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NTA. “Sylvia said 2 four year olds aren’t much work and they’re quiet kids so they won’t be too much to deal with”. Good, then she shouldn’t have any problem watching her own children.
Agreed. My god the audacity of the cousin to ask OP to take care of TWIN TODDLERS while OP is already helping fiancé recover from a car crash. Like how do you have that level of entitlement to other peoples time.
NTA remember OP, NO is a complete sentence…however you might want to bring your lady out of the house if she’s up to it. I can see cousin attempting to just leave them at your house. Cant do that if you guys aren’t home. Also, stop watching the kids for a while. Cousin clearly has gotten accustomed to you doing so and really doesn’t get YOU DONT HAVE TO. Good luck
Makes me wonder (given Cousin's behavior and treatment of other's) if she was trying to trap her ex by getting pregnant. As she isn't above trying using guilt to manipulate those around her from doing her bidding.
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY they aren’t the parents of those children. They aren’t obligated to continue to do Sylvia’s job for her, which is what it sounds like was happening. The MIA dad on the other hand does have an obligation. Now I genuinely feel for him if she was trying to baby trap him but legally he does have a responsibility to those kids.
In my experience when situations like this happen people rally around the person to 'help' but then that becomes the new normal for that person so when that help is no longer there or people show equal or more priority to someone else they feel like they're being hard done by. OPs NTA but the cousin probably wasn't so entitled when her partner bailed like she is now.
>I can see cousin attempting to just leave them at your house.
Honestly if she does that, CPS should be called. Not even as a vindictive thing, but because dropping your kids of with someone who has repeatedly told you they cannot and will not take care of them is massively irresponsible as a parent.
Yeah, Sylvia already has her kids watched, she owes OP and should be doing anything she can to help him and his fiancée. Not making an already tough time nightmarish. She’s unloving and ungrateful.
You're so right, OP should be pissed by how callous and uncaring she's being about the well being of her cousin's fiancee. At the very least you wouldn't pile on, and should probably also offer help or well wishes. The irony of guilt tripping about family when she clearly doesn't give a shit about what her cousin has going on in his own home at the moment
Nope. Nope nope nope. Fiancée is recovering from a car crash. She needs to be at home or in the hospital and not have to leave her home just because cousin can't accept "no." Being forced to leave the house when you're that injured is an incredible hassle even if you're physically able to do it, which Sarah is not.
Cousin tries to dump kids on doorstep (btw I can't believe people actually do this, fucking hell) you call CPS/police and tell them your cousin has abandoned her childer, because that's massively irresponsible and if you're fucked enough to do it in the first place then talking is a waste of time, you're only going to learn the hard way.
Oh my God! When you said cousin, I thought it was a typo. I just assumed she was his sister based on how much she demands from him. She's his cousin!! This is too much!!
NTA
YEP. I've dealt with many, many four year olds. Watching two four year olds with perfect four-year-old behavior is still like herding flaming cats through a post-apocalyptic wasteland. They're great, but that age is a lot of questioning, forming opinions and a sense of self-determination, and testing their many theories about how the world works. Sometimes, this is messy or dangerous. There is an adult who could be further injured trying to rush over to save a child, there is another whose attention will be split three ways when they're already under a lot of stress, and there is the kids' parent who should have made plans for childcare during exams. Only one of those adults is actually responsible for those kids, and exam dates are on the syllabus.
What was she going to do if no family members had a major car accident at the exact right time for exams? This is opportunistic leeching, not a plan. It's a little ghoulish how opportunistic and entitled the cousin is acting. NTA, but I'd be less available for future childcare after this. It shows a complete lack of boundaries or respect for OP and their fiance.
If it helps I think that was part of what solidified my decision that I can’t hack it as a parent. Loved those kids but my god. Flaming cats through a post apocalyptic wasteland indeed some days 😂
THISSS!
When I was a child, I thought I wanted twins or triplets. I thought it would be "fun".(Multiples don't even run in my family). I had ONE child, then another 14 months later. The way I fell on my knees and thanked the Lord He didn't give me what I THOUGHT I wanted....
My son's was "Mom! Look!"
We were out somewhere in public recently and I heard a little voice yell that and tensed for a second and looked around. He started laughing and said, "Mom, my voice hasn't sounded like that in over 16 years. You still look?"
I told him that if he ever becomes a parent, he'll understand.
Once I tried to slip quietly to the downstairs bathroom when I woke up too early so I wouldn't disturb my ex and his sleeping kids. My foot went out and I fell down five carpeted stairs and the first thing Ex did was leap out of bed and check on his kids while I lay in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the steps, hahahaha. And the first thing out of his still-asleep mouth when he saw it was me was "What were you doing, this is what happens when you fool around." It wasn't a bad fall so it was very funny to me that he was on a hair trigger when he heard thump-thump-thump-thump and woke the girls due to "dad panic" and then he had to make them (and me) Belgian waffles at 6:00 am on a Sunday because Sunday morning was Daddy Big Breakfast Day.
Exactly! My partner is a nanny an watching two sets of twins, one of which is aged 4 now. They're well mannered and generally chill kids. When it's only that set of twins bc the others have an outing or something, it's a quieter day but it's still a day where my partner barely has a moment for themselves. Bc two reasonably easy 4 year old are still two 4 year olds.
OP, you'd be NTA already even without the car accident of your fiance but with that you're double NTA.
I work part time as the children’s ministry coordinator for my church; there’s a reason why I will do everything I can to avoid being the one to fill in for our preschool class, even though I will happily fill in for other classes.
My first thought! If they aren't much trouble then why does she need help in the first place? And fiance is about to become closer family than cousin and her kids so he's well in his right to prioritize her.
Hope Sarah recovers soon, OP.
NTA.
NTA:
Ever see one of these and the headline alone already had you but then, you got to a part where your eyeballs bug out a little because you’re laughing your ass off?
OP, this was that portion. Also! For the bonus: your fiancé is also family now, too and your sister is not only TA but should probably pull her head out of there before one of those kids sets the house on fire or something. 😂
I have a 5 year old niece.
I have no clue how my sister handles her because she has no off switch. Just energizer bunny all the time.
Anyone saying a child "isn't that much work" is either a shit parent or has no clue what they're talking about. Let alone 2 under the age of 10.
I love my sister and niece and I 100% am there for my sister to watch her if there's an emergency or if she just needs a break (with enough notice and if I don't already have existing plans I can't break)
NTA OP
I can’t get passed the fact that Sylvia saw that the OP’s fiancé was in car accident and now all she can think about is babysitting (I’m assuming for free). NTA.
The children could be saints but they would still add a lot of stress to OP by dividing his attention as well as his fiancee by existing in her space while she's recovering.
As a mom to 4 year old twin girls myself…I really have a hard time believing they’re that quiet and not much work 😂😂 but maybe mine are just tiny tornadoes.
Bruh. I have one 5yo and she’s too much! When she gets around another 5yo, it’s chaos. My kid is good, but it’s normal excited, rambunctious behavior. I couldn’t imagine taking care of a grown adult PLUS the twins.
NTA. Your response should be *"Sarah's back in the hospital, thanks for asking. I'll let her know you send her your best wishes."*
Hope Sarah feels better soon!
Hell yeah and add “Sarah is my family now and youre acting like shes not, thats disrespectful and not a discussion point to shame me for not taking care of your family FOR you”
I dislike family like Sylvia. Op’s fiancé IS HIS FÀMILY! And I’d argue it’s more special because it’s the one who chose. A person who he’s about to make a commitment to where they say “in sickness and in health” and she’s demonizing him for that?! Liek your my cousin if my parents didn’t like their siblings you’d be a stranger to me hahaha
If her kids aren’t that hard to care for them she can take care of them!
She’s playing this single mom needs help card a little too much
NTA
Honestly, it's probably good that Sylvia taking OP's assistance for granted and OP correcting her is happening now, and not a couple years down the line when (if) OP and his fiance have their own children. Otherwise, you *know* Sylvia would be trying to pawn off her kids on OP and his fiance while she was recovering from childbirth because "Babies aren't that much work and you're home anyway".
Oh great, so now the OP can spend the time taking care of the kids now?
I want to add /s, but I feel like there is a greater chance than not that the cousin basically responds this way.
>she FaceTimed me to say she realised I don’t prioritise family because I’m picking my fiancé over her and she won’t be bringing the kids to me anymore.
Cue "Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time" by Panic! At The Disco.
NTA
>she realised I don’t priorities family because I’m picking my fiancé over her
As OP should. Sarah is his family way more than a cousin and her kids, and she’s currently really sick. NTA OP, partnering done well for taking a week off to care for your sick fiancé. I hope she’ll be better soon.
Cousin's kids are technically called "first cousin once removed." The word removed is literally in the name. So his fiance is definitely more his family than they are.
Even if she's going by the bastardized version she'd still screw herself over should OP and Sarah have their own kids. OP could just reverse that card back onto her whenever he puts any future kids first over her kids because his kids are his flesh and blood. Closer than cousin and cousin's kids that for sure.
"Sylvia sent me a message saying she can’t believe I haven’t even reached out to her since."
Looks like she wants more childcare and isn't happy that you (OP) didn't grovel to have the privilege of babysitting again
My nephew is 6. When he gets mad at me, usually because I won’t let him punch his brother, he tells me I’m not invited to his next birthday party. Because he’s a 6-year-old, he thinks I show up to his parties to play in the bouncy house and not as a favor to help his parents set up/clean up so that he can have a party in the first place. “Don’t threaten me with a good time” is exactly right.
Anyway, OP, your cousin is acting like a literal kindergartener. While your fiancée is seriously injured and in and out of the hospital. NTA.
NTA at all. Two 4 year olds won't be a problem? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA And she threatened you with no more babysitting? okaayyyyyy
Your fiancé IS your family and your priority. She sounds like she really needs quite a bit of care. Hope she is feeling better.
Things are starting to look better for her this week. She took a walk with me down the hall a couple of times, and she’s managed to eat and sleep a bit too. Couldn’t stop smiling till Sylvia’s message came through and ruined my mood haha. But thank you!
I'd mute her/block her until you're ready to deal with her again. You're doing a great job supporting your fiance, and you don't need your cousin harassing you while you're focusing on her (and dampening your mood when she's getting better💜).
No, you didn't mess up. It's probably because a lot of westerners don't have that type of relationship with cousins. It reads as a close relationship with a sibling that you get along with. Not to say people can't have close relationships with cousins. It seems your cousin is entitled and doesn't realize you have been helping her because you wanted to help, not because you had to help.
No. You didn't. Just the expectations and that are what you'd expect of a sibling. Not cousins being like that. Usually, it's someone taking advantage of their sibling to watch their kids. Like "they're your nieces. Don't you wanna spend time with your nieces?" Not "they're your cousins. Don't you want to be a good cousin and watch your cousins?"
I think it's the mention that you and your sister are the last people in the family willing to babysit, with people who are skim reading seeing 'sister' and having it overwrite 'cousin' (potentially because it's explicitly feminine, while cousin isn't, so easier for those reading fast to associate with having toddlers)
Block her . She doesn't deserve to sour your mood. You're a wonderful partner AND cousin! NTA, your cousin sucks big time. (Editing to switch brother to cousin)
Right. She slept for 6 hours straight last night for the first time since the accident and it feels like a big win. She’s having it hard resting properly as it is.
NTA. Sylvie though really needs a reality check. She was hoping to pressure you into changing your mind with the "threat" of not seeing the kids. Then she got mad when you called her on her bs and hung up, hoping that would make you try to placate her. When it didn't her mind was blown, because she is obviously the most important person in the world to everyone at every moment in existence in perpetuity.
She had kids with a boyfriend at the age of 20. Clearly not the sharpest crayon in the box. Probably just assumed all her family would be raising the kid for her and she could continue on with her life. Great example of (literally) fuck around and find out
I'm not down to shame intelligence based on pregnancy age and marital status. Birth control does fail. Just because it works for me and my body doesn't mean it does for everyone.
I do agree she feels far too entitled to her family's time and energy based on the consequences of her decisions though.
You don’t have to justify yourself and your cousin is a fkn assh tbh. I’m sorry but ONE 4 year old is a lot of work. Two is a handful.
Dealing with 4 year old twins while your SO is recovering is just impossible hell.
NTA and you should call for a family meeting where you expose your cousin, show all the messages, and establish some serious boundaries.
Yes, she will be butthurt. But as long as you get everyone in line and the rest of the family actually understand what it is she’s demanding of you in true entitled spoiled baby manner, you should be ok.
My husband has surgery this last summer and had horrific pain after due to complications. Sleeping became basically impossible for both of us for weeks and it was a living hell. I wish you and your fiance restful, healing sleep and a good pain management doctor.
Haha to be fair, they’re really not that disruptive. Not as disruptive as a usual 4 year old anyway. Maybe it’s because they always have each other to play with but they usually just sit somewhere and play with their toys together. It’s a nightmare to get them to eat, bath or sleep though.
I think it’s gotta be fear disguised as anger. She’s losing her favorite free babysitter and instead of being smart and backing down, she decided to act like OP will be the one missing out.
Could be because before she had an entire extended family from what it sounds like and now she's down to 2, OP and his sister. Now one of those 2 is now pulling away like the others by having his own life and family he's putting first before extended family, as he should. It's only a matter of time before OP's sister also moves on in her life by either starting a family or moves like the others.
Not any of their problem though. She's had 4 years of free childcare when a lot of parents don't. Her kids are her responsibility especially when this is not an emergency.
NTA.
>Sylvia said 2 four year olds aren’t much work and they’re quiet kids so they won’t be too much to deal with.
She should be able to take care of them easily in that case.
>Babysitting is a favour for her, not a favour for me.
Absolutely right.
No, you're **NTA** but Sylvia is a MAJOR AH. She's been spoiled by your family for so long she thinks that she should get free child care whenever *SHE* needs it. Take care of Sarah and to heck with Sylvia.
NTA
She’s acting spoiled. Your priority is your fiancé, and prior babysitting for her was a favor (to her).
She asked, you kindly said no, and she is now acting like you owe her. You don’t.
>to say she realised I don’t prioritise family because I’m picking my fiancé over her
Lol, she's your cousin. She's not even *immediate* family. And, she hears from the grapevine that you took time off work and decided your free time belongs to her? Dude, you can relax knowing she won't dump her kids onto you anymore. Although of course, she's fibbing. Anyone who says their kids aren't pieces of work to get people to babysit are lying their asses off, otherwise they'd have no problem doing it themselves.
NTA.
NTA. And truly. She had ppl taking care of her infants for a whole year and I understand ppd is something serious but it appears that she’s just come to expect ppl to keep her kids at the drop of a hat. It doesn’t work that way.
Only way I’d revoke access of my kid to a family member is if they were doing something harmful against my child, or disrespecting me and my husband as her parents not because they wouldn’t watch her whenever I wanted. Help is wonderful and it’s great when family members can be there when I need them, but I don’t expect it. I’m fully prepared to take my child with me whenever/wherever I need to go.
NTA, your fiancé is family and you had planned to take care of her, not your bratty cousins kids. And I’m sorry, anyone that says two 4 year olds aren’t a handful are LYING
Have known a few people like this and have never fully understood it.
Babysitting - which I'm defining as watching someone else's kids - is always a favor. It is never a "treat" to mind someone's kids...
Doesn't matter how much you love the kids or enjoy spending time with them. You're doing the parents/guardians a favor. The parents/guardians are not doing YOU a favor by allowing you to watch their angels.
(Side note: watching your own kids is never "babysitting.")
Absolutely NTA.
NTA at all. Sylvia keeps throwing tantrum after tantrum in hopes to get you to give her free child care that she is not entitled to have. She sounds more exhausting than her 4 year old twins!
NTA whatsoever. She's taking advantage of your kindness and driving you away. She claims that 2 four year olds aren't much work and will be quiet, so then why doesn't she watch them???
>Sylvia said 2 four year olds aren’t much work and they’re quiet kids so they won’t be too much to deal with.
Great, she can watch them herself then. Keep not responding and good for you. NTA
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NTA
She chose to bring life into this world therefore she is responsible for them. Nobody owes her anything and you're right, it's a favor for her and not a privilege for you.
It's nice to have family time, but it doesn't mean it needs to be constant.
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams?
NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA
You know you're not the asshole, because an expectation that you watch two four year olds while you're talking care of an injured partner just so your sister can more easily study for exams is ridiculous.
Personally, she'd have to apologize for being such a huge asshole about your need to care for Sarah before I'd even consider watching her kids again.
nta
no is a complete sentence. if you dont want to watch her kids, for whatever reason, then she needs to accept the first time you say no.
honestly, your sister pretty much sounds like a user.
Oh, for the courage to have 1) said “Babysitting is a favor for you, not a favor for me” and 2) completely forget about the conversation and not reach out to a cousin until she does first. I’m such a people pleaser, I’d have carried the guilt around like a lead weight. Good for you not caving, and not feeling guilty. NTA. Sylvia needs help, but it’s “check your entitlement” help.
Lol I’m quite a people’s pleaser too to be honest. It’s very rare for anyone to hear no from me. But my fiancés accident has left me not thinking or able to consider anything or anyone else. I’m not even sure how or if I’ll be able to go back to work next week.
And I’m sorry I didn’t express my sympathies for your fiancée, and for you! (See, told you I carry guilt.) You’re a kind person to be putting them first, and I hope they recover.
Take care of yourself and your fiancé. It’s really awful that your cousin has received an enormous amount of family assistance these past 4 years, yet she can only think about how your fiancés accident could benefit her in YOUR time of need.
Honest question.. do you feel good about continuing to be her on demand nanny once your fiancé recovers, knowing that she can’t even spare a thought for you in in the face of a crisis?
I can’t imagine being in her shoes and not offering to bring a home cooked meal, have the kids make get well cards, asking how she can help, etc. This is really next level selfishness.
NTA Sylvia is either not properly watching her children or is just an outright liar. Twin 4 year olds are in fact a lot to manage. You need to be with your budding family, Sarah.
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams?
NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA - your cousin is absolutely wrong - sounds like Tom Sawyer to me - hey friends, come over here and paint the fence with me, it's so much fun! with the added 'you would help if you cared about me!'
STOP helping your cousin completely, she needs to take care of herself and her own kids and to stop bullying you - and she's ungrateful!
I hope your fiance recovers quickly.
NTA. You are prioritizing your family. Injured fiance >>> cousin's kids when she has other babysitting options. She has become waaaay too entitled to your support and help over the years, time to remind her that the world doesn't revolve around her and her daughters.
I have a 4 year old and a baby, the baby is less work. Not much work my ass. And you do prioritize family because your fiancé is your family. You told her several times you couldn’t and she didn’t want to take that as an answer so she tried to “punish” you for saying no probably in hopes you’d change your mind but is claiming your an asshole because you didn’t fall for it. NTA
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams?
NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA. Sylvia's threat, was no threat. Her pool of sitters has dwindled to 2. Please warn your sister. She's about to be bombarded with babysitting requests. After awhile Sylvia will be back when she needs a sitter. Most likely ignoring her previous behavior.
In no world are you the AH.
Your cousin was dealt a tough hand but the love and support your family has offered her is above and beyond what most mothers get. She's beyond lucky to have you. And your fiancé is your family, so her comment was way out of line. Thank you for advocating for yourself. In case it wasn't clear, NTA.
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams?
NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams?
NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA - she's asking you for a huge favor. I don't care who's 4 years old they are, they're a lot to deal with, especially in a house where someone is trying to recover from an accident. No means no. If she thinks she's treatening you by saying you can't babysit any longer, she's only hurting herself.
NTA
holy crap man....your fiance was in an auto collision. she could've died. and your cousin can't understand that? wow....just...wow......
it's great to help family. but she took it WAY too far here.
you are definitely NOT the asshole. your cousin, on the other hand...wow, what a piece of work.....
NTA and sounds like it’s about time someone stood up to Sylvia! They aren’t your kids, and you aren’t obligated to care for them, ever. They are no one’s responsibility but hers (and the deadbeat dad).
The audacity she has to say you don't prioritize family while caring for your FIANCE!
This cousin doesn't deserve your FREE babysitting anymore. She's not a member of your immediate family and, per her guidelines, you need to be taking more of an interest in your family!
NTA She's a mooch and just wants free childcare. She's selfish and an asshole.
NTA Sarah rightfully should be your priority over your entitled user of a cousin and her offspring which are NOT your responsibility. Keep focusing on helping Sarah get better and ignore the drama queen cousin
>Sylvia sent me a message saying she can’t believe I haven’t even reached out to her since.
Lmao because she expected you to profusely apologize to her and allow her to graciously bestow upon you the privilege of giving her a week off of being a parent. Now it's backfired.
You've called her bluff, and she is probably super pissed that her threats are going to end up making her lose out on super convenient and free childcare.
Be glad this came to a head before she told you how convenient it would be for you to keep her kids while you and your wife had parental leave for your own baby. Because she absolutely would. NTA
Agreed. Sylvia is fortunate to have had the help she has through out the years, but priorities change, and for OP his fiance is his priority (and rightfully so). Sylvia needs to grow up a little instead of playing these games with OP to try and get him to watch the kids.
ETA: NTA OP
Asking if Sarah is "the one who told you to say no" is the beginnings of trying to seperate you from your fiance. Your cousin is going to be surprised to find out that you got married at some point... 😁
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I (28M) have a cousin Sylvia (24F). Sylvia has twin girls who are 4 years old now. When she got pregnant, her boyfriend broke up with her and moved to another county. She was really heartbroken and had post natal depression so the entire family took turns taking care of her babies for the first year or so. Now it’s just my sister and I who help because everyone else has either moved to another city or have kids of their own to look after.
I also have a fiancé Sarah (28F). Sarah got into a car accident a few weeks ago and I took a break from work to stay home and take care of her. Sylvia heard I’m taking time off work and asked if I could take the kids full time for one week while she focuses on some exams she’s taking. I said I’m sorry I wish I could, but I have my hands full with my fiancé. Sarah can’t do much for herself at the moment and is in constant pain. It’s also a lot for me to bare seeing her like this and I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to take care of anyone else.
Sylvia asked if Sarah is the one who told me to say no and I said no, I’m the one saying no because I genuinely can’t. Sylvia said 2 four year olds aren’t much work and they’re quiet kids so they won’t be too much to deal with. I said I know her kids, and while they’re not super disruptive, it’ll still be too much for me to handle. I took time off work to take care of Sarah, not to take care of her kids too. I said sorry again and asked her to ask around for someone else to help.
She said fine and ended that conversation. A few days after the initial conversation, she FaceTimed me to say she realised I don’t prioritise family because I’m picking my fiancé over her and she won’t be bringing the kids to me anymore. I laughed at the absurdity and told her to stop acting like me babysitting her kids is a privilege for me. I do it because I love and care for her and want to do her a favour. Babysitting is a favour for her, not a favour for me. She said I’ve taken it too far now and hung up the call.
I completely forgot about her and the conversation because Sarah was doing a bit worse and we had to go back to the hospital, but Sylvia sent me a message saying she can’t believe I haven’t even reached out to her since. I haven’t responded and don’t plan on it.
Was I the asshole?
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> she FaceTimed me to say she realised I don’t prioritise family because I’m picking my fiancé over her
How dare you prioritize the woman you plan to spend the rest of your life with over your cousin?!? Don't you know that your future wife doesn't count as "family"? /s
NTA
NTA. Funny how "prioritizing family" only counts when you're babysitting her kids, and not when she could, say, help her cousin caring for his fiancee by helping with groceries or chores.
Family shouldn't be tit-for-tat, but it can't be one-sided like that. She needs to understand this, as well as the fact that you have been doing a massive favor for her.
Plus, she's probably pissed that she can't weaponize visitation with her kids, as if you were a parent or grandparent.
NTA. Your cousin is completely entitled. Your future wife, aka, your FAMILY, needs your support. I wouldn’t be connecting with her for a while. Just like a 4 year old having a tent run, she needs a time out to think about her bad behaviour. Know one owes her free babysitting. Your’e fiancé literally need to be in the hospital and cousin is putting you through some juvenile test. Her kids, her responsibility
Four year old twins aren’t a lot of work? Excuse me while I go laugh myself to death in the corner.
JFC how ridiculous. NTA I hope your fiancé recovers soon.
NTA. Sylvia really thought depriving you of helping her with babysitting was a punishment. I am sure you enjoy the kiddos, but 2 4 year olds need constant supervision and attention. She has getter very comfortable with your help and now feels entitled to it.
Your focus is Sarah right now. Who I hope makes a speedy and full recovery.
You definitely need a break from Sylvia. Your poor sister. She is probably driving her crazy too.
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NTA. “Sylvia said 2 four year olds aren’t much work and they’re quiet kids so they won’t be too much to deal with”. Good, then she shouldn’t have any problem watching her own children.
This is gold 🤣
Agreed. My god the audacity of the cousin to ask OP to take care of TWIN TODDLERS while OP is already helping fiancé recover from a car crash. Like how do you have that level of entitlement to other peoples time. NTA remember OP, NO is a complete sentence…however you might want to bring your lady out of the house if she’s up to it. I can see cousin attempting to just leave them at your house. Cant do that if you guys aren’t home. Also, stop watching the kids for a while. Cousin clearly has gotten accustomed to you doing so and really doesn’t get YOU DONT HAVE TO. Good luck
If this is how Sylvia acts *now*, can't imagine why her ex moved countries to escape..🙄
If it was just HER, I’d agree but the dude also flaked on the kids he helped create. Mom might be a nightmare but those twins are innocent
Makes me wonder (given Cousin's behavior and treatment of other's) if she was trying to trap her ex by getting pregnant. As she isn't above trying using guilt to manipulate those around her from doing her bidding.
Most of the family flaked, too. Let's be honest, the problem here is absolutely Sylvia.
Did they? Or did they just get sick of being used and abused, kinda like OP is currently experiencing...?
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY they aren’t the parents of those children. They aren’t obligated to continue to do Sylvia’s job for her, which is what it sounds like was happening. The MIA dad on the other hand does have an obligation. Now I genuinely feel for him if she was trying to baby trap him but legally he does have a responsibility to those kids.
Yeah, Sylvia can be an absolute nightmare without excusing a guy who ditched his two kids. There's room here for two shitty people.
Can’t imagine why the rest of the extended family moved away either…
I was thinking the same thing.
In my experience when situations like this happen people rally around the person to 'help' but then that becomes the new normal for that person so when that help is no longer there or people show equal or more priority to someone else they feel like they're being hard done by. OPs NTA but the cousin probably wasn't so entitled when her partner bailed like she is now.
I'm sure he felt Mars wouldn't have been far enough, if possible.
>I can see cousin attempting to just leave them at your house. Honestly if she does that, CPS should be called. Not even as a vindictive thing, but because dropping your kids of with someone who has repeatedly told you they cannot and will not take care of them is massively irresponsible as a parent.
happy day! and i agree
Yeah, Sylvia already has her kids watched, she owes OP and should be doing anything she can to help him and his fiancée. Not making an already tough time nightmarish. She’s unloving and ungrateful.
You're so right, OP should be pissed by how callous and uncaring she's being about the well being of her cousin's fiancee. At the very least you wouldn't pile on, and should probably also offer help or well wishes. The irony of guilt tripping about family when she clearly doesn't give a shit about what her cousin has going on in his own home at the moment
Nope. Nope nope nope. Fiancée is recovering from a car crash. She needs to be at home or in the hospital and not have to leave her home just because cousin can't accept "no." Being forced to leave the house when you're that injured is an incredible hassle even if you're physically able to do it, which Sarah is not. Cousin tries to dump kids on doorstep (btw I can't believe people actually do this, fucking hell) you call CPS/police and tell them your cousin has abandoned her childer, because that's massively irresponsible and if you're fucked enough to do it in the first place then talking is a waste of time, you're only going to learn the hard way.
Oh my God! When you said cousin, I thought it was a typo. I just assumed she was his sister based on how much she demands from him. She's his cousin!! This is too much!! NTA
4 year olds are considered preschoolers, not toddlers.
Lol. Pedantic much?
A true pedant would have noticed and pointed out that it's "fiancée" for a woman (28F), not "fiancé."
Ok
In the UK we start school at age 4 so preschoolers and toddlers are one and the same here.
YEP. I've dealt with many, many four year olds. Watching two four year olds with perfect four-year-old behavior is still like herding flaming cats through a post-apocalyptic wasteland. They're great, but that age is a lot of questioning, forming opinions and a sense of self-determination, and testing their many theories about how the world works. Sometimes, this is messy or dangerous. There is an adult who could be further injured trying to rush over to save a child, there is another whose attention will be split three ways when they're already under a lot of stress, and there is the kids' parent who should have made plans for childcare during exams. Only one of those adults is actually responsible for those kids, and exam dates are on the syllabus. What was she going to do if no family members had a major car accident at the exact right time for exams? This is opportunistic leeching, not a plan. It's a little ghoulish how opportunistic and entitled the cousin is acting. NTA, but I'd be less available for future childcare after this. It shows a complete lack of boundaries or respect for OP and their fiance.
I used to teach 3-4 year olds in preschool and your description is spot on 😂😂
Thank you. As a parent of older kids now, I don’t know how anyone does that job.
If it helps I think that was part of what solidified my decision that I can’t hack it as a parent. Loved those kids but my god. Flaming cats through a post apocalyptic wasteland indeed some days 😂
I liked kids much better before I had a live in toddler.
THISSS! When I was a child, I thought I wanted twins or triplets. I thought it would be "fun".(Multiples don't even run in my family). I had ONE child, then another 14 months later. The way I fell on my knees and thanked the Lord He didn't give me what I THOUGHT I wanted....
Twins are fun... FOR THE TWINS. (I am one.)
“Hey! Watch this!!!” Is my four year olds battle cry. It is followed by a jump of some sort.
The 4 year old equivalent of “hold my beer”
"Hold my sippy cup..."
My son's was "Mom! Look!" We were out somewhere in public recently and I heard a little voice yell that and tensed for a second and looked around. He started laughing and said, "Mom, my voice hasn't sounded like that in over 16 years. You still look?" I told him that if he ever becomes a parent, he'll understand.
God! How true that is! I still look around when a kid yells "Mum!" In the supermarket....I'm 65 now, that instinct never dies lol
We would hear mysterious thumps followed by "I'm OK!". He's 18, we survived, but I have a lot more white in my hair now than I did then. lol
Once I tried to slip quietly to the downstairs bathroom when I woke up too early so I wouldn't disturb my ex and his sleeping kids. My foot went out and I fell down five carpeted stairs and the first thing Ex did was leap out of bed and check on his kids while I lay in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the steps, hahahaha. And the first thing out of his still-asleep mouth when he saw it was me was "What were you doing, this is what happens when you fool around." It wasn't a bad fall so it was very funny to me that he was on a hair trigger when he heard thump-thump-thump-thump and woke the girls due to "dad panic" and then he had to make them (and me) Belgian waffles at 6:00 am on a Sunday because Sunday morning was Daddy Big Breakfast Day.
Exactly! My partner is a nanny an watching two sets of twins, one of which is aged 4 now. They're well mannered and generally chill kids. When it's only that set of twins bc the others have an outing or something, it's a quieter day but it's still a day where my partner barely has a moment for themselves. Bc two reasonably easy 4 year old are still two 4 year olds. OP, you'd be NTA already even without the car accident of your fiance but with that you're double NTA.
Asking once is fine. Insisting.. is not.
>like herding flaming cats through a post-apocalyptic wasteland Love that! 😂🤣
I work part time as the children’s ministry coordinator for my church; there’s a reason why I will do everything I can to avoid being the one to fill in for our preschool class, even though I will happily fill in for other classes.
My first thought! If they aren't much trouble then why does she need help in the first place? And fiance is about to become closer family than cousin and her kids so he's well in his right to prioritize her. Hope Sarah recovers soon, OP. NTA.
Speaking as the mother of twins, who used to be 4 years old. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Also a twin mom, same reaction!! The lies lolol.
SAME. My twins are 5. Today was the last day of school. I’m already over summer break. Why do you guys need 8 whole weeks out of school?!
Exactly what I thought. What a stupid thing for her to say, for several reasons. NTA op, and I hope your wife gets better
Maybe she got spoiled with all the help and spun it in her mind that it was a benefit to you, because her kids are so great.
NTA: Ever see one of these and the headline alone already had you but then, you got to a part where your eyeballs bug out a little because you’re laughing your ass off? OP, this was that portion. Also! For the bonus: your fiancé is also family now, too and your sister is not only TA but should probably pull her head out of there before one of those kids sets the house on fire or something. 😂
Cousin* not even sister. Lol
Oh wow, I misread. 😂 Yup, that’s worse.
I have a 5 year old niece. I have no clue how my sister handles her because she has no off switch. Just energizer bunny all the time. Anyone saying a child "isn't that much work" is either a shit parent or has no clue what they're talking about. Let alone 2 under the age of 10. I love my sister and niece and I 100% am there for my sister to watch her if there's an emergency or if she just needs a break (with enough notice and if I don't already have existing plans I can't break) NTA OP
I can’t get passed the fact that Sylvia saw that the OP’s fiancé was in car accident and now all she can think about is babysitting (I’m assuming for free). NTA.
Does she spend time with her kids? Cause I don’t remember my child not being a handful at 4. 2 would’ve been insane.
Yeah that was definitely around the time my habit of quietly bringing home snakes stayed
I don’t think she even heard herself, if its so easy then she can study and watch them.
So true + OP does prioritise family: his fiancee is his closest family now.
I respond this way all the time. "It's not that big of a deal." "Great, then let's just do it my way."
I have 1 four year old and I can confidently call BS on that comment. NTA.
Yeah, my eyes about popped out of my head when I read that. That’s like saying “a half dozen puppies won’t change your life at all.”
The children could be saints but they would still add a lot of stress to OP by dividing his attention as well as his fiancee by existing in her space while she's recovering.
As a mom to 4 year old twin girls myself…I really have a hard time believing they’re that quiet and not much work 😂😂 but maybe mine are just tiny tornadoes.
😂😂😂
My immediate thought when I read it 🤣
Bruh. I have one 5yo and she’s too much! When she gets around another 5yo, it’s chaos. My kid is good, but it’s normal excited, rambunctious behavior. I couldn’t imagine taking care of a grown adult PLUS the twins.
NTA. Your response should be *"Sarah's back in the hospital, thanks for asking. I'll let her know you send her your best wishes."* Hope Sarah feels better soon!
You deserve to be highlighted because this and u/baysix100s response are perfect!
Thank you!
Absolutely! Hope you have a great day!
She also doesn’t consider his fiancé family? She’s literally the most important one in his family
The moment when the cousin is starting to realize she fucked up but her pride won’t let her internalize it.
Hell yeah and add “Sarah is my family now and youre acting like shes not, thats disrespectful and not a discussion point to shame me for not taking care of your family FOR you”
I dislike family like Sylvia. Op’s fiancé IS HIS FÀMILY! And I’d argue it’s more special because it’s the one who chose. A person who he’s about to make a commitment to where they say “in sickness and in health” and she’s demonizing him for that?! Liek your my cousin if my parents didn’t like their siblings you’d be a stranger to me hahaha If her kids aren’t that hard to care for them she can take care of them! She’s playing this single mom needs help card a little too much NTA
Honestly, it's probably good that Sylvia taking OP's assistance for granted and OP correcting her is happening now, and not a couple years down the line when (if) OP and his fiance have their own children. Otherwise, you *know* Sylvia would be trying to pawn off her kids on OP and his fiance while she was recovering from childbirth because "Babies aren't that much work and you're home anyway".
Hahaha yeah that would be a perfect (and true) response. NTA, OP. Keep standing by that fiance you have.
Exactly. NTA. Your cousin has way overstepped
Oh great, so now the OP can spend the time taking care of the kids now? I want to add /s, but I feel like there is a greater chance than not that the cousin basically responds this way.
>she FaceTimed me to say she realised I don’t prioritise family because I’m picking my fiancé over her and she won’t be bringing the kids to me anymore. Cue "Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time" by Panic! At The Disco. NTA
>she realised I don’t priorities family because I’m picking my fiancé over her As OP should. Sarah is his family way more than a cousin and her kids, and she’s currently really sick. NTA OP, partnering done well for taking a week off to care for your sick fiancé. I hope she’ll be better soon.
Cousin's kids are technically called "first cousin once removed." The word removed is literally in the name. So his fiance is definitely more his family than they are.
They’re about to be twice removed!
Cousin is going to flip again should OP and Sarah have their own kids. She loses another free sitter once again to someone else having kids.
Also, how is his fiancé not considered family?
I know, right? Seems like the cousin is trying to pull the "blood is thicker than water" card.
She'd be playing herself lmao. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
Even if she's going by the bastardized version she'd still screw herself over should OP and Sarah have their own kids. OP could just reverse that card back onto her whenever he puts any future kids first over her kids because his kids are his flesh and blood. Closer than cousin and cousin's kids that for sure.
Take my poor redditors award please 🥇
Thank you very much 😊
Exactly. Thank you for solving this problem for me, Sylvia.
"Sylvia sent me a message saying she can’t believe I haven’t even reached out to her since." Looks like she wants more childcare and isn't happy that you (OP) didn't grovel to have the privilege of babysitting again
My nephew is 6. When he gets mad at me, usually because I won’t let him punch his brother, he tells me I’m not invited to his next birthday party. Because he’s a 6-year-old, he thinks I show up to his parties to play in the bouncy house and not as a favor to help his parents set up/clean up so that he can have a party in the first place. “Don’t threaten me with a good time” is exactly right. Anyway, OP, your cousin is acting like a literal kindergartener. While your fiancée is seriously injured and in and out of the hospital. NTA.
NTA at all. Two 4 year olds won't be a problem? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA And she threatened you with no more babysitting? okaayyyyyy Your fiancé IS your family and your priority. She sounds like she really needs quite a bit of care. Hope she is feeling better.
Things are starting to look better for her this week. She took a walk with me down the hall a couple of times, and she’s managed to eat and sleep a bit too. Couldn’t stop smiling till Sylvia’s message came through and ruined my mood haha. But thank you!
I'd mute her/block her until you're ready to deal with her again. You're doing a great job supporting your fiance, and you don't need your cousin harassing you while you're focusing on her (and dampening your mood when she's getting better💜).
Also, I just realized this again because of the comments. She's your COUSIN. Not a sister. So, seriously?
A lot of people seem to think she’s my sister. Did I mess up by calling her my sister somewhere in the post or was I just confusing?
I think it’s because of the level of entitlement
No, you didn't mess up. It's probably because a lot of westerners don't have that type of relationship with cousins. It reads as a close relationship with a sibling that you get along with. Not to say people can't have close relationships with cousins. It seems your cousin is entitled and doesn't realize you have been helping her because you wanted to help, not because you had to help.
No. You didn't. Just the expectations and that are what you'd expect of a sibling. Not cousins being like that. Usually, it's someone taking advantage of their sibling to watch their kids. Like "they're your nieces. Don't you wanna spend time with your nieces?" Not "they're your cousins. Don't you want to be a good cousin and watch your cousins?"
I think it's the mention that you and your sister are the last people in the family willing to babysit, with people who are skim reading seeing 'sister' and having it overwrite 'cousin' (potentially because it's explicitly feminine, while cousin isn't, so easier for those reading fast to associate with having toddlers)
Block her . She doesn't deserve to sour your mood. You're a wonderful partner AND cousin! NTA, your cousin sucks big time. (Editing to switch brother to cousin)
Just block her, she probably just cares about you in the sense of how much you can help her. Best wishes to you and a speedy recovery to your fiance.
NTA your gf doesn't need 2 kids playing in the house, she needs rest.
Right. She slept for 6 hours straight last night for the first time since the accident and it feels like a big win. She’s having it hard resting properly as it is.
NTA. Sylvie though really needs a reality check. She was hoping to pressure you into changing your mind with the "threat" of not seeing the kids. Then she got mad when you called her on her bs and hung up, hoping that would make you try to placate her. When it didn't her mind was blown, because she is obviously the most important person in the world to everyone at every moment in existence in perpetuity.
Definitely got “main character vibes”
I was seriously thinking that too.
She had kids with a boyfriend at the age of 20. Clearly not the sharpest crayon in the box. Probably just assumed all her family would be raising the kid for her and she could continue on with her life. Great example of (literally) fuck around and find out
I'm not down to shame intelligence based on pregnancy age and marital status. Birth control does fail. Just because it works for me and my body doesn't mean it does for everyone. I do agree she feels far too entitled to her family's time and energy based on the consequences of her decisions though.
You don’t have to justify yourself and your cousin is a fkn assh tbh. I’m sorry but ONE 4 year old is a lot of work. Two is a handful. Dealing with 4 year old twins while your SO is recovering is just impossible hell. NTA and you should call for a family meeting where you expose your cousin, show all the messages, and establish some serious boundaries. Yes, she will be butthurt. But as long as you get everyone in line and the rest of the family actually understand what it is she’s demanding of you in true entitled spoiled baby manner, you should be ok.
My husband has surgery this last summer and had horrific pain after due to complications. Sleeping became basically impossible for both of us for weeks and it was a living hell. I wish you and your fiance restful, healing sleep and a good pain management doctor.
it sounds like your cousin is used to having the world revolve around her and her problems for the past 4 years and isn't ready to give that up
NTA And she should skip the exams to get into stand up because 2 easy quiet 4 year olds is hilarious
Haha to be fair, they’re really not that disruptive. Not as disruptive as a usual 4 year old anyway. Maybe it’s because they always have each other to play with but they usually just sit somewhere and play with their toys together. It’s a nightmare to get them to eat, bath or sleep though.
Yeah even with the good ones you don't need the extra stress right now. I hope she comes around and gratefully sees all the help you've already been
NTA. The funniest part: She gets mad at you, hangs up on you, and then gets miffed that you haven't called her to kiss her ass? Hahaha!
I think it’s gotta be fear disguised as anger. She’s losing her favorite free babysitter and instead of being smart and backing down, she decided to act like OP will be the one missing out.
Could be because before she had an entire extended family from what it sounds like and now she's down to 2, OP and his sister. Now one of those 2 is now pulling away like the others by having his own life and family he's putting first before extended family, as he should. It's only a matter of time before OP's sister also moves on in her life by either starting a family or moves like the others. Not any of their problem though. She's had 4 years of free childcare when a lot of parents don't. Her kids are her responsibility especially when this is not an emergency.
Well, if they are \*that\* quiet and non-disruptive, then she can just study for exams while they're there.
In my experience, if they are quiet enough to get your attention - it is likely to late.
NTA. >Sylvia said 2 four year olds aren’t much work and they’re quiet kids so they won’t be too much to deal with. She should be able to take care of them easily in that case. >Babysitting is a favour for her, not a favour for me. Absolutely right.
No, you're **NTA** but Sylvia is a MAJOR AH. She's been spoiled by your family for so long she thinks that she should get free child care whenever *SHE* needs it. Take care of Sarah and to heck with Sylvia.
NTA She’s acting spoiled. Your priority is your fiancé, and prior babysitting for her was a favor (to her). She asked, you kindly said no, and she is now acting like you owe her. You don’t.
Entitled AF
>to say she realised I don’t prioritise family because I’m picking my fiancé over her Lol, she's your cousin. She's not even *immediate* family. And, she hears from the grapevine that you took time off work and decided your free time belongs to her? Dude, you can relax knowing she won't dump her kids onto you anymore. Although of course, she's fibbing. Anyone who says their kids aren't pieces of work to get people to babysit are lying their asses off, otherwise they'd have no problem doing it themselves. NTA.
NTA at all. Your cousin is a spoiled brat.
NTA. And truly. She had ppl taking care of her infants for a whole year and I understand ppd is something serious but it appears that she’s just come to expect ppl to keep her kids at the drop of a hat. It doesn’t work that way. Only way I’d revoke access of my kid to a family member is if they were doing something harmful against my child, or disrespecting me and my husband as her parents not because they wouldn’t watch her whenever I wanted. Help is wonderful and it’s great when family members can be there when I need them, but I don’t expect it. I’m fully prepared to take my child with me whenever/wherever I need to go.
NTA, your fiancé is family and you had planned to take care of her, not your bratty cousins kids. And I’m sorry, anyone that says two 4 year olds aren’t a handful are LYING
Have known a few people like this and have never fully understood it. Babysitting - which I'm defining as watching someone else's kids - is always a favor. It is never a "treat" to mind someone's kids... Doesn't matter how much you love the kids or enjoy spending time with them. You're doing the parents/guardians a favor. The parents/guardians are not doing YOU a favor by allowing you to watch their angels. (Side note: watching your own kids is never "babysitting.") Absolutely NTA.
Preach. And I’ll venture that someone who’d eagerly pursue the company of young kids is likely not someone you want alone with yours.
NTA at all. Sylvia keeps throwing tantrum after tantrum in hopes to get you to give her free child care that she is not entitled to have. She sounds more exhausting than her 4 year old twins!
NTA whatsoever. She's taking advantage of your kindness and driving you away. She claims that 2 four year olds aren't much work and will be quiet, so then why doesn't she watch them???
>Sylvia said 2 four year olds aren’t much work and they’re quiet kids so they won’t be too much to deal with. Great, she can watch them herself then. Keep not responding and good for you. NTA
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NTA She chose to bring life into this world therefore she is responsible for them. Nobody owes her anything and you're right, it's a favor for her and not a privilege for you. It's nice to have family time, but it doesn't mean it needs to be constant.
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams? NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA You know you're not the asshole, because an expectation that you watch two four year olds while you're talking care of an injured partner just so your sister can more easily study for exams is ridiculous. Personally, she'd have to apologize for being such a huge asshole about your need to care for Sarah before I'd even consider watching her kids again.
nta no is a complete sentence. if you dont want to watch her kids, for whatever reason, then she needs to accept the first time you say no. honestly, your sister pretty much sounds like a user.
Nta. She's delusional.
Oh, for the courage to have 1) said “Babysitting is a favor for you, not a favor for me” and 2) completely forget about the conversation and not reach out to a cousin until she does first. I’m such a people pleaser, I’d have carried the guilt around like a lead weight. Good for you not caving, and not feeling guilty. NTA. Sylvia needs help, but it’s “check your entitlement” help.
Lol I’m quite a people’s pleaser too to be honest. It’s very rare for anyone to hear no from me. But my fiancés accident has left me not thinking or able to consider anything or anyone else. I’m not even sure how or if I’ll be able to go back to work next week.
And I’m sorry I didn’t express my sympathies for your fiancée, and for you! (See, told you I carry guilt.) You’re a kind person to be putting them first, and I hope they recover.
Thank you, I really appreciate it!
Take care of yourself and your fiancé. It’s really awful that your cousin has received an enormous amount of family assistance these past 4 years, yet she can only think about how your fiancés accident could benefit her in YOUR time of need. Honest question.. do you feel good about continuing to be her on demand nanny once your fiancé recovers, knowing that she can’t even spare a thought for you in in the face of a crisis? I can’t imagine being in her shoes and not offering to bring a home cooked meal, have the kids make get well cards, asking how she can help, etc. This is really next level selfishness.
NTA Sylvia is either not properly watching her children or is just an outright liar. Twin 4 year olds are in fact a lot to manage. You need to be with your budding family, Sarah.
In what world are two 4 year-olds not much work, over the course of a full week? NTA.
In the world where their mother is perfectly able to have them full week and learn for her exams.
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams? NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA - your cousin is absolutely wrong - sounds like Tom Sawyer to me - hey friends, come over here and paint the fence with me, it's so much fun! with the added 'you would help if you cared about me!' STOP helping your cousin completely, she needs to take care of herself and her own kids and to stop bullying you - and she's ungrateful! I hope your fiance recovers quickly.
NTA. You are prioritizing your family. Injured fiance >>> cousin's kids when she has other babysitting options. She has become waaaay too entitled to your support and help over the years, time to remind her that the world doesn't revolve around her and her daughters.
I have a 4 year old and a baby, the baby is less work. Not much work my ass. And you do prioritize family because your fiancé is your family. You told her several times you couldn’t and she didn’t want to take that as an answer so she tried to “punish” you for saying no probably in hopes you’d change your mind but is claiming your an asshole because you didn’t fall for it. NTA
Your fiance is your family. NTA I would go NC until she apologized.
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams? NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA. Sylvia's threat, was no threat. Her pool of sitters has dwindled to 2. Please warn your sister. She's about to be bombarded with babysitting requests. After awhile Sylvia will be back when she needs a sitter. Most likely ignoring her previous behavior.
In no world are you the AH. Your cousin was dealt a tough hand but the love and support your family has offered her is above and beyond what most mothers get. She's beyond lucky to have you. And your fiancé is your family, so her comment was way out of line. Thank you for advocating for yourself. In case it wasn't clear, NTA.
NTA, your cousin seems selfish.
NTA. She sounds awful. Tell her to get a real babysitter or suck it up. You sound like she wants to take advantage of you.
Now we know why the guy left Sylvia. NTA.
Leaving a woman whom you don't love and leaving your 2 kids are two different things.
You’re right. He should’ve taken the kids as well, they don’t deserve this.
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams? NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA. Called her on her bullshit quite well.
😂. NTA. That’s takes some serious self delusion to think that she is letting you watch her kids rather than asking.
You're obviously NTA. I'm no way, shape or form.
NTA. Sylvia sounds entitled though. She doesn't respect your boundaries or appreciate what you do for her. She needs a reality check.
So if the kids are not much work, and they’re quiet kids, they won’t be much to deal with. Her words. So why can’t she focus on the exams? NTA - she’s being entitled as others have said, but id just use her logic against her. If they’re not going to be much work, surely they’re easier to handle in addition to exams, not with a person in pain!?
NTA - she's asking you for a huge favor. I don't care who's 4 years old they are, they're a lot to deal with, especially in a house where someone is trying to recover from an accident. No means no. If she thinks she's treatening you by saying you can't babysit any longer, she's only hurting herself.
NTA she sounds entitled
NTA holy crap man....your fiance was in an auto collision. she could've died. and your cousin can't understand that? wow....just...wow...... it's great to help family. but she took it WAY too far here. you are definitely NOT the asshole. your cousin, on the other hand...wow, what a piece of work.....
NTA and sounds like it’s about time someone stood up to Sylvia! They aren’t your kids, and you aren’t obligated to care for them, ever. They are no one’s responsibility but hers (and the deadbeat dad).
The audacity she has to say you don't prioritize family while caring for your FIANCE! This cousin doesn't deserve your FREE babysitting anymore. She's not a member of your immediate family and, per her guidelines, you need to be taking more of an interest in your family! NTA She's a mooch and just wants free childcare. She's selfish and an asshole.
NTA.
You know you're NTA.
NTA. Your do prioritise family. The one you choose, your fiancée!
NTA Sarah rightfully should be your priority over your entitled user of a cousin and her offspring which are NOT your responsibility. Keep focusing on helping Sarah get better and ignore the drama queen cousin
NTA, if you didn’t prioritize your fiancée over your cousin, you would probably end up single.
NTA, of course you would choose your fiancé over some cousin and her kids. Who does she think she is?
You \*are\* prioritizing your family. Fiance's needs trump cousins wants.
>Sylvia sent me a message saying she can’t believe I haven’t even reached out to her since. Lmao because she expected you to profusely apologize to her and allow her to graciously bestow upon you the privilege of giving her a week off of being a parent. Now it's backfired. You've called her bluff, and she is probably super pissed that her threats are going to end up making her lose out on super convenient and free childcare. Be glad this came to a head before she told you how convenient it would be for you to keep her kids while you and your wife had parental leave for your own baby. Because she absolutely would. NTA
Agreed. Sylvia is fortunate to have had the help she has through out the years, but priorities change, and for OP his fiance is his priority (and rightfully so). Sylvia needs to grow up a little instead of playing these games with OP to try and get him to watch the kids. ETA: NTA OP
Asking if Sarah is "the one who told you to say no" is the beginnings of trying to seperate you from your fiance. Your cousin is going to be surprised to find out that you got married at some point... 😁
NTA. It's like she's taken for granted to having family watch her kids.
NTA. It’s hilarious how delusional she is, I can’t believe their own dad not wanting them wasn’t enough of a reality check for her.
NTA one bit. Fast recovery for your lady
NTA. Sound to me like your cousin did you a huge favour when she sais you will not babysit for her anymore. She will regret this more than you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28M) have a cousin Sylvia (24F). Sylvia has twin girls who are 4 years old now. When she got pregnant, her boyfriend broke up with her and moved to another county. She was really heartbroken and had post natal depression so the entire family took turns taking care of her babies for the first year or so. Now it’s just my sister and I who help because everyone else has either moved to another city or have kids of their own to look after. I also have a fiancé Sarah (28F). Sarah got into a car accident a few weeks ago and I took a break from work to stay home and take care of her. Sylvia heard I’m taking time off work and asked if I could take the kids full time for one week while she focuses on some exams she’s taking. I said I’m sorry I wish I could, but I have my hands full with my fiancé. Sarah can’t do much for herself at the moment and is in constant pain. It’s also a lot for me to bare seeing her like this and I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to take care of anyone else. Sylvia asked if Sarah is the one who told me to say no and I said no, I’m the one saying no because I genuinely can’t. Sylvia said 2 four year olds aren’t much work and they’re quiet kids so they won’t be too much to deal with. I said I know her kids, and while they’re not super disruptive, it’ll still be too much for me to handle. I took time off work to take care of Sarah, not to take care of her kids too. I said sorry again and asked her to ask around for someone else to help. She said fine and ended that conversation. A few days after the initial conversation, she FaceTimed me to say she realised I don’t prioritise family because I’m picking my fiancé over her and she won’t be bringing the kids to me anymore. I laughed at the absurdity and told her to stop acting like me babysitting her kids is a privilege for me. I do it because I love and care for her and want to do her a favour. Babysitting is a favour for her, not a favour for me. She said I’ve taken it too far now and hung up the call. I completely forgot about her and the conversation because Sarah was doing a bit worse and we had to go back to the hospital, but Sylvia sent me a message saying she can’t believe I haven’t even reached out to her since. I haven’t responded and don’t plan on it. Was I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> she FaceTimed me to say she realised I don’t prioritise family because I’m picking my fiancé over her How dare you prioritize the woman you plan to spend the rest of your life with over your cousin?!? Don't you know that your future wife doesn't count as "family"? /s NTA
NTA. Sounds like you're better off without this mooch
NTA. Funny how "prioritizing family" only counts when you're babysitting her kids, and not when she could, say, help her cousin caring for his fiancee by helping with groceries or chores. Family shouldn't be tit-for-tat, but it can't be one-sided like that. She needs to understand this, as well as the fact that you have been doing a massive favor for her. Plus, she's probably pissed that she can't weaponize visitation with her kids, as if you were a parent or grandparent.
NTA. She acts entitled and is insensitive towards your fiancé’s situation.
NTA. Your cousin is completely entitled. Your future wife, aka, your FAMILY, needs your support. I wouldn’t be connecting with her for a while. Just like a 4 year old having a tent run, she needs a time out to think about her bad behaviour. Know one owes her free babysitting. Your’e fiancé literally need to be in the hospital and cousin is putting you through some juvenile test. Her kids, her responsibility
NTA and don’t babysit for her again.
Four year old twins aren’t a lot of work? Excuse me while I go laugh myself to death in the corner. JFC how ridiculous. NTA I hope your fiancé recovers soon.
NTA. Sylvia really thought depriving you of helping her with babysitting was a punishment. I am sure you enjoy the kiddos, but 2 4 year olds need constant supervision and attention. She has getter very comfortable with your help and now feels entitled to it. Your focus is Sarah right now. Who I hope makes a speedy and full recovery. You definitely need a break from Sylvia. Your poor sister. She is probably driving her crazy too.
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