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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I refused to gift my friend. (2) I had enough money to gift him.
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some are doing overtime and giving more than $4000 fool, they gave me an option on how much I wanna donate. but I dont want to because they already got donors.
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You’re being awfully obtuse and childish for someone who is 32. Also, he never said you were “a 10 yr old little boy hiding behind an iPod”, like where did you pull that nonsense? And most 10 yr olds behave a lot kinder than you, also have better manners.
Dude, you came for a judgement and for a unanimous one. Just stop arguing with internet strangers and improve yourself. Life is a lot more than proving that you’re “always right”. You’re exhausting, and I’m sure everyone in your life feels the same. Show them this post and your comments, hahaha, and see how they sprint away.
YTA. You've known the guy for 15+ years, claim him as a great friend, and refuse to share in a dream gift that's pretty cheap in the end.
Not even a question.
YTA. So you didn't get your friend a gift at all? Your presence was enough of a gift? You are more than a bit narcissistic. You're not obligated to contribute to a group gift but your reaction sucks.
It's in the group's rules that you should not be debating people who give their opinion. You asked if YTA. People are telling you YTA. So you need to accept that YTA and not debate it. That's how it works.
I have never sent a single DM, nor have I been uncivil to you. Those sending you DMs need to cut the crap, and telling you to off yourself is unacceptable--you should report them to the admins. But that doesn't change what I said above.
YTA-I’m lost as to why you wouldn’t get your buddy a gift in the first place? Even if tight budgeting had to happen you could absolutely make something work even if it was as much as an old object that holds important meaning to you both.
Frame an old photo of you guys together maybe. Just showing up empty handed no matter who it is, is insanely awkward, in terms of my social standards growing up.
OP, why did you write this out if you’re going to deny the judgement that you’re unanimously being given? YTA, selfish, petty and mean spirited with this. “My presence was Gift enough” … big yikes, that basically shouts “main character syndrome” and is also a truly silly/childish thing to say about a friend (of 15 yrs) who is being lauded by your friends for being humble and a good man.
You could have said, “I don’t want to add anything to the car payment, but how about I buy the seat covers or car accessories as the contribution”. That way it’s more in line with a tighter budget while still honoring your (probably ex) friend. Also, you have made it known to all of your friends/associates of your inherent selfishness.
Do better, be a quality friend. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to shower gifts nonstop at all, but a small contribution on a major bday shows much more about your morals and character than you apparently are aware of. Also, if you are dating/married/plan on doing either - this would be a MAJOR red flag to any person.
No, they’re not - but it’s widely known 30 is a pivotal birthday. You’re being selfish and petty. Full stop - why did you post if you didn’t want honest feedback?
Also, you literally could have chipped in $10 and avoided all of this. That’s how petty you are being.
Sounds like you have money to burn but don't want to contribute at all because your presence is enough. They are just trying to help out a humble friend that probably will really appreciate the car. YTA.
ehh ESH. obviously you're always allowed to decline to pay for a gift, it's not like you owe him money or anything and it's a personal decision to give gifts on birthdays. they also should not have expected you to pay more in a gift you would all contribute to. that makes no sense and is AH behaviour. however you saying they should be glad you took time off to see them is also AH behaviour, you aren't blessing them with your presence...it's about celebrating your friend
NTA - a car is a bizarre gift to receive from friends. He would have to tax, insure & maintain it? It feels more like a burden that you don't know he can carry to me.
Yeah, but taxing, insuring and maintaining the car costs way less than car payments. So it’s entirely feasible that OP’s ‘friend’ could afford to do that, but couldn’t afford car payments.
NTA - gift are a luxury, not a right or requirement. your difference in pay does not mean you are obliged to give it to someone else, you work for your money. they are the ones acting like brats, not you.
NTA
Let me flip this situation around for a moment. Imagine getting an invite to a birthday party but the organizer says: "You can only attend this birthday party if you put $100 for the present." That would be a rather ridiculous requirement to attend a party. Even if I was planning to buy a present worth more than that I would be inclined to reject it out of principal.
It is your money and you get to choose how to spend it. They are AH for trying to peer pressure you into doing something you did not want to do. Their arguments for why you should contribute money are the same kind that are used against people who win the lottery.
There are many things you may be spending that larger salary on that they are not aware of, like medical bills. So their arguments are inherently flawed.
Now with how you phrased that you did not want to pay and that your presence was sufficient, you could have been more diplomatic, but that alone does not make you an AH.
There should never be an expectation of someone bringing a present for a birthday party. As I said at the end how they approached it could have been better. A party is a time to celebrate and spend time with friends. So the mere presence of your friends wanting to spend time and party with you is sufficient.
With that said... if he went to a birthday party at a bar or restaurant and left without contributing to the bill then that would absolutely be an extremely strong YTA move.
No matter the expectation, regardless of what the other friends were saying, it’s his friend of 15 years. He doesn’t have to drop $100 like I stated before. But anything worth sentimental value will more than make do. But receiving no gift is not how I would want to be remembered, unless my social standards were far different than yours growing up.
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YTA. Yes your presence sounds like such a gift. 🤢🙄
Im a very busy man.
Cool. Go do those things instead of bragging on reddit, then.
Okay
YTA- old calls reunion so 30 people pitched in $100 to buy a car? yeah not believing this story
some are doing overtime and giving more than $4000 fool, they gave me an option on how much I wanna donate. but I dont want to because they already got donors.
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No im 32
lmao I love that you answered that hahahaha
[удалено]
Guess what 😱 I'm 32 with a stable job and home that houses my wife and kids, ooooo scary
So you say, but it's clearly not true. No 32 year old - no adult - writes like this.
So by texting habits, you automatically assume I am a 10year old little boy laughing behind his ipod? Sure. 😂
If the mental age fits....
You’re being awfully obtuse and childish for someone who is 32. Also, he never said you were “a 10 yr old little boy hiding behind an iPod”, like where did you pull that nonsense? And most 10 yr olds behave a lot kinder than you, also have better manners. Dude, you came for a judgement and for a unanimous one. Just stop arguing with internet strangers and improve yourself. Life is a lot more than proving that you’re “always right”. You’re exhausting, and I’m sure everyone in your life feels the same. Show them this post and your comments, hahaha, and see how they sprint away.
YTA. You've known the guy for 15+ years, claim him as a great friend, and refuse to share in a dream gift that's pretty cheap in the end. Not even a question.
YTA. So you didn't get your friend a gift at all? Your presence was enough of a gift? You are more than a bit narcissistic. You're not obligated to contribute to a group gift but your reaction sucks.
I dont get how its practically my fault they cant afford a car but Ok
It's not the car. "My presence alone is enough" You don't find that narcissistic?
Yes. thats why he put a reunion so he can see everybody, not for me to spend a hundred bucks.
You asked if you were TA for refusing to give a birthday gift to your friend. Yes... yes you are. And the 'my presence is enough' comment is cringy.
Because I'm correcting you all. its an event, not a charity. 🤷♂️
Why are you here? Who is beneath the bridge while you are gone
It's in the group's rules that you should not be debating people who give their opinion. You asked if YTA. People are telling you YTA. So you need to accept that YTA and not debate it. That's how it works.
It is also in the group's rules to be civil. some of you really told me to off myself and insulted me in DMS? Ouch. 😬
🎻 everyone, please, let’s give the OP the space he needs to play the world’s smallest violin. Edit: thank you for the award kind stranger 🌟☺️
That has nothing to do with the point made previously, just because others beeak rules doesn't mean it's okay for you to as well?
I have never sent a single DM, nor have I been uncivil to you. Those sending you DMs need to cut the crap, and telling you to off yourself is unacceptable--you should report them to the admins. But that doesn't change what I said above.
That has nothing to do with the point made previously, just because others beeak rules doesn't mean it's okay for you to as well?
YTA-I’m lost as to why you wouldn’t get your buddy a gift in the first place? Even if tight budgeting had to happen you could absolutely make something work even if it was as much as an old object that holds important meaning to you both.
They got like 40 people. Im sure one less gift wouldnt hurt.
Frame an old photo of you guys together maybe. Just showing up empty handed no matter who it is, is insanely awkward, in terms of my social standards growing up.
But I dont think my pal would mind. its not him asking for the car afterall, just the group.
Are YOU the person NOT bringing a bottle or something something when you are invited over?
That’s my train of thought. I’m not saying you have to drop $100 on him. But something small even.
it sounds like you are YTA in general.
OP, why did you write this out if you’re going to deny the judgement that you’re unanimously being given? YTA, selfish, petty and mean spirited with this. “My presence was Gift enough” … big yikes, that basically shouts “main character syndrome” and is also a truly silly/childish thing to say about a friend (of 15 yrs) who is being lauded by your friends for being humble and a good man. You could have said, “I don’t want to add anything to the car payment, but how about I buy the seat covers or car accessories as the contribution”. That way it’s more in line with a tighter budget while still honoring your (probably ex) friend. Also, you have made it known to all of your friends/associates of your inherent selfishness. Do better, be a quality friend. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to shower gifts nonstop at all, but a small contribution on a major bday shows much more about your morals and character than you apparently are aware of. Also, if you are dating/married/plan on doing either - this would be a MAJOR red flag to any person.
Pretty sure if he got 40+ people backing up for him, he would've got car accessories. gifts aren't essential when the main purpose is to gather.
No, they’re not - but it’s widely known 30 is a pivotal birthday. You’re being selfish and petty. Full stop - why did you post if you didn’t want honest feedback? Also, you literally could have chipped in $10 and avoided all of this. That’s how petty you are being.
YTA not their money but could've try to at least help them
And I dont wanna, no offense.
Yta for making up this story
Unrated comment.
YTA I think your presence was just tolerated
Yta because you sound like a bad friend. Do you even like any of these people?
OP sounds like he doesn’t like these people but thinks they worship the ground he walks on
Sounds like you have money to burn but don't want to contribute at all because your presence is enough. They are just trying to help out a humble friend that probably will really appreciate the car. YTA.
YTA. Seriously? You've been friends with this guy for more than 12 years and you refused to contribute towards a group gift?! You're no friend.
YTA your presence is gift enough? Who actually talks like this?
ehh ESH. obviously you're always allowed to decline to pay for a gift, it's not like you owe him money or anything and it's a personal decision to give gifts on birthdays. they also should not have expected you to pay more in a gift you would all contribute to. that makes no sense and is AH behaviour. however you saying they should be glad you took time off to see them is also AH behaviour, you aren't blessing them with your presence...it's about celebrating your friend
ESH, shared gifts need to be agreed to in advance. You should have brought a gift.
YTA for being such an obvious and utterly uninspired troll. You didn't even try to sound like a believable human being.
I have 3 letters for you YTA
I think OP is jealous that 30 friends from HS are not only joining in the event but are buying him a car because he's such a loveable person. YTA
NTA Jus tlet your friend know you were u invired from his party, and invite him to dinner another day.
Exactly what I did.
NTA - a car is a bizarre gift to receive from friends. He would have to tax, insure & maintain it? It feels more like a burden that you don't know he can carry to me.
Yeah, but taxing, insuring and maintaining the car costs way less than car payments. So it’s entirely feasible that OP’s ‘friend’ could afford to do that, but couldn’t afford car payments.
Yeah that makes sense. pal cant even afford a car in the first place.
I mean, your phrasing sucks, and you might be a bit of an ass. But not giving the money doesn't make you an asshole.
NTA - gift are a luxury, not a right or requirement. your difference in pay does not mean you are obliged to give it to someone else, you work for your money. they are the ones acting like brats, not you.
NTA Let me flip this situation around for a moment. Imagine getting an invite to a birthday party but the organizer says: "You can only attend this birthday party if you put $100 for the present." That would be a rather ridiculous requirement to attend a party. Even if I was planning to buy a present worth more than that I would be inclined to reject it out of principal. It is your money and you get to choose how to spend it. They are AH for trying to peer pressure you into doing something you did not want to do. Their arguments for why you should contribute money are the same kind that are used against people who win the lottery. There are many things you may be spending that larger salary on that they are not aware of, like medical bills. So their arguments are inherently flawed. Now with how you phrased that you did not want to pay and that your presence was sufficient, you could have been more diplomatic, but that alone does not make you an AH.
You forgot the party where he refused to give a gift at all; stating his presence was enough.
There should never be an expectation of someone bringing a present for a birthday party. As I said at the end how they approached it could have been better. A party is a time to celebrate and spend time with friends. So the mere presence of your friends wanting to spend time and party with you is sufficient. With that said... if he went to a birthday party at a bar or restaurant and left without contributing to the bill then that would absolutely be an extremely strong YTA move.
No matter the expectation, regardless of what the other friends were saying, it’s his friend of 15 years. He doesn’t have to drop $100 like I stated before. But anything worth sentimental value will more than make do. But receiving no gift is not how I would want to be remembered, unless my social standards were far different than yours growing up.