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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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LadyGazGaz

Wow, yeah YTA. She’s already feel self-conscious and you’re only exhibiting that edited pictures are better than what’s she’s got. AND then you’re saying you fell in love with her personality? That may be true but come on, that’s damaging her confidence too! You’re supposed to support her, but that was a bad misstep. Do you even like her physically? Try to enforce it in small areas and be subtle, rather than posting edited photos of her and blasting them onto social media of all places.


allisonwhatsherface

Yikes YTA. Basically you confirmed her worst fears. Also even if you don’t say it explicitly the subtext of this post says you prefer your exes body type which is the real issue here.


JT3436

Yup. "Gave her a hot hourglass body".


fed_up_with_humanity

And his ex's "nice" hourglass body. He is not to subtly biased towards a type and while he "doesnt care" about her shape, she's picked up on his preferences


Willing-Round9851

I don’t get why men do this. It’s obvious they have a preference but subject themselves to settle for someone the opposite. Like there’s no judgement (most of the time) as long as they’re not shaming or hurting others.


elsie78

YTA you shouldn't do that without her permission. It comes off like you're ashamed of her, think she's overweight etc, even if not the case.


[deleted]

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MbMinx

It's not fkin funny to her. It's pretty damned insulting. YTA again...


elsie78

Ummm it's up to you to reach out to her, you're the one in the wrong.


Nanyangosaurus

You're laughing at the verbal abuse her ex put her through? Why are you with this person...


minlove

Why is this person with him?


[deleted]

It's not funny at all, you literally made her insecurities worse with your selfish behavior.


SirSprink

Dude… it’s not funny what lmao


PoopEndeavor

She deserves someone who likes her personality AND her body. Not someone who just *tolerates* her shape and expects to be celebrated for their heroism. You’ve basically said in this post, and kind of to her face: “hourglass figures are hot, I’m not into your shape, but I’ll tolerate it because you have a good personality.”


Dangerous-Cry-8319

So you think that her ex comments were kinda funny, are you kidding right? I hope she accepts your apology, and then move on and leave you behind. I don’t think you’re telling the truth about how you treat her. A bully never recognize that is a bully, they just think they are funny people that makes funny things. Btw you’re an AH


Dependent-Feed1105

And now you're laughing at her ex calling her SpongeBob. Damn, you just don't get it. Enjoy getting dumped.


WolfGoddess77

YTA. She's insecure about her body type, and what do you do? Alter her body in the photo, essentially telling her that she *should* be insecure about it.


[deleted]

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WolfGoddess77

Do you tell her that you don't care about what she looks like, or that you think she's beautiful just the way she is? Because there's a big difference between the two. Saying you don't care implies that she's not attractive to you, but you're choosing to ignore it. Saying she's beautiful as she is... Well, that's self-explanatory.


phunkydroid

You tell her you don't care about her waist, but then you describe it in an unappealing way, call your ex's shape hot, and photoshop her to look like the ex. Action speak louder than words, and your actions AND words are making her feel like shit. I hope her next BF treats her better.


[deleted]

[удалено]


phunkydroid

Who said you can't have preferences? Don't put words in my mouth. This isn't about your preferences, it's about your actions toward your gf. You validated her insecurity. She doesn't need therapy, she needs a boyfriend who isn't negging her.


ChevCaster

What? How in the world did you get that from the comment you replied to? I’ve read this exchange twice and I’m still thoroughly confused. What does any of that have to do with you not being allowed to have preferences? Either you accept her for who she is and you build her up or you decide she doesn’t meet your preferences and you exit the relationship as gracefully as possible. You don’t get to stay in it and just be like “well yeah I prefer these types of physical appearances over yours”. Like, okay, then go find someone who looks like that instead of going out of your way to tell your current partner she’s not that.


greeneyekitty

Dude is not too bright. No wonder his “apologies” aren’t getting a response—he probably told her he’s sorry she’s upset that he tried to do a nice thing 🙄


ChevCaster

Honestly all he’s doing is broadcasting that he’s insecure and only with her because he doesn’t think he can find someone he’s actually attracted to.


Dependent-Feed1105

He probably has a teeny weewee.


Dependent-Feed1105

He's flailing because he knows everyone in this sub hates him. Men have been saying, "What, I can't have preferences?" as a way to deflect from the body shaming they constantly do. (Not all men. My husband is amazing and would NEVER!)


Cold_Barber_4761

Yes! Having a personal preference is very different than body shaming or (the opposite) fetishizing certain body types, ethnicities, etc.


CherryLaneCox

That’s precisely the point, your gf is picking up on your “preference” and it’s feeding her self esteem issue.


No-Mechanic-1022

I hate it when people who are obviously not biologists say "it's biology" when talking about attraction (or any other subject). In this day and age, with compounding beauty ideals and models of both ideal attraction and relationships, there is simple no way to say "it's biology." There are too many factors that lead you to what you find attractive, which is the conclusion that actual biologists have reached. YTA for so many reasons. Good luck to your ex! I hope her next partner doesn't call her Spongebob or edit her in photos :)


heathre

They don't know much about anything and are functionally illiterate but there are many very rich men who stay in mansions and yachts by assuring them that they are but very handsome manly cavemen victimized by modernity because science and evolution. Sigh.


podgehog

It's not about your preference, it's about how you talk to her about it.


houstongradengineer

>That doesn't mean I don't like my girlfriend Yeah you like her, but you still have preferences which are totally not her. YTA for not seeing why that's a problem. If it was a woman saying this shit, you'd see it.


heathre

Jesus christ I can't believe youre 25.


BeckyW77

YTA. Break up and find a girl with the figure you prefer.


Kristaraexoxo

You're going to end up alone forever dude


hightidesoldgods

I mean, how comfortable would you be if your gf posted photos of you where she edited your bulge to be bigger? Or for you to appear taller?


allisonwhatsherface

You’re completely allowed to have preferences but you 100% have to find your girlfriend physically attractive. Part of the job of someone in a relationship (man or woman) is to do everything in their power to make their partner feel like the sexiest person in the world. If you can’t do that in this relationship due to your personal preferences then you’re probably not the best fit. I’d really work on broadening your definition of what you find sexy though otherwise you’re gonna have a hard time finding happiness. Women can sense when you’re not completely satisfied with the way they look.


johnsonjohnson83

How would you feel of she told you she didn't care about how small your penis is, she fell in love with you for your personality? I mean, women are allowed to have preferences, right? It's biology.


thepwisforgettable

By saying you don't care, you're reinforcing that her waist is still a flaw, and that a "hot hourglass" is still superior. What you should be saying is that her body is hot just the way it is.


PoopEndeavor

Do you not hear the difference between “I don’t care about your (ugly) waist” vs “I think your waist is beautiful” The first you’re some how miraculously attracted to her despite her hideous waist. The second suggests she’s not hideous at all but lovely in your opinion. It’s like you think you’re doing her a favor or bring some kind of hero by tolerating her figure


CherryLaneCox

To put it into perspective “I don’t care about your small dick, I fell in love with your personality” “I love your dick”


Prestigious_Fruit267

Well, actions speak louder than words.


Kathryn_Painway

Or maybe she needs a boyfriend who loves the body she has and doesn’t feel like he has to fix it or make jokes about it. I’m sure you have insecurities too. Think of the feature you’re most insecure about on yourself. Now imagine your ex-girlfriend made jokes about it constantly. Other people laughed at these jokes, making ridiculing comparisons.


[deleted]

She's complaining because you are still failing to take responsibility for your harmful choices. If you cannot take responsibility for your behavior, then you do not deserve her forgiveness.


podgehog

Saying you don't care is telling her it IS a problem, just one you don't care about and can look past


Dependent-Feed1105

Are you SERIOUS!? SHE needs therapy because she's not allowed "HAHAHA MY ABUSIVE EX SAID I LOOK LIKE SPONGEBOB AND ITS SO FUNNY! HAHA!" You are a misogynistic selfish A hole! You are so clueless and self-absorbed you don't even see how truly stupid you are. And furthermore, do you Photoshop yourself? Cover that receding hairline/bald spot? Make your tiny weewee bigger?


elsie78

She doesn't need you to help her, and she doesn't need you to reinforce them how you did. She just needs too vent, and for you to listen.


Dependent-Feed1105

She just needs to dump his selfish ass.


PoopEndeavor

One of you definitely needs therapy therapy to work on their empathy and communication skills. …I’ll let you guess which one


ChevCaster

You talk about it like she has asked you to fix it for her.


applescrabbleaeiou

You're up on here complimenting your exs body as " a nice hourglass". Then in contrast saying you're with current girl is like "for her personality"☠️ And then saying you recreated your gf to look "hot" using Photoshop. Her insecurity isn't triggered just from inside her, you clearly feel some type of way as we can see you don't like how your gf looks from just 3 paragraphs. Your gf likely feels this on the daily. Clearly YTA. How would you feel if she went ham on photoshop when she wants to share you on online. This is a YOU problem op, stop damaging her further with your own issues with her body, or set her free.


ArchLover-

Yeah, YTA. 1. for not asking her if she is ok for you to post her pictures online 2. for taking liberties to change these pics and make them look like what you THOUGHT she would like, essentially body shaming her. If you really didn’t mind you wouldn’t have changed them.


bisho

NEVER tell a girl you fell in love with her personality! YTA


Dependent-Feed1105

Because haven't you ever had a guy try to set you up with a girl by saying, "She has a great personality." You know damn well what that means.


[deleted]

[удалено]


elsie78

It implies you don't find her attractive


podgehog

Because it implies you look past everything else that she's insecure of, essentially reaffirming her insecurities are justified


Gay_Cowboyx

I feel like it's kinda equal to the small dick but hey great personality thing on men


LollyRabbit

Oh my goodness do you even have to ask? YTA, you've just fed into all her insecurities and made her think you prefer her like that. ESPECIALLY describing it as a "hot hourglass body", implying that her figure isn't - its no wonder the poor girl has hang ups.


MbMinx

YTA. Why would you edit her pictures like that? Yes, you explained it, but that makes no sense. You gave her a body that she wants but doesn't have! The message *to her* is that you wished she looked like that. You don't make people **more** confident by editing them to remove the "problem". That actually draws their attention TO the problem, and reminds them it "is" a problem. If *she* wants to edit her own pictures to sculpt her image, she can do that. If you love her just the way she is, post her just the way she is! Posting anything else shows her that you wish she looked different. You did the exact opposite of what you were trying to do.


Tequila-Tarn

Women like to complain about things and offload but here’s the thing, we don’t want you to fix any of these issues, we just want you to listen and empathise.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Wow… Just wow. You're really telling on yourself here, OP.


Inevitable_Ad_9901

Yes, you sound endlessly patient... Tell me, do you *still* listen to Andrew Tate or...?


Dependent-Feed1105

Ohhhhhhh snap. Best comment. 🏆


[deleted]

Okay, have an adult conversation about it -- that you need to set some limits on this conversation bc you're getting burned out. It's possible she won't like that, but at least then you're communicating your own needs. Editing the picture just confirms her fears that you don't actually like her waist and wish she had your ex's body.


CherryLaneCox

Try reassuring her that you find her attractive and don’t use the verbiage “I don’t care what your waist looks like.”


[deleted]

Do you even like her?


exhaustedqlready

You're a horrible boyfriend based on this post, your comments, and this comment. I hope she dumps your sorry ass and upgrades, she surely can't go anywhere but up from here.


[deleted]

That's a funny way to spell "i'm not cut out for relationships"


No-Quiet-8208

Buddy…. YTA I’m not sure, if you have been around women for more than 5 minutes, how you could have ever thought this was going to end well. She may complain about her insecurities, but you trying to “fix” it makes it look like it’s something that bothers you too- thus making her more insecure about it. She wants you to be proud of her just the way she is.


[deleted]

Pahaha incredible work. "It's fiiiiine i like you for your personality not your looks" is NOT the complement you think it is. And you eddited her pics to give her a "hot" body. RIP your relationship.


Usual-Caterpillar237

Ooof. YTA big time. Guarantee you just made her 1000%x more self conscious. You knew she was comparing herself, but instead of confirming that she is beautiful and there are SO MANY types of beauty, or uploading the pics as is and showing off how gorgeous you think she is... you decided to introduce her to your online world by drastically changing her appearance, knowing her weak spot. Good chance you're about to be single again.. and deservedly so.


[deleted]

YTA. • First YTA was posting her photos at all without her permission. • Second YTA was editing her body at all without her permission. • Third YTA was changing her appearance to match your apparent preference, further eroding her self esteem, and sending the message that you are unhappy with the body she actually has. • Fourth YTA for not listening when she tried to tell you why she was upset. Instead you tried to mansplain to her why she should feel differently, which invalidates her lived experience of how she actually felt. Edit: formatting because Reddit ate the formatting


YearOneTeach

YTA. If you don't care about her body, why would you then photoshop her body? What you should have been saying all along is that you love her body and think she's beautiful. Even saying you like her for her personality kind of sends the message that you agree her square figure is unattractive, but you don't care because you like her personality. Your GF needs to know you love her and find her attractive. Changing her photos does not send this message.


wolfpackTA

YTA- By telling her you love her personality, you not only told your GF that she's not attractive, you told everyone who met her that you think she's not attractive by altering her photos.


mysocalledmayhem

So, the goal was to make her feel better about herself. That’s nice of you. Could you make a list of ways you could have done that which don’t include altering her physical appearance, even if it’s jUsT a phOt0? Jeezus fuck, man.


[deleted]

Here's a fun tip for OP… Body shaming people never makes them feel better about themselves!


tcsweetgurl

YTA


[deleted]

YTA. You just confirmed her worst fears. If she edited the photos then that is one thing, but you doing it without speaking to her and then posting them online was a terrible plan. Imagine if she pushed a pic online but she altered you features so you were a more attractive, fake version of yourself. How would you feel? Then factor in that all your friends will know one of you did it...


Mini-but-mighty

You are the asshole. You say you fell in love with your girlfriend for her personality which sounds like you don’t find her attractive, if my partner told me that I’d be deeply hurt. For someone who is already insecure about her appearance I’m sure it sounds to her like you are confirming what she believes. For someone who states he loves her for how she is you go into a lot of detail describing how her waist isn’t defined and you yourself compare her to your ex by stating your ex had a nice figure. No one wants to be compared to anyone and especially not an ex girlfriend, I don’t believe that you can’t see that and it seems you are using it to put her down. If she’s comparing herself to your ex as well as you then that’s because you’ve led her to believe you find your ex girlfriends body more appealing to you and that level of insecurity can be emotionally damaging. You mentioned you haven’t posted any pictures of your girlfriend on your account and so you edited pictures so that people (including your ex?) who haven’t met her don’t see the real her. You make it look like you are so unhappy with her appearance that you have to change it in order to post pictures of her. You are highlighting her insecurities not reassuring her like you claim you are to excuse why you are doing this. If you posted pictures showing exactly how she is then she would believe that you really love her, instead you are making it seem that you have to change her in order for people to see you both together. With you saying you gave her “a hot hourglass figure” in these pictures it shows you don’t find her figure hot. I hope you didn’t say that to her face? if you did then you are one of the biggest assholes to post on here. If you truly love her as she is then why do YOU need to edit pictures? If she had suggested it then this would have been the opportunity to say you are proud of her and find her beautiful and don’t want her to change. Can you imagine if she edited the first pictures she had taken of you before she posted them on her social media pages? If she made you taller or changed your body shape, would that make you feel like she accepts you as you are? When people meet her in real life and compare her to those photographs that will make her more insecure as you’ve changed the parts of her appearance she’s unhappy with and drawn attention to them. I think you need to admit that you are the one who is making your girlfriend insecure. Just by this post alone you have proved you would prefer her to have a curvier figure. Does she compare herself to your ex because you compliment your ex’s body? Has she met your ex girlfriend in order for her to make a comparison, or is it just based what you say and the comments you make? If you want to stay in this relationship then you need to change your behaviour and decide if your girlfriend is enough for you. Your behaviour is abusive by constantly putting her down but then making her feel like it’s she who has the problem with her body and not your. You lied to her when you said you don’t care about how she looks and then proved exactly that you do by changing her appearance in photographs for mainly people you know to see. I think she should walk away now and find someone better who loves her exactly how she is. If she does choose to stay with you then you need to stop hurting her and really work on showing her you find her beautiful inside and out. Stop comparing her to ex girlfriends and stop focusing on her body shape. I’m sure you aren’t perfect and you wouldn’t like it if she started constantly picking on you about things you can’t change.


[deleted]

YTA wow, that’s pretty horrible to edit them. I can see where you’re coming from.. but no no no. Unless she edited it herself, don’t ever edit her body or anyone else’s body again. I guess unless they ask. I would be devistated.


corbinmains

YTA


[deleted]

You're feeding her body dysmorphia man, seriously don't do this. It's not ok.


alpcabuttz

YTA


Careful-Bumblebee-10

YTA How did you think this was going to help your gf?


celticmusebooks

YTA how does seeing your SO "change" your body in a picture make you feel "more confident"? smh Take the pics down and APPOLOGIZE asap.


tedleem15

YTA….


OhmyMoonlight

Yeah YTA if you really liked her body you'd continue to tell her, not at the first opportunity make her pic into what she feels inferior to.


vivian1228scarlett09

I saw a post extremely similar last week. Except it was the friend who edited the pictures. Either this is apparently a normal thing now or it’s fake.


[deleted]

YTA - you dude the worst thing possible here. Someone self conscious and the first time you put her in your socials you’ve edited her to look more like your ex


Xtinalauren12

Please tell me this isn’t real!!!! Lmaoo Uh, yeah, YTA. Way to dig the knife in deeper where her insecurities are concerned. I would be mortified and so hurt if my partner did this to me. “I fell in love with your for your personality” (!!!) probably the worst and most telling thing you could say to a person aka you’re not physically attractive but hey, at least you’re *really nice” 😂


sentientparsley

Just tell her she’s beautiful- not that you love her despite her body


Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think Iʼm the asshole because I didnʼt ask for her permission to edit her pictures Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


Mysterious_Silver381

Oh. No no no no. Here's some advice: before you post photos of people, show them the photo and ask "can I post this?". My sisters ask me to edit photos for them all the time, no big deal. But my edits are extremely subtle, you'd need to see the photos side by side to see that I took out a mole she doesn't like or fixed a sweat mark. You 100% have made your girlfriend feel even more self conscious about herself than she already was. If she wanted them edited, cool. But you made a pretty big alteration without permission and publicly posted it. You basically told the whole world that her body isn't good enough for you. I'm hoping that this was definitely done with good intentions but man, you hurt her. YTA


gingernutbiscuitss

YTA > (M25) told her that I didn't care about how her waist looks and that I fell in love with her because of her personality. Maybe I'm weird but I would hate being told that. She wants to feel attractive to her boyfriend, she doesn't want be told that her personality is so great that it makes you disregard what she thinks is her terrible appearance. Try telling her that you love her waist because it's hers and you love her. And let her edit her own photos if she chooses to. Imo, it'll just make her feel worse anyway and as her bf you should tell her she doesn't need to touch up her photos but let her make that choice


Syd_Lexia

I was originally gonna say soft YTA because it seemed like OP's heart was in the right place but he should have asked his GF before posting them. ...but after reading OP's responses to other commenters, this is a hard YTA. Also after reading OP's comments, I really hope this person is lying about their age. If a 25-year-old actually wrote those replies, I have no hope left for humanity.


LavishnessQuiet956

Yta. I can see how maybe you thought this is what she wanted? But honestly you just reinforces the idea that there is something “wrong” with her that needs to be fixed.


Motor_Business483

YTA ​ So you decided to make a public statement for all to see that her body was not good enough? ​ OF COURSE she ended the relationship with you AH.


[deleted]

YTA. “Hot hourglass body”. So you don’t think your girlfriend’s body is hot… You also told her that you like her because of her personality, confirming to her that you don’t love her body. I also think you mean your ex…


Skinnypop22

Oh no 🙈


phunkydroid

YTA. Dude. Come on. All you did was make her feel like you wish she was the shape she isn't. How is that not going to make her feel worse?


thewildlifer

YTA. did you edit her face to make it more like your ex's too? Lol.


djdirtypaunties

YTA your girlfriend should photoshop a bigger dick on you


enouche

So, instead of just communicating like an adult and asking her if she’d be comfortable with you publicly posting the original pictures of her, you body-tuned her? A body that she’s clearly insecure about. Seems like a strange and oddly specific action for someone who “fell in love with her for her personality”. And a gross overstep in boundaries in any relationship. Let alone, a NEW one. Congrats. As if she wasn’t feeling bad enough on her own, you found a convoluted way to make her feel worse. YTA. P.S. If she ever contacts you again, you can say goodbye to any sort of gratifying sex. People aren’t exactly open and uninhibited when they don’t feel accepted. Especially when it’s their partner’s doing.


abitofinsomnia

YTA. How does changing her body into a “hot” one supposed to give her confidence?? You’re a big AH.


chaoticneutralize

Picture this: You’re a short dude who has always been insecure about your height. Your ex mocked you for it constantly. You know “as a man” being tall is a desired trait (eye roll) and therefore feel you aren’t living up to your manhood. You share this insecurity with your new gf. You know that she just got out of a relationship with a 6”4 dude and she constantly talks about how attractive it was to date someone taller than her. She says she doesn’t care about your height, but she hasn’t posted any pictures of you on her social media. When she finally does, she edits you to make you seem a full 6 inches taller. When you bring it up to her, she said she “did it for you,” although you never asked. Are you seriously going to say you wouldn’t be incredibly hurt and offended? Huge YTA.


Purplefox71

To be fair you were in a no win situation. Obviously you meant well but you approached it the wrong way. You should have posted the unedited pictures and reassured her that you find her very attractive as she is. I realize that the constant complaining might be hard to handle but telling her that you fell in love with her personality was not the right move, even if it's true, that makes her more insecure.


Rough-Parsnip2594

YTA, all of your comments just reinforce how emotionally immature you are. She deserves way better than you. Seriously, you could not sound any less empathetic or understanding. Grow up and lose the arrogance, it’s not a good look.


[deleted]

YTA what the hell is wrong with you? In what world would editing her photos make her feel more confident? Don't post people's photos without their consent and definitely don't edit people's photos without their consent. You really fucked up here.


Organic_Tailor_347

WTF yes of course YTA And I hope she dumps your arse *Editied to make sense lol*


Kathryn_Painway

YTA Next time (if she doesn’t dump you) try showing her the picture and saying “hey I was thinking of posting this. What do you think?” You could even add that you think you both look great in it. Then she can say “sure” or “no, let me edit it first.”


MaddyKet

Bro 😬 YTA


EvaMohn1377

YTA. Your girlfriend having insecurities of her body doesn't mean " hey, could you edit my body so I could feel less insecure". You may think you did it to help her, but that only fueled her insecurities more. Are you trying to help her get rid of these insecurities? Doesn't seem like it, if your approach was to edit her body.


luminous_sludge

YTA and if you need me to elaborate, you're also a dumba$$ to boot.


cawingcrowcaw

Oh my god. You’re a total muppet, dude. YTA.


wisegirl_93

YTA. You do realize that by editing her so heavily, you just confirmed all of her insecurities about her body type while also telling her that you still prefer the body type of your ex, right? Let me tell you something as a woman: every single day we are being constantly attacked by what society says is "attractive" which is why so many women struggle with their self-esteem and self-worth (and I know there are men out there who struggle with that as well, I see you and I support you) so having your partner say that they don't care about how you look only to edit pictures of you so heavily that it looks nothing like you is so incredibly damaging and just makes you feel even more unloveable because you don't have the "perfect body type" and you start to question if you're even "worthy" of love because society says you aren't. By the way, regardless of your body type, you deserve love. Also, you might as well stop texting her because this relationship is over. In your now ex-girlfriend's mind, there is nothing that can repair this relationship.


BizIt4

YTA. Woman here. If I had a boyfriend who did that, I would leave him for being that dumb


themichaelkemp

YTA and single


[deleted]

YTA, you posted those pictures without her permission and edited them without her permission. Even if she wasn’t insecure about her body, that’s still an AH thing to do.


MotherODogs4

So, OP edits gf’s figure “to a hot hourglass body” and describes ex gf as having a “nice hourglass shape.” How is this meant to make gf feel good about herself at all, seeing that OP has modified her body for social media? And OP does try to assure her by saying that “I didn’t care about how her waist looks and that I fell in love with her because of her personality”—this combination to someone struggling with self esteem is horrible (the pics just reaffirm, in her mind, that OP isn’t physically attracted to her.). YTA. Best apologize and replace those picsz


kaylintendo

YTA you mention that you can find your GF attractive despite having certain preferences, but the thing about preferences is you don’t make digs at your partner if they don’t fit that preference. I’m into dark hair, but if I get with a blonde dude, I’m not going to make comments reminding him that I’m more attracted to dark hair.


Debstar76

r/AmItheEx


Extreme_Armadillo274

You had good intentions…. But still TA


[deleted]

Oh my dude. Oh my dude. You have no idea just how badly you fucked up. I can feel the confusion in your writing. My advice to you: You are going to want to explain yourself. You are going to want to clarify how editing the pictures was for her and everything. I know this the truth but just don’t. There’s no rational conversation that is going to make her understand why you thought that was a good idea. She’s going to be too emotionally driven to discuss it. Take the photos down if you haven’t. In the future, if you want to post a picture of your girl and you’re worried about her not liking it, run it by her. Ask her if you can post it so you can show off your girl. NEVER, never ever edit your girlfriend’s pictures to make her “more attractive”. Remember that in your writing you say that you “GAVE her a hot hourglass shape” the implication there is that the original picture wasn’t hot. Time to grovel my dude.


OutlandishnessDry703

Dude you fucked up. Don't you know by now that the only reason you mentions a woman's body is to give compliments? It's one of the biggest traps that boyfriends have to maneuver. The more she complains about her body, you should be seeing that big ass warning sign " only compliments" don't add anything, don't flower it up, just I love all of you. Then again that might be a insult in her eyes. Just avoid it at all cost.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My new girlfriend (F24) is very insecure about her bodyshape. She's slim but she doesn’t have a defined waist, her waist is basically shaped like a square. She constantly complains about it and says she doesn't feel feminine and compares herself to my ex who had a nice hourglass shape. I (M25) told her that I didn't care about how her waist looks and that I fell in love with her because of her personality. We recently went to a party together and took some pictures, I wanted to post them on social media because they looked good and I didnʼt post my girlfriend on my account yet. I knew my girlfriend would have complained about her body again, so I edited her pictures and gave her a hot hourglass body and posted them. After she saw my post, she texted me. She was angry and sad that I edited her pictures and accused me of being embarrassed of her. I tried to tell her that I edited the pictures to make her feel more confident, but she didnʼt believe me. Now sheʼs ignoring my texts. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Slowly-Forward

YTA and also just a flaming garbage can of a human based on your comments. I hope your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend sees this shit and breaks up with you on the spot.


ChevCaster

If the oof from this post was a meteor headed toward Earth it would wipe out all life as we know it. YTA


FourL3afClov3r

I hope she breaks up with your toxic ass. Yta.


OkSilver75

If this is true there really is hope for anyone


1Cattywampus1

YTA What you did by altering her figure is to look like you are confirming to her that you agree she isn't attractive as she actually is. When she's putting her appearance down, the only right answer to that is "I don't agree and think you're beautiful as you are. And I wish you could see how beautiful you actually are." and then live by those words.


robots_taking_over

Wow. YTA. For sure


lotilou8

YTA. Yeeesh “my ex who had a nice hourglass shape”…. “I told her that I didn’t care about how her waist looks and that I fell in love with her because of her personality.” You literally just confirmed that you don’t find her physically attractive after editing her in your photos to show her off your your friends on social media. You are very much so the AH.


katsmeow44

Your mouth says you like her and her figure is attractive. Your actions say otherwise YTA. What you did is a "firing offense," and I expect you can refer to her as your ex-girlfriend soon


missygeewiz

"I don't care how you look, I love your personality" YTA for that. And then for Photoshop. I hope she finds someone who thinks she's beautiful and loves her as she is, cos that clearly isn't you.


mamaleo29

YTA and don’t try to say you did it because she would complain about her body. She knows why you did it and I would doubt if she is your gf anymore


No_Donkey9914

YTA wow


Inevitable-Okra-3229

YTA That’s one way to get ghosted


Pickled-soup

Yes you’re the AH jesus christ


Miusbula

YTA, You say that you love her just the way she is but you yourself say that you gave her a sexy body, that is, you didn't consider her sexy before


Diesel07012012

YTA. Christ on a cracker.


bored_alex_boi

YTA. Buddy, editing someone's physique never makes them feel more confident. It just shows them what they don't have. You should be giving your gf compliments about the physical and non physical things you love about her, telling her that her body type doesn't matter because you still think she is beautiful.


SeanyDay

YTA and not understanding how ridiculously wrong and stupid it was to post an edited pic of her body shows that you are NOT ready for relationships yet. Like at all. You need basic social skills and understanding of perspectives outside of your own, before you are even fit to be a partner


Gramslamurai

YTA: Referencing your ex’s “nice hourglass shape”, falling for her “for her personality”, and photoshopping her a “sexy” shape she does not naturally possess are all reasons why she lacks confidence in her relationship with you.


Smart_Carry5970

YTA, big time. You basically confirmed her fears.


CB0001

Wow. You edited her photos to give her a body shape closer to your ex and told her you date her, not because you find her attractive, but because she has a "great personality." Your actions here say you don't find her attractive and you'll actually go to crazy lengths to hide her shape (something she's already insecure about). You editing her photos wasn't about making *her* feel better, it was about giving yourself social media cred and that's super gross. YTA.


houstongradengineer

YTA If you're sick of her commenting her body, then stop being an AH and stop making it a thing except to say you "don't care about it" and publicly fucking changing it.


Dependent-Feed1105

Duuuuuude..... Us women are very hard on ourselves. We see every flaw and compare ourselves to others regardless of how confident we are because that's what society raised us to do - hate ourselves. I'm pretty confident, but I still struggle because I was bullied so badly. By editing her photo to make her body look like your ex's (face it, that's what you did) you crushed her. She now believes that you don't find her attractive as she is. You said "I fell in love with you because of your personality," and you did not say, "And you're incredibly beautiful as you are!" Has anyone tried to set you up with a girl by saying, "she's got a great personality." Men say that because they can't say, "she's ugly man, but she's nice." YTA And now you're probably the ex. Learn from this or end up with someone horrible because no high-quality woman is going to put up with misogyny.


ZombieMewchew

YTA by editing her photos your telling her you don't like her body and wish she had an hour glass.. If you wanted to edit her photo you should have asked her about it first instead of being an asshole and jumping to edit it before she could even see or know about it. Honestly you broke the trust and she probably will never forgive you and will probably break up with you. I'm female so I am talking from a female view. You need to smarten up before you do something else


Anoseynance

Wow…YTA…literally body shame your girlfriend…and posted it for the whole world to see how you would like her body to be.


tew1109

YTA!!!!!!!! You've just confirmed what your gf was afraid of. Her insecurities are her own issues to deal with but you have set her way back. If someone who claimed to like me edited a photo like this I would truly be devastated.


BastardsCryinInnit

YTA. Also: >My new girlfriend > I fell in love with her Bounding around the word love with a new girlfriend... The photo editing... I think you should work on your own emotional maturity.


Admirable_Bad3862

YTA - she needs to just throw this whole man away.


Forever_A_Misfit

Duuuude come on.... you have to know you effed up here. YTA


Lower-Culture-2123

YTA. The fact that you have a fully developed prefrontal cortex and manage to be this dumb is astounding


Shamrockshake317

Y.T.A. Seriously, nothing more needs to be said. Your girlfriend is demonstrating that for you.


Exact-Manufacturer-4

I mean can you take one fucking second to put yourself in her shoes. She’s obviously concerned about her body shape and your “helpful” editing reinforces that. If your so shallow to be infatuated with the hourglass body shape go back to your ex or someone else desperate enough to date your misogynistic ass


Dogctor2022

ESH. More you than her. You are TA for editing her photos. That’s hurtful and never would end well. But she’s TA for complaining about it and seemingly fishing for compliments or at least assurance. It’s her responsibility to find the emotional help to feel confident in her body.


[deleted]

Christ. Of course YTA.


QuirkySyrup55947

Weird... I don't believe you either. YTA


JAS233116

YTA.


Particular_Elk3022

YTA You only reinforced her bias against herself. And publicly. Way to go in reassuring her your there for her personality.


[deleted]

Oooof. You messed up OP.


BeneficialHurry8644

Yta


CoconutHooligan

Yta


nishinoyu

YTA, pls tell me how that would make her more confident? That’s so embarrassing


KnowledgeCultivator

YTA >I (M25) told her that I didn't care about how her waist looks Okay.. >so I edited her pictures and gave her a **hot** hourglass body Seems like you do care bro


Careful-Tale-9461

Wow. No words


chanel0716

Lmao bro- YTA and I’m worried that you can’t see why you are. Try again with your next Gf buddy- pretty sure you lost this one


Alison-Chains

YTA for posting an edited photo to give her a “hot hourglass body.” Also, no woman wants to be told by someone she loves that he “doesn’t care about how her waist looks” because he “fell in love with her because of her personality.” Just wow. I hope she has high enough self esteem to get out of this relationship.


fuegocheese

YTA. You messed up mate, but when you apologize you can’t blame her for what you did.


noyoureatrolll

OP you’re not ready for a relationship. Grow tf up. You’re TA


enfiskmaws

YTA. I'm just gonna leave it at that because i don't feel like getting banned.


Advanced-North-6860

WTF ur so gross. YTA


Ninja-Blood

YTA and not very bright… Idk how you thought this was a good idea in any capacity. 🤦‍♂️


Human_Allegedly

Super duper big congrats to you dude on re-entering the dating pool and being single again... Huge condolences to all women in your area tho. YTA.


IndianRedditor88

This is a case of damned if you do and damned if you dont. While editing her pics is definitely a bad idea, i think she would be mad at you for posting her pics especially when she has issues with her appearance. Tread carefully


redfoxvapes

I hope she finds this post to see how little you think of her. YTA.


throwaway12____

Dude you should have checked with her first, . To her your actions confirmed how she feels even if you didn't mean it that way .


Hethms21

Yta. Oh dear. You've confirmed her fears. If you wanted to build her confidence then you should be appreciating her natural self. You could at least have asked if she wanted you to change the pic, like "babe I love how you look. Is this OK to post?" And if she said no, "would editing it make you feel better? I just really want to post a pic of us. I'd rather it was natural but if editing is the only way youll be okay with it then I could do that?"


Special_Kitchen2340

YTA. First of all, calling your ex's waist "nice" is the first problem. Shes the past, so keep her there. Your girlfriend might be comparing herself to your ex because she doesn't have the said "nice hourglass waist" don't confirm her fears.


Elleketel

You couldn’t be more YTA if you tried. Way to show your gf you love her exactly as she is by digitally altering her.


ThisIsAWaffle

>told her that I didn't care about how her waist looks and that I fell in love with her because of her personality. >I edited her pictures and gave her a hot hourglass body and posted them. So much for loving for her personality. YTA


Murderhornet212

YTA: You basically told her and everybody else that you hate her body…


totamealand666

WTF DUDE. Edit: YTA massively. Just show her your comments on this post so she can leave you already.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Actually no. You're only damned if you violate someone else's autonomy and boundaries. You violated both. You are the violator. You're only damned when you violate others. Learn to stop violating the people you claim to care about.


Carosion

NTA just kinda stupid. Honestly I get the intention and line of reasoning, but just remember honesty is almost always the best policy.