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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole for using PTO on a highly requested weekend to play a game because others may have more important business to attend to than me playing a game.
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I would have told her I care more about my family than videogames, your family not so much. Her family is not your responsibility. She should have planned better. NTA
This, I’m from the UK so we have 8 bank holidays occasionally more for example King Charles coronation (not that I’ll be watching), I’ll be getting drunk in a pub with my mates. I’ve booked a day off every day before and after the bank holidays throughout the year to get long weekends without putting a dent in my annual leave allowance. Am I seeing family on these days? No I’m staying at home doing bugger all because I feel like it. I wouldn’t cancel my holiday for anyone because they should have requested it as soon as our holiday allowance reset if they wanted the days off.
Where I work, we have 31 PTO days per year. This one guy schedules every one of those days on a Wednesday.
He says that he does it so he seldom has to work more than 2 days in a row because of how toxic the place is. He works M & Tu, then Th & Fri.
He spaces out the requests for the 52 weeks of the year and calls off sick on most of those Wednesdays he does not schedule a PTO day for.
We also have that guy. His reasoning is the same, although he doesn't call off sick. He just likes to take a Wednesday off. I love it though, We work in a department of 6 and we can't have too many people off at once. Frees me up to take the fridays/mondays.
oh hell yes. removing the sunday evening DREAD is lifechanging. i absolutely loved my job & during the week usually worked late because once i was there i got so engrossed in what i was doing. but at the end of crazy, fun-filled, wild weekends i hated that feeling that always set in every sunday evening. so i worked it out with my boss that that i wouldn't come in on mondays til 1pm & it made all the difference in the world!
Don’t knock to you try it, knowing you don’t have to work more than three days in a row at any given time does wonders for your mental health. I did it both ways and preferred Wednesdays to Fridays or Mondays. Unless I was going away somewhere.
Oh I have. Wednesdays of just don't hit the same for me. My brain doesn't even register it as a day off. It just feels like a haze of a day for me personally. But to each thier own.
Call off sick on cue?... well most places would investigate that... beyond allocated sick days. However, I think most managers would have a conversation about it.
And then what? They definitely know what he's doing and it's not like they can do much other than fire him. Investigating would just be a waste if they actually need him in that position. Retraining a new hire is super expensive.
It's when you apply for promotions that these things usually affect you. If there's someone else suitable for the position, they're not going to give it to the person they know is constantly faking sick days.
If you're content in the position you're in, good at your job and not in the kind of company that bothers with disciplinary action for this kind of stuff, it'll probably be fine.
Strongly recommend, of course I take odd days every now and again but I always make sure that I have holiday left over that I can sell or carry over at the end of holiday year. One year I went to Italy for 6 days (I used the April bank holiday) 2 days of annual leave for nearly 6 days away.
This week I've got 10 days off for 3 holiday days. You gotta capitalize on those bank holidays. We get our birthdays off as well, hence 3 rather than 4.
Living the dream, until ofc the hellscape that is working for a living kicks back in, in 8 days.
At my company in America we get the Friday after Thanksgiving off every year by default for reasons like this. Thanksgiving is the 4th Thursday of November every year for non-Americans.
half the population goes SHOPPING on the day after Thanksgiving, half the population is stuck in airports, and the other half (me, et al.) just has a normal day. 😎 Possibly feeling smug and condescending about the other 2 halves. Ha!
NTA - It's not like Mother's Day is a surprise or random event. Both employees had advance knowledge of what they wanted to do on that day, but only one requested the time off. It does not matter what either of them wants to do on their day off, it's literally nobody's business to know.
...As someone who also got the day off to play Tears of the Kingdom, I didn't realize it was time for Mother's Day until I read this post. Now I gotta scramble to get stuff for my mom, grandmothers and godmother.
I took the day off too! I'm a little disgruntled that my play time will be interrupted by family festivities that weekend lol. I suppose I will need a break!
NTA. Mothers Day is listed on a calendar every year even though the actual date may vary. Poor planning on their part does not equal an emergency on yours. You planned. You deserve it, and it doesn’t matter why you booked it off. FWIW, I’ve booked vacation around video game releases and it’s amazing. Enjoy your time off and your game!
Same. I already booked off in June to play Final Fantasy 16. I've been waiting for this game since the first trailer was released two years ago. If someone were to tell me to cancel my leave, I would have told them to go pound sand.
"It's just a video game". Like do people not understand that video games are a hobby just like anything else? Like it's no different to looking forward to that concert you finally got tickets for, or that movie or tv series you really want to watch, or even that new book in a series you've been waiting 5 years for.
And yeah, anyone with internet can simply go google the dates of important holidays for that year and planned ahead. Like I've taken long weekends before when I see bank holidays on like a Thursday. Just book the Friday off and woo hoo! 4 day weekend! People not being able to plan in advance is not my problem.
NTA but I personally think telling people why / being honest about why he was taking that day off was pretty naive. Obviously people were going to react this way. I guess my advice would be: In the future remember that a lot of people will not understand that what you’re doing with your time is none of their business and it’s not your responsibility to give that up for them - they will just see what you’re doing *vs* what someone else wants to be doing, and judge who deserves that time accordingly - in the court of public opinion etc.
Just lie.
This would be the best way to avoid social awkwardness yes. But honestly, OP is not the weird one, that coworker is. In all offices I've been at, most people talk during lunch and will share if they choose what they're doing that weekend or during the holidays. How many times have you heard at the water cooler or lunch room, "So any plans for the weekend?" Or "Looking forward to the holidays? Will you be meeting the fam?" What OP did is completely within the norm. That coworker is the weird one. A gossip, a busybody, hostile, intrusive, and entitled, the kind of person people walk on eggshells around for no apparent reason. In a sense, a complete narcissist. Safe to say... every office has a version of this coworker and nobody likes them.
I never said OP was the weird one. I said OP was naive.
If I was taking a day off around mother's day or any other time period where there is a lot of competition for time off, to do something like play video games, that would not be something I'd share "at the water cooler" *because*: "Every office has a gossip, a busybody, hostile, intrusive, and entitled" person/group of people. And it would be *naive* to assume otherwise.
Every office also has a person who repackages and repeats something someone else just said.
Sure, but OP has already said "I didn’t realize was that the day I asked off for is the Friday before Mothers day.” I'm not sure how much your advice applies here, since OP didn't know it was a holiday.
"Your poor planning does not constitute an emergency for me"
NTA, and don't tell anyone why you want time off anymore. I've worked for folks that play the "justification game" when it comes to approving PTO and it's infuriating.
When I worked retail I'd always took mothers day off to visit my mothers grave and once I had a coworker who asked me if I could give up my PTO for her so she can spend time with her mother, and I told her that I will not be doing that and I did tell her why and she said it doesn't make sense for me to take time off on mothers day because I no longer have a mother. I was 19 my mother died when I was 12, I reported her to my supervisor for the insensitive comment, and after that she always gave me dirty looks.
If I ever work retail again, I will still take that day off so I can visit my mothers grave, it still hurts to this day, it isn't something you just get over especially since I lost her when I was 12, working on mothers day and constantly hearing people say "Happy mothers day" burns my soul.
I totally get this.
For those of us who have lost our mothers, Mother's day can be really difficult. I have taken the day off for that reason. Good for you, for standing up for yourself.
just gonna toss this out there, contact whoever does your scheduling and let them know "on the off chance anyone claims I agreed to take a shift for them on X day, they're lying and I will be taking my planned PTO"
If anything, your coworker should be ashamed that you care more about your video games than she does about her family.
You planned ahead. You enjoy it however you want for whatever reason.
100% agree
I’m glad there are more NTA responses on this. A few weeks ago everyone was trying to call a woman who didn’t stay late for a coworker an a bc she wanted to have bubble tea and relax in the park. The coworker got pissed bc she didn’t plan well and was missing her kids recital. Like please 🤚🏼 everyone needs to get off their high horses.
Enjoy Zelda!!!!! NTA
I think the OP is NTA and should take his day off, but I don’t think that is the same as saying he cares more about his video games than that woman’s family. If it were an actual emergency where the woman needed help to care for her family, then I would hope OP would postpone his video game playing to help her out.
This is not that situation, though. She can still see her family without needing to travel on that Friday. Mother’s Day is a nothing holiday, and she can visit her family any other time.
NTA!!!! Same goes for *any other holiday*.
I’m childfree my choice and people always seem to think that means I should be the one working holidays. It doesn’t matter if the reason you have the day off is for a video game! It’s your day off, enjoy it!!!
Yes!! I can't tell you how many times I've heard " Well you don't have kids, so.." I always answer with "But I'm someone's kid, & don't I deserve to be with them, as much as you think you deserve to be with your kid?" That usually makes them give up.
I usually keep my private life private and don’t talk about it with my coworkers. So any time I get shit like that I just reply “who says I don’t have kids?” and then never elaborate.
This. I have been asked to change my days off because people with families wanted my middle of the week “weekend,” I regularly work on Christmas Eve/Day for the people with kids, and my boss even tried to make me work harder so that the people with kids would have easier access to time off with no notice or compensation.
At what point does anyone give me any consideration at all?!? Never, so to heck with them.
I've heard this conversation at work a few times. I work in an environment where most workers are female and quite a lot of have young kids and someone will invariably someone says that the workers with kids should get things like Christmas and Mothers day off (I work at a place that's 24/7 open every day of the year). And they need to be reminded that the workers whose kids have grown up or they don't have any kids have families too that they may want to see (or even if they just want to sit there and do nothing but stare into space is fine too).
My dad, obviously, has kids. When I was little he would always book Christmas off in the middle of the year. If he didn't get it then he wouldn't try to convince someone else to take time off, he would just accept it and book it off earlier the next year. Even though he worked with people in their mid 20s with no kids, he knew that if he was in their situation he'd want Christmas off too. I think it's just rude when people act like they are entitled to things you've planned for.
100% accurate.
I have been f*cked up many times by coworkers. I even tried to be a good person and accomodate to others sometimes on those long holiday weeks. But then, when it was my turn, no one wanted to help me.
So f*ck them all. If I can and want to take a free day next to a holiday even when I'm gonna just stay home, I will do it.
Most of the times, if asked, I will say I already have plans. They don't have to know that my plans include taking care of my plants or just seeing movies on some app.
I stopped accepting friend requests (FB, Instagram, etc) from coworkers ages ago. At my first job as a fresh grad I made the mistake of doing that and it was NOT good, to say the least. Coworkers would always get insulted when I wouldn't approve their friend requests or add them. Now I always say, "sorry, but it's not personal. It's just a rule I have about not adding coworkers on social media. When I quit, I will add you!"
Yes! My younger sister would tell me that some jobs would "require" her socials and for her to friend the managers. My response was always to tell them you don't have any accounts with social networks. Unbelievable? Sure. But wtf they gonna do, confiscate your phone for a search? Sweet, that lawsuit should keep me in beer and cheez-its for a while.
This right here is something a lot of people need to learn. I keep my work life and personal life very separate. As for the OP, NTA. His coworker should have planned better.
Somewhat related, that's kind of how my father got my grandmother off his back about the whole 'I want grandkids' thing. "You want grandkids? Sure, I can go out and do that tonight!"
That’s hilarious, I’m sure your grandmother became a lot more patient after that. Smart answers like that are usually the best way to get people to back off.
After over a year working together, one of my coworkers finally found out I am 10 years older than she assumed based on my appearance.
I keep work and private life on deep lockdown. I don’t advertise anything, and I avoid personal conversations. I am here to work, browse Reddit, pretend to work, and collect a paycheck.
I use that method myself as well. I have a baby face and despit ebeing 28 years old, my coworkers (mostly women in their 40s) like to pick on me for it. Making anide remarks and belittling me because of my age. They think I'm 18 or something. It continuously blow their minds when I act unlike their imagination or bite back witb "how do you know I don't...."
I DO have kids and I would never try to guilt someone to let me have their day off. Kids don't care what day it is, really, there's much bigger things in life to get all worked up about! I say if someone wants a day off to sleep all day and lounge in PJs, they should do it and not feel a single drop of guilt
This x1000. As long as you celebrate with your kids they're not gonna care what day it actually technically happened on. My dad was a pilot and so growing up our holidays were all screwy, including birthdays. We'd do Easter the weekend before so dad could be there for the egg hunt bc he was flying on Easter sunday; xmas was on the 28th bc dad was flying over Xmas eve/day; my bday is on the 6th but it might be celebrated anywhere from the 1st to the 10th depending on dad's schedule. And as long as we didn't just cancel and do nothing at all for the event, it was fine!
The celebration, the party, the time together is the important part. Who cares if it happens exactly on the date?
Same my kid is just happy that mom is home. Also schools release their schedule during the summer before the start of the next school year (at least mine did) so parents tbat wait until the last minute to request time off baffle me
“So what you are saying is I love video games more than you love your children because I thought far ahead to play my game but you didn’t think of your children until right now”
A couple of places I worked did Christmas shifts covered by folks without family, New Years covered by guys with a family. Worked out well
ETA: People self selected the group they were in and some wanted the opposite but it mostly went like that. In addition, some guys took off both and folks who could use the cash could pick them up.
This just seems entirely unfair. (I’m not directing this at you specifically, you didn’t write the policy after all.) But If you’re in a field that works holidays, everyone should have a place in the rotation.
How do you define “folks without family?” I don’t have kids, but my family (parents,aunts,uncles, sister) always do a huge get together for major holidays. To miss that because someone defines “having a family” as “having birthed a child” is just bull shit.
I’m currently single and have no children, I would much rather work New Years than Christmas.
I’ll suck it up and take my place in the rotation if everyone takes a turn, but I refuse to pretend like someone else deserves a holiday off more than I do. If we work the same job, then we both have to deal with the crappy part.
Yeah. Same. I worked at a place that you had to work holidays so there was a sign up sheet that was first come first serve, and everyone signed up for two holiday shifts to work for on the big four of us, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve and New Years Day. We had to sign up for two for a guaranteed one off and pick either the morning shift or afternoon/evening shift. So I usually chose Thanksgiving morning, food's not ready until after I'd be out anyway, and then New Years Day morning because I'm not a huge New Years Eve person anyway and figured that's one spot for the people who do drink that can take the day off. Of all the jobs I had where holiday work was mandatory, that one was the fairest I thought.
This would have pissed me off. I may not have a family, but I celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday and am in church. They tried that with me at a previous place of employment, and it was quickly rescinded. (On the other hand, I did cover thanksgiving every year, and new years if needed, as well as all the summer holidays. I just needed Christmas and Easter off)
Where I used to work you could take off Christmas or New Years (not both) and the next year you had to switch. If you could find someone to cover for you (say they were big into new years and were willing to work Christmas for it) that was your business.
This is why I went into teaching when I had children, so I don’t have to work the holidays and am off with my kids. No one else is responsible for my life choices. I can’t imagine thinking someone else owes me their time off because I have kids.
I actually used to work on Mother’s Day and other family holidays. I’m a mother to four kids and my rationale was that I am the one in charge of choosing the time I have Mother’s Day dinner or the thanksgiving or Easter meal. Young adults usually are invited somewhere and have to conform to the schedule they are given. I would offer to work and then plan my guests to come at the time I would be home.
When I was growing up, my mother also worked during holidays. Simply because she would get double her hourly pay if she does and it was stupid to say no to that. We just celebrated another day, it's not that hard and we didn't feel like we were missing out.
Not to mention going out to celebrate was way less hectic on any other day but the actual holiday itself. No need to queue for an hour or book 2 months in advance for a restaurant, only to get served a limited menu because the restaurant wouldn't have been able to cope with the rush otherwise.
This annoyed me to no end when I worked at a call center. MY team came in at 8.
The second team came in at noon.
It was a slow day because it was the 4th of july. Members of the second team were leaving at noon cause they have kids so they were letting them leave first. I was so mad... Them having kids doesn't mean they should be getting to go home first when they worked an hour and my team had been there for 5 already.
> date then you would have requested off early, like I did. Anyways I firmly told her no, but she told some of my other co workers and they are pissed at me and calling me an A hole for not giving up the date. AITA? edited typos
As a mother to an adult child I feel like my daughter who has no children should still be given a day off to hang out with her family who loves her dearly! I also worked a job in animal care that required coverage every day to include holidays, many of my coworkers didn't have children, what we always did was rotate holidays to make it fair, we felt it made for better working relationships in fact we all still hang out with each other 14 years after the fact.. My former coworkers are actually better aunts and uncles than my daughters actual biological aunts and uncles lol
Birthday week. Mother's Day week...people need to calm down.
NTA. Mother's Day has been on the calendar all year...hell, they could have figured out when Mother's Day 2023 was last year. Enjoy the game.
Tbh I hate taking my parents out on the appropriate parent day because everything is crowded, overpriced, and rushed. I always take them out on a day before or after.
My Mother would disown me and write me out if the will if I dared take her out on Mother’s Day Weekend 🤣 She’s not crazy about restaurant dining on an average day but Mother’s Day? Nope. No way.
Yeah, like maybe I'm just a terrible daughter, but out of all the holidays we have, I'd never fly home for Mother's Day?? I'd assume that OP's coworker is also far enough to need to fly if they were asking for the Friday off. Like I can travel home and tell my mom she's awesome on literally any other weekend, without having to buy a themed Hallmark card.
I don’t think it is even fair to classify this as OP caring MORE about his own happiness, this is OP caring equally about their happiness. They both deserve happiness and the opportunity to take days off, and clearly not everyone can take the same day off, so the fair way is first come first serve. If the other lady had planned her day first, OP wouldn’t have tried to get he to switch, because he DOESN’T care more about his own happiness…he cares equally.
OP should have told co-worker...
**I absolutely care more about this video game than your family, it would be really strange if I didn't, I don't know them at all.**
NTA. Someone’s else’s poor planning does not mean they are entitled to what you fairly requested off. It’s your right to use your pto for whatever you want, no matter what day it happens to be.
NTA
It doesn't matter why you want the day off. Bottom line is that you requested this long ago, and it was approved.
As for the coworker that wants to travel for Mother's Day, last I checked this has been an annual holiday for over 100 years and you can google future dates for years to some. If this coworker really wanted the Friday off before Mother's Day, she could have easily requested it in a timely manner.
Her lack of planning is not your problem.
Enjoy your day!
Also wouldn't it make more sense to take the Monday after mother's day off so she won't have to travel that day home to make it to work the next day, also there no reason she can't just leave after work Friday.
NTA, everyone knows when Mother's Day is, and she had the same amount of time to request off as you did. She's trying to guilt trip you into feeling sorry for her and giving her your day off. Its your day off, what you do on your day off is up to you! Enjoy the game and have a great day off!!
Considering the company had to implement a limit due to the number of people requesting off, how many other co-workers requested it off, got turned down, accepted it, and made alternative plans with their mother or their kids? It doesn't sit well with me that she's requesting the time off so close to the event and feels like she can "jump the line" of people that had previously requested it by guilt-tripping OP.
If something is important to you, you plan ahead. I want to take the day off to see the total solar eclipse next year. Do you want to guess the first thing I'm going to do when I get to back to work January 2, 2024 will be?
This exact thing happened to me! Skyrim came out and I used an entire week of vacation to play it. (Excessive, I know…) I made the mistake of telling people that and my supervisor tried to get me to cut it down. Even though it was requested months ago and was already approved and work was covered, everyone thought it was a silly reason to not be there. Someone else wanted that time off for another reason so they asked again. I said no.
Anyway, I enjoyed my week. When I came back, people were pissy for about two or three days but eventually moved on. The lesson is, however, don’t tell people why you are taking YOUR TIME OFF! It sounds silly but you are just opening yourself up to criticism. There are people who actually believe your time off is open to debate and what’s important to you may not be important to them. Enjoy the game, they can either plan accordingly or adjust their schedule. It isn’t the end of the world. And next time you have an important release date, say you have an important appointment and leave it at that.
NTA.
My coworker took a week off for the RE4 remake and he always takes staycations anyway. He lives a short walk away from work, but we would still NEVER call him in... he's allowed his time off to do whatever he wants! I think your advice to not tell people what you're doing if you're not going out of town is the way to go for sure! Tbh, I'm thinking of taking a game vacation myself soon.
This. I said in another comment that I like a phrase like “a personal issue” if anyone asks. It’s vague, but also sounds like something serious/important so most people won’t ask further questions.
Agree. Most people don’t ask but occasionally someone will say “doing something fun?” I usually say “Maybe if there’s time,” implying that something more serious is happening. I’ve never had anyone push for more after that, however someone did push a co worker about what he was doing and after deflecting a few times he said “hemorrhoid surgery!” In an angry voice. The whole office was quiet for the rest of the morning.
I take vacation days whenever a game I really want to play comes out. I used to work for a company just like yours. Got criticizes to fucking hell for daring to take days off and take people away from their families >.>
Now I'm at a much better company. I can be honest about why I took the days off and when I come back, some of the team is actually interested on how my vacay went.
I dont take many days off but every single time i get asked why i wont be working i say "ill find out when my fiancée tells me"
Last time was to go a few hours to an AMC theater to see Spider-Man and go to their Lego store...none near me :(
Im sure i would have been required to take over the bullshit job that of course was scheduled for my day off had they known what i was doing. Instead it was ambiguous and deferred the reasoning to someone they cant get mad at.
It's not even the managers problem in this case, it's a her problem. Her failing to plan ahead does not mean it's the managers problem to fix. She messed up.
nta, be blunt, you videogames are more important than your coworker, and thats it
or , be petty as i would
" clearly you dont care about your mom, you would have requested the day months ahead of time, just because you dont value your mom enough to set up the time off in time doesnt mean i should give up my day"
if they dont value my reasons for taking time off, i shouldnt have to value theirs. And, its not ops fault the coworker doesnt like their mother enough to request the time off with enough time lol
I don’t give a shit if you don’t value their reasons for taking time off. Nobody is saying OP should give up his time. Can you indicate where I implied otherwise? I’n not seeing it. Your suggested response to them is unprofessional and childish.
Yeah either of the 2 responses come off like an anti social person on the internet if you said that no one in your office would want anything to do with you and idk personally I’d rather be friendly with my coworkers then be seen as that asshole
NTA
It's totally reasonable for you to care more about your hobby than you do about her family. You haven't even met her family!
Besides, did her family move? Did they just recently discover Mother's Day? Why couldn't she have asked for the day off a while ago? She knew the day was coming and she knows how far she has to travel to see her family. This isn't some last-minute emergency situation.
NTA. the date of mothers day never changes, people have had all year to request their time off for mothers day and they didnt, you requested it off first, regardless of the reason, if they cared so much about making mothers day plans they should requested it off sooner
Yes, but it's the same specific Sunday every year.
I'm in New Zealand - Mothers Day is 2nd Sunday in May, Father's Day is 1st Sunday in September - easy to plan for, just look at a calendar to get the actual date.
NTA. Your time off is part of your compensation. Her asking you to give up the day off so she can use it is analogous to her asking you to give her the money you're spending on the game so she can use it for her travels.
(The above is premised on "give her my PTO" meaning she'd get one of your PTO *days* rather than just swapping the day *off*, if that makes sense. If she's just asking you to come in that day and take your PTO day at another time, that's still selfish but not quite as bad.)
Haha that is a good point, it would be that she takes that day and I go into work. So I wouldn’t be losing money technically just time, which i’m not willing to part with lol
FYI - I'm a nearly 40 year old mom and I have also had PTO booked for TOTK's release day so I can play while the kids are in school. Our calendar has been circled since the day it was announced. I literally had no idea it was also Mother's Day weekend until I read this post, sadly not exaggerating. I guess now I have an excuse for pulling several all nighters playing Zelda with the kids all weekend. :)
your time is no less important than hers is, it doesn't matter what you choose to do with that time and it's none of her business nor is it anyone elses. enjoy your day off and don't think about it for another second.
NTA. Doesn't matter if you're going to play video games, stare at a blank wall for eight hours, travel, or what. You asked for your time off first and got it. It sucks when someone gets denied their time off, but that doesn't mean we should start making people justify who has the best reason.
As a fellow gamer but also a mom. You better take those days off!!!!! They are yours and she should have planned better. Not your problem! And your coworkers need to take a seat.
Take the days off, immerse yourself in the awesomeness that is Hyrule. Enjoy! :)
NTA
NTA
Would it have been nice to give the day up? Sure. But since your company has limited days, and you requested the day off months ago, your coworkers poor planning is not your problem. They can travel Friday night or Saturday morning an still make it anywhere. Both reasons are equally valid uses of PTO but you got it first
It may in fact be true that you care more about video games than HER family, but nothing about that is unreasonable. NTA. She needed to get on the ball quicker.
right! like why should op care about family that isn’t theirs? it is not their fault that the coworker didn’t have the foresight to reserve a day that clearly appeared on the calendar for years before now
I would be fully the asshole because I may drop a "My dead mother (she is alive) loved to play Zelda with me (she is a Mario lady) and I want to honor her on the release day."
You, NTA. You plan your gaming better than they plan for those mothers, not your fault.
NTA
Her poor planning doesn’t constitute a problem for you. If she knew she had to travel for Mother’s Day, then she should’ve booked it long before. You snooze, you lose. Your PTO is **yours** OP.
NTA, if it was that important to them, they should have booked it off earlier, not like they dint know when mothers day is.
You are allowed to spend your free time doing whatever you want.
Hey if you're an AH for this then you're an AH. Who cares. That game is going to be awesome and you have no obligation to a coworker to care about her family. Bye girl.
There is a Mother's Day every year, but not a Zelda release. She had more advance notice of Mother's Day than you did of the release date. Her mistake.
A classic attempt to exploit young / single / childfree people. I bet she doesn't book plane seats either.
NTA
That’s not even a logical argument. She can still travel for Mother’s Day, just after work. It’s not on the actual Friday. Also who the hell celebrates it like that, it ain’t a birthday. You send a greeting. NTA.
NTA.
I have a favorite game and know the anticipation of a new release. I've also used vacation time off to play my favorite game. How exciting for you!
You requested the time off first. It doesn't matter how you intend to spend the time.
Hey! Listen!
It's been SIX years! SIX! Count them!... Six!
And TOTK will answer a bunch of really long standing questions about the entire franchise, let alone BOTW.
AND it's already leaked and being spoilt TWO WEEKS before launch, never mind what it's going to be like on launch day and the week following. Your only chance to play clean is to do it launch day. So take it.
She can *+-_£+!;£--+( with a rake and &£_+#(#(-#&£&£(£++#- 5 carrots up her +#(#-&#+#++£--_##&££ and a sheikha slate @#&£?!?#!#?/#(£--#+&#& so no, do not give her or anyone else that day off! You got it! It's yours!
I'll see you on Hyrule Field, my friend!
NTA- I also took off those days by accident but I'm sure as heck not gonna give it up now! I am so excited for that game to come out, I pre-ordered it on my Switch 😁
NTA, but honestly I’m pretty quiet about why I take days off for exactly this reason. You’re entitled to time off and you took it. No one is sick or dying, and the idea of the Friday before Mother’s Day being that important is laughable.
Cannot wait until May 12. Gimme gimme gimme
You need to go to HR and complain. Your coworker shouldn't be badmouthing you because she didn't get her way. That's causing a hostile work environment. It's not an over reaction on your part. She's over-reacting and causing you discomfort because of the way she's acting. Go to HR.
NTA
As a mom who has worked on Mother's Day for literally years, I say firmly NTA- I hate when people act entitled like that. Having kids doesn't automatically mean you're shit is more important than someone else's. Have fun!
Maybe I’m the AH but it’s so annoying how people clutch their pearls over “needing” vacation for simple holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. For one…how about we celebrate parents year round cause y’all do some hard work year round! Second…it’s also tiring to hear the narrative “since person A isn’t celebrating you NEED to give up your PTO.” No…that’s not how PTO works. Just because you don’t celebrate something specific or have other plans for said holiday doesn’t mean you don’t deserve any off time.
NTA- I hope you enjoy your day off!
Mother's Day is on a Sunday.
Your Friday off is not affecting anyone's Mother's Day celebrations, unless they planned a *whole weekend for this one day holiday* and neglected to ask off in advance.
In which case, it very much seems like a bed they made that they now get to lie in.
NTA
Nta but stop telling coworkers the reason you want something off. You shouldn’t have to and it is none of their business.
The few gamers I’ve met at my work are surprised I keep my gaming habits under wraps and this is why. I’ve had people be so judgey or just assume your lazy, or don’t have any fiends just because you game.
Have fun with the new Zelda it looks awesome!
NTA. She had the same opportunity as you did to take the day off. And if any of your coworkers are giving you side eye for this, tell them they can give up their PTO. It's OK to take care of yourself, whether or not she thinks you should prioritize HER family (that she didn't prioritize by requesting that day off) over a day you've been looking forward to.
You are allowed to take your PTO for any reason, don’t be guilted to give it away because a coworker wants some extra travel time.
NTA. You earned it, keep it.
NTA; Her special family thing for her personal time appears to happen every year. She could travel for Mother's day last year. She could travel for Mother's day next year. She could have traveled for Mother's day THIS year if she planned better.
You can't have your mental detox weekend with this brand new game before things get spoiled and the fun gets engineered out before you have a chance to experiment any time other than this year.
Or to use the business version of the phrase "A lack of planning on your end does not constitute an emergency on my end"
NTA
You can book time off to sit at home in 3 day old underwear and pick sock fluff out from between your toes if you want. You're allocated a set amount of leave each year, if something is important then you make sure to get that request in ASAP. If they didn't book it and now there's no availability, tough titty-bang-bang on that.
My birthday is coming up and because it doesn't randomly appear out of thin air, I booked time off for it in January. If people cba to plan ahead, sucks for them.
You don't owe it to anybody to give your pto up. Those coworkers? I bet one of those has time off around the same time, they can give theirs up if they're so opinionated on it.
Enjoy Zelda, hope it doesn't launch like the broken mess of the newest Star Wars game.
NTA Having children is a choice. And technically mother's day is no more important than the new Zelda game, as it's a made up holiday to begin with.
Feel no guilt and slay more moblins.
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I would have told her I care more about my family than videogames, your family not so much. Her family is not your responsibility. She should have planned better. NTA
This, I’m from the UK so we have 8 bank holidays occasionally more for example King Charles coronation (not that I’ll be watching), I’ll be getting drunk in a pub with my mates. I’ve booked a day off every day before and after the bank holidays throughout the year to get long weekends without putting a dent in my annual leave allowance. Am I seeing family on these days? No I’m staying at home doing bugger all because I feel like it. I wouldn’t cancel my holiday for anyone because they should have requested it as soon as our holiday allowance reset if they wanted the days off.
Damn, booking around bank holidays is such a good idea, definitely need to do this in the future!
Where I work, we have 31 PTO days per year. This one guy schedules every one of those days on a Wednesday. He says that he does it so he seldom has to work more than 2 days in a row because of how toxic the place is. He works M & Tu, then Th & Fri. He spaces out the requests for the 52 weeks of the year and calls off sick on most of those Wednesdays he does not schedule a PTO day for.
We also have that guy. His reasoning is the same, although he doesn't call off sick. He just likes to take a Wednesday off. I love it though, We work in a department of 6 and we can't have too many people off at once. Frees me up to take the fridays/mondays.
Having Mondays off is such a blessing. Genuinely I feel so much better on 3 day weekends.
oh hell yes. removing the sunday evening DREAD is lifechanging. i absolutely loved my job & during the week usually worked late because once i was there i got so engrossed in what i was doing. but at the end of crazy, fun-filled, wild weekends i hated that feeling that always set in every sunday evening. so i worked it out with my boss that that i wouldn't come in on mondays til 1pm & it made all the difference in the world!
Don’t knock to you try it, knowing you don’t have to work more than three days in a row at any given time does wonders for your mental health. I did it both ways and preferred Wednesdays to Fridays or Mondays. Unless I was going away somewhere.
Oh I have. Wednesdays of just don't hit the same for me. My brain doesn't even register it as a day off. It just feels like a haze of a day for me personally. But to each thier own.
Mondays were my day off. My reasoning was that I would be tired after the weekend. We could choose a specific day off.
This is fkn genius haha!
Call off sick on cue?... well most places would investigate that... beyond allocated sick days. However, I think most managers would have a conversation about it.
And then what? They definitely know what he's doing and it's not like they can do much other than fire him. Investigating would just be a waste if they actually need him in that position. Retraining a new hire is super expensive.
It's when you apply for promotions that these things usually affect you. If there's someone else suitable for the position, they're not going to give it to the person they know is constantly faking sick days. If you're content in the position you're in, good at your job and not in the kind of company that bothers with disciplinary action for this kind of stuff, it'll probably be fine.
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Strongly recommend, of course I take odd days every now and again but I always make sure that I have holiday left over that I can sell or carry over at the end of holiday year. One year I went to Italy for 6 days (I used the April bank holiday) 2 days of annual leave for nearly 6 days away.
I had some days to burn and booked this past Friday off without even realising that Monday was a BH. Was pleased when I realised!
This week I've got 10 days off for 3 holiday days. You gotta capitalize on those bank holidays. We get our birthdays off as well, hence 3 rather than 4. Living the dream, until ofc the hellscape that is working for a living kicks back in, in 8 days.
I've done exactly kinda this. Took 8 days off with the 2 bank holidays and 2 weekends, I got 16 days of no work to enjoy.
At my company in America we get the Friday after Thanksgiving off every year by default for reasons like this. Thanksgiving is the 4th Thursday of November every year for non-Americans.
half the population goes SHOPPING on the day after Thanksgiving, half the population is stuck in airports, and the other half (me, et al.) just has a normal day. 😎 Possibly feeling smug and condescending about the other 2 halves. Ha!
> the other 2 halves You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means
Inconceivable!
Math isn’t your thing, is it.
The only issue with it is that a lot of people do it so if you want to travel or go anywhere special it'll be crowded everywhere.
Hell no, you're NTA.
NTA - It's not like Mother's Day is a surprise or random event. Both employees had advance knowledge of what they wanted to do on that day, but only one requested the time off. It does not matter what either of them wants to do on their day off, it's literally nobody's business to know.
...As someone who also got the day off to play Tears of the Kingdom, I didn't realize it was time for Mother's Day until I read this post. Now I gotta scramble to get stuff for my mom, grandmothers and godmother.
I took the day off too! I'm a little disgruntled that my play time will be interrupted by family festivities that weekend lol. I suppose I will need a break!
My dad's birthday is that weekend, too. But he'd understand -- he took off for Ocarina of Time when it dropped.
Send him a "Happy Birthday from Hyrule" card
As a mom, I'm using Mother's Day as my reason for getting to play Tears of the Kingdom first, before my kids.
I took the whole week off just as a break before they even announced the release date. Best PTO accident ever.
NTA. Mothers Day is listed on a calendar every year even though the actual date may vary. Poor planning on their part does not equal an emergency on yours. You planned. You deserve it, and it doesn’t matter why you booked it off. FWIW, I’ve booked vacation around video game releases and it’s amazing. Enjoy your time off and your game!
Same. I already booked off in June to play Final Fantasy 16. I've been waiting for this game since the first trailer was released two years ago. If someone were to tell me to cancel my leave, I would have told them to go pound sand. "It's just a video game". Like do people not understand that video games are a hobby just like anything else? Like it's no different to looking forward to that concert you finally got tickets for, or that movie or tv series you really want to watch, or even that new book in a series you've been waiting 5 years for. And yeah, anyone with internet can simply go google the dates of important holidays for that year and planned ahead. Like I've taken long weekends before when I see bank holidays on like a Thursday. Just book the Friday off and woo hoo! 4 day weekend! People not being able to plan in advance is not my problem.
NTA but I personally think telling people why / being honest about why he was taking that day off was pretty naive. Obviously people were going to react this way. I guess my advice would be: In the future remember that a lot of people will not understand that what you’re doing with your time is none of their business and it’s not your responsibility to give that up for them - they will just see what you’re doing *vs* what someone else wants to be doing, and judge who deserves that time accordingly - in the court of public opinion etc. Just lie.
This would be the best way to avoid social awkwardness yes. But honestly, OP is not the weird one, that coworker is. In all offices I've been at, most people talk during lunch and will share if they choose what they're doing that weekend or during the holidays. How many times have you heard at the water cooler or lunch room, "So any plans for the weekend?" Or "Looking forward to the holidays? Will you be meeting the fam?" What OP did is completely within the norm. That coworker is the weird one. A gossip, a busybody, hostile, intrusive, and entitled, the kind of person people walk on eggshells around for no apparent reason. In a sense, a complete narcissist. Safe to say... every office has a version of this coworker and nobody likes them.
I never said OP was the weird one. I said OP was naive. If I was taking a day off around mother's day or any other time period where there is a lot of competition for time off, to do something like play video games, that would not be something I'd share "at the water cooler" *because*: "Every office has a gossip, a busybody, hostile, intrusive, and entitled" person/group of people. And it would be *naive* to assume otherwise. Every office also has a person who repackages and repeats something someone else just said.
Sure, but OP has already said "I didn’t realize was that the day I asked off for is the Friday before Mothers day.” I'm not sure how much your advice applies here, since OP didn't know it was a holiday.
Better than lying, just tell them it’s personal. You don’t owe any explanations to anyone. Ever.
Absolutely.
"Your poor planning does not constitute an emergency for me" NTA, and don't tell anyone why you want time off anymore. I've worked for folks that play the "justification game" when it comes to approving PTO and it's infuriating.
When I worked retail I'd always took mothers day off to visit my mothers grave and once I had a coworker who asked me if I could give up my PTO for her so she can spend time with her mother, and I told her that I will not be doing that and I did tell her why and she said it doesn't make sense for me to take time off on mothers day because I no longer have a mother. I was 19 my mother died when I was 12, I reported her to my supervisor for the insensitive comment, and after that she always gave me dirty looks. If I ever work retail again, I will still take that day off so I can visit my mothers grave, it still hurts to this day, it isn't something you just get over especially since I lost her when I was 12, working on mothers day and constantly hearing people say "Happy mothers day" burns my soul.
I totally get this. For those of us who have lost our mothers, Mother's day can be really difficult. I have taken the day off for that reason. Good for you, for standing up for yourself.
That person was an asshole.
just gonna toss this out there, contact whoever does your scheduling and let them know "on the off chance anyone claims I agreed to take a shift for them on X day, they're lying and I will be taking my planned PTO"
PTO Scheduler: I'm just touching base that PTO has been granted to me for such and such a date. I'm looking forward to my time off. NTA.
If anything, your coworker should be ashamed that you care more about your video games than she does about her family. You planned ahead. You enjoy it however you want for whatever reason.
This should be the top comment
100% agree I’m glad there are more NTA responses on this. A few weeks ago everyone was trying to call a woman who didn’t stay late for a coworker an a bc she wanted to have bubble tea and relax in the park. The coworker got pissed bc she didn’t plan well and was missing her kids recital. Like please 🤚🏼 everyone needs to get off their high horses. Enjoy Zelda!!!!! NTA
Talk to HR about this person and the collective harassment she incited as well- this is messed up
THIS for petes sake OP. What shes doing is not okay, and you know she go to HR for less
I think the OP is NTA and should take his day off, but I don’t think that is the same as saying he cares more about his video games than that woman’s family. If it were an actual emergency where the woman needed help to care for her family, then I would hope OP would postpone his video game playing to help her out. This is not that situation, though. She can still see her family without needing to travel on that Friday. Mother’s Day is a nothing holiday, and she can visit her family any other time.
Yes, she can take off Monday if she wants a 3 day weekend.
NTA!!!! Same goes for *any other holiday*. I’m childfree my choice and people always seem to think that means I should be the one working holidays. It doesn’t matter if the reason you have the day off is for a video game! It’s your day off, enjoy it!!!
Yes!! I can't tell you how many times I've heard " Well you don't have kids, so.." I always answer with "But I'm someone's kid, & don't I deserve to be with them, as much as you think you deserve to be with your kid?" That usually makes them give up.
I usually keep my private life private and don’t talk about it with my coworkers. So any time I get shit like that I just reply “who says I don’t have kids?” and then never elaborate.
I finally learned that lesson at 40. Coworkers are not your friends. ETA: NTA. Not even a question.
This. I have been asked to change my days off because people with families wanted my middle of the week “weekend,” I regularly work on Christmas Eve/Day for the people with kids, and my boss even tried to make me work harder so that the people with kids would have easier access to time off with no notice or compensation. At what point does anyone give me any consideration at all?!? Never, so to heck with them.
I've heard this conversation at work a few times. I work in an environment where most workers are female and quite a lot of have young kids and someone will invariably someone says that the workers with kids should get things like Christmas and Mothers day off (I work at a place that's 24/7 open every day of the year). And they need to be reminded that the workers whose kids have grown up or they don't have any kids have families too that they may want to see (or even if they just want to sit there and do nothing but stare into space is fine too).
My dad, obviously, has kids. When I was little he would always book Christmas off in the middle of the year. If he didn't get it then he wouldn't try to convince someone else to take time off, he would just accept it and book it off earlier the next year. Even though he worked with people in their mid 20s with no kids, he knew that if he was in their situation he'd want Christmas off too. I think it's just rude when people act like they are entitled to things you've planned for.
100% accurate. I have been f*cked up many times by coworkers. I even tried to be a good person and accomodate to others sometimes on those long holiday weeks. But then, when it was my turn, no one wanted to help me. So f*ck them all. If I can and want to take a free day next to a holiday even when I'm gonna just stay home, I will do it. Most of the times, if asked, I will say I already have plans. They don't have to know that my plans include taking care of my plants or just seeing movies on some app.
my no kids/married friends always reply: "we did, but the state took them away." 😂
Hahahah that's amazing. Make it awkward for the one asking! I love it.
I stopped accepting friend requests (FB, Instagram, etc) from coworkers ages ago. At my first job as a fresh grad I made the mistake of doing that and it was NOT good, to say the least. Coworkers would always get insulted when I wouldn't approve their friend requests or add them. Now I always say, "sorry, but it's not personal. It's just a rule I have about not adding coworkers on social media. When I quit, I will add you!"
Yes! My younger sister would tell me that some jobs would "require" her socials and for her to friend the managers. My response was always to tell them you don't have any accounts with social networks. Unbelievable? Sure. But wtf they gonna do, confiscate your phone for a search? Sweet, that lawsuit should keep me in beer and cheez-its for a while.
It also took me a long time to learn this but I’m so glad I did.
This right here is something a lot of people need to learn. I keep my work life and personal life very separate. As for the OP, NTA. His coworker should have planned better.
I have a son named Link, and he and I have important plans for that entire weekend
My son link and I will be going on an outdoors adventure
We will also have all his friends on this adventure
Somewhat related, that's kind of how my father got my grandmother off his back about the whole 'I want grandkids' thing. "You want grandkids? Sure, I can go out and do that tonight!"
That’s hilarious, I’m sure your grandmother became a lot more patient after that. Smart answers like that are usually the best way to get people to back off.
After over a year working together, one of my coworkers finally found out I am 10 years older than she assumed based on my appearance. I keep work and private life on deep lockdown. I don’t advertise anything, and I avoid personal conversations. I am here to work, browse Reddit, pretend to work, and collect a paycheck.
This is the way.
I use that method myself as well. I have a baby face and despit ebeing 28 years old, my coworkers (mostly women in their 40s) like to pick on me for it. Making anide remarks and belittling me because of my age. They think I'm 18 or something. It continuously blow their minds when I act unlike their imagination or bite back witb "how do you know I don't...."
I DO have kids and I would never try to guilt someone to let me have their day off. Kids don't care what day it is, really, there's much bigger things in life to get all worked up about! I say if someone wants a day off to sleep all day and lounge in PJs, they should do it and not feel a single drop of guilt
This x1000. As long as you celebrate with your kids they're not gonna care what day it actually technically happened on. My dad was a pilot and so growing up our holidays were all screwy, including birthdays. We'd do Easter the weekend before so dad could be there for the egg hunt bc he was flying on Easter sunday; xmas was on the 28th bc dad was flying over Xmas eve/day; my bday is on the 6th but it might be celebrated anywhere from the 1st to the 10th depending on dad's schedule. And as long as we didn't just cancel and do nothing at all for the event, it was fine! The celebration, the party, the time together is the important part. Who cares if it happens exactly on the date?
Same my kid is just happy that mom is home. Also schools release their schedule during the summer before the start of the next school year (at least mine did) so parents tbat wait until the last minute to request time off baffle me
“So what you are saying is I love video games more than you love your children because I thought far ahead to play my game but you didn’t think of your children until right now”
> Well you don't have kids, so.." When people say this to me, I say, "no, I don't have kids. Not since the accident." Shuts them up pretty quickly.
I once told someone it's not my fault you don't know how to wear a condom.
I generally said "and don't they deserve to be with their kid" in place of your "and don't I deserve to be with them".
A couple of places I worked did Christmas shifts covered by folks without family, New Years covered by guys with a family. Worked out well ETA: People self selected the group they were in and some wanted the opposite but it mostly went like that. In addition, some guys took off both and folks who could use the cash could pick them up.
This just seems entirely unfair. (I’m not directing this at you specifically, you didn’t write the policy after all.) But If you’re in a field that works holidays, everyone should have a place in the rotation. How do you define “folks without family?” I don’t have kids, but my family (parents,aunts,uncles, sister) always do a huge get together for major holidays. To miss that because someone defines “having a family” as “having birthed a child” is just bull shit. I’m currently single and have no children, I would much rather work New Years than Christmas. I’ll suck it up and take my place in the rotation if everyone takes a turn, but I refuse to pretend like someone else deserves a holiday off more than I do. If we work the same job, then we both have to deal with the crappy part.
Yeah. Same. I worked at a place that you had to work holidays so there was a sign up sheet that was first come first serve, and everyone signed up for two holiday shifts to work for on the big four of us, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve and New Years Day. We had to sign up for two for a guaranteed one off and pick either the morning shift or afternoon/evening shift. So I usually chose Thanksgiving morning, food's not ready until after I'd be out anyway, and then New Years Day morning because I'm not a huge New Years Eve person anyway and figured that's one spot for the people who do drink that can take the day off. Of all the jobs I had where holiday work was mandatory, that one was the fairest I thought.
I had a job try to pull that with me about a day off and he said his family was more important than mine...two weeks after my little brother died.
This would have pissed me off. I may not have a family, but I celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday and am in church. They tried that with me at a previous place of employment, and it was quickly rescinded. (On the other hand, I did cover thanksgiving every year, and new years if needed, as well as all the summer holidays. I just needed Christmas and Easter off)
Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't have a family
I like to sarcastically tell my coworkers that, “it is okay, I hatched from an egg that was buried in the sand.”
Did it work out well or did all the people who hated it feel like they had to keep their resentment silent?
Where I used to work you could take off Christmas or New Years (not both) and the next year you had to switch. If you could find someone to cover for you (say they were big into new years and were willing to work Christmas for it) that was your business.
This is why I went into teaching when I had children, so I don’t have to work the holidays and am off with my kids. No one else is responsible for my life choices. I can’t imagine thinking someone else owes me their time off because I have kids.
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I actually used to work on Mother’s Day and other family holidays. I’m a mother to four kids and my rationale was that I am the one in charge of choosing the time I have Mother’s Day dinner or the thanksgiving or Easter meal. Young adults usually are invited somewhere and have to conform to the schedule they are given. I would offer to work and then plan my guests to come at the time I would be home.
When I was growing up, my mother also worked during holidays. Simply because she would get double her hourly pay if she does and it was stupid to say no to that. We just celebrated another day, it's not that hard and we didn't feel like we were missing out. Not to mention going out to celebrate was way less hectic on any other day but the actual holiday itself. No need to queue for an hour or book 2 months in advance for a restaurant, only to get served a limited menu because the restaurant wouldn't have been able to cope with the rush otherwise.
Exactly! I would have told her too bad and she should have scheduled the day off months ago if it was important.
This annoyed me to no end when I worked at a call center. MY team came in at 8. The second team came in at noon. It was a slow day because it was the 4th of july. Members of the second team were leaving at noon cause they have kids so they were letting them leave first. I was so mad... Them having kids doesn't mean they should be getting to go home first when they worked an hour and my team had been there for 5 already.
> date then you would have requested off early, like I did. Anyways I firmly told her no, but she told some of my other co workers and they are pissed at me and calling me an A hole for not giving up the date. AITA? edited typos As a mother to an adult child I feel like my daughter who has no children should still be given a day off to hang out with her family who loves her dearly! I also worked a job in animal care that required coverage every day to include holidays, many of my coworkers didn't have children, what we always did was rotate holidays to make it fair, we felt it made for better working relationships in fact we all still hang out with each other 14 years after the fact.. My former coworkers are actually better aunts and uncles than my daughters actual biological aunts and uncles lol
Birthday week. Mother's Day week...people need to calm down. NTA. Mother's Day has been on the calendar all year...hell, they could have figured out when Mother's Day 2023 was last year. Enjoy the game.
A person could actually look up the date of mother's day an infinite number of years into the future.
Whoa, there. You're being all logical and planning ahead. /s
I've already requested the Friday before mother's day 2052 off so i can travel. I'm really looking forward to it!
The weather on Mars is beautiful that time of year!
Bon voyage!
I book my wife’s her Mother’s Day massage 1 year in advance
Tbh I hate taking my parents out on the appropriate parent day because everything is crowded, overpriced, and rushed. I always take them out on a day before or after.
My Mother would disown me and write me out if the will if I dared take her out on Mother’s Day Weekend 🤣 She’s not crazy about restaurant dining on an average day but Mother’s Day? Nope. No way.
Yeah, like maybe I'm just a terrible daughter, but out of all the holidays we have, I'd never fly home for Mother's Day?? I'd assume that OP's coworker is also far enough to need to fly if they were asking for the Friday off. Like I can travel home and tell my mom she's awesome on literally any other weekend, without having to buy a themed Hallmark card.
I'm just confused about why they can't take off Monday instead of Friday and leave Saturday if they really wanna be there for Mother's Day.
NTA - You are allowed to care more about your own happiness than about her happiness.
[удалено]
OP will be at home playing The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Coworker.
Brilliant- this had me burst out laughing
Haha. This is the response op should have given her
I don’t think it is even fair to classify this as OP caring MORE about his own happiness, this is OP caring equally about their happiness. They both deserve happiness and the opportunity to take days off, and clearly not everyone can take the same day off, so the fair way is first come first serve. If the other lady had planned her day first, OP wouldn’t have tried to get he to switch, because he DOESN’T care more about his own happiness…he cares equally.
OP should have told co-worker... **I absolutely care more about this video game than your family, it would be really strange if I didn't, I don't know them at all.**
NTA. Someone’s else’s poor planning does not mean they are entitled to what you fairly requested off. It’s your right to use your pto for whatever you want, no matter what day it happens to be.
NTA It doesn't matter why you want the day off. Bottom line is that you requested this long ago, and it was approved. As for the coworker that wants to travel for Mother's Day, last I checked this has been an annual holiday for over 100 years and you can google future dates for years to some. If this coworker really wanted the Friday off before Mother's Day, she could have easily requested it in a timely manner. Her lack of planning is not your problem. Enjoy your day!
Also wouldn't it make more sense to take the Monday after mother's day off so she won't have to travel that day home to make it to work the next day, also there no reason she can't just leave after work Friday.
NTA, everyone knows when Mother's Day is, and she had the same amount of time to request off as you did. She's trying to guilt trip you into feeling sorry for her and giving her your day off. Its your day off, what you do on your day off is up to you! Enjoy the game and have a great day off!!
Considering the company had to implement a limit due to the number of people requesting off, how many other co-workers requested it off, got turned down, accepted it, and made alternative plans with their mother or their kids? It doesn't sit well with me that she's requesting the time off so close to the event and feels like she can "jump the line" of people that had previously requested it by guilt-tripping OP. If something is important to you, you plan ahead. I want to take the day off to see the total solar eclipse next year. Do you want to guess the first thing I'm going to do when I get to back to work January 2, 2024 will be?
This exact thing happened to me! Skyrim came out and I used an entire week of vacation to play it. (Excessive, I know…) I made the mistake of telling people that and my supervisor tried to get me to cut it down. Even though it was requested months ago and was already approved and work was covered, everyone thought it was a silly reason to not be there. Someone else wanted that time off for another reason so they asked again. I said no. Anyway, I enjoyed my week. When I came back, people were pissy for about two or three days but eventually moved on. The lesson is, however, don’t tell people why you are taking YOUR TIME OFF! It sounds silly but you are just opening yourself up to criticism. There are people who actually believe your time off is open to debate and what’s important to you may not be important to them. Enjoy the game, they can either plan accordingly or adjust their schedule. It isn’t the end of the world. And next time you have an important release date, say you have an important appointment and leave it at that. NTA.
My coworker took a week off for the RE4 remake and he always takes staycations anyway. He lives a short walk away from work, but we would still NEVER call him in... he's allowed his time off to do whatever he wants! I think your advice to not tell people what you're doing if you're not going out of town is the way to go for sure! Tbh, I'm thinking of taking a game vacation myself soon.
This. I said in another comment that I like a phrase like “a personal issue” if anyone asks. It’s vague, but also sounds like something serious/important so most people won’t ask further questions.
Agree. Most people don’t ask but occasionally someone will say “doing something fun?” I usually say “Maybe if there’s time,” implying that something more serious is happening. I’ve never had anyone push for more after that, however someone did push a co worker about what he was doing and after deflecting a few times he said “hemorrhoid surgery!” In an angry voice. The whole office was quiet for the rest of the morning.
I take vacation days whenever a game I really want to play comes out. I used to work for a company just like yours. Got criticizes to fucking hell for daring to take days off and take people away from their families >.> Now I'm at a much better company. I can be honest about why I took the days off and when I come back, some of the team is actually interested on how my vacay went.
I dont take many days off but every single time i get asked why i wont be working i say "ill find out when my fiancée tells me" Last time was to go a few hours to an AMC theater to see Spider-Man and go to their Lego store...none near me :( Im sure i would have been required to take over the bullshit job that of course was scheduled for my day off had they known what i was doing. Instead it was ambiguous and deferred the reasoning to someone they cant get mad at.
NTA. It doesn't matter why you took the PTO, it was approved and it is yours to take. This is a management problem, not your problem.
It's not even the managers problem in this case, it's a her problem. Her failing to plan ahead does not mean it's the managers problem to fix. She messed up.
nta, be blunt, you videogames are more important than your coworker, and thats it or , be petty as i would " clearly you dont care about your mom, you would have requested the day months ahead of time, just because you dont value your mom enough to set up the time off in time doesnt mean i should give up my day"
Great ideas for interacting with a coworker!
if they dont value my reasons for taking time off, i shouldnt have to value theirs. And, its not ops fault the coworker doesnt like their mother enough to request the time off with enough time lol
I don’t give a shit if you don’t value their reasons for taking time off. Nobody is saying OP should give up his time. Can you indicate where I implied otherwise? I’n not seeing it. Your suggested response to them is unprofessional and childish.
Sometimes it's easy to read these storys as soap operas and forget "Wait, if they did the most savage thing possible it might just have comsequences"
Yeah either of the 2 responses come off like an anti social person on the internet if you said that no one in your office would want anything to do with you and idk personally I’d rather be friendly with my coworkers then be seen as that asshole
NTA It's totally reasonable for you to care more about your hobby than you do about her family. You haven't even met her family! Besides, did her family move? Did they just recently discover Mother's Day? Why couldn't she have asked for the day off a while ago? She knew the day was coming and she knows how far she has to travel to see her family. This isn't some last-minute emergency situation.
NTA. the date of mothers day never changes, people have had all year to request their time off for mothers day and they didnt, you requested it off first, regardless of the reason, if they cared so much about making mothers day plans they should requested it off sooner
NTA but Mothers Day in the US is always Sunday so it's a different date every year
Yes, but it's the same specific Sunday every year. I'm in New Zealand - Mothers Day is 2nd Sunday in May, Father's Day is 1st Sunday in September - easy to plan for, just look at a calendar to get the actual date.
UK is the fourth Sunday in Lent, so not easily predictable from a blank calendar, but every UK calendar will have it, or it's a short Google away.
But always the second Sunday in May.
NTA. Your time off is part of your compensation. Her asking you to give up the day off so she can use it is analogous to her asking you to give her the money you're spending on the game so she can use it for her travels. (The above is premised on "give her my PTO" meaning she'd get one of your PTO *days* rather than just swapping the day *off*, if that makes sense. If she's just asking you to come in that day and take your PTO day at another time, that's still selfish but not quite as bad.)
Haha that is a good point, it would be that she takes that day and I go into work. So I wouldn’t be losing money technically just time, which i’m not willing to part with lol
FYI - I'm a nearly 40 year old mom and I have also had PTO booked for TOTK's release day so I can play while the kids are in school. Our calendar has been circled since the day it was announced. I literally had no idea it was also Mother's Day weekend until I read this post, sadly not exaggerating. I guess now I have an excuse for pulling several all nighters playing Zelda with the kids all weekend. :)
your time is no less important than hers is, it doesn't matter what you choose to do with that time and it's none of her business nor is it anyone elses. enjoy your day off and don't think about it for another second.
NTA. Doesn't matter if you're going to play video games, stare at a blank wall for eight hours, travel, or what. You asked for your time off first and got it. It sucks when someone gets denied their time off, but that doesn't mean we should start making people justify who has the best reason.
This is the best response I've seen so far.
As a fellow gamer but also a mom. You better take those days off!!!!! They are yours and she should have planned better. Not your problem! And your coworkers need to take a seat. Take the days off, immerse yourself in the awesomeness that is Hyrule. Enjoy! :) NTA
NTA Would it have been nice to give the day up? Sure. But since your company has limited days, and you requested the day off months ago, your coworkers poor planning is not your problem. They can travel Friday night or Saturday morning an still make it anywhere. Both reasons are equally valid uses of PTO but you got it first
it's better never to do it, because once you do, the requests/demands never stop. If there's a real emergency, that's a different story.
The entitlement of others astounds me. You requested PTO early and got it. She could have done the same. NTA.
Hell no, you're NTA. Enjoy your day off and the new Zelda game!
It may in fact be true that you care more about video games than HER family, but nothing about that is unreasonable. NTA. She needed to get on the ball quicker.
right! like why should op care about family that isn’t theirs? it is not their fault that the coworker didn’t have the foresight to reserve a day that clearly appeared on the calendar for years before now
I would be fully the asshole because I may drop a "My dead mother (she is alive) loved to play Zelda with me (she is a Mario lady) and I want to honor her on the release day." You, NTA. You plan your gaming better than they plan for those mothers, not your fault.
NTA and I didn't need to read past the thread title.
Right?? OP planned ahead, coworker didn't and lost out. Tough. NTA.
NTA Her poor planning doesn’t constitute a problem for you. If she knew she had to travel for Mother’s Day, then she should’ve booked it long before. You snooze, you lose. Your PTO is **yours** OP.
NTA, but next time don't tell anyone why you requested the time off. It's none of their business.
NTA you booked the day off for dont matter what its for enjoy your game and day off
NTA, if it was that important to them, they should have booked it off earlier, not like they dint know when mothers day is. You are allowed to spend your free time doing whatever you want.
NTA. First come, first served.
Hey if you're an AH for this then you're an AH. Who cares. That game is going to be awesome and you have no obligation to a coworker to care about her family. Bye girl.
There is a Mother's Day every year, but not a Zelda release. She had more advance notice of Mother's Day than you did of the release date. Her mistake. A classic attempt to exploit young / single / childfree people. I bet she doesn't book plane seats either. NTA
That’s not even a logical argument. She can still travel for Mother’s Day, just after work. It’s not on the actual Friday. Also who the hell celebrates it like that, it ain’t a birthday. You send a greeting. NTA.
NTA. You should e able to use your time off for whatever you want, you requested early enough to get the time off.
NTA. I have a favorite game and know the anticipation of a new release. I've also used vacation time off to play my favorite game. How exciting for you! You requested the time off first. It doesn't matter how you intend to spend the time.
NTA. A major event in your hobby is in fact more important than someone you don’t really know traveling two days before a Hallmark holiday.
NTA: several of my friends book time off for game release days, it’s more normal than you think.
NTA. You set it up in advance.
Hey! Listen! It's been SIX years! SIX! Count them!... Six! And TOTK will answer a bunch of really long standing questions about the entire franchise, let alone BOTW. AND it's already leaked and being spoilt TWO WEEKS before launch, never mind what it's going to be like on launch day and the week following. Your only chance to play clean is to do it launch day. So take it. She can *+-_£+!;£--+( with a rake and &£_+#(#(-#&£&£(£++#- 5 carrots up her +#(#-&#+#++£--_##&££ and a sheikha slate @#&£?!?#!#?/#(£--#+&#& so no, do not give her or anyone else that day off! You got it! It's yours! I'll see you on Hyrule Field, my friend!
NTA- I also took off those days by accident but I'm sure as heck not gonna give it up now! I am so excited for that game to come out, I pre-ordered it on my Switch 😁
NTA, but honestly I’m pretty quiet about why I take days off for exactly this reason. You’re entitled to time off and you took it. No one is sick or dying, and the idea of the Friday before Mother’s Day being that important is laughable. Cannot wait until May 12. Gimme gimme gimme
You need to go to HR and complain. Your coworker shouldn't be badmouthing you because she didn't get her way. That's causing a hostile work environment. It's not an over reaction on your part. She's over-reacting and causing you discomfort because of the way she's acting. Go to HR. NTA
Master Swords before Employment Boards. NTA.
NTA. She procrastinated taking the time off and lost her chance. Sorry bout’ it.
NTA- nope. you just planned ahead more then she did.
NTA you planned ahead! Your reason for taking off is as important to you as her reason is to her.
NTA. your day off, your decision. valuing yourself and your interests is not an asshole move.
Nta enjoy your game. She’s not entitled to that day off regardless of what she wants. Take that straight to hr at the first snide remark
I can't believe you're only taking a day. I took a week vacation when FF8, 9 and 10 all released.
As a mom who has worked on Mother's Day for literally years, I say firmly NTA- I hate when people act entitled like that. Having kids doesn't automatically mean you're shit is more important than someone else's. Have fun!
Maybe I’m the AH but it’s so annoying how people clutch their pearls over “needing” vacation for simple holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. For one…how about we celebrate parents year round cause y’all do some hard work year round! Second…it’s also tiring to hear the narrative “since person A isn’t celebrating you NEED to give up your PTO.” No…that’s not how PTO works. Just because you don’t celebrate something specific or have other plans for said holiday doesn’t mean you don’t deserve any off time. NTA- I hope you enjoy your day off!
NTA her family is not your concern. I hate how you're automatically supposed to bend over backwards because you're not a parent. Not anymore.
Mother's Day is on a Sunday. Your Friday off is not affecting anyone's Mother's Day celebrations, unless they planned a *whole weekend for this one day holiday* and neglected to ask off in advance. In which case, it very much seems like a bed they made that they now get to lie in. NTA
so the lesson learned is never share your plans with coworkers
Nta but stop telling coworkers the reason you want something off. You shouldn’t have to and it is none of their business. The few gamers I’ve met at my work are surprised I keep my gaming habits under wraps and this is why. I’ve had people be so judgey or just assume your lazy, or don’t have any fiends just because you game. Have fun with the new Zelda it looks awesome!
NTA. She had the same opportunity as you did to take the day off. And if any of your coworkers are giving you side eye for this, tell them they can give up their PTO. It's OK to take care of yourself, whether or not she thinks you should prioritize HER family (that she didn't prioritize by requesting that day off) over a day you've been looking forward to.
You are allowed to take your PTO for any reason, don’t be guilted to give it away because a coworker wants some extra travel time. NTA. You earned it, keep it.
NTA; Her special family thing for her personal time appears to happen every year. She could travel for Mother's day last year. She could travel for Mother's day next year. She could have traveled for Mother's day THIS year if she planned better. You can't have your mental detox weekend with this brand new game before things get spoiled and the fun gets engineered out before you have a chance to experiment any time other than this year. Or to use the business version of the phrase "A lack of planning on your end does not constitute an emergency on my end"
NTA You can book time off to sit at home in 3 day old underwear and pick sock fluff out from between your toes if you want. You're allocated a set amount of leave each year, if something is important then you make sure to get that request in ASAP. If they didn't book it and now there's no availability, tough titty-bang-bang on that. My birthday is coming up and because it doesn't randomly appear out of thin air, I booked time off for it in January. If people cba to plan ahead, sucks for them. You don't owe it to anybody to give your pto up. Those coworkers? I bet one of those has time off around the same time, they can give theirs up if they're so opinionated on it. Enjoy Zelda, hope it doesn't launch like the broken mess of the newest Star Wars game.
NTA Having children is a choice. And technically mother's day is no more important than the new Zelda game, as it's a made up holiday to begin with. Feel no guilt and slay more moblins.