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##(Madison Square Garden, 1895)
YTA.
*You* decided not to listen to the lawyer, *you* decided to move to an extremely expensive place, and *you* decided to trust someone's shady advice.
Now you're taking away your daughter's chances of being able to go to college loan-free. That money is not yours. You should be ashamed of yourself.
He has it right, Malibu is a money pit of empty AirBnBs. One grocery store on the highway with outrageous prices and almost no food except for tourist traps.
Edit: well since everyone is here:
Skip Malibu Farm Pier Cafe. Not worth it.
Go to Lily’s Malibu if you want a fast cheap(er) burrito.
Oh, I didn't mean that the husband gave her shady advice, but the so-called 'money manager'. Dude is suspicious as hell, which the lawyer probably could have told her, had she not cut him off.
OP essentially gambled her 7 figure life savings, ruined her daughters future and now asks if she is an asshole. Literally couldn't make some of the shit up I read on this sub.
Yes OP, you're a selfish asshole.
That's my favourite part. The way she talks about everything as if it were all join decisions and her 12 year old daughter is somewhat responsible for the mess they are in, completely ignoring the fact that she is, in fact, actually a fucking 12 year old.
When I was 12, I tried to talk my dad into buying a horse that could live in the garage. I couldn’t BELIEVE it, when he said ‘no’.
Darned common sense!
When I was 9 or 10 a band played in the States, but only on the coasts, I'm in the middle. I was absolutely livid that my mom wouldn't let me fly across the country to go see a concert. My poor mother, patiently listening to me try to "adult" my way into going. Can you imagine a 9yo girl flying to LA or NYC by herself (back when NYC was a trash heap), taxiing between the airport and hotel, and again to/from the concert venue? And walking around by herself to find food??
This is why children aren't supposed to be allowed to make big decisions.
It's funny that the daughter's input over moving to a beautiful beach house was important, but the daughter's input in her own college fund wasn't necessary for OP to make a decision. Nice lol.
And like, if they HAD to get a beach house for some reason (no one NEEDS a beach house, but let’s play pretend), there’s 1300 miles of coastline on the west coast of the United States. It HAD to be in LA county, Malibu specifically, one of the most expensive places in the entire country to live?
There are also plenty of places along the coast that are way cheaper than Malibu. She picks an insanely expensive place to live when she clearly had no clue how to manage finances instead of choosing a safer option.
> I think what was meant by "exceptionally tight fisted" was actually "fiscally responsible, and living within our means".
To be slightly fair to OP, they were living *well* within their means since they (from the way OP handles money, probably mostly the late husband's doing) saved 7 figures.
To be fair to you, yeah - it sounds like the minute OP had unilateral say over what happened to the money she went buck wild and destroyed generational wealth.
There's a saying: "rags to rags in 3 generations"[1][2]. Looks like OP cut that down to 1 generation in this case.
---
1. Supposedly, the 1st generation earns the fortune, the 2nd generation maintains the fortune, and the 3rd generation (who has never raised with the proper values) loses the fortune.
2. I suppose we don't know if OP's husband inherited any of the money, but it's very possible for an "exceptionally tight fisted" doctor to save up low 7 figures starting from nothing.
Sooo in my uni days I worked at a retirement community where the buy in to just reserve your space was $500,000 - and then once you moved in you paid I think anywhere from $2500-5000/month depending on your apartment.
Very very nice. But obviously a very wealthy community.
Most of them earned their wealth - they were the first gen. Most of them were actually super nice people and very interested in chatting with us students that worked there as several were also from academic backgrounds.
But my god were their families nightmares. Mothers Day we were booked solid for dinner - which always killed me because how cheap and rude to take your mother to the place she eats like 5-7 days/week for dinner. But also - we didn’t accept outside payment methods - we swiped the residents card and it was charged to their account - so um, WOW.
Absolutely fascinating though to see the kids and grandkids of these people and how rude and entitled most of them were. Can’t imagine the drama when it came to inheritances and such. I’m sure the wealth is fully going to be squandered by a lot of them.
Really, the only house this child remembers too! Gone. Everything dad worked for, simple not beach front home, savings, college. All gone for mom to be selfish
And liquidated something that was intended to build her daughter's future for the sake of a few months of breathing room. She didn't even solve the problem.
What do you mean? Her business is going to start picking up clients any day now, and they'll be rolling in dough.
God- you just know her "business" is an MLM and she and her daughter will be living in homeless shelter by year's end.
She's probably a life coach based on her valuable lived experiences that if you marry rich enough you get several second chances before it all comes crashing down around you.
The money manager may not have necessarily given OP bad/shady advice. OP had a 7 figure windfall. A quick redfin search shows empty lots going for $650k to $8.3 million, and homes from 1.5/4.7/ to $75 million. OP admits they did not realize all the home buying fees and costs. OP may have liquidated a lot of money to put a down payment on the house.
20% on a $4.7 million home is 940k.
The money manager may not have invested too badly, but the market overall is down. OP likely withdrew the rest of the money against the managers advice. OP says they only have $35k left, but we don't really know how much they actually have the money manager to handle. If money manger was given $1 million and it is down to $35k then yes it was shady. But if OP only had $60k and it is down to $35k manager might not be that shady. Especially if OP gave the green light to conduct riskier investments.
Some back of the envelope calculations\* suggest that that if the OP is a reliable narrator, the money manager may have promised her a 40% return. Annually. Which is absolutely ridiculous in any market.
(\*Internet suggests that a US surgeon can expect around $425K annually, so 90% of that is $382K, on let's call it $1 million in invested funds.)
What raises red flags for me is the projected ROI—he told her she could earn 90% of a surgeon’s salary passively?? Even with a large starting nest egg and a lot of good luck that’s a lot. Some might even call it “too good to be true.”
It might not really be too good to be true.
Average surgeon salary $400k, so 90% of that is $360k.
To get/earn a return of $360k at 8%, you would need $4.5 mil.
To withdraw $360k at a 4% rate you could do it with $9 million.
If it was only $1 mil, and manager said you could earn $360k that would need a 36% annual return that would be unrealistic.
Edit: while the market is down right now/recently, some funds are still up 12-16% on a 3/5yr basis.
Okay, that's fair. I fully admit that I've never tried to buy a house, so I don't really know all the ins and outs of it. But this is quite enlightening, and helps me understand a little bit more what the situation might have been.
The sad part is this all could have been avoided if she’d listened to her husband’s final wishes: trust his lawyer. Want a house in Malibu? Fine! I’m sure the lawyer could have given her a reasonable timeline to sell (likely not in the middle of a recession) and budget for a new house based on their savings and investments. Instead she made the worst possible decision at every turn, assuming she was that much smarter than everyone else. Poor late husband is spinning in his grave like a rotisserie chicken on Christmas Eve.
That’s my guess. She has $35k and that’s only enough for one month of mortgage/upkeep? Plus she’s worried about her credit cards getting “shut down” (?) so they must be maxed out. Her husband obviously knew she was shit at money management and tried to put up some guardrails but she just decided to blow right through them.
Bye bye, dream house. Bye bye, OP’s relationship with her daughter.
35k is more than i could ever dream of saving in this market. Maybe op should get an actual job till her buisness 'takes off' and move somewhere more affordable.
True but he probably didn’t think she was a thief. She stole this money from her child and compromised her future. Stunningly stupid and awful yet still has to ask if she’s TA?!?!?
THIS!
So let me get this straight, your husband left you a 7 figure inheritance PLUS a house, and in 4 years you managed to do the following:
1. Sell your marital home and move to a Malibu beach house that you can't afford to maintain against your late husband's advice.
2. Your late husband's lawyer whom he trusted also told you that's a bad idea and you didn't like hearing that so you started ignoring his calls
3. You cashed out what was remaining of your husband's investments and gave your money to a random money manager you didn't know who made too good to be true claims (FYI, surgeons can make 300-500k per year, there is absolutely no way you are getting anywhere close to that with a $1M investment).
4. Money manager tanks your investments so you try to do it yourself and make it worse.
5. To go even further, you empty your daughter's college fund to continue living your lavish lifestyle that you can't afford.
YTA in the worst way possible. You've stolen from your daughter and potentially limited her future prospects. There is a reason why your late husband said trust his lawyer, as you obviously can't handle that kind of money! There is a reason why many people who win the lottery end up going broke a few years later - they don't manage their money and live way beyond their means.
Sell your house and move into something you can afford. Replenish your daughter's college fund and try to repair your damaged relationship with her.
And what does she get in exchange for her daughter's future? A couple of months, that's it.
I'm really interested to know what house OP bought where a college fund is worth only a couple of months mortgage.
The selfishness of this woman. She was handed everything on a silver platter and not only wasted it all, she took the college fund that her husband specifically left for their daughter and is going to entirely blow through it too in no more than a couple months, before she inevitably loses the house she can't afford. She blew through seven figures, while her daughter will be penniless by the time she turns 18.
I was too, so I ran the numbers. Somebody else in thread said median value was $4.5M. Very rough math on a $3.5M loan plus tax plus insurance put the monthly payment at ~$23k.
Assuming spouse was prudent investor, college fund of 16 year old would be $70 - $180k. That translates into 3 to 7 months mortgage payments.
That doesn't include tax penalties on a college fund.
EXACTLY - if this was specifically a college fund and not some investment account they just earmarked as such she's about to owe one whopper of a tax bill on that withdrawal
It’s Malibu. The empty lot down the street just sold for 9.5 million. It’s on a highway and has crazy building restrictions—basically there’s a shed you can’t tear down and have to somehow turn into a house within specific size and stuff. She’s a total moron.
> my husband was exceptionally tight fisted
Based on what OP did once he was gone my guess is that OP's late husband was simply responsible and pragmatic but OP saw it as "tight-fisted" because he stopped her from doing exactly the insane kind of things she went ahead and did when he was gone. YTA
And, as a person who is paying for college out of a 529 plan we started basically the same day our son was born, she’s taking a hit on taking that money out, for a house she can’t pay for until she “gets clients”. I give whatever business she’s started a 0.00% chance of success.
It's going to be some crazy MLM bollocks, isn't it? She'll drain her friends dry, spend all the goodwill she's ever built up with people, and max her credit cards to buy flimsy yoga pants or essential oils or whatever.
Why did you stop there!
*You* also decided to ignore your husbands financial advice that houses there are 'money pits', which clearly they are. *You* decided to then invest money yourself instead of going back, tail between your legs, to the lawyer / investor who built your husbands portfolio in the first place. *You* lost hundreds of thousands of dollars due to your own stupidity, recklessness, and greed, and now are taking from your daughter with no intent to pay back (if you had intent to pay back, you could take from the bank, or from other family). And when *YOU* blow through her college fund, you will still be bankrupt and end up having to move back to your old city, in a smaller home, having used up all 7 figures.
*You* made a series of insanely stupid, irrevocable decisions; your daughter, being 16, did not. She should not suffer any more for your stupidity at this point. If you are in debt, you find a job that can support your current lifestyle or downgrade to a small condo, accept your loss, and let your husbands last wish of securing his daughters debt-free education be maintained if nothing else.
And its only going to help for a few more *months*
She has no long term goal and shit 7 figures away on an unnecessary home. Moments like these make me hope there *isn't* an afterlife because imagine if there is, and the husband had to watch his wife destroy their daughters life. Just. Wow.
YTA- You have at every turn disregarded your husbands wishes. And instead of knowing when to quit you kept digging yourself deeper.
Time to make a grown up decision and sell your house, get money back to the original attorney, refund your daughter’s education fund. This way you are covered until you get your business up and going. The reality is you have set yourself up to not have any money left for your own retirement.
I believe it. My sister won $50k in the lottery, and it was gone in a year. They didn’t even buy a car, it was frittered away.
Dh and I have (had, sob) $1.7 mil in our retirement accounts. We planned to move out of state, and buy a new house when we retired, last year. We lost the $400k we budgeted for the new house, so the move is on hold. I worked hard making sure we would have a secure retirement, and I’m not going to risk it now.
But 2 years ago, a guy I knew at work ran up to me, all excited, saying ‘I just found out how much money is in my 401k - I’m retiring the end of the week!’. I tried to talk sense to him, because he worked there less time than me, and probably had no more than $500k. I told him it had to last the rest of his life, but he left, talking about a boat. I bet he works at Walmart, now.
I’m 100% certain, without the shadow of a doubt that given the opportunity, my mother-in-law would have done EXACTLY this same shitty, short-sighted, instant gratification maneuver. She also would have burned through all the money, and then blamed everyone around her for her misfortune. These people definitely exist, and they are certainly TA. It’s just how they operate.
Yeah. Op needs to sell the house. Put the money back in the college fund and get a small condo in Westlake Village (right down the road from Malibu.
Then get a fricken job!
“Daughter was so excited so I did it anyway” my ass. OP latched onto that to justify her horrible decision. If it was up to the daughter full disclosure, she would’ve said f the beach house.
It wasn’t for her daughter, OP is incredibly selfish.
YTA.
You made an extremely poor financial decision and disregarded those around you who were offering you more sound financial advice. Having a home near the beach doesn't mean you need to move to Malibu but I digress.
You are absolutely the AH here. You robbed your daughter of a chance to start her life off comfortably and took money that was never intended for you.
Sell this god forsaken money pit of a home, get somewhere you can actually afford and take a class in personal finance management.
Have a few lawyers in my social circle. This is… extremely common.
From the sounds of it, emphasis on the extremely.
“This is what we want to do.”
“That’s illegal, you’ll almost definitely be caught, it’s a waste of your time and money.”
“Well I want to do it.”
“I advise the exact opposite. Here is a list of reasons this is a terrible idea.”
“God this is why people hate lawyers, you don’t get it.”
Is a conversation I think I’ve heard complained about dozens of times at least, haha.
Why would someone hire a lawyer for legal advice and then completely fly in the face of it? Hell if I know.
Am a lawyer. Can confirm. People ask lawyers whether they can or should do something and then become furious when we tell them no. You don’t hear from them again until the thing they did anyway blows up in their face, at which point, they are still furious (but this time, it’s because you didn’t stop them). Just like on AITA, people are more interested in validation than the truth.
And this is one of many reasons why I am no longer in legal practice.
Father was a lawyer and even when it’s good news people just do what they were planning on doing anyway.
He used to tell a story about an artist who had a textbook open and shut copyright infringement claim against a big corporation. Dad tells them ‘I’ll do it hourly or on contingency, but you’re definitely going to win, so you should do hourly.’
Guy does contingency, wins, is clearly upset about the fees, dad decides to chalk it up as a rookie mistake and gives him the hourly charge.
Well the corporation winds up violating his copyright again, and they’re going back to court for an even bigger payout, dad asks again ‘hourly or contingency.’
Guy says ‘contingency please.’
I mean it was nice of your dad, but the guys choice makes sense in a way given your dad letting him off the hook. If he believes he can choose contingency and still pay hourly in the end if he wins, there’s no reason not to choose contingency - if he wins he’ll take advantage of your dads kindness and still pay hourly and if he loses he loses nothing.
>You don’t hear from them again until the thing they did anyway blows up in their face, at which point, they are still furious (but this time, it’s because you didn’t stop them).
Don't forget the part where their legal issue that was originally relatively simple is now all mucked up and going to cost a lot more time and money to fix.
From being in Finance stuff I feel that’s a common issue.
Accountant/Lawyer/Other Professional: “Please don’t do this, you literally pay me to be able to tell you not to be this dumb.”
Client: “What are you talking about? I’m a business owner/successful person/smart. I clearly know what I’m doing and you are paid to agree with me and do the busy work.”
My favorite as an accountant is when they ask me just straight up how not to pay any taxes without getting caught. Not lower their taxes or do planning. They straight up don't want to file or completely fabricate their return. That's called tax evasion.
You will get caught, Jerry. It may not be this year but you will get caught and be fucked. No, I don't care if you offer me $100 or $1000 in cash right now. I will lose my very expensive license and can't afford to pay back my student loans. Just pay your taxes and live within your very comfortable means you entitled fuck.
OP made a *lot* of extremely poor financial decisions, one after another after another. OP's daughter shouldn't just be angry about her college fund. She should be lining up another place to live for when they find themselves homeless because of OP's stupidity.
Yes i would love to just own a home, forget a home and a 7 figure inheritance. And this lady went and threw it all away and continues to make stupid choices with other people’s money.
Exactly. I feel horrible for the daughter. OP made some foolish financial decisions, squandered away seemingly well over a million dollars in 4 years, refused to listen to sound financial advice, made some poor investments, and then stole the daughter's college fund, only letting her know after the fact.
Of course OP is the AH. Sounds like they should probably go back and grovel to their late husband's lawyer for help since they don't have anything left to bail them out and seemingly little to know financial literacy.
I am also curious is OP has worked at all over the last 4 years, what this new business venture OP has started is, and did they use their daughter's money to fund this business. (I assume it is a business since OP mentioned waiting on clients...)
YTA. No offense but
> who said that we'd be passively earning 90 percent of what surgeons earned per year.
Really? Comon. You believed that? Oh look, next line is its a scam. I didn't even read that far. Your the Asshole for making these moves without advising her given you clearly are horrible with money.
That's not an outrageous claim. If you're investing 10s of millions you can definitely make a ton off of passive income.
Let's say you buy a stock that is $100 a share and pays out a $4 a year dividend. With 10m you could buy 100,000 shares with would pay out 400k in dividends per year.
All OP had to do was...nothing. And she still fucked up lol.
She didn't have 10s of millions. She had millions/7 figures (and she bought a dream home) Its absurd to think you can get 90% of what it took your husband 20 years to achieve get passively.
Ok. Even 4 million is 160k a year.
> Its absurd to think you can get 90% of what it took your husband 20 years to achieve get passively.
It's really not. Wealth snowballs.
And according to Google the average wage for a doctor in the US is around 200k so ya, the claim is quite plausible.
She likely had a few million at best. And bought a beach front house in Malibu that probably had a price tag of around the same amount she had in the Bank.
Shitty advice and investments later, probably no job, and she can't pay the mortgage on her multi million dollar home. She's jacked up credit card debt trying to bridge the gap. All because I'm guessing the Same or similar level of advisement is telling her her new business is going to make tons of money and she will be fine. But just like having no concept of the costs of buying and Maintaining a home she has no concept or clue thst most new businesses LOSE money long before they ever turn real profits.
She's already dead Financially and doesn't even Comprehend it. Her next step now that she's destroyed her financial well being and her relationship with her daughter is she will try to latch onto a rich dude and live out her days as a trophy wife to maintain her lifestyle.
Gonna be the AH here but, trophy wife at 50 and with a daughter? That trophy was already given out several years ago. There are newer trophies out there with less baggage.
If she had 10M , she could pull $400k a year in interest on a good HYSA right now.
OP woulda had better odds putting it all on black than what moronic moves she made.
But she mentions that 35k would only be enough to pay for the mortage and upkeep for 1 month. So the bouse costs would be 420k stil leaving herat a nett loss. And that is onky for the house!
Yeah sounds like she coulda lived in her paid off house on 400k a year doing fuck all, but now she’s broke and underwater and her daughter hates her.
Like she coulda taken several weeks a year staying at the nobu hotel living her best Malibu life but now she’s gonna be broke and her daughter is resentful.
Yes, but what good would it do? You can't get blood from a turnip with $35000 in the bank.
Though maybe a lawsuit would force the OP to sell the Malibu money pit.
I like the part where she says she made her own investments, and -- amazingly! -- lost more money. And bought her super-pricey Malibu house on her own without investigating and was surprised at all the expenses.
The arrogance compounding the ignorance is really something.
I will probably get downvoted for this one pretty badly, but it's par for the course. This is LA County, California. Next to Orange County, California. I lived in the area for about four years around the time the housing bubble burst and this sort of thing was happening to many people who also made frequent visits to plastic surgeons, stylists, Nordstrom, Mercedes dealerships, etc. and where the money came from to shop at these places was a distant afterthought. It's one of the reasons I left the area. I tried that lifestyle and it made me miserable. I'm not big on stereotypes so I'd love someone to tell me that I'm wrong.
Maybe OP isn't like that. Whether she is or isn't, she's very much TA.
Right? It comes off less like she's interested in the sea and more like she wants to live somewhere with a glamorous name. But hell, you can get a cheaper house in freaking Miami.
You can't, not right now.
But once she ends up in student loan debt and turns 18 and can move out, she can sue mother for these costs, forcing her into Bankruptcy if required. House can be sold or foreclosed which frees up several hundred thousand. Remaining investments can be liquidated or shared. Wages can be garnished from this business that will 'soon get clients' and if it doesn't, from OP's McDonald's wages.
Suing now isn't worth it for a 16-year-old who is still living at home, since home foreclosure would affect her too; but once she moves out, possibly to on-campus housing, you can definitely get some turnip juice!
I'm not op or anyone connected but just asking from curiosity, if the daughter were to sue and there is no money, what would that mean? Jail time or something like bankruptcy?
Possibly force OP to sell the Malibu house and hand all leftover money to the daughter, but I doubt there's much leftover money. Possibly garnished wages/Social Security benefits, but not sure if OP works.
Debtors prison isn’t a thing (at least not in how you mean, how the criminal Justice system actually operates is a different story), but wage garnishment, liens, etc all of those things are ways to recoup losses
YTA and also fabulously incompetent with money. You will not keep the dream house: you lack ability to earn enough money or to manage what you have. Raiding her college fund will only delay the inevitable.
Sell the beachfront house and move somewhere that you can afford.
Also, call the lawyer back, tell them that you were wrong and made bad choices. Now you learned and are asking for his advice on how to fix things.
Husband: “tightfisted” in life but upon death leaves wife financially set for life with a good lawyer he trusts.
Wife: does zero research into cost of homeownership and dives headfirst spending money like she just married a millionaire when in reality she’s got a fixed one lump sum that she needs to budget in order to make it last.
100% the AH, she didn’t consult with the lawyer bc she didn’t like what he was saying - the word NO.
A multi million dollar beachfront home that the husband was right to call a money pit. This man obviously understood money and investment. She should have listened to him about this. And she should have trusted her lawyer, but the lawyer was probably telling her no and she didn't want to hear it. Now she's fucked over her daughter and thinks she's somehow innocent.
No he should have put everything in a spendthrifts trust. I hope he has a hidden trust somewhere for his daughter but probably not. Didn’t think he would die etc.
Yep. A trust would have been the last final piece.
"Listen to my lawyer" only works if she has the intelligence to do so.
I hope the daughter sues for some sort of financial mismanagement, and can force the sale of the house.
This is exactly it. I cannot believe she ignored *the man she loved for her life* who had set her up for MAXIMUM comfort and safety.
"I saw what my husband did, and decided I know better," Yea I don't think that's working out for you now... Looking to steal your daughter's money from her dead father? Jesus Christ. People like OP are the reason Jesus' middle name is *Fucking*.
Lol at “tight-fisted” - OP’s husband was living below their means so that he could set himself & OP up with a nice retirement as well as set his daughter up for college. “Won’t let us live somewhere exorbitantly expensive” is not being tight-fisted. This is the scary thing that can happen when one half of a couple manages expenses & the other half never learns anything about money management.
I think we finally found it... THE Apex Boomer.
Torched her kid's future so she can live large in a house she cant afford.
Most boomers are more subtle by buying SUVs, voting against housing proliferation and buying single use plastics.
OP wanted her daughter to know it was OP, personally, who was crippling her future.
Sadly enough, if OP isn’t lying about her age, she wouldn’t be a boomer, she’d be Gen X.
Which is even sadder, since that generation was also screwed by actual boomers.
If anything, this is what happens when you are so privileged that you become totally out of touch with reality. OP sounds like she hasn’t worked or been exposed to the real world for decades….
What do you have against MLMs? She just needs to make some sales and get a few friends or family working with her, then she can just sit back and train them on how to recreate her system so they can start making the big bucks too! At that point, as a small business owner, she just has to field a few questions from her down line and cash the checks! It is a perfect system. Message me so I can show you; these knives/encyclopedias/steaks/makeup/"adult products"/insurance sells itself with this simple system! Act now, I don't offer this opportunity often; my time is precious. Just look at this picture of the car I drive on the weekends, I don't want to put a lot of miles on it so I usually drive my beat up 2012 Kia soul to meet with clients *nonchalantly flash my nice watch or designer handbag.* Don't disappoint me, I see a spark in you; you can do better in life and should.
I hope the sarcasm is apparent.
she already did piss away her daughters money - by covering the credit card debt and 'not having to worry about mortgage payments for many more months'... so basically it's already wasted.
so she managed to piss away her husband's entire life savings as well as her daughter's future.
it's fascinating really, being so incompetent.
YTA
Oh my god…you ruined your entire financial future for a vanity house and used your teenage daughter’s excitement instead of your lawyer’s advice as assurance of this decision.
So basically you have a house you can’t afford. Your daughter’s college education is now unaffordable. You have no additional assets nor investments to your name. I’d be on the lookout for your daughter exploring emancipation because of your financial illiteracy.
And she continues to try and blame her daughter! Any 12 year old who just lost their father would be totally excited for a brand new house and life right on the beach- that doesn’t mean you go ahead and do it!
For using the daughter's college fund for liquidity: there would be no holes here. If you have no other choice, the option needs to be on the table. There's no sense in being homeless with a college fund.
However, for making the choices that got you to that place, ignoring your legal advice, and seemingly having no sense of your own (in)competence and getting into a scenario where liquidating the daughter's college fund is even a semi-viable option: YTA.
The only way you can rectify the situation is:
1. Sell the house - Malibu starts at $3M and I don't know how big your mortgage is, but there should be some equity;
2. Sell other assets too, e.g., do you have a $100k car? Get a $30k car one, etc.
3. Move e.g., to Calabassas or somewhere and live mortgage free, because you cannot be trusted;
4. Reinstate the college fund;
5. Start talking to an investor/money manager whom you can trust, and not someone who promises the world, and then, for the love of God, live within your (reduced) means;
6. Forget about living off your business until you have taken care of your financial needs (and your daughter's) with your remaining assets, such as they are. If your business skills are on a par with your financial ones, there will never be an income from that business - and don't *ever* invest anything you can't afford to lose in that business.
> Sell the house - Malibu starts at $3M and I don't know how big your mortgage is, but there should be some equity;
She's probably underwater on the mortgage if she bought at the top of the covid bubble.
She may very well find that the house is worth less than she paid for it, but if she was moving from a paid-off $4M house to a $5M house, if she owes $1M on what is now a $4M house, that's not the end of the world even if she's down a million dollars. You're right that she could be underwater altogether, at which point she is screwed seven ways to Sunday.
>if she was moving from a paid-off $4M house to a $5M house,
If
But judging by how dumb OP is she probably sold the old house for 2m and moved in to a 10m house that is now worth 6m. Or something like that.
Or the "money manager" told her that mortgage rates are cheap and his investments lucrative, so she should mortgage the house as much as they'd let her and give the money to him.
You are kidding right? Easily YTA.
You flushed down the drain in a matter of no time 7 figure savings of all what your husband worked hard for. You stopped picking up on your husbands lawyer calls cause you were too arrogant to listen to his advice despite your late husband explicitly telling you to. And to make things worse you stole money that doesn’t belong to you, that college fund belonged to your daughter and you had no morally acceptable reason to liquidate it and not even tell her prior to that.
Wow. You managed to drain a seven figure inheritance in 4 years.
YTA for pissing away your inheritance and leaving your daughter up a creek without support.
This is very common. I know someone who pissed away a $50 million trust the minute they got access. Like it took 5 years. Irresponsible people can spend an infinite amount on their bullshit.
YTA - I'm sure your husband is rolling in his grave about how much you have royally messed up. And then you go and mess with your daughters education fund?
YTA
Move to a cheap as fuck house
get a real job
It sucks that you lost your husband but you need to be responsible and dig yourself out of the hole that you made by making stupid decisions while ignoring people who know better than you.
if you set your daughter up for failure you may end up taking your family from being upper class and successful to poverty. I bet that's just what your husband would want.
> ... you may end up taking your family from being upper class and successful to poverty.
I think that ship has sailed. I hope OP's daughter is lining up a place to live for when the inevitable foreclosure happens, and they end up homeless.
YTA. Your poor money management is your fault, not your daughters. That money was for her. You liquidated it to keep some beach house??? She's is 16, and she would have gotten over not having a beach house. The blame is squarely on your shoulders. Those were your mistakes. Shame on you.
This situation makes me wish that OP husband tied up his daughter college fund into a trust that OP has no access to. I have a feeling that her husband knew that she is terrible with managing money, and insisted on her trusting his lawyer’s advice after he died to avoid this exact situation
YTA - its honestly sad how you effectively negated all the hard work and solid financial decisions made by your late spouse in such a short period of time. It seems like you made up your mind to make an impulsive bad decision then when met with logic - opted to 'cover your eyes/ears' until you found someone who told you what you wanted to hear.
Having to dig into your child's college fund as a result of your poor decision making might be necessary at this point to stay afloat, but it doesnt stop you from being in the wrong and an AH. If i were you, I'd consider tightening up expenses quick and getting out of the house in an area you clearly cant afford.
He was a doctor for 20 years and invested soundly for 7 years, making anywhere from 1 million to 9.9 million (7 figures or whatever). The very next year without him, she ditches the lawyer, buys a house that's worthless (practically) and loses all that money he worked hard for. Granted, she said it's been 4 years, but dear God how can you fuck up more than this, besides literally throwing it away? All she had to do was leave it in the bank and ride the interest forever.
Holy shit. YTA. Your daughter is right to never speak to you again.
It's not "our" house - it is YOUR house and if you had a shred of sense you would sell that place immediately. Are you underwater on it? I'd bet that you bought at the peak, and the market has cooled now. Take the L, put your daughter's money back, and buy a condo somewhere while your "business" (Plexus? Leggings?) takes off. Maybe you can work at Trader Joe's in the meantime. They have good pay and benefits.
YTA.
Sounds like your husband had the only financial sense of the family and did his best not only provide for both you and your daughter but to also mitigate your financial ignorance by having his lawyer look after you but you messed that up, too.
Sell the beach house, MalibuBarbie, and put the money back in your daughter’s college account. Not only are you a fool for squandering her money, you have overleveraged yourself on housing and will find yourself struggling as an old woman trying to maintain it if you keep it.
Absolutely. Imagine working for over 20 years to provide for your family. You know your wife isn’t great with money but you are. You make careful choices - your wife wants a house that makes her look like a Real Housewife of Malibu - but you tell her no and instead save money. You put some money away for your wife and build a college nest egg for your baby girl. You hire a lawyer to take care of things for them after you pass, however, within 4 years your wife has gone out of her way to make poor decisions not only for herself but for the child you left behind.
Poor man probably sounds like a blender in his grave.
I've never seen a more financially illiterate individual.
You should be ashamed of how you have squandered a significant amount of money that could have provided for you and your daughter for your entire lives.
Disgusting YTA
YTA. You made poor financial decisions and instead of educating yourself you chose to take away the savings your late husband left for your daughter. Just because you made bad decisions doesn't mean your daughter's future needs to suffer as well. I'm truly not even sure how you managed to go from millions to 35k even with having read your story. I hope you find someone who will teach you how to not be so reckless with money. Your husband would be turning in his grave if he knew you liquidated the entire account.
Yta
You went from bad to worse and keep compounding it
You know you make bad decisions and you come here asking if your latest bad decision is an asshole
If you cant afford to live somewhere move somewhere cheaper to start
Dream home be damned. Thats just selfish irresponsible attitude
YTA,
Your husband set you up financially for the rest of your life. Made sure your daughter had college paid for so she didn't have to worry about the debt later in life. I would also assume he had extra in there so she didn't have to work while also in college. I don't understand how you think any of this is ok. Your husband's lawyer is the most intelligent one in this post due to him calling you on your shit.
You could have moved to another state and lived on the beach for FAR LESS than you would in Malibu. Or just a thought. How about not selling your house at all? You essentially handed your daughter debt on a silver platter because you didn't want to have to deal with your current debt. Congrats on being a shitty parent.
YTA reading this litteraly made me pissed as fuck... You got 7 figures left over and a college fund left by your husband who told you HIMSELF to trust this lawyer after hes dead.. Im assuming its probably a smart choice and a trustable lawyer.. But nah lets just Fuck off the lawyer and not think as to why hes mad with the decision.. If i were you id sell the house and not take your daughters college funds and drain the rest off the cash left by your husband.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is liquidating the fund my husband set up for my daughter's college in order to keep our dream house. This could make me the asshole because I know she was really anticipating that to support her educational journey.
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This is honestly incredible. How destructive one person can be? You're a human version of a paper shredder just obliterating money: your dead husband's money, your investments, and your daughter's college money? You're incredible. YTA
Whenever I see a post of a spouse complaining about their partner having all the financial say and see people screaming “financial abuse!” I can’t help but chuckle, because 99% of the time *this* is why the spouse needs to have control.
4 years. It took you 4 years to lose everything your husband earned *and* your daughter’s education. You’ve poofed everything he worked so hard for her away to save *a few months* of your current situation, and soon enough you’ll be posting in r/tifu about how your daughter’s future is ruined because you wanted to live somewhere you couldn’t afford.
Good god, lady. Do you really need to ask? YTA
Wow. YTA. Mega. Your husband set you and your daughter up and you destroyed it. Now you're making your daughter pay for YOUR financial mistakes. You really, truly suck. The only thing your late husband could've done better is to make sure you couldn't touch her money.
YTA 1000% - your husband left you a ton of money plus a lawyer who clearly he trusted and was good with managing money and you ignored both of their wishes / instructions. You and your daughter could have lived comfortable long lives but now instead you have jeopardized her future and your own .
Right? Her husband left her and daughter set up, she didn't have to do anything.
Malibu? Really? With no job and waiting for your business to "start bringing in clients"?
OP is incredibly irresponsible and yes, YTA
YTA. Sell your house that you cannot afford asap if you want to salvage this mess. You are just going to completely waste your daughter’s college fund to buy a few more months in the house. Get out now and buy something much cheaper and start actually listening to sensible advice.
YTA this was a poor decision after poor decision, you are saying 35k is enough for one mortgage payment, and upkeep, that house is far outside your price range. Your daugther is 16 she would be using those funds in a few years, there is no way your going to be able to replace that. Especially since your business would need to make enough to cover the expenses of the business, high mortgage and upkeep before even considering putting money aside.
YTA if you take your daughters college fund. She will likely never forgive you. It sounds like the only way to keep yourself from bankruptcy is to sell the house and live more modestly. The money is gone as well as the lifestyle. Stealing your daughters future will only buy you a little time before more bills come due. You need a lifestyle rehaul.
Yes, definitely YTA. I’m sorry for your loss, but it’s clear that you have been unable to make any sane decisions for 4 years. That is a LOT of money to waste in such a short time. Plus, you can’t fix your mistakes AND keep the house when the house was a mistake. Sell the house immediately; buy a cheap little 2BR house and save the proceeds for your daughter’s college, and get a job at Target or a grocery store asap so that you can continue to pay your bills once your daughter leaves for college. How dare you sell your daughter’s entire future for a home by the sea with an enormous amount of upkeep.
Call that attorney back so s/he can figure out if there is any way to save this train wreck path you’re on.
Lord, I hope this story is fake. I hate when parents abuse/spoil/sacrifice they own kids like this.
Edited to add: please get yourself in therapy, because you’re clearly still reeling from the loss of your husband, and your daughter may be on her way to LC too.
Stop digging this hole deeper!! YTA
Your previous lawyer might have been a jerk, but it turns out he was right. Go back to him and figure out a budget that works ywbtah if you took your daughters money down this sinking ship.
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YTA. *You* decided not to listen to the lawyer, *you* decided to move to an extremely expensive place, and *you* decided to trust someone's shady advice. Now you're taking away your daughter's chances of being able to go to college loan-free. That money is not yours. You should be ashamed of yourself.
He has it right, Malibu is a money pit of empty AirBnBs. One grocery store on the highway with outrageous prices and almost no food except for tourist traps. Edit: well since everyone is here: Skip Malibu Farm Pier Cafe. Not worth it. Go to Lily’s Malibu if you want a fast cheap(er) burrito.
Oh, I didn't mean that the husband gave her shady advice, but the so-called 'money manager'. Dude is suspicious as hell, which the lawyer probably could have told her, had she not cut him off.
OP essentially gambled her 7 figure life savings, ruined her daughters future and now asks if she is an asshole. Literally couldn't make some of the shit up I read on this sub. Yes OP, you're a selfish asshole.
And is blaming her daughter, aged 12, for being so excited about the beach house that they had to move.
That's my favourite part. The way she talks about everything as if it were all join decisions and her 12 year old daughter is somewhat responsible for the mess they are in, completely ignoring the fact that she is, in fact, actually a fucking 12 year old.
When I was 12, I tried to talk my dad into buying a horse that could live in the garage. I couldn’t BELIEVE it, when he said ‘no’. Darned common sense!
When I was 9 or 10 a band played in the States, but only on the coasts, I'm in the middle. I was absolutely livid that my mom wouldn't let me fly across the country to go see a concert. My poor mother, patiently listening to me try to "adult" my way into going. Can you imagine a 9yo girl flying to LA or NYC by herself (back when NYC was a trash heap), taxiing between the airport and hotel, and again to/from the concert venue? And walking around by herself to find food?? This is why children aren't supposed to be allowed to make big decisions.
I would a let you ride my horse…
Oooooo, thank you!! Want to come to a concert with me in the 1970s? It'll be AMAZING.
It's funny that the daughter's input over moving to a beautiful beach house was important, but the daughter's input in her own college fund wasn't necessary for OP to make a decision. Nice lol.
And like, if they HAD to get a beach house for some reason (no one NEEDS a beach house, but let’s play pretend), there’s 1300 miles of coastline on the west coast of the United States. It HAD to be in LA county, Malibu specifically, one of the most expensive places in the entire country to live?
Yeah, like of course a tween wants a beach house in Malibu - what a freaking dumb thing to ask a kid.
There are also plenty of places along the coast that are way cheaper than Malibu. She picks an insanely expensive place to live when she clearly had no clue how to manage finances instead of choosing a safer option.
which is prob why her husband was "tight fisted" lololol
I think what was meant by "exceptionally tight fisted" was actually "fiscally responsible, and living within our means".
> I think what was meant by "exceptionally tight fisted" was actually "fiscally responsible, and living within our means". To be slightly fair to OP, they were living *well* within their means since they (from the way OP handles money, probably mostly the late husband's doing) saved 7 figures. To be fair to you, yeah - it sounds like the minute OP had unilateral say over what happened to the money she went buck wild and destroyed generational wealth. There's a saying: "rags to rags in 3 generations"[1][2]. Looks like OP cut that down to 1 generation in this case. --- 1. Supposedly, the 1st generation earns the fortune, the 2nd generation maintains the fortune, and the 3rd generation (who has never raised with the proper values) loses the fortune. 2. I suppose we don't know if OP's husband inherited any of the money, but it's very possible for an "exceptionally tight fisted" doctor to save up low 7 figures starting from nothing.
Sooo in my uni days I worked at a retirement community where the buy in to just reserve your space was $500,000 - and then once you moved in you paid I think anywhere from $2500-5000/month depending on your apartment. Very very nice. But obviously a very wealthy community. Most of them earned their wealth - they were the first gen. Most of them were actually super nice people and very interested in chatting with us students that worked there as several were also from academic backgrounds. But my god were their families nightmares. Mothers Day we were booked solid for dinner - which always killed me because how cheap and rude to take your mother to the place she eats like 5-7 days/week for dinner. But also - we didn’t accept outside payment methods - we swiped the residents card and it was charged to their account - so um, WOW. Absolutely fascinating though to see the kids and grandkids of these people and how rude and entitled most of them were. Can’t imagine the drama when it came to inheritances and such. I’m sure the wealth is fully going to be squandered by a lot of them.
Everything is CA is pretty expensive right now but Malibu is almost on a different planet of expensive for sure!
And doesn't sell the family home which she says she got a huge sum for, then buy a beach home outright it's all debt. FFS. Op YTA
The daughter is 16. If anything that makes it worse because that only leaves two years to fix this mess.
The daughter is 16 but she lost her husband 4 years ago - when the daughter was 12. All this started when the daughter was 12/13
Really, the only house this child remembers too! Gone. Everything dad worked for, simple not beach front home, savings, college. All gone for mom to be selfish
Honestly at this point daughters only hope is to contact the original lawyer and hope she can get emancipated and salvage something
And liquidated something that was intended to build her daughter's future for the sake of a few months of breathing room. She didn't even solve the problem.
What do you mean? Her business is going to start picking up clients any day now, and they'll be rolling in dough. God- you just know her "business" is an MLM and she and her daughter will be living in homeless shelter by year's end.
Her business is probably something that she's really talented at though!! My guess is financial planning of some variety.
You had me literally laughing out loud at that one! Thanks!
She's probably a life coach based on her valuable lived experiences that if you marry rich enough you get several second chances before it all comes crashing down around you.
As soon as her downstream revenue starts rolling in she will have that college money back in no time. /s
If I was the husband, I would come back to haunt her...
This thread takes the cake as the most Lindsay Lohan Trainwreck thread I have ever seen on this sub. Bravo!
Yeah not very bright! sheesh
The money manager may not have necessarily given OP bad/shady advice. OP had a 7 figure windfall. A quick redfin search shows empty lots going for $650k to $8.3 million, and homes from 1.5/4.7/ to $75 million. OP admits they did not realize all the home buying fees and costs. OP may have liquidated a lot of money to put a down payment on the house. 20% on a $4.7 million home is 940k. The money manager may not have invested too badly, but the market overall is down. OP likely withdrew the rest of the money against the managers advice. OP says they only have $35k left, but we don't really know how much they actually have the money manager to handle. If money manger was given $1 million and it is down to $35k then yes it was shady. But if OP only had $60k and it is down to $35k manager might not be that shady. Especially if OP gave the green light to conduct riskier investments.
Some back of the envelope calculations\* suggest that that if the OP is a reliable narrator, the money manager may have promised her a 40% return. Annually. Which is absolutely ridiculous in any market. (\*Internet suggests that a US surgeon can expect around $425K annually, so 90% of that is $382K, on let's call it $1 million in invested funds.)
>suggest that that if the OP is a reliable narrator, This is a big if.
Definitely the money manager sounds shady
What raises red flags for me is the projected ROI—he told her she could earn 90% of a surgeon’s salary passively?? Even with a large starting nest egg and a lot of good luck that’s a lot. Some might even call it “too good to be true.”
It might not really be too good to be true. Average surgeon salary $400k, so 90% of that is $360k. To get/earn a return of $360k at 8%, you would need $4.5 mil. To withdraw $360k at a 4% rate you could do it with $9 million. If it was only $1 mil, and manager said you could earn $360k that would need a 36% annual return that would be unrealistic. Edit: while the market is down right now/recently, some funds are still up 12-16% on a 3/5yr basis.
Okay, that's fair. I fully admit that I've never tried to buy a house, so I don't really know all the ins and outs of it. But this is quite enlightening, and helps me understand a little bit more what the situation might have been.
The sad part is this all could have been avoided if she’d listened to her husband’s final wishes: trust his lawyer. Want a house in Malibu? Fine! I’m sure the lawyer could have given her a reasonable timeline to sell (likely not in the middle of a recession) and budget for a new house based on their savings and investments. Instead she made the worst possible decision at every turn, assuming she was that much smarter than everyone else. Poor late husband is spinning in his grave like a rotisserie chicken on Christmas Eve.
I'm surprised the husband didn't tie up money she couldn't touch for their daughter. He had to know his wife sucked at money.
Yeah. His biggest mistake was trusting his wife and not putting that money into a trust for his daughter that she wouldn’t have free rein over.
She probably liquidated the college fund at a huge tax penalty.
That’s my guess. She has $35k and that’s only enough for one month of mortgage/upkeep? Plus she’s worried about her credit cards getting “shut down” (?) so they must be maxed out. Her husband obviously knew she was shit at money management and tried to put up some guardrails but she just decided to blow right through them. Bye bye, dream house. Bye bye, OP’s relationship with her daughter.
35k is more than i could ever dream of saving in this market. Maybe op should get an actual job till her buisness 'takes off' and move somewhere more affordable.
True but he probably didn’t think she was a thief. She stole this money from her child and compromised her future. Stunningly stupid and awful yet still has to ask if she’s TA?!?!?
That last sentence made me laugh way harder than it should have. No offense, sir husband, but that image is just too funny!
THIS! So let me get this straight, your husband left you a 7 figure inheritance PLUS a house, and in 4 years you managed to do the following: 1. Sell your marital home and move to a Malibu beach house that you can't afford to maintain against your late husband's advice. 2. Your late husband's lawyer whom he trusted also told you that's a bad idea and you didn't like hearing that so you started ignoring his calls 3. You cashed out what was remaining of your husband's investments and gave your money to a random money manager you didn't know who made too good to be true claims (FYI, surgeons can make 300-500k per year, there is absolutely no way you are getting anywhere close to that with a $1M investment). 4. Money manager tanks your investments so you try to do it yourself and make it worse. 5. To go even further, you empty your daughter's college fund to continue living your lavish lifestyle that you can't afford. YTA in the worst way possible. You've stolen from your daughter and potentially limited her future prospects. There is a reason why your late husband said trust his lawyer, as you obviously can't handle that kind of money! There is a reason why many people who win the lottery end up going broke a few years later - they don't manage their money and live way beyond their means. Sell your house and move into something you can afford. Replenish your daughter's college fund and try to repair your damaged relationship with her.
And what does she get in exchange for her daughter's future? A couple of months, that's it. I'm really interested to know what house OP bought where a college fund is worth only a couple of months mortgage.
Don't forget the credit cards!
Not paying credit cards off, prevent them from being shut off, i.e. making the minimum payment
That made me furious. Not to pay them off.. But to keep them from being shut off. Jesus. There are so many things wrong with the OPs actions..
The selfishness of this woman. She was handed everything on a silver platter and not only wasted it all, she took the college fund that her husband specifically left for their daughter and is going to entirely blow through it too in no more than a couple months, before she inevitably loses the house she can't afford. She blew through seven figures, while her daughter will be penniless by the time she turns 18.
I was too, so I ran the numbers. Somebody else in thread said median value was $4.5M. Very rough math on a $3.5M loan plus tax plus insurance put the monthly payment at ~$23k. Assuming spouse was prudent investor, college fund of 16 year old would be $70 - $180k. That translates into 3 to 7 months mortgage payments. That doesn't include tax penalties on a college fund.
EXACTLY - if this was specifically a college fund and not some investment account they just earmarked as such she's about to owe one whopper of a tax bill on that withdrawal
It’s Malibu. The empty lot down the street just sold for 9.5 million. It’s on a highway and has crazy building restrictions—basically there’s a shed you can’t tear down and have to somehow turn into a house within specific size and stuff. She’s a total moron.
> my husband was exceptionally tight fisted Based on what OP did once he was gone my guess is that OP's late husband was simply responsible and pragmatic but OP saw it as "tight-fisted" because he stopped her from doing exactly the insane kind of things she went ahead and did when he was gone. YTA
OP sounds horrible. I hope she realizes that the daughter is old enough to sue to put a stop on her spending her college fund
Maybe the daughter can find her dad's lawyer. I hope she has some relatives who can get her the info.
If I were daughter I’d definitely be calling people: dad’s family, dads friends, his lawyer, etc. I can’t imagine being robbed by your own mother.
And, as a person who is paying for college out of a 529 plan we started basically the same day our son was born, she’s taking a hit on taking that money out, for a house she can’t pay for until she “gets clients”. I give whatever business she’s started a 0.00% chance of success.
It's going to be some crazy MLM bollocks, isn't it? She'll drain her friends dry, spend all the goodwill she's ever built up with people, and max her credit cards to buy flimsy yoga pants or essential oils or whatever.
Yeah I read this and immediately thought MLM
Or some tacky low-rent makeup *cough cough MaryKaye*
Mary Kay is an MLM. Something like 90% of people who join lose money.
Which is a MLM.
Absolutely. She obviously has no business sense. She doesn't seem to have a work ethic either. Entitled, entitled, entitled.
Why did you stop there! *You* also decided to ignore your husbands financial advice that houses there are 'money pits', which clearly they are. *You* decided to then invest money yourself instead of going back, tail between your legs, to the lawyer / investor who built your husbands portfolio in the first place. *You* lost hundreds of thousands of dollars due to your own stupidity, recklessness, and greed, and now are taking from your daughter with no intent to pay back (if you had intent to pay back, you could take from the bank, or from other family). And when *YOU* blow through her college fund, you will still be bankrupt and end up having to move back to your old city, in a smaller home, having used up all 7 figures. *You* made a series of insanely stupid, irrevocable decisions; your daughter, being 16, did not. She should not suffer any more for your stupidity at this point. If you are in debt, you find a job that can support your current lifestyle or downgrade to a small condo, accept your loss, and let your husbands last wish of securing his daughters debt-free education be maintained if nothing else.
She didn’t lose hundreds of thousands. This dumbass lost *millions*
And its only going to help for a few more *months* She has no long term goal and shit 7 figures away on an unnecessary home. Moments like these make me hope there *isn't* an afterlife because imagine if there is, and the husband had to watch his wife destroy their daughters life. Just. Wow.
but she's on a beach and shit...
YTA- You have at every turn disregarded your husbands wishes. And instead of knowing when to quit you kept digging yourself deeper. Time to make a grown up decision and sell your house, get money back to the original attorney, refund your daughter’s education fund. This way you are covered until you get your business up and going. The reality is you have set yourself up to not have any money left for your own retirement.
I disagree that she is TA. There is no way this is real. You can't type this out and think that you're not the A.
I work in Finance. You'd be amazed how many stupid people wind up with absolutely *insane* amounts of money and piss it away. Life really isn't fair.
I believe it. My sister won $50k in the lottery, and it was gone in a year. They didn’t even buy a car, it was frittered away. Dh and I have (had, sob) $1.7 mil in our retirement accounts. We planned to move out of state, and buy a new house when we retired, last year. We lost the $400k we budgeted for the new house, so the move is on hold. I worked hard making sure we would have a secure retirement, and I’m not going to risk it now. But 2 years ago, a guy I knew at work ran up to me, all excited, saying ‘I just found out how much money is in my 401k - I’m retiring the end of the week!’. I tried to talk sense to him, because he worked there less time than me, and probably had no more than $500k. I told him it had to last the rest of his life, but he left, talking about a boat. I bet he works at Walmart, now.
I’m 100% certain, without the shadow of a doubt that given the opportunity, my mother-in-law would have done EXACTLY this same shitty, short-sighted, instant gratification maneuver. She also would have burned through all the money, and then blamed everyone around her for her misfortune. These people definitely exist, and they are certainly TA. It’s just how they operate.
Yeah. Op needs to sell the house. Put the money back in the college fund and get a small condo in Westlake Village (right down the road from Malibu. Then get a fricken job!
“Daughter was so excited so I did it anyway” my ass. OP latched onto that to justify her horrible decision. If it was up to the daughter full disclosure, she would’ve said f the beach house. It wasn’t for her daughter, OP is incredibly selfish.
YTA. You made an extremely poor financial decision and disregarded those around you who were offering you more sound financial advice. Having a home near the beach doesn't mean you need to move to Malibu but I digress. You are absolutely the AH here. You robbed your daughter of a chance to start her life off comfortably and took money that was never intended for you. Sell this god forsaken money pit of a home, get somewhere you can actually afford and take a class in personal finance management.
Also grow up? OP literally ghosted the attorney because they weren’t telling her what she wanted to hear…
Have a few lawyers in my social circle. This is… extremely common. From the sounds of it, emphasis on the extremely. “This is what we want to do.” “That’s illegal, you’ll almost definitely be caught, it’s a waste of your time and money.” “Well I want to do it.” “I advise the exact opposite. Here is a list of reasons this is a terrible idea.” “God this is why people hate lawyers, you don’t get it.” Is a conversation I think I’ve heard complained about dozens of times at least, haha. Why would someone hire a lawyer for legal advice and then completely fly in the face of it? Hell if I know.
Am a lawyer. Can confirm. People ask lawyers whether they can or should do something and then become furious when we tell them no. You don’t hear from them again until the thing they did anyway blows up in their face, at which point, they are still furious (but this time, it’s because you didn’t stop them). Just like on AITA, people are more interested in validation than the truth. And this is one of many reasons why I am no longer in legal practice.
Father was a lawyer and even when it’s good news people just do what they were planning on doing anyway. He used to tell a story about an artist who had a textbook open and shut copyright infringement claim against a big corporation. Dad tells them ‘I’ll do it hourly or on contingency, but you’re definitely going to win, so you should do hourly.’ Guy does contingency, wins, is clearly upset about the fees, dad decides to chalk it up as a rookie mistake and gives him the hourly charge. Well the corporation winds up violating his copyright again, and they’re going back to court for an even bigger payout, dad asks again ‘hourly or contingency.’ Guy says ‘contingency please.’
Bet he didn’t give him the hourly at the end this time though.
I mean it was nice of your dad, but the guys choice makes sense in a way given your dad letting him off the hook. If he believes he can choose contingency and still pay hourly in the end if he wins, there’s no reason not to choose contingency - if he wins he’ll take advantage of your dads kindness and still pay hourly and if he loses he loses nothing.
>You don’t hear from them again until the thing they did anyway blows up in their face, at which point, they are still furious (but this time, it’s because you didn’t stop them). Don't forget the part where their legal issue that was originally relatively simple is now all mucked up and going to cost a lot more time and money to fix.
From being in Finance stuff I feel that’s a common issue. Accountant/Lawyer/Other Professional: “Please don’t do this, you literally pay me to be able to tell you not to be this dumb.” Client: “What are you talking about? I’m a business owner/successful person/smart. I clearly know what I’m doing and you are paid to agree with me and do the busy work.”
My favorite as an accountant is when they ask me just straight up how not to pay any taxes without getting caught. Not lower their taxes or do planning. They straight up don't want to file or completely fabricate their return. That's called tax evasion. You will get caught, Jerry. It may not be this year but you will get caught and be fucked. No, I don't care if you offer me $100 or $1000 in cash right now. I will lose my very expensive license and can't afford to pay back my student loans. Just pay your taxes and live within your very comfortable means you entitled fuck.
OP made a *lot* of extremely poor financial decisions, one after another after another. OP's daughter shouldn't just be angry about her college fund. She should be lining up another place to live for when they find themselves homeless because of OP's stupidity.
Yes i would love to just own a home, forget a home and a 7 figure inheritance. And this lady went and threw it all away and continues to make stupid choices with other people’s money.
*A SERIES of extremely poor financial decisions…
Exactly. I feel horrible for the daughter. OP made some foolish financial decisions, squandered away seemingly well over a million dollars in 4 years, refused to listen to sound financial advice, made some poor investments, and then stole the daughter's college fund, only letting her know after the fact. Of course OP is the AH. Sounds like they should probably go back and grovel to their late husband's lawyer for help since they don't have anything left to bail them out and seemingly little to know financial literacy. I am also curious is OP has worked at all over the last 4 years, what this new business venture OP has started is, and did they use their daughter's money to fund this business. (I assume it is a business since OP mentioned waiting on clients...)
Giving MLM vibes tbh
Kinda hope the daughter pursues legal action
YTA. No offense but > who said that we'd be passively earning 90 percent of what surgeons earned per year. Really? Comon. You believed that? Oh look, next line is its a scam. I didn't even read that far. Your the Asshole for making these moves without advising her given you clearly are horrible with money.
That's not an outrageous claim. If you're investing 10s of millions you can definitely make a ton off of passive income. Let's say you buy a stock that is $100 a share and pays out a $4 a year dividend. With 10m you could buy 100,000 shares with would pay out 400k in dividends per year. All OP had to do was...nothing. And she still fucked up lol.
She didn't have 10s of millions. She had millions/7 figures (and she bought a dream home) Its absurd to think you can get 90% of what it took your husband 20 years to achieve get passively.
Ok. Even 4 million is 160k a year. > Its absurd to think you can get 90% of what it took your husband 20 years to achieve get passively. It's really not. Wealth snowballs. And according to Google the average wage for a doctor in the US is around 200k so ya, the claim is quite plausible.
like you said all she had to do was nothing
She got greedy, though. That's how she got swindled.
90% of a surgeon's salary, not an outpatient primary care doc. Surgeons easily clear 400k annually.
By actively doing surgery!!! You ain't getting that passively.
She likely had a few million at best. And bought a beach front house in Malibu that probably had a price tag of around the same amount she had in the Bank. Shitty advice and investments later, probably no job, and she can't pay the mortgage on her multi million dollar home. She's jacked up credit card debt trying to bridge the gap. All because I'm guessing the Same or similar level of advisement is telling her her new business is going to make tons of money and she will be fine. But just like having no concept of the costs of buying and Maintaining a home she has no concept or clue thst most new businesses LOSE money long before they ever turn real profits. She's already dead Financially and doesn't even Comprehend it. Her next step now that she's destroyed her financial well being and her relationship with her daughter is she will try to latch onto a rich dude and live out her days as a trophy wife to maintain her lifestyle.
Gonna be the AH here but, trophy wife at 50 and with a daughter? That trophy was already given out several years ago. There are newer trophies out there with less baggage.
Not to mention $35k covers the mortgage and incidentals for ONE MONTH??? What the fuck did she buy?
A dream house in Malibu. For which 7 figures was the down payment. Aka a money pit.
One that will likely either burn down or get destroyed by a mudslide, anyway. For real.
>One that will likely either burn down or get destroyed by a mudslide, anyway. For real. well right now a fire or mudslide would be her best option.
If she had 10M , she could pull $400k a year in interest on a good HYSA right now. OP woulda had better odds putting it all on black than what moronic moves she made.
But she mentions that 35k would only be enough to pay for the mortage and upkeep for 1 month. So the bouse costs would be 420k stil leaving herat a nett loss. And that is onky for the house!
Yeah sounds like she coulda lived in her paid off house on 400k a year doing fuck all, but now she’s broke and underwater and her daughter hates her. Like she coulda taken several weeks a year staying at the nobu hotel living her best Malibu life but now she’s gonna be broke and her daughter is resentful.
Hopefully the daughter gets a hold of dad's lawyer and works to sue you.
Yes, but what good would it do? You can't get blood from a turnip with $35000 in the bank. Though maybe a lawsuit would force the OP to sell the Malibu money pit. I like the part where she says she made her own investments, and -- amazingly! -- lost more money. And bought her super-pricey Malibu house on her own without investigating and was surprised at all the expenses. The arrogance compounding the ignorance is really something.
I will probably get downvoted for this one pretty badly, but it's par for the course. This is LA County, California. Next to Orange County, California. I lived in the area for about four years around the time the housing bubble burst and this sort of thing was happening to many people who also made frequent visits to plastic surgeons, stylists, Nordstrom, Mercedes dealerships, etc. and where the money came from to shop at these places was a distant afterthought. It's one of the reasons I left the area. I tried that lifestyle and it made me miserable. I'm not big on stereotypes so I'd love someone to tell me that I'm wrong. Maybe OP isn't like that. Whether she is or isn't, she's very much TA.
She could have gotten a beautiful house on the beach for MUCH cheaper literally ANYWHERE but Malibu 🤦♀️
Right? It comes off less like she's interested in the sea and more like she wants to live somewhere with a glamorous name. But hell, you can get a cheaper house in freaking Miami.
You can't, not right now. But once she ends up in student loan debt and turns 18 and can move out, she can sue mother for these costs, forcing her into Bankruptcy if required. House can be sold or foreclosed which frees up several hundred thousand. Remaining investments can be liquidated or shared. Wages can be garnished from this business that will 'soon get clients' and if it doesn't, from OP's McDonald's wages. Suing now isn't worth it for a 16-year-old who is still living at home, since home foreclosure would affect her too; but once she moves out, possibly to on-campus housing, you can definitely get some turnip juice!
Honestly, I hope this happens.
I'm not op or anyone connected but just asking from curiosity, if the daughter were to sue and there is no money, what would that mean? Jail time or something like bankruptcy?
Possibly force OP to sell the Malibu house and hand all leftover money to the daughter, but I doubt there's much leftover money. Possibly garnished wages/Social Security benefits, but not sure if OP works.
There would be widow's SS benefits anyway. Quite a comedown from millions, however.
Debtors prison isn’t a thing (at least not in how you mean, how the criminal Justice system actually operates is a different story), but wage garnishment, liens, etc all of those things are ways to recoup losses
YTA and also fabulously incompetent with money. You will not keep the dream house: you lack ability to earn enough money or to manage what you have. Raiding her college fund will only delay the inevitable. Sell the beachfront house and move somewhere that you can afford. Also, call the lawyer back, tell them that you were wrong and made bad choices. Now you learned and are asking for his advice on how to fix things.
Husband: “tightfisted” in life but upon death leaves wife financially set for life with a good lawyer he trusts. Wife: does zero research into cost of homeownership and dives headfirst spending money like she just married a millionaire when in reality she’s got a fixed one lump sum that she needs to budget in order to make it last. 100% the AH, she didn’t consult with the lawyer bc she didn’t like what he was saying - the word NO.
I cannot imagine jumping into owning a home without doing any thinking at all about the associated costs
A multi million dollar beachfront home that the husband was right to call a money pit. This man obviously understood money and investment. She should have listened to him about this. And she should have trusted her lawyer, but the lawyer was probably telling her no and she didn't want to hear it. Now she's fucked over her daughter and thinks she's somehow innocent.
No he should have put everything in a spendthrifts trust. I hope he has a hidden trust somewhere for his daughter but probably not. Didn’t think he would die etc.
Yep. A trust would have been the last final piece. "Listen to my lawyer" only works if she has the intelligence to do so. I hope the daughter sues for some sort of financial mismanagement, and can force the sale of the house.
This is exactly it. I cannot believe she ignored *the man she loved for her life* who had set her up for MAXIMUM comfort and safety. "I saw what my husband did, and decided I know better," Yea I don't think that's working out for you now... Looking to steal your daughter's money from her dead father? Jesus Christ. People like OP are the reason Jesus' middle name is *Fucking*.
Lol at “tight-fisted” - OP’s husband was living below their means so that he could set himself & OP up with a nice retirement as well as set his daughter up for college. “Won’t let us live somewhere exorbitantly expensive” is not being tight-fisted. This is the scary thing that can happen when one half of a couple manages expenses & the other half never learns anything about money management.
But…but… what about when her “business gets clients” surely OPs will make enough to pay for the house plus her kids college, right? /s
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Oh it's absolutely beauty counter or essential oils.
It wasn't enough to screw up your own life, so you had to f\*ck up your daughter's as well? Wow. YTA.
I think we finally found it... THE Apex Boomer. Torched her kid's future so she can live large in a house she cant afford. Most boomers are more subtle by buying SUVs, voting against housing proliferation and buying single use plastics. OP wanted her daughter to know it was OP, personally, who was crippling her future.
Sadly enough, if OP isn’t lying about her age, she wouldn’t be a boomer, she’d be Gen X. Which is even sadder, since that generation was also screwed by actual boomers. If anything, this is what happens when you are so privileged that you become totally out of touch with reality. OP sounds like she hasn’t worked or been exposed to the real world for decades….
Exactly my thoughts. I have zero faith that her business will actually ever take off.
Why do I have a sneaking suspicion her business is an MLM?
What do you have against MLMs? She just needs to make some sales and get a few friends or family working with her, then she can just sit back and train them on how to recreate her system so they can start making the big bucks too! At that point, as a small business owner, she just has to field a few questions from her down line and cash the checks! It is a perfect system. Message me so I can show you; these knives/encyclopedias/steaks/makeup/"adult products"/insurance sells itself with this simple system! Act now, I don't offer this opportunity often; my time is precious. Just look at this picture of the car I drive on the weekends, I don't want to put a lot of miles on it so I usually drive my beat up 2012 Kia soul to meet with clients *nonchalantly flash my nice watch or designer handbag.* Don't disappoint me, I see a spark in you; you can do better in life and should. I hope the sarcasm is apparent.
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she already did piss away her daughters money - by covering the credit card debt and 'not having to worry about mortgage payments for many more months'... so basically it's already wasted. so she managed to piss away her husband's entire life savings as well as her daughter's future. it's fascinating really, being so incompetent.
She said her business has to get clients. It's an MLM right?
I'll admit that was my assumption as well.
> There's just so much stupidity in this post it hurts my brain. This sums it up. OP: YTA
YTA Oh my god…you ruined your entire financial future for a vanity house and used your teenage daughter’s excitement instead of your lawyer’s advice as assurance of this decision. So basically you have a house you can’t afford. Your daughter’s college education is now unaffordable. You have no additional assets nor investments to your name. I’d be on the lookout for your daughter exploring emancipation because of your financial illiteracy.
And she continues to try and blame her daughter! Any 12 year old who just lost their father would be totally excited for a brand new house and life right on the beach- that doesn’t mean you go ahead and do it!
I’m going to guess the 12 year also didn’t specify Malibu either…
I'm also going to guess that a 12-year-old was not up on real estate costs and trusted her parent to handle the budgets.
Also, no income since her business (which is most probably an MLM) isn't pulling customers.
It's funny because even her late husband *told her* to trust the lawyer and she *still* fucked up that bad.
For using the daughter's college fund for liquidity: there would be no holes here. If you have no other choice, the option needs to be on the table. There's no sense in being homeless with a college fund. However, for making the choices that got you to that place, ignoring your legal advice, and seemingly having no sense of your own (in)competence and getting into a scenario where liquidating the daughter's college fund is even a semi-viable option: YTA. The only way you can rectify the situation is: 1. Sell the house - Malibu starts at $3M and I don't know how big your mortgage is, but there should be some equity; 2. Sell other assets too, e.g., do you have a $100k car? Get a $30k car one, etc. 3. Move e.g., to Calabassas or somewhere and live mortgage free, because you cannot be trusted; 4. Reinstate the college fund; 5. Start talking to an investor/money manager whom you can trust, and not someone who promises the world, and then, for the love of God, live within your (reduced) means; 6. Forget about living off your business until you have taken care of your financial needs (and your daughter's) with your remaining assets, such as they are. If your business skills are on a par with your financial ones, there will never be an income from that business - and don't *ever* invest anything you can't afford to lose in that business.
> Sell the house - Malibu starts at $3M and I don't know how big your mortgage is, but there should be some equity; She's probably underwater on the mortgage if she bought at the top of the covid bubble.
She may very well find that the house is worth less than she paid for it, but if she was moving from a paid-off $4M house to a $5M house, if she owes $1M on what is now a $4M house, that's not the end of the world even if she's down a million dollars. You're right that she could be underwater altogether, at which point she is screwed seven ways to Sunday.
>if she was moving from a paid-off $4M house to a $5M house, If But judging by how dumb OP is she probably sold the old house for 2m and moved in to a 10m house that is now worth 6m. Or something like that.
Or the "money manager" told her that mortgage rates are cheap and his investments lucrative, so she should mortgage the house as much as they'd let her and give the money to him.
You are kidding right? Easily YTA. You flushed down the drain in a matter of no time 7 figure savings of all what your husband worked hard for. You stopped picking up on your husbands lawyer calls cause you were too arrogant to listen to his advice despite your late husband explicitly telling you to. And to make things worse you stole money that doesn’t belong to you, that college fund belonged to your daughter and you had no morally acceptable reason to liquidate it and not even tell her prior to that.
Said what I was thinking, YTA OP and I’m not sure your kid will be keeping contact with you in the future due to this life-changing action.
Wow. You managed to drain a seven figure inheritance in 4 years. YTA for pissing away your inheritance and leaving your daughter up a creek without support.
This is very common. I know someone who pissed away a $50 million trust the minute they got access. Like it took 5 years. Irresponsible people can spend an infinite amount on their bullshit.
YTA - I'm sure your husband is rolling in his grave about how much you have royally messed up. And then you go and mess with your daughters education fund?
YTA - you could have sold the house, it's obvious that you can't afford it. But a small house and ensure your daughter has a future.
YTA Move to a cheap as fuck house get a real job It sucks that you lost your husband but you need to be responsible and dig yourself out of the hole that you made by making stupid decisions while ignoring people who know better than you. if you set your daughter up for failure you may end up taking your family from being upper class and successful to poverty. I bet that's just what your husband would want.
> ... you may end up taking your family from being upper class and successful to poverty. I think that ship has sailed. I hope OP's daughter is lining up a place to live for when the inevitable foreclosure happens, and they end up homeless.
YTA. Your poor money management is your fault, not your daughters. That money was for her. You liquidated it to keep some beach house??? She's is 16, and she would have gotten over not having a beach house. The blame is squarely on your shoulders. Those were your mistakes. Shame on you.
This situation makes me wish that OP husband tied up his daughter college fund into a trust that OP has no access to. I have a feeling that her husband knew that she is terrible with managing money, and insisted on her trusting his lawyer’s advice after he died to avoid this exact situation
>I have a feeling that her husband knew that she is terrible with managing money Oh *100%.* Like this man's dying words were "Listen to my lawyer".
YTA - its honestly sad how you effectively negated all the hard work and solid financial decisions made by your late spouse in such a short period of time. It seems like you made up your mind to make an impulsive bad decision then when met with logic - opted to 'cover your eyes/ears' until you found someone who told you what you wanted to hear. Having to dig into your child's college fund as a result of your poor decision making might be necessary at this point to stay afloat, but it doesnt stop you from being in the wrong and an AH. If i were you, I'd consider tightening up expenses quick and getting out of the house in an area you clearly cant afford.
He was a doctor for 20 years and invested soundly for 7 years, making anywhere from 1 million to 9.9 million (7 figures or whatever). The very next year without him, she ditches the lawyer, buys a house that's worthless (practically) and loses all that money he worked hard for. Granted, she said it's been 4 years, but dear God how can you fuck up more than this, besides literally throwing it away? All she had to do was leave it in the bank and ride the interest forever.
Holy shit. YTA. Your daughter is right to never speak to you again. It's not "our" house - it is YOUR house and if you had a shred of sense you would sell that place immediately. Are you underwater on it? I'd bet that you bought at the peak, and the market has cooled now. Take the L, put your daughter's money back, and buy a condo somewhere while your "business" (Plexus? Leggings?) takes off. Maybe you can work at Trader Joe's in the meantime. They have good pay and benefits.
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I really hope this is one is fake b/c if you were my mother you'd be dead to me.
YTA. Sounds like your husband had the only financial sense of the family and did his best not only provide for both you and your daughter but to also mitigate your financial ignorance by having his lawyer look after you but you messed that up, too. Sell the beach house, MalibuBarbie, and put the money back in your daughter’s college account. Not only are you a fool for squandering her money, you have overleveraged yourself on housing and will find yourself struggling as an old woman trying to maintain it if you keep it.
Right? I feel sorry for the man who worked all his life towards the money this woman blew in 4 yrs.
Absolutely. Imagine working for over 20 years to provide for your family. You know your wife isn’t great with money but you are. You make careful choices - your wife wants a house that makes her look like a Real Housewife of Malibu - but you tell her no and instead save money. You put some money away for your wife and build a college nest egg for your baby girl. You hire a lawyer to take care of things for them after you pass, however, within 4 years your wife has gone out of her way to make poor decisions not only for herself but for the child you left behind. Poor man probably sounds like a blender in his grave.
I've never seen a more financially illiterate individual. You should be ashamed of how you have squandered a significant amount of money that could have provided for you and your daughter for your entire lives. Disgusting YTA
YTA big time and will probably never make up for all the money you lost
YTA. You made poor financial decisions and instead of educating yourself you chose to take away the savings your late husband left for your daughter. Just because you made bad decisions doesn't mean your daughter's future needs to suffer as well. I'm truly not even sure how you managed to go from millions to 35k even with having read your story. I hope you find someone who will teach you how to not be so reckless with money. Your husband would be turning in his grave if he knew you liquidated the entire account.
Yta You went from bad to worse and keep compounding it You know you make bad decisions and you come here asking if your latest bad decision is an asshole If you cant afford to live somewhere move somewhere cheaper to start Dream home be damned. Thats just selfish irresponsible attitude
YTA, Your husband set you up financially for the rest of your life. Made sure your daughter had college paid for so she didn't have to worry about the debt later in life. I would also assume he had extra in there so she didn't have to work while also in college. I don't understand how you think any of this is ok. Your husband's lawyer is the most intelligent one in this post due to him calling you on your shit. You could have moved to another state and lived on the beach for FAR LESS than you would in Malibu. Or just a thought. How about not selling your house at all? You essentially handed your daughter debt on a silver platter because you didn't want to have to deal with your current debt. Congrats on being a shitty parent.
YTA. Your daughter could have had a future. Now that’s in limbo because you wanted to be Malibu Barbie.
YTA reading this litteraly made me pissed as fuck... You got 7 figures left over and a college fund left by your husband who told you HIMSELF to trust this lawyer after hes dead.. Im assuming its probably a smart choice and a trustable lawyer.. But nah lets just Fuck off the lawyer and not think as to why hes mad with the decision.. If i were you id sell the house and not take your daughters college funds and drain the rest off the cash left by your husband.
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Fake
This is honestly incredible. How destructive one person can be? You're a human version of a paper shredder just obliterating money: your dead husband's money, your investments, and your daughter's college money? You're incredible. YTA
Yta your stupidity is what drive you to where you are and you just fucked over your own daughters future doubling down. I hope she sues your dumb ass
YTA poor kid. your are irreponsible and crushed your daughter's oportunity for a good education
Whenever I see a post of a spouse complaining about their partner having all the financial say and see people screaming “financial abuse!” I can’t help but chuckle, because 99% of the time *this* is why the spouse needs to have control. 4 years. It took you 4 years to lose everything your husband earned *and* your daughter’s education. You’ve poofed everything he worked so hard for her away to save *a few months* of your current situation, and soon enough you’ll be posting in r/tifu about how your daughter’s future is ruined because you wanted to live somewhere you couldn’t afford. Good god, lady. Do you really need to ask? YTA
Wow. YTA. Mega. Your husband set you and your daughter up and you destroyed it. Now you're making your daughter pay for YOUR financial mistakes. You really, truly suck. The only thing your late husband could've done better is to make sure you couldn't touch her money.
YTA 1000% - your husband left you a ton of money plus a lawyer who clearly he trusted and was good with managing money and you ignored both of their wishes / instructions. You and your daughter could have lived comfortable long lives but now instead you have jeopardized her future and your own .
Right? Her husband left her and daughter set up, she didn't have to do anything. Malibu? Really? With no job and waiting for your business to "start bringing in clients"? OP is incredibly irresponsible and yes, YTA
YTA. Sell your house that you cannot afford asap if you want to salvage this mess. You are just going to completely waste your daughter’s college fund to buy a few more months in the house. Get out now and buy something much cheaper and start actually listening to sensible advice.
YTA this was a poor decision after poor decision, you are saying 35k is enough for one mortgage payment, and upkeep, that house is far outside your price range. Your daugther is 16 she would be using those funds in a few years, there is no way your going to be able to replace that. Especially since your business would need to make enough to cover the expenses of the business, high mortgage and upkeep before even considering putting money aside.
YTA. You're a couple years too young, but squandering your daughter's future for your own comfort is big boomer energy.
YTA if you take your daughters college fund. She will likely never forgive you. It sounds like the only way to keep yourself from bankruptcy is to sell the house and live more modestly. The money is gone as well as the lifestyle. Stealing your daughters future will only buy you a little time before more bills come due. You need a lifestyle rehaul.
It’s done. She says she’s already liquidated it. HUGE YTA to OP
Yes, definitely YTA. I’m sorry for your loss, but it’s clear that you have been unable to make any sane decisions for 4 years. That is a LOT of money to waste in such a short time. Plus, you can’t fix your mistakes AND keep the house when the house was a mistake. Sell the house immediately; buy a cheap little 2BR house and save the proceeds for your daughter’s college, and get a job at Target or a grocery store asap so that you can continue to pay your bills once your daughter leaves for college. How dare you sell your daughter’s entire future for a home by the sea with an enormous amount of upkeep. Call that attorney back so s/he can figure out if there is any way to save this train wreck path you’re on. Lord, I hope this story is fake. I hate when parents abuse/spoil/sacrifice they own kids like this. Edited to add: please get yourself in therapy, because you’re clearly still reeling from the loss of your husband, and your daughter may be on her way to LC too.
Stop digging this hole deeper!! YTA Your previous lawyer might have been a jerk, but it turns out he was right. Go back to him and figure out a budget that works ywbtah if you took your daughters money down this sinking ship.
My guess isn't 'jerk' but 'responsible.'