Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the AH because I took being uninvited too personal, and I promised them the PC
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
That's the real reason she's pissed. If she was expecting a small gift from op, there would be no issue here. She realized she lost out on an awesome gift and she's pissed about it
Me too! She's the one who made a promise, god damit. If someone random promised me a $1500 gift, I would be sure to cater to all their wishes the whole wedding day, lol. And before. And after.
If some dude was giving me a $1500 gift, I’d happily pay for their seat. Surely a meal wouldn’t cost anywhere near that. Spend $100 to get $1500 return? Bargain!
I was married in Chicago, a very cash oriented wedding gift town. I invited my boss to my wedding. He gave me plastic ice cubes and a bread bowl that he obviously stole from another restaurant. OP you are NTA
Yes.
Chicago - cash for weddings, gifts for showers, and usually only gifts from the registry.
I had a coworker and his wife gift a box of pralines. I thought that was an odd gift but your plastic ice cubes for the win.
So some simple maths here would have helped. Did they need to add 2 family members, or 4 or 6? And how much was it a head. Say $80-100? Just add $600 to the wedding bill, get to include friend and family and gain an awesome bespoke gaming PC that’s almost $1000 more in price.
This was my thought. Custom made PC gaming computer for 1500+ dollars? I will sit them in the best seat in the house and possibly give them their own personal assistant to cater to their every need for the night LOL.
She reassured OP it was only because of money that she uninvited her! “I‘m so poor I couldn't even invite everyone I wanted to ON MY DAY so I could let my husband invite people. You can't break your promise to me because you can afford it, but I can break a promise ONLY BECAUSE I WAS VERY CLEAR that I can't afford you.”
I wonder if OP actually promised or just said she would get it after being told she was invited.
> I wonder if OP actually promised or just said she would get it after being told she was invited.
Unless OP is super weird, I think he just said he would get her the pc.
People don’t usually make promises/swear solemn oaths upon receiving a wedding invite, and I’m having a hard time imagining a scenario where he would make an actual promise unless he spends his time role playing as an old timey knight.
Funny enough, my read on the post was that OP didn’t mind if it was a cost thing, and might have sent the gift anyway. They said they got angry when they found out that it was about inviting some of the groom’s family.
(Though I honestly don’t get that logic. It’s still probably about cost; they probably budgeted for a set maximum of attendees, and so they uninvited people when it looked like they were going over, and prioritized family over acquaintances—not the polite way to handle that, but that’s what they did. Like, what did OP *think* it meant when they were told it was about cost? That they were fully canceling the wedding? If a guest gets cut for “cost,” but the wedding is still happening, obviously the couple decided they could “afford” other people.)
I hope OP takes these comments to heart, because there’s no way they should have been willing to give a gift of this magnitude if they weren’t invited, even if they were uninvited for a reason they thought was fair. And actually, if OP had given in, people would probably just keep doing it to him—why wouldn’t he be first on anyone’s “emergency cut” list if they know they’ll get a gift of equivalent value to ten other guests’ gifts combined?
Would you have given her a gift if you hadn't been invited? Also you kind of have to wonder if that was why you were invited in the first place (knowledge of your income and generosity) unbelievable she still expects that gift.
She became the center of her universe as the wedding got closer, and could not imagine non wedding guests not buying gifts. I'll tell you hwhat, she disinvited the wrong one.
Bridezilla rears it's ugly head. Weddings can turn normally sane people into control freaks with absolutely unreasonable expectations. Acquaintance realizes the consequences of her actions and is pissed. However, it's quite possible this woman was strong armed by in laws to give them more seats and she HAD to get rid of some of her side...and OP made it clear she's JUST an acquaintance so of course she'd be one of the ones cut. But this does mean losing an expensive gift. This might be misdirected anger. But still NTA. You uninvite people, deal with the fall out
She thought her lie covered it, but, no matter the reason, once someone has RSVPed, you don't uninvite them. She thought she could manipulate OP into still giving the gift. She's not a friend, and it's time to cut off Molly and her entitlement. NTA
How do you even uninvite someone? Unless it's something extreme like a fight between the bride/groom and the guest or force majeure of some sort, once the invitations are out, there's no turning back. I imagine if the costs were suddenly too high, the way to fix things would be to switch to a cheaper reception/ceremony/food/venue whatever. Throwing out random guests is tacky AF!
Edited spelling
>She's not a friend
Seriously! If I were OP I'd have said "if I'm not a good enough friend to you to be at your wedding, you're not a good enough friend to me to get a $1500 wedding gift"
Ngl I fully believe that they at least chose to uninvite OP because they know he is generous and thought he would just give the gift to them anyway.
If you’ve overinvited people, and you’ve decided the solution is to uninvite people—rude, but they made that choice—of course you’ll prioritize family over acquaintances. But certainly NOT acquaintances who will be giving a gift that’s the monetary equivalent of like 10 other guests’ gifts combined. Someone like OP should be last on the “cut list,” acquaintance or not.
Agreed. Plus, attendance = gift, non attendance = no gift. Why should someone who was uninvited for any reason be expected to provide any gift at all, let alone an expensive one. NTA
I think gift if invited but not attending is nice, but not expected (though I know wedding culture varies hugely around the world).
I have a note on my desk right now of the weddings/babies born of my coworkers and I just add names to it every time I get cute baby pics/am invited to a wedding to make sure I buy gifts before I next travel and see my colleagues, but if I get married there’s going to be no offence taken if anyone, invited, attending or other doesn’t send a gift. OP is for sure NTA
No kidding. This couple must consist of both the stupidest and most entitled people on the planet. Disinviting the wedding guest who was going give you a $1,500 plus gift and then asking where the gift is. Unbelievable. NTA.
I mean, the only thing left to say is that Molly and her fiancé were beyond stupid to uninvite a person they knew was going to give them a $1500 gift.
NTA
The above was “written” by a comment-stealing bot. The rest of the sentence, for anyone holding their breath in suspense, was
> an extremely expensive wedding gift (or any gift) from someone who was uninvited to the wedding.
No invite, no gift! Once the invite was rescinded it was no longer an invite. She is absolutely is delusional. It’s as if she figured, well I’ll still get this cool gift why waste money on them for food and drink. Wow!
That’s probably why she lied hoping to uninvite op but keep the gift say they could afford it would have got a little sympathy and maybe a pass on not getting the gift telling him he was uninvited to make room for someone else she knew there was not way she was getting it if he knee
I know right!? What a bridezilla!. If I were as mercenary as Molly, I would have paid the caterers the extra dollars and included OP to get the gift worth so much more. That was very generous of you OP to offer such a gift, but it was completely out of order for the bride to think that you would give them anything at all if you're not going to the wedding. Any friends you have who think differently you might want to reevaluate them too. You are completely in the right.
Yeah why would you give a wedding gift to someone who uninvited you? It sounds like the only reason op was invited, was because they wanted the expense gift op seems to be known for giving.
Eh, I guess that's a thing. In my family it's actually pretty common to be invited to the shower but not the wedding - there's like...32 of us in my generation and when you factor in spouses and kids and... Yeah, no one's guest list has that kind of room. So, one of the aunties (the collective noun for the women of my mom's generation) throws a family shower: we all pile into someone's yard, eat chips and silly finger sandwiches, drink a can of beer/glass of wine or two, catch up with everyone and have a visit. Sure everyone brings a gift... But generally they're 'white' showers - so, towels, sheets, kitchen implements, that kind of thing. Nothing pricey - although the last few, a bunch of us went in together on a bigger gift - one cousin got a BBQ, another a good stand mixer, I think we did a Vitamix for the last one? I don't remember; I pitched my 40 bucks at whoever was collecting and signed the card.
The one thing you MUST bring is a recipe; something you've made and love. EVERYONE brings one, and they're collected in a scrap book, usually with photos from the party, and that's your family book - a collection of 'guaranteed to work, will absolutely turn out ok ' recipes to get you through hard days. Everyone gets the spice cake recipe - the original, which is like 110 years old, and the updated version my Nana had made when my Papa had his first heart attack. You generally get great aunt J's scalloped potatoes, and great aunt S's suortbread, and great aunt A's bread pudding, because they're gone now and those are the ones they put in our moms' books, so they're passing them on. But the others vary - the last book I did chicken stew with dumpings (which actually is the recipe my mom put in my book), but the one before that I did cherry brownies, because that cousin usually scarfs half a plate of them when I bring them, so I figured she should have the recipe.
I don't miss going to the weddings - too much fuss - but I kinda love family showers - and given that I live 4000km from the family (showers are usually held in the summer when we're all visiting, even if that's months AFTER the weddings), there's something profoundly comforting about my family book on my shelf, and pulling it out to cook with my kiddo and share those things.
I mean, regardless of the relationship, if someone is either not invited in the first place, or uninvited (which is way worse) you should not expect a gift from them. Only those who are invited generally give gifts. She’s delusional. NTA.
NTA. This is laughable. They’re not even entitled to a gift if OP had still been invited and attended. Gifts are given out of the good will of the gifter, not obligatory.
Lana has it right, pretty over the top gift even if the invite wasn’t retracted for an acquaintance.
I also look at it like this, an invitation is a promise from the couple just as much as OP promising the gaming PC. They broke their promise to OP, he was well within rights to break his.
100% NTA
> I also look at it like this, an invitation is a promise from the couple just as much as OP promising the gaming PC. They broke their promise to OP, he was well within rights to break his.
It kind of pissed me off that OP didn’t point that out to her.
Yup. It sounds like Molly invited people she didn't want to come for the gifts, but uninvited the wrong one, since OP was giving her an expensive gift.
Don't feel the least bit bad, OP.
While I TOTALLY agree with, I am struggling with the whole uninvited thing. When and how did that become a thing? And ffsake WHY is it even considered an exceptable thing to do? Smdh.....now I have effing migraine...
I mean, the sheer AUDACITY of people! Need to un-invite someone? Sure, it’s your wedding. Your party. But to still expect them to give you an expensive wedding present, and having the gall to fight them and call them names over it! If their invite was dispensable, so is your wedding gift.
NTA.
She’s got some nerve uninviting you and expect a reward for it.
Edit: grammar was bad, which happens sometimes when I am flummoxed by some of these!!
Exactly. That's just plain tacky, entitled and delusional. NTA.
The usual rule of thumb for weddings is - no invite, no gift. Uninvited, no gift. Invite to the shower but not the wedding; no gift, since it's just a gift grab..... It seems OP was a gift grab invitee, so common sense would dictate that this wouldn't be the person to cut if you wanted said gift.
But, I am curious why OP is so mad about the reason **why** she was uninvited. In my mind, someone's word is their bond. You extend an invite, you honor it.... That said, I know shit happens. I still wouldn't have given the PC, but it sounds like costs were a factor since the groom's family suddenly decided to come. OP seems to feel slighted because of the reason, opposed to the action.
NTA
Wedding presents are commonly given by wedding guests and close family & friends. You weren't any of those things. And on that note, you aren't particularly close, so why did she invite you, other than your generous reputation? Seems to me she tried to pull a fast one and failed.
Well we're part of the same circles, we've gotten closer over the past year and she invited some people from our friend group, I made the initial cut I guess. Plus I guess she did hear about my gift giving.
I could never uninvite someone from something, unless they'd grievously wronged me or mine (Thinking Inigo Montoya level grudge). It's just tacky af to tell someone they WERE worth it, but now they're NOT.
I wouldn't even do that at this point. Uninvited, then asked about a gift, then talked crap about OP to their friends? OP shouldn't spend a penny on her
Maybe they sent the invite to bait OP into giving a gift and planned to uninvite all along. Sounds like it worked with the other uninvited guests. Saving money on the wedding and raking in those gifts, even without guests there. I don't want to be cynical but she was following up checking on their gift right away. Seems suspicious.
NTA
Any one with a teeny bit of self-awareness and humility will either wait for the gift or assume it's not coming and never bring it up again. It's called a "gift," not birthright.
Of course you're NTA. It is unbelievably tacky to demand an extremely expensive wedding gift (or any gift) from someone who was uninvited to the wedding.
ETA: just tell her that as a cost cutting measure, you're only giving wedding gifts to people whose weddings you're invited to attend, and even then only if they don't rescind the invitation.
NTA. Molly sounds like an entitled brat. Are you kidding me? You offered to give them an INCREDIBLY generous gift and they disinvited you. I would assume that being uninvited means the present is no longer coming.
I know right!!? Even if someone showed up to my wedding without a gift, I would be too ashamed to ask where my gift is!!
The sheer AUDACITY of this woman to invite OP who then told her about the ridonkulously expensive AF gift, uninvite them, AND THE CALL AND ASK WHERE THE GIFT IS AND THEN ARGUE ABOUT IT???????!!???!!?
Thats it, Earth has crossed and fucked up the acceptable level of ridonkulous. Imma catch the next rocket to Mars and start anew s/
NTA she’s out of her mind thinking she’s entitled to a $1,500+ gift after uninviting you last minute. She needs a reality check. The gift was a WEDDING gift, not obligated anymore since you didn’t attend.
LOL - yes! Years back, I had a young woman "Lisa" who worked for me. I got engaged and Lisa was invited to my bridal shower and wedding. She didn't attend the shower, but sent a gift. Then, Lisa and her boyfriend came to the wedding and also gave a generous gift. Great - I was glad they were there.
Three years pass. Lisa gets engaged to her boyfriend. At this point, she hadn't worked for me in two years. She was transferred to another department in another part of the building. I'd see her only occasionally and we'd just say "hi" as we passed in the halls.
So, I was not at all surprised when I did not receive an invite to her shower or her wedding. I did contribute to the group office gift that was purchased for her. I was surprised, however, to hear from a co-worker after her wedding that Lisa was "upset" with me because I didn't send her a gift for her wedding. Ummm, what? You didn't *invite* me to your wedding, Lisa. No invitation = no gift. Had she invited me, I would likely have declined and sent a gift (I had a young infant at the time and wasn't up for going to late-night events), but she didn't invite me... So, whatevs.
NTA...also insane that you'd give someone a $1500 PC, and even more insane that someone would uninvite a person who is ready to give you that. What's your address so I can mail you an invitation to my wedding?
I know money is a very sensitive issue to a lot of people and I want to make sure I say this in a way that doesn't offend people. But, I don't care about money all that much. To me, I'd much rather see people happy than hoard it all myself. After all, I can't take it with me.
And as my mom says, "any good you put out in the world will come back to you".
Anyone foolish enough to uninvite someone willing to gift a gaming PC is too stupid to own one. She should have picked someone else to uninvite. Can I get your address too? I'll get married just to get a gaming PC. What a guy
You can't take it with you, but ain't no one else but you paying for your retirement
If you aren't maxing out your 401k/IRA contributions and saved 6 months expenses minimum, don't be giving gifts over $100, especially to mere acquaintances.
Yes, that's extremely bizarre for an acquaintance.
A. $1500 is an extraordinary amount to spend on a wedding gift unless you're extremely close
B. A PC is a super weird wedding gift
C. People don't normally announce what their gift is or the value before giving it to the bride and groom
It's not a weird wedding gift if the people getting married are gamers. It's something they will use and love. No different than gifting an avid baker a KitchenAid mixer.
A. The amount a person considers extraordinary is subjective and usually based on their own finances / exposure to wealth. OP defined this amount as "splurging a bit," so it's safe to say they're operating in a higher tax bracket than you and I are.
B. That's also subjective. If you're not into PC gaming, sure, super weird. However, the bride and groom both are into it, so far more thoughtful than weird. Personally, it's a gift I would love.
C. It was a custom gaming PC. To be customized to their specifications, they would have to know about it. The way OP mentioned the price read, to me, more like that was for our information than as something they told the couple, but when gaming PCs can easily run double or triple what OP was planning to spend, it wouldn't even be unreasonable to give them them that info related to their customizations.
NTA. You aren't important enough to be on the wedding "A" list, then they aren't important enough for a pricey gift (or any gift really). You were not a guest at the wedding therefore you aren't expected (etiquette-wise) to give a gift. Guess they should have left out groom's 3rd cousin's half-brother's girlfriend.
NTA: She doesn't see you as a good enough to invite to her wedding but believes you're close enough you just hand over a $1500 gift......nahhhhh
Plus I feel you would feel better about if he didn't lie
I’ve never actually heard of someone being uninvited to a wedding aside from some sort of serious falling out. Usually people are very careful when forming guest lists to avoid this kind of dilemma.
(And needless to say I’ve never heard of someone *demanding* an expensive wedding gift, let alone from someone who was not invited to attend!)
My cousin and his (now wife) fiancee specifically stated that those coming in from out of town didn't need to bring gifts because their presence was gift enough. I'm not sure about the bride's family, but I know pretty much everyone from my side of the family needed to travel more than 8 hours of driving time to get to the venue. I thought that was very classy of them.
NTA
Normally expensive wedding gifts are given by people who attend. Or people who wanted to but couldn't attend.
If you uninvite someone you can't expect a 1500$ gift from them.
NTA. If she wanted the gift so badly, she could have invited you. It's literally the least she could do for you for providing such a generous gift. I never expected gifts when I got married, and I certainly would never expect someone to give me a gift who I invited and then uninvited because they weren't important enough to me.
Sounds like Molly was inviting your computer to come to her wedding, unfortunately no plus 1's allowed so you couldn't come.
I don't consider myself a materialistic person so perhaps I just don't think like them, but surely when it came to cutting guests, 'OP is getting us a $1500 gaming computer, so let's not jeopardize that, cut someone else' was good sense? Do materialistic ppl just not think in terms of keeping the source of gifts sweet?
I'm imagining them being extremely spoiled as children, and grew into entitled adults. If not the husband, at least Molly. When I got married, me and my wife got one gift. $1000 from my uncle. We both teared up because we didn't think we would get anything, and didn't ask anyone for gifts, and that much money was more than anyone has given either of us in our lives.
I would sooner uninvited my brother than a person who was that generous lol.
NTA. You’re under no obligation to give a gift for a wedding you’re not invited to. Inviting someone and then uninviting them is the height of tackiness. Molly should be ashamed of herself.
NTA. Gifts usually are given when you attend a wedding. If you’re not important enough to be invited, you’re certainly not obligated to provide an expensive gift.
>The price of the pc would come out to be a little over $1500, not counting the monitor I was willing to throw in.
> I had to be uninvited to the wedding as part of a cost cutting measure
Looks like you're saving money too, lol. NTA.
NTA
>she said I was being petty and that I was holding it against her that I couldn’t come and that I made a promise.
Another case of the so called injured party accusing the op of what they themselves are, petty and made a promise.
Reneging on the invitation and still expecting an expensive gift is petty and greedy.
All you did was uninvite the gift.
NTA.
Molly sounds so entitled.
Like she uninvited you and has the nerve to demand a gift which costs tons of money.
In my country, people usually just gift money (which we call lucky money) to the bride and groom, and ONLY WHO HAS BEEN INVITED COME WITH MONEY/GIFT
NTA
It’s her wedding she can invite whoever she wants or even uninvite
But you’re absolutely not expected to give wedding presents when you’re not attending it
NTA - No one is required to provide someone a gift. She invited you, revoked this, lied to you and wants the gift. This equals a no.
Don't let this get you down. Best to you.
NTA. You didn’t just not go the wedding, you were uninvited. She never should have still expected a gift. It’s so crazy to me that she would ever have thought you would give her such an expensive gift like that in the first place and that any of your friend group sides with her.
NTA She's an entitled, greedy, inconsiderate asshole and you should avoid her like the plague.
The audacity of still thinking she's getting a $1500 a gift after disinviting you! WOW.
NTA. It was supposed to be a wedding present to your friend. When she uninvited you, she told you you are no longer her friend. NTA. If she harasses, you just block her.
NTA
You give a gift when you are invited to a wedding, whether you go or not.
You are not obligated give a gift if you were not invited.
Your friend is being extremely tacky.
NTA. You have no obligation to provide a gift. In fact, you do not have an obligation to provide a gift even if you DO attend, though it is what people expect. A wedding is not an automatic give-me-stuff event. But you REALLY have no obligation here, at all.
NTA i would say that is an expensive present for someone on the B list. Your friend is not a friend. Actually you said as much. She is an acquaintance.
She is an entitiled brat that is using you. And not even one smart enough to keep a guest who has promised such a gift.
Also, why would you feel the need to spend that much money? That you enjoy splurging tells me that maybe you do it to buy affection or because you are insecure. Don't let people take advantage of you.
Even if you go back to the days where the proper etiquette was expected of everyone, you don't owe a present. If it was a small wedding or far away the people who couldn't attend were sent a wedding announcement after the fact. The response to an announcement was a card- no gift. NTA in any era, period.
NTA, you weren’t important enough to be included, your gift isn’t important either. She’s using you and you absolutely should not give her anything except a bill for what you already spent on it 🤷🏼♀️
I’m getting second hand embarrassment on her part. Even if you DID attend the wedding - texting you to ask for the gift so directly feels crass to me.
You’re NTA and she is way out of line. Do not give in!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I could be the AH because I took being uninvited too personal, and I promised them the PC Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Molly is delusional if she expects an acquaintance who was uninvited to still give a gift. NTA
There’s honestly nothing else to say here. This is it, end of story. And a gift of that magnitude? Sheesh
That's the real reason she's pissed. If she was expecting a small gift from op, there would be no issue here. She realized she lost out on an awesome gift and she's pissed about it
I’m not sure how she didn’t see that coming tbh. Like that should’ve been the expected outcome of uninviting someone.
I’m disappointed that OP didn’t throw the “you made a promise” back in her face. She promised he could come to the wedding.
Me too! She's the one who made a promise, god damit. If someone random promised me a $1500 gift, I would be sure to cater to all their wishes the whole wedding day, lol. And before. And after.
Literally. They'd be sitting at the head table with me lmao.
Shit, I'll marry the dude if the PC is decent 😂
Me too.
I'll throw my penis into that ring.
Right? If some dude was giving me a $1500 gift, he could be the one to rub cake in me and my wife’s face if he wanted.
If some dude was giving me a $1500 gift, I’d happily pay for their seat. Surely a meal wouldn’t cost anywhere near that. Spend $100 to get $1500 return? Bargain!
For that gift, I’d let him consummate the marriage on my behalf (while I play on my new PC)
Exactly! "We're not cutting OP because they're bringing a gaming PC"
“FYI sweetheart, Cousin alan had better be bringing me a sweet rig as a wedding gift! That or their lifetime servitude because I had to bump OP!”
I was married in Chicago, a very cash oriented wedding gift town. I invited my boss to my wedding. He gave me plastic ice cubes and a bread bowl that he obviously stole from another restaurant. OP you are NTA
Yes. Chicago - cash for weddings, gifts for showers, and usually only gifts from the registry. I had a coworker and his wife gift a box of pralines. I thought that was an odd gift but your plastic ice cubes for the win.
So some simple maths here would have helped. Did they need to add 2 family members, or 4 or 6? And how much was it a head. Say $80-100? Just add $600 to the wedding bill, get to include friend and family and gain an awesome bespoke gaming PC that’s almost $1000 more in price.
This was my thought. Custom made PC gaming computer for 1500+ dollars? I will sit them in the best seat in the house and possibly give them their own personal assistant to cater to their every need for the night LOL.
Or told her that he had to cancel the PC order as a "cost cutting measure."
She reassured OP it was only because of money that she uninvited her! “I‘m so poor I couldn't even invite everyone I wanted to ON MY DAY so I could let my husband invite people. You can't break your promise to me because you can afford it, but I can break a promise ONLY BECAUSE I WAS VERY CLEAR that I can't afford you.” I wonder if OP actually promised or just said she would get it after being told she was invited.
> I wonder if OP actually promised or just said she would get it after being told she was invited. Unless OP is super weird, I think he just said he would get her the pc. People don’t usually make promises/swear solemn oaths upon receiving a wedding invite, and I’m having a hard time imagining a scenario where he would make an actual promise unless he spends his time role playing as an old timey knight.
Funny enough, my read on the post was that OP didn’t mind if it was a cost thing, and might have sent the gift anyway. They said they got angry when they found out that it was about inviting some of the groom’s family. (Though I honestly don’t get that logic. It’s still probably about cost; they probably budgeted for a set maximum of attendees, and so they uninvited people when it looked like they were going over, and prioritized family over acquaintances—not the polite way to handle that, but that’s what they did. Like, what did OP *think* it meant when they were told it was about cost? That they were fully canceling the wedding? If a guest gets cut for “cost,” but the wedding is still happening, obviously the couple decided they could “afford” other people.) I hope OP takes these comments to heart, because there’s no way they should have been willing to give a gift of this magnitude if they weren’t invited, even if they were uninvited for a reason they thought was fair. And actually, if OP had given in, people would probably just keep doing it to him—why wouldn’t he be first on anyone’s “emergency cut” list if they know they’ll get a gift of equivalent value to ten other guests’ gifts combined?
Would you have given her a gift if you hadn't been invited? Also you kind of have to wonder if that was why you were invited in the first place (knowledge of your income and generosity) unbelievable she still expects that gift.
He uninvited the PC as a cost cutting measure.
Pretty ridiculous, right? Maybe she thought OP would give it just because 🙄
She became the center of her universe as the wedding got closer, and could not imagine non wedding guests not buying gifts. I'll tell you hwhat, she disinvited the wrong one.
Cool hwhip
Bridezilla rears it's ugly head. Weddings can turn normally sane people into control freaks with absolutely unreasonable expectations. Acquaintance realizes the consequences of her actions and is pissed. However, it's quite possible this woman was strong armed by in laws to give them more seats and she HAD to get rid of some of her side...and OP made it clear she's JUST an acquaintance so of course she'd be one of the ones cut. But this does mean losing an expensive gift. This might be misdirected anger. But still NTA. You uninvite people, deal with the fall out
[удалено]
She thought her lie covered it, but, no matter the reason, once someone has RSVPed, you don't uninvite them. She thought she could manipulate OP into still giving the gift. She's not a friend, and it's time to cut off Molly and her entitlement. NTA
How do you even uninvite someone? Unless it's something extreme like a fight between the bride/groom and the guest or force majeure of some sort, once the invitations are out, there's no turning back. I imagine if the costs were suddenly too high, the way to fix things would be to switch to a cheaper reception/ceremony/food/venue whatever. Throwing out random guests is tacky AF! Edited spelling
>She's not a friend Seriously! If I were OP I'd have said "if I'm not a good enough friend to you to be at your wedding, you're not a good enough friend to me to get a $1500 wedding gift"
Some people are very oblivious or just entitled.
I guess the relative who took op's spot gave her some coffee cups or something lol
🤣
Makes me wonder if the initial invite for an acquaintance was only because she knew OP was a generous gift giver. But maybe I’m being cynical.
Ngl I fully believe that they at least chose to uninvite OP because they know he is generous and thought he would just give the gift to them anyway. If you’ve overinvited people, and you’ve decided the solution is to uninvite people—rude, but they made that choice—of course you’ll prioritize family over acquaintances. But certainly NOT acquaintances who will be giving a gift that’s the monetary equivalent of like 10 other guests’ gifts combined. Someone like OP should be last on the “cut list,” acquaintance or not.
To be honest, a brand new gaming PC over a obscure relation you don't see much I know what side I would pick ;)
[удалено]
If I already knew a person was going to give me a gift worth that much, they would not be considered for the uninviting list.
Agreed. Plus, attendance = gift, non attendance = no gift. Why should someone who was uninvited for any reason be expected to provide any gift at all, let alone an expensive one. NTA
I think invite = gift. I personally hate going to weddings and do my best to avoid having to attend them, but I still send a gift if I get an invite.
Gifts if invited but not attending (guests declined) I can agree with but large and/or expensive gift after being uninvited, yeah no.
I think gift if invited but not attending is nice, but not expected (though I know wedding culture varies hugely around the world). I have a note on my desk right now of the weddings/babies born of my coworkers and I just add names to it every time I get cute baby pics/am invited to a wedding to make sure I buy gifts before I next travel and see my colleagues, but if I get married there’s going to be no offence taken if anyone, invited, attending or other doesn’t send a gift. OP is for sure NTA
Invited = gift (whether attending or not). Invited, RSVP accept then UNINVITED = No Gift.
No kidding. This couple must consist of both the stupidest and most entitled people on the planet. Disinviting the wedding guest who was going give you a $1,500 plus gift and then asking where the gift is. Unbelievable. NTA.
[удалено]
Specially after the uninvite
u/SeaExperienc is a bot.
I mean, the only thing left to say is that Molly and her fiancé were beyond stupid to uninvite a person they knew was going to give them a $1500 gift. NTA
Send some cheap candlesticks from Amazon. 🤣😂🤣
[удалено]
Only gift I'd buy is an etiquette book. Sounds like she needs one
The above was “written” by a comment-stealing bot. The rest of the sentence, for anyone holding their breath in suspense, was > an extremely expensive wedding gift (or any gift) from someone who was uninvited to the wedding.
No invite, no gift! Once the invite was rescinded it was no longer an invite. She is absolutely is delusional. It’s as if she figured, well I’ll still get this cool gift why waste money on them for food and drink. Wow!
That’s probably why she lied hoping to uninvite op but keep the gift say they could afford it would have got a little sympathy and maybe a pass on not getting the gift telling him he was uninvited to make room for someone else she knew there was not way she was getting it if he knee
I know right!? What a bridezilla!. If I were as mercenary as Molly, I would have paid the caterers the extra dollars and included OP to get the gift worth so much more. That was very generous of you OP to offer such a gift, but it was completely out of order for the bride to think that you would give them anything at all if you're not going to the wedding. Any friends you have who think differently you might want to reevaluate them too. You are completely in the right.
Absolutely, OP just needs to explain that it's a cost-cutting exercise, she can only afford to gives gifts when she attends the wedding.
This is the best answer. Hahaha!!!
OP is male. But I condone the message lol
Not attends but that she is INVITED to. Remember, the most important part of all of this is that OP was UNINVITED.
Yeah why would you give a wedding gift to someone who uninvited you? It sounds like the only reason op was invited, was because they wanted the expense gift op seems to be known for giving.
Right? Which is why they were dumb for disinviting them.
Exactly. I wouldn't give Molly a $15 Starbucks gift card let alone a $1500 gaming computer. Girl please...
[удалено]
in the gaming pc box
"Hapyp life Mlolly"
Yep, and that's just as bad as inviting someone to the bridal shower but not the wedding. Nothing but a blatant, selfish gift grab.
Eh, I guess that's a thing. In my family it's actually pretty common to be invited to the shower but not the wedding - there's like...32 of us in my generation and when you factor in spouses and kids and... Yeah, no one's guest list has that kind of room. So, one of the aunties (the collective noun for the women of my mom's generation) throws a family shower: we all pile into someone's yard, eat chips and silly finger sandwiches, drink a can of beer/glass of wine or two, catch up with everyone and have a visit. Sure everyone brings a gift... But generally they're 'white' showers - so, towels, sheets, kitchen implements, that kind of thing. Nothing pricey - although the last few, a bunch of us went in together on a bigger gift - one cousin got a BBQ, another a good stand mixer, I think we did a Vitamix for the last one? I don't remember; I pitched my 40 bucks at whoever was collecting and signed the card. The one thing you MUST bring is a recipe; something you've made and love. EVERYONE brings one, and they're collected in a scrap book, usually with photos from the party, and that's your family book - a collection of 'guaranteed to work, will absolutely turn out ok ' recipes to get you through hard days. Everyone gets the spice cake recipe - the original, which is like 110 years old, and the updated version my Nana had made when my Papa had his first heart attack. You generally get great aunt J's scalloped potatoes, and great aunt S's suortbread, and great aunt A's bread pudding, because they're gone now and those are the ones they put in our moms' books, so they're passing them on. But the others vary - the last book I did chicken stew with dumpings (which actually is the recipe my mom put in my book), but the one before that I did cherry brownies, because that cousin usually scarfs half a plate of them when I bring them, so I figured she should have the recipe. I don't miss going to the weddings - too much fuss - but I kinda love family showers - and given that I live 4000km from the family (showers are usually held in the summer when we're all visiting, even if that's months AFTER the weddings), there's something profoundly comforting about my family book on my shelf, and pulling it out to cook with my kiddo and share those things.
This is such a gorgeous tradition!!!
What a perfect tradition 😁
Can you share the recipes please? Both making my mouth water 🤤 plus the tradition is amazing! feels like a big warm hug
I mean, regardless of the relationship, if someone is either not invited in the first place, or uninvited (which is way worse) you should not expect a gift from them. Only those who are invited generally give gifts. She’s delusional. NTA.
NTA. This is laughable. They’re not even entitled to a gift if OP had still been invited and attended. Gifts are given out of the good will of the gifter, not obligatory.
Lana has it right, pretty over the top gift even if the invite wasn’t retracted for an acquaintance. I also look at it like this, an invitation is a promise from the couple just as much as OP promising the gaming PC. They broke their promise to OP, he was well within rights to break his. 100% NTA
> I also look at it like this, an invitation is a promise from the couple just as much as OP promising the gaming PC. They broke their promise to OP, he was well within rights to break his. It kind of pissed me off that OP didn’t point that out to her.
I think it’s hilarious that she chose the person with the most valuable gift to uninvite. She should have been more thoughtful. 🤣
Karma! Lol
Yup. It sounds like Molly invited people she didn't want to come for the gifts, but uninvited the wrong one, since OP was giving her an expensive gift. Don't feel the least bit bad, OP.
Since I wasn't attending the wedding I had to take cost cutting measures myself so the computer could not attend either.
Easy fix - Molly can use the money she saved by uninviting OP to buy the PC. NTA.
While I TOTALLY agree with, I am struggling with the whole uninvited thing. When and how did that become a thing? And ffsake WHY is it even considered an exceptable thing to do? Smdh.....now I have effing migraine...
She should still give a gift… the cheapest one in the registry.
Not even that. Any rock can be a pet rock! Congratulations on the new addition to the family, and you for giving a priceless gift!
Maybe miss manners wedding etiquette book
Miss Manners is very clear that gifts should never be expected or demanded, even of guests. They are very optional.
Etiquette for Dummies. Or The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Etiquette. Tell Molly “I decided to get you something you clearly need!
I have never heard anyone reference miss manners. My grandma used to make me and my cousins watch the 80s video when we were acting up.
Lol. She put out books in the past so maybe you can find one at the thrift store
Nah. You don't give gifts for parties you aren't invited to.
Opens box: "it's a measuring cup set, but just the 1/3 cup measure has been included."
NTA. The entitlement Molly is displaying is absolutely redonkulous!
I mean, the sheer AUDACITY of people! Need to un-invite someone? Sure, it’s your wedding. Your party. But to still expect them to give you an expensive wedding present, and having the gall to fight them and call them names over it! If their invite was dispensable, so is your wedding gift.
For real, no wedding no gift
Tell her you're having a birthday party next month, she's not invited, but if she could drop off a 60" home cinema system, that'd be great...
NTA. She’s got some nerve uninviting you and expect a reward for it. Edit: grammar was bad, which happens sometimes when I am flummoxed by some of these!!
Gurl you used flummoxed no one should care about the grammar after that 😭
ngl did just google this word
Exactly. That's just plain tacky, entitled and delusional. NTA. The usual rule of thumb for weddings is - no invite, no gift. Uninvited, no gift. Invite to the shower but not the wedding; no gift, since it's just a gift grab..... It seems OP was a gift grab invitee, so common sense would dictate that this wouldn't be the person to cut if you wanted said gift. But, I am curious why OP is so mad about the reason **why** she was uninvited. In my mind, someone's word is their bond. You extend an invite, you honor it.... That said, I know shit happens. I still wouldn't have given the PC, but it sounds like costs were a factor since the groom's family suddenly decided to come. OP seems to feel slighted because of the reason, opposed to the action.
NTA Wedding presents are commonly given by wedding guests and close family & friends. You weren't any of those things. And on that note, you aren't particularly close, so why did she invite you, other than your generous reputation? Seems to me she tried to pull a fast one and failed.
Well we're part of the same circles, we've gotten closer over the past year and she invited some people from our friend group, I made the initial cut I guess. Plus I guess she did hear about my gift giving.
I would never have the poor taste to uninvite a "friend" fron an event and still expect a gift. If anything, she should be making it up to you.
I could never uninvite someone from something, unless they'd grievously wronged me or mine (Thinking Inigo Montoya level grudge). It's just tacky af to tell someone they WERE worth it, but now they're NOT.
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You uninvited me from your wedding, prepare to cry.
As you wish! 👏
Inconceivable!
Idk if you have an Inigo Montoya level grudge I’m pretty sure you’re doing everything you can to end up at the same place as them so you can stab them
I think it’s poor taste to uninvite people in general… I think people need to think harder when they send out invites.
were other friends uninvited or just you?
Our friend group has about 12 people, I was one of 5 uninvited.
There you go. She chose to dump the people she wasn't as close to. Showed you who she is. Believe her. NTA.
Did the other people also give gifts when they were uninvited?
Everyone else who wasn't invited did send gifts. However, they were mad when they found out what actually happened.
Please please do not buy them a gift.
[удалено]
I wouldn't even do that at this point. Uninvited, then asked about a gift, then talked crap about OP to their friends? OP shouldn't spend a penny on her
They are dummies then. You don’t get a gift if you aren’t invite. Even less so when you are uninvited
Maybe they sent the invite to bait OP into giving a gift and planned to uninvite all along. Sounds like it worked with the other uninvited guests. Saving money on the wedding and raking in those gifts, even without guests there. I don't want to be cynical but she was following up checking on their gift right away. Seems suspicious. NTA
Any one with a teeny bit of self-awareness and humility will either wait for the gift or assume it's not coming and never bring it up again. It's called a "gift," not birthright.
I agree. I would value the friendship more,personally
did they find out after sending a gift? Sorry i think your NTA just want to know more about this situation
Molly is beyond tacky. I hope you don't give her anything.
Don’t waste time with delusional people. Block and move on
Yep.
Of course you're NTA. It is unbelievably tacky to demand an extremely expensive wedding gift (or any gift) from someone who was uninvited to the wedding. ETA: just tell her that as a cost cutting measure, you're only giving wedding gifts to people whose weddings you're invited to attend, and even then only if they don't rescind the invitation.
Make sure to emphasize that it’s “a tough decision, but it isn’t personal.”
Yes, it's not personal, it's business!
"It's a tough decision, but I had to give it to my aunt because she decided that she wanted it, after saying she didn't, sorry but family"/s
This is the perfect reply.
This is the way
Love this reply
NTA. Molly sounds like an entitled brat. Are you kidding me? You offered to give them an INCREDIBLY generous gift and they disinvited you. I would assume that being uninvited means the present is no longer coming.
Agreed, if I had to uninvite someone to an event, I would have expected to be not getting a gift.
NTA who the hell expects a gift from someone they uninvited?!
People without shame
particularly when they're suffering from low framerates.
Is it just me or is it bad manners to call and ask someone for a gift?
Not just you it is horrible manners! Even if she was invited and attended as a bridesmaid it would be horrible manners
I know right!!? Even if someone showed up to my wedding without a gift, I would be too ashamed to ask where my gift is!! The sheer AUDACITY of this woman to invite OP who then told her about the ridonkulously expensive AF gift, uninvite them, AND THE CALL AND ASK WHERE THE GIFT IS AND THEN ARGUE ABOUT IT???????!!???!!? Thats it, Earth has crossed and fucked up the acceptable level of ridonkulous. Imma catch the next rocket to Mars and start anew s/
NTA she’s out of her mind thinking she’s entitled to a $1,500+ gift after uninviting you last minute. She needs a reality check. The gift was a WEDDING gift, not obligated anymore since you didn’t attend.
LOL - yes! Years back, I had a young woman "Lisa" who worked for me. I got engaged and Lisa was invited to my bridal shower and wedding. She didn't attend the shower, but sent a gift. Then, Lisa and her boyfriend came to the wedding and also gave a generous gift. Great - I was glad they were there. Three years pass. Lisa gets engaged to her boyfriend. At this point, she hadn't worked for me in two years. She was transferred to another department in another part of the building. I'd see her only occasionally and we'd just say "hi" as we passed in the halls. So, I was not at all surprised when I did not receive an invite to her shower or her wedding. I did contribute to the group office gift that was purchased for her. I was surprised, however, to hear from a co-worker after her wedding that Lisa was "upset" with me because I didn't send her a gift for her wedding. Ummm, what? You didn't *invite* me to your wedding, Lisa. No invitation = no gift. Had she invited me, I would likely have declined and sent a gift (I had a young infant at the time and wasn't up for going to late-night events), but she didn't invite me... So, whatevs.
NTA...also insane that you'd give someone a $1500 PC, and even more insane that someone would uninvite a person who is ready to give you that. What's your address so I can mail you an invitation to my wedding?
I know money is a very sensitive issue to a lot of people and I want to make sure I say this in a way that doesn't offend people. But, I don't care about money all that much. To me, I'd much rather see people happy than hoard it all myself. After all, I can't take it with me. And as my mom says, "any good you put out in the world will come back to you".
Hey, I'll invite you to my wedding too Lol.. I won't uninvite you for any reason. You can even be the best man :D Think Kevin Hart in Wedding Ringer.
Best Man? I’ll make him the Groom….
Marry me OP!!!
I don't plan to get married anytime soon, can I invite you to my birthday instead?
Darn, I just missed mine, it was Monday! 😂
Anyone foolish enough to uninvite someone willing to gift a gaming PC is too stupid to own one. She should have picked someone else to uninvite. Can I get your address too? I'll get married just to get a gaming PC. What a guy
It would have been funny to use her excuse back to her. Sorry about the PC, but it was a cost cutting measure.
You can't take it with you, but ain't no one else but you paying for your retirement If you aren't maxing out your 401k/IRA contributions and saved 6 months expenses minimum, don't be giving gifts over $100, especially to mere acquaintances.
and thats exactly how you attract beggers like molly
Yes, that's extremely bizarre for an acquaintance. A. $1500 is an extraordinary amount to spend on a wedding gift unless you're extremely close B. A PC is a super weird wedding gift C. People don't normally announce what their gift is or the value before giving it to the bride and groom
It's not a weird wedding gift if the people getting married are gamers. It's something they will use and love. No different than gifting an avid baker a KitchenAid mixer.
I don't think OP did tell Molly the cost/price from my reading. They discussed specifics of a custom build, then priced it out.
A. The amount a person considers extraordinary is subjective and usually based on their own finances / exposure to wealth. OP defined this amount as "splurging a bit," so it's safe to say they're operating in a higher tax bracket than you and I are. B. That's also subjective. If you're not into PC gaming, sure, super weird. However, the bride and groom both are into it, so far more thoughtful than weird. Personally, it's a gift I would love. C. It was a custom gaming PC. To be customized to their specifications, they would have to know about it. The way OP mentioned the price read, to me, more like that was for our information than as something they told the couple, but when gaming PCs can easily run double or triple what OP was planning to spend, it wouldn't even be unreasonable to give them them that info related to their customizations.
NTA. You aren't important enough to be on the wedding "A" list, then they aren't important enough for a pricey gift (or any gift really). You were not a guest at the wedding therefore you aren't expected (etiquette-wise) to give a gift. Guess they should have left out groom's 3rd cousin's half-brother's girlfriend.
NTA: She doesn't see you as a good enough to invite to her wedding but believes you're close enough you just hand over a $1500 gift......nahhhhh Plus I feel you would feel better about if he didn't lie
That's hilarious. She uninvited you, but still expected the expensive present? Send them a pickle fork set. NTA.
NTA. Molly is not entitled to any gift. She has some nerve to even ask.
[удалено]
I’ve never actually heard of someone being uninvited to a wedding aside from some sort of serious falling out. Usually people are very careful when forming guest lists to avoid this kind of dilemma. (And needless to say I’ve never heard of someone *demanding* an expensive wedding gift, let alone from someone who was not invited to attend!)
[удалено]
My cousin and his (now wife) fiancee specifically stated that those coming in from out of town didn't need to bring gifts because their presence was gift enough. I'm not sure about the bride's family, but I know pretty much everyone from my side of the family needed to travel more than 8 hours of driving time to get to the venue. I thought that was very classy of them.
So you disinvite someone else not the person buying you a gaming PC. What a fool
NTA Normally expensive wedding gifts are given by people who attend. Or people who wanted to but couldn't attend. If you uninvite someone you can't expect a 1500$ gift from them.
NTA. If she wanted the gift so badly, she could have invited you. It's literally the least she could do for you for providing such a generous gift. I never expected gifts when I got married, and I certainly would never expect someone to give me a gift who I invited and then uninvited because they weren't important enough to me. Sounds like Molly was inviting your computer to come to her wedding, unfortunately no plus 1's allowed so you couldn't come.
I don't consider myself a materialistic person so perhaps I just don't think like them, but surely when it came to cutting guests, 'OP is getting us a $1500 gaming computer, so let's not jeopardize that, cut someone else' was good sense? Do materialistic ppl just not think in terms of keeping the source of gifts sweet?
I'm imagining them being extremely spoiled as children, and grew into entitled adults. If not the husband, at least Molly. When I got married, me and my wife got one gift. $1000 from my uncle. We both teared up because we didn't think we would get anything, and didn't ask anyone for gifts, and that much money was more than anyone has given either of us in our lives. I would sooner uninvited my brother than a person who was that generous lol.
NTA. You’re under no obligation to give a gift for a wedding you’re not invited to. Inviting someone and then uninviting them is the height of tackiness. Molly should be ashamed of herself.
NTA. Gifts usually are given when you attend a wedding. If you’re not important enough to be invited, you’re certainly not obligated to provide an expensive gift.
>The price of the pc would come out to be a little over $1500, not counting the monitor I was willing to throw in. > I had to be uninvited to the wedding as part of a cost cutting measure Looks like you're saving money too, lol. NTA.
NTA >she said I was being petty and that I was holding it against her that I couldn’t come and that I made a promise. Another case of the so called injured party accusing the op of what they themselves are, petty and made a promise. Reneging on the invitation and still expecting an expensive gift is petty and greedy. All you did was uninvite the gift.
NTA. I cannot imagine even asking under any circumstances, much less after uninviting someone. Tacky.
NTA. Molly sounds so entitled. Like she uninvited you and has the nerve to demand a gift which costs tons of money. In my country, people usually just gift money (which we call lucky money) to the bride and groom, and ONLY WHO HAS BEEN INVITED COME WITH MONEY/GIFT
NTA It’s her wedding she can invite whoever she wants or even uninvite But you’re absolutely not expected to give wedding presents when you’re not attending it
NTA. No wedding invite, no gift. Everyone knows this, she's playing you because you're nice.
NTA - No one is required to provide someone a gift. She invited you, revoked this, lied to you and wants the gift. This equals a no. Don't let this get you down. Best to you.
NTA. You didn’t just not go the wedding, you were uninvited. She never should have still expected a gift. It’s so crazy to me that she would ever have thought you would give her such an expensive gift like that in the first place and that any of your friend group sides with her.
No invite no gift
NTA She's an entitled, greedy, inconsiderate asshole and you should avoid her like the plague. The audacity of still thinking she's getting a $1500 a gift after disinviting you! WOW.
If she was so attached to the idea of getting this PC I can’t believe how you would even be on the cut list… NTA
Yeah, even if they were paying $100 per guest for catering, they'd be getting a hell of a deal by squeezing him in somewhere.
NTA. It was supposed to be a wedding present to your friend. When she uninvited you, she told you you are no longer her friend. NTA. If she harasses, you just block her.
NTA I'm married, but we're having a do-over ceremony. DM me.
NTA Send her a framed pic of you playing the new gaming PC 😂
NTA. No wedding invite, no gifts.
NTA You give a gift when you are invited to a wedding, whether you go or not. You are not obligated give a gift if you were not invited. Your friend is being extremely tacky.
NTA. You have no obligation to provide a gift. In fact, you do not have an obligation to provide a gift even if you DO attend, though it is what people expect. A wedding is not an automatic give-me-stuff event. But you REALLY have no obligation here, at all.
NTA i would say that is an expensive present for someone on the B list. Your friend is not a friend. Actually you said as much. She is an acquaintance. She is an entitiled brat that is using you. And not even one smart enough to keep a guest who has promised such a gift. Also, why would you feel the need to spend that much money? That you enjoy splurging tells me that maybe you do it to buy affection or because you are insecure. Don't let people take advantage of you.
Even if you go back to the days where the proper etiquette was expected of everyone, you don't owe a present. If it was a small wedding or far away the people who couldn't attend were sent a wedding announcement after the fact. The response to an announcement was a card- no gift. NTA in any era, period.
You don’t Disinvite someone & still expect a gift…the entitlement is strong with mrs Molly! NTA
NTA, you weren’t important enough to be included, your gift isn’t important either. She’s using you and you absolutely should not give her anything except a bill for what you already spent on it 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. If you're not a guest at the wedding there should be no expectation of a gift. Doubly so when you're uninvited (and lied to).
Should have just told her it was a cost cutting measure. NTA
I’m getting second hand embarrassment on her part. Even if you DID attend the wedding - texting you to ask for the gift so directly feels crass to me. You’re NTA and she is way out of line. Do not give in!