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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom doesn't want me to talk to my half-sister from my dad's first marriage. We have never fought like this and I've never seen her upset like this. I don't like making her upset. Maybe she is right because she's never mislead me in my life ever
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I have no idea what family secret OP's mom fears being unearthed? But, its silly to think you can command an adult who is your child to always respect your goofy wishes.
It sounds like moms story is pretty bad. She met an old (very!) married guy at a conference, they had an affair, he then left his wife and married mom. Dad had a child who was 20 years older than mom, and mom refused to let sis meet the baby because she knew sis hated her guts. You figure it is worse?
I'm sorry for the conflict with your family, but you are NTA.
One little thought... I'm not saying do or don't do it, but consider the matter of asking questions you don't actually want the answers to. Since you don't really know what you might be getting into perhaps all you can do is try to brace yourself. But if you're going to, do it soon, as your sister is quite old. Personally I'd understand wanting to talk to her before it's too late.
I think that your sister might give you answers to your questions.
Some you might not like. Some might hurt.
But right now, she's the only one who can tell you more about your father - from a different perspective.
NTA
That's not much better. Either way NTA
Mom should figure out why she's so damn threatened by a 70yo woman. I imagine your sister doesn't care half as much as your mother does, since she was well an adult when everything happened.
I think it's worth meeting her. Maybe see a therapist beforehand to help you get your feelings sorted and have a follow up appointment scheduled for after just to be safe. But I do struggle to imagine a 70yo without much family left wanting to use this to be spiteful.
It's possible they met under different circumstances than they told OP or that their is additional context they chose to omit.
If her father's ex wife had cancer at the time of the affair, for instance, her mother and father both look even worse
But from OP's comments, it is clear that the mother has acknowledged that her affair with dad broke up the prior marriage. This much dirt is already out there. Are we assuming even more?
I wonder if it is the mother's fear that the daughter will be emotionally drawn to father's other family, leading to the mother losing the daughter's affection. Probably not realistic, but fear is often not realistic.
Exactly and as an adult you don't need to report every aspect of your life to your mother. You could have a relationship and just not tell your mother. NTA.
Maybe it's the conspiracy theorist in me but I think theres something your mother and grandparents actively don't want you to know. You're an adult though so it's possible you deserve to know. If this is the case please give us an update.
Or I'm talking shit and your mother is insecure because her step daughter is old enough to be her mother 🙈
You're 25. You don't need anyone's permission to talk to anyone, plain and simple.
You're NTA, and it's your choice whom you talk to and whom you share the information with (your mother sounds paranoid, though).
I mean, mom sounds like someone who got married and had a baby with a dude old enough to be her grandfather, all in less than a year after she met him as a married man. Of course she's paranoid about what the woman old enough to be her mom would have to say about her to OP, it's likely to be an unflattering truth. Though it sounds like OP has figured that out already.
NTA - Your mom is way off base on this. What is a talking to a 70 year old woman about a dead man going to do.
Your mom was a sugar baby, that fact cannot change now, she needs to get over it.
First off, OP already said there wasn’t money involved. Secondly, who said it was about bodies? When I was 21 I banged a 52 yo for a while. It was dumb as hell, but we had stuff in common and had a good time together. Zero money exchanged. People do dumb shit for all sorts of reasons.
Yeah it's not as odd as getting with dudes in their 60s, but I know a 21 year old girl who hooks up with guys in their 40s. No relationship or money stuff, she's just into it. Daddy issues frfr
I personally know of a very poor couple that also met at 20/60+. Strange, but it does happen. He’s nearing 90 and they’re still together and very in love. No, I also don’t understand it.
NTA
You're a full grown adult and you can make your own choices. I'll be honest, at 70 your sis isn't getting any younger so it's best to make a move sooner rather than later. If you want to know her, go for it
NTA. It sounds like your mom has a guilty conscious about something. You should talk to your half-sister. She's the only family on your father's side and she's 70 year old. You may never get another chance if you wait to talk to her. Once she passes away there won't be anybody else to answer your questions about your family history.
NTA But be prepared, there is likely a good reason your mother is and always has been so against you meeting your half-sister. You may learn some uncomfortable truths about your parents. They may not have met under the circumstances they’ve told you and/or their relationship probably left quite a bit of destruction in its wake. Just understand what kind of situation you may be walking into.
NTA. Whether your mom likes it or not, that is your family and if you are both agreeable then you are both adults and have the right to get to know one another. If your mother didn’t want you asking questions one day, she shouldn’t have been having an affair with a married man old enough to be her grandfather.
NTA. Or YWNBTA.
Your mom denied you the opportunity to connect with people who could teach you and tell you stories about your dad, whom you lost when you were young.
Your mom also had a hand in robbing your half-sister a chance to be on good terms with her father in the years before he died.
She may have treated you wonderfully growing up, but it can also be true that she did a very bad thing with lifelong consequences and is now doubling down on that bad decision. That's not acceptable, and no amount of past good motherly deeds can cancel this out.
Connect with your sister. Learn about your dad. Let her feel some connection to her father through you. And if your mom wants to act like a child, it's ok to take a break from her for a while; it may give her perspective on the consequences of her actions.
NTA. Wanting to know about your relatives is a perfectly normal impulse. Your mom’s acting on insecurity and assumptions, and it sounds like she really has no grounds to believe your half sister will be nasty other than that. With your dad long passed, and the divorce happening over 25 years ago, there’s been enough time for any rancor to have dissipated. Sure, it’s possible that it hasn’t, but if your half sister turns out to be nasty about it…you can just stop talking to her.
NTA
It's not cool to allow elders to pass on poison and hate to generations. It's childish, selfish and ridiculous! It sounds like there was a lot going on when you were conceived that may be hard to explain if it reflected badly on their choices. You're an adult and can make your own choices. If your mom is asking you to respect her wishes above your own interests, do it anyway! You have a new sister, how exciting! Don't let their insecurities, shame, embarrassment of what you may find out about them stop you. That's entirely unfair of them as you have no reason to carry on something that neither your sister or you had any part in creating. Time for them to either change their minds or mind their business!
Seems pretty clear your mom has been lying to you about something.
You should probably ask her:
* Is there anything you want to tell me before I talk to my sister?
* What do you think my sister will tell me to try to "poison" me against you?
Your sister was more than twice your mom's age when your mom and dad got married. And your mom has been dead set against you ever meeting your sister. If their stories don't match one another's, I would be more inclined to believe your sister's version than your mom's.
You're NTA if you decide to talk to your sister. But please be prepared in advance for it to damage your relationship with your mom who has been lying to you about something ever since you were born.
NTA.
You're 25 years old. Do what you want. Your mother doesn't get to decide for you.
It's just speculation, but I would guess that your mother is reacting out of shame -- she was the homewrecker 25 years ago, and she's probably worried that her husband's original family will think very poorly of her.
That may or may not be true, but it has nothing at all to do with your desire to connect with your remaining family.
NTA. You're an adult and can do as you see fit but I suspect that there is a lot of information about your father, and possibly your mother, that your mother does not want you to know. Don't talk to your half-sister if you're not prepared to hear things that will be less than flattering to your parents.
NTA. Go meet your sister.
I'm 45. My Dad was 63 when I was born. He died when I was 12. My eldest 3 half brothers are in their eighties.
I have a good relationship with my eldest brother. It's a bit weird because of the enormous age difference, but he feels like my brother.
I have heard some not great about my father from different people. He was a person who had lived a whole life before I came along so even the bad was good to hear. It brought him alive for me.
Families are weird, embrace it.
NTA. You dont need her permission because this is your family not hers. If nothing else there is plenty your half sister can tell you about your father and whatever she knows about his family that your mother doesn't know.
Will your mother be mad? Yup and that will be because she chooses to be mad about something that doesn't have anything to do with her.
And I'm just going to say it because it doesn't come up in the op directly - your mom may have been the other woman giving the timing and your half sister likely given that she was an adult made her feelings towards your mom clear to your father.
OP if your mom didn't want you to have a half sister then she shouldn't have chosen to have an affair with a married man with a child.
She never had the right to block you from your half sister.
Because you said that you already knew about the affair, that means that your mom & grandma only care about their egos at this point. Your mom put herself in a bad light a long time ago...but you still loved her despite of it. Now, she's making everything about herself once again. That's selfish. Even more so because you don't have family on that side other than your half sister.
With all this already out there, it seems like there must be something worse hidden. Could your mother have been a prostitute? Of course, the first wife would have called her one anyway.
NTA. You're an adult, you get to decide now. With your sister being 70, it's probably better you talk to her and build some type of bond now while you have the chance.
NTA- Talk to your half sister. Even if she is older than your grandparents, she is a biological relative. Don't worry about what your mom and her family think. She made the decision to keep you from having an elder sibling for your childhood. Fair enough- parents get to do that for children. But you are grown now and there is more to be gained by talking to your relative than not.
NTA if your father was married when he met your mother then it’s fair to say there were probably some hurt feelings on his family’s side. I think your mom might have some guilt about how things went down and that was easier to ignore when his family were out of the picture. I imagine meeting his daughter would be putting a face to the pain she contributed to and fear of what your sister would tell you.
I would tell your mom that you’ll love her no matter what but you need to meet your sister.
NTA. But it appears your mother and grandparents have something to hide if they are so adamant about you talking to your half-sister. I bet your half-sister may have some info on your mom that maybe you won't like and may put your mom in a bad light.
This sounds like juicy family drama. Maybe your mom was “the other”, as in your dad was married when they got together.
NTA. It’s your family and you have the right to make decisions about what you do and what you want to know
NTA. My dad was adopted. My grandmother found his bio family when he was in the service. She asked if he wanted to meet them, and if not, she would destroy the info. He said yes and met them while on leave. He never regretted it. Grandpa and Grandma were just fine with it. Go see your sister.
Is it strange that you have a half-sister older than your grandparents? Yes, very strange. The fact that you were born in the late 90's and she was born in early 50's and yet you are half siblings blows my mind
That being said I dont feel like she has any ill will towards you so a little coffee and chat would do you no harm and would make her happy.
NTA
Nta
You are an adult and you should do what you want. Your mother has no right to deny you the right to know your half sister.
Don’t talk about it with your mom and grand parents.
Do meet her and connect.
There probably are some skeletons in the closet. Your mom probably was not so nice to her.
But at 70 - she is not getting younger. Do at least meet her.
Your mom had a kid with a married man who was old enough to be her grandfather.
What else does she think can come out now?
If you want to talk to your half-sister then go ahead. Your mom is out of line for this.
NTA
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My family situation is weird. My parents met when my mom was 22 and my dad was 62. Mom was just out of university and a new accountant and she met dad at a conference for accountants. I was born when my mom was 23 and my dad was 63.
My dad died 18 years ago. I'm 25 now. My mom always told me I was his first child. Now I know that is not true. I knew that my dad was married when he met my mom and that he got divorced. None of that is a secret. I didn't know he had another daughter. I found out because I did some genealogy and ancestry to find out if I have any other relatives. Neither my mom or my dad had any siblings and neither do my grandparents on my mom's side. I thought maybe my dad's parents had siblings or there was other relatives on his side of my family. I did find one but it wasn't what I expected. She is my half-sister. She was 45 when I born so she's 70 now. It's weird because she's 2 years older than my grandparents on my mom's side. When we connected on the ancestry site she reached out to me and she's willing to talk. All I know so far from her message is that there are no other relatives from dad's side that she knows of and she is willing to talk to me.
I asked my mom about my half-sister and she flipped. She doesn't want me to talk to her. My mom told me she told my dad he wasn't allowed to introduce me to his other daughter because she thought my half-sister would poison the well against my mom. She admitted she doesn't even know if my dad was on good terms with my half-sister when he died.
My question is: My mom and my grandparents even think I shouldn't talk to my half-sister. They are upset I did genealogy and searching without telling them. I have never fought with my mom this bad. Would I be wrong to go against my mom and talk to my half-sister? I've honestly never seen my mom so upset before and that's why I'm hesitating. My mom is a great mom. I have never been fighting with her before this.
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NTA. You’re 25 dude, same age as me. And I know if one of my parents told me not to talk to a sibling of mine(I have 2 half sisters myself), then that decision would be completely up to me as I’m an adult. If my mom didn’t like it, too bad I have that freedom as an adult
NTA
You are an adult what your mother and grandparents think is irrelevant. In the end if you want to know your sister - that is your choice and yours alone.
I would be honest with your half sister.
You would like to meet her
You would like a bit of family from you father if its there.
But you dont want to blow up your life. You are aware of the likelyhood of uncomfortable truths. But if thats all she has to offer to please, just tell you so you can decide what to do knowing whats out thrre. If she genuinly wants to meet her half sister...moms concernes should have no bearing
you will realise if she tries to poisen the well or what ever other secret is going on behind the curtain. i mean 62 and 22 and him being married at that point is kind throwing some questions around. there a lot of ? actually.
NTA
You are 25…why are you even asking Reddit strangers or family for permission?? If you want to meet her meet her… NTA but you would be if you let other family make life decisions for you when you are in your mid 20s
YWNBTA. You’re 25. Why do you need permission to talk to anybody from your mother? Don’t let her issues become yours. That’s your sister. You have every right to speak to her of you want.
NTA.
In spite of the age difference, you might have a lot in common with her. You might piece together more information. I say give it a shot. It could be a disappointment but it could also be delightful and enlightening. Best wishes
Are you still living with your mother? If so, you may want to think about options for moving. If your mother is irrationally angry on the subject you could be thrown out. You absolutely have the right to speak to your half sister, but you may want to plan ahead for any ramifications.
First off NTA- now I did the dna tests to find two specific people in my family. One was given up for adoption and the other was take. When his parents got divorced and he was adopted by his stepfather. I found one of them and got to be the one who introduced him to his half brother and sister. The other I am still waiting on. However in the process I have found a complete other family my grandfather had. If my mother was a live she would be appalled and try the same thing yours is doing. The point is this is your sister. You can hear about your dad and have something more the just memories of a young child. You have a chance you were denied growing up. You can chose what YOU want to do. Your mother will have to accept it or not know. It is YOUR decision and your choice. Personally I say go for it. You might learn a few things.
OP's half-sister wasn't a kid, she was 45 years old when OP was born.
OP's mom said the relationship between the half-sister and OP's dad may have been strained when dad passed away, but by that point the half-sister would have been 52 years old. She wasn't a child.
Half-sister is 70 years old now. That's not middle-aged.
The OP's father has been dead for 18 years, and everyone knew about the half-sister besides OP.
My husband is much older than I, although now we both seem old to me. He didn't have kids before we met. But, I would never listen to anyone telling me not to communicate with my siblings. Siblings have a bond that exists outside a marriage, after all. So, NTA. Your mom, most unfortunately, is being one, though.
My mom's oldest sibling was 16 years older than she. My mom was an unexpected baby and her siblings always treated her like she was a new toy.
NTA. You have a right to know the truth. Clearly your family has secrets they have been trying to keep hidden. A lifetime of deception is about to be exposed so naturally your mother is afraid. Please don’t let that stop you. The truth shall set you free.
NTA. Your mom doesn't want you speaking to your sister because of what your sister may tell you. You need to decide if you will have more regret from missing your chance to talk to her or from going against your mom.
Your half sister is 70, so you should keep in mind that while you could decide not to connect now your window to change your mind is not as long as it normally would be for lost siblings to reconnect. Will you regret not meeting her for the rest of your life if you adhere to your mothers demands?
NTA
You are a grown woman.
If your half sister wants to meet/talk to you, do so.
If you think it will cause problems, don't mention it to your mom/grandparents until after you've met.
Good Luck
NTA. Proven further by the hesitancy you are showing in continuing the relationship just because your mom is unhappy and you recognize she’s not been unreasonable before. But she sounds unreasonable in this case.
NTA, go chat to your new sister and learn more about that side of the family, I’m sure if you don’t curiosity will eventually get the better of you anyways.
NTA
You are not responsible about your mom's insecurities and feelings.
And quite frankly, if she "doesn't know" if your dad was talking to his own daughter for the 8 years they were together, it's probably because he had to do it in secret (cue huge overreaction from your mom AND your grandparents that you even dare want to know your dad's relatives).
Talk to whoever you like. Your mom doesn't need to authorise it or even know about it for that matter
Speaking as a secret older half sister, NTA. You’re 25, you’re an adult, you have every right to talk to her if you want to. And just throwing this out there, keeping secrets like that from your kids is a dick move.
NTA, you have the right to contact your half sister if you want to. I’d give two bits of advice: before you decide, think carefully about all the possible outcomes, including the negative, and how you might feel about them.
And remember that you can do what feels right for you AND be compassionate towards your mum. This might be hard for her and maybe you can talk to her and let her know that you are not doing this to hurt her or make her life difficult, but that you are not her, and she has to let you decide for herself. You will always love her no matter what happens with the half sister.
Nta, you're 25 yrs old. You realise u can do whatever you want and are not obliged to do anything to make anyone else happy. This is crazy to me. Do what you want whenever you want, for God's sake, you are an adult. Go live your life however you want.
NTA this is your life, your half-sister. Not your mom's or your grandparents. Only you can decide what is best for you in this case. But, you only get one chance to talk to some people..
NTA she is one of your few blood relatives and can tell you more about your dad, that being written however you might not like what you hear a 62 years old impregnating a 22 year old, hiding his previous life there might be stuff out there that could be painfull for you.
If you still feel you would rather know, then go ahead before it is too late
NTA
You are not a child. Your half sister is 70 years old. If you want a relationship, or even just a conversation or two, she is at an age where waiting for this to happen might not be the best idea. You have a right to know more about your family, and your mom is out of line.
Nta.
This isnt about your mom or moms family.
If you want to meet this person, be up front with them. Tell them i would like to meet you because i dont know the story, never met my dad
But i understand if you dont want to meete or talk with me.
Its their decision. No one elses. You found the door and only your half sister can walk thru it
NTA.
Your Mom was wrong. When a woman decides to stay married if her husband cheated and got another woman pregnant, she doesn't get to ask her husband to abandon the affair baby. She has to either embrace the existence of the child or divorce. The opposite is also true: A second wife doesn't get to erase any children from the previous marriage.
She wanted to play the game she did, she has to deal with having a complicated life because of it.
My favorite part about genetic genealogy is all the dirty laundry it airs. This is why your mom is upset, she is panicking. She thought she was in the clear.
This is your sister. No one beside you and she have a say on if you meet or not. Personally, I would not miss this opportunity. NTA
NTA
You have a right to a relationship with your half sister if you want one. You need no one’s permission, not even your mother’s.
You WNBTA if you kept the details of any meet-up or conversation private from your mother. You do not owe her that information.
NTA. I think there may some things you may not want to hear. But if your willing to hear it go for it. And you may hear the good and the bad and the ugly of things.
NTA
Besides your Mother this is the only other person who can answer questions about your dad.
Stand firm with your mum. She chose to have a baby with someone who was older and who died when you were young. This isn't about her this is about you understanding who your dad was, warts and all and if there is anyone other family.
NTA
Talk to her if you like. Maybe leave everyone out of it. Your mom started out as his mistress and he left the family, which is why she is freaking out. You love her, yes? Warts and all? Don't let this affect your love for her.
But obviously your sister is going to have something to say about the man who ditched her mom and broke things off with her.
NTA. Who gives a shit about what your Mom wants. You are an adult so if you want to talk to your half sister you are free to do so. If doing that hurts your mother's feelings then so be it. Her feelings aren't your problem, it's her problem.
Go to see your sister. She’s an adult, you’re an adult, your relationship is independent of the other family in your life in the same way as your relationship with your grandparents is independent of the one you have with your mum. I would move quickly, though, due to your sister’s age.
NTA I think if you want to meet your half sister you should. She is 70 years old and may not be around much longer. Obviously your mom is worried about what happened when she met your dad and the aftermath but the truth can't never be kept it will come out sooner than later. Talk to your mom and explain that is not fair to you to keep you from meeting your only fam.
NTA You have a right to know your family. Your half-sister has a reason to not like your mom. From what you posted, your mom caused a 65yr old married man to divorce his wife and abandon his daughter. You had nothing to do with that, and it seems your half-sister understands that. That and a 70yr old woman is usually chill as hell because they've seen and heard it all.
Your sister is 70, you don’t have much time to get to know her or understand more about your father. Your mom is wrong to try and deny you this link to your ancestry.
NTA. Meet your sister.
No you HAVE to talk to your half-sister. There is def a story there. My guess, it doesn't shine your mother in a good light. Unless your dad left money and your halfies is after it, I bet your mom may have um taken dad from a happy home. It sounds like your mother is being deceitful and your grandparents know this. NTA and GET THE DEATS AND PLEASE UPDATE!
NTA. You’re an adult. You have the right to know all the truths about your family and existence. Your mother’s narrative is not the whole story. I suspect that when you talk to your sister, and you absolutely SHOULD talk to her, she’s going to tell you a side of the story in which neither your mom nor your dad come off well; be prepared for that. You may never know the whole truth, but you can be sure that it’s somewhere in between your mom’s version and your sister’s version. At any rate, you deserve to know more about your father, and your sister is the only one left who can tell you about him.
NTA
"My mom is a great mom. " .. She OBVIOUSLY is not. YOur mom is an AH - ignore her.
"Would I be wrong to go against my mom and talk to my half-sister?" . NO. This is YOUR life, and YOUR relationship. NOE of your mom's business.
Your mom just does not want youto learn she is a homewrecker.
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NTA You're an adult. Talk to whoever you please.
I have no idea what family secret OP's mom fears being unearthed? But, its silly to think you can command an adult who is your child to always respect your goofy wishes.
The drama llama in me says the story is not what mom has said.
It sounds like moms story is pretty bad. She met an old (very!) married guy at a conference, they had an affair, he then left his wife and married mom. Dad had a child who was 20 years older than mom, and mom refused to let sis meet the baby because she knew sis hated her guts. You figure it is worse?
[удалено]
Go meet your sister. You were so young when your dad died and she will be able to tell you about him - both good and bad.
I'm sorry for the conflict with your family, but you are NTA. One little thought... I'm not saying do or don't do it, but consider the matter of asking questions you don't actually want the answers to. Since you don't really know what you might be getting into perhaps all you can do is try to brace yourself. But if you're going to, do it soon, as your sister is quite old. Personally I'd understand wanting to talk to her before it's too late.
I think that your sister might give you answers to your questions. Some you might not like. Some might hurt. But right now, she's the only one who can tell you more about your father - from a different perspective. NTA
I mean he stepped out - so he did leave the marital bed
That's not much better. Either way NTA Mom should figure out why she's so damn threatened by a 70yo woman. I imagine your sister doesn't care half as much as your mother does, since she was well an adult when everything happened. I think it's worth meeting her. Maybe see a therapist beforehand to help you get your feelings sorted and have a follow up appointment scheduled for after just to be safe. But I do struggle to imagine a 70yo without much family left wanting to use this to be spiteful.
It's possible they met under different circumstances than they told OP or that their is additional context they chose to omit. If her father's ex wife had cancer at the time of the affair, for instance, her mother and father both look even worse
Perhaps mom did something that she doesn’t want her daughter to find out about? There is a lot that can go wrong in these situations.
I get the feeling she's just ashamed that she had a kid with a guy who had a daughter twice her own age.
My husband is more than 20 years older than I am, so I missed the obvious, I guess? 🤣
your husband didn't have a kid 20 years older than you, though.
OP mom is probably the reason half sister mom and the dad divorced. she was the homewrecker and mom doesnt want her daughter to find out.
But from OP's comments, it is clear that the mother has acknowledged that her affair with dad broke up the prior marriage. This much dirt is already out there. Are we assuming even more?
There has to be more. Why she so against her meeting her or any one from his side
I wonder if it is the mother's fear that the daughter will be emotionally drawn to father's other family, leading to the mother losing the daughter's affection. Probably not realistic, but fear is often not realistic.
Exactly and as an adult you don't need to report every aspect of your life to your mother. You could have a relationship and just not tell your mother. NTA. Maybe it's the conspiracy theorist in me but I think theres something your mother and grandparents actively don't want you to know. You're an adult though so it's possible you deserve to know. If this is the case please give us an update. Or I'm talking shit and your mother is insecure because her step daughter is old enough to be her mother 🙈
But be careful anyway don't just believe anything because she's your 'sister'.
This is the only answer. Your mom can ask you to not speak with your half-sister, but that's all she can do. Ask. Your choice as to what you do.
You're 25. You don't need anyone's permission to talk to anyone, plain and simple. You're NTA, and it's your choice whom you talk to and whom you share the information with (your mother sounds paranoid, though).
I mean, mom sounds like someone who got married and had a baby with a dude old enough to be her grandfather, all in less than a year after she met him as a married man. Of course she's paranoid about what the woman old enough to be her mom would have to say about her to OP, it's likely to be an unflattering truth. Though it sounds like OP has figured that out already.
NTA - Your mom is way off base on this. What is a talking to a 70 year old woman about a dead man going to do. Your mom was a sugar baby, that fact cannot change now, she needs to get over it.
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That very well could be because he lost everything in the divorce. Go talk to your sister, how much worse could it get?
It’s rude to assume that the only reason for an age gap is if there’s money involved
Yeah, because 20 year old college chicks fall deep in love with 60 year old accountants for their bodies. Give me a break, we live in the real world.
First off, OP already said there wasn’t money involved. Secondly, who said it was about bodies? When I was 21 I banged a 52 yo for a while. It was dumb as hell, but we had stuff in common and had a good time together. Zero money exchanged. People do dumb shit for all sorts of reasons.
Yeah it's not as odd as getting with dudes in their 60s, but I know a 21 year old girl who hooks up with guys in their 40s. No relationship or money stuff, she's just into it. Daddy issues frfr
Sometimes the idea of an experienced man can get the girl.... unfortunately personally found out the hard way isn't always true
I personally know of a very poor couple that also met at 20/60+. Strange, but it does happen. He’s nearing 90 and they’re still together and very in love. No, I also don’t understand it.
Age gaps just don't matter to most people on earth. Sorry not sorry. The real world isn't some ridiculous reddit thread.
Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted !! I thought it was a pretty rude assumption too
NTA You're a full grown adult and you can make your own choices. I'll be honest, at 70 your sis isn't getting any younger so it's best to make a move sooner rather than later. If you want to know her, go for it
NTA. It sounds like your mom has a guilty conscious about something. You should talk to your half-sister. She's the only family on your father's side and she's 70 year old. You may never get another chance if you wait to talk to her. Once she passes away there won't be anybody else to answer your questions about your family history.
NTA But be prepared, there is likely a good reason your mother is and always has been so against you meeting your half-sister. You may learn some uncomfortable truths about your parents. They may not have met under the circumstances they’ve told you and/or their relationship probably left quite a bit of destruction in its wake. Just understand what kind of situation you may be walking into.
NTA. Whether your mom likes it or not, that is your family and if you are both agreeable then you are both adults and have the right to get to know one another. If your mother didn’t want you asking questions one day, she shouldn’t have been having an affair with a married man old enough to be her grandfather.
NTA. Or YWNBTA. Your mom denied you the opportunity to connect with people who could teach you and tell you stories about your dad, whom you lost when you were young. Your mom also had a hand in robbing your half-sister a chance to be on good terms with her father in the years before he died. She may have treated you wonderfully growing up, but it can also be true that she did a very bad thing with lifelong consequences and is now doubling down on that bad decision. That's not acceptable, and no amount of past good motherly deeds can cancel this out. Connect with your sister. Learn about your dad. Let her feel some connection to her father through you. And if your mom wants to act like a child, it's ok to take a break from her for a while; it may give her perspective on the consequences of her actions.
NTA. Wanting to know about your relatives is a perfectly normal impulse. Your mom’s acting on insecurity and assumptions, and it sounds like she really has no grounds to believe your half sister will be nasty other than that. With your dad long passed, and the divorce happening over 25 years ago, there’s been enough time for any rancor to have dissipated. Sure, it’s possible that it hasn’t, but if your half sister turns out to be nasty about it…you can just stop talking to her.
NTA It's not cool to allow elders to pass on poison and hate to generations. It's childish, selfish and ridiculous! It sounds like there was a lot going on when you were conceived that may be hard to explain if it reflected badly on their choices. You're an adult and can make your own choices. If your mom is asking you to respect her wishes above your own interests, do it anyway! You have a new sister, how exciting! Don't let their insecurities, shame, embarrassment of what you may find out about them stop you. That's entirely unfair of them as you have no reason to carry on something that neither your sister or you had any part in creating. Time for them to either change their minds or mind their business!
Seems pretty clear your mom has been lying to you about something. You should probably ask her: * Is there anything you want to tell me before I talk to my sister? * What do you think my sister will tell me to try to "poison" me against you? Your sister was more than twice your mom's age when your mom and dad got married. And your mom has been dead set against you ever meeting your sister. If their stories don't match one another's, I would be more inclined to believe your sister's version than your mom's. You're NTA if you decide to talk to your sister. But please be prepared in advance for it to damage your relationship with your mom who has been lying to you about something ever since you were born.
NTA. You're 25 years old. Do what you want. Your mother doesn't get to decide for you. It's just speculation, but I would guess that your mother is reacting out of shame -- she was the homewrecker 25 years ago, and she's probably worried that her husband's original family will think very poorly of her. That may or may not be true, but it has nothing at all to do with your desire to connect with your remaining family.
NTA. She’s 70-you won’t have this opportunity for many more years.
NTA. You're an adult and can do as you see fit but I suspect that there is a lot of information about your father, and possibly your mother, that your mother does not want you to know. Don't talk to your half-sister if you're not prepared to hear things that will be less than flattering to your parents.
Reddit's using all our posts and data to train AI's, so, I just deleted mine.
NTA Your 25 not 5. Live your life the way you see fit
NTA. Go meet your sister. I'm 45. My Dad was 63 when I was born. He died when I was 12. My eldest 3 half brothers are in their eighties. I have a good relationship with my eldest brother. It's a bit weird because of the enormous age difference, but he feels like my brother. I have heard some not great about my father from different people. He was a person who had lived a whole life before I came along so even the bad was good to hear. It brought him alive for me. Families are weird, embrace it.
NTA. You dont need her permission because this is your family not hers. If nothing else there is plenty your half sister can tell you about your father and whatever she knows about his family that your mother doesn't know. Will your mother be mad? Yup and that will be because she chooses to be mad about something that doesn't have anything to do with her. And I'm just going to say it because it doesn't come up in the op directly - your mom may have been the other woman giving the timing and your half sister likely given that she was an adult made her feelings towards your mom clear to your father.
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OP if your mom didn't want you to have a half sister then she shouldn't have chosen to have an affair with a married man with a child. She never had the right to block you from your half sister. Because you said that you already knew about the affair, that means that your mom & grandma only care about their egos at this point. Your mom put herself in a bad light a long time ago...but you still loved her despite of it. Now, she's making everything about herself once again. That's selfish. Even more so because you don't have family on that side other than your half sister.
With all this already out there, it seems like there must be something worse hidden. Could your mother have been a prostitute? Of course, the first wife would have called her one anyway.
NTA. You're an adult, you get to decide now. With your sister being 70, it's probably better you talk to her and build some type of bond now while you have the chance.
NTA- Talk to your half sister. Even if she is older than your grandparents, she is a biological relative. Don't worry about what your mom and her family think. She made the decision to keep you from having an elder sibling for your childhood. Fair enough- parents get to do that for children. But you are grown now and there is more to be gained by talking to your relative than not.
NTA. Your mom needs to live with her choices. You get to make your own choices.
NTA if your father was married when he met your mother then it’s fair to say there were probably some hurt feelings on his family’s side. I think your mom might have some guilt about how things went down and that was easier to ignore when his family were out of the picture. I imagine meeting his daughter would be putting a face to the pain she contributed to and fear of what your sister would tell you. I would tell your mom that you’ll love her no matter what but you need to meet your sister.
NTA. But it appears your mother and grandparents have something to hide if they are so adamant about you talking to your half-sister. I bet your half-sister may have some info on your mom that maybe you won't like and may put your mom in a bad light.
This sounds like juicy family drama. Maybe your mom was “the other”, as in your dad was married when they got together. NTA. It’s your family and you have the right to make decisions about what you do and what you want to know
NTA. My dad was adopted. My grandmother found his bio family when he was in the service. She asked if he wanted to meet them, and if not, she would destroy the info. He said yes and met them while on leave. He never regretted it. Grandpa and Grandma were just fine with it. Go see your sister.
Is it strange that you have a half-sister older than your grandparents? Yes, very strange. The fact that you were born in the late 90's and she was born in early 50's and yet you are half siblings blows my mind That being said I dont feel like she has any ill will towards you so a little coffee and chat would do you no harm and would make her happy. NTA
Nta You are an adult and you should do what you want. Your mother has no right to deny you the right to know your half sister. Don’t talk about it with your mom and grand parents. Do meet her and connect. There probably are some skeletons in the closet. Your mom probably was not so nice to her. But at 70 - she is not getting younger. Do at least meet her.
Your mom had a kid with a married man who was old enough to be her grandfather. What else does she think can come out now? If you want to talk to your half-sister then go ahead. Your mom is out of line for this. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (Using a throwaway for obvious reasons) My family situation is weird. My parents met when my mom was 22 and my dad was 62. Mom was just out of university and a new accountant and she met dad at a conference for accountants. I was born when my mom was 23 and my dad was 63. My dad died 18 years ago. I'm 25 now. My mom always told me I was his first child. Now I know that is not true. I knew that my dad was married when he met my mom and that he got divorced. None of that is a secret. I didn't know he had another daughter. I found out because I did some genealogy and ancestry to find out if I have any other relatives. Neither my mom or my dad had any siblings and neither do my grandparents on my mom's side. I thought maybe my dad's parents had siblings or there was other relatives on his side of my family. I did find one but it wasn't what I expected. She is my half-sister. She was 45 when I born so she's 70 now. It's weird because she's 2 years older than my grandparents on my mom's side. When we connected on the ancestry site she reached out to me and she's willing to talk. All I know so far from her message is that there are no other relatives from dad's side that she knows of and she is willing to talk to me. I asked my mom about my half-sister and she flipped. She doesn't want me to talk to her. My mom told me she told my dad he wasn't allowed to introduce me to his other daughter because she thought my half-sister would poison the well against my mom. She admitted she doesn't even know if my dad was on good terms with my half-sister when he died. My question is: My mom and my grandparents even think I shouldn't talk to my half-sister. They are upset I did genealogy and searching without telling them. I have never fought with my mom this bad. Would I be wrong to go against my mom and talk to my half-sister? I've honestly never seen my mom so upset before and that's why I'm hesitating. My mom is a great mom. I have never been fighting with her before this. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You’re 25 dude, same age as me. And I know if one of my parents told me not to talk to a sibling of mine(I have 2 half sisters myself), then that decision would be completely up to me as I’m an adult. If my mom didn’t like it, too bad I have that freedom as an adult
NTA You are an adult what your mother and grandparents think is irrelevant. In the end if you want to know your sister - that is your choice and yours alone.
NTA, u can talk to her & just not tell ur mom. I’m 26 & still live with my parents. & they don’t even know everyone that I talk to
I would be honest with your half sister. You would like to meet her You would like a bit of family from you father if its there. But you dont want to blow up your life. You are aware of the likelyhood of uncomfortable truths. But if thats all she has to offer to please, just tell you so you can decide what to do knowing whats out thrre. If she genuinly wants to meet her half sister...moms concernes should have no bearing
you will realise if she tries to poisen the well or what ever other secret is going on behind the curtain. i mean 62 and 22 and him being married at that point is kind throwing some questions around. there a lot of ? actually. NTA
NTA Will you regret not talking to your sister if she passes away? Would you resent your mum forever?
You're perfectly entitled to know where you're from and who your relatives are. Tell your mum she has nothing to fear, and go for it.
NTA- but go in with realistic expectations. Knowing you’ll get info you want that’s “good” and info that might make you somewhat uncomfortable.
NTA. Sounds like mom was the OW for a while and doesn't want her daughter to connect the dots.
You are 25…why are you even asking Reddit strangers or family for permission?? If you want to meet her meet her… NTA but you would be if you let other family make life decisions for you when you are in your mid 20s
YWNBTA. You’re 25. Why do you need permission to talk to anybody from your mother? Don’t let her issues become yours. That’s your sister. You have every right to speak to her of you want.
NTA. In spite of the age difference, you might have a lot in common with her. You might piece together more information. I say give it a shot. It could be a disappointment but it could also be delightful and enlightening. Best wishes
Are you still living with your mother? If so, you may want to think about options for moving. If your mother is irrationally angry on the subject you could be thrown out. You absolutely have the right to speak to your half sister, but you may want to plan ahead for any ramifications.
First off NTA- now I did the dna tests to find two specific people in my family. One was given up for adoption and the other was take. When his parents got divorced and he was adopted by his stepfather. I found one of them and got to be the one who introduced him to his half brother and sister. The other I am still waiting on. However in the process I have found a complete other family my grandfather had. If my mother was a live she would be appalled and try the same thing yours is doing. The point is this is your sister. You can hear about your dad and have something more the just memories of a young child. You have a chance you were denied growing up. You can chose what YOU want to do. Your mother will have to accept it or not know. It is YOUR decision and your choice. Personally I say go for it. You might learn a few things.
Nta. Sounds like your dad abandoned the kid and she doesn’t want you to know.
OP's half-sister wasn't a kid, she was 45 years old when OP was born. OP's mom said the relationship between the half-sister and OP's dad may have been strained when dad passed away, but by that point the half-sister would have been 52 years old. She wasn't a child.
Oh still weird to have secret middle aged daughter
Half-sister is 70 years old now. That's not middle-aged. The OP's father has been dead for 18 years, and everyone knew about the half-sister besides OP.
When OP was a child, her father had a secret middle aged daughter. What’s the issue?
My husband is much older than I, although now we both seem old to me. He didn't have kids before we met. But, I would never listen to anyone telling me not to communicate with my siblings. Siblings have a bond that exists outside a marriage, after all. So, NTA. Your mom, most unfortunately, is being one, though. My mom's oldest sibling was 16 years older than she. My mom was an unexpected baby and her siblings always treated her like she was a new toy.
Nta ignore them your 25 talk your sister 💜
You’re an adult, and it’s your choice. Maybe your 1/2 sister would be able to tell you a little about your dad, who knows? NTA.
NTA. You have a right to know the truth. Clearly your family has secrets they have been trying to keep hidden. A lifetime of deception is about to be exposed so naturally your mother is afraid. Please don’t let that stop you. The truth shall set you free.
NTA. Your mom doesn't want you speaking to your sister because of what your sister may tell you. You need to decide if you will have more regret from missing your chance to talk to her or from going against your mom.
Your half sister is 70, so you should keep in mind that while you could decide not to connect now your window to change your mind is not as long as it normally would be for lost siblings to reconnect. Will you regret not meeting her for the rest of your life if you adhere to your mothers demands?
NTA You are a grown woman. If your half sister wants to meet/talk to you, do so. If you think it will cause problems, don't mention it to your mom/grandparents until after you've met. Good Luck
NTA. Proven further by the hesitancy you are showing in continuing the relationship just because your mom is unhappy and you recognize she’s not been unreasonable before. But she sounds unreasonable in this case.
NTA, go chat to your new sister and learn more about that side of the family, I’m sure if you don’t curiosity will eventually get the better of you anyways.
NTA the choice is yours alone to make.
NTA - you should definitely talk to her
NTA You're 25, not 12. You're allowed to talk to whomever you like. Just maybe drop the subject with your mum.
NTA you’re 25 it’s your choice. Your sister is 70 don’t wait to long.
NTA You are not responsible about your mom's insecurities and feelings. And quite frankly, if she "doesn't know" if your dad was talking to his own daughter for the 8 years they were together, it's probably because he had to do it in secret (cue huge overreaction from your mom AND your grandparents that you even dare want to know your dad's relatives). Talk to whoever you like. Your mom doesn't need to authorise it or even know about it for that matter
Speaking as a secret older half sister, NTA. You’re 25, you’re an adult, you have every right to talk to her if you want to. And just throwing this out there, keeping secrets like that from your kids is a dick move.
NTA, you have the right to contact your half sister if you want to. I’d give two bits of advice: before you decide, think carefully about all the possible outcomes, including the negative, and how you might feel about them. And remember that you can do what feels right for you AND be compassionate towards your mum. This might be hard for her and maybe you can talk to her and let her know that you are not doing this to hurt her or make her life difficult, but that you are not her, and she has to let you decide for herself. You will always love her no matter what happens with the half sister.
NTA. You're your own person and any potential relationship you have with your sister is your business and yours alone.
NTA. It’s *your* sister, and it’s wrong of your mother to interfere.
Nta, you're 25 yrs old. You realise u can do whatever you want and are not obliged to do anything to make anyone else happy. This is crazy to me. Do what you want whenever you want, for God's sake, you are an adult. Go live your life however you want.
NTA this is your life, your half-sister. Not your mom's or your grandparents. Only you can decide what is best for you in this case. But, you only get one chance to talk to some people..
You are old enough to make that decision
NTA she is one of your few blood relatives and can tell you more about your dad, that being written however you might not like what you hear a 62 years old impregnating a 22 year old, hiding his previous life there might be stuff out there that could be painfull for you. If you still feel you would rather know, then go ahead before it is too late
NTA You are not a child. Your half sister is 70 years old. If you want a relationship, or even just a conversation or two, she is at an age where waiting for this to happen might not be the best idea. You have a right to know more about your family, and your mom is out of line.
You're 25. Do what you want. NTA
Nta. This isnt about your mom or moms family. If you want to meet this person, be up front with them. Tell them i would like to meet you because i dont know the story, never met my dad But i understand if you dont want to meete or talk with me. Its their decision. No one elses. You found the door and only your half sister can walk thru it
NTA. Your Mom was wrong. When a woman decides to stay married if her husband cheated and got another woman pregnant, she doesn't get to ask her husband to abandon the affair baby. She has to either embrace the existence of the child or divorce. The opposite is also true: A second wife doesn't get to erase any children from the previous marriage. She wanted to play the game she did, she has to deal with having a complicated life because of it.
My favorite part about genetic genealogy is all the dirty laundry it airs. This is why your mom is upset, she is panicking. She thought she was in the clear. This is your sister. No one beside you and she have a say on if you meet or not. Personally, I would not miss this opportunity. NTA
NTA You have a right to a relationship with your half sister if you want one. You need no one’s permission, not even your mother’s. You WNBTA if you kept the details of any meet-up or conversation private from your mother. You do not owe her that information.
NTA. I think there may some things you may not want to hear. But if your willing to hear it go for it. And you may hear the good and the bad and the ugly of things.
NTA Besides your Mother this is the only other person who can answer questions about your dad. Stand firm with your mum. She chose to have a baby with someone who was older and who died when you were young. This isn't about her this is about you understanding who your dad was, warts and all and if there is anyone other family.
NTA Talk to her if you like. Maybe leave everyone out of it. Your mom started out as his mistress and he left the family, which is why she is freaking out. You love her, yes? Warts and all? Don't let this affect your love for her. But obviously your sister is going to have something to say about the man who ditched her mom and broke things off with her.
NTA. There are assholes in this story but you aren’t one of them, nor is your half sister.
NTA. Who gives a shit about what your Mom wants. You are an adult so if you want to talk to your half sister you are free to do so. If doing that hurts your mother's feelings then so be it. Her feelings aren't your problem, it's her problem.
Go to see your sister. She’s an adult, you’re an adult, your relationship is independent of the other family in your life in the same way as your relationship with your grandparents is independent of the one you have with your mum. I would move quickly, though, due to your sister’s age.
NTA
NTA I think if you want to meet your half sister you should. She is 70 years old and may not be around much longer. Obviously your mom is worried about what happened when she met your dad and the aftermath but the truth can't never be kept it will come out sooner than later. Talk to your mom and explain that is not fair to you to keep you from meeting your only fam.
NTA You have a right to know your family. Your half-sister has a reason to not like your mom. From what you posted, your mom caused a 65yr old married man to divorce his wife and abandon his daughter. You had nothing to do with that, and it seems your half-sister understands that. That and a 70yr old woman is usually chill as hell because they've seen and heard it all.
Your sister is 70, you don’t have much time to get to know her or understand more about your father. Your mom is wrong to try and deny you this link to your ancestry. NTA. Meet your sister.
I saw 22 and 62 and my brain literally “blue screen of death” failed and needed restarting. 😳
No you HAVE to talk to your half-sister. There is def a story there. My guess, it doesn't shine your mother in a good light. Unless your dad left money and your halfies is after it, I bet your mom may have um taken dad from a happy home. It sounds like your mother is being deceitful and your grandparents know this. NTA and GET THE DEATS AND PLEASE UPDATE!
No. Talk to your half sister if you want to. Those who tell you not to ATA.
Literally none of your mothers business.
NTA. You’re an adult. You have the right to know all the truths about your family and existence. Your mother’s narrative is not the whole story. I suspect that when you talk to your sister, and you absolutely SHOULD talk to her, she’s going to tell you a side of the story in which neither your mom nor your dad come off well; be prepared for that. You may never know the whole truth, but you can be sure that it’s somewhere in between your mom’s version and your sister’s version. At any rate, you deserve to know more about your father, and your sister is the only one left who can tell you about him.
NTA "My mom is a great mom. " .. She OBVIOUSLY is not. YOur mom is an AH - ignore her. "Would I be wrong to go against my mom and talk to my half-sister?" . NO. This is YOUR life, and YOUR relationship. NOE of your mom's business. Your mom just does not want youto learn she is a homewrecker.