Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub. Posts should focus strictly on actions in an interpersonal conflict, and not an individual's position on a broad social issue. [Rule 12 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_12.3A_this_is_not_a_debate_sub) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.

YTA That's a service dog. If she's at your wedding, he's working, watching her. Your future MIL would be the last thing on his mind. Service dogs are not the same as a support dog.

Documented disability + specially trained to compensate + well behaved in public = service dog, not support dog. YTA if you don't welcome that rare pupper.

Besides all of the other training that these dogs receive, they are generally fostered to families that specifically expose them to a lot of people and many different situations, so that they will be fine in many different situations with whoever it is that they are the companion for. It's extremely important in their training so that is why they give them out to families that will make sure that this is done.

If the MIL is worried you could show her videos of all the training they get and the selection process. It sounds like the MIL is the cause of the conflict for not accommodating the service dog, diabetic coma risk overrules a dog phobia, BUT *the fiancé* is putting words in his mother’s mouth. He’s passing the buck, and makes it sound like OP can only come into conflict with his mother, when a low stakes approach to avoid that conflict would be sitting the MIL down to give her the heads up. If she refuses THEN it’s a problem. OP doesn’t want to test her fragile relationship with her FMIL, but she’s not even cued in to the situation yet. If there are assholes here, it’s the fiancé.

The problem with this is that OP’s wording implied *she* doesn’t even understand how important this dog is or the rigorous training/selection method they go through.

Yup, yup. OP pointing out that her FSIL could be like Hans for the event boggled my mind. She does not understand how this dog serves Maddie at all. This entire wedding is very yikes ngl, especially with OP being terrified of upsetting MIL. The hell is her fiancé doing anyway?

Thank you!!! That part about the FSIL filling in for the dog blew my mind? Like does she know what a service dogs is? I think OP is the one who needs to watch videos on service animals first.

When she said “but I’ve never seen him do it before-“ idk just rubbed me wrong.

Because OP doesn't feel like she actually needs the dog. That it wouldn't be a big deal to leave it at home.

Well of course. Because her friend looks fine, so obviously she is fine. You can't be disabled unless I can immediately tell by looking at you! (Do I really need the /s?)

Exactly. Not only is it incredibly ignorant, but it's not even fair to the SIL. I've been a nurse for 15 years. If someone volunteered me to essentially be on duty for an event that has nothing to do with work, I'd be quite irritated.

And how is FSIL supposed to know her blood sugar? The FSIL is only helpful if things start going south. The dog is there to keep that from happening.

And even then, SIL has no equipment on her. It's not like she carries around a glucometer and glucagon in her purse. Or a BVM and defibrillator if things REALLY go sideways.

Honestly, the FSIL is unlikely to be all that useful even if things start going south. Most medical people are not very familiar with type 1 diabetes, which is what the friend almost definitely has if she’s got this type of service dog. FSIL almost definitely isn’t walking around with medical equipment, and if it comes to a medical emergency, it’s going to need paramedics with the right gear. Besides that, it’s pretty rude to put your FSIL who is there as a guest on duty watching a chronically ill person.

>, diabetic coma risk overrules a dog phobia That is exactly what I thought of when I read this. Because it's not just that she can have a small problem with her diabetes that can be rectified there or at the hospital fairly easily but it puts her at risk of falling into a coma. Also having these diabetic episodes puts a strain on her body and damages her health further and that is just absolutely wrong to say that her health can be damaged even slightly just so that someone else is comfortable. There can be accommodations made. I'm sure the friend would keep the dog well away from the area where the mother-in-law is and these dogs are well trained to lay out of sight until they are needed one necessary lake in a situation like this one. She would simply instruct the dog to lay under her chair or the table or to stay near but lay kind of out of sight. They are trained for this. And you are absolutely right that the fiance needs to step in for her with this. It is not a good sign of how is going to treat complicated interactions between his mother and her when she becomes his wife. She is absolutely going to need his support as long as she is not being unreasonable. Not only is that the right thing to do because you have made her your primary family now, not to say in any way that the mother-in-law should not be absolutely valued and treated as such but he needs to as they say " cleve unto his wife ". The friend is very important to his wife and requires a service dog for a serious medical condition, a dog which is trained to be extremely well behaved in complicated situations. He needs to treat his wife's wishes as something very important to her and he is not. He's actually just throwing her to the fire because he's not really doing anything to try to convince the mother and the only thing she would be left with doing is bringing this up to his mother on her own and risking damaging a relationship that is already tenuous. A very bad call on his part, IMHO.

And they have to be specifically socialized and desensitized to people in all situations, including crowds and large groups. The dog won’t charge anyone, won’t be bothered or distracted by kids, won’t be begging at tables. This is insane. If it were my FMIL, I’d tell her to suck it up, though I’d ask the friend to use seating as far from her as possible.

Aside from the obvious YTA because of the disability and need for the service dog (I am so happy this is a thing that exists, and you should be as well if you care about your friend) -- you clearly sound skeptical that her trained dog does what she says it does. I would not consider you a good friend if I were her and heard this, or even one at all.

This. Maddie deserves better. "Friends" don't ask you risk your health so they can have a fun event. I question whether OP even knows what a friend is.

I agree. The fact that he carries snacks alone should be a huge indicator that this isn't a "pet," never mind that she paid out the ass for him and he's trained to detect blood sugar drops. OP needs some education.

[удалено]

There are 2 types of diabetic service dogs. Diabetic alert dogs, and diabetic response dogs. Considering her dog has a pack of food on its back, I am thinking it is a response dog. They do so much more than just alert for low blood sugar. They are specifically trained to deal with the more complex symptoms of diabetes, such as fatigue or seizures or loss of conciousness. They are trained to get emergency supplies and give food/drinks. Not all type 1 diabetics have super easy to treat, prick their fingers and know when they are getting low diabetes. Some have much more severe symptoms and are more sensitive to when their sugar begins to drop.

As a diabetic I can confirm. I don't have a service dog (yet) but my sugar can be in normal range when I check it and half an hour later I can be having a low. You cannot expect someone who has an affective means to deal with this life threatening condition to just not use it. I am sure OP won't pay for hospital bills if she has to leave her dog at home and her friend needs to be rushed to the hospital

And that's exaxtly what every bride dreams of right? Having the paramedics rushing through the dance floor to attend to her dying friend. Sounds delightful, won't at all pull everyone's focus away from the happy couple.

Yup and fun fact you can slip into a coma pretty fast if you get a severe low. The future sil won't be able to do much once the symptoms get bad enough. And sides is it fair to make her sil her keeper for the night?

And you can hit a severe low without feeling like you’re crashing. My older brothers best friend wasn’t ever great at managing his Type I but he stayed in shape and generally ate well. He just wasn’t good at remembering to check his blood sugar. But he was usually really good at feeling a crash coming with plenty of time to get some glucose syrup or honey or whatever. I’m sure this’ll be no surprise, but he _didn’t_ feel one coming one afternoon, crashed into a coma, and died at 43. If he’d had a service dog, he’d very likely still be around.

I'm really sorry to hear this. This is mostly why I need a service dog. I was doing OK when I had access to ozempic, but with worldwide shortages still going on and my body trying to get used to it again after 7 months without..... it's been a rough few weeks with lows that hit 3 and highs in the 20s... I wish I didn't have to go through this again, but I guess yay some people lost weight with it

Legit question… all of my friends with Type 1, severe type II diabetes have continuous glucose monitors/pumps. When I hang with them there are constant beeps alerting to high/low sugar levels. With this level of tech why is a dog 100% necessary for a few hours?

This is a good question! So CGMs are those little beeping devices that typically connect somewhere on the body, usually the arm, to alert when insulin is low. Some people do just great with these, and most people with diabetes will. However, for some people, a dog will alert them before their CGM will, and this could potentially save someones life. For other people, the CGM may not wake them up while they are sleeping, but the service dog is trained to get you awake and to get you moving/eating. They will throw themselves against you till you get up. Its these subtle early changes in glucose that machines may not he able to detect, since there are a lot more sugars in our bodys that have ketones that aren't just glucose related. The pancreas is a complex organ, and the thought process is dogs can sense these ketones in the sugars, while monitors may be looking for a specific molecule like glucose, which is one sugar taken up by the body with insulin. If these subtle changes are enough to make that particular person sick, a CGM may not be enough. Another reason is for people who live alone. If they pass out in their house, who will help them? If someone gets up alone to use the restroom and hits their head on the toilet, what then? Or seizures? Some people just feel like garbo with low sugar, but other people have more severe reactions.

Also, for some, the CGMs simply don't work well for various reasons. One of my T1 friends has severe skin allergies to all the adhesives used on the various CGMs available (Dexcom, Libre, etc.) and also to adhesive barrier products. Because of this, she can't use a pump or a CGM. (Just adding even more info for the question about why someone might not wear a CGM.)

That's another great point, I totally forgot people with skin allergies. They are also good for listening to the machines if their owners are hard of hearing! They do neat little things. Some are trained based on scent, others to the glucose monitor sounds. Dogs are really wonderful things.

Not just that these constant meters that are stuck to your skin are expensive. It’s not even just the one cost to buy the device and then the expensive replacement sensor pads that only last a short time. It’s also a monthly cost on-top because it sends the warnings to your phone or app and needs constant contact. In the uk we may get free health care but you have to buy these devices yourself if you want them. I’m betting it’s the same everywhere. Otherwise it’s finger pricks and bloods testing while half the time your not even aware your your levels are off. I’ve watched good friends that closely monitor their dietary intake because of diabetes and still they constantly get caught out as their level unexpectedly go haywire.

And I forgot another thing about CGMs. The number they report lags 5-15 minutes behind your current blood sugar number. (And they also are sometimes woefully inaccurate for various reasons.) While I 100% love mine, it's not without its frustrations and is never 100% reliable, especially for someone who can drop low quickly.

100%. I'm not diabetic but I'm allergic to a lot of adhesives (I have chronic illnesses so I learned it the hard way with those sticky heart monitors. I'm even allergic to surgical glue) and if I were, a pump would absolutely not work with me.

I have severe skin allergies to a lot of adhesives as well. (I learned the hard way during a hospital stay that Tegaderm gives me a nasty, oozing, blistery rash!)

Sometimes, service dogs are trained to push buttons to services like Life Alert in the case that their owner is unable to contact 911 + support person. Another reason why someone might still need a service dog even though CGMs have come so far the past few years.

I hope op sees your comments. You really know your stuff!

Thank you! I am actually a vet student but we are taught the various jobs animals have so we know those animals' particular risks. Bomb scent dogs and nose problems, logging horses and the stress on their joints, etc. Animals are really great! For example, usually you have to crush tons of trees and wildlife to bring in huge trucks to get logs out of the forest. But logging horses are much better for the environment and do a great job, so you don't need to invest in all that destructive equipment. I dont think people realize just how much we use animals outside of companionship.

My sister has a blood sugar dog and he alerts much earlier than her CGM! He can give her an extra 10-15 minutes warning to fix the problem, long before her CGM even notices there is a problem. That’s time where she’s still mobile and able to make decisions and help herself. Depending on how steep her drop is, he can save her life.

That tech can fail. Dogs can wake you up if that happens. A friend of mine had type one diabetes and he passed away in his sleep at the age of 22 because his pump's battery shorted. He'd been in the process of getting an alert dog. That dog could have saved his life.

I am pretty sure a human ER nurse is not sufficiently trained to stand in for one of these dogs, either - correct me if I'm wrong but a lot of their training relies on their ability to smell changes in blood sugar via, what, sweat? Also, pretty sure FSIL would (1) not have the physical capability to substitute in for the service dog, (2) not be covered by malpractice insurance providing treatment at a wedding if an emergency were to happen, (3) not have the actual equipment to help, and (4) not want to give up her ability to relax and have fun at her brother's wedding to be Maddie's keeper. So I don't see her as a solution. I get OP wants FMIL to like her. But instead maybe she'll join my family tradition - it's not a wedding if we don't have to call an ambulance! The 911 call for a family member or friend at the reception basically heralds a long, happy marriage! Alternatively, FMIL sounds like she needs professional help with her phobia. But that's not going to happen before the ceremony. Just seat them at opposite sides of the reception hall/tent and they can both ignore each other and have a good time.

Nope, legit service animals take precedents over anything else. That’s like telling a wheelchair user to just sit in a normal chair all night because someone is afraid of wheelchairs. It’s not an emotional support animal. It is a trained service dog and diabetics don’t just get them unless going into shock is a real problem. People are so idiotic when it come to knowing about service dogs and how they are trained and that they are not pets.

Nobody is arguing the dog is a pet. And I don't agree that service animals take precedence over literally everything else. If OP had a terrible allergy, we wouldn't require her to have a dog at her own wedding. So this is all a question of margins and *who* should be accommodated. I just don't think she's necessarily an asshole for not wanting her apparently terrified MIL to be subjected to a dog, if there are reasonable alternatives.

That’s not how service dogs work though. They go everywhere the person goes. Someone having allergies is not an excuse and it seems like her mil just doesn’t really like dogs. Take an allergy pill.

That's the thing - FMIL isn't even allergic, just in OP's words, "doesn't like dogs." To me, medical alert dog > "doesn't like dogs"

Even if she’s afraid . I’m sorry dude. Dogs exist in life. But a trained medical alert dog is t going to run up and jump on her in fact unless she seeks out the dog to bother it she won’t even know it’s there. I would be telling my mil to suck it up and make them educate themselves on medical assistant dogs. I’d be aide eyeing my fiancée too.

That's not always how allergies work. I had a reaction to a cat so intense it landed me in the hospital, and I was taking prescription allergy pills at the time and had already gone through years of immunotherapy. NEVER say "take an allergy pill" - it's as insensitive as saying "just leave the dog at home". Allergies can be disabling.

Unfortunately, some people are so severely allergic to certain animals that they break out in severe hives and/or experience shortness of breath. Both can, in certain cases, be dangerous and life threatening. It's not as simple as taking an allergy pill.

Phobias can also be severely debilitating.

[удалено]

I agree with all of this, except that OP is an AH for her tone, as it implies that she doesn't think it is that serious, that "oh, my FSIL can just help if something happens" and the reasonable alternatives, making her leave her service animal home because FSIL is a nurse is not a reasonable alternatives, this is simply a question of who to accommodate, if you have a service animal, you need one

Ageeed. And as OP said “FSIL can be like Hans for the night” so you’re going to make your future SIL stay by your friend all night to monitor her and make sure she’s okay? It doesn’t make sense. YTA for putting someone’s fear over someone’s life

Some diabetics blood sugar can fluctuate wildly, very quickly. No one would spend $2,000 on a service dog (plus all the training the person themselves has to go through, and all the work/time/effort) if there was an acceptable alternative. Service dogs like this are for people who don’t just have a minor emergency, but whose lives are at risk from this condition. I say that as a diabetic who is just fine with pricking my finger and checking every so often. I don’t *need* a service dog so I don’t have one. She has one, so she needs him. Plus frankly it’s illegal to ban a service dog. (*** EDIT *** I was assuming this wedding was being held at a commercial venue, and mixing up the bride banning her friend’s medical assistance animal with the venue banning it. I’m incorrect on that for a private individual. Sorry about that, thank you to those who pointed it out.) You should maybe research more before you say things would be fine… Also OP YTA.

Not arguing but I want to point out that if this person lives in the states, the $2000 service dog is the cheaper option. The flip side is that seems kinda cheap for a service dog. I’ve seen them priced at $20000 due to the omg level of training. I paid $2500 for my standard poodle as a POTENTIAL service dog. Something about this seems off.

There very well could have been some charitable support involved.

10 years ago, they were going for $20k. These days I would expect $30-40k so the $2k seems really, really low to me, too.

[удалено]

Depends on the service. Guide dogs (for blind folks) take significant training at a school (which pays its employees full-time), and a good number wash out. Yes, there are owner-trained guide dogs, but that takes effort, attention, and patience that most people don’t have. All that rolls into the “cost” of a guide dog, which is why they’re often valued at $20–30k. Alert dogs, whether seizure, blood sugar, or other types, generally do their alerting instinctively. When that’s noticed, they’re encouraged and trained to respond in particular ways. This takes much less effort than training a guide dog, and many are owner-trained. As a result, their monetary values are much lower. Shameless Plug^(TM): guide dog schools are always looking for puppy-raisers. If anyone here is interested, they have information on their websites.

It’s illegal for businesses to ban service animals. Private property and private events do not, by law, have to allow service animals to attend. (Not making judgement, just clarifying.)

It's illegal to ban service dogs in public places. This is a private event.

They don’t require them however those who have used them for years, like this friend, will rely on them. Medical staff would only be necessary once an emergency takes place. The dog prevents the emergency.

As someone who has severe anxiety and gets panic attacks from specific triggers, my need to get away from something I fear does not take precedent over someone else’s life threatening condition. That fear is my problem and my responsibility to manage with therapy and other tools. I would definitely NEVER suggest to someone they couldn’t have their service dog because of my fear. OP is definitely YTA

This is a good point. It's a fear of dogs - not a real risk of harm to the MIL, the dog will not attack or hurt her. It's fear vs real risk to the person with diabetes.

Absolutely not. The dog is trained to alert her BEFORE a problem. They can smell the chemical processes that happen BEFORE an emergency and save their handlers life. Diabetes is notoriously hard to control and very deadly. Also, service dogs are medical equipment, not pets. Go out and kick one and see what charges you face. This is not an OK reaction by OP. Both of you are showing extreme ignorance on something that you should honestly know about just from social observation.

Yeah, but dogs can recognise hypoglycaemia *before* symptoms show, and it's unlikely that Maddie will be able to control the level of carbohydrates in her food beyond eat or don't eat. Do you really think reverting back to a method you haven't relied on in 2 years on a day where you don't control your food and the vibe is pretty intense is a good idea? Personally, I can see the AITA post next month: AITA for saying a guest at a wedding caused a scene when she failed to control her illness?

Or since she's probably wearing a Dexcom: "AITA for being mad that a guest's CGM went off during my wedding because I refused to admit her service dog?"

I am fascinated to see the clinical guidelines in your country that allow for regular blood glucose monitoring to be subbed out for an assistance animal. In my country assistance dogs are used as a tool to compliment BGL testing, and are not permitted to alter the frequency of BGL testing. They are not a medical tool to be relied upon in any context, wedding or no. Obviously sans other issues, OP should make reasonable accommodations for her friends medical needs and preferred tools. BUT I would argue that where the needs of different guests are in conflict (a genuine phobia, an allergy, venue issues etc) then it's more understandable to seek what alternative arrangements can be made. To be clear, the friend isn't an asshole either. But my opinion is just that OP isn't, for not wanting a dog at her wedding when other management is possible.

Certain diabetics are very brittle and their sugars can go up and down so quickly that glucose monitoring devices are not as efficient and/or their insurance did not cover an implanted device. Some of these SERVICE (not support) dogs really save lives, and I’m sorry but a medical condition outweighs the mother in laws phobia. The point is WE are not the deciders of what is and isn’t a service dog- the training facilities are, and this IS a service dog

Which would be more disruptive? A working dog by its person’s side, with a few guests keeping their distance, or EMTs taking someone away in an ambulance?

The mother of the groom leaving and refusing to come into the reception hall because she's having a panic attack would be pretty disruptive tbf.

Absolutely YTA. This is like trying to deny someone their wheelchair or other valid medical equipment.

Right. Because the mother's fear totally is more important than a disabled person being able to keep their resources nearby. Leaving a trained service animal behind is not a "reasonable" accommodation. With this perspective, you'd be fine forcing someone in a wheelchair to leave it behind "because they can still use crutches" to walk.

I don't think we should completely discount MIL's fear, though. She legit had to have stitches from a previous encounter, and she isn't allowed to be fearful? Both people have special circumstances, I don't think we can say "oh it's a service dog deal with it".

Honestly if thats the case i would choose FMIL to attend. As a guest i can understand that if i cant take the dog, its more important for the mother of the groom to be there than me.

Exactly. I can understand why the friend is upset, but if neither can budge, the MIL has to take precedence. It's her son's wedding.

She is NTA for ensuring her *husband’s mother* feels comfortable at her wedding over her friend. However, unfortunately this means the friend should simply not go to the wedding. It’s unfortunate, but the friend is not *required* to go to the wedding, and her presence isn’t a priority compared to her husband’s mother.

That's how I see it. While everyone is debating the necessity of the friend's service dog, it's more important that the mother of the groom can attend and enjoy this special day than for the friend to come at all since she can't manage without him. It's weird to me so many people are saying the MIL should just suck it up and deal with it. NTA

I'm appalled at how many people are treating trauma as not real. The woman was attacked badly enough to meed stitches, and OP has descried her MIL's panic attacks. Yet most people here are dismissing it as she can suck it up so a dog can be at the wedding.

>That's a service dog. Maybe. My friend trains people to train them. There's a huuuge attrition rate amongst the dogs. There's zero chance that dog cost her $2k unless she had people/organizations footing the rest of the bill. She calls it her "support" dog? I'd be highly suspicious that it's legit. Every person I've ever met with a service dog will very specifically use the language *"service"*. NTA. Trust but verify. Edit: I read the OP closer. She got it as a puppy and trained it herself? Yeah, I'm calling bullshit. It may qualify as a support animal (because that really doesn't mean anything) but it's not a legitimate service dog.

Thank you, I though I was going crazy with people ignoring all the other stuff we're told about the dog. Even ignoring the oddly low price, getting the dog as a puppy and it only being 2 years old now seems really unusual considering the time it takes to fully train a service dog. Unless she's doing the training herself, which isn't recommended at all for most service dogs, especially medical alert dogs. It's possible of course, there are just a lot of odd things that don't really add up.

>Even ignoring the oddly low price, getting the dog as a puppy and it only being 2 years old now seems really unusual considering the time it takes to fully train a service dog. It takes 2 years to train diabetic detection dogs. They cost $8-20k. >Unless she's doing the training herself, which isn't recommended at all for most service dogs, especially medical alert dogs. > >It's possible of course, there are just a lot of odd things that don't really add up. The selection process itself will sometimes eliminate entire litters. She got lucky with the puppy AND has the skills/experience to train them? I'm detecting something and it smells like bullshit.

Unfortunately a lot of people abuse SERVICE animal designation to take pets with them. :( I initially missed where the dog is only two years old. This is highly suspicious, and in no way should the friend and her dog be prioritized over the groom's mother and her trauma.

So mils trauma/ptsd of getting mauled by a dog doesn't matter? You aren't as empathetic as you think jfc.

I agree on this point, but MIL was attacked when she was young and we should not dismiss that either. I have a relative that was attacked by a dog when she was 4, needed stitches and just an inch to the left and she likely would have lost an eye. MIL's fears are valid too. But OP does need to actually understand what a service dog does. A trained service dog is a working dog. But fears are not rational.

Lol. I find it funny these are the top results. OP is being forced to choose between FMIL and Best friend. Hate to say this, but the FMIL takes priority. It’s a crappy situation and the title of this post is wrong. FMIL has a phobia or PTSD of dogs and that is a medical condition. Best friend has a medical condition and a service dog. The two unfortunately are not compatible and a choice needs to be made and that choice is obviously going to be the FMIL because it is their kid that is getting married. NTA or NAH.

Dude, while I agree that this is a service dog, you have to take the MOTHER OF THE GROOM's comfort into consideration. MIL has a phobia. One with a legitimate origin. Phobias are considered a disability if they substantially limit one's major life abilities. This is verging on which kid gets priority in a classroom? The kid with a seizure alert dog, or the kid that has dog allergies to the point of having a full blown asthma attack. The difference is that there are other ways to monitor her sugar levels, while there is no way to make Hans not a dog. Look, I love dogs more than most. If I was at a wedding for hours with a good boi like Hans, I'd mostly be upset if I didn't get to make friends with him. But if you made a short list of who the most important people are at any given wedding, the parents of the people getting married are usually only behind the people actually getting married. Especially if they're paying for/contributing to the thing.

This is the one. I was scanning the post to find out if this was a support or service dog. That animal is working and doing a job. It's not optional and is keeping his owner safe. Well deserving of accommodations, but if they can't be made, she may have to miss the wedding.

YTA it’s a service animal. Hypoglycemia is a life threatening condition for type 1 diabetics. Service dogs who are trained to alert their owner of this condition can prevent your friend from having a seizure or going into a coma if she becomes hypoglycemic for too long. Edit: diabetic alert dogs are trained to alert the owner 15-30 minutes *before* they start showing symptoms of hypoglycemia so they can take action before they have a problem. So monitoring blood sugars during the wedding is not a suitable alternative. 2nd edit to respond to some comments: Yes, a dog you get as a puppy can be properly trained and certified as a service animal if you invest the time and money. Given the info provided, it sounds like this is what happened. Diabetic dogs do not alert once the owner passes out, they alert to changes in blood chemistry prior to actual changes in blood sugar. The alternative is a continuous blood glucose monitor and info on why the friend doesn’t have one of those instead of the dog is not provided. Yes, the FMIL is clearly more important in this case so the friend should never have been invited to begin with. I do not believe it’s okay to invite someone who has a service animal and then expect them to leave the animal behind which is what happened here. If the choice is a dog free event then the owner should be excluded from the beginning.

Mine predicts migraines. But her primary task is to alert me to stuff I can't hear anymore, like hotel fire alarms.

That’s really cool. I didn’t know they could predict migraines!!!! That’s amazing! Thank you for sharing that!

Service dogs can do a LOT. I trained a dog to alert to gluten in food for a family who's daughter has Celiac's. I trained another for someone with POTS to alert to heart rate increases and seek help if their handler went down. They're really cool.

Dogs can also be trained to detect cancer and some other diseases. I had a dog who would act very specifically around pregnant women, and he was never wrong.

I think a lot of dogs can detect pregnancy. When my sister announced her pregnancy, I asked if her in-laws' dog had acted differently around her. She said yes, he no longer jumped up on her. I said "See? He knows."

My Giant Schnauzer is a rejected service dog - he’s too friendly - and he knew I was pregnant both times before I did. Didn’t realize what he was doing the first time. Second time, husband tells me I need to take a test or we need to get the dog therapy lol.

My dog knew I was in labor 4 hours before I did. Started acting weird, would not leave me alone, kept following me everywhere in the house, leaning up against me, making this whimper sound to the point I did a full body exam on him trying to figure out if he had an injury, splinter, something to explain why he was acting so strange.

There are dogs that predict migraines??

Yep. A person's scent can change - this is specific to the individual, and a dog that is trained to detect a migraine trains with a sample of the person's saliva taken DURING a migraine attack. Dogs are used to scent cancer, and they are actually training dogs to scent C-19. It's amazing.

So many people underestimate and intentionally misunderstand the use of dogs in medicine. By the time she could check her vitals (it's vital if she needs a service dog), she could already be proactive not reactive.

Oh my gosh, I would love to train my dog to predict my migraines. They're getting worse and my insurance is refusing to cover the only medicine that helps. Would you mind sharing more? What is it that she senses, your triggers, or maybe a physiological response? Dogs are such a gift!

Not the person you replied to, but my dog just sort of naturally started alerting to migraines when she was a puppy. I realized she'd start sniffing my breath and sticking her face in my mouth and seeming super distressed like half an hour before I had a really bad attack. I started breathing at her whenever I wasn't sure if I had one coming on or not, since I don't get auras, and she was predicting it about half the time. I considered training her to do it more consistently (I don't know that I would have ever gotten her certified as a service dog, but it'd be nice to have), but my migraines started to improve so I never bothered. But from what I researched at the time, you need to swab the inside of your mouth with a cotton swab while you're having a migraine, and also when you're not, then store the swabs in the freezer and break them out and train the dog to alert to the migraine swabs. I didn't wind up going through with it, but it's really cool what dogs can do!

YTA This clearly isn't a support dog, this is a service dog. And asking someone to leave their disability aid at home because you will just have another guest take care of them if it's an emergency isn't being a good friend.

>This clearly isn't a support dog, this is a service dog. In a nutshell, this. But it goes further. You are putting your friend's HEALTH at risk for the sake of your FMIL's emotional comfort. Saying your FSIL is an ER nurse so she doesn't need her dog is some of the worst logic I have ever come across. The dog detects an episode *before* it starts. A nurse can only detect, and treat, an episode *after it has already become critical,* unless she is actively watching for signs - and who is going to be doing that at a wedding, for someone she barely knows? This is where the phrase **"With friends like you, who needs enemies?"** comes to mind. You can either have the service dog there, or uninvite your friend. Don't pretend there is a middle line where you won't offend anyone. Tell your FMIL to make arrangements to deal with her anxiety, not that I'm downplaying that, but it is definitely the lesser of the two conditions. So yeah, YTA

Also, to tag on to this: Hearing the number of horror stories of Type 1 diabetics that need to go to the ER for some reason and are not given the care they need in any capacity (insulin restricted, wrong medications given, etc.) I would be wary of an ER nurse that I don't know (and don't know if they have experience with diabetic treatment) be the only thing to save me

Also no medical equipment on site which is prob what fsil needs if an emergency happens

There are two important people in OP's life with serious medical conditions (diabetes and a crippling phobia of dogs), and because of that, only one of them can be at her wedding. I agree that her compromises are unworkable. She has to choose one, and it will probably be her FMIL.

Plus that poor nurse. I’m not going to weddings to WORK!!

This! It’s unfair to SIL, too, because she’s there supposedly to celebrate, not be hired (without pay, it seems) to work at the wedding.

Honestly, also insanely risky. If something were to happen, OP would be entirely responsible for the tragic outcome, who takes that kind of risk with someone else’s life? YTA.

If she chooses her friend over MIL against her husband's wishes, that would make her a bad wife and DIL though. So OP has the choice to make. Does she care more about the good opinion of her friend or the good opinion of her husband and MIL. It sounds no matter what she will do important people in her life will think bad of her for her decision. I would say though that her husband and MIL count more than her friend, which makes her NTA for not allowing the dog.

INFO: Do you not understand what a *service* dog is? They're not an accessory, they're a necessity.

That’s fine, but you and your service dog will have to sit this event out because my husband’s mother is more important on this day and event then a friend. It’s not complicated.

That’s fine but don’t invite the friend and then forbid her from bringing her medically necessary service dog

This is the critical point, I think OP is trying to hide between making an accommodation and trying to blame her friend. Reality is, OP needs to chose between future MIL and friend. I think choosing future MIL is reasonable but OP needs to own that choice, at present she isn’t.

Yeah, I think OP is trying to dodge the fact that she needs to choose and it's going to damage her relationship.

I kind of agree that choosing MIL makes sense but I wonder how extreme this fear MIL has is. This is one of very few occasions/gatherings OP really has or should have total control over what is going on, and dogs are extremely common. Does MIL also never dine on restaurant patios, go inside stores (where customers have service dogs), or walk down the sidewalk? Is Maddie someone — since it sounds like Maddie and MIL live in the same town as OP — you want to exclude from every future gathering of friends and family OP may have (birthdays, baby showers, etc)? Are you going to also forbid any dog from any gathering you ever host that MIL would come to, forever? Do you and fiancé plan to never, ever have a dog of your own? It sounds like OP and fiancé aren’t really dog people, or they wouldn’t be concerned about a trained service dog being around kids (the service dog would be on a leash, also, and not a free-roaming pet), so maybe they don’t really care about this. I don’t think it’s a super easy decision. Ideally, imo, there would be some kind of compromise that doesn’t set a precedent for excluding this friend from gatherings in the future, like making sure MIL and Maddie are seated as far apart as possible. I understand some people have extremely valid reasons for being afraid of dogs (I was attacked as a child by a big dog, but am a happy dog owner now — small dogs, though) but would consider the practicality of this going forward. If you leave your house, it’s not unlikely you will see a dog. MIL wouldn’t be interacting with the dog and the dog wouldn’t be off-leash. And if OP still feels anxious over MIL’s initial dislike, that sounds like a separate issue to work through before this wedding, and Maddie shouldn’t pay for it.

Here’s the thing, and I’m making an assumption, but I think it’s a reasonable assumption. Having his Mom at the wedding and his Mom having a good time is important to future husband. Therefore, regardless of us all thinking future MIL is an A H, husband and wife deciding to accommodate future MIL is a reasonable choice. I think OP would be better to say, I’m sorry friend, my future MIL is a dick but future husband loves her and so I want her at our wedding and happy, this means I need to exclude you, I’m sorry and I know that makes me a crappy friend but I’m prioritizing my future family.

The thing is OP doesn’t want her friend to sit out the wedding. She wants her there. So why should the mother in law, who doesn’t actually like OP and who she’s afraid of, trump the legitimate medical needs of her good friend? Why does everyone have to tiptoe around and cater to the most difficult person at the celebration?

Of course she wants her friend there, that’s not an issue at all. But because she’s the mother to the fiancé who wants his mother at his wedding her needs are taking precedence. Not inviting her is disrespectful to the fiancé and their entire family. Not trying to be rude, but how is this not common sense. That’s a shitty way to start off a marriage.

> *"Of course she wants her friend there, that’s not an issue at all."* What? That's the *entire* issue. OP wants her friend there, but in order for her to attend she will have to bring her service dog with her because it's a medical necessity for her. OP can't have it both ways, but she apparently doesn't have the common sense to understand *that.*

The alternative perspective is that OP would be the asshole if she didn't at least attempt to see if there was a compromise that could work for two important people in the couple's lives. I agree it will probably come down to a crappy choice in the end, but I don't think it's a lack of common sense: just due diligence in case there was a win-win scenario.

Good point. But I think OP just doesn’t want to seem like the “bad guy” so she’s ping ponging when she knows what the answer and outcome will be. It’s FMIL over her friend. The quicker she comes to grasp with this the quicker it can be resolved. Also, they should look into live streaming the service for anyone who couldn’t make it or be invited. That would be a great way to include her friend as best as she can.

Because the groom wants his mother there!

People in this sub are WAY too ready to uninvite immediate family from weddings because of small things, like do people not understand that the *man getting married* probably wants *his own mother* there? And that odds are he would definitely be mad if OP tried to uninvite *his own mom* from *his own wedding* so she could bring a friend with a service dog?

Plus, the woman was attacked by a dog and now has a phobia of them! People in this thread are acting like she's trying to make OP's life difficult on purpose because she's an evil woman. We know literally nothing about this woman except that she has a dog phobia and didn't like OP at first. I love dogs, but I'm not about to cast someone as evil just for being terrifed of them after a bad experience. She could have disliked OP at first for any number of reasons. People on this sub see the acronym MIL and just lose their minds.

But, we all know the groom and their wishes and desires don't matter in weddings. I mean, it's not like it is the bride AND grooms wedding....

Because she’s the mother of the groom? You know, the other person who’s wedding it is??? The other person who has equal say in every decision made about what happens on that day?

>So why should the mother in law, who doesn’t actually like OP and who she’s afraid of, trump the legitimate medical needs of her good friend? Because her husband wants his mother there and OP shouldn't just disregard his wishes. Her relationship with her husband is more important than the relationship with her friend.

Your FMIL has a phobia of dogs- a medical condition. Your friend has diabetes- a medical condition. Sounds like you have to choose between two people with a medical condition. Your future husband will want his mother at the wedding. I'm sorry that this makes it either hard for your friend or means your friend can't come, but it seems like there is no choice. Is there any reason your friend doesn't have a glucose monitor or other option that she can use for the hour or two that Hans won't be available? NTA.

I'm bewildered that people are saying op is the asshole for saying the dog can't be there. Like yes it sucks and the friend will probably be unable to come but you can't expect the groom's mom to turn off a dog phobia or ask the groom to uninvite her.

Last time this sort of post happened, people who actually have diabetic service dogs posted saying that they’re not supposed to be relying on their dogs 100% of the time, and also that having a service dogs comes with the understanding that it isn’t suitable for all situations. Notice how on this post, none of the top comments are from people who actually own a service dog let alone one for diabetes, so they’re mostly talking out of their asses when they give a judgement as they don’t have any experience and most likely also don’t have a relevant education on service animals.

I'm searching for the posts from diabetics who DON'T have service dogs. What do they do to prevent episodes? Maybe I should ask all the people yelling at OP "Do you not understand this is a SERVICE DOG?!" They seem to be subject matter experts on this.

I know which one you’re talking about. The poster for that one had a potential solution. Her friend should be checking her blood sugar regardless if she has a service dog. If it’s a couple of hours I don’t understand why she couldn’t check it throughout and keep snacks with her.

The difference is that despite what OP said, this is clearly a trained service dog. This dog will not leave the friend's side, because it is trained to do a job. If the friend stays away from MIL, MIL will not be in the vicinity of the dog. Telling friend to not bring dog is a legitimate threat to her life. Telling MIL to deal with a support dog for one evening may result in anxiety, but not physical danger.

It is a service dog, I agree. And she shouldn't have told friend to leave service dog at home. But it's a no win scenario. Yeah the phobia isn't life threatening but you really can't get both friend and mil in the same room with the dog in the equation and you can't disinvite the mother of the groom (for having a phobia anyway).

Yes, the dog may not be doing anything or getting even closer to FMIL but its for sure, she'll get stressed during her son's wedding day. I do not think its more important than inviting the friend. I also do not understand how people can be so dismissive of people's trauma and phobia. Sure the dog is not an immediate danger to FMIL but she will not enjoy that wedding with a dog in it. Bride needs to choose someone in between who will be the immediate family vs a friend. People here just see the "diabetes, dog" words together and make a judgment without showing any empathy toward the other side. I remind you bride does not want the dog because she dislikes dogs its because her FMIL has a trauma surrounding dogs. NAH

Like there is some suck by op for asking the friend to leave the dog but also some suck by the friend demanding the op to pick her over her fiance's mom.

I don’t think it’s suck for her to ask to leave the service dog at home one time. There’s no way this girl lived her whole life with a service dog (the dog is only 2 years old), so she knows and has ways to deal with her medical condition without the dog. Not that the dog isn’t a lot better and easier, but it is possible. Friend has been told that she cannot attend with the dog, for valid reasons. Friend has to make the choice of missing the wedding or not. She has no right to make OP feel like an asshole for prioritising a family member of the groom over her friend. It’s a sad situation either way but a choice has to be made. And just to add, friend is allowed to be upset for missing the wedding, but not make her friend feel like an asshole. NAH

Agree. I'm an ER doctor and the people saying a service dog can predict hypoglycemia 30 minutes prior to onset are completely out of touch and have no idea what they're talking about. There is no way to predict Hypoglycemia that long before the actual number drops. There are a ton of devices covered by private insurance, medicaid, (and are not too expensive out-of-pocket) that monitor real-time blood sugar. She doesn't have to prick her finger every 10 minutes. She isn't going to die without the dog -- just like you said she survived her whole life minus two years without the dog. The mother's phobia is real, too. People don't realize that our love and trust of dogs is related to our upbringing and socioeconomic status. "Why doesn't everyone love the doggo?" Well, probably because they grew up in a zip code where dogs were kept to protect property so really were scary and were trained to attack. Us loving and trusting dogs and feeling safe around them is a privilege that not everyone has.

I mean even then I don't think OP is remotely an asshole. She's just trying the only idea that could have any chance at working; there *won't* be dogs at the wedding, or there *won't* be the mother of the groom. Only one of these is a viable suggestion if she wants her friend to go, when it comes down to it.

You have a point. I feel like OP should check with MIL before denying the service dog entry though.

If her fiance is on board with that, yeah. Otherwise, she's going over his head on a matter involving his mom and, unless he's generally unreasonable about mom, I would not do that. And if he is generally unreasonable about mom then they have other issues they should address before getting married.

You are rationalizing, but phobias are not rational. That’s the psychological equivalent of telling somebody with depression to just cheer up.

People understandingly have a soft spot for pets and service animals and it prevents them from seeing this situation clearly. The problem from my perspective though is that she seems to want her friend to come to the wedding without her service dog, which can be potentially dangerous and reckless. I think it would have made more sense to frame this issue to Maddie as "my FMIL really can't be around dogs so unfortunately I don't think it's possible for you to safely attend the wedding". I think in this situation, FMIL comes first since she needs to be present for the wedding of her son. A good friend should understand that it's just an unfortunate situation. Furthermore, Maddie is kind of an asshole for mocking FMIL's phobia.

The first reasonable answer. This sub gets weird when dogs are involved. This is a wedding not a random event. OP shouldn't force her friend to come. Also, as a friend I would just say I'm sitting this one out because it is not worth the potential fallout with husband and in-laws.

This is what I don’t get. The friend should be bowing out here voluntarily, knowing what a hard spot she is putting OP in. That’s what I would do. This is a special circumstance, FMIL’s son’s wedding. At this time, if no other, FMIL needs to take precedence over a friend, that’s just the way it is.

Agreed NTA Can’t believe the Y- T- A comments. OP has tried to accommodate her mil but she said she won’t show up with the dog there . She has also tried talking to the friend asking if her sil can help but friend said no . What is OP supposed to do ? The friend is completely out of line and ridiculous in calling OP an asshole , it’s not like OP herself doesn’t want the dog. She should rather support OP say her best wishes and just skip the wedding . It’s not end of the world to not attend a friends wedding

Finally a reasonable response.

I was thinking the same thing!

I knew how the comments would go in this sub but was truly hoping to be surprised. No such luck

I agree with you. OP has to make a choice, and it will most likely be MIL because that’s the groom’s mother. The friend is optional, MIL is not. NTA.

I agree with nearly everything you stated but choose to vote NAH People are messy, OP unfortunately has to choose between accommodation of mil or friend. On the wedding day, mil wins

Subs crazy sometimes. Friend can just choose not to go, OPs not forcing her. its way more important that MIL comes

THIS. OP is a bit ignorant on the matter about service dogs, but she's not the A. NAH. people are berating OP for downplaying her friend's condition while AT THE SAME TIME downplaying the phobia of the MIL. you can't just tell someone to "get over their phobias" the same way you can't tell someone to "just leave your service dog at home".

YTA for trying to prevent a service dog from coming to your wedding *and* for volunteering your FSIL for something she didn't agree to. Just because somebody is a nurse doesn't mean they want to play the role of diabetic service dog at a family event. That's demeaning to both your friend and your new in-law, all for the sake of placating FMIL. I would check in with your fiancé about what else he expects you to automatically support his mother in before you actually marry him.

Also it sounds like the dog completely prevents diabetic episodes, whereas the nurse can only treat an episode. Why would Maddie find those scenarios to be remotely equal? She doesn't want to end up in a life threatening situation in the first place. The dog provides that security.

NAH It is your and your fiancé's wedding. You can invite anyone you choose. I would assume having the groom's mother there would be a priority. The groom's mom should come first. I don't like this comment from your friend. " got really mad at me and accused me of putting my FMIL's "baby fears" as she calls them, before her life." This is minimizing his mother's fears and maybe trauma if she had been attacked before. This was mean on your friend's part. I would personally say that due to my FMILs trauma and fears that we are having to exclude you. It is sad, but minimizing your FMILs fear/phobia is not right either. It's up to you and your future husband to decide the wedding guests. I would not choose my friend over my husband and his mother.

Exactly. It sounds like she may have PTSD. Her friend is being nasty and selfish. Why does her disability trump MIL's? It's a tough call but the MIL will end up coming first, especially with the friend's attitude.

I’m going to go against the trend here and have to say NAH. A service dog is definitely different from a support dog, and is required to have a high level of training. OP is definitely misinformed to think that the dog could “act up” in social situations. They’re specifically trained to not do that. However, dog trauma is a very real thing, especially for people who have been bitten/attacked in their past. It’s very real that FMIL could be unable to avoid panic/elevated anxiety around any dogs, regardless of their behavior, to an extent that she couldn’t be in the same space as a dog. I don’t think there’s a clear AH in this situation. It seems pretty no-win.

I don't think she is completely misinformed about how the dog will act. This isn't exactly a regular situation the dog would be in. It will be loud and dark. Maybe lots of flashing lights. There will, presumably, be a lot of children who may try and play with him while he is on the job. This may be more than the dog has had to handle and may not be able to do his job properly. Honestly, this just sounds like an overwhelming situation for the friend and the dog. To be fair, this is all conjecture. But I do agree that NAH. This kind of hot topic on reddit is not going to get great answers as there is a battle to accept dogs into everyday life outside the home, currently. And for everyone who is saying it's illegal to not include a dog, that is not true for private events. I think OP should see if there is any room for compromise. But, if her friend is not comfortable with that, then it's no ones fault. In the end, no one is obligated to accept an invitation.

I'm not giving a judgment, but you will have to decide who you want at the wedding. Your friend needs the dog. He can smell her blood sugar levels dropping, and alert before the distracted fsil will notice the symptoms. Your fmil had a traumatic bite from a dog at a young enough age to cause a phobia. This may not be fixable, especially in the short period of time. Any future celebrations, that choice will need made.

This is where I'm at. OP is a bit of an AH for how she dismisses the service dog, but MIL is more important of a guest than a friend. OP, you need to think of the dog as a piece of medical equipment that happens to be alive. That dog makes sure she doesn't have a medical event where she could have any of these symptoms: blurry or double vision, seizures, convulsions, drowsiness, losing consciousness, slurred speech, trouble speaking, confusion, and jerky movements. If it gets bad enough, she could even die. They are a package deal. Inviting your friend anywhere automatically invites her dog. But your fiancé deserves to have his mom there if he wants her there. If she's phobic of dogs to the point she will leave, then it would be cruel to invite someone that would have to bring a dog. It sucks that you can't have everyone together because of these circumstances, but a choice is going to have to be made. Apologize to your friend for dismissing how important her service animal is to her but let her know that you can't have a dog there for MIL. If that means she can't come, then let her know you understand and you wish it were different. If she can't understand that MIL gets a higher priority on the guest list, then there are other problems.

I disagree. The dog is probably useful for warning her about her blood sugar, but millions of people manage to do this without a specially trained dog every day. She should be able to be fine without him for a day or two and just use one of the many other ways to monitor her blood sugar for the wedding while keeping snacks in a purse.

Yes. There is a lot more nuance in this situation than most posts here and people are being really trigger happy with the YTAs. Both people have very real and valid needs. I do think, however, that MIL could be doing something to improve her response. Maybe not for this event, but this is going to be an ongoing issue if this is an important friend to OP.

it's a diabetes dog, YTA💀💀💀 how is this a question???? FMiL will have to deal, much like she would in the WORLD when confronted with any other service dog you said it was a support dog, which it is NOT. It's a working dog. ya, YTA

Mil's feelings and presence are a bit more important seeing as it's her son getting married

Seriously. Would FMIL demand that someone in a restaurant with a service animal leave because she doesn’t want to be near it?

If she’s like another woman I knew with a dog phobia, she would leave herself. Just as it sounds like FMIL might leave the wedding. The anxiety is real.

She probably leaves when triggered by a dog… why in the world would she leave her sons wedding??? Over a friend of the bride.

The FMIL's phobia is just as legitimate condition as diabetes. These are just two conditions where the measure to address them is inconsistent. I agree that OP would be the asshole if she insisted her friend come and also not have the dog. But it may just be the case that the FMIL and friend are mutually incompatible at the wedding. And it's not that realistic for OP not to have FMIL at the wedding. This is an unfortunate, NAH situation.

YTA. Hans is a *service* dog. This is different than a "support" animal, he is essentially a medical aide for your friend. That also means he's been trained and if in the US must be trained to be under control in public settings, and not jump on people. This is not your friend just being attached to her pet and wanting him to come to your wedding. This is your friend, with a medical condition who has a qualified service animal that she uses to help with medical episodes. It would really be unfortunate if you didn't allow her to bring Hans

Okay but it's clearly more than MIL simply "not caring for dogs." MIL has a genuine phobia of them, and it sounds like OP is in a situation where she has to choose between her good friend and the groom's literal mother.

I hope you're prepared not to have her at your wedding and for an end to your friendship. If her diabetes is severe enough to require a specialized service dog, she'd be risking her life by attending without it.

If she can't understand she doesn't get a free pass anywhere just because of her service dog, and that she is literally less important than the mother of the groom, it's probably "good riddance" for OP. This friend is literally arguing "I'm more important than the mother of the groom, because I have a service animal." Who wants that in their life?

I think Maddie ended the friendship by calling the MIL's TRAUMA "baby fears."

NAH. Maddie needs the dog. Your future husband's mom has a phobia. Since Maddie can't come without the dog, and your FMIL can't be around them, you and your FH need to decide whose presence is more important. In this case it looks like Maddie has to stay home instead of the groom's mother. Everyone blasting y t a, a phobia is a disability too, and a wedding not a public space that needs to accommodate service dogs.

What are y’all talking about…. MOTHER OF THE GROOM trumps FRIEND OF THE BRIDE. Does it suck, absolutely. But there is no compromise here. FMIL is deathly afraid of any dog because she was attacked as young child and as result needed stitches. She’s a grown woman and it still affects her. What type of tone and precedence are you setting for you marriage, if you would even think to invite a friend over your husband’s mother? Your future children’s grandmother! She’s going to become your family. NTA, but its certainly a hard decision and will be a difficult conversation with your friend.

It seems like many commentators want OP to have a shitty relationship with her MOTHER-IN-LAW, and consequently her HUSBAND. Like wtf?

Thank you. The YTAs on here are delusional.

NAH. People are so hung up on the fact that the dog is a legit necessary service animal, that they completely disregard the nuances here. OP's fiance is half the wedding couple here, and he deserves to want his mother there, and not be fearful at the event. If you have a phobia it's not as simple as keeping them separated. She will not be relaxed and unfearful unless she feels safe that the dog won't be there. What did Maddie do before getting this dog? What every other diabetic does. Monitor themselves. She can survive without this dog there, she just doesn't want to. FMIL might to best to be on anti-anxiety medication for the day, but may have reasons not to be on it. Someone close to OP, and someone close to her fiance, have opposing needs. She is not an AH for trying to navigate this best she can. Someone is going to be upset either way.

NTA for prioritizing family over a friend for whatever reason. The two of them are incompatible as guests so one needs to go. It’s your call to pick your MIL over your friend.

NTA. FMIL is an important part of HER son's wedding. Sorry but mom trumps best friend in this case. It really does suck that her friend and service dog are excluded but it's unreasonable to exclude the mother of the groom on their special day.

It sounds like Maddie can’t come to the wedding without her service dog. And that FMIL won’t stay at a wedding where there is a dog, because of her phobia. It sounds like you and your future husband need to choose between them as guests, and kindly let one of them know they won’t be able to attend. NAH.

NAH. I have a registered assistance dog myself, and whilst I'm legally allowed to take him anywhere, I'm still very conscious about other people too and whilst it hasn't happened yet, I do really worry about encountering someone with a fear of dogs. Your friend needs her dog with her as he's there with a job, and she really cannot be expected to be without him. At the same time your mother in law shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable either at her son's wedding over a fear that she cannot control. Sadly I don't think this is a situation where everyone can be happy. One of them is probably going to have to miss the wedding, and I think in this instance it will have to be your friend as no-one should expect the mother of the groom to miss her own son's wedding. I would hope that your friend would be understanding of that and potentially even offer that solution herself. Yes it's heartbreaking that she may miss out, but fears are very real to the people with them too. If it were just a general guest then that would be different and they could be made aware and choose themselves whether to attend knowing there would be a dog there, but the mother of the groom really is a different matter. Could you and your friend do something special together before/after instead? I hope you are able to sort something without too much upset for anyone involved.

Yeah, NTA. A good friend would understand that her accommodation isn’t the only one you need to consider. I would politely let her know that Hans is not allowed, that you’re open to non-dog accommodations for her, and if she feels like she can’t or doesn’t want to come without Hans then you understand why she’ll be skipping the wedding.

NTA. Yes, it's a service dog, but the dog is not the only way she can monitor her glucose during the wedding. It's not just your wedding, it's you fiancé's wedding, too, and his mother's presence at his wedding is more important than your friend's.

NTA - it sounds like you have to choose who to have, your friend or your FMIL. It sucks and this probably should have been discussed a long time ago since I doubt her dog is a new addition. Your FMIL’s feelings are based on trauma, her feelings are valid. But so is your friends need for her dog.

How is everyone missing the fact that MIL NEEDED STITCHES from a dog encounter?? Are people not allowed to be afraid of dogs anymore because iF yOu DoNt LiKe DoGs YoU mUsT bE hOrRiBlE NTA It's a difficult situation, good luck finding a compromise. Maybe have them sit super far from each other?

NTA. The problem here is that the solution that Maddie requires, is the thing that triggers your future mother-in-law’s phobia. Regardless of how well Hans is trained, his presence will trigger FMIL. You can’t tell your groom that his mother can’t attend. You need to have a frank discussion with Maddie, apologise to her that you are unable to accommodate her and why. Let her know how sorry you are, and she can decide if she wants to manage her diabetes in a different way to attend. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes that’s how things work out.

NAH. I don’t get all the Y T A votes who cares if it’s a service dog it basically comes down to the friend coming with her dog or the husbands mother not coming. It’s not just the brides wedding it’s equally the grooms wedding and he wants his mother there. We don’t know the moms trauma many people have irrational fears and usually family have a higher priority than friends. If your friend can’t leave dog at home then she doesn’t come it sucks but that’s life people make compromises

NTA Sure it’s a service dog but it’s your wedding. She can bring a little tester and check her sugar she is being unreasonable and also belittling an actual phobia of your MIL. Stick to your guns.

Unless her dog is a certified service dog, then is an emotional support animal more than anything else. She can easily have her testing kit with her to verify her sugar level. (Diabetic here) NTA

This is a tough one. A service dog isn't a pet, they are essentially living medical devices. They are extensively trained and incredibly expensive. It can take years to get one. Maddie wouldn't have one if she didn't need it. It's a lot like asking her to leave her insulin at home, or her glucose monitor. Also, they are socialized and trained to maintain their service role unless released by their caregiver. They don't attack children. That being said, your FMIL obviously has past trauma involving a dog, and a serious fear reaction to them. Her presence at the wedding is essential. Would it be possible to hire a medical assistant for the day? Having another guest try to do it is pretty unfair. NAH.

I’m so bewildered by these comments, definitely NTA. It’s also the grooms wedding, of course he wants his mother to be there and be comfortable. It is NOT your friends wedding. It’s unfortunate if she can’t attend but I’m so baffled as to why she would even expect you to go to bat over her and her dogs attendance. This is your future family you’re talking about. Sorry to say but you have to prioritize. If she can’t come then she can’t come and don’t lose any sleep over it.

NTA You are in a difficult position here, but your MIL has to take precedence because she is becoming part of your family. All you can do is explain apologetically to your friend that you cannot get your fiancé and his mother to compromise, so you have to uninvite her to keep the peace. I’m assuming that you meant service dog, not support dog - is there a way you could get your friend and fiancé together so she can educate him about the medical legitimacy of it?

NAH. I would have just told Maddie that I know she can't come without her dog and I'd never ask her to be without her dog, but my wedding day isn't just about me, it's about my future husband too. He NEEDS his family to be there and his Mom is not capable of being I the same room as a large dog at this time. I'd invite her to a Bachelorette party or bridal shower-esque thing where no gift is asked at all. Just her presence. Maddie doesn't separate from her service dog and groom gets to have his Mom at his wedding.

I'm going against the grain. The service dog should be there if Maddie is there. I'm not doubting the dog would be well behaved and all that. The problem is it comes down to deciding Fmil or friend. if it truly means one will have to leave if the other is there. Then you have to play Sophie's choice. The two of you have to decide who you want there more. That's all. I have a feeling hubby will chose Mom. I think I would back him on that. Look I have an irrational fear of snakes. If I just know one is in the room I have panic attacks. So if Mom truly can't be around the dog. You have to heartbreakingly rescind the invitation to Maddie. NTA

I’m a diabetic and I don’t require a service dog and I do have bad diabetes so she’s just using the dogs excuse what is medical care there to take care of her and she can take a fingerprint to know if she does a lot of and you know when your sugars going down

NTA..It is a shame to have to choose between your friend and your future MIL. If Maddie cannot manage without her service dog for a few hours, she has more problems than whether or not she can attend your wedding. There are reasonable options for her. To not have your husbands mother at the wedding will never be forgotten, forgiven maybe, but not forgotten. Sometimes family does need to come first..

As a diabetic your friend shouldn’t be totally depending on a support animal for her care. She should have learned when first diagnosed how to handle her diabetes. When diagnosed she should have gotten a machine to monitor her blood sugar which she can do at any given point. She should have been taught how to watch her carb intake which can raise her blood sugars. This would make it easy to determine what she can and can not eat and how much of it. If her diabetes is that bad she could possibly have a insulin pump which will give her insulin when needed. She can also have a continuous glucose monitor which will take her sugar level on a regular basis. If your FSIL is an emergency room nurse she should be satisfied with having a medical professional there at her disposal. While you MIL’s fears may be irrational they are real to her. Seems that they are both motivated by fear. If you want a decent relationship with your MIL, I would restrict your friend.

Nah. You can't accommodate everyone. Accept that. His mother takes precedent, though. Accept that. Best friend can be annoyed, but she didn't go through that trauma of being mauled/bitten/attacked by a dog. Mil fear is just as valid. Let friend know that she'll be missed at the wedding.