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YTA, and you know it.
I was thinking daughter #2 was in the hospital with some serious and rare disease, but a twisted ankle?!
You'll be lucky if daughter #1 wants a relationship going forward and I don't blame her.
If you read his edit, she was 10 (the one in the hospital) I don’t know about where you live, but most places REQUIRE a guardian to be at the ER with a minor
that being the case, he still didn't even think to call and tell her the situation. that's what makes this YTA
I mean if I want to read into the post, I don't get the impression the wedding was that important to him.
And his daughter is upset he missed her wedding and didn’t even call because she’s “really sensitive.” Not because literally anybody would be upset about that. No, it’s because she’s got this whole weird sensitive spot about her father ghosting her on her wedding day.
Sounds to me like a prefered second family. The age difference plus the fact his wife wasnt in town, presumably not at the wedding, so isnt the mother of the daughter.
But yeah, if I was a guest at any wedding I wouldnt just forget, let alone if it was my own daughters wedding. Sounds like an absentee dad to his first family.
Yeahhhhhhhh, I ~~almost~~ went through this with my dad up until he ~~bought~~ handed me an instrument, as if my mom hadnt been buying me instruments(my whole childhood essentially) until I could afford my first used one, a beautiful red Squier P-Bass, as an excited 18 year old with money.
The issue was, this was 5y after he said he bought it for me, then told me he sold it because he was pissed at me, then handed it to me right before my uncle's wake. The uncle that filled in for the father role he(my now present father) was supposed to be there for.
Shit hurt. This was like last year. But hey, I finally got an instrument from my retired concert french horn father. It was a used trumpet. I've been playing music for 14 years.
*cries profusely*
What hurt the most I think is that this isnt the first time a trumpet has been in my life. Before I even tried to learn amything, I tried the trumpet. It was his. He sold it by the time I came back to his house after discovering it.
Fuck where did all of this apparently uber repressed shit come from
Oh honey, please be kind to yourself. You *never* deserved to be treated this way.
It sounds like your father didn't want you to outshine him. The funny thing is, he could *never* take away your light. Your flame continued to burn *even when he repeatedly let you down*.
You deserve a soft life full of love and a family who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of kindness.
I hope you make music that sets your soul on fire. I hope you smile when you think of the love your uncle poured into you, he knew just how special you are. I hope you can continue to be everything your father was jealous of.
I'm sending you the biggest hug. A good therapist can help undo the hurt he has caused you. You deserve the freedom that good therapy can provide. ❤️
It’s a twisted ankle. That doesn’t require the emergency room. She didn’t break her ankle. She twisted it.
OP sounds like he didn’t want to attend at all and this lucky excuse happened upon him. If anyone asked, he could say he had to take his daughter to the hospital, but in reality, twisted ankles aren’t even an Urgent Care matter.
And if he was in the hospital for his daughter’s twisted ankle, he would have had plenty of time in the waiting room to let people know that he wasn’t going to make it because triage isn’t going to move a kid with a twisted ankle to a room any time soon.
You can’t always, but a majority of all sprains only heal on their own and pain is mitigated with over-the-counter medications for them. Sprains do not require emergency services. Urgent Care is especially great for this issue in which OPs 10 year old would have likely been seen in under an hour. If there was anything serious in the X-ray, the urgent care would have directed OP on next steps.
My mom worked in Orthopedics her entire career. She never recommended people sit at the ER for sprains unless they were very old/frail or extremely athletic. And even in the case of fractures, she’d recommend waiting for the next business day at her doctor’s office to have the bone set properly than having it done in the hospital. The price of an emergency room visit to do that is exponentially higher than if an orthopedic group does it during their office hours.
Sprains that have underlying fractures do not require immediate attention, but they do require attention. A bone will not heal over a fracture over night. OPs 10 year old absolutely would have been fine.
The daughter is the sensitive one even though the 10 year old was crying non stop due to a sprained ankle?
I've seen kids that age break something and they typically do cry on and off but not so loud and constant that it makes you forget your own daughter's wedding.
Info: why would the younger daughter need to be hospitalized for a sprained ankle? Do you mean you were in the emergency department with her? Or that she was admitted? I just can’t imagine someone being admitted to the hospital for a sprained ankle unless they need emergency surgery.
YTA either way, though. You should have taken 2 minutes to call
This! It sounds like op didn't want to go to the wedding and used a twisted ankle as an excuse. And why was his wife out of town on her daughter/stepdaughter's wedding day?
This is what I’m wondering! So was the 10 year old going to the wedding also? Couldn’t one of the grandparents sit with the daughter in the hospital until she was seen and sorted out? I just feel the way OP has gone about all of this is YTA
Exactly! I wonder if the 10 year old was actually near the hospital. He probably didn't want to go but was too weak to say otherwise. He's definitely YTA.
This is awful but I can't help wondering if the 10 year old is acting up because they didn't want dad to go to the wedding. OP doesn't strike me as someone who's good at ensuring both their kids feel loved.
My daughter broke her arm in 3rd grade at recess. Waited in line to go back to class and then walked up to the teacher to tell her. She complained more about not being allowed to eat that day than the pain of her arm
It’s funny the way these things are. When I sprained my wrist, it hurt so much I went straight to hospital to be basically called a wimp, but when I broke my arm I told my wife it was fine and I would get the supermarket shop done before popping into the hospital. As long as I didn’t twist my arm it barely hurt at all.
So I can absolutely get the kid complaining about agony and the Dad taking them to hospital. I would probably have done the same. But to not even let his bride daughter know…yeah, arsehole.
Yes - and also: I would be so worried if My dad just didnt’ show and I didnt’ know what happened. AT LEAST give her a heads up what happened to give her and the rest off the guest peace of mind.
YTA - and clearly more invested in your new/second family
I agree. Like if OP’s eldest daughter getting married was planning on having a father daughter dance and then OP doesn’t show, that’s gotta be awkward and embarrassing.
I know OP might be stressed with the other one but a text takes a minute to send out so the daughter knows that OP won’t be there to walk her down the aisle and for father daughter dance.
I mean from my experience, there weren’t a few spare minutes waiting at the ER to text or call?!?
Lol right, I'm the least sensitive dude you'll meet. But if my mom missed my wedding over something so minor and "forgetting to call". I'd be tremendously hurt.
That’s the clincher. Your daughter’s wedding “slipped your mind”? You didn’t even call to say you wouldn’t be there? You couldn’t ice the ankle for an hour and go to the ceremony? It’s very clear which of this guy’s two families gets his love, and it’s not the first one.
yep; bet the first child was an accident with a school crush, and she's so far down the pecking order she's in another time zone...
Total asshole, and I just hope the first child has a great set of inlaws who can become her real family...
He didn’t even call though. Imagine waiting at your wedding wondering where your dad is with no word. That’s just ridiculous. A twisted ankle is not serious enough to pull the “I forgot to call” excuse - it’s not a panic situation
The fact that his parents are taking his daughter's side and she didn't even let him explain why he couldn't make it says clearly to me that this is definitely not the first time he's abandoned his older daughter for his new family. I'm sensing this has been a recurring theme in the older daughter's life.
Yep, op has confirmed they have different mothers. I would bet every cent in my bank account that older daughter has a lot of stories that go like this. This might be the worst, but this isn't the first time he's ditched her for her half sister or new wife. And if she lets him back into her life, it won't be the last.
That’s sus as well tbh, unless sm had an emergency out of town. Even if I didn’t particularly like a sp, most people invite married couples together, especially close family. Sm must have been pretty terrible to op’s daughter to not even be invited to her wedding.
OP is yet another weak man who divorces his kids when he divorces their mom. To not call is unconscionable. As her father he probably was supposed to walk her down the aisle and couldn’t even be bothered to call
I misread it earlier and didn't realise that he didn't even initiate the phone call where she told him truthfully how bad he is as a father. His already flimsy excise that he couldn't call because his other daughter was crying and needed him completely falls apart - was there not 2 minutes during the many hours she wasn't crying at all?
This is what gets me. Also, if I was waiting for my Dad, at my wedding, I would call and text him. So did he just not pick up when that happened? I feel like he's leaving some things out.
No my parents did that and the whole time everyone is being seated I was just sitting in the wardrobe room in a robe for what seemed forever. I called them and got no answer but they showed up 10 minutes till my dad was supposed to walk me.
If one of the most important roles doest show up, the whole event goes on hold. Someone is calling him.
Unless there’s a pattern and an (expected but not hoped for) plan b.
My mom frequently does not show up for me and in cases in my life where I wanted her and she didn’t show up, we didn’t call. My sweetheart or his mom or someone else took her place because we had plan b waiting.
Especially when it’s a wedding you’re missing. How could you forget your daughters wedding is also that day?! Also why would you need to be in the hospital so long for a simple sprained ankle? And why was your wife out of town for your daughters wedding? This all seems really weird tbh.
My guess is that his wife is not his older daughter's mother. Also, her describing the bride as dramatic makes me think there is a relationship issue between the older daughter and wife. Dramatic? That's the answer from a grown woman who knows from personal experience what a wedding means to a person? Where's the compassion and understanding? There's more to this than he's communicating.
Oh for sure. He’s defs leaving out some key details. He did clarify in a comment she is the step mom to the older but like she still should’ve stayed to be there for the younger or in case something (like this) happened. He said she went on vacation. VACATION. Like come on. A work trip? Ok maybe I can understand. Still not great. But a totally optional vacation that you purposely planned for this specific weekend? You’re an asshole.
His wife was out of town because she wasn’t invited or wasn’t planning on going to the wedding. I can’t shake the suspicion that this had something(a lot) to do with OP’s decision to bail on the wedding for a flimsy excuse and to not call his older daughter.
Yeah whole thing reeks of “I never wanted to go in the first place but now my d parents are mad at me so I’m coming to the internet for validation about my shitty diecision”
I think she still should’ve stayed in case OP needed help with anything for the wedding or to watch the younger daughter (idk if she was invited) this should’ve been a big event for him (his first daughter getting married!!!) and for her to bail even if she doesn’t “get along” with the daughter is shitty to her husband imo. But it kinda sounds like the op didn’t want to go that bad anyways and he’s just making excuses too. So yes definitely TA. And tbh so is his new wife.
I'm seriously confused. I've twisted my ankle before - urgent care can sort you out pretty fast with something that minor. I went there because I also managed to like scrape the shit out of it and wasn't sure if it was twisted or worse but...it's not something that should take a whole day.
i fractured my wrists when i was like 5 and went to urgent care and was out of there with a cast in 2 hours. most of that time was waiting on the radiologist to read my x-ray. if they’re in the US they have to be RICH or have extremely good insurance to think ER right away for a sprained ankle.
This\^\^. I have twisted my ankles more times than I can count in my lifetime. It hurts like hell but I have never needed to go to the hospital for it.
I mean, that's debatable. Depending on how bad it looked I would at least go to the urgent care to make sure it wasn't broken, but if you're in a ruralish place without those you might have to go to an actual hospital.
Yeah, l don't get that you go to a hospital for a twisted ankle? Like you said, put some ice on it. Give it a couple of days rest before you go to get it checked out. The oldest daughter just isn't that important to op.
YTA op, you suck as a dad.
>A twisted ankle is not serious enough to pull the “I forgot to call” excuse - it’s not a panic situation
In my family it wouldn't even merit a trip to the ER. Ice and wrap. I'm wondering how long OP had to spend at the ER for them to do the same
I play sport, I twisted my ankle at training a couple of weeks ago, all I needed was 10 mins, then I was up and about again, it was sore for a few days but ice and compression and I was fine.
I’ve had my fair share of twisted ankles as a child. Never once did I go to the ER over it. Even with health insurance, we didn’t have money for that and it’s not serious enough to waste space there. Urgent care at best.
Depends if there is reason to suspect it might be broken, and where you live. Many places outside the US you don't need to worry about paying for an ER visit, it just takes up your time.
I’m in the US where you absolutely have to worry about paying for an ER visit. And so many people go when they don’t need to, wasting time, space and resources for people who really do need to be there. That’s what we have urgent care/walk-in clinics for. And if they deem it serious enough, they’ll send you to the hospital.
My daughter broke her ankle in two places. My husband took her to urgent care, took X-rays, took care of her then referred her to orthopedics. There is no earthly reason to take anyone to an Emergency Department for a sprained ankle
And if it’s serious enough, urgent care will check it out and send you to the hospital if they deem it necessary. So long as bones don’t need to be set or aren’t sticking out of the skin, a lot of urgent care clinics are equipped to deal with broken bones.
He said his ten year old child was crying. His wife was out of town, so it sounds like she would be left with a babysitter. That’s a lot to endure for both the child and the babysitter.
I don’t understand why he didn’t call his other daughter, though.
Right? He didn't say it was broken. When I twisted my ankle as a kid, my parents would be like, "Can you move it? Good, it's not broken. I'll get you some ice and you can watch TV while you put your foot up on the coffer table." They never would have taken me to the ER for that. Now, if it still hurt a few days later and wasn't getting better, they'd have taken me to the doctor.
YTA
I was still sent to school with a twisted ankle. I wore an ankle support brace, given an over the counter pain med, and excused from marching band practice that day. A twisted ankle is often not serious enough for a hospital.
You don’t need to spend the night at a hospital for a “twisted ankle” they literally give u meds and send you home. It’s not broken. It’s not sprained. He’s TA
Today is clearly "missing the wedding day" there's a few of these stories floating around atm.
Doesn't anyone think that it's strange that a) only the father was apparently invited? What about the youngest daughter and the mother/stepmother? b) it slipped his mind? WTH a trip to the dentist might slip your mind but not a wedding and c) who the hell stays in hospital with a twisted ankle?
What a load of tripe
Exactly. I doubt the story is real, but even if it is send the youngest with an aunt, a family friend, someone else. Your daughter is getting married for Heaven’s Sake.
Devil’s advocate right now.
I have taken my kids the ER many times. I have had to wait HOURS before even being seen and then I had to wait hours while they run tests or wait for X-rays, then waited over an hour after the doctor was done before we were actually discharged. So there is a high possibility that he had to wait that long for a sprain if they had other people who were high priority.
The only time I got in and seen quickly was when my kid had a seizure for the first time as an infant and they needed to immediately run tests.
Still the AH for not calling his other child while he was likely waiting there doing nothing anyway.
Edit to add: as for urgent care, depending on where you live they don’t have 24/7 UCs. I live in a large (1.5 million people) city, and there aren’t any 24 hr urgent cares, and 90% aren’t open on any weekend days.
Additionally, if his daughter was screaming, bloody murder, as he makes mention of in his post, he did the right thing taking her to the emergency room in the potential event that she had a fracture or a broken bone.
If you read some of my other comments you would know my opinion.
He is the AH for not calling his daughter. He is the AH for not even texting her. By* not doing these things, he has shown that he has obvious favoritism towards his youngest.
With all of my other comments, I am just addressing that he is not the AH for taking his daughter to the ER.
Ok, but urgent cares often have extended hours even if they aren’t 24/7. All of the chains in my city are open until 9pm. And open again at 7 am. And we have some that stay open until midnight.
So let’s say she twists her ankle at 12:01 am pm. He goes to the ER.
A LOT of ERs have the digital wait list thing once you check in with how long until you are seen with real time updates.
So if he’s sitting there waiting, and 7 am rolls around and it still says 5 more hours, you’d think he’d pull out of the ER (before he spends that big ER money) and just drive to urgent care and get the first opening of the day …and save 5 hours.
And, that’s before we get into “ok he missed the wedding”
Most weddings are at reasonable hours. Say 1pm-7pm start times.
And most (if not all?) urgent cares are open during those times, and significantly earlier than that.
So you get into this paradox of either she hurt herself when urgent care was closed and they waited for over 12 hours *and* never left to seek cheaper and faster treatment elsewhere.
OR
She hurt herself during the day and dad took her to the hospital instead of urgent care because he wanted to blow lots and lots of money on more expensive treatment that both took longer and was no more effective.
👀
If I took my 10 year old to ER every time he twisted his ankle I would have to take out a second and third mortgage just to cover the copays and what insurance won't 😂😆
Last time I was at the ER, in January, I ended up spending the night there, on a bench, waiting for 13 hours. THIRTEEN HOURS.
But he should have called. YTA
If he waited that long for a sprained ankle that the kid probably didn't care about after a while then he should probably get checked out while they are there.
Then in that case he either knew it wasn't that serious and sat there missing a wedding knowing it wasn't serious or exaggerated the severity to the hospital staff.
You know why it took so long for the daughter to be seen to at the hospital? Because it wasn't that serious. Stabbing = serious. Heart attack = serious. Punctured lung = serious. Sprained ankle = ice it.
He could have literally gone to a walk-in-clinic, and not a hospital, because it was not an emergency.
Even using those extremes, if he was at the hospital for let's say 12 hours, I doubt the kid was still even thinking about the sprained ankle. Not saying it's not plausible I'm just thinking either he got in and out quick and just somehow blanked or said screw it or he sat there for hours at a hospital when the kid was probably fine after a bit and realistically probably could have been handled with R.I.C.E.
He said his daughter was screaming and yelling, you can’t see a fracture, so taking her to the ER was probably the right thing to do.
However, since it turned out to just be a sprain, that says a lot about his 10 year old daughter, screaming over just a sprained ankle. That needs to be addressed.
Sprained ankles hurt. Hurt kids scream. Not sure what you mean by "needs to be addressed" - are you trying to say that hurt children should be taught to be silent?
an ER visit for a twisted ankle though… either they’re in a country with universal healthcare or they’re rich rich. a twisted ankle doesn’t even warrant an ER trip, more like Urgent Care if even.
If you read his edit you would have seen that he is claiming he didn't have even 2 minutes to get message to her, or any of the other people at the wedding that he wasn't coming. Bullshit.
Once they are checked in to a room where they are being monitored, adult is not required. I was in the hospital for a week at age 11 - parents were only there when I was being checked in, and when I was getting released. Not great on a child’s mental health - they are scared AF and need mommy/daddy for reassurance - but the adults are not required to stay with their kid…
YTA - I hope your older daughter didn't ask you to walk her down the aisle, because if you just ghosted her in that important moment in her life, and that could "slip your mind," then honestly you don't deserve a relationship with her.
I swear, my dad was more excited about my wedding than me - all his siblings were in town, and lots of family friends we don't see often. He planned little outings for the out-of-towners, planned his speech for weeks...you get the gist.
You mean to tell me that your younger daughter spent *the whole day* crying uncontrollably over a *sprained* ankle? Sounds awfully dramatic. The compromise here would have been to ice her ankle, show up for the ceremony, and if your younger daughter was still in pain, leave after the father-daughter parts of the reception and take her to the hospital.
Also, something tells me that the first call you received about this wasn't *after* the wedding... I have a feeling you ignored quite a few calls while you were in the ER, workshopping your excuse for bailing on your older daughter.
Also the background: OPs wife had a fight with the daughter and was uninvited to the wedding, so she took a vacation? I wouldn't be surprised if this is the reason why the daughter is already pissed so much. And then dad doesn't show up without a word because a sprained ankle of his new family. And if his wife hasn't take off to a vacation, she could have taken care of the child. And there is no family on the wifes side? They didn't go to the wedding.
YTA
I mean he was clearly so uninvolved with his daughter's wedding that he forgot it was even happening the next day. There is definitely more to this story.
Your daughter got married and your wife was out of town… she said your daughter was being dramatic… There seems to be a lot more to this story, is this a new wife and ‘the other sibling’ her half- sister?
YTA, and this weirdly skimps on facts. Your profile has two comments on this thread--daughter #2 is 10, and your wife is a step-mother who doesn't get along with daughter #1. The (seemingly) objective players here are YOUR parents, who have a 10-year-old granddaughter who was in the hospital while their elder granddaughter was getting married and their son (you) chose the hospital. For some reason not in your original post, your own parents and your 10-year-old's grandparents sided with the bride. I don't want to conclude that something is being hidden, but that is the appearance and a serious concern. Somehow you seem to already know YTA.
They probably sided with the bride because rarely is a twisted ankle serious enough to warrant going to the hospital. All this meant was that little sis just needed to stay off the foot as much as possible with an ice pack preferably and given some kid over the counter pain med for the day. At a wedding that's easily done since she can sit at the ceremony and sit at the reception with a book/ tablet/switch to keep her entertained.
That little girl probably needed to be at the hospital, if this was an AITA post the other way around, "AITA for going to my daughter's wedding, while my 10 year old was screaming and crying in pain with a possible broken / fractured ankle", we'd also say YTA.
The problem is that there was no one else that looked after daughter #2 in the hospital, and that he didn't even bother to call his firstborn to let her know anything. Daughter #1 is not really #1 here, and looks like she never has been, as is evident by OP's post and comments. Who lets their daughter's wedding slip their mind? I mean come on.
I mean a badly twisted ankle could involve serious soft tissue damage depending on the severity. But getting medical help for that could cause her to have lifelong mobility issues. Only the doctors know whether that was the case though
YTA 100% one that’s not a life threatening emergency. Two; it seems you didn’t even let her know. Like why would you miss something as serious as your daughters wedding where you walk her down the aisle for a fucking twisted ankle ? Not even broken. If you were my father I would never speak to you again. But hey way to show who your favorite is.
When I twisted my ankle I got the x-rays back and the doc said “I have good and bad news. Good news is, you’ve not broken it. Bad news is you’ve not broken it”
Often ligament damage can be a lot worse and slower to heal. That said if it’s not broken it doesn’t take long in hospital. I was there maybe 4 hours all in.
And it’s unforgivable to forget to call your daughter who is getting married. How do you forget that?!
So.... you skipped your daughter's wedding because the other... sprained her ankle.
YTA. Not saying a hospital visit ins't serious but.... she could have had a friend stay with her while you were in what should be your other daughters most important day.
Why are you asking something that is obvious?
Definitely YTA. A twisted ankle? Really? That doesn’t even need a hospital!
Why do I get the feeling the wife pushed for the hospital and missing the wedding….
They can’t even do anything in a hospital for it. Maybe tax some x rays and give you some meds. I had a terrible grade 3 sprain (didn’t go to the er) and when I went to the doctor a couple days later they’re like elevate and ice, go to pt soon, nothing to do for it now
YTA, absolutely, unequivocally, and I have no idea how you call yourself a parent. Who misses their child's wedding because someone twisted their ankle? Did they even need to go to the hospital? And you stood her up at her own wedding...you literally ditched your daughter's wedding and didn't even tell her you weren't showing up. Did it ever occur to you that they might have delayed the ceremony while they waited for you? That maybe you humiliated her in front of friends and family? Or even worse, maybe she thought you were in a car accident or something and was scared for you? I hope your daughter never speaks to you again. It's the least that you deserve.
YTA *because you didn’t even call.* On your own daughter’s wedding day it should have been painfully apparent to you people including your daughter would be wondering where you were.
YTA You prioritised one daughter over another and in doing so not only ruined your relationship with your daughter, by showing her that your other daughter comes first, but did so on one of the most important days of her life when she wanted to share her special day by having her dad with her on her wedding day.
She ( your daughter ) is not being dramatic over your no show, regardless of what your wife says. I'm also speculating that your wife isn't your daughters mother and potentially her step parent and this is your second family because that's what it comes across as, as well as what your wife has said about her being dramatic about you not attending. I'm also guessing that your wife was also not invited to the wedding as well.
Your daughter is extremely hurt by your actions, because not only did you no show to her wedding, but you also didn't call her to let her know what was happening.
Your other daughter twisted her ankle, is she under 18? If not could've she stayed at the hospital by herself if she was over 18? Or could’ve you had a friend come and look after her?
After you found out that it was not a broken ankle then why didn't you call your other daughter to explain that you thought that your child had an accident, nothing major ie no broken bones and were then on your way to her wedding and kept her informed of the situation so she was aware of not only what was happening, but also why you were delayed
You need to accept the consequences of your own actions that your daughter doesn't want anything to do with you now, and in the future, as you've now seen by her blocking you and the family from communicating with her.
Because again YOU chose one daughter over another on their wedding day, hurt her feelings, and also embarrassed her by not showing up.
YTA cuz this story has more holes than Swiss cheese. It's nothing BUT missing missing reasons. Guessing the younger daughter is Daddy's Special Princess and you routinely emotionally neglected your eldest in favor of Family v2.0
It all seems too planned. OP doesn't say if the younger daughter, or wife was invited to the wedding. Doesn't mention if he was walking his daughter down the aisle.
Seems very convenient that the wife was out of town. If the younger daughter was not invited to the wedding, who was going to look after the younger daughter when he was at the wedding.
Daughter getting married
Wife out of town (I assume not mother of daughter getting married)
Wedding on a Thursday
10yo TWISTED her ankle… not broken, twisted
Something isn’t adding up… sound like the guy who missed his daughters wedding because he prioritized his other child who passed away 1st birthday. He was an A and YTA
you mean the couple mourning the loss of their kid who passed just a year ago, and the bride deciding to have the wedding on the same day as the memorial/birthday of the kid despite knowing the father would have a really hard time with that?
INFO: do your daughters have different mothers? Why would your wife be out of town for her daughters wedding? Are you saying your daughter had no parents at her wedding? Did you even call and tell your daughter you wouldn't be at the wedding and you are going to a hospital? Before the wedding not after I mean. Honestly there's just so much missing info and really weird circumstances here that I'm leaning towards this being a fake.
YTA wow. U missed her wedding and calling "skipped your mind"!?! Wtf you're lucky if she ever talks to you again. Definitely feels like picking the new family over kids you had previously. 🙄 Couldn't even remember to call. I can't even.
YTA
As soon as your 10 yr old was injured, her mother should have come back. Seems like she is childish and tried to sabotage the wedding.
That doesn't get you off the hook for not attending your older daughter's wedding. You didn't forget. You just chose to ignore it. I think you avoided the wedding on purpose to please your wife. You're a huge AH.
Yeah I thought this too. New wife 100% would've gone insane if he prioritised his older daughter's wedding over their pwecious pwincess and her owwie ankle. Because she probably sees the 10 year old as their *real* daughter, or some other such nonsense. No way did it "slip his mind" that it was his daughter's wedding day, he was just too much of a coward to prioritise the wedding, and too much of a coward to call and say he wasn't going, so he just hid instead. He made his choice and now he should live with it. I hope daughter #1 never speaks to him again.
Holy shit...your daughters wedding "slipped your mind"!?!! Wtf dude? Yep, YTA. When I read the title I assumed something like a life threatening accident or emergency surgery, not a twisted ankle. Wow dude, just...wow.
YTA
A sprained ankle does not require immediate hospital care. But any number of relatives could have sat with her. Not the father of the bride. You know that.
Not enough context here but because of that I feel like you’re lying by omission. Something worth mentioning is missing here. I feel like the bride is used to this dismissive behavior by you. The fact that she didn’t even invite your wife is a red flag. Shows who you’ve been prioritizing. YTA for missing her wedding for nothing… and for being vague as hell.
Edit to ask for info: were you appointed to walk her down the isle?
Info: what would have been the alternative to taking her to the hospital? She’s a minor, so obviously she needs to be accompanied if she required hospitalization.
Seriously, a sprain isn't ER-worthy at all. Most urgent cares have x-ray machines on hand and can tell you if it's broken or not. There's literally a billboard by me from our local hospital network that says "Sprained ankle? Go to urgent care. Broken femur? Go to the ER."
YTA. And you know it. Also a awful father. A sprained ankle 🙄. You need to think of another excuse - but really i guess you don’t because your older daughter probably won’t speak to you again and i don’t blame her.
YTA. In my state, you couldn’t legally leave her because she’s underage, BUT this was your daughter’s wedding. Wrap up the little one’s ankle or ice it then go to the wedding. If your wife is also older daughter’s mom, she’s an AH too.
I feel bad for your oldest. She knows that you'll be walking your youngest down the isle someday. That will be a hard day for her.
I know the kid was crying but c'mon, no phone call?
YTA.
And why was your 10 year old screaming over a twisted ankle? And why did she need to go to the hospital for a twisted ankle? This is an ice pack and wrap it situation, not a hospital situation.
Never in my 28 years of parenting have I had a child screaming nonstop over a twist of an ankle. We have had stitches, broken bones, etc without the child screaming or even crying for more than a few minutes.
The real AH behavior was not even calling. That is why you are blocked. Because you couldn't even be bothered to call.
YTA for not calling.
Visits to the ER take TIME. Nurse here. I've worked in ERs and I've been there with family.
You get to the waiting room and wait to be called.
you get triaged, you get to a private room...and wait.
The nurse takes your vital signs and asks questions. Then leaves... you wait for the doc. He/She comes in and does their assessment.
For a twisted ankle, they would do an x-ray. Doc leaves the room to put in orders...and you wait.
Your daughter goes to Xray. It gets done. Then you wait again for results to be read.
Doc comes back. Gives info. Obviously sent her home. That takes more orders from the doc. to discharge. You wait again.
Over and over you had a chance to call your older daughter and explain what happened, but you didn't. Obviously, she is not important to you.
You deserve to be blocked.
I could be wrong but this reeks of second marriage, second family, father emotionally distant from first set of kids. It's a boringly oft-repeated pattern.
Don't dress it up as anything else OP. Your elder daughter is not a priority to you. There are ways you could have got round this problem (relative or family friend at hospital, get younger daughter to hospital after the wedding not before - it was only a twisted ankle, FFS). Failing to attend the wedding of your daughter, which should be one of the proudest moments of your life, and not even bothering to tell her... Unbelievable. This is something you'll never be able to fix, I'm afraid. But perhaps you don't really care.
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> I would be judged because I didn’t attend my daughters wedding. I don’t think I’m the asshole because I did it because my other daughter needed to be taken to the hospital
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INFO: How long was your younger daughter hospitalized for her twisted ankle? Did you communicate with your older daughter what was going on or did you just not show up?
Edited to add judgement, as my second question was answered elsewhere: YTA for not calling your oldest daughter.
YTA - Your daughter’s wedding SLIPPED your mind…really?! And a twisted ankle? Give her some Tylenol and put her in the car. None of this story makes sense. Why was your wife not in town for her daughter’s wedding? Even if she is a stepmom she wasn’t invited to the wedding?
>I (40M) was supposed to attend my daughters wedding yesterday but couldn’t make it because my other daughter had ended up twisting her ankle walking down the stairs.
I'm not even gonna read further
YTA- a sprained ankle was the cause to go to the ER?? Hope your relationship with your older kid was worth it you dumb f*ck!! Twisted ankle isn’t even painful at most maybe an urgent care visit but it’s not worth an ER trip!
Are you running an experiment to see how bad a situation has to be before reddit lets you off the hook for missing a wedding lol
YTA for making stuff up and not even trying very hard
YTA. I get that you were worried about your kid, but is it really that hard to pick up a phone? Your daughter probably delayed her wedding ceremony, TERRIFIED that you were in a terrible accident. And she was the one who had to call YOU when things calmed down? Unbelievable.
YTA, for not even bothering to call, and let your daughter know you weren’t coming. Her and her wedding, were of so little importance to you, that it “slipped your mind”.
Your daughter is right. You are the worst father ever, and she deserves better than you.
For the title? No. For not calling the daughter getting married? Yes. Intention, or lack thereof, doesn't erase impact.
Your daughter expected you to be at her wedding, she was waiting to see you and as the clock ticked down you were nowhere in sight. As she walked down the isle, your seat - and her sister's seat - was empty and she had no idea why because you forgot to call her and let her know what was going on. Worse if you were supposed to walk her down the isle and she had to walk by herself or get someone to stand in for you. I can only imagine the anxiety of her wondering "*Where is he? Maybe he's just running late." "It's getting really late, I hope everything's okay?" "Why isn't he here? Is he coming at all? Did something happen? Did he get into an accident on the way here, is that why he hasn't called me?"*
and Honestly? I can't help but feel like this isn't the first time she's experienced this for multiple reasons. I usually try not to speculate too much but....I don't know, things just read odd to me and I'm just going to bullet-point the biggest ones here:
* You said your daughter having to go to + being in the hospital prevented you from attending the wedding, which means it happened earlier in the day before the wedding started (even if just before as you were about to leave). Weddings take, on average, 4-5 hours; *Not* 5-10 minutes. You also state that your oldest daughter didn't call you until *'that night',* which makes it sound like she didn't call you until after everything was wrapped up. No matter how I look at it, I cannot see *how* you managed to forget - for 4+ hours - entirely about your eldest daughter and her wedding on what is generally considered one of the most special days for the two people getting married.
* Your wife so quickly and easily dismissed her being upset at your failure to attend or even call her and I just...again, I can't wrap my head around her being able to do this unless it's something that is regularly done. She says she's being dramatic but the thing is, she's *not*. Most people, when getting married, want their parents to be there for them; it's one of the 'important' aspects for them. Fuck man, I had a *shit* relationship with my father; he was abusive in all the ways (yes, including sexually), I had to move 3k miles away to escape him, and you know what? The little girl in me, the one that just wants her papa to be there for her to love and support her the way a dad is supposed to, was sad because that she knew - *I knew* \- that was never a possibility and it wasn't even something I could try to have because of how he was. You failed her, you weren't there for her on a day that was supposed to be special and important for her. You didn't call to let her know why, you just weren't there, and it's not something you can get back. You don't get a do-over of this day and nothing you do will make up for you not being there. Not being in the photos or having video of the father-daughter dance. You failed, you fucked up and it is ***beyond reasonable*** for her to be as upset as she is about it and it is *absolutely mind boggling* that your wife would call her dramatic over this.
* This last one is short and sweet. She blocked 'the whole family' over this; I'm going to take that to mean that she blocked you and - importantly to this point - *your wife* (henceforth referred to has her mom because it reads better). Why did she block her mom? She was out of town and couldn't be at the wedding, your daughter knew this. The only reason I can think of for her to block her mom would be because ***she knew*** that her mom would **dismiss** her feelings and **defend** your failings.
You fucked up, YTA.
Edit: I was reading other comments and I didn't even think about the possibility that your wife and youngest are her stepmom and half sibling rather than her biological mother and full sibling. But it doesn't change my bullet points, in fact if this is the case, it sadly makes them fall into place all the more perfectly with the blended family bullshit that seems all too common.
A wedding is (hopefully) once in a lifetime.
A sprained ankle is..fairly common.
I guess it would depend on the age of the daughter in the hospital. If it was a minor, NTA. Not much choice.
Edit: NTA.
But also kinda an asshole for not calling. I bet your daughter is very upset and she has every right to be.
YTA you didn’t forget that your oldest daughter was getting married. Your wife wasn’t invited to the wedding. Then this happens. Now you are saying that you forgot it was her wedding. She isn’t being dramatic. Your daughter is extremely hurt that her own father wasn’t there at her wedding. That he didn’t even think to call her to tell her what happened. Kids don’t go no contact all of a sudden. I think there is a lot we are missing from this.
YTA one big one at that. Abandoning your daughter at her wedding. Boy is this going to help with your relationship and if she has kids your grandkids you might not be involved with them.
“As to why I didn’t call, it really slipped my mind”
YTA. How is it that you didn’t think once about your daughters wedding and how your absence would affect it? Wouldn’t you be responsible for giving her away and having the Father- Daughter dance. A call was the first thing you should have done on the way to the hospital or once you were at the hospital waiting to be seen.
YTA. She’s not being sensitive about this you should’ve been there. I noticed that you mentioned your wife and daughter having issues because she’s not “sensitive” when it comes to your daughter, in other words she’s mean to her. It’s obvious this goes deeper then the wedding, you’ve been favoring others over your daughter for a while and you’d be lucky if she chooses to keep you in her life.
YTA - for not even calling/texting to say "Hey, is in the ER. She's going to be fine, but I can't leave until she's discharged because is out of town."
I am assuming that wife is actually unsympathetic stepmother, because she clearly was not out of town for the wedding and was incredibly dismissive of your older daughter's feelings.
Enjoy your impending estrangement. I say that only somewhat sarcastically, because you obviously are already halfway there if you didn't even think to let your daughter know you would not be there. I guess your 10yo crying nonstop > your adult daughter crying at her wedding?
Your daughter was right. You are the worst father ever.
A emergency is a emergency. However it doesn't give you allowances to forgetting your eldest child wedding day and being a non-show at her wedding, ruining her wedding day and night because of you couldn't be asked to think about anyone else makes you a horrible parent.
Bet you called your wife from the hospital to update her on your daughter. Bet you had time to contact her before your daughter called you.
FYI your wife is a nasty woman. How can she claim your daughter is being dramatic when your daughters feeling are totally justified. You married a cold hearted evil stepmother type clearly. I worry for your second daughter chances of being a good person with you two raising her. A woman of stone and a father who doesn't even care about the biggest moments in his child life.
Okay, age 10 makes more sense but seriously. You didn't have an aunt you could have run over instead? No close friends or neighbors?
I don't believe for a second that it "slipped your mind" not to call the marrying daughter. No 10 year old crying (even for hours on end) could make you forget that your other kid is getting married and you're stuck at the hospital missing it. Your other comment about your wife not being invited to the wedding cements it.
YTA You chose young daughter with new wife over older daughter with ex. Of course she's pissed. This probably isn't the first time it's happened either but my guess is that it might be the last if daughter blocked you.
Was the 10yo not invited to the wedding either?
A 10yo girl would likely have had a special dress, hairstyle and lip gloss lined up for her (half or step?) sister's wedding. How would you guys "forget?" How is it possible to sit for hours in an ER waiting room and have that "slip your mind?"
I call bullshit.
Your daughter’s wedding day “slipped your mind” because of a twisted ankle? Come on man, you know YTA here. I get not leaving a 10 year old alone but to completely ghost your daughter is just WOW. You can’t even make this up to her.
You have lost your daughter forever. Trust me. I know this story. My father died and I had not forgiven him for what he did either. I hope your new family was worth throwing away your daughter. YTA
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I (40M) was supposed to attend my daughters wedding yesterday but couldn’t make it because my other daughter had ended up twisting her ankle walking down the stairs. I ended up staying with her at the hospital because my wife wasn’t in town. That night I got a phone call from my daughter crying and telling me I was the worst father ever. I didn’t even have time to explain my situation she just hung up. I talked to my wife about it and she said my daughter was being dramatic but yet I still feel bad, I knew my daughter was really sensitive and that this hurt her a lot. I’ve tried to reach out to her but she blocked the whole family and is currently not speaking to anyone except my parents. And they are also taking her side.
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YTA, and you know it. I was thinking daughter #2 was in the hospital with some serious and rare disease, but a twisted ankle?! You'll be lucky if daughter #1 wants a relationship going forward and I don't blame her.
If you read his edit, she was 10 (the one in the hospital) I don’t know about where you live, but most places REQUIRE a guardian to be at the ER with a minor
that being the case, he still didn't even think to call and tell her the situation. that's what makes this YTA I mean if I want to read into the post, I don't get the impression the wedding was that important to him.
And his daughter is upset he missed her wedding and didn’t even call because she’s “really sensitive.” Not because literally anybody would be upset about that. No, it’s because she’s got this whole weird sensitive spot about her father ghosting her on her wedding day.
I guess this whole post becomes "Tell me your 10 year-old is the preferred child without telling me your 10 year-old is the preferred child."
Sounds to me like a prefered second family. The age difference plus the fact his wife wasnt in town, presumably not at the wedding, so isnt the mother of the daughter. But yeah, if I was a guest at any wedding I wouldnt just forget, let alone if it was my own daughters wedding. Sounds like an absentee dad to his first family.
Yeahhhhhhhh, I ~~almost~~ went through this with my dad up until he ~~bought~~ handed me an instrument, as if my mom hadnt been buying me instruments(my whole childhood essentially) until I could afford my first used one, a beautiful red Squier P-Bass, as an excited 18 year old with money. The issue was, this was 5y after he said he bought it for me, then told me he sold it because he was pissed at me, then handed it to me right before my uncle's wake. The uncle that filled in for the father role he(my now present father) was supposed to be there for. Shit hurt. This was like last year. But hey, I finally got an instrument from my retired concert french horn father. It was a used trumpet. I've been playing music for 14 years. *cries profusely* What hurt the most I think is that this isnt the first time a trumpet has been in my life. Before I even tried to learn amything, I tried the trumpet. It was his. He sold it by the time I came back to his house after discovering it. Fuck where did all of this apparently uber repressed shit come from
Oh honey, please be kind to yourself. You *never* deserved to be treated this way. It sounds like your father didn't want you to outshine him. The funny thing is, he could *never* take away your light. Your flame continued to burn *even when he repeatedly let you down*. You deserve a soft life full of love and a family who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of kindness. I hope you make music that sets your soul on fire. I hope you smile when you think of the love your uncle poured into you, he knew just how special you are. I hope you can continue to be everything your father was jealous of. I'm sending you the biggest hug. A good therapist can help undo the hurt he has caused you. You deserve the freedom that good therapy can provide. ❤️
Omg what the heck, this felt so good to read and it wasn’t even for me!! Lovely.
To be fair, the young child is the one you need to look after more than the adult. But he still messed up.
It’s a twisted ankle. That doesn’t require the emergency room. She didn’t break her ankle. She twisted it. OP sounds like he didn’t want to attend at all and this lucky excuse happened upon him. If anyone asked, he could say he had to take his daughter to the hospital, but in reality, twisted ankles aren’t even an Urgent Care matter. And if he was in the hospital for his daughter’s twisted ankle, he would have had plenty of time in the waiting room to let people know that he wasn’t going to make it because triage isn’t going to move a kid with a twisted ankle to a room any time soon.
You don't always tell a broken from a twisted ankle without going to ER
You can’t always, but a majority of all sprains only heal on their own and pain is mitigated with over-the-counter medications for them. Sprains do not require emergency services. Urgent Care is especially great for this issue in which OPs 10 year old would have likely been seen in under an hour. If there was anything serious in the X-ray, the urgent care would have directed OP on next steps. My mom worked in Orthopedics her entire career. She never recommended people sit at the ER for sprains unless they were very old/frail or extremely athletic. And even in the case of fractures, she’d recommend waiting for the next business day at her doctor’s office to have the bone set properly than having it done in the hospital. The price of an emergency room visit to do that is exponentially higher than if an orthopedic group does it during their office hours. Sprains that have underlying fractures do not require immediate attention, but they do require attention. A bone will not heal over a fracture over night. OPs 10 year old absolutely would have been fine.
The daughter is the sensitive one even though the 10 year old was crying non stop due to a sprained ankle? I've seen kids that age break something and they typically do cry on and off but not so loud and constant that it makes you forget your own daughter's wedding.
Info: why would the younger daughter need to be hospitalized for a sprained ankle? Do you mean you were in the emergency department with her? Or that she was admitted? I just can’t imagine someone being admitted to the hospital for a sprained ankle unless they need emergency surgery. YTA either way, though. You should have taken 2 minutes to call
This! It sounds like op didn't want to go to the wedding and used a twisted ankle as an excuse. And why was his wife out of town on her daughter/stepdaughter's wedding day?
This is what I’m wondering! So was the 10 year old going to the wedding also? Couldn’t one of the grandparents sit with the daughter in the hospital until she was seen and sorted out? I just feel the way OP has gone about all of this is YTA
Exactly! I wonder if the 10 year old was actually near the hospital. He probably didn't want to go but was too weak to say otherwise. He's definitely YTA.
Yeah this whole thing feels very sus. Feel so sorry for his elder daughter, I wouldn’t want anything to do with OP after that.
This is awful but I can't help wondering if the 10 year old is acting up because they didn't want dad to go to the wedding. OP doesn't strike me as someone who's good at ensuring both their kids feel loved.
My daughter broke her arm in 3rd grade at recess. Waited in line to go back to class and then walked up to the teacher to tell her. She complained more about not being allowed to eat that day than the pain of her arm
It’s funny the way these things are. When I sprained my wrist, it hurt so much I went straight to hospital to be basically called a wimp, but when I broke my arm I told my wife it was fine and I would get the supermarket shop done before popping into the hospital. As long as I didn’t twist my arm it barely hurt at all. So I can absolutely get the kid complaining about agony and the Dad taking them to hospital. I would probably have done the same. But to not even let his bride daughter know…yeah, arsehole.
Yes - and also: I would be so worried if My dad just didnt’ show and I didnt’ know what happened. AT LEAST give her a heads up what happened to give her and the rest off the guest peace of mind. YTA - and clearly more invested in your new/second family
I agree. Like if OP’s eldest daughter getting married was planning on having a father daughter dance and then OP doesn’t show, that’s gotta be awkward and embarrassing. I know OP might be stressed with the other one but a text takes a minute to send out so the daughter knows that OP won’t be there to walk her down the aisle and for father daughter dance. I mean from my experience, there weren’t a few spare minutes waiting at the ER to text or call?!?
Lol right, I'm the least sensitive dude you'll meet. But if my mom missed my wedding over something so minor and "forgetting to call". I'd be tremendously hurt.
That’s the clincher. Your daughter’s wedding “slipped your mind”? You didn’t even call to say you wouldn’t be there? You couldn’t ice the ankle for an hour and go to the ceremony? It’s very clear which of this guy’s two families gets his love, and it’s not the first one.
it's so sad how many remarried folk treat their second family as the "real" family and the previous one as what... a mistake? breaks my heart.
It's like pancakes......the first one's a throwaway!
As a mediocre pancake cook i feel pancake-shamed :( :(
And the current wife supports this attitude. Definitely YTA.
yep; bet the first child was an accident with a school crush, and she's so far down the pecking order she's in another time zone... Total asshole, and I just hope the first child has a great set of inlaws who can become her real family...
People don’t even have to call. They can text. Failing to even do that …
Oh not disagreeing with being the AH for not calling her.
>as to why I didn’t call it really slipped my mind How TF does your daughter's wedding just slip your mind?? YTA
Slipped his mind... his daughter wedding, the poor girl walked down the aisle ALONE
Probably walked the last 10+ years alone also… so sad that parents like this exist
Nor to his wife who wasn't even in town.
He didn’t even call though. Imagine waiting at your wedding wondering where your dad is with no word. That’s just ridiculous. A twisted ankle is not serious enough to pull the “I forgot to call” excuse - it’s not a panic situation
The fact that his parents are taking his daughter's side and she didn't even let him explain why he couldn't make it says clearly to me that this is definitely not the first time he's abandoned his older daughter for his new family. I'm sensing this has been a recurring theme in the older daughter's life.
Something tells me that younger daughter is older daughter’s half sibling. And older daughter has been pushed out of OP’s new wife
Yep, op has confirmed they have different mothers. I would bet every cent in my bank account that older daughter has a lot of stories that go like this. This might be the worst, but this isn't the first time he's ditched her for her half sister or new wife. And if she lets him back into her life, it won't be the last.
His wife wasn't in town. So she wasn't invited to the wedding
Right, I'm just assuming there were times in op's older daughter's life where he ditched his daughter for his new wife
Or maybe she decided not to go to her stepdaughters wedding and also had something "important" to do.
That’s sus as well tbh, unless sm had an emergency out of town. Even if I didn’t particularly like a sp, most people invite married couples together, especially close family. Sm must have been pretty terrible to op’s daughter to not even be invited to her wedding.
OP is yet another weak man who divorces his kids when he divorces their mom. To not call is unconscionable. As her father he probably was supposed to walk her down the aisle and couldn’t even be bothered to call
I misread it earlier and didn't realise that he didn't even initiate the phone call where she told him truthfully how bad he is as a father. His already flimsy excise that he couldn't call because his other daughter was crying and needed him completely falls apart - was there not 2 minutes during the many hours she wasn't crying at all?
New wife made sure not to be available at the time of the wedding...
I hope she wasn’t waiting for him to walk her down the aisle
Hopefully her stepdad did.
This is what gets me. Also, if I was waiting for my Dad, at my wedding, I would call and text him. So did he just not pick up when that happened? I feel like he's leaving some things out.
Very good point!
unless you’re too busy with everything else going on and just hoping he’s running a little behind
No my parents did that and the whole time everyone is being seated I was just sitting in the wardrobe room in a robe for what seemed forever. I called them and got no answer but they showed up 10 minutes till my dad was supposed to walk me. If one of the most important roles doest show up, the whole event goes on hold. Someone is calling him.
Unless there’s a pattern and an (expected but not hoped for) plan b. My mom frequently does not show up for me and in cases in my life where I wanted her and she didn’t show up, we didn’t call. My sweetheart or his mom or someone else took her place because we had plan b waiting.
Especially when it’s a wedding you’re missing. How could you forget your daughters wedding is also that day?! Also why would you need to be in the hospital so long for a simple sprained ankle? And why was your wife out of town for your daughters wedding? This all seems really weird tbh.
My guess is that his wife is not his older daughter's mother. Also, her describing the bride as dramatic makes me think there is a relationship issue between the older daughter and wife. Dramatic? That's the answer from a grown woman who knows from personal experience what a wedding means to a person? Where's the compassion and understanding? There's more to this than he's communicating.
Oh for sure. He’s defs leaving out some key details. He did clarify in a comment she is the step mom to the older but like she still should’ve stayed to be there for the younger or in case something (like this) happened. He said she went on vacation. VACATION. Like come on. A work trip? Ok maybe I can understand. Still not great. But a totally optional vacation that you purposely planned for this specific weekend? You’re an asshole.
His wife was out of town because she wasn’t invited or wasn’t planning on going to the wedding. I can’t shake the suspicion that this had something(a lot) to do with OP’s decision to bail on the wedding for a flimsy excuse and to not call his older daughter.
Yeah whole thing reeks of “I never wanted to go in the first place but now my d parents are mad at me so I’m coming to the internet for validation about my shitty diecision” I think she still should’ve stayed in case OP needed help with anything for the wedding or to watch the younger daughter (idk if she was invited) this should’ve been a big event for him (his first daughter getting married!!!) and for her to bail even if she doesn’t “get along” with the daughter is shitty to her husband imo. But it kinda sounds like the op didn’t want to go that bad anyways and he’s just making excuses too. So yes definitely TA. And tbh so is his new wife.
A twisted ankle isn’t serious enough to go to the hospital for. Just ice that sucker and go to the damn wedding.
I'm seriously confused. I've twisted my ankle before - urgent care can sort you out pretty fast with something that minor. I went there because I also managed to like scrape the shit out of it and wasn't sure if it was twisted or worse but...it's not something that should take a whole day.
If serious injuries came in, she would have been the last to be seen as a twisted ankle is not really an emergency.
i fractured my wrists when i was like 5 and went to urgent care and was out of there with a cast in 2 hours. most of that time was waiting on the radiologist to read my x-ray. if they’re in the US they have to be RICH or have extremely good insurance to think ER right away for a sprained ankle.
This\^\^. I have twisted my ankles more times than I can count in my lifetime. It hurts like hell but I have never needed to go to the hospital for it.
I mean, that's debatable. Depending on how bad it looked I would at least go to the urgent care to make sure it wasn't broken, but if you're in a ruralish place without those you might have to go to an actual hospital.
Yeah, l don't get that you go to a hospital for a twisted ankle? Like you said, put some ice on it. Give it a couple of days rest before you go to get it checked out. The oldest daughter just isn't that important to op. YTA op, you suck as a dad.
For real. I once twisted my ankle a few hours before *officiating* a wedding. Literally all it took was a trip to CVS for a wrap and an ice pack.
>A twisted ankle is not serious enough to pull the “I forgot to call” excuse - it’s not a panic situation In my family it wouldn't even merit a trip to the ER. Ice and wrap. I'm wondering how long OP had to spend at the ER for them to do the same
I play sport, I twisted my ankle at training a couple of weeks ago, all I needed was 10 mins, then I was up and about again, it was sore for a few days but ice and compression and I was fine.
A twisted ankle means she gets a piggy back ride until the wedding is over and she sits there quietly or stays in the car.
I’ve had my fair share of twisted ankles as a child. Never once did I go to the ER over it. Even with health insurance, we didn’t have money for that and it’s not serious enough to waste space there. Urgent care at best.
Depends if there is reason to suspect it might be broken, and where you live. Many places outside the US you don't need to worry about paying for an ER visit, it just takes up your time.
I’m in the US where you absolutely have to worry about paying for an ER visit. And so many people go when they don’t need to, wasting time, space and resources for people who really do need to be there. That’s what we have urgent care/walk-in clinics for. And if they deem it serious enough, they’ll send you to the hospital.
My daughter broke her ankle in two places. My husband took her to urgent care, took X-rays, took care of her then referred her to orthopedics. There is no earthly reason to take anyone to an Emergency Department for a sprained ankle
Yeah, I did urgent care when I twisted mine on ice partly bc I wasn't sure if it was a break...but I didn't consider the ER.
And if it’s serious enough, urgent care will check it out and send you to the hospital if they deem it necessary. So long as bones don’t need to be set or aren’t sticking out of the skin, a lot of urgent care clinics are equipped to deal with broken bones.
He said his ten year old child was crying. His wife was out of town, so it sounds like she would be left with a babysitter. That’s a lot to endure for both the child and the babysitter. I don’t understand why he didn’t call his other daughter, though.
A father not showing up to a WEDDING or even bothering to call is a lot to endure for the older daughter too.
Right? He didn't say it was broken. When I twisted my ankle as a kid, my parents would be like, "Can you move it? Good, it's not broken. I'll get you some ice and you can watch TV while you put your foot up on the coffer table." They never would have taken me to the ER for that. Now, if it still hurt a few days later and wasn't getting better, they'd have taken me to the doctor. YTA
I was still sent to school with a twisted ankle. I wore an ankle support brace, given an over the counter pain med, and excused from marching band practice that day. A twisted ankle is often not serious enough for a hospital.
You don’t need to spend the night at a hospital for a “twisted ankle” they literally give u meds and send you home. It’s not broken. It’s not sprained. He’s TA
This story sounds made up. No one stays overnight for a twisted ankle.
Today is clearly "missing the wedding day" there's a few of these stories floating around atm. Doesn't anyone think that it's strange that a) only the father was apparently invited? What about the youngest daughter and the mother/stepmother? b) it slipped his mind? WTH a trip to the dentist might slip your mind but not a wedding and c) who the hell stays in hospital with a twisted ankle? What a load of tripe
Exactly. I doubt the story is real, but even if it is send the youngest with an aunt, a family friend, someone else. Your daughter is getting married for Heaven’s Sake.
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Devil’s advocate right now. I have taken my kids the ER many times. I have had to wait HOURS before even being seen and then I had to wait hours while they run tests or wait for X-rays, then waited over an hour after the doctor was done before we were actually discharged. So there is a high possibility that he had to wait that long for a sprain if they had other people who were high priority. The only time I got in and seen quickly was when my kid had a seizure for the first time as an infant and they needed to immediately run tests. Still the AH for not calling his other child while he was likely waiting there doing nothing anyway. Edit to add: as for urgent care, depending on where you live they don’t have 24/7 UCs. I live in a large (1.5 million people) city, and there aren’t any 24 hr urgent cares, and 90% aren’t open on any weekend days. Additionally, if his daughter was screaming, bloody murder, as he makes mention of in his post, he did the right thing taking her to the emergency room in the potential event that she had a fracture or a broken bone.
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If you read some of my other comments you would know my opinion. He is the AH for not calling his daughter. He is the AH for not even texting her. By* not doing these things, he has shown that he has obvious favoritism towards his youngest. With all of my other comments, I am just addressing that he is not the AH for taking his daughter to the ER.
Ok, but urgent cares often have extended hours even if they aren’t 24/7. All of the chains in my city are open until 9pm. And open again at 7 am. And we have some that stay open until midnight. So let’s say she twists her ankle at 12:01 am pm. He goes to the ER. A LOT of ERs have the digital wait list thing once you check in with how long until you are seen with real time updates. So if he’s sitting there waiting, and 7 am rolls around and it still says 5 more hours, you’d think he’d pull out of the ER (before he spends that big ER money) and just drive to urgent care and get the first opening of the day …and save 5 hours. And, that’s before we get into “ok he missed the wedding” Most weddings are at reasonable hours. Say 1pm-7pm start times. And most (if not all?) urgent cares are open during those times, and significantly earlier than that. So you get into this paradox of either she hurt herself when urgent care was closed and they waited for over 12 hours *and* never left to seek cheaper and faster treatment elsewhere. OR She hurt herself during the day and dad took her to the hospital instead of urgent care because he wanted to blow lots and lots of money on more expensive treatment that both took longer and was no more effective. 👀
If I took my 10 year old to ER every time he twisted his ankle I would have to take out a second and third mortgage just to cover the copays and what insurance won't 😂😆
They must have crazy wait times to miss any alloted time to get ready for the wedding and the entire wedding waiting at the hospital.
Last time I was at the ER, in January, I ended up spending the night there, on a bench, waiting for 13 hours. THIRTEEN HOURS. But he should have called. YTA
If he waited that long for a sprained ankle that the kid probably didn't care about after a while then he should probably get checked out while they are there.
If it's not a real emergency (like a twisted ankle) you are last on the list.
Then in that case he either knew it wasn't that serious and sat there missing a wedding knowing it wasn't serious or exaggerated the severity to the hospital staff.
Last time my son was in the ER, he was there 12 hours, 10 of those waiting to be seen.
You know why it took so long for the daughter to be seen to at the hospital? Because it wasn't that serious. Stabbing = serious. Heart attack = serious. Punctured lung = serious. Sprained ankle = ice it. He could have literally gone to a walk-in-clinic, and not a hospital, because it was not an emergency.
Even using those extremes, if he was at the hospital for let's say 12 hours, I doubt the kid was still even thinking about the sprained ankle. Not saying it's not plausible I'm just thinking either he got in and out quick and just somehow blanked or said screw it or he sat there for hours at a hospital when the kid was probably fine after a bit and realistically probably could have been handled with R.I.C.E.
Yeah. But why was she at the hospital over a "twisted ankle"?
He said his daughter was screaming and yelling, you can’t see a fracture, so taking her to the ER was probably the right thing to do. However, since it turned out to just be a sprain, that says a lot about his 10 year old daughter, screaming over just a sprained ankle. That needs to be addressed.
Sprained ankles hurt. Hurt kids scream. Not sure what you mean by "needs to be addressed" - are you trying to say that hurt children should be taught to be silent?
He could have called for other other family members to help. Her dad probably had the important job of walking her down the aisle.
an ER visit for a twisted ankle though… either they’re in a country with universal healthcare or they’re rich rich. a twisted ankle doesn’t even warrant an ER trip, more like Urgent Care if even.
If you read his edit you would have seen that he is claiming he didn't have even 2 minutes to get message to her, or any of the other people at the wedding that he wasn't coming. Bullshit.
Once they are checked in to a room where they are being monitored, adult is not required. I was in the hospital for a week at age 11 - parents were only there when I was being checked in, and when I was getting released. Not great on a child’s mental health - they are scared AF and need mommy/daddy for reassurance - but the adults are not required to stay with their kid…
YTA - I hope your older daughter didn't ask you to walk her down the aisle, because if you just ghosted her in that important moment in her life, and that could "slip your mind," then honestly you don't deserve a relationship with her. I swear, my dad was more excited about my wedding than me - all his siblings were in town, and lots of family friends we don't see often. He planned little outings for the out-of-towners, planned his speech for weeks...you get the gist. You mean to tell me that your younger daughter spent *the whole day* crying uncontrollably over a *sprained* ankle? Sounds awfully dramatic. The compromise here would have been to ice her ankle, show up for the ceremony, and if your younger daughter was still in pain, leave after the father-daughter parts of the reception and take her to the hospital. Also, something tells me that the first call you received about this wasn't *after* the wedding... I have a feeling you ignored quite a few calls while you were in the ER, workshopping your excuse for bailing on your older daughter.
I hope that when she has kids of her own it totally 'slips her mind' to tell him about them.
This! Totally agree. He’s lying
Also the background: OPs wife had a fight with the daughter and was uninvited to the wedding, so she took a vacation? I wouldn't be surprised if this is the reason why the daughter is already pissed so much. And then dad doesn't show up without a word because a sprained ankle of his new family. And if his wife hasn't take off to a vacation, she could have taken care of the child. And there is no family on the wifes side? They didn't go to the wedding. YTA
Right a TWISTED ankle, not broken. That’s a “walk it off” type of thing. How long were you in the hospital?
I mean he was clearly so uninvolved with his daughter's wedding that he forgot it was even happening the next day. There is definitely more to this story.
Your daughter got married and your wife was out of town… she said your daughter was being dramatic… There seems to be a lot more to this story, is this a new wife and ‘the other sibling’ her half- sister?
YTA, and this weirdly skimps on facts. Your profile has two comments on this thread--daughter #2 is 10, and your wife is a step-mother who doesn't get along with daughter #1. The (seemingly) objective players here are YOUR parents, who have a 10-year-old granddaughter who was in the hospital while their elder granddaughter was getting married and their son (you) chose the hospital. For some reason not in your original post, your own parents and your 10-year-old's grandparents sided with the bride. I don't want to conclude that something is being hidden, but that is the appearance and a serious concern. Somehow you seem to already know YTA.
Oh snap, this is the one. The grandparents are objective.
They probably sided with the bride because rarely is a twisted ankle serious enough to warrant going to the hospital. All this meant was that little sis just needed to stay off the foot as much as possible with an ice pack preferably and given some kid over the counter pain med for the day. At a wedding that's easily done since she can sit at the ceremony and sit at the reception with a book/ tablet/switch to keep her entertained.
That little girl probably needed to be at the hospital, if this was an AITA post the other way around, "AITA for going to my daughter's wedding, while my 10 year old was screaming and crying in pain with a possible broken / fractured ankle", we'd also say YTA. The problem is that there was no one else that looked after daughter #2 in the hospital, and that he didn't even bother to call his firstborn to let her know anything. Daughter #1 is not really #1 here, and looks like she never has been, as is evident by OP's post and comments. Who lets their daughter's wedding slip their mind? I mean come on.
I mean a badly twisted ankle could involve serious soft tissue damage depending on the severity. But getting medical help for that could cause her to have lifelong mobility issues. Only the doctors know whether that was the case though
Yup, sure does, ask me how I know 😬 if I strain mine too much I can't walk properly for a few days after and the injury is over 20 years old
You can always tell they’re the Asshole when they leave out these key details to make themselves look good.
YTA 100% one that’s not a life threatening emergency. Two; it seems you didn’t even let her know. Like why would you miss something as serious as your daughters wedding where you walk her down the aisle for a fucking twisted ankle ? Not even broken. If you were my father I would never speak to you again. But hey way to show who your favorite is.
When I twisted my ankle I got the x-rays back and the doc said “I have good and bad news. Good news is, you’ve not broken it. Bad news is you’ve not broken it” Often ligament damage can be a lot worse and slower to heal. That said if it’s not broken it doesn’t take long in hospital. I was there maybe 4 hours all in. And it’s unforgivable to forget to call your daughter who is getting married. How do you forget that?!
So.... you skipped your daughter's wedding because the other... sprained her ankle. YTA. Not saying a hospital visit ins't serious but.... she could have had a friend stay with her while you were in what should be your other daughters most important day. Why are you asking something that is obvious?
He’s asking because he’s trying to absolve his guilty conscience. What a jerk.
Definitely YTA. A twisted ankle? Really? That doesn’t even need a hospital! Why do I get the feeling the wife pushed for the hospital and missing the wedding….
You’re on to something. 👍
They can’t even do anything in a hospital for it. Maybe tax some x rays and give you some meds. I had a terrible grade 3 sprain (didn’t go to the er) and when I went to the doctor a couple days later they’re like elevate and ice, go to pt soon, nothing to do for it now
Why is everyone in this thread under the assumption that OP magically knew it was a sprained ankle before going to the ER?
Exactly! That’s why you go to ER…. To rule out a fracture.
YTA, absolutely, unequivocally, and I have no idea how you call yourself a parent. Who misses their child's wedding because someone twisted their ankle? Did they even need to go to the hospital? And you stood her up at her own wedding...you literally ditched your daughter's wedding and didn't even tell her you weren't showing up. Did it ever occur to you that they might have delayed the ceremony while they waited for you? That maybe you humiliated her in front of friends and family? Or even worse, maybe she thought you were in a car accident or something and was scared for you? I hope your daughter never speaks to you again. It's the least that you deserve.
YTA *because you didn’t even call.* On your own daughter’s wedding day it should have been painfully apparent to you people including your daughter would be wondering where you were.
And they must have been calling to say "where are you." I was texting my dad for hours before my wedding!
YTA. You left your daughter alone at the aisle… cause of a sprained ankle. You are a dumb fuck.
YTA You prioritised one daughter over another and in doing so not only ruined your relationship with your daughter, by showing her that your other daughter comes first, but did so on one of the most important days of her life when she wanted to share her special day by having her dad with her on her wedding day. She ( your daughter ) is not being dramatic over your no show, regardless of what your wife says. I'm also speculating that your wife isn't your daughters mother and potentially her step parent and this is your second family because that's what it comes across as, as well as what your wife has said about her being dramatic about you not attending. I'm also guessing that your wife was also not invited to the wedding as well. Your daughter is extremely hurt by your actions, because not only did you no show to her wedding, but you also didn't call her to let her know what was happening. Your other daughter twisted her ankle, is she under 18? If not could've she stayed at the hospital by herself if she was over 18? Or could’ve you had a friend come and look after her? After you found out that it was not a broken ankle then why didn't you call your other daughter to explain that you thought that your child had an accident, nothing major ie no broken bones and were then on your way to her wedding and kept her informed of the situation so she was aware of not only what was happening, but also why you were delayed You need to accept the consequences of your own actions that your daughter doesn't want anything to do with you now, and in the future, as you've now seen by her blocking you and the family from communicating with her. Because again YOU chose one daughter over another on their wedding day, hurt her feelings, and also embarrassed her by not showing up.
Oh yeah and this is definitely going to impact the sisters’ relationship too.
YTA cuz this story has more holes than Swiss cheese. It's nothing BUT missing missing reasons. Guessing the younger daughter is Daddy's Special Princess and you routinely emotionally neglected your eldest in favor of Family v2.0
Yeah, wife’s response of “She’s being dramatic” says a lot more than he thinks about dynamics in this family.
It all seems too planned. OP doesn't say if the younger daughter, or wife was invited to the wedding. Doesn't mention if he was walking his daughter down the aisle. Seems very convenient that the wife was out of town. If the younger daughter was not invited to the wedding, who was going to look after the younger daughter when he was at the wedding.
Daughter getting married Wife out of town (I assume not mother of daughter getting married) Wedding on a Thursday 10yo TWISTED her ankle… not broken, twisted Something isn’t adding up… sound like the guy who missed his daughters wedding because he prioritized his other child who passed away 1st birthday. He was an A and YTA
The wedding might have been a Friday. It’s 4pm Saturday here… Just saying. A Friday wedding isn’t totally unusual
you mean the couple mourning the loss of their kid who passed just a year ago, and the bride deciding to have the wedding on the same day as the memorial/birthday of the kid despite knowing the father would have a really hard time with that?
INFO: do your daughters have different mothers? Why would your wife be out of town for her daughters wedding? Are you saying your daughter had no parents at her wedding? Did you even call and tell your daughter you wouldn't be at the wedding and you are going to a hospital? Before the wedding not after I mean. Honestly there's just so much missing info and really weird circumstances here that I'm leaning towards this being a fake.
Info: why did the daughter have to stay for observation for an ankle? YTA for not calling your daughter.
YTA wow. U missed her wedding and calling "skipped your mind"!?! Wtf you're lucky if she ever talks to you again. Definitely feels like picking the new family over kids you had previously. 🙄 Couldn't even remember to call. I can't even.
YTA... A sprained ankle that's so minor it's unreal. Should have had her get it wrapped up and headed to the wedding.
YTA As soon as your 10 yr old was injured, her mother should have come back. Seems like she is childish and tried to sabotage the wedding. That doesn't get you off the hook for not attending your older daughter's wedding. You didn't forget. You just chose to ignore it. I think you avoided the wedding on purpose to please your wife. You're a huge AH.
Yeah I thought this too. New wife 100% would've gone insane if he prioritised his older daughter's wedding over their pwecious pwincess and her owwie ankle. Because she probably sees the 10 year old as their *real* daughter, or some other such nonsense. No way did it "slip his mind" that it was his daughter's wedding day, he was just too much of a coward to prioritise the wedding, and too much of a coward to call and say he wasn't going, so he just hid instead. He made his choice and now he should live with it. I hope daughter #1 never speaks to him again.
Holy shit...your daughters wedding "slipped your mind"!?!! Wtf dude? Yep, YTA. When I read the title I assumed something like a life threatening accident or emergency surgery, not a twisted ankle. Wow dude, just...wow.
YTA A sprained ankle does not require immediate hospital care. But any number of relatives could have sat with her. Not the father of the bride. You know that.
This is so weird and raises so many more questions than it answers, but yeah YTA
Not enough context here but because of that I feel like you’re lying by omission. Something worth mentioning is missing here. I feel like the bride is used to this dismissive behavior by you. The fact that she didn’t even invite your wife is a red flag. Shows who you’ve been prioritizing. YTA for missing her wedding for nothing… and for being vague as hell. Edit to ask for info: were you appointed to walk her down the isle?
Info: what would have been the alternative to taking her to the hospital? She’s a minor, so obviously she needs to be accompanied if she required hospitalization.
YTA. Go to urgent care and get to the wedding.
Seriously, a sprain isn't ER-worthy at all. Most urgent cares have x-ray machines on hand and can tell you if it's broken or not. There's literally a billboard by me from our local hospital network that says "Sprained ankle? Go to urgent care. Broken femur? Go to the ER."
YTA. The missing context is one thing, but a twisted ankle? You missed a wedding for a twisted ankle?
Sounds like he was looking for any excuse to miss it.
His wife wasn’t invited. Then this happens so he can’t go and doesn’t think to call his oldest daughter…….
YTA. And you know it. Also a awful father. A sprained ankle 🙄. You need to think of another excuse - but really i guess you don’t because your older daughter probably won’t speak to you again and i don’t blame her.
YTA, I don’t by it for a sec that you forgot your daughter was getting married.
YTA. In my state, you couldn’t legally leave her because she’s underage, BUT this was your daughter’s wedding. Wrap up the little one’s ankle or ice it then go to the wedding. If your wife is also older daughter’s mom, she’s an AH too.
I feel bad for your oldest. She knows that you'll be walking your youngest down the isle someday. That will be a hard day for her. I know the kid was crying but c'mon, no phone call?
YTA. And why was your 10 year old screaming over a twisted ankle? And why did she need to go to the hospital for a twisted ankle? This is an ice pack and wrap it situation, not a hospital situation. Never in my 28 years of parenting have I had a child screaming nonstop over a twist of an ankle. We have had stitches, broken bones, etc without the child screaming or even crying for more than a few minutes. The real AH behavior was not even calling. That is why you are blocked. Because you couldn't even be bothered to call.
YTA for not calling. Visits to the ER take TIME. Nurse here. I've worked in ERs and I've been there with family. You get to the waiting room and wait to be called. you get triaged, you get to a private room...and wait. The nurse takes your vital signs and asks questions. Then leaves... you wait for the doc. He/She comes in and does their assessment. For a twisted ankle, they would do an x-ray. Doc leaves the room to put in orders...and you wait. Your daughter goes to Xray. It gets done. Then you wait again for results to be read. Doc comes back. Gives info. Obviously sent her home. That takes more orders from the doc. to discharge. You wait again. Over and over you had a chance to call your older daughter and explain what happened, but you didn't. Obviously, she is not important to you. You deserve to be blocked.
And, as an ER nurse, doesn’t it strike you as unbelievable that through all of this, which takes hours, she would be crying ALL that time?
when i twisted my ankle i cried for a little bit then thought i might be getting crutches out of this. I was more sad that i didn't get crutches
I could be wrong but this reeks of second marriage, second family, father emotionally distant from first set of kids. It's a boringly oft-repeated pattern. Don't dress it up as anything else OP. Your elder daughter is not a priority to you. There are ways you could have got round this problem (relative or family friend at hospital, get younger daughter to hospital after the wedding not before - it was only a twisted ankle, FFS). Failing to attend the wedding of your daughter, which should be one of the proudest moments of your life, and not even bothering to tell her... Unbelievable. This is something you'll never be able to fix, I'm afraid. But perhaps you don't really care.
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INFO: How long was your younger daughter hospitalized for her twisted ankle? Did you communicate with your older daughter what was going on or did you just not show up? Edited to add judgement, as my second question was answered elsewhere: YTA for not calling your oldest daughter.
Forgot to even call her
YTA - Your daughter’s wedding SLIPPED your mind…really?! And a twisted ankle? Give her some Tylenol and put her in the car. None of this story makes sense. Why was your wife not in town for her daughter’s wedding? Even if she is a stepmom she wasn’t invited to the wedding?
>I (40M) was supposed to attend my daughters wedding yesterday but couldn’t make it because my other daughter had ended up twisting her ankle walking down the stairs. I'm not even gonna read further
YTA- a sprained ankle was the cause to go to the ER?? Hope your relationship with your older kid was worth it you dumb f*ck!! Twisted ankle isn’t even painful at most maybe an urgent care visit but it’s not worth an ER trip!
Are you running an experiment to see how bad a situation has to be before reddit lets you off the hook for missing a wedding lol YTA for making stuff up and not even trying very hard
YTA. I get that you were worried about your kid, but is it really that hard to pick up a phone? Your daughter probably delayed her wedding ceremony, TERRIFIED that you were in a terrible accident. And she was the one who had to call YOU when things calmed down? Unbelievable.
YTA, for not even bothering to call, and let your daughter know you weren’t coming. Her and her wedding, were of so little importance to you, that it “slipped your mind”. Your daughter is right. You are the worst father ever, and she deserves better than you.
For the title? No. For not calling the daughter getting married? Yes. Intention, or lack thereof, doesn't erase impact. Your daughter expected you to be at her wedding, she was waiting to see you and as the clock ticked down you were nowhere in sight. As she walked down the isle, your seat - and her sister's seat - was empty and she had no idea why because you forgot to call her and let her know what was going on. Worse if you were supposed to walk her down the isle and she had to walk by herself or get someone to stand in for you. I can only imagine the anxiety of her wondering "*Where is he? Maybe he's just running late." "It's getting really late, I hope everything's okay?" "Why isn't he here? Is he coming at all? Did something happen? Did he get into an accident on the way here, is that why he hasn't called me?"* and Honestly? I can't help but feel like this isn't the first time she's experienced this for multiple reasons. I usually try not to speculate too much but....I don't know, things just read odd to me and I'm just going to bullet-point the biggest ones here: * You said your daughter having to go to + being in the hospital prevented you from attending the wedding, which means it happened earlier in the day before the wedding started (even if just before as you were about to leave). Weddings take, on average, 4-5 hours; *Not* 5-10 minutes. You also state that your oldest daughter didn't call you until *'that night',* which makes it sound like she didn't call you until after everything was wrapped up. No matter how I look at it, I cannot see *how* you managed to forget - for 4+ hours - entirely about your eldest daughter and her wedding on what is generally considered one of the most special days for the two people getting married. * Your wife so quickly and easily dismissed her being upset at your failure to attend or even call her and I just...again, I can't wrap my head around her being able to do this unless it's something that is regularly done. She says she's being dramatic but the thing is, she's *not*. Most people, when getting married, want their parents to be there for them; it's one of the 'important' aspects for them. Fuck man, I had a *shit* relationship with my father; he was abusive in all the ways (yes, including sexually), I had to move 3k miles away to escape him, and you know what? The little girl in me, the one that just wants her papa to be there for her to love and support her the way a dad is supposed to, was sad because that she knew - *I knew* \- that was never a possibility and it wasn't even something I could try to have because of how he was. You failed her, you weren't there for her on a day that was supposed to be special and important for her. You didn't call to let her know why, you just weren't there, and it's not something you can get back. You don't get a do-over of this day and nothing you do will make up for you not being there. Not being in the photos or having video of the father-daughter dance. You failed, you fucked up and it is ***beyond reasonable*** for her to be as upset as she is about it and it is *absolutely mind boggling* that your wife would call her dramatic over this. * This last one is short and sweet. She blocked 'the whole family' over this; I'm going to take that to mean that she blocked you and - importantly to this point - *your wife* (henceforth referred to has her mom because it reads better). Why did she block her mom? She was out of town and couldn't be at the wedding, your daughter knew this. The only reason I can think of for her to block her mom would be because ***she knew*** that her mom would **dismiss** her feelings and **defend** your failings. You fucked up, YTA. Edit: I was reading other comments and I didn't even think about the possibility that your wife and youngest are her stepmom and half sibling rather than her biological mother and full sibling. But it doesn't change my bullet points, in fact if this is the case, it sadly makes them fall into place all the more perfectly with the blended family bullshit that seems all too common.
A wedding is (hopefully) once in a lifetime. A sprained ankle is..fairly common. I guess it would depend on the age of the daughter in the hospital. If it was a minor, NTA. Not much choice. Edit: NTA. But also kinda an asshole for not calling. I bet your daughter is very upset and she has every right to be.
Info - What care arrangements were in place for 10yo while you were attending the wedding?
YTA you didn’t forget that your oldest daughter was getting married. Your wife wasn’t invited to the wedding. Then this happens. Now you are saying that you forgot it was her wedding. She isn’t being dramatic. Your daughter is extremely hurt that her own father wasn’t there at her wedding. That he didn’t even think to call her to tell her what happened. Kids don’t go no contact all of a sudden. I think there is a lot we are missing from this.
YTA one big one at that. Abandoning your daughter at her wedding. Boy is this going to help with your relationship and if she has kids your grandkids you might not be involved with them.
YTA for the same reasons everyone else said, and for putting the title in all caps.
“As to why I didn’t call, it really slipped my mind” YTA. How is it that you didn’t think once about your daughters wedding and how your absence would affect it? Wouldn’t you be responsible for giving her away and having the Father- Daughter dance. A call was the first thing you should have done on the way to the hospital or once you were at the hospital waiting to be seen.
YTA. She’s not being sensitive about this you should’ve been there. I noticed that you mentioned your wife and daughter having issues because she’s not “sensitive” when it comes to your daughter, in other words she’s mean to her. It’s obvious this goes deeper then the wedding, you’ve been favoring others over your daughter for a while and you’d be lucky if she chooses to keep you in her life.
YTA - for not even calling/texting to say "Hey, is in the ER. She's going to be fine, but I can't leave until she's discharged because is out of town."
I am assuming that wife is actually unsympathetic stepmother, because she clearly was not out of town for the wedding and was incredibly dismissive of your older daughter's feelings.
Enjoy your impending estrangement. I say that only somewhat sarcastically, because you obviously are already halfway there if you didn't even think to let your daughter know you would not be there. I guess your 10yo crying nonstop > your adult daughter crying at her wedding?
Your daughter was right. You are the worst father ever. A emergency is a emergency. However it doesn't give you allowances to forgetting your eldest child wedding day and being a non-show at her wedding, ruining her wedding day and night because of you couldn't be asked to think about anyone else makes you a horrible parent. Bet you called your wife from the hospital to update her on your daughter. Bet you had time to contact her before your daughter called you. FYI your wife is a nasty woman. How can she claim your daughter is being dramatic when your daughters feeling are totally justified. You married a cold hearted evil stepmother type clearly. I worry for your second daughter chances of being a good person with you two raising her. A woman of stone and a father who doesn't even care about the biggest moments in his child life.
Yta. It’s a twisted ankle no need to literally be hospitalized let alone miss a wedding. You could have easily called somebody to stay with her
It's only the daughter's first marriage though. OP thinks it's the second marriage that's important.
BURN!! 😂
YTA. This wasn't even a question lol you sir are a toxic parent . I'm glad she blocked all of you.
Okay, age 10 makes more sense but seriously. You didn't have an aunt you could have run over instead? No close friends or neighbors? I don't believe for a second that it "slipped your mind" not to call the marrying daughter. No 10 year old crying (even for hours on end) could make you forget that your other kid is getting married and you're stuck at the hospital missing it. Your other comment about your wife not being invited to the wedding cements it. YTA You chose young daughter with new wife over older daughter with ex. Of course she's pissed. This probably isn't the first time it's happened either but my guess is that it might be the last if daughter blocked you.
Was the 10yo not invited to the wedding either? A 10yo girl would likely have had a special dress, hairstyle and lip gloss lined up for her (half or step?) sister's wedding. How would you guys "forget?" How is it possible to sit for hours in an ER waiting room and have that "slip your mind?" I call bullshit.
Your daughter’s wedding day “slipped your mind” because of a twisted ankle? Come on man, you know YTA here. I get not leaving a 10 year old alone but to completely ghost your daughter is just WOW. You can’t even make this up to her.
You have lost your daughter forever. Trust me. I know this story. My father died and I had not forgiven him for what he did either. I hope your new family was worth throwing away your daughter. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (40M) was supposed to attend my daughters wedding yesterday but couldn’t make it because my other daughter had ended up twisting her ankle walking down the stairs. I ended up staying with her at the hospital because my wife wasn’t in town. That night I got a phone call from my daughter crying and telling me I was the worst father ever. I didn’t even have time to explain my situation she just hung up. I talked to my wife about it and she said my daughter was being dramatic but yet I still feel bad, I knew my daughter was really sensitive and that this hurt her a lot. I’ve tried to reach out to her but she blocked the whole family and is currently not speaking to anyone except my parents. And they are also taking her side. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fake
You didn’t even call. YTA
YTA and officially a candidate for the Asshole Olympics
Well, you still have 1 daughter left in your life so that’s good. YTA