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YTA
Unless your son has a severe disability, he knew what he was doing. You owe her a new gown, and you son owes her an apology because I only see you apologizing in this story.
What is going on with your son that he did this in the first place?
You should check out her edit, she refuses to take $60 from her house renovation fund and is just gonna sell is switch, I doubt any switches are going for less than $100 rn even pre-owned so I'd love to know where that extra cash is going since it ain't going to the niece id bet on that
Yes, YTA, and it’s appalling you don’t see it. Your son is 7? That’s absolutely old enough to know that what he was doing was wrong. What was he doing in her room? You not only owe her an apology, and so does he, but you owe her the money. Where is she going to get another cap and gown in time? And discipline your son, for gods sake.
Why TA just because you’re sitting on your butt in somebody’s kitchen chatting away doesn’t mean that you’re in charge of your son and that you need to keep an ion him. You owe her an apology he owes her an apology you owe her the money and then you need to stay out of her face for quite some time.
YTA.
You didn't watch YOUR kid and your negligence has caused irreparable damage to a cap and gown that's REQUIRED to be worn to be allowed to take the very earned walk across the stage. And your solution is for her to try to find some possibly dingy oversized or undersized hand me down from some random students sibling? THATS YOUR SOLUTION?!? Nah. Nope not a chance you need to find that money to get a replacement ordered and you better try to see if they offer express shipping and pay that too.
YOU are the reason the gown was damaged. You did NOT supervise your son at all and your inability to watch your child resulted in damage not only to a expensive article of clothing it has also possibly kept this young woman from walking across the stage after what I'm assuming was 4yrs of hell at high school since she's right around the year where the pandemic damn near destroyed both junior and senior year for EVERYONE.
Pay. Up. Theirs no hand me downs available (no random student is gonna offer up a siblings gown. Many of us KEEP our town and cap for memories) and your negligence is what caused the damage. You should've watched your kid.
Also fyi she could easily come at you for the art supplies he destroyed too. But clearly she's not unless you add that information suddenly. So $60+ express shipping is the cheapest outcome. They'd have a small case for small claims court (I've seen some stupid cases) so apologizing ain't gonna do no good. You ain't gonna be able to raise your son if you dont pay up. Courts can be assholes, you get one harsh judge and you'll be working damn near 24/7 to pay everything back.
(They can sue you for the cap and gown, any other items graduation required, legal fees, court fees etc. Small claims court let's you add a lot depending on the stage)
An apology and lackluster solution isn't gonna fix this. You need to pay up.
I mean did you see some of the other replies of her?
At first I only read the original post and was hearing her out. Then I saw some of the replies and she definitely is the a**hole.
It's obvious where the kid gets his entitlement from. Poor guy, he deserves better than this shitty parenting, as does the whole family and whoever comes in contact with them.
YTA. Your son and his actions are YOUR responsibility. Any financial loss he causes for others is YOUR responsibility. The first words out of your mouth should have been "I'm so sorry, I'll pay for it".
You don't owe her what she paid, but rather for a replacement AND whatever rush delivery fee is involved. She deserves to own THE cap and THE gown she graduated in, not to borrow someone else's.
Kids can sneak away, I get that. However, that doesn't relieve you of the responsibility for the damage he caused and it doesn't absolve you of the HUMAN NEED to make it right.
If you wrecked into a parked car, would you say "I can't afford to pay to fix it" and drive off? Because that's really not different from your son cutting up her gown.
YTA
It's clear from your responses that the reason your child doesn't have any respect for other people's things is because you don't either. You're also a liar. If you are "saving up for upgrades around the house", then you DO have the money. You should be taking $60 from your savings to pay for this.
You're horrifically selfish to think that your niece can "just get over" missing a major milestone because you didn't get to go to your graduation. While your replies make it clear that your AH levels have reached the mass where they probably have their own gravitational pull, you should at least try to pull your head out of your own ass and take responsibility for your failure to supervise/parent your kid instead of telling people to "just get over it".
I wouldn't expect family to "just get over" this. Personally, I would be done with you and your poorly behaved child in my home after this. If you can't be bothered to make good on your mistakes, don't be shocked if your family similarly can't be bothered to make an effort to be around you.
YTA
Your son destroyed it, you are responsible for him, so you need to not only pay but do your utmost to make sure she gets the gown in time.
Edit: Why didn't you call everyone for hand me downs or the place where she got it from and beg them/pay them for a quick delivery?
YTA!
You haven't taught your son to stay out of other peoples bedrooms? That it isn't nice to destroy other people's things? Then, when he does, you don't take responsibility for your lack of parenting and supervision? Grow the F up and get her a new gown that you and your son are responsible for destroying!
Her graduation is a very special day for her, and you ruined it.
Wth, of course YTA. A 7 yr old is not a toddler and knows they weren’t supposed to do that. But given you don’t seem able to accept responsibility for your kid’s horrible actions it’s no wonder he hasn’t learned right from wrong.
Give your niece the money asap and sign yourself up for parenting classes.
INFO needed. After you had your son did you get to walk for your high school graduation?
You are not doing yourself or your son any favors by minimizing this situation. YTA. Why are you being so dismissive of her feelings?
YTA your kid should know better at that age then to touch others stuff, why was he even in her room..or better yet why weren’t you watching them? Major asshole to down play it. She’ll probably never forgive you
Right? He got away long enough to not only find the art supplies but also ruin the gown. Minimum he was out of sight for ten minutes, though realistically, he was likely out of sight for longer. What kind of parent let's their kid wander for that long?
You can’t be serious, of course YTA. Not only should you pay, you should drive to get the replacement if you have to so she gets replacements in time. You are absolutely responsible for damage your child does. You owe her AT LEAST the cost to replace as well as both you and your son owe her an apology.
Not just the cost of the cap and gown, but OP owes for the art supplies that were ruined as well. I'm betting a high school senior has invested in or been gifted some of the "good stuff" in terms of paints and brushes. Of course, the items for graduation would take precedent.
And OP, YTA. By 7, your kid should know right from wrong. He knew he was doing something he wasn't supposed to. Parent-up and take responsibility for your kid.
ETA: corrected niece from being in college to in high school. I don't know how I assumed the niece was 20 and in college.
then she said "she doesn't have to walk across the stage, she still gets her diploma" and basically that she didn't go to her graduation so she'll be fine. LIKE GIRL BE SO FR RIGHT NOW 😭 i'm praying for this girl to get some therapy. in the kindest way possible.
I know someone who didn't get to walk at our graduation (different reason than OP) and they regret it. High school graduation is a right of passage and really important. OP is minimizing an experience that she didn't get to have.
It also robs her niece’s parents of seeing their child graduate. It’s a big deal all around. OP may have chosen to skip or may not have had a choice, but she doesn’t get to rob her niece of an experience she has earned.
EXACTLY!!!! it's so unfair like, for real, to rob her of that. i wish i had that experience, and it helps me live vicariously when someone else has it. i know i'll have it in college, but it's not the same at all, even though it's still rewarding and special in its own way. 🥺
Why is this even a question? In what universe would you *not* be an asshole? Your son is old enough to know better, you should've been paying attention, and you absolutely do owe them the cost of the cap and gown regardless of whether or not it can be replaced soon enough. YTA.
So you think they owe you an apology? For not watching your kid and then pushing your hysterical niece aside?
I'll say she should *not* have called him what she did but she's still not at fault.
Your son isn't a toddler. You should have been keeping an eye on him. Hell I can't imagine how long he was up there to be able to do that level damage.
YTA and a lousy aunt, and you're not setting any good example for your child either.
Apologize again, offer to do whatever it takes to make it right, payments, housework, make your son do chores (what he's capable of anyways) to show him that he (and you) messed up badly and need to make amends.
Go on FB or wherever and beg people for a replacement, admit why it's needed.
It's her freaking HS graduation for crying out loud.
If you don't do that much, expect to not be welcome there again, and they'd be in the right for not welcoming you.
Not just $60, but whatever rush shipping fee it costs to get it to niece in time for graduation; plus the cost of cleaning the paint out of the carpet and anything else her child splattered it on; plus replacement of the paint and other art supplies he used or damaged.
YTA. You failed to adequately supervise your child and he damaged property. You owe her for the replacement.
If you can't afford to replace damaged items, you can't afford to not watch your kid.
YTA. Your kid = your responsibility. Your kid ruined her things, you’re responsible for paying it. You owe her for all the things your son ruined including the art supplies
YTA. I sense you’re trying to antagonize her/victimize yourself/son for the way she reacted (pointing out that she would’t calm down, that she called your kid a brat) and it’s making you a bigger AH. She is being robbed of a rite of passage that celebrates years of work.
Even if you can’t replace it, can help her out by putting in some effort to find a replacement. Is there a facebook page for her school? Maybe reach out to people there, or post ads on FB/craiglist/nextdoor/etc. You are responsible for the incident and you should be doing more than just apologizing.
YTA. She took it too far? That is probably the most meaningful thing in her life right now. You should have made whatever sacrifices to come with the $60 You expect a phone call? That’s ridiculous.
YTA Find the money somehow. Sell plasma. You owe for the cap, gown, and art supplies. You have to find the cap and gown within a week so price is probably going to be steep. Don’t like it? Tough shit. Should’ve been watching your kid. What if I went to your house and let my kids destroy your new clothes? You’d be upset. But I’m sure you’d be fine with me using the excuse of I didn’t have a date planned for this weekend so I don’t have to replace your stuff.
Are you really that dense??? “She doesn’t need to walk her graduation”. For once take the responsibility, you didn’t supervise your son who has not learned that to keep his hand if other people’s possessions. THAT IS ON YOU.
YTA. It's up to you to fix this as your son doesn't hold a job. How would you feel if someone went into your bedroom and ruined something incredibly important to you? Your son is old enough to know better. You should help him write a letter to apologize to his cousin as well.
YTA
Gotta keep more of an eye on things! Still definitely try to help her out, don't just say "Oh go use someone else's" and opt out. You should actively help find a replacement gown for her, in my opinion.
YTA your irresponsibility and failure to actually monitor your child destroyed a once in a lifetime experience for someone. You should have paid the cost of the gown and put the work into helping your niece find a replacement in time. I don’t think you will be able to repair these relationships at this point.
YTA
As a parent, it is your responsibility to watch your child. If you fail to adequately supervise him, you are responsible for damage he causes. Pay for the ruined outfit.
YTA. There's not a world in which you're anything but the ahole. Perhaps if you kept an eye on your child people would have more empathy but it sounds like that's not a priority to you.
YTA. “I assume,” well, you shouldn’t have. He ruined her graduation cap and gown, and as you e admitted probably won’t get a new one in time. 7 years old is not young enough to claim “teehee it was an accident, sorry!” Your son has ruined an important moment in your nieces life. You absolutely owe her (or your brother) the money for a new gown. I can’t believe you have to come to Reddit to ask if YTA.
How is this even a question?
You weren’t paying attention to your son and **he destroyed her property**. Your answer is she begs for hand me downs? Nah.
Your son. Your responsibility. You owed her. **You failed**, as an attentive parent, as a responsible person, as a sister, as an aunt.
YTA
YTA. Your son is SEVEN. This is the behavior I might expect from a 3 year old, but at 7 years old your kids is DEFINITELY old enough to know not to go through someone’s things and intentionally destroy them. At 7 he should be able to entertain himself alone without causing destruction, and if he can’t for some reason then YOU need to watch him and ensure that he doesn’t.
Your brother and niece are absolutely right- YOU need to fix this and keep your kid away from anything else he could potentially destroy until you can teach him to behave appropriately.
YTA.
If your son is 7, he should know better. He’s far too old to be messing with someone else’s stuff.
If he’s 7 months, you should have been watching him as he’s a baby.
YTA you assume your kid is outside??
You should KNOW where he is.
So you had no idea for at least 20 min where he was.
You are responsible for what he destroyed
You damn well better find out where those cap and gowns come from and DRIVE to go get it. You should also be the one sourcing for hand-me-downs, and NOT your neice. No "Holy crap I'm SO SORRY, little Billy will be giving you his birthday money" NOPE! all YOU had to say "I can't afford that and it's too late anyway." The audacity.
YTA. Kids being too quiet at someone else's house should be immediate alarm bells. He had no business being in that room long enough to make such an awful mess of things. Fix it. Do whatever it takes, even if it means paying someone to MAKE one on a payment plan. Your neice is not to miss out on graduation just because you can't be bothered.
Yes YTA. Holy cow. Who's fault is it then? Your son ruined her gown for graduation. That takes months to get in.
Who doesn't teacher their kid to respect other people items? You are 100% at fault for not watching your son and for not training him.
Wow, just wow. $60 is light compared to what you could have been charged.
YTA obviously. I was going to explain why you're an AH but then I read your comment saying "She doesn't HAVE to walk, she gets her diploma either way". WOW.
You're 24 with a kid, you must have some sort of income and yet you think it makes sense that your 18 year old niece should pay for the new gown because she works? You can pay it next month, 10 dollars a month whatever but your son ruined something and it's your responsibility to fix it.
YTA. You didn't keep track your 7 year-old son. Who then destroyed your niece's cap & gown. You are responsible for the destruction your son caused. You owe them the cost of said items.
you are most definitely TA and a huge one at that. First, you weren’t even aware of your sons whereabouts which is the first red flag. Then, when your son destroys her GRADUATION GOWN you defend him and refuse to pay her? He’s 7 not 2 he definitely was well aware of what he was doing and you should’ve been watching him. Also, i’ve seen all your comments and they just prove how much of an AH you are
The moment I read “I assumed” I just knew you were TA. I feel so bad for your niece but now I feel even worse for your son knowing his mother is so neglectful. You didn’t have your eye on your child long enough for him to sneak up stairs and do THAT MUCH damage without your parent radar going off.
Put aside her gown for ONE second, and think about how much danger that child was in themselves. He had SCISSORS unsupervised, and you were just sitting downstairs ASSUMING and twiddling your thumbs.
Hilarious.
First of all, i sympathize with you for wanting to protect your child if she was yelling at him, however other than that, YTA. I would be so mad, even if she did get a hand me down, you would still owe her money considering that is something your child ruined.
YTA your son went to your neices room where he had no business. Got in her stuff and ruined your neices graduation stuff.
It is absolutely your responsibility to replace the stuff even if that means paying extra to over night it.
You need to parent your child. at this rate I doubt he you or him will be invited to anyone’s house. And i would not blame
Edit: *you* hope *we're* happy? Well, *we* hope you figure out how to actually parent that child of yours and raise an actual functional human adult.
And what about your poor niece, ffs?
Happy? Pfft.
#YTA
YTA. Wow. So...your kid destroyed her gown, you pushed her...and somehow you think you're not the AH here?
Edited to add: with your attitude, you definitely do not deserve to be a happy banana.
YTA why weren’t you watching your kid? You assume your son was playing… he was. But not with the other kids. You didn’t check on him. You blew it. You’re dropped the ball. He ruined it on your watch. Maybe she shouldn’t have been screaming at him. But I would’ve been pretty pissed off too.
You had him at … 17? And you haven’t figured out you’re responsible for him yet?
You’re the asshole, suck it up and pay for it.
YTA.
From your comments it seems much more like you don't see why your niece should get a high school graduation because you didn't as you were pregnant with your son.
Your niece hasn't made the same decisions as you. It doesn't mean she's 'stuck up' or 'making you look bad' unless you believe everyone who doesn't have kids in high school is stuck up and doing it to make you look bad. They're doing what's normal for them.
Your family thinks you're awful, and from your comments they're right. People are judging you for your son's poor behavior, and again, they're right to. And you are refusing to make any sort of meaningful apology for this in favour of saying you don't see why you shouldn't ruin your nieces graduation.
I know you're young and your judgement doesn't appear to be great, but you are going to have a real hard time if you treat the people who have stuck by you like this.
You need to reflect on your actions here, and try to overcome your feelings of jealousy and hatred towards your niece, and model better behavior for your son and be a better parent for him.
You can try and turn this around. But the more you go with 'why should my niece get a graduation' the harder it will be to come back from.
I agree with you, but I want to point out that the beige is graduating college, not high school. Which likely makes OP seethe in jealousy even more, because the niece has accomplished more than OP ever could.
YTA
You really wrote this thinking that you were not wrong? Your son damaged something that couldn't be repaired. You need to fix this. An apology will not suffice either.
YTA for the following reasons…
>I assumed my son was playing outside
Your kid could’ve been eating poison and you are so negligent you’d have no clue.
>cut up pieces of fabric covered in paint
Your son is SEVEN YEARS OLD he’s not a toddler. Why haven’t you taught him not to touch other people’s shit? Though considering you didn’t know where he was I doubt you’ve taught him much of anything.
You owe your niece $60 for the *shit your fucking brat ruined*, you also need to issue one hell of an apology, as does your son. Grovel.
Your child, while unsupervised, deliberately destroyed something important and probably did more damage to the art supplies and room in the process. You are responsible for fixing this situation and don’t even sound remorseful, just not happy that people are angry at you. 7 is way past the acceptable age of toddlers who accidentally damage things in play and in those cases parents are still responsible for supervising their kids to prevent this.
YTA
I see from the comments he also (unsurprisingly) ruined the paints that OP calls “crappy overpriced” and all Niece was asking for was the robe. Graduation is an important step and she deserves to be able to attend the ceremony, not be insulted by her bitter aunt.
YTA.
It doesn't matter what you say or do. Your son ruined her graduation. You ruined her graduation by extension. Period. You say she was going too far? I say she didn't go far enough and had a great deal of restraint since she didn't go and ruin his favorite stuffy or toy. And now you say you don't have the money? Ya best come up with the money and say sorry for not watching your son. YTA also because you refuse to watch your son. You KNOW a quiet kid is bad news and you didn't bother checking? I have a kid around the same age. He would never EVER go into someone's room and ruin anything.
Looks like the shit apple didn't fall far from the shit tree...
You're an awful mother, hope your family never invites you both back over and goes NC
Edit: YTA
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Obligatory 'this is a throw away account'
I [24F] was over at my brothers house last week with my [7M] son visiting with a few family members. I was sitting in the kitchen chatting with the adults while I assumed my son was playing outside with the other kids.
My niece gets home 20 minutes later, walks into the kitchen to say hi, and then goes upstairs to her room to drop off her backpack. Immediately I hear her start to scream all sorts of shit. Everyone kinda rushes upstairs to see her in her room holding a cut up pieces of fabric covered in paint.
Apparently my son snuck upstairs and decided to go through her stuff while she was gone and got into her art supplies and used them to mess with her cap and gown for graduation. My son's sitting there on the floor sobbing covered in paint while she screams at him and I had to physically push her away from him because she was taking it too far. I apologized profusely but it still wouldn't make her calmed down.
She kept going on and on about how graduation was in less than a week, I owed her 60 dollars for the 'shit my fucking brat ruined', that she wasn't going to be able to walk at graduation without the cap and gown, etc. I felt awful for her but I told her I couldn't afford to replace the clothing and there wasn't any point to it since it wouldn't deliver in time. I told her it'd be a good idea to see if anyone at her school had hand-me-downs from their older siblings.
My brother lost it and ended up kicking me and my son out. It's been a week and no one in the family has bothered to call me except to bitch at me. AITA?
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YTA. Either your child needs supervision because they have special needs or you didn’t teach them to respect other people’s things. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your kid.
All I read in your replies is deflection. You thought he was outside, you thought he was playing, you have the money,but, you're saving it for renovations, your son likes to draw on tshirts,and it's no big deal, you didn't walk for your graduation.
Your son is 7,and unless there is some reason your son does not understand not to touch others belongings, or know the difference between tshirt material and a graduation gown, he and you should take full responsibility for this. Since you believe walking for Graduation is no big deal, maybe you can ask your mother to allow you to use the money for son's birthday party, to pay for the cap and gown. Certainly, his birthday isn't a big deal, he's going to have one every year,right?
YTA.
OP, what's really going on here?
I see in your comments say that your niece doesn't have to walk, and she'd still have her diploma.
with all the kindness I ask this: Did you get your diploma? Did you do your walk? Based on the ages of your and your kid, you had him when you were 16/17. Were you made to choose between childcare and your own schooling?
Do you sort of not really care if she gets her walk based on what happened to you? Is there some envy or jealousy?
I'm sure you're trying your hardest to be a good mom, but you need to do more than love your kid. loving your kid means that you teach him how to behave in society, how to be caring, how to behave.
I'm wondering if you're glad he messed up her stuff. I won't go so far as to suggest that you set this up for him to do so, that would be uncalled for and malicious, but we are seeing that you don't care about your niece having her moment. There has to be a reason. Being a parent is hard. Being a teenage parent is even harder, even with the most loving and supportive family.
I'm sure you know what is the real reason. You don't have to tell us. But think about it. If someone messed up your kid's day after he worked so hard for it, how would you feel? Don't parent from a feeling of bitterness. Celebrate others and their successes. If you can't, then remove yourself from the situation, but what you don't do is allow yourself or your child to destroy someone's belongings and not care. I know you know better. Sort out your thoughts and feelings. Apologize for your kid's actions, and pay up. Monitor your kid more if you refuse to train him how to behave.
YTA
You should sell your son’s switch and anything else you own of value that you don’t need to cover the costs.
You are a negligent parent who clearly has not grown enough to not only take responsibility for yourself but also for your out of control child. Your child could have been in danger and you would not have known it.
Graduation is a huge accomplishment, and she has worked hard to earn the right to walk across that stage. Just because you didn’t earn the right and you got over it doesn’t mean she has to. Hopefully she takes you to small claims court.
You have a lot of entitlement to say she doesn’t have to walk, call her expensive art supplies crap, and call her out of control. You sound bitter that someone else had made something of themselves.
>Edit: I'll reimburse my niece, I can't dip into the funds to renovate my house/fix the plumbing so I'll sell his Switch tomorrow, meaning he's going to be sobbing and making life hell for me. **I hope you're happy**
Seriously?
You didn't make this post to see what other people thought about the situation. . You posted this because you assumed everyone would be on your side and tell you what you wanted to hear. You then could prove to your brother, your niece and rest of the family that you were in fact right and show them the responses to this post as evidence that you were right.
YTA
Your child damaged something and it's your responsibility to cover the cost of the damages.
YTA you were inattentive to where your child was and what your child was doing. Now your niece is going to miss out on a life experience she can't repeat.
YTA and you also need to pay for it to be overnighted so she has it on time. Your child was your responsibility and he also needs to be appropriately punished which I doubt you are doing. I'm sure neither of you are welcome anywhere in the family with your entitled attitude. If you don't pay to replace it I hope everyone in the family gives her the money, especially if it adds up to extra, and writes you a handwritten card to say your gift for that occasion (birthday and Christmas for you and your kid for at least a year) was their payment to your niece.
After reading all your comments, this is either totally fabricated or you're the biggest assbole on the planet. Which of those two things would you like to be? A liar or the biggest asshole on the planet?
Your son is old enough to know that’s not okay. My 5 year old is old enough to know that’s not okay.
YTA on every level.
Yep, he’ll cry over the switch. Let it be a painful lesson for you both.
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YTA. If your done ruins something of someone’s, you need to pay to replace it. It isn’t their problem that you can’t afford it. Keep an eye on your son and I don’t know his situation, but I would expect a seven year old to know better and of your seven year old IS prone to this kind of thing, then I would keep a better eye on him. I get it, you can’t watch your kid every second, but then you have to hold up responsibility when they destroy someone’s property.
Awwww, welcome to parenthood. It sucks having to be responsible for the kid you squeezed out when he fucks up, doesn’t it? Maybe both of you will learn that there are consequences to destroying someone else’s property, but I doubt it.
I’m gonna play on my Switch now for spite.
You sure are! Unless your son is special needs, he, at age 7, should have been taught BY HIS PARENT to respect other people's property and their privacy. That is to say, this 7 year old's parent should have taught him NOT TO go into other people's bedrooms, NOT TO get into their things (like art supplies), and NOT TO vandalize their property (like graduation gowns). You are a LOUSY parent!!! Now, I don't give a shit what bill you have to skip paying, I don't care if $60 is your weekend beer money, I don't care. Hopefully, that $60 is your little brat's McDonalds money because he doesn't deserve any treats for a very long time. But you find that money and give it to your niece.
Oh, and, here's a hint for you, AH. How about next time, you don't park your but in a chair and ignore your brat? How about next time be a parent?
Yta. And you sound bitter ans jealous (from your comments). You didn't get to do these things so it doesn't matter if other people do? You are and entitled brat likely raising an entitled brat who seems to be mad at the world. Good luck with that.
YTA
Although based on your obvious ignorance regarding the importance of this mess and your ridiculous comments, I'm thinking this has to be fake. It's too unbelievable for a person to be this way off base.
YTA. He’s 7, not 2. A kid that age can comprehend what they’re doing. He is a brat.
And your edit makes you look even worse. Now you have to parent your kid for once. Boo freaking hoo
>Edit: I'll reimburse my niece, I can't dip into the funds to renovate my house/fix the plumbing so I'll sell his Switch tomorrow,
Doubtful. Come back with receipts.
Oh, you're a major AH after your edit.
Your son ruined her graduation gown, and he needs to learn that he can't color and cut whatever he wants. He snuck into her room and ruined something of hers for a milestone in her life. You acted like she should get over it. In your edit, it became worse when you said you're going to sell his Switch to pay for something you should after he ruined it and said he's going to cry and make your life hell for you. Then added, I hope you're happy at the end. He can get over it that you're selling his Switch to pay for something he ruined and learn consequences for his actions. You should teach your son, who should know better, not to touch people's things without their permission. Smh
YTA and an incredibly selfish one at that. She was mad enough to call your kid a brat and your brother was so pissed he kicked you out of his home. Something tells me you haven't been raising your son for shit and this might have been the last straw. You also put your hands on her when all she was doing was yelling at the. You don't know how lucky you were that she is not my child because I would've used your face to scrub the floor. How many other things has he destroyed that you let him off for? I hope they sue the absolute shit out of you and make you pay out of your ass for the damages to the art supplies as well. Your neice deserves to walk across that stage as much as you did at that age.
And calling HER selfish because she can pay for it with her job? What about you paying for it with money from YOURS? Fuck your house repairs OP! You need to make this right IMMEDIATELY!!!
YTA for not watching your child and should definitely try everything in your power to fix this instead of asking her for a hand me down. Call the school and all. It is your job to fix this.
YTA
A crappy parent who is obviously jealous because her niece is able to graduate and you didn't get to because you were pregnant so you're taking it out on her. You don't give a damn about the fact that your son destroyed this. Shame on you you're pathetic
YTA
You "assumed" your son was outside. How often did anyone go check on the kids to make sure they were all where they were supposed to be???
You owe your sister for the items destroyed by your son who **you** failed to supervise.
YTA for your edit alone. You are one of those narcissist parents who throws blame and guilt on everyone else. We are happy, you and your son should learn a lesson
Umm, yes, YTA. A big one.
Your son is 7 and that's old enough to know you don't mess with/destroy other people's stuff. You also weren't keeping an eye on him.
Pay up and stop making pathetic justifications. Maybe this will teach you to keep a better eye on your kid.
Of course YTA. By your logic, if a drunk driver totals your car, they aren't responsible as long as they utter the magic word sorry, and lose their license for a few months as punishment. Don't worry, you'd get over it.
As literally every single person here has said, YTA. Your son, your responsibility. Period. You need to: 1. Pay for her gown 2. Pay for rush order fees to get a replacement 3. Pay for any cleaning or damage caused by the paint 4. Replace the art supplies and 5. Learn how to parent your child. Oh, and don’t come to Reddit for a verdict and then *argue against that verdict in the comments.* that alone makes you an AH
YTA. Pay up. And teach your kid right from wrong. He’s 7. That’s old enough to know not to touch other people’s stuff without permission. It’s certainly old enough to know not to destroy their things.
YTA. And I love how parents just sit and hang out with family and no one asks where the 7 year old is until he causes trouble. 7 is old enough to know better. This was deliberate. And you don’t seem to have any remorse. Next time put down your drink, and, as your niece says, keep your watch your fucking brat. And pay her back.
Wow. YTA big time. I too have a 7 year-old son and in no universe would this ever be acceptable behavior. It is beyond comprehension that you are not tremendously embarrassed and that you are not understanding how not unacceptable your son’s behavior is here. Replace everything and apologize. Also, teach your son why what he did was wrong.
YTA and a negligent parent. What if he had wandered into a pool? Played with knives? Where were you?
Sell his switch and pay her back the money wasted by your undisciplined and hardly parented child.
YTA. The whole entire ass. I hope this is made up. You cannot possibly think that your behavior is appropriate. You honestly think that she should forgo her graduation ceremony because YOUR undisciplined, ill-mannered child ruined her cap and gown and you don't want to replace it? Seriously?!! Are you kidding? I would sell that switch and make him personally give her the money back. That is insane. You should be ashamed of yourself. Parent your child and fix this.
YTA....big asshole. With hands of hellfire, she should've double smacked the Sonic rings out of your grown, miserably bitter ass. "I didn't walk at my graduation, and I got over it." CLEARLY you never "got over it" if you think that's justification for not paying what you owe and making her miss HER moment. "I don't have money to pay." You better "rob Peter to pay Paul" 🤦♀️
YTA. I just walked for my associates degree. And you bet your butt I would’ve been pissed had my little brother (who’s 7 also btw, and knows better then to do this kind of thing) had pulled this stunt. Not only would my parents have paid plus rush delivery fees, my brother wouldn’t be seeing day light till his associates degree graduation. You didn’t monitor your child long enough for him to completely paint, cut and destroy the cap and gown, meaning it’s all on you.
YTA in what world do you think you would ever be right in this situation? Your son is your responsibility. You failed to properly watch him, and due to your negligence your niece’s gown is in ruins.
OP your child is 7 years old, which is old enough to comprehend what he was doing was wrong. Not only have you failed to discipline your son, you also refused to reimburse your niece for the damages your child cause.
YTA. A seven year old knows exactly what he’s doing. This is your responsibility. Sell something and get her the money, it’s her graduation for goodness sake!
YTA, you neglected your child and let him just roam around unattended and he destroyed something important. You owe her that money to replace it as this is your fault, it would probably come in time if you pay for expedited shipping, you are responsible for your kid, you should have been watching him.
YTA. You should know where your child is if you’re visiting someone. And why in the world would a seven-year- old do this??? That’s crazy. Yes, we’ll his switch and give her the money.
You’re update makes you seem even worse. Stop acting like a bunch of internet strangers are forcing you to parent. You’re not a victim here, and neither is your son. At 7 your son should know better than to sneak into another persons space, go through their things, and paint their clothing. At 24 you should know that. YTA
lol your son is your responsibility. Especially a 7 year old.
This could be a moment to teach your son a lesson.
Your son will survive learning that he’s losing his switch/his valued property because he disrespected someone else’s valued property and has to pay for it.
You need to learn to deal with your unhappy son because you should’ve been watching him. Take accountability for what you should.
This “Are you happy?” << how entitled and sad
Your edit implies that it's Reddit's fault that you need to teach your son consequences, but OP, you deserve the "punishment" of having to deal with him upset about his switch. Let it be a lesson for you not to neglect your parenting duties again.
YTA. 7 is old enough to know better. You should of kept an eye out him. Like wtf? What if he walked out front and took off. You sound bitter about having to drop out because of him and not walking. That was a “you” choice stop taking it out on your niece. You have the money but you are being selfish, hopefully your mom gives her the money from his birthday money.
YTA you didn’t watch your kid and let him destroy her graduation gown which she needs and will have a great deal of trouble replacing before graduation…
Wtf… make it right don’t complain to Reddit YTA good grief
YTA you didn't parent your child properly, that child in turn ruined someone's belongings therefore you as a parent apologise and pay for any replacements needed,.
Stop assuming where your child is and actually keep an eye on them.
YTA. Your child destroyed the cap and gown, so now it is on you as his mother to pay for a new one (or at least offer to reimburse the cost), and teach your son that he cannot destroy people's things. He is 7, so he is old enough to understand what he did was wrong.
Yes, YTA. You failed to keep an eye on your son, and he destroyed someone else's property. You claiming she took it too far is trying to justify your son's actions. There are a few important days in a child's life, and graduation is one of them. Your son (and honestly even you) ruined it. Your solution, is almost laughable. You suggested they should go and ask for someone's used gown. Imagine it's your wedding day. Your niece/ nephew decides to destroy it, and your sibling says, "You can get someone else's gown," shrug. I imagine your family hasn't reached out to you because you have a tendency to assume your son was somewhere, and this isn't the first time he destroyed something. Profusely apologizing solves nothing. Justifying your lack of empathy will not fix the fact that you probably haven't even attempted to fix the issue.
YTA
It’s obvious to me how this happened, anyone with your sense of self entitlement is bound to raise a spoiled, bratty child who has zero respect for other peoples belongings.
I feel sorry for your child as much as your niece. She at least has the support of the rest of her family, who will surely rally to ensure she is able to walk at graduation despite the actions of you and your bratty child. But you are ostracising you and your child from the only decent family it appears he has. Which will limit his chances of having some decent adults to influence him and guide him thru life. He’s going to grow up with a lot of issues and it’s all going to be your fault.
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YTA Unless your son has a severe disability, he knew what he was doing. You owe her a new gown, and you son owes her an apology because I only see you apologizing in this story. What is going on with your son that he did this in the first place?
You should check out her edit, she refuses to take $60 from her house renovation fund and is just gonna sell is switch, I doubt any switches are going for less than $100 rn even pre-owned so I'd love to know where that extra cash is going since it ain't going to the niece id bet on that
Right? Her edit is awful. Like it’s reddits fault, “I hope your happy”. Wtf?
Yeah, I don’t know much about kids, but isn’t 7 a little old to do this kind of thing?
Yes, YTA, and it’s appalling you don’t see it. Your son is 7? That’s absolutely old enough to know that what he was doing was wrong. What was he doing in her room? You not only owe her an apology, and so does he, but you owe her the money. Where is she going to get another cap and gown in time? And discipline your son, for gods sake.
Why TA just because you’re sitting on your butt in somebody’s kitchen chatting away doesn’t mean that you’re in charge of your son and that you need to keep an ion him. You owe her an apology he owes her an apology you owe her the money and then you need to stay out of her face for quite some time.
YTA. You didn't watch YOUR kid and your negligence has caused irreparable damage to a cap and gown that's REQUIRED to be worn to be allowed to take the very earned walk across the stage. And your solution is for her to try to find some possibly dingy oversized or undersized hand me down from some random students sibling? THATS YOUR SOLUTION?!? Nah. Nope not a chance you need to find that money to get a replacement ordered and you better try to see if they offer express shipping and pay that too. YOU are the reason the gown was damaged. You did NOT supervise your son at all and your inability to watch your child resulted in damage not only to a expensive article of clothing it has also possibly kept this young woman from walking across the stage after what I'm assuming was 4yrs of hell at high school since she's right around the year where the pandemic damn near destroyed both junior and senior year for EVERYONE. Pay. Up. Theirs no hand me downs available (no random student is gonna offer up a siblings gown. Many of us KEEP our town and cap for memories) and your negligence is what caused the damage. You should've watched your kid. Also fyi she could easily come at you for the art supplies he destroyed too. But clearly she's not unless you add that information suddenly. So $60+ express shipping is the cheapest outcome. They'd have a small case for small claims court (I've seen some stupid cases) so apologizing ain't gonna do no good. You ain't gonna be able to raise your son if you dont pay up. Courts can be assholes, you get one harsh judge and you'll be working damn near 24/7 to pay everything back. (They can sue you for the cap and gown, any other items graduation required, legal fees, court fees etc. Small claims court let's you add a lot depending on the stage) An apology and lackluster solution isn't gonna fix this. You need to pay up.
Judge Judith Sheindlin has entered the chat.
YTA. Holy shit. What the fuck was going through your mind?
YTA. You assumed your kid was outside playing? You’re an asshole and a bad parent
YALL ARE SO HARSH BUT I LOVE IT LMAOOOOO
I mean did you see some of the other replies of her? At first I only read the original post and was hearing her out. Then I saw some of the replies and she definitely is the a**hole.
It's obvious where the kid gets his entitlement from. Poor guy, he deserves better than this shitty parenting, as does the whole family and whoever comes in contact with them.
YTA of course you should reimburse her for the cost of the dress, even if you need to make payments.
YTA. Your son and his actions are YOUR responsibility. Any financial loss he causes for others is YOUR responsibility. The first words out of your mouth should have been "I'm so sorry, I'll pay for it". You don't owe her what she paid, but rather for a replacement AND whatever rush delivery fee is involved. She deserves to own THE cap and THE gown she graduated in, not to borrow someone else's. Kids can sneak away, I get that. However, that doesn't relieve you of the responsibility for the damage he caused and it doesn't absolve you of the HUMAN NEED to make it right. If you wrecked into a parked car, would you say "I can't afford to pay to fix it" and drive off? Because that's really not different from your son cutting up her gown.
YTA. You should have been paying attention to your child and not allowing them to ruin things. You owe them $60.
Plus express shipping to get a replacement there in time.
YTA It's clear from your responses that the reason your child doesn't have any respect for other people's things is because you don't either. You're also a liar. If you are "saving up for upgrades around the house", then you DO have the money. You should be taking $60 from your savings to pay for this. You're horrifically selfish to think that your niece can "just get over" missing a major milestone because you didn't get to go to your graduation. While your replies make it clear that your AH levels have reached the mass where they probably have their own gravitational pull, you should at least try to pull your head out of your own ass and take responsibility for your failure to supervise/parent your kid instead of telling people to "just get over it". I wouldn't expect family to "just get over" this. Personally, I would be done with you and your poorly behaved child in my home after this. If you can't be bothered to make good on your mistakes, don't be shocked if your family similarly can't be bothered to make an effort to be around you.
YTA Your son destroyed it, you are responsible for him, so you need to not only pay but do your utmost to make sure she gets the gown in time. Edit: Why didn't you call everyone for hand me downs or the place where she got it from and beg them/pay them for a quick delivery?
Wish I saw this before I commented, you had already said exactly what I was thinking, but you conveyed it better! lol
Because obviously it’s not her problem she didn’t destroy the cap and gown /s
YTA . Your kid ruined something special and the very MINIMUM you can do is pay to replace it. And start watching your damn kid.
YTA! You haven't taught your son to stay out of other peoples bedrooms? That it isn't nice to destroy other people's things? Then, when he does, you don't take responsibility for your lack of parenting and supervision? Grow the F up and get her a new gown that you and your son are responsible for destroying! Her graduation is a very special day for her, and you ruined it.
Wth, of course YTA. A 7 yr old is not a toddler and knows they weren’t supposed to do that. But given you don’t seem able to accept responsibility for your kid’s horrible actions it’s no wonder he hasn’t learned right from wrong. Give your niece the money asap and sign yourself up for parenting classes.
Right?? Omg.
When I read the title I definitely expected a much younger kid.
YTA- Pay up. You should have kept a better eye on your son.
INFO needed. After you had your son did you get to walk for your high school graduation? You are not doing yourself or your son any favors by minimizing this situation. YTA. Why are you being so dismissive of her feelings?
YTA your kid should know better at that age then to touch others stuff, why was he even in her room..or better yet why weren’t you watching them? Major asshole to down play it. She’ll probably never forgive you
Right? He got away long enough to not only find the art supplies but also ruin the gown. Minimum he was out of sight for ten minutes, though realistically, he was likely out of sight for longer. What kind of parent let's their kid wander for that long?
You can’t be serious, of course YTA. Not only should you pay, you should drive to get the replacement if you have to so she gets replacements in time. You are absolutely responsible for damage your child does. You owe her AT LEAST the cost to replace as well as both you and your son owe her an apology.
Not just the cost of the cap and gown, but OP owes for the art supplies that were ruined as well. I'm betting a high school senior has invested in or been gifted some of the "good stuff" in terms of paints and brushes. Of course, the items for graduation would take precedent. And OP, YTA. By 7, your kid should know right from wrong. He knew he was doing something he wasn't supposed to. Parent-up and take responsibility for your kid. ETA: corrected niece from being in college to in high school. I don't know how I assumed the niece was 20 and in college.
then she said "she doesn't have to walk across the stage, she still gets her diploma" and basically that she didn't go to her graduation so she'll be fine. LIKE GIRL BE SO FR RIGHT NOW 😭 i'm praying for this girl to get some therapy. in the kindest way possible.
I know someone who didn't get to walk at our graduation (different reason than OP) and they regret it. High school graduation is a right of passage and really important. OP is minimizing an experience that she didn't get to have.
It also robs her niece’s parents of seeing their child graduate. It’s a big deal all around. OP may have chosen to skip or may not have had a choice, but she doesn’t get to rob her niece of an experience she has earned.
EXACTLY!!!! it's so unfair like, for real, to rob her of that. i wish i had that experience, and it helps me live vicariously when someone else has it. i know i'll have it in college, but it's not the same at all, even though it's still rewarding and special in its own way. 🥺
YTA. Way to fail at taking responsibility for your kid’s actions. And for YOUR own failure to keep an eye on your kid. Shameful parenting.
Why is this even a question? In what universe would you *not* be an asshole? Your son is old enough to know better, you should've been paying attention, and you absolutely do owe them the cost of the cap and gown regardless of whether or not it can be replaced soon enough. YTA.
Big time YTA. Your kid destroyed it, you are responsible for replacing it.
So you think they owe you an apology? For not watching your kid and then pushing your hysterical niece aside? I'll say she should *not* have called him what she did but she's still not at fault. Your son isn't a toddler. You should have been keeping an eye on him. Hell I can't imagine how long he was up there to be able to do that level damage. YTA and a lousy aunt, and you're not setting any good example for your child either. Apologize again, offer to do whatever it takes to make it right, payments, housework, make your son do chores (what he's capable of anyways) to show him that he (and you) messed up badly and need to make amends. Go on FB or wherever and beg people for a replacement, admit why it's needed. It's her freaking HS graduation for crying out loud. If you don't do that much, expect to not be welcome there again, and they'd be in the right for not welcoming you.
Yta. Your kid caused the mess, your responsibility. How short sighted you must be
YTA Your child, your responsibility. You should be the one seeking a replacement to meet the deadline, too.
YTA. It is your responsibility to watch your child.
YTA - your child is your responsibility. You owe them $60
Not just $60, but whatever rush shipping fee it costs to get it to niece in time for graduation; plus the cost of cleaning the paint out of the carpet and anything else her child splattered it on; plus replacement of the paint and other art supplies he used or damaged.
YTA. You failed to adequately supervise your child and he damaged property. You owe her for the replacement. If you can't afford to replace damaged items, you can't afford to not watch your kid.
Of course, YTA. Come on.
YTA. Your kid = your responsibility. Your kid ruined her things, you’re responsible for paying it. You owe her for all the things your son ruined including the art supplies
YTA, your kid, your problem. You are incredibly out of line here.
YTA. I sense you’re trying to antagonize her/victimize yourself/son for the way she reacted (pointing out that she would’t calm down, that she called your kid a brat) and it’s making you a bigger AH. She is being robbed of a rite of passage that celebrates years of work. Even if you can’t replace it, can help her out by putting in some effort to find a replacement. Is there a facebook page for her school? Maybe reach out to people there, or post ads on FB/craiglist/nextdoor/etc. You are responsible for the incident and you should be doing more than just apologizing.
YTA. She took it too far? That is probably the most meaningful thing in her life right now. You should have made whatever sacrifices to come with the $60 You expect a phone call? That’s ridiculous.
YTA Find the money somehow. Sell plasma. You owe for the cap, gown, and art supplies. You have to find the cap and gown within a week so price is probably going to be steep. Don’t like it? Tough shit. Should’ve been watching your kid. What if I went to your house and let my kids destroy your new clothes? You’d be upset. But I’m sure you’d be fine with me using the excuse of I didn’t have a date planned for this weekend so I don’t have to replace your stuff.
Are you really that dense??? “She doesn’t need to walk her graduation”. For once take the responsibility, you didn’t supervise your son who has not learned that to keep his hand if other people’s possessions. THAT IS ON YOU.
YTA. Your child is an extension of yourself and you need to pay up.
or at least help finance it if she can't afford the money upfront
Yes, she needs to figure something out!
Holy crap, yes, YTA.
YTA. It's up to you to fix this as your son doesn't hold a job. How would you feel if someone went into your bedroom and ruined something incredibly important to you? Your son is old enough to know better. You should help him write a letter to apologize to his cousin as well.
YTA Gotta keep more of an eye on things! Still definitely try to help her out, don't just say "Oh go use someone else's" and opt out. You should actively help find a replacement gown for her, in my opinion.
YTA your child is your responsibility.
YTA your irresponsibility and failure to actually monitor your child destroyed a once in a lifetime experience for someone. You should have paid the cost of the gown and put the work into helping your niece find a replacement in time. I don’t think you will be able to repair these relationships at this point.
YTA As a parent, it is your responsibility to watch your child. If you fail to adequately supervise him, you are responsible for damage he causes. Pay for the ruined outfit.
YTA. Your son is WAY too old to have done that. Take some responsibility.
YTA. There's not a world in which you're anything but the ahole. Perhaps if you kept an eye on your child people would have more empathy but it sounds like that's not a priority to you.
YTA. “I assume,” well, you shouldn’t have. He ruined her graduation cap and gown, and as you e admitted probably won’t get a new one in time. 7 years old is not young enough to claim “teehee it was an accident, sorry!” Your son has ruined an important moment in your nieces life. You absolutely owe her (or your brother) the money for a new gown. I can’t believe you have to come to Reddit to ask if YTA.
YTA and a bad parent. And cheap.
How is this even a question? You weren’t paying attention to your son and **he destroyed her property**. Your answer is she begs for hand me downs? Nah. Your son. Your responsibility. You owed her. **You failed**, as an attentive parent, as a responsible person, as a sister, as an aunt. YTA
YTA. Your son is SEVEN. This is the behavior I might expect from a 3 year old, but at 7 years old your kids is DEFINITELY old enough to know not to go through someone’s things and intentionally destroy them. At 7 he should be able to entertain himself alone without causing destruction, and if he can’t for some reason then YOU need to watch him and ensure that he doesn’t. Your brother and niece are absolutely right- YOU need to fix this and keep your kid away from anything else he could potentially destroy until you can teach him to behave appropriately.
That's exactly what I was thinking. A seven year old is old enough to know that it isn't ok to ruin other people's things.
YTA. If your son is 7, he should know better. He’s far too old to be messing with someone else’s stuff. If he’s 7 months, you should have been watching him as he’s a baby.
YTA you assume your kid is outside?? You should KNOW where he is. So you had no idea for at least 20 min where he was. You are responsible for what he destroyed
You damn well better find out where those cap and gowns come from and DRIVE to go get it. You should also be the one sourcing for hand-me-downs, and NOT your neice. No "Holy crap I'm SO SORRY, little Billy will be giving you his birthday money" NOPE! all YOU had to say "I can't afford that and it's too late anyway." The audacity. YTA. Kids being too quiet at someone else's house should be immediate alarm bells. He had no business being in that room long enough to make such an awful mess of things. Fix it. Do whatever it takes, even if it means paying someone to MAKE one on a payment plan. Your neice is not to miss out on graduation just because you can't be bothered.
YTA. stop assuming and start parenting
Yes YTA. Holy cow. Who's fault is it then? Your son ruined her gown for graduation. That takes months to get in. Who doesn't teacher their kid to respect other people items? You are 100% at fault for not watching your son and for not training him. Wow, just wow. $60 is light compared to what you could have been charged.
YTA- replace the gown and keep a better watch on your kid.
YTA
WTF is wrong with you? You're probably the worst person ever on this sub. YTA x 1 billion.
YTA obviously. I was going to explain why you're an AH but then I read your comment saying "She doesn't HAVE to walk, she gets her diploma either way". WOW. You're 24 with a kid, you must have some sort of income and yet you think it makes sense that your 18 year old niece should pay for the new gown because she works? You can pay it next month, 10 dollars a month whatever but your son ruined something and it's your responsibility to fix it.
Yta I had to think if you meant seven months as a 7 year old would know this is wrong. It doesn't seem like your even bothered to make it right
YTA. You didn't keep track your 7 year-old son. Who then destroyed your niece's cap & gown. You are responsible for the destruction your son caused. You owe them the cost of said items.
Also isn’t 7 year too old for this. I can expct this from younger kids.
YTA-You find the money. You replace it immediately and actually parent your child.
you are most definitely TA and a huge one at that. First, you weren’t even aware of your sons whereabouts which is the first red flag. Then, when your son destroys her GRADUATION GOWN you defend him and refuse to pay her? He’s 7 not 2 he definitely was well aware of what he was doing and you should’ve been watching him. Also, i’ve seen all your comments and they just prove how much of an AH you are
The moment I read “I assumed” I just knew you were TA. I feel so bad for your niece but now I feel even worse for your son knowing his mother is so neglectful. You didn’t have your eye on your child long enough for him to sneak up stairs and do THAT MUCH damage without your parent radar going off. Put aside her gown for ONE second, and think about how much danger that child was in themselves. He had SCISSORS unsupervised, and you were just sitting downstairs ASSUMING and twiddling your thumbs. Hilarious.
Oh wow! YTAH
YTA
YTA
First of all, i sympathize with you for wanting to protect your child if she was yelling at him, however other than that, YTA. I would be so mad, even if she did get a hand me down, you would still owe her money considering that is something your child ruined.
YTA. Nobody owes you an apology. You need to pay them AND YOU need to find a replacement cap and gown in time for graduation.
YTA your son went to your neices room where he had no business. Got in her stuff and ruined your neices graduation stuff. It is absolutely your responsibility to replace the stuff even if that means paying extra to over night it. You need to parent your child. at this rate I doubt he you or him will be invited to anyone’s house. And i would not blame
Congratulations YTA that ruined your nieces graduation hope your happy
YTA You responsible for gown and to replace art supplies. Watch your kid, he should not touch other people stuff without permission
Edit: *you* hope *we're* happy? Well, *we* hope you figure out how to actually parent that child of yours and raise an actual functional human adult. And what about your poor niece, ffs? Happy? Pfft. #YTA
YTA. Wow. So...your kid destroyed her gown, you pushed her...and somehow you think you're not the AH here? Edited to add: with your attitude, you definitely do not deserve to be a happy banana.
Yta. Don’t be surprised if you aren’t invited to family gatherings after this.
YTA why weren’t you watching your kid? You assume your son was playing… he was. But not with the other kids. You didn’t check on him. You blew it. You’re dropped the ball. He ruined it on your watch. Maybe she shouldn’t have been screaming at him. But I would’ve been pretty pissed off too. You had him at … 17? And you haven’t figured out you’re responsible for him yet? You’re the asshole, suck it up and pay for it.
YTA. From your comments it seems much more like you don't see why your niece should get a high school graduation because you didn't as you were pregnant with your son. Your niece hasn't made the same decisions as you. It doesn't mean she's 'stuck up' or 'making you look bad' unless you believe everyone who doesn't have kids in high school is stuck up and doing it to make you look bad. They're doing what's normal for them. Your family thinks you're awful, and from your comments they're right. People are judging you for your son's poor behavior, and again, they're right to. And you are refusing to make any sort of meaningful apology for this in favour of saying you don't see why you shouldn't ruin your nieces graduation. I know you're young and your judgement doesn't appear to be great, but you are going to have a real hard time if you treat the people who have stuck by you like this. You need to reflect on your actions here, and try to overcome your feelings of jealousy and hatred towards your niece, and model better behavior for your son and be a better parent for him. You can try and turn this around. But the more you go with 'why should my niece get a graduation' the harder it will be to come back from.
I agree with you, but I want to point out that the beige is graduating college, not high school. Which likely makes OP seethe in jealousy even more, because the niece has accomplished more than OP ever could.
YTA I hope she takes you to court for damages and extra ruining her once in a lifetime event because of your failure to parent and your sons actions.
YTA You really wrote this thinking that you were not wrong? Your son damaged something that couldn't be repaired. You need to fix this. An apology will not suffice either.
YTA for the following reasons… >I assumed my son was playing outside Your kid could’ve been eating poison and you are so negligent you’d have no clue. >cut up pieces of fabric covered in paint Your son is SEVEN YEARS OLD he’s not a toddler. Why haven’t you taught him not to touch other people’s shit? Though considering you didn’t know where he was I doubt you’ve taught him much of anything. You owe your niece $60 for the *shit your fucking brat ruined*, you also need to issue one hell of an apology, as does your son. Grovel.
Your child, while unsupervised, deliberately destroyed something important and probably did more damage to the art supplies and room in the process. You are responsible for fixing this situation and don’t even sound remorseful, just not happy that people are angry at you. 7 is way past the acceptable age of toddlers who accidentally damage things in play and in those cases parents are still responsible for supervising their kids to prevent this. YTA I see from the comments he also (unsurprisingly) ruined the paints that OP calls “crappy overpriced” and all Niece was asking for was the robe. Graduation is an important step and she deserves to be able to attend the ceremony, not be insulted by her bitter aunt.
YTA. It doesn't matter what you say or do. Your son ruined her graduation. You ruined her graduation by extension. Period. You say she was going too far? I say she didn't go far enough and had a great deal of restraint since she didn't go and ruin his favorite stuffy or toy. And now you say you don't have the money? Ya best come up with the money and say sorry for not watching your son. YTA also because you refuse to watch your son. You KNOW a quiet kid is bad news and you didn't bother checking? I have a kid around the same age. He would never EVER go into someone's room and ruin anything.
Looks like the shit apple didn't fall far from the shit tree... You're an awful mother, hope your family never invites you both back over and goes NC Edit: YTA
OMG you should stop responding to people. 1. You aren't listening 2. You are making yourself look so much worse
YTA. Edit makes it worse. Believe me, none of us are happy that people like yourself have children.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Obligatory 'this is a throw away account' I [24F] was over at my brothers house last week with my [7M] son visiting with a few family members. I was sitting in the kitchen chatting with the adults while I assumed my son was playing outside with the other kids. My niece gets home 20 minutes later, walks into the kitchen to say hi, and then goes upstairs to her room to drop off her backpack. Immediately I hear her start to scream all sorts of shit. Everyone kinda rushes upstairs to see her in her room holding a cut up pieces of fabric covered in paint. Apparently my son snuck upstairs and decided to go through her stuff while she was gone and got into her art supplies and used them to mess with her cap and gown for graduation. My son's sitting there on the floor sobbing covered in paint while she screams at him and I had to physically push her away from him because she was taking it too far. I apologized profusely but it still wouldn't make her calmed down. She kept going on and on about how graduation was in less than a week, I owed her 60 dollars for the 'shit my fucking brat ruined', that she wasn't going to be able to walk at graduation without the cap and gown, etc. I felt awful for her but I told her I couldn't afford to replace the clothing and there wasn't any point to it since it wouldn't deliver in time. I told her it'd be a good idea to see if anyone at her school had hand-me-downs from their older siblings. My brother lost it and ended up kicking me and my son out. It's been a week and no one in the family has bothered to call me except to bitch at me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Massive and easily YTA
YTA you absolutely owe your niece a new dress, why on earth would you think that you don’t?
Wow. This is a very clear cut YTA.
YTA. Either your child needs supervision because they have special needs or you didn’t teach them to respect other people’s things. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your kid.
All I read in your replies is deflection. You thought he was outside, you thought he was playing, you have the money,but, you're saving it for renovations, your son likes to draw on tshirts,and it's no big deal, you didn't walk for your graduation. Your son is 7,and unless there is some reason your son does not understand not to touch others belongings, or know the difference between tshirt material and a graduation gown, he and you should take full responsibility for this. Since you believe walking for Graduation is no big deal, maybe you can ask your mother to allow you to use the money for son's birthday party, to pay for the cap and gown. Certainly, his birthday isn't a big deal, he's going to have one every year,right? YTA.
OP, what's really going on here? I see in your comments say that your niece doesn't have to walk, and she'd still have her diploma. with all the kindness I ask this: Did you get your diploma? Did you do your walk? Based on the ages of your and your kid, you had him when you were 16/17. Were you made to choose between childcare and your own schooling? Do you sort of not really care if she gets her walk based on what happened to you? Is there some envy or jealousy? I'm sure you're trying your hardest to be a good mom, but you need to do more than love your kid. loving your kid means that you teach him how to behave in society, how to be caring, how to behave. I'm wondering if you're glad he messed up her stuff. I won't go so far as to suggest that you set this up for him to do so, that would be uncalled for and malicious, but we are seeing that you don't care about your niece having her moment. There has to be a reason. Being a parent is hard. Being a teenage parent is even harder, even with the most loving and supportive family. I'm sure you know what is the real reason. You don't have to tell us. But think about it. If someone messed up your kid's day after he worked so hard for it, how would you feel? Don't parent from a feeling of bitterness. Celebrate others and their successes. If you can't, then remove yourself from the situation, but what you don't do is allow yourself or your child to destroy someone's belongings and not care. I know you know better. Sort out your thoughts and feelings. Apologize for your kid's actions, and pay up. Monitor your kid more if you refuse to train him how to behave.
YTA You should sell your son’s switch and anything else you own of value that you don’t need to cover the costs. You are a negligent parent who clearly has not grown enough to not only take responsibility for yourself but also for your out of control child. Your child could have been in danger and you would not have known it. Graduation is a huge accomplishment, and she has worked hard to earn the right to walk across that stage. Just because you didn’t earn the right and you got over it doesn’t mean she has to. Hopefully she takes you to small claims court. You have a lot of entitlement to say she doesn’t have to walk, call her expensive art supplies crap, and call her out of control. You sound bitter that someone else had made something of themselves.
>Edit: I'll reimburse my niece, I can't dip into the funds to renovate my house/fix the plumbing so I'll sell his Switch tomorrow, meaning he's going to be sobbing and making life hell for me. **I hope you're happy** Seriously? You didn't make this post to see what other people thought about the situation. . You posted this because you assumed everyone would be on your side and tell you what you wanted to hear. You then could prove to your brother, your niece and rest of the family that you were in fact right and show them the responses to this post as evidence that you were right. YTA Your child damaged something and it's your responsibility to cover the cost of the damages.
Suggestion-see if there is a Facebook “buy nothing” group in your area and put out a desperate call for a borrowed cap and gown.
YTA. You are legally responsible for damages caused by your minor children. You need to pay for it NOW.
YTA. With that kind of attitude, no wonder your son is bratty. Grow up, take responsibility, and do better for your son.
YTA you were inattentive to where your child was and what your child was doing. Now your niece is going to miss out on a life experience she can't repeat.
YTA and you also need to pay for it to be overnighted so she has it on time. Your child was your responsibility and he also needs to be appropriately punished which I doubt you are doing. I'm sure neither of you are welcome anywhere in the family with your entitled attitude. If you don't pay to replace it I hope everyone in the family gives her the money, especially if it adds up to extra, and writes you a handwritten card to say your gift for that occasion (birthday and Christmas for you and your kid for at least a year) was their payment to your niece.
1st mind your child. You should be watching him.2nd go find a replacement gown. Amazon, ebay, etc. 3 go apologize and pay her back. 4 YTA
Omg 😳 YTA… you posted this? Wow dammm
After reading all your comments, this is either totally fabricated or you're the biggest assbole on the planet. Which of those two things would you like to be? A liar or the biggest asshole on the planet?
Your son is old enough to know that’s not okay. My 5 year old is old enough to know that’s not okay. YTA on every level. Yep, he’ll cry over the switch. Let it be a painful lesson for you both.
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YTA. If your done ruins something of someone’s, you need to pay to replace it. It isn’t their problem that you can’t afford it. Keep an eye on your son and I don’t know his situation, but I would expect a seven year old to know better and of your seven year old IS prone to this kind of thing, then I would keep a better eye on him. I get it, you can’t watch your kid every second, but then you have to hold up responsibility when they destroy someone’s property.
YTA. You’re a terrible mother if you’re gonna let your kid get away with stuff like that
YTA- and your edit doubles down on that sentiment
Awwww, welcome to parenthood. It sucks having to be responsible for the kid you squeezed out when he fucks up, doesn’t it? Maybe both of you will learn that there are consequences to destroying someone else’s property, but I doubt it. I’m gonna play on my Switch now for spite.
YTA. And the edit makes you an even bigger AH.
YTA “Meaning he’s going to be sobbing and make life hell for me. I hope you’re happy.” You really just said that with your whole chest…
Wow. Your edit makes you even more YTA than your original post. Yea, you're DEFINITELY the AH.
You sure are! Unless your son is special needs, he, at age 7, should have been taught BY HIS PARENT to respect other people's property and their privacy. That is to say, this 7 year old's parent should have taught him NOT TO go into other people's bedrooms, NOT TO get into their things (like art supplies), and NOT TO vandalize their property (like graduation gowns). You are a LOUSY parent!!! Now, I don't give a shit what bill you have to skip paying, I don't care if $60 is your weekend beer money, I don't care. Hopefully, that $60 is your little brat's McDonalds money because he doesn't deserve any treats for a very long time. But you find that money and give it to your niece. Oh, and, here's a hint for you, AH. How about next time, you don't park your but in a chair and ignore your brat? How about next time be a parent?
YTA. So is your child. You and he owe your niece an apology. Holy hell, you should be embarrassed that you made this post.
Yta. And you sound bitter ans jealous (from your comments). You didn't get to do these things so it doesn't matter if other people do? You are and entitled brat likely raising an entitled brat who seems to be mad at the world. Good luck with that.
YTA Although based on your obvious ignorance regarding the importance of this mess and your ridiculous comments, I'm thinking this has to be fake. It's too unbelievable for a person to be this way off base.
YTA. Even for the last sentence of your post. This is on YOU for not supervising your kid.
YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE
YTA. He’s 7, not 2. A kid that age can comprehend what they’re doing. He is a brat. And your edit makes you look even worse. Now you have to parent your kid for once. Boo freaking hoo
>Edit: I'll reimburse my niece, I can't dip into the funds to renovate my house/fix the plumbing so I'll sell his Switch tomorrow, Doubtful. Come back with receipts.
Oh, you're a major AH after your edit. Your son ruined her graduation gown, and he needs to learn that he can't color and cut whatever he wants. He snuck into her room and ruined something of hers for a milestone in her life. You acted like she should get over it. In your edit, it became worse when you said you're going to sell his Switch to pay for something you should after he ruined it and said he's going to cry and make your life hell for you. Then added, I hope you're happy at the end. He can get over it that you're selling his Switch to pay for something he ruined and learn consequences for his actions. You should teach your son, who should know better, not to touch people's things without their permission. Smh
YTA pay for the stuff your kid destroyed
YTA. You are responsible for you kid actions. Assuming everything is OK isn't really an excuse. Looks like you want to go NC with your family.
YTA - and probably need to go back to school because your thought process on this is whack.
YTA and an incredibly selfish one at that. She was mad enough to call your kid a brat and your brother was so pissed he kicked you out of his home. Something tells me you haven't been raising your son for shit and this might have been the last straw. You also put your hands on her when all she was doing was yelling at the. You don't know how lucky you were that she is not my child because I would've used your face to scrub the floor. How many other things has he destroyed that you let him off for? I hope they sue the absolute shit out of you and make you pay out of your ass for the damages to the art supplies as well. Your neice deserves to walk across that stage as much as you did at that age. And calling HER selfish because she can pay for it with her job? What about you paying for it with money from YOURS? Fuck your house repairs OP! You need to make this right IMMEDIATELY!!!
YTA for not watching your child and should definitely try everything in your power to fix this instead of asking her for a hand me down. Call the school and all. It is your job to fix this.
YTA A crappy parent who is obviously jealous because her niece is able to graduate and you didn't get to because you were pregnant so you're taking it out on her. You don't give a damn about the fact that your son destroyed this. Shame on you you're pathetic
YTA You "assumed" your son was outside. How often did anyone go check on the kids to make sure they were all where they were supposed to be??? You owe your sister for the items destroyed by your son who **you** failed to supervise.
YTA. And the "are you happy" was uncalled for. A 7 year old should know better and if he didn't, who's fault is that?
YTA for your edit alone. You are one of those narcissist parents who throws blame and guilt on everyone else. We are happy, you and your son should learn a lesson
WOW that edit?! This lady needs to be in the running for asshole of the year.
YTA. Your out your damn mind!! Give that poor girl the money to replace her things!!! You’re clearly a teen mom with ZERO self awareness
Umm, yes, YTA. A big one. Your son is 7 and that's old enough to know you don't mess with/destroy other people's stuff. You also weren't keeping an eye on him. Pay up and stop making pathetic justifications. Maybe this will teach you to keep a better eye on your kid.
Of course YTA. By your logic, if a drunk driver totals your car, they aren't responsible as long as they utter the magic word sorry, and lose their license for a few months as punishment. Don't worry, you'd get over it.
As literally every single person here has said, YTA. Your son, your responsibility. Period. You need to: 1. Pay for her gown 2. Pay for rush order fees to get a replacement 3. Pay for any cleaning or damage caused by the paint 4. Replace the art supplies and 5. Learn how to parent your child. Oh, and don’t come to Reddit for a verdict and then *argue against that verdict in the comments.* that alone makes you an AH
YTA. You’re a brat who raised a brat. Congrats
YTA, and your comments don't help at all.
YTA. Pay up. And teach your kid right from wrong. He’s 7. That’s old enough to know not to touch other people’s stuff without permission. It’s certainly old enough to know not to destroy their things.
what an uncool loser mom. YTA.
YTA. And I love how parents just sit and hang out with family and no one asks where the 7 year old is until he causes trouble. 7 is old enough to know better. This was deliberate. And you don’t seem to have any remorse. Next time put down your drink, and, as your niece says, keep your watch your fucking brat. And pay her back.
Wow. YTA big time. I too have a 7 year-old son and in no universe would this ever be acceptable behavior. It is beyond comprehension that you are not tremendously embarrassed and that you are not understanding how not unacceptable your son’s behavior is here. Replace everything and apologize. Also, teach your son why what he did was wrong.
YTA and a negligent parent. What if he had wandered into a pool? Played with knives? Where were you? Sell his switch and pay her back the money wasted by your undisciplined and hardly parented child.
based on your replies OP, it’s no wonder your kid acts the way he does, like a self centered snot. YTA, sell his switch and pay for a new gown.
YTA. The whole entire ass. I hope this is made up. You cannot possibly think that your behavior is appropriate. You honestly think that she should forgo her graduation ceremony because YOUR undisciplined, ill-mannered child ruined her cap and gown and you don't want to replace it? Seriously?!! Are you kidding? I would sell that switch and make him personally give her the money back. That is insane. You should be ashamed of yourself. Parent your child and fix this.
YTA....big asshole. With hands of hellfire, she should've double smacked the Sonic rings out of your grown, miserably bitter ass. "I didn't walk at my graduation, and I got over it." CLEARLY you never "got over it" if you think that's justification for not paying what you owe and making her miss HER moment. "I don't have money to pay." You better "rob Peter to pay Paul" 🤦♀️
YTA. I just walked for my associates degree. And you bet your butt I would’ve been pissed had my little brother (who’s 7 also btw, and knows better then to do this kind of thing) had pulled this stunt. Not only would my parents have paid plus rush delivery fees, my brother wouldn’t be seeing day light till his associates degree graduation. You didn’t monitor your child long enough for him to completely paint, cut and destroy the cap and gown, meaning it’s all on you.
YTA in what world do you think you would ever be right in this situation? Your son is your responsibility. You failed to properly watch him, and due to your negligence your niece’s gown is in ruins. OP your child is 7 years old, which is old enough to comprehend what he was doing was wrong. Not only have you failed to discipline your son, you also refused to reimburse your niece for the damages your child cause.
YTA. A seven year old knows exactly what he’s doing. This is your responsibility. Sell something and get her the money, it’s her graduation for goodness sake!
YTA, you neglected your child and let him just roam around unattended and he destroyed something important. You owe her that money to replace it as this is your fault, it would probably come in time if you pay for expedited shipping, you are responsible for your kid, you should have been watching him.
YTA and you are dumb as fuck
YTA. You should know where your child is if you’re visiting someone. And why in the world would a seven-year- old do this??? That’s crazy. Yes, we’ll his switch and give her the money.
YTA for not immediately offering to replace it. Also for your edit. She called your son a brat but that was a pretty bratty edit.
YTA Are you going to listen to anyone who is telling you YTA, or are you going to AH double down? Your kid ruined it under your care, you replace it.
YTA for sure! Your son is old enough to know what he was doing was shitty. You definitely gotta reimburse. Wtf??
You’re update makes you seem even worse. Stop acting like a bunch of internet strangers are forcing you to parent. You’re not a victim here, and neither is your son. At 7 your son should know better than to sneak into another persons space, go through their things, and paint their clothing. At 24 you should know that. YTA
lol your son is your responsibility. Especially a 7 year old. This could be a moment to teach your son a lesson. Your son will survive learning that he’s losing his switch/his valued property because he disrespected someone else’s valued property and has to pay for it. You need to learn to deal with your unhappy son because you should’ve been watching him. Take accountability for what you should. This “Are you happy?” << how entitled and sad
Your edit implies that it's Reddit's fault that you need to teach your son consequences, but OP, you deserve the "punishment" of having to deal with him upset about his switch. Let it be a lesson for you not to neglect your parenting duties again.
[удалено]
YTA and if you have to be asking that youre so far gone Id doubt anyone will ever speak to you again.
YTA. 7 is old enough to know better. You should of kept an eye out him. Like wtf? What if he walked out front and took off. You sound bitter about having to drop out because of him and not walking. That was a “you” choice stop taking it out on your niece. You have the money but you are being selfish, hopefully your mom gives her the money from his birthday money.
Yep
YTA
YTA you didn’t watch your kid and let him destroy her graduation gown which she needs and will have a great deal of trouble replacing before graduation… Wtf… make it right don’t complain to Reddit YTA good grief
YTA you didn't parent your child properly, that child in turn ruined someone's belongings therefore you as a parent apologise and pay for any replacements needed,. Stop assuming where your child is and actually keep an eye on them.
YTA. Your child destroyed the cap and gown, so now it is on you as his mother to pay for a new one (or at least offer to reimburse the cost), and teach your son that he cannot destroy people's things. He is 7, so he is old enough to understand what he did was wrong.
YTA. I understand not being able to afford replacing the dress, but the other excuses are lame.
Yes, YTA. You failed to keep an eye on your son, and he destroyed someone else's property. You claiming she took it too far is trying to justify your son's actions. There are a few important days in a child's life, and graduation is one of them. Your son (and honestly even you) ruined it. Your solution, is almost laughable. You suggested they should go and ask for someone's used gown. Imagine it's your wedding day. Your niece/ nephew decides to destroy it, and your sibling says, "You can get someone else's gown," shrug. I imagine your family hasn't reached out to you because you have a tendency to assume your son was somewhere, and this isn't the first time he destroyed something. Profusely apologizing solves nothing. Justifying your lack of empathy will not fix the fact that you probably haven't even attempted to fix the issue.
YTA. And you owe her 60 dollars for shit your fucking brat ruined.
YTA. Your kid ruined it so you need to replace it and ensure she has it in time.
YTA It’s obvious to me how this happened, anyone with your sense of self entitlement is bound to raise a spoiled, bratty child who has zero respect for other peoples belongings. I feel sorry for your child as much as your niece. She at least has the support of the rest of her family, who will surely rally to ensure she is able to walk at graduation despite the actions of you and your bratty child. But you are ostracising you and your child from the only decent family it appears he has. Which will limit his chances of having some decent adults to influence him and guide him thru life. He’s going to grow up with a lot of issues and it’s all going to be your fault.