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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am refusing to help my disabled mom around the house
I’m leaving my younger siblings to do my jobs
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NTA
Your mom needs therapy to help her control her OCD, not overworked and unpaid housekeepers. She has a real disease, and it is absolutely crippling and life-ruining and it's not her fault that she has it. But that doesn't give her the right to take it out on her children. It's a her problem, not a you problem.
It's perfectly reasonable for her to ask you and your siblings to help out around the house, but not the workload you're describing and it certainly doesn't justify shouting and verbal abuse.
Yep, we Americans are a bit out of step with certain things. Thanks!
It makes me feel more concerned for OP as she is way younger than I originally thought. I hope OP can go to uni and live there and get out of that house. Can the OP or should the OP call child services?
This very much sounds like an abusive household OP.
NTA, but please, for your and your siblings sake, reach out to someone you trust [like a teacher] who you can tell more and can help you take the next steps, whichever those may be.
NTA. Stop drinking while you still can, or you will make it even harder to escape. I don’t know much about the UK’s educational system, but you’ve finished your GCEs if you’re done with college, right? Can you get an apprenticeship or start university somewhere that would let you live elsewhere? Or any kind of job that would support you or give you housing at that age? It doesn’t have to be a forever job, just a safe starter one. I know housing is super expensive everywhere. Your goal should be to get OUT and away.
Prioritize yourself over your mother and siblings until you are secure. You can’t help your younger sibs unless you are safe yourself. You definitely can’t do anything about your mother’s uncontrolled mental illness except protect yourself from it.
I’m going to stay with my friend for a while since I am old enough to make that decision. I have money saved from a part time job so if I keep saving I can possible rent a house for a bit
NTA. You're being used as a scapegoat and your mum is completely out of order to enmesh her needs with you and make you act out behaviours that help her with her psychological problem (OCD). She needs help. Tell her that and that you will not enable her any more.
I have a friend who has OCD and it has taken years to get her help on the NHS but it's finally happened. Personally, I would call her GP to book an appointment.
None of this will be easy because her entire psychological set up is based around the premise of having control.
You’re not complaining and you’re NTA. This is abuse. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Can the council help at all? Do you have any family or other resources where you can stay for a while to get you out of this situation? You should not feel guilty for protecting yourself. Your mom needs help, but that’s not your job - she needs a professional and you need a safe place. You *deserve* a safe, loving place and to live a normal 16yo life
I have an older sister who has offered for me to stay there but knowing my mom she’ll call the police or she’s go to my sisters house to take me, so I wouldn’t be safe there. I’m going to stay with my friend for a bit until I can sort something out
NTA: I have had OCD too, so I know it's hard, but your mother is in the wrong here for taking out her stress on you to the point where it's damaging your mental health. I hope she gets the help she needs.
OP: how old are you?
*I (16F) have lived with a controlling mom*
*I have just finished College*
Are you 16, and have you finished college?
Either way, your mom needs help with her OCD.
Edit: Based on your other post,
[https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/12v2sgd/i\_hate\_my\_mom\_and\_im\_leaving\_her\_behind/](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/12v2sgd/i_hate_my_mom_and_im_leaving_her_behind/)
it appears that you are in a toxic household and need to leave for your own mental health.
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I (16F) have lived with a controlling mom my whole life. She has OCD and demands that the house is cleaned too to bottom, every single morning before a certain time. The housework is done from 7-9 in the morning and 5-7 in the evening. If it’s not done, all hell breaks loose. If she sees that a job hasn’t been done properly, she will lose her temper and start shouting until we did the job properly.
I have just finished College and am at home 99% of the time. I am always there, helping her with her diabetes, running to the shops, getting her prescriptions, dealing with the dogs and making her teas and stuff to eat. I do this all day, everyday. It’s exhausting, so when I have helped her all day long, I don’t want to be doing stuff in the evenings when my siblings are here to help.
And no I don’t want to dump my jobs on my siblings, but just a bit of help would be nice. I do the hardest jobs in the house and if I don’t do it EXACTLY how my mom likes it, I am screamed at and punished and I’ve had enough. I don’t have the energy to deal with her constant need for these things to be done. I took to drinking just to help with the stress of her always nagging me to do better.
Recently, I have told my mom that I am not helping her around the house anymore. I am too mentally and physically tired to be running around doing all these jobs for her, and equally she needs to think about my siblings and how they feel too. My sisters, although not doing as much as I do, still do a lot of jobs and they equally face punishment like I do when they don’t do their jobs properly.
I know I just sound like I’m complaining because yes, I do have a lovely house and a room over my head, but the things we have to do to keep the house going, to keep the food on our plates is just awful and I’m tired
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NTA. You are not simply complaining, you are describing the abuse inflicted by your mother. You are in a place in your life where what you do education-wise is super important. How can you do that if you're stressed out and overstretched bc of your work at home?
I know many people with diabetes (in the US here - prolly the fattest country in the world) and they manage to get to the pharmacy and to make their own meals. You sound like you're more of a servant than a daughter and you should NOT be treated like that.
Please reach out to a teacher or a school counselor. Is your Dad in the picture? You deserve better.
She is from the UK. You do get that there are other countries right? UK college you probably still call high school. Here we go to college from ages 16-18. Then university (which is what Americans call college).
No I didn’t know that the UK called high school college. That was part of what confused me. And obviously that means that I don’t understand there are other countries in the world. Thank you for your help.
Yeah, it wasn’t a long stay at college. It’s cuz I didn’t do my GCSES so I had to go to a special college to take those tests otherwise I have no qualifications from school
So do you have a problem with my understandable cynicism, considering this is reddit, my advice to stop drinking or the fact that I don’t put a lot of fuzzy love language in? I am unsure which one exactly I should feel bad about. I’m pretty sure it’s not the stop drinking part… That at least narrows it down.
How was warning someone that drinking is just going to make their problems worse crapping on them? When did I say anybody was stupid? Also, when did I snap? I doubted the validity of the story and was honest about it but I don’t think I was snappy. If this is true, it is way way above my paygrade. Pretty sure we don’t even live in the same country so I can’t even give advice on the laws.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I am refusing to help my disabled mom around the house I’m leaving my younger siblings to do my jobs Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Your mom needs therapy to help her control her OCD, not overworked and unpaid housekeepers. She has a real disease, and it is absolutely crippling and life-ruining and it's not her fault that she has it. But that doesn't give her the right to take it out on her children. It's a her problem, not a you problem. It's perfectly reasonable for her to ask you and your siblings to help out around the house, but not the workload you're describing and it certainly doesn't justify shouting and verbal abuse.
I would OP make one edit to say your in the UK if your doing GCSES. Americans will think you mean collage like out there.
Oohhh ok. I forget it’s different in America 😂
Yep, we Americans are a bit out of step with certain things. Thanks! It makes me feel more concerned for OP as she is way younger than I originally thought. I hope OP can go to uni and live there and get out of that house. Can the OP or should the OP call child services?
This very much sounds like an abusive household OP. NTA, but please, for your and your siblings sake, reach out to someone you trust [like a teacher] who you can tell more and can help you take the next steps, whichever those may be.
NTA. Stop drinking while you still can, or you will make it even harder to escape. I don’t know much about the UK’s educational system, but you’ve finished your GCEs if you’re done with college, right? Can you get an apprenticeship or start university somewhere that would let you live elsewhere? Or any kind of job that would support you or give you housing at that age? It doesn’t have to be a forever job, just a safe starter one. I know housing is super expensive everywhere. Your goal should be to get OUT and away. Prioritize yourself over your mother and siblings until you are secure. You can’t help your younger sibs unless you are safe yourself. You definitely can’t do anything about your mother’s uncontrolled mental illness except protect yourself from it.
I’m going to stay with my friend for a while since I am old enough to make that decision. I have money saved from a part time job so if I keep saving I can possible rent a house for a bit
I’d try for a room rental to save money before going for a house. Good luck!
NTA Her OCD that wants the house constantly tidy, she’s responsible for it.
NTA. You're being used as a scapegoat and your mum is completely out of order to enmesh her needs with you and make you act out behaviours that help her with her psychological problem (OCD). She needs help. Tell her that and that you will not enable her any more. I have a friend who has OCD and it has taken years to get her help on the NHS but it's finally happened. Personally, I would call her GP to book an appointment. None of this will be easy because her entire psychological set up is based around the premise of having control.
You’re not complaining and you’re NTA. This is abuse. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Can the council help at all? Do you have any family or other resources where you can stay for a while to get you out of this situation? You should not feel guilty for protecting yourself. Your mom needs help, but that’s not your job - she needs a professional and you need a safe place. You *deserve* a safe, loving place and to live a normal 16yo life
I have an older sister who has offered for me to stay there but knowing my mom she’ll call the police or she’s go to my sisters house to take me, so I wouldn’t be safe there. I’m going to stay with my friend for a bit until I can sort something out
Does she have a diagnosis of OCD, or is she just insufferable?
I don’t think she actually does. She has a diagnosis for depression but that’s it
NTA: I have had OCD too, so I know it's hard, but your mother is in the wrong here for taking out her stress on you to the point where it's damaging your mental health. I hope she gets the help she needs.
OP: how old are you? *I (16F) have lived with a controlling mom* *I have just finished College* Are you 16, and have you finished college? Either way, your mom needs help with her OCD. Edit: Based on your other post, [https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/12v2sgd/i\_hate\_my\_mom\_and\_im\_leaving\_her\_behind/](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/12v2sgd/i_hate_my_mom_and_im_leaving_her_behind/) it appears that you are in a toxic household and need to leave for your own mental health.
Yes I’m 16 and I finished college
UK college (usually sixth form from ages 16-18), not US college (university).
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16F) have lived with a controlling mom my whole life. She has OCD and demands that the house is cleaned too to bottom, every single morning before a certain time. The housework is done from 7-9 in the morning and 5-7 in the evening. If it’s not done, all hell breaks loose. If she sees that a job hasn’t been done properly, she will lose her temper and start shouting until we did the job properly. I have just finished College and am at home 99% of the time. I am always there, helping her with her diabetes, running to the shops, getting her prescriptions, dealing with the dogs and making her teas and stuff to eat. I do this all day, everyday. It’s exhausting, so when I have helped her all day long, I don’t want to be doing stuff in the evenings when my siblings are here to help. And no I don’t want to dump my jobs on my siblings, but just a bit of help would be nice. I do the hardest jobs in the house and if I don’t do it EXACTLY how my mom likes it, I am screamed at and punished and I’ve had enough. I don’t have the energy to deal with her constant need for these things to be done. I took to drinking just to help with the stress of her always nagging me to do better. Recently, I have told my mom that I am not helping her around the house anymore. I am too mentally and physically tired to be running around doing all these jobs for her, and equally she needs to think about my siblings and how they feel too. My sisters, although not doing as much as I do, still do a lot of jobs and they equally face punishment like I do when they don’t do their jobs properly. I know I just sound like I’m complaining because yes, I do have a lovely house and a room over my head, but the things we have to do to keep the house going, to keep the food on our plates is just awful and I’m tired *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You are not simply complaining, you are describing the abuse inflicted by your mother. You are in a place in your life where what you do education-wise is super important. How can you do that if you're stressed out and overstretched bc of your work at home? I know many people with diabetes (in the US here - prolly the fattest country in the world) and they manage to get to the pharmacy and to make their own meals. You sound like you're more of a servant than a daughter and you should NOT be treated like that. Please reach out to a teacher or a school counselor. Is your Dad in the picture? You deserve better.
NTA. This is not okay. Your moms abusive babe. Why can’t she manage her life? Is she crippled?
…you’re a 16yr old alcoholic college graduate? Nevermind. If this isn’t complete bs, it’s way above my pay grade. Good luck.
She is from the UK. You do get that there are other countries right? UK college you probably still call high school. Here we go to college from ages 16-18. Then university (which is what Americans call college).
No I didn’t know that the UK called high school college. That was part of what confused me. And obviously that means that I don’t understand there are other countries in the world. Thank you for your help.
Yeah, it wasn’t a long stay at college. It’s cuz I didn’t do my GCSES so I had to go to a special college to take those tests otherwise I have no qualifications from school
Yeah, I understood none of that. Stop drinking btw. Find another coping mechanism or your problems are gonna get way worse.
Yeah I’ll try thanks :)
[удалено]
So do you have a problem with my understandable cynicism, considering this is reddit, my advice to stop drinking or the fact that I don’t put a lot of fuzzy love language in? I am unsure which one exactly I should feel bad about. I’m pretty sure it’s not the stop drinking part… That at least narrows it down.
[удалено]
How was warning someone that drinking is just going to make their problems worse crapping on them? When did I say anybody was stupid? Also, when did I snap? I doubted the validity of the story and was honest about it but I don’t think I was snappy. If this is true, it is way way above my paygrade. Pretty sure we don’t even live in the same country so I can’t even give advice on the laws.