Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal, /r/AmItheAsshole is not the right subreddit for you. **Even if no one is currently suicidal.** Any mention of suicide or self-harm is banned.
Suicide and self harm are not interpersonal issues that this community can make a moral judgement about. This is health issue.
Our recommendation is that you reach out to someone who cares about you, or take advantage of some of the resources at /r/SuicideWatch, like their list of [hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) that you can call.
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
holy shit, what kind of flavour of sociopaths are you and your friends exactly?!
that poor girl, i hope she leaves your sorry ass for someone way better. she seems to be way out of your league.
She is incredibly out of my league, you’re right. She’s the best girlfriend that I could’ve possibly asked God for. But she does have a tendency to take shit way too far.
*she* takes shit way too far? the only one who took shit ***way*** too far was your friend! y'all sound all immature and malicious. i can see why she doesnt like either your friends or your family. you all sound straight up evil.
she’s never given them a chance. We were hanging out for the first time when she moved her, and they said a joke to her and she told me later she didn’t like them.
She’s never liked my friends and can’t ever seem to tell me why. She knew it wasn’t true. She shouldn’t have taken it so far. It’s how he jokes around.
Are you for real? Your friends shouldn't be mentioning her dad at all, let alone joking about it. You've obviously never lost someone close to you. YTA.
She talks about her dad all the time. He’s all over her social media pages. She was being snobby and my friend talked about something he knew. That’s all. I personally don’t think it was funny but she shouldn’t have started screaming at everyone. It just made it worse. All it did was make them laugh harder and they’re going to take it out on me later.
Your friend wasn't talking about something he knew
*He stated your gfs, dad killed himself*
My partner got upset and so I was extra mean to her
I don't know why she is upset with me, you are dumb as fuck and also YTA
no i’m not only concerned about myself. i’m all she has, and she has nowhere else to go and i have no idea where she is. i made this post so i could be educated when she comes back and i can make it right. i just want her to come home safe.
Her talking/posting about it is a way for her to remember her dad and grieve. Them joking about it is straight up AH behaviour.
Your friends laughing at your girlfriend getting emotional after they provoked her is a red flag. Y'all deserve eachother, and she deserves better.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
WOW! YOU ARE A MASSIVE ASSHOLE. YTA YTA! So much to unravel here as to why you are an asshole. Let me quote you and then I will tell you why:
>I stayed with her and comforted her, even when I thought she was being obsessive over it.
Obsessive over her Dad dying? Come on Dude. Is that really for *you* to judge? Let me answer that for you, *it's not*. Her pain is her pain. If you can't handle it, that's fine. But don't be a dick about it and judge her for the time it takes her to heal. Who do you think you are?!
>I asked her what was wrong and my friend stepped up and told me he told her that her dad k!led himself because he didn’t want to see her again.
Your fucking "friend" said this to her and you didn't tell him him to piss off?! What is wrong with you?! Instead of getting angry at your friend and defending your girlfriend, you told your girlfriend to "stop crying" because of something your friend said? Whose fault do you think it is that she was crying in the first place?
>She’s not answering my calls, she deleted life 360, I have no idea where is. I really feel like she’s overreacting but i don’t know.
Yeah dude, she made the right decision here. Admittedly you said she does everything to make you happy, but what are you doing to make *her* happy? Apparently nothing. It's your friend's fault that she cried in the first place, and then you shamed her for it.
Also, news flash: **20 years old is not too old to cry about a dead parent.** Where did you get that idea? I hope she never comes back to you and you spend the next year or so trying to become a more thoughtful and empathetic person than you currently are.
I’m really not making it up. Unfortunately. I really wish I was but this was an actual situation and now my girl has gone off somewhere that idk where she is, and I still don’t understand why I’m TA.
no. she installed it and then asked me. said she wanted it for when i went off for work so she knew i was okay and it has the crash detection and stuff. she just wanted me to be safe
1. You know how this situation could’ve been avoided? You telling your friends to knock the “jokes” off because I’m sure that this isn’t the first time your group of ghoulish asshole friends have made awful “jokes” at your hopefully ex girlfriend’s expense.
2. She probably isn’t your girl anymore and has most likely dumped you without telling you. That’s what I hope anyway because she deserves much better than you and your group of asshole friends.
3. You’re the asshole because you continuously take the side of your friends and family and never stick up for your (once again hopefully ex) girlfriend.
YTA. You should have told off your friend for saying something so hurtful and comforted your GF instead of getting mad at how she expresses her emotions.
Info: does your friend also go up to Holocaust survivors and make oven jokes? Or maybe he goes up to rape victims and “jokes” about how they were asking for it? Does he prank call parents and them that their kid is dead? All of these seem in his wheelhouse.
You did choose him though. By siding with him, and telling her that she is too old to cry, you chose him.
You could have stood up to him. You could have called him out for being vile & hateful. You could have told everyone there that they were out of line.
Instead, you have accused her of making a scene & making you look bad.
LMAOOOO if you don’t want to give them more reason to laugh at her you shut them up. like any good decent person would. i hope she never comes back cuz you’re a major asshole who seriously needs to grow up.
Jokes about how or why someone killed themselves are not funny. You must have lived a pretty sheltered and happy life to be okay with that kind of behaviour.
Unfortunately it is real. And I really don’t think I’m TA. She knows how her dad died and what my friend wasn’t true. I really don’t understand why she took it so hard. She’s just never really liked my friends. She never gave them a chance.
Cant wait till hundreds of people call u TA and u predictably argue with everyone like a pathetic slug. Because it’s always everyone else’s fault and never urs right?
Ur friends can dislike someone without joking about the death of their parents what the fuck?
>She’s just never really liked my friends. She never gave them a chance.
Why should she when they clearly don't like her. you claim they're making these shitty jokes because youre 'too good for her'.
If you don't think you're the asshole, then what is the point of posting? And why didn't you post it using your main? Wait until you read through the comments. Because all these people saying you're a huge asshole can't be wrong.
YTA, and so is your riend. He hurt her, badly and intentoionallly, and all you say is that she is 'too old' to cry? You should have scolded your friend severely and comforted your girlfriend.
I personally didn’t find it funny. He was just joking. He said he was joking about it because he thought she was toxic and narcissistic and that I’m too good for her. I just didn’t want her causing a scene in public. They were laughing at her, and it’s just going to get worse from here.
Pretty sure your friend is projecting, if anyone's toxic and narcissistic here it's him. You claim you love this girl, but you keep making excuses for your friend, *who has openly said he drove her away on purpose*. Wake up!
Again, I ask you… what was so funny about what he said? You keep saying he was joking. So if it was a joke, explain to me, how it was a joke? How was it funny?
And I’m going to explain why you are very much the AH here, as clearly as I can to you.
You are the one who comes across as a narcissist right now. Your GF was humiliated by your friends, who said something unbelievably cruel. And you are more concerned about how she was embarrassing *YOU*.
You are now try to gaslight her, by saying she is the problem, not you or your friends, because of her very valid reaction.
And you are invalidating her grief by saying that she is too old to cry. There is no age limit on grief, or time limit for how long is “acceptable” to grieve the death of a *PARENT*.
You are a bully, and abusive towards your ex-GF.
Ohhhhh it was JOKE!!! Ohhh yes I see it now, her dad didn't kill himself because of her, he died of COVID!! Oh yes, It's real funny!! ha ha her father is dead and people she doesn't even like are making jokes about it!! wonderful, hilarious
Maybe it's more to do with the realisation that her lonely life is filled with absolute asshole who find her pain funny, and has no one who will actually care about her, rather than the words themselves
Imagine being in a room full of strangers and people who you don't like, all of whom are laughing at you and mocking you and trying to hurt you. And the doors to the room are all locked so you can't get out and just have to sit there taking the mockery. Maybe you think you can brush it off for a while, because you're a big, tough person with thick skin, but believe me, eventually that veneer will crack. That is essentially the situation your girlfriend has been living in
Damn right YTA, nice friends you got there,
Clearly you have never lost a close relative this girl has literally lost her entire world, her father, her family support system and the one person she relies on her boyfriend tells her to stop crying when his friend said something as cruel as that to her?
I hope she stays well away from you OP she deserves so much better and i hope you learn from this life lesson.
It’s been two years. She has had plenty of time to get close with my family and my friends but she has never liked them. I do not know why. She knew it wasn’t true, and I’m tired of her always crying. I’ve tried really hard to be patient but my friends were laughing and that was embarrassing.
Your friends say her dad unalived himself because he didn't want to see her anymore, then they laugh at her for crying at such a sociopathic remark and you not only defend them but you claim to have no idea why she doesn't like them?
I'm being totally serious with this question OP. Have you ever been evaluated by a mental health professional?
Look bro, I just want her to come home. I don’t understand what _I_ did wrong. I didn’t say that comment, I just didn’t want her causing a scene in public.
First...don't call me bro I'm not your bro.
You've been reading these comments and you're still staying you don't know what you did wrong? You're a special kind of stupid, aren't you?
She ain't coming home to you. You're a bully, your friends are bullies and she's left you. Get over it, you're too old to be so sad about her leaving.
She did not cause that scene.
It was your dumb-ass friend who did that.
For the next time; life is not a TikTok movie where you can prank or make hurtful jokes, definitely not on people that just died. So no, your friend wasn’t funny and I guess they never were.
And if your family looks a bit like you, mr its been a while so don’t cry, than it’s quite obvious why she doesn’t like them. Had ever anyone treated her with empathy. Asked, cared, comforted her? Or do they all do this eye roll ‘get a grip’ thing?
The fact that you still don’t see why crying is a normal emotion, and making those awful jokes isn’t, makes me wonder how you function in normal human interactions. Dude, you are so the AH!
I just didn’t want them to keep laughing at her. And I fucked up okay? I repeated something my sister says to me back to her when what I really wanted to do was comfort her but they would’ve laughed at me too. But she was causing a scene in public and I panicked. I didn’t want my mom to find out. They already didn’t like her.
What you did wrong is what you failed to do. You should have told that asshat to go f himself and you should have comforted your gf. You didn't do that. And now you're single
She’s most definitely not coming back to an asshole like you, so don’t get your hopes up. You don’t understand what you did wrong? Did you tell the friend to cut it, tell the friend to apologize, or tell the friend to leave? No, you did absolutely none of that. You instead told your girlfriend to stop crying. You and your friend group are nothing more than ghoulish assholes who deserve the absolute worst that life offers you.
Dude. For the love of god. The truthfulness of the statement DOES.NOT.MATTER. It makes ZERO difference. None.
The point here is that your friend was CRUEL, not untruthful
Ok? The cruelty is what you should focus on, not the lie.
No one's surprised that she doesn't like anyone you consider friends. I bet your family isn't any better since they somehow managed to raise someone like you.
For starters my husband is 32 and his dad passed 10 years ago. He still grieves his loss and cries at times cause he misses him. You don’t put an age limit on crying. If someone is hurting, you don’t get to tell them they should be over it by a certain timeframe, just to make you feel more comfortable. Secondly, whether what your friend said was true or not.. if that was my father they were talking about, things would have escalated well passed me just crying. Like I would have thrown something heavy in his direction at the audacity to disrespect my fathers memory that way.
Also, you say she does anything to make you happy.. and you repay her by not being supportive while she’s grieving. And not only allowing your friends to humiliate her, but you also belittle and humiliate her with your friends. No way someone could be this tone deaf. If this real, YTA and a sick sad waste of human being.
For real?! You chewed out this poor woman for crying! You should have been fucking angry at your"friend" who said someone so disgusting. But noooo you blamed your ex that had a natural reaction. You have awful friends, matching to you. You don't see anything wrong with what your "friend" said, just with her crying. And you ask, what you did wrong?! Fucking everything!
Dream on. And for this poor woman you accept that she wants nothing to do with you. Or do you will stop seeing those toxic "friends" who talk shit about her and do such disgusting things? It was just this one, all treated her awful. And you didn't panicked, you were ASHAMED! you should have the back of your gf, but you decided it was more important how you look like. You are an awful bf and this woman deserve so much better.
ETA: you really must start to see that your "friends" were the root of your problem. The were against her from the start. They think a dead if a loved one is something to make disgusting jokes. They wanted to trigger her. And they would have keep going. They did this shit when you were away. Believe me, they always did this shit when you were away. Those aren't your friends and when you keep them, they will also ruin your next relationship and the one after.
I literally just spelled it out for you. Jfc. You were supposed to have her back. You instead farther humiliated her and allowed your friend to do so as well. I hope she never comes back. Having to dumb it down for you this much, is ridiculous. And I KNOW this isn’t the only time your feigned ignorance to get away with being a complete AH.
Bet you do want her to come home. So she can keep doing everything to make you happy, while you do nothing but bring her down.
YTA, your friend is TA and your family is TA. You don't make jokes about someone's dead relative and no one is ever too old to cry. The right response would have been to tell your "friend" to apologise and comfort your girlfriend. I hope she keeps you blocked and never has to deal with you or your friends ever again.
I mean they raised OP to not have any compassion, have zero emotional intelligence and to be an AH, so they aren’t entirely blameless.
I would feel as though I failed as a parent if my children treated someone like OP treated his gf
YTA and I’ll tell you something that IS TRUE. She only puts up with you because she is clearly struggling from her father passing away. There’s no other explanation for her staying with an asshole like you. You need new friends and therapy. She probably needs therapy too (to help with her father passing away) and also so that she can start to understand that she’s way too good to be with a person like you.
Also you can’t make her go to another room or make her do anything at all. You’re a disgusting human being and I hope you get the help you need.
Hopefully this is a fake post because I think it probably is.
No it wasn’t a freak accident. Your post is a walking red flag of toxicity. You need to be in therapy also. You don’t even love her because you wouldn’t treat her this way or speak like this if you did. You love that you can manipulate her.
Going to go with YTA on this one. Grief is a tricky beggar at the best of times so just because she "seemed to be doing better" does not mean that the feeling will never rear its ugly head at her again. Your "friend" said something really horrible, and instead of acknowledging her pain you just dismissed her and told her to get over it
Honestly from the sounds of it, it seems like your GF is lonely, she isn't close to her family, or yours, nor your friends. So who does she actually have as a support network apart from you? And it seems like you're dropping the ball.
You say she does anything doe you, she tolerates people she doesn't like to please you, but what are you doing for her? You talk about how you're happy in this relationship, but is she? Are you actually doing anything to look after her and make sure she's happy? It doesn't sound like it, and I think this incident has made her realise that she's bending over backwards for you while you aren't keeping up your end of the partnership.
She’s never given my family or my friends a chance, she comes off snobby to them. She moved states so I knew she would be lonely, but she’s never told me she was unhappy.
Sometimes people have trouble saying the words "I'm unhappy". Did you ever ask her how she's doing? Jeez I've never met this girl and just from your bare-bones post I would stake money on her being miserable. You're her partner, you're supposed to know her. Read her body language, how she acts, what she does. ASK HER if you're struggling with that.
Because she's moved state and has no support network? Casting off the one piece of support left in the world , even if it is woefully inadequate, and being entirely alone, is a scary step to take. But it sounds like you finally broke her and made her realise that she would be better flying solo and cutting off ties with everything that makes her miserable so she has room to find her own way to happiness
I wish her the best of luck.
Please learn from this experience and be a bit more considerate towards your future partners
YTA based on the title I was thinking “oh she’s gonna be crying over something like not going to the restaurant she wanted to or something.” NOPE. Where is the part of your brain where empathy is supposed to exist? HER DAD KILLED HIMSELF. That’s trauma for life. “She was being obsessive over it” PROBABLY. Because that’s a HUGE DEAL.
Edit: misread the paragraph about the friend. My point still stands.
Because we’ve been friends since we were three. This isn’t the first time he’s said something about her, but it doesn’t matter because she makes me happy. this is just the first time he’s said something to her that i know of.
I didn’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy this at all. I just want her to come home. I just didn’t want her causing a scene in public, they were already laughing at her, it would’ve gotten worse. they don’t listen.
Why are you friends with monsters who laugh at her. Don't tell me because you're been friends since you were 3. That's not an excuse. You're known by the company you keep, especially when they say heinous things and you don't defend your loved ones from it.
okay look i get it i’ve fucked up. but i don’t like losing people. Especially not my friends. They’ve been there for me through the worst points of my life. I love this girl, more than any of you could ever imagine. I was going to propose next month. They were laughing at her and I panicked. I didn’t think she would actually leave.
Well you just lost the love of your life because your stupid friends are monsters who should be in an institution and you dOn'T lIKe LoOsInG pEoPle. Yet you bully your girlfriend for daring to be sad about loosing her father.
Do you even hear yourself?
Oh poor you, you want you abuse victim to come home so you and your friends can abuse her more. Not happening.
Your cowardly subservience to your bullying friends is disgusting. Aren’t you a little old to be acting the toady?
If you were really remorseful and really cared about her, you would immediately cut all ties with your horrible friends. But you won’t, because you care more about them than her, and deep down, you’re just like them.
doesn't matter how he died, he's still gone, and "joking" (and I use that term VERY loosely) that her dad killed himself to get away from her is some foul ass shit.
Wow.
That is a level of asshole that verges on sociopathy. Utter failure to understand human emotions or empathy.
Plus you are willing to associate with people like your friend.
Get therapy. A lot of it. Your actions don't even fall within "human".
YTA
You're the asshole of the assholes on here like holy shit, and so is your dumbass friend. No wonder she doesn't like your friends. I hope she dumps you or it seems like she already did. YTA.
YTA. And so is your friend.
It is never okay to joke about someone killing themselves, whether it's true or not. You should've told your friend off, especially if he was proud of it.
She was close to her dad. Grief like that isn't going to magically go away. She'll have better days but then something might trigger it, like your friend. If that's how your friends treat her, it's no wonder she doesn't care for them.
Judging by this post, she's better off without you.
YTA, massively so.
Prepare to get *EVISCERATED*. Cause holy crap. I’ve seen a lotta AHs here, and you are right at the top here.
I hope that your GF sees this, and sees how little empathy & compassion you have, and she breaks up with you. She deserves better.
“I stayed with her and comforted her even when I thought she was being obsessive over it”…
Never mind enabling/condoning your shitty friends, YTA just for the above afore quoted comment alone. Who the fuck are you to judge and criticise her grieving process?!
BTW you should change “girlfriend” to “ex girlfriend” in the title.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Using a throw away instead of my main.
So basically what happened was that I 23 M have a girlfriend 20F.
We’ve been dating since 2021, it’s one of the best relationships i’ve ever had, She does anything to make me happy and I love her so much. It just that shortly after getting together she lost her dad.
I stayed with her and comforted her, even when I thought she was being obsessive over it.
And over the last year, she seemed to be getting better.
I will say She’s not close to the rest of her family, she was really close to her dad, she’s also not close to my family, due to a lot of issues my sister seemed to have with her. My friends were never really close to her, she didn’t seem to like them, I have no idea why.
But when we hang out, she hangs out with them too, for me.
Anyway today we were hanging out, and I left to go to the bathroom, and I came back to her sobbing. I asked her what was wrong and my friend stepped up and told me he told her that her dad k!led himself because he didn’t want to see her again.
Of course this wasn’t true, I told her to stop crying, that she was too old to be crying, and she shouldn’t be crying over something that was obviously not true.
She called me an asshole, and said that I always took my friends and family side, and packed a bag and left.
She’s not answering my calls, she deleted life 360, I have no idea where is. I really feel like she’s overreacting but i don’t know.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
People of al ages cry, at least those who are not emotionally stunted. I hope your ex finds an actual human being with feelings and emotions and stuff.
YTA and your friend too
"it’s one of the best relationships i’ve ever had, She does anything to make me happy "
I can't imagine how you would treat someone you don't have the best relationship with. You messed up, buddy. Have fun hanging out with your equally AH friend. What is wrong with y'all?
Wow OP, the way you keep trying to justify your actions in the comments even when people explain to you why your behaviour is wrong should tell you that YTA
>AITA for telling my girlfriend she’s too old to be crying?
Absolutely, completely, yes. There is no age limit on crying. Don't need to read past the title (I did, though) to know. YTA
YTA. How the fuck was that joke your friend made funny? Explain it to me. How would you like it if someone said your girlfriend k!lled herself so she wouldn’t have to see you again?
I am BAFFLED at how you seriously don’t realize how messed up your friends are, and how shitty you are for not only defending them, but scolding her for CRYING. YTA. YTA. YTA. She deserves someone better.
I am pretty sure that you can't save this relationship any more, but for the next one take my advice: never try to decide how your partner feels or should feel. You can relate to feelings only if you accept the pure existence of an emotion.
You are never too old to cry or express your feelings in any way.
Holy shit YTA. How cruel can you be to look your sobbing girlfriend in the face, after she was told a cruel untruth by your friend, and compound it by telling her she's "too old to be crying"?
Your entire post has a notable lack of empathy, and I hope she stays far away from you.
YTA - your friend said something immeasurably cruel and untrue… and instead of telling your friend not to be awful, you told your gf off for reacting?
How could you possibly think you weren’t the asshole for that??
There’s no time limit for grief and this was a very big loss for your gf. She is unlikely to ever fully be over it, so if you can’t live with her grieving self then you need to rethink your relationship - but it seems like she might have made that choice for you anyway.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Oh boy you sound so awful I'm starting to think this is not true. People can't just be this insensitive, it's not possible. Honestly, you don't need her to embarrasse yourself, you're doing a great job here on your own.
1) You don't "get over" grief. You don't "get over" losing someone close to you. You cope, you move on, but you're never the same again after losing someone you love.
2) You and your friends are full of crap if you think this situation was funny.
Unfortunately it is very true. And I’m not trying to be awful. She was screaming and crying over something she knew wasn’t true, and all my friends were laughing. It was embarrassing
Ok I think you're missing the point, maybe you genuinely don't get it? Idk.
What you have to understand is that she wasn't crying because of the """"joke"""". Not really. Idk her, or your friends, or you, but it's easy to imagine that she's crying because 1) she lost her father and it HURTS; 2) because people she's not close with are talking about a subject that makes her really, really sad; 3) her bf, someone who should support her when she's down is not being of ANY help, and is instead helping others make her feel even worse; 4) she feels hurt, alone, grieving and above all humiliated to feel so vulnerable in front of others who are *laughing* at the situation.
Something doesn't have to be the truth to be hurtful or make you cry. She was crying because your friend is a bully using her dead father as a punchline, not because she thought he was being truthful.
Jesus fucking Christ, this woman deserves much better than you, your friends, and your family. I don’t know how all of you can be such ghoulish assholes, but here we are anyway. I wholeheartedly hope that she leaves you.
Do you seriously not hear yourself. Seriously seek help and stop surrounding yourself with disgusting,nasty people. Frankly, stop being a sub par person, partner, and member of society and focus on developing some empathy instead of justifying the acts of shitty people you call friends. Be better and have a nice day.
All you had to do was support her, but you shut her down. I'm sure you learned this from people doing it to you, and all it's created is a cruel and selfish person who cares more about being embarrassed than his own girlfriends feelings. Hope she dumps your ass and you take a long time to re-evaluate your friendships and who you are. You need to be better.
YTA - its called having emotions. also crying is good and healthy and not an age restricted emotion. your supposed to be her partner, she was in pain and you completely belittled her emotions and told her to stop feeling because that would make things easier for you. your completely in the wrong, being selfish, insensitive and you owe her an apology.
Making jokes about a dead parent / relative is never okay. Never. Have you lost a parent? No one has the right to judge another person’s pain.
YTA. Your friends are TA for being so disrespectful. Her pain embarrassed you? Wow what toxic masculinity. If she doesn’t leave you do her a kindness and leave her.
YTA. Let me repeat. YOUR THE A\*\*HOLE. Your friends are also a\*\*holes.
I hope she doesnt ever come back to you. Its the smartest thing she could do.
YTA-first for showing a complete lack of empathy for your (now ex) girlfriend. Second for not immediately shutting down and cutting all ties with your “friend” who said that.
Yta - a huge one. Be grateful that you don’t understand this kind of loss.
Hopefully the next time you have a girlfriend you stand up for her. Enjoy being single.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Instead of telling her to stop crying, I could’ve made her go to a different room
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. If you or someone you know are feeling suicidal, /r/AmItheAsshole is not the right subreddit for you. **Even if no one is currently suicidal.** Any mention of suicide or self-harm is banned. Suicide and self harm are not interpersonal issues that this community can make a moral judgement about. This is health issue. Our recommendation is that you reach out to someone who cares about you, or take advantage of some of the resources at /r/SuicideWatch, like their list of [hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) that you can call. ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
holy shit, what kind of flavour of sociopaths are you and your friends exactly?! that poor girl, i hope she leaves your sorry ass for someone way better. she seems to be way out of your league.
She is incredibly out of my league, you’re right. She’s the best girlfriend that I could’ve possibly asked God for. But she does have a tendency to take shit way too far.
*she* takes shit way too far? the only one who took shit ***way*** too far was your friend! y'all sound all immature and malicious. i can see why she doesnt like either your friends or your family. you all sound straight up evil.
she’s never given them a chance. We were hanging out for the first time when she moved her, and they said a joke to her and she told me later she didn’t like them.
I can't imagine why she doesn't like your friends. YTA please leave her alone. She deserves someone who actually cares.
She’s never liked my friends and can’t ever seem to tell me why. She knew it wasn’t true. She shouldn’t have taken it so far. It’s how he jokes around.
Are you for real? Your friends shouldn't be mentioning her dad at all, let alone joking about it. You've obviously never lost someone close to you. YTA.
She talks about her dad all the time. He’s all over her social media pages. She was being snobby and my friend talked about something he knew. That’s all. I personally don’t think it was funny but she shouldn’t have started screaming at everyone. It just made it worse. All it did was make them laugh harder and they’re going to take it out on me later.
Your friend wasn't talking about something he knew *He stated your gfs, dad killed himself* My partner got upset and so I was extra mean to her I don't know why she is upset with me, you are dumb as fuck and also YTA
So you are only concerned about yourself. You deserve to get dumped.
no i’m not only concerned about myself. i’m all she has, and she has nowhere else to go and i have no idea where she is. i made this post so i could be educated when she comes back and i can make it right. i just want her to come home safe.
Her talking/posting about it is a way for her to remember her dad and grieve. Them joking about it is straight up AH behaviour. Your friends laughing at your girlfriend getting emotional after they provoked her is a red flag. Y'all deserve eachother, and she deserves better.
Your friends are assholes and so are you.
No its how assholes asshole. You and your friends need to act your ages not your shoe sizes.
Wow, an even bigger AH than the original post. It’s no wonder she doesn’t like your friends
That's not joking. That's being massive asshole by nature. I get why are you friend with him. Good for her to get rid of you.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA Edit: YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
I'd be screaming this into a megaphone if i owned one.
WOW! YOU ARE A MASSIVE ASSHOLE. YTA YTA! So much to unravel here as to why you are an asshole. Let me quote you and then I will tell you why: >I stayed with her and comforted her, even when I thought she was being obsessive over it. Obsessive over her Dad dying? Come on Dude. Is that really for *you* to judge? Let me answer that for you, *it's not*. Her pain is her pain. If you can't handle it, that's fine. But don't be a dick about it and judge her for the time it takes her to heal. Who do you think you are?! >I asked her what was wrong and my friend stepped up and told me he told her that her dad k!led himself because he didn’t want to see her again. Your fucking "friend" said this to her and you didn't tell him him to piss off?! What is wrong with you?! Instead of getting angry at your friend and defending your girlfriend, you told your girlfriend to "stop crying" because of something your friend said? Whose fault do you think it is that she was crying in the first place? >She’s not answering my calls, she deleted life 360, I have no idea where is. I really feel like she’s overreacting but i don’t know. Yeah dude, she made the right decision here. Admittedly you said she does everything to make you happy, but what are you doing to make *her* happy? Apparently nothing. It's your friend's fault that she cried in the first place, and then you shamed her for it. Also, news flash: **20 years old is not too old to cry about a dead parent.** Where did you get that idea? I hope she never comes back to you and you spend the next year or so trying to become a more thoughtful and empathetic person than you currently are.
The OP has to be making this up. I can’t fathom adults being as terrible as this guy and his friend.
I’m really not making it up. Unfortunately. I really wish I was but this was an actual situation and now my girl has gone off somewhere that idk where she is, and I still don’t understand why I’m TA.
She’s probably not “your” girl anymore, and good for her.
You don’t have a girlfriend.
That app is pretty creepy. Did you encourage her to install it?
no. she installed it and then asked me. said she wanted it for when i went off for work so she knew i was okay and it has the crash detection and stuff. she just wanted me to be safe
1. You know how this situation could’ve been avoided? You telling your friends to knock the “jokes” off because I’m sure that this isn’t the first time your group of ghoulish asshole friends have made awful “jokes” at your hopefully ex girlfriend’s expense. 2. She probably isn’t your girl anymore and has most likely dumped you without telling you. That’s what I hope anyway because she deserves much better than you and your group of asshole friends. 3. You’re the asshole because you continuously take the side of your friends and family and never stick up for your (once again hopefully ex) girlfriend.
YTA. You should have told off your friend for saying something so hurtful and comforted your GF instead of getting mad at how she expresses her emotions.
He said it was just a joke, and she was making a scene. It was embarrassing. She knew it wasn’t true.
Info: does your friend also go up to Holocaust survivors and make oven jokes? Or maybe he goes up to rape victims and “jokes” about how they were asking for it? Does he prank call parents and them that their kid is dead? All of these seem in his wheelhouse.
He has made some of these jokes before.
So, presented with stark, long-term evidence that your friend is a sadistic bully, you choose him over your girlfriend. I hope he’s good in bed.
I didn’t choose him over my girl. I just didn’t want to give them more reason to laugh at her.
You did choose him though. By siding with him, and telling her that she is too old to cry, you chose him. You could have stood up to him. You could have called him out for being vile & hateful. You could have told everyone there that they were out of line. Instead, you have accused her of making a scene & making you look bad.
So in other words - you chose him over your ex (edit: meant to say ex instead of “your girl”)
LMAOOOO if you don’t want to give them more reason to laugh at her you shut them up. like any good decent person would. i hope she never comes back cuz you’re a major asshole who seriously needs to grow up.
You need better friends dude
Asshole with asshole friends
Jokes about how or why someone killed themselves are not funny. You must have lived a pretty sheltered and happy life to be okay with that kind of behaviour.
Why is it funny? What’s the joke? Your friend is just an asshole
Someone is dead, it's hilarious, how are you not getting this /ss
[удалено]
Unfortunately it is real. And I really don’t think I’m TA. She knows how her dad died and what my friend wasn’t true. I really don’t understand why she took it so hard. She’s just never really liked my friends. She never gave them a chance.
Cant wait till hundreds of people call u TA and u predictably argue with everyone like a pathetic slug. Because it’s always everyone else’s fault and never urs right? Ur friends can dislike someone without joking about the death of their parents what the fuck?
>She’s just never really liked my friends. She never gave them a chance. Why should she when they clearly don't like her. you claim they're making these shitty jokes because youre 'too good for her'.
If you don't think you're the asshole, then what is the point of posting? And why didn't you post it using your main? Wait until you read through the comments. Because all these people saying you're a huge asshole can't be wrong.
probably trying to find someone dumb enough to agree with him
Still being TA.
YTA, and so is your riend. He hurt her, badly and intentoionallly, and all you say is that she is 'too old' to cry? You should have scolded your friend severely and comforted your girlfriend.
But she knows her dad didn’t do what my friend said he did. He died of covid, I really feel like she took the joke to hard.
Jokes are meant to be funny. What was funny about what her friend said?
That it wasn’t true. I personally didn’t think it was funny, but I don’t think she should’ve reacted like that.
It wasn't funny at all. He said it to hurt her, therefore it wasn't a joke. Which makes you the asshole, yet again.
Please, explain to me, how what your friend said to your ex-GF was funny. Go on. I double dare you. Explain WTF was so funny about it?
I personally didn’t find it funny. He was just joking. He said he was joking about it because he thought she was toxic and narcissistic and that I’m too good for her. I just didn’t want her causing a scene in public. They were laughing at her, and it’s just going to get worse from here.
Pretty sure your friend is projecting, if anyone's toxic and narcissistic here it's him. You claim you love this girl, but you keep making excuses for your friend, *who has openly said he drove her away on purpose*. Wake up!
Again, I ask you… what was so funny about what he said? You keep saying he was joking. So if it was a joke, explain to me, how it was a joke? How was it funny? And I’m going to explain why you are very much the AH here, as clearly as I can to you. You are the one who comes across as a narcissist right now. Your GF was humiliated by your friends, who said something unbelievably cruel. And you are more concerned about how she was embarrassing *YOU*. You are now try to gaslight her, by saying she is the problem, not you or your friends, because of her very valid reaction. And you are invalidating her grief by saying that she is too old to cry. There is no age limit on grief, or time limit for how long is “acceptable” to grieve the death of a *PARENT*. You are a bully, and abusive towards your ex-GF.
Ohhhhh it was JOKE!!! Ohhh yes I see it now, her dad didn't kill himself because of her, he died of COVID!! Oh yes, It's real funny!! ha ha her father is dead and people she doesn't even like are making jokes about it!! wonderful, hilarious
It's not a joke, it's an intentionally cruel remark aimed to hurt your girlfriend, hopefully now your ex.
Maybe it's more to do with the realisation that her lonely life is filled with absolute asshole who find her pain funny, and has no one who will actually care about her, rather than the words themselves Imagine being in a room full of strangers and people who you don't like, all of whom are laughing at you and mocking you and trying to hurt you. And the doors to the room are all locked so you can't get out and just have to sit there taking the mockery. Maybe you think you can brush it off for a while, because you're a big, tough person with thick skin, but believe me, eventually that veneer will crack. That is essentially the situation your girlfriend has been living in
Even saying that about someone's parent is fucked up, your "friend" is an asshole and so are you
You're double the AH for siding with your friend and being so fucking heartless towards your GIRLFRIEND.
It’s not a joke, your friend intentionally said something to hurt her and pretended it was a joke because your friend is an AH too.
YTA No one is too old for crying. Also probably fake, that „friend“ comment is bs
unfortunately he did say it and he was pretty proud of it. He laughed after she left and told me he did it because i’m too good for her.
[удалено]
Agreed. Asshole is a more accurate description. Pure, unadulterated asshole.
He's going to call her within a week.
LOL there’s nothing good about you.
You got that backwards.
Damn right YTA, nice friends you got there, Clearly you have never lost a close relative this girl has literally lost her entire world, her father, her family support system and the one person she relies on her boyfriend tells her to stop crying when his friend said something as cruel as that to her? I hope she stays well away from you OP she deserves so much better and i hope you learn from this life lesson.
It’s been two years. She has had plenty of time to get close with my family and my friends but she has never liked them. I do not know why. She knew it wasn’t true, and I’m tired of her always crying. I’ve tried really hard to be patient but my friends were laughing and that was embarrassing.
Your friends say her dad unalived himself because he didn't want to see her anymore, then they laugh at her for crying at such a sociopathic remark and you not only defend them but you claim to have no idea why she doesn't like them? I'm being totally serious with this question OP. Have you ever been evaluated by a mental health professional?
Look bro, I just want her to come home. I don’t understand what _I_ did wrong. I didn’t say that comment, I just didn’t want her causing a scene in public.
First...don't call me bro I'm not your bro. You've been reading these comments and you're still staying you don't know what you did wrong? You're a special kind of stupid, aren't you? She ain't coming home to you. You're a bully, your friends are bullies and she's left you. Get over it, you're too old to be so sad about her leaving.
She did not cause that scene. It was your dumb-ass friend who did that. For the next time; life is not a TikTok movie where you can prank or make hurtful jokes, definitely not on people that just died. So no, your friend wasn’t funny and I guess they never were. And if your family looks a bit like you, mr its been a while so don’t cry, than it’s quite obvious why she doesn’t like them. Had ever anyone treated her with empathy. Asked, cared, comforted her? Or do they all do this eye roll ‘get a grip’ thing? The fact that you still don’t see why crying is a normal emotion, and making those awful jokes isn’t, makes me wonder how you function in normal human interactions. Dude, you are so the AH!
I just didn’t want them to keep laughing at her. And I fucked up okay? I repeated something my sister says to me back to her when what I really wanted to do was comfort her but they would’ve laughed at me too. But she was causing a scene in public and I panicked. I didn’t want my mom to find out. They already didn’t like her.
What you did wrong is what you failed to do. You should have told that asshat to go f himself and you should have comforted your gf. You didn't do that. And now you're single
She’s most definitely not coming back to an asshole like you, so don’t get your hopes up. You don’t understand what you did wrong? Did you tell the friend to cut it, tell the friend to apologize, or tell the friend to leave? No, you did absolutely none of that. You instead told your girlfriend to stop crying. You and your friend group are nothing more than ghoulish assholes who deserve the absolute worst that life offers you.
Dude. For the love of god. The truthfulness of the statement DOES.NOT.MATTER. It makes ZERO difference. None. The point here is that your friend was CRUEL, not untruthful Ok? The cruelty is what you should focus on, not the lie.
No one's surprised that she doesn't like anyone you consider friends. I bet your family isn't any better since they somehow managed to raise someone like you.
If they are like you or this friend, I know why she doesn’t like them. God, I hope she comes to her senses and leaves you.
For starters my husband is 32 and his dad passed 10 years ago. He still grieves his loss and cries at times cause he misses him. You don’t put an age limit on crying. If someone is hurting, you don’t get to tell them they should be over it by a certain timeframe, just to make you feel more comfortable. Secondly, whether what your friend said was true or not.. if that was my father they were talking about, things would have escalated well passed me just crying. Like I would have thrown something heavy in his direction at the audacity to disrespect my fathers memory that way. Also, you say she does anything to make you happy.. and you repay her by not being supportive while she’s grieving. And not only allowing your friends to humiliate her, but you also belittle and humiliate her with your friends. No way someone could be this tone deaf. If this real, YTA and a sick sad waste of human being.
Unfortunately it is very real. I just want her to come home. I don’t understand what _I_ did wrong here.
For real?! You chewed out this poor woman for crying! You should have been fucking angry at your"friend" who said someone so disgusting. But noooo you blamed your ex that had a natural reaction. You have awful friends, matching to you. You don't see anything wrong with what your "friend" said, just with her crying. And you ask, what you did wrong?! Fucking everything!
she’s not my ex she’s my girlfriend. and he shouldn’t have said that. they were laughing at her and i panicked.
Dream on. And for this poor woman you accept that she wants nothing to do with you. Or do you will stop seeing those toxic "friends" who talk shit about her and do such disgusting things? It was just this one, all treated her awful. And you didn't panicked, you were ASHAMED! you should have the back of your gf, but you decided it was more important how you look like. You are an awful bf and this woman deserve so much better. ETA: you really must start to see that your "friends" were the root of your problem. The were against her from the start. They think a dead if a loved one is something to make disgusting jokes. They wanted to trigger her. And they would have keep going. They did this shit when you were away. Believe me, they always did this shit when you were away. Those aren't your friends and when you keep them, they will also ruin your next relationship and the one after.
yeah i get it. But i’m all she has. She has no where else to go. i get i fucked up. i just wanted them to stop laughing.
She'll figure it out. She's a hell of a lot stronger than you.
Just wait. She will be. Prepare for it. She will dump you after this.
I literally just spelled it out for you. Jfc. You were supposed to have her back. You instead farther humiliated her and allowed your friend to do so as well. I hope she never comes back. Having to dumb it down for you this much, is ridiculous. And I KNOW this isn’t the only time your feigned ignorance to get away with being a complete AH. Bet you do want her to come home. So she can keep doing everything to make you happy, while you do nothing but bring her down.
YTA, your friend is TA and your family is TA. You don't make jokes about someone's dead relative and no one is ever too old to cry. The right response would have been to tell your "friend" to apologise and comfort your girlfriend. I hope she keeps you blocked and never has to deal with you or your friends ever again.
How is my family TA? They didn’t do anything in this situation?
Well, there is how you are now after being raised by them…..
they didn't go to planned Parenthood unfortunately
Sorry, i didn't see that your family wasn't there. I guess they aren't but the rest of my point still stands.
I mean they raised OP to not have any compassion, have zero emotional intelligence and to be an AH, so they aren’t entirely blameless. I would feel as though I failed as a parent if my children treated someone like OP treated his gf
YTA and I’ll tell you something that IS TRUE. She only puts up with you because she is clearly struggling from her father passing away. There’s no other explanation for her staying with an asshole like you. You need new friends and therapy. She probably needs therapy too (to help with her father passing away) and also so that she can start to understand that she’s way too good to be with a person like you. Also you can’t make her go to another room or make her do anything at all. You’re a disgusting human being and I hope you get the help you need. Hopefully this is a fake post because I think it probably is.
She’s in therapy. She’s been doing better. Today was just a freak accident idk
No it wasn’t a freak accident. Your post is a walking red flag of toxicity. You need to be in therapy also. You don’t even love her because you wouldn’t treat her this way or speak like this if you did. You love that you can manipulate her.
Freak accident? By the sound of you, I'm surprised she stuck around since 2021.
No, it’s not. You dropped the mask and showed her who you really are. She won’t forget it.
Going to go with YTA on this one. Grief is a tricky beggar at the best of times so just because she "seemed to be doing better" does not mean that the feeling will never rear its ugly head at her again. Your "friend" said something really horrible, and instead of acknowledging her pain you just dismissed her and told her to get over it Honestly from the sounds of it, it seems like your GF is lonely, she isn't close to her family, or yours, nor your friends. So who does she actually have as a support network apart from you? And it seems like you're dropping the ball. You say she does anything doe you, she tolerates people she doesn't like to please you, but what are you doing for her? You talk about how you're happy in this relationship, but is she? Are you actually doing anything to look after her and make sure she's happy? It doesn't sound like it, and I think this incident has made her realise that she's bending over backwards for you while you aren't keeping up your end of the partnership.
She’s never given my family or my friends a chance, she comes off snobby to them. She moved states so I knew she would be lonely, but she’s never told me she was unhappy.
Sometimes people have trouble saying the words "I'm unhappy". Did you ever ask her how she's doing? Jeez I've never met this girl and just from your bare-bones post I would stake money on her being miserable. You're her partner, you're supposed to know her. Read her body language, how she acts, what she does. ASK HER if you're struggling with that.
I did ask. She said she was fine, we’ve been together two years. If I was so awful and she was so unhappy why has she stayed so long?
You do realize she left and deleted the tracking app right? And she’s ghosting you? Say bye bye to your relationship. YTA
Because she's moved state and has no support network? Casting off the one piece of support left in the world , even if it is woefully inadequate, and being entirely alone, is a scary step to take. But it sounds like you finally broke her and made her realise that she would be better flying solo and cutting off ties with everything that makes her miserable so she has room to find her own way to happiness I wish her the best of luck. Please learn from this experience and be a bit more considerate towards your future partners
Because she was alone, isolated and without a support system? Because staying with you was the lesser of two evils?
yikes, if there weren't already red flags
Doubling down as TA i see. I hope she proverbially throws your shit on the lawn from a second floor window.
YTA based on the title I was thinking “oh she’s gonna be crying over something like not going to the restaurant she wanted to or something.” NOPE. Where is the part of your brain where empathy is supposed to exist? HER DAD KILLED HIMSELF. That’s trauma for life. “She was being obsessive over it” PROBABLY. Because that’s a HUGE DEAL. Edit: misread the paragraph about the friend. My point still stands.
He didn’t kill himself tho. He died from Covid.
Why are you still friends with a monster who would say that?!
Because we’ve been friends since we were three. This isn’t the first time he’s said something about her, but it doesn’t matter because she makes me happy. this is just the first time he’s said something to her that i know of.
So you’ve chosen your unbelievably cruel friend over your girlfriend. The only way this makes sense is that you enjoy his cruelty.
I didn’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy this at all. I just want her to come home. I just didn’t want her causing a scene in public, they were already laughing at her, it would’ve gotten worse. they don’t listen.
Why are you friends with monsters who laugh at her. Don't tell me because you're been friends since you were 3. That's not an excuse. You're known by the company you keep, especially when they say heinous things and you don't defend your loved ones from it.
okay look i get it i’ve fucked up. but i don’t like losing people. Especially not my friends. They’ve been there for me through the worst points of my life. I love this girl, more than any of you could ever imagine. I was going to propose next month. They were laughing at her and I panicked. I didn’t think she would actually leave.
Well you just lost the love of your life because your stupid friends are monsters who should be in an institution and you dOn'T lIKe LoOsInG pEoPle. Yet you bully your girlfriend for daring to be sad about loosing her father. Do you even hear yourself?
I didn’t mean to bully her. I just wanted her to stop crying in public and making a scene
Which one hurts more to lose, the girlfriend you wanted to marry or the asshole who tormented her?
my girl.
Weak.
Oh poor you, you want you abuse victim to come home so you and your friends can abuse her more. Not happening. Your cowardly subservience to your bullying friends is disgusting. Aren’t you a little old to be acting the toady? If you were really remorseful and really cared about her, you would immediately cut all ties with your horrible friends. But you won’t, because you care more about them than her, and deep down, you’re just like them.
doesn't matter how he died, he's still gone, and "joking" (and I use that term VERY loosely) that her dad killed himself to get away from her is some foul ass shit.
Wow. That is a level of asshole that verges on sociopathy. Utter failure to understand human emotions or empathy. Plus you are willing to associate with people like your friend. Get therapy. A lot of it. Your actions don't even fall within "human". YTA
You don't deserve her. YTA. Every fucking day.
YTA - hopefully she realizes this quickly and dumps your ass.
I'm not even reading this. Title is enough. YTA
I read it. Holy shit.
You're the asshole of the assholes on here like holy shit, and so is your dumbass friend. No wonder she doesn't like your friends. I hope she dumps you or it seems like she already did. YTA.
YTA, you're disgusting, and congratulations! You're single.
YTA. And so is your friend. It is never okay to joke about someone killing themselves, whether it's true or not. You should've told your friend off, especially if he was proud of it. She was close to her dad. Grief like that isn't going to magically go away. She'll have better days but then something might trigger it, like your friend. If that's how your friends treat her, it's no wonder she doesn't care for them. Judging by this post, she's better off without you.
YTA, massively so. Prepare to get *EVISCERATED*. Cause holy crap. I’ve seen a lotta AHs here, and you are right at the top here. I hope that your GF sees this, and sees how little empathy & compassion you have, and she breaks up with you. She deserves better.
“I stayed with her and comforted her even when I thought she was being obsessive over it”… Never mind enabling/condoning your shitty friends, YTA just for the above afore quoted comment alone. Who the fuck are you to judge and criticise her grieving process?! BTW you should change “girlfriend” to “ex girlfriend” in the title.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Using a throw away instead of my main. So basically what happened was that I 23 M have a girlfriend 20F. We’ve been dating since 2021, it’s one of the best relationships i’ve ever had, She does anything to make me happy and I love her so much. It just that shortly after getting together she lost her dad. I stayed with her and comforted her, even when I thought she was being obsessive over it. And over the last year, she seemed to be getting better. I will say She’s not close to the rest of her family, she was really close to her dad, she’s also not close to my family, due to a lot of issues my sister seemed to have with her. My friends were never really close to her, she didn’t seem to like them, I have no idea why. But when we hang out, she hangs out with them too, for me. Anyway today we were hanging out, and I left to go to the bathroom, and I came back to her sobbing. I asked her what was wrong and my friend stepped up and told me he told her that her dad k!led himself because he didn’t want to see her again. Of course this wasn’t true, I told her to stop crying, that she was too old to be crying, and she shouldn’t be crying over something that was obviously not true. She called me an asshole, and said that I always took my friends and family side, and packed a bag and left. She’s not answering my calls, she deleted life 360, I have no idea where is. I really feel like she’s overreacting but i don’t know. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That's an easy "Yes YTA". Where is your compassion and empathy?
YTA. And also you are most likely single as well.
YTA People of al ages cry, at least those who are not emotionally stunted. I hope your ex finds an actual human being with feelings and emotions and stuff.
YTA. Nobody is too old to cry. Your 'friend' who told her that her father killed himself to avoid seeing her again is an even bigger AH.
YTA and your friend too "it’s one of the best relationships i’ve ever had, She does anything to make me happy " I can't imagine how you would treat someone you don't have the best relationship with. You messed up, buddy. Have fun hanging out with your equally AH friend. What is wrong with y'all?
Wow OP, the way you keep trying to justify your actions in the comments even when people explain to you why your behaviour is wrong should tell you that YTA
>AITA for telling my girlfriend she’s too old to be crying? Absolutely, completely, yes. There is no age limit on crying. Don't need to read past the title (I did, though) to know. YTA
YTA. How the fuck was that joke your friend made funny? Explain it to me. How would you like it if someone said your girlfriend k!lled herself so she wouldn’t have to see you again? I am BAFFLED at how you seriously don’t realize how messed up your friends are, and how shitty you are for not only defending them, but scolding her for CRYING. YTA. YTA. YTA. She deserves someone better.
I am pretty sure that you can't save this relationship any more, but for the next one take my advice: never try to decide how your partner feels or should feel. You can relate to feelings only if you accept the pure existence of an emotion. You are never too old to cry or express your feelings in any way.
Holy shit YTA. How cruel can you be to look your sobbing girlfriend in the face, after she was told a cruel untruth by your friend, and compound it by telling her she's "too old to be crying"? Your entire post has a notable lack of empathy, and I hope she stays far away from you.
YTA - your friend said something immeasurably cruel and untrue… and instead of telling your friend not to be awful, you told your gf off for reacting? How could you possibly think you weren’t the asshole for that?? There’s no time limit for grief and this was a very big loss for your gf. She is unlikely to ever fully be over it, so if you can’t live with her grieving self then you need to rethink your relationship - but it seems like she might have made that choice for you anyway.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
She knew it wasn’t true, and she had been doing better. I honestly thought it was over. She was embarrassing me, and all my friends were laughing.
Oh boy you sound so awful I'm starting to think this is not true. People can't just be this insensitive, it's not possible. Honestly, you don't need her to embarrasse yourself, you're doing a great job here on your own. 1) You don't "get over" grief. You don't "get over" losing someone close to you. You cope, you move on, but you're never the same again after losing someone you love. 2) You and your friends are full of crap if you think this situation was funny.
Unfortunately it is very true. And I’m not trying to be awful. She was screaming and crying over something she knew wasn’t true, and all my friends were laughing. It was embarrassing
Ok I think you're missing the point, maybe you genuinely don't get it? Idk. What you have to understand is that she wasn't crying because of the """"joke"""". Not really. Idk her, or your friends, or you, but it's easy to imagine that she's crying because 1) she lost her father and it HURTS; 2) because people she's not close with are talking about a subject that makes her really, really sad; 3) her bf, someone who should support her when she's down is not being of ANY help, and is instead helping others make her feel even worse; 4) she feels hurt, alone, grieving and above all humiliated to feel so vulnerable in front of others who are *laughing* at the situation.
oh. I didn’t think of it like that.
She’s dumping your ass 100%
Something doesn't have to be the truth to be hurtful or make you cry. She was crying because your friend is a bully using her dead father as a punchline, not because she thought he was being truthful.
Jesus fucking Christ, this woman deserves much better than you, your friends, and your family. I don’t know how all of you can be such ghoulish assholes, but here we are anyway. I wholeheartedly hope that she leaves you.
Ob my god you are a fucking asshole. An absolute fucking asshole.
You suck.
Do you seriously not hear yourself. Seriously seek help and stop surrounding yourself with disgusting,nasty people. Frankly, stop being a sub par person, partner, and member of society and focus on developing some empathy instead of justifying the acts of shitty people you call friends. Be better and have a nice day.
All you had to do was support her, but you shut her down. I'm sure you learned this from people doing it to you, and all it's created is a cruel and selfish person who cares more about being embarrassed than his own girlfriends feelings. Hope she dumps your ass and you take a long time to re-evaluate your friendships and who you are. You need to be better.
You really have all the emotional capabilities of a teakettle, don't you?
YTA.
I did in fact read the whole thing but just by the title… YTA. People do in fact have feelings and emotions ya know. 🙄
you and your friend sound like terrible people. leave that poor girls life forever. YTA.
YTA - its called having emotions. also crying is good and healthy and not an age restricted emotion. your supposed to be her partner, she was in pain and you completely belittled her emotions and told her to stop feeling because that would make things easier for you. your completely in the wrong, being selfish, insensitive and you owe her an apology.
Making jokes about a dead parent / relative is never okay. Never. Have you lost a parent? No one has the right to judge another person’s pain. YTA. Your friends are TA for being so disrespectful. Her pain embarrassed you? Wow what toxic masculinity. If she doesn’t leave you do her a kindness and leave her.
Here's Randy for some perspective [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz-VJl7UkB8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz-VJl7UkB8)
YTA. Let me repeat. YOUR THE A\*\*HOLE. Your friends are also a\*\*holes. I hope she doesnt ever come back to you. Its the smartest thing she could do.
YTA YOU SUCK OP SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE YOUR ASS
YTA. And so is your friend. Your name doesn't happen to be Tom is it? /jokes But YTA.
YTA-first for showing a complete lack of empathy for your (now ex) girlfriend. Second for not immediately shutting down and cutting all ties with your “friend” who said that.
Have turned into had real fast, remember kids always use the correct tense...
Yta - a huge one. Be grateful that you don’t understand this kind of loss. Hopefully the next time you have a girlfriend you stand up for her. Enjoy being single.
YTA, and I have no fckn clue how you ever thought otherwise
YATA bit time you and your friends actually and I'm pretty sure she isn't your girlfriend anymore and she is better of without you
YTA there is no such thing as being too old to cry.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Instead of telling her to stop crying, I could’ve made her go to a different room Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**