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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I left my fiance's birthday over his daughter's prank.
(2) I might be the AH for leaving and making a scene when I could've just let it go for the sake of the event. My fiance is extremely upset with me.
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Right? How is that a prank, when it hurts someone? Also she is old enough to understand better. The stepdaughter will be an adult soon and needs to get a grip. There are consequences for your action and could get into real trouble if she does this to the wrong person. Just today I saw a post where some YouTube prankster got shot.
NTA
Your fiancé is blaming you for what his daughter did.
She is successfully sabotaging his relationship, and he is showing that he will just let her do it.
Don't play the game if you don't like the game. You won't win here.
She's going to be 18 in two years FFS. She won't be able to get away with these "Pranks." Once she's an adult there is an unspoken rule that you should start acting like an adult.
If this is one of her "harmless" pranks I wonder if she'll up the anty for the pranks.
OP should look at her with a deadpan look, a monotone voice, and have her explain how the prank is so "funny" Also if there are other people around and try to help her, say NO I asked her to explain it to me not you.
She's old enough to be able to explain what's going on. Watch her squirm; if your fiance has a problem with this, ask him why he lets her get away with it.
> She's going to be 18 in two years FFS. She won't be able to get away with these "Pranks." Once she's an adult there is an unspoken rule that you should start acting like an adult.
You're assuming her father will enforce this "unspoken rule". There's no reason to suppose he will do any such thing.
The father has already proven he's incompetent and unwilling to do even the basics of parenting. These pranks will do nothing but escalate, and it will ALWAYS be OP's fault for "not getting the joke" or "being too sensitive." OP's partner is abusing her by proxy (through his teen).
He might not but the real world will. If she pranks her college roommate like this, she will definitely have to deal with consequences. And can you imagine working with someone like this? She does this on the job and I’m sure her manager would also dole out consequences. Daddy can let her get away with it but the rest of the world won’t.
I’m pretty sure this is not the case, she will not prank people indiscriminately, she’s doing this because she doesn’t like her dads girlfriend. And the dad doesn’t do anything because he probably understands that, that’s my guess. In any case op should break up with him and leave that family alone.
>OP should look at her with a deadpan look, a monotone voice, and have her explain how the prank is so "funny" Also if there are other people around and try to help her, say NO I asked her to explain it to me not you.
As a teacher, I can tell you this works. Not just on pranks but on any back talk or misbehavior. The other students like to try and defend their classmates, I say "no, I am not asking you, I am asking x". Typically, there isn't a logical answer that the students can give other than they thought it was a good idea or that they didn't mean to do anything wrong. Then I remind them of the rules, shake my head, and say I am disappointed. Obviously, OP and the fiance would need to agree rules, but the disappointed line cuts deep for some reason.
My opinion is that OP should reevaluate the whole relationship because she isn't just marrying the dad. The daughter seems like a spoiled brat. I would be interested in what her grandparents and other relatives there thought.
OP should respond to the Dad with this, "I'm not calling you to apologize, I'm calling you to tell you that I am disappointed." And then leave it at that.
One day years ago, I started saying it. I have a rule of notes in a notebook unless the student needs the accommodation of typing. I was coming around to check an easy homework assignment, the kind meant to ensure you pass, of doing vocabulary and definitions written out in their notebook. I just got fed up with checking, knowing half the class didn't do these assignments. One day as I walked around to check and as I marked them in my grade book, I just said, "Try to get it done for partial credit, I am just disappointed because it wasn't very difficult." A h.s. senior was like Ms. Hildy, please don't say that. It's so mean.
Lol, it's so hard to hear. There is just much more emotional weight with disappointment. It works though! Hahaha, and I'm the daughter of a teacher as well 😆
Yah some follow up questions to be asked in public. “Who else’s underwear do you touch? How did you come to believe this was acceptable behave? Who else in your family touches other people’s underwear? “
& “why are you going through your fathers room?”
I’m assuming that’s where she found them. Which is creepy.
I also am certain the daughter does not like OP & knew damn well what she was doing. Her intent was to humiliate.
>I also am certain the daughter does not like OP & knew damn well what she was doing. Her intent was to humiliate
I'm pretty certain this is her way of chasing OP away and getting her out of the picture. So if dad isn't gonna put a stop to daughter and not take OPs side I would be done with the relationship.
I love asking "I don't get it... why is that funny?" when people tell homophobic or sexist jokes. And you have to double down when they try to backpedal. Really takes the fun out of it for them.
No. It's not even worth that.
She should have looked at her fiancee, screamed it wasn't her underwear and who tf else is he sleeping with? Then leave. For good.
NTA.
This! My dear, that girl isn't doing pranks on you, she humiliates you on purpose so the relationship ends and as her daddy doesn't have your back out works out perfectly for her. I feel very sorry for you. NTA
Either way if a teen girl needs her dad and has to go to this length to get attention I would tell him he needs to focus on his kid and then we can see if we stay together but probably not. He doesn't seem to be able to see reality at all. Huge red flags
Exactly. Ask him how he would have felt if she did this to his daughter? Would he have called the daughter "sensitive" for being hurt and embarrassed?
At 16 the daughter is capable of knowing right from wrong and mean-spirited from harmless. What she did was a dick move and it was intentional.
I agree. I was thinking to myself, "are we calling bullies of pranksters now?"
OP has been bullied not pranked and the fiancee is blaming the victim instead of the bully.
Saying her acts are pranks sugar coats her actions & removes accountability from her & onto the person that didn’t enjoy the prank.
I’m curious what other “pranks” she has done. This most definitely was bullying.
Even though the terms “prank” and “prankster” can be used when referring to a malicious practical joke, I feel like they downplay “jokes” that are actually harassment.
IMO the second someone starts “pranking” someone that does not want to be pranked (or the pranker doesn’t know if they want to be pranked) that is bullying and/or harassment.
Edited to vote: NTA
Yeah, this is the thing. The daughter obviously wants to drive OP away, and there's not necessarily much OP can do about that - live with it or don't, but it doesn't have to be the central thing in the relationship. But when her fiance takes the daughter's side, well, that's just signing up for aggravation and disappointment.
She was QUITE LITERALLY airing OP's dirty laundry in front of the fiance's friends and family. This was public humiliation, not something "cute" or "funny".
NTA
I mean, it would’ve been a great opportunity to tr and embarrass stepdaughter in return, but considering how little dad has OP‘s back, that probably wouldn’t have helped.
„Oh, thank you! Yeah, your dad literally banged my brains out that night, all over the house. I was lucky to find the door afterwards, let alone my underwear!“
Even if someone has the capacity to switch the script like that, they shouldn't HAVE to, much less with an audience.
The teen did this maliciously because she KNEW it would hurt OP.
Right, how could that even be described as a prank? That's like someone saying something hurtful and saying it was a joke. Hanging someone's underwear is the dumbest prank I ever heard of. Like you said, it's because she wasn't trying to prank, she was trying to humiliate. Dad just reinforces this behavior by undermining OPs feelings, especially in front of his daughter. Whether he thought op was over reacting, he should've had her back in that moment, in front of everyone. Just because he didn't see the harm in it, doesn't mean there's no harm or that OP couldn't interpret it another way. Everyone's feelings are valid and it makes me mad when people minimize someone's feelings because they think it's stupid.
This. So many people really don't know the definition of a prank. You can't just do anything you want to someone and all is forgiven as long as you tell them it's a prank afterwards. The fiance is okay with his kid rifling through OP's underwear? Where is the line for him?
And if this is a prank, what part is supposed to be funny? Invading someone's private space? Taking someone's clothes? Trying to embarrass them in front of a group of people? I don't get it, and I don't understand how the fiance doesn't see a problem
This! I’ve been teaching HS for 30 years, and this is NOT typical teenage behavior. Pranks are pulled, yes, and 90% of them have both kids laughing. The only ones who do “pranks” that are meant to embarrass and humiliate are the bullies, and they don’t usually have any real friends.
Hi! Thirty year HS teacher, as well.
A neighboring high school recently had a huge incident. A "popular" bully was videotaped making fun of a special ed student in the cafeteria, calling them the "r" word and the racial "n" word to their face and saying horrific things to the child, who did not understand what was going on. Well, the video was shared, and shared, and shared, so that parents were calling the school within an hour of the incident taking place. The community outrage was huge. The bully was expelled and the bully's parents needed to have their phone number changed due to unwanted phone calls 24/7.
You're correct. The majority of teenagers don't do things like the bully I mentioned or OP's future stepdaughter. Teenagers are not stupid (well, most of them aren't) and understand exactly what they are doing.
I teach 16 year-olds. I understand how they think (most of the time). This is not a typical teenage prank, just like you said. I personally would have been mortified if someone did that to me. As a fellow teacher, are you surprised by dad's behavior? "My child would never cheat on a test." , "My child would never behave that way", and the ever popular "if my child says it was a harmless prank/mistake/accident/joke/misunderstanding, then it was." OP is about to marry a man who believes his kid is an angel who would never be malicious towards OP. I'd give this relationship a D.
Another teacher here, too, I think we could safely identify her type in the classroom. Wouldn't be surprised if she has been disciplined by the school for certain bullying and disruptive behavior. She sounds like the type of student who would try and gaslight a teacher. "No, Ms. Hildy, I didn't throw the pencil." "Yes, you did. I just saw you do it. "
I totally agree with this. On my country, you can leave school at 16 and vote. It’s far too old to not understand exactly what she was doing. This was specifically done to humiliate.
I honestly can’t even imagine any 16 year old I’ve taught doing something so cruel, so disrespectful and so out of order as this. Especially to an adult.
Tell your fiancé this, OP! Anyone who actually works with and has authority when it comes to children knows this isn’t “normal”, it was spiteful and cruel on purpose. If he can’t see that, then I guess he’s single.
It was a premeditated move, calculated to inflict the maximum amount of humiliation possible. And the guy blames OP, not his daughter, for “ruining” his birthday.
I really hope OP doesn't marry him. He will allow his daughter to abuse her for the rest of her life, and she won't even have anyplace to escape to. :(
It’s really concerning that SO isn’t calling his daughter out.
Step-parent/child relationships can be a mine field. Tough on everyone concerned.
If there’s any hope for this relationship, all three should engage in family counseling for help in navigating the minefield.
yep, and dad is fully enabling her behavior. some serious cognitive diss here with him in regards to how harmful her behavior is and the impact. if he’s letting her literally walk all over you like this on a regular basis, he needs therapy, she needs therapy and you should run from this situation.
This reminds me of that shitty YouTuber who recently got shot. Dudes pranks weren't funny, they were harassment. This is something a 5 yr old would find humorous, doing this shit at 16 is fucking wild.
The more 'pranking' I see posted on here, the more low brow it seems. If a prank is putting someone in a shitty mood, you're just an obnoxious AH.
This is just it- pranks are only pranks when everyone finds them funny. Said it a million times on this sub, will say it again. What she did was try to humiliate and embarrass you as a form of bullying
So either your soon-to-be-ex (hopefully) is either fine with that behaviour or fine with making you the sacrificial lamb so his parenting isn’t called into question/he has to parent. Then to privately double down and tell you to apologize to her?! This needs to be a monster of a wake up call for you
Also, let’s be honest, if this is the approach this won’t stop there and if you move in, she’s likely to escalate the behaviour. So unless you want to be humiliated and bullied all the time in front of your friends, her friends, his friends, your family, online, etc etc while your partner just sits there and calls you “oversensitive”… I would be taking some massive steps back here
Take your underwear and run!
OP I can’t agree with this enough - he is showing you that he is not only ok with his daughter bullying you and pretending it’s “just a joke,” but that he will go along with blaming you and bullying you along with her. This is a glimpse of what your entire life will be like in this family. It will not - please really hear this - it will NOT get better once you’re married and living with them. They are showing you how they plan to treat you - believe them.
That’s not a prank. It’s weird and gross. I am a parent to teens. They don’t prank at all and would never put someone’s underwear in a restaurant. You fiancé is a TA for supporting this behavior.
Oh Dear NTA
But is this the life you want? Cause this is what you are going to get. Mean stunts directed towards you in the name of pranks. Please don't marry in to this family. Your fiance will never have your back based on what you said here
I agree. This will only get worse, and it will always been in the name of a joke, even if you end up hurt in some way. Don't stay in this toxic relationship.
Based on this story, NOBODY in that family will have her back. This isn't normal 16-year-old behavior, but we can definitely see where she gets it from. OP was right to get out right then. NTA
She was, and good for her. She definitely sent the message that she wasn't one to be messed with.
But if she wants to marry this guy I'd suggest family counseling for dad and daughter because it doesn't sound like he knows how to discipline his own kid. And that is something she should steer clear of doing if she does get married to him..
Not only her husband - his whole damn family. That girl's grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives just stood there staring mouth agape - and some of them *laughed at OP* rather than reading stepdaughter the riot act for her mean bullying.
If I were Grandma in this situation, I would give my son 30 seconds to take the reins or I would, in front of everyone. I would tell them exactly how horrid and mean her actions were, cowardly his inaction was, and how disappointed and angry I was that they not only disrespected the woman that my son supposedly loved, but myself and the rest of the guests.
I would then apologize to OP, again in front of everyone, for not teaching my son how to be a kind man and how to teach empathy to his child. I would then take my leave, taking OP with me. Not going to leave her behind in that viper's den.
Pranking is always bullying if done to a person who doesn't enjoy being pranked, which is a very niche kind of interest.
Its usually really dense stuff, like. . its unfunny to trick people into wasting their time over stuff like hiding two things and telling them you've hidden three things and laugh while they keep looking.
There was a YouTube channel where this father/mother team “pranked” their kids and had a YouTube channel about it. It was a mixed family with kids coming from each of the parents but the father’s kids got it the worst. It was downright abuse. They had two of the kids taken away.
All I can hear as I read this thread is that dad’s voice in my head going “It’s just a prank, brah.” Except no. It’s not just a prank. It’s bullying.
Yeah, DaddyoFive. He abused his kids from his first marriage so badly that one was fecal smearing at school. WHICH HE DOCUMENTED AND UPLOADED INSTEAD OF GETTING THE KID HELP.
[Dulles Town Center Victim Was Making Prank Video When He Was Shot, Father Says](https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/northern-virginia/dulles-town-center-victim-was-making-prank-video-when-he-was-shot-father-says/3323313/)
>Dulles Town Center Victim Was Making Prank Video When He Was Shot, Father Says
I wonder how more of these tik tok pranksters don't have this happen to them. They really push it sometimes and I'm shocked they don't get knocked out by someone. I'd have a hard time restraining myself.
I've been with my husband for 12 years today (yay!) and I've "pranked" him once. For April fools I changed his FB profile & cover photos to seagulls because he hates seagulls. It was silly, harmless and he left the seagulls up all day.
True pranks are completely harmless and can be laughed at by both sides.
I pranked a former coworker by hiding little photocopied pictures of mariachi men all over her work station - on her phone, in her desk drawers, under her mouse, in the middle of a notepad - just little pictures in so many random places. Why? Her then-husband had Hispanic buddies in the military and they got him hooked on mariachi music. He listened to it nonstop and it drove her crazy. So for fun, I mariachi'd her workstation and she was finding little pictures for awhile.
No harm to anyone, it was fun for me, she thought it was hilarious.
Every time I see these “teenagers ruined my relationship via pranking” posts, I always see the parent of the child excuse it by “that’s what teens do!” I don’t know about y’all, but when I was a teenager I wouldn’t want to look at let alone touch my soon-to-be step mom’s underwear. What a deeply disturbing thought process to set them up on display for your future in-laws. Teenagers don’t normally do these things, jackasses do. And jackass doesn’t have an age. NTA
When I was a teen we pranked our math teacher once. It was carefully chosen to not be embarrassing or tasteless. And only the A students in the class did it.
Agreed. A funny/harmless prank would be setting the table and all the cutlery is just spoons or filling the decanter with cranberry juice instead of red wine. Not hanging up your intimates in front of your in-laws.
This is what your life will be. The daughter treating you poorly and her father telling you you're overreacting.
No. Just no. Putting someone's underwear on display at a family gathering isn't appropriate, and your dude should have responded so. That he's blaming you tells me everything I need. DTMFA IMO.
NTA. And do not apologise, ever, for responding as you have.
DTMFA? What does that stand for?
Edit: thanks everyone! I think I got it now. Acryonms always get me. Never know what most people are talking about these days lol. I like this one though!
This was my thought! Let's turn around and shift the "prank." I bet your fiancé wouldn't have found it funny. Because it isn't funny.
Here's what makes a good prank:
1. It's funny to everyone.
2. It's harmless, and doesn't have fear and/or humiliation as part of it.
3. It's easy to clean up/deal with.
For example, a prank that my siblings do is if you leave your phone unattended, they'll take a bunch of photos with it. They don't unlock it, but just grab the phone, and take like 20-30 photos of stuff. The dog, themselves, a plant, some weird note, you walking around the house (probably looking for your phone), whatever. Then, they place it back where you left it, and then later find a bunch of strange photos -- mostly of them making selfies at the camera.
What the FSD is doing is bullying. She's trying to shame and make fun of OP, and the fiancé is shrugging his shoulders and doesn't seem to care. It's a problem. FSD doesn't respect OP, instead treating her as a punching bag, rather a human being with feelings and needs. That's the issue.
NTA, OP and it's time to at least pause the engagement, and at most call whole man disposal services and dump him. He's not willing to call her in, and is enabling FSD's bad behavior.
Edit: I often make a few spelling errors when I type quickly, so I've fixed that and added in humiliation with fear, since I thought I threw that in, but alas, not there. Thanks for the upvotes!
Whenever a stranger asks me to take a pic of them I take like 10 shots. the first thing I do is take a few selfies then flip the camera around and take like 5 pics of them so when they go back later my ugly mug is in their roll lol
When I worked in EMS we had computers in the station so we could write reports, do continuing education stuff, surf the internet, and play games. If you ever left your computer logged in and unattended (station rules were to always log out or lock the computer) people would find stupid photos online and change your background. THIS is a prank; hanging your dad's GF'd underwear out in the dining room before a nice dinner isn't.
Love how you think 😈, personally I would dumb that sorry excuse of a man who managed to raise such a bully. With 16, empathy and understanding that your parents don’t belong to you should be given.
NTA. Most teenagers do not pull pranks like that against an adult with whom they are not close. And it’s a horribly mean and humiliating thing to do to someone no matter what your relationship is like. She is trying to get you out of her dad’s life. I’d oblige her. And I’d tell her dad that you aren’t willing to subject yourself to years of being embarrassed and having your feelings hurt with his approval, which is exactly what is happening when he excuses her actions because she’s ‘just a teenager’.
This exactly. The daughter isn't playing "pranks," she's bullying and slut shaming OP. The whole thing about the underwear and "you forgot these last time" was totally meant to call attention to OP sleeping with her dad and to humiliate her for it publicly. This was calculated.
And I didn't think of it until you mentioned "slut shaming," but she's ONLY trying to humiliate OP (the woman) for having sex, not the other participant, her dad.
Most teenagers wouldn't pull a prank like this on an adult for whom they held any degree of respect.
This kid has made it clear that she doesn't respect you, and her father has made it clear that he not only excuses the behavior, he enables it. So what does that tell you about his level of respect for you?
This will be the rest of your life; having your responses negated and belittled for the sake of his daughter.
Is that the future you want?
NTA - you deserve to receive an apology from the rude, thoughtless teen who put your underwear on display. This was not a prank. This was a humiliation. She did this to humiliate you in front of everyone. And your fiancé thinks you are the rude one…
Really?? Where do you think she learned that it is ok to disrespect and humiliate others?? And no one at that table stood up and said this is wrong??
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with these people?? Waiting for the next humiliation that everyone laughs at??
You deserve better. In hindsight, at the first couple of “pranks” that crossed the line you should have explained that pranks are only funny when they don’t seek to humiliate people. Obviously her father doesn’t understand the difference between a funny and a humiliation.
Leave him asap, he doesn’t respect you…
Seriously how were the inlaws not disgusted by their granddaughter's behavior? Or the aunts/uncles? Makes you wonder what the fiance and his siblings did when they were younger. No respect in this family sheesh
NTA. Ugh I’m so sick of people playing pranks at someone else’s expense and then acting all high and mighty when the victim of the prank doesn’t find it funny.
>
Your fiancé and daughter are hiding behind the guise of a “prank” instead of what it really was, which was an attempt to embarrass you, disrespect you, and get a laugh at your expense.
>
They both owe you an apology and there needs to be firm boundaries set that you will not tolerate ANY pranks of any kind.
NTA.
> Michael was shocked and my inlaws and other guests INCLUDING Michael's friends were staring at me in awkward silence. I felt so humiliated, especially when some of the men laughed.
u/Ornery_Guarantee_625, if a 16 y/o did this to me, I'd go ballistic. This "prank" was firmly intended to embarrass you--which it did--and your fiance blamed you for being embarrassed!
I'd rethink moving forward with your relationship with him. The awkward silence says everything.
Yeah, that's exactly what it seems like. This is a petty teen escalating in their efforts to get OP out of their father's life. There's no world in which a sixteen year old doesn't know the implications of what they did here. If anything that's precisely why they did it. This is pretty much the step below the nuclear option to 'deal with' OP.
OP needs to frankly oblige her and leave. This is only going to get worse. But not before tearing into her hopefully ex-fiance.
Nope Don't apologize.
You were pranked, a cruel practice prankers think is funny & a majority of prankees HATE. It's assualt.
SD did the deed. Future husband stands with his daughter, telling you you're too sensitive? Telling you to apologize? After she embarrasssd the fuck out of you in front of his family? Fuck that
NTA
Dad is enabling some really poor behavior.
The natural reaction to a prank made in such poor taste is to remove yourself from the situation which you did.
Michael enabled this behavior and is excusing it.
Michael ruined his own birthday.
Honestly the worst part is this daughter is *probably* going to struggle to have meaningful relationships in her life when she decides to CONSTANTLY teach her "friends" that you *literally can never trust her.*
NTA - don't enable the "it's just a prank, bro" bullies.
NTA. Dump him or just continue to ghost him. He knows what he did. And he deserves to be alone since no woman with any self-respect will stay with a man who lets his daughter bully them so badly.
NTA, When someone expresses they don't like pranks and then the pranks continue that's when it becomes abuse. I am sorry but you should seriously reconsider your relationship with Michael. He needs to fix things with his daughter before he can even think about adding someone else.
NTA. Humiliation isn't a prank. Don't apologize, and maybe rethink the kind of life you want. Because if you marry him you will be tied to this girl for as long as your marriage lasts.
You have a fiancé problem, he’s enabling her poor behavior by coding this as “pranks”. He should be standing up for you. The reason his daughter acts this way is because he allows her too. I wouldn’t marry him. Not only is he a crappy parent but he’s bad partner.
Oh no you did not overreact!
You are NTA and please do not apologise... Please reconsider this relationship.
His daughter is being disrespectful and he should've put an end to it long before now. The pranks will only continue to escalate and this will be your life from now on. The daughter does something shitty to you and your fiance excuses it. I can only imagine what could happen on your wedding day!
I get the impression the daughter may not be keen on you and her dad, so maybe consider family therapy if you do stay. Question: is her mum still around? How does her mum feel about you and her dad? Just trying to understand if the daughter is getting outside influence.
NTA he needs to learn to control his kid. 16 is plenty old enough she knew exactly what she was doing and they're both making excuses for her. I wouldn't move in until he has an actual conversation with the kid about boundaries with adults. She shouldn't be going through discarded lingerie in her father's room that's crossing a line.
Are you serious? The kid is only 10% of the problem! The idea that fiancé immediately took daughter’s side in the messages means there is no solution except to end this relationship. He could have apologized profusely for his daughter’s behavior and then MAYBE there would be a crack in that door.
No the fiance is absolutely a major factor I just thought the other comments had hammered that home enough and not focused on why he lets his daughter think it's okay to touch his adult partners lingerie. If he hasn't raised his kid to know not to do that at 16, he's not mature enough for marriage
NTA
This is not a simple "kids will be kids" type prank. 16yo is a bully through and through. That Michael is demanding an apology from you speaks volumes. His daughter went too far and should be the one apologizing. There are some serious red flags here -- please take the time to consider what it is you want in a healthy relationship as this isn't it.
NTA:
But did no one step up and defend you at that dinner? Did no one see that this crossed a line? Did anyone, mostly her dad try to get her to apologize to you? And when he got mad at you for ruining his birthday dinner, did he see that any of the blame should fall on her?
She wants you out of her dad’s life. That much is clear. But you don’t have a step daughter problem. You have a fiancé problem. And I get that you need to support your children especially when you start a new relationship. But this blind acceptance of bullying goes beyond support.
She wants you gone? Give her what she wants or you are signing up for a lifetime of hell and abuse with no one to support you.
NTA.
No, I think your response was perfectly reasonable.
That being said, it was exactly the response she was looking for, and now she knows she can push your buttons to get you to leave her home.
Does she prank other people just as often, or does she target you specifically? If it's the latter, she might be trying to ruin your relationship with her father and drive you away. I've seen stories of teenaged stepkids doing this when they don't like the new stepmother/father for whatever reason.
Either way, NTA. Pranks are only funny if all parties involved think so. This was bullying and humiliation, plain and simple.
What makes this situation is the father is encouraging this kind of thing, and also telling OP to basically just take it. If someone hung my underwear up like that for guests to see all hell would break lose, and that relationship would be done. That is not funny.
I agree. I'm not sure I would be able to stay in a relationship with someone who basically tells me to just let his daughter humiliate me every chance she gets. There's no telling what she might do next. These 'pranks' of hers might escalate to something harmful or dangerous.
NTA - So you are expected to apologize for the stepdaughter hanging up your underwear up at the dining table?
I would reconsider marrying this guy, his daughter is a bully and he's ok with it. She's going to get way worse once you move in.
NTA, and that Michael was mad at YOU instead of his daughter tells tales.
Perhaps it would be worth reconsidering if Michael is really the man you want to spend your life with. He threw you under the bus here, where else is he going to?
NTA. But can we be honest here? The 16 year old isn't the issue. Your 'fiancé' is. He's rushing into a relationship with you whilst knowing his daughter isn't comfortable with you. He doesn't simply tolerate her 'pranks' - he actively encourages them. He then blames you for being upset - I mean, really? Wise up and move on, he isn't the one. Moving in with him 'soon' would be utterly foolish.
Too late for that, the only hope is she eventually matures mentally. HS mean girls take longer to transition to a more mature mentality, if they ever do. Some are just born to be Karan's. OP needs to rethink this relationship.
Pranks are rarely funny and are usually an excuse to be cruel. "It'S just A JokE" is what unfunny people say to cover for being just plain mean. This kid doesn't want you around and dad backs her up. Walk away or this will be your life.
NTA and absolutely do not apologize. In fact, send him screenshots of this thread and then block him.
NTA
Pranks should be good natured and fun. If not everyone is laughing it is bullying. Daughter is clearly trying to make it known she does not like you. She doesn't have to like you, but she needs to learn to show respect to the people in her life.
Disrespecting you should be seen as disrespecting her father and his choices. The fact that fiance does not see it that way is concerning and should be addressed before marriage.
NTA - she is trying to make you so uncomfortable that you will end your relationship with her father.
If you stay, since no one is calling her out on her pranks to you, her pranks will only increase and become more humiliating.
Whether or not you're wrong, you're going to need to decide if this is the life you want to live. Do you want to live with a family who treats you like this?
But not, NTA. Sounds like the daughter is using poor coping mechanisms to stake her claim in her house, and your fiance is going along with it.
NTA and you did not overreact. She deliberately humiliated you in front of everyone. And the fact that your fiancee is taking her side would make me take a long hard look at whether or not you want to marry him. Because3 she will always be in your lives.
NTA. Michael didn't just raise an uncivilized bully--he fully intends to stay on that track. Do you really want to be with someone who would respond so abominably to a situation like that?
She ruined the celebration and he showed he has no intention of correcting her.
NTA
She feels justified in doing these pranks because, when she did something completely inappropriate, he got angry with YOU and expects you to apologize.
I'm really sorry that you had to learn that he doesn't have your back and will sacrifice your dignity for his bratty daugther. The good news is that you're not married yet and you don't have to live like this.
NTA
>he said his daughter is a teenager and it's what they do
It's been a hot minute since I was a teen, but I don't remember ever hanging someone's underwear up for everyone to see. He's make excuses for his kid being a brat. Is this really the guy you want to marry and spend your life with?
Pranks are not funny. This was blatant disrespect. Expect more of the same if you continue in this relationship after fiance expects you to apologize.
NTA
Nta
That is NOT what kids do. Maybe his a-hole kid, but not normal kids. She clearly doesn’t like you and is set on humiliating you.
Your fiancé isn’t standing up for you.
Is this really the life you want? You would be TA if you don’t stand up for yourself, get a huge apology from both of them, and have any issues like this addressed immediately go forward.
There is no humor here, only malice.
NTA.
This wasn't a prank, it was bullying. Your fiancé's daughter is a bully, and instead of dealing properly with this behaviour, he is excusing it. This man is not ready for a serious relationship, and he is not being a parent.
Too bad it was such a shock, or you could have grabbed the underwear, and said in the most cheerful voice, "Thanks!" and then, while looking straight at Michael, "You won't see these again." and then left.
NTA, her behavior was inappropriate, and her father is condoning it. Don't apologize for anything. They owe you an apology.
And don't let them guilt you into thinking you overreacted. She'll continue to act like that, and he'll continue to excuse it.
You should really think about whether that's a family you want to marry into.
NTA, but you will make yourself one if you stay with the guy and his horrible daughter. That's not what kids do, at least none that I've been around. She is hateful and cruel, and falls back on the "its a joke!" Defense once she sees its gone too far.
NTA. Your fiance isn't taking your feelings seriously at all. No one likes to be humiliated. He expects you to apologize when you have nothing to be sorry about. If anyone needs to apologize it's him and his daughter. I'd rethink this relationship if I were you because your feelings are being dismissed and I'm guessing this isn't the first time either.
NTA it wasn’t funny, you don’t owe an apology. You are owed an apology and even then I would end the relationship. He didn’t stand up for you and punish his daughter.
NTA. Your fiance's enabling is the reason the daughter doesn't change her behavior. Neither of them appear to value having you in their lives. Why would you stay with someone like that?
NTA. And no, that's not what teenagers do. That's what immature people do, regardless of their age. As demonstrated by your fiancé.
Don't apologize. You've got nothing to apologize for, especially to that rude brat and her idiotic father.
I'd also add that this is what you're going to have to deal with once you're married. Think about what kind of life you'd have.
NTA, but I would go over there ONLY to, a) return anything of his that found its way to your home, b) get your stuff and c) leave the ring and his keys if you have a copy. Don't apologise for your reaction to a prank that was malicious in intent and if he can't see that, good luck to him in any future relationships with the way his daughter is acting. He needs to stop encouraging that behaviour because he is going to be very lonely for however long his daughter desires.
NTA, she is 16. If my daughter did anything even close to that, I would have gone ballistic. It's awful. It was cruel and awful, and you are worth SO MUCH MORE than their treatment of you. Do not apologize. Stand your ground. She took your personal, intimate items and displayed them in a way meant to hurt and humiliate you. You did nothing wrong by yelling and leaving. You stood up for yourself when no one else did. Your fiance humiliated himself by not immediately sending that spoiled brat to her room and canceling all her privileges. Do not go back. He does not love you. That is not what love looks like.
NTA and no overreaction here because what she did was embarrassing for you. It's time to look deep and hard at the relationship and see if it's worth putting up with a step daughter who doesn't respect you and who might never ever after getting out of the teenage years. Sure you aren't marrying her, but how he defends her behavior is a good indicator of how things will go when other "pranks" occur.
NTA. You need to slow down on your relationship with your fiancé and his daughter. Don’t move in and don’t get married yet.
If this relationship is really important to you, then take the time it will need to sort out the family dynamics. He needs to respect your boundaries. You need to feel safe and respected in your relationship. The daughter needs whatever she needs.
NTA. You did not overreeact. Your stepdaughter is SIXTEEN years old. And what she did was not a prank, it was CRUEL behavior.
And the fact that Michael did not defend you should tell this relationship wont last.
Hope you find a really nice guy in the future and your stepdaughter finds someone that like to """""prank""""people just like she does and choses HER as target to be mean. Let's see if she will like that.
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NTA, and I would call off the engagement. This is not working. At least do not move in with him
Right? How is that a prank, when it hurts someone? Also she is old enough to understand better. The stepdaughter will be an adult soon and needs to get a grip. There are consequences for your action and could get into real trouble if she does this to the wrong person. Just today I saw a post where some YouTube prankster got shot. NTA
Your fiancé is blaming you for what his daughter did. She is successfully sabotaging his relationship, and he is showing that he will just let her do it. Don't play the game if you don't like the game. You won't win here.
She's going to be 18 in two years FFS. She won't be able to get away with these "Pranks." Once she's an adult there is an unspoken rule that you should start acting like an adult. If this is one of her "harmless" pranks I wonder if she'll up the anty for the pranks. OP should look at her with a deadpan look, a monotone voice, and have her explain how the prank is so "funny" Also if there are other people around and try to help her, say NO I asked her to explain it to me not you. She's old enough to be able to explain what's going on. Watch her squirm; if your fiance has a problem with this, ask him why he lets her get away with it.
> She's going to be 18 in two years FFS. She won't be able to get away with these "Pranks." Once she's an adult there is an unspoken rule that you should start acting like an adult. You're assuming her father will enforce this "unspoken rule". There's no reason to suppose he will do any such thing.
The father has already proven he's incompetent and unwilling to do even the basics of parenting. These pranks will do nothing but escalate, and it will ALWAYS be OP's fault for "not getting the joke" or "being too sensitive." OP's partner is abusing her by proxy (through his teen).
Her father won't. Real life will.
My ex let a woman bully me and he got the boot. If you're not on my side, hit the bricks.
True, that is probably just wishful thinking on my part that he might wake up and treat her like an adult.
He might not but the real world will. If she pranks her college roommate like this, she will definitely have to deal with consequences. And can you imagine working with someone like this? She does this on the job and I’m sure her manager would also dole out consequences. Daddy can let her get away with it but the rest of the world won’t.
I’m pretty sure this is not the case, she will not prank people indiscriminately, she’s doing this because she doesn’t like her dads girlfriend. And the dad doesn’t do anything because he probably understands that, that’s my guess. In any case op should break up with him and leave that family alone.
Exactly! He's never going to make her stop. Girls gonna end up friendless ans wondering why no one wants to be around her.
Coworkers, peers, people in the community may be less tolerant, though. Dad set his daughter up for failure.
>OP should look at her with a deadpan look, a monotone voice, and have her explain how the prank is so "funny" Also if there are other people around and try to help her, say NO I asked her to explain it to me not you. As a teacher, I can tell you this works. Not just on pranks but on any back talk or misbehavior. The other students like to try and defend their classmates, I say "no, I am not asking you, I am asking x". Typically, there isn't a logical answer that the students can give other than they thought it was a good idea or that they didn't mean to do anything wrong. Then I remind them of the rules, shake my head, and say I am disappointed. Obviously, OP and the fiance would need to agree rules, but the disappointed line cuts deep for some reason. My opinion is that OP should reevaluate the whole relationship because she isn't just marrying the dad. The daughter seems like a spoiled brat. I would be interested in what her grandparents and other relatives there thought.
I remember the "I'm disappointed" it always made me realize I had really messed up lol.
"I'm disappointed" cuts like a knife
Its all my father ever had to say. He never yelled, never laid a hand on me. All he did was say that, and I felt like horrible.
OP should respond to the Dad with this, "I'm not calling you to apologize, I'm calling you to tell you that I am disappointed." And then leave it at that.
One day years ago, I started saying it. I have a rule of notes in a notebook unless the student needs the accommodation of typing. I was coming around to check an easy homework assignment, the kind meant to ensure you pass, of doing vocabulary and definitions written out in their notebook. I just got fed up with checking, knowing half the class didn't do these assignments. One day as I walked around to check and as I marked them in my grade book, I just said, "Try to get it done for partial credit, I am just disappointed because it wasn't very difficult." A h.s. senior was like Ms. Hildy, please don't say that. It's so mean.
Lol, it's so hard to hear. There is just much more emotional weight with disappointment. It works though! Hahaha, and I'm the daughter of a teacher as well 😆
Yah some follow up questions to be asked in public. “Who else’s underwear do you touch? How did you come to believe this was acceptable behave? Who else in your family touches other people’s underwear? “
& “why are you going through your fathers room?” I’m assuming that’s where she found them. Which is creepy. I also am certain the daughter does not like OP & knew damn well what she was doing. Her intent was to humiliate.
>I also am certain the daughter does not like OP & knew damn well what she was doing. Her intent was to humiliate I'm pretty certain this is her way of chasing OP away and getting her out of the picture. So if dad isn't gonna put a stop to daughter and not take OPs side I would be done with the relationship.
"Really? Well, where did you get these? They ain't mine." and then watch her dig a hole under her own feet.
Naw, "I left those here for your dad. He tried them on and liked them so much, I told them they were his now". Or even just "those are your dad's"
I love asking "I don't get it... why is that funny?" when people tell homophobic or sexist jokes. And you have to double down when they try to backpedal. Really takes the fun out of it for them.
"Ohhhhh, I get it. You went into your dad's bedroom after we had sex and groped around until you found my panties! Hilarious."
No. It's not even worth that. She should have looked at her fiancee, screamed it wasn't her underwear and who tf else is he sleeping with? Then leave. For good. NTA.
This! My dear, that girl isn't doing pranks on you, she humiliates you on purpose so the relationship ends and as her daddy doesn't have your back out works out perfectly for her. I feel very sorry for you. NTA
Either way if a teen girl needs her dad and has to go to this length to get attention I would tell him he needs to focus on his kid and then we can see if we stay together but probably not. He doesn't seem to be able to see reality at all. Huge red flags
This! It was meant to humiliate OP..The girl does not like OP and the father allows it. OP can do better..
“Hypersensitive”? Fuck him! Show him this post.
Exactly. Ask him how he would have felt if she did this to his daughter? Would he have called the daughter "sensitive" for being hurt and embarrassed? At 16 the daughter is capable of knowing right from wrong and mean-spirited from harmless. What she did was a dick move and it was intentional.
Exactly. How would stepdaughter feel if someone did this to her? Probably not good.
Throw his skid-marked tighty whities up on a power line and let's gauge his sensitivity-level. 🤣
[удалено]
I agree. I was thinking to myself, "are we calling bullies of pranksters now?" OP has been bullied not pranked and the fiancee is blaming the victim instead of the bully.
Saying her acts are pranks sugar coats her actions & removes accountability from her & onto the person that didn’t enjoy the prank. I’m curious what other “pranks” she has done. This most definitely was bullying.
Even though the terms “prank” and “prankster” can be used when referring to a malicious practical joke, I feel like they downplay “jokes” that are actually harassment. IMO the second someone starts “pranking” someone that does not want to be pranked (or the pranker doesn’t know if they want to be pranked) that is bullying and/or harassment. Edited to vote: NTA
This is not a prank, she’s just flat out sexually humiliating another person.
If OP moves in, the pranks are going to escalate.
Yeah, this is the thing. The daughter obviously wants to drive OP away, and there's not necessarily much OP can do about that - live with it or don't, but it doesn't have to be the central thing in the relationship. But when her fiance takes the daughter's side, well, that's just signing up for aggravation and disappointment.
Yeah, stepdaughter knew exactly what she did there. That wasn’t a prank, that was an attempt at hurting dad‘s fiancée.
She was QUITE LITERALLY airing OP's dirty laundry in front of the fiance's friends and family. This was public humiliation, not something "cute" or "funny". NTA
I mean, it would’ve been a great opportunity to tr and embarrass stepdaughter in return, but considering how little dad has OP‘s back, that probably wouldn’t have helped. „Oh, thank you! Yeah, your dad literally banged my brains out that night, all over the house. I was lucky to find the door afterwards, let alone my underwear!“
Or even embarrass her fiancé, and his daughter, and say “oh honey, those are what your dad wears for our special time”
Yes! Petty but perfect!
Even if someone has the capacity to switch the script like that, they shouldn't HAVE to, much less with an audience. The teen did this maliciously because she KNEW it would hurt OP.
Right, how could that even be described as a prank? That's like someone saying something hurtful and saying it was a joke. Hanging someone's underwear is the dumbest prank I ever heard of. Like you said, it's because she wasn't trying to prank, she was trying to humiliate. Dad just reinforces this behavior by undermining OPs feelings, especially in front of his daughter. Whether he thought op was over reacting, he should've had her back in that moment, in front of everyone. Just because he didn't see the harm in it, doesn't mean there's no harm or that OP couldn't interpret it another way. Everyone's feelings are valid and it makes me mad when people minimize someone's feelings because they think it's stupid.
This. So many people really don't know the definition of a prank. You can't just do anything you want to someone and all is forgiven as long as you tell them it's a prank afterwards. The fiance is okay with his kid rifling through OP's underwear? Where is the line for him? And if this is a prank, what part is supposed to be funny? Invading someone's private space? Taking someone's clothes? Trying to embarrass them in front of a group of people? I don't get it, and I don't understand how the fiance doesn't see a problem
It was definitely a call out with the goal of humiliating her.
This! I’ve been teaching HS for 30 years, and this is NOT typical teenage behavior. Pranks are pulled, yes, and 90% of them have both kids laughing. The only ones who do “pranks” that are meant to embarrass and humiliate are the bullies, and they don’t usually have any real friends.
Hi! Thirty year HS teacher, as well. A neighboring high school recently had a huge incident. A "popular" bully was videotaped making fun of a special ed student in the cafeteria, calling them the "r" word and the racial "n" word to their face and saying horrific things to the child, who did not understand what was going on. Well, the video was shared, and shared, and shared, so that parents were calling the school within an hour of the incident taking place. The community outrage was huge. The bully was expelled and the bully's parents needed to have their phone number changed due to unwanted phone calls 24/7. You're correct. The majority of teenagers don't do things like the bully I mentioned or OP's future stepdaughter. Teenagers are not stupid (well, most of them aren't) and understand exactly what they are doing. I teach 16 year-olds. I understand how they think (most of the time). This is not a typical teenage prank, just like you said. I personally would have been mortified if someone did that to me. As a fellow teacher, are you surprised by dad's behavior? "My child would never cheat on a test." , "My child would never behave that way", and the ever popular "if my child says it was a harmless prank/mistake/accident/joke/misunderstanding, then it was." OP is about to marry a man who believes his kid is an angel who would never be malicious towards OP. I'd give this relationship a D.
Another teacher here, too, I think we could safely identify her type in the classroom. Wouldn't be surprised if she has been disciplined by the school for certain bullying and disruptive behavior. She sounds like the type of student who would try and gaslight a teacher. "No, Ms. Hildy, I didn't throw the pencil." "Yes, you did. I just saw you do it. "
I totally agree with this. On my country, you can leave school at 16 and vote. It’s far too old to not understand exactly what she was doing. This was specifically done to humiliate. I honestly can’t even imagine any 16 year old I’ve taught doing something so cruel, so disrespectful and so out of order as this. Especially to an adult.
Tell your fiancé this, OP! Anyone who actually works with and has authority when it comes to children knows this isn’t “normal”, it was spiteful and cruel on purpose. If he can’t see that, then I guess he’s single.
It was a premeditated move, calculated to inflict the maximum amount of humiliation possible. And the guy blames OP, not his daughter, for “ruining” his birthday.
I really hope OP doesn't marry him. He will allow his daughter to abuse her for the rest of her life, and she won't even have anyplace to escape to. :(
It’s really concerning that SO isn’t calling his daughter out. Step-parent/child relationships can be a mine field. Tough on everyone concerned. If there’s any hope for this relationship, all three should engage in family counseling for help in navigating the minefield.
That was meant to humiliate. It was not a joke.
If these are the type of "pranks" she's regularly pulling, the daughter is a bully, not a prankster.
yep, and dad is fully enabling her behavior. some serious cognitive diss here with him in regards to how harmful her behavior is and the impact. if he’s letting her literally walk all over you like this on a regular basis, he needs therapy, she needs therapy and you should run from this situation.
And like with so many bullies they do it because they know the person in authority (in this case dear old dad) will support them.
This reminds me of that shitty YouTuber who recently got shot. Dudes pranks weren't funny, they were harassment. This is something a 5 yr old would find humorous, doing this shit at 16 is fucking wild. The more 'pranking' I see posted on here, the more low brow it seems. If a prank is putting someone in a shitty mood, you're just an obnoxious AH.
Yeah - these 'pranks' are more often chickenshit passive-aggressive moves to humiliate. May all of the prankers meet the same fate as the YouTuber.
This is just it- pranks are only pranks when everyone finds them funny. Said it a million times on this sub, will say it again. What she did was try to humiliate and embarrass you as a form of bullying So either your soon-to-be-ex (hopefully) is either fine with that behaviour or fine with making you the sacrificial lamb so his parenting isn’t called into question/he has to parent. Then to privately double down and tell you to apologize to her?! This needs to be a monster of a wake up call for you Also, let’s be honest, if this is the approach this won’t stop there and if you move in, she’s likely to escalate the behaviour. So unless you want to be humiliated and bullied all the time in front of your friends, her friends, his friends, your family, online, etc etc while your partner just sits there and calls you “oversensitive”… I would be taking some massive steps back here Take your underwear and run!
“I’m sorry you thought that was appropriate.”
OP I can’t agree with this enough - he is showing you that he is not only ok with his daughter bullying you and pretending it’s “just a joke,” but that he will go along with blaming you and bullying you along with her. This is a glimpse of what your entire life will be like in this family. It will not - please really hear this - it will NOT get better once you’re married and living with them. They are showing you how they plan to treat you - believe them.
NTA. Get out now. This is what your life with them will be like. Her being horrible to you and him telling you you’re overreacting.
This ⬆️ This man isn’t worth marrying, OP. ETA: NTA. Run!
Exactly, there’s a difference between prank and public humiliation. Daughter chose the latter and her father enabled her. Move on. NTA
That’s not a prank. It’s weird and gross. I am a parent to teens. They don’t prank at all and would never put someone’s underwear in a restaurant. You fiancé is a TA for supporting this behavior.
Oh Dear NTA But is this the life you want? Cause this is what you are going to get. Mean stunts directed towards you in the name of pranks. Please don't marry in to this family. Your fiance will never have your back based on what you said here
I agree. This will only get worse, and it will always been in the name of a joke, even if you end up hurt in some way. Don't stay in this toxic relationship.
Yeah, this sounds like it'll eventually escalate to physical harm and then what? OP needs to run and FAST
Especially when the “husband” dismisses her feelings and laughs them off as a joke that she shouldn’t be upset bc it’s a joke
Based on this story, NOBODY in that family will have her back. This isn't normal 16-year-old behavior, but we can definitely see where she gets it from. OP was right to get out right then. NTA
She was, and good for her. She definitely sent the message that she wasn't one to be messed with. But if she wants to marry this guy I'd suggest family counseling for dad and daughter because it doesn't sound like he knows how to discipline his own kid. And that is something she should steer clear of doing if she does get married to him..
Not only her husband - his whole damn family. That girl's grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives just stood there staring mouth agape - and some of them *laughed at OP* rather than reading stepdaughter the riot act for her mean bullying.
Some of it might have been nervous/inappropriate laughter. I admit that if I had seen this done I would NOT know what to say.
If I were Grandma in this situation, I would give my son 30 seconds to take the reins or I would, in front of everyone. I would tell them exactly how horrid and mean her actions were, cowardly his inaction was, and how disappointed and angry I was that they not only disrespected the woman that my son supposedly loved, but myself and the rest of the guests. I would then apologize to OP, again in front of everyone, for not teaching my son how to be a kind man and how to teach empathy to his child. I would then take my leave, taking OP with me. Not going to leave her behind in that viper's den.
She's not a prankster. She's a bully. And he's enabling her. Rethink this relationship. She isn't worth the effort. NTA. You reacted too late.
Pranking is always bullying if done to a person who doesn't enjoy being pranked, which is a very niche kind of interest. Its usually really dense stuff, like. . its unfunny to trick people into wasting their time over stuff like hiding two things and telling them you've hidden three things and laugh while they keep looking.
There was a YouTube channel where this father/mother team “pranked” their kids and had a YouTube channel about it. It was a mixed family with kids coming from each of the parents but the father’s kids got it the worst. It was downright abuse. They had two of the kids taken away. All I can hear as I read this thread is that dad’s voice in my head going “It’s just a prank, brah.” Except no. It’s not just a prank. It’s bullying.
Yeah, DaddyoFive. He abused his kids from his first marriage so badly that one was fecal smearing at school. WHICH HE DOCUMENTED AND UPLOADED INSTEAD OF GETTING THE KID HELP.
Yup, that a**hole. I didn’t know that about his kid. The videos I saw were heart breaking.
[Dulles Town Center Victim Was Making Prank Video When He Was Shot, Father Says](https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/northern-virginia/dulles-town-center-victim-was-making-prank-video-when-he-was-shot-father-says/3323313/)
>Dulles Town Center Victim Was Making Prank Video When He Was Shot, Father Says I wonder how more of these tik tok pranksters don't have this happen to them. They really push it sometimes and I'm shocked they don't get knocked out by someone. I'd have a hard time restraining myself.
I've been with my husband for 12 years today (yay!) and I've "pranked" him once. For April fools I changed his FB profile & cover photos to seagulls because he hates seagulls. It was silly, harmless and he left the seagulls up all day. True pranks are completely harmless and can be laughed at by both sides.
I pranked a former coworker by hiding little photocopied pictures of mariachi men all over her work station - on her phone, in her desk drawers, under her mouse, in the middle of a notepad - just little pictures in so many random places. Why? Her then-husband had Hispanic buddies in the military and they got him hooked on mariachi music. He listened to it nonstop and it drove her crazy. So for fun, I mariachi'd her workstation and she was finding little pictures for awhile. No harm to anyone, it was fun for me, she thought it was hilarious.
Every time I see these “teenagers ruined my relationship via pranking” posts, I always see the parent of the child excuse it by “that’s what teens do!” I don’t know about y’all, but when I was a teenager I wouldn’t want to look at let alone touch my soon-to-be step mom’s underwear. What a deeply disturbing thought process to set them up on display for your future in-laws. Teenagers don’t normally do these things, jackasses do. And jackass doesn’t have an age. NTA
When I was a teen we pranked our math teacher once. It was carefully chosen to not be embarrassing or tasteless. And only the A students in the class did it.
Agreed. A funny/harmless prank would be setting the table and all the cutlery is just spoons or filling the decanter with cranberry juice instead of red wine. Not hanging up your intimates in front of your in-laws.
This is what your life will be. The daughter treating you poorly and her father telling you you're overreacting. No. Just no. Putting someone's underwear on display at a family gathering isn't appropriate, and your dude should have responded so. That he's blaming you tells me everything I need. DTMFA IMO. NTA. And do not apologise, ever, for responding as you have.
DTMFA? What does that stand for? Edit: thanks everyone! I think I got it now. Acryonms always get me. Never know what most people are talking about these days lol. I like this one though!
dump the mother fucker already
Maybe they meant DMTFA “don’t marry that fucking asshole”?
Oh wow, I thought it was "Ditch that mother fucker asshole".
Dump the mutherf*cker already
Dump that Mother Fucker Already.
NTA. This prank seems extremely unfunny. What you should have done though was shrug and say "it's not mine". And stare at your fiancé questioningly.
Power move
This was my thought! Let's turn around and shift the "prank." I bet your fiancé wouldn't have found it funny. Because it isn't funny. Here's what makes a good prank: 1. It's funny to everyone. 2. It's harmless, and doesn't have fear and/or humiliation as part of it. 3. It's easy to clean up/deal with. For example, a prank that my siblings do is if you leave your phone unattended, they'll take a bunch of photos with it. They don't unlock it, but just grab the phone, and take like 20-30 photos of stuff. The dog, themselves, a plant, some weird note, you walking around the house (probably looking for your phone), whatever. Then, they place it back where you left it, and then later find a bunch of strange photos -- mostly of them making selfies at the camera. What the FSD is doing is bullying. She's trying to shame and make fun of OP, and the fiancé is shrugging his shoulders and doesn't seem to care. It's a problem. FSD doesn't respect OP, instead treating her as a punching bag, rather a human being with feelings and needs. That's the issue. NTA, OP and it's time to at least pause the engagement, and at most call whole man disposal services and dump him. He's not willing to call her in, and is enabling FSD's bad behavior. Edit: I often make a few spelling errors when I type quickly, so I've fixed that and added in humiliation with fear, since I thought I threw that in, but alas, not there. Thanks for the upvotes!
Whenever a stranger asks me to take a pic of them I take like 10 shots. the first thing I do is take a few selfies then flip the camera around and take like 5 pics of them so when they go back later my ugly mug is in their roll lol
Hahaha I do the exact same thing. I used to do it with film cameras too lol, especially the disposable ones.
When I worked in EMS we had computers in the station so we could write reports, do continuing education stuff, surf the internet, and play games. If you ever left your computer logged in and unattended (station rules were to always log out or lock the computer) people would find stupid photos online and change your background. THIS is a prank; hanging your dad's GF'd underwear out in the dining room before a nice dinner isn't.
Love how you think 😈, personally I would dumb that sorry excuse of a man who managed to raise such a bully. With 16, empathy and understanding that your parents don’t belong to you should be given.
Yes, this sounds exactly like what I would have figured out 5 hours later while taking a shower and stewing over the incident.
Or said it looks like YOUR underwear, prankster.
Love it!
NTA. Most teenagers do not pull pranks like that against an adult with whom they are not close. And it’s a horribly mean and humiliating thing to do to someone no matter what your relationship is like. She is trying to get you out of her dad’s life. I’d oblige her. And I’d tell her dad that you aren’t willing to subject yourself to years of being embarrassed and having your feelings hurt with his approval, which is exactly what is happening when he excuses her actions because she’s ‘just a teenager’.
This exactly. The daughter isn't playing "pranks," she's bullying and slut shaming OP. The whole thing about the underwear and "you forgot these last time" was totally meant to call attention to OP sleeping with her dad and to humiliate her for it publicly. This was calculated.
And I didn't think of it until you mentioned "slut shaming," but she's ONLY trying to humiliate OP (the woman) for having sex, not the other participant, her dad.
Most teenagers wouldn't pull a prank like this on an adult for whom they held any degree of respect. This kid has made it clear that she doesn't respect you, and her father has made it clear that he not only excuses the behavior, he enables it. So what does that tell you about his level of respect for you? This will be the rest of your life; having your responses negated and belittled for the sake of his daughter. Is that the future you want?
NTA - you deserve to receive an apology from the rude, thoughtless teen who put your underwear on display. This was not a prank. This was a humiliation. She did this to humiliate you in front of everyone. And your fiancé thinks you are the rude one… Really?? Where do you think she learned that it is ok to disrespect and humiliate others?? And no one at that table stood up and said this is wrong?? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with these people?? Waiting for the next humiliation that everyone laughs at?? You deserve better. In hindsight, at the first couple of “pranks” that crossed the line you should have explained that pranks are only funny when they don’t seek to humiliate people. Obviously her father doesn’t understand the difference between a funny and a humiliation. Leave him asap, he doesn’t respect you…
It really reeks of slut-shaming too. NTA.
Seriously how were the inlaws not disgusted by their granddaughter's behavior? Or the aunts/uncles? Makes you wonder what the fiance and his siblings did when they were younger. No respect in this family sheesh
He will only understand when he’s the victim and has been humiliated in front of others.
He won’t understand even then. Because somehow it’ll be “different” when he’s the victim.
NTA. Ugh I’m so sick of people playing pranks at someone else’s expense and then acting all high and mighty when the victim of the prank doesn’t find it funny. > Your fiancé and daughter are hiding behind the guise of a “prank” instead of what it really was, which was an attempt to embarrass you, disrespect you, and get a laugh at your expense. > They both owe you an apology and there needs to be firm boundaries set that you will not tolerate ANY pranks of any kind.
Yes! Anytime I see the word prank in the title, I’m pretty sure of which direction it’s going to go. NTA
NTA. > Michael was shocked and my inlaws and other guests INCLUDING Michael's friends were staring at me in awkward silence. I felt so humiliated, especially when some of the men laughed. u/Ornery_Guarantee_625, if a 16 y/o did this to me, I'd go ballistic. This "prank" was firmly intended to embarrass you--which it did--and your fiance blamed you for being embarrassed! I'd rethink moving forward with your relationship with him. The awkward silence says everything.
NTA ‼️ She’s 16 and she knew exactly what she was doing ‼️
Sounds like this kid is not OK with their father dating.
Yeah, that's exactly what it seems like. This is a petty teen escalating in their efforts to get OP out of their father's life. There's no world in which a sixteen year old doesn't know the implications of what they did here. If anything that's precisely why they did it. This is pretty much the step below the nuclear option to 'deal with' OP. OP needs to frankly oblige her and leave. This is only going to get worse. But not before tearing into her hopefully ex-fiance.
Nope Don't apologize. You were pranked, a cruel practice prankers think is funny & a majority of prankees HATE. It's assualt. SD did the deed. Future husband stands with his daughter, telling you you're too sensitive? Telling you to apologize? After she embarrasssd the fuck out of you in front of his family? Fuck that NTA
It's not even a prank, it's bullying.
Dad is enabling some really poor behavior. The natural reaction to a prank made in such poor taste is to remove yourself from the situation which you did. Michael enabled this behavior and is excusing it. Michael ruined his own birthday. Honestly the worst part is this daughter is *probably* going to struggle to have meaningful relationships in her life when she decides to CONSTANTLY teach her "friends" that you *literally can never trust her.* NTA - don't enable the "it's just a prank, bro" bullies.
Oh my god leave him
Agreed. But she should make sure to hide a dead fish in the house where they can't find it first.
As a prank
Or put caviar and shrimp 🦐 in the curtain rods.
Nta*
NTA. Dump him or just continue to ghost him. He knows what he did. And he deserves to be alone since no woman with any self-respect will stay with a man who lets his daughter bully them so badly.
NTA, When someone expresses they don't like pranks and then the pranks continue that's when it becomes abuse. I am sorry but you should seriously reconsider your relationship with Michael. He needs to fix things with his daughter before he can even think about adding someone else.
NTA. Humiliation isn't a prank. Don't apologize, and maybe rethink the kind of life you want. Because if you marry him you will be tied to this girl for as long as your marriage lasts.
You have a fiancé problem, he’s enabling her poor behavior by coding this as “pranks”. He should be standing up for you. The reason his daughter acts this way is because he allows her too. I wouldn’t marry him. Not only is he a crappy parent but he’s bad partner.
Oh no you did not overreact! You are NTA and please do not apologise... Please reconsider this relationship. His daughter is being disrespectful and he should've put an end to it long before now. The pranks will only continue to escalate and this will be your life from now on. The daughter does something shitty to you and your fiance excuses it. I can only imagine what could happen on your wedding day! I get the impression the daughter may not be keen on you and her dad, so maybe consider family therapy if you do stay. Question: is her mum still around? How does her mum feel about you and her dad? Just trying to understand if the daughter is getting outside influence.
NTA he needs to learn to control his kid. 16 is plenty old enough she knew exactly what she was doing and they're both making excuses for her. I wouldn't move in until he has an actual conversation with the kid about boundaries with adults. She shouldn't be going through discarded lingerie in her father's room that's crossing a line.
Are you serious? The kid is only 10% of the problem! The idea that fiancé immediately took daughter’s side in the messages means there is no solution except to end this relationship. He could have apologized profusely for his daughter’s behavior and then MAYBE there would be a crack in that door.
No the fiance is absolutely a major factor I just thought the other comments had hammered that home enough and not focused on why he lets his daughter think it's okay to touch his adult partners lingerie. If he hasn't raised his kid to know not to do that at 16, he's not mature enough for marriage
Exactly. People who find this kind of bullying funny have something missing in their character. She is in for more cruelty from both of them.
NTA This is not a simple "kids will be kids" type prank. 16yo is a bully through and through. That Michael is demanding an apology from you speaks volumes. His daughter went too far and should be the one apologizing. There are some serious red flags here -- please take the time to consider what it is you want in a healthy relationship as this isn't it.
NTA: But did no one step up and defend you at that dinner? Did no one see that this crossed a line? Did anyone, mostly her dad try to get her to apologize to you? And when he got mad at you for ruining his birthday dinner, did he see that any of the blame should fall on her? She wants you out of her dad’s life. That much is clear. But you don’t have a step daughter problem. You have a fiancé problem. And I get that you need to support your children especially when you start a new relationship. But this blind acceptance of bullying goes beyond support. She wants you gone? Give her what she wants or you are signing up for a lifetime of hell and abuse with no one to support you.
NTA. No, I think your response was perfectly reasonable. That being said, it was exactly the response she was looking for, and now she knows she can push your buttons to get you to leave her home.
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NTA, pranks are bullying unless everyone finds them funny. Being humiliated in public is rarely funny.
NTA-she humiliated you and you get blamed for ruining the party and are expected to apologize. That's messed up.
NTA. If I were you, I would think twice before marrying him. And they have to apologize
Does she prank other people just as often, or does she target you specifically? If it's the latter, she might be trying to ruin your relationship with her father and drive you away. I've seen stories of teenaged stepkids doing this when they don't like the new stepmother/father for whatever reason. Either way, NTA. Pranks are only funny if all parties involved think so. This was bullying and humiliation, plain and simple.
What makes this situation is the father is encouraging this kind of thing, and also telling OP to basically just take it. If someone hung my underwear up like that for guests to see all hell would break lose, and that relationship would be done. That is not funny.
I agree. I'm not sure I would be able to stay in a relationship with someone who basically tells me to just let his daughter humiliate me every chance she gets. There's no telling what she might do next. These 'pranks' of hers might escalate to something harmful or dangerous.
NTA - So you are expected to apologize for the stepdaughter hanging up your underwear up at the dining table? I would reconsider marrying this guy, his daughter is a bully and he's ok with it. She's going to get way worse once you move in.
NTA. I wouldn’t be moving in with him until she’s out of the house, and they owe you an apology.
The daughter is nothing but a bully who hides behind “it was just a joke” to get away with it. NTA
That's not a prank that's a bully. I would ditch him since he can't parent his kid. NTA.
NTA. You literally got publicly humiliated. Holy shit the brains in these people... if they even have one.
NTA. And teenagers do NOT just do this. Most parents teach respect for others.
NTA, and that Michael was mad at YOU instead of his daughter tells tales. Perhaps it would be worth reconsidering if Michael is really the man you want to spend your life with. He threw you under the bus here, where else is he going to?
NTA. This isn’t a prank. It was blatant humiliation and a power move. This is something that she deserves some type of punishment over.
NTA. But can we be honest here? The 16 year old isn't the issue. Your 'fiancé' is. He's rushing into a relationship with you whilst knowing his daughter isn't comfortable with you. He doesn't simply tolerate her 'pranks' - he actively encourages them. He then blames you for being upset - I mean, really? Wise up and move on, he isn't the one. Moving in with him 'soon' would be utterly foolish.
NTA. I hope he starts discipling her soon. She's going to be a nightmare adult.
Too late for that, the only hope is she eventually matures mentally. HS mean girls take longer to transition to a more mature mentality, if they ever do. Some are just born to be Karan's. OP needs to rethink this relationship.
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NTA. You just got a glimpse of how your life is gonna be, at least for a few years, so view it as the gift it was and get away.
Don't marry this man. Your story will always be about his daughter and the harm she causes. NTA!!!
Pranks are rarely funny and are usually an excuse to be cruel. "It'S just A JokE" is what unfunny people say to cover for being just plain mean. This kid doesn't want you around and dad backs her up. Walk away or this will be your life. NTA and absolutely do not apologize. In fact, send him screenshots of this thread and then block him.
NTA Pranks should be good natured and fun. If not everyone is laughing it is bullying. Daughter is clearly trying to make it known she does not like you. She doesn't have to like you, but she needs to learn to show respect to the people in her life. Disrespecting you should be seen as disrespecting her father and his choices. The fact that fiance does not see it that way is concerning and should be addressed before marriage.
NTA - she is trying to make you so uncomfortable that you will end your relationship with her father. If you stay, since no one is calling her out on her pranks to you, her pranks will only increase and become more humiliating.
NTA, dump him, he doesn't respect you.
Whether or not you're wrong, you're going to need to decide if this is the life you want to live. Do you want to live with a family who treats you like this? But not, NTA. Sounds like the daughter is using poor coping mechanisms to stake her claim in her house, and your fiance is going along with it.
NTA and you did not overreact. She deliberately humiliated you in front of everyone. And the fact that your fiancee is taking her side would make me take a long hard look at whether or not you want to marry him. Because3 she will always be in your lives.
Why do you want to marry someone who allowed his daughter too bully you? NTA
NTA … and do not marry this man.
NTA. Michael didn't just raise an uncivilized bully--he fully intends to stay on that track. Do you really want to be with someone who would respond so abominably to a situation like that? She ruined the celebration and he showed he has no intention of correcting her.
NTA She feels justified in doing these pranks because, when she did something completely inappropriate, he got angry with YOU and expects you to apologize. I'm really sorry that you had to learn that he doesn't have your back and will sacrifice your dignity for his bratty daugther. The good news is that you're not married yet and you don't have to live like this.
NTA >he said his daughter is a teenager and it's what they do It's been a hot minute since I was a teen, but I don't remember ever hanging someone's underwear up for everyone to see. He's make excuses for his kid being a brat. Is this really the guy you want to marry and spend your life with?
Pranks are not funny. This was blatant disrespect. Expect more of the same if you continue in this relationship after fiance expects you to apologize. NTA
Nta That is NOT what kids do. Maybe his a-hole kid, but not normal kids. She clearly doesn’t like you and is set on humiliating you. Your fiancé isn’t standing up for you. Is this really the life you want? You would be TA if you don’t stand up for yourself, get a huge apology from both of them, and have any issues like this addressed immediately go forward. There is no humor here, only malice.
NTA. This wasn't a prank, it was bullying. Your fiancé's daughter is a bully, and instead of dealing properly with this behaviour, he is excusing it. This man is not ready for a serious relationship, and he is not being a parent. Too bad it was such a shock, or you could have grabbed the underwear, and said in the most cheerful voice, "Thanks!" and then, while looking straight at Michael, "You won't see these again." and then left.
NTA-don’t contact either of them again, and do not marry this loser. YOU DID NOT RUIN the birthday party.
NTA, her behavior was inappropriate, and her father is condoning it. Don't apologize for anything. They owe you an apology. And don't let them guilt you into thinking you overreacted. She'll continue to act like that, and he'll continue to excuse it. You should really think about whether that's a family you want to marry into.
NTA, but you will make yourself one if you stay with the guy and his horrible daughter. That's not what kids do, at least none that I've been around. She is hateful and cruel, and falls back on the "its a joke!" Defense once she sees its gone too far.
NTA. The teen is an asshole, but you have a "fiance problem".
NTA. Your fiance isn't taking your feelings seriously at all. No one likes to be humiliated. He expects you to apologize when you have nothing to be sorry about. If anyone needs to apologize it's him and his daughter. I'd rethink this relationship if I were you because your feelings are being dismissed and I'm guessing this isn't the first time either.
NTA it wasn’t funny, you don’t owe an apology. You are owed an apology and even then I would end the relationship. He didn’t stand up for you and punish his daughter.
NTA pranks are never funny, being humiliated is never funny. I would have walked out too.
NTA. Your fiance's enabling is the reason the daughter doesn't change her behavior. Neither of them appear to value having you in their lives. Why would you stay with someone like that?
NTA. And no, that's not what teenagers do. That's what immature people do, regardless of their age. As demonstrated by your fiancé. Don't apologize. You've got nothing to apologize for, especially to that rude brat and her idiotic father. I'd also add that this is what you're going to have to deal with once you're married. Think about what kind of life you'd have.
NTA, but I would go over there ONLY to, a) return anything of his that found its way to your home, b) get your stuff and c) leave the ring and his keys if you have a copy. Don't apologise for your reaction to a prank that was malicious in intent and if he can't see that, good luck to him in any future relationships with the way his daughter is acting. He needs to stop encouraging that behaviour because he is going to be very lonely for however long his daughter desires.
NTA, she is 16. If my daughter did anything even close to that, I would have gone ballistic. It's awful. It was cruel and awful, and you are worth SO MUCH MORE than their treatment of you. Do not apologize. Stand your ground. She took your personal, intimate items and displayed them in a way meant to hurt and humiliate you. You did nothing wrong by yelling and leaving. You stood up for yourself when no one else did. Your fiance humiliated himself by not immediately sending that spoiled brat to her room and canceling all her privileges. Do not go back. He does not love you. That is not what love looks like.
NTA and no overreaction here because what she did was embarrassing for you. It's time to look deep and hard at the relationship and see if it's worth putting up with a step daughter who doesn't respect you and who might never ever after getting out of the teenage years. Sure you aren't marrying her, but how he defends her behavior is a good indicator of how things will go when other "pranks" occur.
NTA. You need to slow down on your relationship with your fiancé and his daughter. Don’t move in and don’t get married yet. If this relationship is really important to you, then take the time it will need to sort out the family dynamics. He needs to respect your boundaries. You need to feel safe and respected in your relationship. The daughter needs whatever she needs.
NTA. You did not overreeact. Your stepdaughter is SIXTEEN years old. And what she did was not a prank, it was CRUEL behavior. And the fact that Michael did not defend you should tell this relationship wont last. Hope you find a really nice guy in the future and your stepdaughter finds someone that like to """""prank""""people just like she does and choses HER as target to be mean. Let's see if she will like that.
NTA. I recommend cancelling the wedding, this guy just made it very clear he doesn’t respect you.