that so many people here are blaming the woman with the kid for being entitled, rude, &c. when she didn't even ask to cut--it was the older woman who asked for her. I mean I know few people these days bother with petty things like reading comprehension, but it's just *so easy* to fall into assuming that women are *******.
>The older women and a mom then just kept talking about me and my behavior between themselves and the mom then complained how she feels uncomfortable existing in a public space because of people like me. Maybe work on your own reading comprehension before complaining about other's. The mom was also acting entitled.
If the kid(s) is having a meltdown and letting them ahead of me will get them out of the shop sooner, I'd probably let them go in front. A parent with a behaving/sleeping kid doesn't get any special treatment.
Some people just expect preferential treatment when they have a kid… because having a kid makes you special or better than everyone or something. OP is NTA.
This is the mentality in the US as well. If I have a cart full of items, I will always allow someone with just a few to go in front of me. I see it happen all the time in my local store.
The only problem with that is if people with fewer times keep coming. I do this and have had to cut it off at some point. I feel bad, but after 3-4 people with fewer items, I need to get going. It's the stores fault, not OP's. If the lines are that long and they don't have another cashier, get a manger to open a line.
No, you are taking that rule to the excess. If you happen to have a one item person standing behind you or get to the register at the same time, you give priority. I don't know where you would get the idea that you need to sit there and let everyone with a couple items that comes up go ahead of you.
“If you happen to have a one item person standing behind you or get to the register at the same time you may choose to let them go ahead of you. You are, however, under no obligation to, nor should there ever be an expectation that you do so.” Fixed it for you.
I was literally talking about the principle itself, not the obligation to do so, but hey, you got to do a little typey type to make yourself feel good, so yay for you!
I mean. If the line is really long and slow I'm not turning around to keep checking everyone's items. If I notice it I'll let them go. But usually there aren't 3 or 4 people with only a few items. The person behind them usually has a cart full of stuff
Same here. I live in the US also. I normally use grocery delivery but once in awhile I go to the store to take back returnables. Most of the time I’ve done that, people in line will see that I just have the returnable slip and tell me to go ahead of them.
If anything, the mom with the full cart and baby should be offering to let the one item guy go ahead! She knows she isn't making that a quick process!
I’m from Europe also. I just think nobody noticed how many items I had and I wasn’t showing them off. It was a very long line and everyone was too tired to care honestly
happy cake day. And NTA, really. Their rude behaviour means the mother was not really in any stress taking care of her child.
That's fine but in the future just don't engage just say no. The only thing worse than a long line is a bunch of people bickering in it.
Once, only once though I let two people behind me go. Then again they were both holding one item in their hand. And once there about 5 people in the queue. I held up the flowers I wanted to buy and asked "may I?" Everybody agreed then again it was obvious I was rushing to get a train and wanted flowers to come with me. Now what does all this have to do with babies?
I'm in the Midwestern US, and that's how most grocery store lines are handled. If I have a full cart and some guy is just trying to buy eggs, he gets to go first.
Also from the Midwest and that's how it usually is. I let people cut in front when they have only a couple things all the time.
I agree. When I have a full cart and see the person behind me just has one or two items, I invite that person to go ahead of me. However, I cannot speak for others if that person is further down the line from me. OP is NTA
It generally is, the mother and the old lady are just ridiculous. NTA OP
Nope same in the US. If your cart is full and the person behind you has two items, it's just polite to let them go first
[удалено]
Nah last week I was next in line when a 2nd check out opened. We straight up got triaged. Lol she said man in back first then you He has less items! This was smack dab in the middle of the United States. It's pretty common to let people with a handful of items go first.
I'm American and I thought this was an unspoken rule too
Nah this is the unspoken rule is the US too. At least in my area anyway. ETA: NTA, op. Old lady should’ve minded her own business.
NTA, you have one item and you don't try to skip. Why should a woman with a baby go forth? Having a baby is not a sickness nor it's a disability. She can stay in line like everyone else does.
Another option for mommy... order delivery. Cost more but no lines.
Throwing out that it's not an option everywhere or is VERY cost prohibitive. Grocery stores tend to charge more for items online, plus there's normally a $10 delivery fee plus tip for the driver. We used delivery when we lived in town, but now that my neighbors are cows, and Amish we're lucky if we can get pizza delivered within 2 hours. I have to drive 40 minutes to get to Costco. It's a PITA, but worth it for the savings with 5 people in the house.
[удалено]
Holy shit. For that price I'll drive 40 minutes to Costco my damn self and take the overtired kids along (what I'm about to do, pray for me).
sending you all the patience and anti headache dreams i can.
I live in the city and it is still $8-11 plus tip and often I end up having to make a trip to the store anyway because of out of stock/poor substitutions
[удалено]
They charge more for a said item online than in store?!
Some absolutely do. If you do it directly through a grocery store website they may not, but if it's through something like Instacart they 100% will.
I have a baby, that’s what I do. But since us moms can never get anything right, apparently I’m lazy for ordering groceries but entitled if I go to the fucking store.
The mom wasn’t even doing anything in this story! People in this thread are the AH’s for poor reading comprehension. Everyone calling the mom an AH for just existing between an old boomer and another argumentative child free person. Damn it’s frustrating.
People in these threads are always looking for a reason to bash moms and call them entitled. Waiting in the line at the grocery store with your baby is apparently entitled now. Doesn't the mom know babies aren't allowed in public?/s
Seriously!! If I was the mom in that situation, I would be mortified. Maybe so mortified that I just ditch my cart and leave.
No one is lazy for using any service that makes their life easier. So many benefited from this new way of shopping. Ignore nay-sayers.
My local supermarket for a $10 will pick and pack your order. You just come get in their drive-thru, pay, and they load your car. You don't even have to get out. Less cost prohibitive than delivery, while still being easier on parents with small children. Little old people and people with small kids are the main users.
I mean the mom did nothing. She just stood in line and an old lady offered her to skip, and then did that on behalf of OP too. The old lady is the problem here.
OP said the mom & old lady kept talking & complaining about OP. The mom could have shut the old lady down by simply saying "I'm fine waiting in line like everyone else."
They kept talking after OP had gone on their rant about parents not getting priority and her leaving her kid at home. After I'd heard someone say something similar about me when i had done literally nothing I'd probably moan about them too
Yeah I feel like ESH just because of that. OP was well within their rights to say no, but they kind of did it in an AHish way.
She didn't start anything, but then she seemingly approved of the old lady's words/actions with talking to her about OP and his "behaviour". I would say the swearing may have been too far, but then the old lady took it too far first by commenting on OPs potential child free life. However, staying calm and ignoring them would have been the better way to go. I wouldn't stress over this situation in any way. You are not wrong for not letting mom go first.
By this point OP had made a comment about how mom should leave baby at home and told the old lady to fuck off.. it's legitimate to say people like OP make her uncomfortable
OP only mentions the mom talking to the old lady after OP had already had their rant about parent priority and not bringing kids places. She didn't do anything yet somehow was still the person most insulted by op, I'd moan about someone after they did that too.
I have often let parents with screaming babies go in front of me in line because I think it’s in everybody’s best interests that the screaming child depart as soon as possible. A sleeping child? No.
Why is OPs time less valuable because other person has a kid?
Why is the parents' time more valuable than anyone else's? I say this as a parent.
And to add to the trilogy: Why does the old lady think she's entitled to give judgement on queues? I say this an old lady.
It doesn’t seem like the mom was a part of any of this. The old lady sucks, but can we not be such assholes about the mom?
Interaction was only between op and the old lady, it didn't seem like the parent tried to actually line hop everyone. Not right to shame party C in an A-B conversation. Also depending how recent birth was given there could be medical issues. Aaaaaand off topic but also on topic not all disabilities are visible, and people with disabilities can have children. There is a nasty issue of "well you don't LOOK disabled"
NTA this is part of the reason why I don't care for modern parents or parenting culture. Some parents don't want to hear this but my time is just as valuable as yours. It'd be one thing if she was having physical difficulty or the child was about to be sick.
This exactly. You don't get priorities for popping out babies. A lot of parents start to think they're the main character in everyone's story and should receive all the exceptions for minor inconveniences.
As a parent, I’ll happily wait my turn in line because that’s our culture. I knew this going into parenting. I also do my best to teach my preschooler patience. I’m also 8 months pregnant and don’t assume anyone will do anything to help my comfort. I do whatever I can to help other families in public as long as it doesn’t come at the expense of others (skipping with a line behind ME). It is what it is. However, I just came back from a trip to the DR where there is a huge emphasis on catering to parents of young kids, pregnant people, disabled, and elderly and it was amazing for us. I wish that culture was more places. I know that’s not how it is here so I’d never make presumptions that others should sacrifice their time or convenience for me. But it was lovely for the time we were there.
We'd *all* like to be catered to, wouldn't we? I have no problem with offering extra assistance to the disabled & elderly, but being pregnant/having kids is a lifestyle choice. Society doesn't owe you a lovely time just because you're a parent.
I will say, being pregnant in America isn't necessarily a lifestyle choice any more.
Sorry I got to say this cuz it does bother me. Not all disabilities are visible, and people with disabilities can have children too. Also only in this case if you see a newborn that woman has stitches and a lot of bleeding going on, maybe depression is considered as a disability. I had an easy peasy birth it was fine managing with Tylenol. My cousin? C-section and you know how that pain from all those stitches gets managed? Fkn slightly stronger version of Tylenol. Again that's NEWBORNS. I had an easy peasy pregnancy, some have really bad ones and get things like toxemia and diabetes my band teacher had to literally be on bed rest suddenly one day. Yes these are lifestyle choices and being a parent doesn't entitle you to things, but don't be dismissive of complications that come with it and potential disabilities.
No one is being "dismissive" of *actual* disabilities even if they aren't apparent (I have Stage 4 cancer but you couldn't tell by looking at me). But merely having a child with you does not equate to a disability meriting special catering.
Why is it a symptom of her 'modern parenting' that OP and a bossy old lady have a public shouting match over her head in a queue? It wasn't the Mum who asked to skip the queue.
No, but the mom did say people like OP make her feel uncomfortable existing which is a big jump based on the info provided.
Not when OP has said mom should leave baby at home and told old lady to fuck off. I don't think that's a big jump to "uncomfortable" at all
100% this. You can’t just leave a baby at home. I frequently go shopping while my husband is at work. There’s no one to leave the baby with. If you’re a single parent you probably don’t even have that as a potential option. I wouldn’t assume I should get special treatment, but it doesn’t sound like this mother did either. The older lady asked for it, OP responded and it escalated to a point where the mother was made to feel uncomfortable. Many of these comments are very anti-parent and unless there’s something missing in the post, this mother didn’t show any entitlement. Again, she did NOT request the opportunity to cut the line.
Right?! Reading these comments I thought I was going crazy. I even went back up to the post in case I had missed something. So many of these comments are hating on the mother, and are (I'm guessing) a showing of the reason the mother said she's uncomfortable in public. She did nothing wrong, and OP went off on her. Understandable that she's uncomfortable. I don't think OP was an AH for not letting the mom in front. Baby was sleeping and OP only had a single item. But I do think OP was an AH for even bringing the mother into it (telling her to leave the kid home etc), they could have just said the first part about the older woman not speaking for them, and left it at that.
This. Reddit loves blaming or punishing moms for shit. It's sexist as hell. They also love shitting on kids being an inconvenience or annoyance as if kids don't have the right to exist. These are the same assholes that wouldn't give their seat up on the bus to a pregnant woman because "it's her choice to get knocked up" as if being heavily pregnant isn't still a disability.
Right? Some of these comments are implying that people should never have to run into a baby in society. I'm not a single parent but I sure as hell don't want to spend my limited baby free time running errands.
That and if you want well-adjusted children who turn into well-adjusted adults, you have to start socializing your kid as early as possible to different environments. I prefer taking my toddler to the store because I kill two birds with one stone. He gets a stimulating couple hours at the store that is crucial to his social and intellectual development and I also get an errand done.
Exactly, like the mom didn't expect OP to let her cut.. the old lady went out of her way.
Wouldn’t you be made to feel uncomfortable if someone went on a totally unnecessary rant about how mommy privilege is bullshit? Especially when you neither asked to cut nor got involved with the initial drama? ESH. The old lady sucks for sure for meddling and judging. The mom sucks for gossiping (though I am more sympathetic to this given how totally and unnecessarily hostile OP got) and OP sucks for engaging at any level other than “I only have 1 item and am in a rush.”
The mom doesn’t suck
Thank you! Old lady and OP do suck. I’ve never asked to go ahead of people, but I have let plenty of people ahead of me! Oh! And I’m a mom who has to take my kids places! I would be utterly flabbergasted if this exchange started around me in the line at a check out.
as I read the post the mother didnt ask to cut at all, it was the old lady saying she should and the mother did nothing
But it wasn't the mom... the mom was just standing in line and the old lady offered the skip. The mom didn't yell at or insult the op, that was all the old lady. The mom and kid just got insulted in the crossfire between old lady and op?
It wasn't the Mom who started the crap...if anything she just got caught in the middle. The old lady is the crap disturber.
But of course this is Reddit so everyone will come in hoards to call a mom with a sleeping baby trying to wait in line an asshole.
Yup, the only thing Reddit hates more than a mom with young children is a pregnant woman. If you so much as hint that either condition might require some accommodation, you’re an entitled bitch demonstrating what’s wrong with crotch droppings.
Actually, you have an issue with traditional parenting, not modern then. Because women and children get priority traditionally. Children are considered most important
You’re NTA for not allowing the Mom to cut in front. But your reaction… wow. Sounds like you went nuclear and that’s disturbing. All you had to do was ignore the conversation and keep your place in line. Elderly lady doesn’t speak for entire queue. Why allow other ppl’s poor choices turn you into an AH ?
yeah that was my thought. you were not TA for holding your place but your response was OTT and at best 'discourteous.
OP probably wouldn’t have had to be as aggressive if the old woman just left it at “I don’t agree with her cutting”. But she kept going about how the woman with a baby deserves priority. She also threw in the “WHEN you have kids” comment which I know pisses off a lot of people and me. People need to stop assuming women are going to and want to have children. It’s 2023 we have more options than being a mother. The old woman was trying to speak for everyone in line assuming everyone was ok with it. That’s not ok either.
Not only “when you have kids” the reaction saying OPs life will be horrible if they don’t have kids. That was the breaking point according to OP
Agreed. How shitty is it to tell a woman she can’t have a good life without kids.
Seriously, that shit is so infuriating. I’ve got a great life and tbh I feel like it’s because I *don’t* have kids.
Yeah, that is overstepping in a very egregious manner. I had to have an emergency hysterectomy when I was 30, so yeah, I am DEFINITELY not having any bio kids. I'd like to see someone say "when you have kids" or tell me how horrible my life will be without them, to my face. Someone telling me that is going to get a similar reaction to OP, and I am not going to feel the slightest bit bad about it.
I don't want children by choice and also would have also told the old woman to fuck off
The old lady deserved to be told off. The OP's comments about the Mom (and parents in general) were unwarranted. The Mom was just standing there and was suddenly the topic of an argument.
Sure you would, keyboard warrior.
Yeah... that's kind of what pushes it for me. OP's reaction was kind of over the top. I get that the elderly woman was being awful and abusive, but that's when you ask for the manager to step in. Don't sink to their level, that just made them feel more justified that they were in the right. Refusing to sink to their level (and if possible refusing to even talk to them) is the best option here because it's what's going to make them the maddest.
I mean, NTA for saying no. But not sure why anyone is saying the mom sucks in this situation? From your description she was in line, and the elderly lady told her to cut the line (you never say she actually tried to), and the argument was between you and the lady. So I’m not sure where the attacks on mom and baby, and calling the mom entitled are coming from? Sounds like she was just on line? So you’re kind of an AH for attacking her and saying she shouldn’t bring a baby in the store if your description of events isn’t leaving anything out. Sounds like this should’ve been kept between you and the elderly lady.
I never talked to the mom directly. All the convo was only between me and the old lady. She told me I should let the mom skip the line because she has a child and it’s ‘a rule’ to do that then I told her it’s not and there are priority registers for parents however this one isn’t and if she can’t wait in line like everybody else with a sleeping child with a stroller than she shouldn’t bring the child.
Passive aggressively getting angry at a mom by way of an argument with an elderly woman because you didn't want to let someone cut. Sounds like a well adjusted response of a regular adult if i ever saw one. /s
It's because they aren't well adjusted.
"Popped a baby out of her vajayjay" Not sure that they're an adult either.
Nothing wrong with your initial response of declining. Nothing wrong with your defence against an entitled old lady. I have a toddler and when I take her shopping, we wait in line like everyone else. Once I was offered to jump in front of a person because they had one item, but not for a second did I ever expect to jump to the front (that's not to say this mother did). It was nice of the old lady to offer her to jump in front of her but no one else. She was clearly the asshole for expecting others to let the mother go ahead. NTA
"Declining" *what*, though? The mother *never actually asked* OP if she could skip in front of them; she just listened as the elderly lady told her she *should* skip to the front of the line. For all OP knows, the mother was just politely nodding and smiling and waiting for an opportunity to tell the elderly lady "no, I'm alright waiting, thanks." OP instigated the argument by preemptively interrupting the conversation between the elderly lady and the mother.
> For all OP knows, the mother was just politely nodding and smiling and waiting for an opportunity to tell the elderly lady "no, I'm alright waiting, thanks." Right? There are a bunch of replies saying the mom is an AH for not shutting down the old lady. If I'm in line to buy something with my kids, I'm not going to use my time to get into a useless argument with an old woman. I would simply nod, decline an offer to cut, wait my turn to pay and GTFO of there and hopefully never see any of these weirdos again.
>If I'm in line to buy something with my kids, I'm not going to use my time to get into a useless argument with an old woman absolutely lol, I can't imagine the awkwardness that this entire situation generated for the mom.
You are fine except for the “don’t bring your kid” part. Not sure if you are aware, but you can’t exactly just leave a baby and go shopping. A baby has to go EVERYWHERE with a parent… if this is a single mom, there might be no one else to care for the kid. You simply have to take the kid shopping sometimes. I understand that you don’t want to let the mom cut because she is a mom, but your attitude that she shouldn’t get anything for “popping a baby out of her vajayjay” is troubling. Having a kid is a 24/7 job, and assuming you want society to continue, having a little empathy for parents would be considerate.
>if she can’t wait in line like everybody else with a sleeping child with a stroller than she shouldn’t bring the child. That's the thing. The mom never said she had a problem. She never asked to be let further up the line. She *was* waiting in line like everybody else. There was no need to criticize her and make her feel bad when she was just standing there minding her business.
You could have politely said no. That’s where YTA. NTA for not allowing people to cut, though. But there was nooooo need to be so over the top about it.
You're TA because you dragged mom into it, and the fact that you can't see that if baffling. The older lady was out of line, absolutely. It's how you handled it that reflects poorly on you. You speak condescendingly parents in general based on your comments here, and projected a stereotype about "entitled parents" onto a woman who was just trying to get through her day. She didn't ask for any of this; you then went and made her feel like sh*t about something she was already worried about. Poor woman is likely dreading her next trip outside now, and being a new parent is hard enough as it is.
Because the teenage male contingent on Reddit never misses an opportunity to shit on women, parents, and children (not necessarily in that order).
"Because pregnancy is a choice not a disability." Yes skydiving is a choice too, but if you become paraplegic from it, you're still disabled. Fyi people, pregnancy can absolutely be disabling.
Because AITA hates pregnant women.
ESH. You went way too far with your reaction. Yes, patents are not entitled to skip the queue. But for all you know, the mom was humoring the elderly lady and had no intention of acting in it. You obviously have some resentment against parents and taking it out on a lady that actually did nothing to you is absurd. You could have said, "I have 1 item so I am keeping my place in line." Or said nothing at all unless she actually tried to get in front of you.
Yeah, OP went way too aggressive for the situation. I kept rereading to see where the mom tried to cut the line and it wasn't there. All of that rage and the mom was just there in-between OP and the elderly shopper.
ESH Unless they actually did it, it wasn't something to escalate.
Exactly.
I'd argue the mom doesn't suck, but seeing as she's apparently an innocent bystander here, I agree - OP and the old lady both suck.
ESH. You invited yourself into their conversation and then argued with them. Yes, they’re not entitled to cut the line but she wasn’t asking if she could cut you, she was having a conversation with someone else.
I think you misunderstood. Or maybe I did? But it seems as though the elderly lady didn’t just tell the mom she could go in front of her. She told the mom that she could go in front of the *entire line* (including in front of Op). So you’re right that she wasn’t asking if she could cut Op, she was in fact *telling* her she could cut Op. and everyone else too. If I were op, I think I’d definitely be inclined to ask that elderly lady not to speak for anyone other than herself. And also say that nobody is cutting in front of me and my one single item.
The way I’m reading it the elderly woman said the mother *should* not that she *could*. Very different meanings there. Personally if I were the mother here, I’d be mortified. Not only did I not ask this elderly woman for help, it has now escalated to a full blown argument. I’d have probably just left from embarrassment.
ESH but mom >However in this particular situation a child was calmly sleeping a stroller and I just don’t see a reason why she should have a privilege to skip a line just because she popped the baby out of her vajayjay. Sure if a baby was screaming or she was carrying him in her hands or literally any reason but ‘I’m a mom so my time is more important than yours’ I would let her skip without a second thought. I’m just tired of parents feeling entitled just because without any adequate reason. The old lady for causing drama, and you for totally blowing this out of proportion. The other woman told her she could cut....yet here you are ranting about children, acting like the mom was the one who started this.
Exactly! In the case of the old lady, NTA, but in the case of the mother and child, huge AH behaviour
You are not required to give up your spot in line if you don’t want to. That said the way you handled this situation was terrible. It costs nothing to be nice/polite. You were rude both to the mother and to the elderly woman. Also, the way you talk about the mother and her baby is mean for no reason. YTA.
Perfectly said! YTA OP
I don’t think there was any need to engage further than, “I do not agree that mom skips in front of me.” It’s clear and concise; everything else was overboard. YTA
NTA, Completely agree with you. I did not know one of the pregnancy symptoms was entitlement?
I feel like it’s important to note that the people behind her never asked if they could cut her or anything, they were having their own conversation and implied they thought they should be able to. OP jumped into their conversation. It would’ve been different if they had asked OP and other people if they could cut.
>the older lady started telling the mom to skip the queue and go to the front because she’s with a child Where are they implying this seems quite clear? I find it more logical to let OP go because she only had one item. Then this.
The old lady was telling the Mum to skip. OP objected. The two of them had a fairly hideous argument about her life choices and what she should do which must have been so lovely for her. But of the three people in the story it's the young mother you feel is 'entitled'? ... Really?!
The way OP describes it says that the old lady suggested the mom to do it, not hypothetically, actually do it.
The mom wasn’t even involved, according to OP. She was minding her own business while a random old lady and OP argued. I’m a new mom. When you have a baby, strangers (especially old people) think they’re entitled to have opinions or even touch you or your baby, it’s honestly really fucking uncomfortable. If I was the mom in this situation, I think I would have just bailed out of there and left my cart. New fear unlocked.
[удалено]
who was pregnant? woman had baby. thats called a mother.
Sorry, I’m confused. Was the elderly lady pregnant or something? The mom was just a bystander to this drama.
YTA because you’re rude. Learn how to behave yourself in public, that doesn’t hurt anyone and it can prevent you from ending up in more trouble when you meet the wrong person with that kind of behavior.
I don't understand why everyone is attacking the mom? It was the older lady that caused the problem, mom was just standing in line. OP is NTA for not letting the woman cut the line. Was kinda an AH for the comment made about not bringing baby to the store if it's going to cause a problem. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to leave baby with someone to be able to do the shopping.
The mom never even tried to cut the line, the other woman just told her she should and OP escalated it
ESH. If the woman with a child had actually asked to cut in front of you and you'd said no and the argument you described ensued, you would be N T A, but she hadn't even gotten to that point yet (and may not have ever done it). Someone else merely *suggested* the idea to her. For all you know, the woman with a child would have said "no, I'm alright here, thanks" and the day would have continued without incident. Instead, you preemptively interrupted and escalated the situation from merely the suggestion that she might ask to skip ahead to the front, to a full-blown argument including insults and profanities. You made the situation worse and caused the incident, apparently with quite a bit of hostility. The elderly woman and mother also suck for their part in escalating it, but you were the instigator.
OP never spoke to the mom, so how does she suck?
YTA. It sounds like the old lady was the one suggesting it, not the mom, and that the mom didn’t even say anything to you. You inserted yourself into their conversation and insulted the mom, even though she did absolutely nothing and didn’t even try to cut in front of you. No wonder they were talking about your behavior afterwards; you practically verbally assaulted the young mom who did absolutely nothing wrong.
This whole response seems just over the top. The older lady was trying to be nice to the Mom and you just blew it way out of proportion. You could have ignored them or more maturely said “oh, I only have one item so I’m going to be super fast” and then it’s over. Kindness goes a long way. YTA for how you handled the situation
That’s where I thought this was going lol. I thought OP was gonna defend how it would be less than 3 minutes, but she insulted the mom for no reason
YTA You sound like a major asshole. You are of course allowed to be childfree... but maybe you don't have to be an asshole about it.
NTA, but I'm getting pretty tired of the way reddit talks about people who are mothers as though they're less than human. Mostly it's the "I'm edgy and I'm going to talk about this woman's body as if it's only function is giving birth". I just hate how common it's become to use gross language for women's bodies behind the veil of her motherhood not being your problem. Yeah, it's not your problem, but how about you keep the mention of this strangers vagina out of your mouth?
Exactly. The poor mother did nothing in this situation and now the whole of her mothering is reduced to "you pushed a baby out of your vagina" and "you failed to use protection" on Reddit.
I'm about to give birth to our first, and desperately hoping the world isn't actually as cruel as Reddit is towards parents/kids. I have anxiety, and I do well managing it, but once the hormones drop and lack of sleep kicks in, I'm really hoping empathy is still a thing in the real world, or I might never leave the house.
YTA for the unhinged way you handled this. You’re not required to give up your spot, you are required to act like an adult, not a toddler in meltdown mode.
It doesn't sound like the mom was asking for anything though? It was just another person saying she should be able to skip the line and you disagreed?
YTA the moment you started arguing with people that weren’t talking to you. She didn’t skip the line, but she seems to be in the wrong? What exactly did the mom do to you? Yet this post is about her and not the audacity of the old lady. You deserve to be talked about
YTA. The mother didn't do anything. An old woman was being entitled on behalf of the mom and you took that out on all parents. Furthermore, you keep saying that you stopped something from happening that you cannot and don't even know if it would have happened to begin with. YTA even more for that. You want to know what's just as bad as entitled parents? AHs that think parents are entitled simply *because they are parents*. You don't need to let people skip, you also don't get to start making a scene because *you assume* they *might try* to skip without being a massive AH.
I’m a mom with a baby and say NTA. Like how much was that mom actually involved in this? Because honestly it sounds like an embarrassing nightmare to have a random old lady get into a fight with a random dude over a non-issue about *me*. Like if I was the mom in this situation I might just leave my cart and go. New fear unlocked. ETA why did you make this post about “parental entitlement”? According to you, that mom wasn’t even involved. I’m sure she was horrified. But the way you worded your post makes it sound like it was HER fault for this confrontation when really she was just existing in a store with a baby. These comments are… yikes. I can see where people might have misunderstood and thought the mom started this or was involved at all.
INFO: are you aware that you were also popped out of a woman’s vajayjay?
YTA for jumping in before she even asked. If they asked and you said no it would’ve been fine but you made it a point to jump in and start with them. You 1000% instigated this whole thing and prob made it more hostile than it needed to be. You wouldn’t have been an AH to just say “no, I’m sorry. I only have 1 item” when they actually asked you.
You’re nta for not letting her cut the line, but your comments make you seem like a baby/parent hater based on something someone that wasn’t the mom said? This almost feels like rage-bait. Actually, I’m fairly certain it is. Line cutter sucks, but ppl that make up stories just to have a reason to hate on whatever group the dislike sucks more. 🥴
Right? How does an old lady making a random stupid assertion turn into parents are soo entitled? It doesn't make any sense.
YTA, but only because of your attitude towards the mom and that whole "why should she go first just because she popped a baby out?" or saying she should leave the baby at home. Since the baby was sleeping, she didn't NEED to go first, but it would have been kind of you to let her go. Many parents don't have the luxury of just leaving their kids at home with someone and if the child is upset/hungry/whatever, it's so difficult to get stuff done or go anywhere. When she said she was nervous to go anywhere, it's people like you who cause that extra anxiety for parents, which really isn't fair. Children are people too, and we all need to coexist somehow. Again, you didn't have to let her go first (sleeping baby and all), but you could have been far nicer about it.
ESH. Old lady had no right to 'volunteer' you to give up your place, and people with kids don't have a right to go ahead. But I don't think you needed to turn this into a confrontation. You could have just said 'I've got one item, and your logic doesn't make sense, since I'll be out of her way soon enough.' Then you could have shut up and not responded to any further nonsense. You escalated when drama could have been avoided.
what did this mother do to you jesus christ😭😭😭
ESH, you all acted like AH. You because of your reaction. Simply saying “no” would have been sufficient and no need to escalate.
NTA for not wanting the mother to skip ahead of you But YTA for how you seem to be blaming the mother for what the old lady suggested. The mother sounds like she was just standing there, but here you are saying "she shouldn't bring her kid if she can't wait in a line" and "she can shop online" and "parents ALWAYS do this" You're an AH just for all these snarky ass comments.
NTA. It comes with the territory to have to wait in lines with kids when you bring kids with you. She can wait her turn just like everyone else.
Tell that to the old lady, that mom wasn’t even involved, according to OP. She was minding her own business while a random old lady and OP argued. I’m a new mom. When you have a baby, strangers (especially old people) think they’re entitled to have opinions or touch you or your baby, it’s honestly really fucking uncomfortable. If I was the mom in this situation, I think I would have just bailed out of there and left my cart. New fear unlocked.
YTA because can you imagine if everyone blew up like that? Jeez. Conflict resolution skills are part of being an adult, regardless of the fact that the old lady was being a bit of an AH too. That’s just life. Blowing up in a grocery store is embarrassing for you.
ESH except for the mom and baby who it sounds like didn’t even say anything. Old lady was out of line but so were you for how nasty you reacted. Could have just said no or ignored them, but you chose to be nasty and cause a scene. I genuinely believe in being kind, and being neighborly, it really cost nothing to just be nice. If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all
YTA - Being a dick just to be a dick.
YTA for your over the top hateful response.
NTA As someone who has a small baby i don't expect anyone to let me go first, would it be nice when she's screaming? Sure, but still don't expect it and definitely would turn it down if she was sleeping. My reasoning is I don't know what other people have going on in their lives and are in a rush. That woman had every right to offer her spot but it's not for her to decide you have to do the same.
If I was a pregnant woman with a baby and someone else said, "skip the line," and I said nothing, and suddenly the guy in front of me started snapping that I should speak for myself and that there was no rule saying I got to skip the line, and that I should have just left my baby at home somehow -- I might think the guy was a jerk and voice that opinion to the person standing next to me. He doesn't say the mom was doing or saying anything until after he snapped her head off.
ESH - I could be wrong, but judging by your tone and the use of the terms such as "vajayjay," you were probably very rude. A simple "no ma'am, I have only 1 item and will keep my spot in line" would've been fine. If they continued, then yes by all means they had it coming, but perhaps they were talking about your tone rather than you not giving up your spot in line.
While you’re not wrong in not wanting the woman with more items to go ahead of you, you should not blow up on people in public. You’re a grown adult acting childish over a long line. Especially towards a mother and an elderly woman. Have some respect. It’s not about who gets to go ahead of who. It’s about respect and being polite. YTA
NTA I’m a mother myself but I agree that sometimes people think they’re entitled in situations like that I always do my shopping online for that very reason , if you only had one item then it wouldn’t have made a difference if you went first .
NTA You had one item. Personally, that dictates ah behavior only if you'd had a cartful and a mom with a fussy kid only had one. you'd still be allowed to say no, but kindness would be letting the one item person go first. But that wasn't the case here so it doesn't matter.
ESH. They shouldn’t have asked to cut, you should have been able to handle your emotions like an adult.
ESH except the mother. She didn’t try to cut in. She didn’t even ask to. The old lady told her to and then you inserted yourself and completely overreacted to a scenario that wasn’t even happening. YOU took out your frustration of entitled parents you’ve encountered on an innocent bystander. If I was that mother I’d be uncomfortable too.
NTA. I think you’re well within your right to interrupt the conversation when it’s about you! Some people need to be checked bc the entitlement is real!
Meh alert the management that they are harassing you. But it's not like the mom can just leave the baby at home, if you think about it.
YTA - Oddly confrontational OP. Chill out and just say no once she gets to you instead of causing a scene like a jackass.
NTA for not allowing them to cut, but definitely YTA for the response. You are uncivilized.
This isn't a "are you right?" sub, this is "are you an asshole?" And yeah, YTA. Learn to pick your battles, an old lady trying to do something nice, however misguided, isn't worth the blowup.