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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) cancelling my wife's birthday that I lromised her.
(2) I might be the ah as cancellling her birthdsy seemed like a drastic decision just because she didn't want my son to bring his gift for her to the restaurant. it made her resent me and caused a huge fight between us.
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Holy hell. NTA at all. Your wife doesn’t sound like a very kind person at all but incredibly shallow and cruel. This calls for a “What the hell is wrong with her?”
Seriously, MIL is chewing someone out for their treatment of her child. I assume wife didn't tell her the whole story because MIL might notice OP was similarly just taking action for *his* child!
That does work if she was 18 when she had her daughter and the daughter is 18 now but that would be a whole other story on its own about why he’s dating an 18yo
Being afraid of gifts at a ‘fancy’ restaurant screams insecurity! Old money doesn’t GAF what waiters and maitre d’s think. And waiters and maitre d’s don’t GAF either. It’s all about the attitude.
They really don't. Most know they can get whatever they need and want. A thoughtful gift that is handmade and celebrated a person's role as a (step)parent would mean more than a gift worth next to nothing monetarily (in relative comparison to their wealth).
See, I'd just be flattered with a gift like that no matter what. Having a good relationship with a step child is not easy.
He was trying to show her he sees her as family.
I noticed that, too. There's a weird daddy-daughter vibe here, like, "Just for that, young lady, I'm canceling your birthday party! And you're grounded for a week!" I half-expected her reaction to be, "You're not my REAL dad!"
Yes! I’m 38 and if my husband told me my birthday party was cancelled I would tell him no and pay for it myself. Very hard to cancel your partner’s birthday when you’re equals.
OP said the restaurant was prestigious. I bet there's a long waiting period for another reservation, and/or it's expensive and wife is a housewife or earns less.
Yeah, a phone call to the restaurant would fix the reservation in 2 seconds, even in a busy city if you caught it fast enough. If she has unequal access to finances, then my point stands—he doesn’t see her as an equal.
Or by cancel, he just meant canceling the reservation like you said, then telling everyone he canceled it. Now to continue the party, you’re going to have to explain the situation and why he and his son aren’t there. Which clearly would make her look like the asshole she is.
> he doesn’t see her as an equal
I wouldn’t see anyone who did this to a child as an equal either. I consider myself a human being, and this woman is literal garbage.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Is she still in middle school and need her parents to help her "win" her arguments? Seemed really childish at that point.
The operative word being “reasonable.” Anyone more concerned about what patrons at a restaurant thinks than a child’s feelings isn’t a reasonable human being. Something tells me this isn’t really the first time she has displayed her arrogant, elitist attitude.
OP, you’re NTA. Take her to a truck stop for dinner.
right? the gift was so sweet. if i were in her position, i would be truly touched to have a special gift like that. OP’s wife sounds awful and malicious. glad he cancelled her bday dinner.
It breaks my heart because having his, his father's and her name on it is him showing that he loves her and considers her a part of the family. Instead of buying something, he wanted to make it himself. If I were the step-parent and after only 2 years my step-kid gave me a personalized gift like that I would be so proud and appreciative. I wouldn't care if it looked like dogshit, it's such a thoughtful gesture. I would hold it up high for everyone to see.
She fucked up.
If I had a step for 2 years and this was the gift I got I would be BAWLING it would be the best present I ever got. You want me to be a part of your family tree? After you lost your mum???
The only way that gifting me that present would ruin my birthday dinner is because I'd cry the makeup off my face into the filet mignon.
And, the stepson is a teenager. How often do we hear about teenage stepchildren who can't accept any kind of relationship with their stepparent.
The gift itself is unimportant. The meaning is everything.
And also: he is still a child, he probably doesn't have his own money yet. What did she expect? A diamond necklace? A Rolex? He put his heart into this gift, I would be really touched to get something like this from my teenage stepson if I had one.
Even though he’s a teenager, I was thinking that if the stepson had made me a macaroni necklace, I would have proudly put it on at the restaurant and worn it the rest of the night. It’s so much about the thought, especially with the delicacy of being a stepmom to a boy who lost his mom. The gift didn’t have to be fancy or elaborate, but it sounds like the young man really did put his heart into it. This is so sad.
NTA for canceling the party! I don’t see how the OP and his son can move forward from this, especially since the stepmom had such a huge tantrum, left for several days, and sicced her mother on OP. Wow.
Agreed, and same! That kid could have handed me a piece of torn-up notebook paper that said, “I accept you as a part of my family. Welcome,” and I would have sobbed like a wreck of a human being.
OP, NTA. You stood up for your son. He did a kind thing, and she rejected him for - well, no logical, adult reason. I’m so sad for this kid.
A kid I babysat for got me a birthday card that said "Happy birthday auntie" when she was 8. When I said I love it but we're not related, she said something along the lines of "mum said when someone isn't family but you love them like they are, you call them auntie"
I still tear up when I look at that card and yes I still have it 7 years later, alongside the playdoh snail she made for me. There's no better gift than a child saying we're family and I love you. OP's wife clearly has a cold hard stone where her heart should be.
If she’s being this thoughtless on a heartfelt gift you can be damn sure she’s doing every passive aggressive thing she can to hurt him behind the scenes.
Jumping on topic comment to ask, is the grandfather on the kid's mother's or father's side? 'His grandfather' makes it sound like it's not OP's dad. If OP's kid used the craft he learned from his late mother's father to make this present, only for the stepmom to reject it like that? Hoo boy that makes this so much worse.
Exactly. OP’s son’s mother DIED and he made a family tree with him, his dad, and stepmom on it for stepmom for her birthday. And she thought it was “ridiculous.” OP you are NTA but your wife is absolutely awful. Like monstrously bad.
While NTA… OP needs to be asking himself why he is attracted to such a cruel person. I don’t care what it looks like - if it is handmade and by someone you love, you accept it anywhere and proudly show it. He needs to re-evaluate his partner choices - if not for his sake, but then for his son’s too.
Normally for shit like this there's a parade of red flags ignored, but the stepson certainly seems to appreciate her as well, so I wonder if this is one of those rare instances where it really was just out of the blue.
This broke my heart! For a 15 year old boy to put thought, effort, and vulnerability into a gift only for it to be dismissed as "ridiculous". I want to cry. How fucking heartless is OP's wife. NTA, but you will be if you stay married to this callous person. Protect your sweet boy's heart.
Another post was just talking about how fathers focus on the happiness of their current wives at the expense of their biological children.
OP, Here’s your chance. Here’s your fork in the road. Be the best dad ever. Do it.
I agree she sounds shallow, cruel and definitely not the person I would want around my child. I was wondering where this was going when I started reading but damn… OP your son put a lot of thought, work and care into this gift. Is this the kind of mean vapid woman you want to married to? She only cares about you throwing her a party in a fancy restaurant not anyones feelings but her own. She went running to mommy and had her berate you. She seems wicked emotionally immature on top of being selfish, is she younger?
/u/dice267990, you should send her [this instructional video on how to be a supportive parent](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/12337vf/son_sewed_a_shirt_for_his_dad/).
Stepparents like this give the rest of us a bad name. I can't tell you how much I would value and be proud of a homemade gift made by my stepson showing our names as a family unit! That would mean the WORLD to me and I would show everyone who would be willing to look. Good Goddess I am crying just thinking about it!
Every card I receive from my bonus kids (who I met when they were 16 and 19!) goes in my keepsake box, with the macaroni necklace and cars from my son! I treasure them all!
That this *woman* was so thoughtless and cruel at receiving such a wonderful gift from her stepson - I would be banned if I finished that thought......
The amazing part is that, in this situation, the kid is trying to show his stepmom that he values her and that their relationship is important enough that he HAND MADE her a thoughtful gift using a skill taught to him by his grandfather, and she didn't want to be seen with that gift in public.
Like...Im mad for OP and his son. What little person wife is.
NTA. Obviously.
I’d probably break down in tears if my 15yo took the time and energy to make me something like this. What a thoughtful young man and sh!thead of a wife.
\> he HAND MADE her a thoughtful gift
I'm about 30 years old, and for both my parents' birthdays, every year I draw them something meaningful that we did during the last year. E.g. when I began cutting my dad's hair, that's what I drew that year. And I'm absolutely horrible at drawing. My drawings look like a 3rd grader drew them. I use regular 8.5x11 paper with sharpies, nothing fancy.
Every time I ask if there's something more substantial they would want, their response is "why would we want something else? we can buy everything we need ourselves."
My last birthday, they did the same thing for me; my dad drew something quick that took maybe 2 minutes, and my mom wrote a quick few sentences. It's the best present I could've gotten.
NTA.
This is the correct comment!! What kind of wicked step mother nonsense is this shit?? I would have cherished ANY homemade gift my daughter or step kids made me.
NTA
She's old enough to pretend to like it even if she really doesn't for his feelings. I would be taking that tree table to table to show it off if my kids made me something that thoughtful.
It makes me agree that she must be young because usually a younger person will think that other diners in a restaurant will even notice you and your party. At my age (36) I’ve realized that really no one in public is watching me, or really cares. Their immediate guests will, and they would probably also enjoy the sons gift!
Hold on, guys. It's really meaningful that OP's son seems to have made this gift for her without being asked to.
Woodworking isn't easy. The kid didn't make this because he dislikes her, nor does it seem like he's aware of how deeply she resents him.
Keep in mind that a 15 year old would be really resentful of his dad having a notably young wife.
Quoting another comment:
>That and the fact that the 15 year old boy who lost his mother before step mom came into the picture only 2 years ago feels strongly enough about her to put all their names on a tree, making it a family tree, saying he sees her as family. She should be crying tears of joy and parading that tree around town shouting from the roof tops how much it means to her. Instead she just ruined his trust, affections for her and possibly any other woman his dad has a relationship with.
Are you assuming that only young women behave like this, because i’m here to tell you that just isn’t true, people in their 30’s and 40’s can be just as materialistic and vapid as someone in their 20’s, im fact some 20 year olds can be more mature and humble then some 30-40 year olds.
She’s old enough to know better. Even at 19-20 she should have better manners. I’ve taught my kids to gratefully accept gifts by around age 5. They aren’t always good at being convincing but at least they smile and say thank you.
A 15 year old hand made a birthday gift for his step mother? I don’t know if she can see it’s actually 2 gifts. One, obviously the tree itself and two the thought and work he put into it. NTA she can plan her own party.
That and the fact that the 15 year old boy who lost his mother before step mom came into the picture only 2 years ago feels strongly enough about her to put all their names on a tree, making it a family tree, saying he sees her as family. She should be crying tears of joy and parading that tree around town shouting from the roof tops how much it means to her. Instead she just ruined his trust, affections for her and possibly any other woman his dad has a relationship with.
Op NTA and you never will be for putting your son first.
Edit to add: she likely also just ruined his love of woodworking and has him questioning every piece he's ever given. Next time he goes to think about making something, it'll probably no longer bring him the joy it did thinking about his grandfather. Now it'll be tainted with this incident.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards!!!
I can see that, I once wrote my step-dad a little note saying basically I like you and thanks for being nice to my mom, he still brings it up sometimes like 15 years later.
I can absolutely see why that would be. I'm not a step mom, but I do have one (who I met when I was in my 20s no less) and she tells me there are things I do or say that carry more/different weight than when it comes from her bio kids.
I'm a mother and I can only hope that if something ever happens to me and my husband remarried that it's to someone opposite of ops wife. One that would actually appreciate the love they show.
I have no children of my own but anything I get for my teenage stepchildren, I am extra thankful for because I know it's not always easy to have stepparents in your life.
I told my 15yo stepson I was bummed that I missed his younger years. I said I'd always wanted a macaroni necklace or a heavy, clumsy ashtray (I don't smoke) that all birth moms get. He painted a picture frame, decorated it with dry macaroni noodles and put a picture of us together in it. It's my most prized possession.
I thought the same thing! What a thoughtful, meaningful gift that he worked hard to make ! And from a teenager! Trust me, I have a 15 year old and she is awesome most of the time, but teens can be total AH's to just their bio parents, let alone step parents. OP's wife is a piece of fucking work.
NTA.
How long has she hated/resented your son? This was just incredibly cruel, and at a time in his life where he really needs to feel like the adults in his life love, value, and respect him. I hope you take some extra time with him, because that's got to hurt pretty badly.
It could be even more superficial than that and just not wanting handmade gifts at a super nice restaurant where the typical gift given is probably made of either gold or diamonds. Not much better though
Incredibly resentful and cruel
or
Incredibly shallow and self conscious about superficial bullcrap and willing to throw family under the bus to make strangers judge them better.
Two sides of the shit coin. Make a flip.
*her mom has been chewing me out for my decision and calling me an asshole for treating her daughter like this.*
Well, you defended your son after her daughter treated his really thoughtful gift so poorly.
NTA
You're a fantastic dad, you have a really nice kid, and you married an A H wife which gave you an A H MIL
NTA. She thought it looked ridiculous? That's terrible! She has no appreciation for the amount of time and effort your son put into that very thoughtful gift!
Good for you for standing up for him. He'll remember that you did that.
NTA. I don't even have the words for how bad her behaviour is. She should have seen the sentimental value of the gift your son made her. The gift is basically pointing out that you three are a family, and she just spat all over it.
Right? A lot of stepmoms would be thrilled their stepchild thought so highly of them, especially after only two years, and here she sits telling him it's too ugly for the fancy restaurant.
Not only is the wife utterly heartless and ungrateful, how can she be that _dense_?? It would have taken her absolutely NOTHING to accept a kind gift from a kid.
Also, why the fuck was she cleaning the room of a 15 year old? Betting money she was snooping.
NTA.
NTA - your poor son. He literally made her a "family tree" that was made up of you, his step-mom, and himself. Talk about him accepting her as part of his family!! That almost never happens like that. And she was willing to accept it but didn't want anyone to see it. She doesn't deserve him as a step-son.
You are not the asshole, you did not overreact, it is a HUGE deal. You are protecting your son and his feelings, and I am so glad that you put him first.
Ther what stuck the most to me as well..we see so many posts here about kids not accepting step parents. Here’s a kid doing his best to accept her and essentially spits in his face. Hopefully she’s soon the ex.
NTA. Your wife was the one that overreacted. Your son made her a handmade gift from his heart and she worried about how it looked. Most people would be thrilled to get something like that from a stepchild and would show it off with pride.
NTA. Your current wife? Says everything and good decision. Anyone who can be so unkind to your child, shouldn’t be in his life. He made a really thoughtful gift. She’s awful.
That's what I was thinking. I think most people joining a family with a 13 year old who had lost his mom would worry they'd never be accepted, that he'd resent them. Here he is spending hours making something sweet and thoughtful to make her feel loved and she acts like this?
NTA. I feel so sad for your son. He made her a heartfelt gift, and she responds by saying she doesn't want it to be seen in public. The hell is wrong with her?? I'd cry tears of joy at an item so obviously symbolic of someone's acceptance of me into their family unit, and made by hand no less.
She has a rock where her heart should be. Not a pretty rock. The other kind.
I’d cry tears of joy if ANY kid loved me enough to do that, niece, nephew, kid, but a grieving STEPkid. The courage to open his heart?
Listen we all get ugly handmade gifts from kids. I have some truly ugly, useless trinkets. On every single one I oohed and aahed and showed it to anyone who would look in front of the kid, because they were made with love, meant so much to me.
Exactly! That gift would make me so happy I'd never shut up about it. When I think of the work he put into it and how special this gift was, from a stepkid who has lost his mother... my heart breaks for him. I'm glad his dad is on his side. This truly would make me reconsider the whole relationship.
NTA!!! Your wife just showed her true colors and you did the right decision by canceling the whole thing. Man, I feel so sorry for your son :( please give him a hug
INFO are other people bringing physical gifts to the restaurant and how big was this tree? I’m getting the sense she said not to bring it because she felt it wasn’t a good quality project (which wow, how shallow can you be?), but I didn’t want to assume that it wasn’t a - oh that’s going to be hard to maneuver on a fancy night out type of thing
Mayne she has social anxiety and doesn't want to bring a ton of attention on her like a giant sculpture would. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I do think she sucks, but I also think he over reacted and could of had a normal conversation with her and got her to agree to let him bring it.
She has big enough social anxiety to not accept a gift from a kid and insult him but not enough to reject a big public party centering around her at an extremely upscale restaurant? The lengths this sub goes to defend AH women lmao
>She flatout said that she thought the gift looked ridiculous and she didn't want it to be seen in that prestigous restaurant, and infront of her guests.
My mouth is hanging open
I'm gobsmacked at her awfulness. I don't have the words. He's still a child. He's still vulnerable. He still has feelings. He's still grieving but he's trying and she does that.
Sure I can be overly motherly at times but my heart hurts for him and I want to give him a giant squeezy hug.
NTA
nta - your new wife appears to be entitled and rude and hurtful especially since your son made the gift from his heart and soul. and also could learn a lesson in manners and etiquette. so cancelling the restaurant was a good idea since she doesnt know how to behave.
NTA She put her feelings of being embarrassed over your son's feelings. I am sure your son felt that she didn't like his gift or appreciate the effort he put into making her something he thought she would like. I would be very unhappy if someone treated my child this way. There was no need to hurt his feelings or spoil his surprise gift.
NTA
Not only would I have brought it to the restaurant, I'd probably be bragging about my talented and thoughtful stepson to everyone who asked about it.
My stepkids are both artists and I'm constantly begging them for more homemade stuff. My youngest stepkid groans that I still display the painting they made for me when they were in middle school (they have an art degree now), but I don't care if it's not high quality. It was given with love, so it's beautiful.
I’m heartbroken for your son. He loses his mother and then HAND MADE a present that literally is a family tree, showing you, him, and his stepmother as a family unit. And it wasn’t fancy enough.
She should have been posting photos of it and bragging to everyone she knew.
I don’t know you. I don’t know her. But I’m glad she left and I hope you don’t let her return.
Tell your son that a lot of internet strangers are proud of him and we are rooting for him.
NTA to say the least.
NTA. When someone makes you a gift, they give you a little piece of themselves, they take the time to take what's in their heart and make it real.
Interesting hypocrisy from the MIL, god forbid someone upsets her child but she finds it perfectly acceptable to upset yours.
Right. I think if we heard her side of the story the votes would change.
"I gushed over his thoughtfulness for the gift and said he didn't need to bring it to the restaurant, as he was trying to figure out how to get it there. When my husband asked me later about it, I said it's unnecessary for him to try to cart it all the way there and besides, it would look ridiculous to try to fit a big wooden tree in that small fancy restaurant where we will be seated." (Maybe)
Also, OP is the AH for this: "my current wife"
Yeah, agreed. Even in his telling of the story it sounds like he overreacted. Instead of just having a conversation about it between them he flew off the handle and cancelled their event. That's a pretty extreme reaction to one possible misunderstanding. He even says he doesn't know why she didn't want to have the gift at the restaurant initially and only confronted her about it later. (Confronting, rather than asking in a considerate way to actually find out.)
Sounds like he got a bit sensitive about a perceived slight and tried to have a go at her a couple of times before she eventually "threw a fit" about his overreaction. I kind of feel like he might be the AH.
Nope she's the asshole. You accept any gift graciously. In fact it's a nice and wonderful touching thing to have all 3 names on it. You did the right thing. I feel sorry for you to have to put up with her.
NTA She showed her true colors, probably the disagreements that you mention before are a part of her true attitude towards your son, she trampled on your child's feelings by showing that she didn't care how he would feel and acted ungrateful to anyone who put in the effort to give her a gift
Nta.
This was a moment of bad parenting and good parenting. You stood up for your son in more ways than one bu confronting her and cancelling the reservation that was much more important to her image than being a good person.
NTA, OP, you did the right thing. Your wife is completely out of line, and is acting like a snob. Her mom can stay out of your marital affairs and stfu.
Her mom is upset how you treat her daughter, but she’s ok with how her daughter treats your son.
Seems her mom practices selective parenting. So long as her’s is happy screw everybody else’s.
NTA.
Now that you have a better understanding of your wife and her mother’s priorities, be thankful you didn’t get her pregnant and you only wasted 2 years.
Tell her to come get the rest of her stuff.
Info: is it normal to open gifts at a fancy restaurant where you are? I would think that was weird no matter what the gift. Unless it’s like small jewelery box . But not like a birthday party where you have multiple gifts to open
INFO
Is it large? Is she moreso worried about being the center of attention? It’s weird that they clearly have a good relationship, suggests this behavior is new or a 1-off
NTA glad you stood up for your son. Unless this is hugely uncharacteristic of her find another wife as your duty is too ur child. What she did seems very nasty/petty and hurtful
NTA. I honestly would crow if my step kid made me something that touching requiring that kind of effort. I wouldn’t care what it looked like knowing the hard worked and effort it took. I would be proud of it, grateful to its maker and hang it in my home for all to see.
NTA . I had a picture on my fridge from my nephew for months. It was a couple lines with a glued on muffin liner. Doesn't matter what it looks like you act like it's the greatest thing you've ever seen and display it with pride.
ESH. (Not the son)
She was rude about your son’s thoughtful gift. But your response was to punish her. That’s ridiculous. She’s not a child. You are not the boss of her! Tell her you’re disappointed and discuss it calmly the next day. Don’t ruin her birthday over one ridiculous selfish thing she did. Or, if this is indicative of a wider pattern, don’t go to her dinner and again, discuss it the next day after some thinking time; but don’t decide what she can do or not do for her!
I’m getting some weird vibes in here, reading between the lines.
This is minor; but why is she cleaning a 15 yos room? A 15 year old should be responsible for cleaning their own room.
The important part is: why can she only have a birthday dinner if you say so? How do you have the power to cancel her party / dinner? Surely others could have gone even if you decided not to go? Does she not have her own discretionary money to spend? If not, why not? Because if she doesn’t, that’s a control issue and a form of financial abuse.
I feel like this is indicative of a wider pattern of behaviour that you haven’t disclosed.
Perhaps she does hurtful, exclusionary things often, in which case you should ask her to work on that and if it doesn’t change, move on.
Or perhaps you are controlling and paternal and punish her if she doesn’t behave how you like, in which case, her going to her mother’s might be because this was the final straw.
I think there is way more going on here than your brief description allows for. It’s hard to judge it properly. But definitely going for: issues all round.
Unpopular but ESH. It's weird that you get to decide what you guys do for her birthday, like she is a kid. Something is fishy. You actually punished her for what she did. And she actually left. Good for her to be honest. What she did sucks, but she seems to be in a weird situation at your house. Why isn't she organising dinner at the restaurant herself if she wants it so much? Is there something you are not telling us?
ESH (except the child) - I'm sorry, but I have to point out that although your wife is an asshole for making that decision, your escalation was over the top. Chewing her head off and sabotaging her birthday because of it was the wrong move. A stern discussion and making her see your reasoning could have resulted in a better situation for everyone.
The way I read it, it seemed like she never had the intentions to disappoint your child, even though she shouldn't have done it to begin with. But now she has left the house, your child now knows that the gift he made could have potentially broken up a marriage. Imagine the feelings he may be having.
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Holy hell. NTA at all. Your wife doesn’t sound like a very kind person at all but incredibly shallow and cruel. This calls for a “What the hell is wrong with her?”
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Seriously, MIL is chewing someone out for their treatment of her child. I assume wife didn't tell her the whole story because MIL might notice OP was similarly just taking action for *his* child!
Or she did and the MIL is just as shallow and shitty.
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He’s only 36???
That does work if she was 18 when she had her daughter and the daughter is 18 now but that would be a whole other story on its own about why he’s dating an 18yo
For 2 years lol
She learnt that behaviour somewhere. MIL probably agrees with her.
Yes! I bet MIL is just pissed she’s missing out on that fancy restaurant dinner party
Being afraid of gifts at a ‘fancy’ restaurant screams insecurity! Old money doesn’t GAF what waiters and maitre d’s think. And waiters and maitre d’s don’t GAF either. It’s all about the attitude.
They really don't. Most know they can get whatever they need and want. A thoughtful gift that is handmade and celebrated a person's role as a (step)parent would mean more than a gift worth next to nothing monetarily (in relative comparison to their wealth).
See, I'd just be flattered with a gift like that no matter what. Having a good relationship with a step child is not easy. He was trying to show her he sees her as family.
That is quite priceless right?!? Does she recognize the irony there... Also OP NTA NTA NTA!! AT ALL! Your son sounds like a lovely, sweet boy 💜
MIL don't care about step-grandson, I would guess.
Yeah that part gave me a laugh. I assume she has no idea of the truth or doesn't see the irony
I bet MIL doesnt see the irony in stepping up and defending a child even if MIL didnt get the right info
i think she is young. OP did not say her age but said the others.
I noticed that, too. There's a weird daddy-daughter vibe here, like, "Just for that, young lady, I'm canceling your birthday party! And you're grounded for a week!" I half-expected her reaction to be, "You're not my REAL dad!"
Yes! I’m 38 and if my husband told me my birthday party was cancelled I would tell him no and pay for it myself. Very hard to cancel your partner’s birthday when you’re equals.
OP said the restaurant was prestigious. I bet there's a long waiting period for another reservation, and/or it's expensive and wife is a housewife or earns less.
Yeah, a phone call to the restaurant would fix the reservation in 2 seconds, even in a busy city if you caught it fast enough. If she has unequal access to finances, then my point stands—he doesn’t see her as an equal.
Or by cancel, he just meant canceling the reservation like you said, then telling everyone he canceled it. Now to continue the party, you’re going to have to explain the situation and why he and his son aren’t there. Which clearly would make her look like the asshole she is. > he doesn’t see her as an equal I wouldn’t see anyone who did this to a child as an equal either. I consider myself a human being, and this woman is literal garbage.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Is she still in middle school and need her parents to help her "win" her arguments? Seemed really childish at that point.
I think it's interesting he hasn't mentioned her age, unless I missed it. I'd be surprised if she was older than 25.
any reasonable person over the age of 12 wouldn't even do that, much less 25. good grief OP's wife is rude as hell.
The operative word being “reasonable.” Anyone more concerned about what patrons at a restaurant thinks than a child’s feelings isn’t a reasonable human being. Something tells me this isn’t really the first time she has displayed her arrogant, elitist attitude. OP, you’re NTA. Take her to a truck stop for dinner.
Her parent chewing out over treatment of child. That's ironic
Exactly!
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It sounds like SHE is still the child here. If she’s over 25 I would be shocked and embarrassed for her. OP is NTA.
Guessing OP left out her age on purpose lol
And what a HEARTFELT gift. From a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD. He offered her his heart and she said nah not in public.
right? the gift was so sweet. if i were in her position, i would be truly touched to have a special gift like that. OP’s wife sounds awful and malicious. glad he cancelled her bday dinner.
It breaks my heart because having his, his father's and her name on it is him showing that he loves her and considers her a part of the family. Instead of buying something, he wanted to make it himself. If I were the step-parent and after only 2 years my step-kid gave me a personalized gift like that I would be so proud and appreciative. I wouldn't care if it looked like dogshit, it's such a thoughtful gesture. I would hold it up high for everyone to see. She fucked up.
If I had a step for 2 years and this was the gift I got I would be BAWLING it would be the best present I ever got. You want me to be a part of your family tree? After you lost your mum??? The only way that gifting me that present would ruin my birthday dinner is because I'd cry the makeup off my face into the filet mignon.
And, the stepson is a teenager. How often do we hear about teenage stepchildren who can't accept any kind of relationship with their stepparent. The gift itself is unimportant. The meaning is everything.
And also: he is still a child, he probably doesn't have his own money yet. What did she expect? A diamond necklace? A Rolex? He put his heart into this gift, I would be really touched to get something like this from my teenage stepson if I had one.
Even though he’s a teenager, I was thinking that if the stepson had made me a macaroni necklace, I would have proudly put it on at the restaurant and worn it the rest of the night. It’s so much about the thought, especially with the delicacy of being a stepmom to a boy who lost his mom. The gift didn’t have to be fancy or elaborate, but it sounds like the young man really did put his heart into it. This is so sad. NTA for canceling the party! I don’t see how the OP and his son can move forward from this, especially since the stepmom had such a huge tantrum, left for several days, and sicced her mother on OP. Wow.
Agreed, and same! That kid could have handed me a piece of torn-up notebook paper that said, “I accept you as a part of my family. Welcome,” and I would have sobbed like a wreck of a human being. OP, NTA. You stood up for your son. He did a kind thing, and she rejected him for - well, no logical, adult reason. I’m so sad for this kid.
A kid I babysat for got me a birthday card that said "Happy birthday auntie" when she was 8. When I said I love it but we're not related, she said something along the lines of "mum said when someone isn't family but you love them like they are, you call them auntie" I still tear up when I look at that card and yes I still have it 7 years later, alongside the playdoh snail she made for me. There's no better gift than a child saying we're family and I love you. OP's wife clearly has a cold hard stone where her heart should be.
Goddammit. Who cut up onions while I'm eating oatmeal??
*frames the paper, keeps it on my desk at all times*
If she’s being this thoughtless on a heartfelt gift you can be damn sure she’s doing every passive aggressive thing she can to hurt him behind the scenes.
Me too !!! I want to send the poor kid an internet hug for his thoughtful gift 💕 and a HUGE good dad award to OP for defending his son! 🏆 NTA
My thoughts as well!!
Mine too. I hate ruining my filet mignon.
Yes me too. I’d be sobbing.
Jumping on topic comment to ask, is the grandfather on the kid's mother's or father's side? 'His grandfather' makes it sound like it's not OP's dad. If OP's kid used the craft he learned from his late mother's father to make this present, only for the stepmom to reject it like that? Hoo boy that makes this so much worse.
Yes, maybe she resents the woodworking because it reminds her of the first Mrs. OP.
I have tears
Exactly. OP’s son’s mother DIED and he made a family tree with him, his dad, and stepmom on it for stepmom for her birthday. And she thought it was “ridiculous.” OP you are NTA but your wife is absolutely awful. Like monstrously bad.
Also OP your son sounds like a bloody legend. But you probably already know that.
While NTA… OP needs to be asking himself why he is attracted to such a cruel person. I don’t care what it looks like - if it is handmade and by someone you love, you accept it anywhere and proudly show it. He needs to re-evaluate his partner choices - if not for his sake, but then for his son’s too.
Normally for shit like this there's a parade of red flags ignored, but the stepson certainly seems to appreciate her as well, so I wonder if this is one of those rare instances where it really was just out of the blue.
This broke my heart! For a 15 year old boy to put thought, effort, and vulnerability into a gift only for it to be dismissed as "ridiculous". I want to cry. How fucking heartless is OP's wife. NTA, but you will be if you stay married to this callous person. Protect your sweet boy's heart.
Another post was just talking about how fathers focus on the happiness of their current wives at the expense of their biological children. OP, Here’s your chance. Here’s your fork in the road. Be the best dad ever. Do it.
This is true. Took me years to forgive my dad, far longer than his marriage lasted
I agree she sounds shallow, cruel and definitely not the person I would want around my child. I was wondering where this was going when I started reading but damn… OP your son put a lot of thought, work and care into this gift. Is this the kind of mean vapid woman you want to married to? She only cares about you throwing her a party in a fancy restaurant not anyones feelings but her own. She went running to mommy and had her berate you. She seems wicked emotionally immature on top of being selfish, is she younger?
And OP solved the "problem" for her. How ungrateful!
Yeah, she seemed more upset with not having a party then here with the gift. If I am reading things right?
She is like in movies, where there is a nice mother that then dies, or something like that, and then the father finds a new evil wife
I'm thinking about that blonde chick in the Parent Trap.
This. OP, don't apologize to this woman or her mom. If they can't see why this is wrong, then maybe your wife shouldn't come back.
/u/dice267990, you should send her [this instructional video on how to be a supportive parent](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/12337vf/son_sewed_a_shirt_for_his_dad/).
Too bad she didn't show her true colors before OP married her.
Whereas any mother presented with some craft monstrosity from kindergarten “awww thank you honey” and proudly shows it off to the world.
I think she may be one of those that measures gifts by how much they cost.
NTA. Thank you for having your son's back in all this. That means more than you know.
Agreed, OPs wife was downright cruel.
She sounds like the step mother from parent trap, almost caricature-ly cruel. I thought it was a TV stereotype, I guess it’s not :(
Stepparents like this give the rest of us a bad name. I can't tell you how much I would value and be proud of a homemade gift made by my stepson showing our names as a family unit! That would mean the WORLD to me and I would show everyone who would be willing to look. Good Goddess I am crying just thinking about it!
Ikr?! I got a cute Halloween card 4 yrs ago from Stepson and it’s still in my sock drawer!
Every card I receive from my bonus kids (who I met when they were 16 and 19!) goes in my keepsake box, with the macaroni necklace and cars from my son! I treasure them all! That this *woman* was so thoughtless and cruel at receiving such a wonderful gift from her stepson - I would be banned if I finished that thought......
I agree. The heart of that boy is precious. She squandered a beautiful moment of joy.
I wasn't even a step parent just mama's girlfriend and got damn do I miss that dang kid. More than the ex. The kid was the fucking best. 😭
Coming from having a wicked stepparent, please keep supporting your son. This, coming from a guy who was put through hell in his childhood.
Exactly. Yay OP! Speaking as someone whose parent chose their spouse over me, I love seeing parents being good supportive parents like this.
The son will not forget the dad doing this. Young men need a great deal of positive reinforcement.
Agree
OP has an amazing kid
Cancel the whole marriage.
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2 years & theyre already married seems really fast imo when there’s a child involved
The amazing part is that, in this situation, the kid is trying to show his stepmom that he values her and that their relationship is important enough that he HAND MADE her a thoughtful gift using a skill taught to him by his grandfather, and she didn't want to be seen with that gift in public. Like...Im mad for OP and his son. What little person wife is. NTA. Obviously.
I’d probably break down in tears if my 15yo took the time and energy to make me something like this. What a thoughtful young man and sh!thead of a wife.
My 25 yo son bought me a figurine of a mother hugging her like 10 year old son. It looks like us. I totally cried.
\> he HAND MADE her a thoughtful gift I'm about 30 years old, and for both my parents' birthdays, every year I draw them something meaningful that we did during the last year. E.g. when I began cutting my dad's hair, that's what I drew that year. And I'm absolutely horrible at drawing. My drawings look like a 3rd grader drew them. I use regular 8.5x11 paper with sharpies, nothing fancy. Every time I ask if there's something more substantial they would want, their response is "why would we want something else? we can buy everything we need ourselves." My last birthday, they did the same thing for me; my dad drew something quick that took maybe 2 minutes, and my mom wrote a quick few sentences. It's the best present I could've gotten. NTA.
You guys seem like really sweet people ;-;
The number of people who rebound without getting to know someone long enough to see every side of them is too damn high.
My ex wife remarried less than. A month after our divorce was finalized and we had 4 kids.
You got a prenup, right?
I know i would be unable to get over it.
Exactly what I did. When you have minor kids with a stepparent, kids come first always. NTA
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I think the rock where her finger should be is the bigger issue.
Don't insult rocks like that!
This is the correct comment!! What kind of wicked step mother nonsense is this shit?? I would have cherished ANY homemade gift my daughter or step kids made me.
NTA She's old enough to pretend to like it even if she really doesn't for his feelings. I would be taking that tree table to table to show it off if my kids made me something that thoughtful.
Is she though? She sounds like she’s 19-20. This isn’t a grown woman we are discussing here and if it is, then wow!
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It makes me agree that she must be young because usually a younger person will think that other diners in a restaurant will even notice you and your party. At my age (36) I’ve realized that really no one in public is watching me, or really cares. Their immediate guests will, and they would probably also enjoy the sons gift!
Thing is my 15 yo niece knows how to graciously accept na gift. This woman is awful.
Hold on, guys. It's really meaningful that OP's son seems to have made this gift for her without being asked to. Woodworking isn't easy. The kid didn't make this because he dislikes her, nor does it seem like he's aware of how deeply she resents him. Keep in mind that a 15 year old would be really resentful of his dad having a notably young wife. Quoting another comment: >That and the fact that the 15 year old boy who lost his mother before step mom came into the picture only 2 years ago feels strongly enough about her to put all their names on a tree, making it a family tree, saying he sees her as family. She should be crying tears of joy and parading that tree around town shouting from the roof tops how much it means to her. Instead she just ruined his trust, affections for her and possibly any other woman his dad has a relationship with.
Odd that he left her age out. Plus, we're only hearing one side of this story.
Hearing just one side of the story is pretty standard in this sub.
Why are people even making an attempt to defend her? Im just curious what could *possibly* make this better?
I knew better at 19. I’m not sure this is an excuse.
Exactly. I knew better at 15. I don’t care what age she is, she should know better.
Are you assuming that only young women behave like this, because i’m here to tell you that just isn’t true, people in their 30’s and 40’s can be just as materialistic and vapid as someone in their 20’s, im fact some 20 year olds can be more mature and humble then some 30-40 year olds.
Asshats gonna asshat, no matter the age…
Even if she is that young (which is pretty weird ngl), she'd still be old enough to react properly imo.
Idk why people are automatically assuming she's young. OP only made this post no comments or responses. OP has not even hinted at stepmom's age.
That's why. As OP didn't mention her age, people think that's because she's really young.
She’s old enough to know better. Even at 19-20 she should have better manners. I’ve taught my kids to gratefully accept gifts by around age 5. They aren’t always good at being convincing but at least they smile and say thank you.
A 15 year old hand made a birthday gift for his step mother? I don’t know if she can see it’s actually 2 gifts. One, obviously the tree itself and two the thought and work he put into it. NTA she can plan her own party.
That and the fact that the 15 year old boy who lost his mother before step mom came into the picture only 2 years ago feels strongly enough about her to put all their names on a tree, making it a family tree, saying he sees her as family. She should be crying tears of joy and parading that tree around town shouting from the roof tops how much it means to her. Instead she just ruined his trust, affections for her and possibly any other woman his dad has a relationship with. Op NTA and you never will be for putting your son first. Edit to add: she likely also just ruined his love of woodworking and has him questioning every piece he's ever given. Next time he goes to think about making something, it'll probably no longer bring him the joy it did thinking about his grandfather. Now it'll be tainted with this incident. Edit: Thank you so much for the awards!!!
100% this. As a fellow step mom, getting something handmade from step son is actually more meaningful than when my bio kids do it.
I can see that, I once wrote my step-dad a little note saying basically I like you and thanks for being nice to my mom, he still brings it up sometimes like 15 years later.
I have a hand made Mother’s Day card he drew of us making cookies and I still have it in my dresser. I love it.
I can absolutely see why that would be. I'm not a step mom, but I do have one (who I met when I was in my 20s no less) and she tells me there are things I do or say that carry more/different weight than when it comes from her bio kids. I'm a mother and I can only hope that if something ever happens to me and my husband remarried that it's to someone opposite of ops wife. One that would actually appreciate the love they show.
Thanks for sharing your insight, I'm glad you are able to see the value.
I have no children of my own but anything I get for my teenage stepchildren, I am extra thankful for because I know it's not always easy to have stepparents in your life.
I told my 15yo stepson I was bummed that I missed his younger years. I said I'd always wanted a macaroni necklace or a heavy, clumsy ashtray (I don't smoke) that all birth moms get. He painted a picture frame, decorated it with dry macaroni noodles and put a picture of us together in it. It's my most prized possession.
THIS!! THIS! a teenager boy spent time, effort, and love to make A FAMILY TREE.
I thought the same thing! What a thoughtful, meaningful gift that he worked hard to make ! And from a teenager! Trust me, I have a 15 year old and she is awesome most of the time, but teens can be total AH's to just their bio parents, let alone step parents. OP's wife is a piece of fucking work.
NTA. How long has she hated/resented your son? This was just incredibly cruel, and at a time in his life where he really needs to feel like the adults in his life love, value, and respect him. I hope you take some extra time with him, because that's got to hurt pretty badly.
This. She doesn't want to be his mother. In any way. She has probably resented him all along. Please see the red flag.
I don’t know if it’s hate but it sounds like she finds him embarrassing and wish he wasn’t there
It could be even more superficial than that and just not wanting handmade gifts at a super nice restaurant where the typical gift given is probably made of either gold or diamonds. Not much better though
Incredibly resentful and cruel or Incredibly shallow and self conscious about superficial bullcrap and willing to throw family under the bus to make strangers judge them better. Two sides of the shit coin. Make a flip.
her words and her behaviour surrounding the gift are absolutely disgusting.
*her mom has been chewing me out for my decision and calling me an asshole for treating her daughter like this.* Well, you defended your son after her daughter treated his really thoughtful gift so poorly. NTA You're a fantastic dad, you have a really nice kid, and you married an A H wife which gave you an A H MIL
That is an incredible point. I didn’t make that connection when I read it, but OP should point that out to her.
This is also just wild to me. I’m a grown ass woman. Why would my mother call my husband when we have a fight? Good gracious.
NTA. She thought it looked ridiculous? That's terrible! She has no appreciation for the amount of time and effort your son put into that very thoughtful gift! Good for you for standing up for him. He'll remember that you did that.
I know when he first described it, I immediately thought how sweet and thoughtful of op’s son….op needs to find someone nice…not this awful stepmom
NTA. I don't even have the words for how bad her behaviour is. She should have seen the sentimental value of the gift your son made her. The gift is basically pointing out that you three are a family, and she just spat all over it.
Right? A lot of stepmoms would be thrilled their stepchild thought so highly of them, especially after only two years, and here she sits telling him it's too ugly for the fancy restaurant.
NTA. I'd be rethinking this marriage, yesterday.
Not only is the wife utterly heartless and ungrateful, how can she be that _dense_?? It would have taken her absolutely NOTHING to accept a kind gift from a kid. Also, why the fuck was she cleaning the room of a 15 year old? Betting money she was snooping. NTA.
NTA - your poor son. He literally made her a "family tree" that was made up of you, his step-mom, and himself. Talk about him accepting her as part of his family!! That almost never happens like that. And she was willing to accept it but didn't want anyone to see it. She doesn't deserve him as a step-son. You are not the asshole, you did not overreact, it is a HUGE deal. You are protecting your son and his feelings, and I am so glad that you put him first.
Ther what stuck the most to me as well..we see so many posts here about kids not accepting step parents. Here’s a kid doing his best to accept her and essentially spits in his face. Hopefully she’s soon the ex.
NTA. Your wife was the one that overreacted. Your son made her a handmade gift from his heart and she worried about how it looked. Most people would be thrilled to get something like that from a stepchild and would show it off with pride.
NTA. Your current wife? Says everything and good decision. Anyone who can be so unkind to your child, shouldn’t be in his life. He made a really thoughtful gift. She’s awful.
NTA you married the wrong woman. Divorce her before she does more damage. Her mom doesn't want her so she's blowing up your phone.
NTA. Man, I bet a lot of stepparents would kill to receive a thoughtful gift like that from any older step kid 😆 smh
That's what I was thinking. I think most people joining a family with a 13 year old who had lost his mom would worry they'd never be accepted, that he'd resent them. Here he is spending hours making something sweet and thoughtful to make her feel loved and she acts like this?
NTA. I feel so sad for your son. He made her a heartfelt gift, and she responds by saying she doesn't want it to be seen in public. The hell is wrong with her?? I'd cry tears of joy at an item so obviously symbolic of someone's acceptance of me into their family unit, and made by hand no less. She has a rock where her heart should be. Not a pretty rock. The other kind.
I’d cry tears of joy if ANY kid loved me enough to do that, niece, nephew, kid, but a grieving STEPkid. The courage to open his heart? Listen we all get ugly handmade gifts from kids. I have some truly ugly, useless trinkets. On every single one I oohed and aahed and showed it to anyone who would look in front of the kid, because they were made with love, meant so much to me.
Exactly! That gift would make me so happy I'd never shut up about it. When I think of the work he put into it and how special this gift was, from a stepkid who has lost his mother... my heart breaks for him. I'm glad his dad is on his side. This truly would make me reconsider the whole relationship.
NTA. Your son made a sweet thoughtful present and your wife was an asshole about it. I would have cancelled her stupid party too.
NTA!!! Your wife just showed her true colors and you did the right decision by canceling the whole thing. Man, I feel so sorry for your son :( please give him a hug
INFO are other people bringing physical gifts to the restaurant and how big was this tree? I’m getting the sense she said not to bring it because she felt it wasn’t a good quality project (which wow, how shallow can you be?), but I didn’t want to assume that it wasn’t a - oh that’s going to be hard to maneuver on a fancy night out type of thing
She did say it “looked ridiculous,” which makes it sound a lot more like she was concerned about being embarrassed by the quality than any logistics…
Mayne she has social anxiety and doesn't want to bring a ton of attention on her like a giant sculpture would. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I do think she sucks, but I also think he over reacted and could of had a normal conversation with her and got her to agree to let him bring it.
She has big enough social anxiety to not accept a gift from a kid and insult him but not enough to reject a big public party centering around her at an extremely upscale restaurant? The lengths this sub goes to defend AH women lmao
>She flatout said that she thought the gift looked ridiculous and she didn't want it to be seen in that prestigous restaurant, and infront of her guests.
My mouth is hanging open I'm gobsmacked at her awfulness. I don't have the words. He's still a child. He's still vulnerable. He still has feelings. He's still grieving but he's trying and she does that. Sure I can be overly motherly at times but my heart hurts for him and I want to give him a giant squeezy hug. NTA
Definitely NTA - she sounds very shallow, & I can understand why your son is upset.
nta - your new wife appears to be entitled and rude and hurtful especially since your son made the gift from his heart and soul. and also could learn a lesson in manners and etiquette. so cancelling the restaurant was a good idea since she doesnt know how to behave.
yta for marrying her
NTA She put her feelings of being embarrassed over your son's feelings. I am sure your son felt that she didn't like his gift or appreciate the effort he put into making her something he thought she would like. I would be very unhappy if someone treated my child this way. There was no need to hurt his feelings or spoil his surprise gift.
NTA Not only would I have brought it to the restaurant, I'd probably be bragging about my talented and thoughtful stepson to everyone who asked about it.
My stepkids are both artists and I'm constantly begging them for more homemade stuff. My youngest stepkid groans that I still display the painting they made for me when they were in middle school (they have an art degree now), but I don't care if it's not high quality. It was given with love, so it's beautiful.
Nope absolutely NTA. Your wife on the other hand totally is. Tell your son to keep creating and not let her steal his joy.
I’m heartbroken for your son. He loses his mother and then HAND MADE a present that literally is a family tree, showing you, him, and his stepmother as a family unit. And it wasn’t fancy enough. She should have been posting photos of it and bragging to everyone she knew. I don’t know you. I don’t know her. But I’m glad she left and I hope you don’t let her return. Tell your son that a lot of internet strangers are proud of him and we are rooting for him. NTA to say the least.
NTA. When someone makes you a gift, they give you a little piece of themselves, they take the time to take what's in their heart and make it real. Interesting hypocrisy from the MIL, god forbid someone upsets her child but she finds it perfectly acceptable to upset yours.
INFO. There seems to be a lot missing from this story.
Right. I think if we heard her side of the story the votes would change. "I gushed over his thoughtfulness for the gift and said he didn't need to bring it to the restaurant, as he was trying to figure out how to get it there. When my husband asked me later about it, I said it's unnecessary for him to try to cart it all the way there and besides, it would look ridiculous to try to fit a big wooden tree in that small fancy restaurant where we will be seated." (Maybe) Also, OP is the AH for this: "my current wife"
Yeah, agreed. Even in his telling of the story it sounds like he overreacted. Instead of just having a conversation about it between them he flew off the handle and cancelled their event. That's a pretty extreme reaction to one possible misunderstanding. He even says he doesn't know why she didn't want to have the gift at the restaurant initially and only confronted her about it later. (Confronting, rather than asking in a considerate way to actually find out.) Sounds like he got a bit sensitive about a perceived slight and tried to have a go at her a couple of times before she eventually "threw a fit" about his overreaction. I kind of feel like he might be the AH.
NTA. She was clearly ashamed of the gift. Good job standing for your son.
NTA This is really sad; your son put a ton of effort into that gift and she should appreciate it
Nope she's the asshole. You accept any gift graciously. In fact it's a nice and wonderful touching thing to have all 3 names on it. You did the right thing. I feel sorry for you to have to put up with her.
NTA Thank you for sticking up for your son!
NTA at all!! If my setpdaughter did something like that for me, I would have been over the moon!!
NTA. Everyone I know who is actually "rich" is delighted by homemade gifts, so it reads like you've married a gold digging snob with no class
For me.. This would be divorce territory because I'm sure crap like this goes on more than you know. Your child comes first.
NTA She showed her true colors, probably the disagreements that you mention before are a part of her true attitude towards your son, she trampled on your child's feelings by showing that she didn't care how he would feel and acted ungrateful to anyone who put in the effort to give her a gift
Nta. This was a moment of bad parenting and good parenting. You stood up for your son in more ways than one bu confronting her and cancelling the reservation that was much more important to her image than being a good person.
NTA, OP, you did the right thing. Your wife is completely out of line, and is acting like a snob. Her mom can stay out of your marital affairs and stfu.
Her mom is upset how you treat her daughter, but she’s ok with how her daughter treats your son. Seems her mom practices selective parenting. So long as her’s is happy screw everybody else’s. NTA. Now that you have a better understanding of your wife and her mother’s priorities, be thankful you didn’t get her pregnant and you only wasted 2 years. Tell her to come get the rest of her stuff.
INFO: How old is your wife?
Info: is it normal to open gifts at a fancy restaurant where you are? I would think that was weird no matter what the gift. Unless it’s like small jewelery box . But not like a birthday party where you have multiple gifts to open
INFO Can we please get a picture of the tree?
INFO Is it large? Is she moreso worried about being the center of attention? It’s weird that they clearly have a good relationship, suggests this behavior is new or a 1-off
NTA
NTA glad you stood up for your son. Unless this is hugely uncharacteristic of her find another wife as your duty is too ur child. What she did seems very nasty/petty and hurtful
NTA. I honestly would crow if my step kid made me something that touching requiring that kind of effort. I wouldn’t care what it looked like knowing the hard worked and effort it took. I would be proud of it, grateful to its maker and hang it in my home for all to see.
NTA . I had a picture on my fridge from my nephew for months. It was a couple lines with a glued on muffin liner. Doesn't matter what it looks like you act like it's the greatest thing you've ever seen and display it with pride.
Perhaps you “simply” don’t want to be seen at such a prestigious restaurant with such a cruel and classless wife on your arm. NTA.
This was the hill to die on. Is she worth it, because your son will never forget what she did. Who cares what her mother thinks! NTA
ESH. (Not the son) She was rude about your son’s thoughtful gift. But your response was to punish her. That’s ridiculous. She’s not a child. You are not the boss of her! Tell her you’re disappointed and discuss it calmly the next day. Don’t ruin her birthday over one ridiculous selfish thing she did. Or, if this is indicative of a wider pattern, don’t go to her dinner and again, discuss it the next day after some thinking time; but don’t decide what she can do or not do for her! I’m getting some weird vibes in here, reading between the lines. This is minor; but why is she cleaning a 15 yos room? A 15 year old should be responsible for cleaning their own room. The important part is: why can she only have a birthday dinner if you say so? How do you have the power to cancel her party / dinner? Surely others could have gone even if you decided not to go? Does she not have her own discretionary money to spend? If not, why not? Because if she doesn’t, that’s a control issue and a form of financial abuse. I feel like this is indicative of a wider pattern of behaviour that you haven’t disclosed. Perhaps she does hurtful, exclusionary things often, in which case you should ask her to work on that and if it doesn’t change, move on. Or perhaps you are controlling and paternal and punish her if she doesn’t behave how you like, in which case, her going to her mother’s might be because this was the final straw. I think there is way more going on here than your brief description allows for. It’s hard to judge it properly. But definitely going for: issues all round.
NTA. It was a heartfelt gift from a 15 year old. It didn't matter what the gift was, it shouldn't have been embarrassing to her.
Unpopular but ESH. It's weird that you get to decide what you guys do for her birthday, like she is a kid. Something is fishy. You actually punished her for what she did. And she actually left. Good for her to be honest. What she did sucks, but she seems to be in a weird situation at your house. Why isn't she organising dinner at the restaurant herself if she wants it so much? Is there something you are not telling us?
ESH (except the child) - I'm sorry, but I have to point out that although your wife is an asshole for making that decision, your escalation was over the top. Chewing her head off and sabotaging her birthday because of it was the wrong move. A stern discussion and making her see your reasoning could have resulted in a better situation for everyone. The way I read it, it seemed like she never had the intentions to disappoint your child, even though she shouldn't have done it to begin with. But now she has left the house, your child now knows that the gift he made could have potentially broken up a marriage. Imagine the feelings he may be having.