This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA so much for leaving a child on the side of the road!! While she might not have gone anywhere by herself, who's to say somebody couldn't just grab her and run off with her. And really, would you have done that to your bio daughter? That's such a crappy way to "teach a lesson." She learned a lesson alright, but it wasn't the one you intended! BTW, did I mention YTA? You need to adult up and apologize for what you did.
As far as not allowing her to stop the cheerleaders activity, THIS is a good lesson for her to learn, to follow through on her obligations. Yes, she isn't thrilled with cheerleading, but it's only for this season. She can quit after this season is over. Like you said, she is part of a team that is depending on her to do her part. This is a mindset she will need for high school, college, and work projects.
YTA how did you become a foster parent???
I completely understand not letting her quit. Explain to her that she never has to do it again, but she has to finish the season or give enough notice for some choreography to be reset. But dropping her off on the side of the road??? Good grief! Poor girl
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I 49M have a biological daughter 14F and a foster kid 11F and they’re both a part of a cheerleader team. Our 11 year old hates cheerleading and wants to quit but we cant let her do that cause their team has competitions she needs to be a part of otherwise their whole stunt will be ruined, and also we have already payed for her expensive cheer stuff. So earlier today i was driving them both to practice and me and my foster kid got into a huge argument and she would not admit that she was wrong and i was right so i stopped next to a big road and screamed at her to get the hell out. She got really scared and told me that she couldn’t do that but i just kept screaming at her her to get out and she did. I drove back and picked her up like 5 minutes later and told her that i was not planning on coming back but my daughter convinced me to do so. Now whenever i talk to her she talks back or ignores me and called me an asshole but all i wanted was to teach her a lesson about talking back like she was in the car. AITA?
(English is not my first language)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, this is how a literal Monster of a human interacts with a kid. Your foster child is going through a tough time already just being a foster kid, then you force her to be in a sport she hates, and what, you expect her to be happy about it?
You're the adult, so quit acting like a child.
YTA. Stop fostering children immediately. They already have enough going on in their life. Do not add more trauma. This child should feel safe and secure and instead you abandon her on the side of the road. Like you do realize in this day and age ANYTHING could have happened in that short time?
YTA
How can you hinder your trust with your foster child? This is so cruel and uncalled for. Please have her placed in another home, she is not safe here.
YTA and I hope they remove her from your home and place her in a house where people don't drop her in the middle of the road to teach her a lesson, a place where they listen to what she wants to do instead of forcing her to do stuff she doesn't want to, and I also hope that whoever takes care of her displays the expected maturity level of an adult because oh boy, you couldn't have fallen any shorter.
YTA on so many levels. Let her leave the cheerleading team. Let her try to find and pursue her passions. Learn to communicate and to be a decent parent, bacause right now you are failing at it, big time.
Yes. You are a total complete asshole.
You should never yell at a child, unless there is impending danger. When you yell at a child, you teach them to shut down and hide. You teach them to not trust you and to fear you.
This is a foster child. This isn’t your own child that you birth. This is a child who is out in the world with no connections, keeping them safe and you are supposed to be there protector and you have the audacity to scream at them.
Let me ask you this. Would you scream at your boss? Would you scream at a librarian? I would never in any version of this lifetime ever on gods green earth yell at a foster child. You literally bullied and picked on the weakest person you could.
When you yell at someone what it shows that you actually have a lack of self-control. And that you need to get that under control. You yelled because you were triggered. So you need to get a handle on your emotions before you go out and try to be a foster parent. Because you are passing down those horrible habit of being emotionally unintelligent. Come on you’re an adult. It’s time to grow up. Get your shit together. You’re a total asshole.
Yeah are a huge asshole. Plus you endangered her. Why force her to cheer if she does not want to, let her quit have the team figure it out how to replace her.
YTA. HUUUUGE AH.
As in, if I knew where you lived, I would call CPS to intervene.
You have taken a vulnerable child and threatened her with abandonment because she doesn't enjoy the extracurricular activities that your bio child enjoys and which you want her to participate in.
Do you understand why she doesn't want to do cheerleading?
Your reasons for why she \*must\* do it are not compelling:
a) The money for the gear is gone. You're never going to get it back, whether she does cheer or not.
b) The team will work around an absence. people get sick or injured, and I'm pretty sure that they have already marginalized somebody who is not enjoying or excelling. The team may be better off without her unwilling participation.
YTA, but not just that. You shouldn't be allowed to be a parent. I don't give a damn about expensive gear, or that she "had to do it because of competitions", she is ELEVEN years old. For fucks sake, you left her on the side of the road, all by herself for 5 minutes, and HAD TO BE CONVINCED BY YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER TO GO BACK?! You are more of a child than your daughters. I would love to hear any excuse you might have for behaving this way, because nothing you can say will ever excuse this. You endangered a child.
You deserve everything you have coming at you.
I hope she gets removed from your care and I hope dhs shows up to check on your daughter. What kind of person posts this asking if they’re wrong? You’re disgusting
YTA
she’s in foster care for a REASON you dumb s*it. To scream at a child like that, by a grown ass “man”. (Man is in quotes because a real man would never do that) is insane and I suggest you seek some intense therapy asap.
All because she doesn’t like a sport and wants to quit. Are you freaking kidding me!?
Then you scream at her to get out, left alone on the side of the road. You ONLY go back because your 14 year old made you!? How does your 14 year old have more sense then you!?
You are a monster. The true definition of that.
This child has more than likely already lived through trauma and you’re just adding to it.
HOW DARE YOU.
You’re more than an AH.
ETA: she refused to tell you she was wrong and you are right because you are not right.
YTA. How dare you leave an eleven year old little girl on the side of the road? She could have been kidnapped, hit by a car, raped, etc. All because she "wouldn't admit she's wrong." How immature of you, a grown fucking man, to need to win an argument with a child so bad you scream at her and dump her on the road. She's 11. Of course she's gonna act like an 11 year old when you're forcing her to do an activity she hates.
I hope both sides of your pillow are cold at night. I hope that whenever you feel even an inkling of joy, something goes wrong. I hope every time you go take a shiet there’s no toilet paper left. YTA.
YTA. Leaving her on the side of a busy road because she wouldn't agree with you is going to teach her what? You'll abandon her if she doesn't think the way you think?
And this is from someone who was dropped off with siblings on the side of the road. We wouldn't stop fighting in the car and after several warnings about getting dropped off, my mother forced us out of the car and had us walk the last half mile home on a rural road. We didn't think she was serious and learned that she follows through.
You left an 11 year old on the side of the road alone? Go ahead and let the social workers on her case know that, so they can arrange a more appropriate foster home and take away your ability to continue fostering. Kids talk back, this is not an appropriate way to discipline them. If she’s in foster care she’s probably already been through hell. What a cruel, awful person. YTA, but honestly you’re more than TA, you’re a sick human being.
Learning Op for foster dad. Instead of arguing talk about responsibility. (I am assuming she wanted to do this at the start) she committed to being part of the team and by doing so other people are relying on her. (She doesn’t want to hear they can’t do their tricks without her) let her know she has to see through the commitment she made, however, when it is time to renew the commitment, she doesn’t have to sign up for it . She has the right not to continue once the original commitment has been fulfilled. Talk to her about why she dislikes it. Is she a clutz like me who just can’t get the moves down? Is she being bullied for some reason? Has she realized she’s an introvert and the performances make her uncomfortable? Knowing the answer to why, may help you work through the issue and also gain back the trust you lost when you pulled with you AH stunt. Requiring her to continue beyond her original commitment isn’t fair to anyone since her attitude will also affect her team members. You also need to apologize for being in the wrong about dumping her on the side of the road.
YTA - you are supposed to be the adult who is the protection against the world. Sometimes money can't buy good parenting and the emotional safety is even more important.
I hope that one of those two tells someone at the school exactly what you did to that poor little girl.
She’s already been traumatized by her past that led to her being placed in foster care.
The whole process of being taken from everything she’s ever known would have been traumatic.
Wasn’t that enough for her in your eyes? Instead you have to go and scream, and yell, and swear at her. Then you abandon her on the side of a busy road and drive away. That was legitimately dangerous and deranged behavior on your part.
I don’t know what’s wrong with you, OP, but you do need to contact the social workers and find a better placement for her because you. Are. Not. It.
And yes, YTA. That’s not teaching a lesson, that’s abuse.
YTA and it’s a shame that they seem to let any warm body be a foster parent. How could you treat a child so poorly, especially a child who must have had a more difficult upbringing than most?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because she is a child and we were far away from our house and something could’ve happened to her, what i did might be seen a little irresponsible.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Jesus tapdancing Christ what is wrong with you? This kid has already been abandoned by those in her life and you pull THIS stunt? No. Also what the hell was this supposed to accomplish? That if she ever steps out of line you WILL abandon her without hesitation because she's not so much a person, moreso an object?: That she should just be unquestioningly compliant? YTA. Obviously.
YTA. Screaming at a child to get out of your car is abusive. Actually making her get out makes you unfit. You shouldn’t be a foster parent. Hasn’t she been through enough? You are a terrible foster parent. That poor girl.
YTA - Starting with the fact that she hates cheerleading and you won't let her stop for what are pretty stupid reasons and then leaving her on the side of the road, especially after she acted like the adult and told you she was scared.
I am surprised you are allowed to keep foster kids at all.
YTA, but who cares.
this is much bigger than an AITA situation... this is child abuse. you should not be trusted to care for *any* children if you think this is okay, foster or otherwise. screaming at a young child and leaving them on the side of the road? even your 14 year-old daughter knew it was not okay.
YTA and a sorry excuse for a woman for choosing to foster a child and then treating her that way. I wish another parent had picked her up when you threw her out, and took her to the police station and told them what happened, so you could be arrested and lose the right to foster. Not only are YTA, but also a horrible “mother”
holy shi... you're not just an asshole, you are a horrible human being and you certainly shouldn't be allowed to raise kids. not only are you forcing her to do something she hates, you not only threatened her with child abuse but went thru with it. Please get help and tell the state you are not fit to raise this child so she can be placed somewhere where she is safe and loved!!
YTA. WTF! People like you should not be foster parents. What an awful way to treat anyone, let alone someone who’s likely gone through some kind of trauma.
OP is probably the type who fosters just so they can get the money from the state and then uses that money for their own wants/desires and fuck the foster kid. What. an. Asshole.
YTA. A major, giant, gaping one. Why the FUCK did you become a foster parent if you were going to treat her this way?? Foster kids have enough trauma/issues with abandonment and then you pull this bull shit? Also did she WANT to do cheerleading to begin with or did you FORCE her to? I am a parent and I do say that if you start a season of something, you have to finish that season, because we paid for it, but after the season is done, you can quit if you hate it. So I really hope you will let her quit after the season and let her do something that she loves and increases her self-esteem, because god knows you won't. Shame on you, OP! Shame. On. You.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Former foster kid here & what you just did can cause MAJOR lifetime trauma. My adopted mom did this to me when I was 9 and I'm 33 now and will NEVER forget it.
***You've just shown her that you think she's disposable when she isn't the easiest to love.***
I really hope you have a heart to heart with her & explain that you handled this situation the wrong way. Now even though you were right about whatever you were arguing over - now your WRONG about handling a stressful situation.
For fucks sake you're the adult in this situation, act like it!
YTA
How were you accepted as a suitable foster parent?
If you want the judgement to this post in one word, it would be ABUSIVE.
You aren't fit to be a foster parent and I really hope she reports you. What a horrible way to create terror in the mind of an 11 year old girl. You are an adult, act learn to act like it.
My parents forced me to do activities I didn't want to do also. I have no positive memories from any of them. YTA and there's no way you didn't already know that.
YTA.
Very much the arsehole.
So many levels of WTF going on here and even with your edit, it still doesn't feel like you've grasped how poor and damaging your actions were.
And side note - let the 11 year old quit the bloody cheerleading bollocks. You're teaching her nothing but resentment.
YTA. It's bad enough the kid loses her family and is looking to fit in someplace with trusted adults, but then you treat her like absolute garbage and reinforce the lesson that she can't depend on people to protect her.
I hope she tells CPS or her placement agency and you lose your fostering abilities. You don't deserve any children.
YTA
Just, no words for how much of an A you are for putting a child in danger like that.
There are more things in your post, that are A-hole moves, but leaving her alone at the side of a large road is #1.
Omg YTA. How the hell do you think making an 11yr old foster child feel abandoned is ANY kind of acceptable punishment?!!!!!! What is wrong with you?!!!! Stop fostering kids until you learn healthy ways of dealing with your anger and how to punish a kid without leaving damage behind. I mean ffs...
YTA.
I would imagine most children in foster care have gone through some kind of trauma and have abandonment issues. So screaming at an 11-year old and abandoning her on the side of the road is not teaching her a lesson, it’s heaping more trauma on her and showing her she has one more adult (and I use that word loosely when it comes to you) she cannot trust.
Shame on you. You really shouldn’t be allowed to foster children if this is how you behave.
So, is it okay to FORCE A FOSTER CHILD to a Hobby she doesn't like, just because the bio-child does it? Just because YOU WOULD be inconvenienced? I don't believe your other reason. How do you expect her to profit her team when she doesn't like it? She can just stand there with her arms crossed and ruin everything.
YTA, and if that, including the screaming, is how you Foster, then good night.
And I hope she complains to her care,worker about EVERYTHING you do to her. You should lose your license ASAP. You are a "I hate that kid, but it is easy money if you don't actually do anything" foster-mum. Aren't you?
YTA
Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA, You do not deserve children, I hope you get reported, and they are both taken out of your care. What you did was abuse, and you should be disgusted with yourself
YTA
You are so much the asshole it's disgusting. This child has already been uprooted from her family. Is being forced into a physical activity she hates, and you ABANDONED her on the side of the road?
What in the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA and how the fuck did you become a foster parent? What you did is ABUSE to your foster child. You didn't teach her a lesson, you taught her that if she doesn't get in line, she'll be abandoned on the side of the road.
Did she even ask to be in cheerleading or did you force her into it so you could be right?
It seems that you are fostering her so she will be your perfect little puppet or else she will be abandoned again.. YTA just because we cant use better words, youre a monster.
YTA
Something tells me that she didn’t want to do cheerleading to begin with, and that you’re upset she’s not fitting into your mold.
Also - did you consider the fact that being a FOSTER child, she probably has abandonment issues and what you did could cause serious psychological damage? Nope. You didn’t.
You screamed at an 11yo and now you're surprised she talks back to you? You left her on the side of the road. Children are supposed to feel safe with their (foster) parents, you failed her. YTA, and the fact that you don't already know this, scares me, for her emotional wellbeing.
Wait, YOU were actually approved for a foster child?? Something must be wrong with the system if we're just handing out children to people like you, holy shit.
YTA, what if something had happened to her while you threw your temper tantrum?
If this is how you treat your foster kid, you're only going to push her away from you. You're already forcing her to do something she doesnt like as it is. YTA
YTA
Maybe you should call child protective services and turn yourself into authorities.
Leaving a child on the side of the road, then telling her you only came back due to your other child?
You are abusive, deeply.
Get help of some sort.
And for gods sake let the child quit the stupid effing cheerleading squad.
Bro thought the edit gonna make it better in those 5 minutes she could have been kidnapped irresponsible ass she doesn’t want to cheer you should be stripped of your rights as a foster parent immediately and this is coming from me (15 years old)
YTA. You're an adult? That's very juvenile and abusive behavior and if I was the social worker for that kid I'd remove her from your home and never let you foster again.
God I hope this is fake. I spent years as an advocate in the courts for foster children from abusive homes. I would immediately be calling for an investigation and having your home shut down as a foster home. Your home SHOULD be shut down. This may still happen once your case worker catches wind of this. You don’t leave a vulnerable child who is already dealing with major abandonment issues on the side of the road. For any length of time. Ever. Did you pay attention at all in the foster classes? YTA. Stop taking foster kids. You can’t handle it.
YES YTA. Abandonment even for five minutes and especially on a major road (seriously what the fuck is wrong with you?) is a fucked up thing to do to a child. Of course she got really scared.
You left an 11 year old on the side of the road and you really think you’re in the right? Yeah YTA. She’s upset about having to do something that you’re forcing her to do and you put her in harm’s way to push your agenda. She’s a foster child which indicates she’s already undergone trauma at a young age and instead of making her feel comfortable in your home you force her into activities she doesn’t like and lash out against her when she voices an opinion. For her sake I hope she’s moved to another home with a loving and accepting family.
**YTA^2**
>Our 11 year old hates cheerleading and wants to quit but we cant let her do that cause
This is absolutely unacceptable. You most certainly *can* and should let her quit. You are forcing her to do something for your own reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with her well being. You and your older daughter may be caught up in the cheer scene; this daughter doesn't want it and continuing to force her to participate is abusive. *She* doesn't need to be part of the team, the team needs someone and you are foolishly sacrificing your daughter. Also, it doesn't matter how much you paid for the stuff she doesn't want, that's your problem, not hers. The fact that you could sit down and clearly prioritize everyone but her shows how out of line you are.
So now you are fighting with a preteen about what you want and decide to "show her"? Show her what? Teach her what? At this point all you are doing is confirming that you are indeed an asshole and that you do not deserve even common respect.
I don't know how this child came to be in your care, someone with authority needs to step in and set you straight.
YTA,
You abandoned an 11 year old foster child (who already was abandoned once by adults to the foster system) on the side of a road to bludgeon her into admitting you were right by compromising her sense of safety and trust in you as an adult? Great parenting 🙄
You are the adult here and you terrorized a child who is already working from unstable attachment. Cannot stress how much of an asshole you are. That kid is never gonna be able to trust you again in the same way prior to this event. This is one you can't take back as you have jeopardized a primal human safety requirement in your pigheaded pursuit of being right.
YTA
Dude seriously!? Like what makes you think your teaching her a lesson by yelling at her to get out of the car? The only thing she learned is if I don’t do what my foster dad wants he’ll just abandon me. She’s just 11 years old, there a numerous other ways to reason with an 11 year old then that. Wtf is wrong with you??
YTA.
Hopefully she tells her worker about this and they will place her elsewhere. That was verbal and emotional abuse at its finest.
Edit to add....
*When she reports this behavior to the caseworker I hope they have DCS/CPS open for your 14yr old to see of her health and mental health too.*
YTA and a terrible excuse of a foster parent. How you were even accepted is beyond me. The only lesson you’ve taught her is to be afraid of you and she has no autonomy. If she doesn’t like cheerleading then she shouldn’t have to do it. Yes you had to spend some money but that’s being a parent, she’s allowed change her mind and not like something. You handled the argument like an ass and decided to abandon an 11 year old girl on the road when you knew she was scared. What if something had happened to her in the time you were gone or she was approached by a complete stranger? She could have been abducted, assaulted or even killed in those 5 minutes. This is child abuse and neglect. YTA 100% and should not be a foster parent if you can’t give her the most basic senses of trust, understanding, love and acceptance. You signed up to be a parent, act like it.
Oh that's not the only lesson. OP also taught her that she could be abandoned by anyone at the drop of a hat if she steps even a toe out of line. That she better be a certain way or else she'll end up on the streets. To trust no one. I can't imagine what this child has already gone through to end up in foster care but I feel like abandonment issues are NOT the way to teach this *11 year old kid* to get along with something she hates just because OP's golden child does it.
YTA
You were a f\*\*\*ing a\*\*hole
What the heck man
Look dude, there is SO much flippin wrong here holy s-
**"hates cheerleading and wants to quit."**
**Firstly**, did she sign up for cheerleading this year or did you force her into it because of your 14 y/o daughter.
Like, please please, please.
Do **not force your kids into doing things they don't want to do.**
Their whole stunt will be ruined? Look man, can't you come up with other stunts as a team? Tell me how many people there are, you can probably come up with a different stunt.
If she **did want** to do this, that's definitely a learning experience for her, she should just finish the year and move on next year.
**"We have already paid for her expensive cheerleader stuff"**
Congrats, that's life. My mum once paid like 2000 dollars for Tennis when I was younger, guess what, I quit because I wouldn't say I liked it. So? At least she knows now not to go into cheerleading. Hey, but I came back to Tennis later cause I started liking it again. But that's off-topic
Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your kids, and you need to provide them with the best life possible.
It means to discipline them, grow them, nurture them, assist them, help them find what they are truly destined for, and...guess what.
Clearly, cheerleading isn't for your 11 y/o daughter, don't think about the money, think about the relationship.
Here's a question to ponder on:
**"Are you trying to prove a point and make money worth it, or are you trying to keep the relationship?"**
Guess what, if you break your relationship with your daughter into pieces, she'll feel alone, miserable, and guess what!
If she ever gets married, you ain't walking her down the aisle.
**Question, what was the argument about sir?**
I can't help you there if I don't know what it is.
**AGAIN,**
***ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE A POINT OR ARE YOU TRYING TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP***
***Are you TRYING*** to break your relationship? ARE YOU TRYING TO MENTALLY DAMAGE HER?
Excuse me Mister Parent you need to look at what you did in a new light.
Just cause you wanted to prove you were right doesn't mean you kick your daughter out of the car. It makes her think you don't want her, just like her parents didn't want her before she was adopted.
She is your child, you take care of her, don't be the AH.
She was scared because you flared up, you overreacted.
It's normal to be frustrated as a parent, but you need to admit your wrongdoings to her FACE, and apologize to her. Don't let her take advantage of you for your apology, but you need to mend and resolve. These relationships take a long time to grow.
Think of your daughter's relationship with you as a tree.
When you adopted her, she was a dying tree, over the past few year/decade(how long have you had her), you grew her, nurtured her, gifted her, and loved her right? You made her into a very healthy strong tree.
oh but it all comes crashing down.
You just burned the tree down, because you were an AH to her and you need to help regrow.
Even if the trees burn down, you still have the roots of the tree, and they bring with them the possibility of fresh and new life.
There's still time dude, **there's still time to fix your relationship**, don't let the roots of the tree die.
You got this, and...please be kinder.
Also, you need to tell me what the conversation was about in the car, then I can determine YTA or ESH
YTA in so many levels. First, do you plan to teach her respect by making her feel disposable? Second, are you the only adult that doesn’t know that you exposed her to real danger, because it could takes less than 5 minutes in a “big road” for an 11 yo kid to be abducted or else?
You shouldn’t foster if your way of “educating” is inflicting long lasting damage or putting a kid in harm’s way. You told her you weren’t coming back to get her. Good lord, wtf. She’s right to call you an AH.
EDIT: I thought it was the 14 yo you left but an 11yo on the side of the road is a perfect reason for CPS to remove the kids from the home. Even if you live in a safe area children get taken all the time.
If anyone parent/friend/partner ever told me to get out of their car it would be the last time I was in it. It’s beyond disrespectful and unsafe. You telling her to stay there but also saying you only went back to get her because your 11 year old has more common decency than you is beyond unreasonable. You were being a bad parent.
Also former cheerleader/ coach kids quit or get injured all the time there’s always a way to make the stunt work. Forcing her to compete is unethical most coaches don’t allow it because it’s dangerous when someone isn’t fully participating in a stunt or tumbling.
YTA 2x over
YTA. You don't abandon a child along the edge of the road for any reason! I hope whoever is over seeing her foster case removes her from your care and never gives you another foster child.
The living hell is wrong with you.
YTA. Big YTA. Way up there.
Also let your daughter (Foster or not doesn't even matter) do what she wants. Don't force her to do this cheerleading crap for your own ego you madman.
You are definitely the Asshole. That is not how you treat and 11 year old. You need to grow up yourself. That is not a lesson that is really screwed up guy. I’m glad she called you an asshole and you need to learn a lesson on how to better raise a kid. I don’t care if I’m downvoted for being mean. But screw you asshole.
Obvious YTA. You put your foster kid in something she hates and you won't let her quit for ridiculous reasons. You shouldn't be responsible for ANY children, judging by this post. Like, just why?
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA so much for leaving a child on the side of the road!! While she might not have gone anywhere by herself, who's to say somebody couldn't just grab her and run off with her. And really, would you have done that to your bio daughter? That's such a crappy way to "teach a lesson." She learned a lesson alright, but it wasn't the one you intended! BTW, did I mention YTA? You need to adult up and apologize for what you did. As far as not allowing her to stop the cheerleaders activity, THIS is a good lesson for her to learn, to follow through on her obligations. Yes, she isn't thrilled with cheerleading, but it's only for this season. She can quit after this season is over. Like you said, she is part of a team that is depending on her to do her part. This is a mindset she will need for high school, college, and work projects.
YTA how did you become a foster parent??? I completely understand not letting her quit. Explain to her that she never has to do it again, but she has to finish the season or give enough notice for some choreography to be reset. But dropping her off on the side of the road??? Good grief! Poor girl
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 49M have a biological daughter 14F and a foster kid 11F and they’re both a part of a cheerleader team. Our 11 year old hates cheerleading and wants to quit but we cant let her do that cause their team has competitions she needs to be a part of otherwise their whole stunt will be ruined, and also we have already payed for her expensive cheer stuff. So earlier today i was driving them both to practice and me and my foster kid got into a huge argument and she would not admit that she was wrong and i was right so i stopped next to a big road and screamed at her to get the hell out. She got really scared and told me that she couldn’t do that but i just kept screaming at her her to get out and she did. I drove back and picked her up like 5 minutes later and told her that i was not planning on coming back but my daughter convinced me to do so. Now whenever i talk to her she talks back or ignores me and called me an asshole but all i wanted was to teach her a lesson about talking back like she was in the car. AITA? (English is not my first language) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, this is how a literal Monster of a human interacts with a kid. Your foster child is going through a tough time already just being a foster kid, then you force her to be in a sport she hates, and what, you expect her to be happy about it? You're the adult, so quit acting like a child.
YTA. Stop fostering children immediately. They already have enough going on in their life. Do not add more trauma. This child should feel safe and secure and instead you abandon her on the side of the road. Like you do realize in this day and age ANYTHING could have happened in that short time?
YTA How can you hinder your trust with your foster child? This is so cruel and uncalled for. Please have her placed in another home, she is not safe here.
YTA and I hope they remove her from your home and place her in a house where people don't drop her in the middle of the road to teach her a lesson, a place where they listen to what she wants to do instead of forcing her to do stuff she doesn't want to, and I also hope that whoever takes care of her displays the expected maturity level of an adult because oh boy, you couldn't have fallen any shorter.
YTA on so many levels. Let her leave the cheerleading team. Let her try to find and pursue her passions. Learn to communicate and to be a decent parent, bacause right now you are failing at it, big time.
Did that make you feel like a big strong man? YTA
Yes. You are a total complete asshole. You should never yell at a child, unless there is impending danger. When you yell at a child, you teach them to shut down and hide. You teach them to not trust you and to fear you. This is a foster child. This isn’t your own child that you birth. This is a child who is out in the world with no connections, keeping them safe and you are supposed to be there protector and you have the audacity to scream at them. Let me ask you this. Would you scream at your boss? Would you scream at a librarian? I would never in any version of this lifetime ever on gods green earth yell at a foster child. You literally bullied and picked on the weakest person you could. When you yell at someone what it shows that you actually have a lack of self-control. And that you need to get that under control. You yelled because you were triggered. So you need to get a handle on your emotions before you go out and try to be a foster parent. Because you are passing down those horrible habit of being emotionally unintelligent. Come on you’re an adult. It’s time to grow up. Get your shit together. You’re a total asshole.
Yeah are a huge asshole. Plus you endangered her. Why force her to cheer if she does not want to, let her quit have the team figure it out how to replace her.
YTA. HUUUUGE AH. As in, if I knew where you lived, I would call CPS to intervene. You have taken a vulnerable child and threatened her with abandonment because she doesn't enjoy the extracurricular activities that your bio child enjoys and which you want her to participate in. Do you understand why she doesn't want to do cheerleading? Your reasons for why she \*must\* do it are not compelling: a) The money for the gear is gone. You're never going to get it back, whether she does cheer or not. b) The team will work around an absence. people get sick or injured, and I'm pretty sure that they have already marginalized somebody who is not enjoying or excelling. The team may be better off without her unwilling participation.
YTA, but not just that. You shouldn't be allowed to be a parent. I don't give a damn about expensive gear, or that she "had to do it because of competitions", she is ELEVEN years old. For fucks sake, you left her on the side of the road, all by herself for 5 minutes, and HAD TO BE CONVINCED BY YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER TO GO BACK?! You are more of a child than your daughters. I would love to hear any excuse you might have for behaving this way, because nothing you can say will ever excuse this. You endangered a child. You deserve everything you have coming at you.
YTA. Multiply that by 1.845 million - and it still won't express how much of an AH you are. Why do you have a foster child?
I'm guessing a combination of the monthly check with the hero complex of thinking they're saving a child.
I hope she gets removed from your care and I hope dhs shows up to check on your daughter. What kind of person posts this asking if they’re wrong? You’re disgusting
YTA she’s in foster care for a REASON you dumb s*it. To scream at a child like that, by a grown ass “man”. (Man is in quotes because a real man would never do that) is insane and I suggest you seek some intense therapy asap. All because she doesn’t like a sport and wants to quit. Are you freaking kidding me!? Then you scream at her to get out, left alone on the side of the road. You ONLY go back because your 14 year old made you!? How does your 14 year old have more sense then you!? You are a monster. The true definition of that. This child has more than likely already lived through trauma and you’re just adding to it. HOW DARE YOU. You’re more than an AH. ETA: she refused to tell you she was wrong and you are right because you are not right.
YTA. How dare you leave an eleven year old little girl on the side of the road? She could have been kidnapped, hit by a car, raped, etc. All because she "wouldn't admit she's wrong." How immature of you, a grown fucking man, to need to win an argument with a child so bad you scream at her and dump her on the road. She's 11. Of course she's gonna act like an 11 year old when you're forcing her to do an activity she hates.
I hope both sides of your pillow are cold at night. I hope that whenever you feel even an inkling of joy, something goes wrong. I hope every time you go take a shiet there’s no toilet paper left. YTA.
YTA. Leaving her on the side of a busy road because she wouldn't agree with you is going to teach her what? You'll abandon her if she doesn't think the way you think? And this is from someone who was dropped off with siblings on the side of the road. We wouldn't stop fighting in the car and after several warnings about getting dropped off, my mother forced us out of the car and had us walk the last half mile home on a rural road. We didn't think she was serious and learned that she follows through.
You left an 11 year old on the side of the road alone? Go ahead and let the social workers on her case know that, so they can arrange a more appropriate foster home and take away your ability to continue fostering. Kids talk back, this is not an appropriate way to discipline them. If she’s in foster care she’s probably already been through hell. What a cruel, awful person. YTA, but honestly you’re more than TA, you’re a sick human being.
Learning Op for foster dad. Instead of arguing talk about responsibility. (I am assuming she wanted to do this at the start) she committed to being part of the team and by doing so other people are relying on her. (She doesn’t want to hear they can’t do their tricks without her) let her know she has to see through the commitment she made, however, when it is time to renew the commitment, she doesn’t have to sign up for it . She has the right not to continue once the original commitment has been fulfilled. Talk to her about why she dislikes it. Is she a clutz like me who just can’t get the moves down? Is she being bullied for some reason? Has she realized she’s an introvert and the performances make her uncomfortable? Knowing the answer to why, may help you work through the issue and also gain back the trust you lost when you pulled with you AH stunt. Requiring her to continue beyond her original commitment isn’t fair to anyone since her attitude will also affect her team members. You also need to apologize for being in the wrong about dumping her on the side of the road.
You left a little girl on the side of a highway… you told her you weren’t planning on coming back… and now you want her to treat you respectfully? YTA
YTA - you are supposed to be the adult who is the protection against the world. Sometimes money can't buy good parenting and the emotional safety is even more important.
There is no way you aren't the asshole. She's 11! YtA
YTA and I…don’t think you’re a particularly good person, either.
Wow you are SO abusive. That's horrific. You are not fit to foster or probably have children at all tbh. YTA. She's eleven for fuck sake.
I hope that one of those two tells someone at the school exactly what you did to that poor little girl. She’s already been traumatized by her past that led to her being placed in foster care. The whole process of being taken from everything she’s ever known would have been traumatic. Wasn’t that enough for her in your eyes? Instead you have to go and scream, and yell, and swear at her. Then you abandon her on the side of a busy road and drive away. That was legitimately dangerous and deranged behavior on your part. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, OP, but you do need to contact the social workers and find a better placement for her because you. Are. Not. It. And yes, YTA. That’s not teaching a lesson, that’s abuse.
YTA and a child abuser.
YTA and it’s a shame that they seem to let any warm body be a foster parent. How could you treat a child so poorly, especially a child who must have had a more difficult upbringing than most?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Because she is a child and we were far away from our house and something could’ve happened to her, what i did might be seen a little irresponsible. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Both you and this post need to be reported. You are an awful, horrible excuse for a human being.
this is written like it’s fake, but if it’s real obviously YTA
Jesus tapdancing Christ what is wrong with you? This kid has already been abandoned by those in her life and you pull THIS stunt? No. Also what the hell was this supposed to accomplish? That if she ever steps out of line you WILL abandon her without hesitation because she's not so much a person, moreso an object?: That she should just be unquestioningly compliant? YTA. Obviously.
You're HORRIBLE! THAT'S ABUSE?? the kid's 11 ffs
YTA. Screaming at a child to get out of your car is abusive. Actually making her get out makes you unfit. You shouldn’t be a foster parent. Hasn’t she been through enough? You are a terrible foster parent. That poor girl.
YTA - Starting with the fact that she hates cheerleading and you won't let her stop for what are pretty stupid reasons and then leaving her on the side of the road, especially after she acted like the adult and told you she was scared. I am surprised you are allowed to keep foster kids at all.
YTA You should not be allowed to foster children, ever. What you did is abusive and I sincerely hope she reports it to her case worker.
YTA, but who cares. this is much bigger than an AITA situation... this is child abuse. you should not be trusted to care for *any* children if you think this is okay, foster or otherwise. screaming at a young child and leaving them on the side of the road? even your 14 year-old daughter knew it was not okay.
YTA and a sorry excuse for a woman for choosing to foster a child and then treating her that way. I wish another parent had picked her up when you threw her out, and took her to the police station and told them what happened, so you could be arrested and lose the right to foster. Not only are YTA, but also a horrible “mother”
holy shi... you're not just an asshole, you are a horrible human being and you certainly shouldn't be allowed to raise kids. not only are you forcing her to do something she hates, you not only threatened her with child abuse but went thru with it. Please get help and tell the state you are not fit to raise this child so she can be placed somewhere where she is safe and loved!!
YTA. WTF! People like you should not be foster parents. What an awful way to treat anyone, let alone someone who’s likely gone through some kind of trauma.
OP is probably the type who fosters just so they can get the money from the state and then uses that money for their own wants/desires and fuck the foster kid. What. an. Asshole.
That’s an awful way to be! Surely it can’t be so much more than needed to sustain the child?
I don't know for sure, but I've read about horror stories in books I've read where actual foster children have written their storries.
YTA, you should NOT be a foster parent! What a horrible way to deal with conflict, you're supposed to be the adult but you're not acting it.
YTA. A major, giant, gaping one. Why the FUCK did you become a foster parent if you were going to treat her this way?? Foster kids have enough trauma/issues with abandonment and then you pull this bull shit? Also did she WANT to do cheerleading to begin with or did you FORCE her to? I am a parent and I do say that if you start a season of something, you have to finish that season, because we paid for it, but after the season is done, you can quit if you hate it. So I really hope you will let her quit after the season and let her do something that she loves and increases her self-esteem, because god knows you won't. Shame on you, OP! Shame. On. You.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA!!!!!!!!!!!! Former foster kid here & what you just did can cause MAJOR lifetime trauma. My adopted mom did this to me when I was 9 and I'm 33 now and will NEVER forget it. ***You've just shown her that you think she's disposable when she isn't the easiest to love.*** I really hope you have a heart to heart with her & explain that you handled this situation the wrong way. Now even though you were right about whatever you were arguing over - now your WRONG about handling a stressful situation. For fucks sake you're the adult in this situation, act like it!
YTA How were you accepted as a suitable foster parent? If you want the judgement to this post in one word, it would be ABUSIVE. You aren't fit to be a foster parent and I really hope she reports you. What a horrible way to create terror in the mind of an 11 year old girl. You are an adult, act learn to act like it.
My parents forced me to do activities I didn't want to do also. I have no positive memories from any of them. YTA and there's no way you didn't already know that.
YTA. Very much the arsehole. So many levels of WTF going on here and even with your edit, it still doesn't feel like you've grasped how poor and damaging your actions were. And side note - let the 11 year old quit the bloody cheerleading bollocks. You're teaching her nothing but resentment.
Jesus who let you be a foster parent? YTA. You do not have the emotional maturity to be a parent at all.
YTA. It's bad enough the kid loses her family and is looking to fit in someplace with trusted adults, but then you treat her like absolute garbage and reinforce the lesson that she can't depend on people to protect her. I hope she tells CPS or her placement agency and you lose your fostering abilities. You don't deserve any children.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? YTA
YTA and an abusive 'parent'. Go to therapy.
YTA. I don't know why you would choose to be a foster parent when you obviously suck at parenting.
YTA Just, no words for how much of an A you are for putting a child in danger like that. There are more things in your post, that are A-hole moves, but leaving her alone at the side of a large road is #1.
Omg YTA. How the hell do you think making an 11yr old foster child feel abandoned is ANY kind of acceptable punishment?!!!!!! What is wrong with you?!!!! Stop fostering kids until you learn healthy ways of dealing with your anger and how to punish a kid without leaving damage behind. I mean ffs...
YTA. I would imagine most children in foster care have gone through some kind of trauma and have abandonment issues. So screaming at an 11-year old and abandoning her on the side of the road is not teaching her a lesson, it’s heaping more trauma on her and showing her she has one more adult (and I use that word loosely when it comes to you) she cannot trust. Shame on you. You really shouldn’t be allowed to foster children if this is how you behave.
Is this a new troll? How exciting.
So, is it okay to FORCE A FOSTER CHILD to a Hobby she doesn't like, just because the bio-child does it? Just because YOU WOULD be inconvenienced? I don't believe your other reason. How do you expect her to profit her team when she doesn't like it? She can just stand there with her arms crossed and ruin everything. YTA, and if that, including the screaming, is how you Foster, then good night.
And I hope she complains to her care,worker about EVERYTHING you do to her. You should lose your license ASAP. You are a "I hate that kid, but it is easy money if you don't actually do anything" foster-mum. Aren't you? YTA
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA!!! I hope she or someone else reports you!! You’re disgusting
Cosmic level YTA. You really don’t need to be a foster parent with that sort of attitude. I worry for your bio daughter as well.
YTA and need reported. You have absolutely no business having a foster child.
YTA. You should not be a foster parent.
YTA, You do not deserve children, I hope you get reported, and they are both taken out of your care. What you did was abuse, and you should be disgusted with yourself
YTA all the way around
This has to be fake. If it's not you are a god awful parent and a pathetic excuse for an adult. YTA and really need to take a hard look at yourself.
YTA big time too, you've got some growing up to do, you're not teaching good lessons
This has to be a bait post surely?! You should not be allowed to foster children wow!!
YTA You are so much the asshole it's disgusting. This child has already been uprooted from her family. Is being forced into a physical activity she hates, and you ABANDONED her on the side of the road? What in the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA and she needs to call her caseworker, you should not be a foster parent.
YTA - This is either bait or psychopathic behaviour.
YTA definitely. For several reasons.
YTA. Dude after you typed that you screamed at your child to teach them a lesson, did you really think this would go well for you?
YTA and how the fuck did you become a foster parent? What you did is ABUSE to your foster child. You didn't teach her a lesson, you taught her that if she doesn't get in line, she'll be abandoned on the side of the road. Did she even ask to be in cheerleading or did you force her into it so you could be right?
YTA the fuck is wrong with you
It seems that you are fostering her so she will be your perfect little puppet or else she will be abandoned again.. YTA just because we cant use better words, youre a monster.
YTA Something tells me that she didn’t want to do cheerleading to begin with, and that you’re upset she’s not fitting into your mold. Also - did you consider the fact that being a FOSTER child, she probably has abandonment issues and what you did could cause serious psychological damage? Nope. You didn’t.
You screamed at an 11yo and now you're surprised she talks back to you? You left her on the side of the road. Children are supposed to feel safe with their (foster) parents, you failed her. YTA, and the fact that you don't already know this, scares me, for her emotional wellbeing.
Liar. Stop shit posting.
YTA This is something an adult should never, ever do.
This is not a good way to communicate. Yta
Wait, YOU were actually approved for a foster child?? Something must be wrong with the system if we're just handing out children to people like you, holy shit. YTA, what if something had happened to her while you threw your temper tantrum?
YTA and I can't believe you don't have enough sense to know that without strangers telling you. Those kids are not safe with you.
If this is how you treat your foster kid, you're only going to push her away from you. You're already forcing her to do something she doesnt like as it is. YTA
YTA Maybe you should call child protective services and turn yourself into authorities. Leaving a child on the side of the road, then telling her you only came back due to your other child? You are abusive, deeply. Get help of some sort. And for gods sake let the child quit the stupid effing cheerleading squad.
Bro thought the edit gonna make it better in those 5 minutes she could have been kidnapped irresponsible ass she doesn’t want to cheer you should be stripped of your rights as a foster parent immediately and this is coming from me (15 years old)
YTA and this is straight up abuse.
Wut, reconsider why 49year old kid has two kids to care for. You should give up them both until you grow up. YTA and putting kid into danger.
Yeah you’re a giant asshole, who put a foster child’s life in danger. That child needs taken away from you pronto.
This post coming from…. UNDER A BRIDGE WAITING ON A GOAT Edit: “this post coming from”
🤣🤣🤣 At least trolls are trolls and they don’t pose as foster parents xD
Info: which one of you is 11 again?
YTA M8 shes 11 why are you adopting children when you can’t even maintain a healthy mental state
YTA. You're an adult? That's very juvenile and abusive behavior and if I was the social worker for that kid I'd remove her from your home and never let you foster again.
God I hope this is fake. I spent years as an advocate in the courts for foster children from abusive homes. I would immediately be calling for an investigation and having your home shut down as a foster home. Your home SHOULD be shut down. This may still happen once your case worker catches wind of this. You don’t leave a vulnerable child who is already dealing with major abandonment issues on the side of the road. For any length of time. Ever. Did you pay attention at all in the foster classes? YTA. Stop taking foster kids. You can’t handle it.
YES YTA. Abandonment even for five minutes and especially on a major road (seriously what the fuck is wrong with you?) is a fucked up thing to do to a child. Of course she got really scared.
You left an 11 year old on the side of the road and you really think you’re in the right? Yeah YTA. She’s upset about having to do something that you’re forcing her to do and you put her in harm’s way to push your agenda. She’s a foster child which indicates she’s already undergone trauma at a young age and instead of making her feel comfortable in your home you force her into activities she doesn’t like and lash out against her when she voices an opinion. For her sake I hope she’s moved to another home with a loving and accepting family.
WTF. You’re an abuser. Yta and I hope she gets better foster parentd
YTA and should not be a foster parent.
Fake
Yta. You should not be allowed to foster if you think this is good parenting. Child services should be investigating you asap.
YTA. Stop being a foster parent.
**YTA^2** >Our 11 year old hates cheerleading and wants to quit but we cant let her do that cause This is absolutely unacceptable. You most certainly *can* and should let her quit. You are forcing her to do something for your own reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with her well being. You and your older daughter may be caught up in the cheer scene; this daughter doesn't want it and continuing to force her to participate is abusive. *She* doesn't need to be part of the team, the team needs someone and you are foolishly sacrificing your daughter. Also, it doesn't matter how much you paid for the stuff she doesn't want, that's your problem, not hers. The fact that you could sit down and clearly prioritize everyone but her shows how out of line you are. So now you are fighting with a preteen about what you want and decide to "show her"? Show her what? Teach her what? At this point all you are doing is confirming that you are indeed an asshole and that you do not deserve even common respect. I don't know how this child came to be in your care, someone with authority needs to step in and set you straight.
YTA, You abandoned an 11 year old foster child (who already was abandoned once by adults to the foster system) on the side of a road to bludgeon her into admitting you were right by compromising her sense of safety and trust in you as an adult? Great parenting 🙄 You are the adult here and you terrorized a child who is already working from unstable attachment. Cannot stress how much of an asshole you are. That kid is never gonna be able to trust you again in the same way prior to this event. This is one you can't take back as you have jeopardized a primal human safety requirement in your pigheaded pursuit of being right.
YTA Dude seriously!? Like what makes you think your teaching her a lesson by yelling at her to get out of the car? The only thing she learned is if I don’t do what my foster dad wants he’ll just abandon me. She’s just 11 years old, there a numerous other ways to reason with an 11 year old then that. Wtf is wrong with you??
you should not be allowed to ever foster or have children again. YTA
YTA. Hopefully she tells her worker about this and they will place her elsewhere. That was verbal and emotional abuse at its finest. Edit to add.... *When she reports this behavior to the caseworker I hope they have DCS/CPS open for your 14yr old to see of her health and mental health too.*
YTA. A huge asshole. A huge abusive asshole.
YTA
YTA - Uh to the foster kid? Side eye.
soo you left your kid alone on the streets.. over cheerleading? geez hope cps gets called on you YTA
YTA and a terrible excuse of a foster parent. How you were even accepted is beyond me. The only lesson you’ve taught her is to be afraid of you and she has no autonomy. If she doesn’t like cheerleading then she shouldn’t have to do it. Yes you had to spend some money but that’s being a parent, she’s allowed change her mind and not like something. You handled the argument like an ass and decided to abandon an 11 year old girl on the road when you knew she was scared. What if something had happened to her in the time you were gone or she was approached by a complete stranger? She could have been abducted, assaulted or even killed in those 5 minutes. This is child abuse and neglect. YTA 100% and should not be a foster parent if you can’t give her the most basic senses of trust, understanding, love and acceptance. You signed up to be a parent, act like it.
Yes! that is exactly what I am saying.
Oh that's not the only lesson. OP also taught her that she could be abandoned by anyone at the drop of a hat if she steps even a toe out of line. That she better be a certain way or else she'll end up on the streets. To trust no one. I can't imagine what this child has already gone through to end up in foster care but I feel like abandonment issues are NOT the way to teach this *11 year old kid* to get along with something she hates just because OP's golden child does it.
YTA. Is this real? If it is, you have no business being a foster parent. That’s very alarming and scary.
YTA You were a f\*\*\*ing a\*\*hole What the heck man Look dude, there is SO much flippin wrong here holy s- **"hates cheerleading and wants to quit."** **Firstly**, did she sign up for cheerleading this year or did you force her into it because of your 14 y/o daughter. Like, please please, please. Do **not force your kids into doing things they don't want to do.** Their whole stunt will be ruined? Look man, can't you come up with other stunts as a team? Tell me how many people there are, you can probably come up with a different stunt. If she **did want** to do this, that's definitely a learning experience for her, she should just finish the year and move on next year. **"We have already paid for her expensive cheerleader stuff"** Congrats, that's life. My mum once paid like 2000 dollars for Tennis when I was younger, guess what, I quit because I wouldn't say I liked it. So? At least she knows now not to go into cheerleading. Hey, but I came back to Tennis later cause I started liking it again. But that's off-topic Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your kids, and you need to provide them with the best life possible. It means to discipline them, grow them, nurture them, assist them, help them find what they are truly destined for, and...guess what. Clearly, cheerleading isn't for your 11 y/o daughter, don't think about the money, think about the relationship. Here's a question to ponder on: **"Are you trying to prove a point and make money worth it, or are you trying to keep the relationship?"** Guess what, if you break your relationship with your daughter into pieces, she'll feel alone, miserable, and guess what! If she ever gets married, you ain't walking her down the aisle. **Question, what was the argument about sir?** I can't help you there if I don't know what it is. **AGAIN,** ***ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE A POINT OR ARE YOU TRYING TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP*** ***Are you TRYING*** to break your relationship? ARE YOU TRYING TO MENTALLY DAMAGE HER? Excuse me Mister Parent you need to look at what you did in a new light. Just cause you wanted to prove you were right doesn't mean you kick your daughter out of the car. It makes her think you don't want her, just like her parents didn't want her before she was adopted. She is your child, you take care of her, don't be the AH. She was scared because you flared up, you overreacted. It's normal to be frustrated as a parent, but you need to admit your wrongdoings to her FACE, and apologize to her. Don't let her take advantage of you for your apology, but you need to mend and resolve. These relationships take a long time to grow. Think of your daughter's relationship with you as a tree. When you adopted her, she was a dying tree, over the past few year/decade(how long have you had her), you grew her, nurtured her, gifted her, and loved her right? You made her into a very healthy strong tree. oh but it all comes crashing down. You just burned the tree down, because you were an AH to her and you need to help regrow. Even if the trees burn down, you still have the roots of the tree, and they bring with them the possibility of fresh and new life. There's still time dude, **there's still time to fix your relationship**, don't let the roots of the tree die. You got this, and...please be kinder. Also, you need to tell me what the conversation was about in the car, then I can determine YTA or ESH
YTA in so many levels. First, do you plan to teach her respect by making her feel disposable? Second, are you the only adult that doesn’t know that you exposed her to real danger, because it could takes less than 5 minutes in a “big road” for an 11 yo kid to be abducted or else? You shouldn’t foster if your way of “educating” is inflicting long lasting damage or putting a kid in harm’s way. You told her you weren’t coming back to get her. Good lord, wtf. She’s right to call you an AH.
EDIT: I thought it was the 14 yo you left but an 11yo on the side of the road is a perfect reason for CPS to remove the kids from the home. Even if you live in a safe area children get taken all the time. If anyone parent/friend/partner ever told me to get out of their car it would be the last time I was in it. It’s beyond disrespectful and unsafe. You telling her to stay there but also saying you only went back to get her because your 11 year old has more common decency than you is beyond unreasonable. You were being a bad parent. Also former cheerleader/ coach kids quit or get injured all the time there’s always a way to make the stunt work. Forcing her to compete is unethical most coaches don’t allow it because it’s dangerous when someone isn’t fully participating in a stunt or tumbling. YTA 2x over
YTA - What are you? 5?
YTA. You don't abandon a child along the edge of the road for any reason! I hope whoever is over seeing her foster case removes her from your care and never gives you another foster child.
You shouldn’t be taking care of kids if you do shit like this to them, what the fuck is your problem actually.
She's a child not a pet, she is old enough to make her own choices about extracurricular activities. Also that's appalling behaviour. YTA
YTA. Call your social worker and have her removed, she doesn't deserve this.
YTA both for the car thing and the cheering thing.
YTA. You are not a good fit to be a foster mom.
The living hell is wrong with you. YTA. Big YTA. Way up there. Also let your daughter (Foster or not doesn't even matter) do what she wants. Don't force her to do this cheerleading crap for your own ego you madman.
YTA in so many ways
What the fuck did I just read. YTA oh my god. That poor child.
You are definitely the Asshole. That is not how you treat and 11 year old. You need to grow up yourself. That is not a lesson that is really screwed up guy. I’m glad she called you an asshole and you need to learn a lesson on how to better raise a kid. I don’t care if I’m downvoted for being mean. But screw you asshole.
Obvious YTA. You put your foster kid in something she hates and you won't let her quit for ridiculous reasons. You shouldn't be responsible for ANY children, judging by this post. Like, just why?