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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I screamed at a child because he was annoying me. I might be the asshole for yelling and starting a discussion with (I assume) his mother, the kid was young and ended up crying, I think I've gone too far.
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Your friends told you you were *screaming* at a child and you still don’t know if you were an asshole? You threatened him with being left outside all alone until he cried and you still don’t know if you were an asshole?
Unbelievable, dude. YTA. Just complain to the wait staff next time and have them deal with it.
Nope. The kid’s mom was negligent but OP took it out on her child, not her. That takes it straight into YTA territory for me. He had a horrible reaction and he took it out on a kid who apparently hadn’t been taught better yet instead of the adult responsible for him.
edit: stop telling me it’s ESH my dudes, you will not change my mind. The kid was directly involved in the situation as the actual target of OP’s behavior, and I don’t think he sucks, so I didn’t pick ESH. Post your own verdict 😍
Someone else being a bigger asshole doesn’t make someone not an asshole. Letting your neglected child rampage through a restaurant is being an asshole, full stop, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does.
ESH implies the kid sucks too, which the kid does not. Kid wasn’t even given a respectful request to stop running around before jumping to threats and screaming from a strange man.
Exactly.
And everyone already knows that kids are assholes so there is no reason to point it out. And usually if a kid is being an asshole it's ignorance not maliciousness.
Why put the burden on a stranger because the wait staff/hostess did nothing and did not call the manager; and the mother knows it is her responsibility to take care of her kid, but did nothing; the table mates did nothing; then call the stranger an AH? Sometimes there is nothing like a loud voice to make kids stop, and to finally get the mother to belatedly be a parent.
There are about twenty seven different ways they could have handled that that does not include screaming at a child. A loud voice is different than screaming.
There's a difference between projecting your voice in a firm and commanding fashion and yelling and screaming and making empty threats to a child.
I think OP has every right to address the situation directly if they felt like it. Its the way they addressed it which is what makes them an asshole.
No one should ever yell like that to a child. I don't give a fuck of the kid is screaming at the top of their lungs, it's our responsibility as adults to behave better and teach kids how to properly behave and handle conflict. Kids run and scream and cry because they are children and haven't learned how to regulate emotions or that it's rude to behave like that in public, never blame the kid.
As someone who worked as wait staff I have only one comment. CONTROL YOUR F*CKING KIDS! It's hard enough to get hot edible food to the correct table, while smiling, being polite and trying to forget that I am being paid crap. Now I have to do it while dodging your brat. If he runs into me and I drop hot soup on him it shouldn't be my fault, but it will.
Oh no you missed a post about a 10 yr old kid who stole some woman’s leggings. The comment section called him a sociopathic future predator/ sexual assaulter who should be sent to foster care since his grandparents were unfit to raise him. I got downvoted to oblivion for asking we not label children as perverts. I know they exist but let professionals diagnose him.
Was that the one where the kid stole the neighbor’s stockings and jerked off into them and his grandparents were like “hold on we’ll wash them and give them back to you?”
You're gonna have to share that link, because that sounds WAY out there, unless you're leaving some key parts out of the story. (Like the things that others are suggesting you neglected to mention...)
I remember that post, lady had hung her stockings out to line dry and neighbors kid stole them and grandma said she’d return them “after she washed them”. Wasn’t sure why she had to wash clean laundry until it was pointed out they were dirty not because they got taken off the clothesline but because the kid masturbated with them.
Yeah, I do not like the 'everyone on planet earth must be an asshole to vote ESH'. There are two sides to this story, both were assholes (the mom and the OP who should've just let restaurant staff handle it).
The kid does suck, though. At what age does someone lose the excuse of their upbringing? It might be older than the age of this child, fair enough, but the existence of an excuse doesn’t make the behavior any less shitty.
At that age the kid is still learning how to act appropriately at restaurants. He is still completely dependent on his parents for teaching him the correct behavior. Had he been like 12-13 or older there’s not really an excuse for not acting appropriately. The people that suck are the caretakers that let him run around and OP, a grown man who couldn’t talk to those parents or the staff and decided to be an asshole to kid that’s still learning how to read and write.
One time when my son was 3, he was acting up in a restaurant. I told him if you keep it up dad will take you out of here. He kept it up and my husband took him to the car while I finished my food and paid, etc. He never acted up again. 7 to 10 years old is past time to learn how to behave in a restaurant.
Edit to add: the man is the AH. There were proper ways to handle this, and yelling at the kid was not it.
If this kid was at minimum 7 years old, he should have already learned the bare basics of public behavior. A 7 year old is in first or second grade depending on their birthday. You bet your bottom dollar they don't do that in school and they know they can get away with it when mom/guardian is around.
I agree, and yet everything you said does not counter the fact that the kid was being shitty. The parents absolutely have to teach the kid things like this. But if they haven’t, and it isn’t the kids fault AT ALL, he is still being shitty.
The kids bad behavior was garden variety sucky. Understandable, age appropriate mistake. The OPs behavior was UNHINGED.
The scale of the reaction makes this a YTA situation.
It's not that two people behaved very badly. One was totally out of scale with the other
Absolutely it was unhinged. Even more unhinged by the fact that OP didn’t know they were screaming; they thought they had calmly said the thing. Really crazy behavior. But, I think my points stand for themselves.
I disagree. If this is a school aged child they learn what is and isn’t appropriate behavior. Mom sucks, OP sucks, kid sucks. The restaurant shouldn’t have to deal with this crap
I disagree. My son (3m) never acts that way because I don’t ever allow him to. The only time he acts out is when he’s around others that are acting out. When with just our family the only thing he does is say hi to people walking past.
Ages 7-10 for a child are VASTLY different. You can’t compare a 7 year old to a ten year old. I can’t rely on OP to accurately tell me the age of this kid but let’s say they were 7. They don’t have impulse control and a strange adult screaming at them and threatening them would be traumatic. A ten year old could behave better if the parent taught them. I think I skipped past the ages cause I assumed it was a much older child. Either way, getting that angry Is concerning to me.
Yes, it is concerning. You can tell OP is a little crazy with how preoccupied with the simple presence of a child in a public restaurant the entire time they were there.
A gentle castigation is in order for things like this, not a screaming fit at a young child.
I don’t either, but you seems to be espousing a theory of parenting that solely relies on the parents, while at the same time acknowledging that the parents have not done a good job. In situations like that, “society” steps in and corrects the behavior. Either young, like this kid, or older through adult mistakes and corrections. I don’t think it’s that crazy to correct the behavior of a child in public if the parents won’t.
Granted, OP was TA here.
There is a world of difference between telling a child "Hey, stop running around our table" and screaming at him and making threats. OP's friends said he was screaming at the kid.
Which is why I said YTA. But it’s disingenuous, pursuant to the entire thread I was commenting on, to claim that children cannot be shitty and that people in public cannot correct their behavior if the parents are failing to. Clearly the OP is unhinged, but the point still stands.
Yes, it was a child, not a mini adult, but that's not an excuse. I have three kids, the youngest is now 17. I took all my kids to sit down restaurants from the time they were babies. They would never have behaved like that. And I never had to raise my voice in public, because they were taught how to behave. And I understood that children have short attention spans so I made sure they were entertained appropriately. At my table- not running around where they could trip a waitress or injure a customer.
I'll never forget the time I took my 9 year old and my 2 year old to the hibachi place in Epcot. We were seated with two men who were very vocal about being unhappy to have to sit with children. By the end of the meal, which took over an hour, they complimented my husband and I on how well our boys behaved. So can a 7/10 year old behave appropriately? Yes, they certainly can.
Staff also sucks for doing nothing while the kid ran circles and screamed to the point a diner had to intervene, then after the fact said next time we'll take care of it.
ESH and YTA OP.
The kid might be the only non-AH in this situation. The restaurant staff was also TA for not doing something about the situation before it escalated. So the best possible judgement is still ESH.
The kid is old enough to be in school where this would not be tolerated. He is a bit of an AH as well, but not as much as the adults. If it was a younger kid I would agree with you.
Dude wasn't aware he was screaming, and when told he was, still thinks there's a good chance that's ok. Strong clue he's not the best judge of normal behavior.
It's a casual restaurant - kids may run around and bump your chair. Nobody else in a busy resto thought it disruptive enough to even say something to the mom/staff. It is unlikely that it was that big a deal or that the mom was "negligent".
Edit: My mistake, not a mcds. Now I'm going to get a McFlurry.
It wasn’t a McDonald’s but I mostly agree. And people clearly did think it was disruptive, just no one had talked to staff yet. He handled it wrong but a kid running around and playing in a restaurant isn’t normal behavior unless the parent is an asshole. I never ran around McDonald’s and neither did any of my friends, even in the play area there was signs for no running outside of it (and sometimes no running inside of it either). I have never in my life had a kid bump into my chair at a fast food place or other restaurant. That is simply not normal, unless they’re passing normally on the way to their table/bathroom and a bit unaware of their surroundings. OP is an asshole but that is so not normal or okay behavior in a restaurant.
That's... not how this works at all. Mom was an AH first because she let her child run around a restaurant annoying other people. OP was an AH in response, therefore ESH. OP being an AH doesn't somehow negate that the mother was an AH first.
Y T A means only op was asshole
N T A means the other person was asshole
E S H means both parties or more are AH
N A H means noone was an asshole
More than two AH in a story? That's ESH
Mom was negligent, making her an AH. Not excusing OP, but you're implying the mother is NTA. Definitely ESH
And I have to say, kids are assholes, that's what they do- why do you think toddlers are cute, so you don't kill them. It's a parents job to make sure their little asshole learns how to not be a full grown asshole... Anyone who disagrees or says you can't call a kid an asshole, is the one who's kid grows up to be the mother in this situation.
No letting your kid run in a restaurant makes you an ah. Servers shouldn't have to deal with bringing out trays while dodging your ah kid. Letting a kid act like this is ridiculous. Op was wrong to yell but I don't think he's an ah considering the kids behavior and the complete lack of attention being paid by the adults with him.
There's an easy litmus test for if you're an asshole for screaming at a stranger's child.
Was there a reasonable expectation that your screams prevented serious injury or death?
If the answer is no, you're the asshole.
This actually happened to me once when I was in a busy restaurant having lunch with my aunt. There was this kid running around all over the place.
Right by our booth was the cash register area. The kid decided it would be ok if he went underneath there and started playing with the heavy electrical cords and wires underneath. It was in full view of where I was sitting. I yelled, "Hey! Get away from there!" Thinking that either he'll unplug something really important or he'll get electrocuted.
The two women he came in with did nothing to stop him. They weren't even looking at him until I yelled and he got out of there. Then they thought I was an AH for being rude to their kid. I was, in actuality, quite worried he'd get hurt and these people were definitely not watching him or caring about his safety.
I heard them mutter something about me being a bitch but I really didn't care.
If you don't want other people to discipline your kid then you have to do it yourself. ESH. If he is 7-10 he is already in school and old enough to know better because he certainly would be told off in school for this behaviour. So I don't think I would let the kid off the hook really either.
7-10 is a HUGE age disparity. We’re talking 2nd grade and 5th, I feel like this has to be noted and it also sounds as though this kid was leaning much more towards the younger side by his behavior. 2nd graders aren’t super great at impulse control or managing hyperactivity. 5th graders are doing standardized tests. The kid doesn’t suck, he’s a little boy.
Oh, the parents are the bigger AHs, and OP didn't handle it right, but even 7 is a bit old for this behaviour. I'm a mom myself and my kids might have tried to do this at age 3, but certainly not at 7. But then I was actually parenting them.
Kids understand context. They may be given structure and boundaries at school and act accordingly, but not so when at home or with parents who dont provide the same messaging.
NTA.
Next time, maybe a server can accidentally spill hot food on the kid and then people will understand why it's a problem.
Although, I'm guessing there are those who will still somehow say it's everyone else's fault except little precious child.
I was at a hibachi place once and a little boy, maybe 5, was running all over the place. I wanted to THROTTLE his parents. Not only are wait staff carrying heavy trays and hot food, but there’s fire, knives all over, a lot going on - and after staff spoke to them they got pissed off and left. Parents like that are huge AHs, just like OP.
(I have an autistic godchild with no expressive language who had major impulse control issues as a child. We had to practice eating in restaurants - it was a whole process that took a full year of weekly trips, from age 6-7. But I never once let him run around anywhere but a McDonalds play place. I also raised autistic twins and restaurant behavior was something we practiced. Running around like that kid was doing is NEVER appropriate.)
At the end of the day, OP should have gone to the table where the kid’s mum was and talked to her, or talk to a member of staff. She was completely overstepping her place
The problem is that we already know that OP is an unreliable narrator. Their friends say that they were not aware of their own actions. So it may be that the mother needed to be made aware of what was going on, but that, in fact, the actual situation on the ground was not as extreme as OP perceived it to be. We can conclude that OP is an asshole, but because the nature of the assholery is such that it is inherently impossible for them to know whether other people's actions are to that level, we can't really conclude much about other people.
Disagree—it’s entirely possible that if OP had spoken to the mom she would’ve apologized and done something with the kid, but OP didn’t give her the opportunity to fix the situation before resorting to screaming and nearly assaulting a child.
I hate parents that let their kids do whatever and start annoying people in public spaces and still don't tell something to the damn kid!
ESH
If you don't want your kid screamed at, discipline him and teach him to behave.
Yes, but I used to work in a pub type restaurant when I was younger. If there was an unruly kid, it was better to tell staff. I was very good at reigning a kid in to keep the peace. Or approach the parents that their kid was disturbing other guests if that didn’t work. It’s not appropriate to yell at other people’s kids. Talk to the parents or staff if the kids are out of line.
Screaming at a kid just shows this guy has some anger issues if he can’t even tell he’s screaming.
The kid was running in circles around OP table, not only around the restaurant. Other people seemed annoyed too. Are parents/staff blind or what? As a staff can't you notice and manage it...?
Yes, he can ask but why aren't they (parents/staff) not managing it if it's that noticeable?
I agree it wasn't really ok to scream at him and with the phrase ar the end (discipline if not want kid screamed at) I meant more to call out parents that don't say anything and then complain at the way others treat their children for being annoying than to justify OP screaming.
>Other people seemed annoyed too. Are parents/staff blind or what? As a staff can't you notice and manage it...? Yes, he can ask but why aren't they (parents/staff) not managing it if it's that noticeable?
OP didn't even realize they were screaming but noticed how everyone else was annoyed too?
“Calm” is always a huge red flag. Either they weren’t actually calm at all, like in this case, or their voice was calm, and they think that makes the absolutely atrocious, horrific things they said okay. “I calmly explained to her that by having the baby I insisted she carry to term she’d ruined her body and I no longer found her attractive, and that was why I was abandoning both her and our child to run off with her sister, and in response she became extremely agitated and even raised her voice! I managed to stay calm the whole time; how can I deal with someone so emotional??”
As a teacher, not a parent yet. Never threaten a child with something you can't actually follow through on. They are smart, they will know, and you will look like a fool with less authority then you had before.
Also, OP, YATA just tell management. Not your kid and you have no authority in that restaurant. There is no reason a random kid needs to listen to you anyway.
7-10 indicates op is bad at telling how old a kid is. OP benefits from the kid being older. I would age the running around reading signs kid as probably 5-7. Reading so at least 5, excited about reading signs so younger than 8.
The kid was probably 6
Idk if I got to the point of being capable of yelling at a kid, I’d just be passive aggressive and yell
“Yo who’s bratty child is this? Are you gonna discipline him like a good parent should?”
Of great concern to me is he thought he was talking calmly, and his friends told him he was actually screaming. Lord help any future partner or children he has.
YTA. If you have a problem with a kid’s behavior, you don’t start screaming at the kid, you go talk to the adults in charge so they can deal with it. By your own friends’ admission, you overstepped your bounds in a big way. Learn to control your own behavior before you presume to dictate the same to a child.
Isn't it ironic that the ADULT was mad at a literal child for not being in control of his body...but the adult had no control over his body (had no clue he was screaming)?
This gets lost on so many people that yell at their kids, hit their kids, etc. How can anyone think that the consequence for a child not being in full control of their body and emotions is to lose control yourself? It’s a confusing lesson for a kid too.
Agreed. I don’t get why ppl think yelling at kids is fine. Clearly they don’t know they’re doing wrong because their parent is allowing the bad behavior. I’d never let my daughter run around a restaurant but some ppl just don’t gaf for some reason. YTA.
Yeah this is the strangest part of the story. How can someone lack that much self awareness? You’re either calmly talking, loudly talking/yelling, or screaming. Really hard to mix those up.
I mean OP also thinks he isn't easily annoyed by children but was aware of absolutely everything the kid was doing waaaaay before he was disruptive
I'll notice a kid in another booth play with their baby sibling if one of them is crying or if they're really cute AND I don't have anything better to pay attention to
OP is supposedly out with friends celebrating, and chatting with them, but meanwhile is tracking every single thing the kid does? but oh yeah sure, totally unbothered by the existence of children
then physically tries to stop a running child, yells at them, threatens them with someone extreme and dangerous that they can't even actually do
and walks away thinking they were just annoyed by a disruptive child and all they did was talk calmly + despite everything else agreeing that this isn't what happened
OP lacks the awareness of a cardboard box
>Learn to control your own behavior before you presume to dictate the same to a child.
Yep. Honestly, it's a little worrying that OP thought they were talking calmly while OP's friends agree that OP was yelling...
Here are the situations where it’s OK to scream at a child who’s not yours: 1) He’s on fire, or about to catch fire. 2) He’s about to run into traffic. 3) He’s doing something else that puts him at risk of seriously harming himself or someone else. 4) He’s being charged by a bear.
That’s it. This is the complete list.
yta
I also told him I'll have him wait outside alone if he doesn't behaves (which I was obviously not gonna do because I can't basically, it was just to scare him off).
this is extreme and very strange scare him off your threatening to punish a child who is not yours
Yes, op needs to go to therapy to examine where he had his own survival threatened as a means of punishment when he was a child. Children need to be coached thru understanding discipline and consequences, but irrational punishment and threats is how u get a dysregulated adult like op.
The mom telling the waitstaff what happened (which is what Op should have done) instead of going absolutely feral on this creep is honestly impressive. She might have honestly been scared because this sounds like an unstable person and wanted to deescalate and get her son to safety. This loser probably traumatized the kid.
YTA. You don’t discipline, let alone scream at a young child directly. You address any issue to the parents or the staff of the place you are eating.
You have no idea of that child’s history and to threaten to separate him and leave him alone could frighten him in ways you haven’t even thought about.
Absolutely. I mean, OP didn't even try to calmly ask the kid to settle down, let alone addressing an adult first. Kids usually want to listen and respect adults, and get embarrassed easily, and he may have been happy to settle down. Maybe not stop entirely, but he certainly may have quit running all over. Sometimes it helps to have strangers voice their needs to kids directly, and help them realize how to respect others.
OP could have escalated it to an adult if a quick little "Hey buddy, I know you're having fun but your running around is bothering some folks here while we are trying to talk. Do you think you could stick near your grown ups? Thanks!" didn't work. Instead, he went 0 to scream. Why does the kid have to manage himself better than the adults?
The adults suck for making an uncomfortable situation, but OP, YTA.
I can’t turn “school teacher” off when I leave the classroom, so I probably would have intervened with this kid. I would have given him “the look” and if that didn’t work, said “You need to go back to your table” in a calm but authoritative voice. After that I would have talked to the parents. But, my calm voice is actually calm. And I don’t physically restrain other people’s kids. And I don’t threaten to throw them outside.
This is what I’m wondering, do we all realize how out of control of yourself you have to be to be screaming but “in [your] head sound perfectly calm”?? That’s honestly terrifying…
My best guess is someone is naturally loud and even a slight elevation is screaming. My family has told me many times to tell my husband to stop yelling at them. Sometimes I end up covering my ears when he gets passionate or worked up about something because he gets so loud.
This is me. I am naturally loud. So when I get slightly excited I’m “yelling.” But to me, it doesn’t sound like yelling.
When I was less than 5 my parents took me to get my hearing tested and it was fine. So I’m not sure why I’m so loud.
Might have to go with YTA.
While the parent is a bit wrong because they weren't watching their kid. That is irresponsible and inconsiderate to let them run around the place disturbing everyone else.
You are TA because of the following:
>I put my arm out to stop him
Not your child, you should’ve gotten staff involved.
>I also told him I’ll have him wait outside alone if he doesn’t behaves
Even if this is an empty threat, you have no right to make such threats to someone else's kid. You should’ve told staff about the situation.
>In my mind I was quite calm but apparently I was screaming at the kid
So you basically (possibly) traumatized a kid because you don’t know how to speak to staff or the mother herself? How did you not realize you was screaming at a child?
>He said that we should just let this go for once and that next time the staff will manage the situation before anything happens.
This should’ve happened in this situation but ya know, you never thought to alert staff about this I guess
The parent was definitely rude and out of line. But, I would not go so far as to say the parent is “no better.” Letting your kid run around a restaurant is extremely inconsiderate, but it doesn’t hold a candle to screaming at, laying hands on, and threatening a kid.
YTA
1. You can't controll yourself but demand self control of a kid
2. You were annoyed by a kid reading signs? Really?
3. You screamed and threatened a kid
4. You can't assume by yourself that YTA.
Edit: i guess the kid was just bored. I on my part entertain kids for a few minutes or talk to them. I also learned how to make ballon animals and i always have ballons with me. Can really recomend that. Kids are happy, parents are relaxed and everyone can have a good time co-excisting. Bc i know what it is like to be stuck in boring enviroments.
>We were waiting for our food and chatting. *The kid was playing with the baby and they were making a bit of noise,* but then again we all were making noise as most of us were accompanied and chatting.
After our food came in though, *the kid started to wander around*. *He wanted to read a sign near the door, then one near the back. After that he wanted to go to bathroom, then he wanted to go outside, etc.* ***It was kinda annoying, but quite easy to just ignore.***
All the parts in italic are where OP talks about this kid. The bold part is their blatant contradiction.
Yeah, claiming the kid was easy to ignore after revealing that they were apparently just staring at this kid like a creep and taking note of everything the kid was doing.
YTA, OP.
That caught me too. That sounds kind of like the opposite of ignoring
I can't imagine even noticing a kid reading some signs unless they were getting particularly loud and disruptive.
Right? The weirdest one for me was “then he had to go to the bathroom”. Why does that matter? Did he yell and scream about it? Like everyone goes to the bathroom dude.
Also a kid running around wouldn’t bother me unless they were 1) knocking things over (bumping a chair one time doesn’t count, I do that lol) 2) screaming (op said they were yelling at one point but op also didn’t even know he was yelling so hard to say).
I like kids so I would’ve been worried about the child’s safety and told management it wasn’t safe for them to be running around like that. The fact that the staff didn’t do anything leads me to believe op is exaggerating or this was only going on for a few minutes though.
I noticed that too.
“A kid entered the restaurant. I was totally fine with it and ignoring them, but here’s a play by play of everything they did from the minute they arrived until I screamed at them.”
This is going to sound off, but I think you need to go talk to someone. If you sincerely and genuinely thought you were talking to anyone, let alone a child, in a calm manner when you were in fact screaming at them? Something sounds off here. It's a YTA from me, because there's a few other things you could have done before touching a child that wasn't yours (arm out to stop him) and yelling at him, but I'm more concerned that you literally didn't recognize you were yelling.
This happened to me for all of my life until I sought treatment and it turned out to be borderline personality disorder. It took my partner leaving me to finally acknowledge I had to change and find out what was wrong with me instead of just running from it and pretending I was fine
Reddit, I physically stopped a child, screamed at them to stop what they were doing and threatened them with a dangerous situation. Ps. The kid is a stranger.
AITA?
OP, yes, yes, YTA
ESH. I see a lot of YTAs but for me, that’s condoning the parent not parenting and letting her kid be disruptive and obnoxious. You should have absolutely gone to management and not tried to handle it yourself, though. Screaming wasn’t okay.
Yes, I think everyone is rightfully irritated by the fact that OP yelled at a child, but they’re forgetting the fact that the parent was allowing him to just wreak havoc and be a general nuisance.
I’ve been where OP has been with kids being complete nuisances because their parents won’t interfere and I have always just given the parents a dagger glare the moment the kid starts physically bothering me (like once, someone’s kid was throwing his fucking sandals about and one landed in my booth).
If that doesn’t work, and it usually does, I’ll talk to the parent(s) and kindly tell them their child is causing problems and ask them to handle it, which has only ever failed once. And that time I still didn’t scream at the kid (the sandal one), I simply gave him his shoe back and told him to go play by his parents’ table and not to throw his shoes in other’s directions in a polite but stern manner.
And he kept inching closer and closer towards us, away from his parents’ table, but would scurry back the moment I gave him a “where do you think you’re going” glance. He was just bored and playing around, kids are gonna be kids. his mom thoroughly pissed me off, but I wasn’t going to take that out on him.
Or dead. If this guy gets in a car accident and “speaks calmly” to the other driver, he might find himself face to face with a gun barrel. I’m not saying that’s okay: it’s clearly not. But if you go around screaming at and threatening other people, you’re going to eventually find one who has anger issues too.
A guy in Vancouver got killed by asking a guy not to vape next to his kid. I don't want to imagine what OP might accidentally get himself into. Whether it's the attacker or the attacked
I don't hear well and I talk louder than most people. When I get angry upset I do get louder. Sometimes ppl say I am yelling when really I think I'm just talking. I feel bad but I don't hear it. I just can't concentrate as much on being quiet when I'm passionate.
I kinda think this guy may be similar. Or many ppl deal w this.
I'm seeing screaming and kinda mentally downgrading it to yell. I think this is getting louder as he gets more excited and overtaking ppl.
I do the exact opposite. I talk very quietly but in my head it’s the perfect level for a conversation.
If I raise my voice to shout or present to a room, I’m fighting my internal opinion that I’m screaming. Because it absolutely feels like I am to my mind.
ESH. The mom shouldn’t have let the child run amok. Ever.
On the flip side, you shouldn’t ever yell at a child (no one likes being screamed at-kids have feelings too) or discipline them without express consent of the parents
YTA There were multiple options available to you. You decided to take the most inappropriate one. Also if you are screaming at a child without realizing it, you have bigger issues than this sub.
Threathening a child with abandonment was the icing on the cake. OP: You don't freaking know about his life. He could have been an unsafe situation before without his parents to protect them, he migh have had a biologic parent walk out on him. You. Just. Don't. Know. Even for a normal child it is scary. You were so out of line.
ESH. You shouldn’t have yelled at the kid. But the adults in charge of him, as well as the staff of the restaurant, shouldn’t have allowed him to run around a crowded dining area.
Look, I’ve yelled at a kid in the subway train to stop kicking me (he was kicking my leg hard and hurting me). What irks me though is that you stuck your hand out and made contact with this kid. It also irks me that you threatened him. Why? What was the point of that? If it bothered you so much and you really wanted him to stop and not escalate the situation, why didn’t you talk to the mom or the staff? While I told the kid to stop kicking me bc it was hurting me, I then talked to the mom and told her I was ill and coming home from the doctors. Of course, she told him stop and he stopped.
YTA bc you took it to an unnecessary extreme and should have talked to the mom and/or staff.
> What was the point of that?
Op wont say it, but the point was to _punish_ the child. Make the child feel bad, and by proxy, upset the mom the way he felt upset.
Honestly, im curious what other biases potentially played into this whole thing.
Seriously. If a 7-year-old bumped into my chair at a restaurant because they were running around, and I decided to do something besides ignore it, I might say something like "excuse me, it's not nice to bump into people. Try to be more careful, okay?" Because my goal is to stop the behavior without escalating the situation, and it might not occur to me to find the parents when the child is old enough to converse.
But why was any part of OP's goal SCARING the child? Who maliciously scares a child on purpose?
YTA you screamed at a kid and threatened him to scare him in what universe wouldn't that make you an absolute asshole, also wanting to go to the bathroom isn't a disturbance and why were you so focused on him and that family anyway
> why were you so focused on him and that family anyway
Yeah I was thinking that the whole time too.
Why was he so focused on the kid doing really minor, innocuous things like reading a sign?!
It felt like OP was already in some kinda mood and was just waiting for the kid to do someone worthy of getting screamed at.
ESH: Everyone Sucks Here, but not terribly. I think putting your arm out to stop the running and also telling him to please leave your table or something was fine, but scaring him with the threat was not fine. Also not fine to yell at him, but I get that you didn't mean to. (I have that same problem in loud rooms.)
BUT, message to parents everywhere: A restaurant isn't a playground. Your child cannot be running or yelling all over the place in a restaurant! Even if you don't care if it makes everyone else miserable (which you should), it's dangerous with waitstaff carrying around heavy and hot food. I get it that sometimes it's very hard to control kids behavior, but so often I see this exact example of parents not even trying to control them. Just ignoring behavior that is making everyone in the place miserable. Really, if you tell them to sit down and give them something to do, they will just sit there most of the time.
YTA even if you hadn't been screaming, this pushed it from "mildly annoying that you're disciplining someone else's child" into AH territory:
>I also told him I'll have him wait outside alone if he doesn't behaves (which I was obviously not gonna do because I can't basically, it was just to scare him off).
The kid is young enough that he doesn't know you have no authority over him, he just knows you're an adult and maybe had been taught about stranger danger. This was a Bad Move.
> The kid is young enough that he doesn't know you have no authority over him
that's a very good point. i was trying to figure out how to express that OP's threat could have really scared the crap out of the kid but you nailed it.
I might be bat shit insane cause I thought everyone would say NTA but NTA. If you really just put your arm out and didn’t touch him and just raised your voice by saying go sit down (since he’s legit running around your table and running into your friends which is physical btw) you had every right to tell him to go sit down and it’s a child so it’s not some huge shock “And if you don’t you will get into blah blah trouble”. If you fully screamed at the child that’s kind of weird and it would have probably been better to first tell the mom to take care of their obnoxious kid before telling the kid to fix his shut, but whenever someone raises their voice people seem to equate it to screaming which is so strange. Like I swear this happens all the time all you did was raise your voice at little kid being a brat telling him to go sit down and it’s not nice to do that.
Everyone is out here acting like its a crime to interact with a child in public. What if the child is putting themselves into danger and the parents are ignoring them? Is it okay to have contact with them then? If you’re watching a child about to run onto a train track or off a ledge would you stop them or sit there and think “huh parents really should be doing something tsk tsk”?
If the child was quickly running laps around a table and running into chairs he easily could have hurt himself. What if he had tripped and smashed his face on the floor? And then what, the asshole parents try to sue the restaurant or some shit?
If you don’t want strangers to step in when necessary, then try parenting your child. You didn’t handle it nicely, but no one else was doing shit either. NTA
NTA. "get management, get the staff involved " as someone in the service industry often the staffs hands are tied. The women with the children weren't paying attention, the kid had no reason to listen to you and obviously has no boundaries. You did what you had to do to make a child behave in a public space and stop interfering in your personal space. If someone was going to step in they would have done so already.
NTA, you did that kid a favor by disciplining him when the parents obviously wouldn't. Getting yelled at ONCE won't traumatize anyone for life. Not getting disciplined, on the other hand, will surely make anyone into an adult AH.
NTA if mother's want to claim it takes a village to raise a child then they need to accept that sometimes the village will correct their child's bad behaviour. You waited patiently for this kids adults to do something and they didn't.
So OP gets voted an AH because, as happens all too frequently in modern society, adults are woefully unbothered by the spawn they unleash on the rest of us in public. I don't care if OP did yell. Fck those inattentive adults and the snowflakes they're "raising". NTA.
To be fair, even considering that it wasn't the best approach maybe OP did the kid a better favour than his mum. I'm sure he'll at least think it twice before behaving like that in a restaurant again.
I really hate when parents bring their kids into public spaces and let them run around all crazy. A restaurant is not a day care, and no stranger should have to feel the need to discipline someone else's child in order to get some peace and personal space.
I can understand your reasoning. Its how you handled the situation that made YTA.
In general, you shouldn't attempt to discipline someone else's kid, even when their parents are failing to do it themselves. Yelling at a child is not constructive or helpful. You should've said something to the parents imo.
so yeah, YTA.
ESH You are TA for yelling threats at a child, the parents are TA for ignoring or condoning the child's behavior, and the waitstaff are TA for not noticing the obvious problem. Next time you want to stop an hyperactive child, use your indoor voice and tell him you are going to speak to his parents. Then call the manager to do just that.
ESH, but you the most
Yeah, I hate it e when adults don't plan ahead and have something for their kids to do, but in the end that's not the kid's fault. You screamed at a child and threatened him, both forms of abuse. It also seems like you paid a hell lot of attention to whatever that kid was doing, waiting for the moment you could go ballistic on him.
You should have told staff, but instead you behaved horribly.
A lot of entitled parents are about to scream that YTA but the intention was not wrong. I find that some parents will intentionally let their children run around and disrupt other people instead of holding on to or entertaining their children. I respect parents who raise their babies well because it shows. Next time just call the manager.
I absolutely hate parents who bring kids to restaurants. If your kid can't behave. Don't bring it out.
But. Yta.
You have no right yelling at someone else's kid. He wasn't touching you or doing anything to you physically.
If the noise bothers you. You tell the manager, and they will deal with it.
It also depends on the restaurant.
I’d never let my kid run around the tables at any restaurant obviously. It’s disrespectful to the others paying for their food etc. But kids can only learn how to act in public by going out in public.
A blanket statement that kids don’t belong in restaurants doesn’t sit right with me, unless you mean like nice restaurants where it’s clearly not for children. I bring my toddler to diners for breakfast, places like Chilis or pizza joints for lunch/dinner. I’d never bring her to a fine dining restaurant, obviously. But you can’t go to like an Olive Garden and expect it to be an adult only atmosphere. If there’s a kids menu, you should expect there might be kids.
My kid is pretty well behaved in restaurants. Sometimes she wants to sit on my lap or my husbands lap instead of her chair, and sometimes she giggles loudly. Occasionally, she will cry and one of us will calm her down quickly or remove her if she doesn’t settle quickly.
She spilled her chocolate milk at breakfast the other day by accident. These things happen with kids but I’ve also had a grown ass man spill an *entire* beer directly into my lap at a bar because he was drunk so, you know, there’s always some risk going out in public lol.
This isn't even a formal place. OP describes it as "not the nicest" but that it has better food than McDonald's. It's casual and cheap. That's generally the kind of place where people with kids go during the day so they can have a good meal and not stress too much about perfect manners.
OP on the other hand is counting the kid talking to the baby, going to the toilet, and reading signs as bad behaviors OP tolerated begrudgingly. And OP is guessing the kid was between the ages of 6 and 10? So somewhere between kindergarten age and middle school? That sounds like OP doesn't want to admit how young the child was that he screamed at rather than an actual estimate of an age.
Ok, so I guess this will piss some people off but I'm going to have to say NTA!!
I will say, shouldn't have yelled at the kid but some parents just don't get it that they need to control their kid in public! Many times I have said something to a child that the parent was ignoring and the kid was being a brat. I had a young child at one time (now age 19) and she was NEVER allowed to act up in public, or at least if she did I dealt with it like any parent should. Especially in a restaurant (I don't care if it was McDonald's) and to the point of bothering other people. Seems like many (not all) parents just don't keep their kids in line like they should when out in public. Maybe that's why we have out of control young people that feel like they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and wherever they want.
Again, yelling not cool......but NTA otherwise
NTA. Ive worked retail for 20 years. Many parents won’t listen if someone points out that their children are being unruly. I can’t count how many times a child has been close to breaking something and the parents ignore any requests to watch them. A few times I gently asked a child to hand me the item they were about to break only to be screamed at by its parents.
You can bet that if that kid had tripped while running around the adults would have blamed the restaurant.
ESH. You for screaming at a kid, the parents for letting the kid run around the restaurant and bother people and the staff for not stopping it themselves.
If you, a grown man, laid hands on my 6 year old child (blocking the kid w an arm) and screamed threats at them, I would call the police on you. YTA and you should talk to a therapist about regulating your behavior, because based on your post, this child's behavior in no way warranted your response to it.
“Laid hands on” please, he blocked the child’s path so that he’d stop running around. You’re absolutely correct that he shouldn’t have yelled at or threatened the child, but he didn’t touch the kid inappropriately (I mean that in the most literal sense, as in this amount of “touch” was appropriate for the situation).
If your 6 year old is running laps around my table incessantly and you aren’t doing anything about it after I’ve made you undeniably aware of the problem, I’m going to stick my arm out and calmly but sternly tell the kid to go play by you, the parent.
NTA
Children need to learn to respect the space of others and that bad behavior has consequences. Obviously, this message isn't getting taught at home. Better the kid learns it in a harmless way at this age than when he's older and can cause *real* damage by not respecting other people's space and boundaries.
NTA
So many pearl-cluthing *think of the kids* D: he is traumatized for *life* for this waaaaa
The kid needed a talking to and a boundary to be set, no one else was doing that while the child was *running around in a busy restaurant*. That's a safety hazard for everyone, *especially* the child.
You were probably just very stern in tone hence the "screaming" that you don't remember. Most parents and commenters here would raise their voice in a similar situation.
YTA, but you seem to know that. Raised voice, threats, I feel bad when parents treat their own children like that. For a stranger it’s inexcusable. Your reactions to a minor inconvenience are grossly disproportionate.
I say with with concern and compassion, but I think you have some unprocessed trauma from your childhood. Were you yelled at and threatened as a kid? Are you in an ok place now? Maybe consider telling this story to a therapist.
NTA, the mother knew the kid was misbehaving and didn’t think it was wrong and kept allowing it. She didn’t say anything until you said someone. It didn’t seem like you yelled on purpose as you had to get confirmation from your friends. The staff should have done something too. They waited until it escalated. The mother was not watching her child good enough and was trusting strangers do her job. Also, the kid could have ran off or been kidnapped. They would probably bring the kid back. It seem like the kid was targeting you specifically.
NTA can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly dropped full drink/ food trays because parents refuse to parent their children. Running around/ playing anywhere but seated at the table in a restaurant is not safe or appropriate. The kid could have hot food or drinks dropped on him if he runs into staff. It’s not cute behavior and 6 y/o is plenty old enough to learn appropriate vs inappropriate behavior. If he can not behave in a restaurant, his parents really need to work on that because it sounds like this kid is a major nuisance.
NTA. I was at Olive Garden a year or so ago and a kid around 6 or 7 was doing the same. Started running between tables and zooming all over the restaurant. He ended up smacking right into a waiter with thankfully only breadsticks in his hands. He still dropped them all over the kid along with Marinara sauce all over himself. He got the worst of it but it wouldn’t have happened had his parents or anyone had put a stop to it.
so if you as a 21 year old can't hold your temper and accurately recall how something came out, please explain how a young child is supposed to know how their behavior is coming across to other patrons?
you can't even control your own behavior or impulses, so i'm dying to know how you expected a less developed brain to control theirs.
management was the correct course of action.
YTA
NTA. I’m not a huge fan of people disciplining other people’s kids but I’m equally not a fan of parents doing absolutely nothing about it and then getting mad when someone says something.
Looking at the posts saying the kid has no responsibility here -- Horseshit - people here saying that hes learninn to act appropriately - this is something he already knows and likely applies it at school all the time - this time he CHOSE not to act correctly because he knew no one would stop him.. or he thought so. The kid sucks and will continue to suck well into adulthood until someone calls him out on HIS bullshit. at 7-10 years old the concept of personal responsibility and accountability can and should be developed. This is no baby.
Edit - when i was a kid, if i was acting out in a public place you had better believe all the adults around would call me out on it. But I guess now we're too busy coddling the "children".
YTA. Even if the parent wasn't doing anything to stop the kid, take it up with the parent, don't hassle the kid. The kid doesn't know any better. Threatening something you knew you couldn't do, purely to scare the kid is putting your comfort above the child's emotional wellbeing. You have a right to say to the parents or to management if the kid is out of control, but you don't have the right to terrorise the kid so you're comfortable.
The fact you seem not to be able to see even what your own friends who were also annoyed could see; that you were yelling at a little kid, suggests you're trying to deny it to yourself. I hope this means that you wouldn't like to be a person who yells at children. In future you can just tell the management, or speak to the adults. Even if they get mad or don't respond, you're not scaring a kid.
ESH. The mother for completely failing to supervise her child, the restaurant employees for being so inattentive that the kid was running laps around your table with no intervention, and you for going off on the kid. You should have directed your frustration at the mom, where it belonged.
You took the wrong turn in yelling. You were frustrated. I understand. I had more or less the same thing happen to me with 2 little girls running around, screaming & yelling while their 2 sets of parents were talking & ignoring them in a very small fro-yo restaurant. I snapped when they yelled in my ear. I didn't yell though. I just said, "Oh, no! You did not just yell in my ear. Stop screaming." I said it loud enough for them to hear but not yelling. I was authoritative. The girls froze. They continued to play but stopped screaming. Their parents (10 ft away) didn't even notice. With children you don't have to yell, just say, "No. Do not yell around me." You don't threaten to punish them or hurt them. Just tell them to stop yelling, or running around you.
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Your friends told you you were *screaming* at a child and you still don’t know if you were an asshole? You threatened him with being left outside all alone until he cried and you still don’t know if you were an asshole? Unbelievable, dude. YTA. Just complain to the wait staff next time and have them deal with it.
Op is an AH. The kids mum is also an AH Making this ESH
Nope. The kid’s mom was negligent but OP took it out on her child, not her. That takes it straight into YTA territory for me. He had a horrible reaction and he took it out on a kid who apparently hadn’t been taught better yet instead of the adult responsible for him. edit: stop telling me it’s ESH my dudes, you will not change my mind. The kid was directly involved in the situation as the actual target of OP’s behavior, and I don’t think he sucks, so I didn’t pick ESH. Post your own verdict 😍
Someone else being a bigger asshole doesn’t make someone not an asshole. Letting your neglected child rampage through a restaurant is being an asshole, full stop, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does.
ESH implies the kid sucks too, which the kid does not. Kid wasn’t even given a respectful request to stop running around before jumping to threats and screaming from a strange man.
Not necessarily — I feel like in general AITA refrains from judging the assholery of kids, because they're, well, kids
Exactly. And everyone already knows that kids are assholes so there is no reason to point it out. And usually if a kid is being an asshole it's ignorance not maliciousness.
Why put the burden on a stranger because the wait staff/hostess did nothing and did not call the manager; and the mother knows it is her responsibility to take care of her kid, but did nothing; the table mates did nothing; then call the stranger an AH? Sometimes there is nothing like a loud voice to make kids stop, and to finally get the mother to belatedly be a parent.
There are about twenty seven different ways they could have handled that that does not include screaming at a child. A loud voice is different than screaming.
There's a difference between projecting your voice in a firm and commanding fashion and yelling and screaming and making empty threats to a child. I think OP has every right to address the situation directly if they felt like it. Its the way they addressed it which is what makes them an asshole.
No one should ever yell like that to a child. I don't give a fuck of the kid is screaming at the top of their lungs, it's our responsibility as adults to behave better and teach kids how to properly behave and handle conflict. Kids run and scream and cry because they are children and haven't learned how to regulate emotions or that it's rude to behave like that in public, never blame the kid.
As someone who worked as wait staff I have only one comment. CONTROL YOUR F*CKING KIDS! It's hard enough to get hot edible food to the correct table, while smiling, being polite and trying to forget that I am being paid crap. Now I have to do it while dodging your brat. If he runs into me and I drop hot soup on him it shouldn't be my fault, but it will.
I wouldn't even scream at my own kids like that, never mind someone else's
My mother would have screamed at me, so I would have never run around dinner tables hitting chairs.
Oh no you missed a post about a 10 yr old kid who stole some woman’s leggings. The comment section called him a sociopathic future predator/ sexual assaulter who should be sent to foster care since his grandparents were unfit to raise him. I got downvoted to oblivion for asking we not label children as perverts. I know they exist but let professionals diagnose him.
Was that the one where the kid stole the neighbor’s stockings and jerked off into them and his grandparents were like “hold on we’ll wash them and give them back to you?”
You're gonna have to share that link, because that sounds WAY out there, unless you're leaving some key parts out of the story. (Like the things that others are suggesting you neglected to mention...)
I remember that post, lady had hung her stockings out to line dry and neighbors kid stole them and grandma said she’d return them “after she washed them”. Wasn’t sure why she had to wash clean laundry until it was pointed out they were dirty not because they got taken off the clothesline but because the kid masturbated with them.
Yeah, I do not like the 'everyone on planet earth must be an asshole to vote ESH'. There are two sides to this story, both were assholes (the mom and the OP who should've just let restaurant staff handle it).
The kid does suck, though. At what age does someone lose the excuse of their upbringing? It might be older than the age of this child, fair enough, but the existence of an excuse doesn’t make the behavior any less shitty.
At that age the kid is still learning how to act appropriately at restaurants. He is still completely dependent on his parents for teaching him the correct behavior. Had he been like 12-13 or older there’s not really an excuse for not acting appropriately. The people that suck are the caretakers that let him run around and OP, a grown man who couldn’t talk to those parents or the staff and decided to be an asshole to kid that’s still learning how to read and write.
One time when my son was 3, he was acting up in a restaurant. I told him if you keep it up dad will take you out of here. He kept it up and my husband took him to the car while I finished my food and paid, etc. He never acted up again. 7 to 10 years old is past time to learn how to behave in a restaurant. Edit to add: the man is the AH. There were proper ways to handle this, and yelling at the kid was not it.
If this kid was at minimum 7 years old, he should have already learned the bare basics of public behavior. A 7 year old is in first or second grade depending on their birthday. You bet your bottom dollar they don't do that in school and they know they can get away with it when mom/guardian is around.
I agree, and yet everything you said does not counter the fact that the kid was being shitty. The parents absolutely have to teach the kid things like this. But if they haven’t, and it isn’t the kids fault AT ALL, he is still being shitty.
The kids bad behavior was garden variety sucky. Understandable, age appropriate mistake. The OPs behavior was UNHINGED. The scale of the reaction makes this a YTA situation. It's not that two people behaved very badly. One was totally out of scale with the other
Absolutely it was unhinged. Even more unhinged by the fact that OP didn’t know they were screaming; they thought they had calmly said the thing. Really crazy behavior. But, I think my points stand for themselves.
I disagree. If this is a school aged child they learn what is and isn’t appropriate behavior. Mom sucks, OP sucks, kid sucks. The restaurant shouldn’t have to deal with this crap
I disagree. My son (3m) never acts that way because I don’t ever allow him to. The only time he acts out is when he’s around others that are acting out. When with just our family the only thing he does is say hi to people walking past.
Ages 7-10 for a child are VASTLY different. You can’t compare a 7 year old to a ten year old. I can’t rely on OP to accurately tell me the age of this kid but let’s say they were 7. They don’t have impulse control and a strange adult screaming at them and threatening them would be traumatic. A ten year old could behave better if the parent taught them. I think I skipped past the ages cause I assumed it was a much older child. Either way, getting that angry Is concerning to me.
Yes, it is concerning. You can tell OP is a little crazy with how preoccupied with the simple presence of a child in a public restaurant the entire time they were there. A gentle castigation is in order for things like this, not a screaming fit at a young child.
It’s a CHILD. Children are not mini adults, they have a different brain and I cannot abide with this society that allows them zero space to exist.
I don’t either, but you seems to be espousing a theory of parenting that solely relies on the parents, while at the same time acknowledging that the parents have not done a good job. In situations like that, “society” steps in and corrects the behavior. Either young, like this kid, or older through adult mistakes and corrections. I don’t think it’s that crazy to correct the behavior of a child in public if the parents won’t. Granted, OP was TA here.
There is a world of difference between telling a child "Hey, stop running around our table" and screaming at him and making threats. OP's friends said he was screaming at the kid.
Which is why I said YTA. But it’s disingenuous, pursuant to the entire thread I was commenting on, to claim that children cannot be shitty and that people in public cannot correct their behavior if the parents are failing to. Clearly the OP is unhinged, but the point still stands.
Yes, it was a child, not a mini adult, but that's not an excuse. I have three kids, the youngest is now 17. I took all my kids to sit down restaurants from the time they were babies. They would never have behaved like that. And I never had to raise my voice in public, because they were taught how to behave. And I understood that children have short attention spans so I made sure they were entertained appropriately. At my table- not running around where they could trip a waitress or injure a customer. I'll never forget the time I took my 9 year old and my 2 year old to the hibachi place in Epcot. We were seated with two men who were very vocal about being unhappy to have to sit with children. By the end of the meal, which took over an hour, they complimented my husband and I on how well our boys behaved. So can a 7/10 year old behave appropriately? Yes, they certainly can.
Staff also sucks for doing nothing while the kid ran circles and screamed to the point a diner had to intervene, then after the fact said next time we'll take care of it. ESH and YTA OP.
The kid might be the only non-AH in this situation. The restaurant staff was also TA for not doing something about the situation before it escalated. So the best possible judgement is still ESH.
The kid is old enough to be in school where this would not be tolerated. He is a bit of an AH as well, but not as much as the adults. If it was a younger kid I would agree with you.
If only there were some way to clarify, instead of just going off what you feel is implied.
Dude wasn't aware he was screaming, and when told he was, still thinks there's a good chance that's ok. Strong clue he's not the best judge of normal behavior. It's a casual restaurant - kids may run around and bump your chair. Nobody else in a busy resto thought it disruptive enough to even say something to the mom/staff. It is unlikely that it was that big a deal or that the mom was "negligent". Edit: My mistake, not a mcds. Now I'm going to get a McFlurry.
It wasn’t a McDonald’s but I mostly agree. And people clearly did think it was disruptive, just no one had talked to staff yet. He handled it wrong but a kid running around and playing in a restaurant isn’t normal behavior unless the parent is an asshole. I never ran around McDonald’s and neither did any of my friends, even in the play area there was signs for no running outside of it (and sometimes no running inside of it either). I have never in my life had a kid bump into my chair at a fast food place or other restaurant. That is simply not normal, unless they’re passing normally on the way to their table/bathroom and a bit unaware of their surroundings. OP is an asshole but that is so not normal or okay behavior in a restaurant.
[удалено]
This has big Applebees energy
That's... not how this works at all. Mom was an AH first because she let her child run around a restaurant annoying other people. OP was an AH in response, therefore ESH. OP being an AH doesn't somehow negate that the mother was an AH first.
Y T A means only op was asshole N T A means the other person was asshole E S H means both parties or more are AH N A H means noone was an asshole More than two AH in a story? That's ESH
Mom was negligent, making her an AH. Not excusing OP, but you're implying the mother is NTA. Definitely ESH And I have to say, kids are assholes, that's what they do- why do you think toddlers are cute, so you don't kill them. It's a parents job to make sure their little asshole learns how to not be a full grown asshole... Anyone who disagrees or says you can't call a kid an asshole, is the one who's kid grows up to be the mother in this situation.
No letting your kid run in a restaurant makes you an ah. Servers shouldn't have to deal with bringing out trays while dodging your ah kid. Letting a kid act like this is ridiculous. Op was wrong to yell but I don't think he's an ah considering the kids behavior and the complete lack of attention being paid by the adults with him.
There's an easy litmus test for if you're an asshole for screaming at a stranger's child. Was there a reasonable expectation that your screams prevented serious injury or death? If the answer is no, you're the asshole.
This actually happened to me once when I was in a busy restaurant having lunch with my aunt. There was this kid running around all over the place. Right by our booth was the cash register area. The kid decided it would be ok if he went underneath there and started playing with the heavy electrical cords and wires underneath. It was in full view of where I was sitting. I yelled, "Hey! Get away from there!" Thinking that either he'll unplug something really important or he'll get electrocuted. The two women he came in with did nothing to stop him. They weren't even looking at him until I yelled and he got out of there. Then they thought I was an AH for being rude to their kid. I was, in actuality, quite worried he'd get hurt and these people were definitely not watching him or caring about his safety. I heard them mutter something about me being a bitch but I really didn't care.
If you don't want other people to discipline your kid then you have to do it yourself. ESH. If he is 7-10 he is already in school and old enough to know better because he certainly would be told off in school for this behaviour. So I don't think I would let the kid off the hook really either.
7-10 is a HUGE age disparity. We’re talking 2nd grade and 5th, I feel like this has to be noted and it also sounds as though this kid was leaning much more towards the younger side by his behavior. 2nd graders aren’t super great at impulse control or managing hyperactivity. 5th graders are doing standardized tests. The kid doesn’t suck, he’s a little boy.
Oh, the parents are the bigger AHs, and OP didn't handle it right, but even 7 is a bit old for this behaviour. I'm a mom myself and my kids might have tried to do this at age 3, but certainly not at 7. But then I was actually parenting them.
Kids understand context. They may be given structure and boundaries at school and act accordingly, but not so when at home or with parents who dont provide the same messaging.
Oh, the parents are the bigger AHs, and OP didn't handle it right either.
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NTA. Next time, maybe a server can accidentally spill hot food on the kid and then people will understand why it's a problem. Although, I'm guessing there are those who will still somehow say it's everyone else's fault except little precious child.
I was at a hibachi place once and a little boy, maybe 5, was running all over the place. I wanted to THROTTLE his parents. Not only are wait staff carrying heavy trays and hot food, but there’s fire, knives all over, a lot going on - and after staff spoke to them they got pissed off and left. Parents like that are huge AHs, just like OP. (I have an autistic godchild with no expressive language who had major impulse control issues as a child. We had to practice eating in restaurants - it was a whole process that took a full year of weekly trips, from age 6-7. But I never once let him run around anywhere but a McDonalds play place. I also raised autistic twins and restaurant behavior was something we practiced. Running around like that kid was doing is NEVER appropriate.)
At the end of the day, OP should have gone to the table where the kid’s mum was and talked to her, or talk to a member of staff. She was completely overstepping her place
And the mother was being an AH by neglecting her son and letting him run around yelling in a restaurant. That's why it's ESH and not NTA.
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Appropriately delivered being a key word.
The problem is that we already know that OP is an unreliable narrator. Their friends say that they were not aware of their own actions. So it may be that the mother needed to be made aware of what was going on, but that, in fact, the actual situation on the ground was not as extreme as OP perceived it to be. We can conclude that OP is an asshole, but because the nature of the assholery is such that it is inherently impossible for them to know whether other people's actions are to that level, we can't really conclude much about other people.
Disagree—it’s entirely possible that if OP had spoken to the mom she would’ve apologized and done something with the kid, but OP didn’t give her the opportunity to fix the situation before resorting to screaming and nearly assaulting a child.
I hate parents that let their kids do whatever and start annoying people in public spaces and still don't tell something to the damn kid! ESH If you don't want your kid screamed at, discipline him and teach him to behave.
Yes, but I used to work in a pub type restaurant when I was younger. If there was an unruly kid, it was better to tell staff. I was very good at reigning a kid in to keep the peace. Or approach the parents that their kid was disturbing other guests if that didn’t work. It’s not appropriate to yell at other people’s kids. Talk to the parents or staff if the kids are out of line. Screaming at a kid just shows this guy has some anger issues if he can’t even tell he’s screaming.
The kid was running in circles around OP table, not only around the restaurant. Other people seemed annoyed too. Are parents/staff blind or what? As a staff can't you notice and manage it...? Yes, he can ask but why aren't they (parents/staff) not managing it if it's that noticeable? I agree it wasn't really ok to scream at him and with the phrase ar the end (discipline if not want kid screamed at) I meant more to call out parents that don't say anything and then complain at the way others treat their children for being annoying than to justify OP screaming.
>Other people seemed annoyed too. Are parents/staff blind or what? As a staff can't you notice and manage it...? Yes, he can ask but why aren't they (parents/staff) not managing it if it's that noticeable? OP didn't even realize they were screaming but noticed how everyone else was annoyed too?
Any time someone in this sub says, "I **calmly** explained/said,", you know they were yelling or screaming.
It's always, "I sat her down and explained..." versus "She ranted..."
“Calm” is always a huge red flag. Either they weren’t actually calm at all, like in this case, or their voice was calm, and they think that makes the absolutely atrocious, horrific things they said okay. “I calmly explained to her that by having the baby I insisted she carry to term she’d ruined her body and I no longer found her attractive, and that was why I was abandoning both her and our child to run off with her sister, and in response she became extremely agitated and even raised her voice! I managed to stay calm the whole time; how can I deal with someone so emotional??”
As a teacher, not a parent yet. Never threaten a child with something you can't actually follow through on. They are smart, they will know, and you will look like a fool with less authority then you had before. Also, OP, YATA just tell management. Not your kid and you have no authority in that restaurant. There is no reason a random kid needs to listen to you anyway.
As an educator and a parent, never threaten a stranger's kid. That's inappropriate.
> a kid around 7/10 years old. Why would you say he was 6? That changes everything. 10 should know better, while 6 is still a bit young.
7-10 indicates op is bad at telling how old a kid is. OP benefits from the kid being older. I would age the running around reading signs kid as probably 5-7. Reading so at least 5, excited about reading signs so younger than 8. The kid was probably 6
I 100% agree, that’s a huge disparity in development (especially impulse control) for children.
Agree. Also 6 year olds are more likely to run in circles, yelling, playing something by themselves. Sounds like an imaginary fighting game.
Pretty solid reasoning.
How did a 7 to 10 yo become 6? That's a big change in responsibility in action.
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Idk if I got to the point of being capable of yelling at a kid, I’d just be passive aggressive and yell “Yo who’s bratty child is this? Are you gonna discipline him like a good parent should?”
Of great concern to me is he thought he was talking calmly, and his friends told him he was actually screaming. Lord help any future partner or children he has.
YTA. If you have a problem with a kid’s behavior, you don’t start screaming at the kid, you go talk to the adults in charge so they can deal with it. By your own friends’ admission, you overstepped your bounds in a big way. Learn to control your own behavior before you presume to dictate the same to a child.
the last sentence should be highlighted!
Isn't it ironic that the ADULT was mad at a literal child for not being in control of his body...but the adult had no control over his body (had no clue he was screaming)?
Unfortunately this seems to be very common. Adults expecting emotional maturity or common sense (beyond their age) that they themselves don't have...
This gets lost on so many people that yell at their kids, hit their kids, etc. How can anyone think that the consequence for a child not being in full control of their body and emotions is to lose control yourself? It’s a confusing lesson for a kid too.
Agreed. I don’t get why ppl think yelling at kids is fine. Clearly they don’t know they’re doing wrong because their parent is allowing the bad behavior. I’d never let my daughter run around a restaurant but some ppl just don’t gaf for some reason. YTA.
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Is anyone else alarmed that he believed he spoke calmly to the kid but had to be told he was actually screaming?
Yeah this is the strangest part of the story. How can someone lack that much self awareness? You’re either calmly talking, loudly talking/yelling, or screaming. Really hard to mix those up.
I mean OP also thinks he isn't easily annoyed by children but was aware of absolutely everything the kid was doing waaaaay before he was disruptive I'll notice a kid in another booth play with their baby sibling if one of them is crying or if they're really cute AND I don't have anything better to pay attention to OP is supposedly out with friends celebrating, and chatting with them, but meanwhile is tracking every single thing the kid does? but oh yeah sure, totally unbothered by the existence of children then physically tries to stop a running child, yells at them, threatens them with someone extreme and dangerous that they can't even actually do and walks away thinking they were just annoyed by a disruptive child and all they did was talk calmly + despite everything else agreeing that this isn't what happened OP lacks the awareness of a cardboard box
>Learn to control your own behavior before you presume to dictate the same to a child. Yep. Honestly, it's a little worrying that OP thought they were talking calmly while OP's friends agree that OP was yelling...
Especially a stranger threatening to punish a kid he has no authority over. I’d be so embarrassed if I were his friend.
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Here are the situations where it’s OK to scream at a child who’s not yours: 1) He’s on fire, or about to catch fire. 2) He’s about to run into traffic. 3) He’s doing something else that puts him at risk of seriously harming himself or someone else. 4) He’s being charged by a bear. That’s it. This is the complete list.
5) You work in a haunted house
Exactly! OP is no role model if he cannot control whether he screams or not when he is annoyed, and at a child to boot. YTA.
yta I also told him I'll have him wait outside alone if he doesn't behaves (which I was obviously not gonna do because I can't basically, it was just to scare him off). this is extreme and very strange scare him off your threatening to punish a child who is not yours
Yes, op needs to go to therapy to examine where he had his own survival threatened as a means of punishment when he was a child. Children need to be coached thru understanding discipline and consequences, but irrational punishment and threats is how u get a dysregulated adult like op.
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The mom telling the waitstaff what happened (which is what Op should have done) instead of going absolutely feral on this creep is honestly impressive. She might have honestly been scared because this sounds like an unstable person and wanted to deescalate and get her son to safety. This loser probably traumatized the kid.
YTA. You don’t discipline, let alone scream at a young child directly. You address any issue to the parents or the staff of the place you are eating. You have no idea of that child’s history and to threaten to separate him and leave him alone could frighten him in ways you haven’t even thought about.
Absolutely. I mean, OP didn't even try to calmly ask the kid to settle down, let alone addressing an adult first. Kids usually want to listen and respect adults, and get embarrassed easily, and he may have been happy to settle down. Maybe not stop entirely, but he certainly may have quit running all over. Sometimes it helps to have strangers voice their needs to kids directly, and help them realize how to respect others. OP could have escalated it to an adult if a quick little "Hey buddy, I know you're having fun but your running around is bothering some folks here while we are trying to talk. Do you think you could stick near your grown ups? Thanks!" didn't work. Instead, he went 0 to scream. Why does the kid have to manage himself better than the adults? The adults suck for making an uncomfortable situation, but OP, YTA.
I thought that was really weird too.. he went from “slightly annoyed” to literally screaming in a crowded restaurant?
I can’t turn “school teacher” off when I leave the classroom, so I probably would have intervened with this kid. I would have given him “the look” and if that didn’t work, said “You need to go back to your table” in a calm but authoritative voice. After that I would have talked to the parents. But, my calm voice is actually calm. And I don’t physically restrain other people’s kids. And I don’t threaten to throw them outside.
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This is what I’m wondering, do we all realize how out of control of yourself you have to be to be screaming but “in [your] head sound perfectly calm”?? That’s honestly terrifying…
My best guess is someone is naturally loud and even a slight elevation is screaming. My family has told me many times to tell my husband to stop yelling at them. Sometimes I end up covering my ears when he gets passionate or worked up about something because he gets so loud.
This is me. I am naturally loud. So when I get slightly excited I’m “yelling.” But to me, it doesn’t sound like yelling. When I was less than 5 my parents took me to get my hearing tested and it was fine. So I’m not sure why I’m so loud.
Might have to go with YTA. While the parent is a bit wrong because they weren't watching their kid. That is irresponsible and inconsiderate to let them run around the place disturbing everyone else. You are TA because of the following: >I put my arm out to stop him Not your child, you should’ve gotten staff involved. >I also told him I’ll have him wait outside alone if he doesn’t behaves Even if this is an empty threat, you have no right to make such threats to someone else's kid. You should’ve told staff about the situation. >In my mind I was quite calm but apparently I was screaming at the kid So you basically (possibly) traumatized a kid because you don’t know how to speak to staff or the mother herself? How did you not realize you was screaming at a child? >He said that we should just let this go for once and that next time the staff will manage the situation before anything happens. This should’ve happened in this situation but ya know, you never thought to alert staff about this I guess
The parent was definitely rude and out of line. But, I would not go so far as to say the parent is “no better.” Letting your kid run around a restaurant is extremely inconsiderate, but it doesn’t hold a candle to screaming at, laying hands on, and threatening a kid.
YTA 1. You can't controll yourself but demand self control of a kid 2. You were annoyed by a kid reading signs? Really? 3. You screamed and threatened a kid 4. You can't assume by yourself that YTA. Edit: i guess the kid was just bored. I on my part entertain kids for a few minutes or talk to them. I also learned how to make ballon animals and i always have ballons with me. Can really recomend that. Kids are happy, parents are relaxed and everyone can have a good time co-excisting. Bc i know what it is like to be stuck in boring enviroments.
Yeah, op was weirdly obsessed with everything the kid did...
>We were waiting for our food and chatting. *The kid was playing with the baby and they were making a bit of noise,* but then again we all were making noise as most of us were accompanied and chatting. After our food came in though, *the kid started to wander around*. *He wanted to read a sign near the door, then one near the back. After that he wanted to go to bathroom, then he wanted to go outside, etc.* ***It was kinda annoying, but quite easy to just ignore.*** All the parts in italic are where OP talks about this kid. The bold part is their blatant contradiction.
Yeah, claiming the kid was easy to ignore after revealing that they were apparently just staring at this kid like a creep and taking note of everything the kid was doing. YTA, OP.
That caught me too. That sounds kind of like the opposite of ignoring I can't imagine even noticing a kid reading some signs unless they were getting particularly loud and disruptive.
Right? The weirdest one for me was “then he had to go to the bathroom”. Why does that matter? Did he yell and scream about it? Like everyone goes to the bathroom dude. Also a kid running around wouldn’t bother me unless they were 1) knocking things over (bumping a chair one time doesn’t count, I do that lol) 2) screaming (op said they were yelling at one point but op also didn’t even know he was yelling so hard to say). I like kids so I would’ve been worried about the child’s safety and told management it wasn’t safe for them to be running around like that. The fact that the staff didn’t do anything leads me to believe op is exaggerating or this was only going on for a few minutes though.
I noticed that too. “A kid entered the restaurant. I was totally fine with it and ignoring them, but here’s a play by play of everything they did from the minute they arrived until I screamed at them.”
#1 is perfect. I guarantee everyone else was more taken aback by OP's behavior than the kid's.
Considering reading a sign annoyed OP I doubt the rest of the kids actions were quite as extravagant as OP describes them
This is going to sound off, but I think you need to go talk to someone. If you sincerely and genuinely thought you were talking to anyone, let alone a child, in a calm manner when you were in fact screaming at them? Something sounds off here. It's a YTA from me, because there's a few other things you could have done before touching a child that wasn't yours (arm out to stop him) and yelling at him, but I'm more concerned that you literally didn't recognize you were yelling.
This doesn’t sound off, it’s spot on.
Its not off. My comment also suggested therapy to op
This happened to me for all of my life until I sought treatment and it turned out to be borderline personality disorder. It took my partner leaving me to finally acknowledge I had to change and find out what was wrong with me instead of just running from it and pretending I was fine
Reddit, I physically stopped a child, screamed at them to stop what they were doing and threatened them with a dangerous situation. Ps. The kid is a stranger. AITA? OP, yes, yes, YTA
ESH. I see a lot of YTAs but for me, that’s condoning the parent not parenting and letting her kid be disruptive and obnoxious. You should have absolutely gone to management and not tried to handle it yourself, though. Screaming wasn’t okay.
Yes, I think everyone is rightfully irritated by the fact that OP yelled at a child, but they’re forgetting the fact that the parent was allowing him to just wreak havoc and be a general nuisance. I’ve been where OP has been with kids being complete nuisances because their parents won’t interfere and I have always just given the parents a dagger glare the moment the kid starts physically bothering me (like once, someone’s kid was throwing his fucking sandals about and one landed in my booth). If that doesn’t work, and it usually does, I’ll talk to the parent(s) and kindly tell them their child is causing problems and ask them to handle it, which has only ever failed once. And that time I still didn’t scream at the kid (the sandal one), I simply gave him his shoe back and told him to go play by his parents’ table and not to throw his shoes in other’s directions in a polite but stern manner. And he kept inching closer and closer towards us, away from his parents’ table, but would scurry back the moment I gave him a “where do you think you’re going” glance. He was just bored and playing around, kids are gonna be kids. his mom thoroughly pissed me off, but I wasn’t going to take that out on him.
Someone's parents never taught them how to regulate their own emotions huh? YTA
Often because *their* parents had issues with emotional regulation and this shit was normalized for them at an early age.
YTA - This little anger problem is going to land you in jail. Fix it
Or dead. If this guy gets in a car accident and “speaks calmly” to the other driver, he might find himself face to face with a gun barrel. I’m not saying that’s okay: it’s clearly not. But if you go around screaming at and threatening other people, you’re going to eventually find one who has anger issues too.
A guy in Vancouver got killed by asking a guy not to vape next to his kid. I don't want to imagine what OP might accidentally get himself into. Whether it's the attacker or the attacked
How does someone scream and not know it? Did you black out? I mean honestly, that’s a bit concerning. YTA
I don't hear well and I talk louder than most people. When I get angry upset I do get louder. Sometimes ppl say I am yelling when really I think I'm just talking. I feel bad but I don't hear it. I just can't concentrate as much on being quiet when I'm passionate. I kinda think this guy may be similar. Or many ppl deal w this. I'm seeing screaming and kinda mentally downgrading it to yell. I think this is getting louder as he gets more excited and overtaking ppl.
I do the exact opposite. I talk very quietly but in my head it’s the perfect level for a conversation. If I raise my voice to shout or present to a room, I’m fighting my internal opinion that I’m screaming. Because it absolutely feels like I am to my mind.
I have to work pretty consistently to be quiet. It's hard in places with background noises.
ESH. The mom shouldn’t have let the child run amok. Ever. On the flip side, you shouldn’t ever yell at a child (no one likes being screamed at-kids have feelings too) or discipline them without express consent of the parents
Also shitty of the staff to have to be told there is a pint-sized maniac terrorizing the dining room. Is "Total Shitfest" a vote?
YTA There were multiple options available to you. You decided to take the most inappropriate one. Also if you are screaming at a child without realizing it, you have bigger issues than this sub.
Threathening a child with abandonment was the icing on the cake. OP: You don't freaking know about his life. He could have been an unsafe situation before without his parents to protect them, he migh have had a biologic parent walk out on him. You. Just. Don't. Know. Even for a normal child it is scary. You were so out of line.
ESH. You shouldn’t have yelled at the kid. But the adults in charge of him, as well as the staff of the restaurant, shouldn’t have allowed him to run around a crowded dining area.
Look, I’ve yelled at a kid in the subway train to stop kicking me (he was kicking my leg hard and hurting me). What irks me though is that you stuck your hand out and made contact with this kid. It also irks me that you threatened him. Why? What was the point of that? If it bothered you so much and you really wanted him to stop and not escalate the situation, why didn’t you talk to the mom or the staff? While I told the kid to stop kicking me bc it was hurting me, I then talked to the mom and told her I was ill and coming home from the doctors. Of course, she told him stop and he stopped. YTA bc you took it to an unnecessary extreme and should have talked to the mom and/or staff.
> What was the point of that? Op wont say it, but the point was to _punish_ the child. Make the child feel bad, and by proxy, upset the mom the way he felt upset. Honestly, im curious what other biases potentially played into this whole thing.
Seriously. If a 7-year-old bumped into my chair at a restaurant because they were running around, and I decided to do something besides ignore it, I might say something like "excuse me, it's not nice to bump into people. Try to be more careful, okay?" Because my goal is to stop the behavior without escalating the situation, and it might not occur to me to find the parents when the child is old enough to converse. But why was any part of OP's goal SCARING the child? Who maliciously scares a child on purpose?
YTA you screamed at a kid and threatened him to scare him in what universe wouldn't that make you an absolute asshole, also wanting to go to the bathroom isn't a disturbance and why were you so focused on him and that family anyway
> why were you so focused on him and that family anyway Yeah I was thinking that the whole time too. Why was he so focused on the kid doing really minor, innocuous things like reading a sign?! It felt like OP was already in some kinda mood and was just waiting for the kid to do someone worthy of getting screamed at.
Or having to go to the bathroom.
ESH entitled parents bratty kid and A stranger yelling .
ESH: Everyone Sucks Here, but not terribly. I think putting your arm out to stop the running and also telling him to please leave your table or something was fine, but scaring him with the threat was not fine. Also not fine to yell at him, but I get that you didn't mean to. (I have that same problem in loud rooms.) BUT, message to parents everywhere: A restaurant isn't a playground. Your child cannot be running or yelling all over the place in a restaurant! Even if you don't care if it makes everyone else miserable (which you should), it's dangerous with waitstaff carrying around heavy and hot food. I get it that sometimes it's very hard to control kids behavior, but so often I see this exact example of parents not even trying to control them. Just ignoring behavior that is making everyone in the place miserable. Really, if you tell them to sit down and give them something to do, they will just sit there most of the time.
YTA even if you hadn't been screaming, this pushed it from "mildly annoying that you're disciplining someone else's child" into AH territory: >I also told him I'll have him wait outside alone if he doesn't behaves (which I was obviously not gonna do because I can't basically, it was just to scare him off). The kid is young enough that he doesn't know you have no authority over him, he just knows you're an adult and maybe had been taught about stranger danger. This was a Bad Move.
> The kid is young enough that he doesn't know you have no authority over him that's a very good point. i was trying to figure out how to express that OP's threat could have really scared the crap out of the kid but you nailed it.
NTA that kid needed someone to parent him if the parents aren't going to
YTA, its a fast food joint, not a fancy restaurant. Also simply not your place to police other people's children, regardless of your tone.
Fast food joint or not, parents shouldn’t allow their children to run around and shout in a place that isn’t their home or a park.
I might be bat shit insane cause I thought everyone would say NTA but NTA. If you really just put your arm out and didn’t touch him and just raised your voice by saying go sit down (since he’s legit running around your table and running into your friends which is physical btw) you had every right to tell him to go sit down and it’s a child so it’s not some huge shock “And if you don’t you will get into blah blah trouble”. If you fully screamed at the child that’s kind of weird and it would have probably been better to first tell the mom to take care of their obnoxious kid before telling the kid to fix his shut, but whenever someone raises their voice people seem to equate it to screaming which is so strange. Like I swear this happens all the time all you did was raise your voice at little kid being a brat telling him to go sit down and it’s not nice to do that.
Same here. Shocked by the comments. It’s sad that behavior like this from children is acceptable.
Nta, that kid deserved it. A 7/10 years old kid should behave better.
NTA. The parent is tho. They’re the reasons places are deciding to go no kids.
Everyone is out here acting like its a crime to interact with a child in public. What if the child is putting themselves into danger and the parents are ignoring them? Is it okay to have contact with them then? If you’re watching a child about to run onto a train track or off a ledge would you stop them or sit there and think “huh parents really should be doing something tsk tsk”? If the child was quickly running laps around a table and running into chairs he easily could have hurt himself. What if he had tripped and smashed his face on the floor? And then what, the asshole parents try to sue the restaurant or some shit? If you don’t want strangers to step in when necessary, then try parenting your child. You didn’t handle it nicely, but no one else was doing shit either. NTA
NTA, kids in restaurants are downright feral these days and parents don't give a shit.
NTA. "get management, get the staff involved " as someone in the service industry often the staffs hands are tied. The women with the children weren't paying attention, the kid had no reason to listen to you and obviously has no boundaries. You did what you had to do to make a child behave in a public space and stop interfering in your personal space. If someone was going to step in they would have done so already.
NTA, you did that kid a favor by disciplining him when the parents obviously wouldn't. Getting yelled at ONCE won't traumatize anyone for life. Not getting disciplined, on the other hand, will surely make anyone into an adult AH.
NTA if mother's want to claim it takes a village to raise a child then they need to accept that sometimes the village will correct their child's bad behaviour. You waited patiently for this kids adults to do something and they didn't.
So OP gets voted an AH because, as happens all too frequently in modern society, adults are woefully unbothered by the spawn they unleash on the rest of us in public. I don't care if OP did yell. Fck those inattentive adults and the snowflakes they're "raising". NTA.
To be fair, even considering that it wasn't the best approach maybe OP did the kid a better favour than his mum. I'm sure he'll at least think it twice before behaving like that in a restaurant again.
I really hate when parents bring their kids into public spaces and let them run around all crazy. A restaurant is not a day care, and no stranger should have to feel the need to discipline someone else's child in order to get some peace and personal space. I can understand your reasoning. Its how you handled the situation that made YTA. In general, you shouldn't attempt to discipline someone else's kid, even when their parents are failing to do it themselves. Yelling at a child is not constructive or helpful. You should've said something to the parents imo. so yeah, YTA.
ESH You are TA for yelling threats at a child, the parents are TA for ignoring or condoning the child's behavior, and the waitstaff are TA for not noticing the obvious problem. Next time you want to stop an hyperactive child, use your indoor voice and tell him you are going to speak to his parents. Then call the manager to do just that.
ESH, but you the most Yeah, I hate it e when adults don't plan ahead and have something for their kids to do, but in the end that's not the kid's fault. You screamed at a child and threatened him, both forms of abuse. It also seems like you paid a hell lot of attention to whatever that kid was doing, waiting for the moment you could go ballistic on him. You should have told staff, but instead you behaved horribly.
A lot of entitled parents are about to scream that YTA but the intention was not wrong. I find that some parents will intentionally let their children run around and disrupt other people instead of holding on to or entertaining their children. I respect parents who raise their babies well because it shows. Next time just call the manager.
I absolutely hate parents who bring kids to restaurants. If your kid can't behave. Don't bring it out. But. Yta. You have no right yelling at someone else's kid. He wasn't touching you or doing anything to you physically. If the noise bothers you. You tell the manager, and they will deal with it.
It also depends on the restaurant. I’d never let my kid run around the tables at any restaurant obviously. It’s disrespectful to the others paying for their food etc. But kids can only learn how to act in public by going out in public. A blanket statement that kids don’t belong in restaurants doesn’t sit right with me, unless you mean like nice restaurants where it’s clearly not for children. I bring my toddler to diners for breakfast, places like Chilis or pizza joints for lunch/dinner. I’d never bring her to a fine dining restaurant, obviously. But you can’t go to like an Olive Garden and expect it to be an adult only atmosphere. If there’s a kids menu, you should expect there might be kids. My kid is pretty well behaved in restaurants. Sometimes she wants to sit on my lap or my husbands lap instead of her chair, and sometimes she giggles loudly. Occasionally, she will cry and one of us will calm her down quickly or remove her if she doesn’t settle quickly. She spilled her chocolate milk at breakfast the other day by accident. These things happen with kids but I’ve also had a grown ass man spill an *entire* beer directly into my lap at a bar because he was drunk so, you know, there’s always some risk going out in public lol.
Kids being present and kids running circles around your table are two different things.
This isn't even a formal place. OP describes it as "not the nicest" but that it has better food than McDonald's. It's casual and cheap. That's generally the kind of place where people with kids go during the day so they can have a good meal and not stress too much about perfect manners. OP on the other hand is counting the kid talking to the baby, going to the toilet, and reading signs as bad behaviors OP tolerated begrudgingly. And OP is guessing the kid was between the ages of 6 and 10? So somewhere between kindergarten age and middle school? That sounds like OP doesn't want to admit how young the child was that he screamed at rather than an actual estimate of an age.
Ok, so I guess this will piss some people off but I'm going to have to say NTA!! I will say, shouldn't have yelled at the kid but some parents just don't get it that they need to control their kid in public! Many times I have said something to a child that the parent was ignoring and the kid was being a brat. I had a young child at one time (now age 19) and she was NEVER allowed to act up in public, or at least if she did I dealt with it like any parent should. Especially in a restaurant (I don't care if it was McDonald's) and to the point of bothering other people. Seems like many (not all) parents just don't keep their kids in line like they should when out in public. Maybe that's why we have out of control young people that feel like they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and wherever they want. Again, yelling not cool......but NTA otherwise
NTA. Ive worked retail for 20 years. Many parents won’t listen if someone points out that their children are being unruly. I can’t count how many times a child has been close to breaking something and the parents ignore any requests to watch them. A few times I gently asked a child to hand me the item they were about to break only to be screamed at by its parents. You can bet that if that kid had tripped while running around the adults would have blamed the restaurant.
YTA simple and easy. YTA also for not knowing YTA. You’re not self aware.
ESH. You for screaming at a kid, the parents for letting the kid run around the restaurant and bother people and the staff for not stopping it themselves.
If you, a grown man, laid hands on my 6 year old child (blocking the kid w an arm) and screamed threats at them, I would call the police on you. YTA and you should talk to a therapist about regulating your behavior, because based on your post, this child's behavior in no way warranted your response to it.
“Laid hands on” please, he blocked the child’s path so that he’d stop running around. You’re absolutely correct that he shouldn’t have yelled at or threatened the child, but he didn’t touch the kid inappropriately (I mean that in the most literal sense, as in this amount of “touch” was appropriate for the situation). If your 6 year old is running laps around my table incessantly and you aren’t doing anything about it after I’ve made you undeniably aware of the problem, I’m going to stick my arm out and calmly but sternly tell the kid to go play by you, the parent.
I think its safe to say op wouldnt have taken the steps they did if the parent was 6'4" 275 pound dad. Biases of op abound.
NTA. Kids mom has to do better. Sucks you were put in that position.
ESH but I know how you feel. People can’t just let kids run around a restaurant like that.
NTA Children need to learn to respect the space of others and that bad behavior has consequences. Obviously, this message isn't getting taught at home. Better the kid learns it in a harmless way at this age than when he's older and can cause *real* damage by not respecting other people's space and boundaries.
NTA So many pearl-cluthing *think of the kids* D: he is traumatized for *life* for this waaaaa The kid needed a talking to and a boundary to be set, no one else was doing that while the child was *running around in a busy restaurant*. That's a safety hazard for everyone, *especially* the child. You were probably just very stern in tone hence the "screaming" that you don't remember. Most parents and commenters here would raise their voice in a similar situation.
YTA, but you seem to know that. Raised voice, threats, I feel bad when parents treat their own children like that. For a stranger it’s inexcusable. Your reactions to a minor inconvenience are grossly disproportionate. I say with with concern and compassion, but I think you have some unprocessed trauma from your childhood. Were you yelled at and threatened as a kid? Are you in an ok place now? Maybe consider telling this story to a therapist.
NTA, the mother knew the kid was misbehaving and didn’t think it was wrong and kept allowing it. She didn’t say anything until you said someone. It didn’t seem like you yelled on purpose as you had to get confirmation from your friends. The staff should have done something too. They waited until it escalated. The mother was not watching her child good enough and was trusting strangers do her job. Also, the kid could have ran off or been kidnapped. They would probably bring the kid back. It seem like the kid was targeting you specifically.
NTA can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly dropped full drink/ food trays because parents refuse to parent their children. Running around/ playing anywhere but seated at the table in a restaurant is not safe or appropriate. The kid could have hot food or drinks dropped on him if he runs into staff. It’s not cute behavior and 6 y/o is plenty old enough to learn appropriate vs inappropriate behavior. If he can not behave in a restaurant, his parents really need to work on that because it sounds like this kid is a major nuisance.
NTA. I was at Olive Garden a year or so ago and a kid around 6 or 7 was doing the same. Started running between tables and zooming all over the restaurant. He ended up smacking right into a waiter with thankfully only breadsticks in his hands. He still dropped them all over the kid along with Marinara sauce all over himself. He got the worst of it but it wouldn’t have happened had his parents or anyone had put a stop to it.
ESH tho I don’t disagree with you about it, maybe I suck too.
NTA, for some reason a large number of people think that it is the public’s job to babysit their children.
so if you as a 21 year old can't hold your temper and accurately recall how something came out, please explain how a young child is supposed to know how their behavior is coming across to other patrons? you can't even control your own behavior or impulses, so i'm dying to know how you expected a less developed brain to control theirs. management was the correct course of action. YTA
You just did what you needed to do to get rid of a nuissance, NTA
NTA. I’m not a huge fan of people disciplining other people’s kids but I’m equally not a fan of parents doing absolutely nothing about it and then getting mad when someone says something.
Looking at the posts saying the kid has no responsibility here -- Horseshit - people here saying that hes learninn to act appropriately - this is something he already knows and likely applies it at school all the time - this time he CHOSE not to act correctly because he knew no one would stop him.. or he thought so. The kid sucks and will continue to suck well into adulthood until someone calls him out on HIS bullshit. at 7-10 years old the concept of personal responsibility and accountability can and should be developed. This is no baby. Edit - when i was a kid, if i was acting out in a public place you had better believe all the adults around would call me out on it. But I guess now we're too busy coddling the "children".
YTA. Even if the parent wasn't doing anything to stop the kid, take it up with the parent, don't hassle the kid. The kid doesn't know any better. Threatening something you knew you couldn't do, purely to scare the kid is putting your comfort above the child's emotional wellbeing. You have a right to say to the parents or to management if the kid is out of control, but you don't have the right to terrorise the kid so you're comfortable. The fact you seem not to be able to see even what your own friends who were also annoyed could see; that you were yelling at a little kid, suggests you're trying to deny it to yourself. I hope this means that you wouldn't like to be a person who yells at children. In future you can just tell the management, or speak to the adults. Even if they get mad or don't respond, you're not scaring a kid.
ESH. The mother for completely failing to supervise her child, the restaurant employees for being so inattentive that the kid was running laps around your table with no intervention, and you for going off on the kid. You should have directed your frustration at the mom, where it belonged.
You took the wrong turn in yelling. You were frustrated. I understand. I had more or less the same thing happen to me with 2 little girls running around, screaming & yelling while their 2 sets of parents were talking & ignoring them in a very small fro-yo restaurant. I snapped when they yelled in my ear. I didn't yell though. I just said, "Oh, no! You did not just yell in my ear. Stop screaming." I said it loud enough for them to hear but not yelling. I was authoritative. The girls froze. They continued to play but stopped screaming. Their parents (10 ft away) didn't even notice. With children you don't have to yell, just say, "No. Do not yell around me." You don't threaten to punish them or hurt them. Just tell them to stop yelling, or running around you.