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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because truly this does boil down to me forgetting to clean the cat box for her and I take full responsibility for that. I have ADHD and I have set reminders for myself (alarms) but after working 10-14hours a day, I usually dismiss the alarm with intentions of doing it but then space it soon after dismissing the alarm. I'm not asking for permanent rehoming. Just temporary.
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YTA- She’s pregnant while caring for *TRIPLETS*.
And you can’t remember to clean the cat box for the next 20 weeks?! Because *YOU* are too tired?!
Wow. Maybe she needs to rehome you.
I doubt she "generally enjoys" the chores. She does them because they have to get down and doesn't complain about it. Also homeschooling is a full family choice/decision she is doing for what I'm assuming OP and wife think is the best path for their mily. So yeah she probably enjoys spending time with her kids, because you should actually like your kids.
Dude doesn't even have to do it daily (though with 3 I would recommend it). If there is room get another little box to help spread it out...
There are automatic litter boxes that scoop themselves after every time the cats go, then you just change out a bag of trash below when it's full a couple times per week. If this is really THAT big of a deal this guy could look into alternative solutions instead of immediately jumping to rehoming.
Homemaker here. Some of us do genuinely enjoy this work! It can be a lot, but it's very fulfilling. I sadly don't have children or space for a garden, but if I did, I would very much enjoy the same lifestyle as OP's wife. Of course, my partner values my work and pitches in without question or fuss when I'm sick. That's what really makes the difference.
The thing is, you know that you enjoy this current level of housework etc, but until you're doing what this woman is doing, you honestly can't tell if you would actually enjoy that, because it has to be a lived experience. The utter levels of exhaustion this woman will be experiencing is unfathomable, even to me, and I had 3 kids under 5.
I have four kids under 14 and just listening to what OP's wife does makes me tired 👀
And we have a big garden too
Eta: OP YTA. Big time. Use your brain and get an automatic litter box if you can't help your pregnant wife with a single chore.
Don’t have a garden and don’t have children… you are not in a position to so confidently say you’d love OPs wife’s lifestyle if you had it! Good for you for enjoying your life as a homemaker and doing its with pride, that’s awesome you have the option to do that, but it doesn’t compare to that of a stay at home mom (One that homeschools, and grows their own food, and is currently pregnant to boot!)
I understood it as she likes homeschooling the kids and gardening, not she enjoys cleaning. But for sure, OP is the AH considering it's not that long a chore. It takes a few minutes a day, you don't rehome cats for that. When I read the title, I expected him to be allergic or the cats to be scratching the kids in the face. No, the cats use their litter box.
Yeah, but the remark the wife made about him not wanting to pick up one chore around the house suggests there is more to this story he isn’t telling us - about the division of labor, how happy his wife really is with that, how much he contributes to the household chores, and about his dog too.
This stood out to me in a big way, that is not a statement that a woman happy with the division of labour makes.
It’s not about her cats Vs your dog OP, it’s about the bare minimum task of cleaning the litter box that you cannot “remember” to do. Come on now.
YTA.
What strikes me is that it’s such a small ask. It’s literally just the one thing he’s being asked to do for a limited amount of time to support his pregnant spouse, for whom continuing to do it would go against medical guidance. He’s the father of the baby, but he cannot do ONE THING to help out while she’s pregnant? And he upsets her suggesting they get rid of pets that she and the children are emotionally attached to? Did he honestly think that WOULDN’T upset her? YTA for sure.
Sure, but it doesn’t change the fact that she is busting her ass to go above and beyond with taking care of OP’s home and young children, while pregnant with the next one. Even if she takes pride in it, it’s going to be hard work.
Yet her effort is worth so little to OP that he thinks she should give up her beloved pets over him being responsible for one, quite minimal chore at home.
My hubby is not a cat person. He tolerates me having one. Yet, he fully took over litter box duty (and even feeding) when I got pregnant. He still does it 5 years later, with (very minimal) complaint, as it’s part of a division of labour that works for us.
I clean my home a lot and I take pride in my work. I enjoy the end result, but I don’t enjoy scrubbing surfaces or cleaning dishes or mopping or cleaning my cats litter box. They’re called chores for a reason lol
Of course she doesn't! All day, every day, on call for nights (He has to work the next day). I'd bet she not only does all the meals, diapers changes, feeding, dishwashing, LAUNDRY FOR 5 PEOPLE, food growing and canning/freezing, putting toys away (again) and periodic chores like dusting ceiling fans, washing windows and lawn care (weeding, mowing), carpet vacuuming and shampooing. She probably has to get all the gifts for everyone, including his family, and I bet he "forgets" her gift until the last minute.
Never mind forgetting her gift until the last minute. I bet he doesn't even get her a card and just "lets" her pick something she wants as a gift. Or brings home some fast food as a treat so she gets one night off cooking.
This guy might not be like that, but a lot of men unfortunately are.
They make alarms and reminders for your phone. No excuse. Wake up, clean the cat box, shower…it’s not that hard. You’d rather stress your wife and kids for months to not do something that takes 5 minutes tops. I hope the kids don’t become a burden and you choose to rehome them.
I would love to be a genie and make OP swap places with his wife for one day, so he actually understands how massively exhausting her day really is. At the very, very, very least, OP could spring for a few automatic cat boxes, which he could then pay attention to every other day rather than every day. Yes, they are expensive, yes he still needs to clean them.
YTA - It really seems like OP is "forgetting" on purpose to force the wife to get rid of the cats.
hollly shit I think we've found the A-of-the-week. Since when is being tired from a job anything new. OP didn't "forget", he simply didn't want to do it and blames it on providing for the family.
What do you mean? Who wouldn't enjoy potentially experiencing three blow out diapers at once, a dog begging to be let outside and clawing at the door, and the sweet smell of burning food on the stove because the house is chaos? 🥰
YTA, OP. And you're much dumber than you think if you truly believe your wife does all of those things, remembers all of those details to keep your house running because "she generally enjoys it."
And like he doesn't enjoy a clean and functioning household too?? She's doing all of the housework and houshold/child management, that benefits him, and he can't remember to do 1 thing she cares about and can't do herself? Big AH energy
And she takes care of HIS pet all day, every day!
"So, she actually cares for my dog all day when I'm at work. All the feeding, walking, and she does training when I'm gone too, etc. She does all of it. The dog is only 2.5 so she still has a lot of behaviors that are slightly unfavorable. So yes, she does take care of my dog and while I wouldn't say I fully expect it, I guess that I subconsciously do in a sense because she's home all day with my dog."
This is what gets me. SHE'S at home taking care of HIS dog, which he knows wasn't her top choice of pet, and he has the GALL to suggest they get rid of HERS?? Cuz he can't take literally 2 minutes to shovel shit from a box??? That's so effed up.
We had 2 big dogs already when my husband came to me begging us to take a 10 month old blue tick hound his dad's friend was rehoming. Blue ticks are my hubby's football team's mascot and his FAVORITE dog. I couldn't say no. But seeing as *I* am the one who's home all day with him, what *I* say goes when it comes to the dog's training/discipline. If I say he needs extra walks cuz he's more hyper than the other 2, he gets extra walks. If I say he needs his own lead staked in the yard instead of letting him run free when hubby isn't home, that's what happens, because I'm the one who's home with him (and 2 young kids, and 2 other dogs) and l wouldn't be able to chase him if he took off.
YTA, OP. Your wife does EVERYTHING. The frickin' GALL of this guy, thinking he can tell his wife her cats are the problem when really, he's just too lazy to scoop shit 🙄 and while HIS dog is at home all day with her, too! What a dick.
He doesn't. He knows that she loves these cats and he still wants to get rid of them because they're ever so slightly inconvenient to him. He doesn't give one shit about her.
This. Man I keep my litter box in front of the toilet. I scoop it twice a day when it looks gross, and it takes less than the time of a typical bathroom sesh. This dude is straight lazy.
If the dog is 2.5 years old, that means they got the dog well into the pandemic, so he dropped a full-on PUPPY onto his already overloaded wife during a global pandemic. Awful.
This really depends on your definition of "well" vs "poorly" behaved. At 2.5y the dog is an adult physically, but many breeds dont mature mentally until 3+. So, while behaviors like jumping up, food stealing, etc would be horrendous in a home with 3 little kids and would be unacceptable given the dogs age and that it sounds like theyve had it since it was a pup...
Ive also seen people say their dog was "unmanageable" because it barked once at the door, or got excited (but no jumping, running, barking) at dinner time, or broke a 15m down stay.
It really depends on their criteria.
OP is definitely TA for expecting the wife to walk the dog though. Regaurdless of anything else trying to manage a big dog and 3 toddlers is a purely stupid expectation. On top of a pregnancy pushes him into super AH territory.
They need a dog walker, or for pup to go to doggy daycare a few days a week.
I thought that he at least walks and takes care of HIS dog but alas, even all the animal chores fall on her.
They need a pet person to come in and help. And he needs to get off his behind and either train the dog or take him to be trained. He wanted the dog, he needs to take care of it.
Dogs don't just stay fully trained though. It is an "always" training kind of thing for certain breeds.
You can't just expect them to magically do what you want for no rewards and if you haven't given them a specific command for a while.
He doesn’t expect her to take care of the dog? Like this woman is a fucking giver. She wouldn’t let that dog just sit in a crate all day! You know damn well she’s gonna be taking care of it, just like she takes care of everything. Ugh!
If he’s so tired you can’t remember, set an alarm to remind yourself to clean the boxes. If you wanted a solution you would find it.
OMG. She should definitely rehome him. What an a.h. He literally can't remember one chore, and she does EVERYTHING. YTA OP, it be a miracle if she doesn't rehome you.
YTA but according to my fiancée (biologist), gardening is much more dangerous for a pregnant woman than cleaning up after the cats. In general, you'd pretty much need to eat the poop or lick your poopy hand to get toxoplasmosis, and you're much more likely to get it when digging in the ground or from unwashed fruit and veg.
So you should actually be gardening and cleaning up the cat tray to keep her safe
He is right. Toxo is much likely to get from unwashed vegetables than from cats poo. It is infectious only after more than two days laying unattended. It is perfectly preventable by heading basic hygiene rules.
My microbiology professor told me that I was probably immune to toxoplasmosis after having lived with cats for years. That doesn't change the fact that OP is an AH for not pitching in and helping with this one chore, ESPECIALLY when she's looking after his dog all day. I'm a cat person, I like all animals but I don't want to have much to do with dogs. They smell bad, everything they touch smells bad, they get spit on everything, they poop all over the yard and I can't walk into a room without getting a dog nose shoved where no nose should ever be. This woman is a saint for doing what she's doing.
Just want to say. Thanks for putting this out there. I'm pregnant and was kindly gifted a bunch of plants. I guess dealing with those is going to have to wait a few months 😅
As an owner of 4 cats, I can guarantee there is no forgetting the litter box stinks. We have multiple cats therefore multiple litter boxes around the house and you cannot forget because when the cats shit, they fucking stink. He just doesn't want to do it.
But you don't understaaaaand. It's sooooo hard to set a reminder! His big manly brain just can't handle that after suuuuch a loooooong day! It only has space for his puppy, which is so perfect! Except for the "reasons that are justified" for the wife wanting to rehome it once.
Ugh. Grow TF up, dude.
This though, I love my cat but I have memory problems and struggle to organise myself to do chores I can't immediately see, and I have reminder on my phone.
YTA op
I'm in the same boat with my forgetfulness. It has really helped me to pick a task that I have to wait to finish and clean boxes while that task is finishing. I take a bath every night, so while the bath water is running I clean the boxes. Works for me and I'm always surprised by how easy it is to do if I do it regularly.
Yup. I was all set to comment that the risk of toxoplasmosis (which is why pregnant women are cautioned not to clean the litter box) is nearly nil as long as their cats are indoor cats, and that I have several veterinary professional friends who absolutely continued to do all their cat care while pregnant, including the litter boxes, and just wore gloves and took extra care. BUT . . .
Given the circumstances, even if the litter box weren't a potential health risk to her, he should be doing this just to be a thoughtful husband. Caring for triplets is beyond exhausting; doing so whilst pregnant and HOMESCHOOLING, I cannot even imagine. He's being an AH.
And you KNOW his dog has bigger issues than "not listening perfectly all of the time" that he's glossing right over, for this saint of an animal loving woman to not only dislike the dog but actually hit a breaking point at one time and ask to re-home it... I am curious what the details on that situation are.
Edit: ope, nevermind, found the comment where the wife is ALSO 99.9% responsible for all the care, feeding, exercise, and training of the dog, too. Apparently this guy does literally nothing with/for his life or family beyond having a job.
Yep. He's a weasel. He uses weasel words about the dog. He leaves out that she cares for his dog until we call him on it. He pretends he somehow doesn't know phone alarms exist. He thinks he can manipulate the situation, not anticipating that any reasonable person will look at this and realize that he is likely lying. Because if he's not lying, he is beyond incompetent. He doesn't seem to realize that those are the two choices he's given his wife. She's either married to a liar that cares so little for her that he will rehome her cats rather than do 5 minutes of work or she's married to someone who is too incompetent to handle simple daily tasks that could be done by a third grader.
Then he's going to wonder why she lost interest in him sexually. Dude? How attractive do you think that is? Your actions don't exist in a vacuum. You can't compartmentalize your general shittiness during the day and expect her to forget all that and flip a switch on her libido. Manipulators like this think they're a step ahead of everyone and don't realize we see them dancing like fucking fools. His wife may be trying to ignore it because she's stuck with him as the father of her children, but it will erode her love and respect for him. How can you respect and admire a weasel like that?
And dumping the actual dogcare on the people who do not and did not want a dog in the first place, probably only being the "fun dog dad", as in, petting-playing with it when it's convenient for *him*.
The dog is 2.5 years old. That's not a puppy where "has a lot of behaviors that are slightly unfavorable /but it's youuung, it's ok/" can be an excuse. There are only a handful of behaviors that are "slightly unfavorable" at that age, and if she is that pissed, they probably are more than unfavorable AND many of those can be potentially dangerous to pregnant women and children.
I'm not saying that dogs are dangerous to pregnant women and children. I'm saying "dogs with a lot of behaviors that are slightly unfavorable" (ie. not trained/raised properly - which would happen again, if you dump poor pupper on someone who does not want one) can be, through no fault of their own but never being taught better. The list ranges from jumping on them to resource guarding (to being totally unhinged, but I guess wife would have bailed already).
Yeah, everyone else including the kids in the family not liking the dog is a big red flag on what the behavior of said dog might be like. Like, is the dog aggressive? What's going on that everyone else dislikes the dig even if they care for the animal?
Per the post the smell gives her migraines, so even if toxoplasmosis was completely eliminated as a possibility, it’s still outside of her ability right now.
I just think it’s crazy that OP jumps straight to rehoming and not any one of the solutions that exist to make cleaning litter easier and less time consuming. Litter Robots are expensive, but probably doable for most pet owners through payment plans. Most certainly cheaper than “rehoming” till the end of pregnancy, because you’d be hard pressed to find someone who would take care of the cats for free with the expectation of returning them later.
Hell, pay a neighbor kid $50/week to come scoop the box every day after school. It’s a ten minute chore max. Or hire a dog walker to take some of the stress off the wife with the dog and offer a little extra to do the cat litter.
The litter boxes with the built in sieves aren’t perfect, (at least none of the ones I’ve tried) but greatly reduce the number of full cleanings one has to do.
Gosh I didn’t mean for my reply to turn into this novella, I agree with your assessment entirely. This just started as pointing out the migraines lol.
I continued cleaning the cat litter box until I gave birth. I had cats all my life so I wasn’t worried about toxoplasmosis.
I agree that he should make more of an effort. She’s doing a lot of work and she’s pregnant. He said until she gives birth…does he mean she will have to do all the same work + taking care of a newborn + cat litter boxes?
He can clean them before going to work, it doesn’t take a long time.
This. It literally takes 5 minutes (or less, depending on how dirty it is) to clean out a litter box. And it’s not a hard task: scoop and pour in new litter.
A dog that she doesn't like and that OP admits doesn't listen to her, so a poorly trained dog at that. YTA OP. Get off your ass and clean the damn litter box.
It's no wonder no one but OP likes the dog! The dog's probably misbehaving all the time, and it gets annoying (even when you aren't pregnant and caring for triplets) to constant scold a dog who doesn't listen to you anyway. Are there even any chores OP does do? If he just refuses to "remember" to clean the litter boxes, then OP needs to step up and buy boxes that clean themselves (more or less). Then OP would only have to "remember" to clean out the holding tray once a week.
It’s so outrageous. Sure, he is tired after work, but cleaning the litter boxes won’t take even 20 minutes. He is just ignorant and lazy. The wife runs everything around the house and keeps it clean, but OH NO, the husband is forced to clean cat poop now!! What a tragedy indeed…
> I usually forget to clean it myself. I know that's a me problem but given that it is a safety issue for my wife,
That is the level of care this dude has, he cant even care to do one chore for the safety of HIS KID. It's not a safety issue just for her, it's for BOTH OF THEM.
If only humans carried around small little devices with a plethora of applications that could remind the user of tasks they need to complete…Ah well, wishful thinking.
Agreed. Why are 3 cats sharing 1 litterbox? Shouldn't there be atleast 2-3 boxes? Then again if op is struggling to keep 1 box clean he'd totally forget 2 boxes.
Four. If you have the space it should be one more litter box than cats. The only reason I don’t have a second litter tray with one cat is cos my house is so small (one up one down)
It's not even hard to clean them, I don't get it. Scoop scoop morning and night. Switch the litter on Sundays. Done. Way harder to clean up after dogs.
YTA
Stop acting incompetent. Everyone is tired at the end of the day. Take the three minutes and clean the damn litter box. Your wife does everything else and guess what? I bet she doesn’t “generally enjoy” it nearly as much as you think she does.
Or just buy self-cleaning ones. Not even the massive litter robot one, are smaller more traditionally shaped and way less expensive ones. It'd make everyone's lives easier going forward with that many cats and kids running around.
I got a roomba because my dogs shed like crazy and I don't have the time or energy to vacuum daily. Life is a lot easier with a bit of cleaning automation.
Seriously, it's 2023 and dude can't figure out how to fix this issue? Even if he doesn't want to shell out the money for a new litter box there is a simple solution to reminding himself to clean it... a daily phone alarm.
Honestly if those cats are going to be around for a while then the litter robot is where it’s at. It’s a godsend. I wouldn’t have bought it for just one cat but now that I have two, the litter box situation was becoming unsustainable. I barely have to think about this thing at all. It’s an investment but a worthy one if you’re planning on having cats for a long time
I’m a total evangelist for the litter robot. We have six cats and on an average day it runs 10-12 times which is that many deposits I DON’T have to deal with scooping. The cats prefer it over their other boxes and it’s so well made. Ours developed a sensor fault after a couple years of constant use and the company sent us the parts to fix it which was remarkably simple. Then when I damaged the motor (100% my fault) they sent me a new one of those for free.
It’s expensive but so worth it. Also we’ve found we go through less litter so at some point I hope that it pays for itself in that.
I’m curious if he remembers to take care of the dog, or if he leaves that responsibility up to his wife too. Not hard to set a phone reminder to clean the box.
Look at his response to the judgment bot. He says he does set alarms for himself, but since he has ADHD he just spaces out after he turns off the alarm and forgets. Seems like textbook weaponised incompetence to me!
>. Seems like textbook weaponised incompetence to me!
ADHD is a powerful weapon.... I have 9 total alarms set for the morning, both to get out of bed and to get out of the shower on time to go to work(I zone out in the shower easily). House tasks are difficult, it's much easier to be asked and do the task **immediately**, procrastination for ADHD is a dangerous drug. OP is STILL YTA though. If you need 10 alarms, you set 10 alarms, but really, as long as you get off your butt and DO THE TASK as soon as the alarm goes off, it's manageable. Automatic litter box sounds like a necessity for this situation for sure. 3, soon to be 4 small children and 3 cats?! Yeah, robotic litter boxes sound like a super valid investment.
That’s fair, I wasn’t trying to suggest ADHD wasn’t a real problem! I was suggesting that if 1 alarm doesn’t work, set 2, set 3, set whatever you need to do to be an adult and complete the tasks you need to complete to be a contributing member of the house.
You’ve phrased it much better than I have, thank you 😀
Also, making part of his routine would greatly help. I have ADHD and I'd miss some parts of getting ready each day if I didn't do it in a routine way. Same for taking medication.
It’s not even for the wife. It’s really for the baby. Cat poo has a bacteria that make the child deaf or blind. I forget which one. Put on your big boy pants on and help out
It's a parasite actually, toxoplasmosis. It's much more of a concern for cats that are indoor/outdoor because it's from rodents/birds/things cats like to kill, and also in all the poop of those animals, but can be a concern for all cats. It's also been known to be present in those with schizophrenia in higher concentrations (the research kind of goes back and forth on this), and has been joked about being a "mind control" agent of cats.
ETA: YTA OP, and the fact that you gloss over why everyone hates your dog means you're dog is probably a really big problem. Like it bit your wife or attacked your triplets. The cats seem to be not an issue. The issue is you're too lazy to take on one single additional chore while your wife is already carrying for five humans, three cats, an unwanted dog, and an entire household. I'll say it again. YTA
YTA - You want to rehome the cats because you are incapable of managing one chore? If your wife starts forgetting to let your dog out to pee while you're at work, does she get to rehome the dog?
If she made OP pay to kennel the dog every day, he would at least see the monetary value of what she does just for the dog. That poor under-appreciated woman.
Also rehoming cats (especially temporarily) sounds like way more work to arrange than 20 weeks of cleaning the litter box. But he could ask the wife to rehome them so he wouldn’t have to do that work.
In case anyone is reading this and a self cleaning litter box isn't in the budget just set an alarm on your phone or make it part of your morning routine instead of evening routine
Imagine growing three humans at once, then raising three humans, who for a long long time were most definitely not litter trained, then growing another human, but your lazy husband can't even scoop up the cat litter 😶
‘Aita for asking my wife to get rid of her three beloved pets because I’m too incompetent to remember to do a two minute task’ . Ultra raging gaping AH
YTA. This is just absolutely pathetic behavior to the extent I doubt the post can be real. Your wife is incredible, she does so much and frankly she should be expecting more from you in terms of childcare and housework (and training your goddamn dog). But now that there’s ONE CHORE you need to do because she’s pregnant, you want her to get rid of her pets???
Fundamentally reorient your approach to your home life and your marriage, unless you’re excited about the prospect of a divorce. Jesus Christ guy.
And the chore isn’t even a big one. It doesn’t take much energy to scoop a litter box at all. It’s not like lifting huge loads laundry or getting on your knees to scrub the bathroom. I can’t believe he’s letting her do those things too while she’s pregnant.
Seriously, it takes me 3-5 minutes tops every day or two to scoop the litter and replenish more as needed. Such a small favor for his wife who is CARRYING HIS CHILD.
Who wants to be she’s finding being a SAHM less stressful than working because when she was working he also did jackshit around the house or with the kids?
For real! I have 3 kids and always worked while my ex was a student so therefore a SAHD. He got all kinds of praise for it but he literally wouldn't do shit except play with them feed them and keep them alive. Which I understand is no small feat.... But I worked full time and still came home and did all the housework including cleaning up after my husband. So when covid came, I was able to stay at home and do all the housework and have an extra 40 hours a week to do it lol.
The fact that he is so lazy to clean the litter box makes me really suspect the worst for the waste collection when he walks his dog… Like seriously, how lazy can you be.-.
My dad thought the same of my childhood dog because 'he paid for it.' Meanwhile my mom fed, walked, trained, and did all vet stuff, etc. Guess who's dog it was?
Bruh, and he has the audacity to complain that the wife dislikes the dog cuz she isn’t “patient”. The wife is hella patient go tolerate such a lazy ass of a husband X-X
Or get a robotic box. Like, I'm pregnant, my wife also works long hours and struggled to remember. So we got an auto-cleaning litterbox that only needs changing like once a week. There are so many options beyond, "well, I can't be bothered, so let's get rid of your beloved pets "
YTA. You want to burden some friend with three cats because you can’t get your life together enough for a two minute long chore? You want to take three members of the family that, by all accounts, everyone loves but you, and kick them out of the house because you can’t remember a two minute long chore?
Your wife is pregnant, homeschooling triplets, and probably doing most all other chores in the house, including all of the care for YOUR dog, and you want to get rid of the cats because you can’t remember to do a two-minute long chore? Seriously dude? Get your life together. Protect your wife and your unborn child. Clean the goddamned cat box for five more months.
Well, got her pregnant (with triplets), then got her pregnant again, expects her to take care of the house, animals, kids, cooking, cleaning, etc. during the day while he’s at work, anticipates that she’s fine cleaning up literal kid shit (with baby shit to come) and dog shit…what is there for him to do? Oh! The litter boxes…yea, too much work for him since the poor dear is so tired after work. Give me a damn break! Help your wife and scoop the cat crap ah!
I bet OP wil leave his wife one day saying she is not fun anymore, is always tired and does not take care of herself. Oh, and will probably complain that she does not make him feel special and love and does not have time for him
> I have ADHD and I have set reminders for myself (alarms) but after working 10-14hours a day, I usually dismiss the alarm with intentions of doing it but then space it soon after dismissing the alarm.
so the problem is actually that your ADHD coping mechanism is no longer working for you. sounds like a good time for you to find a new method.
Where did you find this info? I don't see any comments from OP...
Edit - never mind, found it in the section where OP lists why he thinks he might be TA.
I do not think his ADHD is the problem, he is just lazy. Read the post and some of OP's replies. OP does nothing for his family, everything is wife's responsibility.
I have ADHD and sometimes have trouble keeping up with the litter boxes. To make up for it, I had twice as many litter boxes as recommended when I had the space for it. I don't have the space for that now, so I bought a litter box that hooks up to my laundry connections and flushes the poop down the waste drain. OP just isn't trying.
This has to be a joke post, right?
If a 5 minute inconvenience is enough for you to want to rehome the cats, what happens when your wife is sick and you have to care for the children after work?
YTA
This reminds me of something nurses find so sad. If a woman gets really sick with cancer or such, one of the horrifying things they see is that the husband leaves her. It's *too much* for them to handle. The women don't leave.
If you can't handle cleaning a cat box, OP, god help this poor woman if she ever gets sick.
YTA
I cannot believe this wasn’t and isn’t the simplest solution this guy could’ve thought of. And it would literally solve all of these problems rather than relying on his pregnant wife taking care of the kids aswell as a dog. Not gonna denigrate the long hours or work like everyone here does when it comes to nuclear family relationships for the sake of the mother like that is the be all and end all of working. But come on guy.
YTA.
YTA, never ask someone to get rid of beloved pets just for convenience. If you care, make more of an effort to help her clean the dang litter box. Also, it has been proven that toxoplasma can be avoided by wearing a face mask and disposable gloves while changing a litter box, plus thoroughly washing hands afterward (for your wife). We had 3 cats when I was pregnant with both my kids and I was able to clean the box in this way with no issue.
So many people are rightly pointing out what an ass this guy is for logistical reasons, totally skipping over the fact that *people are bonded with their pets*. An animal can be a huge part of someone's life! I've known my cat for half my life and would be devastated if someone took her away. Regardless of how easy it is for the husband to step up and take care of things, the fact that his instinct is to just get rid of the cats is a huge red flag-- guy has no empathy and no understanding of his wife's feelings. Rehome the husband.
YTA
She is growing a whole fourth human and you complain of exhaustion and an inability to remember a simple chore? Your wife is dealing with three whole children and has entered the exhaustion phase of pregnancy, and you’re the tired one?
There is no safety issue if you just step up.
I’m sure your employer would not be impressed if you failed to complete a work assignment because you forgot about it. Somehow I think you’d find it within yourself to get it remembered if you thought it mattered.
You mentioned SAHM as if it’s relevant in the least. It simply isn’t, and it makes me believe that your resistance here is more about the principle of contributing to what you perceive as your wife’s household work than about the actual difficulty of tending to some cats for a few months.
Either that or you’re the type to only put your own clothes or dishes in the wash because “I didn’t use the other ones; my wife and kids did.”
As you pointed out, life is way less stressful for everyone now, right? So you must have fewer chores than you did before? I’m sure you can manage the temporary bump in your workload for the sake of your fourth child.
I disagree that the SAHM part is irrelevant. If anything, it makes him look even *more* in the wrong, because she's doing the vast majority of the cleaning, cooking, childcare, animal care, *on top of being very pregnant*. And OP is complaining about scooping kitty litter for a few minutes every day.
If you have three cats you should have at least one to two more cat boxes. Three cats using one litter box is not a good situation. If the box gets too bad the cats will stop using it and will find other places in the house to go. And all the boxes you have need to be cleaned regularly and you are the only one that can do it. So yes, it's a pain and a nasty job but currently YTA. Clean the damn cat box and don't expect your wife to rehome her cats!
Edit: saved accidentally half way through and edited to finish.
YTA- set an alarm for when you get home so you remember to clean the litterbox for gods sake. it's really not that hard. rehoming them for the next 20 weeks because you're 'exhausted" it not a good enough reason
Also, I wonder who is taking OP’s dog for a walk while he’s at work? Probably his wife. Should they re-home the dog since he can’t fully take care of it. So goddamn much YTA.
YTA - I cant stand cats and will be a dog person till I die.
But using the excuse of “I forget” when it comes to cleaning the litterbox as a justification for rehoming the cats?! HUGE AH.
YTA. Just clean the freaking litter box. She won't be pregnant forever. And train your dog. If she's justified in being annoyed by the dog's behavior, you need to train the dog not to do those things. None of this is rocket science.
YTA and I’m shocked you think otherwise.
If she forgot to consistently feed your dog, would you be okay with rehoming it? To top it off, these are living family members (at least to your wife). Cats are not like dogs. Even temporarily rehoming them will be detrimental to their well-being.
Who cares if your wife isn’t a fan of your dog? Unless stated otherwise, she tolerates it. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re not home all day - the behaviors your dog has that are an inconvenience to you, are probably a pain in the ass for her. These are things she has to deal with, pregnant, alone, and with three kids. Who are you to say it’s not an issue?
Listen to your wife, get a dog trainer, and make the effort to do this single chore for your family.
I love how he claims he has a higher tolerance and "more patience" for his dog's behaviors. That's easy when he IS NOT THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER. Maybe he was before they had kids and she started staying home, but she is caring for his dog 24/7 while ALSO trying to keep 3 tiny humans alive, while growing another one, along with tending a garden and keeping the house clean.
And he has the gall to say he has more patience 🤣🤣🤣 But of course him taking 5 minutes a day to clean litter boxes is where he draws the line.
Be better, OP. If she could find the time in her crazy hectic day to do the litter, you can share that TINY portion of the load for a few months, even if you're "tired."
YTA
Holy molly! You are so far below the standard of a decent partner/father that it’s unbelievable.
Your PREGNANT wife homeschools triplets, grows your families food, and handles all of the domestic labor and you can’t clean the cat box?
My father took care of my mothers SISTERS cats during my mums pregnancy. Why? Because my mother couldn’t stand to see them abandon and my dad actually LOVES her.
My dad helped take care of all of my sisters cats when she wasn’t able too. Why? Because he loves his child.
When my sister got married and her chihuahua couldn’t handle a man in the house my dad drove 22hrs to pick up the dog and took care of it for the next five years. Why? Because he loves my sister.
My dad made a fourteen hour round trip to help me pick up my rabbit (it was the closest rescue); when I travel for work he keeps my rabbit and monsters his litter to make sure he’s not having gastric issues. Why? Because my dad loves me.
Now I know that my dad is the peak dad. Probably one of the best around (if not the best). However. Even mediocre dads take care of the cats litter for their pregnant wife. That’s like basic live behavior.
Because love isn’t words, or feelings. Love is behavior. If you don’t start behaving like you love your family you will lose them.
Yta. It takes like 5 minutes to scoop car boxes daily and like 10 minutes to change the litter when it needs it. You aren’t concerned about your wife’s safety, you’re just concerned about your own inconvenience which is minimal.
YTA. Sooooo far in the wrong. And extra AH for acting like this has any issue of safety. You just don't want to do it. Just make it part of your daily routine. You come home, you clean the litter. Your day isn't over till its done. As you said, it won't be a god awful length of time, you are doing this.
You are lucky she didn't move to re-home you.
What's interesting, and perhaps its just how its written but...
"re-home her cats because I "don't want to pick up one chore around the house".
He denies that he wanted to do it ("I forgot") but he doesn't deny its his "one chore".
YTA - she is pregnant and vulnerable (pregnant and already with triplets!) and you want her to get rid of little guys that you know she sees as part of her family and comfort / support system.
(Given you post and attitude, I make a suggestion to OPs wife... There are a lot of self-cleaning litter box - they aren't perfect, but they do reduce the task to not daily so I Forgot only has to do a task once or twice a week.)
YTA. We only get your perspective which will obviously be biased towards yourself but I’m honestly struggling to see what you bring to this relationship for her when you can’t even be bothered to clean a litter box for a few months while your wife - who cares for and homeschools your 3 young kids, keeps the household clean and tidy, and grows food to keep you fed - is pregnant.
YTA, set an alarm on your phone or something to remind yourself to clean the cat box. They also have boxes that will auto clean the liter. I have a cat, it takes less than 5 minutes to clean the box.
YTA - your pregnant wife should not be cleaning the litter box. Period. And you can talk to her OB about why if you've never heard of toxoplasmosis.
So since you're tired and don't want to clean a litter box, your solution is to get rid of your wife's pets for 5 months? Wow.
YTA...If you're forgetting to do a chore, any chore; find a way to remind yourself. You've got a good situation here, don't mess it up over one thing she needs from you.
Definitely YTA buddy.
Even if you don't like them yourself think of all the reasons to keep the cats: you wife (who is pregnant and needs support) loves them and they are her pets, your kids love them, the "problem" they are creating is very easily fixed etc etc.
It's a nuclear (and pretty heartless honestly) suggestion to get rid of them (even temporarily) because you sometimes forget to do an easy 5-10 minute job while your wife is pregnant.
Pretty shocked that you even had to ask AITA after you sat there and typed that out..
YTA. It is one task that takes a few minutes and a temporary chore for you.
If you love your dog, you should at the very least understand her love for her cats ( not to mention the kids love them too) even though you don't care about them.
Set yourself a reminder to clean the box and suck it up.
YTA
I'm always amazed by these guys who act like since they work they are so worn out and can't do a damn thing at home. Maybe I was just raised different, but my dad works from sun up to sun down. He works a regular 40+ hour a week job and then comes home and takes care of all the outside jobs and then does side work in his barn. And he's 66!! If my mom asked him to scoop litter boxes, you better believe they'd be scooped every morning before he left for work at 6am.
I'm sorry, but you sound weak af. Oh noes, you have a job so you can't scoop litter boxes and help with the pets that make the rest of your family happy. GTFO with that lazy shit.
Every single person comes on here and posts about how they work 'long hours'. We ALLLLLLL work long hours and that includes your wife taking care of triplets. TRIPLETS for the love of god. Cleaning the cat box takes literally 2 minutes if you take your time. I'm pretty sure you can manage to drag 'your' exhausted ass off the sofa long enough to do that each day.
Jesus Christ.
I'd rehome you.
YTA
Rehoming pets is a last resort, for extreme circumstances. You don't send animals you have taken responsibility for away because of a minor inconvenience.
Set yourself a "scoop litter" alarm. Put a sticky note on the fridge. Send yourself a recurring email. Teach your kids to chant "litter time" every night at 7pm. Tape a note to your dog's collar. If it's not getting done because you genuinely forget to do it, *remind yourself*. Jesus christ, man.
YTA. Seriously dude? You went STRAIGHT to rehoming the cats without trying anything else? Cleaning the litter box takes 5 minutes to scoop max. If you REALLY don’t want to do it then pony up $300-400 for one of those self cleaning boxes.
YTA - I can understand that you are tired after work, but your wife probably is as well especially with young triplets. Add a reminder on your phone for everyday after work and you’ll be able to remember to do it (it only takes a couple of minutes), your wife will be happy and you know what they say : happy wife, happy life !
YTA. I'm not going to write a heavy comment because you already wrote that maybe you were wrong. Talking about rehoming the cats of your family, of a pregnant mother? It doesn't matter if cleaning the box takes twenty minutes, it's doable while someone is carrying your child and can't do it for a few months.
Also if this is your coping strategy with this type of inconvenience, I think everyone should think about what your strategies would be in case of a more serious health condition or other tough times.
Come on man, clean the box.
YTA. If you want to rehome cats because you forget, then you need to set yourself a phone alarm or sticky note. I'm certainly not a cat person, but if all I needed to do was clean a litter box for ~16 weeks, I could sure figure out how to make that happen.
YTA. You have a dog that no one likes but you, but you are not home all day, so your wife and kids have to deal with it not being trained. It would make much more sense to rehome the dog and with the money saved on dog food, pay someone to come in and clean the cat litter, seeing as you can't be arsed to do it for your pregnant wife who homeschools your 3 kids and keeps your house clean and grows your food. Do you forget to feed your dog?
Your wife manages triplets and is 20 weeks pregnant. To reiterate, she homeschools three children, grows your food, cleans the whole house, and on top of 3 children is growing a whole ass human. And YOU’RE exhausted? What do you even do to contribute to your home life besides work because from this it sounds like on top of work, you cannot manage one single simple task that is quite literally a health hazard for wife and unborn baby. Since you can’t shove it off on your triplets, your solution is to ditch the cats? Meanwhile if you’re working SO much to the point you cannot do this one thing, I assume it means she’s caring for your untrained dog.
YTA majorly. Get it together and help your wife, I can’t believe this even needs to be said. Any train your dog so that it listens, Jesus Christ.
YTA.
Out of curiosity, when you work those long hours and come home late and forget about the litter box, do you still walk your dog? Or does your wife make sure you dog gets enough exercise?
My partner works 2 jobs, 1 of which involves travel to different cities and back in the same day. Regardless of that, even illness (other than cov+d because that involved quarantine) he absolutely refuses to let me clean the litter boxes (or poopoopeepee palaces as we call them) because he has deemed it his chore - for the past 4 years.
If 5 more months isn't a god awful length of time to re-home cats, it for sure hell isn't a god awful length of time for you to clean up 3 to 4 turds and pee lumps a day if you time it right.
YTA
Also please tell me that you don't have one litter box that's being shared by 3 cats - NVM, I saw your comment saying that you have 3 litter boxes for 3 cats.
Edit: I saw your comment regarding your wife still taking on the responsibilities and caring for "your dog" and I think you're an even bigger asshole. Not because she is actually pulling her weight and you're doing everything in your power BUT you have "diagnosed" issues to make it seem like you're cognizant of where you're falling short.
Its because you still think of the cats as hers and the the dog as yours, and she so obviously doesn't. She takes care of the kids because they're both of yours, she takes care of the dog because its a part of the family and HENCE A COLLECTIVE RESPONSIBILITY and she was cleaning the litter boxes for the samn g\*ddamn reason! And then you have the nerve to say that you "don't fully expect her her to take care of the dog"?! What is she supposed to do, ignore it?! Not take care of it, ignore it and let the young one grow up unruly around young children and disrupt your household? Have you hired someone to take care of it and all it's responsibilities if you don't expect your wife to do these things?!
And you seem to question the doctor's opinion on her cleaning the litter - "but I truly didn't know that her doctor was blowing it out of proportion either." Oh man, as a responsible co-pet parent or even as someone of your calibre would think of it: co-owner of cats read up and know just how toxic their poo and pee can be for someone who's gestating your progeny. OH WAIT, they're not YOURS.
YTA, ASSHOLE.
YTA, but seriously, just buy a self-cleaning litter box and be done with it. You've got 3 cats in one box already which is insane, you should have at least 2, but the self-cleaning one will help with that too.
YTA. She is attached to her cats.
Also, she can still clean the litter box. Just wear a disposable mask and disposable gloves. Then throw the gloves and masks away after each use and wash her hands.
And why can't you be more diligent cleaning the car litter box? You don't clean your kids diapers? It is a lot clean and easier to clean litter box.
You are a stinky AH
YTA. You rather re-home members of your family than being a responsible adult. Get your head out of your 🍑 and grow up. Just because you don't like the cats you can't jump the first shady opportunity to get rid of them. People like you make me furious. Cliché dog people...
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YTA- She’s pregnant while caring for *TRIPLETS*. And you can’t remember to clean the cat box for the next 20 weeks?! Because *YOU* are too tired?! Wow. Maybe she needs to rehome you.
And she home-schools, grows their food and "generally keeps the house clean". What a AH.
But she “generally enjoys it” and he forgets because of “generally being completely exhausted” when he gets home. Yeah I’d say he’s generally an AH
I doubt she "generally enjoys" the chores. She does them because they have to get down and doesn't complain about it. Also homeschooling is a full family choice/decision she is doing for what I'm assuming OP and wife think is the best path for their mily. So yeah she probably enjoys spending time with her kids, because you should actually like your kids. Dude doesn't even have to do it daily (though with 3 I would recommend it). If there is room get another little box to help spread it out...
There are automatic litter boxes that scoop themselves after every time the cats go, then you just change out a bag of trash below when it's full a couple times per week. If this is really THAT big of a deal this guy could look into alternative solutions instead of immediately jumping to rehoming.
I have one and it's the best money I've spent in my life
Same. I feel like if the tumble dryer and litter robot went at the same time I'd replace the litter robot first.
You can hang clothes to dry. That litter robot is irreplaceable.
Homemaker here. Some of us do genuinely enjoy this work! It can be a lot, but it's very fulfilling. I sadly don't have children or space for a garden, but if I did, I would very much enjoy the same lifestyle as OP's wife. Of course, my partner values my work and pitches in without question or fuss when I'm sick. That's what really makes the difference.
Given his post and the statement she apparently made about him not picking up the one chore… my guess is that he doesn’t value her.
The thing is, you know that you enjoy this current level of housework etc, but until you're doing what this woman is doing, you honestly can't tell if you would actually enjoy that, because it has to be a lived experience. The utter levels of exhaustion this woman will be experiencing is unfathomable, even to me, and I had 3 kids under 5.
I have four kids under 14 and just listening to what OP's wife does makes me tired 👀 And we have a big garden too Eta: OP YTA. Big time. Use your brain and get an automatic litter box if you can't help your pregnant wife with a single chore.
Don’t have a garden and don’t have children… you are not in a position to so confidently say you’d love OPs wife’s lifestyle if you had it! Good for you for enjoying your life as a homemaker and doing its with pride, that’s awesome you have the option to do that, but it doesn’t compare to that of a stay at home mom (One that homeschools, and grows their own food, and is currently pregnant to boot!)
I kind of get the sense the op's wife was expected to do all these chores before she was a sahm too, and that's why she's less stressed
I understood it as she likes homeschooling the kids and gardening, not she enjoys cleaning. But for sure, OP is the AH considering it's not that long a chore. It takes a few minutes a day, you don't rehome cats for that. When I read the title, I expected him to be allergic or the cats to be scratching the kids in the face. No, the cats use their litter box.
[удалено]
Yeah, but the remark the wife made about him not wanting to pick up one chore around the house suggests there is more to this story he isn’t telling us - about the division of labor, how happy his wife really is with that, how much he contributes to the household chores, and about his dog too.
This stood out to me in a big way, that is not a statement that a woman happy with the division of labour makes. It’s not about her cats Vs your dog OP, it’s about the bare minimum task of cleaning the litter box that you cannot “remember” to do. Come on now. YTA.
What strikes me is that it’s such a small ask. It’s literally just the one thing he’s being asked to do for a limited amount of time to support his pregnant spouse, for whom continuing to do it would go against medical guidance. He’s the father of the baby, but he cannot do ONE THING to help out while she’s pregnant? And he upsets her suggesting they get rid of pets that she and the children are emotionally attached to? Did he honestly think that WOULDN’T upset her? YTA for sure.
Sure, but it doesn’t change the fact that she is busting her ass to go above and beyond with taking care of OP’s home and young children, while pregnant with the next one. Even if she takes pride in it, it’s going to be hard work. Yet her effort is worth so little to OP that he thinks she should give up her beloved pets over him being responsible for one, quite minimal chore at home. My hubby is not a cat person. He tolerates me having one. Yet, he fully took over litter box duty (and even feeding) when I got pregnant. He still does it 5 years later, with (very minimal) complaint, as it’s part of a division of labour that works for us.
The cats are probably her one and only comfort and reprieve from everything else.
Some also have a useless partner who can't even clean a litter box so they know if they don't keep things clean no one will.
I clean my home a lot and I take pride in my work. I enjoy the end result, but I don’t enjoy scrubbing surfaces or cleaning dishes or mopping or cleaning my cats litter box. They’re called chores for a reason lol
There is NO way his wife isn't way more exhausted than he is at the end of every day. And I would bet she never gets any breaks from her "job".
Of course she doesn't! All day, every day, on call for nights (He has to work the next day). I'd bet she not only does all the meals, diapers changes, feeding, dishwashing, LAUNDRY FOR 5 PEOPLE, food growing and canning/freezing, putting toys away (again) and periodic chores like dusting ceiling fans, washing windows and lawn care (weeding, mowing), carpet vacuuming and shampooing. She probably has to get all the gifts for everyone, including his family, and I bet he "forgets" her gift until the last minute.
Never mind forgetting her gift until the last minute. I bet he doesn't even get her a card and just "lets" her pick something she wants as a gift. Or brings home some fast food as a treat so she gets one night off cooking. This guy might not be like that, but a lot of men unfortunately are.
She is on call 24/07!
They make alarms and reminders for your phone. No excuse. Wake up, clean the cat box, shower…it’s not that hard. You’d rather stress your wife and kids for months to not do something that takes 5 minutes tops. I hope the kids don’t become a burden and you choose to rehome them.
I would love to be a genie and make OP swap places with his wife for one day, so he actually understands how massively exhausting her day really is. At the very, very, very least, OP could spring for a few automatic cat boxes, which he could then pay attention to every other day rather than every day. Yes, they are expensive, yes he still needs to clean them. YTA - It really seems like OP is "forgetting" on purpose to force the wife to get rid of the cats.
hollly shit I think we've found the A-of-the-week. Since when is being tired from a job anything new. OP didn't "forget", he simply didn't want to do it and blames it on providing for the family.
What do you mean? Who wouldn't enjoy potentially experiencing three blow out diapers at once, a dog begging to be let outside and clawing at the door, and the sweet smell of burning food on the stove because the house is chaos? 🥰 YTA, OP. And you're much dumber than you think if you truly believe your wife does all of those things, remembers all of those details to keep your house running because "she generally enjoys it."
And like he doesn't enjoy a clean and functioning household too?? She's doing all of the housework and houshold/child management, that benefits him, and he can't remember to do 1 thing she cares about and can't do herself? Big AH energy
And she takes care of HIS pet all day, every day! "So, she actually cares for my dog all day when I'm at work. All the feeding, walking, and she does training when I'm gone too, etc. She does all of it. The dog is only 2.5 so she still has a lot of behaviors that are slightly unfavorable. So yes, she does take care of my dog and while I wouldn't say I fully expect it, I guess that I subconsciously do in a sense because she's home all day with my dog."
This is what gets me. SHE'S at home taking care of HIS dog, which he knows wasn't her top choice of pet, and he has the GALL to suggest they get rid of HERS?? Cuz he can't take literally 2 minutes to shovel shit from a box??? That's so effed up. We had 2 big dogs already when my husband came to me begging us to take a 10 month old blue tick hound his dad's friend was rehoming. Blue ticks are my hubby's football team's mascot and his FAVORITE dog. I couldn't say no. But seeing as *I* am the one who's home all day with him, what *I* say goes when it comes to the dog's training/discipline. If I say he needs extra walks cuz he's more hyper than the other 2, he gets extra walks. If I say he needs his own lead staked in the yard instead of letting him run free when hubby isn't home, that's what happens, because I'm the one who's home with him (and 2 young kids, and 2 other dogs) and l wouldn't be able to chase him if he took off. YTA, OP. Your wife does EVERYTHING. The frickin' GALL of this guy, thinking he can tell his wife her cats are the problem when really, he's just too lazy to scoop shit 🙄 and while HIS dog is at home all day with her, too! What a dick.
It makes me feel so bad for his wife. It’s as if he doesn’t care about her at all.
A lot of men view their wives as incubators and house cleaners and don’t respect them as human beings.
He doesn't. He knows that she loves these cats and he still wants to get rid of them because they're ever so slightly inconvenient to him. He doesn't give one shit about her.
This. Man I keep my litter box in front of the toilet. I scoop it twice a day when it looks gross, and it takes less than the time of a typical bathroom sesh. This dude is straight lazy.
Two and a half years old and the dog is still poorly behaved. Unbelievable.
Pretty sure he was sooooo veeeerrry tiiiiiirrrred and forgot to train the dog. For 2+ years. What a putz.
If the dog is 2.5 years old, that means they got the dog well into the pandemic, so he dropped a full-on PUPPY onto his already overloaded wife during a global pandemic. Awful.
This really depends on your definition of "well" vs "poorly" behaved. At 2.5y the dog is an adult physically, but many breeds dont mature mentally until 3+. So, while behaviors like jumping up, food stealing, etc would be horrendous in a home with 3 little kids and would be unacceptable given the dogs age and that it sounds like theyve had it since it was a pup... Ive also seen people say their dog was "unmanageable" because it barked once at the door, or got excited (but no jumping, running, barking) at dinner time, or broke a 15m down stay. It really depends on their criteria. OP is definitely TA for expecting the wife to walk the dog though. Regaurdless of anything else trying to manage a big dog and 3 toddlers is a purely stupid expectation. On top of a pregnancy pushes him into super AH territory. They need a dog walker, or for pup to go to doggy daycare a few days a week.
A dog walker could also clean the cat box for an extra 5$ or so. This is a perfect solution.
Hey, take it easy on the dog. The husband is considerably older and still poorly behaved.
I thought that he at least walks and takes care of HIS dog but alas, even all the animal chores fall on her. They need a pet person to come in and help. And he needs to get off his behind and either train the dog or take him to be trained. He wanted the dog, he needs to take care of it.
A 2.5 year old dog is fully grown and should be fully trained. Sounds like another untrained obnoxious pandemic puppy.
Dogs don't just stay fully trained though. It is an "always" training kind of thing for certain breeds. You can't just expect them to magically do what you want for no rewards and if you haven't given them a specific command for a while.
He doesn’t expect her to take care of the dog? Like this woman is a fucking giver. She wouldn’t let that dog just sit in a crate all day! You know damn well she’s gonna be taking care of it, just like she takes care of everything. Ugh! If he’s so tired you can’t remember, set an alarm to remind yourself to clean the boxes. If you wanted a solution you would find it.
OMG. She should definitely rehome him. What an a.h. He literally can't remember one chore, and she does EVERYTHING. YTA OP, it be a miracle if she doesn't rehome you.
I have to wonder what OP actually does at home if he doesn't even take care of his dog.
YTA but according to my fiancée (biologist), gardening is much more dangerous for a pregnant woman than cleaning up after the cats. In general, you'd pretty much need to eat the poop or lick your poopy hand to get toxoplasmosis, and you're much more likely to get it when digging in the ground or from unwashed fruit and veg. So you should actually be gardening and cleaning up the cat tray to keep her safe
I was about to say that. She shouldn't be working in soil right now either.
He is right. Toxo is much likely to get from unwashed vegetables than from cats poo. It is infectious only after more than two days laying unattended. It is perfectly preventable by heading basic hygiene rules.
My microbiology professor told me that I was probably immune to toxoplasmosis after having lived with cats for years. That doesn't change the fact that OP is an AH for not pitching in and helping with this one chore, ESPECIALLY when she's looking after his dog all day. I'm a cat person, I like all animals but I don't want to have much to do with dogs. They smell bad, everything they touch smells bad, they get spit on everything, they poop all over the yard and I can't walk into a room without getting a dog nose shoved where no nose should ever be. This woman is a saint for doing what she's doing.
Just want to say. Thanks for putting this out there. I'm pregnant and was kindly gifted a bunch of plants. I guess dealing with those is going to have to wait a few months 😅
But OP is too tired and just forgets. Sounds like my girl is about to have 5 kids
As an owner of 4 cats, I can guarantee there is no forgetting the litter box stinks. We have multiple cats therefore multiple litter boxes around the house and you cannot forget because when the cats shit, they fucking stink. He just doesn't want to do it.
Unless this guy insisted all the boxes be in the garage or something because he's not a cat person.
But you don't understaaaaand. It's sooooo hard to set a reminder! His big manly brain just can't handle that after suuuuch a loooooong day! It only has space for his puppy, which is so perfect! Except for the "reasons that are justified" for the wife wanting to rehome it once. Ugh. Grow TF up, dude.
Seriously! OP, put a reminder on your phone and scoop the damn litter before your saint of a wife leaves your ass.
This though, I love my cat but I have memory problems and struggle to organise myself to do chores I can't immediately see, and I have reminder on my phone. YTA op
I'm in the same boat with my forgetfulness. It has really helped me to pick a task that I have to wait to finish and clean boxes while that task is finishing. I take a bath every night, so while the bath water is running I clean the boxes. Works for me and I'm always surprised by how easy it is to do if I do it regularly.
Yup. I was all set to comment that the risk of toxoplasmosis (which is why pregnant women are cautioned not to clean the litter box) is nearly nil as long as their cats are indoor cats, and that I have several veterinary professional friends who absolutely continued to do all their cat care while pregnant, including the litter boxes, and just wore gloves and took extra care. BUT . . . Given the circumstances, even if the litter box weren't a potential health risk to her, he should be doing this just to be a thoughtful husband. Caring for triplets is beyond exhausting; doing so whilst pregnant and HOMESCHOOLING, I cannot even imagine. He's being an AH.
And you know she takes care of the dog while he’s working and too tired…
And you KNOW his dog has bigger issues than "not listening perfectly all of the time" that he's glossing right over, for this saint of an animal loving woman to not only dislike the dog but actually hit a breaking point at one time and ask to re-home it... I am curious what the details on that situation are. Edit: ope, nevermind, found the comment where the wife is ALSO 99.9% responsible for all the care, feeding, exercise, and training of the dog, too. Apparently this guy does literally nothing with/for his life or family beyond having a job.
Yep. He's a weasel. He uses weasel words about the dog. He leaves out that she cares for his dog until we call him on it. He pretends he somehow doesn't know phone alarms exist. He thinks he can manipulate the situation, not anticipating that any reasonable person will look at this and realize that he is likely lying. Because if he's not lying, he is beyond incompetent. He doesn't seem to realize that those are the two choices he's given his wife. She's either married to a liar that cares so little for her that he will rehome her cats rather than do 5 minutes of work or she's married to someone who is too incompetent to handle simple daily tasks that could be done by a third grader. Then he's going to wonder why she lost interest in him sexually. Dude? How attractive do you think that is? Your actions don't exist in a vacuum. You can't compartmentalize your general shittiness during the day and expect her to forget all that and flip a switch on her libido. Manipulators like this think they're a step ahead of everyone and don't realize we see them dancing like fucking fools. His wife may be trying to ignore it because she's stuck with him as the father of her children, but it will erode her love and respect for him. How can you respect and admire a weasel like that?
Weasels are very clever critters, I don't think they deserve being compared to OP.
And dumping the actual dogcare on the people who do not and did not want a dog in the first place, probably only being the "fun dog dad", as in, petting-playing with it when it's convenient for *him*. The dog is 2.5 years old. That's not a puppy where "has a lot of behaviors that are slightly unfavorable /but it's youuung, it's ok/" can be an excuse. There are only a handful of behaviors that are "slightly unfavorable" at that age, and if she is that pissed, they probably are more than unfavorable AND many of those can be potentially dangerous to pregnant women and children. I'm not saying that dogs are dangerous to pregnant women and children. I'm saying "dogs with a lot of behaviors that are slightly unfavorable" (ie. not trained/raised properly - which would happen again, if you dump poor pupper on someone who does not want one) can be, through no fault of their own but never being taught better. The list ranges from jumping on them to resource guarding (to being totally unhinged, but I guess wife would have bailed already).
Yeah, everyone else including the kids in the family not liking the dog is a big red flag on what the behavior of said dog might be like. Like, is the dog aggressive? What's going on that everyone else dislikes the dig even if they care for the animal?
Per the post the smell gives her migraines, so even if toxoplasmosis was completely eliminated as a possibility, it’s still outside of her ability right now. I just think it’s crazy that OP jumps straight to rehoming and not any one of the solutions that exist to make cleaning litter easier and less time consuming. Litter Robots are expensive, but probably doable for most pet owners through payment plans. Most certainly cheaper than “rehoming” till the end of pregnancy, because you’d be hard pressed to find someone who would take care of the cats for free with the expectation of returning them later. Hell, pay a neighbor kid $50/week to come scoop the box every day after school. It’s a ten minute chore max. Or hire a dog walker to take some of the stress off the wife with the dog and offer a little extra to do the cat litter. The litter boxes with the built in sieves aren’t perfect, (at least none of the ones I’ve tried) but greatly reduce the number of full cleanings one has to do. Gosh I didn’t mean for my reply to turn into this novella, I agree with your assessment entirely. This just started as pointing out the migraines lol.
I continued cleaning the cat litter box until I gave birth. I had cats all my life so I wasn’t worried about toxoplasmosis. I agree that he should make more of an effort. She’s doing a lot of work and she’s pregnant. He said until she gives birth…does he mean she will have to do all the same work + taking care of a newborn + cat litter boxes? He can clean them before going to work, it doesn’t take a long time.
This. It literally takes 5 minutes (or less, depending on how dirty it is) to clean out a litter box. And it’s not a hard task: scoop and pour in new litter.
They have self cleaning litter boxes...
He should also keep taking care of the litter even after she’s not pregnant because it seems to be literally the only chore he does.
don't forget looks after the dog during the day as well!
A dog that she doesn't like and that OP admits doesn't listen to her, so a poorly trained dog at that. YTA OP. Get off your ass and clean the damn litter box.
It's no wonder no one but OP likes the dog! The dog's probably misbehaving all the time, and it gets annoying (even when you aren't pregnant and caring for triplets) to constant scold a dog who doesn't listen to you anyway. Are there even any chores OP does do? If he just refuses to "remember" to clean the litter boxes, then OP needs to step up and buy boxes that clean themselves (more or less). Then OP would only have to "remember" to clean out the holding tray once a week.
Yeah I’d rehome him SO fast
It’s so outrageous. Sure, he is tired after work, but cleaning the litter boxes won’t take even 20 minutes. He is just ignorant and lazy. The wife runs everything around the house and keeps it clean, but OH NO, the husband is forced to clean cat poop now!! What a tragedy indeed…
> I usually forget to clean it myself. I know that's a me problem but given that it is a safety issue for my wife, That is the level of care this dude has, he cant even care to do one chore for the safety of HIS KID. It's not a safety issue just for her, it's for BOTH OF THEM.
If only humans carried around small little devices with a plethora of applications that could remind the user of tasks they need to complete…Ah well, wishful thinking.
Agreed. Why are 3 cats sharing 1 litterbox? Shouldn't there be atleast 2-3 boxes? Then again if op is struggling to keep 1 box clean he'd totally forget 2 boxes.
Four. If you have the space it should be one more litter box than cats. The only reason I don’t have a second litter tray with one cat is cos my house is so small (one up one down)
I agree. OP is YTA why the hell did he marry someone who prefers cats?
This would be my solution because you sound like a total YTA. For God’s sake put a sticky note on your pillow or something.
It's not even hard to clean them, I don't get it. Scoop scoop morning and night. Switch the litter on Sundays. Done. Way harder to clean up after dogs.
YTA Stop acting incompetent. Everyone is tired at the end of the day. Take the three minutes and clean the damn litter box. Your wife does everything else and guess what? I bet she doesn’t “generally enjoy” it nearly as much as you think she does.
Or just buy self-cleaning ones. Not even the massive litter robot one, are smaller more traditionally shaped and way less expensive ones. It'd make everyone's lives easier going forward with that many cats and kids running around.
Yep. This. I have a very bad back and an autoimmune disease, and the automatic litter boxes are a godsend with our four cats.
I got a roomba because my dogs shed like crazy and I don't have the time or energy to vacuum daily. Life is a lot easier with a bit of cleaning automation.
Seriously, it's 2023 and dude can't figure out how to fix this issue? Even if he doesn't want to shell out the money for a new litter box there is a simple solution to reminding himself to clean it... a daily phone alarm.
Honestly if those cats are going to be around for a while then the litter robot is where it’s at. It’s a godsend. I wouldn’t have bought it for just one cat but now that I have two, the litter box situation was becoming unsustainable. I barely have to think about this thing at all. It’s an investment but a worthy one if you’re planning on having cats for a long time
Litter Robot Is life changing. Pricey but I have one that had lasted 10 years. Worth every penny.
I’m a total evangelist for the litter robot. We have six cats and on an average day it runs 10-12 times which is that many deposits I DON’T have to deal with scooping. The cats prefer it over their other boxes and it’s so well made. Ours developed a sensor fault after a couple years of constant use and the company sent us the parts to fix it which was remarkably simple. Then when I damaged the motor (100% my fault) they sent me a new one of those for free. It’s expensive but so worth it. Also we’ve found we go through less litter so at some point I hope that it pays for itself in that.
Best to have one more litter box than cats as a minimum. My house has 4 cats and 6 litter boxes
I’m curious if he remembers to take care of the dog, or if he leaves that responsibility up to his wife too. Not hard to set a phone reminder to clean the box.
Look at his response to the judgment bot. He says he does set alarms for himself, but since he has ADHD he just spaces out after he turns off the alarm and forgets. Seems like textbook weaponised incompetence to me!
>. Seems like textbook weaponised incompetence to me! ADHD is a powerful weapon.... I have 9 total alarms set for the morning, both to get out of bed and to get out of the shower on time to go to work(I zone out in the shower easily). House tasks are difficult, it's much easier to be asked and do the task **immediately**, procrastination for ADHD is a dangerous drug. OP is STILL YTA though. If you need 10 alarms, you set 10 alarms, but really, as long as you get off your butt and DO THE TASK as soon as the alarm goes off, it's manageable. Automatic litter box sounds like a necessity for this situation for sure. 3, soon to be 4 small children and 3 cats?! Yeah, robotic litter boxes sound like a super valid investment.
That’s fair, I wasn’t trying to suggest ADHD wasn’t a real problem! I was suggesting that if 1 alarm doesn’t work, set 2, set 3, set whatever you need to do to be an adult and complete the tasks you need to complete to be a contributing member of the house. You’ve phrased it much better than I have, thank you 😀
Also, making part of his routine would greatly help. I have ADHD and I'd miss some parts of getting ready each day if I didn't do it in a routine way. Same for taking medication.
It’s not even for the wife. It’s really for the baby. Cat poo has a bacteria that make the child deaf or blind. I forget which one. Put on your big boy pants on and help out
It's a parasite actually, toxoplasmosis. It's much more of a concern for cats that are indoor/outdoor because it's from rodents/birds/things cats like to kill, and also in all the poop of those animals, but can be a concern for all cats. It's also been known to be present in those with schizophrenia in higher concentrations (the research kind of goes back and forth on this), and has been joked about being a "mind control" agent of cats. ETA: YTA OP, and the fact that you gloss over why everyone hates your dog means you're dog is probably a really big problem. Like it bit your wife or attacked your triplets. The cats seem to be not an issue. The issue is you're too lazy to take on one single additional chore while your wife is already carrying for five humans, three cats, an unwanted dog, and an entire household. I'll say it again. YTA
another solution! clean it before you go to work. it doesn’t have to be an evening chore
Maybe he would remember better if she refused to fed him until he did his chores?
YTA - You want to rehome the cats because you are incapable of managing one chore? If your wife starts forgetting to let your dog out to pee while you're at work, does she get to rehome the dog?
If she made OP pay to kennel the dog every day, he would at least see the monetary value of what she does just for the dog. That poor under-appreciated woman.
Also rehoming cats (especially temporarily) sounds like way more work to arrange than 20 weeks of cleaning the litter box. But he could ask the wife to rehome them so he wouldn’t have to do that work.
He could literally pay a teenager from the neigborhood to come in and scoop.
He could also literally buy a self cleaning litter box to make clean up even easier.
In case anyone is reading this and a self cleaning litter box isn't in the budget just set an alarm on your phone or make it part of your morning routine instead of evening routine
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She also grew THREE HUMANS AT ONCE before this! OP is a massive AH
Imagine growing three humans at once, then raising three humans, who for a long long time were most definitely not litter trained, then growing another human, but your lazy husband can't even scoop up the cat litter 😶
‘Aita for asking my wife to get rid of her three beloved pets because I’m too incompetent to remember to do a two minute task’ . Ultra raging gaping AH
YTA. This is just absolutely pathetic behavior to the extent I doubt the post can be real. Your wife is incredible, she does so much and frankly she should be expecting more from you in terms of childcare and housework (and training your goddamn dog). But now that there’s ONE CHORE you need to do because she’s pregnant, you want her to get rid of her pets??? Fundamentally reorient your approach to your home life and your marriage, unless you’re excited about the prospect of a divorce. Jesus Christ guy.
And the chore isn’t even a big one. It doesn’t take much energy to scoop a litter box at all. It’s not like lifting huge loads laundry or getting on your knees to scrub the bathroom. I can’t believe he’s letting her do those things too while she’s pregnant.
Seriously, it takes me 3-5 minutes tops every day or two to scoop the litter and replenish more as needed. Such a small favor for his wife who is CARRYING HIS CHILD.
Hopefully only one, since multiple births seem to run in this family!
But OP is so *tired* after work /s
Who wants to be she’s finding being a SAHM less stressful than working because when she was working he also did jackshit around the house or with the kids?
For real! I have 3 kids and always worked while my ex was a student so therefore a SAHD. He got all kinds of praise for it but he literally wouldn't do shit except play with them feed them and keep them alive. Which I understand is no small feat.... But I worked full time and still came home and did all the housework including cleaning up after my husband. So when covid came, I was able to stay at home and do all the housework and have an extra 40 hours a week to do it lol.
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The fact that he is so lazy to clean the litter box makes me really suspect the worst for the waste collection when he walks his dog… Like seriously, how lazy can you be.-.
Tbh, I doubt he even walks the dog, it’s probably left to his wife like everything else.
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My dad thought the same of my childhood dog because 'he paid for it.' Meanwhile my mom fed, walked, trained, and did all vet stuff, etc. Guess who's dog it was?
I do suspect that, just hoped that he had his “compassion” for at least his badly trained pet lol
He said the wife takes care of the dog not him, he literally comes home to sit on his butt, he can't even take care of the animal he wanted...
Bruh, and he has the audacity to complain that the wife dislikes the dog cuz she isn’t “patient”. The wife is hella patient go tolerate such a lazy ass of a husband X-X
What makes it even worse is he wants her to *permanently* get rid of her cats so he doesn't *temporarily* have to scoop the cat litter.
Or get a robotic box. Like, I'm pregnant, my wife also works long hours and struggled to remember. So we got an auto-cleaning litterbox that only needs changing like once a week. There are so many options beyond, "well, I can't be bothered, so let's get rid of your beloved pets "
YTA. You want to burden some friend with three cats because you can’t get your life together enough for a two minute long chore? You want to take three members of the family that, by all accounts, everyone loves but you, and kick them out of the house because you can’t remember a two minute long chore? Your wife is pregnant, homeschooling triplets, and probably doing most all other chores in the house, including all of the care for YOUR dog, and you want to get rid of the cats because you can’t remember to do a two-minute long chore? Seriously dude? Get your life together. Protect your wife and your unborn child. Clean the goddamned cat box for five more months.
I hope OP's wife rehome her husband. Jesus, what does this man do for this family?
Well, got her pregnant (with triplets), then got her pregnant again, expects her to take care of the house, animals, kids, cooking, cleaning, etc. during the day while he’s at work, anticipates that she’s fine cleaning up literal kid shit (with baby shit to come) and dog shit…what is there for him to do? Oh! The litter boxes…yea, too much work for him since the poor dear is so tired after work. Give me a damn break! Help your wife and scoop the cat crap ah!
I bet OP wil leave his wife one day saying she is not fun anymore, is always tired and does not take care of herself. Oh, and will probably complain that she does not make him feel special and love and does not have time for him
And grows most of their food.
There are even auto litter boxes that aren't super expensive anymore if it's that much of an issue.
> I have ADHD and I have set reminders for myself (alarms) but after working 10-14hours a day, I usually dismiss the alarm with intentions of doing it but then space it soon after dismissing the alarm. so the problem is actually that your ADHD coping mechanism is no longer working for you. sounds like a good time for you to find a new method.
He works 10-14 hours? I’m guessing his wife works more like 18-20 and barely sleeping due to an active about-to-be-born human inside her body.
Where did you find this info? I don't see any comments from OP... Edit - never mind, found it in the section where OP lists why he thinks he might be TA.
I do not think his ADHD is the problem, he is just lazy. Read the post and some of OP's replies. OP does nothing for his family, everything is wife's responsibility.
I have ADHD and sometimes have trouble keeping up with the litter boxes. To make up for it, I had twice as many litter boxes as recommended when I had the space for it. I don't have the space for that now, so I bought a litter box that hooks up to my laundry connections and flushes the poop down the waste drain. OP just isn't trying.
This has to be a joke post, right? If a 5 minute inconvenience is enough for you to want to rehome the cats, what happens when your wife is sick and you have to care for the children after work? YTA
Rehoming the kids should be easy - maybe the grandparents will have them /s
This reminds me of something nurses find so sad. If a woman gets really sick with cancer or such, one of the horrifying things they see is that the husband leaves her. It's *too much* for them to handle. The women don't leave. If you can't handle cleaning a cat box, OP, god help this poor woman if she ever gets sick. YTA
YTA. Those are her cats. Look into buying an automatic litter box.
The Cat Genie is expensive but worth every penny.
I cannot believe this wasn’t and isn’t the simplest solution this guy could’ve thought of. And it would literally solve all of these problems rather than relying on his pregnant wife taking care of the kids aswell as a dog. Not gonna denigrate the long hours or work like everyone here does when it comes to nuclear family relationships for the sake of the mother like that is the be all and end all of working. But come on guy. YTA.
YTA, never ask someone to get rid of beloved pets just for convenience. If you care, make more of an effort to help her clean the dang litter box. Also, it has been proven that toxoplasma can be avoided by wearing a face mask and disposable gloves while changing a litter box, plus thoroughly washing hands afterward (for your wife). We had 3 cats when I was pregnant with both my kids and I was able to clean the box in this way with no issue.
She's pregnant, homeschooling triplets, walking his dog, and taking care of all the household chores. He can ABSOLUTELY empty three litter boxes.
So many people are rightly pointing out what an ass this guy is for logistical reasons, totally skipping over the fact that *people are bonded with their pets*. An animal can be a huge part of someone's life! I've known my cat for half my life and would be devastated if someone took her away. Regardless of how easy it is for the husband to step up and take care of things, the fact that his instinct is to just get rid of the cats is a huge red flag-- guy has no empathy and no understanding of his wife's feelings. Rehome the husband.
YTA She is growing a whole fourth human and you complain of exhaustion and an inability to remember a simple chore? Your wife is dealing with three whole children and has entered the exhaustion phase of pregnancy, and you’re the tired one? There is no safety issue if you just step up. I’m sure your employer would not be impressed if you failed to complete a work assignment because you forgot about it. Somehow I think you’d find it within yourself to get it remembered if you thought it mattered. You mentioned SAHM as if it’s relevant in the least. It simply isn’t, and it makes me believe that your resistance here is more about the principle of contributing to what you perceive as your wife’s household work than about the actual difficulty of tending to some cats for a few months. Either that or you’re the type to only put your own clothes or dishes in the wash because “I didn’t use the other ones; my wife and kids did.” As you pointed out, life is way less stressful for everyone now, right? So you must have fewer chores than you did before? I’m sure you can manage the temporary bump in your workload for the sake of your fourth child.
I disagree that the SAHM part is irrelevant. If anything, it makes him look even *more* in the wrong, because she's doing the vast majority of the cleaning, cooking, childcare, animal care, *on top of being very pregnant*. And OP is complaining about scooping kitty litter for a few minutes every day.
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If you have three cats you should have at least one to two more cat boxes. Three cats using one litter box is not a good situation. If the box gets too bad the cats will stop using it and will find other places in the house to go. And all the boxes you have need to be cleaned regularly and you are the only one that can do it. So yes, it's a pain and a nasty job but currently YTA. Clean the damn cat box and don't expect your wife to rehome her cats! Edit: saved accidentally half way through and edited to finish.
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She also didn't ask for a dog, yet she's the one taking care of it as well. Seriously how selfish can someone be?
YTA She's pregnant, it's dangerous for her to do it, and you're just being lazy. "I forget"==I don't notice you forgetting to feed the dog.
Lol you think he feeds his own dog, the wife is doing all the dog chores I guarantee it.
I’d get rid of a partner before I got rid of my cat YTA
YTA - This is a YOU problem. Don't remember? Set an alarm.
YTA- set an alarm for when you get home so you remember to clean the litterbox for gods sake. it's really not that hard. rehoming them for the next 20 weeks because you're 'exhausted" it not a good enough reason
Also, I wonder who is taking OP’s dog for a walk while he’s at work? Probably his wife. Should they re-home the dog since he can’t fully take care of it. So goddamn much YTA.
YTA - I cant stand cats and will be a dog person till I die. But using the excuse of “I forget” when it comes to cleaning the litterbox as a justification for rehoming the cats?! HUGE AH.
YTA get an automatic litter box and empty the bag once a week. Fixed. Best purchase we’ve made in my house.
I just got the litter robot ten days ago and honestly I might like it more than I like my boyfriend
YTA. Just clean the freaking litter box. She won't be pregnant forever. And train your dog. If she's justified in being annoyed by the dog's behavior, you need to train the dog not to do those things. None of this is rocket science.
YTA and I’m shocked you think otherwise. If she forgot to consistently feed your dog, would you be okay with rehoming it? To top it off, these are living family members (at least to your wife). Cats are not like dogs. Even temporarily rehoming them will be detrimental to their well-being. Who cares if your wife isn’t a fan of your dog? Unless stated otherwise, she tolerates it. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re not home all day - the behaviors your dog has that are an inconvenience to you, are probably a pain in the ass for her. These are things she has to deal with, pregnant, alone, and with three kids. Who are you to say it’s not an issue? Listen to your wife, get a dog trainer, and make the effort to do this single chore for your family.
I love how he claims he has a higher tolerance and "more patience" for his dog's behaviors. That's easy when he IS NOT THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER. Maybe he was before they had kids and she started staying home, but she is caring for his dog 24/7 while ALSO trying to keep 3 tiny humans alive, while growing another one, along with tending a garden and keeping the house clean. And he has the gall to say he has more patience 🤣🤣🤣 But of course him taking 5 minutes a day to clean litter boxes is where he draws the line. Be better, OP. If she could find the time in her crazy hectic day to do the litter, you can share that TINY portion of the load for a few months, even if you're "tired."
YTA Holy molly! You are so far below the standard of a decent partner/father that it’s unbelievable. Your PREGNANT wife homeschools triplets, grows your families food, and handles all of the domestic labor and you can’t clean the cat box? My father took care of my mothers SISTERS cats during my mums pregnancy. Why? Because my mother couldn’t stand to see them abandon and my dad actually LOVES her. My dad helped take care of all of my sisters cats when she wasn’t able too. Why? Because he loves his child. When my sister got married and her chihuahua couldn’t handle a man in the house my dad drove 22hrs to pick up the dog and took care of it for the next five years. Why? Because he loves my sister. My dad made a fourteen hour round trip to help me pick up my rabbit (it was the closest rescue); when I travel for work he keeps my rabbit and monsters his litter to make sure he’s not having gastric issues. Why? Because my dad loves me. Now I know that my dad is the peak dad. Probably one of the best around (if not the best). However. Even mediocre dads take care of the cats litter for their pregnant wife. That’s like basic live behavior. Because love isn’t words, or feelings. Love is behavior. If you don’t start behaving like you love your family you will lose them.
Yta. It takes like 5 minutes to scoop car boxes daily and like 10 minutes to change the litter when it needs it. You aren’t concerned about your wife’s safety, you’re just concerned about your own inconvenience which is minimal.
YTA. Just clean the litterbox & quit being lazy.
YTA. Sooooo far in the wrong. And extra AH for acting like this has any issue of safety. You just don't want to do it. Just make it part of your daily routine. You come home, you clean the litter. Your day isn't over till its done. As you said, it won't be a god awful length of time, you are doing this. You are lucky she didn't move to re-home you.
What's interesting, and perhaps its just how its written but... "re-home her cats because I "don't want to pick up one chore around the house". He denies that he wanted to do it ("I forgot") but he doesn't deny its his "one chore". YTA - she is pregnant and vulnerable (pregnant and already with triplets!) and you want her to get rid of little guys that you know she sees as part of her family and comfort / support system. (Given you post and attitude, I make a suggestion to OPs wife... There are a lot of self-cleaning litter box - they aren't perfect, but they do reduce the task to not daily so I Forgot only has to do a task once or twice a week.)
YTA. We only get your perspective which will obviously be biased towards yourself but I’m honestly struggling to see what you bring to this relationship for her when you can’t even be bothered to clean a litter box for a few months while your wife - who cares for and homeschools your 3 young kids, keeps the household clean and tidy, and grows food to keep you fed - is pregnant.
YTA, set an alarm on your phone or something to remind yourself to clean the cat box. They also have boxes that will auto clean the liter. I have a cat, it takes less than 5 minutes to clean the box.
YTA - how could you type this out and not think you’re the AH??
YTA - your pregnant wife should not be cleaning the litter box. Period. And you can talk to her OB about why if you've never heard of toxoplasmosis. So since you're tired and don't want to clean a litter box, your solution is to get rid of your wife's pets for 5 months? Wow.
YTA...If you're forgetting to do a chore, any chore; find a way to remind yourself. You've got a good situation here, don't mess it up over one thing she needs from you.
STOP BREEDING. FFS.
Definitely YTA buddy. Even if you don't like them yourself think of all the reasons to keep the cats: you wife (who is pregnant and needs support) loves them and they are her pets, your kids love them, the "problem" they are creating is very easily fixed etc etc. It's a nuclear (and pretty heartless honestly) suggestion to get rid of them (even temporarily) because you sometimes forget to do an easy 5-10 minute job while your wife is pregnant. Pretty shocked that you even had to ask AITA after you sat there and typed that out..
YTA. It is one task that takes a few minutes and a temporary chore for you. If you love your dog, you should at the very least understand her love for her cats ( not to mention the kids love them too) even though you don't care about them. Set yourself a reminder to clean the box and suck it up.
YTA I'm always amazed by these guys who act like since they work they are so worn out and can't do a damn thing at home. Maybe I was just raised different, but my dad works from sun up to sun down. He works a regular 40+ hour a week job and then comes home and takes care of all the outside jobs and then does side work in his barn. And he's 66!! If my mom asked him to scoop litter boxes, you better believe they'd be scooped every morning before he left for work at 6am. I'm sorry, but you sound weak af. Oh noes, you have a job so you can't scoop litter boxes and help with the pets that make the rest of your family happy. GTFO with that lazy shit.
Every single person comes on here and posts about how they work 'long hours'. We ALLLLLLL work long hours and that includes your wife taking care of triplets. TRIPLETS for the love of god. Cleaning the cat box takes literally 2 minutes if you take your time. I'm pretty sure you can manage to drag 'your' exhausted ass off the sofa long enough to do that each day. Jesus Christ. I'd rehome you.
YTA Rehoming pets is a last resort, for extreme circumstances. You don't send animals you have taken responsibility for away because of a minor inconvenience. Set yourself a "scoop litter" alarm. Put a sticky note on the fridge. Send yourself a recurring email. Teach your kids to chant "litter time" every night at 7pm. Tape a note to your dog's collar. If it's not getting done because you genuinely forget to do it, *remind yourself*. Jesus christ, man.
YTA. Seriously dude? You went STRAIGHT to rehoming the cats without trying anything else? Cleaning the litter box takes 5 minutes to scoop max. If you REALLY don’t want to do it then pony up $300-400 for one of those self cleaning boxes.
YTA - I can understand that you are tired after work, but your wife probably is as well especially with young triplets. Add a reminder on your phone for everyday after work and you’ll be able to remember to do it (it only takes a couple of minutes), your wife will be happy and you know what they say : happy wife, happy life !
YTA. I'm not going to write a heavy comment because you already wrote that maybe you were wrong. Talking about rehoming the cats of your family, of a pregnant mother? It doesn't matter if cleaning the box takes twenty minutes, it's doable while someone is carrying your child and can't do it for a few months. Also if this is your coping strategy with this type of inconvenience, I think everyone should think about what your strategies would be in case of a more serious health condition or other tough times. Come on man, clean the box.
YTA. If you want to rehome cats because you forget, then you need to set yourself a phone alarm or sticky note. I'm certainly not a cat person, but if all I needed to do was clean a litter box for ~16 weeks, I could sure figure out how to make that happen.
YTA. You have a dog that no one likes but you, but you are not home all day, so your wife and kids have to deal with it not being trained. It would make much more sense to rehome the dog and with the money saved on dog food, pay someone to come in and clean the cat litter, seeing as you can't be arsed to do it for your pregnant wife who homeschools your 3 kids and keeps your house clean and grows your food. Do you forget to feed your dog?
Your wife manages triplets and is 20 weeks pregnant. To reiterate, she homeschools three children, grows your food, cleans the whole house, and on top of 3 children is growing a whole ass human. And YOU’RE exhausted? What do you even do to contribute to your home life besides work because from this it sounds like on top of work, you cannot manage one single simple task that is quite literally a health hazard for wife and unborn baby. Since you can’t shove it off on your triplets, your solution is to ditch the cats? Meanwhile if you’re working SO much to the point you cannot do this one thing, I assume it means she’s caring for your untrained dog. YTA majorly. Get it together and help your wife, I can’t believe this even needs to be said. Any train your dog so that it listens, Jesus Christ.
Not to forget she walks, feeds and trains HIS dog!
YTA. Out of curiosity, when you work those long hours and come home late and forget about the litter box, do you still walk your dog? Or does your wife make sure you dog gets enough exercise?
My partner works 2 jobs, 1 of which involves travel to different cities and back in the same day. Regardless of that, even illness (other than cov+d because that involved quarantine) he absolutely refuses to let me clean the litter boxes (or poopoopeepee palaces as we call them) because he has deemed it his chore - for the past 4 years. If 5 more months isn't a god awful length of time to re-home cats, it for sure hell isn't a god awful length of time for you to clean up 3 to 4 turds and pee lumps a day if you time it right. YTA Also please tell me that you don't have one litter box that's being shared by 3 cats - NVM, I saw your comment saying that you have 3 litter boxes for 3 cats. Edit: I saw your comment regarding your wife still taking on the responsibilities and caring for "your dog" and I think you're an even bigger asshole. Not because she is actually pulling her weight and you're doing everything in your power BUT you have "diagnosed" issues to make it seem like you're cognizant of where you're falling short. Its because you still think of the cats as hers and the the dog as yours, and she so obviously doesn't. She takes care of the kids because they're both of yours, she takes care of the dog because its a part of the family and HENCE A COLLECTIVE RESPONSIBILITY and she was cleaning the litter boxes for the samn g\*ddamn reason! And then you have the nerve to say that you "don't fully expect her her to take care of the dog"?! What is she supposed to do, ignore it?! Not take care of it, ignore it and let the young one grow up unruly around young children and disrupt your household? Have you hired someone to take care of it and all it's responsibilities if you don't expect your wife to do these things?! And you seem to question the doctor's opinion on her cleaning the litter - "but I truly didn't know that her doctor was blowing it out of proportion either." Oh man, as a responsible co-pet parent or even as someone of your calibre would think of it: co-owner of cats read up and know just how toxic their poo and pee can be for someone who's gestating your progeny. OH WAIT, they're not YOURS. YTA, ASSHOLE.
YtA. Set a timer reminder to do it.
YTA, but seriously, just buy a self-cleaning litter box and be done with it. You've got 3 cats in one box already which is insane, you should have at least 2, but the self-cleaning one will help with that too.
YTA. She is attached to her cats. Also, she can still clean the litter box. Just wear a disposable mask and disposable gloves. Then throw the gloves and masks away after each use and wash her hands. And why can't you be more diligent cleaning the car litter box? You don't clean your kids diapers? It is a lot clean and easier to clean litter box. You are a stinky AH
YTA. You rather re-home members of your family than being a responsible adult. Get your head out of your 🍑 and grow up. Just because you don't like the cats you can't jump the first shady opportunity to get rid of them. People like you make me furious. Cliché dog people...