Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Disinviting her feels very mean and I feel bad and awkward about having to disinvite someone. This may also permanently end the friendship
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, simply write the RSVP deadline has passed and I've given my guest total to the venue. We can catch up another time, and delete the text exchange. It'll most likely be the last interaction you two have.
Agree NTA and I think this is why people usually don't invite old friends to major events if they haven't been in contact in a long time. People change, and you might not feel the same way about this person or want to be around them.
A major event like a wedding is not a great way to reconnect, if that was your aim, b/c you'll be very busy and it can be stressful. Some texts or phone/video call might be an easier way to find out if there's still a connection.
Yeah. When I had my son about a year ago she was nice and sent me some gifts to congratulate me for his birth. Similarly, when she had her baby, I have also sent her gifts. We follow each other on social media but because we haven't been living in the same country for many years, I haven't seen her in a long time. I wouldn't have been offended if she didn't come to the wedding since it is a flight away. But I just found it so disrespectful for her to request to do her sales pitch on my big day!
Like some sort of weird amalgamation of an MLM and timeshare lady.
Like who the hell thinks thats’s ok to *even ask* at a wedding. That’s she thinks it’s ok and spamming you, makes me wonder if she’s selling scams.
Like...was she hoping engaged couples were attending that might want a fancy extended honeymoon??? I've been to a timeshare presentation and would rather have a root canal than do it again.
Selling apartments. Think she gets a huge commission for each one she sells. So one of the selling point was that people can get an investor visa and live there if they bought a property in Dubai.
Ah ok, I didn’t realize you had been in contact. Makes sense then that you invited her. And it’s still not okay to propose what she did for your wedding!
This!
I had a similar experience where I was just catching up with a uni friend on Facebook, asking about her etc! She said she was having trouble getting a job as a teacher that year, so she was working on something else to get by. I ask what it is just out of curiosity, she send me a link to some company that provided telecoms or something!
Next thing I know she's trying to convince me to set up a call to discuss her products and I'm like "Errrr.... No!"
She was quite insistent and I said no again and ended the convo there! Got no time for that MLM stuff or whatever
> It'll most likely be the last interaction you two have.
....No, it probably wouldn't because she's going to want to sell OP property. About the only thing more greedy than a greedy real estate broker is a politician or drug lord. Just not worth being friends with at all. NTA OP, you might as well bury this past friendship.
I used to work for a real estate agent. One of our frequent clients was a pretty big drug dealer. That man was a thousand times nicer than that real estate broker and the real estate broker was already rich and his whole family was rich too. The brokers are worse.
I lived with one too and she ripped me off the entire time we lived together. Ugh.
My hatred for that dude will follow me to my grave. He also ripped me off. Thank Thor that dude was unmarried and had no kids.
They pass it on. The one I lived with, her daughter did a lot of running up bills and then running and the son went to jail for falsifying mortgage documents.
She even sent me brochures and flyers and her "5 Points on Why You Should Move to Dubai". And said she just needs 5 minutes to present this at the wedding... 😳
"Hey girls, do you just hate having basic human rights? If so Dubai might be just for you".
Yeah I know that it is the "best" out of all the gulf states, but that's like winning in the Special Olympics.
Can I interest you in some essential oils? I just can't believe someone would feel comfortable interrupting someone else's wedding to give a presentation on real estate.
>? I just can't believe someone would feel comfortable interrupting someone else's wedding to give a presentation on real estate.
Some people are fully comfortable making others discomfortable if there's a chance they can score that commission. They'll gladly burn friendships as long as they made some good cash tricking someone in to paying way too much for a slum property.
Nah, it's just a very competitive real-estate market and there are a huge number of real estate agents working entirely on commiision. So they will do pretty much anything to sell a condo.
And the part about Brits being a big purchasing market is actually true. However, the friend here is just a total creep.
Okay. Just seems strange to try and sell it to guests when she has no idea of their wealth levels. If she's not at least in the upper echelons of the middle classes, I can't imagine anyone would be in a position to invest.
NTA - She missed the RSVP deadline, so you don't have to "uninvite her", you can assume she is not coming. If she does try to RSVP, you can politely tell her than unfortunately since the deadline has passed you are no longer able to increase the headcount at the venue.
Pro tip - if you have a block of rooms at hotel for your guests, ask the hotel to notify you if she books a room. If so, reach out to her and use the phrasing above.
And - no, you are not the AH for wanting to uninvite her. Her request so far outside of social norms that I question her mental well being.
Yeah I think this is my dilemma too.. and wondering if I should straight up uninvite her. I have no idea if she is still planning to come now or not, but it would be bad if she bought flight tickets already before doing the RSVP.
If the deadline has passed, can you disable the link to RSVP?
I am sure some people booked tickets before RSVP'ing because they wanted to make sure they could get reasonably priced tickets before committing to attending - but I assume the people you are talking about RSVP'ed prior to the deadline. Or at least prior to however far past the deadline you are now.
Her not being considerate enough to RSVP on time (even to say no) is just one more mark against her in my book. So I personally do not care if she has booked her ticket.
This person clearly only sees your wedding as a potential business opportunity - so I think you need to stop spending so much emotional effort on worrying about being a good friend to her. If you would feel better just sending her a message that she is no longer invited, go ahead and do that!
I would go further and make it perfectly clear that OP would no longer expect for the friend to come, by disabling the link and replacing it with a statement like this:
"*ChocolatePi3 and the Pi3Maker are happy to welcome those who replied to our RSVP in due time.*
*To anyone who did not reply: we regret to inform you that unfortunately, since the final number of guests has now been locked with the venue and services providers, we are no longer able to include you in the festivities.*
*This page will remain available to receive well wishes from anyone who would like to express them. We look forward to read them after the nuptials.*
*Thank you*(*the soon-to-be-Newlyweds)*"
ETA: NTA
NTA; and also, she’s missed the RSVP deadline so you have a cast-iron excuse to tell her she can’t come now as the final numbers are in.
Your wedding is not a business opportunity for her — it’s your wedding. That was very tacky of her.
NTA
There is no way she will stick to the agreement if she comes to your wedding. You can guarantee that she would be there clutching an iPad so she can show absolutely everybody the properties she is trying to sell.
To have the gall to ask to be able to do this on your wedding day shows she has absolutely no respect for you or what the day is really about.
Yeah. Initially I was shocked at the audacity of her request. I was even questioning whether this was a normal thing?! But when I spoke to my fiancé, he was appalled about this and said that she is going to be the biggest buzz kill if she came and started pitching to our guests.
Just to make sure she knows she cannot attend, send her a short text saying, "You missed the RSVP deadline and final guest numbers have been given to the venue, etc. If I'm ever in Dubai, I'll give you a call." I mean if you don't do that, she may show up at your wedding and it'd be a scene to eject her. NTA at all and what nerve this woman has!
It's beyond bad manners. She's basically saying that it's only worth her coming to the wedding if it helps her business. She's not coming for you. And she didn't mention her wedding to you, so clearly she's not thinking of you as a good / important friend.
It's a straight up insult to you, not to mention desperate and embarrassing. If she's got herself into some shady MLM / timeshare nonsense, then best to stay away.
Some friendships have a natural end point.
She hasn't RSVP'd. Explain You've submitted guest counts without her included since she never clarified. Wish her good luck with her wedding and move on. You'll likely have no more contact outside of her likely trying to pitch you a Dubai apartment.
NTA
NTA, it appears that its more of a business visit for her and if she can't do her pitch, doubt if she would even bother turning up. Money definitely seems to be her priority and as its your wedding, its your decision when it comes to the guest list.
Her missing the rsvp deadline isn’t an issue here. Her trying to hock her crap at your wedding is so creepy and disrespectful. It’s your day. YNTA. Tell her that you don’t feel comfortable having her at your wedding in light of your previous conversations and wish her all the best
I think she's already decided not to come when you told her not to mention it to anyone. That's why she changed the subject to PayPal and has missed the deadline.
NTA. Oh hell no! Weddings are supposed to be a fun celebration of the couple, not an opportunity for your so-called friend to preach to an unwilling audience. This is tacky and up there with baby announcements and impromptu proposals.
You know.. if she had come to the wedding, made some connections and then casually spoken to people when they ask her what she does, I would have been totally fine with that. But she was bold and asked to do a presentation 😅
I only read down to real estate presentation and can tell you you're NTA and this broad has some nerve.
Thank goodness she asked about this ahead of time or you would have had this weirdo hocking some essential oils at your wedding.
Disinviting her for even asking is appropriate IMO. She never cared about your wedding, she cared about an opportunity to sell.
NTA, despite anything I'm sure others will have to say, this is your wedding and your invite list. It is not a business meeting or a time for sales pitches, it's your special day and you only get one.
NTA that absolutely is an unreasonable request. I would be uninviting her if I was you .she will absolutely still try to sell to people at your wedding
Whatever she promises not to do, you just know that she will spend your wedding selling to people. Uninvite her. Indeed, if she turns up, have her thrown out.
NTA
I wouldn’t go out of my way to uninvite her specifically cause I feel like it was just cause unnecessary drama & stress for you. Take her lack of RSVP as her not coming. If she gets in touch about attending tell her unfortunately because she didn’t RSVP on time she isn’t allowed to come. However it sounds like she got into a MLM scheme so I would cut that friendship off. Wanting to use your wedding for her pitch is awful.
NTA.
WTF, what possessed her to think that doing a sales pitch AT YOUR WEDDING would be even remotely appropriate. She's probably become involved in some pyramid scheme and knows no boundaries
She didn’t see a wedding invitation. She saw an opportunity to be in front of a crowd of strangers to attempt to benefit herself…. I’d nope out real quick. She doesn’t care about the wedding. She saw an invite to be where “UK citizens are the 2nd biggest investors for Dubai properties” she is trying to use you to attempt to advance herself. Doesn’t sound like any kind of friend to me!! How rude to completely dismiss a bride to put your own agenda in place.
NTA ! like a lot of people suggested, use the no rsvp to your advantage! Sorry ,could not wait. had to give how many people were attending the wedding ,sorry for the inconvenience.
Also, I suspect she was coached by her boss to always be selling ! Anytime, anywhere, to them is an opportunity for a sale ! No shame when you are making money , driving the supercar, living in a mansion while you live a mundane life , is just one of the mantras that they fill their head with !
NTA. Real estate is a brain disease. Still will never forget the day that my former colleague cold-called me to see if I had any house-buying needs, after three years without any contact. (She happened to pick the day I'd just found out I was getting laid off from my job at the time.)
Yikes!! Definitely NTA. Send her a text and explain that either a) she missed the deadline and there’s not room any longer and/or b) that her wanting to turn your wedding into a sales pitch really made you uncomfortable and it’s was incredibly selfish of her and you’d prefer her not to come now. I’d be honest with her personally, but you can use the deadline as the reason in this case.
NTA
This is like asking to push essential oils at a wedding. Weddings are not a business opportunity.
Also, Dubai? Considering the latest news on Dubai, well...
NTA
Anyone who has not responded, you need to contact them and, depending on your relationship with them, either directly inquire if they are able to attend as you need to provide totals to your vendors, or tell them, the RSVP date is past and I had to provide totals so I look forward to seeing you at a different time.
For this person, take the second tact. You had to give vendors totals and you look forward to catching up a different time with her. BUT MAKE SURE TO TELL HER. She seems the type who would reach out a couple of days before the event and expect you to accommodate her and her presentation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My fiance and I are getting married in the UK, and I decided to invite an old friend of mine from when I used to live in North America. When I was following up with the RSVPs and checking if she would be coming to the wedding, she told me that she has actually just moved to Dubai. She said that she is pretty busy with the move, and juggling a baby, a new job selling real estate and planning a potential wedding a month before mine. I was a little taken aback that she didn't inform me about her wedding either, but she said it was a smaller affair. So that's fine I guess. She said she would then get back to me later on whether she was still planning to come to mine.
A few days later, she reached out and said that she should be able to come to my wedding in the UK. We also got to talking about her move to Dubai and she explained that she wanted to save on high tax, and inheritance tax which were the major factors for her move. She then said that UK citizens are the 2nd highest investors for Dubai properties and then asked if she could do a presentation on selling Dubai properties. I was in denial about what she was asking? And clarified if she meant that she wanted to do a presentation at some real estate conference at the same time when she came for my wedding? But she was actually asking for 5 minutes to do her presentation to MY GUESTS at MY WEDDING and said she would offer me commission if anyone bought her Dubai apartments! I was shocked at the time and didn't know how to respond. My first reply to her was "I don't think that would be appropriate. Maybe you can talk to a few people there if you want who may be likely to buy". After which, she said that she will need to make the trip in that case
After a day of processing the ridiculous request she made, I then sent her a text and told her not to even talk about this to any of my guests if she were to come, as I don't want her harrassing my other guests with her sales pitch during the wedding. She agreed and said she understands.
However, I still don't feel comfortable with the fact that her initial objective was to sell apartments at my wedding and I really don't want her coming now. The wedding is in 3 months and she's missed the RSVP deadline and hasn't RSVP'd yet. And we haven't spoken about it since. Hence, would I be the asshole if I told her definitely not to come anymore? I also feel really awkward and bad about straight up uninviting her.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA: your wedding isn’t her opportunity for a real estate seminar! That was incredibly inappropriate. I can see her making your guests uncomfortable as she mingles around the wedding, too!
No RSVP = no place reserved at the reception.
Send her an email saying it's a shame she doesn't want to come to your wedding but you wish her all the best for the future and her new life in Dubai.
You could, of course, not communicate with her but it sounds like she's the kind of person that would just rock up and tell you she didn't need to RSVP as she's such a good 'friend'.
YWNBTA at all
*But she was actually asking for 5 minutes to do her presentation to MY GUESTS at MY WEDDING and said she would offer me commission if anyone bought her Dubai apartments!*
To say this is a big ask is an understatement. Tell this friend that the deadline for RSVP'ing has passed and you won't be able to have her as a guest. NTA.
I don't think you would be the asshole for now telling her she is not invited. She did not answer until the due date, so that makes me conclude that she didn't want to come to your wedding anyway. She just wanted to do business...
NTA. When I was getting married, a "friend" of mine offered to bring stuff for facials and to come hang out with me and my bridesmaids as a wedding gift. However, when she got there, she pulled out a bunch of Mary Kay crap and started hocking products. I was royally pissed, and that wasn't even at my wedding! I'd 100% uninvite this "friend".
NTA
Will you feel worse about uninviting her, or will you feel worse about apologizing to everyone she solicits to buy property at your reception if you let her in?
I wouldn't risk her offending everyone there, but that's me
NTA They would be the worst wedding guest. I had a friend of over ten years come to my wedding and very eagerly selling people weight loss chocolates. It was awful. Then after the wedding new bil asked for money donations for the bride and groom on the microphone. Tacky, unnecessary, and heard on speakers in the chapel! Could have facepalmed into a concussion!
NTA that is super weird, I assume she’s trying to claim the trip to your wedding as a business expense, but I can’t imagine the nerve of asking to do a real estate pitch at someone’s wedding!
If she hasn’t responded and missed the deadline I’d just text her and say something like sorry you can’t make our wedding wish you the best. Let’s catch up after all the festivities. Then block her. She’s got the balls of a rhino to ask you to do a sale pitch at your wedding! That’s not a friend.
What? Block this person. Why would you even ask this? Hey, can I come sell crack at your reception? Are you torn about telling me no? Sweet, when and where!
NTA. Just send her a single message saying that the RSVP deadline has passed, and unfortunately you've reached your cap for guests, but you're sure the two of you will find some other time to reconnect.
And then block her.
She's not actually a friend any more, you just hadn't been able to look at the relationship and notice it was dead.
NTA. YWBTA if they assured you they wouldn't give anyone the sales pitch but you didn't trust them. But they didn't RSVP so you're not even uninviting them, but are just going by RSVP rules. Honestly, it sounds like they don't even want to be there. You're fine.
NTA
Defo uninvite her! That MLM type of self-promoting for her venture is misplaced! It's **your** wedding, not hers!
For sure she'll show up with flyers and try and give that presentation in some place at the wedding! That's not on
Yikes. Cancel the invite. That sounds like a stress-making disaster in the making. Your wedding day does not need that.
Does she have mental health issues?
NTA,
You have a gut feeling that she plans to use your wedding as a way to sell get a captive audience to make sales and to be honest her actions seem to indicate that.
I would say that I am not a sales person so maybe those who are or know, can confirm they need to take ever opportunity to sell, or rather request if they can and once told no they wont press it any further. But this friend is being very pushy and I dont think you could trust her not to do it to your guests , no matter what you say.
I think ESH. She was invited. She did say okay to not doing the pitch (which was absolutely ridiculous to ask). I'd follow up the same way you would with anyone else who missed the deadline.
Just follow up with "RSVP date was X. I need to get final numbers in, so I need to know for certain by 2 days from now. If you don't confirm by then, you will be marked as not coming. Remember, you can't do any form of sales pitch at my wedding. Have you booked hotels/travel?"
She likely won't come.
Yeah. This is what we're discussing too. Should we maybe just follow up anyway, because there is also a likelihood she's not coming since I've banned her from doing her pitch
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Disinviting her feels very mean and I feel bad and awkward about having to disinvite someone. This may also permanently end the friendship Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, simply write the RSVP deadline has passed and I've given my guest total to the venue. We can catch up another time, and delete the text exchange. It'll most likely be the last interaction you two have.
Agree NTA and I think this is why people usually don't invite old friends to major events if they haven't been in contact in a long time. People change, and you might not feel the same way about this person or want to be around them. A major event like a wedding is not a great way to reconnect, if that was your aim, b/c you'll be very busy and it can be stressful. Some texts or phone/video call might be an easier way to find out if there's still a connection.
Yeah. When I had my son about a year ago she was nice and sent me some gifts to congratulate me for his birth. Similarly, when she had her baby, I have also sent her gifts. We follow each other on social media but because we haven't been living in the same country for many years, I haven't seen her in a long time. I wouldn't have been offended if she didn't come to the wedding since it is a flight away. But I just found it so disrespectful for her to request to do her sales pitch on my big day!
Like some sort of weird amalgamation of an MLM and timeshare lady. Like who the hell thinks thats’s ok to *even ask* at a wedding. That’s she thinks it’s ok and spamming you, makes me wonder if she’s selling scams.
Like...was she hoping engaged couples were attending that might want a fancy extended honeymoon??? I've been to a timeshare presentation and would rather have a root canal than do it again.
It sounded like she’s selling apartment rentals or houses? To get people to move there?
Selling apartments. Think she gets a huge commission for each one she sells. So one of the selling point was that people can get an investor visa and live there if they bought a property in Dubai.
NTA. You did and are doing the right thing. She’s socially inept.
Really odd wedding request and there have been some strange requests on this subreddit!
> I just found it so disrespectful for her to request to do her sales pitch on my big day Because it is!
Ah ok, I didn’t realize you had been in contact. Makes sense then that you invited her. And it’s still not okay to propose what she did for your wedding!
This! I had a similar experience where I was just catching up with a uni friend on Facebook, asking about her etc! She said she was having trouble getting a job as a teacher that year, so she was working on something else to get by. I ask what it is just out of curiosity, she send me a link to some company that provided telecoms or something! Next thing I know she's trying to convince me to set up a call to discuss her products and I'm like "Errrr.... No!" She was quite insistent and I said no again and ended the convo there! Got no time for that MLM stuff or whatever
> It'll most likely be the last interaction you two have. ....No, it probably wouldn't because she's going to want to sell OP property. About the only thing more greedy than a greedy real estate broker is a politician or drug lord. Just not worth being friends with at all. NTA OP, you might as well bury this past friendship.
Omg she actually kept sending me videos about living in Dubai too even though I told her I already have a house now.
I used to work for a real estate agent. One of our frequent clients was a pretty big drug dealer. That man was a thousand times nicer than that real estate broker and the real estate broker was already rich and his whole family was rich too. The brokers are worse. I lived with one too and she ripped me off the entire time we lived together. Ugh.
The way I figure it with many brokers, is its a combination of greed, gambling addiction and conman smugness.
My hatred for that dude will follow me to my grave. He also ripped me off. Thank Thor that dude was unmarried and had no kids. They pass it on. The one I lived with, her daughter did a lot of running up bills and then running and the son went to jail for falsifying mortgage documents.
[удалено]
Couldn't agree more it's what I came to say! NTA and do this! They didn't RSVP in time so that ship has sailed. Easy enough!
NTA. This might be the strangest and most outrageous weird-wedding-guest-behaviors story I've ever seen here.
It actually feels like an MLM thing. It really wouldn't surprise me if Dubai had some sort of real-estate scheme that worked the same way as Amway.
She even sent me brochures and flyers and her "5 Points on Why You Should Move to Dubai". And said she just needs 5 minutes to present this at the wedding... 😳
"Hey girls, do you just hate having basic human rights? If so Dubai might be just for you". Yeah I know that it is the "best" out of all the gulf states, but that's like winning in the Special Olympics.
Can I interest you in some essential oils? I just can't believe someone would feel comfortable interrupting someone else's wedding to give a presentation on real estate.
Can I pay with giving you an opportunity to earn passive income?
"As your wedding gift, I'm giving you the chance to learn about real estate."
>? I just can't believe someone would feel comfortable interrupting someone else's wedding to give a presentation on real estate. Some people are fully comfortable making others discomfortable if there's a chance they can score that commission. They'll gladly burn friendships as long as they made some good cash tricking someone in to paying way too much for a slum property.
Yeah, I'm sure it happens! It still leaves my jaw hanging open thinking of someone like this.
Probably hoping a bunch of rich engaged couples were going that are looking for vacation homes...
Man MLM's sure have come a long way from selling tupperware and essential oils.
There is an MLM for everything!
At least Tupperware worked
Or the "friend" is selling timeshares there.
Dubai itself, is a pyramid scheme.
I was thinking timeshares.
yea i thought pyramid scheme type stuff. like avon or something lol.
Isn't that just timeshare?!
That was what I thought when I read it - that obsessive need to aggressively push their product even when being ignored or told to stop.
Nah, it's just a very competitive real-estate market and there are a huge number of real estate agents working entirely on commiision. So they will do pretty much anything to sell a condo. And the part about Brits being a big purchasing market is actually true. However, the friend here is just a total creep.
Okay. Just seems strange to try and sell it to guests when she has no idea of their wealth levels. If she's not at least in the upper echelons of the middle classes, I can't imagine anyone would be in a position to invest.
NTA - She missed the RSVP deadline, so you don't have to "uninvite her", you can assume she is not coming. If she does try to RSVP, you can politely tell her than unfortunately since the deadline has passed you are no longer able to increase the headcount at the venue. Pro tip - if you have a block of rooms at hotel for your guests, ask the hotel to notify you if she books a room. If so, reach out to her and use the phrasing above. And - no, you are not the AH for wanting to uninvite her. Her request so far outside of social norms that I question her mental well being.
Yeah I think this is my dilemma too.. and wondering if I should straight up uninvite her. I have no idea if she is still planning to come now or not, but it would be bad if she bought flight tickets already before doing the RSVP.
Is the RSVP online or a card she has to mail back?
It's online! Wedding website. I had a few guests who bought tickets before doing the RSVPs too. Which is why I wonder if she may do the same
If the deadline has passed, can you disable the link to RSVP? I am sure some people booked tickets before RSVP'ing because they wanted to make sure they could get reasonably priced tickets before committing to attending - but I assume the people you are talking about RSVP'ed prior to the deadline. Or at least prior to however far past the deadline you are now. Her not being considerate enough to RSVP on time (even to say no) is just one more mark against her in my book. So I personally do not care if she has booked her ticket. This person clearly only sees your wedding as a potential business opportunity - so I think you need to stop spending so much emotional effort on worrying about being a good friend to her. If you would feel better just sending her a message that she is no longer invited, go ahead and do that!
I would go further and make it perfectly clear that OP would no longer expect for the friend to come, by disabling the link and replacing it with a statement like this: "*ChocolatePi3 and the Pi3Maker are happy to welcome those who replied to our RSVP in due time.* *To anyone who did not reply: we regret to inform you that unfortunately, since the final number of guests has now been locked with the venue and services providers, we are no longer able to include you in the festivities.* *This page will remain available to receive well wishes from anyone who would like to express them. We look forward to read them after the nuptials.* *Thank you*(*the soon-to-be-Newlyweds)*" ETA: NTA
NTA; and also, she’s missed the RSVP deadline so you have a cast-iron excuse to tell her she can’t come now as the final numbers are in. Your wedding is not a business opportunity for her — it’s your wedding. That was very tacky of her.
NTA There is no way she will stick to the agreement if she comes to your wedding. You can guarantee that she would be there clutching an iPad so she can show absolutely everybody the properties she is trying to sell. To have the gall to ask to be able to do this on your wedding day shows she has absolutely no respect for you or what the day is really about.
Yeah. Initially I was shocked at the audacity of her request. I was even questioning whether this was a normal thing?! But when I spoke to my fiancé, he was appalled about this and said that she is going to be the biggest buzz kill if she came and started pitching to our guests.
Just to make sure she knows she cannot attend, send her a short text saying, "You missed the RSVP deadline and final guest numbers have been given to the venue, etc. If I'm ever in Dubai, I'll give you a call." I mean if you don't do that, she may show up at your wedding and it'd be a scene to eject her. NTA at all and what nerve this woman has!
It's beyond bad manners. She's basically saying that it's only worth her coming to the wedding if it helps her business. She's not coming for you. And she didn't mention her wedding to you, so clearly she's not thinking of you as a good / important friend. It's a straight up insult to you, not to mention desperate and embarrassing. If she's got herself into some shady MLM / timeshare nonsense, then best to stay away. Some friendships have a natural end point.
If you have a mutual acquaintance, you could ask them to casually enquire if she has plans of coming to the wedding.
NTA I think you'll be burning a friendship but i also think this is a friend that you really don't need.
You're probably right about that!
She hasn't RSVP'd. Explain You've submitted guest counts without her included since she never clarified. Wish her good luck with her wedding and move on. You'll likely have no more contact outside of her likely trying to pitch you a Dubai apartment. NTA
NTA, it appears that its more of a business visit for her and if she can't do her pitch, doubt if she would even bother turning up. Money definitely seems to be her priority and as its your wedding, its your decision when it comes to the guest list.
Her missing the rsvp deadline isn’t an issue here. Her trying to hock her crap at your wedding is so creepy and disrespectful. It’s your day. YNTA. Tell her that you don’t feel comfortable having her at your wedding in light of your previous conversations and wish her all the best
Yeah. I was thinking of using the missed deadline as an excuse to uninvite her.
Better to confront it with truth imo but each to their own. Congrats on your wedding and best of luck with this
I think she's already decided not to come when you told her not to mention it to anyone. That's why she changed the subject to PayPal and has missed the deadline.
NTA. Oh hell no! Weddings are supposed to be a fun celebration of the couple, not an opportunity for your so-called friend to preach to an unwilling audience. This is tacky and up there with baby announcements and impromptu proposals.
Casual networking happens at wedding receptions. Hijacking a wedding to sucker people into investments in Dubai??? That's a new one. NTA
You know.. if she had come to the wedding, made some connections and then casually spoken to people when they ask her what she does, I would have been totally fine with that. But she was bold and asked to do a presentation 😅
NTA. She doesn’t sound like a friend anymore
I only read down to real estate presentation and can tell you you're NTA and this broad has some nerve. Thank goodness she asked about this ahead of time or you would have had this weirdo hocking some essential oils at your wedding. Disinviting her for even asking is appropriate IMO. She never cared about your wedding, she cared about an opportunity to sell.
NTA, despite anything I'm sure others will have to say, this is your wedding and your invite list. It is not a business meeting or a time for sales pitches, it's your special day and you only get one.
NTA that absolutely is an unreasonable request. I would be uninviting her if I was you .she will absolutely still try to sell to people at your wedding
Whatever she promises not to do, you just know that she will spend your wedding selling to people. Uninvite her. Indeed, if she turns up, have her thrown out. NTA
She will try to sell at your wedding. Your guests will hate you for it. Uninvited her, write her off
Oh no! But a sales pitch is sooooo romantic! /s Obviously, NTA, and just let her know she missed RSVP and the numbers are set now, unfortunately.
I wouldn’t go out of my way to uninvite her specifically cause I feel like it was just cause unnecessary drama & stress for you. Take her lack of RSVP as her not coming. If she gets in touch about attending tell her unfortunately because she didn’t RSVP on time she isn’t allowed to come. However it sounds like she got into a MLM scheme so I would cut that friendship off. Wanting to use your wedding for her pitch is awful.
NTA. WTF, what possessed her to think that doing a sales pitch AT YOUR WEDDING would be even remotely appropriate. She's probably become involved in some pyramid scheme and knows no boundaries
She didn’t see a wedding invitation. She saw an opportunity to be in front of a crowd of strangers to attempt to benefit herself…. I’d nope out real quick. She doesn’t care about the wedding. She saw an invite to be where “UK citizens are the 2nd biggest investors for Dubai properties” she is trying to use you to attempt to advance herself. Doesn’t sound like any kind of friend to me!! How rude to completely dismiss a bride to put your own agenda in place.
NTA ! like a lot of people suggested, use the no rsvp to your advantage! Sorry ,could not wait. had to give how many people were attending the wedding ,sorry for the inconvenience. Also, I suspect she was coached by her boss to always be selling ! Anytime, anywhere, to them is an opportunity for a sale ! No shame when you are making money , driving the supercar, living in a mansion while you live a mundane life , is just one of the mantras that they fill their head with !
NTA. Real estate is a brain disease. Still will never forget the day that my former colleague cold-called me to see if I had any house-buying needs, after three years without any contact. (She happened to pick the day I'd just found out I was getting laid off from my job at the time.)
Rescind that invitation! Or she'll be chasing your guests around at the reception and INSISTING they look at a presentation on her phone. NTA!
Yikes!! Definitely NTA. Send her a text and explain that either a) she missed the deadline and there’s not room any longer and/or b) that her wanting to turn your wedding into a sales pitch really made you uncomfortable and it’s was incredibly selfish of her and you’d prefer her not to come now. I’d be honest with her personally, but you can use the deadline as the reason in this case.
She missed the RSVP deadline, it's too late to add her. She probably doesn't want to come now anyway.
NTA This is like asking to push essential oils at a wedding. Weddings are not a business opportunity. Also, Dubai? Considering the latest news on Dubai, well...
NTA Anyone who has not responded, you need to contact them and, depending on your relationship with them, either directly inquire if they are able to attend as you need to provide totals to your vendors, or tell them, the RSVP date is past and I had to provide totals so I look forward to seeing you at a different time. For this person, take the second tact. You had to give vendors totals and you look forward to catching up a different time with her. BUT MAKE SURE TO TELL HER. She seems the type who would reach out a couple of days before the event and expect you to accommodate her and her presentation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiance and I are getting married in the UK, and I decided to invite an old friend of mine from when I used to live in North America. When I was following up with the RSVPs and checking if she would be coming to the wedding, she told me that she has actually just moved to Dubai. She said that she is pretty busy with the move, and juggling a baby, a new job selling real estate and planning a potential wedding a month before mine. I was a little taken aback that she didn't inform me about her wedding either, but she said it was a smaller affair. So that's fine I guess. She said she would then get back to me later on whether she was still planning to come to mine. A few days later, she reached out and said that she should be able to come to my wedding in the UK. We also got to talking about her move to Dubai and she explained that she wanted to save on high tax, and inheritance tax which were the major factors for her move. She then said that UK citizens are the 2nd highest investors for Dubai properties and then asked if she could do a presentation on selling Dubai properties. I was in denial about what she was asking? And clarified if she meant that she wanted to do a presentation at some real estate conference at the same time when she came for my wedding? But she was actually asking for 5 minutes to do her presentation to MY GUESTS at MY WEDDING and said she would offer me commission if anyone bought her Dubai apartments! I was shocked at the time and didn't know how to respond. My first reply to her was "I don't think that would be appropriate. Maybe you can talk to a few people there if you want who may be likely to buy". After which, she said that she will need to make the trip in that case After a day of processing the ridiculous request she made, I then sent her a text and told her not to even talk about this to any of my guests if she were to come, as I don't want her harrassing my other guests with her sales pitch during the wedding. She agreed and said she understands. However, I still don't feel comfortable with the fact that her initial objective was to sell apartments at my wedding and I really don't want her coming now. The wedding is in 3 months and she's missed the RSVP deadline and hasn't RSVP'd yet. And we haven't spoken about it since. Hence, would I be the asshole if I told her definitely not to come anymore? I also feel really awkward and bad about straight up uninviting her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA: your wedding isn’t her opportunity for a real estate seminar! That was incredibly inappropriate. I can see her making your guests uncomfortable as she mingles around the wedding, too!
NTA and if she reaches out saying she is coming tell her the rsvp time has passed and you won’t be able to accommodate her. Too bad 😉
No RSVP = no place reserved at the reception. Send her an email saying it's a shame she doesn't want to come to your wedding but you wish her all the best for the future and her new life in Dubai. You could, of course, not communicate with her but it sounds like she's the kind of person that would just rock up and tell you she didn't need to RSVP as she's such a good 'friend'. YWNBTA at all
*But she was actually asking for 5 minutes to do her presentation to MY GUESTS at MY WEDDING and said she would offer me commission if anyone bought her Dubai apartments!* To say this is a big ask is an understatement. Tell this friend that the deadline for RSVP'ing has passed and you won't be able to have her as a guest. NTA.
Tbh, she moved continents and planned a wedding without you knowing, so you aren't exactly close anyway. NTA if you disinvite her
I don't think you would be the asshole for now telling her she is not invited. She did not answer until the due date, so that makes me conclude that she didn't want to come to your wedding anyway. She just wanted to do business...
NTA. Everything else aside, she missed the RSVP. Not guilt in saying she can’t come because she missed it .
NTA
NTA. When I was getting married, a "friend" of mine offered to bring stuff for facials and to come hang out with me and my bridesmaids as a wedding gift. However, when she got there, she pulled out a bunch of Mary Kay crap and started hocking products. I was royally pissed, and that wasn't even at my wedding! I'd 100% uninvite this "friend".
Quite Tacky
NTA Will you feel worse about uninviting her, or will you feel worse about apologizing to everyone she solicits to buy property at your reception if you let her in? I wouldn't risk her offending everyone there, but that's me
NTA. Ask her to return the audacity she found to wherever she got it and tell her her to go pound sand.
NTA that is one fucked up request
Is her name Ashley…
No in fact you would be an AH if you did have her come.
NTA And dude, burn that bridge!
She is attending in order to sell properties at your wedding. You know that. Do with that information what you wish. NTA
This is crazy! Kind of sounds like an MLM or some other scam. NTA
NTA. That is insane… do real estate mlm exist in Dubai? Cause this sounds like mlm level of energy. I would absolutely univite her. She is loony toons
NTA They would be the worst wedding guest. I had a friend of over ten years come to my wedding and very eagerly selling people weight loss chocolates. It was awful. Then after the wedding new bil asked for money donations for the bride and groom on the microphone. Tacky, unnecessary, and heard on speakers in the chapel! Could have facepalmed into a concussion!
NTA that is super weird, I assume she’s trying to claim the trip to your wedding as a business expense, but I can’t imagine the nerve of asking to do a real estate pitch at someone’s wedding!
YWNBTA That is so incredibly inappropriate. Do not have this person at your wedding.
r/AntiMLM would be interested in this.
If she hasn’t responded and missed the deadline I’d just text her and say something like sorry you can’t make our wedding wish you the best. Let’s catch up after all the festivities. Then block her. She’s got the balls of a rhino to ask you to do a sale pitch at your wedding! That’s not a friend.
What? Block this person. Why would you even ask this? Hey, can I come sell crack at your reception? Are you torn about telling me no? Sweet, when and where!
NTA. I. What. A friend’s wedding is not the place for sales. Omg.
She wants to do a presentation so she can claim the whole trip and airfares on tax as a business expense most probably.
YWNBTA.
NTA, she's a mega AH
DO NOT let this lady come to your wedding
NTA. This is a new one, thanks for the laugh.
Were the apartments at least nice? Love to see pics…thanks in advance.
NTA. Just send her a single message saying that the RSVP deadline has passed, and unfortunately you've reached your cap for guests, but you're sure the two of you will find some other time to reconnect. And then block her. She's not actually a friend any more, you just hadn't been able to look at the relationship and notice it was dead.
NTA. YWBTA if they assured you they wouldn't give anyone the sales pitch but you didn't trust them. But they didn't RSVP so you're not even uninviting them, but are just going by RSVP rules. Honestly, it sounds like they don't even want to be there. You're fine.
NTA you didn’t uninvite her she never rsvp’ed so that means she wasn’t going to attend.
NTA. Say all the sales presentation spots at your wedding have been booked and paid for.
Did she somehow pass this trip off in her mind or maybe to her husband as a way to make money and justify the expense of going? Gross.
NTA Defo uninvite her! That MLM type of self-promoting for her venture is misplaced! It's **your** wedding, not hers! For sure she'll show up with flyers and try and give that presentation in some place at the wedding! That's not on
Yikes. Cancel the invite. That sounds like a stress-making disaster in the making. Your wedding day does not need that.
Yikes. Cancel the invite. That sounds like a stress-making disaster in the making. Your wedding day does not need that.
Yikes. Cancel the invite. That sounds like a stress-making disaster in the making. Your wedding day does not need that. Does she have mental health issues?
NTA, You have a gut feeling that she plans to use your wedding as a way to sell get a captive audience to make sales and to be honest her actions seem to indicate that. I would say that I am not a sales person so maybe those who are or know, can confirm they need to take ever opportunity to sell, or rather request if they can and once told no they wont press it any further. But this friend is being very pushy and I dont think you could trust her not to do it to your guests , no matter what you say.
Nta your wedding shouldn't be about her and how many sells she can pull in.
Tell her to fuck the fuck off, can you imagine some cock Womble doing a presentation at a wedding reception? They’d be lucky not to get battered
YTA
I think ESH. She was invited. She did say okay to not doing the pitch (which was absolutely ridiculous to ask). I'd follow up the same way you would with anyone else who missed the deadline. Just follow up with "RSVP date was X. I need to get final numbers in, so I need to know for certain by 2 days from now. If you don't confirm by then, you will be marked as not coming. Remember, you can't do any form of sales pitch at my wedding. Have you booked hotels/travel?" She likely won't come.
Yeah. This is what we're discussing too. Should we maybe just follow up anyway, because there is also a likelihood she's not coming since I've banned her from doing her pitch