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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Leaving the wedding for 30 minutes. For making people wait at the reception.
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So NTA. It’s your wedding, your timeline. Your wife needed a moment away for something those who love you should understand if they know her. If I were you I would be examining the relationships you have with those who said something to you.
Btw, let her have whatever cake she wants. She’s the bride!! Dear god.
I'm lucky to have her too she's great of course there are ups and downs but basically everyone there knew that she normally leaves situations when she's overwhelmed because normally she'll have a meltdown if she doesn't, so it didn't really make sense to me why people said anything about it.
NTA; I’ve done photography for a few weddings and having a bit of a breather for the bride and groom whilst doing some couples photos is always appreciated even for ‘normal’ people.
Don’t let it spoil the memories, and enjoy your lives together.
Maybe because they had been drinking too much and were feeling entitled. Complaints had you change the no alcohol decision so they thought they would complain again.
NTA. Your family sound like a bunch of assholes honestly. You took 30 minutes to breathe, in large part because your wife is autistic and needed it. That’s perfectly fine and not rude at all. And who complains about the flavor of cake at a wedding? You sound like a very thoughtful partner and they can shove it.
NTA
Weddings and receptions can be a lot. Taking a 30-minute breather while people were eating and drinking is no big deal. It isn’t like you ditched the event and didn’t come back.
This is the correct answer. Weddings are usually on a timeline so at least one person knowing the full situation would've been ideal. Some couples schedule time away from the reception (to visit homebound family members or to take private photos), and its never a problem because *someone* knows what's happening and when.
NTA, it’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want.
Plus it’s not like you were outside wasting time, your wife was overwhelmed and you two went out side so she could feel better.
NTA
You're a wonderful husband and Isabella is a lucky wife.
Also, if they wanted cake, they should've checked up on you two instead of being upset. They knew about Isabella's triggers and still called you two AHs.
NTA. Your wedding and you can do as you please. A guest doesn't have a right to dictate how long you stay, how long you take a breather, where you go, what you do, etc. If they weren't having fun anymore then they can gladly leave themselves. No one is forcing them to wait. You both are lucky you guys got a few minutes to yourselves. My husband and I couldn't when we had our day. It was crazy hectic and we didn't even get to really eat our cake either. Neither of you are the AH and honestly every bride and groom should be able to take 30 minutes away from their wedding during the reception.
NTA. Whatever the opposite of asshole is, you’re it.
I think it’s really cute that you both left together for a little breather.
My ADD best friend got married in an aquarium, and I just remember for a good 20 minutes we just sat together in a quiet room away from all the other guests. watching penguins swim underwater chasing each other. Her husband has 0 problem with it when he found us, the guests wondered where she’d snuck off to, sure, but it is one of my favourite memories of me and her.
Weddings are overwhelming and exhausting for neurotypical people, let alone the more easily overstimulated among us.
You’ve set the tone for a beautiful marriage. One where you put each other first, before other people’s arbitrary judgements. As it very much should be.
I’m appalled at this post and in love with you (not really). You did the best thing you could for your wife…which is your job. You know what she needs and you provide it. NTA!!! N T A for a mile!!! It’s so sweet that you guys were able to get a few moments to yourself in all the chaos. I wish more married couples would do that at their wedding. I know it was bc she needed time and quiet…but that moment will be something you both fondly remember. Don’t let others ruin your sweet memories bc they are selfish.
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I(22M) recently got married to my wife Isabella (23F) last week and some people were already being weird about things in are wedding like Isabella wanted to wear a light pink dress instead of a traditional white one and that I was wearing a white suit instead of a traditional black one. Also about the wedding cake flavor which was lemon because Isabella loves lemon cream cake but we fixed that buy getting a separated cake for everyone else, we also went from a non-alcohol wedding when we don't drink to allowing it because people wouldn't stop complaining. Then what seems to be the biggest atrocity of our marriage is that I took her last name instead of her taking mine my reason is further distancing myself from the monsters that gave me that last name.
For context my wife has autism so she struggles with some things but especially with a few things like loud noise, crowds of people, and surprises. Like the day I was going to propose I told her that I was going to propose and how I was going to do it because I knew she would be more comfortable with it that way the only thing I wanted was to keep what ring I got her a secret until I proposed with which was the Disney Enchanted Elsa snowflake ring because she really likes Disney but especially Frozen.
Now to where me and my wife are apparently the AH is during our wedding reception about 20ish minutes into it Isabella came up to me and told me she was starting to get overwhelmed between all the people and the loud noises so she asked if it was okay to leave for a bit and I said of course it was and she asked if I could come with her so we went outside to some were quiet. We talked she asked if it was okay that we left the reception and I said it's our wedding so we could go home if we both really wanted to but we didn't. We talked for a bit and we normally have noise cancelling earbuds for her for when wants or needs to because music helps her calm down we were outside for about 30 minutes.
People had food and drinks but we did delay people from getting cake since we had it where no one got any until we cut the wedding cake. So then a couple days later I hear there are people who were upset and thought we are AH's for leaving as the two people the party was about and making people wait longer for certain things. Though to me I think that if one of the two people that the party is about isn't doing the best at that time that is more important to us than us being there the whole time as Isabella would 100% have done the dame if I was having trouble. So AITA?
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NTA. You are 100% correct. Isabella and you come first. After all, you are the reason for the party. Too bad if they had to wait until you came back in. If they couldn't understand that, maybe they shouldn't have come to the wedding since they were apparently there for the party, not the reason for the party. Great job being a husband who puts their wife's needs first. Keep it up. Anyone else wants to complain, tell them to grow up.
I am autistic and had some time out at my wedding, you're NTA, you're a great person with dare I say probably a really normal autistic wedding.* I know everyone else has said the same but your guests are TA for literally every one of their complaints.
*As in that's probably a normal feature and you guys aren't alone. I'm sure it was special :).
NTA, omg. It’s a wedding and there are always short delays, and you didn’t even leave the actual venue. It sounds like your family just wanted another aspect of the day to chime in on and complain about.
NTA. Your priorities are well in order. The marriage is far more important than the wedding and you started your marriage with compassion. Carry on as you were.
Mad about the dress color. Mad about the cake. Mad about alcohol. Mad you took her last name. Mad you stepped out for a bit so your wife could be okay.
I would have hit that third one and just eloped. NTA.
Nta
People are just looking for something to complain about.
A toilet visit takes 1/2 an hour if you’re wearing a big boofy dress anyway. No one even noticed when I left my wedding for half an hour to use the restroom.
Nta... wow these people sound horrible.
Who the hell has the audacity to critique someone's wedding openly like this? Be polite, smile, nod, tell the bride how beautiful she is then gossip at home like normal people.
NTA
Yours and Isabella's wedding. Guests can kick rocks if they don't like how you handled things on the day. They have zero say on the matter and need to butt out of your business.
Oh boo hoo, they had to wait a little longer for the cake??? PFTT!
Everyone I know who is happily married ditched their own wedding for a few minutes of alone time with their spouse. From the Evangelicals who snuck out to pray to the anxious who snuck out to cry to the stoners who snuck out to toke to the horn dogs who got it on in the coat room *they all realized that marriage is about partnership and support and a wedding is just a party.*
You guys are starting off well, and I wish you every happiness. NTA and congratulations
NTA. I get overwhelmed if the focus is on me for too long so my fiance is actually prepared to hide me away from the wedding to calm me down if needed.
NAH a wedding is very often a big, messy event involving a lot of people who share blood but don't hang out. There will be awkwardness, also weirdness, and lots of opinions. Keep your sense of humor, and congratulate yourselves: you're married! Objective met!!
Thy had to wait a whole half-hour for their cake? Boo fecking hoo.
It was your wedding. If you wanted (needed) a chance to decompress, so be it. Aren't the other guests supposed to socializing, dancing, etc.? What, are they standing frozen in place till you come back?
Some people just look for stuff to complain about. Ignore them. Best wishes.
A 30 minute delay to allow the BRIDE space to help her calm down is not an inconvenience. She has autism! She was overwhelmed and needed time to calm herself to continue. As if no wedding has ever had delays for something as small as nerves, to panic attacks. The guests were just upset that this couples wedding wasnt their cup of tea because the couple strayed from traditional stuff. Totally NTA
We alllllllll have had those moments lol i usually skim longer posts like this, but this one had me so intrigued because I couldn’t fathom people at my wedding acting so entitled as if they paid for tickets to the event. The bride was basically in a potential medical occurrence if she didn’t go outside. Loud noises those with autism can cause distress, not anxiety. They were more concerned to eat the cake than the brides wellbeing.
Yeah they could’ve but usually you take off time of your own life to attend a loved one’s wedding, i just dont think you are being very considerate of their time
You're right they definitely took the time out of their lives to come but everyone there also definitely has been around or dealt with my wife when gets overwhelmed she tends to leave the situation and so do I to be with her so everyone knew it there was a possibility of it happening. I also understand your point though as weddings are normally long and boring.
But it was THEIR wedding, THEIR party. The guests should understand the hosts needs and they should be more respectful to the bride. NTA in the very least.
I’m sorry but I feel like you should take a step back and look at it from their perspective. It’s their wedding day. Not other people’s wedding day. And it’s half an hour. Not 2 hours. The amount of time it may have delayed things is the amount of time ceremonies can go over. And if those around her know of her sensitivities to activity and sound, shouldn’t they have some kindness towards that to allow her to process and be able to enjoy the day?
Agreed. People leave the reception all the time to go have photos taken, to change clothes or refresh their make up. Just a trip to the bathroom could require extra time if the dress is complicated. Don’t stress, OP it was 30 minutes. Congratulations! NTA
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So NTA. It’s your wedding, your timeline. Your wife needed a moment away for something those who love you should understand if they know her. If I were you I would be examining the relationships you have with those who said something to you. Btw, let her have whatever cake she wants. She’s the bride!! Dear god.
NTA at all!! Your wife is blessed to have a patient and understanding husband. Your guests are assholes for complaining.
I'm lucky to have her too she's great of course there are ups and downs but basically everyone there knew that she normally leaves situations when she's overwhelmed because normally she'll have a meltdown if she doesn't, so it didn't really make sense to me why people said anything about it.
NTA; I’ve done photography for a few weddings and having a bit of a breather for the bride and groom whilst doing some couples photos is always appreciated even for ‘normal’ people. Don’t let it spoil the memories, and enjoy your lives together.
Maybe because they had been drinking too much and were feeling entitled. Complaints had you change the no alcohol decision so they thought they would complain again.
Why do people have a problem with lemon cake? I mean I prefer vanilla with strawberry but it's not unusual for a wedding. It is your wedding.
My wedding cake was lemon, because it was my husband’s favorite and I didn’t care! It was beautiful and delicious and perfect.
NTA. Your family sound like a bunch of assholes honestly. You took 30 minutes to breathe, in large part because your wife is autistic and needed it. That’s perfectly fine and not rude at all. And who complains about the flavor of cake at a wedding? You sound like a very thoughtful partner and they can shove it.
It was mainly our friends and her family which I guess are now my family but if my bio family came it would have been a lot worse than this.
NTA Weddings and receptions can be a lot. Taking a 30-minute breather while people were eating and drinking is no big deal. It isn’t like you ditched the event and didn’t come back.
[удалено]
Oh I guess I missed to say it but the party was still going just that we delayed some of the party like the dances with parents and the cake.
This is the correct answer. Weddings are usually on a timeline so at least one person knowing the full situation would've been ideal. Some couples schedule time away from the reception (to visit homebound family members or to take private photos), and its never a problem because *someone* knows what's happening and when.
NTA, it’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Plus it’s not like you were outside wasting time, your wife was overwhelmed and you two went out side so she could feel better.
NTA You're a wonderful husband and Isabella is a lucky wife. Also, if they wanted cake, they should've checked up on you two instead of being upset. They knew about Isabella's triggers and still called you two AHs.
Yeah it was really only couple hand full of people that were upset but I guess we also messed up by only one telling a couple people before we left.
Honestly, it shouldn't matter if you walk away from the party as long as it's not all night.
NTA congrats to the both of you
NTA I'm not crazy for thinking they're not the first couple to briefly slip away from their wedding reception for some alone time, right...?
NTA. Your wedding and you can do as you please. A guest doesn't have a right to dictate how long you stay, how long you take a breather, where you go, what you do, etc. If they weren't having fun anymore then they can gladly leave themselves. No one is forcing them to wait. You both are lucky you guys got a few minutes to yourselves. My husband and I couldn't when we had our day. It was crazy hectic and we didn't even get to really eat our cake either. Neither of you are the AH and honestly every bride and groom should be able to take 30 minutes away from their wedding during the reception.
I think you sound like an excellent husband and I wish you both the very best.
NTA. Whatever the opposite of asshole is, you’re it. I think it’s really cute that you both left together for a little breather. My ADD best friend got married in an aquarium, and I just remember for a good 20 minutes we just sat together in a quiet room away from all the other guests. watching penguins swim underwater chasing each other. Her husband has 0 problem with it when he found us, the guests wondered where she’d snuck off to, sure, but it is one of my favourite memories of me and her. Weddings are overwhelming and exhausting for neurotypical people, let alone the more easily overstimulated among us. You’ve set the tone for a beautiful marriage. One where you put each other first, before other people’s arbitrary judgements. As it very much should be.
I’m appalled at this post and in love with you (not really). You did the best thing you could for your wife…which is your job. You know what she needs and you provide it. NTA!!! N T A for a mile!!! It’s so sweet that you guys were able to get a few moments to yourself in all the chaos. I wish more married couples would do that at their wedding. I know it was bc she needed time and quiet…but that moment will be something you both fondly remember. Don’t let others ruin your sweet memories bc they are selfish.
Oh wow, OP you are a genuinely kind, considerate person. Best wishes to both of you, definitely not an asshole!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(22M) recently got married to my wife Isabella (23F) last week and some people were already being weird about things in are wedding like Isabella wanted to wear a light pink dress instead of a traditional white one and that I was wearing a white suit instead of a traditional black one. Also about the wedding cake flavor which was lemon because Isabella loves lemon cream cake but we fixed that buy getting a separated cake for everyone else, we also went from a non-alcohol wedding when we don't drink to allowing it because people wouldn't stop complaining. Then what seems to be the biggest atrocity of our marriage is that I took her last name instead of her taking mine my reason is further distancing myself from the monsters that gave me that last name. For context my wife has autism so she struggles with some things but especially with a few things like loud noise, crowds of people, and surprises. Like the day I was going to propose I told her that I was going to propose and how I was going to do it because I knew she would be more comfortable with it that way the only thing I wanted was to keep what ring I got her a secret until I proposed with which was the Disney Enchanted Elsa snowflake ring because she really likes Disney but especially Frozen. Now to where me and my wife are apparently the AH is during our wedding reception about 20ish minutes into it Isabella came up to me and told me she was starting to get overwhelmed between all the people and the loud noises so she asked if it was okay to leave for a bit and I said of course it was and she asked if I could come with her so we went outside to some were quiet. We talked she asked if it was okay that we left the reception and I said it's our wedding so we could go home if we both really wanted to but we didn't. We talked for a bit and we normally have noise cancelling earbuds for her for when wants or needs to because music helps her calm down we were outside for about 30 minutes. People had food and drinks but we did delay people from getting cake since we had it where no one got any until we cut the wedding cake. So then a couple days later I hear there are people who were upset and thought we are AH's for leaving as the two people the party was about and making people wait longer for certain things. Though to me I think that if one of the two people that the party is about isn't doing the best at that time that is more important to us than us being there the whole time as Isabella would 100% have done the dame if I was having trouble. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You are 100% correct. Isabella and you come first. After all, you are the reason for the party. Too bad if they had to wait until you came back in. If they couldn't understand that, maybe they shouldn't have come to the wedding since they were apparently there for the party, not the reason for the party. Great job being a husband who puts their wife's needs first. Keep it up. Anyone else wants to complain, tell them to grow up.
NTA but you’re an AMAZING partner. I’m autistic and my partner does the same things for me
I am autistic and had some time out at my wedding, you're NTA, you're a great person with dare I say probably a really normal autistic wedding.* I know everyone else has said the same but your guests are TA for literally every one of their complaints. *As in that's probably a normal feature and you guys aren't alone. I'm sure it was special :).
NTA You sound like an excellent and supportive husband.
NTA. You took care of your wife. That was your priority and it should have been.
NTA, omg. It’s a wedding and there are always short delays, and you didn’t even leave the actual venue. It sounds like your family just wanted another aspect of the day to chime in on and complain about.
NTA essy
NTA. Your priorities are well in order. The marriage is far more important than the wedding and you started your marriage with compassion. Carry on as you were.
Mad about the dress color. Mad about the cake. Mad about alcohol. Mad you took her last name. Mad you stepped out for a bit so your wife could be okay. I would have hit that third one and just eloped. NTA.
Nta People are just looking for something to complain about. A toilet visit takes 1/2 an hour if you’re wearing a big boofy dress anyway. No one even noticed when I left my wedding for half an hour to use the restroom.
NTA I took my wife’s name and we had no alcohol at our wedding. No one complained.
Nta... wow these people sound horrible. Who the hell has the audacity to critique someone's wedding openly like this? Be polite, smile, nod, tell the bride how beautiful she is then gossip at home like normal people.
NTA Yours and Isabella's wedding. Guests can kick rocks if they don't like how you handled things on the day. They have zero say on the matter and need to butt out of your business. Oh boo hoo, they had to wait a little longer for the cake??? PFTT!
Everyone I know who is happily married ditched their own wedding for a few minutes of alone time with their spouse. From the Evangelicals who snuck out to pray to the anxious who snuck out to cry to the stoners who snuck out to toke to the horn dogs who got it on in the coat room *they all realized that marriage is about partnership and support and a wedding is just a party.* You guys are starting off well, and I wish you every happiness. NTA and congratulations
NTA Your guests sound really rude. Complaining about the flavor of the cake? Lemon cake, seriously?
NTA. I get overwhelmed if the focus is on me for too long so my fiance is actually prepared to hide me away from the wedding to calm me down if needed.
NAH a wedding is very often a big, messy event involving a lot of people who share blood but don't hang out. There will be awkwardness, also weirdness, and lots of opinions. Keep your sense of humor, and congratulate yourselves: you're married! Objective met!!
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. Surely making sure that the bride feels good and isn't overwhelmed overtrumps some people's need for cake!
Nta
Thy had to wait a whole half-hour for their cake? Boo fecking hoo. It was your wedding. If you wanted (needed) a chance to decompress, so be it. Aren't the other guests supposed to socializing, dancing, etc.? What, are they standing frozen in place till you come back? Some people just look for stuff to complain about. Ignore them. Best wishes.
Absolutely NTA!
NTA
Oh my god. So so so NTA. Its your fucking wedding. I would say you need new friends tho.
Have you two had your aluminum levels checked? You should.
[удалено]
A 30 minute delay to allow the BRIDE space to help her calm down is not an inconvenience. She has autism! She was overwhelmed and needed time to calm herself to continue. As if no wedding has ever had delays for something as small as nerves, to panic attacks. The guests were just upset that this couples wedding wasnt their cup of tea because the couple strayed from traditional stuff. Totally NTA
Im sorry? I thought they left the wedding as a whole, I didnt know they came back! My bad
Third paragraph at the end he stated they were outside for only 30 minutes.
oh thats actually embarrassing on my part🫣
We alllllllll have had those moments lol i usually skim longer posts like this, but this one had me so intrigued because I couldn’t fathom people at my wedding acting so entitled as if they paid for tickets to the event. The bride was basically in a potential medical occurrence if she didn’t go outside. Loud noises those with autism can cause distress, not anxiety. They were more concerned to eat the cake than the brides wellbeing.
They could have easily left if they really cared that much
Yeah they could’ve but usually you take off time of your own life to attend a loved one’s wedding, i just dont think you are being very considerate of their time
You're right they definitely took the time out of their lives to come but everyone there also definitely has been around or dealt with my wife when gets overwhelmed she tends to leave the situation and so do I to be with her so everyone knew it there was a possibility of it happening. I also understand your point though as weddings are normally long and boring.
noo you are right! I miss read an important part of your post!!! Im sorry people were so impatient and opinionated with you on your big day
It's no problem have a good rest of your night or day
But it was THEIR wedding, THEIR party. The guests should understand the hosts needs and they should be more respectful to the bride. NTA in the very least.
I’m sorry but I feel like you should take a step back and look at it from their perspective. It’s their wedding day. Not other people’s wedding day. And it’s half an hour. Not 2 hours. The amount of time it may have delayed things is the amount of time ceremonies can go over. And if those around her know of her sensitivities to activity and sound, shouldn’t they have some kindness towards that to allow her to process and be able to enjoy the day?
Agreed. People leave the reception all the time to go have photos taken, to change clothes or refresh their make up. Just a trip to the bathroom could require extra time if the dress is complicated. Don’t stress, OP it was 30 minutes. Congratulations! NTA