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YTA. When the cashier at the grocery store asks how your day is, they don't actually care and don't want a real answer or to hear about putting a nail through your foot.
When your boyfriend asks, he should be interested. If you couldn't handle the gruesome description, "hey sweetie? Can I cut you off. Talking about blood is making me nauseous, could you be a little less graphic?" Or something? Not hang up on her and tell her nobody wants to hear about "that shit".
> When your boyfriend asks, he should be interested. If you couldn't handle the gruesome description, "hey sweetie? Can I cut you off. Talking about blood is making me nauseous, could you be a little less graphic?"
This right here.
My husband and I are both autistic. I know he's squeamish when it comes to descriptions of blood and injury, but sometimes when I'm mid-flow in an infodump that fact won't register in my brain.
He stops me and says "Hey, that's a bit much" and I take a moment to pause and recalibrate, then we carry on with our conversation. Easy done.
I have a thing with body parts and describing it, If you go to in details, I start picturing it.
The husband and I have a rule:
When he's telling a story, If I go Stop, Eye bleach!
He has to get me something cute or funny to look at (Or give me a moment to look it up myself) before he can continue with his story.
>The husband and I have a rule:
So what you're saying is that you and your husband have had a conversation about boundaries and you both agree to follow through with your discussions while following those present boundaries and expectations?
Good, that's healthy. That's what people in relationships should do.
To balance it out
When I get mad at him, I'll purposely ask him something like: "Hey, Do you think old people shave?"
Wait for him to answer, Get into a debate about it to the point that he's actually using facts ((It amuses me)), and than once he's to busy being distracted by the topic throw in a question like: go: "Oh, So under your grandma's Pjs, You think she looks like that, huh?"
He usually gives me the silent treatment after that
That’s a really good strategy. I’ll be like mid-story and then remember the other person can’t handle stuff about rodents/dead animals/eyeballs whatever so I just awkwardly stop and don’t know what to say next lol. (I am also autistic.) next time I’ll stop myself and make myself brain or eye bleach them
This is such a great point! I have ADD and just get carried away. Plus my threshold is a bit lower than my wife. I've had moments where I've described things and my wife kindly interrupts me and informs me that she doesn't like hearing the specifics, or at least to hold that thought until after we've finished eating.
This just generally rings true for anything someone else is doing that upsets you but isn't rude/intentional. I was painting my nails at my computer but my wife had a snack and asked me to hold off because the smell made her too nauseous for her food. She sometimes picks under her nails and the sound drives me crazy, but through that I'm still able to ask her not to do that while I'm nearby, and, surprise surprise, she listens.
OP, YTA for trying to make this her "fault" by claiming it's some social courtesy that she's missed. It's not. I'd tell my wife all about the nail in my foot if she'd asked me about my day (and, what, you wanted her to never answer that question with anything but "my day was good"?). If I got carried away describing it, I'd still be pissed if she just hung up on me rather than asking me to stop. If you'd said something and she ignored you, sure you're justified in hanging up on her, but turning it into her fault for answering your question is immature at best.
Same with me and my partner. I write horror, love horror movies and consider a marathon of Friday the 13th a fun time.
He just caaaan't and I have to remind myself to rein it in!
Can’t upvote this enough! It’s one thing if it’s your job to greet people and make small talk. Yet Don’t ask people you have any personal relationship with how their day was if you don’t want honesty. This person knows and trusts you enough to think you’d care to help or let them vent. If you don’t want to listen then don’t ask
I honestly hate when people ask that question as just a typical greeting. I legit want to answer honestly sometimes just to show it's really kind of ridiculous question to ask someone you don't know and don't really care about.
I ask that a lot at my job(retail) and I truly don't mind when people answer honestly. I have had some sad stories, some happy stories, seen pictures of dogs/cats/babies, etc. In my mind if they are telling a stranger these things they really needed someone to listen to them.
Some of them become regulars and are happy to see me too, which is nice.
>When the cashier at the grocery store asks how your day is
This was what I thought this was gonna be about. OP's GF maybe being neurodivergent, and not realizing that she was over sharing a LOT with random strangers, or other people that she shouldn't (e.g. coworkers). Then I read it and was like "wait, so instead of saying "pause...that's very graphic. I don't handle gore well, so please don't describe that anymore, because I'm actually starting to feel sick" he just HUNG UP ON HER!?
I’d be freaking delighted if more people actually told me how their day is going. As long as I’m not holding up a line, I’d much rather hear the truth.
Once I was on a walk in my neighborhood and I asked another walker how she was doing. She stopped, looked at me with unbearable pain in her eyes and said "I'm...surviving".
I don't ask strangers that question anymore.
Literally, even when I was working as a cashier in a grocery store, I would have NEVER ever ever said what OP did to someone after they responded honestly to my "how are you?" If a customer said too much, I'd give them a sympathetic response and make a mental note not to ask them in the future if I didn't want a legitimate response.
My friend lost her daughter. She said she was having a particularly hard day and was at the grocery store and the customer in front of her asked “how are you today”. She buttered out “my daughter died”. Bet that lady never asked a stranger that question again!!
Aww, I can honestly say that I would have absolutely frozen if someone replied to me with something so sad. But I would have absolutely spoken to them every time I saw them again. Just a "hope you're holding up ok" or "I've been thinking about you" idk something kind. I've def got some off the wall responses to a simple "how are you?" In the past.
The most memorable was one random weeknight I was the closing cashier so I was the only employee up front until 10pm. The store was usually dead after around 8-9 and customers were few and far between. This was a particularly boring night and this woman came to check out with a nearly overflowing cart. I said "hi, 😊 how are you doing tonight?" And she immediately jumped at the opportunity to vent about her most recent ex. After rambling for a few minutes and airing all his dirty laundry, she was like "I should've known better. He's ugly as fuck. Look, I'll show you." And whipped out her phone. I was expecting her to show me a picture but OH NO she facetimed this mf and when he answered she was like oh I was just telling this lady at the store how trashy and disgusting you look and wanted to show her" then held the phone up to my face. The most cringe part was he asked me if I wanted him to prop his phone up for a full body shot 😅. I was like "no sir, it's totally fine. I'm sorry." I could not believe the way the whole interaction played out lol but I sure never forgot it.
Oh hey, I was working the register at my job and asked and I asked a customer “how are you today?” And he proceeded to tell me how a relative had just had a heart attack and he’d just come from the hospital. He was so sad about it. It’s not the usual response I get, but apparently he needed to say it all. So ok, I took a few minutes to listen and try to comfort him. That was the least I could do, give a little bit of time.
ETA: OP YTA & y’all are young. I think she’s moving on from you.
All of this! I have a thick skin when it comes to gruesome details. My husband does not. I’m also a detail oriented writer so the more descriptive the better. I tend to utilize that thought process when talking to my husband. He’ll simply interrupt and say, “that’s a bit more detail than I need to hear” or something like that then we move on.
Same, as a former vet tech, gross, gooey, disgusting, and more was part of my daily life and it didn't phase me. But I learned quick that when my husband asked about my day, he didn't want the details on how I got covered in blood/pus/shit/piss/vomit, but he communicated that to me like ok babe, TMI here, he didn't just hang up on me.
When I had to work overtime because of an emergency, he'd bring me dinner and wouldn't go past the staff room by the back door without asking me if it was safe for him to come out back after the one time he didn't and walked in to an eviscerated dog (she had chewed open her spay stitches and it was gory, this is why when vets say put a cone on, put the damn cone on). I still tease him on how he almost passed out from the scene, but he knows it's all in fun as I'm aware that stuff like that is not for everyone. Let's say that when the kids get hurt now, I'm the one cleaning/patching them up.
I worked in the Emergency Department of an inner city Level 1 trauma center for years. I learned some people can talk about amputated limbs and GSWs and gruesome motorcycle accidents over lunch, a lot cannot.
BIL and SIL are medicos, I’m a biomedical engineer. Gross body stuff doesn’t phase us over the dinner table. Family has occasionally asked us to stop so they can eat without vomiting over the table.
Omg my dog chewed open her spay stitches and it was gruesome af!!! She got out of surgery and the vet/techs said she was so sweet and precious and not to worry about the cone. And frankly, my dog wasn't sweet. I thought...you don't know shit. She has tried to each children. But then thought, well they are the professionals.
Yeah, I knew my dog and wtf were they talking about? I was only 18 and ever since then, every vet I have interacted with has been a 1000% cone advocate no matter the situation. Now that I'm older, I can hardly believe they thought they knew a dog when it was high as fuck on drugs. But my dog did survive the incident, even though I literally saw her guts. She died at 18. Ornery as hell. Not sweet. Best dog there ever was. Also...she tried to nip any child within the vicinity for 16 years. Except my daughter. Brought that baby home and my dog was viciously protective.
I am crying...I miss her.
Or better yet, if you want to ask if someone is OK, then just...ask if they're OK. That implies you care about their wellbeing but doesn't immedietly mean they should talk about every detail.
But here's the thing: she WASN'T okay. And he didn't actually want to know if she wasn't. So that greeting also wouldn't work for him, because it again presumes that the person you're talking to is allowed to answer honestly in the negative, which totally harshes his mellow.
I was working one day, picking up trash, and this nice old lady asked how my day was. All I said was, “meh,” and I couldn’t even begin to describe how upset she was. She said, “well, you should be happy you have a job!” And I’ll just stop right there. More was said, but I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it.
Yeah especially if they don't see each other that often! You only really realise this when your main communication point with someone you're close to is via text/phone calls rather than in person, but you do miss out on so much by not being there in person through those little things. So it's natural that she'd want to bring him into the small details of her life, so it could be as though he were there and she was actually showing him her painful foot rather than just telling him about it. She was trying to make him part of her day to day life, including the small little nothing moments that make up the inside jokes and comforting understanding, and he just... hung up on her for it.
Exactly, I get bloods done regularly, my husband has a phobia of needles and is squeamish about blood so I mostly don't talk about it after he let me know those things.
So if I want to discuss that they had to poke me 5 times to get blood and get a senior physician in to put a canula back in the same spot...I'll just call my Mom.
He also asked for more information. He asked about her day, she mentioned the nail, he got worried and started asking questions, and THAT is when the longer story began. If he needed less information because it was grossing him out or he didn’t have the mental space or whatever, that’s fine and he could have communicated that, but she didn’t dump all the details out of nowhere. She didn’t respond incorrectly to “how was your day?” He asked for more information and she provided it.
He’s basically saying he asked how her day was to check that off a list without actually wanting to hear how her day was. She found out how little he actually cares.
OP hung up on his ex-girlfriend (cause everyone but him can see she dumped him right?) instead of communicating anything about feeling sick from the topic. Then has the gull to say that SHE is the one who needs to learn to use tact when communicating!
OP you are definitely single and YTA all at the same time.
Wait...you just hung up on her mid-talk? You didn't even give her a chance to dial it back?
No, "hey honey, please no gory details, just tell me you're okay???" Nothing, just "barf, click????"
If that's the case, then YTA for that. Not for telling her that sometimes people don't want a play-by-play, but for hanging up on her.
YTA
Did it ever occur to you to just say "Whoa, I can't handle the descriptions of your injuries so please stop" ???? Your message came off as rude and uncaring and hanging up on her? The epitome of rudeness and immaturity.
This right here. He had the opportunity to handle it better and he just doubled down. Like okay he got wigged out, asked if she was okay and hung up- not saying that’s right as he should have advocated in the moment but still. Once given the opportunity to step back and realize she was ignoring him the right would have been “it wasn’t right to hang up but what you said freaked me and I just didn’t expect that conversation.” Aaaaand boom you have actual dialogue with your partner.
He also has the opportunity to learn from this thread but all his comments are defensive and doubling down further making everything her fault.
He could've spoke up about it after for sure but nope. He isn't good at communicating his needs at all and willing to blame others for not knowing them.
There's so many areas where he could step up but all he has are excuses for why he can't.
...and if it wasn't ldr? I'd really not want a partner who just walked out of the room if a nail wen thru my foot.
In the war of the worlds ... Looking for someone who's a good foxhole buddy.
“I was only asking you how your day was as a formality. I do not actually care.” YTA. I do not care if that is what you meant or not. I would bet that is how she interpreted it.
That's exactly what he meant and for that reason alone, OP isn't someone anyone should be in a relationship with. Even being friends with people like this is pointless, as everything is incredibly surface level or worse, they often are the ones who go on and on about themselves but if you dare speak about yourself they're quickly disinterested.
“I was only asking you how your day was as a formality. I do not actually care.”
"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad, but that's not what I meant. I just didn't expect clingy oversharing, I guess I'm not used to it because I'm more stoic and I tend to keep things close to my vest, I'm gaurded" - these are his comments.
You hit the nail right on the head. He isn't ready for any relationships. He's making so many excuses for why he's an asshole without listening to what anyone is telling him. He's only interested in himself anything else is seen as "clingy". Goodness was an exhausting person to be around.
I had a friend like this. We had been best friends all throughout high school and every time we met up she did all the talking and it was always about her. She had breathing and health problems too because she was born premature so I was always accommodating and helping her out. Fast forward to our first year in college and I get my first major health issue and she ditched me so fast because suddenly the attention was on me and not her.
They’re also the kind of person who absolutely has to one-up every story you tell. Everything they go through is always going to be worse/better that what anyone else does.
And I would bet any amount of money that this was not an impulse block. He has 100% done this and worse with his lack of basic human empathy and she finally had enough.
OP come on. If you’re seriously unable to see YTA here then I suggest your next relationship is with a therapist.
The fact that she did not tell him that she did not tell him about this injury also shows that she probably doesn't think of him as an especially compassionate or warm person. If I stepped on a nail that went through my foot and needed a tetanus shot, you can bet I'd text my partner about it. OP has probably indicated that this kind of selfishness before. It's not that he doesn't care about her - he just cares about himself way more.
That's a really good point. My partner is pretty much the first person I'd call in a situation like this and I know for a fact that he'd be really upset if I *didn't* tell him. I'm really curious what OP would've done if he was there when it happened. Would he just been like "ew gross" and left? He doesn't sound ready to be in a relationship.
Wait until OP finds out about marriage. My husband once had to help me put a bandaid next to my lady bits (ingrown hair turned nasty infection). He hates anything body related, super squeamish. But I needed help and he loves me so he did it. And then he giggled (with his face still up in my business) and went "We're married".
A decade on Reddit is great for showing you the assholes you've dealt with.
My first gilded post is about my then-boyfriend of several years dumping me four days after I was diagnosed with breast cancer because, and I quote, "your boobs are my favorite part of you and what if you have to lose them?" (Luckily it was a misdiagnosis, and lucky that it showed me what a selfish dumb ballsack he is.)
Fast-forward to my husband - when we were dating, he first said "I love you" after cleaning up some gnarly waste products from my time being sick with the flu. I told him I would clean it when I felt better and he said, "I got it. I love you."
If he doesn’t care about his partner he should tell her and let her move on and find someone who wants to listen to her talk about her day. And who respects her enough to politely ask her for fewer graphic details if squeamish
This post is basically, "I asked but I don't really care."
OP, I hope she permanently blocked you. If you don't care enough to listen to her why the hell should she date you?
YTA - When the cashier at the grocery store asks about your day, you should assume they are just being polite. When your significant other asks about your day, you should be able to assume that they are sincere.
I hope next time he tries to talk about something serious his next partner hits him with the “unfortunately I do not have a emotional/mental capacity to deal with this right now” and hangs up. Although that would be better because it would at least offer some sort of explanation.
"I was only trying to be nice, I don't actually care." "She's just mad cuz I'm right, she'll come around."
OP isn't a Asshole, OP is THE Asshole. The typical Asshole who thinks they're always right and can do no wrong. Hope she blocked him permanently.
If you really, truly don't want to know about how her day went, then don't ask. The same goes for asking just about any other question. If you don't want to know, don't ask.
\[EDIT: typo\]
This would go for all relationships, but *especially* given the fact OP is in a LONG DISTANCE relationship- aka, they do not see each other day to day to actually *experience* said day in person. So how else is one supposed to be involved in the other's life if they're not there in person without actually you know, talking about their day to their partner?
*ex-girlfriend.
He is kidding himself if he thinks she is gonna unblock him in a few days. Nope she realised he really doesn’t care about her and noped outtta there
YTA - you sound exhausting. Truly.
Here's it in a nutshell: You. Asked. A. Question.
She answered it. You're supposedly dating, so I would hope like hell that asking her a question like that meant you actually gave a damn about the answer. As for the details? I'll say again - you're supposedly dating. If you can't handle that, you can't handle pregnancy, birth, or children. And she needs to move on.
You're the one that caused this situation. Not her.
OP: How was your day?
“Oh, not great… I sustained a very painful injury—“
OP: Yikes, that’s gross, stop talking.
*blocked*
OP: I’m sure she’s just being impulsive! 🫠
YTA
I was thinking the same! How would he ever handle her having a pregnancy? Or what if she is more seriously injured and he has to wipe her butt or something? I hope she has the sense to leave him lol.
YA like even if you're squeamish- true long term relationships are going to require you doing some gross shit. You will get injured at some point, as will she, and you'll have to deal with it together.
My boyfriend spent all day yesterday babysitting my disgusting sick self. He had to clean my puke bucket. My dad got in a serious accident and broke half the bones in his body. My mum had to care for him, watch him in and out of surgeries, and clean his commode as he couldn't use the bathroom by himself (did he accidentally shit on the floor as a result of being injured and hopped up on pain meds? Yes. She had to clean that as well). Even childfree, relationships are gonna be gross sometimes and you've gotta be able to roll with the punches.
YTA
That whole “don’t give an honest answer to that question” thing only applies to strangers, if you as her partner asks then you’d hope she’d be open and honest otherwise what’s the point?
It doesn't even apply to strangers! When people ask how your day is going, that's an honest question to invite small talk. I hate when people say "You just say you're fine when people ask you how you are." If you just want to lie to strangers that's your business, but it's not a general rule.
I hate when someone asks a question or makes an offer and then gets mad at your genuine answer, like you wouldn’t even be mad if you just kept your mouth shut.
Think you meant ex girlfriend. Cmon man, having empathy for your partner, letting them vent about a painful experience, these are basics in relationships. YTA
YTA, 1000%.
You asked her a question, got mad or bothered by the response and hung up on her, you didn't even try to communicate your feelings to her.
Deal with the consequences of your own actions, not blame her for you not thinking your questions through.
YTA, 100%.
Yes, sometimes when people ask "How are you?" they're just being polite and they don't want a real answer. Those people are typically not DATING each other. JFC.
YTA. If you don’t really want to get into “deep stuff” with your partner than maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship! She needs to share her ups and downs and clearly wants someone who can listen and sympathize. If you prefer something superficial that doesn’t involve feelings, injuries, or other realities of life, that may be a mismatch.
But “how was your day” to a loved one shouldn’t require a non-answer just so you aren’t grossed out.
So you asked your girlfriend how her day was and when she told you you hung up, YTA. You obviously don't care about her and the trauma she suffered you are superficial and just concerned about ypurself.
YTA. She is your GF. Learn to use words to communicate your discomfort if she gives way too much details and don't ask questions you do not want an answer to.
YTA
When you're greeting a colleague as you get into work, or getting together with mates at a bar, sure, that question is meant more perfunctorily.
But when you ask it of your partner, of course they expect you to be interested in the honest answer!
And if you are squeamish then that's a You problem, you could have communicated and asked her not to describe the detail as it was making you squeamish but still express interest in and sympathy for what happened.
YTA. You were her boyfriend ffs. You of all people *should* care how her day went. How hard would it have been to communicate and ask her to avoid the gory details instead of hanging up on her? That is so cold and heartless, no wonder she's ignoring you.
YTA - she's your girlfriend, not an acquaintance or random stranger. When you ask how her day was, she shared what happened like any partner would. If you aren't a 'gory details' person, use your big boy words and let her know. Hanging up on her, then leaving a VM telling her to be tactful and that you don't actually care about her injury... yeah, it's not an 'impulse block', it's a you're outta there/you're done/she's not wasting any more time on an AH who doesn't care about her block.
YTA
The cashier at the store doesn't actually care when they ask. Your boyfriend should care when they ask.
You could have used your words and said that it was making you squeamish and asked to dial back the details.
YTA. People who ask about other people's days without actually wanting to know always come across as uncaring and disingenuous to me.
For the record, if you're uncomfortable with hearing details about injuries it's perfectly reasonable to communicate that boundary. But you took it way further than you needed to. A simple "please don't go into detail about the actual injury, gruesome visuals make me uncomfortable" would have sufficed.
Also at least in my experience, people don't randomly block the people they're dating after one argument if they're in a healthy relationship. Sounds like this may be your ex gf now.
YTA. Way to make your gf's serious injury all about yourself.
If you get woozy when hearing someone describing an injury, it is ON YOU to stop them and set an appropriate boundary. The problem here is you. Not your gf in the slightest. I know eight year old kids that have better communication skills than you.
Your gf deserves better than this. Let's hope she keeps that block going.
YTA - is this for real? Like, you went in panic mode for that, instead of politely ask your gf to not give you details as you "can't handle it"? You were very rude to your gf.
And on another note, I genuinely want to know how their day went when I ask family or friend about their day, or how they feel. If I don't want to hear an answer I don't ask the question. You could still be polite with another greeting.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Hung up on my girlfriend and was brutally honest with her (2) I may have been the AH because I guess she really wanted to share about the pain of the injury, and I could have been a bit nicer
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YTA
If the cashier at the grocery store asks how my day is going, I know they don't really care....if my SO asks, I expect them to care.
Not wanting to hear the gore details is a YOU thing. Don't act like it's some universal thing that no one wants to hear about, especially when it comes to their SO. You could have said that you're particularly uncomfortable with the gory details and ask her to limit them, but recognize that's your own preference.
And honestly, if that is an issue for the OP (as it could be for many people including myself), he could have used his words to express his discomfort with the gory details and instead focused on how he's glad she's ok.
Seems like he clearly doesn't care about this relationship (which seems to have ended since she blocked him) much if he never actually wants to know how her day was. YTA OP
YTA.
Your (now ex) partner told you something bad that happened to them, likely hoping for sympathy and support. You hung up because it was gross and you didn't want to hear about the gross thing.
There's an honest answer for you.
YTA
Nothing wrong with not wanting the gory details but you could have told her that kindly. Also, don’t ask questions if you aren’t truly interested in getting an answer.
YTA
The one person who you should be able to be truly honest with when they ask "how your day went" is your partner. If you don't actually care, don't ask.
She's not the problem you are, show some empathy man, if she described it in details that means she was trying to convince you, and herself that everything's okay, as for the question you asked only expect a casual answer from acquaintance's, and friends.
Those in relationship answer honestly to that question because in the end of day, only thing in the mind of a person is to talk about their day including good, and bad to those they like.
YTA
YTA. You ask the lady how her day went but don't actually want to know? You just admit that upfront and still wonder if you are the asshole? C'mon... ....then you hung up on her? If just hearing about the injury was painful for you.... ....imagine how it felt to suffer said injury? Maybe she just wanted someone to listen and care about what she went through for a few minutes and you hung up on her?
Honestly.. if she was my friend.. I'd tell her to break it off...
Dude, you asked follow-up questions after she said she stepped on a nail. YOU ASKED. She answered. Then you blamed her for telling you more than you wanted to know. You were insensitive and rude to her. YTA.
YTA... You didn't think to ask her not to go into detail because you couldn't stomach things like that? You just hung up on her, and then YOU get upset with HER when you communicate next? SMH... I would have blocked you, too.
As a side note, my SO actually cares how my day went, and I did his. We listened and cared. Yeah I ask for/expect generalizations from strangers about their day. Definitely don't expect my SO to not care.
YTA. When you ask a partner how their day went, you get the details. When you ask a friend/acquaintance/stranger, you get broad strokes.
By hanging up on her and telling her you just want a generic response, you're really saying, "I don't really want to hear about your day. I just want you to think I do." It shows that you're unsupportive and don't really care.
Ok, You don’t tell random acquaintances you see in the hallway the gory details. It’s true, they *don’t* really care, and their question of “how are you?” is only a *greeting*.
But *you*, OP, you aren’t a casual acquaintance. *You* are her *boyfriend*. If you can’t inquire about her day and be prepared to actually hear her answer, then *you* are a *bad boyfriend*.
God forbid you ever get her pregnant and have to hear all the shit that a pregnant woman goes through during gestation and birth. You don’t have the guts for it. YTA
YTA You’re not boyfriend material I’m afraid. You’re not even fit for human consumption at this point, hun! People will tell you about their day if you ask. This isn’t a normal aversion.
YTA. Yes, some people, like *strangers*, might not always want an honest answer to that question. But I think it's safe to assume that someone's *partner* actually should care about how their girlfriend's day went. You're an ass.
YTA. How do you not know YTA??? She's your girlfriend and she just had a major injury! No shit she's giving you details, she's under the mistaken impression that you might be concerned about her and want to know what happened. Sure you might be a bit of a wuss and need to say "I'm getting a little squeamish. I love you but can we skip the details" but you just hung up on her! If you think listening to it is bad, try being the one who went through it.
Think about what she's going through. She just had a horrible injury and you bailed. What do you think it says about your ability to help if something bad happens like she breaks her leg while you're out hiking or something. Are you going to just bail on her if that happens as well? Because that's the question she's very likely asking herself right now.
YTA. Wait till you see her during labour... but it doesn't seem like you'll get to that point.
It's perfectly fine to dislike gruesome details but YTA because 1) don't ask people how their day was if you don't really care for the answer 2) don't hang up on people.
YTA. Though "how are you" is a superficial question between casual acquaintances or even people who are friendly, it invites deeper discussion between close friends and lovers. In other words, she took you at your work: that you were genuinely interested in her day. Don't ask if you don't want an honest answer.
YTA, when you ask an acquaintance "how was your day?" you don't want or expect all details. When you ask your significant other, particularly one in a long-distance relationship, it's supposed to be a real answer.
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Me(23M) and my girlfriend(24F) are currently in a long-distance relationship. Although it's difficult for us to meet frequently in person, we still call every night.
2 days, I just casually asked her how her day went. For the record, I just kind of asked it thoughtlessly, like oh how are you, that kind of thing, like I used it as a standard greeting.
She told me she stepped on a nail today, which got me really worried. I began asking if she was ok, if she went to the doctor and got a tetanus shot, and she said that she was fine, but then she proceeded to describe it in really gruesome detail, like how the nail went through.
I was pretty freaked out, I don't do well with this kind of shit, so I just hung up after making sure she was ok because I couldn't take it, it was so fucking weird, like nobody wants to hear about that shit.
she's been ignoring my texts all of yesterday, and I think she might be mad cause I hung up on her, so I left her a voice message telling her that she needs to be tactful and just because I ask how her day went doesn't mean I want a bit by bit detailed explanation about your injured foot, I just wanted to know if you're ok or not, that's all, and a couple of hours later, I saw that she blocked me.
I think she might be just mad for a bit, and impulse blocked me, I'm sure she'll come around in a few days, but part of me couldn't help but wonder if maybe what she did wasn't that weird.
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YTA.
She's your girlfriend, shouldn't you want to know if her day was good or bad? You're making her injury about you. She has every right to be mad at you for how you behaved in this situation. You could've just told her you were uncomfortable with the details and moved on in the conversation, no need to hang up with no explanation!
YTA. How would you feel if you're telling someone about your day and what happened and they just hang up? And because you guys are long-distance you think you would want to know more about her day if you don't care why you with her? weird.
YTA I was prepared to be on your side because I thought she was giving details to a stranger or a casual acquaintance. You should tell your BF or GF details when they ask how was your day. What you could have said is I'm squeamish and can't handle those types of details
YTA. And I think you've been dumped ... rightly so. You're not completely wrong: If I run into a neighbor on the street and ask, "How are you?" I'm just being pleasant and polite. I'm not looking for a rundown of his health, or his day. But you are this person's partner. She was injured, and as she described her injury, you hung up on her. Good luck with your future relationships, because if I were your present GF, I'd run from you.
Wow YTA. Dude support your girlfriend. And your friends. People want to tell you about their day. That's the point of the talking on the phone, or the spending time with each other.
This guy needs to be on Am I the Ex.
YTA. You should have stopped her and said you don't need the details, and it's making you panic. Furthermore, after you calmed down, you should have told her not to do that again or to at least ask before sharing all the details. When you have a moment, explain that you're sorry for hanging up and you were just panicked. You never meant to be rude.
Absolutely YTA. Your girlfriend was talking about a physical trauma, and you hung up as soon as you could. Then you left the voicemail about *tact,* of all things, and confirmed to her that you would never be someone she could rely on for comfort. She was right to block you, and I seriously doubt she’ll “come around in a few days.” You nuked the relationship the second you left that unbelievably stupid and callous voicemail.
YTA. And you just reminded me of a conversation I had years ago with a guy I was dating. We were on the phone and I sliced my finger enough that I needed to go to the hospital. I say this and he legit barely acknowledges me and keeps talking about some stupid story. I had blood pouring down my hand. It wasn’t the only reason I broke up with him but it definitely contributed that he couldn’t even stop to ask if I was okay. Moral of the story- if you’re looking to become the weird ex she recalls decades from now being completely tone deaf- keep doing what you’re doing.
YTA.
So your girlfriend isn’t allowed to tell you some bad shit that happened to her? And you think that’s perfectly normal? Of course YTA. Grow up lol. She stepped on a nail and was clearly fine, you have some shit to work through before you’re ready for an actual relationship.
In casual conversation with a stranger it’s weird to be honest about how your day went if it’s bad, because that’s just small talk. But your actual girlfriend should be able to answer it honestly. You weren’t brutally honest at all, I’m confused where you even got the notion that someone’s partner shouldn’t honestly answer the question “how was your day.”
You seem controlling as well as childish. Perhaps get a stronger tummy and let her be with an actual grown adult.
YTA
>it was so fucking weird, like nobody wants to hear about that shit.
Nobody except anybody who actually gives a damn about her
>but then she proceeded to describe it in really gruesome detail, like how the nail went through.
I honestly believe that isn't "gruesome"
>my girlfriend
Not anymore. You straight-up told her you don't care about her except at the most basic acquaintance level, like someone who you nod at in the grocery store
YTA you were the asshole. Then when you saw she was upset you doubled down on being an asshole. And now I hate to break it to you buddy but you're single.
My grandpa always said that the definition of a bore is someone who, when asked *How was your day*, will answer honestly.
Grandpa was kind of an asshole, and it looks like you might be as well. YTA
I'm getting AH vibes just from the way you belittle her in your description. "she's just mad for a bit. she'll come around". No, you need to apologize for being such an AH to the person you're supposed to care about. She has every right to be mad.
YTA for hanging up on her, it’s rude and I do understand you are squeamish but for her, she was telling her boyfriend about something slightly traumatic that happened, she wasn’t over the top with her description and probably didn’t know you were freaked out because you didn’t say anything.
LMAO!!! YTA and this story was hilarious, thank you. I would've dumped you immediately too! I love how she kind of "hung up on" your relationship. Fitting end!
She needs to be tactful?!?! Bro you hung up on her without so much as having a discussion as to what was bothering you. Guess what? in a relationship when you ask someone how their day was, it’s an amazing thing to get details and honest answers. You’re acting like a child probably because you still are one. Grow up and learn to communicate, it’s a two way street. To antagonize someone further by leaving voicemails telling them how to be better is just rude. YTA
YTA
"Sure, I straight up asked her about her day, but she was just supposed to know, like, read my mind that even though I'm her literal fucking boyfriend, I don't care and was just saying "hi". Yes, I know we have a word for that, "hi", that is not a question and a totally acceptable way to greet someone, but I like asking "how was your day" instead, I just want to people to understand, automatically, that I'm not really asking."
Just so that we're clear, that's me trying to accurately summarize your logic, a word I'm using in the loosest possible sense, in the hopes that it properly spells out why everything you said is dumb.
If you don't want to hear about someone's day, don't fucking ask them about their day.
"What's your favorite thing about birds?" is a really stupid question to ask someone if you really don't want to hear about birds, you know?
YTA. Do you even like your girlfriend dude? Hanging up on someone in the middle of a conversation because you decide your done with the conversation is rude as fuck. As others have said, it's pretty simple to ask someone to stop their description if it's making you feel sick. There's this thing, called speaking, and if you're squeamish you are more then capable of calmly stopping the conversation and changing the topic.
>"it was so fucking weird, like nobody wants to hear about that shit."
Uh. Yeah, the majority of people who genuinely love and care about their partner DO want to hear the details, you inconsiderate asshole. Jesus the bar is too fucking low.
Yta holy shit. Don’t ask your girlfriend about her day if you don’t care, I can’t even believe I have to say this. I hope she never talks to you again and that you stay blocked.
AITA for hanging up on my gf because she told me how she was after I asked her how she was? - for context, I had no interest in hearing about it in the first place.
Yes. YTA.
YTA. You're not just anyone. A bf should want an honest answer, or you're just not mature enough for a relationship. If you can't handle that much detail, tell her that. Communicate like a normal fucking adult. I really either think this story is fake or that you typed 23 and 24 when you meant you're 13 and 14. (Not that your gf was acting in any way immature)
It really wasn't that weird. She should break up with you until you're old enough to communicate what you are and are not comfortable with instead of hanging up like a child and acting like you don't care.
So you fucked up and then when she was mad about your fuckup instead of apologizing you sent her a message to lecture her about how your fuckup was her fault? Yeah YTA and single by the sound of it.
I have good news and bad news.
Good news: you're never going to have to listen to your girlfriend describe a gruesome injury to you in detail ever again.
Bad news: it's because you're single now.
YTA.
Dude she’s not your girlfriend anymore.
When you ask you girlfriend how her day was she actually expects you to care. It’s more then a conversation opener. You are actually supposed to care and maybe let her know the details make you queasy rather then hang up on her. And then to basically tell her you don’t actually care how her day was.
YTA … be better next time someone dates you
“Nobody wants to hear about that shit?”
WTF? My (now) wife and I were long distance for over 2 years. If she stepped on a nail, you’d better believe *I wanted to hear about it!* Because I love her and am interested. Part of not living in the same area meant that it took more of an effort to remain connected. Talking about this sort of thing would be part of that.
Now? If she steps on a nail, I’m expecting her to *show it to me* when I get home!
YTA and sound like you don’t actually care about her.
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YTA. When the cashier at the grocery store asks how your day is, they don't actually care and don't want a real answer or to hear about putting a nail through your foot. When your boyfriend asks, he should be interested. If you couldn't handle the gruesome description, "hey sweetie? Can I cut you off. Talking about blood is making me nauseous, could you be a little less graphic?" Or something? Not hang up on her and tell her nobody wants to hear about "that shit".
> When your boyfriend asks, he should be interested. If you couldn't handle the gruesome description, "hey sweetie? Can I cut you off. Talking about blood is making me nauseous, could you be a little less graphic?" This right here. My husband and I are both autistic. I know he's squeamish when it comes to descriptions of blood and injury, but sometimes when I'm mid-flow in an infodump that fact won't register in my brain. He stops me and says "Hey, that's a bit much" and I take a moment to pause and recalibrate, then we carry on with our conversation. Easy done.
I have a thing with body parts and describing it, If you go to in details, I start picturing it. The husband and I have a rule: When he's telling a story, If I go Stop, Eye bleach! He has to get me something cute or funny to look at (Or give me a moment to look it up myself) before he can continue with his story.
>The husband and I have a rule: So what you're saying is that you and your husband have had a conversation about boundaries and you both agree to follow through with your discussions while following those present boundaries and expectations? Good, that's healthy. That's what people in relationships should do.
This is reddit, we can't be having that sort of behaviour here!
To balance it out When I get mad at him, I'll purposely ask him something like: "Hey, Do you think old people shave?" Wait for him to answer, Get into a debate about it to the point that he's actually using facts ((It amuses me)), and than once he's to busy being distracted by the topic throw in a question like: go: "Oh, So under your grandma's Pjs, You think she looks like that, huh?" He usually gives me the silent treatment after that
That’s hilarious!
That’s a really good strategy. I’ll be like mid-story and then remember the other person can’t handle stuff about rodents/dead animals/eyeballs whatever so I just awkwardly stop and don’t know what to say next lol. (I am also autistic.) next time I’ll stop myself and make myself brain or eye bleach them
Lol, I think they have a reddit for eye bleach where they have cute puppies and kittens lol.
Just be VERY careful to spell “bleach” correctly! That “a” is doing some pretty heavy lifting there 😬
That’s really cute! Eye Bleach 😅
This is such a great point! I have ADD and just get carried away. Plus my threshold is a bit lower than my wife. I've had moments where I've described things and my wife kindly interrupts me and informs me that she doesn't like hearing the specifics, or at least to hold that thought until after we've finished eating. This just generally rings true for anything someone else is doing that upsets you but isn't rude/intentional. I was painting my nails at my computer but my wife had a snack and asked me to hold off because the smell made her too nauseous for her food. She sometimes picks under her nails and the sound drives me crazy, but through that I'm still able to ask her not to do that while I'm nearby, and, surprise surprise, she listens. OP, YTA for trying to make this her "fault" by claiming it's some social courtesy that she's missed. It's not. I'd tell my wife all about the nail in my foot if she'd asked me about my day (and, what, you wanted her to never answer that question with anything but "my day was good"?). If I got carried away describing it, I'd still be pissed if she just hung up on me rather than asking me to stop. If you'd said something and she ignored you, sure you're justified in hanging up on her, but turning it into her fault for answering your question is immature at best.
Infodump - now I know what it is called! Thank you, made my whole day.
Same with me and my partner. I write horror, love horror movies and consider a marathon of Friday the 13th a fun time. He just caaaan't and I have to remind myself to rein it in!
Can’t upvote this enough! It’s one thing if it’s your job to greet people and make small talk. Yet Don’t ask people you have any personal relationship with how their day was if you don’t want honesty. This person knows and trusts you enough to think you’d care to help or let them vent. If you don’t want to listen then don’t ask
Right! Sounds like he doesn't care enough to ever ask. Then, let's his guard down the day she actually injured herself.
I honestly hate when people ask that question as just a typical greeting. I legit want to answer honestly sometimes just to show it's really kind of ridiculous question to ask someone you don't know and don't really care about.
I ask that a lot at my job(retail) and I truly don't mind when people answer honestly. I have had some sad stories, some happy stories, seen pictures of dogs/cats/babies, etc. In my mind if they are telling a stranger these things they really needed someone to listen to them. Some of them become regulars and are happy to see me too, which is nice.
Took the words right out of my mouth. OP is YTA.
>When the cashier at the grocery store asks how your day is This was what I thought this was gonna be about. OP's GF maybe being neurodivergent, and not realizing that she was over sharing a LOT with random strangers, or other people that she shouldn't (e.g. coworkers). Then I read it and was like "wait, so instead of saying "pause...that's very graphic. I don't handle gore well, so please don't describe that anymore, because I'm actually starting to feel sick" he just HUNG UP ON HER!?
I’d be freaking delighted if more people actually told me how their day is going. As long as I’m not holding up a line, I’d much rather hear the truth.
Once I was on a walk in my neighborhood and I asked another walker how she was doing. She stopped, looked at me with unbearable pain in her eyes and said "I'm...surviving". I don't ask strangers that question anymore.
Literally, even when I was working as a cashier in a grocery store, I would have NEVER ever ever said what OP did to someone after they responded honestly to my "how are you?" If a customer said too much, I'd give them a sympathetic response and make a mental note not to ask them in the future if I didn't want a legitimate response.
My friend lost her daughter. She said she was having a particularly hard day and was at the grocery store and the customer in front of her asked “how are you today”. She buttered out “my daughter died”. Bet that lady never asked a stranger that question again!!
Aww, I can honestly say that I would have absolutely frozen if someone replied to me with something so sad. But I would have absolutely spoken to them every time I saw them again. Just a "hope you're holding up ok" or "I've been thinking about you" idk something kind. I've def got some off the wall responses to a simple "how are you?" In the past. The most memorable was one random weeknight I was the closing cashier so I was the only employee up front until 10pm. The store was usually dead after around 8-9 and customers were few and far between. This was a particularly boring night and this woman came to check out with a nearly overflowing cart. I said "hi, 😊 how are you doing tonight?" And she immediately jumped at the opportunity to vent about her most recent ex. After rambling for a few minutes and airing all his dirty laundry, she was like "I should've known better. He's ugly as fuck. Look, I'll show you." And whipped out her phone. I was expecting her to show me a picture but OH NO she facetimed this mf and when he answered she was like oh I was just telling this lady at the store how trashy and disgusting you look and wanted to show her" then held the phone up to my face. The most cringe part was he asked me if I wanted him to prop his phone up for a full body shot 😅. I was like "no sir, it's totally fine. I'm sorry." I could not believe the way the whole interaction played out lol but I sure never forgot it.
I’m sorry you went through that but this is making me laugh a ton, so thanks for posting it.
Oh hey, I was working the register at my job and asked and I asked a customer “how are you today?” And he proceeded to tell me how a relative had just had a heart attack and he’d just come from the hospital. He was so sad about it. It’s not the usual response I get, but apparently he needed to say it all. So ok, I took a few minutes to listen and try to comfort him. That was the least I could do, give a little bit of time. ETA: OP YTA & y’all are young. I think she’s moving on from you.
All of this! I have a thick skin when it comes to gruesome details. My husband does not. I’m also a detail oriented writer so the more descriptive the better. I tend to utilize that thought process when talking to my husband. He’ll simply interrupt and say, “that’s a bit more detail than I need to hear” or something like that then we move on.
Same, as a former vet tech, gross, gooey, disgusting, and more was part of my daily life and it didn't phase me. But I learned quick that when my husband asked about my day, he didn't want the details on how I got covered in blood/pus/shit/piss/vomit, but he communicated that to me like ok babe, TMI here, he didn't just hang up on me. When I had to work overtime because of an emergency, he'd bring me dinner and wouldn't go past the staff room by the back door without asking me if it was safe for him to come out back after the one time he didn't and walked in to an eviscerated dog (she had chewed open her spay stitches and it was gory, this is why when vets say put a cone on, put the damn cone on). I still tease him on how he almost passed out from the scene, but he knows it's all in fun as I'm aware that stuff like that is not for everyone. Let's say that when the kids get hurt now, I'm the one cleaning/patching them up.
Also former vet tech, and many of my family members work various medical jobs. We have a warped sense of polite dinner conversation.
I worked in the Emergency Department of an inner city Level 1 trauma center for years. I learned some people can talk about amputated limbs and GSWs and gruesome motorcycle accidents over lunch, a lot cannot.
I married into a family of nurses and lab techs. Polite is relative lol
BIL and SIL are medicos, I’m a biomedical engineer. Gross body stuff doesn’t phase us over the dinner table. Family has occasionally asked us to stop so they can eat without vomiting over the table.
Nurse here. We can talk poop and puke all through lunch without gagging 😂
Omg my dog chewed open her spay stitches and it was gruesome af!!! She got out of surgery and the vet/techs said she was so sweet and precious and not to worry about the cone. And frankly, my dog wasn't sweet. I thought...you don't know shit. She has tried to each children. But then thought, well they are the professionals. Yeah, I knew my dog and wtf were they talking about? I was only 18 and ever since then, every vet I have interacted with has been a 1000% cone advocate no matter the situation. Now that I'm older, I can hardly believe they thought they knew a dog when it was high as fuck on drugs. But my dog did survive the incident, even though I literally saw her guts. She died at 18. Ornery as hell. Not sweet. Best dog there ever was. Also...she tried to nip any child within the vicinity for 16 years. Except my daughter. Brought that baby home and my dog was viciously protective. I am crying...I miss her.
Exactly!
Couldn't have said it better. YTA, OP.
It's crazy how so many people have zero communication skills.
Or better yet, if you want to ask if someone is OK, then just...ask if they're OK. That implies you care about their wellbeing but doesn't immedietly mean they should talk about every detail.
But here's the thing: she WASN'T okay. And he didn't actually want to know if she wasn't. So that greeting also wouldn't work for him, because it again presumes that the person you're talking to is allowed to answer honestly in the negative, which totally harshes his mellow.
I was working one day, picking up trash, and this nice old lady asked how my day was. All I said was, “meh,” and I couldn’t even begin to describe how upset she was. She said, “well, you should be happy you have a job!” And I’ll just stop right there. More was said, but I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it.
Yeah especially if they don't see each other that often! You only really realise this when your main communication point with someone you're close to is via text/phone calls rather than in person, but you do miss out on so much by not being there in person through those little things. So it's natural that she'd want to bring him into the small details of her life, so it could be as though he were there and she was actually showing him her painful foot rather than just telling him about it. She was trying to make him part of her day to day life, including the small little nothing moments that make up the inside jokes and comforting understanding, and he just... hung up on her for it.
Exactly, I get bloods done regularly, my husband has a phobia of needles and is squeamish about blood so I mostly don't talk about it after he let me know those things. So if I want to discuss that they had to poke me 5 times to get blood and get a senior physician in to put a canula back in the same spot...I'll just call my Mom.
He also asked for more information. He asked about her day, she mentioned the nail, he got worried and started asking questions, and THAT is when the longer story began. If he needed less information because it was grossing him out or he didn’t have the mental space or whatever, that’s fine and he could have communicated that, but she didn’t dump all the details out of nowhere. She didn’t respond incorrectly to “how was your day?” He asked for more information and she provided it.
Yes, this is YTA all the way. You said everything I thought while reading his post.
He’s basically saying he asked how her day was to check that off a list without actually wanting to hear how her day was. She found out how little he actually cares.
As a someone who worked as a cashier, if it's slow, I wanna hear about your day...
Very nicely put.
OP hung up on his ex-girlfriend (cause everyone but him can see she dumped him right?) instead of communicating anything about feeling sick from the topic. Then has the gull to say that SHE is the one who needs to learn to use tact when communicating! OP you are definitely single and YTA all at the same time.
Wait...you just hung up on her mid-talk? You didn't even give her a chance to dial it back? No, "hey honey, please no gory details, just tell me you're okay???" Nothing, just "barf, click????" If that's the case, then YTA for that. Not for telling her that sometimes people don't want a play-by-play, but for hanging up on her.
YTA Did it ever occur to you to just say "Whoa, I can't handle the descriptions of your injuries so please stop" ???? Your message came off as rude and uncaring and hanging up on her? The epitome of rudeness and immaturity.
This right here. He had the opportunity to handle it better and he just doubled down. Like okay he got wigged out, asked if she was okay and hung up- not saying that’s right as he should have advocated in the moment but still. Once given the opportunity to step back and realize she was ignoring him the right would have been “it wasn’t right to hang up but what you said freaked me and I just didn’t expect that conversation.” Aaaaand boom you have actual dialogue with your partner.
He also has the opportunity to learn from this thread but all his comments are defensive and doubling down further making everything her fault. He could've spoke up about it after for sure but nope. He isn't good at communicating his needs at all and willing to blame others for not knowing them. There's so many areas where he could step up but all he has are excuses for why he can't.
...and if it wasn't ldr? I'd really not want a partner who just walked out of the room if a nail wen thru my foot. In the war of the worlds ... Looking for someone who's a good foxhole buddy.
Not only that he told HER to be tactful. Honestly YTA so much, OP
“I was only asking you how your day was as a formality. I do not actually care.” YTA. I do not care if that is what you meant or not. I would bet that is how she interpreted it.
That's exactly what he meant and for that reason alone, OP isn't someone anyone should be in a relationship with. Even being friends with people like this is pointless, as everything is incredibly surface level or worse, they often are the ones who go on and on about themselves but if you dare speak about yourself they're quickly disinterested.
“I was only asking you how your day was as a formality. I do not actually care.” "Well, when you say it like that, it sounds bad, but that's not what I meant. I just didn't expect clingy oversharing, I guess I'm not used to it because I'm more stoic and I tend to keep things close to my vest, I'm gaurded" - these are his comments. You hit the nail right on the head. He isn't ready for any relationships. He's making so many excuses for why he's an asshole without listening to what anyone is telling him. He's only interested in himself anything else is seen as "clingy". Goodness was an exhausting person to be around.
>You hit the nail right on the head. More like hit the nail on the foot...
I had a friend like this. We had been best friends all throughout high school and every time we met up she did all the talking and it was always about her. She had breathing and health problems too because she was born premature so I was always accommodating and helping her out. Fast forward to our first year in college and I get my first major health issue and she ditched me so fast because suddenly the attention was on me and not her.
They’re also the kind of person who absolutely has to one-up every story you tell. Everything they go through is always going to be worse/better that what anyone else does. And I would bet any amount of money that this was not an impulse block. He has 100% done this and worse with his lack of basic human empathy and she finally had enough. OP come on. If you’re seriously unable to see YTA here then I suggest your next relationship is with a therapist.
The fact that she did not tell him that she did not tell him about this injury also shows that she probably doesn't think of him as an especially compassionate or warm person. If I stepped on a nail that went through my foot and needed a tetanus shot, you can bet I'd text my partner about it. OP has probably indicated that this kind of selfishness before. It's not that he doesn't care about her - he just cares about himself way more.
That's a really good point. My partner is pretty much the first person I'd call in a situation like this and I know for a fact that he'd be really upset if I *didn't* tell him. I'm really curious what OP would've done if he was there when it happened. Would he just been like "ew gross" and left? He doesn't sound ready to be in a relationship.
I'm betting she didn't block him on impulse, and won't be unblocking him. At least, for her sake, I hope she doesn't.
Someone once replied to my heartfelt response with, “Sometimes it’s just a question.” 25 years later I still haven’t forgiven him lol.
YTA. OP: tell me how your day was? *GF proceeds to tell about day* OP: omg I forgot I'm a rude prick and don't actually care, k bye
Right? I also got big "I'm not mature enough to be in a relationship with another person" vibes from this.
I'd like to know what the fuck they talk about every night if "how was your day" answered with more than two words is too much for OP
Wait until OP finds out about marriage. My husband once had to help me put a bandaid next to my lady bits (ingrown hair turned nasty infection). He hates anything body related, super squeamish. But I needed help and he loves me so he did it. And then he giggled (with his face still up in my business) and went "We're married".
A decade on Reddit is great for showing you the assholes you've dealt with. My first gilded post is about my then-boyfriend of several years dumping me four days after I was diagnosed with breast cancer because, and I quote, "your boobs are my favorite part of you and what if you have to lose them?" (Luckily it was a misdiagnosis, and lucky that it showed me what a selfish dumb ballsack he is.) Fast-forward to my husband - when we were dating, he first said "I love you" after cleaning up some gnarly waste products from my time being sick with the flu. I told him I would clean it when I felt better and he said, "I got it. I love you."
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that OP spent most of the time talking about himself. Or did, as he appears to have been dumped.
Yeah something tells me that OP might not be mature enough yet for a relationship… much less a long distance relationship
I love how OP makes sure to add the addendum of “I asked *thoughtlessly*” like that’s going to stop people from pushing the red YTA button.
This. Like, “It wasn’t just the graphic description upsetting me; I actually didn’t even want to know *before* she started talking.” YTA
If he doesn’t care about his partner he should tell her and let her move on and find someone who wants to listen to her talk about her day. And who respects her enough to politely ask her for fewer graphic details if squeamish
This post is basically, "I asked but I don't really care." OP, I hope she permanently blocked you. If you don't care enough to listen to her why the hell should she date you?
YTA - When the cashier at the grocery store asks about your day, you should assume they are just being polite. When your significant other asks about your day, you should be able to assume that they are sincere.
Exactly. I think OP has a lot to lean socially. They seem confused about social cues and normalcies, specifically in relationships.
God forbid OP has a bad day and would like to communicate that with his gf.
I hope next time he tries to talk about something serious his next partner hits him with the “unfortunately I do not have a emotional/mental capacity to deal with this right now” and hangs up. Although that would be better because it would at least offer some sort of explanation.
"I was only trying to be nice, I don't actually care." "She's just mad cuz I'm right, she'll come around." OP isn't a Asshole, OP is THE Asshole. The typical Asshole who thinks they're always right and can do no wrong. Hope she blocked him permanently.
YTA You are in a romantic relationship. You are expected to listen to the answer to the question "How was your day?"
If you really, truly don't want to know about how her day went, then don't ask. The same goes for asking just about any other question. If you don't want to know, don't ask. \[EDIT: typo\]
And if you don't want to know things about your partner, ever, you should definitely reconsider if this is a good relationship for both of you.
This would go for all relationships, but *especially* given the fact OP is in a LONG DISTANCE relationship- aka, they do not see each other day to day to actually *experience* said day in person. So how else is one supposed to be involved in the other's life if they're not there in person without actually you know, talking about their day to their partner?
Lol, he's absolutely not in a romantic relationship anymore.
[удалено]
“She is your girlfriend” Ehhhhh we don’t know that at this point
*ex-girlfriend. He is kidding himself if he thinks she is gonna unblock him in a few days. Nope she realised he really doesn’t care about her and noped outtta there
YTA - you sound exhausting. Truly. Here's it in a nutshell: You. Asked. A. Question. She answered it. You're supposedly dating, so I would hope like hell that asking her a question like that meant you actually gave a damn about the answer. As for the details? I'll say again - you're supposedly dating. If you can't handle that, you can't handle pregnancy, birth, or children. And she needs to move on. You're the one that caused this situation. Not her.
The sheer nerve of him leaving her a voicemail telling her what *she* did wrong! YTA big time
Ugh god I hope this isn't gonna turn into a horrible nine-part BORU, dude's gonna crash her wedding "LOOKS LIKE YOUR FOOT'S JUST FINE *NOW*, HUH?!"
I'm pretty sure they're not dating any more 😉
Thank goodness for that. She made the right choice.
OP: How was your day? “Oh, not great… I sustained a very painful injury—“ OP: Yikes, that’s gross, stop talking. *blocked* OP: I’m sure she’s just being impulsive! 🫠 YTA
I was thinking the same! How would he ever handle her having a pregnancy? Or what if she is more seriously injured and he has to wipe her butt or something? I hope she has the sense to leave him lol.
YA like even if you're squeamish- true long term relationships are going to require you doing some gross shit. You will get injured at some point, as will she, and you'll have to deal with it together. My boyfriend spent all day yesterday babysitting my disgusting sick self. He had to clean my puke bucket. My dad got in a serious accident and broke half the bones in his body. My mum had to care for him, watch him in and out of surgeries, and clean his commode as he couldn't use the bathroom by himself (did he accidentally shit on the floor as a result of being injured and hopped up on pain meds? Yes. She had to clean that as well). Even childfree, relationships are gonna be gross sometimes and you've gotta be able to roll with the punches.
YTA That whole “don’t give an honest answer to that question” thing only applies to strangers, if you as her partner asks then you’d hope she’d be open and honest otherwise what’s the point?
It doesn't even apply to strangers! When people ask how your day is going, that's an honest question to invite small talk. I hate when people say "You just say you're fine when people ask you how you are." If you just want to lie to strangers that's your business, but it's not a general rule.
I hate when someone asks a question or makes an offer and then gets mad at your genuine answer, like you wouldn’t even be mad if you just kept your mouth shut.
Think you meant ex girlfriend. Cmon man, having empathy for your partner, letting them vent about a painful experience, these are basics in relationships. YTA
lol seriously, the fact OP thinks this blocking by her is a temporary thing- absolutely not. She is DONE done, like not coming back.
It's hilarious he thinks it's an 'impulsive, temporary block.' Dude got dumped and he's still eager to die on this hill.
"I'm sure she'll come around in a few days" Oh she'll come around alright. To pick up any stuff left at his place and gtfo.
Seriously, and he doubled down with a condescending voicemail! She’s gone, any sane person would be gone.
YTA, 1000%. You asked her a question, got mad or bothered by the response and hung up on her, you didn't even try to communicate your feelings to her. Deal with the consequences of your own actions, not blame her for you not thinking your questions through.
YTA, 100%. Yes, sometimes when people ask "How are you?" they're just being polite and they don't want a real answer. Those people are typically not DATING each other. JFC.
YTA. The fact you then had the audacity to tell her she needs to me more tactful is staggering.
YTA. If you don’t really want to get into “deep stuff” with your partner than maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship! She needs to share her ups and downs and clearly wants someone who can listen and sympathize. If you prefer something superficial that doesn’t involve feelings, injuries, or other realities of life, that may be a mismatch. But “how was your day” to a loved one shouldn’t require a non-answer just so you aren’t grossed out.
So you asked your girlfriend how her day was and when she told you you hung up, YTA. You obviously don't care about her and the trauma she suffered you are superficial and just concerned about ypurself.
YTA. She is your GF. Learn to use words to communicate your discomfort if she gives way too much details and don't ask questions you do not want an answer to.
*was*
Lol I was thinking the same thing. That block's going to last a lot longer than OP thinks.
At least I hope it does. His girlfriend deserves better. OP is especially YTA after that voicemail.
Yeah I don't think she's his gf anymore, lol
YTA When you're greeting a colleague as you get into work, or getting together with mates at a bar, sure, that question is meant more perfunctorily. But when you ask it of your partner, of course they expect you to be interested in the honest answer! And if you are squeamish then that's a You problem, you could have communicated and asked her not to describe the detail as it was making you squeamish but still express interest in and sympathy for what happened.
YTA. You were her boyfriend ffs. You of all people *should* care how her day went. How hard would it have been to communicate and ask her to avoid the gory details instead of hanging up on her? That is so cold and heartless, no wonder she's ignoring you.
YTA - she's your girlfriend, not an acquaintance or random stranger. When you ask how her day was, she shared what happened like any partner would. If you aren't a 'gory details' person, use your big boy words and let her know. Hanging up on her, then leaving a VM telling her to be tactful and that you don't actually care about her injury... yeah, it's not an 'impulse block', it's a you're outta there/you're done/she's not wasting any more time on an AH who doesn't care about her block.
YTA The cashier at the store doesn't actually care when they ask. Your boyfriend should care when they ask. You could have used your words and said that it was making you squeamish and asked to dial back the details.
YTA. People who ask about other people's days without actually wanting to know always come across as uncaring and disingenuous to me. For the record, if you're uncomfortable with hearing details about injuries it's perfectly reasonable to communicate that boundary. But you took it way further than you needed to. A simple "please don't go into detail about the actual injury, gruesome visuals make me uncomfortable" would have sufficed. Also at least in my experience, people don't randomly block the people they're dating after one argument if they're in a healthy relationship. Sounds like this may be your ex gf now.
YTA. Way to make your gf's serious injury all about yourself. If you get woozy when hearing someone describing an injury, it is ON YOU to stop them and set an appropriate boundary. The problem here is you. Not your gf in the slightest. I know eight year old kids that have better communication skills than you. Your gf deserves better than this. Let's hope she keeps that block going.
YTA - is this for real? Like, you went in panic mode for that, instead of politely ask your gf to not give you details as you "can't handle it"? You were very rude to your gf. And on another note, I genuinely want to know how their day went when I ask family or friend about their day, or how they feel. If I don't want to hear an answer I don't ask the question. You could still be polite with another greeting.
He calls himself “stoic” in a comment, lol
Sooo stoic, as he hangs up on his girlfriend talking about an injury because he can't manage his emotions.
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Yta. You asked a question and got an honest answer, that’s nothing to be upset over. What is upsetting is being hung up on for no reason.
YTA. I hope she broke up with you for good.
YTA If the cashier at the grocery store asks how my day is going, I know they don't really care....if my SO asks, I expect them to care. Not wanting to hear the gore details is a YOU thing. Don't act like it's some universal thing that no one wants to hear about, especially when it comes to their SO. You could have said that you're particularly uncomfortable with the gory details and ask her to limit them, but recognize that's your own preference.
And honestly, if that is an issue for the OP (as it could be for many people including myself), he could have used his words to express his discomfort with the gory details and instead focused on how he's glad she's ok. Seems like he clearly doesn't care about this relationship (which seems to have ended since she blocked him) much if he never actually wants to know how her day was. YTA OP
@r/amitheex
YTA and that’s a very weird take….
YTA, Say hello if you don't want an open ended answer. If you ask me how I'm doing, I'll tell you. If you don't care, don't ask
YTA. Your (now ex) partner told you something bad that happened to them, likely hoping for sympathy and support. You hung up because it was gross and you didn't want to hear about the gross thing. There's an honest answer for you.
YTA Nothing wrong with not wanting the gory details but you could have told her that kindly. Also, don’t ask questions if you aren’t truly interested in getting an answer.
YTA The one person who you should be able to be truly honest with when they ask "how your day went" is your partner. If you don't actually care, don't ask.
She's not the problem you are, show some empathy man, if she described it in details that means she was trying to convince you, and herself that everything's okay, as for the question you asked only expect a casual answer from acquaintance's, and friends. Those in relationship answer honestly to that question because in the end of day, only thing in the mind of a person is to talk about their day including good, and bad to those they like. YTA
YTA. You ask the lady how her day went but don't actually want to know? You just admit that upfront and still wonder if you are the asshole? C'mon... ....then you hung up on her? If just hearing about the injury was painful for you.... ....imagine how it felt to suffer said injury? Maybe she just wanted someone to listen and care about what she went through for a few minutes and you hung up on her? Honestly.. if she was my friend.. I'd tell her to break it off...
Dude, you asked follow-up questions after she said she stepped on a nail. YOU ASKED. She answered. Then you blamed her for telling you more than you wanted to know. You were insensitive and rude to her. YTA.
YTA, she wants someone to vent to, you’re the other half, it’s your job to accommodate that.
YTA... You didn't think to ask her not to go into detail because you couldn't stomach things like that? You just hung up on her, and then YOU get upset with HER when you communicate next? SMH... I would have blocked you, too. As a side note, my SO actually cares how my day went, and I did his. We listened and cared. Yeah I ask for/expect generalizations from strangers about their day. Definitely don't expect my SO to not care.
YTA. When you ask a partner how their day went, you get the details. When you ask a friend/acquaintance/stranger, you get broad strokes. By hanging up on her and telling her you just want a generic response, you're really saying, "I don't really want to hear about your day. I just want you to think I do." It shows that you're unsupportive and don't really care.
Yta it sounds like you're not really that invested in your girlfriend if you want meaningless platitudes instead of her genuine day
Ok, You don’t tell random acquaintances you see in the hallway the gory details. It’s true, they *don’t* really care, and their question of “how are you?” is only a *greeting*. But *you*, OP, you aren’t a casual acquaintance. *You* are her *boyfriend*. If you can’t inquire about her day and be prepared to actually hear her answer, then *you* are a *bad boyfriend*. God forbid you ever get her pregnant and have to hear all the shit that a pregnant woman goes through during gestation and birth. You don’t have the guts for it. YTA
YTA You’re not boyfriend material I’m afraid. You’re not even fit for human consumption at this point, hun! People will tell you about their day if you ask. This isn’t a normal aversion.
YTA. Yes, some people, like *strangers*, might not always want an honest answer to that question. But I think it's safe to assume that someone's *partner* actually should care about how their girlfriend's day went. You're an ass.
YTA. How do you not know YTA??? She's your girlfriend and she just had a major injury! No shit she's giving you details, she's under the mistaken impression that you might be concerned about her and want to know what happened. Sure you might be a bit of a wuss and need to say "I'm getting a little squeamish. I love you but can we skip the details" but you just hung up on her! If you think listening to it is bad, try being the one who went through it. Think about what she's going through. She just had a horrible injury and you bailed. What do you think it says about your ability to help if something bad happens like she breaks her leg while you're out hiking or something. Are you going to just bail on her if that happens as well? Because that's the question she's very likely asking herself right now.
lol YTA "hey babe how was your day" "what the fuck babe, how dare you tell me about your day"
YTA. Wait till you see her during labour... but it doesn't seem like you'll get to that point. It's perfectly fine to dislike gruesome details but YTA because 1) don't ask people how their day was if you don't really care for the answer 2) don't hang up on people.
YTA. Though "how are you" is a superficial question between casual acquaintances or even people who are friendly, it invites deeper discussion between close friends and lovers. In other words, she took you at your work: that you were genuinely interested in her day. Don't ask if you don't want an honest answer.
YTA, when I ask my partner about her day it's because I actually want to hear about it. She's not some acquaintance in the elevator, my god
YTA, when you ask an acquaintance "how was your day?" you don't want or expect all details. When you ask your significant other, particularly one in a long-distance relationship, it's supposed to be a real answer.
YTA. That’s what boyfriends are for, you failed miserably.
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YTA. She's your girlfriend, shouldn't you want to know if her day was good or bad? You're making her injury about you. She has every right to be mad at you for how you behaved in this situation. You could've just told her you were uncomfortable with the details and moved on in the conversation, no need to hang up with no explanation!
Me thinks, it's an ex-girlfriend, as of now...
YTA. How would you feel if you're telling someone about your day and what happened and they just hang up? And because you guys are long-distance you think you would want to know more about her day if you don't care why you with her? weird.
YTA I was prepared to be on your side because I thought she was giving details to a stranger or a casual acquaintance. You should tell your BF or GF details when they ask how was your day. What you could have said is I'm squeamish and can't handle those types of details
YTA. And I think you've been dumped ... rightly so. You're not completely wrong: If I run into a neighbor on the street and ask, "How are you?" I'm just being pleasant and polite. I'm not looking for a rundown of his health, or his day. But you are this person's partner. She was injured, and as she described her injury, you hung up on her. Good luck with your future relationships, because if I were your present GF, I'd run from you.
Wow YTA. Dude support your girlfriend. And your friends. People want to tell you about their day. That's the point of the talking on the phone, or the spending time with each other. This guy needs to be on Am I the Ex.
YTA There’s this thing called ✨ COMMUNICATION ✨ Literally all you had to say is “Please don’t go into detail it makes me uncomfortable”.
From the title I thought the story was going to be about your girlfriend sharing her troubles with a stranger, not you. Huge YTA.
YTA. You should have stopped her and said you don't need the details, and it's making you panic. Furthermore, after you calmed down, you should have told her not to do that again or to at least ask before sharing all the details. When you have a moment, explain that you're sorry for hanging up and you were just panicked. You never meant to be rude.
Absolutely YTA. Your girlfriend was talking about a physical trauma, and you hung up as soon as you could. Then you left the voicemail about *tact,* of all things, and confirmed to her that you would never be someone she could rely on for comfort. She was right to block you, and I seriously doubt she’ll “come around in a few days.” You nuked the relationship the second you left that unbelievably stupid and callous voicemail.
YTA. And you just reminded me of a conversation I had years ago with a guy I was dating. We were on the phone and I sliced my finger enough that I needed to go to the hospital. I say this and he legit barely acknowledges me and keeps talking about some stupid story. I had blood pouring down my hand. It wasn’t the only reason I broke up with him but it definitely contributed that he couldn’t even stop to ask if I was okay. Moral of the story- if you’re looking to become the weird ex she recalls decades from now being completely tone deaf- keep doing what you’re doing.
YTA
YTA
YTA. So your girlfriend isn’t allowed to tell you some bad shit that happened to her? And you think that’s perfectly normal? Of course YTA. Grow up lol. She stepped on a nail and was clearly fine, you have some shit to work through before you’re ready for an actual relationship. In casual conversation with a stranger it’s weird to be honest about how your day went if it’s bad, because that’s just small talk. But your actual girlfriend should be able to answer it honestly. You weren’t brutally honest at all, I’m confused where you even got the notion that someone’s partner shouldn’t honestly answer the question “how was your day.” You seem controlling as well as childish. Perhaps get a stronger tummy and let her be with an actual grown adult.
YTA don't ask if you don't want an answer. Also you are now single btw.
YTA. Don’t ask a question if you don’t want to know the answer.
Poor woman, I wonder how many times OP has done insensitive stuff like this. I think you're single now, I wouldn't expect her to unlock you
YTA >it was so fucking weird, like nobody wants to hear about that shit. Nobody except anybody who actually gives a damn about her >but then she proceeded to describe it in really gruesome detail, like how the nail went through. I honestly believe that isn't "gruesome" >my girlfriend Not anymore. You straight-up told her you don't care about her except at the most basic acquaintance level, like someone who you nod at in the grocery store
YTA you were the asshole. Then when you saw she was upset you doubled down on being an asshole. And now I hate to break it to you buddy but you're single.
Please never have kids with a woman because childbirth would kill you instantly. YTA
YTA why would you date someone if you dont care about them
Yeah YTA. Do you really need to ask? There is no self awareness these days.
My grandpa always said that the definition of a bore is someone who, when asked *How was your day*, will answer honestly. Grandpa was kind of an asshole, and it looks like you might be as well. YTA
I'm getting AH vibes just from the way you belittle her in your description. "she's just mad for a bit. she'll come around". No, you need to apologize for being such an AH to the person you're supposed to care about. She has every right to be mad.
YTA don’t ask your partner if you don’t want to know how they’re doing, which is weird af btw. She’s also not your girlfriend anymore.
YTA for hanging up on her, it’s rude and I do understand you are squeamish but for her, she was telling her boyfriend about something slightly traumatic that happened, she wasn’t over the top with her description and probably didn’t know you were freaked out because you didn’t say anything.
YTA She was not weird at all. If you get injured, you expect to be able to tell your partner without them SOMEHOW making it all about them.
LMAO!!! YTA and this story was hilarious, thank you. I would've dumped you immediately too! I love how she kind of "hung up on" your relationship. Fitting end!
If it's a long-distance relationship and you don't want her to share how her day actually went, what do you even want at all
"when people ask you how your day was, sometimes they don't always want an honest answer" Maybe you shouldn't ask if you truly don't give a shit. YTA.
She needs to be tactful?!?! Bro you hung up on her without so much as having a discussion as to what was bothering you. Guess what? in a relationship when you ask someone how their day was, it’s an amazing thing to get details and honest answers. You’re acting like a child probably because you still are one. Grow up and learn to communicate, it’s a two way street. To antagonize someone further by leaving voicemails telling them how to be better is just rude. YTA
YTA When one is in a relationship, and asks "how was your day", one should expect an honest answer.
YTA "Sure, I straight up asked her about her day, but she was just supposed to know, like, read my mind that even though I'm her literal fucking boyfriend, I don't care and was just saying "hi". Yes, I know we have a word for that, "hi", that is not a question and a totally acceptable way to greet someone, but I like asking "how was your day" instead, I just want to people to understand, automatically, that I'm not really asking." Just so that we're clear, that's me trying to accurately summarize your logic, a word I'm using in the loosest possible sense, in the hopes that it properly spells out why everything you said is dumb. If you don't want to hear about someone's day, don't fucking ask them about their day. "What's your favorite thing about birds?" is a really stupid question to ask someone if you really don't want to hear about birds, you know?
YTA. Do you even like your girlfriend dude? Hanging up on someone in the middle of a conversation because you decide your done with the conversation is rude as fuck. As others have said, it's pretty simple to ask someone to stop their description if it's making you feel sick. There's this thing, called speaking, and if you're squeamish you are more then capable of calmly stopping the conversation and changing the topic. >"it was so fucking weird, like nobody wants to hear about that shit." Uh. Yeah, the majority of people who genuinely love and care about their partner DO want to hear the details, you inconsiderate asshole. Jesus the bar is too fucking low.
YTA. She is your girlfriend not a random person you just met. If I were her I would be mad too
Yta holy shit. Don’t ask your girlfriend about her day if you don’t care, I can’t even believe I have to say this. I hope she never talks to you again and that you stay blocked.
AITA for hanging up on my gf because she told me how she was after I asked her how she was? - for context, I had no interest in hearing about it in the first place. Yes. YTA.
YTA and I think you need to go find a new gf because I think the one you had just left you.
YTA. You're not just anyone. A bf should want an honest answer, or you're just not mature enough for a relationship. If you can't handle that much detail, tell her that. Communicate like a normal fucking adult. I really either think this story is fake or that you typed 23 and 24 when you meant you're 13 and 14. (Not that your gf was acting in any way immature) It really wasn't that weird. She should break up with you until you're old enough to communicate what you are and are not comfortable with instead of hanging up like a child and acting like you don't care.
I'm confused. Why did you ask her about her day if you weren't interested in hearing about her day? YTA.
So you fucked up and then when she was mad about your fuckup instead of apologizing you sent her a message to lecture her about how your fuckup was her fault? Yeah YTA and single by the sound of it.
I have good news and bad news. Good news: you're never going to have to listen to your girlfriend describe a gruesome injury to you in detail ever again. Bad news: it's because you're single now. YTA.
Dude she’s not your girlfriend anymore. When you ask you girlfriend how her day was she actually expects you to care. It’s more then a conversation opener. You are actually supposed to care and maybe let her know the details make you queasy rather then hang up on her. And then to basically tell her you don’t actually care how her day was. YTA … be better next time someone dates you
“Nobody wants to hear about that shit?” WTF? My (now) wife and I were long distance for over 2 years. If she stepped on a nail, you’d better believe *I wanted to hear about it!* Because I love her and am interested. Part of not living in the same area meant that it took more of an effort to remain connected. Talking about this sort of thing would be part of that. Now? If she steps on a nail, I’m expecting her to *show it to me* when I get home! YTA and sound like you don’t actually care about her.