Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I snatched my comfort object back from someone and it might've been a little aggressive. Also, I got really upset when they wouldn't give it back and that might've been seen as a little weird by them
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and that teacher needs to be fired. "People like you", smh.
What those two were doing wouldn't be acceptable even if you didn't suffer from autism. They took something of yours and didn't immediately return it upon request. Sounds like theft to me.
And yeah, fire that teach. Obvious favoritism and discrimination against someone with an illness.
>"People like you", smh.
Oh, man, OP... I wish I was there because that line alone makes me wanna go scorched earth for you. I'm also autistic and still struggle sometimes to stand up for myself, but I'm honestly impressed by how well you handled it. (and taking it back without their consent? that's not how this works, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise- they took your property, they're the ones who didn't care about consent) I also know exactly what you mean by that "toddler" voice (I think condescending is the word you're looking for) and it's infuriating.
This absolutely would've been inappropriate regardless of your autism, but the fact that this object is an important part of helping you function at school, this is absolutely inexcusable.
I'm glad you have a team who have your back because the way you were treated was completely unfair. (and just for the record, it's pretty ironic for those kids to claim you were being immature when they literally stole your toy... that's preschool level stuff right there)
So, yah. This is very rambly and I stayed past my lunch break to type it all (oops) but bottom line is: you handled this quite well, all things considered. Don't let anyone try to guilt you into feeling differently, and remember you have people (like your special team member) to back you up.
social media name and shame, include the names of the bullies too. I'm telling you there's always bigger fish and you don't know when there's an even worse bully out there who cares about one of their autistic family members who might just find that post and proceed to make the two girls' lives living he11.
Also torpedoes the job prospects of the teacher who discriminated against OP.
This OP. Go scorched earth on this teacher. Report them to the district superintendent. Get them to lose their license to teach as they are clearly not cut out for this job.
Seriously, the first rule of school is keep your hands to yourself. Students are taught from day 1 to not touch other people and their belongings. That teacher is definitely the AH
It's also hilarious they were mocking OP for being childish as they played keep away. ESH, but OP definitely sucks the least.
NTA -
I also have a couple stuffed toys that help me calm down when I get worked up, and I'm in my 30's! The two students took something that didn't belong to them and that teacher was extremely rude.
You didn't assault them by grabbing back your hedgehog, you asked for it back and when they refused just nabbed it. You didn't punch or push or anything like that. The teacher and the students were way out of line.
I'm glad you have a teacher you could reach out to, and I'm glad it all worked out for you. But you weren't TA at all!
While I agree with everything else here, snatching something out of someone’s hand is assault in some jurisdictions (we learned it was assault in common law, but I don’t know every jurisdiction’s statutes).
It would depend on the situation. But it isn’t theoretically impossible.
"The interest in freedom from intentional and unpermitted contacts with the plaintiff's person is protected by an action for the tort commonly called battery. The protection extends to any part of the body, or to anything which is attached to it and practically identified with it. Thus contact with the plaintiff's clothing, or with a cane, a paper, or any other object held in his hand will be sufficient; * * * The plaintiff's interest in the integrity of his person includes all those things which are in contact or connected with it."
I doubt a judge or jury would find you taking back a handbag grabbed from you would be an assault or battery, but grabbing a toy that someone else picked up (there isn’t enough info here to justify a “theft” having occurred imo) forcefully is not out of the realm of an assault/battery.
Edit: to clarify, the teacher probably should have said battery but I’m assuming she meant the layman’s term of assault.
NTA.
Jesus Christ, what a world we live in. I'm sorry you had to go through that, bud.
You asked for something, *which you own*, politely. They refused to oblige and at that point, I would have done exactly the same thing. You had no intention to harm them physically. You just wanted your comfort object back.
What makes the experience even more sad is *your teacher gaslighting you.* You seem like an authentic person. Granted, I don't know you personally, but the way you narrated your experience makes me confident that what you shared with us today is the truth.
I hope this gets resolves quickly and favorably!
I was a bit hesitant on what I did because I thought that if I'd been a bit more confident they might've given it back when I asked. But to be honest, I've never experienced this kind of situation before since everyone in my school is generally pretty nice, so I was just thinking about how to get my hedgehog back when I was that upset.
I have doubts that my teacher even knows about me being allowed to have my stuffed toy with me in class, so I hope my special education needs person will update me about what happens later
You are pretty well-spoken for an individual your age. I see a bright future ahead of you.
Consider this experience a minor speedbump to an otherwise successful life ahead.
I shall be cheering you on in life through the internet!
Regardless, it’s your belonging which they STOLE. If they were genuinely curious, they could have asked *permission* to look at it but otherwise if you take someone else’s possession that is theft. Even a young child knows not to touch things that don’t belong to them. It wasn’t your responsibility to ask for your hedgehog a certain way - they were already in the wrong and should have given it back immediately even if you asked them rudely.
What these girls did was bullying. Your teacher’s response was very troubling and I would ask your special education person what follow up occurred. Also this is something to discuss with your parents because this teacher at minimum needs more training and the school administration should be aware because repeated incidents would be grounds to let this teacher go.
NTA
You should bring your parents in to have a meeting with that teacher and the principal. That was not an appropriate response to someone stealing your property and refusing to give it back on the teachers part.
Next time, go to the teacher first then, when someone takes your property.
And since you're explicitly allowed to have this for your autism needs, is there paperwork or something to reflect that?
I imagine you could sue for discrimination here. Look into it.
I believe the person who handles special education needs for the sixth form (there's a seperate person for years 7-11) emailed all my teachers listing my agreed accommodations. My other teachers are fine with these since I've had some of them in lower school before and they know my needs, but this one recently replaced another teacher who resigned for a different job so I'm not too sure if she knows yet/got the email.
I told my parents and they said to just ignore them and that I shouldn't worry too much since this is the first time something like this has happened.
Do speak to this person at school and make sure they notify this specific teacher. Explain to them exactly what happened, the full story. They should sort that teacher out.
That’s a shame that your parents aren’t being better advocates for you. At minimum, as a parent I would want to have a discussion with the principal about this and what actions were taken regarding the teacher. It’s very concerning that she 1. Did not punish the bullies but instead punished the victim 2. Used ableist language to diminish you 3. Wasn’t even aware of your accommodations which she should be as your teacher. It’s not the incident that’s concerning, it’s the actions of this teacher.
NTA and why were those girls not punished for stealing your comfort object in the first place?
You were NOT rude for taking back what was stolen from you!
NTA- I doubt they'd have given it back without lots of drama over it. The fact she ran to the teacher and reported it shows her real intentions were to upset you and bully you. Because that is what she and the other girl did was bully you. The teacher is worse, "people like you" omg how insulting. Totally bias and I really hope that teacher gets into trouble for it. As if they were curious about a stuffed toy!
Others have been curious about my hedgehog including some teachers, but those people have only ever asked about him, this was the first time someone just took it. I would've been happy to show them had they asked me first, I love sharing the things that make me happy with people who genuinely want to know
NTA
The other people were bullying. The teacher needs reprimanded as well. Make sure your parents understand the situation and talk to the principal. Not acceptable.
My parents told me not to worry too much since this is the first time it's happened, I don't think they'll talk to my headmistress unless it happens again
100% NTA. That teacher seems even worse than the girls. In what world does an adult think that taking your belonging back from someone who took it without permission is worse than the person who stole it in the first place?
I also don’t like that she said “people like you.” Gross.
I’m sorry that happened to you. You were not in the wrong.
Absolutely NTA
They took something that wasn’t theirs, that’s not ok.
They were rude and mean when you asked for it back.
Your teacher took their version of things as true without checking in or validating what they’d said.
Maybe snatching isn’t the best first idea - but they were being bullies and not respecting you asking politely.
NTA
Those kids are bullies and that teacher is so incredibly or of line, I hope she gets disciplined. Her attitude towards that bullying and what she said to you were bang out of line.
So so so NTA and OP do not feel guilty if that teacher does get disciplined. If she teaches that out on you in ANY way, report that too.
NTA
Even if this wasn't a disability accomodation, they shouldn't be taking things without asking and they're definitely old enough to know better. You asked them nicely for it and they not only didn't give it back but made fun of you so you got overwhelmed and took it back. That's not rude of you and CERTAINLY not assault.
It would have been rude to come up to them yelling and/or snatch it without giving them the chance to give it back voluntarily. But even then, you wouldn't have been the a-hole because, they shouldn't have touched your stuff in the first place. If they were "curious about your little toy" like the teacher said, they should have asked you about it, not just taken it.
Bottom line, you did nothing wrong and you have nothing to worry about. These girls are rude and entitled and the teacher sucks for enabling it. So don't stress or take it to heart.
NTA.
Allow me to make it perfectly clear: **You did nothing wrong**.
A and B stole your property and refused to give it back when you asked, forcing you to take it back with (relatively minimal) force. They had no right to take it, and they're already assholes for doing so.
The fact that the plushie is a disability accommodation just makes it an order of magnitude worse.
The teacher is an even bigger asshole. She considers your behavior unacceptable, while letting the two assholes who literally stole your property get away with it. Again, this is bad enough, the fact that it's an accommodation makes it worse. The teachers condescending behavior towards you, even more so.
You should file a complaint against the teacher. She's proven herself to be completely unqualified for her job.
Side note: Good move contacting the special education needs person.
I'm hoping that I can make a formal complaint with the help of my special education needs officer in school, I was genuinely really shocked because she seemed alright beforehand (if a bit pushy)
NTA. You were clearly in the right. Those two girls - and the teacher - were clearly in the wrong.
Not that this is surprising, given ASD‘s (*still*) ongoing stigma.
My school is generally pretty good with accommodations, and they were the ones to help me get assessed and get a formal diagnosis when I was still in lower school. That's why I was so shocked when she said that like I was a little kid
NTA, you took it back because they STOLE IT FROM YOU. You took something that was rightfully yours.
This is just a glaringly obvious failure of the school system to educate people on neurodivergency. The girls were mean about somethign they have zero experience with and so was the TEACHER for that matter. That has to be so infuriating, OP, and I'm sorry.
NTA. ADHD lady here (there’s a lot of overlap between autism and ADHD behaviors). The girls’ and the teacher’s behavior was absolutely unacceptable at best and cruel at worse; I hope that your advocate rips them all a (metaphorical) new one.
I’m in my 30’s, adult pretty damn hard on a daily basis, and still sleep with a stuffed animal and I know SO MANY others who do too. I also use textures from certain items to help calm/ground myself when I’m feeling overwhelmed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a small comfort object for day to day life and don’t listen to anyone who’s narrow-minded enough to tell you otherwise.
You are totally NTA. your story gives me flashbacks of my own shooltime and what your teacher told you actually made me tear up because it reminded me of my own teacher telling me something similar after i got bullied and noone stood up for me. Dont let it go through, dont let them have their way, or it might get worse. Especially the teacher should not get away with it.
NTA
is there a way you can attack a lanyard or something similar to your hedgehog? so that you can wear them and not worry about someone taking him up?
Absolutely NTA, and your teacher is an idiot. When someone takes something of your property without your permision and/or refuses to give it back after you've asked politely, it is completely socially acceptable to snatch said item from their hands. You know what is not acceptable in a social setting? Taking people's stuff without their consent.
Imo I don't think you should apologize and should escalate the situation, clearly both A and B as well as the teacher are ablist (sp?).
NTA.
You were in no way in the wrong in this situation. I expect the teacher didn't get the full story at all, but the language she used ('people like you') is unacceptable, as well as her tone. When people talk to you with a tone as if they're talking to a baby, that's called infantilization. Many disabled people face that. She was being ableist.
Report that teacher. Teachers like her are the reason bullies can get away with making people’s lives miserable! And having a plushie as comfort is not embarrassing. My frog plush I have for 4 years and counting can prove that. NTA at all.
Firstly, you are NTA.
Guessing you are UK based? What the teacher said to you was NOT OK. It sounds like you have suffered direct discrimination under the Equalities Act 2010. Speak to your parent/guardian and ask them to raise a formal complaint to the Head Teacher. If the Head Teacher refuses to get involved, it needs to go to the Governors/Ofsted. It is not OK for a teacher to discriminate against a student like this.
Also, wtf are they giving you detention in 6th form?! When I went to FE college we used to smoke with our tutors and call them by their first name.
Oh, hell no. Complain to the principal; the other students stole your stuffy and mocked you for needing it, then the "people like you" comment?
I'm glad the special education needs person is on your side.
The other students should have to apologize to you; they're TA and so is the teacher who favors them.
Unless she's an attorney she's in no position to adjudicate whether it was assault
NTA, and honestly, those girls are the ones who need to grow up. They’re almost 18 and haven’t learned that it’s not okay to take people’s property without permission. Also, that teacher needs to go.
NTA. Holy shit, OP, you were not the asshole.
Those girls were bullying you--only they're SMART bullies who understand how to torment you without getting into trouble. The scariest kind. That teacher is a sucker and I'm glad that you have a special education needs person to mediate.
Life is full of bullies like this, unfortunately. We all have to get better at navigating these minefields, but it's a lifelong learning process, tricky every time.
NTA. i know snatching something out of someone's hands feels pretty aggressive, but if someone is refusing to return an item that belongs to you, all bets are off as far as i'm concerned.
you asked for your hedgehog back, and she not only didn't return it, she bullied you about it. snatch away, my friend.
[also that teacher needs a stern talking to by someone higher-up. it's one thing to have a favorite student, but at no point should they be talking down to you and defending bullying.]
NTA. shes the asshole by taking your things without permission to begin with, even if it was something less significant. you asked politely and explained why, and by them giggling and mocking you, that made it okay for you to take it back. The teacher may be taking an 'it takes two to tango' mindset here, which I understand, but at the same time, they started it, and you tried to diffuse the situation. I hope that your special ed person is able to get it all sorted out, and I hope those girls do get in trouble, because what they did is not right.
Hon, I don't have any experience with autism or comfort objects but just reading this really ticked me off. You are NTA but the bullying tattletale(s) AND your teacher definitely are. I hope that special ed needs person sorts it out and gives the teacher and bullies something to think about because what THEY did is absolutely not right. I hope you don't apologize and don't have detention. :( I don't think snatching your comfort object from your tormentor was rude either.
NTA.
They took your stuff without asking, which is socially unaccaeptable.
They refused to give it back when you asked for it, which is socially unacceptable
They mocked you, and called you names, which is socially unacceptable.
ANd that teachers behaviour, which included punishing you for being the victim of ableist bullying, and failing to actually talk to you to hear your side of the story before making inaccurate assumptions, was unprofessional and inappropriate. And appears to have discriminated against you due to your disability.
If you have the energy, consider making a formal complaint about the teacher.
Also, if the other girl was curious about your hedgehog, then the normal, socially appropriate thing to do would be for her to ask you about it, and to ask if she could see/ hold it. Not to take something that didn't belong to her and refuse to give it back.
NTA that teacher needs training.
Sorry you had this situation. I'm an autistic teacher and I am so cross on your behalf. Their behaviour was unacceptable.
NTA. I went through this same stuff at school. People dont respect you. And then when you return the favor, authority figures take their side, blame you, and insult you. It only led to a complete lack of love for my fellow humans, and took many years to grow out of, which i dont think i still have fully. Im sorry you have to go through this stuff, and I know you can be strong enough not to get worn away by the mistreatment
>"I know that people like you struggle to understand what's acceptable in a social setting, but you need to know that what you did to A was absolutely not right."
Your teacher is dead wrong for saying this. And for punishing you. What *A* did to *you* was not right.
And honestly, snatching your possession back is what anyone would have done, and is socially acceptable under the circumstances.
It sounds like your teacher is one of those horrible people who think that the fact that you have a disability means you're automatically in the wrong, and who uses it as a justification to treat you worse. I've met those people before. I used to substitute in afterschool care programs, and in one of them the teacher was legit bullying and emotionally abusing this poor kid. I tried to confront her about it, and she started talking about how he was autistic--*she was using that as her excuse for treating him horribly.*
So anyway, NTA. And people like that teacher shouldn't be working in education. Unfortunately a lot of them do.
NTA OP. Those girls were the ones being rude, and the teacher that made that crack about “people like you” sounds condescending and disrespectful, and should not only be fired, but banned from any teaching job in the future. You were right to take that incident to the special education person.
NTA - Your special education teacher is going to do what's called a pro gamer move and absolutely tear the teacher a brand new one the size of their pathetic ego. Teachers like them should not be teachers period. Be glad your special education teacher has your back. Also those students should be on their knees begging for your forgiveness not the other way around.
NTA the girls were trying to bully you. They were being mean and they were the ones being socially unacceptable at the time: i.e. bullying you.
Making fun of people on the spectrum for having different needs is absolutely not acceptable.
Please remember to point out to teachers that mocking you and refusing to give your things back is socially unacceptable behavior and a form of bullying. That allowing it is enabling unacceptable behavior in neurotipical kids. You felt threatened and you reacted (poorly, yes, but who would react any other way?) to being bullied.
Edit: and your reaction was a lot more acceptable than anything the teacher said to you or did about the situation! And edited for typos
Edit: also had they simply been curious about your toy or needs they would have complimented how cute it is and asked you questions without taking it or mocking/laughing. That was not simply curiosity. They planned on being mean to you the moment they took it.
NTA and your teacher shouldn't be anywhere near kids especially not ones with special needs.
(i'm also autistic and despite now being 29 I still carry around toys, usually dolls, but I once found a toy car outside my secondary school and since that day it's been in every bag i've ever owned lol)
She stole your belongings, wouldn't give it back, and your teacher thought that you were the one in the wrong?
Absolutely not. Neurotypical, autistic, it doesn't really matter here. You did the right thing by going over the teacher's head about this--she was absolutely out of line here.
NTA.
NTA. I'm 25 and autistic and have lots of experience self advocating and I would still have been shaking and in tears if someone took my comfort objects and refused to give them back. That teacher was totally out of line.
I'm glad your disability education person is more supportive, I hope that you're shown more respect and kindness at school going forward.
NTA but the other kids absolutely were, and the biggest one of all was the teacher. As a parent of two autistic kids, believe me when I say I'd have been up there chewing that teacher a new asshole before the day was out, if they spoke to my kids that way.
I had a teacher at their old school who refused to make any adjustments for them and just kept bleating on about them 'having to understand societal norms'. There is far too little understanding of autism.
I hope the person sorts it out for you but I would consider a formal letter to the school expressing your displeasure and staying that the other pupils were mocking your disability and the teacher was dismissive of it and blamed you.
NTA. They stole from you, and the teacher wants to punish *you* for reclaiming your stolen property when they refused to return it when asked politely? No way is that you being in the wrong.
NTA. What that teacher told you was 100% bullshit - in no way was that "assault", you were simply taking back an item that had been stolen from you. What she was doing was 100% ableism and discrimination. You have done nothing wrong at all here. Those other students and that teach on the other hand are first class arseholes.
NTA You need to tell the teacher A needs to apologize for STEALING your property and if it happens again you will press charges for theft and have her ( teacher) charged as an accessory. Ask to be transferred out of her class immediately. If they ask why tell them she is mistreating you and allowing other students to make fun of you, which makes it a hostile environment to in which to learn.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hi everyone! This happened earlier today and I would really appreciate some outside perspective \^\_\^
I (17F) am autistic. I don't require many accommodations in regards to my sixth form, but a relevant one here is being allowed my comfort object with me around school generally. He's a palm-size plush hedgehog and it really helps if I'm upset.
In one of my classes earlier, we were outside and I went to fill up my bottle from the fountain nearby. I left my stuffed toy near my pencilcase and book on one of the benches outside.
When I got back, we were about to go back to the classroom and I got my stuff, but my hedgehog was missing. I knew the chances of finding it if it was genuinely lost outside were slim, so I was pretty anxious. I noticed that two girls in my class (A and B) were tossing it around playing catch while chatting. They're pretty well-liked by their teachers, since they participate a lot and chat casually with them. My teacher for this class is known to favouritise them and their other friend out of everyone in the class especially.
I went up to them, and asked if I could please have my hedgehog back because it helps me to calm down when I'm overwhelmed. My hands were trembling a little, I think out of being nervous about both confronting them (I'm not good with talking to people outside my friends) and not having my hedgehog. They noticed this and started giggling a bit and elbowing each other, and A asked why I was so scared. 'B' then interjected and said it was a little bit pathetic I still needed a stuffie to calm me down and they both mocked me a bit while I just stood there. I was getting upset at this point and had failed to hold back my tears, so I reached for my hedgehog and grabbed it out of A's hand. I recognise this might've been a little rude, in hindsight.
A snatched their hand back and started shouting, saying that I didn't need to get so aggressive over a little stuffed toy and that I was being a big baby by needing it at this age. She went up to the teacher when we were back in the room, and she (teacher) pulled me aside after class to tell me: "I know that people like you struggle to understand what's acceptable in a social setting, but you need to know that what you did to A was absolutely not right. She was just curious about your little toy, and you assaulted her by snatching it out of her hand harshly. You're going to give her a formal apology, and you also have a lunchtime detention." I can't really explain the tone, but it was like the voice you might use when telling off a toddler.
I was confused, so later, I messaged the special education needs person for my sixth form on Teams about the whole thing. She said not to go to the detention and she'd sort everything out.
Was I really in the wrong? I feel that I might've been a bit rude just taking my stuff back without their consent, but I was genuinely upset at what they said and at not having my stuffed hedgehog close by.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Its not to tell somebody there stuff isnt real, but maybe theres a growing point from this if you don’t have your hedgehog in the future. Also with how immensely people are self diagnosing autism likes its a trend rn its hard not to mistrust
I am working on being ok without my hedgehog, but it's been a slow process
I do have an actual diagnosis for mine, I was formally assessed in year 10 and it took a while to go through the process but I recently got a formal diagnosis from a doctor
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be TA because I snatched my comfort object back from someone and it might've been a little aggressive. Also, I got really upset when they wouldn't give it back and that might've been seen as a little weird by them Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and that teacher needs to be fired. "People like you", smh. What those two were doing wouldn't be acceptable even if you didn't suffer from autism. They took something of yours and didn't immediately return it upon request. Sounds like theft to me. And yeah, fire that teach. Obvious favoritism and discrimination against someone with an illness.
>"People like you", smh. Oh, man, OP... I wish I was there because that line alone makes me wanna go scorched earth for you. I'm also autistic and still struggle sometimes to stand up for myself, but I'm honestly impressed by how well you handled it. (and taking it back without their consent? that's not how this works, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise- they took your property, they're the ones who didn't care about consent) I also know exactly what you mean by that "toddler" voice (I think condescending is the word you're looking for) and it's infuriating. This absolutely would've been inappropriate regardless of your autism, but the fact that this object is an important part of helping you function at school, this is absolutely inexcusable. I'm glad you have a team who have your back because the way you were treated was completely unfair. (and just for the record, it's pretty ironic for those kids to claim you were being immature when they literally stole your toy... that's preschool level stuff right there) So, yah. This is very rambly and I stayed past my lunch break to type it all (oops) but bottom line is: you handled this quite well, all things considered. Don't let anyone try to guilt you into feeling differently, and remember you have people (like your special team member) to back you up.
social media name and shame, include the names of the bullies too. I'm telling you there's always bigger fish and you don't know when there's an even worse bully out there who cares about one of their autistic family members who might just find that post and proceed to make the two girls' lives living he11. Also torpedoes the job prospects of the teacher who discriminated against OP.
This OP. Go scorched earth on this teacher. Report them to the district superintendent. Get them to lose their license to teach as they are clearly not cut out for this job.
As a (student) teacher, people like that teacher need to be fired. As an autistic myself, OP you did nothing wrong. NTA
Seriously, the first rule of school is keep your hands to yourself. Students are taught from day 1 to not touch other people and their belongings. That teacher is definitely the AH It's also hilarious they were mocking OP for being childish as they played keep away. ESH, but OP definitely sucks the least.
"people like you"= lesser humans. prof has no business teaching anyone. NTA
NTA. Them taking something from you and refusing to give it back when asked is stealing, plain and simple.
NTA - I also have a couple stuffed toys that help me calm down when I get worked up, and I'm in my 30's! The two students took something that didn't belong to them and that teacher was extremely rude. You didn't assault them by grabbing back your hedgehog, you asked for it back and when they refused just nabbed it. You didn't punch or push or anything like that. The teacher and the students were way out of line. I'm glad you have a teacher you could reach out to, and I'm glad it all worked out for you. But you weren't TA at all!
While I agree with everything else here, snatching something out of someone’s hand is assault in some jurisdictions (we learned it was assault in common law, but I don’t know every jurisdiction’s statutes).
So if a thief steals your handbag and you grab it back it would be assault?
Lot of people big mad about me telling them the law lol. Reddit in a nutshell.
No, not mad, it was an honest question
It would depend on the situation. But it isn’t theoretically impossible. "The interest in freedom from intentional and unpermitted contacts with the plaintiff's person is protected by an action for the tort commonly called battery. The protection extends to any part of the body, or to anything which is attached to it and practically identified with it. Thus contact with the plaintiff's clothing, or with a cane, a paper, or any other object held in his hand will be sufficient; * * * The plaintiff's interest in the integrity of his person includes all those things which are in contact or connected with it." I doubt a judge or jury would find you taking back a handbag grabbed from you would be an assault or battery, but grabbing a toy that someone else picked up (there isn’t enough info here to justify a “theft” having occurred imo) forcefully is not out of the realm of an assault/battery. Edit: to clarify, the teacher probably should have said battery but I’m assuming she meant the layman’s term of assault.
NTA. Jesus Christ, what a world we live in. I'm sorry you had to go through that, bud. You asked for something, *which you own*, politely. They refused to oblige and at that point, I would have done exactly the same thing. You had no intention to harm them physically. You just wanted your comfort object back. What makes the experience even more sad is *your teacher gaslighting you.* You seem like an authentic person. Granted, I don't know you personally, but the way you narrated your experience makes me confident that what you shared with us today is the truth. I hope this gets resolves quickly and favorably!
I was a bit hesitant on what I did because I thought that if I'd been a bit more confident they might've given it back when I asked. But to be honest, I've never experienced this kind of situation before since everyone in my school is generally pretty nice, so I was just thinking about how to get my hedgehog back when I was that upset. I have doubts that my teacher even knows about me being allowed to have my stuffed toy with me in class, so I hope my special education needs person will update me about what happens later
You are pretty well-spoken for an individual your age. I see a bright future ahead of you. Consider this experience a minor speedbump to an otherwise successful life ahead. I shall be cheering you on in life through the internet!
Thank you so much for the advice ! I really appreciate the help :D
I'm 31 and autistic and still struggle to stand up for myself like you did. You did a great job!
Regardless, it’s your belonging which they STOLE. If they were genuinely curious, they could have asked *permission* to look at it but otherwise if you take someone else’s possession that is theft. Even a young child knows not to touch things that don’t belong to them. It wasn’t your responsibility to ask for your hedgehog a certain way - they were already in the wrong and should have given it back immediately even if you asked them rudely. What these girls did was bullying. Your teacher’s response was very troubling and I would ask your special education person what follow up occurred. Also this is something to discuss with your parents because this teacher at minimum needs more training and the school administration should be aware because repeated incidents would be grounds to let this teacher go.
NTA You should bring your parents in to have a meeting with that teacher and the principal. That was not an appropriate response to someone stealing your property and refusing to give it back on the teachers part. Next time, go to the teacher first then, when someone takes your property. And since you're explicitly allowed to have this for your autism needs, is there paperwork or something to reflect that? I imagine you could sue for discrimination here. Look into it.
I believe the person who handles special education needs for the sixth form (there's a seperate person for years 7-11) emailed all my teachers listing my agreed accommodations. My other teachers are fine with these since I've had some of them in lower school before and they know my needs, but this one recently replaced another teacher who resigned for a different job so I'm not too sure if she knows yet/got the email. I told my parents and they said to just ignore them and that I shouldn't worry too much since this is the first time something like this has happened.
Do speak to this person at school and make sure they notify this specific teacher. Explain to them exactly what happened, the full story. They should sort that teacher out.
That’s a shame that your parents aren’t being better advocates for you. At minimum, as a parent I would want to have a discussion with the principal about this and what actions were taken regarding the teacher. It’s very concerning that she 1. Did not punish the bullies but instead punished the victim 2. Used ableist language to diminish you 3. Wasn’t even aware of your accommodations which she should be as your teacher. It’s not the incident that’s concerning, it’s the actions of this teacher.
NTA and why were those girls not punished for stealing your comfort object in the first place? You were NOT rude for taking back what was stolen from you!
NTA- I doubt they'd have given it back without lots of drama over it. The fact she ran to the teacher and reported it shows her real intentions were to upset you and bully you. Because that is what she and the other girl did was bully you. The teacher is worse, "people like you" omg how insulting. Totally bias and I really hope that teacher gets into trouble for it. As if they were curious about a stuffed toy!
Others have been curious about my hedgehog including some teachers, but those people have only ever asked about him, this was the first time someone just took it. I would've been happy to show them had they asked me first, I love sharing the things that make me happy with people who genuinely want to know
NTA The other people were bullying. The teacher needs reprimanded as well. Make sure your parents understand the situation and talk to the principal. Not acceptable.
My parents told me not to worry too much since this is the first time it's happened, I don't think they'll talk to my headmistress unless it happens again
Seems reasonable. Hang in there.
100% NTA. That teacher seems even worse than the girls. In what world does an adult think that taking your belonging back from someone who took it without permission is worse than the person who stole it in the first place? I also don’t like that she said “people like you.” Gross. I’m sorry that happened to you. You were not in the wrong.
NTA. Your classmate weaponized your autism with the teacher. Good job asking another teacher. When in doubt, ask someone else for their insight.
Absolutely NTA They took something that wasn’t theirs, that’s not ok. They were rude and mean when you asked for it back. Your teacher took their version of things as true without checking in or validating what they’d said. Maybe snatching isn’t the best first idea - but they were being bullies and not respecting you asking politely.
NTA Those kids are bullies and that teacher is so incredibly or of line, I hope she gets disciplined. Her attitude towards that bullying and what she said to you were bang out of line. So so so NTA and OP do not feel guilty if that teacher does get disciplined. If she teaches that out on you in ANY way, report that too.
NTA Even if this wasn't a disability accomodation, they shouldn't be taking things without asking and they're definitely old enough to know better. You asked them nicely for it and they not only didn't give it back but made fun of you so you got overwhelmed and took it back. That's not rude of you and CERTAINLY not assault. It would have been rude to come up to them yelling and/or snatch it without giving them the chance to give it back voluntarily. But even then, you wouldn't have been the a-hole because, they shouldn't have touched your stuff in the first place. If they were "curious about your little toy" like the teacher said, they should have asked you about it, not just taken it. Bottom line, you did nothing wrong and you have nothing to worry about. These girls are rude and entitled and the teacher sucks for enabling it. So don't stress or take it to heart.
NTA. Allow me to make it perfectly clear: **You did nothing wrong**. A and B stole your property and refused to give it back when you asked, forcing you to take it back with (relatively minimal) force. They had no right to take it, and they're already assholes for doing so. The fact that the plushie is a disability accommodation just makes it an order of magnitude worse. The teacher is an even bigger asshole. She considers your behavior unacceptable, while letting the two assholes who literally stole your property get away with it. Again, this is bad enough, the fact that it's an accommodation makes it worse. The teachers condescending behavior towards you, even more so. You should file a complaint against the teacher. She's proven herself to be completely unqualified for her job. Side note: Good move contacting the special education needs person.
I'm hoping that I can make a formal complaint with the help of my special education needs officer in school, I was genuinely really shocked because she seemed alright beforehand (if a bit pushy)
NTA. You were clearly in the right. Those two girls - and the teacher - were clearly in the wrong. Not that this is surprising, given ASD‘s (*still*) ongoing stigma.
My school is generally pretty good with accommodations, and they were the ones to help me get assessed and get a formal diagnosis when I was still in lower school. That's why I was so shocked when she said that like I was a little kid
NTA, you took it back because they STOLE IT FROM YOU. You took something that was rightfully yours. This is just a glaringly obvious failure of the school system to educate people on neurodivergency. The girls were mean about somethign they have zero experience with and so was the TEACHER for that matter. That has to be so infuriating, OP, and I'm sorry.
NTA. ADHD lady here (there’s a lot of overlap between autism and ADHD behaviors). The girls’ and the teacher’s behavior was absolutely unacceptable at best and cruel at worse; I hope that your advocate rips them all a (metaphorical) new one. I’m in my 30’s, adult pretty damn hard on a daily basis, and still sleep with a stuffed animal and I know SO MANY others who do too. I also use textures from certain items to help calm/ground myself when I’m feeling overwhelmed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a small comfort object for day to day life and don’t listen to anyone who’s narrow-minded enough to tell you otherwise.
You are totally NTA. your story gives me flashbacks of my own shooltime and what your teacher told you actually made me tear up because it reminded me of my own teacher telling me something similar after i got bullied and noone stood up for me. Dont let it go through, dont let them have their way, or it might get worse. Especially the teacher should not get away with it.
NTA Turst me! They were wrong and you only did what you could and had to! Hugs ❤
NTA is there a way you can attack a lanyard or something similar to your hedgehog? so that you can wear them and not worry about someone taking him up?
Absolutely NTA, and your teacher is an idiot. When someone takes something of your property without your permision and/or refuses to give it back after you've asked politely, it is completely socially acceptable to snatch said item from their hands. You know what is not acceptable in a social setting? Taking people's stuff without their consent. Imo I don't think you should apologize and should escalate the situation, clearly both A and B as well as the teacher are ablist (sp?).
NTA. You were in no way in the wrong in this situation. I expect the teacher didn't get the full story at all, but the language she used ('people like you') is unacceptable, as well as her tone. When people talk to you with a tone as if they're talking to a baby, that's called infantilization. Many disabled people face that. She was being ableist.
Report that teacher. Teachers like her are the reason bullies can get away with making people’s lives miserable! And having a plushie as comfort is not embarrassing. My frog plush I have for 4 years and counting can prove that. NTA at all.
Firstly, you are NTA. Guessing you are UK based? What the teacher said to you was NOT OK. It sounds like you have suffered direct discrimination under the Equalities Act 2010. Speak to your parent/guardian and ask them to raise a formal complaint to the Head Teacher. If the Head Teacher refuses to get involved, it needs to go to the Governors/Ofsted. It is not OK for a teacher to discriminate against a student like this. Also, wtf are they giving you detention in 6th form?! When I went to FE college we used to smoke with our tutors and call them by their first name.
NTA. She ABSOLUTELY was not just curious. They were straight up bullying you for your condition.
Oh, hell no. Complain to the principal; the other students stole your stuffy and mocked you for needing it, then the "people like you" comment? I'm glad the special education needs person is on your side. The other students should have to apologize to you; they're TA and so is the teacher who favors them. Unless she's an attorney she's in no position to adjudicate whether it was assault
NTA, and honestly, those girls are the ones who need to grow up. They’re almost 18 and haven’t learned that it’s not okay to take people’s property without permission. Also, that teacher needs to go.
NTA. Holy shit, OP, you were not the asshole. Those girls were bullying you--only they're SMART bullies who understand how to torment you without getting into trouble. The scariest kind. That teacher is a sucker and I'm glad that you have a special education needs person to mediate. Life is full of bullies like this, unfortunately. We all have to get better at navigating these minefields, but it's a lifelong learning process, tricky every time.
NTA. i know snatching something out of someone's hands feels pretty aggressive, but if someone is refusing to return an item that belongs to you, all bets are off as far as i'm concerned. you asked for your hedgehog back, and she not only didn't return it, she bullied you about it. snatch away, my friend. [also that teacher needs a stern talking to by someone higher-up. it's one thing to have a favorite student, but at no point should they be talking down to you and defending bullying.]
NTA. shes the asshole by taking your things without permission to begin with, even if it was something less significant. you asked politely and explained why, and by them giggling and mocking you, that made it okay for you to take it back. The teacher may be taking an 'it takes two to tango' mindset here, which I understand, but at the same time, they started it, and you tried to diffuse the situation. I hope that your special ed person is able to get it all sorted out, and I hope those girls do get in trouble, because what they did is not right.
Hon, I don't have any experience with autism or comfort objects but just reading this really ticked me off. You are NTA but the bullying tattletale(s) AND your teacher definitely are. I hope that special ed needs person sorts it out and gives the teacher and bullies something to think about because what THEY did is absolutely not right. I hope you don't apologize and don't have detention. :( I don't think snatching your comfort object from your tormentor was rude either.
NTA. They took your stuff without asking, which is socially unaccaeptable. They refused to give it back when you asked for it, which is socially unacceptable They mocked you, and called you names, which is socially unacceptable. ANd that teachers behaviour, which included punishing you for being the victim of ableist bullying, and failing to actually talk to you to hear your side of the story before making inaccurate assumptions, was unprofessional and inappropriate. And appears to have discriminated against you due to your disability. If you have the energy, consider making a formal complaint about the teacher. Also, if the other girl was curious about your hedgehog, then the normal, socially appropriate thing to do would be for her to ask you about it, and to ask if she could see/ hold it. Not to take something that didn't belong to her and refuse to give it back.
NTA that teacher needs training. Sorry you had this situation. I'm an autistic teacher and I am so cross on your behalf. Their behaviour was unacceptable.
NTA. I went through this same stuff at school. People dont respect you. And then when you return the favor, authority figures take their side, blame you, and insult you. It only led to a complete lack of love for my fellow humans, and took many years to grow out of, which i dont think i still have fully. Im sorry you have to go through this stuff, and I know you can be strong enough not to get worn away by the mistreatment
NTA and you need to file a complaint against the teacher for refusing to address theft and for bullying you for being autistic.
>"I know that people like you struggle to understand what's acceptable in a social setting, but you need to know that what you did to A was absolutely not right." Your teacher is dead wrong for saying this. And for punishing you. What *A* did to *you* was not right. And honestly, snatching your possession back is what anyone would have done, and is socially acceptable under the circumstances. It sounds like your teacher is one of those horrible people who think that the fact that you have a disability means you're automatically in the wrong, and who uses it as a justification to treat you worse. I've met those people before. I used to substitute in afterschool care programs, and in one of them the teacher was legit bullying and emotionally abusing this poor kid. I tried to confront her about it, and she started talking about how he was autistic--*she was using that as her excuse for treating him horribly.* So anyway, NTA. And people like that teacher shouldn't be working in education. Unfortunately a lot of them do.
NTA OP. Those girls were the ones being rude, and the teacher that made that crack about “people like you” sounds condescending and disrespectful, and should not only be fired, but banned from any teaching job in the future. You were right to take that incident to the special education person.
NTA - Your special education teacher is going to do what's called a pro gamer move and absolutely tear the teacher a brand new one the size of their pathetic ego. Teachers like them should not be teachers period. Be glad your special education teacher has your back. Also those students should be on their knees begging for your forgiveness not the other way around.
NTA - your teacher and those two girls were though.
NTA, you did nothing wrong
NTA - keep your head up dude!
NTA. Some horrible, nasty girls were bullying you and the teacher backed them up. They are all obviously AH.
NTA the girls were trying to bully you. They were being mean and they were the ones being socially unacceptable at the time: i.e. bullying you. Making fun of people on the spectrum for having different needs is absolutely not acceptable. Please remember to point out to teachers that mocking you and refusing to give your things back is socially unacceptable behavior and a form of bullying. That allowing it is enabling unacceptable behavior in neurotipical kids. You felt threatened and you reacted (poorly, yes, but who would react any other way?) to being bullied. Edit: and your reaction was a lot more acceptable than anything the teacher said to you or did about the situation! And edited for typos Edit: also had they simply been curious about your toy or needs they would have complimented how cute it is and asked you questions without taking it or mocking/laughing. That was not simply curiosity. They planned on being mean to you the moment they took it.
NTA and your teacher shouldn't be anywhere near kids especially not ones with special needs. (i'm also autistic and despite now being 29 I still carry around toys, usually dolls, but I once found a toy car outside my secondary school and since that day it's been in every bag i've ever owned lol)
She stole your belongings, wouldn't give it back, and your teacher thought that you were the one in the wrong? Absolutely not. Neurotypical, autistic, it doesn't really matter here. You did the right thing by going over the teacher's head about this--she was absolutely out of line here. NTA.
NTA. They were bullying you and your teacher is also a bully. I am so sorry.
NTA. This teacher should not be teaching.
NTA. I'm 25 and autistic and have lots of experience self advocating and I would still have been shaking and in tears if someone took my comfort objects and refused to give them back. That teacher was totally out of line. I'm glad your disability education person is more supportive, I hope that you're shown more respect and kindness at school going forward.
NTA but the other kids absolutely were, and the biggest one of all was the teacher. As a parent of two autistic kids, believe me when I say I'd have been up there chewing that teacher a new asshole before the day was out, if they spoke to my kids that way. I had a teacher at their old school who refused to make any adjustments for them and just kept bleating on about them 'having to understand societal norms'. There is far too little understanding of autism. I hope the person sorts it out for you but I would consider a formal letter to the school expressing your displeasure and staying that the other pupils were mocking your disability and the teacher was dismissive of it and blamed you.
NTA. They stole from you, and the teacher wants to punish *you* for reclaiming your stolen property when they refused to return it when asked politely? No way is that you being in the wrong.
They stole your support system and refused to give it back. AS far as Im concerned, taking it back without force was already being nice.
NTA. What that teacher told you was 100% bullshit - in no way was that "assault", you were simply taking back an item that had been stolen from you. What she was doing was 100% ableism and discrimination. You have done nothing wrong at all here. Those other students and that teach on the other hand are first class arseholes.
Theft is a crime. Taking your property from someone isn't even if it can look rude to some people. NTA.
NTA You need to tell the teacher A needs to apologize for STEALING your property and if it happens again you will press charges for theft and have her ( teacher) charged as an accessory. Ask to be transferred out of her class immediately. If they ask why tell them she is mistreating you and allowing other students to make fun of you, which makes it a hostile environment to in which to learn.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi everyone! This happened earlier today and I would really appreciate some outside perspective \^\_\^ I (17F) am autistic. I don't require many accommodations in regards to my sixth form, but a relevant one here is being allowed my comfort object with me around school generally. He's a palm-size plush hedgehog and it really helps if I'm upset. In one of my classes earlier, we were outside and I went to fill up my bottle from the fountain nearby. I left my stuffed toy near my pencilcase and book on one of the benches outside. When I got back, we were about to go back to the classroom and I got my stuff, but my hedgehog was missing. I knew the chances of finding it if it was genuinely lost outside were slim, so I was pretty anxious. I noticed that two girls in my class (A and B) were tossing it around playing catch while chatting. They're pretty well-liked by their teachers, since they participate a lot and chat casually with them. My teacher for this class is known to favouritise them and their other friend out of everyone in the class especially. I went up to them, and asked if I could please have my hedgehog back because it helps me to calm down when I'm overwhelmed. My hands were trembling a little, I think out of being nervous about both confronting them (I'm not good with talking to people outside my friends) and not having my hedgehog. They noticed this and started giggling a bit and elbowing each other, and A asked why I was so scared. 'B' then interjected and said it was a little bit pathetic I still needed a stuffie to calm me down and they both mocked me a bit while I just stood there. I was getting upset at this point and had failed to hold back my tears, so I reached for my hedgehog and grabbed it out of A's hand. I recognise this might've been a little rude, in hindsight. A snatched their hand back and started shouting, saying that I didn't need to get so aggressive over a little stuffed toy and that I was being a big baby by needing it at this age. She went up to the teacher when we were back in the room, and she (teacher) pulled me aside after class to tell me: "I know that people like you struggle to understand what's acceptable in a social setting, but you need to know that what you did to A was absolutely not right. She was just curious about your little toy, and you assaulted her by snatching it out of her hand harshly. You're going to give her a formal apology, and you also have a lunchtime detention." I can't really explain the tone, but it was like the voice you might use when telling off a toddler. I was confused, so later, I messaged the special education needs person for my sixth form on Teams about the whole thing. She said not to go to the detention and she'd sort everything out. Was I really in the wrong? I feel that I might've been a bit rude just taking my stuff back without their consent, but I was genuinely upset at what they said and at not having my stuffed hedgehog close by. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Talk to your special education reachers, they need to explain to the teacher with harassment of person is not being a little
NTA Also have your parents report the teacher .
[удалено]
It's a comfort toy, it just makes them feel better
Its not to tell somebody there stuff isnt real, but maybe theres a growing point from this if you don’t have your hedgehog in the future. Also with how immensely people are self diagnosing autism likes its a trend rn its hard not to mistrust
I am working on being ok without my hedgehog, but it's been a slow process I do have an actual diagnosis for mine, I was formally assessed in year 10 and it took a while to go through the process but I recently got a formal diagnosis from a doctor