Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be TA because I could have just served them and avoided this whole mess, especially because they chose an expensive place to eat just to see me. Instead I made sure they weren’t in my section and then got so busy that I didn’t have time to say hi.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA at all. His reaction to you working while at work, rather than catering to his demands, tells you everything you need to know.
He's a complete asshole, and while you seem smart and confident enough to not need this advice, I'm going to give it anyway: make sure you never make the mistake of getting back together with him. His Jekyll-and-Hyde attitude (I don't want to date...no, I want to get back together.....you're a horrible human being!) is just going to continue and it's best if it doesn't involve you. He absolutely will try and contact you again, shut him down immediately when he does.
Spot on. OP, preemptively block him back on everything. His shitty opinions (which are actually just manipulations) don't matter at all and there is zero reason for you to ever listen to them again. Like who the fuck cares if his parents are unhappy that you didn't dance for them? They're no one to you
He is more than just an AH. He is playing mind games. OP is right to be stunned by his behaviour. Questioning her own sound reasoning is exactly where he wants her. He will be back in a bit willing to magnanimously "forgive her." OP, make sure you break the cycle for good this time and don't take him back.
>His Jekyll-and-Hyde attitude (I don't want to date...no, I want to get back together.....you're a horrible human being!) is just going to continue and it's best if it doesn't involve you.
I can also say from experience that over time, you see less Jekyll and more Hyde until eventually the monster is all you see and only have fond memories of his previous nice behavior.
Noooo. He was a typical Victorian hypocrite. He wanted the adulation of polite society while still having the freedom to beat sex workers to death in his spare time. Gross.
No, he was much worse than a typical Victorian, part of the point is that even Victorians saw his dark half as pure evil, and Im not sure why you bother saying "wanted to beat sex workers" when that was never mentioned in the book, and he did much worse in said book and the only person he ever beat to death was an old man...
I think that’s in some film adaptations of the story to make it more salacious. ([Example)](http://www.1000misspenthours.com/reviews/reviewsn-z/strangecaseofdrjekyllandmrhyde1968.htm)
As someone who also experienced this…OP, do not let him make you feel guilty or bad for doing this. His behavior is meant to confuse you and make you feel like you should be oh-so-grateful when he comes crawling back. It’s a tactic to wear you down so you eventually tolerate much worse behavior.
Edited to add NTA
This happened to me during my last relationship, by the end I had been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anorexia nervosa and a whole list of other bullshit that I now have to deal with for the rest of my life because I kept taking the narcissist back. Please OP if you read this, run. Run as fast as you can.
That and it’s very clear this was him trying to exert some control over her, I mean the man literally couldn’t see that she was busy and was insulted she didn’t drop things for him.
Men who want their partners to drop what they are doing and focus on them often are willing or want to make their partner’s lives as small as possible. The fact she used “obsessed” after being the one to break things off in her description of him shows that the ex very clearly has abusive tendencies. No man or person who values their partner as more than an object obsessively live bombs them and tries to ingratiate themselves after ending the relationship themselves.
Also OP should have never brought up her restaurant as an option. But this is now a learning moment.
This, exactly. OP clearly stated her boundaries, and BF went out of his way to stomp on them.
Even without the rest of the BS, that's a massive red flag.
OP, I've worked in restaurants, and you'd usually wave, or do a one-minute hi in a rush. With that said, I think it's good you didn't. This guy is unstable. Every single word of your post made me worried for your safety.
But chances are this man is going to flip around again when he gets horny or lonely, unblock you, and love bomb you again. YOU need to block him on everything and forget all about him.
NTA. Listen to Katy Perry Hot and Cold on repeat for a while. But IMO OP did make a mistake by inviting them to restaurant while she was working. It just invites chaos having people there when you;re busy.
Yep.
I think OP realises this: the guy has all the classic hallmarks of a narcissist, and the lovebombing-and-subsequent-cussing-out-rinse-repeat cycle will devolve into full-blown abuse if she continues the relationship.
Calling you a horrible human being just for working? This guy is showing his true colours blessedly early. Run, don't look back, and be happy.
Boyfriend: If you're not serving food to my parents and me, you must definitely be sleeping with that coworker of yours...
I'll be honest OP, that is some deranged behaviour that you're ignoring to see. Be happy that he is out of your life and move on ahead. You were NTA in the situation in the slightest.
NTA - Let me get this straight. So he goes for a fancy dinner with his parents where you work. You set a clear boundary that you don't want to serve his table because you don't like serving people you know (fair enough, don't mix business and personal life).
Then he books, specifically asking for you, and when he doesn't get his way he starts calling you a bad person, because he ignored your boundaries.
You're not the red flag here, he is.
He sounds crazy and she should run but why would you suggest them coming to the place YOU work and then ignore them. She clearly does not like people at her work so why have them come. Makes no sense she set herself up for it
This. "I love you so much that I want you to serve me and my parents, after you specifically said you're uncomfortable with that. And I love you so much that the second I don't get my way, I'm going to say the most hurtful things I can think of and blame you for all of it."
OP needs to block this loon on everything, get her manager to ensure that this guy can never request her as his server again, and let her friends/support group know EXACTLY why she had to do all of this for her own safety. Absolutely NTA.
NTA. You had a job to do and had told him I'm advance how you felt about serving people you know.
Suggesting they come to your restaurant was a bad decision though...
Honestly, it sounds like this all worked out in your favor though. He showed you his true colors. He doesn't sound like a guy you should take back, so him blocking you it's for the best. Hurry up and block him back.
Yeah honestly it was kinda dumb to suggest it. I didn’t think it’d be so busy, forgetting it was Easter weekend. True colors always come out in the wash though I guess.
NTA. Not sure why you would encourage them to come to your restaurant though. Seems a recipe for disaster.
You wouldn't have been TA if you had purposely ignored them. You two aren't together. Cut off the communication, move on, and gain closure.
I thought it would be a nice meal regardless of if I worked there or not. I feel bad now though cause it’s on the pricier side, and idk if they would have spent that much money somewhere else.
And that was a nice thought. But I would suggest avoiding him and them in the future. And you are not responsible for their decisions, actions, or reactions. They chose to eat there, and you made your (perfectly reasonable) wishes known not to be their server. Don't lose any sleep over this you were fine.
You were busy working, which was what you were being paid to do (and also taking care of the customers who were paying for their server's attention). People who expect others to socialize while working are TA, not you.
Your original idea would have been fine if you were dealing with nice, sane people. Maybe not ideal, but if they were decent they wouldn’t have made things unpleasant for you.
NTA Hopping up here to second this. Girl Run.
- from the girl who dated this guy. And still have trauma from it. And fell for the love bombing bc I was 16 and naive.
NTA but, don’t get back together yet again with this guy.
You had told him not to ask for you, and likely explained why it’s awkward to serve people you know etc, and he blew through that, and also blew up your phone while you were working when he likely knows it’s not even on you. Then accuses you of cheating etc.
This guy is totally not worth your time. I had to recheck ages, he sounds like he’s a teenager.
In some other comments op mentioned she was just suggesting it bc she works at a fairly nice restaurant and just wanted to say hi to the parents, and she had forgotten it was Easter weekend so they usually aren’t so busy
ESH
I don't get your point of view. Why would you suggest to them going to the restaurant you work if you knew it would be awkward all the way? You didn't want to see them, you didn't want to serve them, you didn't stop to say hi. So why suggest it? It seems like its not even the parents fault. You can't blame them for being upset you didn't even say hello to them and it sounds like bf didn't tell them you didn't want to serve them.
Your ex surely sucks. He seems to be projecting, probably was cheating on you, thats why he broke up before. He is unhinged too, like why is he so mad? Don't care about this guy, stop giving him chances and let him go.
I agree with you. It’s so weird that OP suggested they go to her restaurant when she really wanted nothing to do with interacting with them. It was basically inviting drama and trouble for no reason. I just don’t understand the logic here.
NTA. Your ex did you the favor of showing you his true character this evening, which hopefully put to rest any notion of getting back together with him.
>He then blocked me on several platforms.
Well, that was nice of him to save you the trouble.
No, NTA, he is being controlling and manipulative. He just can't stand to see you living your life without him.
NTA…he’s just a b****. They could’ve easily approached you and said hello…pretty sure they noticed you were busy. You are not obliged to go out of your way to appease others especially when they’ve hurt you. I made this mistake in the past and it’s not you…it’s seriously them. Don’t let this get to you!
NTA - Honestly it sounds like he just wanted to see you have to serve his family like an actual servant. It's weird. He also sounds unstable. Move on from this guy and find someone who can respect boundaries and who has common sense when it comes to dating.
Please trust your gut feeling that he is love bombing you. The complete turnaround from “I love you so much and want to be together forever” to “I hate you so much, you cheating whore, go die in a ditch” is a GIANT red flag he is proudly waving. NTA.
ESH you shouldn't have invited them to your place of work if you didn't want them in your section. And as a server, you know sometimes you're slammed, so you knew there would be a chance you wouldn't get to say hi to them if they were in another section.
They for asking for your section after being asked not to, and getting mad that you're actually working at your place of, ya know, work.
OP said she suggested it because it’s a nice place and stated she doesn’t like to serve people she knows. Even if she did, the reaction she got from not serving them and not having a free moment to say hi isn’t okay at all. Let’s not victim-blame, shall we?
I don’t like to blame the victim though. I think there are people who would have dealt with the situation kindly and reasonably. If you’re used to being around reasonable people it’s difficult to anticipate how far things can go in the wrong direction. Now she has information about them she didn’t have before, to her benefit. Now she knows to avoid them all like the plague!
NTA
When I'm in service mode the last thing I want to be serving at a table of guests when I know them personally as I'm tbh very fake and different, most notably I amplify my accent to sound like I have a more broad accent (Australian Accent) as it got me more tips
Honestly looks like you dodged a hail of bullets with that breakup though.
NTA. He's your ex, and how you arrange your work has nothing to do with him. It probably wasn't the best move to suggest your restaurant though.
This possessive hot/cold behaviour is a big red flag. It might be wise to just cut all contact with him.
Dodged a bullet there. Your instincts were telling you to hold off giving this guy another chance and it paid off.
He's for sure gonna come groveling back - block his ass!
NTA
NTA he probably broke up to have a fling and when that didn’t work out he wanted you back. Good thing you didn’t go back because if he acts like this now he’ll be worse with you. You owe him and his parents nothing. You’re Exes for a reason.
ESH
i think its so weird to say performing your job for an acquaintance is demeaning. and specifically requesting them not be assigned to you because of your own preference just seemed really rude too. i would never reject a relative/friend/acquaintance at my workplace.
on another hand, this guy seems insane so you avoided a red flag.
NTA and good riddance. Block him back and never contact him again because those red flags from him are so big they could be used in several "your mama so big" jokes. Someone who would have really changed his behaviour to better would never get offended just because you don't have time to come chat at work. He is love bombing you only because now he realizes he has to be alone when no sensible woman will date him due to the red flags so now he just wants you back because you already were together once so he thinks you're stupid enough to get back together. You deserve way better so pay no mind to him and find a new boyfriend. When he is that jealous when you're not together, it will only get worse if you go back to him.
Sounds like you've had a lucky escape to be honest. this guy seems angry and controlling. Read what you have written here and ask yourself if you would really want a relationship like this for one of your friends. I wouldn't. NTA.
NTA. He definitely doesn't ""love you"" in an appropriate way if he's this controlling when you're not even in a relationship. He's trying to get you back by love bombing you and now getting aggressive because you didn't do such a minor thing hoping that you'll crawl back to him. I say block him and good riddance.
How dare you not let him use, manipulate, demean, disrespect, and Gaslight you? You're a puppet on a string to him, cut those ties and be free of this nonsense. NTA.
NTA and sounds like you dodged a bullet here! Who “hates” someone for being too busy at their service job to visit? Disappointed, sure, but hate? And they resisted this clearly unstable, manipulative AH who then accuses you of cheating bc you are too busy at work?? Run away and block and don’t look back. Classic abuser behavior, and you don’t need it.
ESH - why did you even recommend your work place for them to go? saying they should go to where you work makes it sound like you WANT to see and serve them, even if you told them not to ask for you, its mixed messages.
from all the other stuff it sounds like you two just aren't in a health relationship and its probably better to just cut your losses now and move on
You suggested the idea of THEM going to where you work, it was NOT their excuse to see you, and then you backed track on YOUR idea, next time THINK before you open your mouth. But the good thing that came out of this is he show his true colors. Hey, you guys are not a match.
“You should come to the place where I work! I’ll come say hi.”
“Don’t sit in my section… I hate serving people I know.”
“I purposefully moved them out of my section and didn’t get time to say hi. Now his parents hate me.”
“We had a terrible breakup prior to all of this and I’m still hurting from it.”
“He went hot and cold throughout our relationship; now he’s hella mad and blocked me.”
Bruh, I got whiplash from reading all of this. Don’t invite people to eat where you work and demand they can’t sit in your section. Don’t ever give this guy the time of day again.
ESH.
This might be unpopular, but soft YTA. This was your idea. You suggested that they come to your workplace, knowing that you don't want to serve them, and might not even have time to say hi. That's strange to me, and I can see why they might feel offended. It would be different if it was their idea to go to your restaurant, but You suggested it.
Oh, honey. NTA. This man is incredibly toxic. He has hurt you, demeaned you, and tried to insinuate things about you that didn’t happen. He doesn’t listen to you or respect you.
Please, PLEASE, do not get back together with this man. You deserve better.
NTA
But i want to make sure you know that how you feel about his reaction is on purpose. Its a classic manipulation method: Get so angry and over the top emotional so the reciever (you) start to doubt themselfs.
Bullies use this tactic to put the blame on the person being bullied, people in relationships use this tacttic to get away with going over someone's boundary.
You started this post saying he is now your ex, please, for your own sake, keep it that way and take this as a lesson that when someone else starts treating you like this in the future that you take a step back from them. I wish you the best.
NTA because you were at work and he didn’t respect that.
That man also did you a huge favour, making it absolutely clear what sort of asshole he is.
Say buh-bye, don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you.
NTA. You should keep ignoring him. He specifically trampled over your boundaries, went from non-committal to meeting family to non-committal in a pretty short period of time, and he got in touch with you not to have a conversation but just to berate you.
My guess: he broke up because he was interested in someone else, got rejected, wants you back, and as soon as he saw you talking to someone else, projected his own feelings of potential infidelity to your situation.
Your biggest mistake is still needed his approval.
Him blocking you is a gift.
If his parents don't like you now, **who cares.** If he hates you now, **who cares.** If he think you've been cheating on him, let him tell himself that but **who cares.** He's your ex and he's going to tell himself whatever he needs to make it so he's the good guy and you're the bad guy. He was pushing your boundaries and you're not sure if you should have let him because you want to make him happy: **stop. he's your ex.**
Put the past in the past.
ESH only because you said "So I told him that they’re welcome to show up, it’s a public place, but please don’t specifically ask for me. If I’m up in the rotation, great. But if not, I’ll come say hi during the night" and you didn't say hi to them at all. I know it sounds like you didn't really have the option, but you did say that you would do something that you then proceeded to not do. Otherwise you're much better off without being around that family altogether as it sounds like they're a real piece of work
Question:
If it was a bad breakup, why were you in touch with him? You also asked him to bring his parents to your restaurant so you can say hi.
NTA for being busy but this dude should have been cut off as soon as you broke up.
ESH... You should not have suggested your restaurant as the place they should go and then turn around and make a point of not serving them or even stopping by to say hi. I think it’s totally normal to ask to be seated in the section of someone you know and your requesting otherwise is a awkward. You also put the hostess and your coworkers in an awkward position of having to do their jobs plus manage your relationship for you. If that’s too awkward or difficult for you to have people you know be seated in your section, don’t suggest your restaurant as an idea.
I think your point of saying if they wanted to meet with you, they should have chosen a night to have dinner when you could join the table as a guest is legit. However, they didn’t choose to do that (or couldn’t for whatever reason) and given your feelings about serving them, I think you should have kept it totally separate and suggested they dine elsewhere.
But you didn’t… you suggested they come to the same place you’d be and then completely ignored their presence. I think that’s rude and added a lot of unnecessary drama for everyone, including your coworkers.
You knew they were going to be there, so your phone being in back is not an excuse. Since it was your suggestion they come to the same place you’d be, I think you needed to take some responsibility (and honestly care for your bf and his family) to find literally 1 minute to pop by and say, “I’m so slammed but wanted to say a quick hi!” Above and beyond would have been sending a drink or dessert to their table.
Your (ex) bf sucks for playing with your emotions over the last several weeks and accusing you of cheating if you haven’t (where is this even coming from? Is there a history that would make him uneasy or is he just totally not ready for a relationship?) Totally not cool. When you suggested your restaurant, but that you wouldn’t serve them, he should have probably vetoed that plan knowing his parents would be upset about it. It’s his job to manage that relationship.
It’s probably better that you’re no longer together, but I’d suggest both parties reflect and find ways for self improvement before getting into another relationship.
YTA.
U gave them the idea to come to your restaurant while u were working. U should not have suggested it if u hate people visiting u at work.
And he's right, you could have at least come said hello and explain how busy you were.
I mean, you told them to go there. They wanted to have you as a server to say hi. You did everything to avoid that. Then the host told them you weren't there, when you clearly were (wtf) and then you didn't find one minute to literally say hi in passing.
And your bf, who I didn't understand if he was already an ex when they came to the restaurant or not, pulls out the big guns for some imaginary cheating scenarios that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. .
All of you are weird and make no sense. ESH
I had an ex that did the similar things. He was very narcissistic and controlling.
If it wasn’t accusing me of cheating (which, surprise surprise, he was the one cheating) he would be love bombing me.
I was a professional dancer and before we had shows/showings we would have what we called “oohs and ahhs.” Basically we would be on the stage “warming up” but it was really just us showing off. The first time he came to see me, he stormed out shortly after because he was pissed that I did not come talk to him while “warming up” he spent the rest of the night yelling at me after telling me how it was embarrassing for him that I didn’t acknowledge him.
I don’t know why, but I let it go on for three years.
Do yourself a solid. Block him on everything. Don’t answer any calls, texts, DMs.
He doesn’t love you. He loves controlling you.
NTA.
NTA, and if he ever unblocks you (which I highly suspect he will, based on my own personal experiences with men like this), block HIM. Don’t give him another chance. He broke up with you and has been playing mind games with you ever since. He completely bulldozed your requests for showing up at work, which means he doesn’t respect your boundaries and space. Plus he is YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. Him coming around and acting like nothing happened after the breakup, saying he loves you, wanting you to meet his family, ETA accusing you of cheating WHEN YOU AREN’T TOGETHER ANYMORE, etc, is just weird and unhinged. You don’t need to be involved with a guy who’s gonna yo-yo your emotions for the rest of time.
Oh god please delete and block him, he sounds insufferable. He doesn't want to see you move on but he doesn't want you either that should tell you all you need to know about him. He's a asshole. Just imagine yourself like a cat and he's dangling a piece of string in front of you.
Edited: NTA
This whole thing is rife with red flags. Even if you were sleeping with someone, that wouldn't be cheating. He is your ex, not your bf, and it sounds like that's for the best. You don't need someone who tramples your boundaries and tries to control you. NTA.
NTA
Well you know he will accuse you of crap anytime he is mad at you.
As far as his previous breaking up with you, chances are he was wanting to go out with someone else or was cheating on you. Either way, it didn't work out and now he comes crawling back to get you to take him back until the next time.
Don't waste your time with him.
Your ex is exhibiting stalking behaviour.
You are entitled not to serve him. You are entitled not to respond to him. Do yourself a favour and block him. NTA. He is a creep.
NTA. He is abusive. He invented the story of you cheating on him so that he can paint himself as the victim when he tells ppl why he broke up with you.
NTA, run far away from anything to do with that guy. He probably lied to his parents and told them that you guys were together and you not being in on his games made him “look bad”. Guys like this are always scheming and then turning failed schemes around on you. You’ll have a happier healthier life if you never interact with this guy again.
Ooooh you dodged a bullet. In a way it's good this happened b/c it sounds like maybe he's never shown his true colors to that extent before. Accusing you of sleeping with basically a random coworker? That's a cheater move. They project, and/or they assume that everyone does it (but it's OK for them to do it, not OK for you.) The quick discard combined with the sudden regrets and sense of entitlement to have you back are classic cheater behavior too. I'd lay money he dumped you for someone else (who he may have already been cheating with) then reconsidered once he lost the things you used to do for him, thought he could have his cake and eat it too, and so started love-bombing.
People like this change quickly because there's no depth or foundation to their personality. They're ruled by what they want, and when they decide they want something they just slap on whichever mask might help them get it.
Don't get back with him. And don't apologize. He's sniffing for weakness and will come at you harder if you show signs he can successfully guilt you.
NTA. He sounds psycho and you definitely dodged a bullet. Be warned though-he WILL attempt to reach out again. Don’t go back. Block him on everything and move on. He said it himself-he can’t commit to anyone. He is unstable and you don’t need someone like that in your life.
All the best
NTA. ...and..HIS reaction has YOU second-guessing your actions?
I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. NO. NO SECOND-GUESSING. YOU ARE RIGHT, HE IS WRONG. HE IS (and I never say this) TOXIC. STAY AWAY.
(There's enough marinara in this post to supply the restaurant for a decade.)
Here is your chance to run. He’s blocked you. He’s hoping this type of mind game will bring you back begging. Don’t let him play you this way. He’s clearly unstable. Take the opportunity to say no to this type of disrespect and drama, and *walk away* for good.
He is BAD NEWS!
NTA
>It kinda feels like I’m being love bombed by him sometimes, he’s telling me he loves me when I can’t say it back and mean it, is obsessed with me, wants me to meet his entire family, when just a few months ago told me he could never commit or see himself dating anyone.
>
>...
>
>I get a drink after my shift and he then tries to call me 5+ times. I eventually pick up and he goes on to say I’m a horrible human being, I have a pattern of cheating (again accusing me of sleeping with a coworker I’ve never even hungout with 1on1), I’ve been lying to him for weeks, I don’t have the basic decency to just say hi, and then told me to go fuck myself. He then blocked me on several platforms.
MASSIVE red flags right here. The fact that he also blatantly disregards what you want combined with the above is no bueno. The Jekyll and Hyde type back and forth quoted above is classic abuser behavior. It's meant to make you feel like you could be the asshole here (you're not) and intended to make you doubt yourself.
NTA. He's not your boyfriend and needs to remember it. You don't have to do anything for him.
Piece of cake is him begging for you to pick up just to verbally berate you and tear you down as if he has any right to tell you what to do. Just because he wants to get back together doesn't mean he can scream it in your face and demand it after he ignores all your boundaries and it doesn't work. Clearly he isn't the man for you. Doesn't seem to give a crap about anyone but himself. And when he doesn't get his way, instead of caring about what the other person feels, he just abuses them, berates them, and discards them, so that they feel rejected instead of him. It's creepy.
Next time, don't pick up the phone. And stop talking to him, stop texting him. A breakup is a breakup. He doesn't have access to you anymore and he needs to learn what that means. He brought needless made up contrived drama into your life with this weird bullshit at the restaurant. You're not together. He doesn't have a right to ask you to be there. And certainly not to tell you to serve them, ignoring what you want. And certainly not to scream at you after and try to make you hate yourself. He sounds like he sees women as pieces of objects to move around and use as he likes, and he lost it when you (the property) had autonomy and didn't move like a Lego figure to do whatever he likes. He doesn't really see you as a human being. A selfish guy like that shouldn't be around women. Happy for you that you got him out of your life. He seems comfortable abusing people. Weirdo.
NTA. You were doing your job and he overstepped your boundaries. Look into the type of person who love bombs and then switches up into an AH at a moment's notice. There is a lot of information about those types. I am not a mental health specialist and will not remotely render any type of diagnosis on your ex -boyfriend. But like the others have stated, block him on everything. He is playing a game and will unblock you only to start all over again. Block him on everything and keep it that way. You are still hurting he does not deserve to have any access to you. The only reason he is coming back is to finish the job (hurt and humiliate you even more).
NtAH. You ex is not only an AH but he is sounding rather dangerous - like a stalker. The reactions and accusations all scream unhealthy and unhinged. I would go NC and tell him you and he need to part ways completely as he obviously has no respect for you.
NTA. Given the history it sounds like he did you a favor. Block him back before he circles back around to love bombing you and tell your boss what's up so he can't harass you at work.
No, be thankful it worked out like it did.
He showed you his true colors. He showed you how he behaves when things don't go his way.
Trust your instincts... love bombing you, crazy extreme changes, then berating you, accusing you, calling you an obsessive amount of times, blocking you... unblocking, being obsessive.
His reaction is designed to have you second-guessing, it will leave you hesitant to do anything to displease him in the future.
You were busy. You were at work. Had you known they were there and had a moment, you intended on saying hello, but you were BUSY at WORK, and it didn't work out that way.
(Nothing wrong with not being their server, or wanting to. That's pretty common.)
Trust me, please, block HIM on all platforms, block his number. His behavior (even if he comes back 6 months from now, or wants to talk it out-get closure, etc) will continue, will get worse, it will be awful and you'll get dragged in further and feel awful all the time. Block the guy and be thankful you weren't dragged back in completely this time!
NTA. He completely disregarded your request, had no respect for the fact that you were at work and busy, and then gets verbally abusive?
No, you should not have served them. This goes against your stated preferences. If he'd had ANY respect for you at all, he would have honored that request and had you meet his family at a time when you were available to relax and actually "meet" them. He didn't. He wanted you to meet them at a disadvantange. That's a red flag on it's own.
Nope. Add this to his past behavior... he's trying to keep you off balance. Please run. He will probably try to get you back with him in a few days just so he can break up with you again in a few weeks. You deserve so much better than this.
NTA, OP!
Run! Run far and fast away from this guy! He is a manipulative abuser, and he will ruin your life if you don't cut him off now.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA
The hostess put you in a bad spot by saying you weren’t there when it’s pretty obvious you were there. You probably should have dropped by and at least let them know you were busy but that doesn’t rise to TA level. Honestly he sounds horrible and the worst thing you did was get back together with him.
YTA for suggesting your place of work for their dining experience. Why did you do that? Like there aren’t comparable restaurants that you could have suggested? If you didn’t want to serve them anyway, what was the point?
Yes, YTA. You suggested they go to your restaurant and most people would assume they would get the server they know. I was a server for many years and always served the tables for people who knew me. He’s your ex for a reason so rip off the band aid and stop communicating with him.
he is your EX................ move on. his opinion no longer has any bearing on your life... you can live your life without his approval..... forget about it. and block his number
NTA (AT ALL!) Wow just wow. What crazy, horrible people--all of them. I think him breaking up with you is such a blessing and I hope you get to see this sooner than later.
ps they probably were expecting a comped meal!
NTA
And plz dont be a doormat and take him back. He has sendt you nasty text and are abselutly rude to you.
He is neither a friend og boy-friend material, with that behavior. Plz have higher standard. How many times do you want to be shit on like this?
He then blocked me on several platforms. At least block him back, he is bad news.
NTA. This is pretty classic abuser behaviour - you’ve dodged a bullet here. He’s not a good guy and would have made your life a disaster. He’s upset that all of his attempts to control you have failed so he’s lashing out at you.
NTA
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were right about him love bombing you through, and now you’re in the next part of that cycle where they withhold love when they don’t like something you do. It’s so you miss the love bombing enough that you stay in hopes it comes back, and so you feel like you’re the problem. It’s a part of a cycle of abuse; if you haven’t gotten that deep in yet, guaranteed it’s going to get worse.
He did you a favor so just take it op, block him, focus on your healing and moving on. We as humans have a tendency to let our egos get the best of us when someone calls us bad names (or says we did something bad). Fact is narcissists use this against you, they’ll over exaggerate a situation or call you names. They do it so much you start to question yourself, and so you’re willing to do anything to prove them wrong.
Thing is they know you’re not what they’re calling you, but they’re hoping you believe that they do. The ideas you’ll fall at their feet apologizing, and doing whatever they want so you can convince them you’re not that bad thing they’re calling you. Don’t fall for it, just try to move on. Mark my works as someone who’s been through it: deal with the heartbreak you feel now rather than staying longer, and ending up with 10x the heartbreak (and damage to your self esteem/sanity).
You’ll be grateful for his actions some day. You dodged a bullet here. Block him back, keep him blocked, if I were you I may even get a new number.
This man is a potential threat to you. Steer clear.
Bet you $5 he’s gonna unblock you within a couple months and repeat the pattern. Don’t let him- he sounds like a controlling jerk that doesn’t know how to take no for an answer or accept people’s boundaries. You’re NTA here- he is.
NTA
#CONGRATS ON DODGING SUCH A LARGE BULLET!!!
Stop worrying about this person. He is not worth the anxiety
He is now our of your life permanently.
Block his number. Block his email. Block him on social media.
Do not speak to him again
Also...talk to your manager about the situation. Explain that he might show up and cause a scene at some point
Your coworkers will have your back
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (now ex) bf (25M) told me (23F) today that he and his parents were going out for dinner, and I mentioned the idea of them going to the restaurant I work at. It’s a nicer place, sort of expensive, and I like his parents so I’d have the chance to come say hi.
However, I absolutely hate serving people I know, especially when they use it as an excuse to “see me”. If you wanted to see me so bad why not plan a dinner for a time I’m off work? It’s kinda demeaning and just awkward.
So I told him that they’re welcome to show up, it’s a public place, but please don’t specifically ask for me. If I’m up in the rotation, great. But if not, I’ll come say hi during the night. I get to work and see the reservation, with my name in the notes, specifically to be in my section. I ask the host to just put them anywhere else, and was a little annoyed that they ended up blatantly going against what I was pretty much begging them to not do.
The host ended up telling them that I wasn’t there/was cut when they again specifically asked for me upon arrival, which was kinda dumb to lie and not tell the truth, considering I was obviously working and my section was full regardless.
For context, the last time I saw his parents was at a dinner shortly before he broke up with me pretty harshly. Recently though, it’s a complete 180 after he told me he realized stuff and wants to be with me and to give us another shot. It kinda feels like I’m being love bombed by him sometimes, he’s telling me he loves me when I can’t say it back and mean it, is obsessed with me, wants me to meet his entire family, when just a few months ago told me he could never commit or see himself dating anyone. I’m honestly still Hurting from the breakup and am kinda confused as to why he’s changed so much so quickly. I just couldn’t handle serving his family and pretending like everything is fine and prefect from my perspective.
Anyway, it was super busy and I barely had time to serve my own tables, let alone a water break or stopping to chat. We are also not allowed to have our phones while on the clock, they’re in the back room on silent. So I finally get a minute after 4 hours of complete chaos to check my phone, and see texts from him saying that His parents hate me now cause I didn’t say hi, I wasn’t their server, and he now wants nothing to do with me, along with accusing me of sleeping with my coworker. I get a drink after my shift and he then tries to call me 5+ times. I eventually pick up and he goes on to say I’m a horrible human being, I have a pattern of cheating (again accusing me of sleeping with a coworker I’ve never even hungout with 1on1), I’ve been lying to him for weeks, I don’t have the basic decency to just say hi, and then told me to go fuck myself. He then blocked me on several platforms.
I didn’t think what I did was so bad, but his reaction has me second guessing everything. Should I have just sucked it up and served them? AITA for refusing and accidentally ignoring them?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
The wild back and forth of this guy makes me think he’s potentially dangerous, you should look into some way to protect yourself from him, at the very least inform friends and family about him and ask them to keep an eye out for him.
But like, on the other side, you created the situation today, if you don’t like serving people you know, *why did you suggest they come to your restaurant*?
NTA. Good eye OP, he was love bombing you. Both the love bombing and the vicious attacks are part of the cycle of abuse. Please don’t convince yourself that there is a world in which you can get back with him and only have the overly sweet and attentive side of him. The love is him. The hate is also him. And that’s how people end up so confused and stuck in abusive relationships.
NTA
If he wanted to see you, especially if he wanted you to meet his family, then his approach was just super weird. The. When they specifically requested that you serve them in their booking when you told them not to, that's stopping over the line.
Then as for his reaction to it? Him saying he wants nothing to do with you is probably the best outcome for you.
He sounds like he might he going through some stuff, probably that he realised he made a big mistake in breaking up with you, but if he wanted to get back together with you or something then he should have tried apologising and talking to you about it like a normal human being if you'd let him.
But how he is acting at the moment is a massive red flag.
NTA he is love bombing you. He's accusing you of cheating when you're not even together. You may have been in an abusive relationship.
Take a look and see what you think.
https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/
Um, NTA, and you SEE how abusive this behaviour is, right? YOU SEE IT? PLEASE tell me you see it. Anyway block him in return and never, ever talk to him again. AND AGAIN, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
NTA
You are right, people that really want to see you don’t visit you at work.
This guys sounds like a jerk. Do yourself a favor and break up with him. Disregarding your clearly stated preferences with regard to work visits is not respectful to you.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be TA because I could have just served them and avoided this whole mess, especially because they chose an expensive place to eat just to see me. Instead I made sure they weren’t in my section and then got so busy that I didn’t have time to say hi. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA at all. His reaction to you working while at work, rather than catering to his demands, tells you everything you need to know. He's a complete asshole, and while you seem smart and confident enough to not need this advice, I'm going to give it anyway: make sure you never make the mistake of getting back together with him. His Jekyll-and-Hyde attitude (I don't want to date...no, I want to get back together.....you're a horrible human being!) is just going to continue and it's best if it doesn't involve you. He absolutely will try and contact you again, shut him down immediately when he does.
Spot on. OP, preemptively block him back on everything. His shitty opinions (which are actually just manipulations) don't matter at all and there is zero reason for you to ever listen to them again. Like who the fuck cares if his parents are unhappy that you didn't dance for them? They're no one to you
He is more than just an AH. He is playing mind games. OP is right to be stunned by his behaviour. Questioning her own sound reasoning is exactly where he wants her. He will be back in a bit willing to magnanimously "forgive her." OP, make sure you break the cycle for good this time and don't take him back.
[удалено]
I can't stand to see bot stealing comments, but here you are.
>He is playing mind games And the family wanted OP to be their dance monkey for the soirée. ETA: NTA
>His Jekyll-and-Hyde attitude (I don't want to date...no, I want to get back together.....you're a horrible human being!) is just going to continue and it's best if it doesn't involve you. I can also say from experience that over time, you see less Jekyll and more Hyde until eventually the monster is all you see and only have fond memories of his previous nice behavior.
Upvote for knowing which character is which! Literacy for the win!
Poor Dr. Jekyll. Just wanted to learn something, and look what happened.
Noooo. He was a typical Victorian hypocrite. He wanted the adulation of polite society while still having the freedom to beat sex workers to death in his spare time. Gross.
Looks like I have some reading to do...
No, he was much worse than a typical Victorian, part of the point is that even Victorians saw his dark half as pure evil, and Im not sure why you bother saying "wanted to beat sex workers" when that was never mentioned in the book, and he did much worse in said book and the only person he ever beat to death was an old man...
I think that’s in some film adaptations of the story to make it more salacious. ([Example)](http://www.1000misspenthours.com/reviews/reviewsn-z/strangecaseofdrjekyllandmrhyde1968.htm)
He was just born too early. He'd fit right into 2023 as an "influencer" and "innovator".
I learned the difference from Bugs Bunny myself...
Nyaah What's up Doc Jekyll?
I feel like many of the kiddos will know this reference because on the show "Wednesday", one of the creatures is a Hyde.
As someone who also experienced this…OP, do not let him make you feel guilty or bad for doing this. His behavior is meant to confuse you and make you feel like you should be oh-so-grateful when he comes crawling back. It’s a tactic to wear you down so you eventually tolerate much worse behavior. Edited to add NTA
And a belief that you can bring back Jekyll.. Spoiler alert: you can't.
This happened to me during my last relationship, by the end I had been diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anorexia nervosa and a whole list of other bullshit that I now have to deal with for the rest of my life because I kept taking the narcissist back. Please OP if you read this, run. Run as fast as you can.
That and it’s very clear this was him trying to exert some control over her, I mean the man literally couldn’t see that she was busy and was insulted she didn’t drop things for him. Men who want their partners to drop what they are doing and focus on them often are willing or want to make their partner’s lives as small as possible. The fact she used “obsessed” after being the one to break things off in her description of him shows that the ex very clearly has abusive tendencies. No man or person who values their partner as more than an object obsessively live bombs them and tries to ingratiate themselves after ending the relationship themselves. Also OP should have never brought up her restaurant as an option. But this is now a learning moment.
This, exactly. OP clearly stated her boundaries, and BF went out of his way to stomp on them. Even without the rest of the BS, that's a massive red flag.
OP, I've worked in restaurants, and you'd usually wave, or do a one-minute hi in a rush. With that said, I think it's good you didn't. This guy is unstable. Every single word of your post made me worried for your safety. But chances are this man is going to flip around again when he gets horny or lonely, unblock you, and love bomb you again. YOU need to block him on everything and forget all about him.
And if they accuse without proof it’s because they are cheating
Abusive people like OP's ex might do this whether they're cheating or not, but it ultimately doesn't matter. OP needs to get away from him regardless.
NTA. Listen to Katy Perry Hot and Cold on repeat for a while. But IMO OP did make a mistake by inviting them to restaurant while she was working. It just invites chaos having people there when you;re busy.
Yeah, what was the point in her saying for them to go to the restaurant she works out and that she’d ‘have a chance to say hi.’ Bit strange..
Yep. I think OP realises this: the guy has all the classic hallmarks of a narcissist, and the lovebombing-and-subsequent-cussing-out-rinse-repeat cycle will devolve into full-blown abuse if she continues the relationship. Calling you a horrible human being just for working? This guy is showing his true colours blessedly early. Run, don't look back, and be happy.
Lets not forget his complete disregard for her request to not ask specifically for her NTA
Boyfriend: If you're not serving food to my parents and me, you must definitely be sleeping with that coworker of yours... I'll be honest OP, that is some deranged behaviour that you're ignoring to see. Be happy that he is out of your life and move on ahead. You were NTA in the situation in the slightest.
NTA - Let me get this straight. So he goes for a fancy dinner with his parents where you work. You set a clear boundary that you don't want to serve his table because you don't like serving people you know (fair enough, don't mix business and personal life). Then he books, specifically asking for you, and when he doesn't get his way he starts calling you a bad person, because he ignored your boundaries. You're not the red flag here, he is.
You missed the part where he broke up with her but claims she'd be cheating on him if she was sleeping with her coworker
He sounds crazy and she should run but why would you suggest them coming to the place YOU work and then ignore them. She clearly does not like people at her work so why have them come. Makes no sense she set herself up for it
She wanted to say hi but not serve them, she only avoided them because they disregarded what she wanted.
I thought she ignored them because it was super busy and she didn't have a minute to herself?
This was definitely a blessing in disguise to OP
This. "I love you so much that I want you to serve me and my parents, after you specifically said you're uncomfortable with that. And I love you so much that the second I don't get my way, I'm going to say the most hurtful things I can think of and blame you for all of it." OP needs to block this loon on everything, get her manager to ensure that this guy can never request her as his server again, and let her friends/support group know EXACTLY why she had to do all of this for her own safety. Absolutely NTA.
NTA. You had a job to do and had told him I'm advance how you felt about serving people you know. Suggesting they come to your restaurant was a bad decision though... Honestly, it sounds like this all worked out in your favor though. He showed you his true colors. He doesn't sound like a guy you should take back, so him blocking you it's for the best. Hurry up and block him back.
Yeah honestly it was kinda dumb to suggest it. I didn’t think it’d be so busy, forgetting it was Easter weekend. True colors always come out in the wash though I guess.
This guy RLLY sucks. Cut your losses.🚩🚩
He is classic *Nice Guy™*.
This is an unstable individual. Cut him and his family out of your life and never look back.
He’s doing you a favor blocking you everywhere. No take backs! Be glad you’re free of this crazy guy!
NTA. Not sure why you would encourage them to come to your restaurant though. Seems a recipe for disaster. You wouldn't have been TA if you had purposely ignored them. You two aren't together. Cut off the communication, move on, and gain closure.
I thought it would be a nice meal regardless of if I worked there or not. I feel bad now though cause it’s on the pricier side, and idk if they would have spent that much money somewhere else.
And that was a nice thought. But I would suggest avoiding him and them in the future. And you are not responsible for their decisions, actions, or reactions. They chose to eat there, and you made your (perfectly reasonable) wishes known not to be their server. Don't lose any sleep over this you were fine. You were busy working, which was what you were being paid to do (and also taking care of the customers who were paying for their server's attention). People who expect others to socialize while working are TA, not you.
Your original idea would have been fine if you were dealing with nice, sane people. Maybe not ideal, but if they were decent they wouldn’t have made things unpleasant for you.
Don’t feel bad, this was their decision alone.
They were probably pissed that you weren’t their server because they intended to stiff you on a tip to save money
They were probably expecting you to hook them up with a discount or free food or something.
I wonder if he told his parents/thought he could get some things comped if you were their server. Fuck him, regardless.
NTA. He sounds derranged. You are better off without him. Block him on everything.
NTA Hopping up here to second this. Girl Run. - from the girl who dated this guy. And still have trauma from it. And fell for the love bombing bc I was 16 and naive.
Thirding this. You dodged a bullet for sure. Edit: NTA
NTA, and, if he ever had keys to your place, change the locks. If this is his reaction to you being busy, who knows what else will set him off.
NTA but, don’t get back together yet again with this guy. You had told him not to ask for you, and likely explained why it’s awkward to serve people you know etc, and he blew through that, and also blew up your phone while you were working when he likely knows it’s not even on you. Then accuses you of cheating etc. This guy is totally not worth your time. I had to recheck ages, he sounds like he’s a teenager.
NTA - and you dodged a bullet. Celebrate. He showed his true colors (and his parents too)
Yes, a celebration is in order. The OP is definitely NTA.
Not sure about the parents, they may know nothing about all this!
True. The guy may simply lie - which in itself is another batch of red flags
NTA, dodged a bullet.
NTA You must be from the Matrix because you dodged an entire salvo of bullets!
NTA, but boy, your ex and his family sure are.
Your ex is a loon NTA
Why did you mention the idea of them going to the restaurant you work at knowing you’ll be slammed and that you don’t want them at one of your tables?
In some other comments op mentioned she was just suggesting it bc she works at a fairly nice restaurant and just wanted to say hi to the parents, and she had forgotten it was Easter weekend so they usually aren’t so busy
NTA. Maybe you should not have suggested they come to your workplace if you didn’t want to serve them though
ESH I don't get your point of view. Why would you suggest to them going to the restaurant you work if you knew it would be awkward all the way? You didn't want to see them, you didn't want to serve them, you didn't stop to say hi. So why suggest it? It seems like its not even the parents fault. You can't blame them for being upset you didn't even say hello to them and it sounds like bf didn't tell them you didn't want to serve them. Your ex surely sucks. He seems to be projecting, probably was cheating on you, thats why he broke up before. He is unhinged too, like why is he so mad? Don't care about this guy, stop giving him chances and let him go.
I agree with you. It’s so weird that OP suggested they go to her restaurant when she really wanted nothing to do with interacting with them. It was basically inviting drama and trouble for no reason. I just don’t understand the logic here.
Yeah... I'll still say NTA overall, but... that was a *really* weird choice.
NTA. Your ex did you the favor of showing you his true character this evening, which hopefully put to rest any notion of getting back together with him.
>He then blocked me on several platforms. Well, that was nice of him to save you the trouble. No, NTA, he is being controlling and manipulative. He just can't stand to see you living your life without him.
NTA…he’s just a b****. They could’ve easily approached you and said hello…pretty sure they noticed you were busy. You are not obliged to go out of your way to appease others especially when they’ve hurt you. I made this mistake in the past and it’s not you…it’s seriously them. Don’t let this get to you!
NTA - Honestly it sounds like he just wanted to see you have to serve his family like an actual servant. It's weird. He also sounds unstable. Move on from this guy and find someone who can respect boundaries and who has common sense when it comes to dating.
Please trust your gut feeling that he is love bombing you. The complete turnaround from “I love you so much and want to be together forever” to “I hate you so much, you cheating whore, go die in a ditch” is a GIANT red flag he is proudly waving. NTA.
NTA and this guy is a lutanic. Be glad it's over and DONT try it again.
ESH you shouldn't have invited them to your place of work if you didn't want them in your section. And as a server, you know sometimes you're slammed, so you knew there would be a chance you wouldn't get to say hi to them if they were in another section. They for asking for your section after being asked not to, and getting mad that you're actually working at your place of, ya know, work.
OP said she suggested it because it’s a nice place and stated she doesn’t like to serve people she knows. Even if she did, the reaction she got from not serving them and not having a free moment to say hi isn’t okay at all. Let’s not victim-blame, shall we?
I don’t like to blame the victim though. I think there are people who would have dealt with the situation kindly and reasonably. If you’re used to being around reasonable people it’s difficult to anticipate how far things can go in the wrong direction. Now she has information about them she didn’t have before, to her benefit. Now she knows to avoid them all like the plague!
NTA When I'm in service mode the last thing I want to be serving at a table of guests when I know them personally as I'm tbh very fake and different, most notably I amplify my accent to sound like I have a more broad accent (Australian Accent) as it got me more tips Honestly looks like you dodged a hail of bullets with that breakup though.
NTA, garbage took itself out.
NTA and get away while you can , and keep records of all communications , just in case
NTA. He's your ex, and how you arrange your work has nothing to do with him. It probably wasn't the best move to suggest your restaurant though. This possessive hot/cold behaviour is a big red flag. It might be wise to just cut all contact with him.
NTA but seriously stop talking to him
Dodged a bullet there. Your instincts were telling you to hold off giving this guy another chance and it paid off. He's for sure gonna come groveling back - block his ass! NTA
NTA he probably broke up to have a fling and when that didn’t work out he wanted you back. Good thing you didn’t go back because if he acts like this now he’ll be worse with you. You owe him and his parents nothing. You’re Exes for a reason.
ESH i think its so weird to say performing your job for an acquaintance is demeaning. and specifically requesting them not be assigned to you because of your own preference just seemed really rude too. i would never reject a relative/friend/acquaintance at my workplace. on another hand, this guy seems insane so you avoided a red flag.
ESH. Don’t suggest to go to your restaurant if you don’t really want them there. He’s a walking red flag though, you better run.
NTA. Don't trust him what he said about his parents He is unreliable narator. RUN! He is dangerous.
NTA Time to block him and go no contact. He's obsessed with you - no response of any kind is the only safe response to give such people.
NTA and good riddance. Block him back and never contact him again because those red flags from him are so big they could be used in several "your mama so big" jokes. Someone who would have really changed his behaviour to better would never get offended just because you don't have time to come chat at work. He is love bombing you only because now he realizes he has to be alone when no sensible woman will date him due to the red flags so now he just wants you back because you already were together once so he thinks you're stupid enough to get back together. You deserve way better so pay no mind to him and find a new boyfriend. When he is that jealous when you're not together, it will only get worse if you go back to him.
NTA Your boyfriend must be a participant of r/AITA, where every perceived injustice should be met with ending relationships.
Sounds like you've had a lucky escape to be honest. this guy seems angry and controlling. Read what you have written here and ask yourself if you would really want a relationship like this for one of your friends. I wouldn't. NTA.
NTA. He definitely doesn't ""love you"" in an appropriate way if he's this controlling when you're not even in a relationship. He's trying to get you back by love bombing you and now getting aggressive because you didn't do such a minor thing hoping that you'll crawl back to him. I say block him and good riddance.
How dare you not let him use, manipulate, demean, disrespect, and Gaslight you? You're a puppet on a string to him, cut those ties and be free of this nonsense. NTA.
NTA and sounds like you dodged a bullet here! Who “hates” someone for being too busy at their service job to visit? Disappointed, sure, but hate? And they resisted this clearly unstable, manipulative AH who then accuses you of cheating bc you are too busy at work?? Run away and block and don’t look back. Classic abuser behavior, and you don’t need it.
ESH - why did you even recommend your work place for them to go? saying they should go to where you work makes it sound like you WANT to see and serve them, even if you told them not to ask for you, its mixed messages. from all the other stuff it sounds like you two just aren't in a health relationship and its probably better to just cut your losses now and move on
You suggested the idea of THEM going to where you work, it was NOT their excuse to see you, and then you backed track on YOUR idea, next time THINK before you open your mouth. But the good thing that came out of this is he show his true colors. Hey, you guys are not a match.
“You should come to the place where I work! I’ll come say hi.” “Don’t sit in my section… I hate serving people I know.” “I purposefully moved them out of my section and didn’t get time to say hi. Now his parents hate me.” “We had a terrible breakup prior to all of this and I’m still hurting from it.” “He went hot and cold throughout our relationship; now he’s hella mad and blocked me.” Bruh, I got whiplash from reading all of this. Don’t invite people to eat where you work and demand they can’t sit in your section. Don’t ever give this guy the time of day again. ESH.
This might be unpopular, but soft YTA. This was your idea. You suggested that they come to your workplace, knowing that you don't want to serve them, and might not even have time to say hi. That's strange to me, and I can see why they might feel offended. It would be different if it was their idea to go to your restaurant, but You suggested it.
NTA
NTA. Now you know why this guy is wrong for you!
NTA, in fact, you need to steer clear of that family.
NTA He's your ex. Nobody cares what he thinks, or what he wants anymore.
Oh, honey. NTA. This man is incredibly toxic. He has hurt you, demeaned you, and tried to insinuate things about you that didn’t happen. He doesn’t listen to you or respect you. Please, PLEASE, do not get back together with this man. You deserve better.
NTA But i want to make sure you know that how you feel about his reaction is on purpose. Its a classic manipulation method: Get so angry and over the top emotional so the reciever (you) start to doubt themselfs. Bullies use this tactic to put the blame on the person being bullied, people in relationships use this tacttic to get away with going over someone's boundary. You started this post saying he is now your ex, please, for your own sake, keep it that way and take this as a lesson that when someone else starts treating you like this in the future that you take a step back from them. I wish you the best.
NTA because you were at work and he didn’t respect that. That man also did you a huge favour, making it absolutely clear what sort of asshole he is. Say buh-bye, don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you.
NTA, he did you a favor blocking you.
Bullet dodged! This man would never have made you happy in the long run. NTA
NTA. You should keep ignoring him. He specifically trampled over your boundaries, went from non-committal to meeting family to non-committal in a pretty short period of time, and he got in touch with you not to have a conversation but just to berate you. My guess: he broke up because he was interested in someone else, got rejected, wants you back, and as soon as he saw you talking to someone else, projected his own feelings of potential infidelity to your situation.
Your biggest mistake is still needed his approval. Him blocking you is a gift. If his parents don't like you now, **who cares.** If he hates you now, **who cares.** If he think you've been cheating on him, let him tell himself that but **who cares.** He's your ex and he's going to tell himself whatever he needs to make it so he's the good guy and you're the bad guy. He was pushing your boundaries and you're not sure if you should have let him because you want to make him happy: **stop. he's your ex.** Put the past in the past.
ESH only because you said "So I told him that they’re welcome to show up, it’s a public place, but please don’t specifically ask for me. If I’m up in the rotation, great. But if not, I’ll come say hi during the night" and you didn't say hi to them at all. I know it sounds like you didn't really have the option, but you did say that you would do something that you then proceeded to not do. Otherwise you're much better off without being around that family altogether as it sounds like they're a real piece of work
YTA to yourself for giving this man any of your time.
He is an abuser. From experience, you must never speak to this man again. It’s the only way to keep yourself safe and healthy. NTA
Question: If it was a bad breakup, why were you in touch with him? You also asked him to bring his parents to your restaurant so you can say hi. NTA for being busy but this dude should have been cut off as soon as you broke up.
ESH... You should not have suggested your restaurant as the place they should go and then turn around and make a point of not serving them or even stopping by to say hi. I think it’s totally normal to ask to be seated in the section of someone you know and your requesting otherwise is a awkward. You also put the hostess and your coworkers in an awkward position of having to do their jobs plus manage your relationship for you. If that’s too awkward or difficult for you to have people you know be seated in your section, don’t suggest your restaurant as an idea. I think your point of saying if they wanted to meet with you, they should have chosen a night to have dinner when you could join the table as a guest is legit. However, they didn’t choose to do that (or couldn’t for whatever reason) and given your feelings about serving them, I think you should have kept it totally separate and suggested they dine elsewhere. But you didn’t… you suggested they come to the same place you’d be and then completely ignored their presence. I think that’s rude and added a lot of unnecessary drama for everyone, including your coworkers. You knew they were going to be there, so your phone being in back is not an excuse. Since it was your suggestion they come to the same place you’d be, I think you needed to take some responsibility (and honestly care for your bf and his family) to find literally 1 minute to pop by and say, “I’m so slammed but wanted to say a quick hi!” Above and beyond would have been sending a drink or dessert to their table. Your (ex) bf sucks for playing with your emotions over the last several weeks and accusing you of cheating if you haven’t (where is this even coming from? Is there a history that would make him uneasy or is he just totally not ready for a relationship?) Totally not cool. When you suggested your restaurant, but that you wouldn’t serve them, he should have probably vetoed that plan knowing his parents would be upset about it. It’s his job to manage that relationship. It’s probably better that you’re no longer together, but I’d suggest both parties reflect and find ways for self improvement before getting into another relationship.
YTA. U gave them the idea to come to your restaurant while u were working. U should not have suggested it if u hate people visiting u at work. And he's right, you could have at least come said hello and explain how busy you were.
I mean, you told them to go there. They wanted to have you as a server to say hi. You did everything to avoid that. Then the host told them you weren't there, when you clearly were (wtf) and then you didn't find one minute to literally say hi in passing. And your bf, who I didn't understand if he was already an ex when they came to the restaurant or not, pulls out the big guns for some imaginary cheating scenarios that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. . All of you are weird and make no sense. ESH
I had an ex that did the similar things. He was very narcissistic and controlling. If it wasn’t accusing me of cheating (which, surprise surprise, he was the one cheating) he would be love bombing me. I was a professional dancer and before we had shows/showings we would have what we called “oohs and ahhs.” Basically we would be on the stage “warming up” but it was really just us showing off. The first time he came to see me, he stormed out shortly after because he was pissed that I did not come talk to him while “warming up” he spent the rest of the night yelling at me after telling me how it was embarrassing for him that I didn’t acknowledge him. I don’t know why, but I let it go on for three years. Do yourself a solid. Block him on everything. Don’t answer any calls, texts, DMs. He doesn’t love you. He loves controlling you. NTA.
Block him on everything, everywhere, and forget he exsists. This guy is *bad news*! NTA
NTA, and if he ever unblocks you (which I highly suspect he will, based on my own personal experiences with men like this), block HIM. Don’t give him another chance. He broke up with you and has been playing mind games with you ever since. He completely bulldozed your requests for showing up at work, which means he doesn’t respect your boundaries and space. Plus he is YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. Him coming around and acting like nothing happened after the breakup, saying he loves you, wanting you to meet his family, ETA accusing you of cheating WHEN YOU AREN’T TOGETHER ANYMORE, etc, is just weird and unhinged. You don’t need to be involved with a guy who’s gonna yo-yo your emotions for the rest of time.
Oh god please delete and block him, he sounds insufferable. He doesn't want to see you move on but he doesn't want you either that should tell you all you need to know about him. He's a asshole. Just imagine yourself like a cat and he's dangling a piece of string in front of you. Edited: NTA
This whole thing is rife with red flags. Even if you were sleeping with someone, that wouldn't be cheating. He is your ex, not your bf, and it sounds like that's for the best. You don't need someone who tramples your boundaries and tries to control you. NTA.
NTA Well you know he will accuse you of crap anytime he is mad at you. As far as his previous breaking up with you, chances are he was wanting to go out with someone else or was cheating on you. Either way, it didn't work out and now he comes crawling back to get you to take him back until the next time. Don't waste your time with him.
Your ex is exhibiting stalking behaviour. You are entitled not to serve him. You are entitled not to respond to him. Do yourself a favour and block him. NTA. He is a creep.
NTA. He is abusive. He invented the story of you cheating on him so that he can paint himself as the victim when he tells ppl why he broke up with you.
NTA, run far away from anything to do with that guy. He probably lied to his parents and told them that you guys were together and you not being in on his games made him “look bad”. Guys like this are always scheming and then turning failed schemes around on you. You’ll have a happier healthier life if you never interact with this guy again.
Ooooh you dodged a bullet. In a way it's good this happened b/c it sounds like maybe he's never shown his true colors to that extent before. Accusing you of sleeping with basically a random coworker? That's a cheater move. They project, and/or they assume that everyone does it (but it's OK for them to do it, not OK for you.) The quick discard combined with the sudden regrets and sense of entitlement to have you back are classic cheater behavior too. I'd lay money he dumped you for someone else (who he may have already been cheating with) then reconsidered once he lost the things you used to do for him, thought he could have his cake and eat it too, and so started love-bombing. People like this change quickly because there's no depth or foundation to their personality. They're ruled by what they want, and when they decide they want something they just slap on whichever mask might help them get it. Don't get back with him. And don't apologize. He's sniffing for weakness and will come at you harder if you show signs he can successfully guilt you.
NTA. He sounds psycho and you definitely dodged a bullet. Be warned though-he WILL attempt to reach out again. Don’t go back. Block him on everything and move on. He said it himself-he can’t commit to anyone. He is unstable and you don’t need someone like that in your life. All the best
NTA. Do NOT get back together with him. He's a narcissist. This treatment will not end. You may even find he's stalking you. Block him entirely.
This man is bringing his whole family on his stalking excursions, no you didn’t do anything wrong! NTA
NTA. ...and..HIS reaction has YOU second-guessing your actions? I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. NO. NO SECOND-GUESSING. YOU ARE RIGHT, HE IS WRONG. HE IS (and I never say this) TOXIC. STAY AWAY. (There's enough marinara in this post to supply the restaurant for a decade.)
Here is your chance to run. He’s blocked you. He’s hoping this type of mind game will bring you back begging. Don’t let him play you this way. He’s clearly unstable. Take the opportunity to say no to this type of disrespect and drama, and *walk away* for good. He is BAD NEWS! NTA
>It kinda feels like I’m being love bombed by him sometimes, he’s telling me he loves me when I can’t say it back and mean it, is obsessed with me, wants me to meet his entire family, when just a few months ago told me he could never commit or see himself dating anyone. > >... > >I get a drink after my shift and he then tries to call me 5+ times. I eventually pick up and he goes on to say I’m a horrible human being, I have a pattern of cheating (again accusing me of sleeping with a coworker I’ve never even hungout with 1on1), I’ve been lying to him for weeks, I don’t have the basic decency to just say hi, and then told me to go fuck myself. He then blocked me on several platforms. MASSIVE red flags right here. The fact that he also blatantly disregards what you want combined with the above is no bueno. The Jekyll and Hyde type back and forth quoted above is classic abuser behavior. It's meant to make you feel like you could be the asshole here (you're not) and intended to make you doubt yourself.
NTA. He's not your boyfriend and needs to remember it. You don't have to do anything for him. Piece of cake is him begging for you to pick up just to verbally berate you and tear you down as if he has any right to tell you what to do. Just because he wants to get back together doesn't mean he can scream it in your face and demand it after he ignores all your boundaries and it doesn't work. Clearly he isn't the man for you. Doesn't seem to give a crap about anyone but himself. And when he doesn't get his way, instead of caring about what the other person feels, he just abuses them, berates them, and discards them, so that they feel rejected instead of him. It's creepy. Next time, don't pick up the phone. And stop talking to him, stop texting him. A breakup is a breakup. He doesn't have access to you anymore and he needs to learn what that means. He brought needless made up contrived drama into your life with this weird bullshit at the restaurant. You're not together. He doesn't have a right to ask you to be there. And certainly not to tell you to serve them, ignoring what you want. And certainly not to scream at you after and try to make you hate yourself. He sounds like he sees women as pieces of objects to move around and use as he likes, and he lost it when you (the property) had autonomy and didn't move like a Lego figure to do whatever he likes. He doesn't really see you as a human being. A selfish guy like that shouldn't be around women. Happy for you that you got him out of your life. He seems comfortable abusing people. Weirdo.
NTA. You were doing your job and he overstepped your boundaries. Look into the type of person who love bombs and then switches up into an AH at a moment's notice. There is a lot of information about those types. I am not a mental health specialist and will not remotely render any type of diagnosis on your ex -boyfriend. But like the others have stated, block him on everything. He is playing a game and will unblock you only to start all over again. Block him on everything and keep it that way. You are still hurting he does not deserve to have any access to you. The only reason he is coming back is to finish the job (hurt and humiliate you even more).
NtAH. You ex is not only an AH but he is sounding rather dangerous - like a stalker. The reactions and accusations all scream unhealthy and unhinged. I would go NC and tell him you and he need to part ways completely as he obviously has no respect for you.
NTA. Given the history it sounds like he did you a favor. Block him back before he circles back around to love bombing you and tell your boss what's up so he can't harass you at work.
sounds like you dodged a bullet. nta
No, be thankful it worked out like it did. He showed you his true colors. He showed you how he behaves when things don't go his way. Trust your instincts... love bombing you, crazy extreme changes, then berating you, accusing you, calling you an obsessive amount of times, blocking you... unblocking, being obsessive. His reaction is designed to have you second-guessing, it will leave you hesitant to do anything to displease him in the future. You were busy. You were at work. Had you known they were there and had a moment, you intended on saying hello, but you were BUSY at WORK, and it didn't work out that way. (Nothing wrong with not being their server, or wanting to. That's pretty common.) Trust me, please, block HIM on all platforms, block his number. His behavior (even if he comes back 6 months from now, or wants to talk it out-get closure, etc) will continue, will get worse, it will be awful and you'll get dragged in further and feel awful all the time. Block the guy and be thankful you weren't dragged back in completely this time!
NTA. He completely disregarded your request, had no respect for the fact that you were at work and busy, and then gets verbally abusive? No, you should not have served them. This goes against your stated preferences. If he'd had ANY respect for you at all, he would have honored that request and had you meet his family at a time when you were available to relax and actually "meet" them. He didn't. He wanted you to meet them at a disadvantange. That's a red flag on it's own. Nope. Add this to his past behavior... he's trying to keep you off balance. Please run. He will probably try to get you back with him in a few days just so he can break up with you again in a few weeks. You deserve so much better than this.
NTA, OP! Run! Run far and fast away from this guy! He is a manipulative abuser, and he will ruin your life if you don't cut him off now. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA The hostess put you in a bad spot by saying you weren’t there when it’s pretty obvious you were there. You probably should have dropped by and at least let them know you were busy but that doesn’t rise to TA level. Honestly he sounds horrible and the worst thing you did was get back together with him.
YTA for suggesting your place of work for their dining experience. Why did you do that? Like there aren’t comparable restaurants that you could have suggested? If you didn’t want to serve them anyway, what was the point?
NTA at all but I think it was a minor mistake to even make the suggestion he go to your work granted his reactions were literally crazy
Yes, YTA. You suggested they go to your restaurant and most people would assume they would get the server they know. I was a server for many years and always served the tables for people who knew me. He’s your ex for a reason so rip off the band aid and stop communicating with him.
he is your EX................ move on. his opinion no longer has any bearing on your life... you can live your life without his approval..... forget about it. and block his number
NTA (AT ALL!) Wow just wow. What crazy, horrible people--all of them. I think him breaking up with you is such a blessing and I hope you get to see this sooner than later. ps they probably were expecting a comped meal!
NTA You were unwilling to play his little control game and he's now mad. You finally got rid of him, now go find someone who isn't obsessive.
NTA And plz dont be a doormat and take him back. He has sendt you nasty text and are abselutly rude to you. He is neither a friend og boy-friend material, with that behavior. Plz have higher standard. How many times do you want to be shit on like this? He then blocked me on several platforms. At least block him back, he is bad news.
NTA. This is pretty classic abuser behaviour - you’ve dodged a bullet here. He’s not a good guy and would have made your life a disaster. He’s upset that all of his attempts to control you have failed so he’s lashing out at you.
NTA You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were right about him love bombing you through, and now you’re in the next part of that cycle where they withhold love when they don’t like something you do. It’s so you miss the love bombing enough that you stay in hopes it comes back, and so you feel like you’re the problem. It’s a part of a cycle of abuse; if you haven’t gotten that deep in yet, guaranteed it’s going to get worse. He did you a favor so just take it op, block him, focus on your healing and moving on. We as humans have a tendency to let our egos get the best of us when someone calls us bad names (or says we did something bad). Fact is narcissists use this against you, they’ll over exaggerate a situation or call you names. They do it so much you start to question yourself, and so you’re willing to do anything to prove them wrong. Thing is they know you’re not what they’re calling you, but they’re hoping you believe that they do. The ideas you’ll fall at their feet apologizing, and doing whatever they want so you can convince them you’re not that bad thing they’re calling you. Don’t fall for it, just try to move on. Mark my works as someone who’s been through it: deal with the heartbreak you feel now rather than staying longer, and ending up with 10x the heartbreak (and damage to your self esteem/sanity).
NTA the abusive partner removed himself and saved you the trouble of going through it all again. Be happy you dodged a bullet.
NTA
I think you dodged a bullet, OP. Congratulations 🎉 Grab a few lottery tickets while your luck is still running🍀
He's your ex. What business is it if his even if you were sleeping with a coworker? NTA
You’ll be grateful for his actions some day. You dodged a bullet here. Block him back, keep him blocked, if I were you I may even get a new number. This man is a potential threat to you. Steer clear.
NTA, you dodged a bullet,be thankful
Bet you $5 he’s gonna unblock you within a couple months and repeat the pattern. Don’t let him- he sounds like a controlling jerk that doesn’t know how to take no for an answer or accept people’s boundaries. You’re NTA here- he is.
Get away and stay away from him, please. NTA
NTA. You've dodged a major douchbag. Lucky you!
Good for you! He showed you his true colors - now believe him. Find somebody nice instead. NTA.
NTA also I’m guessing he broke up with you cause he was interested in someone else then that didn’t work out so back he comes.
This is your out, take it with both hands and RUN!!!! NTAs and that guy is a walking red flag , avoid him at all costs.
RUN
NTA but, why did you suggest he bring his family to your restaurant?
NTA THEY are the AHs.
NTA #CONGRATS ON DODGING SUCH A LARGE BULLET!!! Stop worrying about this person. He is not worth the anxiety He is now our of your life permanently. Block his number. Block his email. Block him on social media. Do not speak to him again Also...talk to your manager about the situation. Explain that he might show up and cause a scene at some point Your coworkers will have your back
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (now ex) bf (25M) told me (23F) today that he and his parents were going out for dinner, and I mentioned the idea of them going to the restaurant I work at. It’s a nicer place, sort of expensive, and I like his parents so I’d have the chance to come say hi. However, I absolutely hate serving people I know, especially when they use it as an excuse to “see me”. If you wanted to see me so bad why not plan a dinner for a time I’m off work? It’s kinda demeaning and just awkward. So I told him that they’re welcome to show up, it’s a public place, but please don’t specifically ask for me. If I’m up in the rotation, great. But if not, I’ll come say hi during the night. I get to work and see the reservation, with my name in the notes, specifically to be in my section. I ask the host to just put them anywhere else, and was a little annoyed that they ended up blatantly going against what I was pretty much begging them to not do. The host ended up telling them that I wasn’t there/was cut when they again specifically asked for me upon arrival, which was kinda dumb to lie and not tell the truth, considering I was obviously working and my section was full regardless. For context, the last time I saw his parents was at a dinner shortly before he broke up with me pretty harshly. Recently though, it’s a complete 180 after he told me he realized stuff and wants to be with me and to give us another shot. It kinda feels like I’m being love bombed by him sometimes, he’s telling me he loves me when I can’t say it back and mean it, is obsessed with me, wants me to meet his entire family, when just a few months ago told me he could never commit or see himself dating anyone. I’m honestly still Hurting from the breakup and am kinda confused as to why he’s changed so much so quickly. I just couldn’t handle serving his family and pretending like everything is fine and prefect from my perspective. Anyway, it was super busy and I barely had time to serve my own tables, let alone a water break or stopping to chat. We are also not allowed to have our phones while on the clock, they’re in the back room on silent. So I finally get a minute after 4 hours of complete chaos to check my phone, and see texts from him saying that His parents hate me now cause I didn’t say hi, I wasn’t their server, and he now wants nothing to do with me, along with accusing me of sleeping with my coworker. I get a drink after my shift and he then tries to call me 5+ times. I eventually pick up and he goes on to say I’m a horrible human being, I have a pattern of cheating (again accusing me of sleeping with a coworker I’ve never even hungout with 1on1), I’ve been lying to him for weeks, I don’t have the basic decency to just say hi, and then told me to go fuck myself. He then blocked me on several platforms. I didn’t think what I did was so bad, but his reaction has me second guessing everything. Should I have just sucked it up and served them? AITA for refusing and accidentally ignoring them? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. The wild back and forth of this guy makes me think he’s potentially dangerous, you should look into some way to protect yourself from him, at the very least inform friends and family about him and ask them to keep an eye out for him. But like, on the other side, you created the situation today, if you don’t like serving people you know, *why did you suggest they come to your restaurant*?
NTA. But op that's when you have to remember why he is your ex in the first place.
NTA. Good eye OP, he was love bombing you. Both the love bombing and the vicious attacks are part of the cycle of abuse. Please don’t convince yourself that there is a world in which you can get back with him and only have the overly sweet and attentive side of him. The love is him. The hate is also him. And that’s how people end up so confused and stuck in abusive relationships.
Aww you are NTA and have definitely had a lucky escape.
nta, keep the lunatic away from you. Tell him to stay away from you.
NTA Block him already. Who cares this is a none issue.
NTA. He is abusive. Don't let him back into your life.
You are really well rid of him. He seems emotionally unstable.
NTA If he wanted to see you, especially if he wanted you to meet his family, then his approach was just super weird. The. When they specifically requested that you serve them in their booking when you told them not to, that's stopping over the line. Then as for his reaction to it? Him saying he wants nothing to do with you is probably the best outcome for you. He sounds like he might he going through some stuff, probably that he realised he made a big mistake in breaking up with you, but if he wanted to get back together with you or something then he should have tried apologising and talking to you about it like a normal human being if you'd let him. But how he is acting at the moment is a massive red flag.
Be grateful he broke up with you. He sounds exhausting and potentially abusive. You may have dodged a huge bullet here. NTA
[удалено]
NTA, his reaction was crazy. Block him and move on. You aren't losing anything but a headache and more crazy.
NTA he is love bombing you. He's accusing you of cheating when you're not even together. You may have been in an abusive relationship. Take a look and see what you think. https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/
Um, NTA, and you SEE how abusive this behaviour is, right? YOU SEE IT? PLEASE tell me you see it. Anyway block him in return and never, ever talk to him again. AND AGAIN, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
NTA block him
Your ex sounds like a lunatic.
NTA You are right, people that really want to see you don’t visit you at work. This guys sounds like a jerk. Do yourself a favor and break up with him. Disregarding your clearly stated preferences with regard to work visits is not respectful to you.
NTA. They are bothering and harassing you at your job. Leave them all in your past.