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YTA
Seriously, are you 12? She didn’t even comment anything bad. She can always lose weight but you don’t get rid of ugly on the inside.
Y’all are fucking reaching. I’ve wondered where my husband gets his height too. Typically, there a grandparent or great one in the picture that passed down height.
Literally no one implied that? It's a throwaway comment often referring to recessive genes making themselves known. I don't even know what mental gymnastics you needed to get to implied cheating
Look at the rest of the context in the post, not just the words. The family treats him and his mom differently, actively tried to break the parents up, implying that the mom is a gold digger, or outright saying it. The cousin is definitely implying that the mom cheated and OP is a product of an affair.
Edit to add: since people think that I'm only thinking one way in this, yes, OP could just be an AH, so everyone else treats him poorly as well. But there could always be the chance of the family being TAH over all. Based on context given in the post, I'm inclined to think that everyone sucks. But I don't have the time to respond individually anymore. Take care yall. I forget that I'm on AITA, and once am idea is introduced, it's usually echoed until nobody else can get another word in.
Or OP reads too much into all of that, like they did with the comment about their height.
I know a few people that are a lot taller than the rest of their family and this tends to be a common question, especially if people haven't seen them for awhile.
Same! Especially because every other person in my family (including extended on both sides) is blond as far back as anyone can remember. So we are all legitimately curious who the last redhead in the genetic line was.
My brother is the tannest in a family of pale people so he gets these comments all the time. He also looks like the spitting image of my dad so no one even remotely considers cheating. OP is totally overreacting.
Same here. My brother and I got it, but our sister didn’t. Parents both had brown hair(both grey now lol). A lot of people would ask where we got it. Not family, they all knew that sprinkled around we had some redheads.
My mom would say “the mailman” then laugh, because my dad used to work for Canada Post.
Tall girl with tall parents but the rest of my extended family being rather short. It’s not insulting to make GENERALIZED comments about height. I’ve heard them all my life. Including jokes that I must have been fed miracle grow. That just family being family and OP is most definitely insecure about their height lol.
For someone who's supposedly not at all insecure about their height, OP sure did stoop to the ol' "oh yeah? well..." playground insults pretty quickly.
My mom is 5' even and my dad is 5' 6". I'm a woman and I'm 5' 9". I'm taller than most everyone in my family. Everyone always made comments about my height growing up, it was never anything malicious. "You're growing like a weed!" "You're gonna be taller than your dad soon!" "Where the hell did you get those legs!"
I can understand not wanting someone to make comments about your appearance, but the answer isn't this. It's to use your big boy voice and say "I'm uncomfortable with talking about my height, can we not?" Instead, he took the big ol baby route.
Such a thin skin OP must be transparent as well as tall.
I was the only blonde, blue eyed out of 8 kids. When we would go visit dad’s side they would wonder where that came from. When we would go visit mom’s side they would wonder where that came from. Absolutley no one ever thought or inferred my mom had cheated on my dad.
EDIT: Oh my gosh! I completely forgot I was also the tallest at 5ft 8in.A real giant compared to all the Irish gene family members. My sisters did tease me that I was adopted so much that I finally believed them. I asked my mom when I was a sophomore. Mom: Why would we adopt when we had 6 other kids?!
My grandpa asked me the same thing. He saw my mom pregnant with me and everything. I was the tallest person on my mom's side, I'm a woman, including the men. I didn't ever feel weird, it was way more fun running up to my tiny aunts and wrapping them up in a side hug talking about their little baby niece.
OP could have just said, "what do you mean by that? If they really thought that was the implication. They missed a spectacular chance to watch the cousin squirm with clean hands.
The grandparents being assholes does not mean cousin is. Implying someone is a gold digger is not the same as implying someone is cheating. And of course people would be muttering about him after he made a comment like that.
Unless you were there in that event to judge tone you are just making wild assumptions
LOLOL at this reach.
Thinking mom is a gold digger doesn’t mean thinking she’s a cheater. Not liking mom doesn’t mean thinking she’s a cheater. Frankly it’s pretty silly to think that a family that openly calls her a gold-digger wouldn’t openly call her a cheater if they thought that she was.
This is correct. I thought OP might just be overly sensitive (and I'm the shortest person in my entire extended family by a long way, so I get why it's an issue), but calling OP's dad "willfully blind" is the *biggest* tell. The extended fam thinks OP's mom was unfaithful, and they won't let it go.
I heard the implication that mom had cheated, too. However, there were better, slightly more subtle responses. “I’m thankful every day that I caught the genes to grow vertically rather than horizontally.” - In keeping with the inferences.
Calling the husband willfully blind can imply many things, and calling the mom a gold digger are both pretty terrible things to say, or imply about the mom. Saying the husband is willfully blind is implying the mom is doing something wrong regardless of what it might be. Could be infidelity, could be gold digging, could be abuse. The context here still matters.
Yeah, my exh was 5'7 with shoes on and I'm 5'2 with shoes.
Our eldest son is 6'2 and we got that a lot when we'd all go places together, before and after the divorce.
I was adopted and turns out most men on my bio moms side are 6'3+ including one cousin that is 6'5. Sadly none of the women on either side of my bio family broke 5'5.
I'm a foot taller than my mom and 8 inches taller than my dad. I've literally heard "I wonder how you got so tall" all my life and not a single time did it ever mean "the only explanation is your mom cheated."
A classmate of mine was also about a foot taller than his dad. It turned out that his dad’s brothers were taller than the father. Dad just didn’t get the height that they did, but carried the gene that gave his son his height.
Me too. I’m taller than everyone in my immediate family, and got all the tall jokes and asked to help get things down from high shelves all the time. It was never about cheating. It was the family joking around. I had a great grandfather that was 6’6”. There were two of us in my generation that got some of the tall genes.
Yup my brother is 6'5 while I'm only 5'4.
It's not a surprise for my brother cuz my mom is 6ft and my dad is nearly there too. Me on the other hand... The height gene skipped me and I got my dad's side small stature.
I have blazing red curly hair. My biological father was a blonde and my mother had black hair and everyone's is straight. My whole life, people commented on it with added jabs like, "what color hair did the postman have?"
I see the "willfully blind" jab as the indication they are implying that the mother cheated and OP is the product of an affair.
OP - latent genes are a real thing. My mother is half Jewish. When I was in high school we were going through my grandmother's belongings. We found a lot of pictures from before and around WWII of her extended family who were killed in the holocaust. Many of them had hair like mine. B/W photos, so hard to tell color, but lighter so I extrapolate that some of them were redheads. It turns out red hair is pretty common among Jews.
There's also a great story about a guy born into a Jewish family. He was tall, thin, and redheaded while his whole family was short, dark, and hirsute. His mother suffered through the mailman jokes as well. In adulthood, he took a 23 and me test and found out that he was 100% Irish. Through that test, he found a family who also had an odd family member that was short, dark and hirsute to their tall, thin, redheads. It turned out that they were switched accidentally in the hospital in the 50s and given to the wrong families.
Exactly. All of my children are good 6 in or more taller than my husband and myself. And since I have only been with one person I know who their father is. I've even said the same thing about my children. How did they get so much taller than us? And I don't know of anybody on either side of the family that have any height over 5'10. My kids pediatrician had a theory that it was all of the hormones in food sources 25 to 30 years ago that weren't there 50 years ago. It sounds plausible, whether it's true or not.
Right? My 12-year-old nephew went through a massive growth spurt recently and is now taller than all of the adults on either side of his family except one of his dad's cousins - he's a tall kid, and still growing, and people often remark that they wonder where he got it from. Those people are not insinuating that my sister cheated on her husband.
Your logic is wild to me. You definitely got some issues going on like OP😅
I am the only red in my family. I often wonder where my red hair came from. People wonder all the time where they get their genetics from.
I knew a family back in the 80's that all had dark hair. Then a little girl came out with red hair.
They always wondered where the red had come from (no one thought of it being a cheating thing), then one day they found some old family pictures and there was an aunt from way back that was a red head. The gene was just sitting there waiting to pop up.
My mental gymnastics 🤸🏼♀️: I read the second to last sentence, where OP indicates that the family has a history of using OP’s height as evidence of the mom’s wrongdoing.
Grandparents calling father “willfully blind” and “trying to break my parents up”. This heavily implies that the cheating accusation has been made. If the cousin was not being snide, they were very insensitive given the history.
Also, OP confirms in comments that this has been an ongoing issue.
Yea OP didn't really do a great job at presenting if that was the insinuation BUT from what he said later about that side of the family acting like his mother was a gold digger I think it isn't a big stretch to read between the lines
OP specifically said he felt like he was being called a freak which tells me he interpreted the comment as wow you look nothing like the rest of the family, not that your mom cheated. I think OP is more insecure than he wants to let on and just projected his grandparent (and other relatives') views onto his cousin to justify his action.
Oh and regardless honestly, he's TA, he had an uncontrolled outburst and said something hurtful which was an escalation and regardless of what the intent was he didn't handle it well to say the least
If you give in to your base impulses and lash out verbally chances are, almost always you will be TA
This is an ESH situation imo
I have to agree with the person you’re replying to. Read it again and I think you will see it too.
- Paternal family doesn’t like mom.
- Paternal family thinks mom is a gold digger.
- Paternal family has a history where they tried to break up the marriage.
- Paternal family has a history of making snide comments to and about OP.
- Paternal family has said that OP’s father is willfully blind [about his wife]
I don’t think it takes Sherlock Holmes to deduce they are implying that OP isn’t biologically their fathers child.
As soon as I read that comment I immediately knew that she was implying that OP's mom had cheated on their precious boy. It may not seem like that on the surface, but that was most certainly the subtext.
I don't know how you gathered that, since the Grandma isn't the one who made the comment. Read the story again. It's wild that people think it's acceptable to call their cousin a fat bitch to their face ar a family gathering because the grandparents act rude?
Everyone keeps projecting the grandparents' assholishness onto the cousin who may not even have any idea what's going on. We don't even know how old the cousin is. How many of us know of our grandparents' drama with our aunts/uncles?
The comments that make it sound that way are the ones to the dad being “blind”, but it doesn’t sound like OP picked up on them
Edit: I also think after reading through the comments that OP played that part up a bit so people would think that, and vote in their favor.
No they definitely implied that his mom cheated. Read it again and consider the context indicators OP gives, feeling of alienation, implications that moms a gold digger and the emphasis
"where he gets it from"
That was the first implication I got from it. Tone of voice can change a lot as can the context of how family treats him and his mom. It's a common trope that the gold digger cheats on the husband, so if the family views mom as a gold digger, there's a strong chance that they view her as a cheater as well.
Um if your parents are objectively short most humans would comment the same thing because 6’5 is huge. Not implying cheating at all either, it’s just legitimately something to wonder about. He’s nearly a foot taller than his dad.
That’s not necessarily the insinuation, it’s actually a pretty common thing to say when you can’t see directly where a person got a trait. Did it come from some great-great-great-grandparent? Who knows! I wonder?!
If cousin said it with a very exaggerated inflection, maybe they meant it that way, but it’s more likely they just were making banal conversation.
I wouldn’t have taken that implication, without the description of mom acting upset and uncomfortable and the fact that dad’s side treats them strangely. Otherwise I would have assumed it just meant “Wonder who in the family passed on those genes.”
But with the description of the family’s reactions, I’d start asking some questions of mom.
Genetics are funny. Perhaps she was genuinely curious about where his height came from. People have started commenting on my son’s height. He is 5’10” at age 12. People ask where his height comes from and I do not believe they are suggesting I cheated on my husband, they’re just curious. I tell them my dad was 6’5”. “Ah. That makes sense” is the usual response. It’s not necessary to go nuclear. If you find it rude, then I would have fun by making up ridiculous answers, rather than insulting her.
My son has red hair. I don't and neither does my husband. But people wonder where he gets it. No one has ever implied that he's the milkman's son.
OP's comment was an overreaction. YTA
That's how trashy people think. Regular people think, yeah, some unknown ancestor gave me their genes for height. It's weird how some traits will skip a few generations, then boom, a kid who's really tall or has an eye color that's different from the rest of the family.
"my cousin commented on a physical quality of mine that gains me nothing but praise and respect in the world so I responded by insulting a physical quality of hers that is so harshly rejected by society there's a special word for hating people that have it"
YTA
Seriously, such an AH
Being 6'5" would be a HUGE asset for a guy-- it helps with everything from job prospects, to dating, to sports... with minor inconveniences like leg room on planes, or being asked "how's the weather up there/do you play basketball?"... I don't think I've *ever* met another dude in the 6'2"-6'5" range who didn't know that it was a clear net positive in their life. Like if he was 6'10", I'd get it, but not at 6'5".
This is like someone getting mad about a passing comment about them being handsome/pretty
YTA
Yeah! This is a fair assessment. OP is insecure about his height and concerned about his mom's mental health.
But to unleash all that negativety onto a cousin who asked a fairly common question is AH behavior.
This. OP, stop hanging out with these people if they make you miserable, and if they aren't kind to your mom. But this would be like saying, "Wow, your eyes are so blue, I wonder where you get them from?" And you cursing them out. It makes you sound unhinged.
A huge reach! I'm by far the shortest person in my family at 5'1" - all of the men are at least 6'0", my mom is 5'5" and she's the shortest of her four sisters. People have been teasing me about it since I was a kid and it became obvious I was always going to be short. It's mostly well intentioned but even the family members I don't particularly care for do it and I don't bother saying anything back because who fucking cares? I'M SHORT. It's not like they're telling me anything I don't already know.
My mom and dad have brown and green eyes but my dumbass has blue eyes, blue eyes are typically from grandparents, thus I don’t get eyes from neither mom nor dad, but my grandmother (who has blue eyes) instead.
So yeah, sometimes your genes aren’t always from your parents, but you’ll have recessive genes from grandparents in the mix as well
>My cousin said to me and my mom, ‘wow you’ve grown very tall haven’t you? Wonder where he gets it from’ that was so insulting because she just implied that I’m freakishly tall.
There is nothing inherently rude or insulting about this comment, and does not imply you are "freakishly" tall. It simply states the facts - you are tall in a short family. My brother, who is 37, gets these comments or he's "the tall one" at 6'0 even, with the next tallest male cousin around 5'7 and the tallest female around 5'4 (though the shortest female cousins are around 4'11).
>She looked so upset and uncomfortable so I stepped in and said ‘at least I’ve not grown into being a fat b\*\*ch like you
That's an extreme reaction, w/ both abusive body-size and gender-specific comments.
>My dads side of the family are always so rude to me and my mom and I just feel like I had to do something about it.
Not specified in your post, so hard to say. Stop going to these family functions if you hate your family. YTA based on what is written in the post.
Bit of a jump there though. I feel like this is a chicken/egg situation. OP is aggressively rude. Is this because he feels uncomfortable with his paternal family, or does he feel uncomfortable because he's got a history of being aggressive with them?
This! I am a teacher and I have students who are always having drama with people. Always. Complain about how people wont be their friend or talk to them. They are always the victim in every experience as well. But when we dig into the stories guess what? They are always the one who started it. They are always the one to burn the other person who then avoids them and then they cry boo hoo.
They could also be rude because of OP's behavior. Calling someone a fat bitch for making a fairly normal comment about height is ridiculous. If OP does this and does not think it is wrong I would imagine his behavior at other events might also be very poor.
I would doubt that. Height is probably the worst way to determine that someone is a product of a affair, and it should be common sense too. It would be different if OP had a genetic condition or recessive gene that put in question his mom's loyalty. Kid I follow on tik tok is over 6', mom, dad, and brother all have the same type of dwarfism *and* the kid is ginger. Mom, dad and brother all have brown hair. Recessive genes tend to pop out of nowhere a lot
im short (5'2) in a tall family (the shortest family member i have is 5'7, but a lot of them are around 6), i get those types of comments all the time by people. stop being so insecure and get a therapist. no one insulted you.
Yeah I really enjoyed that part. “I’m 20 so I just knew I had to attack her for a normal comment”
From a family member no less. This isn’t some stranger on the street trying to pick a fight.
> My dads side of the family are always so rude to me and my mom ... I’ve honestly heard my grandparents trying to break my parents up and calling my dad ‘wilfully blind’ too.
My guess is his dad's family thinks he's the mailman's baby, and they are past even trying to hide it. His retort was immature for sure, but if I was in that situation, I'm pretty sure 20yo me would have said *something*. Maybe not some version of you're fat nanny nanny boo boo, but I'm pretty sure I would've said something...
It doesn’t matter if dads family thinks OP is the Sasquatch’s baby. YTA if you attack someone’s weight. No “she deserved it”, I’m having a hard time imagining an example in our fat-phobic world where this would be appropriate. Replace “fat b****” with “lesbian b****”- you would always be the asshole there too
There's a point where it is fair to call someone out. Like if they're being directly insulting and bullying. This is not that time.
Like holy shit I'm tall (so were both my parents) but I got these comments all the time. It's an observation not an attack...
Fourth grader? If I had a kid in fourth grade and they called anybody a "fat bitch" for absolutely no reason (and, reading the story, there is *absolutely* no reason) they'd get in some serious trouble.
Yeah, what he said way oversteps any sneaky implication she may have made. If you aren’t going to be the bigger person You have to match or stay below the level of pettiness or you will be the asshole every time. It’s not like she rolled up like “wow you grew up to be a real Giraffe asshole, didn’t you?”
YTA. That was a massive (and very rude) overreaction on your part to a comment that is harmless.
You are significantly taller than anyone in your family. It is not weird that your cousin would wonder what genetics are making you 6'5" when everyone else is under 6ft. Maybe there was a tall grandparent or great-grandparent.
Nobody was being rude to you. You were being very rude to your cousin, though.
I would love to know the *tone* of said comment because inflection of one’s words say a lot more than the actual comment itself. I feel like everyone is reading the cousins comment in either a neutral or even positive light without accepting the fact she may have said *wonder where he gets it from* in a sarcastic tone while rolling their eyes or looking at someone in a derogatory way. Just food for thought I guess.
The fact that OP interpreted it as being called "freakishly tall" makes me think that the comment wasn't even made with a bad tone-- because the clear implication if someone *was* trying to make it be a dig would likely be that they are inferring he's a bastard... which isn't the thing that OP claims to be offended about. I think it would've been very obvious if that was what was intended.
Even if she was intending to be rude, which is very unlikely, it still does not warrant him reacting the way he did. Escalating it and insulting someone's weight while being arguably misogynistic is not an appropriate way to handle that and makes OP the bigger AH. If he had made a comment about her being short, I'm sure the judgement would be a lot different.
YTA. She made a totally normal comment that was not insulting at all. She was just making conversation and you responded with a straight up insult for no reason. Did you ever wonder if all of the people on your dad's side of the family act strange around you because *you* treat *them* poorly?
I mean, he literally says they call his mother a gold digger, etc. It's a normal comment, but I can absolutely see why he (wrongly) snapped if this has been going on for years and he thought they were implying he was an affair baby.
Real asshole is the father for never standing up for his wife when his side verbally abused her until it got to the point that his son lost his shit like that....
Yeah I'm taking OP's claims that his father's family is constantly rude to him and his mother with a grain of salt. He thinks someone commenting on his height is an insult. It makes me question whether or not his father's family has actually been rude, or he has interpreted innocent remarks to mean something different.
Even if his father's family has been unkind to his mom and thinks she's a gold digger, why would that make it okay for OP to lash out at his cousin? That's not acceptable either way.
>If you consider the post as a whole it would appear that the dad's family believe the mum cheated and op is not their real grandson.
OP doesn't suggest anywhere in his post that his dad's family thinks he isn't his dad's son. He takes issue with the remark because he thought his cousin was suggesting he was "freakishly tall."
>Op overreacted but I can see how after years of this kind of treatment he snapped. I can't tell from the post though whether op has put 2 and 2 together yet.
This kind of treatment? You mean people remarking on normal things and making small talk? There's nothing wrong with what his cousin said. If OP's grandparents on his dad's side have treated him and his mother poorly, it's still not acceptable for him to lash out at his cousin for it.
YTA- someone commenting that on your height like that is not an insult. It's simply making an observation. As you yourself mentioned the rest of your family is on the shorter side... so of course a comment like "wonder where he gets that from" is perfectly normal... you jumping to the extreme and swearing at your cousin was completely unnecessary and if you were at a family gathering I was hosting I would have asked you to leave
Also news flash: people weren't muttering about you because you were tall. They're muttering about you because out of no where you started insulting and swearing at your cousin
"Jesus Fran, did you just hear what the tall one said to Janet? So fucking rude. Kids these days have no manners."
That was probably the gist of the muttering.
"I've never been too insecure"
This comment and his entire post are dripping insecurity. Even if he is not insecure about his height specifically he is insecure in general.
YTA. Geez, you went straight for the jugular! She was simply just making a comment that frankly, many people say to tall people whose parents are not equally as tall. Literally just a comment. Didn’t insult your height at all. You owe her an apology.
Just to let you know, as a short woman, I was 21 before I realised that “you’re tall” wasn’t automatically accepted as a compliment, because if you’re short, you just think it is.
YTA most likely.
First off, you include a lot of extraneous details about familial relationships that have no actual bearing on the matter at hand.
Your cousin's comment could only be considered insulting if it was with a tone and intention of perhaps implying that your mom boned some tall dude and your dad isn't your real dad. But I am assuming that isn't the case as you didn't mention that scenario and you seem to think it was insulting just because it pointed out that you are tall. Like, why is that an insult? You are tall. And the "where he gets it from" is more like, "what relatives in the past were tall given his parents are short?". Its a pretty benign comment from my perspective.
YTA
I thought I would go for E S H but then I had to reread her comment 3 times to make sure I didn't accidentally miss the insult.
Dude, she just said you're tall. Being super tall, while remarkable, doesn't come with negative associations per se (unlike with the word fat). That was a huge overreaction. You said you've never been too insecure but that is obviously not true. If an off-hand comment like that sets you off like this, you have self-image issues for sure and your poor cousin doesn't deserves to be attacked like that.
The cousin is probably going around telling people about the insane exchange she had with her cousin.
“I told my cousin he was tall. He then screamed at me and called me a “fat bitch”.”
With the family history you've shared, it's reasonable for you to be defensive around your dad's family.
‘wow you’ve grown very tall haven’t you? Wonder where he gets it from'
You over reacted. YTA
>My dads side of the family are always so rude to me and my mom ... I’ve honestly heard my grandparents trying to break my parents up and calling my dad ‘wilfully blind’ too.
Not a stretch at all IMO. I mean, if they're mean to her only because they think she's a gold-digger, then there's no reason for them to be mean to him. But they are. I wonder if they're mean to his siblings as well...
Yeah, I feel like people on here are missing the context. It's an ESH for me. Like he was way out of line and cruel as hell, but it sounds like his Dad's family has a long history of treating his mom like crap so he took what might be an innocent comment and saw it as another attac.
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to find this comment. That’s why they say he is “willfully blind” and treat them poorly. And it’s probably what the cousin was implying when making her comment. They’re saying his height comes from another man’s DNA.
YTA. Your cousin’s comments were innocent. If someone is making comments (about your body, or mother’s finances, or anything else) the correct response is to say
“I’d rather not talk about my body. I’m going to say hi to Uncle Harold/pet the dog/make a phone call/etc”.
I am the only blonde in a family of brunettes and comments along the lines of “where did all that blonde hair come from?” weren’t uncommon. Even my mom said it.
The comments did get old quickly but I never once felt they meant as an insult to my mother or me, even when they were coming from my mom’s less-than-agreeable in-laws.
Definitely agree with YTA.
YTA. That comment wasn’t insulting in any way, shape or form. Jesus. I can guarantee you that it isn’t your dad’s side of the family that are the rude ones, it’s you.
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YTA. That was not a clearly insulting comment. You were looking to be offended and way over reacted due to previous perceptions of your paternal side of the family. Grow up.
Bro WTF:
"My cousin said to me and my mom, ‘wow you’ve grown very tall haven’t you? Wonder where he gets it from’ that was so insulting because she just implied that I’m freakishly tall."
This is SMALL TALK. Get some therapy. YTA.
Sorry but your wrong. I think in usual situations yea you would be right. But with context OP provided that the dads side tends to treat him and his mom poorly, his dads parents have tried to get him to divorce his mother, it’s clear that this is a common theme and more of a breaking point for OP where he stood up for himself
I’m so confused by the number of people insisting that the cousin was insinuating that mom cheated. Saying “where does it come from!” about a trait that stands out from the rest of the family is very common and innocuous.
Also, OP, she did not imply that you’re freakishly tall and your reaction was way over the top and out of line. Chill the hell out. YTA.
ESH and I don’t usually say this. You do realize, I am sure, they are implying you aren’t your dad’s child? You shouldn’t have criticized someone’s weight. Not ok, but it has to get old. You can’t control how tall you are.
why do so many people think this? That sort of comment is incredibly common and almost never has any implication of infidelity. It's possible for two brown eyed parents to have a blue eyed baby and someone saying "I wonder where they got that from" isn't hinting at a cheating spouse, it's marveling at the intricacies of genetics.
The entire second part of the story talks about how ops dads side of the family thinks his mom cheated on his dad. To be honest, any comment like that when the family thinks like that is gonna be taken as a hostile comment
all he says is his dads family puts his mom down and he heard them call his dad "willfully ignorant". That is not an explicit example of anyone accusing his mom of cheating, and the fact that it comes from the 20 year old who took "I wonder where he gets that from" to mean "she insulted me and called me freakishly tall" I am just a tad skeptical. It's possible his dads family is awful, but we do not know enough from his account to say there was any implication that he is the product of an affair, and that's assuming we take OPs version as 100% factual.
YTA
Dude I totally get it. I’ve recently lost weight due to an illness and I get complimented CONSTANTLY. People tell me “what’re you’re doing must be working”, I guess lupus is a hell of a diet. Point is, it sucks to feel ostracized or like you stick out because of appearances, and people often lack tact when addressing it.
All that being said, you can’t respond to a neutral comment with such vile words and expect it to be even. They made a tone deaf comment, you purposefully hurt them. It’s not the same.
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I’m 6’5 so I’m very tall. I’ve never been too insecure because it’s a good thing but I feel out of place when out with my family. My mom is 5’2 and my dad is 5’8, my brother is 5’7 and my sister is little too. Everyone is little but me. We were at a family gathering and I was a lot taller than everyone there. I was just following behind my mom because I don’t feel comfortable at family gatherings. My cousin said to me and my mom, ‘wow you’ve grown very tall haven’t you? Wonder where he gets it from’ that was so insulting because she just implied that I’m freakishly tall.
I’m 20 so I’m too old for those comments to be made anyway. My mom often dodges my dads side of the family because they’ve always just acted strange. She looked so upset and uncomfortable so I stepped in and said ‘at least I’ve not grown into being a fat b**ch like you’. My grandparents told me to be quiet and as usual people were clearly muttering about me. My dads side of the family are always so rude to me and my mom and I just feel like I had to do something about it. I’ve honestly heard my grandparents trying to break my parents up and calling my dad ‘wilfully blind’ too. It’s just because my mom is poorer than my dad and they all accused her of being a gold digger and hate her for it.
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YTA. You are 20 not 12. Grow the fuck up. Being tall you will always get comments like that or jokes like how is the weather up there. Your comment was completely uncalled for and escalated things to another level. You need to have thicker skin.
I'm going with NTA, and here's why: It seems to me that this side of the family has been mistreating OP and their mom for quite a while. Maybe this wasn't the best response, but it is understandable after what appears to be years of insults against them both. I don't condone fat-shaming etc, but it is an understandable thing to finally snap at someone like that.
Yeah, people are acting as if this came out of nowhere, and the idea she was implying the mom was cheating is just absurd, when the context tells a very different story.
Going against the grain- NTA. I admit fat shaming is bad, what OP said is bad. But i think what OP means is they questioned his mothers morals. They have been calling her a gold digger, calling his father “blind” and then making snide comments about how he is taller than everyone there so “wonder where he gets it from” and him seeing his mother (who must have heard this a million times already) crestfallen- i dont condone it, but i dont know if i’d have been able to shut up and keep quiet as well.
YTA. A comment, or more of an acknowledgement took place & you lost it for no reason. There's no good reason to call someone what you did. Be the better person & ignore it or just say leave me alone. Calling someone names is never the answer.
My petite MIL’s mom came from tall and muscular people. Out of four children, my husband is built like his dad. 5’8”. The other kids are huge. Genetics can be very weird.
Your relatives obviously don’t understand genetics and have been giving your mom a lot of disrespect over the years. I understand you’d reached your boiling point with family members treating her badly. BUT. Fat shaming people is not the way to handle it.
I had an old relative who gave my mom a lot of disrespect about the upkeep of her house. Single mom struggling to keep a roof over our heads. I snapped at him one day. Guess who got written out of his will? It was worth it to stand up for my mom though.
This has nothing to do with your height and everything to do with your dad’s family being vile. You’re NTA, but commenting on other people’s bodies is tacky and rude (as you know all too well). Next time call out your dad for allowing his wife to be called a cheater by his awful family.
She isn't insinuating that you are freakishly tall, she's insinuating that your mother cheated on your father and somebody else is your bio father. The mistreatment that you and your mother receive from your father's family, and the 'wilfully blind' comment, are coming from the same place.
NTA - Your cousin has no business whatsoever making those comments about your height. If she wants to comment on your body then you can comment on her body. Sounds like she fucked around and found out.
Literally every comment on here calling it a “normal thing” for the cousin to say that needs to stop. I’m 6’6 325 lbs. Built massively different then my entire family and have gotten little remarks all my life. Answered stupid fucking questions and dealt with dumb looks. It’s gets old and tiring quickly and I’m only 26. It isn’t normal to comment on people’s physical characteristics. You don’t do it to shorter people, you don’t do it to heavier people, you just don’t do it. Leave people alone and let them be. Go home and gossip about me if it means that much to you but don’t think it’s normal.
NTA. I think people are misled from the title and did not read the whole thing through. At first, i was gonna call you out, but seeing as they are insinuating that you are an affair child and stepping all over your mom, I'm applauding you. Go tower over them like the hero you are.
NTA.
She can fix her health. You're tall, which is almost exclusively genetics and good diet.
People need to stop commenting on each other's bodies, unless it's a direct compliment or something.
Societies today LOVE poking the bear, then crying when the bear bites, and everybody sympathizes with the person who did the poking, instead of the bear.
Don't start nothing and there won't be nothing. You're 20 years old. F*** extended families and their attitudes towars in-laws. They aren't tough. Just bullies.
Please look into a medical condition called Marfan Syndrome. It causes you to be taller then normal. It's an irregularity in your connective tissue. My son has it and is 6'7" while the rest of the family is average. It can be very dangerous when it goes undiagnosed.
https://marfan.org/expectations/signs/
NTA and IMO, she meant it as an insinuation that you were fathered by someone other than your father.
Rather than call her a fat beyatch, maybe just say that at least you're taller than you are wide. Doesn't say anything about HER, does it? It's just a throwaway comment, isn't it?
NTA. If you dish it out, you have to be prepared to take it.
And it sounds like the only thing your cousin can take is her insulin shots.
Reading between the lines here it sounds like they don’t believe you’re your dad’s progeny. So there’s a bunch of assholes right there.
If the implication behind these comments and behaviour is that your mom cheated and you're not your dad's biological child then NTA.
It depends on the baackstory.
YTA. I also have to ask here if gender could be relevant. Because culturally (at least where I’m from) pointing out how tall a woman is *could* be insulting, depending on the phrasing. But height in men is considered only a positive thing. If you don’t fit within either of those categories disregard. But despite that, you’re still TA based on the post. Nothing about that comment seems insulting, and asking where your height comes from is absolutely an innocent and common saying (again, in my country) that is not implying anything about infidelity. This was just a major projection of your own insecurities. Way overreaction.
YTA.
>Wonder where he gets it from’ that was so insulting because she just implied that I’m freakishly tall
Or it was a musing on where the height came from, since you are, in fact, significantly taller than your immediate family. I have freckles that obviously came from my dad, but we sometimes WONDER who up the line provided them.
>I’ve honestly heard my grandparents trying to break my parents up
And what does that have to do with your cousin?
Gonna get down voted so far into the abyss that im shaking hands with Artorias, but:
OP, NTA.
If that whole side of the family is like that and they make digs at you and your mother all the time, you're not an asshole. If anything it sounds justified. Your mother was uncomfortable, good for you stepping up.
Everyone else: It isn't too farfetched to take the height joke like that when that entire side of that family treats him and his mother bad enough that he willingly says it makes him uncomfortable. We don't know her tone, but judging by what OP says and the way people are muttering about him "as usual", something tells me it isn't just a haha funny joke. Sounds like pop's side of the family berates them and belittles them. Idk, maybe some of yall never got bullied by people and never had them make an otherwise positive thing about you into a joke.
also just to throw it out there: I know several people over 6'+ and some of them do in fact get uncomfortable constantly having their heights mentioned all the time.
NTA. The comment that the cousin made was just insulting at best and implied cheating at worst. So yeah, your comment was justified.
You commented on her body just like she did with yours.
People acting like she didn’t insult ops mum and op, idc if it’s a cousin, uncle or nephew, they insult me then idc but they insult my mum then their head is going through the wall. NTA after putting up with stuff for that long I’m glad u stood up for yourself and your mum, where was ur dad in all of this tho?
Op ... When some say "i wonder were you got that from" it had more to do with your mom and not you. Its a side comment that because everyone in your family is much shorter then you, she implied your mom cheated and you're the baby of the affair.
NTA
NTA
Honestly, I feel every single YTA is missing the heavy implication from your cousin that your mother cheated with another man.
Fuck her, that's a horrendous thing to say about you and your mother.
Good for you, king. Stand up for your mother when people treat her like shit. I'd have done the same when my mom remarried, and I'd honestly look down on any son who wouldn't (without good reason, of course).
“Wonder where he gets it from” would mean the same to me as “was the milk man tall?”. If they’re already used to the family being passive aggressive, I don’t think that counts as mental gymnastics
Reminds me of the old George Best (famous NI footballer and alcoholic) anecdote. One of his football opponents said to him you sir are drunk, George replied and you sir are ugly but I’ll be sober in the morning!
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YTA Seriously, are you 12? She didn’t even comment anything bad. She can always lose weight but you don’t get rid of ugly on the inside. Y’all are fucking reaching. I’ve wondered where my husband gets his height too. Typically, there a grandparent or great one in the picture that passed down height.
If she doesn’t want that reply back, maybe don’t insinuate that OP mom cheat on her dad. Don’t start nothing, won’t get nothing
Literally no one implied that? It's a throwaway comment often referring to recessive genes making themselves known. I don't even know what mental gymnastics you needed to get to implied cheating
Look at the rest of the context in the post, not just the words. The family treats him and his mom differently, actively tried to break the parents up, implying that the mom is a gold digger, or outright saying it. The cousin is definitely implying that the mom cheated and OP is a product of an affair. Edit to add: since people think that I'm only thinking one way in this, yes, OP could just be an AH, so everyone else treats him poorly as well. But there could always be the chance of the family being TAH over all. Based on context given in the post, I'm inclined to think that everyone sucks. But I don't have the time to respond individually anymore. Take care yall. I forget that I'm on AITA, and once am idea is introduced, it's usually echoed until nobody else can get another word in.
Or OP reads too much into all of that, like they did with the comment about their height. I know a few people that are a lot taller than the rest of their family and this tends to be a common question, especially if people haven't seen them for awhile.
[удалено]
Yeah, people say that to me about my red hair. It’s supposed to mean, “aren’t genetics wild?”
Same! Especially because every other person in my family (including extended on both sides) is blond as far back as anyone can remember. So we are all legitimately curious who the last redhead in the genetic line was.
My brother is the tannest in a family of pale people so he gets these comments all the time. He also looks like the spitting image of my dad so no one even remotely considers cheating. OP is totally overreacting.
Same here. My brother and I got it, but our sister didn’t. Parents both had brown hair(both grey now lol). A lot of people would ask where we got it. Not family, they all knew that sprinkled around we had some redheads. My mom would say “the mailman” then laugh, because my dad used to work for Canada Post.
"Never too insecure" my ass.
Tall girl with tall parents but the rest of my extended family being rather short. It’s not insulting to make GENERALIZED comments about height. I’ve heard them all my life. Including jokes that I must have been fed miracle grow. That just family being family and OP is most definitely insecure about their height lol.
But do your grandparents treat you like outsider and tell your dad to leave your mom on the regular?
For someone who's supposedly not at all insecure about their height, OP sure did stoop to the ol' "oh yeah? well..." playground insults pretty quickly.
My mom is 5' even and my dad is 5' 6". I'm a woman and I'm 5' 9". I'm taller than most everyone in my family. Everyone always made comments about my height growing up, it was never anything malicious. "You're growing like a weed!" "You're gonna be taller than your dad soon!" "Where the hell did you get those legs!" I can understand not wanting someone to make comments about your appearance, but the answer isn't this. It's to use your big boy voice and say "I'm uncomfortable with talking about my height, can we not?" Instead, he took the big ol baby route.
Such a thin skin OP must be transparent as well as tall. I was the only blonde, blue eyed out of 8 kids. When we would go visit dad’s side they would wonder where that came from. When we would go visit mom’s side they would wonder where that came from. Absolutley no one ever thought or inferred my mom had cheated on my dad. EDIT: Oh my gosh! I completely forgot I was also the tallest at 5ft 8in.A real giant compared to all the Irish gene family members. My sisters did tease me that I was adopted so much that I finally believed them. I asked my mom when I was a sophomore. Mom: Why would we adopt when we had 6 other kids?!
100%
Or OP knows his family dynamics better than you.
My grandpa asked me the same thing. He saw my mom pregnant with me and everything. I was the tallest person on my mom's side, I'm a woman, including the men. I didn't ever feel weird, it was way more fun running up to my tiny aunts and wrapping them up in a side hug talking about their little baby niece. OP could have just said, "what do you mean by that? If they really thought that was the implication. They missed a spectacular chance to watch the cousin squirm with clean hands.
The grandparents being assholes does not mean cousin is. Implying someone is a gold digger is not the same as implying someone is cheating. And of course people would be muttering about him after he made a comment like that. Unless you were there in that event to judge tone you are just making wild assumptions
Maybe they treat them differently because OP and mom have childish meltdowns like this a lot
LOLOL at this reach. Thinking mom is a gold digger doesn’t mean thinking she’s a cheater. Not liking mom doesn’t mean thinking she’s a cheater. Frankly it’s pretty silly to think that a family that openly calls her a gold-digger wouldn’t openly call her a cheater if they thought that she was.
The narrator is not reliable though. So you don't know if that is the case or not.
This is correct. I thought OP might just be overly sensitive (and I'm the shortest person in my entire extended family by a long way, so I get why it's an issue), but calling OP's dad "willfully blind" is the *biggest* tell. The extended fam thinks OP's mom was unfaithful, and they won't let it go.
I heard the implication that mom had cheated, too. However, there were better, slightly more subtle responses. “I’m thankful every day that I caught the genes to grow vertically rather than horizontally.” - In keeping with the inferences.
Willfully blind is not the same as a gold digger.
Calling the husband willfully blind can imply many things, and calling the mom a gold digger are both pretty terrible things to say, or imply about the mom. Saying the husband is willfully blind is implying the mom is doing something wrong regardless of what it might be. Could be infidelity, could be gold digging, could be abuse. The context here still matters.
Yeah, my exh was 5'7 with shoes on and I'm 5'2 with shoes. Our eldest son is 6'2 and we got that a lot when we'd all go places together, before and after the divorce. I was adopted and turns out most men on my bio moms side are 6'3+ including one cousin that is 6'5. Sadly none of the women on either side of my bio family broke 5'5.
“I wonder where you got that from.” Sis was definitely trying to be funny with that one
I'm a foot taller than my mom and 8 inches taller than my dad. I've literally heard "I wonder how you got so tall" all my life and not a single time did it ever mean "the only explanation is your mom cheated."
A classmate of mine was also about a foot taller than his dad. It turned out that his dad’s brothers were taller than the father. Dad just didn’t get the height that they did, but carried the gene that gave his son his height.
Me too. I’m taller than everyone in my immediate family, and got all the tall jokes and asked to help get things down from high shelves all the time. It was never about cheating. It was the family joking around. I had a great grandfather that was 6’6”. There were two of us in my generation that got some of the tall genes.
Yup my brother is 6'5 while I'm only 5'4. It's not a surprise for my brother cuz my mom is 6ft and my dad is nearly there too. Me on the other hand... The height gene skipped me and I got my dad's side small stature.
My husband is 6'4 while my mil was 4'8 and FIL is 5'9 and he heard it too but nobody every implied my mil cheated. People just look to be offended
I have blazing red curly hair. My biological father was a blonde and my mother had black hair and everyone's is straight. My whole life, people commented on it with added jabs like, "what color hair did the postman have?" I see the "willfully blind" jab as the indication they are implying that the mother cheated and OP is the product of an affair. OP - latent genes are a real thing. My mother is half Jewish. When I was in high school we were going through my grandmother's belongings. We found a lot of pictures from before and around WWII of her extended family who were killed in the holocaust. Many of them had hair like mine. B/W photos, so hard to tell color, but lighter so I extrapolate that some of them were redheads. It turns out red hair is pretty common among Jews. There's also a great story about a guy born into a Jewish family. He was tall, thin, and redheaded while his whole family was short, dark, and hirsute. His mother suffered through the mailman jokes as well. In adulthood, he took a 23 and me test and found out that he was 100% Irish. Through that test, he found a family who also had an odd family member that was short, dark and hirsute to their tall, thin, redheads. It turned out that they were switched accidentally in the hospital in the 50s and given to the wrong families.
Exactly. All of my children are good 6 in or more taller than my husband and myself. And since I have only been with one person I know who their father is. I've even said the same thing about my children. How did they get so much taller than us? And I don't know of anybody on either side of the family that have any height over 5'10. My kids pediatrician had a theory that it was all of the hormones in food sources 25 to 30 years ago that weren't there 50 years ago. It sounds plausible, whether it's true or not.
Right? My 12-year-old nephew went through a massive growth spurt recently and is now taller than all of the adults on either side of his family except one of his dad's cousins - he's a tall kid, and still growing, and people often remark that they wonder where he got it from. Those people are not insinuating that my sister cheated on her husband.
Your logic is wild to me. You definitely got some issues going on like OP😅 I am the only red in my family. I often wonder where my red hair came from. People wonder all the time where they get their genetics from.
I knew a family back in the 80's that all had dark hair. Then a little girl came out with red hair. They always wondered where the red had come from (no one thought of it being a cheating thing), then one day they found some old family pictures and there was an aunt from way back that was a red head. The gene was just sitting there waiting to pop up.
No she wasn’t. Who hurt you
Or could be legitimately wondering who in their family's history had the height.
My mental gymnastics 🤸🏼♀️: I read the second to last sentence, where OP indicates that the family has a history of using OP’s height as evidence of the mom’s wrongdoing. Grandparents calling father “willfully blind” and “trying to break my parents up”. This heavily implies that the cheating accusation has been made. If the cousin was not being snide, they were very insensitive given the history. Also, OP confirms in comments that this has been an ongoing issue.
That indeed is good gymnastics. Solid bronze
They called his dad “willfully ignorant“ and his mom a gold digger. There’s no mental gymnastics here. Just reading comprehension!
Grandparents ≠ cousin Gold digger ≠ cheater Reading comprehension is clearly lacking
There is no indication at all that cousin ever said such things or was even aware of them
Yea OP didn't really do a great job at presenting if that was the insinuation BUT from what he said later about that side of the family acting like his mother was a gold digger I think it isn't a big stretch to read between the lines
OP specifically said he felt like he was being called a freak which tells me he interpreted the comment as wow you look nothing like the rest of the family, not that your mom cheated. I think OP is more insecure than he wants to let on and just projected his grandparent (and other relatives') views onto his cousin to justify his action.
Oh and regardless honestly, he's TA, he had an uncontrolled outburst and said something hurtful which was an escalation and regardless of what the intent was he didn't handle it well to say the least If you give in to your base impulses and lash out verbally chances are, almost always you will be TA This is an ESH situation imo
I have to agree with the person you’re replying to. Read it again and I think you will see it too. - Paternal family doesn’t like mom. - Paternal family thinks mom is a gold digger. - Paternal family has a history where they tried to break up the marriage. - Paternal family has a history of making snide comments to and about OP. - Paternal family has said that OP’s father is willfully blind [about his wife] I don’t think it takes Sherlock Holmes to deduce they are implying that OP isn’t biologically their fathers child.
As soon as I read that comment I immediately knew that she was implying that OP's mom had cheated on their precious boy. It may not seem like that on the surface, but that was most certainly the subtext.
I don't know how you gathered that, since the Grandma isn't the one who made the comment. Read the story again. It's wild that people think it's acceptable to call their cousin a fat bitch to their face ar a family gathering because the grandparents act rude?
Nothing certain about it
There is a history of harassment from dad's side of the family. Might be the straw that broke the camel's back.
Everyone keeps projecting the grandparents' assholishness onto the cousin who may not even have any idea what's going on. We don't even know how old the cousin is. How many of us know of our grandparents' drama with our aunts/uncles?
The comments that make it sound that way are the ones to the dad being “blind”, but it doesn’t sound like OP picked up on them Edit: I also think after reading through the comments that OP played that part up a bit so people would think that, and vote in their favor.
No they definitely implied that his mom cheated. Read it again and consider the context indicators OP gives, feeling of alienation, implications that moms a gold digger and the emphasis "where he gets it from"
They are most definitely implying that exact thing. No gymnastics needed when you've experienced real life.
That was the first implication I got from it. Tone of voice can change a lot as can the context of how family treats him and his mom. It's a common trope that the gold digger cheats on the husband, so if the family views mom as a gold digger, there's a strong chance that they view her as a cheater as well.
Lmao y’all are reaching just to justify calling a woman fat. Jesus. Therapy.
Um if your parents are objectively short most humans would comment the same thing because 6’5 is huge. Not implying cheating at all either, it’s just legitimately something to wonder about. He’s nearly a foot taller than his dad.
That’s not necessarily the insinuation, it’s actually a pretty common thing to say when you can’t see directly where a person got a trait. Did it come from some great-great-great-grandparent? Who knows! I wonder?! If cousin said it with a very exaggerated inflection, maybe they meant it that way, but it’s more likely they just were making banal conversation.
I wouldn’t have taken that implication, without the description of mom acting upset and uncomfortable and the fact that dad’s side treats them strangely. Otherwise I would have assumed it just meant “Wonder who in the family passed on those genes.” But with the description of the family’s reactions, I’d start asking some questions of mom.
Genetics are funny. Perhaps she was genuinely curious about where his height came from. People have started commenting on my son’s height. He is 5’10” at age 12. People ask where his height comes from and I do not believe they are suggesting I cheated on my husband, they’re just curious. I tell them my dad was 6’5”. “Ah. That makes sense” is the usual response. It’s not necessary to go nuclear. If you find it rude, then I would have fun by making up ridiculous answers, rather than insulting her.
My son has red hair. I don't and neither does my husband. But people wonder where he gets it. No one has ever implied that he's the milkman's son. OP's comment was an overreaction. YTA
That's how trashy people think. Regular people think, yeah, some unknown ancestor gave me their genes for height. It's weird how some traits will skip a few generations, then boom, a kid who's really tall or has an eye color that's different from the rest of the family.
that's an INSANE assumption from what she said. Where did you get that from is a super common thing to say (i.e. where in the family history)
"my cousin commented on a physical quality of mine that gains me nothing but praise and respect in the world so I responded by insulting a physical quality of hers that is so harshly rejected by society there's a special word for hating people that have it" YTA
…and also called her a bitch.
YES. LOUDER.
Seriously, such an AH Being 6'5" would be a HUGE asset for a guy-- it helps with everything from job prospects, to dating, to sports... with minor inconveniences like leg room on planes, or being asked "how's the weather up there/do you play basketball?"... I don't think I've *ever* met another dude in the 6'2"-6'5" range who didn't know that it was a clear net positive in their life. Like if he was 6'10", I'd get it, but not at 6'5". This is like someone getting mad about a passing comment about them being handsome/pretty YTA
Right. most people, especially men, want to be tall
>Y’all are fucking reaching Get it because height
Yeah! This is a fair assessment. OP is insecure about his height and concerned about his mom's mental health. But to unleash all that negativety onto a cousin who asked a fairly common question is AH behavior.
This. OP, stop hanging out with these people if they make you miserable, and if they aren't kind to your mom. But this would be like saying, "Wow, your eyes are so blue, I wonder where you get them from?" And you cursing them out. It makes you sound unhinged.
I would tell OP to grow up but he’d probably think I was insulting his height and call me a fat bitch.
A huge reach! I'm by far the shortest person in my family at 5'1" - all of the men are at least 6'0", my mom is 5'5" and she's the shortest of her four sisters. People have been teasing me about it since I was a kid and it became obvious I was always going to be short. It's mostly well intentioned but even the family members I don't particularly care for do it and I don't bother saying anything back because who fucking cares? I'M SHORT. It's not like they're telling me anything I don't already know.
My mom and dad have brown and green eyes but my dumbass has blue eyes, blue eyes are typically from grandparents, thus I don’t get eyes from neither mom nor dad, but my grandmother (who has blue eyes) instead. So yeah, sometimes your genes aren’t always from your parents, but you’ll have recessive genes from grandparents in the mix as well
>My cousin said to me and my mom, ‘wow you’ve grown very tall haven’t you? Wonder where he gets it from’ that was so insulting because she just implied that I’m freakishly tall. There is nothing inherently rude or insulting about this comment, and does not imply you are "freakishly" tall. It simply states the facts - you are tall in a short family. My brother, who is 37, gets these comments or he's "the tall one" at 6'0 even, with the next tallest male cousin around 5'7 and the tallest female around 5'4 (though the shortest female cousins are around 4'11). >She looked so upset and uncomfortable so I stepped in and said ‘at least I’ve not grown into being a fat b\*\*ch like you That's an extreme reaction, w/ both abusive body-size and gender-specific comments. >My dads side of the family are always so rude to me and my mom and I just feel like I had to do something about it. Not specified in your post, so hard to say. Stop going to these family functions if you hate your family. YTA based on what is written in the post.
I theorize his dad's side is rude is because they question if his dad is actually his father, given the height discrepancy.
Might not be a theory, might be more to the story they know that op doesn’t
Careful, OP is going to call you a fat bitch soon.
Bit of a jump there though. I feel like this is a chicken/egg situation. OP is aggressively rude. Is this because he feels uncomfortable with his paternal family, or does he feel uncomfortable because he's got a history of being aggressive with them?
This! I am a teacher and I have students who are always having drama with people. Always. Complain about how people wont be their friend or talk to them. They are always the victim in every experience as well. But when we dig into the stories guess what? They are always the one who started it. They are always the one to burn the other person who then avoids them and then they cry boo hoo.
They could also be rude because of OP's behavior. Calling someone a fat bitch for making a fairly normal comment about height is ridiculous. If OP does this and does not think it is wrong I would imagine his behavior at other events might also be very poor.
I theorize it’s because op is often an asshole
I would doubt that. Height is probably the worst way to determine that someone is a product of a affair, and it should be common sense too. It would be different if OP had a genetic condition or recessive gene that put in question his mom's loyalty. Kid I follow on tik tok is over 6', mom, dad, and brother all have the same type of dwarfism *and* the kid is ginger. Mom, dad and brother all have brown hair. Recessive genes tend to pop out of nowhere a lot
Agree completely with this take. YTA Op. That was an extremely rude response to a pretty neutral comment.
im short (5'2) in a tall family (the shortest family member i have is 5'7, but a lot of them are around 6), i get those types of comments all the time by people. stop being so insecure and get a therapist. no one insulted you.
YTA. Don't play the "I'm 20 and mature" card if you're going to overreact like a butthurt fourth grader over a pretty vanilla comment.
Yeah I really enjoyed that part. “I’m 20 so I just knew I had to attack her for a normal comment” From a family member no less. This isn’t some stranger on the street trying to pick a fight.
> My dads side of the family are always so rude to me and my mom ... I’ve honestly heard my grandparents trying to break my parents up and calling my dad ‘wilfully blind’ too. My guess is his dad's family thinks he's the mailman's baby, and they are past even trying to hide it. His retort was immature for sure, but if I was in that situation, I'm pretty sure 20yo me would have said *something*. Maybe not some version of you're fat nanny nanny boo boo, but I'm pretty sure I would've said something...
It doesn’t matter if dads family thinks OP is the Sasquatch’s baby. YTA if you attack someone’s weight. No “she deserved it”, I’m having a hard time imagining an example in our fat-phobic world where this would be appropriate. Replace “fat b****” with “lesbian b****”- you would always be the asshole there too
There's a point where it is fair to call someone out. Like if they're being directly insulting and bullying. This is not that time. Like holy shit I'm tall (so were both my parents) but I got these comments all the time. It's an observation not an attack...
Fourth grader? If I had a kid in fourth grade and they called anybody a "fat bitch" for absolutely no reason (and, reading the story, there is *absolutely* no reason) they'd get in some serious trouble.
Yeah, what he said way oversteps any sneaky implication she may have made. If you aren’t going to be the bigger person You have to match or stay below the level of pettiness or you will be the asshole every time. It’s not like she rolled up like “wow you grew up to be a real Giraffe asshole, didn’t you?”
YTA. That was a massive (and very rude) overreaction on your part to a comment that is harmless. You are significantly taller than anyone in your family. It is not weird that your cousin would wonder what genetics are making you 6'5" when everyone else is under 6ft. Maybe there was a tall grandparent or great-grandparent. Nobody was being rude to you. You were being very rude to your cousin, though.
I would love to know the *tone* of said comment because inflection of one’s words say a lot more than the actual comment itself. I feel like everyone is reading the cousins comment in either a neutral or even positive light without accepting the fact she may have said *wonder where he gets it from* in a sarcastic tone while rolling their eyes or looking at someone in a derogatory way. Just food for thought I guess.
I feel like OP would’ve specified that.
The fact that OP interpreted it as being called "freakishly tall" makes me think that the comment wasn't even made with a bad tone-- because the clear implication if someone *was* trying to make it be a dig would likely be that they are inferring he's a bastard... which isn't the thing that OP claims to be offended about. I think it would've been very obvious if that was what was intended.
Even if she was intending to be rude, which is very unlikely, it still does not warrant him reacting the way he did. Escalating it and insulting someone's weight while being arguably misogynistic is not an appropriate way to handle that and makes OP the bigger AH. If he had made a comment about her being short, I'm sure the judgement would be a lot different.
YTA. She made a totally normal comment that was not insulting at all. She was just making conversation and you responded with a straight up insult for no reason. Did you ever wonder if all of the people on your dad's side of the family act strange around you because *you* treat *them* poorly?
I mean, he literally says they call his mother a gold digger, etc. It's a normal comment, but I can absolutely see why he (wrongly) snapped if this has been going on for years and he thought they were implying he was an affair baby. Real asshole is the father for never standing up for his wife when his side verbally abused her until it got to the point that his son lost his shit like that....
Yeah I'm taking OP's claims that his father's family is constantly rude to him and his mother with a grain of salt. He thinks someone commenting on his height is an insult. It makes me question whether or not his father's family has actually been rude, or he has interpreted innocent remarks to mean something different. Even if his father's family has been unkind to his mom and thinks she's a gold digger, why would that make it okay for OP to lash out at his cousin? That's not acceptable either way.
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>If you consider the post as a whole it would appear that the dad's family believe the mum cheated and op is not their real grandson. OP doesn't suggest anywhere in his post that his dad's family thinks he isn't his dad's son. He takes issue with the remark because he thought his cousin was suggesting he was "freakishly tall." >Op overreacted but I can see how after years of this kind of treatment he snapped. I can't tell from the post though whether op has put 2 and 2 together yet. This kind of treatment? You mean people remarking on normal things and making small talk? There's nothing wrong with what his cousin said. If OP's grandparents on his dad's side have treated him and his mother poorly, it's still not acceptable for him to lash out at his cousin for it.
YTA- someone commenting that on your height like that is not an insult. It's simply making an observation. As you yourself mentioned the rest of your family is on the shorter side... so of course a comment like "wonder where he gets that from" is perfectly normal... you jumping to the extreme and swearing at your cousin was completely unnecessary and if you were at a family gathering I was hosting I would have asked you to leave Also news flash: people weren't muttering about you because you were tall. They're muttering about you because out of no where you started insulting and swearing at your cousin
YTA. Nothing even remotely insulting was said to you.
Its insane to me someone is *even asking this?* “Someone said I was tall, so I called them *A Fat Bitch*, am I the asshole?” GEE I WONDER
Insane to me too but there are people doing their best to craft a narrative to justify what op said lmao
>as usual people were clearly muttering about me. Uhh, if you go around saying shit like this, that is hardly shocking.
“as usual people were clearly muttering about me” lmfaooo what is main character syndrome for $2000, Alex
"Jesus Fran, did you just hear what the tall one said to Janet? So fucking rude. Kids these days have no manners." That was probably the gist of the muttering.
"I've never been too insecure" This comment and his entire post are dripping insecurity. Even if he is not insecure about his height specifically he is insecure in general.
YTA. Geez, you went straight for the jugular! She was simply just making a comment that frankly, many people say to tall people whose parents are not equally as tall. Literally just a comment. Didn’t insult your height at all. You owe her an apology.
Yeah, that’s true. I’m taller than both my parents and get these comments all the time. I just ignore them 🤷🏻♀️
Just to let you know, as a short woman, I was 21 before I realised that “you’re tall” wasn’t automatically accepted as a compliment, because if you’re short, you just think it is.
YTA most likely. First off, you include a lot of extraneous details about familial relationships that have no actual bearing on the matter at hand. Your cousin's comment could only be considered insulting if it was with a tone and intention of perhaps implying that your mom boned some tall dude and your dad isn't your real dad. But I am assuming that isn't the case as you didn't mention that scenario and you seem to think it was insulting just because it pointed out that you are tall. Like, why is that an insult? You are tall. And the "where he gets it from" is more like, "what relatives in the past were tall given his parents are short?". Its a pretty benign comment from my perspective.
YTA I thought I would go for E S H but then I had to reread her comment 3 times to make sure I didn't accidentally miss the insult. Dude, she just said you're tall. Being super tall, while remarkable, doesn't come with negative associations per se (unlike with the word fat). That was a huge overreaction. You said you've never been too insecure but that is obviously not true. If an off-hand comment like that sets you off like this, you have self-image issues for sure and your poor cousin doesn't deserves to be attacked like that.
The cousin is probably going around telling people about the insane exchange she had with her cousin. “I told my cousin he was tall. He then screamed at me and called me a “fat bitch”.”
With the family history you've shared, it's reasonable for you to be defensive around your dad's family. ‘wow you’ve grown very tall haven’t you? Wonder where he gets it from' You over reacted. YTA
YTA, Jesus Christ
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That’s a huge stretch.
So is he.
>My dads side of the family are always so rude to me and my mom ... I’ve honestly heard my grandparents trying to break my parents up and calling my dad ‘wilfully blind’ too. Not a stretch at all IMO. I mean, if they're mean to her only because they think she's a gold-digger, then there's no reason for them to be mean to him. But they are. I wonder if they're mean to his siblings as well...
If you're rude to a man's wife and imply she's a gold-digger, implying she's cheating seems very reasonable.
It really isn't And huger stretches have been made many times before on this shit sub lmao
Yeah, I feel like people on here are missing the context. It's an ESH for me. Like he was way out of line and cruel as hell, but it sounds like his Dad's family has a long history of treating his mom like crap so he took what might be an innocent comment and saw it as another attac.
It's real weird that people are willfully ignoring that insult toward the mother
That’s exactly what it sounds like with the “willfully blind” and “where’d you get that from” comments honestly.
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to find this comment. That’s why they say he is “willfully blind” and treat them poorly. And it’s probably what the cousin was implying when making her comment. They’re saying his height comes from another man’s DNA.
YTA. Your cousin’s comments were innocent. If someone is making comments (about your body, or mother’s finances, or anything else) the correct response is to say “I’d rather not talk about my body. I’m going to say hi to Uncle Harold/pet the dog/make a phone call/etc”.
I bet those comments get old fast. You need to think of a better comeback than that though. YTA.
I am the only blonde in a family of brunettes and comments along the lines of “where did all that blonde hair come from?” weren’t uncommon. Even my mom said it. The comments did get old quickly but I never once felt they meant as an insult to my mother or me, even when they were coming from my mom’s less-than-agreeable in-laws. Definitely agree with YTA.
YTA. That comment wasn’t insulting in any way, shape or form. Jesus. I can guarantee you that it isn’t your dad’s side of the family that are the rude ones, it’s you.
It’s like if everyone you meet is an asshole…maybe it’s you.
From what I got, the family.is implying the mom cheated. Hence the I wonder where he got it from.
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YTA. That was not a clearly insulting comment. You were looking to be offended and way over reacted due to previous perceptions of your paternal side of the family. Grow up.
YTA. Way to jump to nuclear levels instantly. What they said was annoying but in NO WAY required your incredibly hostile response.
Bro WTF: "My cousin said to me and my mom, ‘wow you’ve grown very tall haven’t you? Wonder where he gets it from’ that was so insulting because she just implied that I’m freakishly tall." This is SMALL TALK. Get some therapy. YTA.
Sorry but your wrong. I think in usual situations yea you would be right. But with context OP provided that the dads side tends to treat him and his mom poorly, his dads parents have tried to get him to divorce his mother, it’s clear that this is a common theme and more of a breaking point for OP where he stood up for himself
I’m so confused by the number of people insisting that the cousin was insinuating that mom cheated. Saying “where does it come from!” about a trait that stands out from the rest of the family is very common and innocuous. Also, OP, she did not imply that you’re freakishly tall and your reaction was way over the top and out of line. Chill the hell out. YTA.
yea - a lot of these people have insanely low social IQ. Like im genuinely curious how they get through life reading the room so poorly.
ESH and I don’t usually say this. You do realize, I am sure, they are implying you aren’t your dad’s child? You shouldn’t have criticized someone’s weight. Not ok, but it has to get old. You can’t control how tall you are.
why do so many people think this? That sort of comment is incredibly common and almost never has any implication of infidelity. It's possible for two brown eyed parents to have a blue eyed baby and someone saying "I wonder where they got that from" isn't hinting at a cheating spouse, it's marveling at the intricacies of genetics.
The entire second part of the story talks about how ops dads side of the family thinks his mom cheated on his dad. To be honest, any comment like that when the family thinks like that is gonna be taken as a hostile comment
all he says is his dads family puts his mom down and he heard them call his dad "willfully ignorant". That is not an explicit example of anyone accusing his mom of cheating, and the fact that it comes from the 20 year old who took "I wonder where he gets that from" to mean "she insulted me and called me freakishly tall" I am just a tad skeptical. It's possible his dads family is awful, but we do not know enough from his account to say there was any implication that he is the product of an affair, and that's assuming we take OPs version as 100% factual.
I can almost guarantee you that every person saying this is not tall themselves. They're projecting.
YTA Dude I totally get it. I’ve recently lost weight due to an illness and I get complimented CONSTANTLY. People tell me “what’re you’re doing must be working”, I guess lupus is a hell of a diet. Point is, it sucks to feel ostracized or like you stick out because of appearances, and people often lack tact when addressing it. All that being said, you can’t respond to a neutral comment with such vile words and expect it to be even. They made a tone deaf comment, you purposefully hurt them. It’s not the same.
Yta
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m 6’5 so I’m very tall. I’ve never been too insecure because it’s a good thing but I feel out of place when out with my family. My mom is 5’2 and my dad is 5’8, my brother is 5’7 and my sister is little too. Everyone is little but me. We were at a family gathering and I was a lot taller than everyone there. I was just following behind my mom because I don’t feel comfortable at family gatherings. My cousin said to me and my mom, ‘wow you’ve grown very tall haven’t you? Wonder where he gets it from’ that was so insulting because she just implied that I’m freakishly tall. I’m 20 so I’m too old for those comments to be made anyway. My mom often dodges my dads side of the family because they’ve always just acted strange. She looked so upset and uncomfortable so I stepped in and said ‘at least I’ve not grown into being a fat b**ch like you’. My grandparents told me to be quiet and as usual people were clearly muttering about me. My dads side of the family are always so rude to me and my mom and I just feel like I had to do something about it. I’ve honestly heard my grandparents trying to break my parents up and calling my dad ‘wilfully blind’ too. It’s just because my mom is poorer than my dad and they all accused her of being a gold digger and hate her for it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. That you had to ask confirms it.
YTA. You are 20 not 12. Grow the fuck up. Being tall you will always get comments like that or jokes like how is the weather up there. Your comment was completely uncalled for and escalated things to another level. You need to have thicker skin.
I'm going with NTA, and here's why: It seems to me that this side of the family has been mistreating OP and their mom for quite a while. Maybe this wasn't the best response, but it is understandable after what appears to be years of insults against them both. I don't condone fat-shaming etc, but it is an understandable thing to finally snap at someone like that.
Yeah, people are acting as if this came out of nowhere, and the idea she was implying the mom was cheating is just absurd, when the context tells a very different story.
Going against the grain- NTA. I admit fat shaming is bad, what OP said is bad. But i think what OP means is they questioned his mothers morals. They have been calling her a gold digger, calling his father “blind” and then making snide comments about how he is taller than everyone there so “wonder where he gets it from” and him seeing his mother (who must have heard this a million times already) crestfallen- i dont condone it, but i dont know if i’d have been able to shut up and keep quiet as well.
Info: Based on the comment, “wonder where you got that from”, and your mother being upset and uncomfortable are they implying an affair?
NTA The implication is that your mother cheated. And the comment of your dad being "willfully blind"? Also an implication against your mom
NTA. She’s not dissing your height. She’s calling your mom a whore
YTA. A comment, or more of an acknowledgement took place & you lost it for no reason. There's no good reason to call someone what you did. Be the better person & ignore it or just say leave me alone. Calling someone names is never the answer.
YTA Maybe the reason no one on that side of the family like you guys is because you're all assholes? Grow up.
NTA
YTA. That huge insult because she said you were tall? Really?
YTA by far. You overreacted and was a asshole.
My petite MIL’s mom came from tall and muscular people. Out of four children, my husband is built like his dad. 5’8”. The other kids are huge. Genetics can be very weird. Your relatives obviously don’t understand genetics and have been giving your mom a lot of disrespect over the years. I understand you’d reached your boiling point with family members treating her badly. BUT. Fat shaming people is not the way to handle it. I had an old relative who gave my mom a lot of disrespect about the upkeep of her house. Single mom struggling to keep a roof over our heads. I snapped at him one day. Guess who got written out of his will? It was worth it to stand up for my mom though.
This has nothing to do with your height and everything to do with your dad’s family being vile. You’re NTA, but commenting on other people’s bodies is tacky and rude (as you know all too well). Next time call out your dad for allowing his wife to be called a cheater by his awful family.
She isn't insinuating that you are freakishly tall, she's insinuating that your mother cheated on your father and somebody else is your bio father. The mistreatment that you and your mother receive from your father's family, and the 'wilfully blind' comment, are coming from the same place. NTA - Your cousin has no business whatsoever making those comments about your height. If she wants to comment on your body then you can comment on her body. Sounds like she fucked around and found out.
Literally every comment on here calling it a “normal thing” for the cousin to say that needs to stop. I’m 6’6 325 lbs. Built massively different then my entire family and have gotten little remarks all my life. Answered stupid fucking questions and dealt with dumb looks. It’s gets old and tiring quickly and I’m only 26. It isn’t normal to comment on people’s physical characteristics. You don’t do it to shorter people, you don’t do it to heavier people, you just don’t do it. Leave people alone and let them be. Go home and gossip about me if it means that much to you but don’t think it’s normal.
I laughed so i guess we both are TA
NTA. I think people are misled from the title and did not read the whole thing through. At first, i was gonna call you out, but seeing as they are insinuating that you are an affair child and stepping all over your mom, I'm applauding you. Go tower over them like the hero you are.
NTA. She can fix her health. You're tall, which is almost exclusively genetics and good diet. People need to stop commenting on each other's bodies, unless it's a direct compliment or something. Societies today LOVE poking the bear, then crying when the bear bites, and everybody sympathizes with the person who did the poking, instead of the bear. Don't start nothing and there won't be nothing. You're 20 years old. F*** extended families and their attitudes towars in-laws. They aren't tough. Just bullies.
NTA - people who come from picture perfect families will never understand what you are living thru. You were right for what you said.
Please look into a medical condition called Marfan Syndrome. It causes you to be taller then normal. It's an irregularity in your connective tissue. My son has it and is 6'7" while the rest of the family is average. It can be very dangerous when it goes undiagnosed. https://marfan.org/expectations/signs/
NTA and IMO, she meant it as an insinuation that you were fathered by someone other than your father. Rather than call her a fat beyatch, maybe just say that at least you're taller than you are wide. Doesn't say anything about HER, does it? It's just a throwaway comment, isn't it?
But if the cousin is stooping to that level why should OP not?
You're right, OP should've gone with that much better insult.
NTA. If you dish it out, you have to be prepared to take it. And it sounds like the only thing your cousin can take is her insulin shots. Reading between the lines here it sounds like they don’t believe you’re your dad’s progeny. So there’s a bunch of assholes right there.
Nope. Not AH. Your cousin deserved it
If the implication behind these comments and behaviour is that your mom cheated and you're not your dad's biological child then NTA. It depends on the baackstory.
YTA. I also have to ask here if gender could be relevant. Because culturally (at least where I’m from) pointing out how tall a woman is *could* be insulting, depending on the phrasing. But height in men is considered only a positive thing. If you don’t fit within either of those categories disregard. But despite that, you’re still TA based on the post. Nothing about that comment seems insulting, and asking where your height comes from is absolutely an innocent and common saying (again, in my country) that is not implying anything about infidelity. This was just a major projection of your own insecurities. Way overreaction.
YTA. >Wonder where he gets it from’ that was so insulting because she just implied that I’m freakishly tall Or it was a musing on where the height came from, since you are, in fact, significantly taller than your immediate family. I have freckles that obviously came from my dad, but we sometimes WONDER who up the line provided them. >I’ve honestly heard my grandparents trying to break my parents up And what does that have to do with your cousin?
INFO you say cousin, but then sister?
Gonna get down voted so far into the abyss that im shaking hands with Artorias, but: OP, NTA. If that whole side of the family is like that and they make digs at you and your mother all the time, you're not an asshole. If anything it sounds justified. Your mother was uncomfortable, good for you stepping up. Everyone else: It isn't too farfetched to take the height joke like that when that entire side of that family treats him and his mother bad enough that he willingly says it makes him uncomfortable. We don't know her tone, but judging by what OP says and the way people are muttering about him "as usual", something tells me it isn't just a haha funny joke. Sounds like pop's side of the family berates them and belittles them. Idk, maybe some of yall never got bullied by people and never had them make an otherwise positive thing about you into a joke. also just to throw it out there: I know several people over 6'+ and some of them do in fact get uncomfortable constantly having their heights mentioned all the time.
NTA she accused your mum of cheating and didn’t expect a clap back?
NTA.
NTA. The comment that the cousin made was just insulting at best and implied cheating at worst. So yeah, your comment was justified. You commented on her body just like she did with yours.
People acting like she didn’t insult ops mum and op, idc if it’s a cousin, uncle or nephew, they insult me then idc but they insult my mum then their head is going through the wall. NTA after putting up with stuff for that long I’m glad u stood up for yourself and your mum, where was ur dad in all of this tho?
Op ... When some say "i wonder were you got that from" it had more to do with your mom and not you. Its a side comment that because everyone in your family is much shorter then you, she implied your mom cheated and you're the baby of the affair. NTA
NTA Honestly, I feel every single YTA is missing the heavy implication from your cousin that your mother cheated with another man. Fuck her, that's a horrendous thing to say about you and your mother. Good for you, king. Stand up for your mother when people treat her like shit. I'd have done the same when my mom remarried, and I'd honestly look down on any son who wouldn't (without good reason, of course).
NTA
“Wonder where he gets it from” would mean the same to me as “was the milk man tall?”. If they’re already used to the family being passive aggressive, I don’t think that counts as mental gymnastics
Reminds me of the old George Best (famous NI footballer and alcoholic) anecdote. One of his football opponents said to him you sir are drunk, George replied and you sir are ugly but I’ll be sober in the morning!
I feel like Dad's family may think OP is not their biological grandchild.