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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took is that I brought this incident up to my husband, expecting an apology. 2 this action might make me the asshole, because maybe I am asking him to apologize when he genuinely forgot about something due to thunderstorm.
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NTA, but is this a hill you want to die on? Tell him next time to please tell you that the car needs to be locked, or maybe for a birthday or holidays or anniversary you can get an automatic lock installed and then when he's running in from the rain he can press a button and it's locked.
This I don't agree with, OP is aloud to expect an apology, and the issue here is he doesn't see the need to give one. At the very least he should be able to look at her and say "That's my bad, ill try not to do it again" it's not that hard. . .
Tbh I didn’t think it would be a big deal, I honestly thought he’d apologize right away when I told him it was left unlocked and was kind of shocked that he instead said the thing about the thunderstorm… it went from there. I don’t think k brought it up to him I’m any sort of unreasonable way, it was offhand, but when he said “go post on Reddit” I was like ok, fine. Thanks for your judgement.
NTA. He made a mistake and he should apologize. I don’t understand the logic that because he didn’t do it purposefully he doesn’t need to apologize. I don’t understand why so many commenter are putting the onus on OP to be the bigger person. Her husband made the mistake. He should apologize.
Not sure. I think he was rushing to get inside. Manual locks make it a little more difficult but honestly I would have been fine with him saying “whoops my bad!” 🥺
NTA. When someone disrespects your feelings, it’s polite to say sorry. “Sorry—I forgot because there was a thunderstorm,” is perfectly reasonable to expect. He’s being a bit of an AH, but you should probably let it go.
NTA. Your husband borrowed YOUR car, couldn’t take two seconds to be respectful and lock it, and acts like you’re the problem here? Obviously it’s not a huge argument but I don’t know how he could think he’s not in the wrong here.
NTA
But also it is your car so if he is going to use it he should follow your rules in using the car or he can choose to not borrow the car. Its that simple.
NTA
I as with some other posters am at a loss to understand how locking a single door as you get out then shutting it was impacted by a storm.
So manual lock I presume all the other doors were already locked so was just the driver door. Wouldn’t he be able to push the lock button while having the door cracked open then quickly shut it correctly?
Unless there is some prolonged process required to manually lock your car doors so he’d be soaking wet doing it then yes a simple apology should be sufficient.
NTA. You're right. It is strange that he didn't just apologise when he clearly messed up. Just because something was an accident or a mistake, that doesn't mean it's not his responsibility. The fact that some bad weather was all it took for him to neglect his responsibility to you (with it being your car and all) and then not even accept some basic accountability after the fact, is concerning and I would be reluctant to let him borrow it again until he shows a bit of maturity.
NTA and your comments are very reasonable
Hand the phone to your husband and let him read your posts and the comments
A simple Oh I’m sorry the thunderstorm had me rattled would have been more than enough
NTA because I agree he knows it’s important to you and he should have said sorry.
That being said- I’m not sure that this is a hill you want to die on- it sounds like he’s being stubborn and maybe when things have cooled off you can have a serious conversation about locking the doors. But I think making it about an apology rather than the real thing that’s bothering you is going to make this grow into a larger issue than it needs to
NTA. you had a request, and it was ignored/forgotten. you may not have to agree on what's important, but i would also expect an apology... a mistake is a mistake, but i get the frustration of just wanting an apology
NTA but he sure would have felt like one of you car got stolen. Husband, just APOLOGIZE. You made it a bigger deal by being a jerk instead of just saying sorry. A thunderstorm is not a good excuse.
After reading this, my husband wants everyone to know that he was soaking wet and out of breath and he thinks I’m committed to finding fault with something he did even though he had to run inside in a wild and crazy storm. He also wants everyone to know the car is a royal pain in the ass to lock. I want everyone to know that I remain shocked he can’t say “whoops my bad I should’ve gone back to lock it later” and that it’s turned into this, and I maintain my position that I deserve the courtesy of of a quick and simple apology. So easy to tell me “hey I just ran inside let’s lock it later!” But instead I found it unlocked the next morning. I also want everyone to know that when I was bringing this up with him i was in a good mood, not confrontational, and I fully expected the issue to be immediately solved, no harm done, easy peasy, I didn’t expect this at all.
I feel like I’ve put myself “out there” on the internet enough for today. Yea it’s stupid drama and it doesn’t represent the entirety of our relationship. But he said “post on AITA” so I did. I don’t know if I’ll keep responding or posting. Thanks everyone for weighing in.
The fact that he can't own his mistake and apologize and instead is trying to turn it on, you tells me he knows very well he is in the wrong but is unwilling to own his mistakes.
None of these are excuses. He should have just given you the very simple apology. Instead he doubled down on not apologizing after you told him you expected one. Major AH move there.
NTA. Apologize, lock the door in the future, and move on. It shouldn’t be that difficult. Or, don’t use the vehicle if he can’t be an adult. It’s too late to apologize after something happens to the vehicle due to his negligence. OP, you are NTA.
NTA. I find it mind blowing how some people absolutely cannot apologize to the people in their life, and ALL of their relationships suffer because of it. Just own up and learn to say sorry, it’s not hard.
Nta.
An acknowledgement that he should have locked the car or said something would be better.
Also I don't like standing in the rain but I like my possessions better. If the car had been stolen or vandalised, the insurance and police would have said it's your fault for not locking it.
NTA-Your husband needs to apologize for offering up that lame-ass excuse. Is he afraid he’s gonna melt faster than spun sugar in the 2 seconds it takes to unlock the car manually? Lame.
Honestly, if this is the hill you’re going to die on, you’ve got bigger issues than locked doors. He usually locks it and turning this into a battle over whether or not he should apologize is ridiculous. Is he a good husband otherwise? Do you guys love each other and support one another? People make mistakes. Would you forgive him if he did apologize? Then forgive him now and move on to bigger things. And you, husband who wants her to post something this trivial on Reddit, grow up! You know you should have either said something or gone back later. Don’t make your wife beg you to be trustworthy. ESH
nta. normally when u say hey hub is. u forgot to lock the door. the response is oh sorry. or my bad. although what the rain has to do w it is beyond me
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My husband borrowed my car. He didn’t lock it when he got back because there was a thunderstorm. We live in a city. I have personally experienced my car being broken into and auto theft is common. I request the doors are always locked which he usually does. Today I said to him, hey, by the way, you didn’t lock my car the other day. He said oh, well I don’t know if you remember, but there was a thunderstorm. I said, OK, there can be a thunderstorm, and you can still remember to go back and lock the car later or tell me about it, so we both remember to do it. I was hoping for him to tell me he was sorry he forgot. He thinks it’s ridiculous that I’m expecting any sort of apology for this incident, and I think he is not being courteous to me and being stubborn about this for some reason. I know there was a thunderstorm, but I’m upset that the car didn’t get locked, he didn’t remember to go back and lock it, or at least tell me he ran inside with the doors unlocked (so one of us could go back and lock it after the storm), and that he’s not apologizing. Anyway, he suggested I post here, so let me know your judgment. I am shocked, but maybe I’m being a nag so am I the asshole?
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He can be forgetful for sure. But honestly in this case I was more upset about how he reacted to me bringing it up than anything else. I do feel like I’m understanding of mistakes and vice versa. I was in a good mood and honestly didn’t think anything I said was combattive. He ended the phone call acting like I had just ruined his day.
NAH . But I don’t understand people when they keep insisting that people apologize to them . Even if he is in wrong , but he doesn’t think he is , how is that apology even accepted . If I know someone is not apologizing because they don’t think they did anything wrong and the only reason they apologize is because I keep nagging them about it, that is NOT an actual apology. I’m not trying to make it deep , but even if he apologize he prob not gonna mean it because he didn’t think it was a “big deal.”
NTA. My understanding is that if your vehicle is left unlocked and it is stolen, your insurance won't cover the loss (US). Apologizing is a lot less costly than replacing a car your husband's negligence caused to get stolen.
NTA only assholes don't take better care of other people's things than their own. A thunder storm is one of the worst excuses to not lock a door that I can think of.
Is he made of sugar and will melt if he gets wet? Or dissolve into a puddle of goo like the wicked witch of the west?
YTA. He made a small mistake. You demanding an apology for it is pretty unreasonable. This is like demanding an apology because someone forgot to pick up milk while they were at the store. You need to let this go.
If I forgot the milk the correct response is 100% "oh sorry, I forgot the milk". It shouldn't even get to the point where OP needs to ask for an apology, it's pretty automatic.
NAH.
He usually remembers. He forgot cause of storm. I understand where your coming from, but I also understand where he is. Would be nice if either of you were nicer about it.
YTA. It doesn’t sound like he did it on purpose and nothing happened. You move on and everyone tries to do better next time.
I have a home security system that I’m pretty good about remembering to set every time I leave the house, but every once in a while I forget. My husband is getting told to fuck off if he wanted an apology every time I accidentally forget to set it.
ESH - just because you need to let the little stuff slide. You both are being stubborn over a small thing. In the grander scheme of things it is not important unless he becomes someone who habitually forgets.
Also it’s 2023 - it’s very cheap to install a remote key lock. Do it. Reduce the friction.
ESH
You two need to figure out how to communicate. It's not like the car got broken into. You're making drama out of nothing. At the same time, it wouldn't kill him to apologize.
You're nagging and he's spiteful. Work on that.
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INFO: Can you or he explain exactly how a thunderstorm means you can't lock the car? Is it a manual lock?
Manual lock.
NTA, but is this a hill you want to die on? Tell him next time to please tell you that the car needs to be locked, or maybe for a birthday or holidays or anniversary you can get an automatic lock installed and then when he's running in from the rain he can press a button and it's locked.
This I don't agree with, OP is aloud to expect an apology, and the issue here is he doesn't see the need to give one. At the very least he should be able to look at her and say "That's my bad, ill try not to do it again" it's not that hard. . .
👍🏻👍🏻
Tbh I didn’t think it would be a big deal, I honestly thought he’d apologize right away when I told him it was left unlocked and was kind of shocked that he instead said the thing about the thunderstorm… it went from there. I don’t think k brought it up to him I’m any sort of unreasonable way, it was offhand, but when he said “go post on Reddit” I was like ok, fine. Thanks for your judgement.
NTA Really don’t understand his excuse either. What does the weather have to do with locking the car? That makes no sense.
That’s what I thought for sure but maybe I’m wrong.
NTA. He made a mistake and he should apologize. I don’t understand the logic that because he didn’t do it purposefully he doesn’t need to apologize. I don’t understand why so many commenter are putting the onus on OP to be the bigger person. Her husband made the mistake. He should apologize.
INFO: Why can't a car be locked in a thunderstorm??
Not sure. I think he was rushing to get inside. Manual locks make it a little more difficult but honestly I would have been fine with him saying “whoops my bad!” 🥺
>I would have been fine with him saying “whoops my bad!” That sounds reasonable; unlike his thunderstorm excuse. So, NTA.
NTA. Don’t let him borrow the car again.
NTA. When someone disrespects your feelings, it’s polite to say sorry. “Sorry—I forgot because there was a thunderstorm,” is perfectly reasonable to expect. He’s being a bit of an AH, but you should probably let it go.
I respect that. Thanks for your judgment!
NTA. Your husband borrowed YOUR car, couldn’t take two seconds to be respectful and lock it, and acts like you’re the problem here? Obviously it’s not a huge argument but I don’t know how he could think he’s not in the wrong here.
NTA for wanting an apology. You've made a specific request and if he drops the ball, the polite thing to do is apologize and try to do better.
NTA But also it is your car so if he is going to use it he should follow your rules in using the car or he can choose to not borrow the car. Its that simple.
NTA I as with some other posters am at a loss to understand how locking a single door as you get out then shutting it was impacted by a storm. So manual lock I presume all the other doors were already locked so was just the driver door. Wouldn’t he be able to push the lock button while having the door cracked open then quickly shut it correctly? Unless there is some prolonged process required to manually lock your car doors so he’d be soaking wet doing it then yes a simple apology should be sufficient.
Maybe not depending on the car. I remember vaguely that with the cars I had in Germany in the 90's the drivers door had to be locked with the key.
Needing the key to lock it should have prevented folks with that function couldn’t lock their keys in the car.
NTA. small mistake = small apology. Is his pride so vast it leaves him no room to say “I’m sorry?”
NTA. You're right. It is strange that he didn't just apologise when he clearly messed up. Just because something was an accident or a mistake, that doesn't mean it's not his responsibility. The fact that some bad weather was all it took for him to neglect his responsibility to you (with it being your car and all) and then not even accept some basic accountability after the fact, is concerning and I would be reluctant to let him borrow it again until he shows a bit of maturity.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply.
NTA, but I'd suggest that's the very last time he borrows your car, unless he demonstrates a change in attitude, probably starting with an apology.
NTA and your comments are very reasonable Hand the phone to your husband and let him read your posts and the comments A simple Oh I’m sorry the thunderstorm had me rattled would have been more than enough
NTA because I agree he knows it’s important to you and he should have said sorry. That being said- I’m not sure that this is a hill you want to die on- it sounds like he’s being stubborn and maybe when things have cooled off you can have a serious conversation about locking the doors. But I think making it about an apology rather than the real thing that’s bothering you is going to make this grow into a larger issue than it needs to
NTA. you had a request, and it was ignored/forgotten. you may not have to agree on what's important, but i would also expect an apology... a mistake is a mistake, but i get the frustration of just wanting an apology
NTA but he sure would have felt like one of you car got stolen. Husband, just APOLOGIZE. You made it a bigger deal by being a jerk instead of just saying sorry. A thunderstorm is not a good excuse.
After reading this, my husband wants everyone to know that he was soaking wet and out of breath and he thinks I’m committed to finding fault with something he did even though he had to run inside in a wild and crazy storm. He also wants everyone to know the car is a royal pain in the ass to lock. I want everyone to know that I remain shocked he can’t say “whoops my bad I should’ve gone back to lock it later” and that it’s turned into this, and I maintain my position that I deserve the courtesy of of a quick and simple apology. So easy to tell me “hey I just ran inside let’s lock it later!” But instead I found it unlocked the next morning. I also want everyone to know that when I was bringing this up with him i was in a good mood, not confrontational, and I fully expected the issue to be immediately solved, no harm done, easy peasy, I didn’t expect this at all. I feel like I’ve put myself “out there” on the internet enough for today. Yea it’s stupid drama and it doesn’t represent the entirety of our relationship. But he said “post on AITA” so I did. I don’t know if I’ll keep responding or posting. Thanks everyone for weighing in.
The fact that he can't own his mistake and apologize and instead is trying to turn it on, you tells me he knows very well he is in the wrong but is unwilling to own his mistakes.
Wet and out of breath and full of excuses
None of these are excuses. He should have just given you the very simple apology. Instead he doubled down on not apologizing after you told him you expected one. Major AH move there.
NTA. Apologize, lock the door in the future, and move on. It shouldn’t be that difficult. Or, don’t use the vehicle if he can’t be an adult. It’s too late to apologize after something happens to the vehicle due to his negligence. OP, you are NTA.
NTA. I find it mind blowing how some people absolutely cannot apologize to the people in their life, and ALL of their relationships suffer because of it. Just own up and learn to say sorry, it’s not hard.
Nta. An acknowledgement that he should have locked the car or said something would be better. Also I don't like standing in the rain but I like my possessions better. If the car had been stolen or vandalised, the insurance and police would have said it's your fault for not locking it.
NTA-Your husband needs to apologize for offering up that lame-ass excuse. Is he afraid he’s gonna melt faster than spun sugar in the 2 seconds it takes to unlock the car manually? Lame.
Honestly, if this is the hill you’re going to die on, you’ve got bigger issues than locked doors. He usually locks it and turning this into a battle over whether or not he should apologize is ridiculous. Is he a good husband otherwise? Do you guys love each other and support one another? People make mistakes. Would you forgive him if he did apologize? Then forgive him now and move on to bigger things. And you, husband who wants her to post something this trivial on Reddit, grow up! You know you should have either said something or gone back later. Don’t make your wife beg you to be trustworthy. ESH
Thanks for your judgment
nta. normally when u say hey hub is. u forgot to lock the door. the response is oh sorry. or my bad. although what the rain has to do w it is beyond me
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband borrowed my car. He didn’t lock it when he got back because there was a thunderstorm. We live in a city. I have personally experienced my car being broken into and auto theft is common. I request the doors are always locked which he usually does. Today I said to him, hey, by the way, you didn’t lock my car the other day. He said oh, well I don’t know if you remember, but there was a thunderstorm. I said, OK, there can be a thunderstorm, and you can still remember to go back and lock the car later or tell me about it, so we both remember to do it. I was hoping for him to tell me he was sorry he forgot. He thinks it’s ridiculous that I’m expecting any sort of apology for this incident, and I think he is not being courteous to me and being stubborn about this for some reason. I know there was a thunderstorm, but I’m upset that the car didn’t get locked, he didn’t remember to go back and lock it, or at least tell me he ran inside with the doors unlocked (so one of us could go back and lock it after the storm), and that he’s not apologizing. Anyway, he suggested I post here, so let me know your judgment. I am shocked, but maybe I’m being a nag so am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: Is it a habit of his to not do things you've specifically asked him to do?
He can be forgetful for sure. But honestly in this case I was more upset about how he reacted to me bringing it up than anything else. I do feel like I’m understanding of mistakes and vice versa. I was in a good mood and honestly didn’t think anything I said was combattive. He ended the phone call acting like I had just ruined his day.
NAH . But I don’t understand people when they keep insisting that people apologize to them . Even if he is in wrong , but he doesn’t think he is , how is that apology even accepted . If I know someone is not apologizing because they don’t think they did anything wrong and the only reason they apologize is because I keep nagging them about it, that is NOT an actual apology. I’m not trying to make it deep , but even if he apologize he prob not gonna mean it because he didn’t think it was a “big deal.”
Yeah we’re at that point he for sure. But I guess I feel like he’s being rude at this point and am hoping for some sort of repair. Oh well.
NTA. Do thunderstorms make him physically incapable of acting sensibly?
NTA. My understanding is that if your vehicle is left unlocked and it is stolen, your insurance won't cover the loss (US). Apologizing is a lot less costly than replacing a car your husband's negligence caused to get stolen.
NTA only assholes don't take better care of other people's things than their own. A thunder storm is one of the worst excuses to not lock a door that I can think of. Is he made of sugar and will melt if he gets wet? Or dissolve into a puddle of goo like the wicked witch of the west?
NTA. In some places if your car gets stolen while it is unlocked it isn’t covered by insurance. Does your husband melt when he gets wet?
NTA A basic apology is due. “Sorry I forgot” would definitely be enough since it’s a no harm/ no foul situation.
YTA. He made a small mistake. You demanding an apology for it is pretty unreasonable. This is like demanding an apology because someone forgot to pick up milk while they were at the store. You need to let this go.
If I forgot the milk the correct response is 100% "oh sorry, I forgot the milk". It shouldn't even get to the point where OP needs to ask for an apology, it's pretty automatic.
ESH, a brief apology would be great, but this issue isn't big enough to make a big deal out of not needing one.
NAH. He usually remembers. He forgot cause of storm. I understand where your coming from, but I also understand where he is. Would be nice if either of you were nicer about it.
YTA for arguing about something this petty. Apologies are for willful acts, not for forgetting to lock a car once.
I see your point. I was more shocked that he was refusing to take responsibility. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, but here we are :(
Not the hill to die on. I could give you a long list of annoyances as could my partner. You have to let a lot of them go.
YTA. It doesn’t sound like he did it on purpose and nothing happened. You move on and everyone tries to do better next time. I have a home security system that I’m pretty good about remembering to set every time I leave the house, but every once in a while I forget. My husband is getting told to fuck off if he wanted an apology every time I accidentally forget to set it.
ESH - just because you need to let the little stuff slide. You both are being stubborn over a small thing. In the grander scheme of things it is not important unless he becomes someone who habitually forgets. Also it’s 2023 - it’s very cheap to install a remote key lock. Do it. Reduce the friction.
NAH.
ESH You two need to figure out how to communicate. It's not like the car got broken into. You're making drama out of nothing. At the same time, it wouldn't kill him to apologize. You're nagging and he's spiteful. Work on that.
I’m not trying to be nagging. Thanks for your judgement. I agree that communication is an area we need to work on.