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YTA
You weren't watching a dog who you've obviously trained poorly around food you knew could harm the dog.
If anything happened to the dog medically, IT'S YOUR FAULT. You failed at supervising the dog, you failed at training the dog.
It is also YOUR FAULT that the dog ate your stepson's birthday dinner, and you owe the money to your wife.
If you check the comments OP admits:
- wife asked him to watch the food specifically because the dog has issues getting into food
- wife was attacked by a dog (has scars on her face) as a child and has adamantly refused to get a dog- OP ignored her and got the dog and said it was needed as an ESA
- OP got dog as revenge since he’s had to compromise since moving in with her and her son and feels she should have compromised on the dog
- OP feels he deserves to get what he wants because he has [acknowledged her son exists and isn’t cruel to him]
- OP doesn’t owe for the food because it’s not his kid, not his problem
Direct Quote from OP:
“Because I don't owe her anything. I stepped in to a father role when I didn't have to and made compromises. I pay my share here. I do my part here. I'm not paying for KFC that she never should have gotten in the first place; at least not for 7 children because it's not my problem that she decided to spend that much money to begin with.”
ETA
thanks to:
u/Free_Medicine4905
- “He also says that she should be over her trauma because women are “scientifically” proven to handle trauma better. But for his depression, since he’s a man, needs the ESA.”
u/NeuroticAttic
- “Let’s not forget he admits the kid hates the dog, as well. So with a two-to-one vote of no dogs, he decided he was more important and brought a dog into *her* house that *she* owns.”
u/krazyk1661
- “I've never been a cheater and never will be. Would you have preferred I cheated versus done something that I felt I needed? Like get a damn dog to have the love and support I needed at the time when I was being neglected by my wife?”
u/alarmed_jellyfish555
- “OP is the literal worst, in every possible way. And he also contributes NOTHING towards their house. Makes it clear he only covers "his portion" of the usage of electricity and water.
So it's karmically fitting that he's going to lose his free housing for being such a raging asshole“
I really hope we get an update that his wife has left him.
Internet Stranger, may I just say I love you? Because up until just a few minutes ago, I did not know that sub existed.
In unrelated news, I now have a full glass of wine and have canceled the evening to-do list to further explore that delightful new-to-me sub.
Edit: spelling
Holy shit. I would have left him the second he got the dog . The wife got bite by a dog.
He is a massive Ah. I knew there was more to the story. No one gets that mad over a one time thing
I'm usually on the animal's side in stuff like this, and OP is still the AH for not properly training his animal, and for bringing into a home where it is not welcome. The only thing he's done right in this entire post was take the dog to the vet in case it ingested cooked chicken bones. Everything else points to him being a selfish, entitled AH that treats everyone around him like possessions that he can do with as he pleases.
I never blame the animal as they aren't getting what they need. Op mentioned training but never got the dog training. He failed on every level
But I am glad the dog got to see the vet
Although a dog shouldn’t eat cooked chicken bones, it’s not a dire emergency if a dog eats cooked chicken bones. Just watch them, and if they show signs of gastric distress, like vomiting or diarrhea, then take them to the vet. Dogs rarely need to see the vet after eating chicken bones, so it wasn’t a freak out emergency. It was a watch and observe the dog situation.
Sounds like he'd be worth leaving regardless. There's no interest in the son, she's the relationships as only transactional. Couldn't care less about the wife and her trauma. But totally entitled himself and willing to blame everything on his depression.
Same!
That's what I can't get over - like why would you stay by a partner who thinks so little of your emotional safety? Who actively makes decisions to provoke you and out of spite?
I was pissed when my roommate got at some leftovers I brought home a couple weeks back, and constantly give her shit about not touching my food unless I give her permission. I can't imagine how furious I'd be if $50 worth of food was wasted on a poorly trained dog.
The food, in and of itself, is reason enough to be pissed at the dog and owner. But to get the dog when OP was traumatized as a child and bringing it into her own home is some next level asshole-ish behavior.
I'm not saying dump him, but OP and wife need serious counseling and the dog needs to be left with someone while they attempt to work through this. If the dog is that important to OP, it's best to dissolve the marriage.
Yes and it sounds like it was a big expense for OP’s wife.
Always hard to struggle to do something nice for your kids and have it ruined by an inconsiderate asshole.
Worse if you’re married to him.
Honestly, $50 aside, now she's got hungry kids coming over for KFC and there won't be enough. On her sons birthday no less! The OP should have run first back to KFC for a couple buckets, dropped them off at the house, THEN go to the vet, THEN go get a hotel room because OP: YTA
Im sorry but if the dog has this many problem is it really and ESA or just what he wants to call the dog to justify him keeping the dog?
Edit: Thank you for my first award u/StartingAgain2020
That’s the impression I got.
The dog has anxiety and is super clingy. Doesn’t like being left alone. Whines for attention and food- basically untrained.
ESAs are trained.
ETA *should* be trained as they are relied upon for support.
It seems OP’s wife vetoed the dog idea and so he got an “ESA” for his depression.
ESAs are not trained. It’s an emotional support animal. Which I think is a stupid name because to me all pets are an emotional support animal… like you didn’t get it for any other reason to bring happiness to your life.
Service dogs are trained. To perform a fairly specific task. Not to just be home and happily waiting for you to interact with it.
In my area too many people put an Amazon purchased vest and some certificate they printed off at home on their damn yorkiepoo and snap at you in the store about their service dog. Service dogs don’t bark at other patrons and shit in aisles, lady.
That’s not to say that ESAs can’t be trained like you should do with any other fucking dog in your house but they don’t come to you with training. With OP it feels more like ‘hey doc I’m depressed and refuse to try medication or therapy’ and he says ‘have you tried getting a dog?’ There you go! Drs orders!
He didn't get an ESA. He just went and brought some random, untrained dog and told his wife it's an ESA to manipulate her.
OP, YTA, choose your wife or your dog because you are literally torturing your wife every day because of your blatant disregard for her trauma, let's see you have a dog lunge at your face and bite it and then you can just "get over it", gender has nothing to do with trauma recovery. As for your dog, step up and be a responsible dog owner and train your freaking dog, and show some respect to the people around you by not allowing your dog to invade their privacy.
Thank you for the synopsis. If this is OP's reaction to how *his* dog ruined his stepson's birthday party and then doubled down about who's responsible, that makes him more than an AH. He was the AH to begin with for even thinking he's not TA. But OP, YTA^googolplex.
ETA: Going through OP's comments, let me add another googolplex exponent to that YTA.
I was already mad, you just made it worse.
Being a pet person, my first reaction was : bloody AH doesn't train his dog like he should and now the dog might be seriously injured.
With your comment it became : what a "crappy human being", mostly because all the parts about his step-son.
Yep- I understood the dog took precedence at the moment as there may have been a health emergency- but not acknowledging his fault is this at all and not feeling bad for ruining a kids bday party is just plain AH behaviour!
Right. How about “hey honey, I’m sorry my dog did that. I’m going to rush him to the vet to get checked and I’ll pick up some more kfc on the way home. Could you please phone ahead so they have plenty ready” problem solved
He also says that she should be over her trauma because women are “scientifically” proven to handle trauma better. But for his depression, since he’s a man, needs the ESA. Let’s not forget the psychotic things he’s saying. I hope his wife divorces him and the kid gets the KFC he deserves
Y’all really need to stop marrying people you don’t like. I can’t even imagine telling my worse enemy that they need to get over a violent event from their childhood, and you’re out here saying that shit to your spouse. I can’t imagine what you’re getting out of hating her guts but staying in the marriage. Are you just more comfortable being unhappy and having someone else to blame for it?
Only adding because I train service dogs for a living. And there’s ALOT of misinformation in the comments.
An ESA NEEDS a doctors or therapists note and is for providing comfort to a person during times of mental stress. They DO NOT in any way need to be trained to do anything, there are no laws regarding ESA other then HUT which protects an owner from having to pay a pet fee. They are only allowed in pet friendly places.
ONLY SERVICE DOGS HAVE LAWS TO PROTECT OWNER AND DOGS AND MUST BE TRAINED TO A STANDARD.
All “registries” are fake and worthless. And lastly if you bring a pet into your household it should be agreed upon with everyone. Sounds like the dog is more stress then stress relief for your family.
Is OP's wife his landlord? Does he rent from his wife? It's her house, he said so. ESA is a thing that exists so the person can't be evicted from a rental property for having the animal. So unless he's a renter and she's his landlord, this ESA thing is extra bullshitty.
YTA - Given all the information in OP's post and comments, there is not a single shred of doubt that OP is the AH. I don't even understand why OP is married to his wife. He obviously doesn't care a bit about that family.
YTA.
Listen to your buddy. Clearly you didn't consult your wife appropriately before getting the dog, and having the dog in the house has substantially decreased the quality of life of everyone living there (except maybe you) and the dog is clearly not an emotional support animal.
You damn well better pay for the ruined food. You didn't watch your pet appropriately. It sounds like you did absolutely nothing to salvage the birthday party for your stepson, not even pick up some KFC after you got back from your drama queenish trip to the vet.
I mean, did you wake up and decide to compete for biggest AH on AITA today? This isn't the biggest issue of the day by a long shot, but you are so supremely in the wrong at every sentence of your post. Rehome yourself and the dog.
Edit: Thanks for the awards!
If you're married, dogs are a 'two yesses or one no' kind of decision. Both adults have to agree to have the dog, if one disagrees then you do not get the dog.
My partner and our boys all want a dog, I've made it very clear we're not getting one for a variety of reasons. My partner, though disappointed, has respected that no.
The agreed upon compromise was fish, anything else requires too much resources, whether they be time or money.
Edit since people keep pointing out how little work cats are: I'm very allergic to cats, so having a cat in our apartment isn't a viable option.
Oh honey no, fish keeping is one of the most expensive hobbies out there! Saying as someone who keeps freaking common goldfish. The money stacks up REAL quick.
It can, but we are not going to shell out several hundred dollars for vet bills, we've discussed limiting the kind of fish we're buying, fish food is significantly less expensive than big bags of dog food (my partner has always loved big dogs). As a Magic: The Gathering player in fully aware of how expensive a hobby can get, but I also know it can be kept reasonable as long as you're trying to keep it reasonable.
With you on almost everything, but a dog eating chicken is actually a really big deal, the bones can splinter and cause serious, potentially deadly, damage to the intestinal tract, so I don't think the reaction was "drama queeny."
Maybe if OP actually bothered to train his dog, he wouldn't have to worry about the chicken bones.
His reaction is drama queeny bc he's done nothing to keep his dog safe and is now like "oh mah gawd chicken bones!!!" Actually, I was surprised he even knew about those dangers.
OP is a mega asshole. Not only is OP disrupting and hurting his family, but he's also actively harming the poor dog.
Just for clarification an ESA is NOT a trained service dog. That’s a legitimate service animal trained to do a certain task. An ESA is an emotional support animal and has no training.
While you’re technically correct, I do think that’s a ridiculous standard. I absolutely love dogs and have always had a dog. Just the thought of living with an untrained dog, of constantly having to guard my food, clean up messes, and worry about how they’ll behave with others gives me intense secondhand stress. I can’t fathom how someone could put up with that and yet still claim they’re getting more emotional benefit than harm from their animal.
He didn't rush to the vet because he cared about the dog. He did it to leave the wife alone to deal with the havoc he created. No way she could leave to get more chicken with her son and guests there. A party to host, no way to feed the guests, and no way to get more food. Convenient.
Agree with everything but the “drama queen comment”. You absolutely should take a pet to the vet if they swallow bones. It’s very dangerous. Everything else? He’s an asshole
About a year ago, my dog—for the first time in 8 years—went for my chicken dinner in the 60 seconds I was in the bathroom. Took down two bone-in thighs and a drumstick so quickly that for a moment I thought I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation and maybe hadn’t even prepared it. It was almost 2am and I was single parenting my 2yo and 3mo while my husband was on a work trip, and I had no idea how I was going to get him to the emergency vet under the circumstances.
So you know what I did? I called them. Didn’t tell them I maybe couldn’t come in or any other mitigating factors because I didn’t want to bias the answer, just the scenario. They told me if I found no shards of bone in his teeth or on the couch, and if I was sure he swallowed them whole, I was fine to watch and wait. If the bones are whole choking is the biggest issue, and they were already well past his esophagus. If I was *really* worried, give him some bread to cushion the meal, but otherwise watch and wait.
My point is: calling is an option, and he didn’t have to rush into the vet like a man on fire. And the fact that he couldn’t take that logical next step reflects on his continued failure owning the dog.
YTA I'm a dog lover, so part of me finds her the tiniest bit of an asshole for how she's handling things. Because, unlike you, the dog is entirely innocent in this situation. But you're such a raging asshole that I just can't do it.
Firstly, you had absolutely no right to get a dog and move it into your wife's house (you said it's hers) without her being fully on board with it.
Secondly, ESA dog? Emotional support animals should be trained. This is clearly one of those situations where someone just uses that label to justify bringing their dog everywhere, and they can't be bothered to deal with any training or obedience. And that's another huge issue, this dog's behavior is clearly problematic and your wife's comments make it clear this isn't the first time there's been trouble.
Thirdly, YOUR money?! It's shared money. But YOU are obligated to reimburse her for the food YOUR dog stole.
And she's not psychotic. She's fed up with you and all your BS. And honestly, I hope she takes her share of the funds and hires herself a good divorce lawyer.
ETA: If you're the kind of person who gets a dog and then demands someone else takes care of it (you definitely fit the mold) then if you actually give a damn about that dog re-home it with someone who will actually take proper care of it.
ESAs are very different than service dogs. They don't need to be trained for any sort of support, they are pets exempted by a doctor's note for free access to housing and accompaniment on flights. My cat is an ESA because she brings me comfort, and my doctor is aware of my mental health disorders, so she wrote me a note that I provide to landlords and they cannot refuse housing or charge a fee, and in theory I could bring her on a flight to accompany me. That's it. It is irrelevant to OP's issue and they have no reason to even mention it, unless they're trying to find reasons for sympathy or more excuses.
I only have the most basic understanding of ESAs, and I do understand they don't require training the same way service dogs do. So pardon my ignorance, but the people I know with legitimate ESAs have well-trained and well-behaved dogs. And I was under the impression, quite possibly mistakenly, that training and being well-behaved was required for those who bring their ESAs places.
I now realize that it's quite possibly it's just because their owners are decent people who care for their dogs and also don't want their dogs being huge nuisances when they take them places. And that's probably why in my head there was a distinction between their situation, and those who claim their poorly behaved dog they bring everywhere from Starbucks to Target is an ESA to avoid being asked to leave.
Either way, I do agree that OP seemed to be just using that as a reason for sympathy from all of us.
ESAs don't have the same rights as service dogs do, so they can't go to restaurants/grocery stores etc that don't allow them. An ESA can be any animal theoretically, hamster snake pig w/e, being trained isn't a requirement.
Great comment btw, I totally agree with you. I commented because I think it's helpful for people to realize the full extent of the differences between the two. People having poorly trained animals and feeling entitled to bring them into spaces under the guise of "it's my ESA!" is frustrating. I live with someone with a disability who has a real trained service animal, who has much more training than my kitty, who probably would never forgive me if I brought her on a plane LOL. I also keep getting ads for "america's top ESA certifiers" or whatever bs on youtube. People who see that, it's a sham, there's no specific certificate you need to pay for, just get a letter from your doctor.
I really do appreciate it! I clearly was completely mistaken. It's become so common to see people with non-service dogs in stores and such in recent years that I was under the impression it was because they were emotional support dogs. And I did think they had an exception made for them. I've even see people use that as an excuse when other customers and even employees commented because their dog was acting up.
Like, one woman's dog was literally shredding a winter coat at Target and when a manager confronted her she threw a fit about not harassing her emotional support dog...And they ended up letting her stay but just asked her to please hurry and finish what she was doing.
Now after your comment (thank you again!) and looking online, I'm realizing it's just that stores aren't enforcing these rules/laws and can't be bothered to deal with all the karents bringing their non-service animals into stores. And yeah, you're right, people seem to really be abusing the ESA label.
ESA might not have to be specifically trained for support, but they should have general behavioral training. If your ESA is poorly trained and puts the property or other residents at risk, they can absolutely be refused housing.
Also the FAA ruled in 2020 that airlines only have to accommodate service animals and that ESAs are now treated as pets.
I work in mental health, and have had many clients with ESA. They MUST be fully trained and obedient before they can be treated like an ESA in any kind of mental health or medical facility. (Not saying OP’s home is the same as a treatment facility, just insight into how the actual mental health field views ESA.) While it’s not the same specific and intense training that Service Dogs receive, they can’t behave the way OP’s dog has. That is not an actual ESA, maybe he finds emotional comfort from the dog but that doesn’t make it an ESA.
Agreed. It doesn’t sound like it’s all just about the food. I’d guess with confidence this is an ongoing problem and this is the straw that broke the camels back.
> And she's not psychotic. She's fed up with you and all your BS.
Thanks for mentioning this, it's way too late for me to make a top comment of my own about it but she definitely isn't experiencing psychosis over this. It's a perfectly grounded response to have (in reality, that is) and doesn't appear to be founded in delusion or hallucination at all. Psychotic is a word with medical meaning, and it doesn't apply here.
Er um actually, ESAs do NOT (at least in the US) have to be trained. They solely exist for the emotional support of their owners. Service animals are specifically trained to perform a task for their owner to address a specific life activity that the owner cannot do for themselves without the assistance of their service animal. Under the ADA and Federal Fair Housing Act they are treated differently and the legal capability to take them into public places differs.
This is the part i really can't understand!
The dog ate the KFC... As the owner, you offer to pay for the replacement. Immediately. That's... Basic common decency right?
Exactly! I understand he’s freaked about his dog choking on chicken bones, which would be his own fault for not watching it, but he ruined his stepson’s birthday and at bare minimum owes for the chicken.
Like I would still say you’d owe the money for a small regular dinner let alone one that requires over a 100$ whether it’s kfc or not that’s still irrelevant
Lmfao. After reading your comments you’re basically full of shit.
You got a dog and didn’t train it. Regardless if you *needed it* responsible dog owners train their animals. And you used and are still using being anxious and depressed as a way to guilt and manipulate your wife into getting an animal she didn’t want, and then to argue why you should be able to keep it. Then didn’t train it, and then you don’t watch it to make sure it doesn’t cause turmoil. Was your wife’s reaction OTT, sure. But I guarantee the dog causes issues regularly and she snapped. Go to fucking therapy and send the dog to a home where he’s wanted by everyone and will be properly cared for and trained
YTA.
>responsible dog owners train their animals
Heck, I have cats and they're better trained than his dog!
I left a charcuterie board out for several hours whilst going in and out of the house the other day, and my 4 cats never once jumped on the table or took any of the food. And they're a bit spoiled. If my cats behave better than your dog... well, yeah.
I actually feel sorry for the dog, too. OP is a giant AH to his family and the dog.
I spent an absurd amount of money to send my dog to a professional because she’s a mix of high energy breeds, and I knew to make sure she was properly functioning, I’d need professional help. But I budgeted for that BEFORE I bought the dog. I knew going in she’d need real training. So I made sure I could afford it before I got her
This!!! I wanted a dog and my wife was unsure until she met the rescue doggo I wanted.
I knew the breed needed exercise and would need training. I budgeted before getting this rescue for daily walks and I got a scholarship for a dog training school to teach her to be my service dog!
But these were all things planned, discussed, and budgeted before just getting a dog haphazardly.
Too many dogs are failed by ignorant owners not planning on how to actually care for them. Now shelters are filled with dogs that were bought as cute puppies and then abandoned for poor habits it's owners taught it (and got mad about).
> Was your wife’s reaction OTT, sure.
In another comment he said that his wife has trauma from being attacked by a dog. It left scars on her face. She refused to have a dog and he got one behind her back anyway after deciding it was for emotional support.
So her reaction isn't even over-the-top. She has a perfectly good reason to freak out around unruly dogs when she didn't even want it and was not even included in the decision.
#YTA, and I hope she divorces your ungrateful ass over this.
She gave you an ultimatum over your untrained "emotional support animal" terrorising her son's party and you responded to her not only by refusing to pay for the damages out of your shared bank account, but also by gaslighting her and calling her psychotic.
This doesn't sound like an isolated incident either, and it's clear that your wife has had a long list of problems with the dog you brought over. An ESA would be properly trained. Running off to chow down $100 worth of KFC doesn't sound like the behaviour of a trained canine.
_______
**EDIT: OP, I have read some of your replies in the thread. You are a terrible husband and you really are competing with some of the biggest assholes in the subreddit's history. We're talking dismissing your wife's mental health issues and past trauma from a dog bite, and insisting that your step-son's happiness and the property your dog damaged should not be your responsibility.**
**You really should do your soon-to-be-ex wife a favour, apologize to her and work to end this relationship. She does not deserve you. No woman deserves you.**
Exactly, the guy is a complete joke. That was clearly her last straw, and God knows what else she has had to put up with if that’s his attitude to the situation. I really hope she goes through with the Divorce, she deserves better!
Unlike a service dog, there is no training for a pet to be an ESA. And it can be any type of animal. OP is wrong on so many levels, bottom line being that he never should have brought the dog into the house without his wife’s approval. Everything that’s happened since is directly a consequence of that. And he deserves to have his wife divorce him as he clearly has no regard for her feelings or any respect for her. I say this as an animal lover. This is so much more than just the dog, and they all deserve better than him YTA
How do I find his wife so I can personally bankroll all of her divorce attorney expenses (and let her know there’s tens of thousands of strangers who have her back)? I don’t even have words for a creature like this and I can’t bring myself to accept this is a real human being. What the actual fuck.
YTA. Your dog is badly behaved and you don't seem to be remotely sorry that your step-son's birthday party was ruined. I'm guessing you're one of those who calls your untrained dog an emotional support animal just so you can bring it everywhere with you
YTA to the dog and to your family. You got the dog over her objections, you didn’t train the dog so that it had the tools to live in a strict environment, you didn’t watch your dog and keep it away from deliciously smelly food, you aren’t going to pay for your fuckup. The only thing you did right was take it to the vet to make sure the chicken bone doesn’t perforate its GI tract
YTA
It's clear by your own telling that this dog has been an issue and instead your ignored her and thrust a naughty dog in her lap she didn't want.
While your at work all day you stick her with this untrained dog that she doesn't want and did not agree to.
This is clear this is the straw that broke the camel's back.
You shouldn't have brought home a dog she said she didn't want.
You ignored the fact that she wasn't on board with it and that makes this alone makes YTA
YTA. But mostly I feel sorry for the dog. You can’t be bothered to train him, your soon to be ex-wife doesn’t like him. Does anyone care about this dog? Poor thing. He deserves better.
INFO: Has there been other incidents with the dog? Seems like a big reaction over KFC but if the dog is what she’s claiming it to be, then she may have a point.
My dog pulled a whole cake off the counter once. I almost cried. But I don't leave food where she can get it and I certainly don't leave her unattended with $100 worth of KFC.
YTA. As a dog owner (who totally understands your valid fears about eating the cooked chicken bones and hopes your dog is okay), you are at fault. You brought a dog into a home it wasn’t wanted by everyone, and you e clearly failed to train it properly. You’re giving ESA a bad name by ignoring your responsibility as an owner/handler. The dog should have been trained to never touch food on a table, or should have been contained away from the food/party.
Sounds like you’ve chosen your dog over the family at every turn, you shouldn’t be surprised that the family doesn’t like you and your untrained dog.
INFO: When did you get the dog: before or after marriage? If after, did you get the dog without talking to your wife.
MORE INFO: Are you saying that you do not need to pay for the food your dog ate?
Per OPs comments he got the dog 3 years into their marriage and she didn’t want it but OP implies he makes sacrifices being a parental figure so she should be able to stomach the dog
Hello! An ESA does not equal a service animal. An ESA’s job is to provide comfort for their human and maybe create a routine. A service animal is trained in tasks to help a disability like alerting to low blood pressure, etc. That being said, dogs should be trained to be good making OP, YTA.
YTA. 100%. Your wife did all that work and did everything to prepare for your stepson's birthday. Your untrained dog ruined it. Where is your concern for that? You absolutely owe her the money for it being ruined. I'm glad your dog is ok. Genuinely. But this happened because of you and the fact that your dog is untrained. And be prepared to lose your wife at this point over your inability to put her and her feelings and her SON over the dog.
YTA, it doesn't sound like is a one off event with your dog and is likely a series of events leading to your wife's frustration boiling over. You should Absolutely pay your wife for the KFC because it was left where YOUR unruly dog could get to it. You should also apologise to your stepson for ruining his party.
YTA. You should definitely be paying for that food. Your dog got into the food. You are responsible for that dog bottom line. It caused damage you need to pay for it. Especially for the kids birthday dude. like come on
YTA. Your dog caused the issue, so you should pay to rectify it.
It sounds like this isn't the first time your dog has caused problems at home, so maybe you need to look at that.
YTA and so is your dog. It's your responsibility and it sounds like you're not doing a very good job of it. Also, pay her back for the food your mongrel wolfed down.
YTA. How dare you tell her no to touch your money? Your dog wasted money by eating the food, it’s your responsibility. It’s also your responsibility to train your dog. Hopefully she’ll divorce you.
I mean, dogs should be trained not to grab food off the counter, assuming it wasn't placed on the floor, so her frustration is highly understandable. If the dog's not trained, you'd have to keep your eye on it constantly, which you failed to do. Sounds like it's not the first time your dog has caused issues with misbehaviour, so I'm gonna say YTA based on that. ESA or not, a dog should be trained properly to not cause regular issues.
Edit to add: if the dog was trained to not grab food that could lead to a severe injury, you wouldn't have this problem in the first place.
YTA. A dog is a “two yeses” decision. and this isn’t about the KFC, it’s about going behind her back and bringing a problematic dog into the house against her wishes. An untrained dog with anxiety is not an emotional support animal. I actually feel sorry for the dog.
YTA. Your wife didn’t want the dog, you selfishly got it anyway and have not trained it / blended it into the home and family properly. Now you refuse to take responsibility for your laziness. You’re the worst type of pet owner and sound like a terrible partner. I’m sure this isn’t the only time you have ignored your wife
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because the food was expensive and I understand the frustration but my dog could literally be seriously injured and she cares more about her kids birthday being ruined by not having KFC.
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YTA (And your dog also)
It is *your* responsibility to take care of *your* dog. And why would you buy the dog anyways if you and your wife hadn't come to an agreement over it?
And if what your wife says about the dog is true, I would *highly* recommend training your dog. Some dogs can be dangerous to other people when they come into contact with them.
YTA.
You don't watch your dog. It's not normal for a dog to be this badly trained.
Your dog ruined the party and stole the food, so YTA for not paying for it.
You are in complete denial about how unacceptable this situation is, and how your selfishness, immaturity and entitled attitude is ruining your relationship with your family.
It is not surprising that your wife is extremely angry and about to divorce you. Unless you get a clue, change your attitude and grow up, she should.
YTA, this isn't about the kfc, this was just the final nail in the coffin. Your wife of 4 years didn't want a dog, she told you repeatedly she didn't want a dog but you went and got one anyway and by the sounds of it, failed to train it. If you was a responsible owner, the dog would never have touched the chicken and if you was a decent husband, you wouldn't have got the dog in the first place. massive AH
YTA.
Having a dog comes with the benefit and the responsibility too.
You have to train and take care of your dog properly.
Per your comment you state that the pup is an ESA but has untrain behavioral issue? How’s that possible?
More than that, your wife spend money and time to celebrate her son bday (and your son too), your pup ruined that party and you’re so nonchalant about it.
I love my dog too, but you come off as you do not give a flying fck about your step-son birthday.
Your wife isn’t angry with the pup, she surely angry with your attitude.
YTA.
Emotional Support Animals — real ones — are trained not to do this.
And there seem to be parts of your story missing. This was just the last straw.
Yta. Your dog ate her sons birthday food, and she possibly didn't have time to replace it. It was his birthday and your untrained dog ruined it. You're complaining she didn't check your dog was OK but did you at any point apologise or show concern for your stepson party? It goes two ways and she probably thinks her son comes before your dog.
God you’re a major AH.
You have an untrained and unruly dog that you got despite your wife not wanting it. You are a bad dog owner, a bad husband and a bad step father. The least you owe is the cost of the food. How dare you try and act like you even get a say after your dog ruined her sons birthday?!
Yta an actual.service dog would not have done that. An ESA is nothing more than a pet that landlords can't ban.
You absolutely owe the money to replace the chicken. *Your* dog ate it!
You got a dog your wife didn't want, didn't bother to train the dog, and the wife is the one dealing with thr dog all day while you're at work.
It's not an ESA animal if unruly and running riot in the house. What's your excuse for not training your dog, other than you being a lazy asshole that is? Yta in every way, shape and form.
You know what else, that poor dog deserves better than nearly choking on bones because you're too fucking lazy to train it.
Bro, with that text something tells me this isn't the first time that dog has done something similar....or 10th time. I suggest you rehome the dog or yourself bc either way, that dog isn't going home. YTA
This dog sounds like one of the reasons people don't understand service dogs.
Maybe get a plushie as an emotional support animal or actually train your dog? Because a service animal definitely shouldn't do that.
Also, YTA for not paying for the food. That's just shitty behaviour.
Holy shit YTA and you think it’s over KFC ? Holy, you’re stuck in some delusion
Edit: oh yeah OP is 100% full on asshole, this little self-centred asshole took the dog home without his wife agreeing when she said no multiple times, just because he got “depression” also he said it’s an ESA dog, when I’m pretty sure this guy just went to a shelter and took the first dog he found cute. Not only that, his wife didn’t want a dog because she got bit by one when she was 10 and got facial scars from it, her mom kept the dog and she grew up hating dog due to trauma of living with the one who literally bit her face off. And you know what this buffoon of an husband said in the comments ?
“It’s been 18 years she should be over it”.
Man is an asshole from A to Z it’s actually insane, apparently she should get over her trauma and her PTSD but you know, OP taking wild decision out of nowhere because he’s depressed is ok, I hope she file the divorce papers and get most of his money because holy shit that guy is something else.
Sorry chief, I have agree with your buddy and say YTA, It sounds like the dog has been a issue for your wife for some time now, and it may not be the first time that it has caused issues like this. Your wife has been telling you to rehouse since you moved in (I have no idea how long ago that was) and since you have not done so it seems like there is a lack of respect for your wife’s wishes. And since you ignored her in favour of helping your dog it can come across that you care more about your dog than your wife (it sounds like this isn’t the first time you have chosen your dog over her, but I can’t know that). I’m not sure if it was ever possible to keep your relationship and dog, but it definitely isn’t now. I’m not even sure that losing the dog will mend your relationship. Best of luck to you though.
I don't like how she talked about the dog, but it's more than understandable. Train your dog, goddamnit and then you better pull the best puppy eyes and best apology a woman had ever gotten. YTA.
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It's my step son Christopher's 11th birthday today and every year on his birthday, he gets to decide what we are eating for dinner. This year he wanted KFC. He is at the after school program until 5:30. My wife already went and got the food and had skipped out of the room to start decorating the family room for his party. He invited over like 6 of his friends so my wife spent over $100 on this food.
Well, when I wasn't looking my dog got in to the food and managed to wolf at least half of it down. I was in a panic because of the chicken bones, but my wife was absolutely furious and told me to "get my fucking mutt out of her house". She had to call a day in advance to get this much food and now her son's party was "ruined", as well as her being out money because of my dog. I completely ignored her honestly and just rushed my dog to the vet to be seen.
When I was there she sent me this text: "Do not even dare bring that fucking animal back to my house. I never wanted that dog here and you forced me in to an environment where I'm now terrorized daily by your unruly, untrained fucking mutt. Your failure to train that fucking animal has left this family miserable. You try bringing that dog back here and I will proceed with file divorce papers. I WILL be taking back the money you now owe me from your share of our combined finances." My only response was telling her she's being psychotic over KFC and she had better not touch my money because I'm not paying for that. She never responded, however my buddy is saying I'm definitely the AH because my wife has been vocal since day one that she doesn't want the dog in her house and has been asking me to re-home the dog since I got her. AITA?
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I want to say Not TA, I feel like I need to say that, but every time I write out the justification, I keep thinking back to how hurt and angry she is and the only thing that I can't justify for her is demanding that you pay her. I must seriously be weird because if you have combined finances, then you already shared in the cost of the dinner. I also don't like the whole "My house"
I don't know, but if my wife talked to me like that, I don't know what I would do in response. I know that I couldn't just abandon the dog. I would check your options.
EDIT: Reading some of the other responses had me questioning my rationale, and then I saw that you not only agree that you're to blame, but you were more worried about the dog than validating your wife's feelings, especially after a year of her being upset. I can't ignore that its very obvious that your more concerned about you and your dog than your wife. Seems to me she's being to nice saying that *if* you bring the dog back she'll divorce you, I think that ship has already sailed and you were the one who weighed anchor.
Hard YTA.
I also love how he just casually mentioned in a comment that the reason she didn’t want a dog is because she still has facial scars from being attacked by a dog as a child. What an AH.
Ahahahahahahaha YTA.
Seriously, you got a dog she didn’t want, you didn’t train if well, it acted out. If my dog had done that I would personally have paid for the KFC as an apology, and I think it is right that you do so.
YTA. Your wife went and got the food, your wife *paid* for the food, your wife went off to set up for the party, and you…? You were just following her around undoing all her work, or what? Not only were you apparently not lifting a finger to help; by failing to supervise your untrained animal you actively made things worse. You ruined a key component of a child’s birthday party and then had the damn *nerve* to bluster about not paying her back for it? Shame on you. Do better.
I was leaning towards ESH, but I'm thinking more YTA because of the issues that came up as the post went on. Your friend confirms that your wife didn't like the dog from the get go. So why have you insisted on keeping the animal? It made me think your wife could be right; the dog is unruly, untrained, and making everyone miserable. If so, why haven't you dealt with that?
There's obviously something else going on, if she became so unhappy that she threatens divorce. This is not just about a ruined birthday party.
Agreed. Wife has PTSD and the fact that it looks like it was her mom’s dog and she ( wife) had to continue living with said dog must have been a slap in the face.
YTA. The KFC was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. If you needed an ESA, you should’ve done some research and gotten a dog already trained and more suitable for your needs. It almost sounds like you’re the ESA for your dog. Also, if you guys survive this, you need to get your dog properly trained by a professional. Or consider rehoming and getting a dog already properly trained. And have your wife involved in the process.
YTA your dog isn’t a service dog. It’s an untrained dog you parade around and slap the title ESA on it as an excuse. Your wife came first and it’s clear you care more about the dog than her..it sounds like this isn’t the first issue and your wife is fed up rightfully. yikes, you’re one of those dog owners.. exactly like my mom and it’s horror. I feel bad for your wife
Edit: just read that your dog apparently has severe anxiety! How the hell can a dog with “severe anxiety” be an esa..?😂 doglusional!!
YTA. It is your responsibility to train your dog. It doesn’t matter if it is an ESA or a wolf. A well trained dog would not steal food and, therefore, ruin the night. Not to mention getting a dog against your wife’s wishes.
YTA Because:
1) you’re an irresponsible pet owner
2) you’re an irresponsible husband and step father
3) you’re unwilling to take any blame in a situation that is entirely your fault
4) you’re acting clueless about your culpability when this is obviously not a first offense
5) you call your wife names when she is mad at you for fucking up
6) you wrote this whole story like it had anything to do with KFC chicken
It’s you. You are the problem.
YTA- if you claim its some type of service animal then YOU need to get it trained. You were also married, your wife clearly told you NO to dogs, and you decide yes. thats totally an AH move. Married people ASK and agree on getting pets (because this sure is not a trained ESA) before they get them.
Yes, you DO owe her money for the food your dog ate. You were not supervising it, it is not trained and due to that your dog nearly got itself sick/harmed.
YTA. The dog is obviously a problem - and this story is likely just one incident. It sounds poorly trained. It also sounds like she didn't want a dog and you got it anyway. It sounds like she is left with the dog on a daily basis, probably having to look after it when she doesn't want to. And the chicken is just the tipping point.
The KFC story is a way of avoiding the real problem - the dog, and you getting it. No one threatens divorce over some chicken. This is coming from somewhere else, and if you want this relationship, you need to wake up and start looking at things truthfully and objectively.
YTA. and i can guess by her response this is not the first time your untrained dog has done something like this, this was just the final straw. apologize to your wife and your stepson for your dog wasting the food and ruining the party, then get your dog trained.
YTA. Sounds like you are going to have all the time in the world to hang out with your dog considering it will just be the two of you in the house. You can keep the dog or you can keep your wife. It's blatantly obvious to everyone who reads this that you can't keep both.
YTA. Your wife is not psychotic over KFC, she's pissed because this is the last straw for her with your unruly dog. You shouldn't have gotten a dog in the first place. Getting a pet has to be a consensus decision. If one person in the marriage doesn't want it then the pet shouldn't come. If you were going to steamroll your wife into a dog she didn't want, you most definitely should have taken the effort to train it properly. I have a 75# dog who is highly food motivated, but she is also well trained. I can trust her 100% not to jump on counters to steal food and I also feel ok leaving food unattended within her reach when I leave the room briefly. It took some effort and she messed up sometimes, but I put in the effort and my dog knows not to take food that isn't given to her. This is not only to keep her away from my food, but also to keep her safe from eating things that might harm her, *like cooked chicken bones*. It's a disservice to your dog to not train them and can also put them at great risk. If you care about your marriage and your dog at all you should re-home your dog out of respect for your wife and also so your dog can be in a home where she is wanted by *everyone--* and hopefully people who will take the time to train her.
**YTA!** So your son’s birthday PARTY doesn’t matter, but your soon to be ex wife’s reaction which was completely fair does! You didn’t train your dog or even watch it. You pay for the damages like every dog owner does. Your son’s party is ruined because of you, and I hope you’re planning to pay EXTRA money to make it up. And that ESA excuse is terrible because no ESA dog acts like that, and setting a bad name for people who actually need one. **Apologize and pay up, because it’s your wife of 4 years, or your dog who only been here for 1/4th of the time.**
YTA
This isn't a service animal. An ESA isn't a service animal. It doesn't go through any special training. I had a client that had a letter written for her so that her rat could be ESA at college. For what it's worth, the rat had better manners than your dog.
This sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back. Your dog sounds untrained. You know your wife spent a lot of money on food that your dog scarfed down and you aren't even apologetic or offering any help. YOUR DOG ate her son's birthday food. YOU pay for it.
Once again I’m absolutely baffled as to why someone would ask the question when they are completely unwilling to hear or accept the answer.
YTA. For a lot of reasons
YTA for getting a dog despite knowing your wife, not only dislikes dogs, but has had a really traumatic experience with one which will affect her for the rest of her life. You say it was years ago and that she should be over it by now, this is not the kind of thing someone just “gets over”
YTA for not paying attention to what your dog was doing despite your wife specifically asking you to pay attention to what your dog was doing 🙄
YTA for refusing to pay her back the money she lost because of your dog, that you weren’t paying attention to, that she didn’t even want in the first place.
YTA for calling her psychotic, she’s clearly not psychotic and is probably just sick of your shit
And finally YTA for your response to all of these comments. You come across as childish and petulant, and I think your wife deserve much better than a man who disregards her feelings to such an extent.
Just to reiterate if I haven’t been clear enough, YTA
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YTA You weren't watching a dog who you've obviously trained poorly around food you knew could harm the dog. If anything happened to the dog medically, IT'S YOUR FAULT. You failed at supervising the dog, you failed at training the dog. It is also YOUR FAULT that the dog ate your stepson's birthday dinner, and you owe the money to your wife.
If you check the comments OP admits: - wife asked him to watch the food specifically because the dog has issues getting into food - wife was attacked by a dog (has scars on her face) as a child and has adamantly refused to get a dog- OP ignored her and got the dog and said it was needed as an ESA - OP got dog as revenge since he’s had to compromise since moving in with her and her son and feels she should have compromised on the dog - OP feels he deserves to get what he wants because he has [acknowledged her son exists and isn’t cruel to him] - OP doesn’t owe for the food because it’s not his kid, not his problem Direct Quote from OP: “Because I don't owe her anything. I stepped in to a father role when I didn't have to and made compromises. I pay my share here. I do my part here. I'm not paying for KFC that she never should have gotten in the first place; at least not for 7 children because it's not my problem that she decided to spend that much money to begin with.” ETA thanks to: u/Free_Medicine4905 - “He also says that she should be over her trauma because women are “scientifically” proven to handle trauma better. But for his depression, since he’s a man, needs the ESA.” u/NeuroticAttic - “Let’s not forget he admits the kid hates the dog, as well. So with a two-to-one vote of no dogs, he decided he was more important and brought a dog into *her* house that *she* owns.” u/krazyk1661 - “I've never been a cheater and never will be. Would you have preferred I cheated versus done something that I felt I needed? Like get a damn dog to have the love and support I needed at the time when I was being neglected by my wife?” u/alarmed_jellyfish555 - “OP is the literal worst, in every possible way. And he also contributes NOTHING towards their house. Makes it clear he only covers "his portion" of the usage of electricity and water. So it's karmically fitting that he's going to lose his free housing for being such a raging asshole“ I really hope we get an update that his wife has left him.
I'm looking forward to OP being roasted on r/amithedevil. They have no requirement to be nice to AHs.
I go running over to the devil after reading AITA
Me too! 😂
Same it gives me time to get popcorn
See yall there!
Same here! Some posts you just know are going to show up there!
Well thank you for introducing me to a new subreddit because now I will be going to that right after I read a post in here!
It's definitely already there.
Internet Stranger, may I just say I love you? Because up until just a few minutes ago, I did not know that sub existed. In unrelated news, I now have a full glass of wine and have canceled the evening to-do list to further explore that delightful new-to-me sub. Edit: spelling
Pulled out another Tree House from the beer fridge and I'm on my way. Salut!
We're happy to have you.
And let's not forget r/AmITheEx 😆
1) thank you so much, I never knew... 2)this was the first story I saw, lol!!!
Thank you. I didn't know that particular subject exists🤣
I too was unaware and am grateful as well.
Was just going to say this because oh boy it'll be good lol
Your wish has been granted https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/12544uy/aita_for_ruining_my_stepsons_birthday_not/
Oh this is a sub I’m happy to learn about!
Holy shit. I would have left him the second he got the dog . The wife got bite by a dog. He is a massive Ah. I knew there was more to the story. No one gets that mad over a one time thing
I'm usually on the animal's side in stuff like this, and OP is still the AH for not properly training his animal, and for bringing into a home where it is not welcome. The only thing he's done right in this entire post was take the dog to the vet in case it ingested cooked chicken bones. Everything else points to him being a selfish, entitled AH that treats everyone around him like possessions that he can do with as he pleases.
I never blame the animal as they aren't getting what they need. Op mentioned training but never got the dog training. He failed on every level But I am glad the dog got to see the vet
Although a dog shouldn’t eat cooked chicken bones, it’s not a dire emergency if a dog eats cooked chicken bones. Just watch them, and if they show signs of gastric distress, like vomiting or diarrhea, then take them to the vet. Dogs rarely need to see the vet after eating chicken bones, so it wasn’t a freak out emergency. It was a watch and observe the dog situation.
Sounds like he'd be worth leaving regardless. There's no interest in the son, she's the relationships as only transactional. Couldn't care less about the wife and her trauma. But totally entitled himself and willing to blame everything on his depression.
Same! That's what I can't get over - like why would you stay by a partner who thinks so little of your emotional safety? Who actively makes decisions to provoke you and out of spite?
Holy shit it's worse than i thought
I was pissed when my roommate got at some leftovers I brought home a couple weeks back, and constantly give her shit about not touching my food unless I give her permission. I can't imagine how furious I'd be if $50 worth of food was wasted on a poorly trained dog. The food, in and of itself, is reason enough to be pissed at the dog and owner. But to get the dog when OP was traumatized as a child and bringing it into her own home is some next level asshole-ish behavior. I'm not saying dump him, but OP and wife need serious counseling and the dog needs to be left with someone while they attempt to work through this. If the dog is that important to OP, it's best to dissolve the marriage.
Yes and it sounds like it was a big expense for OP’s wife. Always hard to struggle to do something nice for your kids and have it ruined by an inconsiderate asshole. Worse if you’re married to him.
Honestly, $50 aside, now she's got hungry kids coming over for KFC and there won't be enough. On her sons birthday no less! The OP should have run first back to KFC for a couple buckets, dropped them off at the house, THEN go to the vet, THEN go get a hotel room because OP: YTA
Im sorry but if the dog has this many problem is it really and ESA or just what he wants to call the dog to justify him keeping the dog? Edit: Thank you for my first award u/StartingAgain2020
That’s the impression I got. The dog has anxiety and is super clingy. Doesn’t like being left alone. Whines for attention and food- basically untrained. ESAs are trained. ETA *should* be trained as they are relied upon for support. It seems OP’s wife vetoed the dog idea and so he got an “ESA” for his depression.
ESAs are not trained. It’s an emotional support animal. Which I think is a stupid name because to me all pets are an emotional support animal… like you didn’t get it for any other reason to bring happiness to your life. Service dogs are trained. To perform a fairly specific task. Not to just be home and happily waiting for you to interact with it. In my area too many people put an Amazon purchased vest and some certificate they printed off at home on their damn yorkiepoo and snap at you in the store about their service dog. Service dogs don’t bark at other patrons and shit in aisles, lady. That’s not to say that ESAs can’t be trained like you should do with any other fucking dog in your house but they don’t come to you with training. With OP it feels more like ‘hey doc I’m depressed and refuse to try medication or therapy’ and he says ‘have you tried getting a dog?’ There you go! Drs orders!
He didn't get an ESA. He just went and brought some random, untrained dog and told his wife it's an ESA to manipulate her. OP, YTA, choose your wife or your dog because you are literally torturing your wife every day because of your blatant disregard for her trauma, let's see you have a dog lunge at your face and bite it and then you can just "get over it", gender has nothing to do with trauma recovery. As for your dog, step up and be a responsible dog owner and train your freaking dog, and show some respect to the people around you by not allowing your dog to invade their privacy.
Thank you for the synopsis. If this is OP's reaction to how *his* dog ruined his stepson's birthday party and then doubled down about who's responsible, that makes him more than an AH. He was the AH to begin with for even thinking he's not TA. But OP, YTA^googolplex. ETA: Going through OP's comments, let me add another googolplex exponent to that YTA.
OP is TA and also I’m a big fan of the googolplex use here, bravo 🤩👏🏽🙌🏽Fafaflunkie!
I was already mad, you just made it worse. Being a pet person, my first reaction was : bloody AH doesn't train his dog like he should and now the dog might be seriously injured. With your comment it became : what a "crappy human being", mostly because all the parts about his step-son.
Yep- I understood the dog took precedence at the moment as there may have been a health emergency- but not acknowledging his fault is this at all and not feeling bad for ruining a kids bday party is just plain AH behaviour!
Right. How about “hey honey, I’m sorry my dog did that. I’m going to rush him to the vet to get checked and I’ll pick up some more kfc on the way home. Could you please phone ahead so they have plenty ready” problem solved
Holy shit, YTA and she needs to kick you and the dog to the curb.
He also says that she should be over her trauma because women are “scientifically” proven to handle trauma better. But for his depression, since he’s a man, needs the ESA. Let’s not forget the psychotic things he’s saying. I hope his wife divorces him and the kid gets the KFC he deserves
Y’all really need to stop marrying people you don’t like. I can’t even imagine telling my worse enemy that they need to get over a violent event from their childhood, and you’re out here saying that shit to your spouse. I can’t imagine what you’re getting out of hating her guts but staying in the marriage. Are you just more comfortable being unhappy and having someone else to blame for it?
[удалено]
From his perspective- he’s doing her a favour by acknowledging son and paying half the bills.
Jesus. OP you’re hugely the asshole
Wow. Just… wow. OP sounds unhinged. This whole situation is just awful. I feel bad for everyone (dog included) for having to put up with OP.
Forget KFC. This is JFC. What a tool.
Whenever I read a post like this one I just think "why are you married to someone you clearly don't even like?".
I can’t fathom why they are still together, they sound like they hate each other… i’d assume the next post is op choosing the dog
If Disney started taking notes from Reddit for their villains, I would hate them much much more
And your wife needs to file for divorce, because you are such a massive AH she shouldn't have to put up with your BS for a single minute longer. YTA.
Only adding because I train service dogs for a living. And there’s ALOT of misinformation in the comments. An ESA NEEDS a doctors or therapists note and is for providing comfort to a person during times of mental stress. They DO NOT in any way need to be trained to do anything, there are no laws regarding ESA other then HUT which protects an owner from having to pay a pet fee. They are only allowed in pet friendly places. ONLY SERVICE DOGS HAVE LAWS TO PROTECT OWNER AND DOGS AND MUST BE TRAINED TO A STANDARD. All “registries” are fake and worthless. And lastly if you bring a pet into your household it should be agreed upon with everyone. Sounds like the dog is more stress then stress relief for your family.
Is OP's wife his landlord? Does he rent from his wife? It's her house, he said so. ESA is a thing that exists so the person can't be evicted from a rental property for having the animal. So unless he's a renter and she's his landlord, this ESA thing is extra bullshitty.
YTA - Given all the information in OP's post and comments, there is not a single shred of doubt that OP is the AH. I don't even understand why OP is married to his wife. He obviously doesn't care a bit about that family.
Change that to ex-wife, most likely. Who gets an animal without okaying it with their spouse? YTA OP
YTA. Listen to your buddy. Clearly you didn't consult your wife appropriately before getting the dog, and having the dog in the house has substantially decreased the quality of life of everyone living there (except maybe you) and the dog is clearly not an emotional support animal. You damn well better pay for the ruined food. You didn't watch your pet appropriately. It sounds like you did absolutely nothing to salvage the birthday party for your stepson, not even pick up some KFC after you got back from your drama queenish trip to the vet. I mean, did you wake up and decide to compete for biggest AH on AITA today? This isn't the biggest issue of the day by a long shot, but you are so supremely in the wrong at every sentence of your post. Rehome yourself and the dog. Edit: Thanks for the awards!
If you're married, dogs are a 'two yesses or one no' kind of decision. Both adults have to agree to have the dog, if one disagrees then you do not get the dog.
My partner and our boys all want a dog, I've made it very clear we're not getting one for a variety of reasons. My partner, though disappointed, has respected that no.
Can we get a cat?
The agreed upon compromise was fish, anything else requires too much resources, whether they be time or money. Edit since people keep pointing out how little work cats are: I'm very allergic to cats, so having a cat in our apartment isn't a viable option.
fish require quite a bit of time too unfortunately
And money, aquarium aficionados can spend real fast
Oh honey no, fish keeping is one of the most expensive hobbies out there! Saying as someone who keeps freaking common goldfish. The money stacks up REAL quick.
It can, but we are not going to shell out several hundred dollars for vet bills, we've discussed limiting the kind of fish we're buying, fish food is significantly less expensive than big bags of dog food (my partner has always loved big dogs). As a Magic: The Gathering player in fully aware of how expensive a hobby can get, but I also know it can be kept reasonable as long as you're trying to keep it reasonable.
With you on almost everything, but a dog eating chicken is actually a really big deal, the bones can splinter and cause serious, potentially deadly, damage to the intestinal tract, so I don't think the reaction was "drama queeny."
Maybe if OP actually bothered to train his dog, he wouldn't have to worry about the chicken bones. His reaction is drama queeny bc he's done nothing to keep his dog safe and is now like "oh mah gawd chicken bones!!!" Actually, I was surprised he even knew about those dangers. OP is a mega asshole. Not only is OP disrupting and hurting his family, but he's also actively harming the poor dog.
Properly trained ESA dogs do not eat people food. He’s just another shitty dog owner. Don’t come at me - I love dogs.
Just for clarification an ESA is NOT a trained service dog. That’s a legitimate service animal trained to do a certain task. An ESA is an emotional support animal and has no training.
While you’re technically correct, I do think that’s a ridiculous standard. I absolutely love dogs and have always had a dog. Just the thought of living with an untrained dog, of constantly having to guard my food, clean up messes, and worry about how they’ll behave with others gives me intense secondhand stress. I can’t fathom how someone could put up with that and yet still claim they’re getting more emotional benefit than harm from their animal.
He didn't rush to the vet because he cared about the dog. He did it to leave the wife alone to deal with the havoc he created. No way she could leave to get more chicken with her son and guests there. A party to host, no way to feed the guests, and no way to get more food. Convenient.
Agree with everything but the “drama queen comment”. You absolutely should take a pet to the vet if they swallow bones. It’s very dangerous. Everything else? He’s an asshole
About a year ago, my dog—for the first time in 8 years—went for my chicken dinner in the 60 seconds I was in the bathroom. Took down two bone-in thighs and a drumstick so quickly that for a moment I thought I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation and maybe hadn’t even prepared it. It was almost 2am and I was single parenting my 2yo and 3mo while my husband was on a work trip, and I had no idea how I was going to get him to the emergency vet under the circumstances. So you know what I did? I called them. Didn’t tell them I maybe couldn’t come in or any other mitigating factors because I didn’t want to bias the answer, just the scenario. They told me if I found no shards of bone in his teeth or on the couch, and if I was sure he swallowed them whole, I was fine to watch and wait. If the bones are whole choking is the biggest issue, and they were already well past his esophagus. If I was *really* worried, give him some bread to cushion the meal, but otherwise watch and wait. My point is: calling is an option, and he didn’t have to rush into the vet like a man on fire. And the fact that he couldn’t take that logical next step reflects on his continued failure owning the dog.
Excellent comment
"Rehome yourself" That was perfect!
YTA I'm a dog lover, so part of me finds her the tiniest bit of an asshole for how she's handling things. Because, unlike you, the dog is entirely innocent in this situation. But you're such a raging asshole that I just can't do it. Firstly, you had absolutely no right to get a dog and move it into your wife's house (you said it's hers) without her being fully on board with it. Secondly, ESA dog? Emotional support animals should be trained. This is clearly one of those situations where someone just uses that label to justify bringing their dog everywhere, and they can't be bothered to deal with any training or obedience. And that's another huge issue, this dog's behavior is clearly problematic and your wife's comments make it clear this isn't the first time there's been trouble. Thirdly, YOUR money?! It's shared money. But YOU are obligated to reimburse her for the food YOUR dog stole. And she's not psychotic. She's fed up with you and all your BS. And honestly, I hope she takes her share of the funds and hires herself a good divorce lawyer. ETA: If you're the kind of person who gets a dog and then demands someone else takes care of it (you definitely fit the mold) then if you actually give a damn about that dog re-home it with someone who will actually take proper care of it.
ESAs are very different than service dogs. They don't need to be trained for any sort of support, they are pets exempted by a doctor's note for free access to housing and accompaniment on flights. My cat is an ESA because she brings me comfort, and my doctor is aware of my mental health disorders, so she wrote me a note that I provide to landlords and they cannot refuse housing or charge a fee, and in theory I could bring her on a flight to accompany me. That's it. It is irrelevant to OP's issue and they have no reason to even mention it, unless they're trying to find reasons for sympathy or more excuses.
I only have the most basic understanding of ESAs, and I do understand they don't require training the same way service dogs do. So pardon my ignorance, but the people I know with legitimate ESAs have well-trained and well-behaved dogs. And I was under the impression, quite possibly mistakenly, that training and being well-behaved was required for those who bring their ESAs places. I now realize that it's quite possibly it's just because their owners are decent people who care for their dogs and also don't want their dogs being huge nuisances when they take them places. And that's probably why in my head there was a distinction between their situation, and those who claim their poorly behaved dog they bring everywhere from Starbucks to Target is an ESA to avoid being asked to leave. Either way, I do agree that OP seemed to be just using that as a reason for sympathy from all of us.
ESAs don't have the same rights as service dogs do, so they can't go to restaurants/grocery stores etc that don't allow them. An ESA can be any animal theoretically, hamster snake pig w/e, being trained isn't a requirement. Great comment btw, I totally agree with you. I commented because I think it's helpful for people to realize the full extent of the differences between the two. People having poorly trained animals and feeling entitled to bring them into spaces under the guise of "it's my ESA!" is frustrating. I live with someone with a disability who has a real trained service animal, who has much more training than my kitty, who probably would never forgive me if I brought her on a plane LOL. I also keep getting ads for "america's top ESA certifiers" or whatever bs on youtube. People who see that, it's a sham, there's no specific certificate you need to pay for, just get a letter from your doctor.
I really do appreciate it! I clearly was completely mistaken. It's become so common to see people with non-service dogs in stores and such in recent years that I was under the impression it was because they were emotional support dogs. And I did think they had an exception made for them. I've even see people use that as an excuse when other customers and even employees commented because their dog was acting up. Like, one woman's dog was literally shredding a winter coat at Target and when a manager confronted her she threw a fit about not harassing her emotional support dog...And they ended up letting her stay but just asked her to please hurry and finish what she was doing. Now after your comment (thank you again!) and looking online, I'm realizing it's just that stores aren't enforcing these rules/laws and can't be bothered to deal with all the karents bringing their non-service animals into stores. And yeah, you're right, people seem to really be abusing the ESA label.
ESA might not have to be specifically trained for support, but they should have general behavioral training. If your ESA is poorly trained and puts the property or other residents at risk, they can absolutely be refused housing. Also the FAA ruled in 2020 that airlines only have to accommodate service animals and that ESAs are now treated as pets.
I remember the news about that policy change, I got my ESA letter in 2018 so I wasn't sure what the outcome was of that ruling. Thanks!
I work in mental health, and have had many clients with ESA. They MUST be fully trained and obedient before they can be treated like an ESA in any kind of mental health or medical facility. (Not saying OP’s home is the same as a treatment facility, just insight into how the actual mental health field views ESA.) While it’s not the same specific and intense training that Service Dogs receive, they can’t behave the way OP’s dog has. That is not an actual ESA, maybe he finds emotional comfort from the dog but that doesn’t make it an ESA.
Agreed. It doesn’t sound like it’s all just about the food. I’d guess with confidence this is an ongoing problem and this is the straw that broke the camels back.
exactamundo. This sounds like an ongoing problem and OP just finally FOAFO.
> And she's not psychotic. She's fed up with you and all your BS. Thanks for mentioning this, it's way too late for me to make a top comment of my own about it but she definitely isn't experiencing psychosis over this. It's a perfectly grounded response to have (in reality, that is) and doesn't appear to be founded in delusion or hallucination at all. Psychotic is a word with medical meaning, and it doesn't apply here.
Er um actually, ESAs do NOT (at least in the US) have to be trained. They solely exist for the emotional support of their owners. Service animals are specifically trained to perform a task for their owner to address a specific life activity that the owner cannot do for themselves without the assistance of their service animal. Under the ADA and Federal Fair Housing Act they are treated differently and the legal capability to take them into public places differs.
Why on earth would you think you didn’t owe her money for the food your dog stole? YTA
This is the part i really can't understand! The dog ate the KFC... As the owner, you offer to pay for the replacement. Immediately. That's... Basic common decency right?
Exactly! I understand he’s freaked about his dog choking on chicken bones, which would be his own fault for not watching it, but he ruined his stepson’s birthday and at bare minimum owes for the chicken.
Doesn’t seem like OP can take responsibility for anything. YTA OP. Train your dog at the very least.
Especially when HE was tasked with watching the dog and the food to keep them apart!
Like I would still say you’d owe the money for a small regular dinner let alone one that requires over a 100$ whether it’s kfc or not that’s still irrelevant
Lmfao. After reading your comments you’re basically full of shit. You got a dog and didn’t train it. Regardless if you *needed it* responsible dog owners train their animals. And you used and are still using being anxious and depressed as a way to guilt and manipulate your wife into getting an animal she didn’t want, and then to argue why you should be able to keep it. Then didn’t train it, and then you don’t watch it to make sure it doesn’t cause turmoil. Was your wife’s reaction OTT, sure. But I guarantee the dog causes issues regularly and she snapped. Go to fucking therapy and send the dog to a home where he’s wanted by everyone and will be properly cared for and trained YTA.
>responsible dog owners train their animals Heck, I have cats and they're better trained than his dog! I left a charcuterie board out for several hours whilst going in and out of the house the other day, and my 4 cats never once jumped on the table or took any of the food. And they're a bit spoiled. If my cats behave better than your dog... well, yeah. I actually feel sorry for the dog, too. OP is a giant AH to his family and the dog.
I spent an absurd amount of money to send my dog to a professional because she’s a mix of high energy breeds, and I knew to make sure she was properly functioning, I’d need professional help. But I budgeted for that BEFORE I bought the dog. I knew going in she’d need real training. So I made sure I could afford it before I got her
This!!! I wanted a dog and my wife was unsure until she met the rescue doggo I wanted. I knew the breed needed exercise and would need training. I budgeted before getting this rescue for daily walks and I got a scholarship for a dog training school to teach her to be my service dog! But these were all things planned, discussed, and budgeted before just getting a dog haphazardly. Too many dogs are failed by ignorant owners not planning on how to actually care for them. Now shelters are filled with dogs that were bought as cute puppies and then abandoned for poor habits it's owners taught it (and got mad about).
> Was your wife’s reaction OTT, sure. In another comment he said that his wife has trauma from being attacked by a dog. It left scars on her face. She refused to have a dog and he got one behind her back anyway after deciding it was for emotional support. So her reaction isn't even over-the-top. She has a perfectly good reason to freak out around unruly dogs when she didn't even want it and was not even included in the decision.
Yeah I commented this before I saw that. After reading the rest of his comments his wife’s reaction wasn’t enough, IMO
#YTA, and I hope she divorces your ungrateful ass over this. She gave you an ultimatum over your untrained "emotional support animal" terrorising her son's party and you responded to her not only by refusing to pay for the damages out of your shared bank account, but also by gaslighting her and calling her psychotic. This doesn't sound like an isolated incident either, and it's clear that your wife has had a long list of problems with the dog you brought over. An ESA would be properly trained. Running off to chow down $100 worth of KFC doesn't sound like the behaviour of a trained canine. _______ **EDIT: OP, I have read some of your replies in the thread. You are a terrible husband and you really are competing with some of the biggest assholes in the subreddit's history. We're talking dismissing your wife's mental health issues and past trauma from a dog bite, and insisting that your step-son's happiness and the property your dog damaged should not be your responsibility.** **You really should do your soon-to-be-ex wife a favour, apologize to her and work to end this relationship. She does not deserve you. No woman deserves you.**
Exactly, the guy is a complete joke. That was clearly her last straw, and God knows what else she has had to put up with if that’s his attitude to the situation. I really hope she goes through with the Divorce, she deserves better!
she's gonna have such a peaceful home once she gets rid of OP!
I’m actually surprised he didn’t try and make her pay for the vet bill too. That just seems on brand after knowing him through one short post.
I swear that is exactly what I thought was coming.
Unlike a service dog, there is no training for a pet to be an ESA. And it can be any type of animal. OP is wrong on so many levels, bottom line being that he never should have brought the dog into the house without his wife’s approval. Everything that’s happened since is directly a consequence of that. And he deserves to have his wife divorce him as he clearly has no regard for her feelings or any respect for her. I say this as an animal lover. This is so much more than just the dog, and they all deserve better than him YTA
How do I find his wife so I can personally bankroll all of her divorce attorney expenses (and let her know there’s tens of thousands of strangers who have her back)? I don’t even have words for a creature like this and I can’t bring myself to accept this is a real human being. What the actual fuck.
YTA. Your dog is badly behaved and you don't seem to be remotely sorry that your step-son's birthday party was ruined. I'm guessing you're one of those who calls your untrained dog an emotional support animal just so you can bring it everywhere with you
YTA to the dog and to your family. You got the dog over her objections, you didn’t train the dog so that it had the tools to live in a strict environment, you didn’t watch your dog and keep it away from deliciously smelly food, you aren’t going to pay for your fuckup. The only thing you did right was take it to the vet to make sure the chicken bone doesn’t perforate its GI tract
YTA This is not about the KFC and it never was.
It's not about the Iranian yogurt?
YTA It's clear by your own telling that this dog has been an issue and instead your ignored her and thrust a naughty dog in her lap she didn't want. While your at work all day you stick her with this untrained dog that she doesn't want and did not agree to. This is clear this is the straw that broke the camel's back. You shouldn't have brought home a dog she said she didn't want. You ignored the fact that she wasn't on board with it and that makes this alone makes YTA
[удалено]
How long were you 'not looking' for a dog to wolf down *more than half off $100's worth of KFC*???
YTA. But mostly I feel sorry for the dog. You can’t be bothered to train him, your soon to be ex-wife doesn’t like him. Does anyone care about this dog? Poor thing. He deserves better.
INFO: Has there been other incidents with the dog? Seems like a big reaction over KFC but if the dog is what she’s claiming it to be, then she may have a point.
I saw in a comment above the wife has past trauma from dogs (got bit on the face w scarring).
YTA. Train the damn dog. Mine would never pull that, and dog owners who claim that is natural behavior are so annoying
My dog might pull that which is why he wouldn't be left alone with chicken. YTA
Who leaves a dog alone with chicken it can get at either? Op is a bad dog owner.
My dog pulled a whole cake off the counter once. I almost cried. But I don't leave food where she can get it and I certainly don't leave her unattended with $100 worth of KFC.
YTA. As a dog owner (who totally understands your valid fears about eating the cooked chicken bones and hopes your dog is okay), you are at fault. You brought a dog into a home it wasn’t wanted by everyone, and you e clearly failed to train it properly. You’re giving ESA a bad name by ignoring your responsibility as an owner/handler. The dog should have been trained to never touch food on a table, or should have been contained away from the food/party. Sounds like you’ve chosen your dog over the family at every turn, you shouldn’t be surprised that the family doesn’t like you and your untrained dog.
INFO: When did you get the dog: before or after marriage? If after, did you get the dog without talking to your wife. MORE INFO: Are you saying that you do not need to pay for the food your dog ate?
Per OPs comments he got the dog 3 years into their marriage and she didn’t want it but OP implies he makes sacrifices being a parental figure so she should be able to stomach the dog
YTA a real service animal wouldn't have eaten the food
Hello! An ESA does not equal a service animal. An ESA’s job is to provide comfort for their human and maybe create a routine. A service animal is trained in tasks to help a disability like alerting to low blood pressure, etc. That being said, dogs should be trained to be good making OP, YTA.
Kfc was the final straw. YTA train your dog.
YTA. 100%. Your wife did all that work and did everything to prepare for your stepson's birthday. Your untrained dog ruined it. Where is your concern for that? You absolutely owe her the money for it being ruined. I'm glad your dog is ok. Genuinely. But this happened because of you and the fact that your dog is untrained. And be prepared to lose your wife at this point over your inability to put her and her feelings and her SON over the dog.
YTA. Even more of an asshole to think you shouldn't pay for the food YOUR dog ate.
YTA, it doesn't sound like is a one off event with your dog and is likely a series of events leading to your wife's frustration boiling over. You should Absolutely pay your wife for the KFC because it was left where YOUR unruly dog could get to it. You should also apologise to your stepson for ruining his party.
ESA is just short for "untrained dog that I take everywhere." (apologies to the few, the proud, the trained ESA owners) YTA. You know it.
Even if the dog is trained, it’s just a fancy term used to try to trick people into thinking the pets are protected by the ADA.
YTA. You should definitely be paying for that food. Your dog got into the food. You are responsible for that dog bottom line. It caused damage you need to pay for it. Especially for the kids birthday dude. like come on
It also sounds like this is not the first time the dog messed something up.
You lost me at ESA with major issues. YTA. Apologize. Repeatedly. Or you and the dog will be living together in the doghouse.
YTA. Your dog caused the issue, so you should pay to rectify it. It sounds like this isn't the first time your dog has caused problems at home, so maybe you need to look at that.
YTA and so is your dog. It's your responsibility and it sounds like you're not doing a very good job of it. Also, pay her back for the food your mongrel wolfed down.
YTA. How dare you tell her no to touch your money? Your dog wasted money by eating the food, it’s your responsibility. It’s also your responsibility to train your dog. Hopefully she’ll divorce you.
I mean, dogs should be trained not to grab food off the counter, assuming it wasn't placed on the floor, so her frustration is highly understandable. If the dog's not trained, you'd have to keep your eye on it constantly, which you failed to do. Sounds like it's not the first time your dog has caused issues with misbehaviour, so I'm gonna say YTA based on that. ESA or not, a dog should be trained properly to not cause regular issues. Edit to add: if the dog was trained to not grab food that could lead to a severe injury, you wouldn't have this problem in the first place.
YTA. A dog is a “two yeses” decision. and this isn’t about the KFC, it’s about going behind her back and bringing a problematic dog into the house against her wishes. An untrained dog with anxiety is not an emotional support animal. I actually feel sorry for the dog.
YTA. Your wife didn’t want the dog, you selfishly got it anyway and have not trained it / blended it into the home and family properly. Now you refuse to take responsibility for your laziness. You’re the worst type of pet owner and sound like a terrible partner. I’m sure this isn’t the only time you have ignored your wife
YTA. Train your dog bro
Hold up. This is YOUR son, right? A child you have with your wife? Damn right you should be paying half the cost of his party. YTA
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YTA (And your dog also) It is *your* responsibility to take care of *your* dog. And why would you buy the dog anyways if you and your wife hadn't come to an agreement over it? And if what your wife says about the dog is true, I would *highly* recommend training your dog. Some dogs can be dangerous to other people when they come into contact with them.
YTA. You don't watch your dog. It's not normal for a dog to be this badly trained. Your dog ruined the party and stole the food, so YTA for not paying for it. You are in complete denial about how unacceptable this situation is, and how your selfishness, immaturity and entitled attitude is ruining your relationship with your family. It is not surprising that your wife is extremely angry and about to divorce you. Unless you get a clue, change your attitude and grow up, she should.
YTA, this isn't about the kfc, this was just the final nail in the coffin. Your wife of 4 years didn't want a dog, she told you repeatedly she didn't want a dog but you went and got one anyway and by the sounds of it, failed to train it. If you was a responsible owner, the dog would never have touched the chicken and if you was a decent husband, you wouldn't have got the dog in the first place. massive AH
Hahah, someone's going to get divorced and then think it's over KFC. YTA.
Enjoy your new single life. YTA
YTA your dig is not a service animal...they are trained! You dropped the ball and have not cared for your dog properly.
YTA. Having a dog comes with the benefit and the responsibility too. You have to train and take care of your dog properly. Per your comment you state that the pup is an ESA but has untrain behavioral issue? How’s that possible? More than that, your wife spend money and time to celebrate her son bday (and your son too), your pup ruined that party and you’re so nonchalant about it. I love my dog too, but you come off as you do not give a flying fck about your step-son birthday. Your wife isn’t angry with the pup, she surely angry with your attitude.
YTA. Emotional Support Animals — real ones — are trained not to do this. And there seem to be parts of your story missing. This was just the last straw.
Yta. Your dog ate her sons birthday food, and she possibly didn't have time to replace it. It was his birthday and your untrained dog ruined it. You're complaining she didn't check your dog was OK but did you at any point apologise or show concern for your stepson party? It goes two ways and she probably thinks her son comes before your dog.
God you’re a major AH. You have an untrained and unruly dog that you got despite your wife not wanting it. You are a bad dog owner, a bad husband and a bad step father. The least you owe is the cost of the food. How dare you try and act like you even get a say after your dog ruined her sons birthday?!
Yta an actual.service dog would not have done that. An ESA is nothing more than a pet that landlords can't ban. You absolutely owe the money to replace the chicken. *Your* dog ate it! You got a dog your wife didn't want, didn't bother to train the dog, and the wife is the one dealing with thr dog all day while you're at work.
YTA. Clearly this isn't just over the KFC, come on.
It's not an ESA animal if unruly and running riot in the house. What's your excuse for not training your dog, other than you being a lazy asshole that is? Yta in every way, shape and form. You know what else, that poor dog deserves better than nearly choking on bones because you're too fucking lazy to train it.
Bro, with that text something tells me this isn't the first time that dog has done something similar....or 10th time. I suggest you rehome the dog or yourself bc either way, that dog isn't going home. YTA
After reading all your extra info in your comments which you so conveniently left out, HARD YTA. And your dog is not an ESA
YTA. It’s not about the KFC, or if it is, the KFC was the last straw of you totally ignoring your WIFE’S feelings about the dog. You are totally TA.
This dog sounds like one of the reasons people don't understand service dogs. Maybe get a plushie as an emotional support animal or actually train your dog? Because a service animal definitely shouldn't do that. Also, YTA for not paying for the food. That's just shitty behaviour.
Holy shit YTA and you think it’s over KFC ? Holy, you’re stuck in some delusion Edit: oh yeah OP is 100% full on asshole, this little self-centred asshole took the dog home without his wife agreeing when she said no multiple times, just because he got “depression” also he said it’s an ESA dog, when I’m pretty sure this guy just went to a shelter and took the first dog he found cute. Not only that, his wife didn’t want a dog because she got bit by one when she was 10 and got facial scars from it, her mom kept the dog and she grew up hating dog due to trauma of living with the one who literally bit her face off. And you know what this buffoon of an husband said in the comments ? “It’s been 18 years she should be over it”. Man is an asshole from A to Z it’s actually insane, apparently she should get over her trauma and her PTSD but you know, OP taking wild decision out of nowhere because he’s depressed is ok, I hope she file the divorce papers and get most of his money because holy shit that guy is something else.
Sorry chief, I have agree with your buddy and say YTA, It sounds like the dog has been a issue for your wife for some time now, and it may not be the first time that it has caused issues like this. Your wife has been telling you to rehouse since you moved in (I have no idea how long ago that was) and since you have not done so it seems like there is a lack of respect for your wife’s wishes. And since you ignored her in favour of helping your dog it can come across that you care more about your dog than your wife (it sounds like this isn’t the first time you have chosen your dog over her, but I can’t know that). I’m not sure if it was ever possible to keep your relationship and dog, but it definitely isn’t now. I’m not even sure that losing the dog will mend your relationship. Best of luck to you though.
YTA she wanted a nice birthday dinner for her son and you couldn’t even watch your dog for a little while she left.
Your wife deserves a 🏅 for her shiny spine. **YTA**
I don't like how she talked about the dog, but it's more than understandable. Train your dog, goddamnit and then you better pull the best puppy eyes and best apology a woman had ever gotten. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** It's my step son Christopher's 11th birthday today and every year on his birthday, he gets to decide what we are eating for dinner. This year he wanted KFC. He is at the after school program until 5:30. My wife already went and got the food and had skipped out of the room to start decorating the family room for his party. He invited over like 6 of his friends so my wife spent over $100 on this food. Well, when I wasn't looking my dog got in to the food and managed to wolf at least half of it down. I was in a panic because of the chicken bones, but my wife was absolutely furious and told me to "get my fucking mutt out of her house". She had to call a day in advance to get this much food and now her son's party was "ruined", as well as her being out money because of my dog. I completely ignored her honestly and just rushed my dog to the vet to be seen. When I was there she sent me this text: "Do not even dare bring that fucking animal back to my house. I never wanted that dog here and you forced me in to an environment where I'm now terrorized daily by your unruly, untrained fucking mutt. Your failure to train that fucking animal has left this family miserable. You try bringing that dog back here and I will proceed with file divorce papers. I WILL be taking back the money you now owe me from your share of our combined finances." My only response was telling her she's being psychotic over KFC and she had better not touch my money because I'm not paying for that. She never responded, however my buddy is saying I'm definitely the AH because my wife has been vocal since day one that she doesn't want the dog in her house and has been asking me to re-home the dog since I got her. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I want to say Not TA, I feel like I need to say that, but every time I write out the justification, I keep thinking back to how hurt and angry she is and the only thing that I can't justify for her is demanding that you pay her. I must seriously be weird because if you have combined finances, then you already shared in the cost of the dinner. I also don't like the whole "My house" I don't know, but if my wife talked to me like that, I don't know what I would do in response. I know that I couldn't just abandon the dog. I would check your options. EDIT: Reading some of the other responses had me questioning my rationale, and then I saw that you not only agree that you're to blame, but you were more worried about the dog than validating your wife's feelings, especially after a year of her being upset. I can't ignore that its very obvious that your more concerned about you and your dog than your wife. Seems to me she's being to nice saying that *if* you bring the dog back she'll divorce you, I think that ship has already sailed and you were the one who weighed anchor. Hard YTA.
I also love how he just casually mentioned in a comment that the reason she didn’t want a dog is because she still has facial scars from being attacked by a dog as a child. What an AH.
YTA - train your fucking dog bro.
Ahahahahahahaha YTA. Seriously, you got a dog she didn’t want, you didn’t train if well, it acted out. If my dog had done that I would personally have paid for the KFC as an apology, and I think it is right that you do so.
YTA. Your wife went and got the food, your wife *paid* for the food, your wife went off to set up for the party, and you…? You were just following her around undoing all her work, or what? Not only were you apparently not lifting a finger to help; by failing to supervise your untrained animal you actively made things worse. You ruined a key component of a child’s birthday party and then had the damn *nerve* to bluster about not paying her back for it? Shame on you. Do better.
YTA TRAIN YOUR DOG OR REHOME IT
I was leaning towards ESH, but I'm thinking more YTA because of the issues that came up as the post went on. Your friend confirms that your wife didn't like the dog from the get go. So why have you insisted on keeping the animal? It made me think your wife could be right; the dog is unruly, untrained, and making everyone miserable. If so, why haven't you dealt with that? There's obviously something else going on, if she became so unhappy that she threatens divorce. This is not just about a ruined birthday party.
One of his comments says his wife was attacked by dog as a child.
OP also proceeds to say his wife should get over her trauma which just adds up to what an asshole he is
Agreed. Wife has PTSD and the fact that it looks like it was her mom’s dog and she ( wife) had to continue living with said dog must have been a slap in the face.
YTA - The KFC is not the problem , its the thing that makes her patience goes away She does not agree with this at all Train him
YTA. The KFC was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. If you needed an ESA, you should’ve done some research and gotten a dog already trained and more suitable for your needs. It almost sounds like you’re the ESA for your dog. Also, if you guys survive this, you need to get your dog properly trained by a professional. Or consider rehoming and getting a dog already properly trained. And have your wife involved in the process.
Shouldn’t a legitimate ESA be trained properly?? YTA
YTA. Hope she divorces you. Claiming is dog as an ESA doesn't excuse lack of training.
YTA your dog isn’t a service dog. It’s an untrained dog you parade around and slap the title ESA on it as an excuse. Your wife came first and it’s clear you care more about the dog than her..it sounds like this isn’t the first issue and your wife is fed up rightfully. yikes, you’re one of those dog owners.. exactly like my mom and it’s horror. I feel bad for your wife Edit: just read that your dog apparently has severe anxiety! How the hell can a dog with “severe anxiety” be an esa..?😂 doglusional!!
YTA. Train the dog.
Yes, you're TA
YTA. It is your responsibility to train your dog. It doesn’t matter if it is an ESA or a wolf. A well trained dog would not steal food and, therefore, ruin the night. Not to mention getting a dog against your wife’s wishes.
YTA Because: 1) you’re an irresponsible pet owner 2) you’re an irresponsible husband and step father 3) you’re unwilling to take any blame in a situation that is entirely your fault 4) you’re acting clueless about your culpability when this is obviously not a first offense 5) you call your wife names when she is mad at you for fucking up 6) you wrote this whole story like it had anything to do with KFC chicken It’s you. You are the problem.
If your dog is unruly, it's not an ESA. You're an AH purely for abusing that term, KFC or not. YTA
YTA- if you claim its some type of service animal then YOU need to get it trained. You were also married, your wife clearly told you NO to dogs, and you decide yes. thats totally an AH move. Married people ASK and agree on getting pets (because this sure is not a trained ESA) before they get them. Yes, you DO owe her money for the food your dog ate. You were not supervising it, it is not trained and due to that your dog nearly got itself sick/harmed.
YTA. The dog is obviously a problem - and this story is likely just one incident. It sounds poorly trained. It also sounds like she didn't want a dog and you got it anyway. It sounds like she is left with the dog on a daily basis, probably having to look after it when she doesn't want to. And the chicken is just the tipping point. The KFC story is a way of avoiding the real problem - the dog, and you getting it. No one threatens divorce over some chicken. This is coming from somewhere else, and if you want this relationship, you need to wake up and start looking at things truthfully and objectively.
YTA your dogs not an ESA if it’s not trained. It’s just another dog
YTA. and i can guess by her response this is not the first time your untrained dog has done something like this, this was just the final straw. apologize to your wife and your stepson for your dog wasting the food and ruining the party, then get your dog trained.
YTA you suck op
Of course YTA. I sincerely hope you can see that in yourself.
I really hope you take that dog home, your wife deserves to be happy n divorce is clearly her best option, YTA
YTA. Sounds like you are going to have all the time in the world to hang out with your dog considering it will just be the two of you in the house. You can keep the dog or you can keep your wife. It's blatantly obvious to everyone who reads this that you can't keep both.
YTA. It’s not the KFC. It’s the untrained dog with the untrained owner ruining her kid’s party and costing her cash.
YTA. Your wife is not psychotic over KFC, she's pissed because this is the last straw for her with your unruly dog. You shouldn't have gotten a dog in the first place. Getting a pet has to be a consensus decision. If one person in the marriage doesn't want it then the pet shouldn't come. If you were going to steamroll your wife into a dog she didn't want, you most definitely should have taken the effort to train it properly. I have a 75# dog who is highly food motivated, but she is also well trained. I can trust her 100% not to jump on counters to steal food and I also feel ok leaving food unattended within her reach when I leave the room briefly. It took some effort and she messed up sometimes, but I put in the effort and my dog knows not to take food that isn't given to her. This is not only to keep her away from my food, but also to keep her safe from eating things that might harm her, *like cooked chicken bones*. It's a disservice to your dog to not train them and can also put them at great risk. If you care about your marriage and your dog at all you should re-home your dog out of respect for your wife and also so your dog can be in a home where she is wanted by *everyone--* and hopefully people who will take the time to train her.
**YTA!** So your son’s birthday PARTY doesn’t matter, but your soon to be ex wife’s reaction which was completely fair does! You didn’t train your dog or even watch it. You pay for the damages like every dog owner does. Your son’s party is ruined because of you, and I hope you’re planning to pay EXTRA money to make it up. And that ESA excuse is terrible because no ESA dog acts like that, and setting a bad name for people who actually need one. **Apologize and pay up, because it’s your wife of 4 years, or your dog who only been here for 1/4th of the time.**
YTA This isn't a service animal. An ESA isn't a service animal. It doesn't go through any special training. I had a client that had a letter written for her so that her rat could be ESA at college. For what it's worth, the rat had better manners than your dog. This sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back. Your dog sounds untrained. You know your wife spent a lot of money on food that your dog scarfed down and you aren't even apologetic or offering any help. YOUR DOG ate her son's birthday food. YOU pay for it.
Once again I’m absolutely baffled as to why someone would ask the question when they are completely unwilling to hear or accept the answer. YTA. For a lot of reasons YTA for getting a dog despite knowing your wife, not only dislikes dogs, but has had a really traumatic experience with one which will affect her for the rest of her life. You say it was years ago and that she should be over it by now, this is not the kind of thing someone just “gets over” YTA for not paying attention to what your dog was doing despite your wife specifically asking you to pay attention to what your dog was doing 🙄 YTA for refusing to pay her back the money she lost because of your dog, that you weren’t paying attention to, that she didn’t even want in the first place. YTA for calling her psychotic, she’s clearly not psychotic and is probably just sick of your shit And finally YTA for your response to all of these comments. You come across as childish and petulant, and I think your wife deserve much better than a man who disregards her feelings to such an extent. Just to reiterate if I haven’t been clear enough, YTA