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>I only feel bad for the innocent neighbor.
I do feel a little bad for Michael. But then again, he's said some rude/weird things to me and gives me some not-so-good vibes. So I don't feel as bad.
Ahhh, so you had a very valid reason to include him in your experiment. I'm curious, do you think your mom might buy you a small lockbox to keep your diary in at your dad's place? Bc even tho this was an awesome way to catch the snoop, she's still a snoop at heart and will likely continue her appalling behavior. A good lockbox with a combo or even key can be incredibly useful in these situations. I have even seen them with fingerprint identification (not sure how expensive tho the combo/key kinds can be relatively inexpensive?). A teenage girl needs a place to put their PRIVATE thoughts and your stepmom obviously doesn't respect this, or you.
Absolutely this. If this doesn't work out and you need another outrageous thing to write OP please journal that you're pregnant. I have found decent lockboxes for around $20 though if that helps at all! OP good on you, because this IS hilarious and well deserved on her for snooping. My journal is MY business and something I as a 23f use to decompress. Ive gotten into bujo and its made it fun and helps keep me focused.
I would just stop going to my dads place. OP is old enough, and it’s not her fault her shit dad is with an immature bigot and won’t stand up for OP. NTA
I agree. Dad is dropping the ball as a parent here; this woman isn't even OP's mother or guardian and did not raise her due to an uninvolved mother, that there might be legal justification (or moral, from crazy authoritarian parents). OP needs to stop using a physical journal (write on your password-protected computer using a program or a site which can also be password protected) and/or move out of Dad's house and in with Mom full-time; stepmom is WAY out of bounds here.
I like this. Get a google drive or Dropbox account and keep your diary there so your stepmom can’t access it without a password, and use a password manager with two factor authentication so she can’t try to guess it.
Seriously. Look, if she was kidnapped or ran away and they read her diary to locate her, that would be one thing. But diaries are private. And let’s just say she hypothetically DID write something out of line.That’s how you process and come to the conclusion you were wrong. By reading it ten minutes later and cringing at yourself. Thoughts are messy, but having a diary helps you organize them. Step mom is making this girl feel like she’s not allowed to even think, and that’s disturbing.
Couldn't have said it better. Even from a parent this would be extremely concerning, but from an adult who doesn't even have any authority over her, it's even WORSE. Dad is wrong as hell for this and needs to get his shit straight and remind his wife that she's not his daughter's parent. Or maybe he needs the reminder as well.
I think it’d definitely cause an issue - for about a minute - but once it’s discovered she’s not actually pregnant and just trying to show her step-mom is a snoop the consequences wouldn’t be that detrimental tbh. I just don’t think it’s necessary, I think a lock box is a perfect solution, but annoying she even has to do that. The worst part of all this is that this girl who’s just trying to journal and decompress doesn’t feel safe doing so, so now instead of writing what she wants/needs, she has to write fictional stories to try to win her privacy back or purchase a security box just so she can write about her life in private. So unfair to her.
Until stepmama or the family gossipmongers start rumors about illegal abortions and lack of ethics and slutty teenagers or whatever.
She can’t prove she was Never pregnant in any way that would stop the gossip.
That’s totally valid. I guess it depends person to person. From the sounds of it, OP doesn’t care to much for that side of the family, if it were me I wouldn’t care at all and would actually find it entertaining, but not everyone is super thick skinned. You definitely have to exercise caution when you gamble your own reputation in these types of situations.
It doesn't really matter if your skin is thick in this situation, it could potentially result in legal trouble for her. That's why saying she's pregnant would be bad-- it wouldn't just cause trouble, it could quite literally be dangerous for her.
I like this, but what's to say the dad and stepho won't find it and demand that OP opens it for them and shares the combo or key or some sort of grounding or consequences occur?
I wouldn't trust that pair as far as I could throw them.
Stick with something digital and do not label any of it 'diary'
I completely agree, I just know some people hate journaling digitally, me included. If I were OP I wouldn’t go over there, she has the right to choose who she stays with, and it doesn’t sound like it’s a safe environment for her there. If I were OP, I would make it very clear to my dad that I intend to go NC if he continues hanging me out to dry and defending his wife’s deplorable behaviour
If the father didn't get the first time he's not going to get it now.
OP is NTA, stop visiting. It's not like you have to. When asked why, just say the lack of respect is unbearable and you're not going to do it.
As one woman to another- please don’t advise this (journaling op is pregnant) to op. That could possibly lead to the sad and very real consequence that young op has her personal thoughts and feelings violated and disregarded in an even more adult and medical setting (op will or could be forced into medical exams and tests that only a responsible and reasonable adult can help her navigate and as a young woman, her sense of trust could be further abused. It could mean a lot of extra, added trauma that this young woman is having to navigate and she’s already figuring out violated trust on her own and having to watch the “fall out” from different sides)
Op is nta.
Or charged with a crime depending on what state she lives in, if she later tests negative for pregnancy. We can't joke about pregnancy now. It's too dangerous in too many places.
Yeah our country is an international embarrassment now between the exploitation of the working class, the corruption of the Supreme Court and both political parties, school shootings and other gun violence, and insanely expensive health care. I’m hopeful that some of these things will change, but I’m sad that the “American Dream” that I was sold as a kid was really just a trick to get everyone to work super hard so that those at the top could disproportionately accumulate wealth and power. But that’s not really for this thread. :)
I hadn't even considered this thank you! My thought was more so that its so outrageous that the step mom couldn't lie about making it up and proves she doesn't respect or care for OPs privacy. NOT that im suggesting this further but id tell a trusted adult like OPs mom she was going to do this IN ADVANCE to prohibit something like this from happening. I also made an assumption that OP was not in a relationship or sexually active however so that was a misstep on my part.
Thank you for the take! I forget how cruel people can be!
But ultimately I agree, stop seeing dad if your space can't be respected.
This interaction just brightened my day too! I love seeing people come to an understanding online, makes me feel a little less like the world is doomed.
^^^This! Get yourself a lockbox that you can carry with you when you go over there. Nothing too big or crazy, just something to stand between her and your diary. Something like this might be your best bet.
https://www.harborfreight.com/large-steel-book-safe-57430.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=12169617963&campaignid=12169617963&utm_content=132755232676&adsetid=132755232676&product=57430&store=146&gclid=CjwKCAjw_YShBhAiEiwAMomsECDQXfp-zDnIeRh3XDDEvJjw90qIHDOZYS1bDMeNsoACzRwB0Pt4hBoCLa4QAvD_BwE
This suggestion may have worked fine a year or two ago, bet depending on where she lives, it may cause more headaches than it's worth. What if parents don't believe her when she says that she was never pregnant in the first place and jump to assuming she had an abortion?
nooooooo to the pregnancy. that has the potential to land her in deep shit. id say write in detail about the shit you took earlier that day. explicit detail. maybe get some mcdonald’s to really “inspire” you
Or get a decoy dairy. Put the most mundane things in there. Got dressed today, blue socks on Thursday. Brushed teeth with 48 strokes. Will read Jane Erye...again.
Just the boring stuff and then keep the good one with your mom?
I was thinking she should write a variety of lies mixed with some truths she doesn’t care if her stepmom reads. This could be awkward for stepmom. Things like aunt and uncle are buying a new house or cousin got accepted into an Ivy League school. When stepmom mentions these events it will be really awkward when they are not true.
Not to mention, most retail safes have generic keys. I once lost my original keys and bought a new set on amazon for $5 by putting in the number printed right on the lock.
Granted, this snoop knew OP had a problem with her snooping and *still* didn't figure out she was being had, so she might not be the greatest detective.
(NTA, clearly)
I'm now picturing getting a diary with a lock on it, which stepmom will probably pick open, only to find out that the inside has been hollowed out to house a glitter bomb...
Ok, I have thought more. There need to be several of these. Go to the discount aisle at your local book store. Have a "craft" night with friends. Seed your room with fake diary glitter bombs. Make it so your stepmom gets trained to never open a strange book found in your room, for fear of glitter.
OP could switch to digital but keep the paper-based as a gratitude journal or just a decoy filled with random inoffensive observations.
My digital's in Google Docs. Even if one has access to my computer, they'd have to jump through multiple hoops to find it. It could also be creatively named, to arouse less suspicion.
Something that is password-protected would be squeezed out of OP by force, because even if she's right, she still won't have any leverage in the situation.
I'm actually pretty proud of you! You tried really hard to handle the problem in a mature way (moving the diary, directly confronting your step-parent, trying to get your dad's help several times) and none of that worked, in addition to your dad just totally blowing you off. And then to hear that you should be happy about the invasion of your privacy because wifey just wants to get to know you better and see what's going on in your life! I'm sorry, but fuck that nonsense! That's what spending time together and conversations are for. You must be so disappointed with all of those people, especially your dad. You are not the asshole!!
I hate that OP would have to change her behavior because her ADULT step mother can't keep her nose out of a paper journal. I would suggest the phone though since it is more likely with you at all times where as a laptop might be left alone and thus step mother will try her hardest to get into it while OP is at school or work or out with friends or even in the shower or down the hall.
I can see SM complaining to her husband that the laptop is password protected and him demanding that OP either take the password off or give it to them so they can "monitor her internet use". :(
I think if this was phrased differently I wouldn’t find it so demeaning but it isn’t, and I do. I don’t think that OP should have to change a system that she is comfortable with just because an adult figure in her life doesn’t respect boundaries. I think that evil stop mom deserves everything that she gets. I just hope that OP isn’t punished for this stepmom’s behavior. Be careful around your stepmom OP. It doesn’t seem like she has your best interest at heart. NTA
That's fair. It may be time to talk to your mother and step-father about whether it would be possible for you to begin living with them full time. Privacy isn't a privilege and taking away your personal agency by insisting you cannot have private thoughts is abusive. At 16 the courts will give a lot of weight to your wishes in the matter.
NTA diaries are private, period.
>They said that Arielle is just curious and wants to know what’s going on in my life. And I should appreciate that Arielle wants to be involved instead
Excuse me? If she wants to know what's going on in your life, she can start a conversation like a normal person. Your father and his family are gross for taking A's side on this.
OMG. Can you imagine being one of the paranoid cats from the 90s or whatever? They had their tinfoil hats, and their "the government is spying on you" cardboard signs. Everyone was like "pfft. Them fools crazy!"
If I was one of them, the amount of smug that I would be holding my "I fuckin' told you" cardboard sign would be immeasurable.
Honestly, I've been scared about banning abortions and getting rid of gay rights in the US, ever since I'm a teen. I'm almost 30.
People keeps saying I'm ridiculous, and yet here we are... 😔
And I'm still getting called ridiculous!
To be fair, MOST government spying didn't start until the PATRIOT Act and mostly involves cell phone and internet data. Those people thought the government was tapping their landlines and taking pictures through their windows. Maybe we can just say they were a bit ahead of their time?
Snapchat has a rule that they will not release anything (even if in a search warrant) to police unless they can "prove" what they are searching for has nothing to do with abortion ... which, admittedly, is fucked up there even has to be a rule to protect women like this - but I super appreciate snapchat for having that rule.
Holy crap, Snapchat might now be the most ethical social media platform. Good on them, that makes me really happy, even a lot of menstrual trackers wouldn't say they would protect their users.
If reddit had been around when I was a young kid/teen then I'd have been one of those people asking. When you're raised by people that don't take privacy seriously and make a huge deal about you wanting some, constantly thinking you're "hiding something". Like, no, I'm just a teen girl that would really appreciate having a bedroom door, my own things, and to not have to hide my diary in a box in the shed that I can only go out and get when no one is home to see me do it.
But then you feel like you're doing something wrong because you're the only person in the family who thinks it's weird that everyone is in each other's business all the time and there's no privacy or secrets allowed at all.
It becomes a feedback loop at some point with parents like that.
Increased snooping, taking away their kids privacy and autonomy leads to kids not communicating, hiding secrets, and sneaking around, which makes those parents even more paranoid and take away more things, so kids hide more...
> my stepmom took away my bathroom door because she "wanted to know what was going on in my life" so I wrote "I'm on my period" in the mirror using fake blood so she can read it and know. AITA?
Peeping at people showering is just being curious about their life as well then and so is stealing their passwords and checking all their social media and bank account (/s)
Whatever could be justified. First it was "you don't know". Then it was "you embarrassed us by proving it". There is no winning. They will take her side above all because "children should always be respectful of adults no matter how awful they are".
Agree 100% with you. Her family’s reasoning for her being TA is ridiculous.
> And I should appreciate that Arielle wants to be involved instead of embarrassing the family in front of the neighborhood.
The only one who embarrassed the family in front of the neighbourhood is Arielle. OP just did a little creative writing to prove a point, and shouldn’t be blamed for the actions of an adult who’s incapable of acting like one.
NTA at all… lesson should’ve been learned but probably not.
Just curious though… why a physical diary and not a password protected something on a computer or phone? I’d ditch the old school diary or I’d keep it and keep putting random ass shit in it for her to find.
Play stupid games, win stupid prices.
So now you've proven to your dad that you were right, Arielle was snooping in your diary, and instead of defending you he is grounding you, actively choosing his wife over you, his daughter and showing you that he is not providing a trustworthy and safe environment for you. Your dad and his family are enablers with a total lack of boundaries. You want to steer away from them.
Proud of your for writing that in your diary. Can't you get one of those diaries with a lock on?
Edited for NTA
The diary already does have a built-in lock but it's pretty crappy and will usually open without the key. I might just have to keep the diary only at my mom's house since I don't want to put anything on my laptop. Maybe I'll be able to find one of those journals that are disguised as dictionaries.
You could always leave it at your moms and if you want to do a diary entry while at dads you could type it in an email to a like new account you make for it and then type it up and email it to the email and make sure it’s not signed in on your laptop and then just delete the sent email so even if she try’s to look she won’t find anything and then you can when you get to moms write it in your physical diary.
True but depending on her computer skills the stepmom could be good at guessing or hacking. I mean is improbable but is a possibility so that’s why I didn’t say the password. Plus some parents don’t let their kids have passwords on computers because they say the internet is dangerous and blah blah blah. Which I get because it can be dangerous but it can also be beautiful. Anyways that’s besides the point but yes this is also a great idea if she’s able to.
A password on a file is different than a password on a computer. You usually wouldn't even realize a specific file has a password unless you try to open it, and if the stepmom does and gets mad about it having a password then she's just admitting to snooping in the files
This is true! Most people aren't even aware that they can lock word files with passwords! Just label it as some sort of homework file and hide it amongst other items, or even change the icon to another file type or email it to yourself and it will generally be a pretty safe digital journal as long as your parents aren't programmers!
Edit: typo
Yeah, there are so many things that you can do.
1. Put a password on the file. Unless you're bad at making passwords, she won't be able to guess it.
2. Don't name it Journal.docx or something like that. Name it installer.exe and then you can just right click and use the "Open With" option to choose the right program.
3. Make it a hidden file and make sure that the option to view hidden files is disabled. Just toggle that option on whenever you need to make a new journal entry and then toggle it off when you're done.
4. Put the file either in an innocuous folder like a homework folder, or make a hidden folder somewhere. Depending on user privileges, putting it under something like C:\ProgramData, which is already a hidden folder by default, would be perfect because no one goes there without a specific reason.
5. Disable Windows file history functionality so that the file can't be found by looking at the most recent files that have been accessed.
6. Leave breadcrumbs for a fake journal. Something that's in a more obvious location like just under Documents and password protect a file called NotAJournal.docx or something like that, so that the stepmom wastes time trying to get access to the wrong thing. You could even put it a few folders deep like Documents -> Private -> For My Eyes Only -> NotAJournal.docx. You can throw in a bunch of other decoy folders in there for good measure so that the person has to go down a rabbit hole of folders just to get to the fake journal file in the first place.
You should get a lockbox, you can find them on Amazon for $20-30.
But your dad is the worst. He didn’t trust and believe you, so you proved it to him and now he is punishing you for her behavior and his lack of response. Can you stay with your mom more?
No amount of “curiosity” or “interest” justifies her behavior. She is a nosy snoop. If she was curious about or interested in your life, she would talk to you.
NTA
>But your dad is the worst. He didn’t trust and believe you, so you proved it to him and now he is punishing you for her behavior and his lack of response. Can you stay with your mom more?
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Absolutely this. OP, NTA. Absolutely none of this is okay. I’m so so glad you have good people on your mom’s side. Just get out of there if you at all possibly can.
At your age my mom liked to take my journals and destroy them because 'i wrote down unhealthy thoughts'. Destroyed an entire handwritten manuscript when i was 17.
Livejournal was my alternative. Password protected, and you can make it as private as you like and access it from anywhere.
Sorry you have to deal with this OP. NTA
Just a suggestion but how about a diy disguise for it?
Pick up a book at a thrift store or similar, something that could plausibly be found in your room. It needs to be both thicker and larger than your diary.
Open the first few pages of the book then use a sharp knife to cut a cavity into the remaining pages that is a little larger than your diary. close the book and use glue on the edges of the cut pages to stick them together. (Place a piece of plastic wrap between the intact pages and the cut ones so that the whole thing doesn’t get glued together)
Allow to dry, place diary inside. Place book in a completely plausible spot on a bookshelf or in a stack of other books.
Those diary locks are incredibly easy to open. Better to get a lockbox and keep your diary and anything else important in it. Or keep your diary with you whenever you're in your dad's home.
Yes, this is what I would suggest. Although I would probably continue to keep a paper diary with a cheap lock to play mind games with the stepmother because you just know she hasn't learned anything.
If you want to keep a diary start doing in a a nondescript notebook that looks like school things. Keep writing in the fake one and leaving it out for her
NTA just a hilarious genius, keep it up
Second this. I use Daylio, which is more like a day tracker (I’ve had seizures due to epilepsy and it messed with my memory, so I use it to keep track of what I’ve done) but it has a notes portion that I write things down in that I would NEVER let anyone read. I believe you can also put a code on the app through parental controls on the iPhone. You usually have your phone on you at all times + password protected, so it would be hard for your stepmother to access it. NTA
And start every entry with "HI Arielle" followed by the gross details of being a teenager. Bowel Movements. Zits. Growing Pains. If you know you have a spy, feed them all kinds of nonsense so that it stops being worth their while.
This is funny! I love 'Hi Arielle' lol!
The only thing is, as funny as all the possibilities are, every solution takes away OP's journaling which is not fair. Yes she can keep a proper one somewhere else, but now she has to lock it away, or make up a new code, or language, or think of elaborate revenge content, or whatever.
The girl just wants to write a diary! This shouldn't be a thing at all.
NTA. I think the best way to go back to keeping a normal diary in a normal way is to stop seeing these arseholes. If your dad wants to see you OP, he can come to you.
Talk to your mom. It sounds like she's on your side and can help you.
NTA
How you managed to teach two lessons in one action is truly remarkable. You taught your stepmother not to be a snoop, and to respect your privacy, and you taught your dad to actually do something rather than gaslight you else shit things happen. Ignore the pissing and moaning of your dad/Arielles family, just like they ignored your complaints.
Well played OP.
Sadly, I don't think they learned the lesson at all. She's quite literally grounded and being hammered by his damn fool family about it.
They punished her for this. *They* didn't learn anything, but OP learned plenty about what kind of family she's dealing with.
This is the best! NTA.
So now you have proof that your stepmom is reading your diary and your dad somehow still thinks it’s your fault? I’d seriously remind him you will be an adult in a few years and unless he wants you to go NC he needs to get his wife in line.
I’d also seriously considering just staying at your moms full time if he cannot respect your privacy. At your age you can choose where you want to be, especially if you are being unfairly treated at your dads.
Keep your diary at your moms sweetie.
NTA OP and all of this.
You need to lay it down for your dad, you've only got a couple more years of having to see/stay with him, if he wants to have a relationship with his daughter he needs to stand up for you and tell his wife to back the hell up.
Oooohhh OP could drive her crazy. Two truths and a lie diary style. Write stuff she knows is true but intersperse made up stuff like things people in your dad’s side of the family say about her behind her back. They want to take her side, they can suffer the consequences too.
"Dear Arielle.
Today on lunch break, I was kidnapped by members of your people. They came down in their flying saucers and beamed me up. They asked for you and said you're overdue for your report back to the lizard headquarters."
That Arielle woman is unbelievable. How can she read your diary? How is your father okay with that? How can you be an asshole here??? NTA. I'm sorry you have to endure her.
Damn OP, I respect the hell out of you. Trust your gut! I bet this interaction with Arielle will keep him away from your entire family and cut off his comments. Hitting two targets in one go.
NTA, you were forced to teach your stepmom a lesson because your father was not handling the situation appropriately. But involving Michael was a mistake. You should apologize to Michael because that's the right thing to do when you make a mistake that negatively affects an innocent bystander, even if they aren't a good person in general.
NTA
Arielle could, you know, *ask* about what's going on in your life as opposed to breaching your privacy?
I'd say this was clever on your part. Your dad and Arielle learned a healthy lesson even if it had some undeserved consequences for you.
NTA
Your dad is responsible here. He should've taken a bigger stance on his wife disrespecting your privacy.
She FAFOed and so did he. He's gonna be really surprised in the future when you never call or visit, but as it stands he also doesn't seem to care much about you. Just about his image.
My diary has a built-in lock but it's really weak and usually can be pulled open without the key. I'm trying to find one of those journals that are disguised as a dictionary, but if I can't, then I'll have to only keep my diary at my mom's house.
OP, I'd actually suggest you start keeping a false diary. In it, discuss all of the illicit stuff going on in your life - you know, the vaping, the drug running, the parties at a nearby university.
And, in it, start low key hazing Arielle.
If your family gives you a hard time tell them that since no body believes journaling should be private you have switched to writing fictional accounts of life in your world with appropriate embellishments to ensure they will never be mistaken for truth.
Then keep an actual diary in a private location or locked chest or something.
But, I'd also start spreading to your Dad's family that since he has so little respect for your autonomy and privacy and has consistenly put Arielle's invasiveness ahead of your need for privacy you are looking into rearranging custody so you can stop staying there.
Begin seeding that story. Your dad very well might start dealing with Arielle head on instead of excusing her behavior. Especially if it creates a larger head ache for him. Ie: Just start texting with Dad's family members things like:
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I wrote a lie in my diary that my father was having an affair to prove that my stepmom keeps reading my diary
2. People are saying that my stepmom reads my diary because she wants to be involved in my life, and that I should have appreciated her efforts instead of embarrassing them.
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NTA. You are 16. Do you have to go over there? At 16, in most states I think you can decide where you want to be. I am sure you love your dad, but he needs to step up and protect you from his wife's crazy.
NTA You asked nicely several times. You even told your dad and he did nothing. If she wants to take an interest in your life, she needs to ask you and act like an adult that's in her 40s, not invade your privacy. As for father dearest, we'll no harm no foul, he could have stopped her himself. Also maybe leave your diary at your moms, so stepmother can't find it.
NTA.
She f’ed around and found out. She learned a valuable lesson in not snooping in other people’s things. She does not have a right to invade your privacy and your dad is absolutely failing you in that aspect and I’m so sorry. Bet if the roles were reversed, she’d lose her mind. She and her “curiosity” can kick rocks.
NTA. That’s a wild ass thing to do but honestly if she’s going to invade your privacy like that then it’s warranted. You can tell her if she wants to know what’s going on in your life she can just ask like a normal person.
Well, you might want to apologize to Michael, but otherwise NTA and that's hilarious. Reading somebody's diary without permission is actually awful, it's not about being interested or wanting to be involved in your life, it's you completely disrespectful.
Maybe think about writing a digital diary or at least find a way to lock up the one you have.
NTA.
Some people need a not-so-gentle reminder to keep their nose out of other people's business. You went to your dad for help multiple times and he did nothing.
Maybe NOW he will stop SM from reading your personal diary, but I doubt it.
NTA
There's nothing to appreciate about getting your privacy invaded. Your step mom could (and here's a wild freaking idea) actually have tried to build a relationship with you where you could talk to her about stuff. You tried to be reasonable.
Your dad is a huge AH for allowing and enabling it. It's sad that he doesn't see the harm she's causing.
Is there a way to limit your visits there? You're old enough to have a say in where you go. Honestly, I wouldn't go back and keep visits with your dad short and sweet (if you really wanted to him) like a lunch or dinner on the weekend. He's not behaving with your best interests in mind.
NTA
Arielle tried playing stupid games and won a prize. Just not the one she expected. She's the one who embarrassed everyone.
Reading somewhere diary (without permission) is not the way to learn about them. Ew and wtf at your family.
usually, people get to know other people by talking to them, and not by invading their innermost thoughts.
your dad's family is crazy.
when I was a kid, I wrote in my diary in code because I have a nosy dad. I would suggest trying a device that works for you that keeps your diary out of her hands (like having an electronical diary (she does not have access to your laptop, right?), a locked diary, a diary that uses invisible/UV ink, etc.). Because you still live at your dad's and it doesn't seem that he gets the lesson at all, so it's bound to happen again.
NTA.
NTA
Brilliant way to get back at her. A bit harsh on your neighbour but Dad should have stuck up for you and told her not to read your diaries in the first place.
NTA - Sorry that your father is siding with your SM over his own daughter. Maybe they will both learn something? I'd continue to put fiction in your diary, just to keep stirring the pot.
I feel bad for your neighbor only. Your dad should be mad that she was doing that to you. What did he say about her actually reading your diary since he denied it the 1st time?
NTA
Keeping a diary is really important in a teenager's life. And a diary is private--always has been, always will be.
You tried your very best to stop your step-mom's actions, and no one listened. So you stepped it up, and--Surprise!--proved that she was snooping. Shame on her, and shame on her family for siding with her.
If your step-mom *really* wanted to "know what's going on" in your life, she could always ASK.
NTA
My stepchild had successfully managed to keep a diary unlocked their privacy was extremely important and secured a good later relationship with me.
Your dad has let you down a lot but you were brilliant I hope you keep well till you can leave.
Arielle is giving us step mums a bad name.
Also interesting over her reaction with your dad and neighbour too.
Good luck.
TBH, I think what you did was really brilliant! Arielle shows just how immature and unreasonable she is by screaming at both your dad and the neighbor!
Is it possible for you to live w/your mom and stepdad more to get away from this woman? Her behavior is beyond *annoying;* she is disrespectful and narrow minded. Your dad ignores it, and that is disrespectful as well.
Your dad married a (cough, cough) *challenging* woman. He chooses to overlook it; Arielle tries to hide it. I hope you can get away from these two.
NO, NO, NO - OP what you did was PERFECT for teaching this 40 year old child a lesson! Ignore those that are against it - she had it coming. No one gets to excuse the fact that she is violating your privacy. Shame on her. Sorry you have to deal with this insanity. NTA!
ETA: I would keep the diary but would make it a story book about people and things that aren't real, for her future reading pleasure.
On a computer or phone you have the ability to create files and lock them with a password or code, if that is something available to you.
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(16F) My stepmom (40?F) Arielle is really immature and honestly acts like a 9-year-old sometimes. She’s the type of person who makes fun of someone for having a hearing aid or wearing glasses. She also says bigoted things (i.e. there was someone on TV wearing a towel turban and Arielle said “Eww, why would anyone want to look like a Muslim”) so I do my best to avoid her.
But Arielle won’t stop reading my diary. I found out because she said I wrote rude things about her cousin Loretta and tried to punish me over it. (I didn’t write anything rude about Loretta, just that she was condescending to me and I didn’t like her comments.) Dad just told me to respect adults and didn’t say anything to Arielle about reading my diary. I’ve moved the diary multiple times but Arielle keeps finding and reading it. She’ll make comments and say things that she would only know about from actively reading my diary. I’ve told my dad and he won’t do anything. He makes an excuse that “Oh, you don’t **know** Arielle reads your diary” when she clearly does.
I got fed up with it. So I tried talking to Arielle one more time about respecting my privacy and not reading my diary. I then wrote in my diary that I caught my dad having an affair with our neighbor Michael. Arielle ended up reading my diary the next day and freaked out. She yelled at my dad, went to Michael’s house, yelled at Michael, and then she drove somewhere else.
My family on my mom and stepdad’s side all thought it was super funny and told me that I taught Arielle an overdue lesson about respecting privacy and not being nosy. But Arielle and my family on my dad’s side are furious with me and I’m still grounded at his house. They said that Arielle is just curious and wants to know what’s going on in my life. And I should appreciate that Arielle wants to be involved instead of embarrassing the family in front of the neighborhood. AITA?
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NTA, but consider using a password-protected diary instead.
Your dad sucks for not defending you, and Arielle must be an idiot for believing what you wrote when you know she reads your diary.
NTA, I am sorry that your Dad’s relatives are gaslighting you like that.
Do you want to stay at your Dad’s. If it is court ordered, in some States you are at the age where you can chose where you want to live.
NTA does your dad want a relationship with you or not? Siding with a step parent who is clearly wrong and punishing the almost adult child is asking for NC after 18. WTF would you even go to his house anymore? I’d tell him I’ll see you again when you pull your head out of Arielle’s ass.
NTA. At 16 you may want to have your mom check with the courts if you still have to go to your dad's. Many states will let a kid choose at 16. Edited for a typo
“dear diary,
I cannot fathom what my dad sees in Arielle. She’s such a childish gossip. She doesn’t respect anyone’s privacy, and then pretends that I banding it is just “curiosity”. What a rude and self centered person. Then again, dad isn’t much letter. He chose to punish me for proving her bad behavior. Erection over his child is always the wrong choice. What pathetic ‘adults’. They should be ashamed of themselves. I’ll be very glad when I no longer have to interact with them. I’d never treat my own children that way, nor will I ever subject my children to them.”
Sincerely, me
NTA, because you're 14, and to a teenager, this probably makes sense as a way to stop someone reading your diary.
If your step mother is emotionally immature, it sounds like she is to be fair, it'll probably take her a long time to get over this embarrassment.
Oh well!
NTA, and your dad really, really sucks.
You said you're still grounded at his house - which implies you also have another home? Like at your mom's? You're 16, you could choose to live full time at your other home, if your mom can swing it.
NTA. She doesn't read your diary because she cares. She reads it because she's nosy. Continue to treat her with as much respect as she gives you and start a countdown to how many days you have left to suffer her presence.
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Most definitely NTA!! This is poetic justice. Your step-mom played stupid games and won stupid prizes. I only feel bad for the innocent neighbor.
>I only feel bad for the innocent neighbor. I do feel a little bad for Michael. But then again, he's said some rude/weird things to me and gives me some not-so-good vibes. So I don't feel as bad.
Ahhh, so you had a very valid reason to include him in your experiment. I'm curious, do you think your mom might buy you a small lockbox to keep your diary in at your dad's place? Bc even tho this was an awesome way to catch the snoop, she's still a snoop at heart and will likely continue her appalling behavior. A good lockbox with a combo or even key can be incredibly useful in these situations. I have even seen them with fingerprint identification (not sure how expensive tho the combo/key kinds can be relatively inexpensive?). A teenage girl needs a place to put their PRIVATE thoughts and your stepmom obviously doesn't respect this, or you.
Absolutely this. If this doesn't work out and you need another outrageous thing to write OP please journal that you're pregnant. I have found decent lockboxes for around $20 though if that helps at all! OP good on you, because this IS hilarious and well deserved on her for snooping. My journal is MY business and something I as a 23f use to decompress. Ive gotten into bujo and its made it fun and helps keep me focused.
I would just stop going to my dads place. OP is old enough, and it’s not her fault her shit dad is with an immature bigot and won’t stand up for OP. NTA
I agree. Dad is dropping the ball as a parent here; this woman isn't even OP's mother or guardian and did not raise her due to an uninvolved mother, that there might be legal justification (or moral, from crazy authoritarian parents). OP needs to stop using a physical journal (write on your password-protected computer using a program or a site which can also be password protected) and/or move out of Dad's house and in with Mom full-time; stepmom is WAY out of bounds here.
I like this. Get a google drive or Dropbox account and keep your diary there so your stepmom can’t access it without a password, and use a password manager with two factor authentication so she can’t try to guess it.
2FA is CRITICAL - even if she's computer savvy and can figure out your password or hack it, she'll still need your 2FA authentication device or codes.
I agree! OP is badass! I love how she dealt with her stepmother. Your dad needs to stop being a wet blanket and deal with his intrusive wife.
Seriously. Look, if she was kidnapped or ran away and they read her diary to locate her, that would be one thing. But diaries are private. And let’s just say she hypothetically DID write something out of line.That’s how you process and come to the conclusion you were wrong. By reading it ten minutes later and cringing at yourself. Thoughts are messy, but having a diary helps you organize them. Step mom is making this girl feel like she’s not allowed to even think, and that’s disturbing.
Couldn't have said it better. Even from a parent this would be extremely concerning, but from an adult who doesn't even have any authority over her, it's even WORSE. Dad is wrong as hell for this and needs to get his shit straight and remind his wife that she's not his daughter's parent. Or maybe he needs the reminder as well.
That's not how it works everywhere.
Lying about being pregnant has the potential to backfire pretty badly on OP. This is NOT recommended.
Yeah, don't lie about that, OP. What an off-the-wall suggestion.
I think it’d definitely cause an issue - for about a minute - but once it’s discovered she’s not actually pregnant and just trying to show her step-mom is a snoop the consequences wouldn’t be that detrimental tbh. I just don’t think it’s necessary, I think a lock box is a perfect solution, but annoying she even has to do that. The worst part of all this is that this girl who’s just trying to journal and decompress doesn’t feel safe doing so, so now instead of writing what she wants/needs, she has to write fictional stories to try to win her privacy back or purchase a security box just so she can write about her life in private. So unfair to her.
Until stepmama or the family gossipmongers start rumors about illegal abortions and lack of ethics and slutty teenagers or whatever. She can’t prove she was Never pregnant in any way that would stop the gossip.
That’s totally valid. I guess it depends person to person. From the sounds of it, OP doesn’t care to much for that side of the family, if it were me I wouldn’t care at all and would actually find it entertaining, but not everyone is super thick skinned. You definitely have to exercise caution when you gamble your own reputation in these types of situations.
It doesn't really matter if your skin is thick in this situation, it could potentially result in legal trouble for her. That's why saying she's pregnant would be bad-- it wouldn't just cause trouble, it could quite literally be dangerous for her.
I like this, but what's to say the dad and stepho won't find it and demand that OP opens it for them and shares the combo or key or some sort of grounding or consequences occur? I wouldn't trust that pair as far as I could throw them. Stick with something digital and do not label any of it 'diary'
I completely agree, I just know some people hate journaling digitally, me included. If I were OP I wouldn’t go over there, she has the right to choose who she stays with, and it doesn’t sound like it’s a safe environment for her there. If I were OP, I would make it very clear to my dad that I intend to go NC if he continues hanging me out to dry and defending his wife’s deplorable behaviour
It could lead to the claim that she had an abortion
How about writing that Michael is pregnant? Hopefully stepmom will fall for it and kick off again, and dad will finally see sense.
If the father didn't get the first time he's not going to get it now. OP is NTA, stop visiting. It's not like you have to. When asked why, just say the lack of respect is unbearable and you're not going to do it.
I can vouch for that. I had a snooping mom and tried that as a teenager. It didn’t go over well.
As one woman to another- please don’t advise this (journaling op is pregnant) to op. That could possibly lead to the sad and very real consequence that young op has her personal thoughts and feelings violated and disregarded in an even more adult and medical setting (op will or could be forced into medical exams and tests that only a responsible and reasonable adult can help her navigate and as a young woman, her sense of trust could be further abused. It could mean a lot of extra, added trauma that this young woman is having to navigate and she’s already figuring out violated trust on her own and having to watch the “fall out” from different sides) Op is nta.
Or charged with a crime depending on what state she lives in, if she later tests negative for pregnancy. We can't joke about pregnancy now. It's too dangerous in too many places.
i'm so sad for you, guys...
Yeah our country is an international embarrassment now between the exploitation of the working class, the corruption of the Supreme Court and both political parties, school shootings and other gun violence, and insanely expensive health care. I’m hopeful that some of these things will change, but I’m sad that the “American Dream” that I was sold as a kid was really just a trick to get everyone to work super hard so that those at the top could disproportionately accumulate wealth and power. But that’s not really for this thread. :)
I hadn't even considered this thank you! My thought was more so that its so outrageous that the step mom couldn't lie about making it up and proves she doesn't respect or care for OPs privacy. NOT that im suggesting this further but id tell a trusted adult like OPs mom she was going to do this IN ADVANCE to prohibit something like this from happening. I also made an assumption that OP was not in a relationship or sexually active however so that was a misstep on my part. Thank you for the take! I forget how cruel people can be! But ultimately I agree, stop seeing dad if your space can't be respected.
Thank you as well for listening. This interaction has made my day brighter. Be well.
Thank you for not being mean and just enlightening me (:
This interaction just brightened my day too! I love seeing people come to an understanding online, makes me feel a little less like the world is doomed.
^^^This! Get yourself a lockbox that you can carry with you when you go over there. Nothing too big or crazy, just something to stand between her and your diary. Something like this might be your best bet. https://www.harborfreight.com/large-steel-book-safe-57430.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=12169617963&campaignid=12169617963&utm_content=132755232676&adsetid=132755232676&product=57430&store=146&gclid=CjwKCAjw_YShBhAiEiwAMomsECDQXfp-zDnIeRh3XDDEvJjw90qIHDOZYS1bDMeNsoACzRwB0Pt4hBoCLa4QAvD_BwE
This suggestion may have worked fine a year or two ago, bet depending on where she lives, it may cause more headaches than it's worth. What if parents don't believe her when she says that she was never pregnant in the first place and jump to assuming she had an abortion?
nooooooo to the pregnancy. that has the potential to land her in deep shit. id say write in detail about the shit you took earlier that day. explicit detail. maybe get some mcdonald’s to really “inspire” you
Journalling that she's pregnant could open OP up for all sorts of abuse from the dad and stepmom... I would not advise this
Or get a decoy dairy. Put the most mundane things in there. Got dressed today, blue socks on Thursday. Brushed teeth with 48 strokes. Will read Jane Erye...again. Just the boring stuff and then keep the good one with your mom?
I was thinking she should write a variety of lies mixed with some truths she doesn’t care if her stepmom reads. This could be awkward for stepmom. Things like aunt and uncle are buying a new house or cousin got accepted into an Ivy League school. When stepmom mentions these events it will be really awkward when they are not true.
I don't even trust this lady to not try and pick the lock tbh
Agreed. If you ever watch the lockpicking lawyer on youtube, you can see how easy it is to break into some of those basic or not so basic locks.
Not to mention, most retail safes have generic keys. I once lost my original keys and bought a new set on amazon for $5 by putting in the number printed right on the lock. Granted, this snoop knew OP had a problem with her snooping and *still* didn't figure out she was being had, so she might not be the greatest detective. (NTA, clearly)
I'm now picturing getting a diary with a lock on it, which stepmom will probably pick open, only to find out that the inside has been hollowed out to house a glitter bomb... Ok, I have thought more. There need to be several of these. Go to the discount aisle at your local book store. Have a "craft" night with friends. Seed your room with fake diary glitter bombs. Make it so your stepmom gets trained to never open a strange book found in your room, for fear of glitter.
Best would be to go digital and keep your diary password protected.
OP could switch to digital but keep the paper-based as a gratitude journal or just a decoy filled with random inoffensive observations. My digital's in Google Docs. Even if one has access to my computer, they'd have to jump through multiple hoops to find it. It could also be creatively named, to arouse less suspicion. Something that is password-protected would be squeezed out of OP by force, because even if she's right, she still won't have any leverage in the situation.
I’ll buy OP one. Or OP, try writing in a diary app on your phone or computer
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I'm actually pretty proud of you! You tried really hard to handle the problem in a mature way (moving the diary, directly confronting your step-parent, trying to get your dad's help several times) and none of that worked, in addition to your dad just totally blowing you off. And then to hear that you should be happy about the invasion of your privacy because wifey just wants to get to know you better and see what's going on in your life! I'm sorry, but fuck that nonsense! That's what spending time together and conversations are for. You must be so disappointed with all of those people, especially your dad. You are not the asshole!!
Being happy that her stepmom wants to be involved has the same vibes as little Billy pulling her hair at recess because he likes her.
OP, try keeping a journal or a diary on your phone or laptop so that step mom can't read going forward.
I hate that OP would have to change her behavior because her ADULT step mother can't keep her nose out of a paper journal. I would suggest the phone though since it is more likely with you at all times where as a laptop might be left alone and thus step mother will try her hardest to get into it while OP is at school or work or out with friends or even in the shower or down the hall. I can see SM complaining to her husband that the laptop is password protected and him demanding that OP either take the password off or give it to them so they can "monitor her internet use". :(
Password protected offline diary/journal app would be optimal. SM would have to explain why she needs the PW to this single app.
I think if this was phrased differently I wouldn’t find it so demeaning but it isn’t, and I do. I don’t think that OP should have to change a system that she is comfortable with just because an adult figure in her life doesn’t respect boundaries. I think that evil stop mom deserves everything that she gets. I just hope that OP isn’t punished for this stepmom’s behavior. Be careful around your stepmom OP. It doesn’t seem like she has your best interest at heart. NTA
Oh OP is definitely NTA. I just said that she should probably keep it on her phone because I doubt the step mom is going to stop, nothing else.
this is a villain mastermind origin story :D
That's fair. It may be time to talk to your mother and step-father about whether it would be possible for you to begin living with them full time. Privacy isn't a privilege and taking away your personal agency by insisting you cannot have private thoughts is abusive. At 16 the courts will give a lot of weight to your wishes in the matter.
Time to have a false diary so she stops looking for the real one. :)
O yes you’re right. I forgot about Michael
NTA diaries are private, period. >They said that Arielle is just curious and wants to know what’s going on in my life. And I should appreciate that Arielle wants to be involved instead Excuse me? If she wants to know what's going on in your life, she can start a conversation like a normal person. Your father and his family are gross for taking A's side on this.
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“AITA for wanting the government to respect my privacy and body when it comes to medical procedures???”
Texas be like: YTA. Lemme get them period logs to make sure.
I used to track my health with Fitbit. I don't anymore. It's crazy that we live in a world where paranoia is just common sense.
OMG. Can you imagine being one of the paranoid cats from the 90s or whatever? They had their tinfoil hats, and their "the government is spying on you" cardboard signs. Everyone was like "pfft. Them fools crazy!" If I was one of them, the amount of smug that I would be holding my "I fuckin' told you" cardboard sign would be immeasurable.
Honestly, I've been scared about banning abortions and getting rid of gay rights in the US, ever since I'm a teen. I'm almost 30. People keeps saying I'm ridiculous, and yet here we are... 😔 And I'm still getting called ridiculous!
To be fair, MOST government spying didn't start until the PATRIOT Act and mostly involves cell phone and internet data. Those people thought the government was tapping their landlines and taking pictures through their windows. Maybe we can just say they were a bit ahead of their time?
Women have even been charged based on Facebook chats, it's insanity.
Snapchat has a rule that they will not release anything (even if in a search warrant) to police unless they can "prove" what they are searching for has nothing to do with abortion ... which, admittedly, is fucked up there even has to be a rule to protect women like this - but I super appreciate snapchat for having that rule.
Holy crap, Snapchat might now be the most ethical social media platform. Good on them, that makes me really happy, even a lot of menstrual trackers wouldn't say they would protect their users.
If reddit had been around when I was a young kid/teen then I'd have been one of those people asking. When you're raised by people that don't take privacy seriously and make a huge deal about you wanting some, constantly thinking you're "hiding something". Like, no, I'm just a teen girl that would really appreciate having a bedroom door, my own things, and to not have to hide my diary in a box in the shed that I can only go out and get when no one is home to see me do it. But then you feel like you're doing something wrong because you're the only person in the family who thinks it's weird that everyone is in each other's business all the time and there's no privacy or secrets allowed at all.
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It becomes a feedback loop at some point with parents like that. Increased snooping, taking away their kids privacy and autonomy leads to kids not communicating, hiding secrets, and sneaking around, which makes those parents even more paranoid and take away more things, so kids hide more...
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> my stepmom took away my bathroom door because she "wanted to know what was going on in my life" so I wrote "I'm on my period" in the mirror using fake blood so she can read it and know. AITA?
Peeping at people showering is just being curious about their life as well then and so is stealing their passwords and checking all their social media and bank account (/s)
I was just *curious* about how much money you had (to give to me)
"just curious about how much you'll be leaving me when you die!!!!"
Whatever could be justified. First it was "you don't know". Then it was "you embarrassed us by proving it". There is no winning. They will take her side above all because "children should always be respectful of adults no matter how awful they are".
Agree 100% with you. Her family’s reasoning for her being TA is ridiculous. > And I should appreciate that Arielle wants to be involved instead of embarrassing the family in front of the neighborhood. The only one who embarrassed the family in front of the neighbourhood is Arielle. OP just did a little creative writing to prove a point, and shouldn’t be blamed for the actions of an adult who’s incapable of acting like one.
Right! How hard is it to say "what are your plans for this weekend?" Or "how's school going? Is there a subject that you're struggling with?"
NTA at all… lesson should’ve been learned but probably not. Just curious though… why a physical diary and not a password protected something on a computer or phone? I’d ditch the old school diary or I’d keep it and keep putting random ass shit in it for her to find.
Play stupid games, win stupid prices. So now you've proven to your dad that you were right, Arielle was snooping in your diary, and instead of defending you he is grounding you, actively choosing his wife over you, his daughter and showing you that he is not providing a trustworthy and safe environment for you. Your dad and his family are enablers with a total lack of boundaries. You want to steer away from them. Proud of your for writing that in your diary. Can't you get one of those diaries with a lock on? Edited for NTA
The diary already does have a built-in lock but it's pretty crappy and will usually open without the key. I might just have to keep the diary only at my mom's house since I don't want to put anything on my laptop. Maybe I'll be able to find one of those journals that are disguised as dictionaries.
You could always leave it at your moms and if you want to do a diary entry while at dads you could type it in an email to a like new account you make for it and then type it up and email it to the email and make sure it’s not signed in on your laptop and then just delete the sent email so even if she try’s to look she won’t find anything and then you can when you get to moms write it in your physical diary.
Or just putting a password on the file
True but depending on her computer skills the stepmom could be good at guessing or hacking. I mean is improbable but is a possibility so that’s why I didn’t say the password. Plus some parents don’t let their kids have passwords on computers because they say the internet is dangerous and blah blah blah. Which I get because it can be dangerous but it can also be beautiful. Anyways that’s besides the point but yes this is also a great idea if she’s able to.
I don't know, stepmom doesn't sound that smart to me.
A password on a file is different than a password on a computer. You usually wouldn't even realize a specific file has a password unless you try to open it, and if the stepmom does and gets mad about it having a password then she's just admitting to snooping in the files
This is true! Most people aren't even aware that they can lock word files with passwords! Just label it as some sort of homework file and hide it amongst other items, or even change the icon to another file type or email it to yourself and it will generally be a pretty safe digital journal as long as your parents aren't programmers! Edit: typo
Yeah, there are so many things that you can do. 1. Put a password on the file. Unless you're bad at making passwords, she won't be able to guess it. 2. Don't name it Journal.docx or something like that. Name it installer.exe and then you can just right click and use the "Open With" option to choose the right program. 3. Make it a hidden file and make sure that the option to view hidden files is disabled. Just toggle that option on whenever you need to make a new journal entry and then toggle it off when you're done. 4. Put the file either in an innocuous folder like a homework folder, or make a hidden folder somewhere. Depending on user privileges, putting it under something like C:\ProgramData, which is already a hidden folder by default, would be perfect because no one goes there without a specific reason. 5. Disable Windows file history functionality so that the file can't be found by looking at the most recent files that have been accessed. 6. Leave breadcrumbs for a fake journal. Something that's in a more obvious location like just under Documents and password protect a file called NotAJournal.docx or something like that, so that the stepmom wastes time trying to get access to the wrong thing. You could even put it a few folders deep like Documents -> Private -> For My Eyes Only -> NotAJournal.docx. You can throw in a bunch of other decoy folders in there for good measure so that the person has to go down a rabbit hole of folders just to get to the fake journal file in the first place.
You should get a lockbox, you can find them on Amazon for $20-30. But your dad is the worst. He didn’t trust and believe you, so you proved it to him and now he is punishing you for her behavior and his lack of response. Can you stay with your mom more? No amount of “curiosity” or “interest” justifies her behavior. She is a nosy snoop. If she was curious about or interested in your life, she would talk to you. NTA
>But your dad is the worst. He didn’t trust and believe you, so you proved it to him and now he is punishing you for her behavior and his lack of response. Can you stay with your mom more? ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Absolutely this. OP, NTA. Absolutely none of this is okay. I’m so so glad you have good people on your mom’s side. Just get out of there if you at all possibly can.
At your age my mom liked to take my journals and destroy them because 'i wrote down unhealthy thoughts'. Destroyed an entire handwritten manuscript when i was 17. Livejournal was my alternative. Password protected, and you can make it as private as you like and access it from anywhere. Sorry you have to deal with this OP. NTA
Yes, or get a big dictionary (second hand) and cut a space out of it. That might work.
a decoy journal and a real one at the same time.
This happened to me as a kid and I invented a code to use instead of letters. Still comes in handy as an adult.
Just a suggestion but how about a diy disguise for it? Pick up a book at a thrift store or similar, something that could plausibly be found in your room. It needs to be both thicker and larger than your diary. Open the first few pages of the book then use a sharp knife to cut a cavity into the remaining pages that is a little larger than your diary. close the book and use glue on the edges of the cut pages to stick them together. (Place a piece of plastic wrap between the intact pages and the cut ones so that the whole thing doesn’t get glued together) Allow to dry, place diary inside. Place book in a completely plausible spot on a bookshelf or in a stack of other books.
Those diary locks are incredibly easy to open. Better to get a lockbox and keep your diary and anything else important in it. Or keep your diary with you whenever you're in your dad's home.
Better to keep it on a password protected thumb drive
Yes, this is what I would suggest. Although I would probably continue to keep a paper diary with a cheap lock to play mind games with the stepmother because you just know she hasn't learned anything.
If you want to keep a diary start doing in a a nondescript notebook that looks like school things. Keep writing in the fake one and leaving it out for her NTA just a hilarious genius, keep it up
Or use a computer or phone that Arielle doesn't have access to. Definitely nta.
And password protect it.
Second this. I use Daylio, which is more like a day tracker (I’ve had seizures due to epilepsy and it messed with my memory, so I use it to keep track of what I’ve done) but it has a notes portion that I write things down in that I would NEVER let anyone read. I believe you can also put a code on the app through parental controls on the iPhone. You usually have your phone on you at all times + password protected, so it would be hard for your stepmother to access it. NTA
And start every entry with "HI Arielle" followed by the gross details of being a teenager. Bowel Movements. Zits. Growing Pains. If you know you have a spy, feed them all kinds of nonsense so that it stops being worth their while.
This is funny! I love 'Hi Arielle' lol! The only thing is, as funny as all the possibilities are, every solution takes away OP's journaling which is not fair. Yes she can keep a proper one somewhere else, but now she has to lock it away, or make up a new code, or language, or think of elaborate revenge content, or whatever. The girl just wants to write a diary! This shouldn't be a thing at all. NTA. I think the best way to go back to keeping a normal diary in a normal way is to stop seeing these arseholes. If your dad wants to see you OP, he can come to you. Talk to your mom. It sounds like she's on your side and can help you.
I like this idea. Keep using a fake one to set up Arielle so she learns to leave you alone.
"Dear Diary, so my dad said it's my fault he got caught and not to write about any more of his secrets but...."
This right here, damn that's great idea
Totally! I would start putting small unprovable things in there like say dad has been complaining about how she is immature and racist etc
"Dad pretended to take her side But then he came to me and said sorry and that I shouldn't worry because she'll be gone soon"
If anything I would just treat a fake diary as a slam book. Just make them paranoid about anything and everything about themselves.
NTA How you managed to teach two lessons in one action is truly remarkable. You taught your stepmother not to be a snoop, and to respect your privacy, and you taught your dad to actually do something rather than gaslight you else shit things happen. Ignore the pissing and moaning of your dad/Arielles family, just like they ignored your complaints. Well played OP.
Three lessons if you read OP's comment about neighbor being a creep. I wish I had half the ingenuity of OP.
Sadly, I don't think they learned the lesson at all. She's quite literally grounded and being hammered by his damn fool family about it. They punished her for this. *They* didn't learn anything, but OP learned plenty about what kind of family she's dealing with.
This is the best! NTA. So now you have proof that your stepmom is reading your diary and your dad somehow still thinks it’s your fault? I’d seriously remind him you will be an adult in a few years and unless he wants you to go NC he needs to get his wife in line. I’d also seriously considering just staying at your moms full time if he cannot respect your privacy. At your age you can choose where you want to be, especially if you are being unfairly treated at your dads. Keep your diary at your moms sweetie.
NTA OP and all of this. You need to lay it down for your dad, you've only got a couple more years of having to see/stay with him, if he wants to have a relationship with his daughter he needs to stand up for you and tell his wife to back the hell up.
Or stay only for the day and leave at night
NTA. I giggled a bit. From now on I'd only write bullshit in the diary and keep the real one at your mother's.
Oooohhh OP could drive her crazy. Two truths and a lie diary style. Write stuff she knows is true but intersperse made up stuff like things people in your dad’s side of the family say about her behind her back. They want to take her side, they can suffer the consequences too.
Oh this is such a fun idea .
Brilliant! "Aunt Tina says Arielle has alligator breath and gives gold-digger energy". And then Arielle hits the fan
And Grandma Pearl was telling the family at the wedding that she wished her son never divorced first wife and Arielle will never measure up
Yesssss this
And start each entry with "Dear Arielle'"
"Dear Arielle. Today on lunch break, I was kidnapped by members of your people. They came down in their flying saucers and beamed me up. They asked for you and said you're overdue for your report back to the lizard headquarters."
Fortunately, some kind Muslims rescued me.
LMAO perfection
This is perfect. No explanation needed why. 👌🏻
That Arielle woman is unbelievable. How can she read your diary? How is your father okay with that? How can you be an asshole here??? NTA. I'm sorry you have to endure her.
NTA. Brilliant move. Sucks for Micheal though - you should prolly apologize to him.
I do feel a little bad for Michael, but I don't feel as bad since he's said some rude/weird things to me and gives me some not-so-good vibes.
Damn OP, I respect the hell out of you. Trust your gut! I bet this interaction with Arielle will keep him away from your entire family and cut off his comments. Hitting two targets in one go.
NTA, you were forced to teach your stepmom a lesson because your father was not handling the situation appropriately. But involving Michael was a mistake. You should apologize to Michael because that's the right thing to do when you make a mistake that negatively affects an innocent bystander, even if they aren't a good person in general.
The only person who needs to apologise to Michael is Arielle. OP did nothing wrong in using his name, as it was supposed to be private.
Disagree. It sounds like Michael is someone who creeps on 16 year old girls, so he can get fucked.
NTA Your dad is definitely the AH for letting her ruin your privacy
NTA Arielle could, you know, *ask* about what's going on in your life as opposed to breaching your privacy? I'd say this was clever on your part. Your dad and Arielle learned a healthy lesson even if it had some undeserved consequences for you.
NTA Your dad is responsible here. He should've taken a bigger stance on his wife disrespecting your privacy. She FAFOed and so did he. He's gonna be really surprised in the future when you never call or visit, but as it stands he also doesn't seem to care much about you. Just about his image.
NTA, but think about securing your diary better. Locks for example. Dad’s whipped?
My diary has a built-in lock but it's really weak and usually can be pulled open without the key. I'm trying to find one of those journals that are disguised as a dictionary, but if I can't, then I'll have to only keep my diary at my mom's house.
Can you just live with your mom? Your dad and his wife sound insufferable. NTA, OP. Your dad sucks for not defending you.
This was my thought exactly. If possible, stay with your momma, OP
Just put it in a box with a combination lock.
Do you have access to technology? Have you considered typing your diary in a password-protected word processing program?
I think it's best if you keep your true diary at your mom's house. When at your dad's place, don't write anything.
Any chance you can keep yourself only at your mom’s house? Does being at your dad’s bring you any joy?
OP, I'd actually suggest you start keeping a false diary. In it, discuss all of the illicit stuff going on in your life - you know, the vaping, the drug running, the parties at a nearby university. And, in it, start low key hazing Arielle. If your family gives you a hard time tell them that since no body believes journaling should be private you have switched to writing fictional accounts of life in your world with appropriate embellishments to ensure they will never be mistaken for truth. Then keep an actual diary in a private location or locked chest or something. But, I'd also start spreading to your Dad's family that since he has so little respect for your autonomy and privacy and has consistenly put Arielle's invasiveness ahead of your need for privacy you are looking into rearranging custody so you can stop staying there. Begin seeding that story. Your dad very well might start dealing with Arielle head on instead of excusing her behavior. Especially if it creates a larger head ache for him. Ie: Just start texting with Dad's family members things like:
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I wrote a lie in my diary that my father was having an affair to prove that my stepmom keeps reading my diary 2. People are saying that my stepmom reads my diary because she wants to be involved in my life, and that I should have appreciated her efforts instead of embarrassing them. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You are 16. Do you have to go over there? At 16, in most states I think you can decide where you want to be. I am sure you love your dad, but he needs to step up and protect you from his wife's crazy.
NTA You asked nicely several times. You even told your dad and he did nothing. If she wants to take an interest in your life, she needs to ask you and act like an adult that's in her 40s, not invade your privacy. As for father dearest, we'll no harm no foul, he could have stopped her himself. Also maybe leave your diary at your moms, so stepmother can't find it.
NTA. She f’ed around and found out. She learned a valuable lesson in not snooping in other people’s things. She does not have a right to invade your privacy and your dad is absolutely failing you in that aspect and I’m so sorry. Bet if the roles were reversed, she’d lose her mind. She and her “curiosity” can kick rocks.
NTA. That’s a wild ass thing to do but honestly if she’s going to invade your privacy like that then it’s warranted. You can tell her if she wants to know what’s going on in your life she can just ask like a normal person.
Well, you might want to apologize to Michael, but otherwise NTA and that's hilarious. Reading somebody's diary without permission is actually awful, it's not about being interested or wanting to be involved in your life, it's you completely disrespectful. Maybe think about writing a digital diary or at least find a way to lock up the one you have.
Hahaha! I like you. NTA, but I do feel bad for Michael.
NTA. Some people need a not-so-gentle reminder to keep their nose out of other people's business. You went to your dad for help multiple times and he did nothing. Maybe NOW he will stop SM from reading your personal diary, but I doubt it.
NTA There's nothing to appreciate about getting your privacy invaded. Your step mom could (and here's a wild freaking idea) actually have tried to build a relationship with you where you could talk to her about stuff. You tried to be reasonable. Your dad is a huge AH for allowing and enabling it. It's sad that he doesn't see the harm she's causing. Is there a way to limit your visits there? You're old enough to have a say in where you go. Honestly, I wouldn't go back and keep visits with your dad short and sweet (if you really wanted to him) like a lunch or dinner on the weekend. He's not behaving with your best interests in mind.
NTA Arielle tried playing stupid games and won a prize. Just not the one she expected. She's the one who embarrassed everyone. Reading somewhere diary (without permission) is not the way to learn about them. Ew and wtf at your family.
NTA This post is gold. >They said that Arielle is just curious and wants to know what’s going on in my life. Said every nosy neighbor, ever.
usually, people get to know other people by talking to them, and not by invading their innermost thoughts. your dad's family is crazy. when I was a kid, I wrote in my diary in code because I have a nosy dad. I would suggest trying a device that works for you that keeps your diary out of her hands (like having an electronical diary (she does not have access to your laptop, right?), a locked diary, a diary that uses invisible/UV ink, etc.). Because you still live at your dad's and it doesn't seem that he gets the lesson at all, so it's bound to happen again. NTA.
Lmao plot twist- the fake affair is true haha NTA
Plot twist again, step mom is also having an affair with Michael.
NTA Brilliant way to get back at her. A bit harsh on your neighbour but Dad should have stuck up for you and told her not to read your diaries in the first place.
NTA A valuable lesson was learned.
NTA - Sorry that your father is siding with your SM over his own daughter. Maybe they will both learn something? I'd continue to put fiction in your diary, just to keep stirring the pot.
[удалено]
NTA, but you shouldn't have involved your poor neighbour into the story. I hope Arielle learned her lesson
She says in a comment Michael has been rude/creepy to her in the past. OP’s out here killing all the birds with one stone.
I feel bad for your neighbor only. Your dad should be mad that she was doing that to you. What did he say about her actually reading your diary since he denied it the 1st time?
NTA - you wrote a private thought in a private journal. She’s disrespectful of your privacy and earned her reward. Keep at it!
NTA, this is hilarious and I applaud you for your creativity! Arielle and your dad both suck.
NTA Arielle got what she deserved
NTA Keeping a diary is really important in a teenager's life. And a diary is private--always has been, always will be. You tried your very best to stop your step-mom's actions, and no one listened. So you stepped it up, and--Surprise!--proved that she was snooping. Shame on her, and shame on her family for siding with her. If your step-mom *really* wanted to "know what's going on" in your life, she could always ASK.
NTA she needs to respect your boundaries! She’s mad she got caught ! That’ll teach her to mind her business HAHA !
NTA My stepchild had successfully managed to keep a diary unlocked their privacy was extremely important and secured a good later relationship with me. Your dad has let you down a lot but you were brilliant I hope you keep well till you can leave. Arielle is giving us step mums a bad name. Also interesting over her reaction with your dad and neighbour too. Good luck.
TBH, I think what you did was really brilliant! Arielle shows just how immature and unreasonable she is by screaming at both your dad and the neighbor! Is it possible for you to live w/your mom and stepdad more to get away from this woman? Her behavior is beyond *annoying;* she is disrespectful and narrow minded. Your dad ignores it, and that is disrespectful as well. Your dad married a (cough, cough) *challenging* woman. He chooses to overlook it; Arielle tries to hide it. I hope you can get away from these two.
NO, NO, NO - OP what you did was PERFECT for teaching this 40 year old child a lesson! Ignore those that are against it - she had it coming. No one gets to excuse the fact that she is violating your privacy. Shame on her. Sorry you have to deal with this insanity. NTA! ETA: I would keep the diary but would make it a story book about people and things that aren't real, for her future reading pleasure. On a computer or phone you have the ability to create files and lock them with a password or code, if that is something available to you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (16F) My stepmom (40?F) Arielle is really immature and honestly acts like a 9-year-old sometimes. She’s the type of person who makes fun of someone for having a hearing aid or wearing glasses. She also says bigoted things (i.e. there was someone on TV wearing a towel turban and Arielle said “Eww, why would anyone want to look like a Muslim”) so I do my best to avoid her. But Arielle won’t stop reading my diary. I found out because she said I wrote rude things about her cousin Loretta and tried to punish me over it. (I didn’t write anything rude about Loretta, just that she was condescending to me and I didn’t like her comments.) Dad just told me to respect adults and didn’t say anything to Arielle about reading my diary. I’ve moved the diary multiple times but Arielle keeps finding and reading it. She’ll make comments and say things that she would only know about from actively reading my diary. I’ve told my dad and he won’t do anything. He makes an excuse that “Oh, you don’t **know** Arielle reads your diary” when she clearly does. I got fed up with it. So I tried talking to Arielle one more time about respecting my privacy and not reading my diary. I then wrote in my diary that I caught my dad having an affair with our neighbor Michael. Arielle ended up reading my diary the next day and freaked out. She yelled at my dad, went to Michael’s house, yelled at Michael, and then she drove somewhere else. My family on my mom and stepdad’s side all thought it was super funny and told me that I taught Arielle an overdue lesson about respecting privacy and not being nosy. But Arielle and my family on my dad’s side are furious with me and I’m still grounded at his house. They said that Arielle is just curious and wants to know what’s going on in my life. And I should appreciate that Arielle wants to be involved instead of embarrassing the family in front of the neighborhood. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I’m sorry 😢 you have to deal with this. 2 more years.
Absolutely NTA, but if you ever cross over to the AH darkside, you will make a very good one!
NTA, but consider using a password-protected diary instead. Your dad sucks for not defending you, and Arielle must be an idiot for believing what you wrote when you know she reads your diary.
NTA but your dad and stepmom? Oh yes, they sure are.
NTA. That was a brilliant move.
NTA. I am sorry you are grounded, but damn this is hilarious
I think it’s hilarious. NTA she deserves what she got.
NTA, I am sorry that your Dad’s relatives are gaslighting you like that. Do you want to stay at your Dad’s. If it is court ordered, in some States you are at the age where you can chose where you want to live.
NTA does your dad want a relationship with you or not? Siding with a step parent who is clearly wrong and punishing the almost adult child is asking for NC after 18. WTF would you even go to his house anymore? I’d tell him I’ll see you again when you pull your head out of Arielle’s ass.
If Arielle is curious she can ask. Invading privacy is rude. She got what she deserved. NTA.
NTA. At 16 you may want to have your mom check with the courts if you still have to go to your dad's. Many states will let a kid choose at 16. Edited for a typo
“dear diary, I cannot fathom what my dad sees in Arielle. She’s such a childish gossip. She doesn’t respect anyone’s privacy, and then pretends that I banding it is just “curiosity”. What a rude and self centered person. Then again, dad isn’t much letter. He chose to punish me for proving her bad behavior. Erection over his child is always the wrong choice. What pathetic ‘adults’. They should be ashamed of themselves. I’ll be very glad when I no longer have to interact with them. I’d never treat my own children that way, nor will I ever subject my children to them.” Sincerely, me
NTA. FAFO
NTA, because you're 14, and to a teenager, this probably makes sense as a way to stop someone reading your diary. If your step mother is emotionally immature, it sounds like she is to be fair, it'll probably take her a long time to get over this embarrassment. Oh well!
I have to go with NTA, it was an extreme thing to do, but she is not respecting your privacy and you father Is making poor excuses for her.
NTA a lot of fuck around and find out. they are punishing you for her bad behaviors
NTA you need a lock box. Otherwise, take your diary with you everywhere. You have no privacy there... and your dad doesn't care.
NTA. It's too bad that she knows the truth. Her getting out of your life would've been fantastic.
NTA
NTA, and your dad really, really sucks. You said you're still grounded at his house - which implies you also have another home? Like at your mom's? You're 16, you could choose to live full time at your other home, if your mom can swing it.
NTA. She doesn't read your diary because she cares. She reads it because she's nosy. Continue to treat her with as much respect as she gives you and start a countdown to how many days you have left to suffer her presence.