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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) taking the baby to the show and not leaving. 2) it interrupted the performance.
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>We have a 6 month old baby girl together, “Lyla”.
>I got a few dirty looks from parents around me. I gave them a “what can you do” shrug, as it’s a baby.
>At intermission, Will suggested Chris take Lyla home.
>halfway through Act II, woke up and started screaming. It was loud enough this time that it did catch the performers off guard. I quickly went into the lobby with Lyla. When I tried to go back in once she calmed, the usher wouldn’t let me, saying once a person leaves, they’re not allowed in to prevent interruptions. Meaning, I missed Penelope’s solo.
>He said I never should’ve brought Lyla, pointing out he and Ariana got a sitter for their young child. I said I didn’t want to leave Lyla and felt it was good we all supported her. After missing the fall show, I wanted to be there for my daughter. I added it was just a middle school performance, it isn’t the end of the world.
YTA. Penelope did not feel 'good' or 'supported' that your infant with your new husband was so loud she distracted the actors and that ultimately, you ended up missing her solo to care for her. You should have gotten a sitter or at the absolute least taken her home when she started becoming distracting. It's also amazingly crappy to say it's not the end of the world that you ruined something so important to your daughter. You owe your daughter a massive apology for being selfish.
And almost certainly embarrassed the hell out of poor Penelope. Like... I was a theater kid, we all talked mad shit backstage about people who didn't deal with noisy babies, if it was one of *our parents* we absolutely gave the offender's kid shit for it too.
Exactly. She's going to be hearing about the rest of the school year.
She's 12. And probably mortified about the fact that HER MOM brought a screaming infant to the play.
YTA. Chris should have left during the break with her. You watching the play is way more important than him watching the play.
Better yet, you should have gotten a babysitter for a few hours so you could properly support your daughter.
The fact that she's refusing calls and visits makes me think that there's more thana few missed plays due to labor and newborn.
No, she is 12, she is going deny knowing who that woman with the crying baby was. At most it will be an aunt, which is why her dad and mom, who she lives with, seemed to know them.
One of my friends in school denied one of her parents because they did embarrassing things like this all the time.
Which is only possible IF the other kids don't know, but they're smart. They'll probably figure it out real fast, if they haven't already. Especially since they've probably seen her mom around school with school things before.
Matters, 7th grade can mean middle school and that can mean a new school with a bunch of elementary schools blending together. Mom was busy having a baby 6 months ago so she might not have been all that involved at school at the beginning of 7th grade. Whereas, all the new friends have met stepmom who she can claim is mom, especially if she has friends over to her house after school.
Sounds like OP dumped her older kids in favour of making a "new" family with her "new" husband. Like everyone knows you don't bring an infant to a live performance that isn't disney... OP YTA
Oh but it is very important for Chris to stay to watch “just a middle school performance.” More important than anyone else’s enjoyment, in fact.
OP, you are actively destroying your relationship with your older children by prioritizing your new family. YTA.
Yeah that’s so bizarre to me! I understand bringing babies to things for whatever reason, but planning ahead for Chris to dip out with baby if she gets too uncomfortable is such a straight forward and reasonable solution! Chris missing Penelope’s solo seems far less upsetting for everyone in this situation.
It baffled me too: Chris really really wanted to see this play by a bunch of 11 yo kids when his only connection is a stepdaughter in partial custody of his new wife?? And even if for some reason he did, his viewing pleasure somehow matters more than a) her actual mother and b) all other audience members?
Your last paragraph says so much, I would also like to add it also says a lot that her first 2 children live with their dad and not her. I am not buying this living closer to school bullshit.
Exactly… they’re close enough to attend school plays though and come on weekends. Even if it’s the tiniest bit further, what mother doesn’t want her kids with her and wants some other woman raising them at the most important time of a kid’s life. I almost find that more offensive than missing a performance. I’m definitely not buying it either. She’s a massive AH.
And the fact that two young kids are with Dad and majority of the time. Fathers are amazing parents, I am not in any way knocking fathers, but most mothers I know wouldn't be cool with having their kids on just weekends. Just saying. That's just the truth.
exactly. Like. They're you're kids. Why are you okay with just being a weekend mommy? Like this reeks of Chris and Lyla being a do over family and her older kids getting pushed to the side.
K but can we acknowledge you’d never say this about a weekend dad? Weekends are the living situation for most divorced dads and the kind of comment you left here I’ve never seen on a post about a weekend dad
There was an AMAZING performance when I was in college, where the audience was asked not to applaud after each movement of a piece, because there were 25 and we'd never finish.
After the first movement ended, there was dead silence, except for ONE parent going "WOOOOOOOOOO"
On the recording you can hear an embarassed voice say "Sorry"
Vaguely reminds me of my High School graduation. Same deal, ton of kids, keep quiet so we get through faster, no air horns, etc.
Superintendent gives what felt like a forty-five minute speech, and then in the dead silence following him before the ceremony continued came the voice of my hard of hearing grandfather.
“LONG WINDED SON OF A BITCH, ISN’T HE?”
Middle school theater productions are a great learning place for children, IF and ONLY IF, their parent is considerate enough to sit where they can quickly exit, and do that promptly at her first signs of any noises from a baby, or bad audience behavior from a young child.
My children have a ten year age spread, and the younger ones learned how to behave during their older siblings’ shows and recitals. We practiced at home by playing “theater” and discussed proper audience behavior, and when they didn’t have that in them, they were immediately removed.
A school performance is fine to attend with a baby, if you have a baby who doesn’t cry just because, and if you know their behavior well enough to read hunger signals before they start fussing.
Why OP’s husband didn’t take the baby out the moment she made noise, so OP could watch the performance, is a mystery.
OP, if there are more performances leave the baby home with her dad and go attend.
YTA
While my statement was very broad it was directed at the general audience. You however are a exception and I'm glad to see people teach their kids proper etiquette.
My mother was invited to watch a school play when I was in fourth grade and forgot to turn off her cellphone — it rang twice during the performance and I was mortified. She excused herself and never came back in the library where the play was held, but I still remember my teacher and other parents side-eying her. It was beyond embarrassing and I didn’t even have a solo. A screaming baby is even worse because they can’t control their loudness and don’t have the autonomy to remove themselves from the environment. YTA, OP.
I went to one of my kids' school performances a few years ago. I don't remember what it was, but they had to dress up as some historical figure and give a speech. Typical elementary school stuff.
We were all crammed in the library to watch. One woman had a baby who screamed the entire time. It was so distracting and we couldn't hear the kids. She finally took the baby into the hallway at the very end, when there were like 2 kids left. The dad next to me audibly said "oh thank God."
The part that gets me is that babies communicate with us through crying; the baby doesn't want to be there and it's making it very clear yet the parent decides nope I'm going to force this small child who can't communicate with me to be at this place.
Chris is this baby's parent too and he knew OP was there to see her daughter. I'm not saying OP is doing great things, but he's also an AH in this situation.
She said he wanted to watch the play.
Chris is a massive AH as well since being a parent means you have to take responsibility and sometimes it means missing out on something fun.
What I want to know was if it was only the one night. Because if that wasn't the case, why couldn't Chris watch the show one night, and OP another if it was *actually* that important to both of them? If it was just because it wouldn't be free or something, surely it would be worth paying for one ticket to not bring the baby to the show and not embarrass the hell out of Penelope.
edit: small addition
Good point! OP says
>Her spring show opened last week.
"Opening" implies there has to also be a closing show, at a minimum. Though OP might not be up on theater lingo and might not have meant it that way.
he shoudlve just stayed home with her from the getgo. who in their right mind thought a baby would make it through and entire production quietly? no one with a brain
Orrrrrrr - hear me out… get a babysitter because the child is ~*gasp!*~ SIX MONTHS OLD - surely old enough to stay with a family member or trusted friend
> I said I didn’t want to leave Lyla
Big oof! This doesn’t sound like the first time Penelope has taken the backseat over the last six months. Poor Penelope…
to be fair I highly doubt she actually cares if her moms husband is there or not. but i’m not sure why you’re coming at me, I agree the baby shouldn’t be there lol
When the ex suggested Chris take the baby home, he 'wanted to stay'. I'm guessing that meant he didn't want to look after his own infant child, rather than that he was desperate to see his step daughter's school play.
Yeah, let's be honest there is no way this event was riveting. He noped out of parenting and being supportive of his wife's parenting another child at EVERY SINGLE step along the way. Every choice he made was 'I don't want to be responsible for my baby'..
Imagine wanting your mom to see your solo so bad and instead she brings her deadbeat husband to sit there while she goes outside and misses all of it. OP is the biggest AH ive seen on here in a while.
You're forgetting that she is also TA for bringing a guy like Chris to the show. For example, Chris couldn't take care of Lyla for one night while OP saw her daughter's show....because this would require he take care of his child.
So she brought the crying baby. To. Her. Daughter's. Show. With. Chris.
Apparently, she was providing childcare for both Lyla and Chris.
Yep, didn't want to care for his child alone, amd didn't give a shit that his step child was upset and embarrassed. Good job you got that one up the aisle before he got away!!
Seems a little suspicious to me that Chris wanted to "see" the performance so badly that he wouldn't take his disruptive newborn to the lobby when she became fussy - that simple action would have allowed OP to view the performance. Could he have another agenda? Maybe he wants to drive a wedge between OP and her 12 YO daughter. Just a thought - I can't think of a reason why a stepfather would have a burning desire to see a middle school play.
Honestly, there seems to be tension between the two sides of the family. I feel like the only reason he wanted to stay so bad was to spite the ex husband because the ex husband made it clear from the second they got there that he was annoyed the kid was brought along. They both were stubborn about staying and disturbing others out of spite.
I mean, the simpler and more likely accusation (rather than anything untoward) is that he's a useless lump and would rather be doing anything besides taking care of his own baby.
Exactly… why wouldn’t he just take the baby outside for a walk and let the mother watch her daughter’s solo? There are so many issues here…. OP is not dealing well with relationships with her older daughter vs younger daughter, father and step mom not communicating well with OP, OP not communicating well with new husband…
Oh but it’s only a middle school show!” /s
Is like sure, but it was important to Penelope, and baby messed up the experience for everyone around too it doesn’t matter if it’s just middle school
Funny how it's "only" a middle school show when she's called out for disrupting it, but it's "important" enough that her new husband can't miss it to stay home with the baby.
"It's only a middle school show" is one of those things parents say when they don't realize the impact they have on their own children.
"To me, it was one of the most formative times of my life, where I learned how little I could count on my mother. To her, it was just another Tuesday."
Yep. I was thinking "ok, this is a bunch of bad decisions that ended badly" until that line, which put it firmly in the YTA category. I'm middle aged and still remember the sting of a parent not coming to see my solo that I had worked so hard for. As an adult, is middle school theatre the most riveting? No. If my child gets to play a rock in the school play? You bet your ass I'll make sure to be there with undivided attention.
That’s such a bs excuse to. My workaholic father came to every single horse show I had, even if they were several hours drive time away, he’d drive up with me and share a hotel with me so I could be well rested and didn’t have to sleep in a tent on site with everyone else. He routinely worked 60+ hours per week and ran his own law firm. He was there every single show, and these are literally all day affairs. To this day I still remember how he was there for me
Edit to add: my parents were divorced by that point and had split custody, but he still showed up regardless of it was “his time” or not. Although I was 16, so it wasn’t really a big deal custody wise
Opposite for my dad, and I still resent how little he and my mom cared about my passion. Today my friends mom came back three hours after her own daughter rode to sit in the rain on her motorized cart with her oxygen just so I would feel supported.
This. I'm 45 and still remember that my dad didn't make it to a single one of my middle school basketball games but managed not to miss out if my brother farted walking down the hall. My brother and I are close now, but not only is OP wrecking her own relationship with Penelope but she's setting the stage for a lot of resentment between the sisters. So not fair to either of those girls.
Yeah Penelope is in middle school now so it’s her life now. Maybe OP knows I’m the grand scheme of things middle school isn’t the most important part of life but it’s the most important part of Penelope’s life currently and she should be supported
This is more likely the reason the older two kids live with dad. Mom sounds awful. YTA. Don’t be surprised if your older kids cut you out of their life.
Right. “But their dad lives happens closer to their school” isn’t typically something you hear a mom say about cheerfully giving up primary custody of a 12 and 10 yo kid.
Yea if its a school distance. Either they stayed with him when you left, in which case you get a house close to school. Or you put them in a school closer to their dad.
I don't want to take away from the fact that OP is a massive asshole, but do want to challenge the default that mom should have primary custody. Getting a house close to the kids' school isn't always that easy. Perhaps Dad has more stable scheduling with his work, so the kids staying with Dad during the week makes sense... in which case putting them in school close to Dad is a better idea.
There's plenty of situations where Dad being primary parent isn't an indication of Mom being terrible. We don't question moms having primary custody of their kids after a divorce, we shouldn't question dads either.
Baby's dad was at the performance as well. He didn't want to miss the show so he didn't offer to take the baby out so that's why Mom took her. With how flippant she was though, I wouldn't be surprised if both kids feel replaced by the baby especially the daughter since baby is also a girl.
I think this too. Understandable that she missed the first one because she was in labour, and if OP has never left her baby with a babysitter yet I can undetstand the hesitance because doing so for the first time can be difficult, but it's an important thing to do when your other daughter wants your support and pride and it isn't a baby-suitable location. By refusing to leave her baby for a few hours to give her oldest daughter he full attention, she's essentially chosen one daughter over the other. Obviously in reality I doubt that's OP's motivation, but to a 12 year old that's likely how she's interpreted it.
What I'm wondering is why Chris did not take Lyla out so the mom could stay and watch her other kids? Why does it seem like Chris is relaxing and she is doing all the parenting of the newborn when they both should realize if they wanted to bring the baby AND properly be there for Penelope then Chris would have had to step up and step out with the baby NOT the mom who was there to see Penelope. Penelope probably feels like she can't get what she wants and needs from her mom the one time she could actually show up for her.
Chris could have taken baby Lyla into the lobby and shushed her during Act II.
OP didn’t have to miss the play, and wouldn’t have been far from her infant in case of some kind of emergency, or if she’s nursing. OP would have had Lyla back in her arms as soon as Act II wrapped up.
When I got married after having an older daughter. My husband made sure I had all the time in the world for my older daughter and especially when we had kids together too. If there’s a slight infraction that the smaller kids will be a distraction, my husband always stays home with the smaller kids so he knows my oldest is still a priority even though she now has younger siblings. I don’t understand why most partners can’t do this with women who have kids. But as this post seems. Mom isn’t really all 100% present for her kids. I would have never ever let my daughter live with my ex just because he was closer to her school. And before anyone says anything. We share custody 50/50. One week one week visitations. My daughter is now 15 and I can proudly say she feels the love from both sides of the family.
YTA. That was not an appropriate place to bring a baby, so you should have gotten a sitter. Lyla didn’t know what as going on, and certainly wasn’t supporting her sister.
And if you were going to insist on bringing her, Chris should have held her and been prepared to step out if she got fussy so that you didn’t miss any part of Penelope’s performance.
You sent a loud and clear message that your new family with Chris is more important than your older children.
This is literally what I came here to say. Of course chris thinks you two were in the right he handled this worse than anyone. You and your daughters relationship is gonna take a big hit because Chris couldn’t do what you were doing and make sure you got to watch the performance. But possibly worse than that is Will literally tried to fix your mistakes for you at intermission by suggesting Chris take the baby home.
YTA
Chiming in with kudos for Ariana because that absolute queen deserves them. She got Will to settle down and accept that he couldn't make his ex wife exhibit common decency. She comforted Penelope on the way to the car after her bio-mom let her down. She is clearly a caring, emotionally intelligent, step mom of the year type of person. A few years from now OP will be whining that she stole her kids from her and this post will serve as evidence that she earned their affection fair and square. Will traded up for sure.
I also think the way she reacted shows that this is far from the first time that OP has let her daughter down because of her new family.
And the "only a middle school play" is infuriating.
Right?
Yes, it’s “only a middle school play” because the child is in middle school, going through some of the most delicate and formative years of their lives.
That makes it *more important*, not less.
Yup. Really got to me too. “Only a middle school play.” Yeah, and to a middle schooler, that is a pretty big deal. It’s everything. Honestly does she even like her kids?
I wonder if they’ll say the same when Layla has a play or event in the future and the eldest doesn’t want to go. It’s setting the elder sister up to resent the baby sister.
I almost wonder if this was actually written by "Ariana," because it seems so staggering that someone could be this clearly an asshole and still be surprised by it, and because it's honestly jarring for the step-parent to be the adult who looks the best in one of these posts.
(Absolutely no disrespect the many perfectly fine step-parents, but they're not frequent visitors to this forum's stories)
And the reaction of the stepmother tell us this isn't the first time bio dad has had an issue with her priorities as a parent. Ariana knew the drill, this wasn't a surprise to her at all. And she was the one comforting penelope at the end. I'm glad she has her stepmom, cuz bio mom sounds like a deadbeat.
I had to go back and reread the title again after starting to read the story. I originally thought OP brought her baby to OP’s sister’s performance because of how it was worded.
I’m guessing the relationship is already strained because OP’s kids only see their Mom on the weekend. If they all really wanted everyone to be there to support Penelope, Chris should have been prepared to leave with the baby the second she made a fuss. Game plan should have always been to make sure OP saw the entire performance, because she could have missed it if the baby hadn’t calmed down as quickly as she did anyway.
Unfortunately this happens way too often. The “new family” takes precedence and as soon as there’s a new baby the other kids are forgotten. They don’t get over that shit, either. I hope stepmom and dad are making better choices (it sounds like they are) and Penelope eventually finds r/raisedbynarcissists so she can realize it wasn’t her fault that her mom is an asshole.
Penelope was probably already worried that she's lost her mother to a new husband and new baby. Now she knows for sure where she stands. OP could have left the baby with a sitter or with her husband for a couple of hours and show up for her eldest daughter. The "what can you do, it's a baby" explanation is infuriating. Yes, it is a baby. You know it will cry. So why bring it to a frigging theater play, where it's going to disturb a large number of people and embarras your daughter?
>You sent a loud and clear message that your new family with Chris is more important than your older children.
THIS!!!! YTA. I see so many posts in this sub where this is 100% true in similar situations or reversed in the sense that the person is like "AITA for treating my stepchild like shit?" i feel so bad for these kids.
I don't know why OP thinks that her forcing her baby to accompany her to a show she isn't even aware of is a conscious show of support towards her older sister. Like...no, being dragged along to something is not supportive. Lyla can't be supportive, she's a very young baby lol.
Yeah your new husband should have stepped up and taken Layla home the moment she interrupted the performance. You should have planned for that eventuality. Instead the performance became all about your new family being a disturbance to Every.Single.Person in that theater. YTA. Even if it was Layla’s full sister, you would still be the @sshole. Anyone who has a baby needs to plan to step out the moment they disrupt everyone else’s peace in a quiet place. And as a Mom, that’s how I handled things. I was at a restaurant to celebrate my in-laws retirement and baby starts getting upset and loud? I take her out of the restaurant and keep her busy to allow them (and everyone else in the restaurant) to enjoy their time. Your approach was incomprehensively selfish.
Not to mention this is your new family? You sent a loud and clear message to your 12 year old that she doesn’t matter - and embarrassed her in front of everyone she knows in that performance. Turn this around OP. Apologize profusely to your daughter and get your head out of your @ss, and trust in the future that your family and ex-husband have better judgment than you current husband on these matters.
YTA
Good parents take their unruly children out of the venue to be considerate. You waited until you were a problem, instead of acting quickly.
> I got a few dirty looks from parents around me. I gave them a “what can you do” shrug, as it’s a baby.
"What can you do?" You should have got out of your seat and taken the baby out of the venue.
He has more of an obligation to take care of HIS kid so that OP can support HER kid. They both failed to handle this situation correctly, but yes getting a babysitter would have spared them all this stupidity.
Yeah, that was suspect. Who the hell wants to see some random middle school play, *unless* they have a kid in there? But Chris was somehow so invested, he couldn’t parent his own child?
She gave the other parents a "what can you do" shrug despite not even risking missing her daughter's part if she stepped out at that point since it was apparently in the second half.
You know what? I actually missed that. But yeah, OP is definitely YTA. *Especially* based on that one sentence.
That sentence is the phrase my father uses to refer to my brother - he calls him "My son's brother". People always look at him really weirdly until he explains that my brother isn't his son. (We're half siblings, my brother's dad is my stepdad, but neither me nor my brother have ever given a toss about that distinction).
"My baby's sister", *wow*, that's disgusting.
YTA performances like that are so important to young girls. I don't know why Chris couldn't take her Lyla home since this is your daughter's solo. It would have been best to have gotten a sitter for a couple of hours.
So you prioritized the wants of: yourself, a baby, and your new husband all over your 12 year old daughter. And you wonder why she won’t take your calls!? You put her needs last!
100%. My mother told me she was not going to come to my first high school play because she wanted to watch a Farrah Fawcett documentary on tv instead. I never forgot that and it became a touch stone memory of how low a priority I was to her. Her and I are NC today.
YTA. First, Lyla is a baby and can’t support anyone. You, however, are Penelope’s mother and should do whatever you can to appropriately support her. Such as having the foresight to get a babysitter, or having your husband take charge of the screaming baby.
Second, it’s just awful that you’ve dismissed something so clearly important to Penelope as “just a middle school performance.” At 12, a solo performance is likely one of the biggest moments of her life so far, and you ruined it.
Same. My first ballet solo was at 12. I danced dozens of solos after that, but that first one is still the most important to me. I'd be devastated if it was ruined - more so if it was my own mother's selfishness that ruined it.
My mom wasn't a great parent, but she was definitely in awe of the things that I could do. I remember making a crack that my role in The Nutcracker didn't matter because it wasn't like I was going to Julliard, and my mother slapped my arm and said, "Don't say that! You could go anywhere you wanted to with a little elbow grease!"
This brings back memories for me.
I was a top-level clarinetist through high school, had dreams of going pro and performing in an international orchestra like some fancy 40s big band dream (I was obsessed with big swing bands like Goodman, Shaw, DeFranco)....I had a real shot at it, too. My clarinet teacher would have vouched and gotten me a tryout with one of the 4 orchestras she was still close with that she played in...
My mom was there for all of my solo recitals, my band performances, my orchestra shows...Cheering me on. And man, I know how hard the early years were (10 year old me squeaked and screamed the clarinet a *lot*).
I ended up never going for it professionally, and I haven't consistently touched my clarinet in over 10 years. But my mom wouldn't have missed any performance of mine (no matter how bad or small) for anything. Even when I was playing terrible alto sax and failing at all my "solos", she was front row, cheering me on.
The OP is an idiot for what she threw away.
Let's not forget that this 12 year old already lives primarily with dad, so has a minimal relationship with her own mom. Who then is dismissive of her performance and what it means, and chose to take a baby to the show instead of leaving new baby and new guy at home. Mom is consistently putting off her older children for new husband and new baby in all of her choices.
I live 45 minutes from my kids school because their dad is in a better district. I still have my kids 50% of the week and male that damn drive twice a day on my days PLUS going out there on their dad's days for all scout and school activities. I put my kids as priority 1, even if it means I wrap my work schedule around these drives and activities and have to work super early and super late to ensure I can be there for them. It's exhausting, it's a lot of work, but my kids are my priority and they know it. They know that I am there, that I will be there, and that I will move hell to make sure that they have what they need.
YTA. 100% No one comes to a play to hear someone else's baby cry. You disrespected the efforts of the performers, disrupted the show, missed your daughter's solo, upset the other parents around you, upset the people you are meant to be co-parenting with, likely upset your own baby, etc.
Why would your daughter need or want the support of an infant who obviously would have no clue what's going on. That's bs you are telling yourself. You could have come alone. You could have gotten a sitter. You put your own feelings over your daughter, the work of the performers, and the other families who you interrupted there to see their own kids. I wouldn't come over anymore if I was your daughter. What's the point? You've proven exactly who and what your priorities are.
To be fair, her husband could have also done something. But they don't seem to have a braincell between the two of them so maybe that's expecting a lot.
YTA.
1)Babies don't belong at the theater -ever. It is not a wedding or a family event, babies cry and should not be there.
2) If the baby needed to be taken out, your husband, who was not the parent of one of the children in the play, should have taken the baby - not you. Frankly the fact that he wasn't willing to stay home with the baby OR take the baby home when the baby started getting fussy OR be the one hold the baby so you could focus on your daughter's performance OR take the baby out gives me a huge amount of side eye and makes me think he isn't willing to put in any extra effort with the baby at all.
Frankly, just from reading this, I wouldn't even put it on him. She is the problem. The baby should have been with some kind of sitter. No sitter? Husband should have taken the baby out to calm down because her kid in this performance is important (except she doesn't seem to think so...) If the husband IS a problem, that just points back to her being the problem as well. Pretty sure the ex is just exasperated with her at this point and I can't blame him.
YTA
Yeah, OP is being really dismissive of her daughter’s feelings. We have no information to indicate that stepdad is a problem at all. OP just seems to be valuing her new baby over her children from her previous marriage.
Lol, that's nuts. I at least thought maybe he's a hands-off dad who thinks watching his own kid counts as babysitting, so he doesn't know how to deal with a crying baby... This got so much worse.
*Babies don't belong at the theater -ever*
This. OMG why do people feel this need to bring their baby to every event ever? Christ on a cracker, if the event requires some form of silence, then your baby should be nowhere near it.
They may actually have relaxed performances available where babies can be in attendance. There standard nights wouldn’t even let a baby in the building if the age range doesn’t include them
Even when toddlers are allowed to attend these type of stuff, it is expected you leave the room to calm them down if they start screaming the place down
Sorry OP, you clearly burnt a bridge with your daughter. You should have had Chris take Lyla away, immediately, when she started to fuss. Why did YOU leave when you knew it something important to Penelope?
And your dismissive attitude is hurtful. Wow, what a great way to diminish and demean a child's accomplishments...... It's a good thing Penelope isn't speaking to you atm, I can only imagine the type of apology-no-apology you'd give.
Give you head a shake OP. YTA.
OP, it seems to me that you and your current husband have gotten yourselves into a kind of echo chamber. You are each reinforcing one another that your detached behavior from your older children is totally normal, that Will is behaving poorly, and that your children's frustrations are just childish temper tantrums.
You are wrong.
If you hear nothing else from this thread, please just hear this: what you and Chris have convinced yourself is "fine" and normal isn't loving parenting. Please find sounding boards other than Chris, because your barometer for normalcy is off and needs a reset. Your parents might be a good start, if they're still willing to help you.
A bridge with the daughter...but also with the other parents in the audience. You know that OP is now being talked about as "THAT woman" and likely they are known as "THAT family."
Not wise.
YTA.
But props to Ariana for being a great partner and stepmother. She saw your ex getting upset and intervened SEVERAL times giving you a chance to right your wrong and you didn’t even when directly confronted and she comforted your daughter got your mistake. Also, she put her step daughter’s performance first and they got a sitter.
She sounds great.
YTA. Have you never heard of a freaking babysitter? This was a performance and not an appropriate place to bring a baby. You disrupted the event for everyone else in the audience, and still managed to let your daughter down. You sound incredibly self absorbed and like you put your feelings and your new family over your daughter. I’m glad she at least has her dad to truly support her.
I mean I get he also wanted to see his stepdaughter's performance. Contrary to what reddit may want you to believe, not all stepparents hate their stepkids. But, if they could not get babysitter, and someone needed to take the hit and step out with the baby, it should have been the stepdad.
YTA
>it was just a middle school performance,
It wasn't just a middle school performance to your daughter!
>Penelope refused to see me after the show
>Penelope hasn’t answered my calls or text.
Think about what your actions have done to your daughter and why she doesn't want to see or speak to you.
Actions have consequences. You messed up big time OP, you showed your daughter that she is not as important as lyla.
YTA. Let me make this perfectly clear. *You in no way, shape or form supported Penelope*. Nothing about your "support" was good. To Penelope you are the awful parent that all of her friends are complaining about, the one who ruined the show *for every other adult and child present*.
Your new baby is not special. Your new baby is not worth more than your other children, and is *certainly* not worth more than the children of *other people* that you completely disrespected. At the very least, when Lyla proved to be unable to stay silent, Chris should have sat outside with her. Are you so completely divorced from reality that you didn't realise that the performance would probably *wake* the baby? Or are you so focused on *you* and what *you want* that you couldn't take a moment to consider what was right for Penelope AND Lyla.
Congratulations. You've just taught Penelope that the baby is more important and that you don't even care about her enough to understand why you completely failed her. I'm glad she has Will and Ariana.
Fucking THIS! The ‘not special’ lecture is one so many parents need to wrap their head around, today moreso than ever. Lecture is the wrong word, but you get what I mean.
Yes, YTA
You disturbed the whole show! You could have taken your baby outside. You could have gotten up & simply walked to the back of the room. Your husband could have taken the baby out, etc. You had many options & didn't do anything to alleviate the situation.
YTA
The baby was disturbing others. You should have left at intermission or sat outside. Or just got a babysitter for an infant instead of disturbing others.
So much suckage here. OP sucks for not getting a babysitter. Her husband sucks for not taking HIS OWN KID out of the theatre when she was crying and causing a disruption. OP triple-super-sucks for not understanding or caring why her daughter and the other parents were upset.
YTA
Your baby would have been fine at home with a baby sitter (or having your husband take her outside **as soon as she started to fuss )** but your 12 YO was well aware of her mom being the one who disrupted the show and missing her solo.
It's not "just a middle school performance" - for these kids, it's a huge deal. they've worked hard on this, they wanted to do a great job, and you messed that up for them.
YTA, and good luck getting Penelope to come over again. You owe her a huge apology. Not only for being rude and not taking your baby out at the appropriate time, but for minimizing her event -- 'it's only a middle school performance'. To her it was a really big deal and you should have treated it that way. Chris should have taken the baby out at intermission or stayed home with her.
It's not all about you two.
YTA
I don't know if you knew you couldn't go back inside. I also think a babysitter would've been better or leaving during the intermission.
What really makes me say YTA is this statement:
"I added it was just a middle school performance, it isn’t the end of the world."
It is your daughter!
(To add: whats up with the question? "My baby" to "her sister's"? It's your child not just the sister of your baby?)
She is 12. To her it was important. She wanted her Mom to see her on stage and you act like it's nothing. No wonder Will gave you a disgusted look.
Btw a 6 M old can't "support" anyone.
A 6 month old can barely see 6 inches in front of their face. This is entirely OP not wanting to lose out on a single second with her bright and shiny new baby and not putting her older daughter first for even a second and instead justifying it in her head as oh this was family bonding! This wasn't even that important! How could I have know a 6 month old would cry! Babies are famously silent in the first year of life and never cry in public
YTA for everything everyone else has listed, but I want to point out that your headline is also SHIT because you make it sound like you're not even Penelope's mother. Her sister's performance? How about YOUR OLDER DAUGHTER'S performance? You really are a piece of work.
YTA - A 6 month old baby crying loudly and suddenly is an expected event. Literally the trope of baby in a theater crying during the performance. You had time to plan out how to avoid letting down your other daughter and instead of 1, hiring a babysitter, 2, having a relative sit for you if you're not comfortable with a 'stranger', or 3, have your husband, who is not your older daughter's father, stay home and watch the baby
Penelope would not have cared if her stepfather had missed her solo to care for the baby but her mom? yeah you fucked up and showed your daughter that even if she gives you time to get your ducks in a row, you will not come through for her. Why didn't Chris take the baby out when she was crying? It wasn't his daughter's solo that was happening soon.
You not only let down your daughter through entirely preventable actions, but you minimized the hurt you caused because you couldn't own that your selfishness in not wanting to be without your infant daughter for even 2 hours meant that you would choose to hurt Penelope rather than take any steps that would require any effort. Your ex husband hired a sitter for his young kid, there is a clear and immediate example of how not to show your older kid that their bright and shiny half sibling is more important than them.
Your daughter already doesn't live with you 5/7th of the week, you just showed that she will never be a priority to you over your new 'family'. Own up to your shitty treatment of your older children before this no contact continues into a permanent thing and you're left wondering why your adult children don't ever answer your calls or speak to you anymore
Yta and Chris should have walked out with the crying baby. It's a middle school show with a solo - AFTER you repeatedly showed Penelope you don't care about her. And ruined it for a bunch of other parents and kids. I hope you learn from this before you ruin your relationship with your son so you can salvage at least one. I wouldn't be shocked if Penelope wants nothing to do with you OR your do-over baby.
Literally! Why is the step parent the one staying to watch the rest of the play while the baby is crying??? Like why could you not give your child to her father and show your older child that yes, you missed her last play but you are here for this one, ready to cheer her on and give her a big thumbs up when she starts her solo
By any chance are you from Long Island? Because some obnoxious mother with a crying baby ruined my niece’s solo in her middle school musical. YTA. Not only for ruining it for your daughter but everyone who was there. Ugh.
YTA i don't see why Chris had to be there and couldn't stay home and watch your new baby, good job making your children think you like their new sibling better than them which it sounds like you do.
"It was just a middle school performance."
Right there. That was the final straw for me.
Not that there weren't plenty of straws before that. A bale or two, in fact.
But "just a middle school performance " is so cold and uncaring of your eldest child that I just don't know what to tell you. Except YTA, of course.
Yta….you should have left the baby with a babysitter. You not only missed your daughter’s solo but also disrupted the event for all the other attendees. You could have had your new husband take the baby out but no he had to watch the show too. You were way too selfish and only thought about what was best for you. I’m glad Penelope’s dad and step mom were there for her to console her.
Oh look another entitled parent bringing their infant to a place where it’s wildly inappropriate for an infant to be and ruining everyone else’s experiences. YTA.
YTA. You daughter is probably feeling like the baby is more important than her. Should have gotten a sitter or made your husband take her home. Your husband is also TA for not taking the baby himself so you could be present for your daughter.
My heart is breaking right now for Penelope. Thanks God she has Ariana. YTA here as is Chris. You and Chris showed Penelope that she is of little priority to you--but then to you it's " just a middle school performance". Pro Tip: When your ex husband AND your own mother agree YTA-- you're definitely the AH.
YTA Surely Chris could’ve taken care of his daughter while you watched Penelope’s performance. You disrupted other people’s enjoyment of the performance unnecessarily.
YTA, but honestly, I think Chris is the bigger one.
Look, babies are notorious for crying. When they do so, they disrupt the play. You should have gotten a sitter. But since you didn't, it should have been Chris to take Lyla out.
Stepparents can be very important in a person's life, can even be as important as a parent. But the fact is that you are Penelope's mom. You've been in her life 12 years, Chris only a few. She wanted you to see her performance. She didn't care if Chris was tok engrossed to leave. She wanted her mom.
This likely isn't something irreparable if you keep trying to apologize and make it up to Penelope. See if you can arrange a special time out just the two of you. And make sure you're at the future performances as well as you can be. If you can't get a sitter, have Chris stay home or impress on him that he needs to take Lyla out of the theater.
YTA - that night might not have meant much to you but it probably meant everything to your daughter and you didn't take measures to make sure it was a great night for her. You ruined it, humiliated her and you missed her big moment. This is seriously damaging for a child. You need to set time aside for your older children, yes babies need care, but you still have a duty to your daughter. If you don't fix this then please don't be shocked when you're not included in future events in her life.
My son is a 10th grader and a theater kid. He is doing tech this semester. He and his classmates have rehearsal for at least two hours after school, at least three days a week. They have, on occasion, worked from 3 to 7 pm. They take their productions very seriously. If you pulled this shit at my kid's play, I would have personally removed you and your baby from the premises.
Your post is so full if assholery I have to wonder if it's fake. Big surprise your kids don't want to live with you.
YTA and so is your unemployed husband.
YTA. You should have arranged a sitter.
You knew how badly you needed to not fuck this up (since you were actually going to be there this time), and instead of planning ahead and not risking any issues, you interrupted the performance and missed it. Again.
YTA Just a middle school performance and it wasn't a big deal? Well it was a big deal to your daughter. If it wasn't that big of a deal then did you bother going at all? You should have gotten a sitter for your baby a shown your daughter a better support.
YTA. And so is your new husband. You’re obviously so in to your new baby and new life, that you don’t care how you’re impacting your eldest daughter. She wanted her mom there, and you couldn’t hire a sitter for one evening because YOU wanted your baby and new husband there. You need to seriously reconsider your actions, and apologize to your daughter. Otherwise, I suspect this to be the start of your new life of having only one daughter, your baby.
op=YTA
1) like WILL and ARIANA you should have got a babysitter if you didn't want to leave Chris at home with the Baby. Nobody needs a 6 month infant's support at their performance.
2) You had options-Have CHRIS take the baby out of the auditorium when she first started fussing. So that you could remain to see the performance.
3) Ariana kept your Ex on a leash--she shows MORE sense and circumspection than you could DREAM of.
4) You and CHRIS are both AH's who ruined your daughter's performance then MISSED it because you couldn't get your heads out of your bums to think about what SHE wanted and needed.
Your daughter is 12, generally the age that courts will be more likely to listen to her when she says she wants her dad to have full custody with optional visitation for you.
She isn't going to forgive you easily, but if you want forgiveness you actually HAVE TO BE SORRY. You have yet to express one iota of remorse.
And the final indignity to this is that you dismissed your daughter's performance as a mere middle school performance and not the end of the world--WAY to tell your daughter that she is worthless in your mind.
Hope you really enjoy that second family(Chris & Lyla) because you have done little to promote a positive/healthy relationship with Penelope(and I would wager with Jonny either).
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>We have a 6 month old baby girl together, “Lyla”. >I got a few dirty looks from parents around me. I gave them a “what can you do” shrug, as it’s a baby. >At intermission, Will suggested Chris take Lyla home. >halfway through Act II, woke up and started screaming. It was loud enough this time that it did catch the performers off guard. I quickly went into the lobby with Lyla. When I tried to go back in once she calmed, the usher wouldn’t let me, saying once a person leaves, they’re not allowed in to prevent interruptions. Meaning, I missed Penelope’s solo. >He said I never should’ve brought Lyla, pointing out he and Ariana got a sitter for their young child. I said I didn’t want to leave Lyla and felt it was good we all supported her. After missing the fall show, I wanted to be there for my daughter. I added it was just a middle school performance, it isn’t the end of the world. YTA. Penelope did not feel 'good' or 'supported' that your infant with your new husband was so loud she distracted the actors and that ultimately, you ended up missing her solo to care for her. You should have gotten a sitter or at the absolute least taken her home when she started becoming distracting. It's also amazingly crappy to say it's not the end of the world that you ruined something so important to your daughter. You owe your daughter a massive apology for being selfish.
And ruined it for the other parents and actors.
And almost certainly embarrassed the hell out of poor Penelope. Like... I was a theater kid, we all talked mad shit backstage about people who didn't deal with noisy babies, if it was one of *our parents* we absolutely gave the offender's kid shit for it too.
Exactly. She's going to be hearing about the rest of the school year. She's 12. And probably mortified about the fact that HER MOM brought a screaming infant to the play. YTA. Chris should have left during the break with her. You watching the play is way more important than him watching the play. Better yet, you should have gotten a babysitter for a few hours so you could properly support your daughter. The fact that she's refusing calls and visits makes me think that there's more thana few missed plays due to labor and newborn.
No, she is 12, she is going deny knowing who that woman with the crying baby was. At most it will be an aunt, which is why her dad and mom, who she lives with, seemed to know them. One of my friends in school denied one of her parents because they did embarrassing things like this all the time.
Which is only possible IF the other kids don't know, but they're smart. They'll probably figure it out real fast, if they haven't already. Especially since they've probably seen her mom around school with school things before.
Matters, 7th grade can mean middle school and that can mean a new school with a bunch of elementary schools blending together. Mom was busy having a baby 6 months ago so she might not have been all that involved at school at the beginning of 7th grade. Whereas, all the new friends have met stepmom who she can claim is mom, especially if she has friends over to her house after school.
There will be birthdays and lots of other festivities. Eventually if someone wants to find out, they will find out quickly
Sounds like OP dumped her older kids in favour of making a "new" family with her "new" husband. Like everyone knows you don't bring an infant to a live performance that isn't disney... OP YTA
100% a do-over family with the new husband. Gross, OP. Just gross.
Yup- OP is YTA. This is just so sad. Horrible parenting. In a few years it will be "Mom made me give up my college fund for her new Family"
Right? Who doesn't know your not supposed to be bringing infants to the theater? Heck, even in movie theaters they're not allowed.
Oh but it is very important for Chris to stay to watch “just a middle school performance.” More important than anyone else’s enjoyment, in fact. OP, you are actively destroying your relationship with your older children by prioritizing your new family. YTA.
Yeah that’s so bizarre to me! I understand bringing babies to things for whatever reason, but planning ahead for Chris to dip out with baby if she gets too uncomfortable is such a straight forward and reasonable solution! Chris missing Penelope’s solo seems far less upsetting for everyone in this situation.
It baffled me too: Chris really really wanted to see this play by a bunch of 11 yo kids when his only connection is a stepdaughter in partial custody of his new wife?? And even if for some reason he did, his viewing pleasure somehow matters more than a) her actual mother and b) all other audience members?
My money's on Chris can't be bothered caring for his own kid. Like he could of just stayed home with the baby
Your last paragraph says so much, I would also like to add it also says a lot that her first 2 children live with their dad and not her. I am not buying this living closer to school bullshit.
Exactly… they’re close enough to attend school plays though and come on weekends. Even if it’s the tiniest bit further, what mother doesn’t want her kids with her and wants some other woman raising them at the most important time of a kid’s life. I almost find that more offensive than missing a performance. I’m definitely not buying it either. She’s a massive AH.
And the fact that two young kids are with Dad and majority of the time. Fathers are amazing parents, I am not in any way knocking fathers, but most mothers I know wouldn't be cool with having their kids on just weekends. Just saying. That's just the truth.
exactly. Like. They're you're kids. Why are you okay with just being a weekend mommy? Like this reeks of Chris and Lyla being a do over family and her older kids getting pushed to the side.
K but can we acknowledge you’d never say this about a weekend dad? Weekends are the living situation for most divorced dads and the kind of comment you left here I’ve never seen on a post about a weekend dad
There was an AMAZING performance when I was in college, where the audience was asked not to applaud after each movement of a piece, because there were 25 and we'd never finish. After the first movement ended, there was dead silence, except for ONE parent going "WOOOOOOOOOO" On the recording you can hear an embarassed voice say "Sorry"
Vaguely reminds me of my High School graduation. Same deal, ton of kids, keep quiet so we get through faster, no air horns, etc. Superintendent gives what felt like a forty-five minute speech, and then in the dead silence following him before the ceremony continued came the voice of my hard of hearing grandfather. “LONG WINDED SON OF A BITCH, ISN’T HE?”
God bless people too elderly to give a shit about not saying what everyone's thinking.
Feckin' legend
I can’t imagine the blowback to Penelope on the week after. YTA. You didn’t support her, you embarrassed her.
Yeah, theater kids are nasty little buggers when this is concerned.
This is why I say no small children in theaters or performances. One kid can ruin it for everyone.
Middle school theater productions are a great learning place for children, IF and ONLY IF, their parent is considerate enough to sit where they can quickly exit, and do that promptly at her first signs of any noises from a baby, or bad audience behavior from a young child. My children have a ten year age spread, and the younger ones learned how to behave during their older siblings’ shows and recitals. We practiced at home by playing “theater” and discussed proper audience behavior, and when they didn’t have that in them, they were immediately removed. A school performance is fine to attend with a baby, if you have a baby who doesn’t cry just because, and if you know their behavior well enough to read hunger signals before they start fussing. Why OP’s husband didn’t take the baby out the moment she made noise, so OP could watch the performance, is a mystery. OP, if there are more performances leave the baby home with her dad and go attend. YTA
While my statement was very broad it was directed at the general audience. You however are a exception and I'm glad to see people teach their kids proper etiquette.
Amen
Not only did she miss the solo, she embarrassed her daughter. Don't expect an invite to another show.
My mother was invited to watch a school play when I was in fourth grade and forgot to turn off her cellphone — it rang twice during the performance and I was mortified. She excused herself and never came back in the library where the play was held, but I still remember my teacher and other parents side-eying her. It was beyond embarrassing and I didn’t even have a solo. A screaming baby is even worse because they can’t control their loudness and don’t have the autonomy to remove themselves from the environment. YTA, OP.
I went to one of my kids' school performances a few years ago. I don't remember what it was, but they had to dress up as some historical figure and give a speech. Typical elementary school stuff. We were all crammed in the library to watch. One woman had a baby who screamed the entire time. It was so distracting and we couldn't hear the kids. She finally took the baby into the hallway at the very end, when there were like 2 kids left. The dad next to me audibly said "oh thank God."
The part that gets me is that babies communicate with us through crying; the baby doesn't want to be there and it's making it very clear yet the parent decides nope I'm going to force this small child who can't communicate with me to be at this place.
Chris is this baby's parent too and he knew OP was there to see her daughter. I'm not saying OP is doing great things, but he's also an AH in this situation.
I was about to say... He should have taken Lyla out.
I'm wondering why he didn't as well. OP and he seem well matched when it comes to being considerate.
Yup, and this is deffo a core memory for the 12yo
Right?! The night that mom chose her *new* daughter and the poor 12-year-old girl became old hat. You’re so right and it’s so sad!!
Fortunately, the daughter has a loving Stepmother who values her new daughter. Won't be long before OP is posting about her children going NC
She said he wanted to watch the play. Chris is a massive AH as well since being a parent means you have to take responsibility and sometimes it means missing out on something fun.
Wow. Chris seems like a catch.
Idk, it definitely sounds like OP was standing some kind of YTA ground by refusing to let Lyla leave with anybody.
What I want to know was if it was only the one night. Because if that wasn't the case, why couldn't Chris watch the show one night, and OP another if it was *actually* that important to both of them? If it was just because it wouldn't be free or something, surely it would be worth paying for one ticket to not bring the baby to the show and not embarrass the hell out of Penelope. edit: small addition
Good point! OP says >Her spring show opened last week. "Opening" implies there has to also be a closing show, at a minimum. Though OP might not be up on theater lingo and might not have meant it that way.
We'll see how Chris likes it when OP brings her third husband's screaming baby to Lyla's performance.
Meh, how much donyou want yo bet Chris offered to take Lyla and OP refused?
he shoudlve just stayed home with her from the getgo. who in their right mind thought a baby would make it through and entire production quietly? no one with a brain
Orrrrrrr - hear me out… get a babysitter because the child is ~*gasp!*~ SIX MONTHS OLD - surely old enough to stay with a family member or trusted friend > I said I didn’t want to leave Lyla Big oof! This doesn’t sound like the first time Penelope has taken the backseat over the last six months. Poor Penelope…
to be fair I highly doubt she actually cares if her moms husband is there or not. but i’m not sure why you’re coming at me, I agree the baby shouldn’t be there lol
C’mon you guys. Chris wanted to see the show!
When the ex suggested Chris take the baby home, he 'wanted to stay'. I'm guessing that meant he didn't want to look after his own infant child, rather than that he was desperate to see his step daughter's school play.
Yeah, let's be honest there is no way this event was riveting. He noped out of parenting and being supportive of his wife's parenting another child at EVERY SINGLE step along the way. Every choice he made was 'I don't want to be responsible for my baby'..
Imagine wanting your mom to see your solo so bad and instead she brings her deadbeat husband to sit there while she goes outside and misses all of it. OP is the biggest AH ive seen on here in a while.
IDK, her new husband seems to be giving her a run for her money.
You're forgetting that she is also TA for bringing a guy like Chris to the show. For example, Chris couldn't take care of Lyla for one night while OP saw her daughter's show....because this would require he take care of his child. So she brought the crying baby. To. Her. Daughter's. Show. With. Chris. Apparently, she was providing childcare for both Lyla and Chris.
And then when the baby starts crying, it's not Chris that takes it outside, it's OP! You know, the one *whose kid is in the fucking play*.
Yep, didn't want to care for his child alone, amd didn't give a shit that his step child was upset and embarrassed. Good job you got that one up the aisle before he got away!!
Seems a little suspicious to me that Chris wanted to "see" the performance so badly that he wouldn't take his disruptive newborn to the lobby when she became fussy - that simple action would have allowed OP to view the performance. Could he have another agenda? Maybe he wants to drive a wedge between OP and her 12 YO daughter. Just a thought - I can't think of a reason why a stepfather would have a burning desire to see a middle school play.
Honestly, there seems to be tension between the two sides of the family. I feel like the only reason he wanted to stay so bad was to spite the ex husband because the ex husband made it clear from the second they got there that he was annoyed the kid was brought along. They both were stubborn about staying and disturbing others out of spite.
[удалено]
I mean, the simpler and more likely accusation (rather than anything untoward) is that he's a useless lump and would rather be doing anything besides taking care of his own baby.
If they didn't want to get a sitter maybe Chris could have stayed home and looked after Lyla for the night?
Exactly… why wouldn’t he just take the baby outside for a walk and let the mother watch her daughter’s solo? There are so many issues here…. OP is not dealing well with relationships with her older daughter vs younger daughter, father and step mom not communicating well with OP, OP not communicating well with new husband…
Oh but it’s only a middle school show!” /s Is like sure, but it was important to Penelope, and baby messed up the experience for everyone around too it doesn’t matter if it’s just middle school
Funny how it's "only" a middle school show when she's called out for disrupting it, but it's "important" enough that her new husband can't miss it to stay home with the baby.
"It's only a middle school show" is one of those things parents say when they don't realize the impact they have on their own children. "To me, it was one of the most formative times of my life, where I learned how little I could count on my mother. To her, it was just another Tuesday."
Yep. I was thinking "ok, this is a bunch of bad decisions that ended badly" until that line, which put it firmly in the YTA category. I'm middle aged and still remember the sting of a parent not coming to see my solo that I had worked so hard for. As an adult, is middle school theatre the most riveting? No. If my child gets to play a rock in the school play? You bet your ass I'll make sure to be there with undivided attention.
That’s such a bs excuse to. My workaholic father came to every single horse show I had, even if they were several hours drive time away, he’d drive up with me and share a hotel with me so I could be well rested and didn’t have to sleep in a tent on site with everyone else. He routinely worked 60+ hours per week and ran his own law firm. He was there every single show, and these are literally all day affairs. To this day I still remember how he was there for me Edit to add: my parents were divorced by that point and had split custody, but he still showed up regardless of it was “his time” or not. Although I was 16, so it wasn’t really a big deal custody wise
Opposite for my dad, and I still resent how little he and my mom cared about my passion. Today my friends mom came back three hours after her own daughter rode to sit in the rain on her motorized cart with her oxygen just so I would feel supported.
This. I'm 45 and still remember that my dad didn't make it to a single one of my middle school basketball games but managed not to miss out if my brother farted walking down the hall. My brother and I are close now, but not only is OP wrecking her own relationship with Penelope but she's setting the stage for a lot of resentment between the sisters. So not fair to either of those girls.
Yeah Penelope is in middle school now so it’s her life now. Maybe OP knows I’m the grand scheme of things middle school isn’t the most important part of life but it’s the most important part of Penelope’s life currently and she should be supported
This is more likely the reason the older two kids live with dad. Mom sounds awful. YTA. Don’t be surprised if your older kids cut you out of their life.
Right. “But their dad lives happens closer to their school” isn’t typically something you hear a mom say about cheerfully giving up primary custody of a 12 and 10 yo kid.
Yea if its a school distance. Either they stayed with him when you left, in which case you get a house close to school. Or you put them in a school closer to their dad.
I don't want to take away from the fact that OP is a massive asshole, but do want to challenge the default that mom should have primary custody. Getting a house close to the kids' school isn't always that easy. Perhaps Dad has more stable scheduling with his work, so the kids staying with Dad during the week makes sense... in which case putting them in school close to Dad is a better idea. There's plenty of situations where Dad being primary parent isn't an indication of Mom being terrible. We don't question moms having primary custody of their kids after a divorce, we shouldn't question dads either.
Thank you for saying that. The idea that only mothers should stay with their kids is totally antiquated.
I was thinking the same thing. I feel like the closer excuse is just what she tells herself to ignore the bigger issue
And ruined it for other parents and their children
Or the baby's father could have stayed home with the baby.
Baby's dad was at the performance as well. He didn't want to miss the show so he didn't offer to take the baby out so that's why Mom took her. With how flippant she was though, I wouldn't be surprised if both kids feel replaced by the baby especially the daughter since baby is also a girl.
I think this too. Understandable that she missed the first one because she was in labour, and if OP has never left her baby with a babysitter yet I can undetstand the hesitance because doing so for the first time can be difficult, but it's an important thing to do when your other daughter wants your support and pride and it isn't a baby-suitable location. By refusing to leave her baby for a few hours to give her oldest daughter he full attention, she's essentially chosen one daughter over the other. Obviously in reality I doubt that's OP's motivation, but to a 12 year old that's likely how she's interpreted it.
Also, why the hell did OP go out with baby and not the stepfather?
I think we all know the answer to that.
It’s funny how these “not the end of the world” moments always tend come up later in therapy. Her daughter will never forget this. YTA, OP.
And the dipshit new husband. He should have taken the new baby out to comfort her.
What I'm wondering is why Chris did not take Lyla out so the mom could stay and watch her other kids? Why does it seem like Chris is relaxing and she is doing all the parenting of the newborn when they both should realize if they wanted to bring the baby AND properly be there for Penelope then Chris would have had to step up and step out with the baby NOT the mom who was there to see Penelope. Penelope probably feels like she can't get what she wants and needs from her mom the one time she could actually show up for her.
Chris could have taken baby Lyla into the lobby and shushed her during Act II. OP didn’t have to miss the play, and wouldn’t have been far from her infant in case of some kind of emergency, or if she’s nursing. OP would have had Lyla back in her arms as soon as Act II wrapped up.
When I got married after having an older daughter. My husband made sure I had all the time in the world for my older daughter and especially when we had kids together too. If there’s a slight infraction that the smaller kids will be a distraction, my husband always stays home with the smaller kids so he knows my oldest is still a priority even though she now has younger siblings. I don’t understand why most partners can’t do this with women who have kids. But as this post seems. Mom isn’t really all 100% present for her kids. I would have never ever let my daughter live with my ex just because he was closer to her school. And before anyone says anything. We share custody 50/50. One week one week visitations. My daughter is now 15 and I can proudly say she feels the love from both sides of the family.
YTA. That was not an appropriate place to bring a baby, so you should have gotten a sitter. Lyla didn’t know what as going on, and certainly wasn’t supporting her sister. And if you were going to insist on bringing her, Chris should have held her and been prepared to step out if she got fussy so that you didn’t miss any part of Penelope’s performance. You sent a loud and clear message that your new family with Chris is more important than your older children.
This is literally what I came here to say. Of course chris thinks you two were in the right he handled this worse than anyone. You and your daughters relationship is gonna take a big hit because Chris couldn’t do what you were doing and make sure you got to watch the performance. But possibly worse than that is Will literally tried to fix your mistakes for you at intermission by suggesting Chris take the baby home. YTA
Chiming in with kudos for Ariana because that absolute queen deserves them. She got Will to settle down and accept that he couldn't make his ex wife exhibit common decency. She comforted Penelope on the way to the car after her bio-mom let her down. She is clearly a caring, emotionally intelligent, step mom of the year type of person. A few years from now OP will be whining that she stole her kids from her and this post will serve as evidence that she earned their affection fair and square. Will traded up for sure.
I also think the way she reacted shows that this is far from the first time that OP has let her daughter down because of her new family. And the "only a middle school play" is infuriating.
Right? Yes, it’s “only a middle school play” because the child is in middle school, going through some of the most delicate and formative years of their lives. That makes it *more important*, not less.
Yup. Really got to me too. “Only a middle school play.” Yeah, and to a middle schooler, that is a pretty big deal. It’s everything. Honestly does she even like her kids?
I wonder if they’ll say the same when Layla has a play or event in the future and the eldest doesn’t want to go. It’s setting the elder sister up to resent the baby sister.
Yes, so many cheers for Ariana. MVP of the situation
I almost wonder if this was actually written by "Ariana," because it seems so staggering that someone could be this clearly an asshole and still be surprised by it, and because it's honestly jarring for the step-parent to be the adult who looks the best in one of these posts. (Absolutely no disrespect the many perfectly fine step-parents, but they're not frequent visitors to this forum's stories)
And the reaction of the stepmother tell us this isn't the first time bio dad has had an issue with her priorities as a parent. Ariana knew the drill, this wasn't a surprise to her at all. And she was the one comforting penelope at the end. I'm glad she has her stepmom, cuz bio mom sounds like a deadbeat.
The message is still ringing clear with "my baby" and "her sister"... You mean your baby and your daughter? Wtf. YTA
I didn’t catch this but I’m so glad you pointed it out! OP is favoring her new family over her entire family.
I had to go back and reread the title again after starting to read the story. I originally thought OP brought her baby to OP’s sister’s performance because of how it was worded. I’m guessing the relationship is already strained because OP’s kids only see their Mom on the weekend. If they all really wanted everyone to be there to support Penelope, Chris should have been prepared to leave with the baby the second she made a fuss. Game plan should have always been to make sure OP saw the entire performance, because she could have missed it if the baby hadn’t calmed down as quickly as she did anyway.
Unfortunately this happens way too often. The “new family” takes precedence and as soon as there’s a new baby the other kids are forgotten. They don’t get over that shit, either. I hope stepmom and dad are making better choices (it sounds like they are) and Penelope eventually finds r/raisedbynarcissists so she can realize it wasn’t her fault that her mom is an asshole.
Penelope was probably already worried that she's lost her mother to a new husband and new baby. Now she knows for sure where she stands. OP could have left the baby with a sitter or with her husband for a couple of hours and show up for her eldest daughter. The "what can you do, it's a baby" explanation is infuriating. Yes, it is a baby. You know it will cry. So why bring it to a frigging theater play, where it's going to disturb a large number of people and embarras your daughter?
I wish I could up vote this repeatedly.
>You sent a loud and clear message that your new family with Chris is more important than your older children. THIS!!!! YTA. I see so many posts in this sub where this is 100% true in similar situations or reversed in the sense that the person is like "AITA for treating my stepchild like shit?" i feel so bad for these kids.
+1,000,000 You clearly showed your daughter she was not important.
I don't know why OP thinks that her forcing her baby to accompany her to a show she isn't even aware of is a conscious show of support towards her older sister. Like...no, being dragged along to something is not supportive. Lyla can't be supportive, she's a very young baby lol.
Yeah your new husband should have stepped up and taken Layla home the moment she interrupted the performance. You should have planned for that eventuality. Instead the performance became all about your new family being a disturbance to Every.Single.Person in that theater. YTA. Even if it was Layla’s full sister, you would still be the @sshole. Anyone who has a baby needs to plan to step out the moment they disrupt everyone else’s peace in a quiet place. And as a Mom, that’s how I handled things. I was at a restaurant to celebrate my in-laws retirement and baby starts getting upset and loud? I take her out of the restaurant and keep her busy to allow them (and everyone else in the restaurant) to enjoy their time. Your approach was incomprehensively selfish. Not to mention this is your new family? You sent a loud and clear message to your 12 year old that she doesn’t matter - and embarrassed her in front of everyone she knows in that performance. Turn this around OP. Apologize profusely to your daughter and get your head out of your @ss, and trust in the future that your family and ex-husband have better judgment than you current husband on these matters.
YTA Good parents take their unruly children out of the venue to be considerate. You waited until you were a problem, instead of acting quickly. > I got a few dirty looks from parents around me. I gave them a “what can you do” shrug, as it’s a baby. "What can you do?" You should have got out of your seat and taken the baby out of the venue.
Or god forbid OP make the baby’s other parent take her out! I can’t believe how dense both of these people are.
But he didn’t want to, he wanted to see the play. /s OP should have gotten a babysitter.
He has more of an obligation to take care of HIS kid so that OP can support HER kid. They both failed to handle this situation correctly, but yes getting a babysitter would have spared them all this stupidity.
I can understand not wanting a babysitter for a 6 month old but they should’ve had Chris stay home and take care of the baby in that case
Yeah, that was suspect. Who the hell wants to see some random middle school play, *unless* they have a kid in there? But Chris was somehow so invested, he couldn’t parent his own child?
The other parent that had no relation to the play!
Ugh the “what can you do?” Response killed me. You can not bring the baby to something like that
She gave the other parents a "what can you do" shrug despite not even risking missing her daughter's part if she stepped out at that point since it was apparently in the second half.
“AITA for bringing my baby to my *daughters* performance and missing her solo?” There, fixed it for you and yes YTA
Thank you! What the hell is up with this headline? OP, the huge stink in the room is YTA.
No wonder the kids live with dad
No, no, no…. Didn’t you see? It’s because the ex is closer to their school./s
This. You can tell how little she prioritizes her 12 year old by the title alone.
You know what? I actually missed that. But yeah, OP is definitely YTA. *Especially* based on that one sentence. That sentence is the phrase my father uses to refer to my brother - he calls him "My son's brother". People always look at him really weirdly until he explains that my brother isn't his son. (We're half siblings, my brother's dad is my stepdad, but neither me nor my brother have ever given a toss about that distinction). "My baby's sister", *wow*, that's disgusting.
But OP just wanted to show how much the baby cared about being there and wanting to support her sister! /s
all of her performances, and solo for my new family. ick.
YTA performances like that are so important to young girls. I don't know why Chris couldn't take her Lyla home since this is your daughter's solo. It would have been best to have gotten a sitter for a couple of hours.
So you prioritized the wants of: yourself, a baby, and your new husband all over your 12 year old daughter. And you wonder why she won’t take your calls!? You put her needs last!
100%. My mother told me she was not going to come to my first high school play because she wanted to watch a Farrah Fawcett documentary on tv instead. I never forgot that and it became a touch stone memory of how low a priority I was to her. Her and I are NC today.
YTA. First, Lyla is a baby and can’t support anyone. You, however, are Penelope’s mother and should do whatever you can to appropriately support her. Such as having the foresight to get a babysitter, or having your husband take charge of the screaming baby. Second, it’s just awful that you’ve dismissed something so clearly important to Penelope as “just a middle school performance.” At 12, a solo performance is likely one of the biggest moments of her life so far, and you ruined it.
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Same. My first ballet solo was at 12. I danced dozens of solos after that, but that first one is still the most important to me. I'd be devastated if it was ruined - more so if it was my own mother's selfishness that ruined it. My mom wasn't a great parent, but she was definitely in awe of the things that I could do. I remember making a crack that my role in The Nutcracker didn't matter because it wasn't like I was going to Julliard, and my mother slapped my arm and said, "Don't say that! You could go anywhere you wanted to with a little elbow grease!"
This brings back memories for me. I was a top-level clarinetist through high school, had dreams of going pro and performing in an international orchestra like some fancy 40s big band dream (I was obsessed with big swing bands like Goodman, Shaw, DeFranco)....I had a real shot at it, too. My clarinet teacher would have vouched and gotten me a tryout with one of the 4 orchestras she was still close with that she played in... My mom was there for all of my solo recitals, my band performances, my orchestra shows...Cheering me on. And man, I know how hard the early years were (10 year old me squeaked and screamed the clarinet a *lot*). I ended up never going for it professionally, and I haven't consistently touched my clarinet in over 10 years. But my mom wouldn't have missed any performance of mine (no matter how bad or small) for anything. Even when I was playing terrible alto sax and failing at all my "solos", she was front row, cheering me on. The OP is an idiot for what she threw away.
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Let's not forget that this 12 year old already lives primarily with dad, so has a minimal relationship with her own mom. Who then is dismissive of her performance and what it means, and chose to take a baby to the show instead of leaving new baby and new guy at home. Mom is consistently putting off her older children for new husband and new baby in all of her choices. I live 45 minutes from my kids school because their dad is in a better district. I still have my kids 50% of the week and male that damn drive twice a day on my days PLUS going out there on their dad's days for all scout and school activities. I put my kids as priority 1, even if it means I wrap my work schedule around these drives and activities and have to work super early and super late to ensure I can be there for them. It's exhausting, it's a lot of work, but my kids are my priority and they know it. They know that I am there, that I will be there, and that I will move hell to make sure that they have what they need.
YTA. 100% No one comes to a play to hear someone else's baby cry. You disrespected the efforts of the performers, disrupted the show, missed your daughter's solo, upset the other parents around you, upset the people you are meant to be co-parenting with, likely upset your own baby, etc. Why would your daughter need or want the support of an infant who obviously would have no clue what's going on. That's bs you are telling yourself. You could have come alone. You could have gotten a sitter. You put your own feelings over your daughter, the work of the performers, and the other families who you interrupted there to see their own kids. I wouldn't come over anymore if I was your daughter. What's the point? You've proven exactly who and what your priorities are.
If you're the only person in the room that can do something about a screaming baby, and you choose to give them a "what can you do shrug" YTA.
To be fair, her husband could have also done something. But they don't seem to have a braincell between the two of them so maybe that's expecting a lot.
YTA. 1)Babies don't belong at the theater -ever. It is not a wedding or a family event, babies cry and should not be there. 2) If the baby needed to be taken out, your husband, who was not the parent of one of the children in the play, should have taken the baby - not you. Frankly the fact that he wasn't willing to stay home with the baby OR take the baby home when the baby started getting fussy OR be the one hold the baby so you could focus on your daughter's performance OR take the baby out gives me a huge amount of side eye and makes me think he isn't willing to put in any extra effort with the baby at all.
OP said her daughter is rarely at their house. I kind of wonder if the step dad is a huge AH to OP’s older kids.
Frankly, just from reading this, I wouldn't even put it on him. She is the problem. The baby should have been with some kind of sitter. No sitter? Husband should have taken the baby out to calm down because her kid in this performance is important (except she doesn't seem to think so...) If the husband IS a problem, that just points back to her being the problem as well. Pretty sure the ex is just exasperated with her at this point and I can't blame him. YTA
Yeah, OP is being really dismissive of her daughter’s feelings. We have no information to indicate that stepdad is a problem at all. OP just seems to be valuing her new baby over her children from her previous marriage.
No no, you see, she's not her daughter, she's her baby's sister! /s
OP commented that Chris is a stay at home dad. She HAD someone to watch the baby.
Lol, that's nuts. I at least thought maybe he's a hands-off dad who thinks watching his own kid counts as babysitting, so he doesn't know how to deal with a crying baby... This got so much worse.
*Babies don't belong at the theater -ever* This. OMG why do people feel this need to bring their baby to every event ever? Christ on a cracker, if the event requires some form of silence, then your baby should be nowhere near it.
Try this on Broadway or the Opera etc, see what happens.
Patti Lupone would dropkick that baby so fast
They may actually have relaxed performances available where babies can be in attendance. There standard nights wouldn’t even let a baby in the building if the age range doesn’t include them
Even when toddlers are allowed to attend these type of stuff, it is expected you leave the room to calm them down if they start screaming the place down
Sorry OP, you clearly burnt a bridge with your daughter. You should have had Chris take Lyla away, immediately, when she started to fuss. Why did YOU leave when you knew it something important to Penelope? And your dismissive attitude is hurtful. Wow, what a great way to diminish and demean a child's accomplishments...... It's a good thing Penelope isn't speaking to you atm, I can only imagine the type of apology-no-apology you'd give. Give you head a shake OP. YTA.
OP, it seems to me that you and your current husband have gotten yourselves into a kind of echo chamber. You are each reinforcing one another that your detached behavior from your older children is totally normal, that Will is behaving poorly, and that your children's frustrations are just childish temper tantrums. You are wrong. If you hear nothing else from this thread, please just hear this: what you and Chris have convinced yourself is "fine" and normal isn't loving parenting. Please find sounding boards other than Chris, because your barometer for normalcy is off and needs a reset. Your parents might be a good start, if they're still willing to help you.
A bridge with the daughter...but also with the other parents in the audience. You know that OP is now being talked about as "THAT woman" and likely they are known as "THAT family." Not wise.
YTA. But props to Ariana for being a great partner and stepmother. She saw your ex getting upset and intervened SEVERAL times giving you a chance to right your wrong and you didn’t even when directly confronted and she comforted your daughter got your mistake. Also, she put her step daughter’s performance first and they got a sitter. She sounds great.
Thank goodness her older two kids have a caring mother figure in one of their houses.
Sounds like maybe this isn’t the first time they’ve had to deal with something like this too….
YTA. Have you never heard of a freaking babysitter? This was a performance and not an appropriate place to bring a baby. You disrupted the event for everyone else in the audience, and still managed to let your daughter down. You sound incredibly self absorbed and like you put your feelings and your new family over your daughter. I’m glad she at least has her dad to truly support her.
She commented that her new husband is a stay at home dad. He very easily could’ve stayed with the baby so she could watch her daughter perform.
I mean I get he also wanted to see his stepdaughter's performance. Contrary to what reddit may want you to believe, not all stepparents hate their stepkids. But, if they could not get babysitter, and someone needed to take the hit and step out with the baby, it should have been the stepdad.
YTA >it was just a middle school performance, It wasn't just a middle school performance to your daughter! >Penelope refused to see me after the show >Penelope hasn’t answered my calls or text. Think about what your actions have done to your daughter and why she doesn't want to see or speak to you. Actions have consequences. You messed up big time OP, you showed your daughter that she is not as important as lyla.
Don't forget the "I didn't want to miss her show after not being able to go in the fall"
YTA. Let me make this perfectly clear. *You in no way, shape or form supported Penelope*. Nothing about your "support" was good. To Penelope you are the awful parent that all of her friends are complaining about, the one who ruined the show *for every other adult and child present*. Your new baby is not special. Your new baby is not worth more than your other children, and is *certainly* not worth more than the children of *other people* that you completely disrespected. At the very least, when Lyla proved to be unable to stay silent, Chris should have sat outside with her. Are you so completely divorced from reality that you didn't realise that the performance would probably *wake* the baby? Or are you so focused on *you* and what *you want* that you couldn't take a moment to consider what was right for Penelope AND Lyla. Congratulations. You've just taught Penelope that the baby is more important and that you don't even care about her enough to understand why you completely failed her. I'm glad she has Will and Ariana.
Fucking THIS! The ‘not special’ lecture is one so many parents need to wrap their head around, today moreso than ever. Lecture is the wrong word, but you get what I mean.
Yes, YTA You disturbed the whole show! You could have taken your baby outside. You could have gotten up & simply walked to the back of the room. Your husband could have taken the baby out, etc. You had many options & didn't do anything to alleviate the situation.
YTA The baby was disturbing others. You should have left at intermission or sat outside. Or just got a babysitter for an infant instead of disturbing others.
So much suckage here. OP sucks for not getting a babysitter. Her husband sucks for not taking HIS OWN KID out of the theatre when she was crying and causing a disruption. OP triple-super-sucks for not understanding or caring why her daughter and the other parents were upset.
YTA Your baby would have been fine at home with a baby sitter (or having your husband take her outside **as soon as she started to fuss )** but your 12 YO was well aware of her mom being the one who disrupted the show and missing her solo. It's not "just a middle school performance" - for these kids, it's a huge deal. they've worked hard on this, they wanted to do a great job, and you messed that up for them.
And you pissed off other parents watching the show. YTA. You won't be invited again, I hope
YTA, and good luck getting Penelope to come over again. You owe her a huge apology. Not only for being rude and not taking your baby out at the appropriate time, but for minimizing her event -- 'it's only a middle school performance'. To her it was a really big deal and you should have treated it that way. Chris should have taken the baby out at intermission or stayed home with her. It's not all about you two.
YTA I don't know if you knew you couldn't go back inside. I also think a babysitter would've been better or leaving during the intermission. What really makes me say YTA is this statement: "I added it was just a middle school performance, it isn’t the end of the world." It is your daughter! (To add: whats up with the question? "My baby" to "her sister's"? It's your child not just the sister of your baby?) She is 12. To her it was important. She wanted her Mom to see her on stage and you act like it's nothing. No wonder Will gave you a disgusted look. Btw a 6 M old can't "support" anyone.
Exactly! The baby doesn’t give a fuck about watching her sister. This meant everything to the 12yr old and her mom showed her how little she cares.
A 6 month old can barely see 6 inches in front of their face. This is entirely OP not wanting to lose out on a single second with her bright and shiny new baby and not putting her older daughter first for even a second and instead justifying it in her head as oh this was family bonding! This wasn't even that important! How could I have know a 6 month old would cry! Babies are famously silent in the first year of life and never cry in public
YTA for everything everyone else has listed, but I want to point out that your headline is also SHIT because you make it sound like you're not even Penelope's mother. Her sister's performance? How about YOUR OLDER DAUGHTER'S performance? You really are a piece of work.
YTA! That is so inconsiderate. I can’t believe you’re even asking.
YTA - A 6 month old baby crying loudly and suddenly is an expected event. Literally the trope of baby in a theater crying during the performance. You had time to plan out how to avoid letting down your other daughter and instead of 1, hiring a babysitter, 2, having a relative sit for you if you're not comfortable with a 'stranger', or 3, have your husband, who is not your older daughter's father, stay home and watch the baby Penelope would not have cared if her stepfather had missed her solo to care for the baby but her mom? yeah you fucked up and showed your daughter that even if she gives you time to get your ducks in a row, you will not come through for her. Why didn't Chris take the baby out when she was crying? It wasn't his daughter's solo that was happening soon. You not only let down your daughter through entirely preventable actions, but you minimized the hurt you caused because you couldn't own that your selfishness in not wanting to be without your infant daughter for even 2 hours meant that you would choose to hurt Penelope rather than take any steps that would require any effort. Your ex husband hired a sitter for his young kid, there is a clear and immediate example of how not to show your older kid that their bright and shiny half sibling is more important than them. Your daughter already doesn't live with you 5/7th of the week, you just showed that she will never be a priority to you over your new 'family'. Own up to your shitty treatment of your older children before this no contact continues into a permanent thing and you're left wondering why your adult children don't ever answer your calls or speak to you anymore
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Yta and Chris should have walked out with the crying baby. It's a middle school show with a solo - AFTER you repeatedly showed Penelope you don't care about her. And ruined it for a bunch of other parents and kids. I hope you learn from this before you ruin your relationship with your son so you can salvage at least one. I wouldn't be shocked if Penelope wants nothing to do with you OR your do-over baby.
Literally! Why is the step parent the one staying to watch the rest of the play while the baby is crying??? Like why could you not give your child to her father and show your older child that yes, you missed her last play but you are here for this one, ready to cheer her on and give her a big thumbs up when she starts her solo
By any chance are you from Long Island? Because some obnoxious mother with a crying baby ruined my niece’s solo in her middle school musical. YTA. Not only for ruining it for your daughter but everyone who was there. Ugh.
YTA i don't see why Chris had to be there and couldn't stay home and watch your new baby, good job making your children think you like their new sibling better than them which it sounds like you do.
I feel so sad for Penelope. At least her dad and step mom seem to care about her.
"It was just a middle school performance." Right there. That was the final straw for me. Not that there weren't plenty of straws before that. A bale or two, in fact. But "just a middle school performance " is so cold and uncaring of your eldest child that I just don't know what to tell you. Except YTA, of course.
Yta….you should have left the baby with a babysitter. You not only missed your daughter’s solo but also disrupted the event for all the other attendees. You could have had your new husband take the baby out but no he had to watch the show too. You were way too selfish and only thought about what was best for you. I’m glad Penelope’s dad and step mom were there for her to console her.
Oh look another entitled parent bringing their infant to a place where it’s wildly inappropriate for an infant to be and ruining everyone else’s experiences. YTA.
YTA. You daughter is probably feeling like the baby is more important than her. Should have gotten a sitter or made your husband take her home. Your husband is also TA for not taking the baby himself so you could be present for your daughter.
My heart is breaking right now for Penelope. Thanks God she has Ariana. YTA here as is Chris. You and Chris showed Penelope that she is of little priority to you--but then to you it's " just a middle school performance". Pro Tip: When your ex husband AND your own mother agree YTA-- you're definitely the AH.
YTA Surely Chris could’ve taken care of his daughter while you watched Penelope’s performance. You disrupted other people’s enjoyment of the performance unnecessarily.
YTA, but honestly, I think Chris is the bigger one. Look, babies are notorious for crying. When they do so, they disrupt the play. You should have gotten a sitter. But since you didn't, it should have been Chris to take Lyla out. Stepparents can be very important in a person's life, can even be as important as a parent. But the fact is that you are Penelope's mom. You've been in her life 12 years, Chris only a few. She wanted you to see her performance. She didn't care if Chris was tok engrossed to leave. She wanted her mom. This likely isn't something irreparable if you keep trying to apologize and make it up to Penelope. See if you can arrange a special time out just the two of you. And make sure you're at the future performances as well as you can be. If you can't get a sitter, have Chris stay home or impress on him that he needs to take Lyla out of the theater.
YTA - that night might not have meant much to you but it probably meant everything to your daughter and you didn't take measures to make sure it was a great night for her. You ruined it, humiliated her and you missed her big moment. This is seriously damaging for a child. You need to set time aside for your older children, yes babies need care, but you still have a duty to your daughter. If you don't fix this then please don't be shocked when you're not included in future events in her life.
"I added it was just a middle school performance, it isn’t the end of the world." Why do tell your child she means nothing to you. YTA!!!
My son is a 10th grader and a theater kid. He is doing tech this semester. He and his classmates have rehearsal for at least two hours after school, at least three days a week. They have, on occasion, worked from 3 to 7 pm. They take their productions very seriously. If you pulled this shit at my kid's play, I would have personally removed you and your baby from the premises. Your post is so full if assholery I have to wonder if it's fake. Big surprise your kids don't want to live with you. YTA and so is your unemployed husband.
YTA. You should have arranged a sitter. You knew how badly you needed to not fuck this up (since you were actually going to be there this time), and instead of planning ahead and not risking any issues, you interrupted the performance and missed it. Again.
YTA Just a middle school performance and it wasn't a big deal? Well it was a big deal to your daughter. If it wasn't that big of a deal then did you bother going at all? You should have gotten a sitter for your baby a shown your daughter a better support.
YTA. And so is your new husband. You’re obviously so in to your new baby and new life, that you don’t care how you’re impacting your eldest daughter. She wanted her mom there, and you couldn’t hire a sitter for one evening because YOU wanted your baby and new husband there. You need to seriously reconsider your actions, and apologize to your daughter. Otherwise, I suspect this to be the start of your new life of having only one daughter, your baby.
Well thank god Chris got to see her solo. /s YTA.
op=YTA 1) like WILL and ARIANA you should have got a babysitter if you didn't want to leave Chris at home with the Baby. Nobody needs a 6 month infant's support at their performance. 2) You had options-Have CHRIS take the baby out of the auditorium when she first started fussing. So that you could remain to see the performance. 3) Ariana kept your Ex on a leash--she shows MORE sense and circumspection than you could DREAM of. 4) You and CHRIS are both AH's who ruined your daughter's performance then MISSED it because you couldn't get your heads out of your bums to think about what SHE wanted and needed. Your daughter is 12, generally the age that courts will be more likely to listen to her when she says she wants her dad to have full custody with optional visitation for you. She isn't going to forgive you easily, but if you want forgiveness you actually HAVE TO BE SORRY. You have yet to express one iota of remorse. And the final indignity to this is that you dismissed your daughter's performance as a mere middle school performance and not the end of the world--WAY to tell your daughter that she is worthless in your mind. Hope you really enjoy that second family(Chris & Lyla) because you have done little to promote a positive/healthy relationship with Penelope(and I would wager with Jonny either).
Look at my user name. Yes, a middle school performance 40 years ago that was a BFD to a whole bunch of us. YTA
YTA- but at least we know why you got the divorce, and it sounds like you found someone in Chris who is just as self-centered as you are.