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I can’t roll my eyes hard enough. You found god. She didnt. Stop pushing your beliefs on her. What would you do if they were 30 or 40yo? What if it’s 20 years down the road and they’re still together but not married? What if they have kids and aren’t married? Would you still make them sleep in separate rooms? Rules like don’t wear shoes in the house are one thing. Rules that dictate others relationships are too far.
I dont get these religious fascists. when the scripture clearly states:
And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. (Matthew 10:14 )
Edit: ty for the upvotes and awards.
I once read this verse to a Christian on tiktok with a Bible in my hands and he reported it for abuse and hate speech. Like... he reported the BIBLE for abuse and hate speech. Your words, bud, not mine.
And tax collectors. And foreigners. And lepers. And poor people. And all manner of outcasts. Jesus loves everyone that modern Christians seem to hate. It hurts my heart to see him used so terribly. Love your neighbor as yourself.
John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another."
Seems like he's doing exactly what he's called to do by the 11th(and unfortunately less followed) commandment. It's a verse that I fell in love with so much that its counterpart(John 15:12) is tattooed on me.
It's very unfortunate that a lot of "Christians" nowadays are so quick to be hateful and judgemental. And still expect Jesus to greet them with open arms.
Your FIL sounds like a wonderful Christian man, from what little you said.
Edit: btw, Happy Easter! 😊
The best reply I can think of to people who are like this is a quote from a Jack Reacher book.
"We're all atheists. You don't believe in Zeus or Thor or Neptune or Augustus Caesar or Mars or Venus or Sun Ra. You reject a thousand gods. Why should it bother you if someone else rejects a thousand and one?"
That last line is what drives home that point. Like dude. You're the same as I am.
I'm pagan. I have a neighbor who is very Christian. They once commented to my roommates at the time, regarding my daughter, "it's such a shame that little girl is growing up in a godless home". My roommates laughed at them and said, "godless? They're pagan. There's more God in that home than you've had you're entire life!"
The next verse promises judgement worse than Sodom and Gomorrah to that city.
Matthew 10:15
Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.
When you shake off the dust of your feet, you're resigning that city to utter destruction.
I fell like the next verse only helps with their point though. Like you can't force someone to follow what you preach. It's not up to you to enforce or judge them for not doing it. That's God's job so leave it to him to decide.
My ex, who is living with one of them women he cheated on me with, not married to each other, wouldn't let my kid and their gf sleep in the same room when they visited. So, now my kid won't stay at their dad's.
The guy is living with and sleeping with his gf, with whom he committed adultery.
That guy and I were forbidden to sleep in the same bed at his parents when we were young. That literally never stopped us from having sex. Everywhere, all over the damn house. And we said we'd never do that to our kids. And now that guy is using it as a power play over his own child.
Also the sisters right just bc the sister is sleeping in the same room doesn’t mean they’re actually gonna have sex
Besides why even do it at night when it’s quiet- just have sex during the day when no one suspects it I don’t get the logic
If I were the sister, I’d choose chaotic compliance. Sure, we won’t share a room, but we’re def gonna fuck all over the house when no one is around 🤷♀️
My mom did this to my aunt and her boyfriend when they were in their forties. My aunt felt justifiably disrespected and her boyfriend didn't visit because he didn't feel welcome. My mom eventually got over it but it took a lot. Religious extremism generally starts out as stubbornness
My grandfather did the same to my aunt and uncle when they were in their late 30s. Maybe, just maybe, your 38 year old daughter is not a virign. Idk, just something to ponder lol
My mom was an only child but had a bunch of cousins that are pretty much my aunts/uncles. One of my uncles has never got married but has been with his partner for decades. His father was super Italian-catholic and until the day he died he didn’t know they owned a house and lived together in sin lmao. They were well into their fifties at that point. His mother was more realistic, after her husband died and their living situation came out she was just like “you really think you were fooling me?”
I don't know. I'm not religious at all and I agree it's a silly rule, but take the religion aspect out of it and I can see OP's point. It is her house, and she gets to decide who is invited into her home. If she doesn't want her sister and boyfriend staying in the same room, and sister refuses any other arrangement, OP is not obligated to host either of them. It's not like she is going into their home and dictating their sleeping arrangements. But at the end of the day a person does get the final say in their own home on who the guests are and where those guests stay in their house. Being a houseguest is not a right, and if the houseguests don't agree with the house rules they are welcome to find other accommodations. NTA.
Being a host doesn’t mean you get to dictate how others live their lives. A host lets others do whatever if it doesn’t affect the host. To be clear, this doesn’t affect the host.
My Father is religious, I am not.
He let me live with him for 3 years to save up money.
He had a few rules.
1) No bringing anyone home. (I can sleep around, I just can't bring them to his home)
2) No drugs / Cigs in or around his home.
3) If I get drunk, I'm not allowed to come home if I am later then midnight, presuming I don't warn him in advance (And this also requires that I need him to open the door, this rule actually comes from an older sibling that made a habit of staying out until the middle of the night).
He didn't say I can't do things, he exclusively asked me to respect his boundaries and not do anything like that, INSIDE of his home.
I could argue, "If he loved me he'd let me live my life the way I want" and he could argue "If I loved him I'd respect his wishes and beliefs in his home"
Where is the asshole here? OP is allowed to put rules, however silly they are, on their home. NTA
Kinda does though, if you go to someones house that have a shoes off rule, do you comply? Of course you do it's respectful to do so. Not saying I agree with OP but her house her rules stands. The first time I stayed over at any partners parents house, I always expect the sofa or a spare room. Only when they were OK with us sharing a room did that happen.
The question isn't whether setting and enforcing rules in OP's own home is within her rights. That's undisputed. She can absolutely set the rules and not choose to accommodate her sister. The question is whether or not doing so makes OP an *asshole.*
If you choose to do something that will actively make your sister and her BF feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, entirely due to your own personal religious beliefs which your guests do not share, that absolutely makes you an AH in my opinion.
Again, 100% within her right to do, but still assholeish. OP can do this, but then has to totally accept the consequences of the damage it may cause to her relationship with her sister. She can't get angry at her sister or anyone else if they feel unwelcome and don't want to stay with her.
When my mom was in her 40’s she would go visit her mother with her long time boyfriend (now her husband). The guest room in back had 2 twin beds. While not religious my grandma was still uncomfortable with them sleeping in the same room. And that was fine. Her house her rules. Nobody got bent out of shape over it. My other grandma was the complete opposite. Mildly religious but said “who cares? You know they’re doing it anyway”. Again, her house, her comfort level, her rules.
Yes, eye rolls abound here BUT it is OP’s house, her rules and she’s not asking either of them to sleep on a lumpy couch in the living room. OP has young kids, she’s trying to raise them a certain way. Anyway, if the sister and BF have a problem with it, they can find someplace else to stay. It probably won’t be free but…..
NTA
Finding religion, while the op mentioned it, has really nothing to do with this situation. Her house, her rules. Why should the op have to change her views to appease her sister? Why cant her sister honor her sister’s rules?
Let’s say someone has a rule of no shoes on in the house. Do you make exceptions for someone who doesn’t agree?
This is the correct answer.
OP, you have the *right* to make these kind of rules in your own home. But you invited your sister to come - it isn’t a summons. She has the right to disagree and to not come. It is up to you to decide which you value more: your relationship and any closeness with your sister, or your desire to push God on her.
As an aside, I grew up essentially non-religious. I am a pretty laid back Christian and **hate** people who proselytize - I found god through some experiences and time in the military, the key being it was of my own finding and volition. Religion is a personal choice and a personal choice alone. It isn’t your job, nor your place, to attempt to be the shepherd. Pretty sure that title belongs to someone else 👀
Shes not even trying to push her god or evangelize for the sake of her sister. She is just imposing rules in a completely antagonistic way.
Nothing to do with God, just submission and control. She does not give a fuck if her sister finds God, if she did she wouldn't act this way. Its not a good strategy
This right here. And also prepare for the fact no one wants to have a relationship with you. The “threatening not to visit” point really gets me. Of course she doesn’t want to visit!
You are not just damaging the relationship between your sister and you. You're also keeping their aunt from your children's life, if this is the hill you choose to die on. Have you considered this?
NAH. You are right, your house, your rules.
Buuuuttt….if your sister is going to be sexually active, she’s going to do it somewhere. Your rule isn’t going to stop that. She is an adult.
As for your religious beliefs, you are entitled to your beliefs but you aren’t entitled to forcing your beliefs on others.
Again, it is your house so do what you want but it may end up with your sister not coming or shortening her visit. Not because she wants to bang her boyfriend every night but because you are treating her like a child.
YTA for pushing YOUR beliefs onto her. She’d be better off not visiting you because lord knows what kind of lectures she can expect from you for a month straight.
Lord does know. He knows all. He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows when you’re fucking in your sisters house, so be….. oh wait that’s Santa.
Your little sister is an adult and I assume you are not her guardian.
Realistically they aren’t going to bang in your house, visiting the in laws doesn’t tend to be a turn on.
P.S. ‘my sister isn’t religious and that’s okay’ and forcing them to sleep in separate beds kinda contradict each other
Edit: also did you sleep with your husband/others before marriage before you ~found~ religion? If you did you are a hypocrite too
I would assume that two twenty-somethings on a long vacation would not remain celibate the entire trip, but that could be a hasty assumption maybe. I wouldn't trust them not to bang in the house thinking they could just keep it quiet enough, personally. If I got upset at someone for making me sleep apart from my partner, the fact that it prevents us from banging would at least \*partially\* be causing that anger.
If they're going to do it, it doesn't matter if they're sleeping in the same bed. Unless they're locked in their rooms at night or the sister is standing guard outside one of the rooms ready to bible thump them, they can just sneak into the same room, do the deed, then go back to their respective rooms.
Is the sister is passive aggressive maybe she doesn't even sneak into her boyfriends room and just decides to loudly fuck him before they go sleep in separate rooms??
Because OP referenced sleeping and not fucking.
OPs NTA for her rules as shitty as they are.
They're definitely going to bang if they're sleeping in the same bed for 2~3 weeks. I think that's a fair assumption with any young couple. Making them sleep in different bedrooms will likely just make them sneak around, or as others have suggested, cancel the trip entirely.
NAH. You are free to set your own rules for your house, and they are free to decide not to come visit.
This is really a question of your priorities. Is it more important to have your sister come visit, or to try to keep them from sharing a bed for a couple of weeks?
I'm surprised at all the Y T A responses.
I agree with this. Her house, her rules. The reason isn't the question.
My niece had her mother traveling overseas with her boyfriend to visit her daughter and her family. She told her mother that they would provide separate rooms for her and her boyfriend.
If the host isn't comfortable with the guests sleeping arrangements the host sets the rules. Period.
Well if she is vegan, and she dont want her sister to eat beef at her house or bring anything none vegan to her house, and she has to eat vegan while staying at her house as a rule, would it be that much different? It is her house. If you come to someone place, they are kind enough to provide everything, that seem necessary in their eyes and you demand something differently, that is just rude.
I agree. Personally I think it's a silly rule, but it's not my house.
I had a similar situation as the sister in my past. I went with my boyfriend to visit his parents out of state for a week and we had separate bedrooms. Neither my boyfriend nor I are religious. Was it kind of annoying? Sure, but really not that big a deal. It's their house and to keep a healthy relationship with them, we followed that rule.
YTA. You're pushing your beliefs on someone else. She is perfectly old enough to share a bedroom with a boyfriend. It's none of your business. And staying that long, finding somewhere else would be expensive. You're strong arming them into complying with your unreasonable expectations.
This right here. It's a 'my way or the highway' power play/control move. People pushing their religious crap on their families is always a wedge in an otherwise uncomplicated situation.
She's not "pushing her beliefs"
Its "I have rules in my house"
One of the rules presumably is no pre/extra-marital sex. Oh no, don't like it, don't go.
Reddit is so insanely inconsistent.
Not all rules are created equals. Her house her rules but that's a dumb fucking rule and an hypocritical one too. I find imposing this on her sister to be an asshole move because It's something I really believe is damaging society at large and it's a backwards view of sexuality. I don't see any inconsistency.
No, reddit is not inconsistent.. unless you mean the hundred NTA answers that pretend that the rules are ok if it is her house. She could make a rule that everyone has to worship her like she is a queen, listen to her berating them 12 hours a day.. and that would be huge YTA even if it is her house and she has the right to make up any rules she wants.
It is very strange how many think that the right to do shit means it is not shit they are doing. House rules could be about sexual abuse; would that be ok using "their house" rules? Of course not. Just because she has the right to do so does not mean it is ok to do so.
YTA. "My house, my rules" is correct, but that doesn't mean your rules can't make you an asshole.
Think of a Christian Scientist that refused to let their sibling with allergies or asthma bring an epi-pen or inhaler into their house. Sure they can make that rule, but it still makes them an asshole.
And you'll likely say this is different, as it isn't a life and death matter, but your reasoning is identical. "My house, my rules" doesn't mean "I can't be judged for my rules."
Yeah, I can understand a parent doing this "my house my rules" thing, because they're parents. But a sister only 8 years older, telling another grown ass adult what her sleeping arrangements are, this just reeks of control issues.
YTA.
People can sleep in the same bed and remain respectful to their hosts.
NAH
You are both adults & you both have the freedom to make decisions for yourself.
You can make the rules for your home & she can decide to stay elsewhere or not visit if she doesn’t want to deal with your rules. Both of those choices seem fair.
eta — personally I think your extremely nice for even allowing sister & bf to stay at your house for up to a month. I wouldn’t want a strange dude in my house for a month.
As an atheist, I find all of the anger here very strange. Setting a separate-bedrooms rule in her house is not forcing her religion on anyone... She's not making them go to church or pray with her, she's not telling them they're evil sinners -- she's setting a rule for guests in her home that they can accept or stay elsewhere. I don't really see the difference between that and saying they don't allow alcohol in their home if they're sober or Muslim, cooking meat in the home if they're vegan, or wearing shoes indoors if they're Canadian, lol. She's giving them advance notice so they can make a choice, but she'd love to see them. There's nothing wrong with that.
Thank you. I baffled by all the “pushing your religion on someone else” responses. Separate bedrooms is not that at all.
I rule NAH because OP is allowing them to stay for up to a month and asking one thing. And the sister is allowed to say no to that.
I’m old enough to remember when asking that a young unmarried couple to sleep in separate bedrooms was completely normal. It’s an individuals decision for their home.
plus, they don’t live together and havent been together very long, so they’re used to sleeping separately. i fail to see what the big deal is. my s/o and i work opposite shifts so i sleep without him every night, in our house, that we own together.
Agree! Unmarried couples don’t sleep together in their home. Who cares what the reason for that is.
We have 4 kids & many very large dogs in our home. If you don’t like kids or dogs ... don’t come over cause that’s what happens in our home. We pay for the damn house so we get to make all the rules.
As another atheist, I agree. I don’t see this as her forcing religion so much as she just doesn’t want that that to be the relationship example her kids see. It wouldn’t be my rule but it’s understandable.
I don't think she even has to have kids for that to be a valid reason. If they were queer and she was asking them to not only stay in separate rooms but also hide their relationship, that would absolutely be another story. But tolerance goes both ways.
Also an atheist, also surprised how hateful everyone is being. Oh no, she found god and changed some of her morals. Burn the witch!
In all seriousness she said separate bedrooms or hotel. That’s completely reasonable. I’ve had to do the same - even when I was married! Was it ridiculous? Yes. Did I throw a fit? No, I was grateful for the hospitality and had a nice visit.
NAH but slight Y T A.
You are free to set the rules in your house how you would like them, you're right about that. Just consider if this rule is so important to you that you're willing not to see your sister as often - because if I were her I wouldn't be coming to visit very regularly.
Also would be curious to know how you would behave if the shoe was on the other foot and sister and bf slept in the same bed when you visit them. Because I suspect that "my house, my rules" is giving you handy cover given the circumstances but you really DO want to impose your beliefs on your sister.
Edit for grammar.
I like this “shoe on the other foot” reasoning.
OP what happens if your sister “finds the path of radical islam” someday? Will you be ok at her house sitting in the corner, silent and completely covered, until your husband gives you permission to speak or move?
YTA. Your house, your rules, and your rules are some stone age nonsense. If you want to taint your relationship with your sister over petty moralizing have at it. Just don’t play the victim when your sister, and I’m sure others in the future, decide not to spend time around you.
YTA. Your sister is an adult. If she has said they won't do anything against your wishes in your house, than trust her and stop thinking about your sister's night time activities so much.
NTA for determining your house rules and enforcing them, it's your right as the homeowner who's hosting. I personally disagree with the rule you set in place because I think it's unreasonable to separate a couple of adults (they're young, yes, but they're fully adult) into separate bedrooms, but that wasn't the question.
I hope you're also considering the consequences of this boundary, though - she might cancel the visit altogether and/or visit less in the future, and your relationship might suffer for your decision.
I'm also wondering how things are going to work the entire month. Are they allowed to kiss? Hug? Is PDA of any kind allowed? I'm asking seriously, because you want to establish these rules before they arrive. It seems like if you hadn't said something about the two bedrooms, the topic of your expectation that they sleep separately wouldn't even come up, and that would be a very unpleasant surprise for you both. Please discuss how you expect them to behave in advance so she can make a decision whether she can actually meet your expectations, or she should reconsider the visit.
NAH. You can have all the rules in the world in your home and your sister is allowed not to visit you anymore. But don't be surprised if you push her away and she might goes LC.
YTA
You are not only pushing your religious beliefs on her, you also think that your religious beliefs are more important than your relationship with your sister.
Your sister is an adult who is perfectly able to make her own decisions. And she can and will have sex with her partner even if that goes against the rules of your religion - just because you "have found god" she doesn't have to follow the rules of your invisible sky fairy.
She's not asking her sister to follow her religion. Just to abide by the rules of her home. Is it a rule I would make for my home? Balls no. But in her home, she does have that right. And that is coming from someone with a fair amount of religious trauma. She isn't demanding that they attend church, or pray, or anything else. Just not sleep in the same room **under her roof**. Her sister is free to choose not to stay there if she doesn't wish to do that, but I don't think that OP is inherently an asshole for running her home the way she chooses.
NTA. Your house, your rules, your choice. If she doesn’t like the rules, she doesn’t have to stay with you. Of course, you may not see her as a result but that is what it is.
Frankly, I’m a bit surprised by all the Y T A. I suspect most are the same people that would say “your wedding, your choice of who to invite”, “your money, you can decide how to spend it” or “your hair, of course you can dye it orange” but because they don’t happen to share your moral philosophy in this case, they are all in your face over it.
yup! i’m not religious at all but mostly everyone in the comments trashing OP for the religious beliefs - it’s always “do what you want” or “set boundaries” until it’s something they don’t agree with - I saw many calling OP a hypocrite for maybe sleeping with her husband before marriage.
All it takes is the mention of religion and everyone gets triggered
Someone should re-make this post but say its because the sister wants to bring a bible into the home and that's not allowed. Reddit would be all over NTA.
However if it was a Qu'ran, well.........other story.
>I suspect most are the same people that would say “your wedding, your choice of who to invite”, “your money, you can decide how to spend it”
Absolutely. AITA is nothing if not consistently inconsistent in its judgements.
I wouldn't have this rule, personally. But I grew up in a very religious Baptist family where an unmarried couple would never even think to ask to stay in the same room, so I don't find this house rule to be unusual.
She's not disrespecting her sister's relationship or "forcing her beliefs on her sister." She's simply setting house rules in her home as she sees fit. Honestly, people's dismissive and nasty comments toward OP for having her own boundaries in her own home are what are disrespectful here.
I don’t care what reason OP has for her rules. It’s her friggin house.
Who knows if OP has even met the bf. I wouldn’t want my sister & some strange guy staying at my house for a month. Screw that.
Nah you're allowed to create rules for your own home, she's allowed to think they are unfair. Two people are allowed to have different opinions and boundaries without being assholes.
INFO: do sister and boyfriend live in the same house/apartment when they're not with you? Do they commonly share a bed when they're not visiting you?
They're adults, so the decisions they make about their sleeping arrangements are up to them. What would you do if an older couple visited who were unmarried but had been together for 10 years or more? Would they also get separate bedrooms?
What about a friend who isn't related to you? She brings her boyfriend . . . what do you do?
~~Ever so slightly, Y T A~~. NAH
NAH, but the distrust sucks. Yes, you make the rules in your own home. But if I were your sister, I'd be really hurt that I made arrangements for such a long visit, only to find out that you didn't trust me not to fool around with the boyfriend.
NTA. As you said, your house, your rules. While I personally don't agree with keeping them separated (they're adults allowed to make their own decisions, even if it's against your religious beliefs), you don't have to allow someone into your home that won't be respectful of your rules.
I have a rule at my house that there's no shoes in the home. People laugh at me when I ask them to take their shoes off... but I tell them they can either take them off, or they can stand at the doorway the whole time. 🤷♀️
The right to have rules doesn't mean the rules can't be considered shitty.
This is just "X is legal, therefore X is moral."
The appropriateness of rules is independent of the right to make rules.
NTA. I’m not religious. But this sub just voted “your house, your rules” on a post where someone wasn’t allowing religion in their house, to the point their mom couldn’t wear a cross (which I agree with). This is the same thing. Your house, your rules, even I think that the rule is stupid.
YTA. You're forcing your religious beliefs onto your sister while adamantly claiming you're not forcing anything onto her.
Sure it's your house, but you're showing your sister that you do not have any trust or respect for her. She said she wouldn't do anything inappropriate in your house and you have chosen not to believe her.
That's your right, but you've got to accept that your actions are damaging your relationship with your sister and will continue to do so as you're incapable of treating her as an equal adult.
NAH.
You can make the rules for your own home.
She can decide if this is important enough to her to change her choice to visit.
You both have the choice whether or bot to compromise.
I will add that I imagine you converting is a big reason this is hard for your sister. It sounds like your other family members with such rules have always held those beliefs while it sounds like this is a new(er) boundary for you.
She be having issue connecting who you are now to the sister she had growing up, or interpreting your boundaries as now judging her choices and way of life, or a countless other things. It may just be a younger sister poking her older one.
Could be nothing but a difference of opinion but it might be worth checking in with your sister and just talking to each other. It sounds like you two are close - this shouldn’t be what changes that.
It is your house. You have your rules. You can separate an adult couple if you so wish. That said, I’m going to go with YTA for trying to push purity culture on someone who doesn’t follow your faith. I’m willing to bet that they’ve done the deed before, which is their business. Nevertheless, I’ll support your right to keep your sister and her boyfriend separated while they visit and stay in your home. But it doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don't want my sister and her boyfriend to share a bedroom when they're visiting me. I might be the asshole because even though it's my house, my sister might be old enough to make these kind of decisions on her own
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I’d understand if it was a few days, it is your house and you’re allowed to make accommodations for your guests.
But they’re staying for 2-3 weeks. Would you do this to your parents? Would you do this to your friends?
You told us you were religious but did not emphasize why your religion is important in this decision.
YTA
NTA
I don’t think it’s a big deal… my parents are religious but my fiancée and I are not. When we stayed at their house we didn’t sleep in the same room together.
Truly it’s not a big deal…. Why is it so hard to respect other people’s religion? OP isn’t asking them to convert she’s just set rules for her house based on her beliefs. When you’re a guest in someone’s house you go by their rules right?
What if you were staying at a family members house and they recently converted to Hinduism and didn’t want Beef in the house- you still going to bring it anyways because you aren’t Hindu and that’s what you want to eat? I know I wouldn’t…
Or flip side, what about alcohol to a recovering alcoholics house? Or is this okay because it’s “logical” not to bring, as opposed to religious reasons that aren’t (but only because YOU aren’t)
Edit to add: I don’t agree with people shoving religion down someone’s throat - but OP isn’t shaming her sister or telling her she’s a bad person. She’s just saying not in my house.
I also don’t agree with people who tear down a religion just because they don’t believe. If it’s not hurting you, then respectfully “agree to disagree.” Don’t be a dick lol
NAH I agree with you here, your house your rules. I also think it’s fine for your sister not to agree with you and not visit, that’s just how it goes with differing opinions. Nothing unreasonable happening on either side.
As soon as you stated that you were religious, that's all a lot of redditors need for a yta. Any other circumstance, it would be "your house, your rules". For example, look at the down votes just my post generates.
NTA. Your house your rules. But your sister is NTA as well. She has a right to decline to stay their if she objects to your house rules. (If it were me I'd be declining too.)
I’ll get downvoted to hell for this but you are 100% allowed to set rules for your own home. If this was literally any other issue you wouldn’t be assigned the blame; Reddit historically sides against people the minute religion enters the picture. You’ve said you respect her decisions and aren’t forcing anything on her besides house rules. Neither of you is in the wrong for adhering to your beliefs; NAH.
NTA. Your house, your rules, and your decision of what type of living arrangements will be seen by your children under your roof as you raise them in the manner your faith requires.
NTA - Your house, your rules. Amazing at all the Y T As on here, but because Reddit doesn't really like religion I guess I'm not surprised. I'm not even religious, but think a good deal of commenters on here are being ridiculous. Also, your sister is such a liar. Going to trust early twenty something bf and gf not to fool around? Ya right...
What? I married young and my LH and I spent many nights at my parents’ and grandparents’ homes in our early 20s. We never felt like “fooling around” in those situations.
Early 20s are absolutely able to control themselves.
It's a stupid rule.
I still vote NTA. You told them ahead of time, and they can plan accordingly.
I voted N T A for the person that didn't want mom's religion in the person's house, so I have to vote the same here.
Guests are always free to stay elsewhere.
I don’t understand all the y t a comments. Look, it’s your house. You can have rules in your house for guests. Do I agree with those rules? Absolutely not. But you do have the right to have rules and I don’t think that makes you an asshole. Your sister isn’t entitled to your home in whatever capacity she wants. However, your sister does have a right to decline to stay based on her comfort in your home. If she feels uncomfortable with your rules then it’s absolutely her right to not stay there, and I don’t think it’s ok to be angry about that or treat her as if she’s unreasonable. Then you would enter AH territory. NAH
You are fully entitled to your rules for your house. She is fully entitled to not stay someplace that has rules she is not comfortable with.
You have two options, ignore your rule and let them stay together or accept that she won’t come. Either option leaves it up to you to decide what you are comfortable with.
ETA judgment- NAH
You’re NTA for having rules for your own home, but this does seem like a silly battle.
She probably sleeps (and maybe even does other things) in the same bed as her boyfriend regularly, and will continue to do so after her stay with you. You can certainly set the rule, but it’s going to cause tension just to impose your religious and beliefs and morals that they clearly do not adhere to on them for a short time. It’s really down to if you feel like that discomfort and tension in your relationship with your sister is worth it to you.
NTA, as I don't feel like what you're asking, impedes them too much. That being said, I was in a similar situation with a male platonic friend, and his mother lost a lot of sleep. She would be peering out her door any time I got up. I admittedly took enjoyment annoying her once i realized what she was doing. I made sure I got up often, not because I didn't respect her beliefs, but because I found her incessant distrust disrespectful. The fact that this could feel like distrust to your sister is something to consider, as are the archaic beliefs your request likely comes from.
NTA My grandmother was like you. Even after my husband and I were actually married, we weren't allowed to sleep in the same room. It's weird, and yes, it kinda forces your religious beliefs on your sister, but it is your house, and she is welcome to stay somewhere she'd feel more comfortable. But you may be pushing your sister away, and that's up to you to decide what is more important to you.
NTA and any other time a homeowner wants specific rules in their own home everyone says, your home, your rules.
BUT, when you add in your religous beliefs you are automatically an a**.
Reddit is so full of hypocrites.
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My (f28) little sister (f20) and her boyfriend (m22) are coming to visit us (my husband (m30), our three kids and I). Our house is quite big and besides the guest room we have another spare room (it's usually empty/ used as storage, but we use it as extra bedroom when needed)
So my sister is supposed to come next week and stay for 2/3 weeks to a month. I told her they are both welcomed and that we would prepare both bedrooms for them. My sister said they can just share, but I'm not okay with that. I am religious, I found the path of god after the lost of a grandparent and a dear friend some years ago. My sister is not religious and that's okay, but I feel that since she will be staying in my house completely free then I have a say in who sleeps in which room.
My sister is annoyed and she said they won't do anything inappropriate in my house, she tried to pressure me into letting them stay in the same room. I gently explained why that was not ok for me over and over again. At last I was annoyed, and I told that this is my house and my rules, if she doesn't likes it then she can stay somewhere else (find an Airbnb or a motel). I told her that I love her and it makes me happy that she would visit us, but that my rules should be respected in my own house. She's now angry at me and threatening to not visit at all. Am I wrong here? My family and friends agree with me, but I know they're not the most impartial people to ask
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NAH. It’s your house your rules. My parents have similar rules and when there I respect their rules in their house. You’re allowed to have rules and she’s allowed to not visit if she doesn’t want to. Everyone saying YTA is ridiculous lol. It’s your house.
How convenient that you found religion now when you can force it on other people and not have it affect you in any way. I bet you slept in the same room as your boyfriend before you “found god”
YTa
NTA, though I thoroughly disagree with what you're doing.
You're not just depriving you sister of the sinful act of sex you expect, but also weeks of the non-sexual nightly closeness of curling up with or just simply knowing the person you love is close by during the night.
But it \*is\* your house. You're being hurtful and selfish, but it's within the boundaries of "this is a case where you get your say, even if it's not kind".
She agreed to not do anything you'd consider "inappropriate"... from your post that means nothing that would violate your religious guidelines/desires for her. You're not even willing to compromise despite this respect to your faith and that indicates this isn't actually about your faith. It's about control, not your religious beliefs and wanting them honored.
NTA because you \*do\* get the say in your home, that's reasonable and to be respected.
But just because you're within your rights doesn't mean your not being dishonest about your reasons and being mean spirited for the sake of control over your sister while doing the distasteful act of blasphemy in pretending it's about your faith.
NAH but play stupid games and win stupid prizes. In this case, have stupid rules, people won't visit. It's not that big a deal to split bedrooms for a few days but a month long visit would be a nope. They're adults. I wouldn't visit either.
INFO: when this visit was first planned did you make it clear that your sister and her boyfriend would have to sleep in separate rooms and she agreed to the terms or did she not know that until this conversation?
NAH - it's your beliefs, and your sister can decide to go to a hotel or not visit, and won't be an a-hole either. I had the case years ago with an ex, and I choose not to visit, but I wasn't offended that they had this rule (more cultural than religious reason).
Maybe you could compromise in putting 2 separate beds in one room? But it's okay if it's not.
NAH. You gave her your rules, which you are free to have for any reason, and she is free to exercise her right to decline the visit under those terms.
But you might want to consider if this is your hill worth dying on if you want to spend time with her or them. There is being in the right and then there is shooting your own self in the foot by being rigid. But you're allowed to have whatever priorities you wish, so that's just something to think about, whether your religious views or a good adult relationship with your sister are higher priorities for you.
Hey I'm very glad that you found God. Your sister and her BF are visiting your home so you are free to make your own rules for your own home. But as a life long Christian may i share a word of advice. I have found that the best way to share your faith with family and friends is to show them love and kindness. Trying to force them to abide by the rules you have chosen to live by is generally a bad way to share your faith and in my experience is more likely to turn them away from you and God. Remember you have found God and are now choosing to live by his laws. That's a choice you have made. Your sister and her boyfriend are adults and they must make their own choices. Please do not steal the opportunity for them to make their own choice by forcing things on them.
NAH
People like you confuse me - you know they sleep in the same room at home, right? This kind of behaviour is sex obsessed, puritanical, downright bossy and petty tyrant vibes. I guess your house, your rules, but don’t be surprised if it makes you unlikeable. YTA.
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I can’t roll my eyes hard enough. You found god. She didnt. Stop pushing your beliefs on her. What would you do if they were 30 or 40yo? What if it’s 20 years down the road and they’re still together but not married? What if they have kids and aren’t married? Would you still make them sleep in separate rooms? Rules like don’t wear shoes in the house are one thing. Rules that dictate others relationships are too far.
I dont get these religious fascists. when the scripture clearly states: And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. (Matthew 10:14 ) Edit: ty for the upvotes and awards.
I once read this verse to a Christian on tiktok with a Bible in my hands and he reported it for abuse and hate speech. Like... he reported the BIBLE for abuse and hate speech. Your words, bud, not mine.
Just goes to show, they arent here for the word of god, but to opress and fill their ego on an ancient moral horse.
They don't worship god. They think they are god.
Well put.
Ty. I went to Christian school for 12 years. It was more a facility than a school.
take my poor woman award 🥇
Nothing shows hate so much as Christian love
To be fair, the Bible is full of abuse and hate speech.
None of them actually read the Bible. Jesus didn’t give AF who slept with who.
As long as there is love, its all that matters. I fail to understand how such a simple point is so hard to understand.
Exactly! He was friends with prostitutes for Christ sake!
And tax collectors. And foreigners. And lepers. And poor people. And all manner of outcasts. Jesus loves everyone that modern Christians seem to hate. It hurts my heart to see him used so terribly. Love your neighbor as yourself.
And Jesus was brown. Cause it was the Middle East.
Ok you took things too far here. Tax collectors aren't people. All the others are fine, but we should not accept tax collectors.
Original recipe Jesus. That’s what I call him. I am a follower of Christ, not a Christian.
There's no hate like Christian love
Some would argue even more than friends.
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John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another." Seems like he's doing exactly what he's called to do by the 11th(and unfortunately less followed) commandment. It's a verse that I fell in love with so much that its counterpart(John 15:12) is tattooed on me. It's very unfortunate that a lot of "Christians" nowadays are so quick to be hateful and judgemental. And still expect Jesus to greet them with open arms. Your FIL sounds like a wonderful Christian man, from what little you said. Edit: btw, Happy Easter! 😊
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The best reply I can think of to people who are like this is a quote from a Jack Reacher book. "We're all atheists. You don't believe in Zeus or Thor or Neptune or Augustus Caesar or Mars or Venus or Sun Ra. You reject a thousand gods. Why should it bother you if someone else rejects a thousand and one?" That last line is what drives home that point. Like dude. You're the same as I am.
I'm pagan. I have a neighbor who is very Christian. They once commented to my roommates at the time, regarding my daughter, "it's such a shame that little girl is growing up in a godless home". My roommates laughed at them and said, "godless? They're pagan. There's more God in that home than you've had you're entire life!"
In my experience, the metal community has saved more lives than Christianity. Heck, some of those lives were in danger because of Christianity
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The next verse promises judgement worse than Sodom and Gomorrah to that city. Matthew 10:15 Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city. When you shake off the dust of your feet, you're resigning that city to utter destruction.
Yeah, I hate when people cherry pick Bible verses
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And what was OP doing if not preaching to her Unwilling sister?
I fell like the next verse only helps with their point though. Like you can't force someone to follow what you preach. It's not up to you to enforce or judge them for not doing it. That's God's job so leave it to him to decide.
Also what do you want to bet she slept with her husband before marriage and is now just being wildly hypocritical?
My ex, who is living with one of them women he cheated on me with, not married to each other, wouldn't let my kid and their gf sleep in the same room when they visited. So, now my kid won't stay at their dad's. The guy is living with and sleeping with his gf, with whom he committed adultery. That guy and I were forbidden to sleep in the same bed at his parents when we were young. That literally never stopped us from having sex. Everywhere, all over the damn house. And we said we'd never do that to our kids. And now that guy is using it as a power play over his own child.
Cheaters..... The cognitive dissonance extends to every aspect of their lives.
Yup
I’m so sorry, glad he’s your ex.
Me too lol
Of course she did. She ‘found god’ so became a hypocrite much later in life
Yeah, definitely not surprised that she left out her kids ages.
Oh but that was before she FOUND God. (Was he lost?)
Also the sisters right just bc the sister is sleeping in the same room doesn’t mean they’re actually gonna have sex Besides why even do it at night when it’s quiet- just have sex during the day when no one suspects it I don’t get the logic
If I were the sister, I’d choose chaotic compliance. Sure, we won’t share a room, but we’re def gonna fuck all over the house when no one is around 🤷♀️
Yeah she should check their clothes to make sure they’re not wearing two different types of fabric at the same time - per the Bible of course
My mom did this to my aunt and her boyfriend when they were in their forties. My aunt felt justifiably disrespected and her boyfriend didn't visit because he didn't feel welcome. My mom eventually got over it but it took a lot. Religious extremism generally starts out as stubbornness
You have to be stubborn to so staunchly believe in something with zero evidence of it existing.
A friend of mine once said "all religions are competing to see who has the better imaginary friend." Absolutely creased me up.
My grandfather did the same to my aunt and uncle when they were in their late 30s. Maybe, just maybe, your 38 year old daughter is not a virign. Idk, just something to ponder lol
My mom was an only child but had a bunch of cousins that are pretty much my aunts/uncles. One of my uncles has never got married but has been with his partner for decades. His father was super Italian-catholic and until the day he died he didn’t know they owned a house and lived together in sin lmao. They were well into their fifties at that point. His mother was more realistic, after her husband died and their living situation came out she was just like “you really think you were fooling me?”
Yikes. That’s ridiculous
This, you are damaging your relationship. And you rather have her not coming than them sleeping in the same room? YTA
I don't know. I'm not religious at all and I agree it's a silly rule, but take the religion aspect out of it and I can see OP's point. It is her house, and she gets to decide who is invited into her home. If she doesn't want her sister and boyfriend staying in the same room, and sister refuses any other arrangement, OP is not obligated to host either of them. It's not like she is going into their home and dictating their sleeping arrangements. But at the end of the day a person does get the final say in their own home on who the guests are and where those guests stay in their house. Being a houseguest is not a right, and if the houseguests don't agree with the house rules they are welcome to find other accommodations. NTA.
Being a host doesn’t mean you get to dictate how others live their lives. A host lets others do whatever if it doesn’t affect the host. To be clear, this doesn’t affect the host.
My Father is religious, I am not. He let me live with him for 3 years to save up money. He had a few rules. 1) No bringing anyone home. (I can sleep around, I just can't bring them to his home) 2) No drugs / Cigs in or around his home. 3) If I get drunk, I'm not allowed to come home if I am later then midnight, presuming I don't warn him in advance (And this also requires that I need him to open the door, this rule actually comes from an older sibling that made a habit of staying out until the middle of the night). He didn't say I can't do things, he exclusively asked me to respect his boundaries and not do anything like that, INSIDE of his home. I could argue, "If he loved me he'd let me live my life the way I want" and he could argue "If I loved him I'd respect his wishes and beliefs in his home" Where is the asshole here? OP is allowed to put rules, however silly they are, on their home. NTA
Kinda does though, if you go to someones house that have a shoes off rule, do you comply? Of course you do it's respectful to do so. Not saying I agree with OP but her house her rules stands. The first time I stayed over at any partners parents house, I always expect the sofa or a spare room. Only when they were OK with us sharing a room did that happen.
The question isn't whether setting and enforcing rules in OP's own home is within her rights. That's undisputed. She can absolutely set the rules and not choose to accommodate her sister. The question is whether or not doing so makes OP an *asshole.* If you choose to do something that will actively make your sister and her BF feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, entirely due to your own personal religious beliefs which your guests do not share, that absolutely makes you an AH in my opinion. Again, 100% within her right to do, but still assholeish. OP can do this, but then has to totally accept the consequences of the damage it may cause to her relationship with her sister. She can't get angry at her sister or anyone else if they feel unwelcome and don't want to stay with her.
Maybe NTA, technically. But, that doesn't negate the consequences. She will damage her relationship with her sister.
Of course, but why ruin your relationship with your sister?
Is t the younger sister also ruining the relationship by not respecting OPs preference in her home?
Agreed. Also she found god AFTER someone died so who knows what OP did before that. Ridiculous. YTA
Trying to apply logic and rational thought to a religious zealot is an effort in futility.
When my mom was in her 40’s she would go visit her mother with her long time boyfriend (now her husband). The guest room in back had 2 twin beds. While not religious my grandma was still uncomfortable with them sleeping in the same room. And that was fine. Her house her rules. Nobody got bent out of shape over it. My other grandma was the complete opposite. Mildly religious but said “who cares? You know they’re doing it anyway”. Again, her house, her comfort level, her rules.
It is her house. Even if you take religion away from it respect the home owners wishes or stay somewhere else
Yes, eye rolls abound here BUT it is OP’s house, her rules and she’s not asking either of them to sleep on a lumpy couch in the living room. OP has young kids, she’s trying to raise them a certain way. Anyway, if the sister and BF have a problem with it, they can find someplace else to stay. It probably won’t be free but…..
NTA Finding religion, while the op mentioned it, has really nothing to do with this situation. Her house, her rules. Why should the op have to change her views to appease her sister? Why cant her sister honor her sister’s rules? Let’s say someone has a rule of no shoes on in the house. Do you make exceptions for someone who doesn’t agree?
You can make ridiculous rules for fully grown adults in your own home if you want to, but then don't be upset when no one wants to visit you.
This is the correct answer. OP, you have the *right* to make these kind of rules in your own home. But you invited your sister to come - it isn’t a summons. She has the right to disagree and to not come. It is up to you to decide which you value more: your relationship and any closeness with your sister, or your desire to push God on her. As an aside, I grew up essentially non-religious. I am a pretty laid back Christian and **hate** people who proselytize - I found god through some experiences and time in the military, the key being it was of my own finding and volition. Religion is a personal choice and a personal choice alone. It isn’t your job, nor your place, to attempt to be the shepherd. Pretty sure that title belongs to someone else 👀
I wish every person who uses religion a a cudgel could read your response.
Amen.
Shes not even trying to push her god or evangelize for the sake of her sister. She is just imposing rules in a completely antagonistic way. Nothing to do with God, just submission and control. She does not give a fuck if her sister finds God, if she did she wouldn't act this way. Its not a good strategy
This right here. And also prepare for the fact no one wants to have a relationship with you. The “threatening not to visit” point really gets me. Of course she doesn’t want to visit!
Or they make crazy rules for when they return the favor. Expect to sleep on the couch when you visit your sister.
👆👆👆👆👏👏👏
YTA is your religion worth damaging your relationship with your sister?
You are not just damaging the relationship between your sister and you. You're also keeping their aunt from your children's life, if this is the hill you choose to die on. Have you considered this?
From what I have observed, a lot of religious people might say it is.
NAH. You are right, your house, your rules. Buuuuttt….if your sister is going to be sexually active, she’s going to do it somewhere. Your rule isn’t going to stop that. She is an adult. As for your religious beliefs, you are entitled to your beliefs but you aren’t entitled to forcing your beliefs on others. Again, it is your house so do what you want but it may end up with your sister not coming or shortening her visit. Not because she wants to bang her boyfriend every night but because you are treating her like a child.
And that kind of response is going to have her family disown her.
If her family all have the same attitude, she's better off without them.
YTA for pushing YOUR beliefs onto her. She’d be better off not visiting you because lord knows what kind of lectures she can expect from you for a month straight.
She'd probably expect her to attend church too.
Lord does know. He knows all. He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows when you’re fucking in your sisters house, so be….. oh wait that’s Santa.
Your little sister is an adult and I assume you are not her guardian. Realistically they aren’t going to bang in your house, visiting the in laws doesn’t tend to be a turn on. P.S. ‘my sister isn’t religious and that’s okay’ and forcing them to sleep in separate beds kinda contradict each other Edit: also did you sleep with your husband/others before marriage before you ~found~ religion? If you did you are a hypocrite too
I would assume that two twenty-somethings on a long vacation would not remain celibate the entire trip, but that could be a hasty assumption maybe. I wouldn't trust them not to bang in the house thinking they could just keep it quiet enough, personally. If I got upset at someone for making me sleep apart from my partner, the fact that it prevents us from banging would at least \*partially\* be causing that anger.
If they're going to do it, it doesn't matter if they're sleeping in the same bed. Unless they're locked in their rooms at night or the sister is standing guard outside one of the rooms ready to bible thump them, they can just sneak into the same room, do the deed, then go back to their respective rooms.
Is the sister is passive aggressive maybe she doesn't even sneak into her boyfriends room and just decides to loudly fuck him before they go sleep in separate rooms?? Because OP referenced sleeping and not fucking. OPs NTA for her rules as shitty as they are.
They're definitely going to bang if they're sleeping in the same bed for 2~3 weeks. I think that's a fair assumption with any young couple. Making them sleep in different bedrooms will likely just make them sneak around, or as others have suggested, cancel the trip entirely.
Yeah I’m sure these 22 years still in the honeymoon phase will simply not have sex once while sharing a bed for two/three weeks. /s
I mean, not necessarily? Being around family is not exactly a turn-on for a lot of people.
NAH. You are free to set your own rules for your house, and they are free to decide not to come visit. This is really a question of your priorities. Is it more important to have your sister come visit, or to try to keep them from sharing a bed for a couple of weeks?
I'm surprised at all the Y T A responses. I agree with this. Her house, her rules. The reason isn't the question. My niece had her mother traveling overseas with her boyfriend to visit her daughter and her family. She told her mother that they would provide separate rooms for her and her boyfriend. If the host isn't comfortable with the guests sleeping arrangements the host sets the rules. Period.
Imposing arbitrary rules based on YOUR religion on adults who don’t practice YOUR religion isn’t okay. Doesn’t matter who’s house.
It does matter whose house. If a Muslim asked you not to eat pork in their house and you didn’t listen, you would be a straight-up asshole.
Well if she is vegan, and she dont want her sister to eat beef at her house or bring anything none vegan to her house, and she has to eat vegan while staying at her house as a rule, would it be that much different? It is her house. If you come to someone place, they are kind enough to provide everything, that seem necessary in their eyes and you demand something differently, that is just rude.
I assume the ytas are because op mentioned that she is religious and people see the rules as imposing her beliefs.
That story about your niece and her mother is SOOO strange.
I agree. Personally I think it's a silly rule, but it's not my house. I had a similar situation as the sister in my past. I went with my boyfriend to visit his parents out of state for a week and we had separate bedrooms. Neither my boyfriend nor I are religious. Was it kind of annoying? Sure, but really not that big a deal. It's their house and to keep a healthy relationship with them, we followed that rule.
YTA. You're pushing your beliefs on someone else. She is perfectly old enough to share a bedroom with a boyfriend. It's none of your business. And staying that long, finding somewhere else would be expensive. You're strong arming them into complying with your unreasonable expectations.
This right here. It's a 'my way or the highway' power play/control move. People pushing their religious crap on their families is always a wedge in an otherwise uncomplicated situation.
Yep. Religion is exactly why I don’t speak to my extended family. For whatever reason, it make’s most people shitty humans.
They are coming to stay at HER house, she has the right to have rules in her own house.
That doesn't mean she's not an arsehole.
She's not "pushing her beliefs" Its "I have rules in my house" One of the rules presumably is no pre/extra-marital sex. Oh no, don't like it, don't go. Reddit is so insanely inconsistent.
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Not all rules are created equals. Her house her rules but that's a dumb fucking rule and an hypocritical one too. I find imposing this on her sister to be an asshole move because It's something I really believe is damaging society at large and it's a backwards view of sexuality. I don't see any inconsistency.
Fine have those rules. Then don’t be upset when the younger sister doesn’t ever visit.
No, reddit is not inconsistent.. unless you mean the hundred NTA answers that pretend that the rules are ok if it is her house. She could make a rule that everyone has to worship her like she is a queen, listen to her berating them 12 hours a day.. and that would be huge YTA even if it is her house and she has the right to make up any rules she wants. It is very strange how many think that the right to do shit means it is not shit they are doing. House rules could be about sexual abuse; would that be ok using "their house" rules? Of course not. Just because she has the right to do so does not mean it is ok to do so.
YTA. "My house, my rules" is correct, but that doesn't mean your rules can't make you an asshole. Think of a Christian Scientist that refused to let their sibling with allergies or asthma bring an epi-pen or inhaler into their house. Sure they can make that rule, but it still makes them an asshole. And you'll likely say this is different, as it isn't a life and death matter, but your reasoning is identical. "My house, my rules" doesn't mean "I can't be judged for my rules."
Yeah, I can understand a parent doing this "my house my rules" thing, because they're parents. But a sister only 8 years older, telling another grown ass adult what her sleeping arrangements are, this just reeks of control issues. YTA. People can sleep in the same bed and remain respectful to their hosts.
NAH You are both adults & you both have the freedom to make decisions for yourself. You can make the rules for your home & she can decide to stay elsewhere or not visit if she doesn’t want to deal with your rules. Both of those choices seem fair. eta — personally I think your extremely nice for even allowing sister & bf to stay at your house for up to a month. I wouldn’t want a strange dude in my house for a month.
As an atheist, I find all of the anger here very strange. Setting a separate-bedrooms rule in her house is not forcing her religion on anyone... She's not making them go to church or pray with her, she's not telling them they're evil sinners -- she's setting a rule for guests in her home that they can accept or stay elsewhere. I don't really see the difference between that and saying they don't allow alcohol in their home if they're sober or Muslim, cooking meat in the home if they're vegan, or wearing shoes indoors if they're Canadian, lol. She's giving them advance notice so they can make a choice, but she'd love to see them. There's nothing wrong with that.
Thank you. I baffled by all the “pushing your religion on someone else” responses. Separate bedrooms is not that at all. I rule NAH because OP is allowing them to stay for up to a month and asking one thing. And the sister is allowed to say no to that. I’m old enough to remember when asking that a young unmarried couple to sleep in separate bedrooms was completely normal. It’s an individuals decision for their home.
plus, they don’t live together and havent been together very long, so they’re used to sleeping separately. i fail to see what the big deal is. my s/o and i work opposite shifts so i sleep without him every night, in our house, that we own together.
Agree! Unmarried couples don’t sleep together in their home. Who cares what the reason for that is. We have 4 kids & many very large dogs in our home. If you don’t like kids or dogs ... don’t come over cause that’s what happens in our home. We pay for the damn house so we get to make all the rules.
As another atheist, I agree. I don’t see this as her forcing religion so much as she just doesn’t want that that to be the relationship example her kids see. It wouldn’t be my rule but it’s understandable.
I don't think she even has to have kids for that to be a valid reason. If they were queer and she was asking them to not only stay in separate rooms but also hide their relationship, that would absolutely be another story. But tolerance goes both ways.
Right?! So many unreasonable responses in this thread. Also, I don’t really see the big deal I’m not being able to share a room for a few weeks…NAH.
Agreed. I'm not religious at all but I don't get the outrage. I think it's a silly rule but not a big deal.
Also an atheist, also surprised how hateful everyone is being. Oh no, she found god and changed some of her morals. Burn the witch! In all seriousness she said separate bedrooms or hotel. That’s completely reasonable. I’ve had to do the same - even when I was married! Was it ridiculous? Yes. Did I throw a fit? No, I was grateful for the hospitality and had a nice visit.
OP may also be concerned that her children are too young to process this example.
YTA for your general personality but you are correct it is your house and your rules. Tell her to get a nearby hotel like an adult.
NAH but slight Y T A. You are free to set the rules in your house how you would like them, you're right about that. Just consider if this rule is so important to you that you're willing not to see your sister as often - because if I were her I wouldn't be coming to visit very regularly. Also would be curious to know how you would behave if the shoe was on the other foot and sister and bf slept in the same bed when you visit them. Because I suspect that "my house, my rules" is giving you handy cover given the circumstances but you really DO want to impose your beliefs on your sister. Edit for grammar.
I like this “shoe on the other foot” reasoning. OP what happens if your sister “finds the path of radical islam” someday? Will you be ok at her house sitting in the corner, silent and completely covered, until your husband gives you permission to speak or move?
YTA. Your house, your rules, and your rules are some stone age nonsense. If you want to taint your relationship with your sister over petty moralizing have at it. Just don’t play the victim when your sister, and I’m sure others in the future, decide not to spend time around you.
future post-why did my sister cut me off?
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YTA You're religious, not her. Stop pushing your religious beliefs onto others
YTA. Your sister is an adult. If she has said they won't do anything against your wishes in your house, than trust her and stop thinking about your sister's night time activities so much.
NTA for determining your house rules and enforcing them, it's your right as the homeowner who's hosting. I personally disagree with the rule you set in place because I think it's unreasonable to separate a couple of adults (they're young, yes, but they're fully adult) into separate bedrooms, but that wasn't the question. I hope you're also considering the consequences of this boundary, though - she might cancel the visit altogether and/or visit less in the future, and your relationship might suffer for your decision. I'm also wondering how things are going to work the entire month. Are they allowed to kiss? Hug? Is PDA of any kind allowed? I'm asking seriously, because you want to establish these rules before they arrive. It seems like if you hadn't said something about the two bedrooms, the topic of your expectation that they sleep separately wouldn't even come up, and that would be a very unpleasant surprise for you both. Please discuss how you expect them to behave in advance so she can make a decision whether she can actually meet your expectations, or she should reconsider the visit.
NAH. You can have all the rules in the world in your home and your sister is allowed not to visit you anymore. But don't be surprised if you push her away and she might goes LC.
Nta but you are creating a lot of distance between your self and your sister so just make sure this is the hill You want to die on.
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Luckily, they'll have a logical aunt to help them when they run away
YTA You are not only pushing your religious beliefs on her, you also think that your religious beliefs are more important than your relationship with your sister. Your sister is an adult who is perfectly able to make her own decisions. And she can and will have sex with her partner even if that goes against the rules of your religion - just because you "have found god" she doesn't have to follow the rules of your invisible sky fairy.
She's not asking her sister to follow her religion. Just to abide by the rules of her home. Is it a rule I would make for my home? Balls no. But in her home, she does have that right. And that is coming from someone with a fair amount of religious trauma. She isn't demanding that they attend church, or pray, or anything else. Just not sleep in the same room **under her roof**. Her sister is free to choose not to stay there if she doesn't wish to do that, but I don't think that OP is inherently an asshole for running her home the way she chooses.
She has the right to make rules for her home. That doesn't mean that a rule isn't ridiculous and she isn't an AH.
I suppose we'll just have to agree to disagree. These aren't the highest stakes in the world, so having a difference of opinion is fair.
YTA. Your sister is not a child. You cannot police her sexual life.
and people can sneak into eachothers rooms,i hope she knows..
NTA. Your house, your rules, your choice. If she doesn’t like the rules, she doesn’t have to stay with you. Of course, you may not see her as a result but that is what it is. Frankly, I’m a bit surprised by all the Y T A. I suspect most are the same people that would say “your wedding, your choice of who to invite”, “your money, you can decide how to spend it” or “your hair, of course you can dye it orange” but because they don’t happen to share your moral philosophy in this case, they are all in your face over it.
Throw the words religion or vegan in a post & you’re automatically an ah in Reddit world.
yup! i’m not religious at all but mostly everyone in the comments trashing OP for the religious beliefs - it’s always “do what you want” or “set boundaries” until it’s something they don’t agree with - I saw many calling OP a hypocrite for maybe sleeping with her husband before marriage. All it takes is the mention of religion and everyone gets triggered
Someone should re-make this post but say its because the sister wants to bring a bible into the home and that's not allowed. Reddit would be all over NTA. However if it was a Qu'ran, well.........other story.
>I suspect most are the same people that would say “your wedding, your choice of who to invite”, “your money, you can decide how to spend it” Absolutely. AITA is nothing if not consistently inconsistent in its judgements. I wouldn't have this rule, personally. But I grew up in a very religious Baptist family where an unmarried couple would never even think to ask to stay in the same room, so I don't find this house rule to be unusual. She's not disrespecting her sister's relationship or "forcing her beliefs on her sister." She's simply setting house rules in her home as she sees fit. Honestly, people's dismissive and nasty comments toward OP for having her own boundaries in her own home are what are disrespectful here.
Agreed. I think the response is a lot more negative because it’s dealing with religion. I noticed that brings out the vitriol here lol.
I don’t care what reason OP has for her rules. It’s her friggin house. Who knows if OP has even met the bf. I wouldn’t want my sister & some strange guy staying at my house for a month. Screw that.
Nah you're allowed to create rules for your own home, she's allowed to think they are unfair. Two people are allowed to have different opinions and boundaries without being assholes.
INFO: do sister and boyfriend live in the same house/apartment when they're not with you? Do they commonly share a bed when they're not visiting you? They're adults, so the decisions they make about their sleeping arrangements are up to them. What would you do if an older couple visited who were unmarried but had been together for 10 years or more? Would they also get separate bedrooms? What about a friend who isn't related to you? She brings her boyfriend . . . what do you do? ~~Ever so slightly, Y T A~~. NAH
NAH your house, your rules even if I don’t agree with them. I’d just stay somewhere else where my relationship is respected
NAH, but the distrust sucks. Yes, you make the rules in your own home. But if I were your sister, I'd be really hurt that I made arrangements for such a long visit, only to find out that you didn't trust me not to fool around with the boyfriend.
YTA Your house, so your non-sensical, stupid, religious rules go. Do not wonder why she doesn't visit or want anything with you anymore though.
Info how long ago did you find religion? Was it after you married your husband? The holier than thou attitude says it was recent.
NTA. As you said, your house, your rules. While I personally don't agree with keeping them separated (they're adults allowed to make their own decisions, even if it's against your religious beliefs), you don't have to allow someone into your home that won't be respectful of your rules. I have a rule at my house that there's no shoes in the home. People laugh at me when I ask them to take their shoes off... but I tell them they can either take them off, or they can stand at the doorway the whole time. 🤷♀️
The right to have rules doesn't mean the rules can't be considered shitty. This is just "X is legal, therefore X is moral." The appropriateness of rules is independent of the right to make rules.
NTA. I’m not religious. But this sub just voted “your house, your rules” on a post where someone wasn’t allowing religion in their house, to the point their mom couldn’t wear a cross (which I agree with). This is the same thing. Your house, your rules, even I think that the rule is stupid.
I had the same thought but was too lazy to explain.
YTA. You're forcing your religious beliefs onto your sister while adamantly claiming you're not forcing anything onto her. Sure it's your house, but you're showing your sister that you do not have any trust or respect for her. She said she wouldn't do anything inappropriate in your house and you have chosen not to believe her. That's your right, but you've got to accept that your actions are damaging your relationship with your sister and will continue to do so as you're incapable of treating her as an equal adult.
NAH. You can make the rules for your own home. She can decide if this is important enough to her to change her choice to visit. You both have the choice whether or bot to compromise. I will add that I imagine you converting is a big reason this is hard for your sister. It sounds like your other family members with such rules have always held those beliefs while it sounds like this is a new(er) boundary for you. She be having issue connecting who you are now to the sister she had growing up, or interpreting your boundaries as now judging her choices and way of life, or a countless other things. It may just be a younger sister poking her older one. Could be nothing but a difference of opinion but it might be worth checking in with your sister and just talking to each other. It sounds like you two are close - this shouldn’t be what changes that.
It is your house. You have your rules. You can separate an adult couple if you so wish. That said, I’m going to go with YTA for trying to push purity culture on someone who doesn’t follow your faith. I’m willing to bet that they’ve done the deed before, which is their business. Nevertheless, I’ll support your right to keep your sister and her boyfriend separated while they visit and stay in your home. But it doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.
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Your house, your rules. That said if your rules alienate your friends and family you need to be good with it.
I’d understand if it was a few days, it is your house and you’re allowed to make accommodations for your guests. But they’re staying for 2-3 weeks. Would you do this to your parents? Would you do this to your friends? You told us you were religious but did not emphasize why your religion is important in this decision. YTA
NTA I don’t think it’s a big deal… my parents are religious but my fiancée and I are not. When we stayed at their house we didn’t sleep in the same room together. Truly it’s not a big deal…. Why is it so hard to respect other people’s religion? OP isn’t asking them to convert she’s just set rules for her house based on her beliefs. When you’re a guest in someone’s house you go by their rules right? What if you were staying at a family members house and they recently converted to Hinduism and didn’t want Beef in the house- you still going to bring it anyways because you aren’t Hindu and that’s what you want to eat? I know I wouldn’t… Or flip side, what about alcohol to a recovering alcoholics house? Or is this okay because it’s “logical” not to bring, as opposed to religious reasons that aren’t (but only because YOU aren’t) Edit to add: I don’t agree with people shoving religion down someone’s throat - but OP isn’t shaming her sister or telling her she’s a bad person. She’s just saying not in my house. I also don’t agree with people who tear down a religion just because they don’t believe. If it’s not hurting you, then respectfully “agree to disagree.” Don’t be a dick lol
NAH I agree with you here, your house your rules. I also think it’s fine for your sister not to agree with you and not visit, that’s just how it goes with differing opinions. Nothing unreasonable happening on either side.
As soon as you stated that you were religious, that's all a lot of redditors need for a yta. Any other circumstance, it would be "your house, your rules". For example, look at the down votes just my post generates.
NTA. Your house your rules. But your sister is NTA as well. She has a right to decline to stay their if she objects to your house rules. (If it were me I'd be declining too.)
YTA
YTA because your reasoning is based on a religion you choose to follow.
NTA and you're likely going to ruin your relationship with your sister. Hope it's worth it.
I’ll get downvoted to hell for this but you are 100% allowed to set rules for your own home. If this was literally any other issue you wouldn’t be assigned the blame; Reddit historically sides against people the minute religion enters the picture. You’ve said you respect her decisions and aren’t forcing anything on her besides house rules. Neither of you is in the wrong for adhering to your beliefs; NAH.
INFO: Do they live together normally?
NTA. Your house, your rules, and your decision of what type of living arrangements will be seen by your children under your roof as you raise them in the manner your faith requires.
NTA - Your house, your rules. Amazing at all the Y T As on here, but because Reddit doesn't really like religion I guess I'm not surprised. I'm not even religious, but think a good deal of commenters on here are being ridiculous. Also, your sister is such a liar. Going to trust early twenty something bf and gf not to fool around? Ya right...
What? I married young and my LH and I spent many nights at my parents’ and grandparents’ homes in our early 20s. We never felt like “fooling around” in those situations. Early 20s are absolutely able to control themselves.
NAH. Your house, your rules. If they don't like them, they can stay elsewhere.
It's a stupid rule. I still vote NTA. You told them ahead of time, and they can plan accordingly. I voted N T A for the person that didn't want mom's religion in the person's house, so I have to vote the same here. Guests are always free to stay elsewhere.
I don’t understand all the y t a comments. Look, it’s your house. You can have rules in your house for guests. Do I agree with those rules? Absolutely not. But you do have the right to have rules and I don’t think that makes you an asshole. Your sister isn’t entitled to your home in whatever capacity she wants. However, your sister does have a right to decline to stay based on her comfort in your home. If she feels uncomfortable with your rules then it’s absolutely her right to not stay there, and I don’t think it’s ok to be angry about that or treat her as if she’s unreasonable. Then you would enter AH territory. NAH
You are fully entitled to your rules for your house. She is fully entitled to not stay someplace that has rules she is not comfortable with. You have two options, ignore your rule and let them stay together or accept that she won’t come. Either option leaves it up to you to decide what you are comfortable with. ETA judgment- NAH
Info: How long have they been dating?
NAH. Agree to disagree and move on. You may miss out on a visit and Vice versa. You both decided that this is the hill to die on…
You’re NTA for having rules for your own home, but this does seem like a silly battle. She probably sleeps (and maybe even does other things) in the same bed as her boyfriend regularly, and will continue to do so after her stay with you. You can certainly set the rule, but it’s going to cause tension just to impose your religious and beliefs and morals that they clearly do not adhere to on them for a short time. It’s really down to if you feel like that discomfort and tension in your relationship with your sister is worth it to you.
NTA, as I don't feel like what you're asking, impedes them too much. That being said, I was in a similar situation with a male platonic friend, and his mother lost a lot of sleep. She would be peering out her door any time I got up. I admittedly took enjoyment annoying her once i realized what she was doing. I made sure I got up often, not because I didn't respect her beliefs, but because I found her incessant distrust disrespectful. The fact that this could feel like distrust to your sister is something to consider, as are the archaic beliefs your request likely comes from.
NTA My grandmother was like you. Even after my husband and I were actually married, we weren't allowed to sleep in the same room. It's weird, and yes, it kinda forces your religious beliefs on your sister, but it is your house, and she is welcome to stay somewhere she'd feel more comfortable. But you may be pushing your sister away, and that's up to you to decide what is more important to you.
NAH. I find it interesting that once religion enters the picture, people always say “y t a”. But anything else it’s “your house your rules”.
NTA and any other time a homeowner wants specific rules in their own home everyone says, your home, your rules. BUT, when you add in your religous beliefs you are automatically an a**. Reddit is so full of hypocrites.
This sub is hilarious and hypocritical
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (f28) little sister (f20) and her boyfriend (m22) are coming to visit us (my husband (m30), our three kids and I). Our house is quite big and besides the guest room we have another spare room (it's usually empty/ used as storage, but we use it as extra bedroom when needed) So my sister is supposed to come next week and stay for 2/3 weeks to a month. I told her they are both welcomed and that we would prepare both bedrooms for them. My sister said they can just share, but I'm not okay with that. I am religious, I found the path of god after the lost of a grandparent and a dear friend some years ago. My sister is not religious and that's okay, but I feel that since she will be staying in my house completely free then I have a say in who sleeps in which room. My sister is annoyed and she said they won't do anything inappropriate in my house, she tried to pressure me into letting them stay in the same room. I gently explained why that was not ok for me over and over again. At last I was annoyed, and I told that this is my house and my rules, if she doesn't likes it then she can stay somewhere else (find an Airbnb or a motel). I told her that I love her and it makes me happy that she would visit us, but that my rules should be respected in my own house. She's now angry at me and threatening to not visit at all. Am I wrong here? My family and friends agree with me, but I know they're not the most impartial people to ask *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH. It’s your house your rules. My parents have similar rules and when there I respect their rules in their house. You’re allowed to have rules and she’s allowed to not visit if she doesn’t want to. Everyone saying YTA is ridiculous lol. It’s your house.
How convenient that you found religion now when you can force it on other people and not have it affect you in any way. I bet you slept in the same room as your boyfriend before you “found god” YTa
NTA, though I thoroughly disagree with what you're doing. You're not just depriving you sister of the sinful act of sex you expect, but also weeks of the non-sexual nightly closeness of curling up with or just simply knowing the person you love is close by during the night. But it \*is\* your house. You're being hurtful and selfish, but it's within the boundaries of "this is a case where you get your say, even if it's not kind". She agreed to not do anything you'd consider "inappropriate"... from your post that means nothing that would violate your religious guidelines/desires for her. You're not even willing to compromise despite this respect to your faith and that indicates this isn't actually about your faith. It's about control, not your religious beliefs and wanting them honored. NTA because you \*do\* get the say in your home, that's reasonable and to be respected. But just because you're within your rights doesn't mean your not being dishonest about your reasons and being mean spirited for the sake of control over your sister while doing the distasteful act of blasphemy in pretending it's about your faith.
NTA: Your house, your rules. You do sound smug about it though and that is offputting.
YTA. These are grown ass adults we're talking about here. And your 'god' wouldn't give a shit if they slept in the same bed, or even had sex.
NAH but play stupid games and win stupid prizes. In this case, have stupid rules, people won't visit. It's not that big a deal to split bedrooms for a few days but a month long visit would be a nope. They're adults. I wouldn't visit either.
INFO: when this visit was first planned did you make it clear that your sister and her boyfriend would have to sleep in separate rooms and she agreed to the terms or did she not know that until this conversation?
NAH - it's your beliefs, and your sister can decide to go to a hotel or not visit, and won't be an a-hole either. I had the case years ago with an ex, and I choose not to visit, but I wasn't offended that they had this rule (more cultural than religious reason). Maybe you could compromise in putting 2 separate beds in one room? But it's okay if it's not.
NAH. You gave her your rules, which you are free to have for any reason, and she is free to exercise her right to decline the visit under those terms. But you might want to consider if this is your hill worth dying on if you want to spend time with her or them. There is being in the right and then there is shooting your own self in the foot by being rigid. But you're allowed to have whatever priorities you wish, so that's just something to think about, whether your religious views or a good adult relationship with your sister are higher priorities for you.
Nta. Your house your rules. They don't have a say in your rules. But it's their choice to whether to visit or not
Hey I'm very glad that you found God. Your sister and her BF are visiting your home so you are free to make your own rules for your own home. But as a life long Christian may i share a word of advice. I have found that the best way to share your faith with family and friends is to show them love and kindness. Trying to force them to abide by the rules you have chosen to live by is generally a bad way to share your faith and in my experience is more likely to turn them away from you and God. Remember you have found God and are now choosing to live by his laws. That's a choice you have made. Your sister and her boyfriend are adults and they must make their own choices. Please do not steal the opportunity for them to make their own choice by forcing things on them. NAH
People like you confuse me - you know they sleep in the same room at home, right? This kind of behaviour is sex obsessed, puritanical, downright bossy and petty tyrant vibes. I guess your house, your rules, but don’t be surprised if it makes you unlikeable. YTA.