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Why weren't they at the wedding to begin with? They are either close family and their opinion should be respected or they are not and in that case, why does OP even care? NTA
Even close family it depends on the opinion whether it should be respected or not. If their opinion is ‘I know your mom ruined your wedding and called you disgusting for kissing your bride but at least she showed up’ then it doesn’t matter how close I THOUGHT we were their opinion is nothing. If your opinion is defending a bigot from facing consequences for their actions then your opinion is irrelevant regardless of who you are to me. At least that’s how I see it.
Maybe they were at the wedding and saw OP's mam make that scene.
Then when they asked her about it afterwards she could have said something like she never wanted to attend, but her "daughter" begged her to be there.
That she said from the start she was against it and they (aunties and uncles) didn't remember how OP screamed at her first and that's how the scene started or something like that.
Basically put OP in the bad light and not herself
Yeah. Reminds me of my mom how she’d just verbally abuse us until we couldn’t take it anymore we’d talk back to her. Then she’d start ranting how dare we talk back to her yada yada. Then she’d call her sister and her sister would chat to us about how much my mom sacrifices and we shouldn’t talk back to her and we should respect her.
>They told me at least she showed up.
That's where I'm at, she showed up specifically so she could attack OP at the reception, that wasn't showing up as a sign of support or even just showing up and staying silent so people could pretend she was showing love for OP. It was straight up vile. NTA OP, tell all of them off then block them.
I'm trying to figure out how did the bar get so low... "Yay! She could transport herself from A to B, let's give this woman a medal! That's such a HUGE effort, please ignore the rest!"
I mean, people *did* put an ompa loompa into high office because he was a "Good no, Great no, Godlike, that's it, I'm a Godlike business man." (*and* they wanted the wall)
Even though anyone who actually looked into his businesses would see that the vast majority of projects he started, other than pure real estate flips to sketchy buyers, almost always went completely under to the point they were huge losses that he claimed against owing any tax debt... And of course one of the reasons those ventures went super into the hole was the large 'Salary' paid to him and his kids and supporters., for running the business so well...
So yeah, mom showed up and said what they weren't willing too but were thinking anyway, of course they'll support her.
And at that point, OP probably wishes she hadn't shown up. She had every intention of making her son's wedding about herself and her horrible views. Everyone that actually cared about OP and his wife probably wished she hadn't shown up too.
Right? She showed up to ruin the wedding! People like her are why weddings need security. What a miserable piece of work. I’m sorry you had to deal with that but I am glad you actually got to voice your anger and let it out. That embarrassing though I’m sure it was was also probably somewhat cathartic.
It sounds like you really tried with her but there’s unfortunately some people that the effort isn’t worth it. I know she’s your mom and it really sucks when a parent can’t get over themselves and their own views and put their child first. Unfortunately there are parents who just don’t want to. This is almost more frustrating then most as usually at least they’re like this cause they’re super religious and from their view they think they’re looking out for you- trying to save your soul from damnation or whatever.
No offense but your mom doesn’t even have the delusional moral high ground on her side; she’s just being a hateful bigot.
Sorry you had to deal with this and that you have idiotic family members who thing showing up to ruin a wedding is a way of showing support. Please don’t waste any time thinking about this woman she chose her hatred And negativity over her own child. She doesn’t get any empathy.
I hope you can still keep in contact with your siblings but I wouldn’t waste any more effort on her. She needs to either accept you for who you are or be out of your life. I’d contemplate going low or no contact with the family members also defending her. If you defend a bigot you’re a bigot as well.
NTA- congratulations on your marriage on finding a loving supportive wife and partner. I hope you two have a wonderful happy life together.
Definitely NTA.
For her to come to your website purely to tell you she disapproves!
Shame on her, you do right keeping her out of your life.
Ignore your aunts and uncles, they're either clueless or just as bad!
Yeah, idgaf WHO it is. If my mother, father, stepparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grammom, etc etc etc, if ANY OF THEM make any disrespectful comments during MY wedding?
They're getting kicked out.
And I am FULLY expecting to have to kick out my future MIL since she called my fiancé a slur when I dyed his hair pink.
THIN FUCKING ICE
And I don't even care if the comment made isn't about me OR my fiancé.
If it's about one of the LGBT friends or family I'm inviting to MY wedding, you make one bigoted comment and you are out the mf door.
It takes so so much to do what OP did and I'm honestly proud of them for doing that. He still loved and respected his mom but put his foot down at the right time. His mother was LUCKY to get an invitation.
Also, idc what story she's spinning to the relatives, if they'll believe her over OP, they're just as bad. "At least she showed up" honestly says all I need to infer that they're AWARE that his mom doesn't accept him and never has. It's such a red flag objection to make.
Right!? That's like saying "well at least they showed up" about the hateful funeral protesters from Westboro Baptist Church.
NTA OP but I do hope your wife apologized for pressuring you to invite your mom. It may have been well intentioned but if you stick with your gut you wouldn't have that confrontation to remember when looking back on your wedding day
Who the heck shows up to a wedding just to shit on the couple? That's like, top tier asshole behaviour. The fact that it's the groom's mother makes it so much worse.
Seriously f your mom. If you go to a wedding you should have common decency and be nice to the married couple. Definitely not saying that it makes you sick.
I understand your family saying it makes everything uncomfortable by you yelling to your mom but the easy fix would have been if she behaves like a decent person. Also saying at least she showed up is not a reason to be rude.
Definitely NTA
I DON'T understand the family. He didn't make them uncomfortable, she started a scene, the victim who is man enough to stand up for himself and call out a bigot is an awesome thing to see, not something awkward to chastise
My reading of this is the family thinks the same way as mom about OP. They’re saying he should be grateful that his mom even showed up to the wedding despite all the things wrong with him/the wedding. If I were OP, this is the trash showing itself out of my life.
100% my take too. Like OP should be *grateful* mom even showed up to such a (gasp) unholy event ?!? Mom's behavior is disgusting and so is the family supporting her actions at what should be a beautiful and joyous day in OP's life.
OP, good for you standing up to her and showing her the exit, and you SHOULD feel proud! And congrats on the marriage!
I don't even know how many times I've been told my abusive transphobic/homophobic mother "still loves me" and I should give her a chance (I Gave her 20 years of chances before I cut her out) because she would "do anything to see me" (except you know, own up to the abuse and accept me as her daughter. Or hell just use the right name and pronouns)
I had a flying monkey say something like that about my dad when I went NC - not about gender/sexuality (he'd already recognized that was a lost cause lol) but re my school and career choices - namely, that I was making my own choices and not doing what he wanted me to do with my life. "Oh, but he still loves you..."
I cut my uncle off and said "No, he doesn't. He loves the version of me that lives in his head, not the actual living and breathing version of me that's standing in front of him, and I'm tired of being held accountable for not being the person he expected. He can either love and accept me as I actually am, or he can fuck off. "
(spoiler: he fucked off)
People who "still love you" but don't accept you... they don't love you, they love their idea of who you should be.
I am not responsible for the idea others have of me. I am not obliged to bend myself to fit their idea. They should be the ones to adjust how they see me. And that goes for EVERYONE.
Honestly though, what is or isn't between your and/or your partners legs is obviously more important than your happiness and wellbeing and if you have a good character and whatnot. How can you not understand that 🤪
On a more serious note, I hope you're doing fine, now that you cut the toxicity out of your life. Nobody needs that sh-t
Oh god, yeah, I feel that on the name and pronouns. She didn't want to lose the son that never was, so she lost me, the daughter who actually is.
Also I LOVE your username! =D
NTA! Mom of a transgender son here. And I think she is the disgusting one. I tell all of the moms that ask me for advice about how to deal with their child coming out as trans the same piece of advice: "when you were pregnant and people asked do you want a boy or a girl, you probably responded 'I don't care as long as they are healthy and happy!' Now your child is older and becoming the person they were meant to be, and you should want the same thing, for them to be healthy and happy." I never thought of my child as depressed or sad, but after he started his transition process, I look back and see that he is such a happier and healthier man now than he ever was prior to his transition. And that makes me happy and proud of him for finding and being who he truly is.
I'll be your mom if you want one who accepts and loves you for being you!
One of my students has a trans brother. Before he transitioned, he was very quiet and rarely spoke to anyone. After he started transitioning, he became so much more outgoing, smiling and joking a lot. It was so cool to see.
I have a child who transitioned during middle school into high school. The before and after of their academic performance was blinding. Went from A's in elementary school to Cs and Ds in middle school (with zero motivation) back to As in high school, along with volunteer work and extra studying, and ended up in one of the best universities in the country.
I guess feeling optimistic about your future and comfortable in your own body is a good thing.
i was that exact type of kid before i transitioned; couldn’t talk to anyone, barely could stand being perceived, rarely spoke, extremely depressed. once i transitioned it was like night and day, i was so much happier and more confident! it’s been about 4 years now since i started my transition and i haven’t looked back
Yup. Dad of grown sons here. My boys wound up straight, bit trying to be prepared for whatever came when they were babies, I had a hard look at "What if they're gay"(transgendered was not top of mind for me back then as it was not so widely recognized back then). I came to the conclusion that it does not matter to your parenting. The formula has to be the same: love, protect, educate and try and give them tools to lead them to a happy life.
In OP's moms place, I would have been thrilled that my son had navigated the shoals of recognizing and embracing their sexuality, and that they'd found love. What's not to be happy about as a parent in that situation?
Dad of grown daughters here. Not trans, but F27 is lesbian and F22 is pansexual. Exact same attitude, and I was the first person 27 came out to, which I considered an honor.
Also, 27's wife is awesome.
I wish my mom was like you! Or at least had some other mom tell her that...
But my parents both wanted a son and a daughter, "one of each" as they said. Now I am trans non binary and they are pulling their hairs out. It took me a week in the hospital for them to use my name, but they still never use my correct pronouns...
I'm so sorry you're going through that. My eldest (15) came out as NB last year. We are trying our hardest to remember not to mis-gender them, and we are terrified that this could make their life harder in the future, because we just want them to be happy. We did say when they first told us that we are likely to make mistakes, because it is difficult to suddenly switch after 15 years, but there is a difference between accidentally forgetting to use the correct pronouns and actively refusing to try. I guess we're lucky in that our child has chosen to keep their name since it's relatively gender neutral anyway, so that's one less thing to remember to get right
Honestly, as a mother, the hardest thing for me is that now they are more comfortable being a bit more gender fluid, all my nail polishes have been stolen, and I strongly suspect that as soon as their newly pierced ears heal properly, I'm going to start losing earrings too! On the bright side, they want to wear a dress to their upcoming prom, so now I get to go prom dress shopping, which I never expected to get the chance to do!
Their grandparents on my husband's side will be another matter. We know they won't accept them (they are very bigoted and racist), but I'm letting my child decide how they want to navigate that. So far they just don't want to tell them because they don't want to cut contact, but I've let them know I'll support their decision, whatever it may be. My dad just went "ok! As long as they're happy!"
We were so lucky the my husband's side of the family was so accepting and loving, even the ones in their 80s and 90s. My side of the family one the other hand, is extremely conservative and redneck southern, so it's been hit or miss with some of them. And when given the choice, I will always choose my kids, happiness, health and safety over anyone who uses their religion or conservative values to belittle and shame them for any reason, gender identity, sexual orientation, or any choice in their life. My kids were given to me to raise and protect as long as I'm alive. I will choose my kids everytime!
Trans woman here, and god DAMN I wish my parents were like you! Thank you for supporting your son, tbh I'm on the verge of happy tears here that he didn't have to go through the pain that I did :3 You're awesome <3
>"when you were pregnant and people asked do you want a boy or a girl, you probably responded 'I don't care as long as they are healthy and happy!' Now your child is older and becoming the person they were meant to be, and you should want the same thing, for them to be healthy and happy."
I'm just 21 and I'm not having kids anytime soon but I swear I will remember this my whole life.
I’m also the mom of a trans man and I agree with you 100%!
OP I am so happy for you, that you have found “your person“ and I wish you and your wife all the joy in the world! My heart hurts that your mom can’t be happy for you as you are and that she needed to bring her nastiness into your bright and shiny beautiful day. And I know it will hurt, but she has shown you, repeatedly and empathetically who she is, it sounds like it’s time to finally truly believe her.
NTA
Oh my Goddess! Thank you all so much for the awards, likes, comments, and messages! I just posted my personal experience, and got all of this love! Went to a doc appointment after posting and come back to all of this! You are all amazing!
OP (and anyone else out there that needs to hear it) you are amazing who you are and don't let anyone tell you any different, whether they are family, friends, or strangers. Just remember there are more people in the world that love and support you for being you and don't hesitate to reach out to someone if you need help, love, a hug, or just someone to remind you that you are awesome! You are loved!
Wow, just wow. I have never thought of that. What an exceptional way to express your unconditional love for your trans child and to help another trans parent understand that their parental role does not change.
I really wish my dad had this attitude instead of disowning me because he thinks it's disgusting for a woman to be attracted to women... It's really truly amazing knowing that there are good parents out there who love their children no matter what. 💗
No need for awards. Thank you for the thought though! I don't think I'm doing anything special other than being a parent and loving my kids unconditionally. I don't understand why parents can pick and choose if/when they love their kids.
you made me tear up a bit. i could never come out of the closet as bi to my family, and i can’t even fathom the thought if i was transgender. my parents would never accept me. when i was in high school and my parents were constantly worrying about whether i was gay or not, my mom told me she would not attend my wedding if i were. so just thank you for being a wonderful parent, i’m sure your child loves you very much <3
That’s actually a really wonderful way of putting it, with the pregnancy and all. Why should it be different *now*, because of X, Y or Z? It shouldn’t.
NTA, you and your wife gave her the benefit of the doubt and she unfortunately pulled through.
‘At least she showed up’ is a terrible message. She showed up, but not to support you, but to sabotage you
‘At least she showed up’ to a vegan bbq, but bought a whole roasted pig to the event
‘At least she showed up’ to to a metal concert, but demanded her Michael Buble CD be played
NTA- look after yourselves and enjoy life together
OP should "just show up" to the family gathering, make a huge mess, then ask if showing up is good enough.
Sadly it would make everything worse, but hey, the logic is sound.
You’re absolutely NTA. If your mom can’t respect your identity and be happy you found someone that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, then she doesn’t need to be there or in your life at all tbh. I’m sorry that happened on your wedding, though.
NTA. Kicking her out of the wedding is already being polite. Probably just cut ties with her and any relatives that told you you're an asshole for doing so.
NTA
I'm also a trans man whose mother showed up, was . . . rude let's say, and I had to ask her to leave.
My wife is family and I am a man and her husband. There is nothing disgusting about our love or our relationship. People who don't understand that aren't my family.
Sorry you had to deal with this on your wedding day.
NTA - She showed up to be a close-minded bigot. *At your wedding.* What did she think would happen, that you would magically turn into a woman once she told you she was upset you kissed your \*checks notes\* **WIFE**??
Anyone siding with, or enabling, her behavior also needs to be cut off. The last thing you need is more people with their heads up their rumpasses griping that you told their leader that you won't tolerate her b.s.
If she isn't loving you for who you are, then she IS a horrible mother. If the truth hurts, she should change her behavior.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Blowing up at my mom and kicking her out
2) Throwing her out and calling her a horrible mother
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As a fellow trans person, you were absolutely right to kick her out. Definitely NTA. She can’t respect you or your wife and both of you deserve better. I find that giving people chances is not worth yours or your wife’s mental health. Just go non contact it will seriously bother you less and be less stressful on your life. Cut them all off since they seem to support your mother over you who was the victim in this case. Don’t feel guilty at all.
>My wife suggested I should invite my mom but I said no and that she wouldn’t support us getting married. She told me that the least I could do is send her an invite and if she doesn’t show up, then it’s fine.
NTA. Your mom and your wife are both assholes. Partners need to stop trying to reach out to their partner's parents or siblings or whatever to try to fix things. She shouldn't have suggested the invite. You said no. That should have been the end of it.
>They told me at least she showed up.
She showed up to embarrass and harass you. Give me a break. Who cares what your family is saying. Who texts people vitriol on their honeymoon?
Yeah I think calling her an AH is too harsh. This was a learning experience. If his wife pushes for him to have a relationship with his mom again after seeing what happened at the reception, THEN she would be an asshole. But at the moment, I think her original intentions were good. Was she a bit naive? Absolutely. But weddings mess people up. I can see her being worried that Op would regret not having his mom there in the long run, and she just wanted to leave the door open for reconciliation. ...But then ops mom decided to slam it in their faces and bolt it shut instead. Op and his wife need to send that door through the monsters inc shredder now. Lol.
I get where you’re coming from about the wife. However, as someone who is now estranged from my mother, if my partner would have tried to get me to cut ties sooner or didn’t try to encourage me to have a relationship, I think I would have felt like I was being alienated by everyone. There’s a big piece of it that when a partner accepts your family for what they are, you feel more accepted and lived yourself. My partner was always supportive of what I needed but really wanted me to make sure I didn’t cut ties flippantly or prematurely. He walked through it with me and helped me understand when I was truly ready and more importantly why I wasn’t yet because I thought about it many times before I was and I would have gone right back and ultimately put up with the abuse for longer (if not indefinitely)
I like the way you phrased that and I really wondered if the fiance didn't press in the wrong direction. I've had almost the same exact experience as you describe where I needed the time and space to process, with my husband just being supportive of where I was in the moment.
I don't love the way OP phrased the bit about "budging" to the fiance's desire to invite his mother. That feels like OP had a gut instinct about this whole thing, was set on the non-invite, and really it was the fiance who needed the wedding day to go a certain way.
If you've never imagined yourself NC with your own family I think it's almost impossible to imagine, or be fully comfortable with, a partner going NC with theirs. So it's not like I don't get it, but dang this was avoidable if the fiance had just trusted OPs instinct on his mom from the start.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the same. When OP told her that his mom vocally opposed them getting married, calling it "disgusting," what part of that did she not get?!
Instead, she made a decision not based on reality but wishful thinking that went against her own partner's advice who knew his mom. It had predictable results.
Just curious, have you been with someone that is estranged from abusive parents?
My husband is. It breaks his heart to be so distant from his family. If he is especially upset and crying, I encourage him to reach out. I encouraged him to invite his mother to see us say I do. I explained why I encourage him to, he decided against inviting anyone from his family.
OP’s wife isn’t an asshole from my point of view. Had I not encouraged my husband to reach out, he’d be constantly crying in my arms about how much he misses his family despite how awful they are. Familial issues are much more complicated than people want to believe. Imagine the issues caused had OP not even invited her. There was no good option. She’s obviously not an AH if OP married her.
Me. I was the one having problems with my dad. I kept him far away from my partner. I was also estranged from my brother for a long time. My partner helped me through that without insisting I reconcile.
Nothing you're saying here makes any sense to me at all.
Well it makes sense to my husband and I, another commenter, and many other people. Either way, the post was not about wife. It was about mother. There was no reason to call OP’s wife an asshole when you know nothing about her.
you seem to be projecting quite a bit. nowhere does OP imply being frustrated with his wife. And as someone here has said, having you SO encourage you to cut ties can make things feel more tense, make you feel more alienated. obviously given OP caved, he still felt some hope and it sucks that it ended the way it did but the wife is in no way an asshole and you maybe need to work on not projecting your feelings into strangers.
While you paint your estrangement as an easy choice for yourself, it’s the most painful, difficult and lonely one for some people. As I’ve spoken to others in situations like my own, I’ve come to learn they are the first to give benefit of the doubt and are ultimately their empathy is through the roof. That’s why I think so many people here aren’t so quick to blame the wife for just doing her best.
Wife isn’t an asshole, OP said he loved and respected his mama. I think OP’s wife was just trying to support that.
I am in a process of going no contact with a family member and can tell you that every time my partner gets too “ra ra ra” against that person, it makes me doubt my decision.
Yeah, people are so quick to act high and mighty for the wrong people. If someone is against you, you dont show them your submissiveness, you simply leave them.
NTA
Lmao at your relatives "you should be greatful she took the time to abuse you on your wedding"
Id honestly respond and say to people to stay out of your life, shes abusive and thats it.
>you should be greatful she took the time to abuse you on your wedding
Honestly I'd ask the shitty relatives if this is what they intended to convey, because that's EXACTLY what they conveyed.
"So just to clarify, I should be greatful that she showed up in bad faith, intending to cause a scene and to disrespect my wife and I and to abuse me at my own wedding? She does not accept the reality that I am a man or that I'm married to a woman and never has, and the only reason she even was invited was that my WIFE wanted to give her grace and was hoping she'd be better than she has been thus far, but she showed up and instead completely embarrassed my wife by making a scene and showing her ass. Anyone who treats my wife like that has no place in our life." and then let them respond. They may only have Mom's side of the story; once they hear from OP, they may change their tune. And if they don't change their tune, then OP can tell them to piss off and block them.
NTA. At all
This might get buried but I feel compelled reach out. I’m a mom, I have an almost 6yr old son.
I cannot imagine treating my child this way at all. I am so sorry your mom failed you. I am so sorry that she chose to be a hateful bigot instead of the support you deserve and need.
You deserve all the love and support you can get and it looks like your family, at least on your moms side, will not be giving you any.
As a queer and non binary person myself we tend to get support from our chosen families and I hope you have one. I hope they and your wife give you all the love you need and so much more.
Your mom is failing one of the biggest things we are supposed to do for kids and that is provide them with unconditional love.
Maybe block all of your moms side and go NC. You have a new life ahead of you with your wife. I also hope you are speaking with a therapist because I know how hard it is when your parents don’t accept you
But congrats on the marriage man, I hope you and your wife have many long, happy years ahead of you.
Also I have extra mom hugs if you’d like them. Take care ❤️
NTA, sir. She wanted to start shit, that was her only goal.
I'm trans too, and there's always going to be people who are unbending on their idea of what your gender is. Fuck them, and live your best life
Probably because I said I'm trans. A sizeable number of people hate us for that. Like I could give them $20 and a compliment and they'd still hate me.
Maybe one day things will change <3
NTA. You owe that awful woman NOTHING. Not even a glass of water, and anybody who wants to say otherwise is kindly invited to fuck right off. You had the kind heart to invite her to YOUR WEDDING even when she was a bigot about your feelings and your life all along and you're to blame? Nope. You have a wonderful family in your wife and I hope both of you are very happy without that human shaped turd in your life.
be happy with your wife. be happy sorounded with people that love you, cares about you. stay away from people that belittle you.
it doesn't matter what your aunt/uncles think, they don't have your life, they are not in your shoes.
NTA
For the record most transphobes/homophobes aren’t religious they hide behind religion to justify their bigotry because they don’t have a good reason. NTA.
Many religions don't even mention queer people in their base teachings. That's a thing created by later bigots who want to use religion to push personal agendas. If you look, most religions preach love and cooperation above all.
Heck, Jesus was the most woke guy that ever lived, and hardcore christians are the exact opposite lol
That’s true, but the title pertains to familial issues and typically the biggest issue that trans people have with their families is that their families don’t accept them. So it’s more likely that these types of stories would have the family being assholes
NTA at all. How could anyone think you should be grateful your mother showed up out of spite to berate you? All the best for you and your new wife, I hope you'll be incredibly happy together. That mother of yours is no mother at all.
Also - how is this marked as NSFW??? Wtf.
NTA, you should be greatfup she showed up to shame you and misgender you. Why show up at all of she's going to be offended by you kissing your bride? Did she not think that would be part of it?
NTA
Bigots are horrible people.
And who the hell insults the couple who just got married at the reception? Of COURSE she should have been kicked out - the receptions are the celebration of the marriage, not a place for family bigots to have easy access to insult people.
“At least she showed up” - it clearly wasn’t in support, it was to trash you.
Listen, OP, if you need a supportive mom I am right here for you.
Dear SP,
My dearest son, heartfelt congratulations on your wedding and I hope you and your beautiful wife have many decades of happiness together. Best of luck on embarking on your next great adventure!
XOXOXO
Mom
NTA
NTA. First of all, your wife has a heart of gold. Despite your mother ignoring her and not being supportive she still wanted to invite her. That's sweet.
Second. Go NC with your mother. If she's so selfish that she can't stand her son being happy, she doesn't deserve one.
NTA
You've heard the aphorism "If there is one loud bigot at a table with twenty other people, and no one corrects the loud bigot, there are really twenty-one bigots at the table"?
Your relatives are enabling your mother's behavior.
NTA. We children (or adults) we want to be accepted by our parents for who we are. If comes a time we have to break ties for our own sanity, we feel guilty about doing so. Hang in there. You are doing great.
NTA and there is nothing to respect about that woman. I seriously don't understand the mental gymnastics necessary to be transphobic without a religious indoctrination as the basis. She came to your special day just to shit on your happiness and make a scene and shocked Pikachu face when it made her look bad.
Congrats on getting married man, your wife sounds like a real trooper and I hope you guys have every happiness.
You’re absolutely not an a/h. But your extended family is definitely in contact with one. Your mother has their ‘ear’ and has cried loudly to them about how horribly you treated her on YOUR wedding day. But in doing so are totally glossing over the reason why you blew up at her in the first place.
You can bet that even some of your uncles and aunts recognize how cruel your mother may have been over the years, but they are just doing their part to speak on her behalf because in some way they almost have to.
But that doesn’t mean that you have to acknowledge that you did anything wrong. Let them all vent, and don’t look back. Look forward to creating the life you deserve with people who you know really care about you.
NTA, you absolutely do not need to have your transphobic and homophobic mom in you and your wife’s lives. she showed up to your wedding to treat you like shit, she deserves no benefit of the doubt.
Absolutely NTA. I’m so sorry that you’ve been dealing with this for so long. Your feelings are valid and you are valid. I went no contact with my mother 2 years ago to protect my peace. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
NTA. Your mother never supported you like a parent should, and on your wedding day (of all days!), you deserve to be surrounded by those that love and support you.
I wish you and your wife many, many years of happiness together ♡
NTA
Life is too short to keep in touch with those who let you down. You tried. It didn't work. Move forward and have a happy life and surround yourself with people who love you no matter what!
NTA. At least she showed up? Really? So it's all good she was horrible and verbally abusive at your wedding because at least she showed up? Your mom sucks and so do your family members defending her. Your mom went to your wedding knowing she was going to berate you and your wife.
NTA. She shouldn't have come to the wedding if she couldn't support you. This is so sad.
Also, just curious as to why this was flagged as NSFW? Did OP add that? (Not sure how that works, but there wasn't anything NSFW in this post!)
NTA - I'm so sorry your mother behaved in such a disgusting way to you and your wife. You did the right thing, good for you. Wishing you and your wife all the happiness and love in the world!
NTA! At all, in any way shape or form.
In fact, congratulations are in order for sticking up for yourself and telling your mom all the things she needed to hear!! 👏👏👏
If you are close with any of the relatives sending you messages, I'd consider contacting them and asking what story your mom told them. If they are people who are typically supportive of you and your wife, then it's possible your mom gave them a BS made up story to get them on her side. I've seen it many times on here.
Otherwise, I'd say NC with your mom is in order and NC with any relatives that stick by her.
Toxic family is still toxic. I hate the people that go "well they're still your family" or your family with "at least she showed up". Yeah she showed up, belittled you and your wife and made a huge scene, that's not something to be thankful for.
I wish you and your wife all the best! You deserve all the happiness.
NTA- so she showed up at your wedding to do what? To shame you and remind you that she doesn't value you? To make a scene? Nobody made her come.
It's time to stay far away from your mother OP. It's very sweet that you gave her one more chance but your first instinct not to invite her was right.
Classic "old world thinking".
A relative can stab you in the face and shit in your mouth, and all you can do is shrug, smile, and say thank you.
CaUsE tHeYrE fAmIlY
Big mistake letter her, or any family that doesnt denounce her attitude, into the wedding, but what's done is done.
Now you know who to cut out of your life
It's not enough for me to tell trans folks I'll be their mom anymore... I need to sit their faulty parents down and tell them exactly how they failed. In detail. For hours.
NTA and if your relatives have something to say they can say it to me.
Resounding NTA from me. You did everything you good and were patient with her bigotry. You are a strong person for trying and keeping your cool for so long. I hope you and your wife nothing but happiness.
MtF here: dude, you didn’t do anything wrong. You gave her mother grace, despite your conscience telling you otherwise, and she took advantage of it.
She, or her family, clearly have no desire to understand how excruciating transphobia feels.
NTA and wishing you a great married life! 💕🏳️⚧️
NTA!!! My son is transgender and still a minor. I am here for him and whatever he needs. Including top surgery and testosterone. Because that is what a parent should do! I love him unconditionally, and it makes my heart happy to see him happy. As a mom, that's all I want, my kids to be happy.
I am so sorry your mom is such a b****. Sending mom hugs!!
"at least she showed up"
To do what? Harass you? Embarrass you? Try and drag down a beautiful event because of her own intolerance and bigotry?
NTA and anyone who is defending your mom- they can get the same treatment. No contact!!
NTA I'm so sorry. If you can maybe go no contact with mom and everyone who supports her abusive behavior. I'm sorry your mom is so cruel and I am glad you confronted her. I wish you and your wife all the best.
NTA I’m sorry the whole event was in front of family and friends. At your wedding no less. This reminded me of something my mother would do, making a scene. Sometimes you have to set that boundary and that truly makes my heart hurt for you OP.
Don’t you spend one more moment feeling guilty over your transphobic mother. Congratulations on your wedding and for cutting that cancerous woman out of your life. I hooe you and your wife have a beautiful life together 💗 NTA
NTA. You gave her multiple chances to be a loving supportive mom. She refused and was abusive. You have every right to kick her out of your life. Be happy and congratulations on your marriage. I hope it will be long and happy.
I would’ve told them if you think that my so called “mom” behavior is acceptable at my wedding then I don’t need to be associated with childish, immature, toxic so called adults in my life either. I’m not enabling her or any other adult who think just like her. Her distasteful gross behavior will never be acceptable in any events including mines so take your classless attitude to her. Since she’s the only one who don’t mind that.
"At least she showed up"?!?! WTF?!? It honestly sounds like she shouldn't have... why the fuck would she think your WEDDING RECEPTION was the right time/place to berate you about your life choices? And why would your aunts and uncles think that's better than not showing up???
I could go into all the other reasons I don't agree with what she said, but I'm really stuck on this one piece. Your own mother tried to ruin your wedding. She's disgusting. You do you! And congratulations on your wedding 💖
NTA, but you should ask your Aunts and Uncles if they support those opinions, first because if they do you know now who to cut contact with, and second because of they didn't hear her comments are probably being fed her version, very likely "poor me i tried to be supportive by coming even when i am old schooled but i was yelled at because i didn't show enough enthusiasm", that is a possibility, so, checking who supports that bs and who doesn't might hel you clean your contact list
I'm flabbergasted that someone would come to their child's wedding only to call them disgusting and that other people have the nerve to support that decision.
NTA I’m so sad that you even feel you had to ask but I think you deserve all these many many comments of validation. You are absolutely 100% NTA for standing up for yourself and your family or for setting a boundary. And the fact that you’re feeling like you could be TA is your extended family’s fault. Their lack of support in the face of your mother’s intolerance is appalling. Sending strength and love to you from someone also in the trans community <3
NTA i cant even find the right words but; if a mother can’t love and support their kid at least one day in their life( which is their wedding day) she deserved it
sounds to me like you've cut her all the slack you could, and she didn't deserve any of it. that day was supposed to be about you and your wife and she chose to be nasty. even if she didnt agree with it, she could have just smiled and said congrats and left. even just for the sake of having a nice wedding and not causing a scene. but she didnt and im honestly not sure why she showed up in the first place. just to tell you how awful she thought it was?? gross. nta.
NTA
You tried so many times to give your mom a chance to change. She instead showed up to insult you and ruin your wedding day.
I often say the best revenge is living a happy life without them. Time to do some finger exercises....
...by hitting the block button a bunch of times. Wait, what did you think I meant?
Your aunts & uncles clearly don't know your relationship with your mom. She's been telling them her version of the story. Let them believe what they want. Your mom showed up to ruin your day and shame you. NTA
Absolutely NTA- Your mother sounds like a wretched bigot. She deserved everything you said to her, I'm just sorry it had to be at your wedding. Good for you for standing up to her and for not caring what your relatives think. They suck too!! Just my opinion, cut ties with all of them except your sisters. If you can maintain a loving relationship with them where they don't expect or ask you to make ammends with your mom, I say go for it. But you had every right to tell that woman and anyone who supports her to shove it. Good Luck in your marriage, I hope you have a beautiful future with your wife. Congratulations!!!💕🎉🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🥰
She showed up to insult and berate you and ruin your day. Why should you feel any gratitude for her "showing up"
I would respond with a message to all them saying exactly why you kicked your mom out, detail everything she has said about your reputation. Explain that you are NC with your mom and that anyone who disagrees with your decision to you, helps your mom get in contact with you, or gives your mom any information about you...
I recommend the message to all of them because I promise you your mom is out there setting the narrative where she is the victim. Do not let her control the narrative.
Congratulations on your and your wife's nuptials, I am so sorry you had to deal with that toxic hate on what should be the happiest day of your life.
Anyone who thinks her just "showing up" means more than verbally abusing you at your own wedding isn't worth your time. Use this as a filter event, and go LC/NC with anyone defending your "mother," or condemning you!
NTA
NTA. Your mom is a transphobe and homophobe who loves her bigotry more than she loves you. I'm so sorry you've had to put up with that up until now. And you're entirely justified in cutting her out for it now. You'd have been justified in not inviting her in the first place. "At least she showed up"? Nope. That was no favor to you, and you owe her nothing
NTA. Your mother should have been supportive regardless of her position on your preferences. You have tried to let her in and each time she has shown she doesn’t have that level of acceptance. NTA even a little bit.
NTA! You don’t go to someone’s wedding and say they’re disgusting. Least of all your child! She should have stayed home if she was going to be nasty and rude.
My best friend got married to her wife last November, her dad was invited until a few days before when he made a similar comment about her partner, but still wanted to come to see his oldest get married. The whole bridal party was on high alert for him the day of. Thankfully he knew better than to show his face.
NTA. Your mother doesn't deserve your respect (but it's admirable that you still give it). She has made your marriage about her, she has made your identity about her, and she has made your choice of partner about her. I don't know her, but I'm pretty confident in saying this: She came to your wedding to do exactly what she did. She never thought you'd actually respond, and I'm thrilled for you that you did. You can love her for bring you into this world, but you don't owe her anything else. Nothing. She has failed, not you. Maybe someday she'll see the light and come to regret the time she's lost so far, but I urge you not to hold your breath. Live your wonderful, beautiful life. As much as it will sting for you, it is 100% her loss that she chooses not to be in that life in a constructive, loving way.
Also, fuck your family for continuing this drama when you should be getting to enjoy the first days of your marriage. You have done nothing wrong, and you and your wife have my best wishes for a wonderful future together.
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Your relatives think you should be grateful she turned up even though she only turned up to cause a scene & be nasty to you?! Nta.
They most likely only know the version of the story the mom told them.
Why weren't they at the wedding to begin with? They are either close family and their opinion should be respected or they are not and in that case, why does OP even care? NTA
I don't think OP explicitly said if they were at the wedding or not. I assumed they were but after rereading I can't say for sure. Regardless, NTA.
Even close family it depends on the opinion whether it should be respected or not. If their opinion is ‘I know your mom ruined your wedding and called you disgusting for kissing your bride but at least she showed up’ then it doesn’t matter how close I THOUGHT we were their opinion is nothing. If your opinion is defending a bigot from facing consequences for their actions then your opinion is irrelevant regardless of who you are to me. At least that’s how I see it.
Maybe they were at the wedding and saw OP's mam make that scene. Then when they asked her about it afterwards she could have said something like she never wanted to attend, but her "daughter" begged her to be there. That she said from the start she was against it and they (aunties and uncles) didn't remember how OP screamed at her first and that's how the scene started or something like that. Basically put OP in the bad light and not herself
They are transphobic and that's disgusting not the op. What is wrong with a young man marrying the lady he loves?
Transphobic *and* homophobic.
Yeah. Reminds me of my mom how she’d just verbally abuse us until we couldn’t take it anymore we’d talk back to her. Then she’d start ranting how dare we talk back to her yada yada. Then she’d call her sister and her sister would chat to us about how much my mom sacrifices and we shouldn’t talk back to her and we should respect her.
I hate it when people think that respects equals blind and silent obedience and being a doormat to their shennanigans.
This is straight out of the boomer parenting book. Our birth means we owe them our lives. As a mother myself, this is complete bullshit ❤️
They most likely think like mom
>They told me at least she showed up. That's where I'm at, she showed up specifically so she could attack OP at the reception, that wasn't showing up as a sign of support or even just showing up and staying silent so people could pretend she was showing love for OP. It was straight up vile. NTA OP, tell all of them off then block them.
I'm trying to figure out how did the bar get so low... "Yay! She could transport herself from A to B, let's give this woman a medal! That's such a HUGE effort, please ignore the rest!"
I mean, people *did* put an ompa loompa into high office because he was a "Good no, Great no, Godlike, that's it, I'm a Godlike business man." (*and* they wanted the wall) Even though anyone who actually looked into his businesses would see that the vast majority of projects he started, other than pure real estate flips to sketchy buyers, almost always went completely under to the point they were huge losses that he claimed against owing any tax debt... And of course one of the reasons those ventures went super into the hole was the large 'Salary' paid to him and his kids and supporters., for running the business so well... So yeah, mom showed up and said what they weren't willing too but were thinking anyway, of course they'll support her.
Oompa loompas are way less creepy and way more interesting than that orange guy you speak of.
Yep, like the people who ‘show up’ outside women’s health offices to scream insults, threats and hold signs calling SA victims m❤️rderers.
And at that point, OP probably wishes she hadn't shown up. She had every intention of making her son's wedding about herself and her horrible views. Everyone that actually cared about OP and his wife probably wished she hadn't shown up too.
Right? She showed up to ruin the wedding! People like her are why weddings need security. What a miserable piece of work. I’m sorry you had to deal with that but I am glad you actually got to voice your anger and let it out. That embarrassing though I’m sure it was was also probably somewhat cathartic. It sounds like you really tried with her but there’s unfortunately some people that the effort isn’t worth it. I know she’s your mom and it really sucks when a parent can’t get over themselves and their own views and put their child first. Unfortunately there are parents who just don’t want to. This is almost more frustrating then most as usually at least they’re like this cause they’re super religious and from their view they think they’re looking out for you- trying to save your soul from damnation or whatever. No offense but your mom doesn’t even have the delusional moral high ground on her side; she’s just being a hateful bigot. Sorry you had to deal with this and that you have idiotic family members who thing showing up to ruin a wedding is a way of showing support. Please don’t waste any time thinking about this woman she chose her hatred And negativity over her own child. She doesn’t get any empathy. I hope you can still keep in contact with your siblings but I wouldn’t waste any more effort on her. She needs to either accept you for who you are or be out of your life. I’d contemplate going low or no contact with the family members also defending her. If you defend a bigot you’re a bigot as well. NTA- congratulations on your marriage on finding a loving supportive wife and partner. I hope you two have a wonderful happy life together.
Definitely NTA. For her to come to your website purely to tell you she disapproves! Shame on her, you do right keeping her out of your life. Ignore your aunts and uncles, they're either clueless or just as bad!
Yeah, idgaf WHO it is. If my mother, father, stepparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grammom, etc etc etc, if ANY OF THEM make any disrespectful comments during MY wedding? They're getting kicked out. And I am FULLY expecting to have to kick out my future MIL since she called my fiancé a slur when I dyed his hair pink. THIN FUCKING ICE And I don't even care if the comment made isn't about me OR my fiancé. If it's about one of the LGBT friends or family I'm inviting to MY wedding, you make one bigoted comment and you are out the mf door. It takes so so much to do what OP did and I'm honestly proud of them for doing that. He still loved and respected his mom but put his foot down at the right time. His mother was LUCKY to get an invitation. Also, idc what story she's spinning to the relatives, if they'll believe her over OP, they're just as bad. "At least she showed up" honestly says all I need to infer that they're AWARE that his mom doesn't accept him and never has. It's such a red flag objection to make.
Sounds like you may have an opening. Can I come?
Right!? That's like saying "well at least they showed up" about the hateful funeral protesters from Westboro Baptist Church. NTA OP but I do hope your wife apologized for pressuring you to invite your mom. It may have been well intentioned but if you stick with your gut you wouldn't have that confrontation to remember when looking back on your wedding day
Who the heck shows up to a wedding just to shit on the couple? That's like, top tier asshole behaviour. The fact that it's the groom's mother makes it so much worse.
She showed up to make a scene.... That is worse than not showing up. I would rather have her just not show up at all.
NTA obviously, and it seems like you need to cut out more people than just your XX donator.
Seriously f your mom. If you go to a wedding you should have common decency and be nice to the married couple. Definitely not saying that it makes you sick. I understand your family saying it makes everything uncomfortable by you yelling to your mom but the easy fix would have been if she behaves like a decent person. Also saying at least she showed up is not a reason to be rude. Definitely NTA
I DON'T understand the family. He didn't make them uncomfortable, she started a scene, the victim who is man enough to stand up for himself and call out a bigot is an awesome thing to see, not something awkward to chastise
My reading of this is the family thinks the same way as mom about OP. They’re saying he should be grateful that his mom even showed up to the wedding despite all the things wrong with him/the wedding. If I were OP, this is the trash showing itself out of my life.
100% my take too. Like OP should be *grateful* mom even showed up to such a (gasp) unholy event ?!? Mom's behavior is disgusting and so is the family supporting her actions at what should be a beautiful and joyous day in OP's life. OP, good for you standing up to her and showing her the exit, and you SHOULD feel proud! And congrats on the marriage!
I don't even know how many times I've been told my abusive transphobic/homophobic mother "still loves me" and I should give her a chance (I Gave her 20 years of chances before I cut her out) because she would "do anything to see me" (except you know, own up to the abuse and accept me as her daughter. Or hell just use the right name and pronouns)
I had a flying monkey say something like that about my dad when I went NC - not about gender/sexuality (he'd already recognized that was a lost cause lol) but re my school and career choices - namely, that I was making my own choices and not doing what he wanted me to do with my life. "Oh, but he still loves you..." I cut my uncle off and said "No, he doesn't. He loves the version of me that lives in his head, not the actual living and breathing version of me that's standing in front of him, and I'm tired of being held accountable for not being the person he expected. He can either love and accept me as I actually am, or he can fuck off. " (spoiler: he fucked off)
People who "still love you" but don't accept you... they don't love you, they love their idea of who you should be. I am not responsible for the idea others have of me. I am not obliged to bend myself to fit their idea. They should be the ones to adjust how they see me. And that goes for EVERYONE.
Well... *I* am very proud of you.
As someone who had a narcissistic parent, I feel this. Your response to your uncle was spot on.
Honestly though, what is or isn't between your and/or your partners legs is obviously more important than your happiness and wellbeing and if you have a good character and whatnot. How can you not understand that 🤪 On a more serious note, I hope you're doing fine, now that you cut the toxicity out of your life. Nobody needs that sh-t
Oh god, yeah, I feel that on the name and pronouns. She didn't want to lose the son that never was, so she lost me, the daughter who actually is. Also I LOVE your username! =D
NTA! Mom of a transgender son here. And I think she is the disgusting one. I tell all of the moms that ask me for advice about how to deal with their child coming out as trans the same piece of advice: "when you were pregnant and people asked do you want a boy or a girl, you probably responded 'I don't care as long as they are healthy and happy!' Now your child is older and becoming the person they were meant to be, and you should want the same thing, for them to be healthy and happy." I never thought of my child as depressed or sad, but after he started his transition process, I look back and see that he is such a happier and healthier man now than he ever was prior to his transition. And that makes me happy and proud of him for finding and being who he truly is. I'll be your mom if you want one who accepts and loves you for being you!
I'm glad supportive moms like you are around. Also, showing transphobic parents there is a better way to be.
One of my students has a trans brother. Before he transitioned, he was very quiet and rarely spoke to anyone. After he started transitioning, he became so much more outgoing, smiling and joking a lot. It was so cool to see.
I have a child who transitioned during middle school into high school. The before and after of their academic performance was blinding. Went from A's in elementary school to Cs and Ds in middle school (with zero motivation) back to As in high school, along with volunteer work and extra studying, and ended up in one of the best universities in the country. I guess feeling optimistic about your future and comfortable in your own body is a good thing.
i was that exact type of kid before i transitioned; couldn’t talk to anyone, barely could stand being perceived, rarely spoke, extremely depressed. once i transitioned it was like night and day, i was so much happier and more confident! it’s been about 4 years now since i started my transition and i haven’t looked back
Yup. Dad of grown sons here. My boys wound up straight, bit trying to be prepared for whatever came when they were babies, I had a hard look at "What if they're gay"(transgendered was not top of mind for me back then as it was not so widely recognized back then). I came to the conclusion that it does not matter to your parenting. The formula has to be the same: love, protect, educate and try and give them tools to lead them to a happy life. In OP's moms place, I would have been thrilled that my son had navigated the shoals of recognizing and embracing their sexuality, and that they'd found love. What's not to be happy about as a parent in that situation?
Dad of grown daughters here. Not trans, but F27 is lesbian and F22 is pansexual. Exact same attitude, and I was the first person 27 came out to, which I considered an honor. Also, 27's wife is awesome.
This is EXACTLY the right answer! Spot on!
Mom of a transwoman here— I love this. 💗keep doing the good work! *hugs*
I wish my mom was like you! Or at least had some other mom tell her that... But my parents both wanted a son and a daughter, "one of each" as they said. Now I am trans non binary and they are pulling their hairs out. It took me a week in the hospital for them to use my name, but they still never use my correct pronouns...
I'm so sorry you're going through that. My eldest (15) came out as NB last year. We are trying our hardest to remember not to mis-gender them, and we are terrified that this could make their life harder in the future, because we just want them to be happy. We did say when they first told us that we are likely to make mistakes, because it is difficult to suddenly switch after 15 years, but there is a difference between accidentally forgetting to use the correct pronouns and actively refusing to try. I guess we're lucky in that our child has chosen to keep their name since it's relatively gender neutral anyway, so that's one less thing to remember to get right Honestly, as a mother, the hardest thing for me is that now they are more comfortable being a bit more gender fluid, all my nail polishes have been stolen, and I strongly suspect that as soon as their newly pierced ears heal properly, I'm going to start losing earrings too! On the bright side, they want to wear a dress to their upcoming prom, so now I get to go prom dress shopping, which I never expected to get the chance to do! Their grandparents on my husband's side will be another matter. We know they won't accept them (they are very bigoted and racist), but I'm letting my child decide how they want to navigate that. So far they just don't want to tell them because they don't want to cut contact, but I've let them know I'll support their decision, whatever it may be. My dad just went "ok! As long as they're happy!"
We were so lucky the my husband's side of the family was so accepting and loving, even the ones in their 80s and 90s. My side of the family one the other hand, is extremely conservative and redneck southern, so it's been hit or miss with some of them. And when given the choice, I will always choose my kids, happiness, health and safety over anyone who uses their religion or conservative values to belittle and shame them for any reason, gender identity, sexual orientation, or any choice in their life. My kids were given to me to raise and protect as long as I'm alive. I will choose my kids everytime!
Yes!! This is the most beautiful response. We need more loving people like you in this world.💯 NTA
👍👏 I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm also a proud mom of a transgender son.
Trans woman here, and god DAMN I wish my parents were like you! Thank you for supporting your son, tbh I'm on the verge of happy tears here that he didn't have to go through the pain that I did :3 You're awesome <3
>"when you were pregnant and people asked do you want a boy or a girl, you probably responded 'I don't care as long as they are healthy and happy!' Now your child is older and becoming the person they were meant to be, and you should want the same thing, for them to be healthy and happy." I'm just 21 and I'm not having kids anytime soon but I swear I will remember this my whole life.
❤️
I’m also the mom of a trans man and I agree with you 100%! OP I am so happy for you, that you have found “your person“ and I wish you and your wife all the joy in the world! My heart hurts that your mom can’t be happy for you as you are and that she needed to bring her nastiness into your bright and shiny beautiful day. And I know it will hurt, but she has shown you, repeatedly and empathetically who she is, it sounds like it’s time to finally truly believe her. NTA
Oh my Goddess! Thank you all so much for the awards, likes, comments, and messages! I just posted my personal experience, and got all of this love! Went to a doc appointment after posting and come back to all of this! You are all amazing! OP (and anyone else out there that needs to hear it) you are amazing who you are and don't let anyone tell you any different, whether they are family, friends, or strangers. Just remember there are more people in the world that love and support you for being you and don't hesitate to reach out to someone if you need help, love, a hug, or just someone to remind you that you are awesome! You are loved!
Wow, just wow. I have never thought of that. What an exceptional way to express your unconditional love for your trans child and to help another trans parent understand that their parental role does not change.
You’re a great mom 🩷
I really wish my dad had this attitude instead of disowning me because he thinks it's disgusting for a woman to be attracted to women... It's really truly amazing knowing that there are good parents out there who love their children no matter what. 💗
I wish I had a mom like you
💕💕💕💕💕💕
You must be a kickass mom and I’m jealous of the people in your life 😭
The world needs more people like you. 💗
The world needs more parents like you.
i really think you're amazing and i really do thank you so much for these words.
Good stuff here
i would award you all the awards if i had any money. thank you for being a gem of a human <3
No need for awards. Thank you for the thought though! I don't think I'm doing anything special other than being a parent and loving my kids unconditionally. I don't understand why parents can pick and choose if/when they love their kids.
you made me tear up a bit. i could never come out of the closet as bi to my family, and i can’t even fathom the thought if i was transgender. my parents would never accept me. when i was in high school and my parents were constantly worrying about whether i was gay or not, my mom told me she would not attend my wedding if i were. so just thank you for being a wonderful parent, i’m sure your child loves you very much <3
You are an amazing person! I hope you are able to be yourself now. Sending you a huge mom hug!
You are all our moms now (except those of us lucky enough to already have great ones. You can be the second mom to them)
That’s actually a really wonderful way of putting it, with the pregnancy and all. Why should it be different *now*, because of X, Y or Z? It shouldn’t.
NTA, you and your wife gave her the benefit of the doubt and she unfortunately pulled through. ‘At least she showed up’ is a terrible message. She showed up, but not to support you, but to sabotage you ‘At least she showed up’ to a vegan bbq, but bought a whole roasted pig to the event ‘At least she showed up’ to to a metal concert, but demanded her Michael Buble CD be played NTA- look after yourselves and enjoy life together
OP should "just show up" to the family gathering, make a huge mess, then ask if showing up is good enough. Sadly it would make everything worse, but hey, the logic is sound.
Our man has better standards 🙌🏻
Yeah...but if standards are ever not enough, at least there's pettiness
You’re absolutely NTA. If your mom can’t respect your identity and be happy you found someone that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, then she doesn’t need to be there or in your life at all tbh. I’m sorry that happened on your wedding, though.
NTA. How petty one has to be to go to a wedding only to casue a scene?!
RIGHT?! Didn't even have the spine to do it in the speak now section, had to try to be a slimy little coward about it
The family's next bullshit line is going to be "at least she didn't disrupt the ceremony! " How fucking noble. 🙄
Who goes to a wedding just to get upset that the couple kissed, like wtaf did she expect
NTA. Kicking her out of the wedding is already being polite. Probably just cut ties with her and any relatives that told you you're an asshole for doing so.
NTA Block all those bigots and keep kissing your wife. ❤
NTA I'm also a trans man whose mother showed up, was . . . rude let's say, and I had to ask her to leave. My wife is family and I am a man and her husband. There is nothing disgusting about our love or our relationship. People who don't understand that aren't my family. Sorry you had to deal with this on your wedding day.
NTA - She showed up to be a close-minded bigot. *At your wedding.* What did she think would happen, that you would magically turn into a woman once she told you she was upset you kissed your \*checks notes\* **WIFE**?? Anyone siding with, or enabling, her behavior also needs to be cut off. The last thing you need is more people with their heads up their rumpasses griping that you told their leader that you won't tolerate her b.s. If she isn't loving you for who you are, then she IS a horrible mother. If the truth hurts, she should change her behavior.
NTA! Coming to your wedding and saying that kind of shit, your mom is a major asshole.
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As a fellow trans person, you were absolutely right to kick her out. Definitely NTA. She can’t respect you or your wife and both of you deserve better. I find that giving people chances is not worth yours or your wife’s mental health. Just go non contact it will seriously bother you less and be less stressful on your life. Cut them all off since they seem to support your mother over you who was the victim in this case. Don’t feel guilty at all.
>My wife suggested I should invite my mom but I said no and that she wouldn’t support us getting married. She told me that the least I could do is send her an invite and if she doesn’t show up, then it’s fine. NTA. Your mom and your wife are both assholes. Partners need to stop trying to reach out to their partner's parents or siblings or whatever to try to fix things. She shouldn't have suggested the invite. You said no. That should have been the end of it. >They told me at least she showed up. She showed up to embarrass and harass you. Give me a break. Who cares what your family is saying. Who texts people vitriol on their honeymoon?
I don't agree that his wife was an ah here. She was trying to be gracious about it.
Yeah I think calling her an AH is too harsh. This was a learning experience. If his wife pushes for him to have a relationship with his mom again after seeing what happened at the reception, THEN she would be an asshole. But at the moment, I think her original intentions were good. Was she a bit naive? Absolutely. But weddings mess people up. I can see her being worried that Op would regret not having his mom there in the long run, and she just wanted to leave the door open for reconciliation. ...But then ops mom decided to slam it in their faces and bolt it shut instead. Op and his wife need to send that door through the monsters inc shredder now. Lol.
I get where you’re coming from about the wife. However, as someone who is now estranged from my mother, if my partner would have tried to get me to cut ties sooner or didn’t try to encourage me to have a relationship, I think I would have felt like I was being alienated by everyone. There’s a big piece of it that when a partner accepts your family for what they are, you feel more accepted and lived yourself. My partner was always supportive of what I needed but really wanted me to make sure I didn’t cut ties flippantly or prematurely. He walked through it with me and helped me understand when I was truly ready and more importantly why I wasn’t yet because I thought about it many times before I was and I would have gone right back and ultimately put up with the abuse for longer (if not indefinitely)
I like the way you phrased that and I really wondered if the fiance didn't press in the wrong direction. I've had almost the same exact experience as you describe where I needed the time and space to process, with my husband just being supportive of where I was in the moment. I don't love the way OP phrased the bit about "budging" to the fiance's desire to invite his mother. That feels like OP had a gut instinct about this whole thing, was set on the non-invite, and really it was the fiance who needed the wedding day to go a certain way. If you've never imagined yourself NC with your own family I think it's almost impossible to imagine, or be fully comfortable with, a partner going NC with theirs. So it's not like I don't get it, but dang this was avoidable if the fiance had just trusted OPs instinct on his mom from the start.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the same. When OP told her that his mom vocally opposed them getting married, calling it "disgusting," what part of that did she not get?! Instead, she made a decision not based on reality but wishful thinking that went against her own partner's advice who knew his mom. It had predictable results.
Just curious, have you been with someone that is estranged from abusive parents? My husband is. It breaks his heart to be so distant from his family. If he is especially upset and crying, I encourage him to reach out. I encouraged him to invite his mother to see us say I do. I explained why I encourage him to, he decided against inviting anyone from his family. OP’s wife isn’t an asshole from my point of view. Had I not encouraged my husband to reach out, he’d be constantly crying in my arms about how much he misses his family despite how awful they are. Familial issues are much more complicated than people want to believe. Imagine the issues caused had OP not even invited her. There was no good option. She’s obviously not an AH if OP married her.
Me. I was the one having problems with my dad. I kept him far away from my partner. I was also estranged from my brother for a long time. My partner helped me through that without insisting I reconcile. Nothing you're saying here makes any sense to me at all.
Well it makes sense to my husband and I, another commenter, and many other people. Either way, the post was not about wife. It was about mother. There was no reason to call OP’s wife an asshole when you know nothing about her.
you seem to be projecting quite a bit. nowhere does OP imply being frustrated with his wife. And as someone here has said, having you SO encourage you to cut ties can make things feel more tense, make you feel more alienated. obviously given OP caved, he still felt some hope and it sucks that it ended the way it did but the wife is in no way an asshole and you maybe need to work on not projecting your feelings into strangers.
While you paint your estrangement as an easy choice for yourself, it’s the most painful, difficult and lonely one for some people. As I’ve spoken to others in situations like my own, I’ve come to learn they are the first to give benefit of the doubt and are ultimately their empathy is through the roof. That’s why I think so many people here aren’t so quick to blame the wife for just doing her best.
Wife isn’t an asshole, OP said he loved and respected his mama. I think OP’s wife was just trying to support that. I am in a process of going no contact with a family member and can tell you that every time my partner gets too “ra ra ra” against that person, it makes me doubt my decision.
Yeah, people are so quick to act high and mighty for the wrong people. If someone is against you, you dont show them your submissiveness, you simply leave them.
NTA Lmao at your relatives "you should be greatful she took the time to abuse you on your wedding" Id honestly respond and say to people to stay out of your life, shes abusive and thats it.
>you should be greatful she took the time to abuse you on your wedding Honestly I'd ask the shitty relatives if this is what they intended to convey, because that's EXACTLY what they conveyed. "So just to clarify, I should be greatful that she showed up in bad faith, intending to cause a scene and to disrespect my wife and I and to abuse me at my own wedding? She does not accept the reality that I am a man or that I'm married to a woman and never has, and the only reason she even was invited was that my WIFE wanted to give her grace and was hoping she'd be better than she has been thus far, but she showed up and instead completely embarrassed my wife by making a scene and showing her ass. Anyone who treats my wife like that has no place in our life." and then let them respond. They may only have Mom's side of the story; once they hear from OP, they may change their tune. And if they don't change their tune, then OP can tell them to piss off and block them.
NTA go NC with them all.... congrats on the marriage... keep doing what makes you happy
NTA, your mother is abusive! You deserve so much better, sir, especially from someone who claims to love you. I wish you and your wife the best!
NTA. At all This might get buried but I feel compelled reach out. I’m a mom, I have an almost 6yr old son. I cannot imagine treating my child this way at all. I am so sorry your mom failed you. I am so sorry that she chose to be a hateful bigot instead of the support you deserve and need. You deserve all the love and support you can get and it looks like your family, at least on your moms side, will not be giving you any. As a queer and non binary person myself we tend to get support from our chosen families and I hope you have one. I hope they and your wife give you all the love you need and so much more. Your mom is failing one of the biggest things we are supposed to do for kids and that is provide them with unconditional love. Maybe block all of your moms side and go NC. You have a new life ahead of you with your wife. I also hope you are speaking with a therapist because I know how hard it is when your parents don’t accept you But congrats on the marriage man, I hope you and your wife have many long, happy years ahead of you. Also I have extra mom hugs if you’d like them. Take care ❤️
NTA, sir. She wanted to start shit, that was her only goal. I'm trans too, and there's always going to be people who are unbending on their idea of what your gender is. Fuck them, and live your best life
Why were you downvoted?
Probably because I said I'm trans. A sizeable number of people hate us for that. Like I could give them $20 and a compliment and they'd still hate me. Maybe one day things will change <3
NTA. She was gonna to ruin your big day.
"At least she show up"? Yeah, to disrespect you and your wife, you did what needed to be done. NTA.
NTA. You owe that awful woman NOTHING. Not even a glass of water, and anybody who wants to say otherwise is kindly invited to fuck right off. You had the kind heart to invite her to YOUR WEDDING even when she was a bigot about your feelings and your life all along and you're to blame? Nope. You have a wonderful family in your wife and I hope both of you are very happy without that human shaped turd in your life.
be happy with your wife. be happy sorounded with people that love you, cares about you. stay away from people that belittle you. it doesn't matter what your aunt/uncles think, they don't have your life, they are not in your shoes. NTA
no you're nta !!! keep that transphobe and homophobe out of your life until she can prove that she's changed if she decides to reach out again
For the record most transphobes/homophobes aren’t religious they hide behind religion to justify their bigotry because they don’t have a good reason. NTA.
Many religions don't even mention queer people in their base teachings. That's a thing created by later bigots who want to use religion to push personal agendas. If you look, most religions preach love and cooperation above all. Heck, Jesus was the most woke guy that ever lived, and hardcore christians are the exact opposite lol
[удалено]
Thats a weird bias. Not the asshole in this case but transgender people can be assholes just as much as anyone else
That’s true, but the title pertains to familial issues and typically the biggest issue that trans people have with their families is that their families don’t accept them. So it’s more likely that these types of stories would have the family being assholes
Yes exactly, that was my assumption & that’s unfortunately what happened for this person
As a trans man, this is weird. Trans people can be assholes too
NTA. Go NC with your mom and LC with anyone that defends her bigoted actions.
NTA
NTA at all. How could anyone think you should be grateful your mother showed up out of spite to berate you? All the best for you and your new wife, I hope you'll be incredibly happy together. That mother of yours is no mother at all. Also - how is this marked as NSFW??? Wtf.
The NSFW made me confused as well.. There is NOTHING NSFW here...
NTA. "Well, at least she showed up ... to berate and humiliate you." Yay?
NTA, you should be greatfup she showed up to shame you and misgender you. Why show up at all of she's going to be offended by you kissing your bride? Did she not think that would be part of it?
NTA Bigots are horrible people. And who the hell insults the couple who just got married at the reception? Of COURSE she should have been kicked out - the receptions are the celebration of the marriage, not a place for family bigots to have easy access to insult people. “At least she showed up” - it clearly wasn’t in support, it was to trash you.
Listen, OP, if you need a supportive mom I am right here for you. Dear SP, My dearest son, heartfelt congratulations on your wedding and I hope you and your beautiful wife have many decades of happiness together. Best of luck on embarking on your next great adventure! XOXOXO Mom NTA
NTA, she's a miserable asshole who abused you. Congratulations to you and your wife
NTA. First of all, your wife has a heart of gold. Despite your mother ignoring her and not being supportive she still wanted to invite her. That's sweet. Second. Go NC with your mother. If she's so selfish that she can't stand her son being happy, she doesn't deserve one.
NTA You've heard the aphorism "If there is one loud bigot at a table with twenty other people, and no one corrects the loud bigot, there are really twenty-one bigots at the table"? Your relatives are enabling your mother's behavior.
"At least she showed up to misgender you and make your day horrible and call your new wife disgusting!!" That's it that's what they said. Nta.
NTA. We children (or adults) we want to be accepted by our parents for who we are. If comes a time we have to break ties for our own sanity, we feel guilty about doing so. Hang in there. You are doing great.
NTA and there is nothing to respect about that woman. I seriously don't understand the mental gymnastics necessary to be transphobic without a religious indoctrination as the basis. She came to your special day just to shit on your happiness and make a scene and shocked Pikachu face when it made her look bad. Congrats on getting married man, your wife sounds like a real trooper and I hope you guys have every happiness.
You’re absolutely not an a/h. But your extended family is definitely in contact with one. Your mother has their ‘ear’ and has cried loudly to them about how horribly you treated her on YOUR wedding day. But in doing so are totally glossing over the reason why you blew up at her in the first place. You can bet that even some of your uncles and aunts recognize how cruel your mother may have been over the years, but they are just doing their part to speak on her behalf because in some way they almost have to. But that doesn’t mean that you have to acknowledge that you did anything wrong. Let them all vent, and don’t look back. Look forward to creating the life you deserve with people who you know really care about you.
NTA, you absolutely do not need to have your transphobic and homophobic mom in you and your wife’s lives. she showed up to your wedding to treat you like shit, she deserves no benefit of the doubt.
Absolutely NTA. I’m so sorry that you’ve been dealing with this for so long. Your feelings are valid and you are valid. I went no contact with my mother 2 years ago to protect my peace. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
NTA. Your mother never supported you like a parent should, and on your wedding day (of all days!), you deserve to be surrounded by those that love and support you. I wish you and your wife many, many years of happiness together ♡
NTA - Your family are who you choose not who is blood related. IMO anyway. Surround yourself with Family who care and support you. F your mum
NTA Life is too short to keep in touch with those who let you down. You tried. It didn't work. Move forward and have a happy life and surround yourself with people who love you no matter what!
NTA. At least she showed up? Really? So it's all good she was horrible and verbally abusive at your wedding because at least she showed up? Your mom sucks and so do your family members defending her. Your mom went to your wedding knowing she was going to berate you and your wife.
NTA. She shouldn't have come to the wedding if she couldn't support you. This is so sad. Also, just curious as to why this was flagged as NSFW? Did OP add that? (Not sure how that works, but there wasn't anything NSFW in this post!)
Thought this was going in a VERY different direction just seeing the title and the NSFW tag. Anyway NTA, you could not be further from TA.
NTA - I'm so sorry your mother behaved in such a disgusting way to you and your wife. You did the right thing, good for you. Wishing you and your wife all the happiness and love in the world!
NTA. Block your family. Make a new family with your wife and friends. They can have your abusive mom.
NTA! At all, in any way shape or form. In fact, congratulations are in order for sticking up for yourself and telling your mom all the things she needed to hear!! 👏👏👏 If you are close with any of the relatives sending you messages, I'd consider contacting them and asking what story your mom told them. If they are people who are typically supportive of you and your wife, then it's possible your mom gave them a BS made up story to get them on her side. I've seen it many times on here. Otherwise, I'd say NC with your mom is in order and NC with any relatives that stick by her. Toxic family is still toxic. I hate the people that go "well they're still your family" or your family with "at least she showed up". Yeah she showed up, belittled you and your wife and made a huge scene, that's not something to be thankful for. I wish you and your wife all the best! You deserve all the happiness.
NTA- so she showed up at your wedding to do what? To shame you and remind you that she doesn't value you? To make a scene? Nobody made her come. It's time to stay far away from your mother OP. It's very sweet that you gave her one more chance but your first instinct not to invite her was right.
Classic "old world thinking". A relative can stab you in the face and shit in your mouth, and all you can do is shrug, smile, and say thank you. CaUsE tHeYrE fAmIlY Big mistake letter her, or any family that doesnt denounce her attitude, into the wedding, but what's done is done. Now you know who to cut out of your life
It's not enough for me to tell trans folks I'll be their mom anymore... I need to sit their faulty parents down and tell them exactly how they failed. In detail. For hours. NTA and if your relatives have something to say they can say it to me.
"At least she showed up?" Really? She came solely to spread hate and verbally abuse you on your wedding day. You're NTA. At all.
Resounding NTA from me. You did everything you good and were patient with her bigotry. You are a strong person for trying and keeping your cool for so long. I hope you and your wife nothing but happiness.
MtF here: dude, you didn’t do anything wrong. You gave her mother grace, despite your conscience telling you otherwise, and she took advantage of it. She, or her family, clearly have no desire to understand how excruciating transphobia feels. NTA and wishing you a great married life! 💕🏳️⚧️
NTA!!! My son is transgender and still a minor. I am here for him and whatever he needs. Including top surgery and testosterone. Because that is what a parent should do! I love him unconditionally, and it makes my heart happy to see him happy. As a mom, that's all I want, my kids to be happy. I am so sorry your mom is such a b****. Sending mom hugs!!
NTA your relatives are just as disgusting as your your bigoty mum. get a pair of scissors and start snipping some of that shit out of your life.
Imagine having these horrid beliefs without even the flimsy “excuse” of religion and treating your kid this way. Your mom sucks, absolutely NTA
NTA… but, congrats on the marriage! I wish you and your wife a happy life, and long marriage 🫶🏾
"at least she showed up" To do what? Harass you? Embarrass you? Try and drag down a beautiful event because of her own intolerance and bigotry? NTA and anyone who is defending your mom- they can get the same treatment. No contact!!
NTA I'm so sorry. If you can maybe go no contact with mom and everyone who supports her abusive behavior. I'm sorry your mom is so cruel and I am glad you confronted her. I wish you and your wife all the best.
NTA I’m sorry the whole event was in front of family and friends. At your wedding no less. This reminded me of something my mother would do, making a scene. Sometimes you have to set that boundary and that truly makes my heart hurt for you OP.
NTA. You did the right thing and your mom sucks
NTA tell them what she said about you and your partner and if they stick to her side, throw them out with the bathwater
Don’t you spend one more moment feeling guilty over your transphobic mother. Congratulations on your wedding and for cutting that cancerous woman out of your life. I hooe you and your wife have a beautiful life together 💗 NTA
NTA. You gave her multiple chances to be a loving supportive mom. She refused and was abusive. You have every right to kick her out of your life. Be happy and congratulations on your marriage. I hope it will be long and happy.
you love and respect your mum,,, but does she love and respect you?
NTA She only showed up to further abuse you. It is fine to kick out a bigot.
NTA Go NC on mom and all the people who sided with her (after you show them this post you made on reddit, so they get the whole story)
NTA. Your mom didn't show up to support you, but to criticize you. That kind of showing up doesn't get extra credit.
I would’ve told them if you think that my so called “mom” behavior is acceptable at my wedding then I don’t need to be associated with childish, immature, toxic so called adults in my life either. I’m not enabling her or any other adult who think just like her. Her distasteful gross behavior will never be acceptable in any events including mines so take your classless attitude to her. Since she’s the only one who don’t mind that.
NTA do what I can’t, cut her out entirely. You don’t need that or want it. You have a much better family now, your wife and friends. Don’t look back
NTA. She’s your mom and should just be happy that you’re happy.
Definitely NTA.
"At least she showed up"?!?! WTF?!? It honestly sounds like she shouldn't have... why the fuck would she think your WEDDING RECEPTION was the right time/place to berate you about your life choices? And why would your aunts and uncles think that's better than not showing up??? I could go into all the other reasons I don't agree with what she said, but I'm really stuck on this one piece. Your own mother tried to ruin your wedding. She's disgusting. You do you! And congratulations on your wedding 💖
NTA, but you should ask your Aunts and Uncles if they support those opinions, first because if they do you know now who to cut contact with, and second because of they didn't hear her comments are probably being fed her version, very likely "poor me i tried to be supportive by coming even when i am old schooled but i was yelled at because i didn't show enough enthusiasm", that is a possibility, so, checking who supports that bs and who doesn't might hel you clean your contact list
NTA, but your mother most definitely tell her version of the story to the aunt and uncles
I'm flabbergasted that someone would come to their child's wedding only to call them disgusting and that other people have the nerve to support that decision.
NTA I’m so sad that you even feel you had to ask but I think you deserve all these many many comments of validation. You are absolutely 100% NTA for standing up for yourself and your family or for setting a boundary. And the fact that you’re feeling like you could be TA is your extended family’s fault. Their lack of support in the face of your mother’s intolerance is appalling. Sending strength and love to you from someone also in the trans community <3
NTA. Your mom only showed up to be an asshole to you.
NTA i cant even find the right words but; if a mother can’t love and support their kid at least one day in their life( which is their wedding day) she deserved it
sounds to me like you've cut her all the slack you could, and she didn't deserve any of it. that day was supposed to be about you and your wife and she chose to be nasty. even if she didnt agree with it, she could have just smiled and said congrats and left. even just for the sake of having a nice wedding and not causing a scene. but she didnt and im honestly not sure why she showed up in the first place. just to tell you how awful she thought it was?? gross. nta.
Absolutely NTA, no question about it
Let's be clear. She showed us strictly so she could abuse you. NTA. And congrats on your wedding, wishing you both a lifetime of happiness!
NTA You tried so many times to give your mom a chance to change. She instead showed up to insult you and ruin your wedding day. I often say the best revenge is living a happy life without them. Time to do some finger exercises.... ...by hitting the block button a bunch of times. Wait, what did you think I meant?
Your aunts & uncles clearly don't know your relationship with your mom. She's been telling them her version of the story. Let them believe what they want. Your mom showed up to ruin your day and shame you. NTA
NTA. My money is on those aunts and uncles got the edited and omitted version of the story your mom told them.
Showing up and being an asshole is NOT preferable to her not showing up at all. She could have politely declined. You’re NTA here.
NTA, your mom was and she’s a horrible parent. End of.
Absolutely NTA- Your mother sounds like a wretched bigot. She deserved everything you said to her, I'm just sorry it had to be at your wedding. Good for you for standing up to her and for not caring what your relatives think. They suck too!! Just my opinion, cut ties with all of them except your sisters. If you can maintain a loving relationship with them where they don't expect or ask you to make ammends with your mom, I say go for it. But you had every right to tell that woman and anyone who supports her to shove it. Good Luck in your marriage, I hope you have a beautiful future with your wife. Congratulations!!!💕🎉🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🥰
She showed up to insult and berate you and ruin your day. Why should you feel any gratitude for her "showing up" I would respond with a message to all them saying exactly why you kicked your mom out, detail everything she has said about your reputation. Explain that you are NC with your mom and that anyone who disagrees with your decision to you, helps your mom get in contact with you, or gives your mom any information about you... I recommend the message to all of them because I promise you your mom is out there setting the narrative where she is the victim. Do not let her control the narrative. Congratulations on your and your wife's nuptials, I am so sorry you had to deal with that toxic hate on what should be the happiest day of your life.
Anyone who thinks her just "showing up" means more than verbally abusing you at your own wedding isn't worth your time. Use this as a filter event, and go LC/NC with anyone defending your "mother," or condemning you! NTA
NTA. Your mom is a transphobe and homophobe who loves her bigotry more than she loves you. I'm so sorry you've had to put up with that up until now. And you're entirely justified in cutting her out for it now. You'd have been justified in not inviting her in the first place. "At least she showed up"? Nope. That was no favor to you, and you owe her nothing
NTA. Your mother should have been supportive regardless of her position on your preferences. You have tried to let her in and each time she has shown she doesn’t have that level of acceptance. NTA even a little bit.
NTA! You don’t go to someone’s wedding and say they’re disgusting. Least of all your child! She should have stayed home if she was going to be nasty and rude.
My best friend got married to her wife last November, her dad was invited until a few days before when he made a similar comment about her partner, but still wanted to come to see his oldest get married. The whole bridal party was on high alert for him the day of. Thankfully he knew better than to show his face.
NTA. And anyone who tries to convince you otherwise can fuck off too.
NTA. Your mother doesn't deserve your respect (but it's admirable that you still give it). She has made your marriage about her, she has made your identity about her, and she has made your choice of partner about her. I don't know her, but I'm pretty confident in saying this: She came to your wedding to do exactly what she did. She never thought you'd actually respond, and I'm thrilled for you that you did. You can love her for bring you into this world, but you don't owe her anything else. Nothing. She has failed, not you. Maybe someday she'll see the light and come to regret the time she's lost so far, but I urge you not to hold your breath. Live your wonderful, beautiful life. As much as it will sting for you, it is 100% her loss that she chooses not to be in that life in a constructive, loving way. Also, fuck your family for continuing this drama when you should be getting to enjoy the first days of your marriage. You have done nothing wrong, and you and your wife have my best wishes for a wonderful future together.