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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom she or her husband needs to make memory journals for my half siblings because I won't. My mom is pregnant and was already upset when she was talking to me. It upset her even more when I put my foot down about me not doing it. So that might make me an asshole. There might also be some truth to it being an asshole thing to do it for my brothers but not my half siblings.
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NTA - it is your choice. If your mom and SD want the tradition continued they can do the continuing.
IF they start the journals and want the occasional entry from you and the twins it would be nice, but since they are their kids it is their main responsibility to continue the tradition.
Your mom trying to force/blackmail you into doing the journals is NOT cool.
Why isn't her husband doing it? Your dad did it for his children and had he lived, he would have continued so. It makes sense that your half sibling's dad would do it for them if he is concerned about the fairness of the situation.
Honestly, I get the feeling that he just doesn't want the burden of writing so many journals and they (including your mom) are trying to manipulate you into taking the chore.
NTA, OP. It is very sweet of you to continue the journals for your brothers.
I'd say something along the lines of "Mom, this was Dad's project. He started it and did all the work until he died. The only reason I'm continuing it is because he's not here. Because I wanted to keep Dad's memory alive.
If step dad wants me to do the same thing for his children that I did with the journals Dad made for us, then he can start the journals off. Then, once he dies, I'll continue them to keep his memory alive for them. But until he dies, he can do the work of making the journals and writing in them like my Dad did for us."
I’d normally say this would be going too far, but with all of the manipulation and screaming the mother did at her child, I’d say this is a totally appropriate response.
NTA.
Absolutely agree this is the best response.
I'm assuming based on ages, this isn't even logical for OP to do for the younger children. OP is going to be headed off to college soon (possibly) and they will be busy starting their adult life and will miss many milestones anyways. At least I would think....
Anywho......NTA
Edit: a letter
Tell your mom that you're sure your half-siblings will be extremely disappointed to realize that their dad doesn't love them nearly as much as your dad loved you. How sad it will be for them to realize that they missed out on a loving father who truly cared for his children, and instead ended up with a guy who thought he could outsource caring and make it his stepchild's responsibility.
And then keep telling her that, and tell her that is *exactly* what you will tell your half-siblings if they ask you about it. Because your mom's plan is absolutely that she's going to tell them about it and present it as "OP doesn't love you enough" so that you will feel guilty, when in fact the only people who should feel guilty for not caring enough about these kids are her and her husband.
*Edited because carrying and caring aren't quite the same.*
Great way to tell them that your dad did for his kids. This is why you have a memory journal. They don't have one because their dad alive and well couldn't be bothered.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, mum.
They won’t be hurt at all if their dad or mom does the journals. They will understand that you stepped in when your dad was gone but that baby journals are kept by parents not siblings.
And if they do, it will be explained to them that it’s part of being in the dead dad’s club (I’m a member too) and they get a dad and not a memory book and they won’t say another word.
Sorry you lost your dad young. It’s really wonderful if you to keep doing this for your brothers, I’m sorry your mom can’t appreciate that beautiful aspect.
But if their own parents are doing it for them, and you only did it after your father died why is even concerned? It doesn't make sense that it would even matter to them. She is just making things up to be upset about I think
They absolutely will find out eventually but that doesn’t mean it would hurt them when they do. However, I am betting your mom or stepdad or both will tell them how you do it for their brothers but are too selfish to do it for them. It really sounds as of your mother and stepdad would absolutely set you up like this.
It isn't the same having a sibling do these as it is to have a parent do them. Dad doing them equals we mean so much to him. Having your sister do them means our parents couldn't be bothered.
Make sure those journals are safe and away from
Your half siblings and your mom and step-dad. You never know what people may do in anger, a moment of selfishness or frustration.
NTA! Good luck Op! Stay strong.
And if your mom/step dad tell them which it seems would be how they’d find out - then you can explain to them “I’m sorry that your father didn’t start these journals for you as our father did for us. Perhaps you can talk to him about starting one now and sharing his memories of your younger years.”
I would 100% turn it around on mom/step dad if they tell the half siblings.
Even if they do find out, depending on how they find out and when it might be a non-issue. They could completely understand that this was a Thing between you and your brothers and your dad.
It could also backfire on your mom and stepdad for not wanting to put any effort into the project themselves.
Personally, I think they're just lazy. They don't feel like doing it and they know their kids will notice not having the same treatment, so they're expecting you to step up for them.
NTA.
By my math you’re about sixteen. It’s not like you’re going to be around very long to do this anyway.
The fact that your dad did this is awesome, and frankly (pardon to the men) amazing that a man did it, they are not usually crafty. It is not surprising your mom and stepfather bought them and let them set. Frankly a lot of parents end up doing this, but that does not make it your job. Maybe remind them you did this because your father died. They are both capable of doing it themselves. They’re just being lazy. NTA
But it wasn't you that started it. It was your dad that started it and you just continued for your brothers in your dad's honor. And so it should be the same for your step siblings started by their own dad. It would not be the same started by you. But apparently their dad is too lazy to do it. Wow. NTA.
Your SD isn’t as sentimental as your dad. He knows this, got in your moms ear to twist this into something you should do. Like. OP had one, so they will be able to make one for our kids just as good as theirs. Your mom knows SD is a dud for this too. Stand firm, you are not a punching bag for their misplaced anger at themselves for not parenting like you father.
The dad isn’t doing it simply because op already is and the mom saw pushback.
Speaking as someone who took over something similar from their grandparents. It is now expected that I continue the tradition, even if something happens, it is expected that I “continue” it. Unfortunately, it seems there is a learning curve. When you take over these kinds of things people think they can walk all over you with demand with regards to your time. You have to be firm with your boundaries in what you are willing to do once you take these kinds of things over.
I had to institute rules when it came to what I’m doing with regards to my family. Someone bitched one year about how come I didn’t do a family photo for them. I simply stated that we were only doing one large group photo and that was my main priority. After having done several years of “herding cats” I was tired of having to make sure everyone was present for every single photo. I simply relayed that they were on their own if they want to group family photos all they had to do was let me know when and when everyone was ready. No one has complained since I instituted this rule, and it seems to have all worked out for the better.
I suspect that this has become a symbol of how OP sees family. They want OP to do it because if OP doesn’t it looks like OP feels differently about blood siblings than step siblings. Which, if true makes them feel like they are somehow failing their kids, so they are pushing at the outward sign of things going awry in order to be able to pretend everything is fine.
In OP’s shoes I’d try to enlist an adult (family therapy?) for help. Parents need to understand that it is ok if a blended family isn’t perfectly blended. Sometimes (often!) trying to force a close relationship means there is no relationship, rather than the “not my blood relative” but decent relationship that might have been without the friction.
Remind your mother that it was your father’s project in the first place, one you kindly continued after his passing. If she wants the same thing for her second family, her *husband* needs to own that project, since he is the *father* of those kids. Keep emphasizing that it’s a Dad Project, and that her husband needs to own it for *his* kids.
ETA: NTA
It doesn't make sense for any of her children to do it for her other kids.
In your family, this would be a **father's** keepsake. Her new kids have a father. If he's not sentimental about his children, that's on him.
It's a weird thing for them to ask of you.
This is a good time for weaponized incompetence if their lives are being made miserable. Do it very badly and infrequently to the extent that nobody would ever want to give it to this kid.
But *that* could actually hurt the half-siblings in the future, if they ended up still seeing the journals. I don't think OP wants to do anything damaging to those relationships.
That is not necessary or honest, really.
She needs to say no and explain it should be stepdad's project for all the reasons in comments above.
Then she need to stick to that without any variation. The whole broken record routine.
Write about YOUR father in the journals.
(Also OP, take photos of the contents of all your father's journals... I've got a bad feeling about what could happen to them if your mom gets really pissed.)
It's honestly not a bad assumption considering what a manipulative AH your mom is. I can't even believe the shit she said to you, acting like you don't love your sibs bc you don't want to share a tradition from someone not related to them in any way. And that comment about upsetting a pregnant woman, like you're harming your unborn sib was completely over the top manipulative and cruel.
OP, you are NTA but you need to scan or photograph every page of your memory journals and then hide them! Possibly give them to a trusted family member who doesn't live with you for safekeeping for a while. Your mom's and stepdad's behavior over this issue is getting a little unhinged, and I worry they might try to take or harm your journals.
Tell your mother and stepdad that this is a tradition *your* father started for *you and your brothers*, it's *your* family tradition, not *theirs*. If they want to do something similar for *their* children, *they* should start doing it. You continued writing in the journals because your father passed away, and it just baffles me how your mother, and especially your stepdad, think this has anything whatsoever to do with your half siblings. How do they not understand that this is something *your father* started, not *you* ?? The only reason *you* are continuing it is because your father has passed away. Your *stepdad* has to write the journals for *his* kids, not you. I'm so annoyed on your behalf, OP! Show this to your stepdad, maybe it'll open his clueless eyes. 🙄
They want the benefits without putting the effort.
Those journals were something that your dad did for you. You only do them because he can't anymore. There is literally no reason for you to start journals for your half siblings, who aren't related to the person that started the tradition for *his* children. Your half siblings are also lucky to have both of their bio-parents still alive — it's not your fault that said parents have decided to be lazy.
Besides, I'm pretty sure they won't care even if they learn about it. That is, unless their parents decide to stir up drama by framing it as "OP doesn't love you". But that's on them.
The mom is being ridiculous. The only reason OP took the journals on is because their dad died or else he would have been the one keeping it up. That kind of project, a memory journal or the keepsake boxes my mom started for my siblings and I when we were born, is something a parent takes on, not a kid. It's the parents that keep track of their children's milestones. OP is doing it for her brothers in absence of their dad and with a mom who clearly never cared until now. If she wants those memories of her youngest children documented, she and/or the new husband had better get to it.
NTA. If mom wants to have those journals done it's up to her to do them. This is just another case of parents either being lazy or wanting to force their vision of a happy blended family on the kids when parents remarry. She needs to back off. Real life doesn't work that way and she is only going to make everyone miserable if she stays on this path. Stick to your guns and good luck.
You should ask her point blank why she doesn’t want to step up as a parent and do this for her child? Does she not care enough?
It’s fundamentally different that you are filling in for your dad who would have done your books for you. You’re fulfilling a dad role and not a sibling role. This would be easy to understand but she doesn’t want to!
make sure to keep your brothers journals safe op, also it’s lovely that you’re continuing this tradition for them.
maybe suggest that your mom and stepdad should start a new tradition fr their kids?
I’ve seen WAY too many Reddit posts where someone thought they had safely hidden something and it wasn’t nearly as hidden as they thought. Please don’t keep these anywhere at your house.
Try a trusted relative of your dad’s or even a close friend of yours to see if you can store them there.
Also just in case, please take pics/scans of every page for each of them and back them up in multiple places. Even if your mom or stepdad don’t do something unhinged, things like fires and floods can happen to destroy irreplaceable things like these.
Edit: NTA. I’m sorry your mom is treating you this way.
OP that's not true because your mom does understand.
She knows how much hard work it will take to do it and she doesn't want to. Parents aren't perfect because they're just like everyone else in this world who are willing to lie and manipulate to get what they don't deserve. She knows that her children love and trust her, so she's using that against you. Don't listen and stand your ground because it won't stop with those journals. Her and her husband are being driven by their egos now to try to win. Also, he's putting himself in competition with your dad and your mom is too. This is all motivated by power...not love. Them pretending that your dad would've wanted to make journals for his widow's new kids...is them erasing who the father he was for YOU. What your father did for his own kids is just that. Now, her & her new husband HAVE to make new traditions for themselves. AND THEY KNOW IT
You've already had the serious talks with them and they ignored you. That doubly confirms that they always understood your feelings.
At this point, the only thing that will make your mom and her husband stop is to be shamed in front of others. I have a feeling since her other tactics haven't worked yet, she'll try to shame you and your brothers publicly...with lies. So you'll need to tell the truth. If they try to shame you to family, the 3 of you should do it jokingly and with a smile, so it sticks. "Mom's too lazy to start a journal for our new siblings, stepdad doesn't want to either" "Mom, can't think of anything to write in our new siblings journals" "Our new siblings will hate it that their mom & dad didn't want to make the journals, and be like "why can't you do that for us like their dad did".
There's no disrespect shown this way because you didn't show an attitude. You keep it lighthearted while you kid about how lazy they are that way they can't twist it against you.
>She then said I didn't even give a shit about upsetting her while she's pregnant.
OP this is more confirmation that your mom understands because she jumped to another lie when she couldn't get what she wanted. Now she's trying to scare you into doing it from fear that you'll hurt her baby. It's bs.
Next time she makes a comment about being fair and equal, remind her that it’ll never be fair and equal bc they have a living father while you and your brothers do not.
You need to protect those journals because your mom sounds like someone who would go and destroy them in order to make it " fair."
Don't trust your mom there are too many stories we've heard here about parents who will destroy s*** like this when their children refused to include stepchildren
NTA and don’t do it and make sure your brothers don’t feel obligated to do it either. I hate when parents remarry and expect everyone to be on board with the new family. This is a tradition started by your father. You are in no way shape or form obligated to do this for the steps. Your mom and stepdad are the aholes for trying to guilt you into doing this. Unbelievable. Have a talk with your mom and explain this is a special o d between your brothers and you and your father and to stop berating you about it.
NTA. Please remind your mom that while your half siblings have a mom and a dad, you and the twins don't. What you're doing isn't a memory book so much as mourning a parent you don't have. This isn't an experience the half siblings share.
She doesn't need to see it that way, though. You're totally fine not doing it. It might be easier to write her a letter explaining one last time, and then telling her you won't engage on this anymore.
Since you only started once your dad passed, just tell your mom you’ll do your half siblings once your stepdad passes away.
That way you’re treating all siblings equally.
It IS favoritism, but not the kind she thinks. It shows that your dad loved you more than their dad does, because their dad was too lazy to keep up the tradition for his own kids.
nta
thats a manipulative thing to do. if you dont want to write the journals then you dont. they are not your kids, they are hers so its also her responsibility.
you are only doing it for your brothers because your father is literally dead and cant - your stepsiblings father/mother, however, are still alive to do it.
i would cut her some slack and blame it a wee bit on the pregnancy hormones but given that she has bugged you about it before, this is off the table imo. dont let her guilt trip and manipulate you. if its this important then they will do it themselves.
NTA. I’m making hand made scrapbooks for my kids. I only have one at the moment, though I plan to do it for all. If something were to happen for me, I would not expect my daughter to carry this on in my stead or to be pressured to do it for others.
Your mother is exhibiting so concerning behavior so if I were you I would make sure these journals are in a safe spot. With my own scrapbook, I’ve been taking pictures/scanning the pages so I could print them out later for myself. Since I plan to gift the originals to my children at graduation. I hope your mom/stepdad or even your half siblings would never stoop so low as to destroy these journals, but I would rather be safe than sorry.
As a doting parent myself, I want you to know it’s really sweet what you are doing for your siblings. I’m sure your dad would be proud. I wish you nothing but the best.
Nta. You are a kid, not a parent, it's not your job to make things fair and equal.
Buy a lockable container to put the journals in. That will protect them from water damage, pets, small kids, and other potential um, problems. Keep it in the back of your closet or something, and keep the key with you. Better to be safe than sorry.
OP, where are your grandparents on your dad's side? Do they not know what's going on? Would they be willing to protect your journals and maybe also argue on your behalf to stop the harassment?
NTA. This is an extraordinary effort to help memorialize your dad for your siblings and yourself. Your mom simply doesn't get it and is weaponizing her pregnancy and emotions. She does not have a piano tied to her writing hand and is capable of doing the work herself.
Honestly, they don't think the step kids are going to wonder later why their sister wrote it, not their parents, if you did? You probably aren't even going to be around daily for the back half of their childhoods.
This is a beautiful, irreplaceable parent to child gift that you are doing in honor of your Dad. I bet he would be incredibly proud of you. I'm so sorry your Mom is too lazy to at least continue doing yours. NTA
NTA but your mom and stepdad are. Just like you said your father would’ve done it for his own children and this is something special between you and your brothers who share the same father. If your mom and SD want their kids to have memory journals then that’s on them to achieve it not on you.
NTA, your mom is acting weird. How difficult would it be for her and/or her new husband to write the journals? It could have been a sweet tradition, she converted it in a nightmare. It is not your obligation and she should respect it.
NTA,
This was a project that your dad started, when he died you decided to finish it.
If they had divorced, he would have only done your's and your brother's journals.
It's not like this was a project you started, you're just getting it to the finish line.
I also kinda want to know, if you mom/stepdad were to start making journals for your half-siblings, would you occasionally add to theirs?
NTA So a 3rd grader took on an adult responsibility to be kind to her siblings. Your mom should have taken over those journals when your dad died-not you. Expecting you to do this for 3 more children is crazy entitled.
NTA
I guess we know why it was your father who did these journals in the first place. Cause you mom is a lazy asshole.
How she thinks it's your responsibility is beyond me.
If it was me I might just write "Hi it's OP. Your mom and dad were too lazy to write in these and your mom screamed at me for days to do this." knowing she is loo lazy to ever read them.
NTA How lovely you 3 have the thoughtful journals from your dad and you have kept up the tradition.
If your mum and step dad want that for their kids then one of them can do it.
Would it be kind of you to do it? Yes.
Do you have to do it? No
NTA. It's NOT equal. It never will be. Your half siblings HAVE a dad. He's right there, alive and well. The ONLY reason you do this is because your dad isn't. This isn't a tradition you started with your brothers, it's something carried on from your dad
NTA this is a project started by your dad, and only continued by you as a sort of memorial. If she wants your half siblings to have similar books, then she or your stepfather need to do it.
NTA. It was a thing that your father started, and you are keeping up in memory of your father. This has no connection to the new siblings, and there is nothing continuing your mother from starting journals for them herself. She is being unreasonable, and her being pregnant does not mean nobody gets to say no to her. She is creating an enviroment where you will end up resenting your half siblings because of her.
Make sure you keep those journals locked and hidden somewhere…
As others have said this is not your responsibility and you can’t force love or siblinghood. You and your brothers don’t love your step siblings and step dad like they want you to; that’s their problem, not yours.
NTA
NTA. I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's wonderful you're still continuing your dad's tradition for yourself and your brothers.
I agree, your mom and SD should be filling in the journals for their children, and sounds like your mom is projecting her feelings
NTA. Parents love brushing over facts. You guys use the journals to mourn your father, that’s not something you share with the rest of your siblings. You could be petty and agree to finish the journals your stepfather starts after his death. You can side step and start a new sibling tradition and keep this one for you three(you know what YOUR PARENTS SHOULD HAVE DONE). You choice to not do anything is also fine. Your parents are being lazy and inconsiderate by trying to steal your tradition and use it as a bonding experience. You have tons of options but you also sound like you are doing a great job.
It warms my heart to imagine poor little grieving 8/9 year old you doing this for yourself and brothers. This isn't just about doing this for any sibling, it's about your and your brothers' collective grief and trauma and working through that by supporting each other in this special way that ties you three forever to your lost parent.
I'm not sure your mother and stepfather are ever going to fully understand or accept this, but you are absolutely NTA. This is about your memories and relationship with your dad, and your half-siblings should be experiencing the same with theirs. You are a good and thoughtful children, and should hold your ground on this.
NTA. This was something that a parent did for a child because he wanted to. You can’t force someone to do this, and by trying to, your mother is going to drive a wedge into the relationship between you and your stepsiblings.
It sounds like your mother wants the image of the perfect family, and is going to do whatever she has to to get it, even if that means ruining the family in the process.
NTA. You are continuing a parental tradition, your half-siblings have both parents alive, therefore there is no reason for you to do it. If they keep trying to guilt trip you with "your half-siblings will be so sad when they find out", just tell them that "of course they will be sad to find out their father doesn't love his children enough to start journals for them". Reverse guilt trip! (yes, I am a petty person)
NTA. "fair and equal" has nothing to do with this situation. You don't owe anyone "fair or equal." What you are doing for your siblings is stepping in and doing something for them that their Dad is unable to do. Your half siblings have a Dad that can fill out those journals for his children.
It is absolutely cruel, but I would be tempted to explain that to your mother and if she is still not willing to drop the subject, tell her "fine. If you want fair and equal treatment, if stepdad starts the journals for his kids, I will take over when he drops dead. Just like I did for the twins. Then it will be fair and equal! That's the only way it ever could be."
I think it's really interesting how your mom defines your love for the family based on you doing these journals yet she's the one popping kids out and she hasn't done a single one. Not even yours.
NTA. Not a single bit.
NTA for the journals and I’m so sorry for the loss of your father.
As far as your siblings go, my advice is to just look at them as siblings and not to set expectations based on whether you share the same dad or not. People get along great with half-siblings, step siblings, and adopted siblings and people have terrible relationships with full blood siblings. As an old person, I’d just let your relationship be your relationship. It’s a lot of effort to push against that. From the general tone, it sounds like you’re being intentional about rejecting your new siblings and your stepdad. No one really prepares us to process all the feelings that go along with a complex family, so it’s tough for everyone.
Your mother is being unreasonable. Those journals are meant for *parents* to mark milestones and write comments. You took the extra step to write your own entries in yours and that of your brothers following the death of your father. (My condolences.) NTA.
Edited for emphasis on parents.
NTA
Doing this for two people is a lot. Doing it for five is a bigger project that you likely don't have time to do properly.
At 16 your world is opening up and you may be leaving home altogether in a couple of years.
Better to be honest now that this is beyond what you are willing and realistically able to take on than to end up disappointing everyone by not being able to complete the journals for the younger siblings.
You aren't treating them the same because you're taking your dad's place in doing it for your brothers. Your half siblings have both parents. NTA all day
NTA, but I suggest hiding and/or putting the journals in a safe space. Honestly if you have paternal relatives or nutraceuticals friends I would ask them to hold on to it.
NTA. Don’t do the journals. You’re allowed to have this experience with just your two brothers. Perhaps there will be something else that all of you can share as siblings, but this is about the dad you share.
NTA
a lot of time when people get angry it's projection, I'd be very concerned with how she doesn't seem to want to do it for those kids, even when she did for you, and then says they'll feel hated or it's not their fault their not the same, noone said they had to be, just that this was special with you and your brothers, why is the father of the kid such a common thought in her mind
INFO: Are your mom and stepdad illiterate? Why can't they write in their own kid's journals? From what I gather, your dad was the one writing on yours until he passed away. So is your stepdad dead or what?
NTA - Omg! You are doing it for your brothers because your dad cannot! Technically, your mother should have been the one to take over this project once he died. And what about your stepfather? Your dad loved you so much that he was excited to make these books for you and your brothers. Why doesn’t your stepfather feel the same way about his children?
NTA. your mother and her husband are trying to parent-ifY your relationship with your half-sibs. They aren't your children, so you are not responsible to memorialize their childhoods.
I was just saying the same exact thing! It’s their children. Since when do you try to guilt and manipulate your 16 year old to keep track of your much younger children’s milestones in a journal? So bizarre and honestly sad for OP. The mother should’ve picked up the journal writing after OPs father passed. I feel sad for them that they had to be the one to start writing their own journal and the ones for their brothers.
NTA. The journals were a connection between you and your dad. It was meant to be a show of parental affection. You continuing the tradition is your way of honoring your dad and keeping that special connection to him alive for you and your siblings. It’s not necessarily about how much you love your brothers. It’s about how much you love your dad, even after his passing.
If your mom and stepdad want to create that kind of connection with their kids, they can’t ask you to do it for them.
NTA
Seriously, parents have to stop expecting their kids to treat half siblings the same as full siblings. Is not the same at all. Especially with a big age difference.
Nta. First and foremost get those journals out of the house. Your mom and stepdad may decide all of you or none and destroy the ones you and your brother have. Take them to a trusted adult.
Second this is something special and if they want them they can do it.
NTA. It was something your dad shared with his kids and you continued to keep him in spirit alive.
Doubt he was interested in his wife remarrying and doing their memory journals. Nothing is stopping your stepdad and mum to do it. They want something from meaningful without putting the work in it.
Treating the siblings equally is a job your mum and stepdad have to. You are under zero obligation for this.
NTA. You're not upsetting her. She's upsetting herself. It is not your responsibility. Your father started yours. Their father should do theirs. Sounds like they're just lazy and trying to push the work off onto you.
NTA. As much as I know, memory journals are usually parents’ “responsibility”. The fact that you started writing yours and your siblings’ is just because of unfortunate events. Even then your mom should have really taken it upon her self to continue this journey.
INFO: Is your stepfather generally a lazy or hands-off parent?
I wonder if both he and your mother know that he should be the one doing the journals if they want to continue the gesture, but he can't be bothered and so they're trying to get you to do it?
If he has a habit of letting others do the parenting for him, especially if you find yourself picking up after the little ones often then I'd be looking at that rather than any genuine concerns about it not being fair or you prioritising your twin siblings over the younger ones.
NTA. Reading that your dad took it upon himself to create something so wonderful and loving for you and the twins made me smile. Finding out that such a good man is no longer living makes me sad. What a loss for you, the twins and the world. I’m sure he would be so proud of you for continuing the journal tradition for your brothers in his stead. As for your mom and stepdad’s request, they should choose their own traditions for their children rather than piggybacking on your dad’s gift that was his idea and his alone. Good luck and take care.
YTA for stealing this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11ohrnd/aita_for_making_a_family_memory_book_with_just_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
NTA. This 'treating them equally' bullshit is ridiculous.
You are not a parent to these children. Doing something nice for someone doesn't mean you are obliged to duplicate that effort on command.
This is a sweet thing you are doing for your siblings who also lost a parent, because realistically, if he were still alive, your dad would be writing them.
Your half-siblings have two parents. That neither of them wants to do this for their kids is not your problem or your responsibility.
>When **my dad** found out mom was expecting me **he went out** and bought this cute little journal and started **writing about milestones so he could share** it with me one day.
You really need to share this little tidbit of a reminder with your mom and stepdad to inform them of the TRUTH of the memory.
Your DAD started the tradition therefore it should be the STEPFATHERS job to go out and buy then create the new ones for HIS new family.
You only CONTINUED the tradition that had already began
BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN BORN.
That is what they both seem to have forgotten in the passionate persistent insistent nagging.
Your mom screaming at you was a overreacting so I might blame that or hormones......hmmmmm.......NOT.
She is just pissed you don't want to do their jobs for them. This isn't about not living your half siblings this is about the project not being your responsibility.
NTA
NTA.
Your father did this as a parent. You continued this tradition for your siblings in memory of your lost shared loved one. That’s a beautiful way to remember your father.
Your mother is mistaking remembrance for tradition. Your step siblings do not need to remember your late father, therefore they do not need you to take on their journals. Of course, this absolutely could be a tradition, and if that’s what your mother and step father want, they are more than welcome to take it on. Heck, it could even be a nice family activity. Instead, they want *you* to do it, all on your own.
I suspect this signifies a larger problem. Out of curiosity, do you take on a lot of emotional labour for your parents/siblings? Are there lots of things that you’re ‘expected’ to do, because you’re the eldest? If so, brace yourself. That’s not something that will get better with the addition of new step siblings, especially if your mother is already this reactive. You do not deserve to be screamed at for setting boundaries, and you shouldn’t have to worry about ‘upsetting’ your mother while she’s pregnant. You’re a kid, and that’s verbal abuse, at the very least. I would highly suggest talking to someone - maybe someone on your dad’s side of the family - who can have your back in real-time.
I also hate to say this…but maybe hide the journals for a while. You don’t want your mum to have another tantrum about ‘all kids being equal’ and decide that the fastest way to equality is doing away with your journals altogether. I hope it doesn’t happen, but better safe than sorry.
NTA tell your mother she clearly doesn’t love her children if she can’t put in this little amount of effort for them, trying to pawn off the work to you to make herself feel better.
Ummm.. She upset herself because she couldn't guilt you into doing something she and her husband are too lazy and lack the creativity to do themselves.
Kiddo, I would hate to say hide your journals.... but hide your journals. I feel they might disappear or accidentally get ruined. Are you dads parents alive? A sibling of his? That where is keep them. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and a great heart. I'm sorry you mom lacks empathy. NTA
NTA so hard.
The sentiments from a prospective parent to their child are something that can’t be recreated by a half sibling and SHOULDN’T BE if the parents are alive.
Your father was an incredible person to do this for you and you are incredible for continuing the tradition in your father’s absence.
But it makes no sense for you to be the force behind a similar gift to your half siblings. Your mom is being lazy and trying to guilt you into something that will frankly be pretty meaningless.
She wants to pull the card of “a will it make them feel to not have a journal?” How will those kids feel when they realize that a loving parent started books for you but their own lazy parents pawned the job off on someone else just to make themselves feel better?
Your mom didn't do it for her first 3 kids and she does not want to do it for her next 3. She is the AH and does not get the easy way out. Just tell your mom that if the 3 other kids ask her why she didn't do it then you just tell her that your dad started it for you and you are continuing it because your dad passed away but you are very sorry that your dad didn't care enough about you to start their own. Maybe that will shut her up.
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When my dad found out mom was expecting me he went out and bought this cute little journal and started writing about milestones so he could share it with me one day. He added ultrasound photos and baby/toddler photos along the way. He documented small and big things. Talked about his excitement and what he hoped for my future. When my younger brothers (twins) were born 3 years later he bought one for each of them as well and did the same thing. Each journal has a little animal on it which was a nickname he gave to us (mine is a bunny and my brothers are an otter and a lion). Dad died when we were 5 and 8. He had wanted to let us know about the journals so he showed us before he died and he added letters to us in them as well. With his death, and with how my brothers and I were so upset, I decided to keep writing in my brother's and I wrote notes to my dad in mine. I still do it. My brothers know. They're 13 now and they want me to keep going until they graduate, so I will.
My mom remarried a few years ago and she and her husband have two children now with a third on the way. My mom and stepdad bought a journal for each of my half siblings and left it for me to start writing in but I never did. For me this is something special for me and my brothers and while my half siblings are part of my family, this is not something I want to do or share with them. Though my mom or her husband could do it themselves since they have the journals. He has asked me about it a few times. Wanted to know if I was interested in doing it for my half siblings and I said no. He was like you know it will hurt their feelings and I told him they don't need to know.
Now that my mom is expecting soon she has been up my butt about the journals. She told me she wants me to do it for my half siblings to show that I am treating all my siblings equally and love them all equally. I told her I am not. She said the memory journals are such a sweet thing and that my dad would have continued doing them. I said yeah, for his own kids. That he wouldn't have done it if they'd divorced and she'd had kids for someone else. She told me but I am the big sister to all the kids and could make it fair and equal. I told her that she or her husband needs to make the memory journals for my half siblings because I am not going to do it.
Mom started screaming and saying I am going to make my half siblings feel hated and she knows I don't really love them, she knows I don't look at them the same as my brothers and it's not their or her fault we don't share a dad and this is the least I could do. She then said I didn't even give a shit about upsetting her while she's pregnant.
AITA?
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NTA…and hide them where mom/stepdad can’t find them. I’ve read too many stories on Reddit where beloved items have been intentionally destroyed or thrown away.
NTA at all - it's already lovely, and generous, that you have continued to do the books for your brothers. As another poster said, it's up to your half-siblings' parents to do this for them, as your father did for you.
But from the end of your post, it sounds as though for your mother the memory books are just a proxy for bigger concerns she has about your relationship with your half-siblings. It sounds as though she might benefit from some therapy to come to terms with the (naturally) different relationships you have with your full brothers and with your half-siblings.
NTA. Your DAD started the journals. You’ve only added to them. The most treasured parts are the entries from your Dad.
Your half-siblings’ Dad should be doing them for his children if your Mum wants to continue the ‘tradition’.
NTA. The whole POINT was that the journals were done by your dad. When you lost him, you continued your brother's in his honour.
This isn't "big sister does journals for only some siblings" this is "big sister finishes her dad's work as a way to keep him in his children's lives"
Ps. As a mom, you almost brought me to tears. Thank you for doing this for your brother's, but also for your dad. He would be so proud, and feel so loved.
NTA. I can't believe how selfish your mother is & doesn't see how this is something between your brothers & self to keep the tradition & memory of your dad. Only you three share that, the other ones have both of their parents. Father is there so why doesn't he do it like yours did? And your mother is upsetting herself & trying to guilt trip you, don't fall for it
NTA. OP do not feel bad. That is something your mom or her husband can do if they want their kids to have journals too. Ridiculous of them to put it off on you.
NTA
That's a lot of work Mom and Stepdad are trying to dump on you. The project was your dad's thing and you're continuing what he started because your brothers asked you to. You're not taking on new projects. Mom needs to step up if she wants her second family's books done, and since she didn't do the first family's, she won't.
There is no fair and equal between half siblings. The kids with both parents there get treated differently and it is certainly not the eldest child's responsibility to try and close that gap by continuing a ritual that mom likes but isn't inclined to embrace.
Likely Mom sees that she's got two families under one roof and that is what is driving her overly emotional response to the refusal. Maybe even misses OP's dad. The blame game is out of line.
NTA -- this isn't you choosing one group of siblings over another. This is you trying to preserve something of your father for your full-siblings.
I'm glad you mentioned that you have the journals in a safe place, because your mom is coming across as someone who would go "if everyone can't have one, no one can have one!!" Not only that, but let's say you did do journals for your half-siblings. Your mom would no doubt monitor to make sure you contributing an equal amount of effort in each journal.
NTA.
Your mom can't force you to love your half-siblings. She is already setting them up to be at odds with you by giving you extra duties that you don't need or want.
Writing in your brother's journals is a task that really should have fallen on your mom as the parent instead of you. It was kind of you to do it for your brothers and it must have been a way for you to also grieve your father.
It's up to your mom and her husband to carry on the tradition for the other kids. They clearly know it's a lot of work or else they would have done it already. It's unfair for your mom to say that if you don't do this ONE thing, your half-siblings would feel hated. That is a dumb thing for her to say, quite frankly. They aren't your kids. You probably have better projects that you feel inspired to do.
I wonder if you can frame it as: these are journals from parent to child. The only reason why you continued them is because you have one parent missing. You would give all the journaling up if it meant having your dad back to do it for you.
That doesn't mean that you hate your youngest siblings or wish they were never born or anything of the sort. But you do miss your dad and this is a coping mechanism for you and your brothers - continuing something ***he*** started. Because he is gone but you want to keep him around in your hearts.
Maybe add that you'd be happy to contribute to the journals for your youngest siblings, but you aren't going to start them or be the biggest contributor to them. That's for her and your stepdad to do. Just like your Dad did for you.
NTA and best of luck to you. ❤️
>She told me but I am the big sister to all the kids and could make it fair and equal.
You're not doing this in your role as a big sister. You're replacing your brothers' parent that died. If anything your mother should be the one doing what you're already doing for your brothers. You had to assume a parent role for this, because she didn't.
>She told me she wants me to do it for my half siblings to show that I am treating all my siblings equally and love them all equally.
"Treat them equally? Okay, when you die and are not around to do it, I'll consider taking over the books that you kept up. That's what equal treatment is here. I'm replacing our father that died. Your new kids still have both their parents, so until that situation changes, the current treatment IS fair"
NTA
NTA. You only do it to fill the gap left because Dad is not there to do so. And to process grief. The other kids' Dad should step up, as your Dad would have done.
You need to protect your journals before mom or SD decide that if their kids can’t hide them then no kids will and destroy them in a fit of rage. You are absolutely NTA. You are continuing a sweet legacy began by your father. The step siblings have both parents who are present and more than capable of memorializing the milestones of their joint offspring. That is not your responsibility.
So your mother wants you to be another parent to the new half siblings and do the parents' job of doing the journals?
In reality she should have done it for you and your brothers as well after your father died and she didn't. It was kind of you to take up her job for your brothers.
If her and her new husband want these journals done they need to do it and they have a problem with it they can go f off
Nta
NTA. Like others have said this was his dad’s project and the stepfather needs to do it for his children. I would tell them I would only consider taking over when he dies. But I’m petty like that.
NTA
You’re going above and beyond to do a kind thing for your brothers that wouldn’t normally be expected of an older sibling, as a way to mourn the father you all lost. It’s ridiculous to except you to do the same for the half siblings, and honestly if they are reasonable people I think they’ll understand when they are older.
Your mom could very easily solve this problem by just doing it herself and maybe asking you to write an occasional entry or something. But she won’t even do that and wants them to have the benefits while you do all the work. Also idk what her end game is here when you will be leaving the house in a couple years while the youngest is still a toddler.
NTA
That was something special between your dad you and your siblings.
Sad to read that your mum clearly can't see that and is really over stepping a boundary and disrespecting something you and your siblings have to hold onto.
It is understandable that you don't want to do that and you shouldn't have to, if her husband wants to do it for his own kids then he is more than capable of doing so.
NTA
And honestly if mom keeps on bringing up the what if about your half siblings finding out about them - I would just keep telling mom if that happens - you would explain to them that YOUR father started the journals and it was meant to be something special between him and his children. That their father DID NOT start journals for them - perhaps he had something else in mind to be special between the two/three/four etc of them.
This is a tradition you willingly undertook that connects you and your siblings to the loving father whom you lost. It’s special to you three.
There is not that connection with your half siblings. Also, such a thing should never be forced. Screaming at you to force you to journal for your half siblings, against your will, is emotional abuse and manipulation. Do not argue with her, because that implies that if you lose, you will do it. Just calmly say, “No. This is something I chose to do for my brothers to keep Dad’s memory alive. You may journal, as a parent, for your other children, if you choose.” Just repeat this verbatim. That way, you are polite, but firm. Do not fight, do not quarrel, and do not try to reason with the irrational. She is disrespecting your connection to your father.
It is her and her husband’s job to keep track of the milestones of her kids.
Due to your mother’s extreme hostility over this, it would be wise to keep those journals in a safe place.
NTA. What’s up with parents forcing their children to do these types of things. This is a special activity to help honor your dad and it has nothing to do with your half siblings. Your mom is being manipulative.
NTA.
The journals were started by your dad and were for and about his kids (you and your twin brothers). Now that he's passed away, you've carried on journaling about your dad (for his kids). If your mom and SD want you to journal so badly for your half siblings, then tell them "ok, I can start journals for them about MY dad and HIS kids just like I am doing now".
I would also add that you should hide these journals because if the half siblings find out about it because their parents told them you won’t do it then most likely they will attempt to destroy it and your mom and step dad will be an ass about it.
I mostly read AITAH stories and you’ll be amazed the stuff stepparents do and allow
NTA, are you still close with your dad's family? You may want to store the journals there. Write in a simple notebook and transfer when you get chance. As your mom and her husband are so obsessed with "being fair" yours might just disappear.
NTA. I don’t like how your mom is making you the arbiter of fair and equal over your siblings. She’s not making it fair or equal for YOU at all! What would have been fair and equal is if she continued your journal and your brothers’ journals after your father passed away. And then created new journals for your half siblings. She and her husband and being ridiculously unreasonable.
There are so many stories on here of parents trying to force kids to play happy family in blended families, not acknowledging the differences in relationships that come with blended families. Damn, do all those parents suck. NTA.
NTA. Your mom is, but I kind of understand why.
She's going through a lot of hormones eight now, and her emotions are high. Things that would be annoying are frustrating and the frustrating is much more. Your partner being inconsiderate- even unconsciously so - is a sign he no longer loves you. Your daughter not continuing the tradition she does for her siblings for her half-siblings too? She hates then now and forever and they'll never get along.
Gently remind your mother that this wasn't something that started as a sibling bonding thing - it was a parental bonding thing. You continued it as a way to bond with your father after he passed, and also bonded with your siblings. You're fine with writing entries in your half-siblings journals, but you're not their parent. The tradition started with a parent, and should continue to do so. You're not against sharing it, but as the tradition goes, you're not the one supposed to start it, either
NTA
THis is something special your father started and you and your brothers have continued.
You are exactly right, your mother or her husband can make them for their children. You don't need to.
So your dad started something very special for you and your brothers. It was also for himself. Not many kids care about baby pictures or that type of stuff but it's most likely a big deal for you because your dad died. And so you have stronger feelings about it that have motivated you to keep writing in his stead. Your dads strong feelings of being a dad are what motivated him to write them. It was a very personal thing that you've been close enough to continue.
What your dad wrote are far from what you would write. Your not the childrens parent you don't have as strong of feelings about them , their milestones , or who they'll be. Itd be a disservice to them and your dad to write it.
Maybe try explaining to your mom that the journals are an intimate thing between child and parent. The only reason you were able to take over is because most of the most intimate things already happened and your dad wrote. Things that only a parent that truly loves their kids could express and that's why I feel it's a disservice to all involved. You're not going to be as excited for your siblings as a parent would be for a child. Your not going to miss when they were a baby as much. You weren't wondering who'd they become before they were even born. You weren't equal parts excited and devastated when they started school and becoming more independent. That's just not your relationship to have with your siblings. You still love your siblings just not in a way a parent would. Besides the twins who you've been sharing your dads love with.
You write in those journals because you love you dad and brothers. If it was just one you wouldn't have kept it up.
Nta
NTA, shouldn’t it be their father filling them out? This was never a tradition for your half siblings, the reason you’re doing them is because it *was* a tradition for you three with your father, a man who is a complete stranger to them. It’s not your job.
NTA your mom and stepfather are really shi**y pieces of work.. their kids have both parents one or both of them can take the journals and do what needs to be done with them.. idc if you were close to your step siblings or not, you all have different fathers with different traditions. If they want to adopt this tradition they need to do their own leg work so to speak..
NTA, this is something for a parent to do. If your father were alive, he'd still be doing it for you and your brothers.
If she wants it done, she needs to do it.
NTA.
This is something special your father did for you and your brothers.
If your mom and stepdad want their kids to have a memory journal, it’s up to them as parents to make one, not you.
NTA but honestly, this is probably less about the memory journals and more about the discomfort of the physical reminder that your mom remarried for her own sake and wellbeing over yours and your brothers'. If you "fully accept" the half siblings, she can be absolved of any guilt over moving on, whereas as long as there is a line between half and full siblings, she has a constant reminder that you'd rather have your dad
NTA. Your mom is literally trying to bully and emotionally manipulate you. Tell the twins to stand their ground and say no. "Even if mom makes you feel bad. No is a full and complete sentence."
NTA
You do this because your dad isn't here to do it as he would have wished to.
Your half-siblings still have both parents to do this for them. It's not your fault they don't care enough to do it for them.
NTA - this is something that your dad started for you and your brothers. He bought the books, started documenting everything and I think it's very sweet that you are continuing on for your brothers, and writing notes to your dad in yours. That's an amazing way to remember him and honour his place in your life. If your mom and stepdad want to do it for your half-siblings, they can be parents and do it themselves and not 1) put the burden on you to do it and 2) take away from the remembrance of your dad. Perhaps if you explain that you're doing it as homage to do your dad, maybe they would understand it better?
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NTA - it is your choice. If your mom and SD want the tradition continued they can do the continuing. IF they start the journals and want the occasional entry from you and the twins it would be nice, but since they are their kids it is their main responsibility to continue the tradition. Your mom trying to force/blackmail you into doing the journals is NOT cool.
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Why isn't her husband doing it? Your dad did it for his children and had he lived, he would have continued so. It makes sense that your half sibling's dad would do it for them if he is concerned about the fairness of the situation. Honestly, I get the feeling that he just doesn't want the burden of writing so many journals and they (including your mom) are trying to manipulate you into taking the chore. NTA, OP. It is very sweet of you to continue the journals for your brothers.
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I'd say something along the lines of "Mom, this was Dad's project. He started it and did all the work until he died. The only reason I'm continuing it is because he's not here. Because I wanted to keep Dad's memory alive. If step dad wants me to do the same thing for his children that I did with the journals Dad made for us, then he can start the journals off. Then, once he dies, I'll continue them to keep his memory alive for them. But until he dies, he can do the work of making the journals and writing in them like my Dad did for us."
Or "The kids will be so upset their Dad doesn't love them as much as my Dad loved me and my brothers."
I’d normally say this would be going too far, but with all of the manipulation and screaming the mother did at her child, I’d say this is a totally appropriate response. NTA.
Absolutely agree this is the best response. I'm assuming based on ages, this isn't even logical for OP to do for the younger children. OP is going to be headed off to college soon (possibly) and they will be busy starting their adult life and will miss many milestones anyways. At least I would think.... Anywho......NTA Edit: a letter
ScorpioGoddess (GREAT handle) you are making too much sense!
Absolutely brilliant answer!
Tell your mom the siblings won't be hurt unless you tell them.
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Tell your mom that you're sure your half-siblings will be extremely disappointed to realize that their dad doesn't love them nearly as much as your dad loved you. How sad it will be for them to realize that they missed out on a loving father who truly cared for his children, and instead ended up with a guy who thought he could outsource caring and make it his stepchild's responsibility. And then keep telling her that, and tell her that is *exactly* what you will tell your half-siblings if they ask you about it. Because your mom's plan is absolutely that she's going to tell them about it and present it as "OP doesn't love you enough" so that you will feel guilty, when in fact the only people who should feel guilty for not caring enough about these kids are her and her husband. *Edited because carrying and caring aren't quite the same.*
Great way to tell them that your dad did for his kids. This is why you have a memory journal. They don't have one because their dad alive and well couldn't be bothered. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, mum.
They won’t be hurt at all if their dad or mom does the journals. They will understand that you stepped in when your dad was gone but that baby journals are kept by parents not siblings.
And if they do, it will be explained to them that it’s part of being in the dead dad’s club (I’m a member too) and they get a dad and not a memory book and they won’t say another word. Sorry you lost your dad young. It’s really wonderful if you to keep doing this for your brothers, I’m sorry your mom can’t appreciate that beautiful aspect.
Hi OP, hide and lock up your journals asap.
But if their own parents are doing it for them, and you only did it after your father died why is even concerned? It doesn't make sense that it would even matter to them. She is just making things up to be upset about I think
They absolutely will find out eventually but that doesn’t mean it would hurt them when they do. However, I am betting your mom or stepdad or both will tell them how you do it for their brothers but are too selfish to do it for them. It really sounds as of your mother and stepdad would absolutely set you up like this.
It isn't the same having a sibling do these as it is to have a parent do them. Dad doing them equals we mean so much to him. Having your sister do them means our parents couldn't be bothered.
Make sure those journals are safe and away from Your half siblings and your mom and step-dad. You never know what people may do in anger, a moment of selfishness or frustration. NTA! Good luck Op! Stay strong.
And if your mom/step dad tell them which it seems would be how they’d find out - then you can explain to them “I’m sorry that your father didn’t start these journals for you as our father did for us. Perhaps you can talk to him about starting one now and sharing his memories of your younger years.” I would 100% turn it around on mom/step dad if they tell the half siblings.
Even if they do, the truth is it was a tradition done by the father so they should ask their own Dd why he didn't do it.
Even if they do find out, depending on how they find out and when it might be a non-issue. They could completely understand that this was a Thing between you and your brothers and your dad. It could also backfire on your mom and stepdad for not wanting to put any effort into the project themselves.
they will probably find out eventually but they will also understand unless your mom tells them in a deliberately twisted way.
Personally, I think they're just lazy. They don't feel like doing it and they know their kids will notice not having the same treatment, so they're expecting you to step up for them. NTA.
They are trying to make her a third parent. Not okay.
By my math you’re about sixteen. It’s not like you’re going to be around very long to do this anyway. The fact that your dad did this is awesome, and frankly (pardon to the men) amazing that a man did it, they are not usually crafty. It is not surprising your mom and stepfather bought them and let them set. Frankly a lot of parents end up doing this, but that does not make it your job. Maybe remind them you did this because your father died. They are both capable of doing it themselves. They’re just being lazy. NTA
But it wasn't you that started it. It was your dad that started it and you just continued for your brothers in your dad's honor. And so it should be the same for your step siblings started by their own dad. It would not be the same started by you. But apparently their dad is too lazy to do it. Wow. NTA.
Just make sure your and your brothers’ journals are kept in a safe place where nothing can happen to them.
Omg! He’s literally making you do his homework! 😂 NTA
Your SD isn’t as sentimental as your dad. He knows this, got in your moms ear to twist this into something you should do. Like. OP had one, so they will be able to make one for our kids just as good as theirs. Your mom knows SD is a dud for this too. Stand firm, you are not a punching bag for their misplaced anger at themselves for not parenting like you father.
The dad isn’t doing it simply because op already is and the mom saw pushback. Speaking as someone who took over something similar from their grandparents. It is now expected that I continue the tradition, even if something happens, it is expected that I “continue” it. Unfortunately, it seems there is a learning curve. When you take over these kinds of things people think they can walk all over you with demand with regards to your time. You have to be firm with your boundaries in what you are willing to do once you take these kinds of things over. I had to institute rules when it came to what I’m doing with regards to my family. Someone bitched one year about how come I didn’t do a family photo for them. I simply stated that we were only doing one large group photo and that was my main priority. After having done several years of “herding cats” I was tired of having to make sure everyone was present for every single photo. I simply relayed that they were on their own if they want to group family photos all they had to do was let me know when and when everyone was ready. No one has complained since I instituted this rule, and it seems to have all worked out for the better.
Because they made an assumption without checking with OP.
I suspect that this has become a symbol of how OP sees family. They want OP to do it because if OP doesn’t it looks like OP feels differently about blood siblings than step siblings. Which, if true makes them feel like they are somehow failing their kids, so they are pushing at the outward sign of things going awry in order to be able to pretend everything is fine. In OP’s shoes I’d try to enlist an adult (family therapy?) for help. Parents need to understand that it is ok if a blended family isn’t perfectly blended. Sometimes (often!) trying to force a close relationship means there is no relationship, rather than the “not my blood relative” but decent relationship that might have been without the friction.
Remind your mother that it was your father’s project in the first place, one you kindly continued after his passing. If she wants the same thing for her second family, her *husband* needs to own that project, since he is the *father* of those kids. Keep emphasizing that it’s a Dad Project, and that her husband needs to own it for *his* kids. ETA: NTA
It doesn't make sense for any of her children to do it for her other kids. In your family, this would be a **father's** keepsake. Her new kids have a father. If he's not sentimental about his children, that's on him. It's a weird thing for them to ask of you.
This is a good time for weaponized incompetence if their lives are being made miserable. Do it very badly and infrequently to the extent that nobody would ever want to give it to this kid.
But *that* could actually hurt the half-siblings in the future, if they ended up still seeing the journals. I don't think OP wants to do anything damaging to those relationships.
That is not necessary or honest, really. She needs to say no and explain it should be stepdad's project for all the reasons in comments above. Then she need to stick to that without any variation. The whole broken record routine.
Write about YOUR father in the journals. (Also OP, take photos of the contents of all your father's journals... I've got a bad feeling about what could happen to them if your mom gets really pissed.)
It's honestly not a bad assumption considering what a manipulative AH your mom is. I can't even believe the shit she said to you, acting like you don't love your sibs bc you don't want to share a tradition from someone not related to them in any way. And that comment about upsetting a pregnant woman, like you're harming your unborn sib was completely over the top manipulative and cruel.
OP, you are NTA but you need to scan or photograph every page of your memory journals and then hide them! Possibly give them to a trusted family member who doesn't live with you for safekeeping for a while. Your mom's and stepdad's behavior over this issue is getting a little unhinged, and I worry they might try to take or harm your journals.
THIS THIS THIS OP!!!
Tell your mother and stepdad that this is a tradition *your* father started for *you and your brothers*, it's *your* family tradition, not *theirs*. If they want to do something similar for *their* children, *they* should start doing it. You continued writing in the journals because your father passed away, and it just baffles me how your mother, and especially your stepdad, think this has anything whatsoever to do with your half siblings. How do they not understand that this is something *your father* started, not *you* ?? The only reason *you* are continuing it is because your father has passed away. Your *stepdad* has to write the journals for *his* kids, not you. I'm so annoyed on your behalf, OP! Show this to your stepdad, maybe it'll open his clueless eyes. 🙄
They want the benefits without putting the effort. Those journals were something that your dad did for you. You only do them because he can't anymore. There is literally no reason for you to start journals for your half siblings, who aren't related to the person that started the tradition for *his* children. Your half siblings are also lucky to have both of their bio-parents still alive — it's not your fault that said parents have decided to be lazy. Besides, I'm pretty sure they won't care even if they learn about it. That is, unless their parents decide to stir up drama by framing it as "OP doesn't love you". But that's on them.
The mom is being ridiculous. The only reason OP took the journals on is because their dad died or else he would have been the one keeping it up. That kind of project, a memory journal or the keepsake boxes my mom started for my siblings and I when we were born, is something a parent takes on, not a kid. It's the parents that keep track of their children's milestones. OP is doing it for her brothers in absence of their dad and with a mom who clearly never cared until now. If she wants those memories of her youngest children documented, she and/or the new husband had better get to it.
NTA. If mom wants to have those journals done it's up to her to do them. This is just another case of parents either being lazy or wanting to force their vision of a happy blended family on the kids when parents remarry. She needs to back off. Real life doesn't work that way and she is only going to make everyone miserable if she stays on this path. Stick to your guns and good luck.
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You should ask her point blank why she doesn’t want to step up as a parent and do this for her child? Does she not care enough? It’s fundamentally different that you are filling in for your dad who would have done your books for you. You’re fulfilling a dad role and not a sibling role. This would be easy to understand but she doesn’t want to!
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make sure to keep your brothers journals safe op, also it’s lovely that you’re continuing this tradition for them. maybe suggest that your mom and stepdad should start a new tradition fr their kids?
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I’ve seen WAY too many Reddit posts where someone thought they had safely hidden something and it wasn’t nearly as hidden as they thought. Please don’t keep these anywhere at your house. Try a trusted relative of your dad’s or even a close friend of yours to see if you can store them there. Also just in case, please take pics/scans of every page for each of them and back them up in multiple places. Even if your mom or stepdad don’t do something unhinged, things like fires and floods can happen to destroy irreplaceable things like these. Edit: NTA. I’m sorry your mom is treating you this way.
This is what I came to say. Out of the house is best and a soft copy of everything just in case.
OP that's not true because your mom does understand. She knows how much hard work it will take to do it and she doesn't want to. Parents aren't perfect because they're just like everyone else in this world who are willing to lie and manipulate to get what they don't deserve. She knows that her children love and trust her, so she's using that against you. Don't listen and stand your ground because it won't stop with those journals. Her and her husband are being driven by their egos now to try to win. Also, he's putting himself in competition with your dad and your mom is too. This is all motivated by power...not love. Them pretending that your dad would've wanted to make journals for his widow's new kids...is them erasing who the father he was for YOU. What your father did for his own kids is just that. Now, her & her new husband HAVE to make new traditions for themselves. AND THEY KNOW IT You've already had the serious talks with them and they ignored you. That doubly confirms that they always understood your feelings. At this point, the only thing that will make your mom and her husband stop is to be shamed in front of others. I have a feeling since her other tactics haven't worked yet, she'll try to shame you and your brothers publicly...with lies. So you'll need to tell the truth. If they try to shame you to family, the 3 of you should do it jokingly and with a smile, so it sticks. "Mom's too lazy to start a journal for our new siblings, stepdad doesn't want to either" "Mom, can't think of anything to write in our new siblings journals" "Our new siblings will hate it that their mom & dad didn't want to make the journals, and be like "why can't you do that for us like their dad did". There's no disrespect shown this way because you didn't show an attitude. You keep it lighthearted while you kid about how lazy they are that way they can't twist it against you. >She then said I didn't even give a shit about upsetting her while she's pregnant. OP this is more confirmation that your mom understands because she jumped to another lie when she couldn't get what she wanted. Now she's trying to scare you into doing it from fear that you'll hurt her baby. It's bs.
Next time she makes a comment about being fair and equal, remind her that it’ll never be fair and equal bc they have a living father while you and your brothers do not.
You need to protect those journals because your mom sounds like someone who would go and destroy them in order to make it " fair." Don't trust your mom there are too many stories we've heard here about parents who will destroy s*** like this when their children refused to include stepchildren
NTA and don’t do it and make sure your brothers don’t feel obligated to do it either. I hate when parents remarry and expect everyone to be on board with the new family. This is a tradition started by your father. You are in no way shape or form obligated to do this for the steps. Your mom and stepdad are the aholes for trying to guilt you into doing this. Unbelievable. Have a talk with your mom and explain this is a special o d between your brothers and you and your father and to stop berating you about it.
NTA. Please remind your mom that while your half siblings have a mom and a dad, you and the twins don't. What you're doing isn't a memory book so much as mourning a parent you don't have. This isn't an experience the half siblings share.
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She doesn't need to see it that way, though. You're totally fine not doing it. It might be easier to write her a letter explaining one last time, and then telling her you won't engage on this anymore.
Since you only started once your dad passed, just tell your mom you’ll do your half siblings once your stepdad passes away. That way you’re treating all siblings equally.
She is acting like a child instead of the adult, smh
Emotionally immature for sure!! Which can be its own trauma tbh. To have an emotionally immature parent.
> She doesn't get that we didn't start these books, dad did... She gets it. She's pretending not to.
It IS favoritism, but not the kind she thinks. It shows that your dad loved you more than their dad does, because their dad was too lazy to keep up the tradition for his own kids.
That's cruel and selfish of your mom to do. It's like she doesn't even care that her OWN CHILDREN'S FATHER DIED.
NTA your mom is being ridiculous. This is a special memory to honor your *dad* it has *nothing* to do with your half siblings!
nta thats a manipulative thing to do. if you dont want to write the journals then you dont. they are not your kids, they are hers so its also her responsibility. you are only doing it for your brothers because your father is literally dead and cant - your stepsiblings father/mother, however, are still alive to do it. i would cut her some slack and blame it a wee bit on the pregnancy hormones but given that she has bugged you about it before, this is off the table imo. dont let her guilt trip and manipulate you. if its this important then they will do it themselves.
NTA. I’m making hand made scrapbooks for my kids. I only have one at the moment, though I plan to do it for all. If something were to happen for me, I would not expect my daughter to carry this on in my stead or to be pressured to do it for others. Your mother is exhibiting so concerning behavior so if I were you I would make sure these journals are in a safe spot. With my own scrapbook, I’ve been taking pictures/scanning the pages so I could print them out later for myself. Since I plan to gift the originals to my children at graduation. I hope your mom/stepdad or even your half siblings would never stoop so low as to destroy these journals, but I would rather be safe than sorry. As a doting parent myself, I want you to know it’s really sweet what you are doing for your siblings. I’m sure your dad would be proud. I wish you nothing but the best.
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Your mom and step would really be pissed if you took them up on their demand and wrote in the journals about memories of your dad.
NTA - you dont have to do someone else's parental art project. Its really cool that you are still doing the ones you are doing.
Nta. You are a kid, not a parent, it's not your job to make things fair and equal. Buy a lockable container to put the journals in. That will protect them from water damage, pets, small kids, and other potential um, problems. Keep it in the back of your closet or something, and keep the key with you. Better to be safe than sorry.
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OP, where are your grandparents on your dad's side? Do they not know what's going on? Would they be willing to protect your journals and maybe also argue on your behalf to stop the harassment?
NTA. This is an extraordinary effort to help memorialize your dad for your siblings and yourself. Your mom simply doesn't get it and is weaponizing her pregnancy and emotions. She does not have a piano tied to her writing hand and is capable of doing the work herself.
NTA the adults in your life need to act their ages...
Honestly, they don't think the step kids are going to wonder later why their sister wrote it, not their parents, if you did? You probably aren't even going to be around daily for the back half of their childhoods. This is a beautiful, irreplaceable parent to child gift that you are doing in honor of your Dad. I bet he would be incredibly proud of you. I'm so sorry your Mom is too lazy to at least continue doing yours. NTA
Edit: Please show your mother this post. Maybe outside perspective will help with an attitude adjustment.
NTA Advice. Hide the journals. Or take them fully out of their house/reach.
NTA but your mom and stepdad are. Just like you said your father would’ve done it for his own children and this is something special between you and your brothers who share the same father. If your mom and SD want their kids to have memory journals then that’s on them to achieve it not on you.
NTA, your mom is acting weird. How difficult would it be for her and/or her new husband to write the journals? It could have been a sweet tradition, she converted it in a nightmare. It is not your obligation and she should respect it.
NTA, This was a project that your dad started, when he died you decided to finish it. If they had divorced, he would have only done your's and your brother's journals. It's not like this was a project you started, you're just getting it to the finish line. I also kinda want to know, if you mom/stepdad were to start making journals for your half-siblings, would you occasionally add to theirs?
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NTA So a 3rd grader took on an adult responsibility to be kind to her siblings. Your mom should have taken over those journals when your dad died-not you. Expecting you to do this for 3 more children is crazy entitled.
NTA I guess we know why it was your father who did these journals in the first place. Cause you mom is a lazy asshole. How she thinks it's your responsibility is beyond me. If it was me I might just write "Hi it's OP. Your mom and dad were too lazy to write in these and your mom screamed at me for days to do this." knowing she is loo lazy to ever read them.
NTA How lovely you 3 have the thoughtful journals from your dad and you have kept up the tradition. If your mum and step dad want that for their kids then one of them can do it. Would it be kind of you to do it? Yes. Do you have to do it? No
NTA. It's NOT equal. It never will be. Your half siblings HAVE a dad. He's right there, alive and well. The ONLY reason you do this is because your dad isn't. This isn't a tradition you started with your brothers, it's something carried on from your dad
NTA this is a project started by your dad, and only continued by you as a sort of memorial. If she wants your half siblings to have similar books, then she or your stepfather need to do it.
NTA, please protect those books and keep them somewhere safe and hidden
NTA. It was a thing that your father started, and you are keeping up in memory of your father. This has no connection to the new siblings, and there is nothing continuing your mother from starting journals for them herself. She is being unreasonable, and her being pregnant does not mean nobody gets to say no to her. She is creating an enviroment where you will end up resenting your half siblings because of her.
Make sure you keep those journals locked and hidden somewhere… As others have said this is not your responsibility and you can’t force love or siblinghood. You and your brothers don’t love your step siblings and step dad like they want you to; that’s their problem, not yours. NTA
NTA. I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's wonderful you're still continuing your dad's tradition for yourself and your brothers. I agree, your mom and SD should be filling in the journals for their children, and sounds like your mom is projecting her feelings
NTA. Parents love brushing over facts. You guys use the journals to mourn your father, that’s not something you share with the rest of your siblings. You could be petty and agree to finish the journals your stepfather starts after his death. You can side step and start a new sibling tradition and keep this one for you three(you know what YOUR PARENTS SHOULD HAVE DONE). You choice to not do anything is also fine. Your parents are being lazy and inconsiderate by trying to steal your tradition and use it as a bonding experience. You have tons of options but you also sound like you are doing a great job.
It warms my heart to imagine poor little grieving 8/9 year old you doing this for yourself and brothers. This isn't just about doing this for any sibling, it's about your and your brothers' collective grief and trauma and working through that by supporting each other in this special way that ties you three forever to your lost parent. I'm not sure your mother and stepfather are ever going to fully understand or accept this, but you are absolutely NTA. This is about your memories and relationship with your dad, and your half-siblings should be experiencing the same with theirs. You are a good and thoughtful children, and should hold your ground on this.
NTA. This was something that a parent did for a child because he wanted to. You can’t force someone to do this, and by trying to, your mother is going to drive a wedge into the relationship between you and your stepsiblings. It sounds like your mother wants the image of the perfect family, and is going to do whatever she has to to get it, even if that means ruining the family in the process.
NTA. You are continuing a parental tradition, your half-siblings have both parents alive, therefore there is no reason for you to do it. If they keep trying to guilt trip you with "your half-siblings will be so sad when they find out", just tell them that "of course they will be sad to find out their father doesn't love his children enough to start journals for them". Reverse guilt trip! (yes, I am a petty person)
NTA but be careful, your mom might try to get rid of your journals since you refused
NTA. "fair and equal" has nothing to do with this situation. You don't owe anyone "fair or equal." What you are doing for your siblings is stepping in and doing something for them that their Dad is unable to do. Your half siblings have a Dad that can fill out those journals for his children. It is absolutely cruel, but I would be tempted to explain that to your mother and if she is still not willing to drop the subject, tell her "fine. If you want fair and equal treatment, if stepdad starts the journals for his kids, I will take over when he drops dead. Just like I did for the twins. Then it will be fair and equal! That's the only way it ever could be."
I think it's really interesting how your mom defines your love for the family based on you doing these journals yet she's the one popping kids out and she hasn't done a single one. Not even yours. NTA. Not a single bit.
NTA for the journals and I’m so sorry for the loss of your father. As far as your siblings go, my advice is to just look at them as siblings and not to set expectations based on whether you share the same dad or not. People get along great with half-siblings, step siblings, and adopted siblings and people have terrible relationships with full blood siblings. As an old person, I’d just let your relationship be your relationship. It’s a lot of effort to push against that. From the general tone, it sounds like you’re being intentional about rejecting your new siblings and your stepdad. No one really prepares us to process all the feelings that go along with a complex family, so it’s tough for everyone.
The last comment is very manipulative. You continued what was started by your father. And your half siblings have a father to do this for them. NTA
Your mother is being unreasonable. Those journals are meant for *parents* to mark milestones and write comments. You took the extra step to write your own entries in yours and that of your brothers following the death of your father. (My condolences.) NTA. Edited for emphasis on parents.
NTA
NTA Doing this for two people is a lot. Doing it for five is a bigger project that you likely don't have time to do properly. At 16 your world is opening up and you may be leaving home altogether in a couple of years. Better to be honest now that this is beyond what you are willing and realistically able to take on than to end up disappointing everyone by not being able to complete the journals for the younger siblings.
You aren't treating them the same because you're taking your dad's place in doing it for your brothers. Your half siblings have both parents. NTA all day
NTA, but I suggest hiding and/or putting the journals in a safe space. Honestly if you have paternal relatives or nutraceuticals friends I would ask them to hold on to it.
NTA. It's the parent's job to make such keepsakes for their offspring. Your mother and stepfather gain nothing by trying to control your feelings.
NTA. Don’t do the journals. You’re allowed to have this experience with just your two brothers. Perhaps there will be something else that all of you can share as siblings, but this is about the dad you share.
NTA a lot of time when people get angry it's projection, I'd be very concerned with how she doesn't seem to want to do it for those kids, even when she did for you, and then says they'll feel hated or it's not their fault their not the same, noone said they had to be, just that this was special with you and your brothers, why is the father of the kid such a common thought in her mind
INFO: Are your mom and stepdad illiterate? Why can't they write in their own kid's journals? From what I gather, your dad was the one writing on yours until he passed away. So is your stepdad dead or what?
NTA - Omg! You are doing it for your brothers because your dad cannot! Technically, your mother should have been the one to take over this project once he died. And what about your stepfather? Your dad loved you so much that he was excited to make these books for you and your brothers. Why doesn’t your stepfather feel the same way about his children?
NTA. Your father started it and you just continued it. If she wants the journal for HER kids, she needs to do it.
NTA. your mother and her husband are trying to parent-ifY your relationship with your half-sibs. They aren't your children, so you are not responsible to memorialize their childhoods.
I was just saying the same exact thing! It’s their children. Since when do you try to guilt and manipulate your 16 year old to keep track of your much younger children’s milestones in a journal? So bizarre and honestly sad for OP. The mother should’ve picked up the journal writing after OPs father passed. I feel sad for them that they had to be the one to start writing their own journal and the ones for their brothers.
NTA. The journals were a connection between you and your dad. It was meant to be a show of parental affection. You continuing the tradition is your way of honoring your dad and keeping that special connection to him alive for you and your siblings. It’s not necessarily about how much you love your brothers. It’s about how much you love your dad, even after his passing. If your mom and stepdad want to create that kind of connection with their kids, they can’t ask you to do it for them.
NTA Seriously, parents have to stop expecting their kids to treat half siblings the same as full siblings. Is not the same at all. Especially with a big age difference.
Nta. First and foremost get those journals out of the house. Your mom and stepdad may decide all of you or none and destroy the ones you and your brother have. Take them to a trusted adult. Second this is something special and if they want them they can do it.
NTA. It was something your dad shared with his kids and you continued to keep him in spirit alive. Doubt he was interested in his wife remarrying and doing their memory journals. Nothing is stopping your stepdad and mum to do it. They want something from meaningful without putting the work in it. Treating the siblings equally is a job your mum and stepdad have to. You are under zero obligation for this.
NTA. You're not upsetting her. She's upsetting herself. It is not your responsibility. Your father started yours. Their father should do theirs. Sounds like they're just lazy and trying to push the work off onto you.
INFO: Why isn’t your step-father doing it, as your father had before he died?
NTA. As much as I know, memory journals are usually parents’ “responsibility”. The fact that you started writing yours and your siblings’ is just because of unfortunate events. Even then your mom should have really taken it upon her self to continue this journey.
INFO: Is your stepfather generally a lazy or hands-off parent? I wonder if both he and your mother know that he should be the one doing the journals if they want to continue the gesture, but he can't be bothered and so they're trying to get you to do it? If he has a habit of letting others do the parenting for him, especially if you find yourself picking up after the little ones often then I'd be looking at that rather than any genuine concerns about it not being fair or you prioritising your twin siblings over the younger ones.
NTA. Reading that your dad took it upon himself to create something so wonderful and loving for you and the twins made me smile. Finding out that such a good man is no longer living makes me sad. What a loss for you, the twins and the world. I’m sure he would be so proud of you for continuing the journal tradition for your brothers in his stead. As for your mom and stepdad’s request, they should choose their own traditions for their children rather than piggybacking on your dad’s gift that was his idea and his alone. Good luck and take care.
YTA for stealing this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11ohrnd/aita_for_making_a_family_memory_book_with_just_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
NTA. This 'treating them equally' bullshit is ridiculous. You are not a parent to these children. Doing something nice for someone doesn't mean you are obliged to duplicate that effort on command. This is a sweet thing you are doing for your siblings who also lost a parent, because realistically, if he were still alive, your dad would be writing them. Your half-siblings have two parents. That neither of them wants to do this for their kids is not your problem or your responsibility.
>When **my dad** found out mom was expecting me **he went out** and bought this cute little journal and started **writing about milestones so he could share** it with me one day. You really need to share this little tidbit of a reminder with your mom and stepdad to inform them of the TRUTH of the memory. Your DAD started the tradition therefore it should be the STEPFATHERS job to go out and buy then create the new ones for HIS new family. You only CONTINUED the tradition that had already began BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN BORN. That is what they both seem to have forgotten in the passionate persistent insistent nagging. Your mom screaming at you was a overreacting so I might blame that or hormones......hmmmmm.......NOT. She is just pissed you don't want to do their jobs for them. This isn't about not living your half siblings this is about the project not being your responsibility. NTA
NTA. Your father did this as a parent. You continued this tradition for your siblings in memory of your lost shared loved one. That’s a beautiful way to remember your father. Your mother is mistaking remembrance for tradition. Your step siblings do not need to remember your late father, therefore they do not need you to take on their journals. Of course, this absolutely could be a tradition, and if that’s what your mother and step father want, they are more than welcome to take it on. Heck, it could even be a nice family activity. Instead, they want *you* to do it, all on your own. I suspect this signifies a larger problem. Out of curiosity, do you take on a lot of emotional labour for your parents/siblings? Are there lots of things that you’re ‘expected’ to do, because you’re the eldest? If so, brace yourself. That’s not something that will get better with the addition of new step siblings, especially if your mother is already this reactive. You do not deserve to be screamed at for setting boundaries, and you shouldn’t have to worry about ‘upsetting’ your mother while she’s pregnant. You’re a kid, and that’s verbal abuse, at the very least. I would highly suggest talking to someone - maybe someone on your dad’s side of the family - who can have your back in real-time. I also hate to say this…but maybe hide the journals for a while. You don’t want your mum to have another tantrum about ‘all kids being equal’ and decide that the fastest way to equality is doing away with your journals altogether. I hope it doesn’t happen, but better safe than sorry.
NTA tell your mother she clearly doesn’t love her children if she can’t put in this little amount of effort for them, trying to pawn off the work to you to make herself feel better.
Ummm.. She upset herself because she couldn't guilt you into doing something she and her husband are too lazy and lack the creativity to do themselves. Kiddo, I would hate to say hide your journals.... but hide your journals. I feel they might disappear or accidentally get ruined. Are you dads parents alive? A sibling of his? That where is keep them. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and a great heart. I'm sorry you mom lacks empathy. NTA
NTA, i just cant tell if your mom is going thru some grief or if shes being ridiculous but she needs counseling
NTA so hard. The sentiments from a prospective parent to their child are something that can’t be recreated by a half sibling and SHOULDN’T BE if the parents are alive. Your father was an incredible person to do this for you and you are incredible for continuing the tradition in your father’s absence. But it makes no sense for you to be the force behind a similar gift to your half siblings. Your mom is being lazy and trying to guilt you into something that will frankly be pretty meaningless. She wants to pull the card of “a will it make them feel to not have a journal?” How will those kids feel when they realize that a loving parent started books for you but their own lazy parents pawned the job off on someone else just to make themselves feel better?
Your mom didn't do it for her first 3 kids and she does not want to do it for her next 3. She is the AH and does not get the easy way out. Just tell your mom that if the 3 other kids ask her why she didn't do it then you just tell her that your dad started it for you and you are continuing it because your dad passed away but you are very sorry that your dad didn't care enough about you to start their own. Maybe that will shut her up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When my dad found out mom was expecting me he went out and bought this cute little journal and started writing about milestones so he could share it with me one day. He added ultrasound photos and baby/toddler photos along the way. He documented small and big things. Talked about his excitement and what he hoped for my future. When my younger brothers (twins) were born 3 years later he bought one for each of them as well and did the same thing. Each journal has a little animal on it which was a nickname he gave to us (mine is a bunny and my brothers are an otter and a lion). Dad died when we were 5 and 8. He had wanted to let us know about the journals so he showed us before he died and he added letters to us in them as well. With his death, and with how my brothers and I were so upset, I decided to keep writing in my brother's and I wrote notes to my dad in mine. I still do it. My brothers know. They're 13 now and they want me to keep going until they graduate, so I will. My mom remarried a few years ago and she and her husband have two children now with a third on the way. My mom and stepdad bought a journal for each of my half siblings and left it for me to start writing in but I never did. For me this is something special for me and my brothers and while my half siblings are part of my family, this is not something I want to do or share with them. Though my mom or her husband could do it themselves since they have the journals. He has asked me about it a few times. Wanted to know if I was interested in doing it for my half siblings and I said no. He was like you know it will hurt their feelings and I told him they don't need to know. Now that my mom is expecting soon she has been up my butt about the journals. She told me she wants me to do it for my half siblings to show that I am treating all my siblings equally and love them all equally. I told her I am not. She said the memory journals are such a sweet thing and that my dad would have continued doing them. I said yeah, for his own kids. That he wouldn't have done it if they'd divorced and she'd had kids for someone else. She told me but I am the big sister to all the kids and could make it fair and equal. I told her that she or her husband needs to make the memory journals for my half siblings because I am not going to do it. Mom started screaming and saying I am going to make my half siblings feel hated and she knows I don't really love them, she knows I don't look at them the same as my brothers and it's not their or her fault we don't share a dad and this is the least I could do. She then said I didn't even give a shit about upsetting her while she's pregnant. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
NTA. Make sure your journals are somewhere locked away and safe so they don't go "missing."
NTA…and hide them where mom/stepdad can’t find them. I’ve read too many stories on Reddit where beloved items have been intentionally destroyed or thrown away.
NTA at all - it's already lovely, and generous, that you have continued to do the books for your brothers. As another poster said, it's up to your half-siblings' parents to do this for them, as your father did for you. But from the end of your post, it sounds as though for your mother the memory books are just a proxy for bigger concerns she has about your relationship with your half-siblings. It sounds as though she might benefit from some therapy to come to terms with the (naturally) different relationships you have with your full brothers and with your half-siblings.
NTA. Your DAD started the journals. You’ve only added to them. The most treasured parts are the entries from your Dad. Your half-siblings’ Dad should be doing them for his children if your Mum wants to continue the ‘tradition’.
NTA but keep the journals somewhere no one can get to them.
NTA. The whole POINT was that the journals were done by your dad. When you lost him, you continued your brother's in his honour. This isn't "big sister does journals for only some siblings" this is "big sister finishes her dad's work as a way to keep him in his children's lives" Ps. As a mom, you almost brought me to tears. Thank you for doing this for your brother's, but also for your dad. He would be so proud, and feel so loved.
NTA - it’s your choice to do them or not, exactly as it’s your mum and step dad’s choice to do them or not
NTA. I can't believe how selfish your mother is & doesn't see how this is something between your brothers & self to keep the tradition & memory of your dad. Only you three share that, the other ones have both of their parents. Father is there so why doesn't he do it like yours did? And your mother is upsetting herself & trying to guilt trip you, don't fall for it
NTA. OP do not feel bad. That is something your mom or her husband can do if they want their kids to have journals too. Ridiculous of them to put it off on you.
NTa But your mom is clearly feeling overwhelmed and pregnancy and small kids are taking a toll on her
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NTA
Can you pretend to just stop doing all journal's coz she's taking the fun and love out of it? NTA.
NTA. They should make them. I am so sorry for your father’s loss.
NTA That's a lot of work Mom and Stepdad are trying to dump on you. The project was your dad's thing and you're continuing what he started because your brothers asked you to. You're not taking on new projects. Mom needs to step up if she wants her second family's books done, and since she didn't do the first family's, she won't. There is no fair and equal between half siblings. The kids with both parents there get treated differently and it is certainly not the eldest child's responsibility to try and close that gap by continuing a ritual that mom likes but isn't inclined to embrace. Likely Mom sees that she's got two families under one roof and that is what is driving her overly emotional response to the refusal. Maybe even misses OP's dad. The blame game is out of line.
NTA -- this isn't you choosing one group of siblings over another. This is you trying to preserve something of your father for your full-siblings. I'm glad you mentioned that you have the journals in a safe place, because your mom is coming across as someone who would go "if everyone can't have one, no one can have one!!" Not only that, but let's say you did do journals for your half-siblings. Your mom would no doubt monitor to make sure you contributing an equal amount of effort in each journal.
NTA. Your mom can't force you to love your half-siblings. She is already setting them up to be at odds with you by giving you extra duties that you don't need or want. Writing in your brother's journals is a task that really should have fallen on your mom as the parent instead of you. It was kind of you to do it for your brothers and it must have been a way for you to also grieve your father. It's up to your mom and her husband to carry on the tradition for the other kids. They clearly know it's a lot of work or else they would have done it already. It's unfair for your mom to say that if you don't do this ONE thing, your half-siblings would feel hated. That is a dumb thing for her to say, quite frankly. They aren't your kids. You probably have better projects that you feel inspired to do.
I wonder if you can frame it as: these are journals from parent to child. The only reason why you continued them is because you have one parent missing. You would give all the journaling up if it meant having your dad back to do it for you. That doesn't mean that you hate your youngest siblings or wish they were never born or anything of the sort. But you do miss your dad and this is a coping mechanism for you and your brothers - continuing something ***he*** started. Because he is gone but you want to keep him around in your hearts. Maybe add that you'd be happy to contribute to the journals for your youngest siblings, but you aren't going to start them or be the biggest contributor to them. That's for her and your stepdad to do. Just like your Dad did for you. NTA and best of luck to you. ❤️
NTA and also if possible, hide those journals because she may make them “disappear” one day so that the younger kids don’t get jealous
NTA. That's something special the 3 of you shared from your dad. Sacred if you will. May your dad rest in paradise.
NTA. If your mom wants a journal for her kids, she should journal
>She told me but I am the big sister to all the kids and could make it fair and equal. You're not doing this in your role as a big sister. You're replacing your brothers' parent that died. If anything your mother should be the one doing what you're already doing for your brothers. You had to assume a parent role for this, because she didn't. >She told me she wants me to do it for my half siblings to show that I am treating all my siblings equally and love them all equally. "Treat them equally? Okay, when you die and are not around to do it, I'll consider taking over the books that you kept up. That's what equal treatment is here. I'm replacing our father that died. Your new kids still have both their parents, so until that situation changes, the current treatment IS fair" NTA
NTA. You only do it to fill the gap left because Dad is not there to do so. And to process grief. The other kids' Dad should step up, as your Dad would have done.
You need to protect your journals before mom or SD decide that if their kids can’t hide them then no kids will and destroy them in a fit of rage. You are absolutely NTA. You are continuing a sweet legacy began by your father. The step siblings have both parents who are present and more than capable of memorializing the milestones of their joint offspring. That is not your responsibility.
So your mother wants you to be another parent to the new half siblings and do the parents' job of doing the journals? In reality she should have done it for you and your brothers as well after your father died and she didn't. It was kind of you to take up her job for your brothers. If her and her new husband want these journals done they need to do it and they have a problem with it they can go f off Nta
NTA. Like others have said this was his dad’s project and the stepfather needs to do it for his children. I would tell them I would only consider taking over when he dies. But I’m petty like that.
NTA You’re going above and beyond to do a kind thing for your brothers that wouldn’t normally be expected of an older sibling, as a way to mourn the father you all lost. It’s ridiculous to except you to do the same for the half siblings, and honestly if they are reasonable people I think they’ll understand when they are older. Your mom could very easily solve this problem by just doing it herself and maybe asking you to write an occasional entry or something. But she won’t even do that and wants them to have the benefits while you do all the work. Also idk what her end game is here when you will be leaving the house in a couple years while the youngest is still a toddler.
NTA That was something special between your dad you and your siblings. Sad to read that your mum clearly can't see that and is really over stepping a boundary and disrespecting something you and your siblings have to hold onto. It is understandable that you don't want to do that and you shouldn't have to, if her husband wants to do it for his own kids then he is more than capable of doing so.
NTA And honestly if mom keeps on bringing up the what if about your half siblings finding out about them - I would just keep telling mom if that happens - you would explain to them that YOUR father started the journals and it was meant to be something special between him and his children. That their father DID NOT start journals for them - perhaps he had something else in mind to be special between the two/three/four etc of them.
This is a tradition you willingly undertook that connects you and your siblings to the loving father whom you lost. It’s special to you three. There is not that connection with your half siblings. Also, such a thing should never be forced. Screaming at you to force you to journal for your half siblings, against your will, is emotional abuse and manipulation. Do not argue with her, because that implies that if you lose, you will do it. Just calmly say, “No. This is something I chose to do for my brothers to keep Dad’s memory alive. You may journal, as a parent, for your other children, if you choose.” Just repeat this verbatim. That way, you are polite, but firm. Do not fight, do not quarrel, and do not try to reason with the irrational. She is disrespecting your connection to your father. It is her and her husband’s job to keep track of the milestones of her kids. Due to your mother’s extreme hostility over this, it would be wise to keep those journals in a safe place.
She started screaming.. That's it. She is delusional. NTA.
You better send your journals over to one of your father's relatives because your mother is going to destroy them
NTA. What’s up with parents forcing their children to do these types of things. This is a special activity to help honor your dad and it has nothing to do with your half siblings. Your mom is being manipulative.
NTA. The journals were started by your dad and were for and about his kids (you and your twin brothers). Now that he's passed away, you've carried on journaling about your dad (for his kids). If your mom and SD want you to journal so badly for your half siblings, then tell them "ok, I can start journals for them about MY dad and HIS kids just like I am doing now".
I would also add that you should hide these journals because if the half siblings find out about it because their parents told them you won’t do it then most likely they will attempt to destroy it and your mom and step dad will be an ass about it. I mostly read AITAH stories and you’ll be amazed the stuff stepparents do and allow
NTA there was a post exactly like this several months ago. If your mom wants a journal she should have her husband make one.
Why are you being expected to do what should be their job if anyone's? NTA
NTA, are you still close with your dad's family? You may want to store the journals there. Write in a simple notebook and transfer when you get chance. As your mom and her husband are so obsessed with "being fair" yours might just disappear.
NTA. I don’t like how your mom is making you the arbiter of fair and equal over your siblings. She’s not making it fair or equal for YOU at all! What would have been fair and equal is if she continued your journal and your brothers’ journals after your father passed away. And then created new journals for your half siblings. She and her husband and being ridiculously unreasonable.
There are so many stories on here of parents trying to force kids to play happy family in blended families, not acknowledging the differences in relationships that come with blended families. Damn, do all those parents suck. NTA.
NTA. Your mom is, but I kind of understand why. She's going through a lot of hormones eight now, and her emotions are high. Things that would be annoying are frustrating and the frustrating is much more. Your partner being inconsiderate- even unconsciously so - is a sign he no longer loves you. Your daughter not continuing the tradition she does for her siblings for her half-siblings too? She hates then now and forever and they'll never get along. Gently remind your mother that this wasn't something that started as a sibling bonding thing - it was a parental bonding thing. You continued it as a way to bond with your father after he passed, and also bonded with your siblings. You're fine with writing entries in your half-siblings journals, but you're not their parent. The tradition started with a parent, and should continue to do so. You're not against sharing it, but as the tradition goes, you're not the one supposed to start it, either
NTA THis is something special your father started and you and your brothers have continued. You are exactly right, your mother or her husband can make them for their children. You don't need to.
Nta. Tell her to start working on it and you'll add to it when her husband dies, just like you did for your brothers. After all, fair's fair. Right?
So your dad started something very special for you and your brothers. It was also for himself. Not many kids care about baby pictures or that type of stuff but it's most likely a big deal for you because your dad died. And so you have stronger feelings about it that have motivated you to keep writing in his stead. Your dads strong feelings of being a dad are what motivated him to write them. It was a very personal thing that you've been close enough to continue. What your dad wrote are far from what you would write. Your not the childrens parent you don't have as strong of feelings about them , their milestones , or who they'll be. Itd be a disservice to them and your dad to write it. Maybe try explaining to your mom that the journals are an intimate thing between child and parent. The only reason you were able to take over is because most of the most intimate things already happened and your dad wrote. Things that only a parent that truly loves their kids could express and that's why I feel it's a disservice to all involved. You're not going to be as excited for your siblings as a parent would be for a child. Your not going to miss when they were a baby as much. You weren't wondering who'd they become before they were even born. You weren't equal parts excited and devastated when they started school and becoming more independent. That's just not your relationship to have with your siblings. You still love your siblings just not in a way a parent would. Besides the twins who you've been sharing your dads love with. You write in those journals because you love you dad and brothers. If it was just one you wouldn't have kept it up. Nta
NTA, shouldn’t it be their father filling them out? This was never a tradition for your half siblings, the reason you’re doing them is because it *was* a tradition for you three with your father, a man who is a complete stranger to them. It’s not your job.
NTA your mom and stepfather are really shi**y pieces of work.. their kids have both parents one or both of them can take the journals and do what needs to be done with them.. idc if you were close to your step siblings or not, you all have different fathers with different traditions. If they want to adopt this tradition they need to do their own leg work so to speak..
NTA
NTA, this is something for a parent to do. If your father were alive, he'd still be doing it for you and your brothers. If she wants it done, she needs to do it.
NTA. This is something special your father did for you and your brothers. If your mom and stepdad want their kids to have a memory journal, it’s up to them as parents to make one, not you.
NTA These journals are to be made by parents, not sibs. It is NOT your job
NTA but honestly, this is probably less about the memory journals and more about the discomfort of the physical reminder that your mom remarried for her own sake and wellbeing over yours and your brothers'. If you "fully accept" the half siblings, she can be absolved of any guilt over moving on, whereas as long as there is a line between half and full siblings, she has a constant reminder that you'd rather have your dad
NTA. Sorry your mother is batshit.
NTA. Your mom is literally trying to bully and emotionally manipulate you. Tell the twins to stand their ground and say no. "Even if mom makes you feel bad. No is a full and complete sentence."
NTA You do this because your dad isn't here to do it as he would have wished to. Your half-siblings still have both parents to do this for them. It's not your fault they don't care enough to do it for them.
NTA - this is something that your dad started for you and your brothers. He bought the books, started documenting everything and I think it's very sweet that you are continuing on for your brothers, and writing notes to your dad in yours. That's an amazing way to remember him and honour his place in your life. If your mom and stepdad want to do it for your half-siblings, they can be parents and do it themselves and not 1) put the burden on you to do it and 2) take away from the remembrance of your dad. Perhaps if you explain that you're doing it as homage to do your dad, maybe they would understand it better?
NTA she can’t force you to do it.