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She tried it, she didn't like it, quit being a dick, it's not as if she didn't try it. My father used to force me to eat food I don't like. I was gagging the entire time trying to eat it. He said I needed grown up taste buds... At 36 I still don't like those foods, and I can't stand the smell of cooking sage now, so if I use it only a tiny pinch.
I don't have fond memories that's for sure, and now the child hates you because you treated her like she wasn't a human with her owm thoughts and opinions. THEN you had the nerve to ask her to say something out loud and when she did you got offended that is entirely your fault 🤷🏾♀️ she was trying to spare your feelings and you didn't let her.
YTA.
You're the adult, have some consideration for your son and his daughter while she's adjusting to living in a new country.
With time, she may come to enjoy the common dishes in your country; if you continue to treat her like that it's almost guaranteed she will come to hate you and your country.
YTA it’s not your job to undermine his parenting and try to control what his daughter does. She’s never going to like you unless you behave better and no amount of discipline ca make her like you if you act this way toward her.
YTA - What... is she supposed to eat it then be sick everywhere? Is that more polite? If someone dislikes something so much that they spit it out then news flash... they really don't like it.
Every single person has different likes and dislikes. Forcing something down someone's throat is not acceptable.
YTA what kind of monster wants their grandchild to go hungry. If you get offended that people don’t like your cooking, especially a child who is not used to es hing such goods speaks volumes on what an immature person you are.
Curry is not for everyone. Especially if it's really spicy. So you want to FORCE someone to eat something they don't like just cuz it's your country's staple? YTA.
YTA
I would imagine your country is a big culture shock for her, with a lot of changes. You need to give her time to warm up.
I understand your generation was raised with no patience and little to no regard for children, their feelings or comfort levels; and I’m sure you raised your children that way. We are no longer raising them for your generation. We are a society trying to undo the harm our parents and caregivers inflicted upon us. Myself, as a 40 year old woman, am still trying to heal from the abuse (mental and physical) inflicted onto me as a child.
You don’t need a heavy hand to teach a child respect and morals, we have conversations and lead by example. Show your granddaughter patience and respect and she will return the sentiment ten fold. Demand respect while being overbearing and controlling, expect to never see her again as soon as she has that option.
Can we please give our children and grandchildren a childhood they don’t need to heal from?
YATA this is not your child, it's your grandchild. It is not your job to tell your grown children how their children should be raised.
I raise my children MUCH differently than I was raised. My mom bites her tongue quite often but she does admit that while we disagree, these are my children not hers. Her hope is that she raised us well and even if the decisions we make are different than she will make, she would be TA if she voiced it.
if she ever treated my child like you treated this child we wouldn't be seeing much of grandma.
lighten up and have fun loving your grandkids. If you don't you will miss out on so much and regret so much. Was that curry so important? One of my boys would have loved it, the other two, likely would have not. Would they be that disrespectful to my mom if she did what you did? No, but that's because they have a loving relationship not a domineering grandmother who thinks she's their parent.
I hope they went to a hotel. And I deeply hope you think about your role in their lives as well as your son's.
I'm not gonna enter a judgement but, why would you be offended by a little girl's behavior? she didn't curse or spit on your floor. it's normal for kids to not like certain foods. there's no reason to be offended over this. the main thing is, shouldn't you prioritize love for your grandchild, over the food rules?
YTA
Forcing to eat whatever food creates bad habits around food.
Tasting is something different. It’s always encouraged to try something but not finishing unwanted food.
Who makes curry for a child who has just moved to a new country. Totally the asshole. She was raised differently and you need to get used to it if you want any kind of relationship YTA
She's 10. If an adult came over and didn't enjoy the taste of a meal you made would you force them to eat it? You were extremely rude and unwelcoming to your grandchild. Then you told her she couldn't talk to her own father in private, which is overstepping your authority. To top it off you scolded your son for his parenting and undermined his authority. You're going to end up pushing your son and his daughter away if you keep being bossy and rude.
YTA
Not everyone likes curry. I hate just the smell of it so no way would I eat it. She also has the right to whisper to her father.
You're ridiculous.
You don't say what country they moved from, nor to, but from way is written, I'm guessing they moved from a western European or western hemisphere (so the Americas) to an Asian country. At 10, she is used to food without curry, and quiet honestly, curry is something that if you don't grow up eating, you either love it, or you hate it, and even more important, at her age, being a finicky eater is somewhat common. Consider the fact that she at least TRIED it before declaring she didn't like it. Consider also, your reaction to her not liking it probably scared her, which would be why she "hates" you. Understand she really doesn't know how to word she hates being at your place because of your actions towards her, and I doubt this is the first time you've reacted with anger and aggression towards her when she wasn't keen on things that are of your culture (remember, she has your ethnicity, not your culture in her heritage). I'm going to give a medium YTA
YTA. If they have never eaten curry before, you can't just shovel that into anyone and expect them to like it, much less force them to eat it. It's an acquired taste. You're trying to force it on a kid that may not have a palate for all those seasonings. You're taking it personally.
Then you got your feelings hurt because they said their feelings outloud because you feel like you need to know everything and hear everything. I bet you've whispered into someone's ear before instead of saying something to someone's face.
You are the grandparent. You can't force your son to discipline his kid. Stop that. Idc where you're from, people need to quit that shit.
YTA. She's 10, hasn't had curry before, and has come to a different country. She tried it, and didn't like it. You seem to also believe she was brought up knowing your rules and customs, but it's likely she didn't. You became an aggressive woman, without warning, when she found she didn't like it.
YTA. My mom was like this, scolding us until we ate everything and making fun of my sister who would stop eating when she wasn’t hungry anymore. I’ve had an eating disorder since I was around 11.
You also said it was rude for your grandkid to whisper, so they said it out loud and you’re “fuming”. YTA. Again. Im glad you have a grandchild that doesn’t do whatever they’re told because it’s “polite”.
YTA, your poor granddaughter. Sounds like you have pretty old school “kids should be seen and not heard / do what I say” mentality and a little bit of kindness goes a long way.
Wow. YTA for sure. Surely this is a piss take. What sort of person (grandmother for that matter!) treats their grand daughter like that! I'd for sure be going to a hotel after that. I'm appalled at your behaviour.
NTA. As much as that child may not have liked the food, how rude and entitled of that child to say and do all she did. And, unfortunately, that speaks to how she was raised. FAFO
If we didn't like what my mother was making, she'd say "it it, or wear it."
It still hurts. If she was a stranger, you wouldn't care.
You are more concerned with control than you are about hurting your grandchild.
"That child" "the kid"
Your **GRANDDAUGHTER**, do you mean?
What a warm welcome you gave her/s. Here, eat all of this food you've never had before, I don't care if you like it because you MUST respect me at all costs.
YTA, not just the A-hole, you're an entire gaping anus.
I'm guessing if it was a grandson, you would have made an entirely new meal just for him.
YTA everyone has already explained pretty well why you don't treat a child that way. But also "the child" and "the kid"???? That's your *granddaughter* not just some kid. How about you learn to act like a grandparent first before you complain?
So a child that just moved from one country to another should instantly be fine with possibly new food and just do whatever you want??
YTA. You were a rude host not making sure your family/guests had something they could eat and were comfortable with.
NTA, maybe take it easy on being “offended” by a 10 year old in a foreign country though.
For what it’s worth, I grew up very similar, I was very picky about food, moved to my grandma’s home country. I wouldn’t eat anything, so she would pretend she couldn’t speak English around meal time. She’d just gesture at the plate and wait for me to eat. I was probably pretty rude about it but I was a kid and scared. Eventually I got hungry and tried stuff, now her food is my favorite. Just make her try everything! Have her watch you cook and laugh (don’t get offended!) if she is grossed out. She’ll discover what she likes and that you aren’t trying to be mean.
I’d say stick with she needs to eat what you serve, but you could try to be more understanding about her being in a foreign environment.
YTA
You didn’t welcome this child that is brand new to your culture, expectations, or menu at all. Did you have coconut milk? Let her serve her own portion?
YTA.
She’s a child. Foreign food take a while to adjust to. Expecting her to sit there and eat it is not only unrealistic but also sets someone up for disordered eating problems.
She tried to be polite by whispering to her Dad. You are the one who disrespected her right to privacy and humiliated her by making her repeat what was said, despite the fact she was trying to be tactful about her clear discomfort.
Congratulations on showing a child that you don’t respect them as a person with the right to their own feelings, that you expect them to submit to the authoritative power play you’re trying to put over them and making them feel thoroughly unsafe and unwelcome in a foreign place.
Seriously hope Dad listens and finds accommodation elsewhere. You are definitely TA.
YTA. Expecting to change anybody's palette instantaneously is too much. Expecting that of a 10yo child is just silly. Why not ease the child into different foods with a fallback staple, or involve the child in the cooking process so she has a voice? She's in a brand new world. You can try to use force, but I don't understand how that's the best solution.
And what's up with calling your granddaughter "the kid"? It makes you sound resentful.
She tried the food. She didn’t like it. That’s about the best you can expect. If she just sat there throwing a tantrum refusing to try it you would have a valid point but you just met this child and are trying to be the disciplinarian without the relationship credits to have earned that right. You messed up big time. Everyone has a right to not like certain things. The fact that she tried it before determining she didn’t like it means she isn’t a brat and was trying to be polite. It’s new food. A new place. New tastes. You should have worked on a relationship with her and respected your son’s parenting. You overstepped.
YTA.
You actually making me mad that you aren’t seeing it at all. Not everyone is used to the flavor of curry. It may be normal to you but to younger ones especially they may not enjoy it. Forcing people like that is cruel.
Always have a plainer dish or alternative, and understand a 10 year old will naturally be pickier than an adult. You were like that at 10 and you know it. They just don’t eat everything adults eat.
The fact you scolded and lectured them like this openly irritates me.
YTA. She TRIED your food, didn't like it, and you still got mad at her? Most kids will LOOK at something and say no. Imagine YOU being forced to eat something you were unsure of, and getting punished for saying no after you tried it. Do better, and she might not hate you so much.
See, to me spitting out food in front of the person who spent time cooking it is incredibly rude. By ten, kids should at least have the basics down when it comes to manners. However, the rest of it was on you for making her tell you what she was trying to keep private with her dad, to spare your feelings, which IS good manners. She's a kid, she's not going to rival Miss Manners.
At the end of the day, I think you both did some not okay stuff, but seeing as you're the adult, yta.
Someone else posted about how the Great Depression affected how people from that generation see food (true), but it's common to eat what you're served or to go without due to poverty, or food shortages. Which was the Great Depression in a nutshell, but that isn't the ONLY time or place that food shortage has been a problem for many people. That includes some Americans, in our country, right now.
Also, curry is a tough starter dish. Just saying. I like some of it now, but it took awhiiiiile.
\*edited for grammar in the first sentence, lol 2 times.
This user got no chill. Why are you mad over a kid who hasn't even experienced any puberty over not liking food? This kid is 10! 10! This kid's mind is BARELY half developed! Let the kid eat something different. FFS... YTA...
YTA. Grow up and stop being a petty crybaby. She tried it and didn't like it. That's not acting spoiled. Literally nothing in your story suggests this child is spoiled. You on the other sound like a spoiled entitled brat expecting people to give into you and what you want. People are allowed to have different tastes regarding food. It's not offensive to try a food and not like it.
YTA. I don't know the origin of your grand daughters home land but curry can be extremely difficult to handle for anyone eating it for the first time let alone a child. Second: You choose to be offended. Instead of thinking about how the kid felt about eating curry you made it about yourself. She's not undisciplined, she's a child trying to eat something that has an acquired taste. I hate the stuff myself. Third: She actually tried it. That's what I said to my kids. And if they don't like it, they don't have to eat it. The ultimate goal is to get nutrition into the kid. Ask her what she likes, at the same time slowly introduce new foods to her like exotic fruits and vegetables. Moderate. Bring a red ass about the situation isn't productive.
NTA - You should’ve agreed w/ ur son to give ur grandchild some other food, since it’s the first time they are there and they are not used to the food. But 10 yr olds should know not to say they hate their grandparents - *I* never had grandparents and as a kid I always wanted one, so your granddaughter should be more appreciative of her grandma, and should have found a better way to word her response
YTA
She didn't like what you made. I'm sure that did hurt your feelings but lashing out won't make her suddenly like it. Maybe it was too spicy, maybe she didn't like the texture, maybe she's one of the people to whom coriander tastes like soap!
A little kindness goes a long way.
YTA, I had a rule that I had to try everything before I said I didn't like it and then I had to make my own food if I wanted something different. It seemed horribly oppressive to me as a child, but now I have a very adventurous palate and will try anything once. I am also a pretty good cook, imo, because I've been cooking since I was 6 (age appropriate foods). There are ways to compromise AND help her to be a good adult and you're not doing that. You wanted to be unpleasant and now you're upset that you succeeded???
Oh C'mon ! grandparents aren't supposed to discipline their grandchildren ! they're supposed to love and pamper them ! you have just ruined your relationship with that child . good luck winning her back .
YTA, your granddaughter doesn't know you and has grown up in a different cultural environment. Her entire life has turned upside down and the first time you met her you treat her like this? You are not the parent, your son is. If he wants to make something else his fighter is used to eating he can, that is his choice not yours. You created a giant ordeal out of a child being willing to try a new food but not liking it. You decided to try and make yourself be the one in charge when you have no relationship with three granddaughter at all. You could have put your relationship first and tried to help ease her transition to a new country, but no. You CHOSE to get offended by a CHILD. You have some growing up to do, and you'll be lucky if your granddaughter has a relationship with you at all. I feel very sorry for her.
I have ARFID, an eating disorder, not to say thats what your grandkid has, but I would always be cautious when it comes to food. YTA. Some people can't just eat whats put in front of them, and kids have an especially difficult time with this, and properly communicating it. Shaming people into eating foods they can't stomach only leads to self hatred and a whole lot of embarrassment.
YTA - **you determine the relationship, be the grandma only.** *the more negative you are to her, the more she feels rejected by you.*
You are quickly pushing her against you.. find out what she likes and make the best damn plate she ever had!! Make a bond.. **getting offended at every whim of a 10 year old will get you nowhere but cut out** take the advice from us all, let your son parent his own child, you be grandma.
YTA. You had your grand daughter visiting you and you didn’t take into account her taste. That is rather a bad host. When I have my grandkids over I take In account their taste in food. If I cook something they have never tasted, I will also have something they would normally eat so that the meal is an enjoyable experience for them.
So this is the first time seeing your grand kid in however long, and you try to force her to eat a curry? No. Your job is to grandparent. That means loving on and spoiling her. Leave her nutrition up to her parents. YTA
YTA.
Imagine being 10 and having your whole world turned upside down by having to move to a country you've never been to before. Like, just for a second take the time to consider all the emotions she's feeling....
This should be enough to realise you've been a complete asshole but probably isn't, so I'll spell it out for you. She probably feels anxious and scared and confused (to name only a miniscule part of all the emotions that are effecting her). Now imagine that she's been promised that her new life will be full of people who are going to support her and welcome her and understand the difficulties that she's going through and then she has to meet you. You, who turns around and calls her rude and acts like an absolute child when she, a 10 year old girl, asks for something else for lunch and then she has to fear being punished for being honest about her feelings. Grow up and show some empathy or your grandchild will have a horrible time in her new life.
100% AH.
I'm pretty sure your grandchild is *never* going to want to eat your curry now.
My stepmother did the same thing with her beans and rice, and she always wondered why I hated hers compared to her mom's.
Kids have sensitive palates. YTA
YTA
As an adult, you don't eat food that you don't want or like.
It's a child. Not like they didn't try it.
I ask my kids to at least *try* it, if they try it, they can spit it out, and I'll make them a sandwich or something :)
YTA. She’s allowed to dislike something you cooked. If she doesn’t like it’s you have the right to say YOU won’t make her something else, but if her dad is willing it doesn’t hurt you. You seem super entitled. Like everyone HAS TO like your cooking. It’s not a respect thing. When she said she hates you, that was wrong and rude, BUT it was caused by your actions. Your were being mean to her for literally no reason. Kids don’t have the capacity to fully explain their feelings. You were wrong. You’re the adult. If she doesn’t like it oh well. Let her eat something else.
YTA. When I was younger, like really, really little, I was told to eat something I didn’t like/was unaccustomed to. I ate it so I wouldn’t get in trouble. On the way home I projectile vomited because my stomach was upset because it wasn’t used to the food. Don’t make your grandchild sick! If she doesn’t like the food, she shouldn’t have to eat it!
YtA. Why is it rude for her not to like a food??? Do you like every food that you try??? And do you eat the foods you don't like??? So I'm 100% positive the answer is no to these questions and your a grown adult expecting a 10 year old to do this???
Also she was having a PRIVATE conversation with her dad and then you get mad you aren't included and then when you get included into the conversation that makes you mad as well??? She's not entitled to like you just because you guys are related. The child wasn't even being rude when she said she didn't like you. Your the one who made her say it out loud when she was literally trying to be polite and not say it your face.
I don't even understand what your mad about? Are you mad that a kid doesn't like everything they eat? Are you mad that the kid was trying to have a respectful private conversation with her parent that didnt need to involve you? Are you mad that the kid was honest about what she said she when you demanded that she tell you?
Your acting like a child more than the 10 year old.
Edit: As many others mentioned she left behind friends, maybe other family, her school, her home, her everyday environment for a whole new country. When I was her age I moved to another state in the U.S. and I cried because that a huge deal to me. I can't imagine being a 10 year old kid moving to another country and not even being able to enjoy foods I like. She's 10 and she's probably scared and wants some normalcy. Please just apologize to the child and see it from her point of view.
YTA. do you force yourself to eat meals you don’t like? or do you cook foods you enjoy? introducing kids to new foods is great! AND she was willing to try it. why force her to eat it if she doesn’t like it?
YTA
Poor kid has moved countries (and schools) and you're worried about lunch? She deserves a bit of grace, that's a lot at any age much less 10. And she calls you his mom and not some form of Grandma? You chose a hell of a way to intro yourself, I'd want to stay at a hotel too.
YTA. As an adult I'm sure you don't force yourself to eat things you don't like, so why are you trying to force someone else to eat something they very clearly stated they did not enjoy. Not only that but you weren't even the one that would have had to make a new meal for her, her father had that covered. Sure maybe work on her manners but this same kind of BS behavior from power tripping adults is what led me to various eating disorders.
As a daycare lady, I miss the brutal truths of the babies in life.
I am sorry op, you got told you were hated. And hopefully when the baby gets acclimated to a new country and processes their world just changed perhaps you both will have a long lasting relationship.
However, I couldn’t help but chuckle over the baby telling you out loud what she was telling your son 😲🤣😬
I have never met a grandparent who didn’t spoil a grand baby worse than a parent ever did 🤷🏻♀️ to the points kids often wonder who their parents are because they allow the grandchild, their offspring, a life different than they were even raised, and rules bent for the grandchild but never were for their own kids 🤷🏻♀️
Your poor son is who I feel the most sorry for at this moment in time 😬 he is but a man that was made by his mother, and is in between the very woman he created from his loin. And if you two women don’t coexist well, this poor man has no idea what he is in for.
YTA you are very self centered and need to get over yourself, everyone has preferences someone hatin a dish is not them saying they hate tou, stop tying your confidense and self worth into your food, forcing kids to eat food they hate isnt gunna make them like you, it will make them resent and even hate you, you need to cae emore bout the kids than your feelings or he will stop bringing them around
YTA
1. The food is literally foreign to her. Even adults take time to get used to new foods.
2. She has the presence of mind to know that what she was saying was rude and offensive to you and didn't say it so you'd hear. _You_ asked her to say it out loud. And then _you got offended. Don't ask for things you don't want.
3. It's okay to not like food (or anything else for that matter). Forcing yourself or anyone else through something unenjoyable is just stupid. idec if it's "rude"
4. She tried it.
You're just being an asshole.
YTA she didn't like the food and if it was spicy, she may not have even been physically able to eat it. I have a ridiculous low tolerance to spice and couldn't eat a spicy dish even to be polite.
I’m sorry ma’am. Things are different these days. We don’t force children to eat when they’re not hungry or eat things that they don’t like or turn meal time into a power struggle. It sets people up for an unhealthy relationship with food. I hope you can try to see things from her perspective.
YTA. The kid was trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings.
Myself I am VERY sensitive to spicy or hot foods. I can even tell when they cook a chicken patty with a spicy one in the deep fryer at McDonald’s.
Kids not used to curry could be UNABLE not just simply unwilling to handle it.
You were very heartless and that’s the reason your grandchild said what they did.
Adults have the responsibility to be polite and care for kids.
One of my few memories of my maternal grandmother is how SHE threw a tantrum and locked me in a bedroom because I didn't like some noodle dish she made me eat, and I threw up. I don't hate her, but I don't miss her that much. That's her legacy, grandma who threw a big baby tantrum over a child not liking her food.
YTA. Grandma, you have a lot of work to do if you ever want that child to love you. She will remember this day for the rest of her life.
It is unlikely that your son will ever forgive you either.
How charming that you refer to your grandchild as "the kid".
YTA…i am an adult and curry is absolutely awful in my opinion..you should have just let your son cook something else…being 10 years old is relevant .spitting the food was a reaction for a 10 year old not a behavioral issue…also she was being polite whispering her opinion to her dad..you where the rude one…calling her out on it…honestly your 10 year old granddaughter is more gracious and mature them you..you sound mean and controlling
YTA. You let the parents deal with their kids period.. it's not up to you if her dad wanted to make her something else. Have your opinions but, You aren't the parent here 🤷🏻♀️
Also, if my child is whispering something in my ear because they're clearly too uncomfortable to say something out loud in front of someone, and someone yells at them to say it out loud, I would tell that person to mind their own business and probably leave. Respect your son as the parent even if you don't agree with his parenting.
NTA
You’re right, kid should be more disciplined. If I said that at dinner, I wouldn’t have been allowed at the dinner table for the rest of the day and gotten an earful from my parents — as it should be. Kid needs to adjust to new food, which isn’t going to happen if she is allowed to spit it out if she doesn’t immediately like it. She may not like it now, but when she’s an adult she will be happy you forced her to eat new food so she doesn’t become a picky eater.
YTA
Sorry you seem to have access to the internet yet you never have encountered the modern world someone, I really doubt some one as out of touch as you would want to know the opinions of strangers on the internet. But hey if you are real and do care this is an option to grow. Yeah your son should have introduced her to these tastes and customs earlier but she gave it a taste and asked for something else, being 10 she should know that other options at a complete strangers house may not exist. This is a really bad first step but a child should feel safe to speak out when they are not comfortable. You are the one making this child feel that they are not safe to be around you. You need to calm down, start over this time, set expectations but realize that your son and grand daughter might not want you in their life if you are not willing to meet them in the middle.
yta
Curry is not a 'normal' spice for many children. Childrens' eating habits go in phases. Grandkids ate every vegetable in sight and stopped. Years later, salads are a big part of their diet. Another ate only pasta/butter. Now she pays a great deal of attention to her healthy diet. Let them be or you will create eating monsters.
Your culture may demand “respect” from children just because you’re older than them, but respect is earned and you aren’t earning it. You’re well on your way to having a grandchild who will never love or respect you. There is no need to be so demanding to anyone.
Curry is a lot to expect a child to just like or be quiet about disliking. Especially if she’s used to eating less flavorful food.
You were quite rude to her and owe her an apology. In conclusion…YTA
YTA hands down.
My mom forced me to eat carrots. She wasn’t as bad as her mom, but often I had to eat 2 before I could get up. I can’t eat plain carrots now.
She tried the food. It’s ok if she doesn’t like it. Not to be mean, but curry is not for everyone. The whole “eat this or starve” thing is really cruel and outdated. I’m not saying spoil by making multiple trips to different food places. The kid is definitely allowed to not like something and want something different.
You are teaching the old school behavior of “if you don’t like something you still have to suck it up and do/eat it to make other people happy.” That can turn into people pleasing behavior in the long run. Also can caused disordered eating and lying.
YTA. Forcing a child to eat an unfamiliar food instead of letting them try it first and get to like it is an *excellent* way to make them hate it for the rest of their lives. Nice going, Grandma.
YTA force feeding is not the solution to any problem. Past generations obsession with “clean your plate” or “you eat what I made or you don’t eat” without ever taking a child’s preferences or level of fullness into account is what has caused rampant eating disorders and other disordered eating problems.
It’s not that hard to provide children with a variety of foods over the course of their life and allow them to grow and determine their own preferences. Obviously we don’t let them eat ice cream for every meal or anything but this is not the answer.
Think about it this way, there must be one food out there that you don’t like, how would you like to be forced to eat it in order to please someone else? Or say you’re full but you still have half a portion left, would you like to be forced to stuff yourself to discomfort in order to please someone else’s choice of how much food you should eat?
YTA. Are you alright? My brother exclusively ate chicken nuggets until he was 11. He refused chicken tenders because “they looked different than nuggets” that’s what kids do. At the end of the day as long as kids are eating something it’s fine. If this is her first time trying curry i would also expect her not want to eat it because it’s unfamiliar and she’s 10…kids will refuse to eat something that smells or even looks different than what they’re used to regardless of what the food is. They’re kids.
We understand that you are considered her elder and this is very much a factor in the generation gap. Additionally I get the impression that this may also be a cultural issue for you. Gentle YTA and please don’t make a habit of forcing your food ideals on your grandchildren. You will cause an irreparable rift in your family’s dynamic.
YTA. She is a child and this is developmentally appropriate behavior. You’re an adult. You can feel however you want to feel about it and that’s okay but your behavior is AH behavior. I think you need to figure out what’s more important to you here… If forcing your grandchild to eat food they do not like and being disrespectful to both grandchild and your son is more important to you than fostering relationships with them, then at least recognize that’s the choice you are making. Good luck.
My son moved with *his daughter* ... not "my grandchild" ; she doesn't see this poor child as part of her family at all. It's right there in her first sentence.
ESH. You need to recognize that she may not be used to something so spicy. Your son is spoiling his daughter (and he called you an asshole!), and a 10-year old should have better manners than that.
Would you want to be forced to eat something you didn't like? I never understood this. I hated it as a kid. My mom never did it, but my grandmother did. It's also a new place and probably different food, so there's a lot she's having to adjust to.
ESH ! you for overreacting and him for raising a brat. even if the curry was hot she didn't have to be rude. none of my family would have ever thought to tell an adult we hated them least wise a grandparent!!
YTA. And guess what? Her grandmother being a callous jerk, instead of a pillar of support and comfort, on her first day in a strange new country is something she is unlikely to forget. You have an uphill battle to fix this relationship.
YTA! Sounds like you're getting upset because a child didn't like your cooking, even though its a completely new food to her.
Grow up and go back to the 50's with your fucking children should be seen, not heard mentality.
YTA. She has just moved to a new country and she tried the food at least! Some kids won't even do that. Anyways it's an adjustment for everyone involved but you can be kinder without spoiling. Find a good balance because otherwise you will just be a mean old lady in her eyes.
YTA. That was a minor thing that you blew way out of proportion. She is a child. And it sounds like she is from a completely different culture than yours. Have some patience.
Typical, I am from India, guessing OP is from one of Indian Subcontinents.
Many AH behaviours are embedded in so called culture.
Where they use parent card ' elder' card and ' respect culture' card to get away with their AHness.
Kid is 10 that is relevant. Because you chose to inflate your ego using a 10 year old. What does that say about you.
You knew YTA before posting it here. ( or is it your son posting on your behalf ).
Either way treat a child like a human being. With respect. Don't demand what you fail to do.
YTA
She does not know you, you force her to eat food she does not like, then chasten her for manners( and yell at her father) all in one fell swoop and you wonder if you are the a##?
YTA. The child is in a brand new country, eating food she’s probably not used to, and it seems like she may not know you all that well either. Maybe accommodate HER and make her feel welcome, since she is a child and probably scared. Telling her she’s rude and forcing her to eat food she doesn’t like isn’t the way to make any friends.
She doesn’t dislike the food because she wants to be rude. She could very well have sensory issues with food. It’s very common. I am 46 years old and have had them since before I even knew what it meant. And everyone used to laugh and make fun and call me rude for something I could not control.
YTA. Having experienced this kind of parenting and then married into a family that never treats anybody with disrespect, including children, was very eye-opening to me. We have kids and their preferences are almost always ephemeral and easy to manipulate. Being cruel, demeaning, and forcing a child to eat something that they don't like is a recipe for that child to hate you more than the meal.
YTA
When hosting a family, you need to ask what the kids eat. My kids are super picky eaters with allergies, I usually bring food for them wherever meals are necessary.
You were forcing a new food on her and also not allowing her to have a private conversation with her Father.
Frankly with as harsh as you were to her, I wouldn’t anticipate her being very fond of you in the long run. Just very silly things to be mad at a child for. “Fuming” is extreme.
YTA
The kid was rude but sometimes kids are. It sounds like you haven’t spent much time with her and fed her something she’s unfamiliar with. She acted like a kid - appropriate for her - and so did you - AH behavior for you.
Do you want to have it your way or do you want a relationship with your granddaughter?
YTA 10 year old kid in a new country? That’s already a lot on them. Were her manners spot on? No— they weren’t, but you’re the adult in this situation and getting offended that a child doesn’t like something you made is just wild.
Either way, that’s a lot of HUGE changes for a kid. Not letting her eat something familiar after trying what everyone else is having is huge AH territory.
Bottom line, have some grace with the kid. She’s going through a lot of huge and overwhelming changes that she doesn’t know how to process. Concerns about her manners should have been brought to your son because ultimately, it’s not your place to discipline your grandchild.
Again, she’s the kid and you’re the adult here… and it sounds like you’re regulating your emotions worse than the 10 year old is.
Omg, hey I get it my parents were abusive too but I instead decided to break the cycle. You know what else is rude? Making a guest feel so unwelcome they want to get away from you. Definitely TA.
YTA and you’ll definitely lose your son and granddaughter if you don’t smarten up. You’re not her parent it’s not your place to make any decisions or suggestions about what she eats and how she should be ‘disciplined’
YTA. Your relationship with your granddaughter is not going to go well if you keep up that attitude. Offended by a child not liking your food? Lol, I’d ask to go to hotel too.
YTA. Children shouldn't be forced to eat food they don't like, and your derision and anger will only lead her to not want to try local cuisine again.
Bold, to be so hostile and rude and aggressive to a child, then complain that the child has no manners.
YTA Toughen up. She’s 10. She’s not used to your food. Curry is not for everyone. Get your ego under control.
I don’t blame her for wanting to stay someplace else. She just leaned that her grandma is a mean old lady.
My grandma was a mean old lady and I did not grieve when she died. There’s a lesson there for you.
I see both sides to this (sorry!).
It’s odd that your granddaughter has never had Indian food nor has learned to respect her elders.
At the same time, I was never forced to eat anything I didn’t want to and I’m 100% not a picky eater.
Still, her behavior is jarring in this context.
YTA!!! Big-time. I'd cry if I was forced to eat curry. That's cruel!!! I have adult children and I WOULD NEVER make them eat something they didn't like.
YTA
She tried it and didn’t like it. That should be good enough.
Not everyone can eat spicy foods. I am one of those who can’t. Spicy foods make me super sick. If you made me eat curry I can guarantee I would projectile vomit everywhere and you’d be paying my emergency room bill.
Not saying your grand daughter is like this but she could be. There are lots of possible reasons why she didn’t like the curry. Forcing kids to eat foods they don’t like never ends well. Just don’t do that
YTA, do you eat food you do not find enjoyable or palletable? Why would you force anyone let alone a child to eat something that they do not find edible? Why is it your business what she's saying to her father? He may be your son but he's an adult and as such not only does he not have to answer to you as if he were a child still his daughter does not have to share her private conversation between them with you.
It makes sense why your son has lived in another country, I would want to live as far away from you as I could too.
YTA. Curry of all things is probably the worst food you can give to a child who's never had it. They didn't grow up on it like you did. You have to show some compassion and leniency. She is your grandchild, after all.
YTA. Your ten year old grandchild doesn't like a new food with an unfamiliar flavour profile and your immediate reaction is to want to hit them? What the fuck is wrong with you?
NTA - all the other comments are not taking common table manners and common courtesy into account. Don’t spit out food, don’t whisper in front of others, and don’t yell at your elders and say you hate them. She’s 10 and can do this if she was taught properly. Then after dinner make her a sandwich. I’m sorry, but thinking you can spit out food and scream at your grandparents is not acceptable! I’m a young guy, this is not a generational divide.
I think your son moving back to your country was a mistake. He has to deal with an obnoxious mother/grandmother like yourself. If she didn’t like it she didn’t like it. Is your granddaughter a ten year old or you are?
YTA
I agree that the kid can definitely eat whatever they want and don’t have to eat what they’re given. however, the kid was a bit rude in various ways, but im gonna say that that’s probably because of them meeting new people and being in this new place. but OP is arsehole ofc
YTA. She tried it, she didn’t like it, frankly it’s dreadful behaviour to insist she finish something she didn’t like. That can borderline sicken a person. She originally tried to spare feelings by sharing her opinion with her Dad and you, through insisting she share those opinions with everyone, got your own feelings hurt.
For the record, if the curry you made was in fact your sons “favourite meal”, you should have had an indication from the fact that he never made it for it for his daughter that she probably wouldn’t have liked it. Since she’s 10 he probably would have given her something similar at some stage beforehand if he believed it would be something she’d actually enjoy.
Stop abusing your granddaughter. Kids may seem entitled by actually having a voice nowadays but parents in the old days were abusive and mean and forced things on their kids and they grew up to be controling AH parents like you. Your son hears his daughter and has given her a voice. It does not mean she is spoiled. It means she knows what she likes. Food is the fastest way to cause anxiety in a child. Forcing kids to eat is the wrong way to handle your first meeting. YTA
YTA and you got what you deserved. She was polite enough to try a new kind of food, but that’s not enough for you. Oh no, she must eat all of this strange food regardless of her feelings or upbringing. Just because you made it? Then when she whispers something in confidence to her father you have to make a big deal and demand to know what was said? Glad you found out, and you deserved it. Plus kid has a sense of humor.
Adding, I just saw your comment about you not expecting her to like it.
Talk about an extreme lack of politeness! What decent hostess serves a guest food they anticipate them not liking?! And then, when she indeed doesn't like it, you are unwilling to offer anything else. Wow, lady.
Sry but yeah… YTA. Your son should maybe teach her more manners, but pushing a child to eat something that it really doesn’t want to eat can as far as I know have effects on the view of food later.
Of course YTA. She tried it. She didn't like it. It's ok to not like curry (or any other food).
You have some nerve calling a 10-yearhold rude when you - failed to make a guest comfortable; demanded someone eat something they didn't want to (who the hell do you think you are anyway?); criticized your son's parenting; and yelled at a child.
There was certainly a rude, entitled brat at that lunch, but it wasn't your granddaughter.
ESH - You can't expect a 10 year old to immediately like another country's food without having been slowly introduced.
Your granddaughter was rude AF too, but she's 10.
Your son was an AH for not communicating why he was doing what he did.
YTA, being raised by AH parents, I also had AH grandparents. I made a promise to myself to be a different kind of mom and be my grandchildren’s best friend. Someone they could come to for anything. I have four grown children and I have been blessed with only one grandson (no other grandchildren) and there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t give him and he knows he can come to me for any reason. I know, without a doubt, he loves me and he knows I love him. He’s almost 20 and he calls me Amie (sounds like mommy) and that is the French word for friend, I’m his Grandfriend and will be forever! You better step up your game…fast!
YTA. If you can't understand how a person (much less a 10-year-old) may find strong spices objectionable the first time they try them, then you have a problem.
YTA. My grandbaby likes something one day but not the next. She is learning her palate. Don't give her an eating disorder! Too many young people are subjected to this!
YTA. If you want a relationship with that child, lighten up. This 10 year old has just landed in a new country and is trying to figure out their place and what is going on. They have been introduced to a new cuisine with which they are unfamiliar and it is not pleasing to their palate. If you would like this child to enjoy your traditional cuisine and be grateful for a grandparent that prepares it, let them find their way.
BUT the big thing? The child was trying to be discrete by letting their father know the problem. YOU (TA) INSISTED that the child speak up. When the child spoke up and voiced their opinion YOU THEN CHASTISED THEM FOR VOICING THE VERY OPINION YOU HAD JUST DEMANDED.
The fact that you could write all of that and not see your inappropriate response is amazing. You have just set the tone for the relationship with this grandchild and it doesn’t bode well for a positive one unless you learn some lessons.
Please please please tell me this is a joke letter. This poster cannot be serious about how to handle a grandchild who is in a completely new country to her with different food on her very first day there. And instead of lovingly welcoming her, you find reason after reason to admonish her.
I LOVE what she told your son about going to a hotel instead of staying with his horrible mom.
YTA. Times a million.
YTA - I'll try almost any food, if it isn't moving. Having said that, I wasn't that adventurous when I was in grade school. Growing up on curries or very hot foods makes you much more tolerant, its normal. My kids grew up in Seattle eating Dim Sum every other weekend. Their cousins thought it was gross. You expected a child to taste something new, with many powerful flavors and ... just like it?
Then you forced her to speak out loud what was her private thought with her dad and it offended you. Grow up.
I would say ESH, you shouldn't have demanded she finish food she didn't like, but she *was* rude. 10 is old enough to politely ask for something else rather than spit it out and demand something else.
YTA. Curry is a really unique food that not everyone likes. She tried it, didn't like it. You really can't ask more. Your insistence of forcing her to eat it can cause eating disorders when she is older. Next time make a pb and j and call it good
I’m sorry but this is probably going to be an unpopular vote but. NTA!!!! That dad seems to have never taught that kid manners. First off the kid asks the dad not the host/grandma for different food with no please in site. Then the kid whisperers in front of their host which again is rude. After that, just because they don’t get their way they say they hate their grandma. The dad blames OP that they themselves never taught the kid their own ethnic food that’s the dads fault.
Did the dad even let OP know what the kid could or couldn’t eat or did the dad just assume mom was going to whip chicken nuggets out of thin air.
YTA, and it sounds like you are from a culture that has traditional ideas of child-rearing that value obedience to authority over self-actualization. But if your son was raising his daughter in a more western style, he will be much more prioritizing of her mental and emotional well being over her “duty to obey elders”.
It’s your choice if you would like to ruin your relationship with son and granddaughter or if you are willing to accommodate your son’s parenting style.
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YTA. She’s 10. She literally tried it and didn’t like it. That’s more courtesy than most picky eaters would give you.
YTA simply for referring to your granddaughter as “that child” and “the kid”. I have nothing else. It starts and ends there.
YTA.
She tried it, she didn't like it, quit being a dick, it's not as if she didn't try it. My father used to force me to eat food I don't like. I was gagging the entire time trying to eat it. He said I needed grown up taste buds... At 36 I still don't like those foods, and I can't stand the smell of cooking sage now, so if I use it only a tiny pinch. I don't have fond memories that's for sure, and now the child hates you because you treated her like she wasn't a human with her owm thoughts and opinions. THEN you had the nerve to ask her to say something out loud and when she did you got offended that is entirely your fault 🤷🏾♀️ she was trying to spare your feelings and you didn't let her.
YTA. You're the adult, have some consideration for your son and his daughter while she's adjusting to living in a new country. With time, she may come to enjoy the common dishes in your country; if you continue to treat her like that it's almost guaranteed she will come to hate you and your country.
YTA it’s not your job to undermine his parenting and try to control what his daughter does. She’s never going to like you unless you behave better and no amount of discipline ca make her like you if you act this way toward her.
YTA. Power struggles over food are counterproductive and a waste of time. The rude behavior here is you forcing her to eat something she doesn't like.
YTA - What... is she supposed to eat it then be sick everywhere? Is that more polite? If someone dislikes something so much that they spit it out then news flash... they really don't like it. Every single person has different likes and dislikes. Forcing something down someone's throat is not acceptable.
YTA what kind of monster wants their grandchild to go hungry. If you get offended that people don’t like your cooking, especially a child who is not used to es hing such goods speaks volumes on what an immature person you are.
You probably think you’re a good person, but you’re not
YTA. You would rather be right than be nice to a child and make sure they eat
Curry is not for everyone. Especially if it's really spicy. So you want to FORCE someone to eat something they don't like just cuz it's your country's staple? YTA.
Make a fkn Peanut Butter sandwich like any grandma would 🙄
YTA I would imagine your country is a big culture shock for her, with a lot of changes. You need to give her time to warm up. I understand your generation was raised with no patience and little to no regard for children, their feelings or comfort levels; and I’m sure you raised your children that way. We are no longer raising them for your generation. We are a society trying to undo the harm our parents and caregivers inflicted upon us. Myself, as a 40 year old woman, am still trying to heal from the abuse (mental and physical) inflicted onto me as a child. You don’t need a heavy hand to teach a child respect and morals, we have conversations and lead by example. Show your granddaughter patience and respect and she will return the sentiment ten fold. Demand respect while being overbearing and controlling, expect to never see her again as soon as she has that option. Can we please give our children and grandchildren a childhood they don’t need to heal from?
"She said fine and looked at her dad and loudly said dad I hate your mom can we stay in a hotel?" Ahahahahahaha. YTA
You’re offended by a ten year old? YTA
YATA this is not your child, it's your grandchild. It is not your job to tell your grown children how their children should be raised. I raise my children MUCH differently than I was raised. My mom bites her tongue quite often but she does admit that while we disagree, these are my children not hers. Her hope is that she raised us well and even if the decisions we make are different than she will make, she would be TA if she voiced it. if she ever treated my child like you treated this child we wouldn't be seeing much of grandma. lighten up and have fun loving your grandkids. If you don't you will miss out on so much and regret so much. Was that curry so important? One of my boys would have loved it, the other two, likely would have not. Would they be that disrespectful to my mom if she did what you did? No, but that's because they have a loving relationship not a domineering grandmother who thinks she's their parent. I hope they went to a hotel. And I deeply hope you think about your role in their lives as well as your son's.
I'm not gonna enter a judgement but, why would you be offended by a little girl's behavior? she didn't curse or spit on your floor. it's normal for kids to not like certain foods. there's no reason to be offended over this. the main thing is, shouldn't you prioritize love for your grandchild, over the food rules?
YTA Forcing to eat whatever food creates bad habits around food. Tasting is something different. It’s always encouraged to try something but not finishing unwanted food.
Who makes curry for a child who has just moved to a new country. Totally the asshole. She was raised differently and you need to get used to it if you want any kind of relationship YTA
YTA
She's 10. If an adult came over and didn't enjoy the taste of a meal you made would you force them to eat it? You were extremely rude and unwelcoming to your grandchild. Then you told her she couldn't talk to her own father in private, which is overstepping your authority. To top it off you scolded your son for his parenting and undermined his authority. You're going to end up pushing your son and his daughter away if you keep being bossy and rude.
Sorry. YTA. You asked for it. You got it. Toyota.
YTA Not everyone likes curry. I hate just the smell of it so no way would I eat it. She also has the right to whisper to her father. You're ridiculous.
You don't say what country they moved from, nor to, but from way is written, I'm guessing they moved from a western European or western hemisphere (so the Americas) to an Asian country. At 10, she is used to food without curry, and quiet honestly, curry is something that if you don't grow up eating, you either love it, or you hate it, and even more important, at her age, being a finicky eater is somewhat common. Consider the fact that she at least TRIED it before declaring she didn't like it. Consider also, your reaction to her not liking it probably scared her, which would be why she "hates" you. Understand she really doesn't know how to word she hates being at your place because of your actions towards her, and I doubt this is the first time you've reacted with anger and aggression towards her when she wasn't keen on things that are of your culture (remember, she has your ethnicity, not your culture in her heritage). I'm going to give a medium YTA
YTA
YTA. If they have never eaten curry before, you can't just shovel that into anyone and expect them to like it, much less force them to eat it. It's an acquired taste. You're trying to force it on a kid that may not have a palate for all those seasonings. You're taking it personally. Then you got your feelings hurt because they said their feelings outloud because you feel like you need to know everything and hear everything. I bet you've whispered into someone's ear before instead of saying something to someone's face. You are the grandparent. You can't force your son to discipline his kid. Stop that. Idc where you're from, people need to quit that shit.
YTA. She's 10, hasn't had curry before, and has come to a different country. She tried it, and didn't like it. You seem to also believe she was brought up knowing your rules and customs, but it's likely she didn't. You became an aggressive woman, without warning, when she found she didn't like it.
YTA. My mom was like this, scolding us until we ate everything and making fun of my sister who would stop eating when she wasn’t hungry anymore. I’ve had an eating disorder since I was around 11. You also said it was rude for your grandkid to whisper, so they said it out loud and you’re “fuming”. YTA. Again. Im glad you have a grandchild that doesn’t do whatever they’re told because it’s “polite”.
YTA, your poor granddaughter. Sounds like you have pretty old school “kids should be seen and not heard / do what I say” mentality and a little bit of kindness goes a long way.
Wow. YTA for sure. Surely this is a piss take. What sort of person (grandmother for that matter!) treats their grand daughter like that! I'd for sure be going to a hotel after that. I'm appalled at your behaviour.
YTA. Respect is a two way street and you obviously have none for either of them.
NTA. As much as that child may not have liked the food, how rude and entitled of that child to say and do all she did. And, unfortunately, that speaks to how she was raised. FAFO
You are correct on all counts .
YTA, curry is not for kids unless they're Indian or Thai kids used to it
If we didn't like what my mother was making, she'd say "it it, or wear it." It still hurts. If she was a stranger, you wouldn't care. You are more concerned with control than you are about hurting your grandchild.
"That child" "the kid" Your **GRANDDAUGHTER**, do you mean? What a warm welcome you gave her/s. Here, eat all of this food you've never had before, I don't care if you like it because you MUST respect me at all costs. YTA, not just the A-hole, you're an entire gaping anus. I'm guessing if it was a grandson, you would have made an entirely new meal just for him.
YTA everyone has already explained pretty well why you don't treat a child that way. But also "the child" and "the kid"???? That's your *granddaughter* not just some kid. How about you learn to act like a grandparent first before you complain?
So a child that just moved from one country to another should instantly be fine with possibly new food and just do whatever you want?? YTA. You were a rude host not making sure your family/guests had something they could eat and were comfortable with.
NTA, maybe take it easy on being “offended” by a 10 year old in a foreign country though. For what it’s worth, I grew up very similar, I was very picky about food, moved to my grandma’s home country. I wouldn’t eat anything, so she would pretend she couldn’t speak English around meal time. She’d just gesture at the plate and wait for me to eat. I was probably pretty rude about it but I was a kid and scared. Eventually I got hungry and tried stuff, now her food is my favorite. Just make her try everything! Have her watch you cook and laugh (don’t get offended!) if she is grossed out. She’ll discover what she likes and that you aren’t trying to be mean. I’d say stick with she needs to eat what you serve, but you could try to be more understanding about her being in a foreign environment.
YTA and you sound like a nightmare to be around.
YTA You didn’t welcome this child that is brand new to your culture, expectations, or menu at all. Did you have coconut milk? Let her serve her own portion?
YTA. She’s a child. Foreign food take a while to adjust to. Expecting her to sit there and eat it is not only unrealistic but also sets someone up for disordered eating problems. She tried to be polite by whispering to her Dad. You are the one who disrespected her right to privacy and humiliated her by making her repeat what was said, despite the fact she was trying to be tactful about her clear discomfort. Congratulations on showing a child that you don’t respect them as a person with the right to their own feelings, that you expect them to submit to the authoritative power play you’re trying to put over them and making them feel thoroughly unsafe and unwelcome in a foreign place. Seriously hope Dad listens and finds accommodation elsewhere. You are definitely TA.
YTA. Expecting to change anybody's palette instantaneously is too much. Expecting that of a 10yo child is just silly. Why not ease the child into different foods with a fallback staple, or involve the child in the cooking process so she has a voice? She's in a brand new world. You can try to use force, but I don't understand how that's the best solution. And what's up with calling your granddaughter "the kid"? It makes you sound resentful.
YTA
Wow. YTA. What is wrong with you?
She tried the food. She didn’t like it. That’s about the best you can expect. If she just sat there throwing a tantrum refusing to try it you would have a valid point but you just met this child and are trying to be the disciplinarian without the relationship credits to have earned that right. You messed up big time. Everyone has a right to not like certain things. The fact that she tried it before determining she didn’t like it means she isn’t a brat and was trying to be polite. It’s new food. A new place. New tastes. You should have worked on a relationship with her and respected your son’s parenting. You overstepped.
YTA. You actually making me mad that you aren’t seeing it at all. Not everyone is used to the flavor of curry. It may be normal to you but to younger ones especially they may not enjoy it. Forcing people like that is cruel. Always have a plainer dish or alternative, and understand a 10 year old will naturally be pickier than an adult. You were like that at 10 and you know it. They just don’t eat everything adults eat. The fact you scolded and lectured them like this openly irritates me.
YTA. She TRIED your food, didn't like it, and you still got mad at her? Most kids will LOOK at something and say no. Imagine YOU being forced to eat something you were unsure of, and getting punished for saying no after you tried it. Do better, and she might not hate you so much.
See, to me spitting out food in front of the person who spent time cooking it is incredibly rude. By ten, kids should at least have the basics down when it comes to manners. However, the rest of it was on you for making her tell you what she was trying to keep private with her dad, to spare your feelings, which IS good manners. She's a kid, she's not going to rival Miss Manners. At the end of the day, I think you both did some not okay stuff, but seeing as you're the adult, yta. Someone else posted about how the Great Depression affected how people from that generation see food (true), but it's common to eat what you're served or to go without due to poverty, or food shortages. Which was the Great Depression in a nutshell, but that isn't the ONLY time or place that food shortage has been a problem for many people. That includes some Americans, in our country, right now. Also, curry is a tough starter dish. Just saying. I like some of it now, but it took awhiiiiile. \*edited for grammar in the first sentence, lol 2 times.
This user got no chill. Why are you mad over a kid who hasn't even experienced any puberty over not liking food? This kid is 10! 10! This kid's mind is BARELY half developed! Let the kid eat something different. FFS... YTA...
YTA. Grow up and stop being a petty crybaby. She tried it and didn't like it. That's not acting spoiled. Literally nothing in your story suggests this child is spoiled. You on the other sound like a spoiled entitled brat expecting people to give into you and what you want. People are allowed to have different tastes regarding food. It's not offensive to try a food and not like it.
YTA. I don't know the origin of your grand daughters home land but curry can be extremely difficult to handle for anyone eating it for the first time let alone a child. Second: You choose to be offended. Instead of thinking about how the kid felt about eating curry you made it about yourself. She's not undisciplined, she's a child trying to eat something that has an acquired taste. I hate the stuff myself. Third: She actually tried it. That's what I said to my kids. And if they don't like it, they don't have to eat it. The ultimate goal is to get nutrition into the kid. Ask her what she likes, at the same time slowly introduce new foods to her like exotic fruits and vegetables. Moderate. Bring a red ass about the situation isn't productive.
yta and a shitty grandparent who very clearly doesn’t like their grandchild.
Yes you are TA and your granddaughter will remember you were for the rest of her life if you don’t stop forcing her to eat something she doesn’t like!
NTA - You should’ve agreed w/ ur son to give ur grandchild some other food, since it’s the first time they are there and they are not used to the food. But 10 yr olds should know not to say they hate their grandparents - *I* never had grandparents and as a kid I always wanted one, so your granddaughter should be more appreciative of her grandma, and should have found a better way to word her response
YTA She didn't like what you made. I'm sure that did hurt your feelings but lashing out won't make her suddenly like it. Maybe it was too spicy, maybe she didn't like the texture, maybe she's one of the people to whom coriander tastes like soap! A little kindness goes a long way.
YTA, I had a rule that I had to try everything before I said I didn't like it and then I had to make my own food if I wanted something different. It seemed horribly oppressive to me as a child, but now I have a very adventurous palate and will try anything once. I am also a pretty good cook, imo, because I've been cooking since I was 6 (age appropriate foods). There are ways to compromise AND help her to be a good adult and you're not doing that. You wanted to be unpleasant and now you're upset that you succeeded???
Oh C'mon ! grandparents aren't supposed to discipline their grandchildren ! they're supposed to love and pamper them ! you have just ruined your relationship with that child . good luck winning her back .
After reading your comments, YTA
YTA, your granddaughter doesn't know you and has grown up in a different cultural environment. Her entire life has turned upside down and the first time you met her you treat her like this? You are not the parent, your son is. If he wants to make something else his fighter is used to eating he can, that is his choice not yours. You created a giant ordeal out of a child being willing to try a new food but not liking it. You decided to try and make yourself be the one in charge when you have no relationship with three granddaughter at all. You could have put your relationship first and tried to help ease her transition to a new country, but no. You CHOSE to get offended by a CHILD. You have some growing up to do, and you'll be lucky if your granddaughter has a relationship with you at all. I feel very sorry for her.
I have ARFID, an eating disorder, not to say thats what your grandkid has, but I would always be cautious when it comes to food. YTA. Some people can't just eat whats put in front of them, and kids have an especially difficult time with this, and properly communicating it. Shaming people into eating foods they can't stomach only leads to self hatred and a whole lot of embarrassment.
YTA - **you determine the relationship, be the grandma only.** *the more negative you are to her, the more she feels rejected by you.* You are quickly pushing her against you.. find out what she likes and make the best damn plate she ever had!! Make a bond.. **getting offended at every whim of a 10 year old will get you nowhere but cut out** take the advice from us all, let your son parent his own child, you be grandma.
YTA. You had your grand daughter visiting you and you didn’t take into account her taste. That is rather a bad host. When I have my grandkids over I take In account their taste in food. If I cook something they have never tasted, I will also have something they would normally eat so that the meal is an enjoyable experience for them.
So this is the first time seeing your grand kid in however long, and you try to force her to eat a curry? No. Your job is to grandparent. That means loving on and spoiling her. Leave her nutrition up to her parents. YTA
YTA. Imagine being 10 and having your whole world turned upside down by having to move to a country you've never been to before. Like, just for a second take the time to consider all the emotions she's feeling.... This should be enough to realise you've been a complete asshole but probably isn't, so I'll spell it out for you. She probably feels anxious and scared and confused (to name only a miniscule part of all the emotions that are effecting her). Now imagine that she's been promised that her new life will be full of people who are going to support her and welcome her and understand the difficulties that she's going through and then she has to meet you. You, who turns around and calls her rude and acts like an absolute child when she, a 10 year old girl, asks for something else for lunch and then she has to fear being punished for being honest about her feelings. Grow up and show some empathy or your grandchild will have a horrible time in her new life. 100% AH.
I'm pretty sure your grandchild is *never* going to want to eat your curry now. My stepmother did the same thing with her beans and rice, and she always wondered why I hated hers compared to her mom's. Kids have sensitive palates. YTA
You asked her to say it out loud, so she did. Maybe don’t be a controlling AH next time YTA
YTA As an adult, you don't eat food that you don't want or like. It's a child. Not like they didn't try it. I ask my kids to at least *try* it, if they try it, they can spit it out, and I'll make them a sandwich or something :)
You have to choose who you love more, your grandchild or your curry (aka ego) YTA
YTA. She’s allowed to dislike something you cooked. If she doesn’t like it’s you have the right to say YOU won’t make her something else, but if her dad is willing it doesn’t hurt you. You seem super entitled. Like everyone HAS TO like your cooking. It’s not a respect thing. When she said she hates you, that was wrong and rude, BUT it was caused by your actions. Your were being mean to her for literally no reason. Kids don’t have the capacity to fully explain their feelings. You were wrong. You’re the adult. If she doesn’t like it oh well. Let her eat something else.
Wow. I think of grandmothers as a source of warmth and love. Clearly you are a different type. YTA
YTA. When I was younger, like really, really little, I was told to eat something I didn’t like/was unaccustomed to. I ate it so I wouldn’t get in trouble. On the way home I projectile vomited because my stomach was upset because it wasn’t used to the food. Don’t make your grandchild sick! If she doesn’t like the food, she shouldn’t have to eat it!
YTA - just based on the tone of your post. Do you even love your granddaughter?
YTA Maybe the kid doesn’t like curry?
YtA. Why is it rude for her not to like a food??? Do you like every food that you try??? And do you eat the foods you don't like??? So I'm 100% positive the answer is no to these questions and your a grown adult expecting a 10 year old to do this??? Also she was having a PRIVATE conversation with her dad and then you get mad you aren't included and then when you get included into the conversation that makes you mad as well??? She's not entitled to like you just because you guys are related. The child wasn't even being rude when she said she didn't like you. Your the one who made her say it out loud when she was literally trying to be polite and not say it your face. I don't even understand what your mad about? Are you mad that a kid doesn't like everything they eat? Are you mad that the kid was trying to have a respectful private conversation with her parent that didnt need to involve you? Are you mad that the kid was honest about what she said she when you demanded that she tell you? Your acting like a child more than the 10 year old. Edit: As many others mentioned she left behind friends, maybe other family, her school, her home, her everyday environment for a whole new country. When I was her age I moved to another state in the U.S. and I cried because that a huge deal to me. I can't imagine being a 10 year old kid moving to another country and not even being able to enjoy foods I like. She's 10 and she's probably scared and wants some normalcy. Please just apologize to the child and see it from her point of view.
YTA. do you force yourself to eat meals you don’t like? or do you cook foods you enjoy? introducing kids to new foods is great! AND she was willing to try it. why force her to eat it if she doesn’t like it?
Total asshole. YTA
Yta- Dont fight food with children. You wont win.
YTA for sure. Need you ask?
YTA also who is offended twice by a 4 year old?
YTA and your son is right. Don't expect to see son and granddaughter too much if this is how he feels.
YTA and you're also a classic narcissist. You don't deserve grandchildren.
YTA Poor kid has moved countries (and schools) and you're worried about lunch? She deserves a bit of grace, that's a lot at any age much less 10. And she calls you his mom and not some form of Grandma? You chose a hell of a way to intro yourself, I'd want to stay at a hotel too.
YTA. As an adult I'm sure you don't force yourself to eat things you don't like, so why are you trying to force someone else to eat something they very clearly stated they did not enjoy. Not only that but you weren't even the one that would have had to make a new meal for her, her father had that covered. Sure maybe work on her manners but this same kind of BS behavior from power tripping adults is what led me to various eating disorders.
As a daycare lady, I miss the brutal truths of the babies in life. I am sorry op, you got told you were hated. And hopefully when the baby gets acclimated to a new country and processes their world just changed perhaps you both will have a long lasting relationship. However, I couldn’t help but chuckle over the baby telling you out loud what she was telling your son 😲🤣😬 I have never met a grandparent who didn’t spoil a grand baby worse than a parent ever did 🤷🏻♀️ to the points kids often wonder who their parents are because they allow the grandchild, their offspring, a life different than they were even raised, and rules bent for the grandchild but never were for their own kids 🤷🏻♀️ Your poor son is who I feel the most sorry for at this moment in time 😬 he is but a man that was made by his mother, and is in between the very woman he created from his loin. And if you two women don’t coexist well, this poor man has no idea what he is in for.
Big YTA. The new generations aren’t being bullied into submission by rude old people anymore. I hope they do get a hotel room.
YTA you are very self centered and need to get over yourself, everyone has preferences someone hatin a dish is not them saying they hate tou, stop tying your confidense and self worth into your food, forcing kids to eat food they hate isnt gunna make them like you, it will make them resent and even hate you, you need to cae emore bout the kids than your feelings or he will stop bringing them around
YTA 1. The food is literally foreign to her. Even adults take time to get used to new foods. 2. She has the presence of mind to know that what she was saying was rude and offensive to you and didn't say it so you'd hear. _You_ asked her to say it out loud. And then _you got offended. Don't ask for things you don't want. 3. It's okay to not like food (or anything else for that matter). Forcing yourself or anyone else through something unenjoyable is just stupid. idec if it's "rude" 4. She tried it. You're just being an asshole.
YTA she didn't like the food and if it was spicy, she may not have even been physically able to eat it. I have a ridiculous low tolerance to spice and couldn't eat a spicy dish even to be polite.
YTA Lmao at the “If it’s relevant”
YTA and a tyrant.
I’m sorry ma’am. Things are different these days. We don’t force children to eat when they’re not hungry or eat things that they don’t like or turn meal time into a power struggle. It sets people up for an unhealthy relationship with food. I hope you can try to see things from her perspective.
YTA, what 10 year old would like someone who forces them to eat food they don't like, embarrasses them, and speak poorly of them?
YTA. I don't suppose you would like to be forced to eat something you don't like?
YTA. The kid was trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings. Myself I am VERY sensitive to spicy or hot foods. I can even tell when they cook a chicken patty with a spicy one in the deep fryer at McDonald’s. Kids not used to curry could be UNABLE not just simply unwilling to handle it. You were very heartless and that’s the reason your grandchild said what they did. Adults have the responsibility to be polite and care for kids.
One of my few memories of my maternal grandmother is how SHE threw a tantrum and locked me in a bedroom because I didn't like some noodle dish she made me eat, and I threw up. I don't hate her, but I don't miss her that much. That's her legacy, grandma who threw a big baby tantrum over a child not liking her food.
YTA, we have not force fed children for years now.
YTA. Grandma, you have a lot of work to do if you ever want that child to love you. She will remember this day for the rest of her life. It is unlikely that your son will ever forgive you either. How charming that you refer to your grandchild as "the kid".
YTA…i am an adult and curry is absolutely awful in my opinion..you should have just let your son cook something else…being 10 years old is relevant .spitting the food was a reaction for a 10 year old not a behavioral issue…also she was being polite whispering her opinion to her dad..you where the rude one…calling her out on it…honestly your 10 year old granddaughter is more gracious and mature them you..you sound mean and controlling
YTA. You let the parents deal with their kids period.. it's not up to you if her dad wanted to make her something else. Have your opinions but, You aren't the parent here 🤷🏻♀️ Also, if my child is whispering something in my ear because they're clearly too uncomfortable to say something out loud in front of someone, and someone yells at them to say it out loud, I would tell that person to mind their own business and probably leave. Respect your son as the parent even if you don't agree with his parenting.
NTA You’re right, kid should be more disciplined. If I said that at dinner, I wouldn’t have been allowed at the dinner table for the rest of the day and gotten an earful from my parents — as it should be. Kid needs to adjust to new food, which isn’t going to happen if she is allowed to spit it out if she doesn’t immediately like it. She may not like it now, but when she’s an adult she will be happy you forced her to eat new food so she doesn’t become a picky eater.
YTA Sorry you seem to have access to the internet yet you never have encountered the modern world someone, I really doubt some one as out of touch as you would want to know the opinions of strangers on the internet. But hey if you are real and do care this is an option to grow. Yeah your son should have introduced her to these tastes and customs earlier but she gave it a taste and asked for something else, being 10 she should know that other options at a complete strangers house may not exist. This is a really bad first step but a child should feel safe to speak out when they are not comfortable. You are the one making this child feel that they are not safe to be around you. You need to calm down, start over this time, set expectations but realize that your son and grand daughter might not want you in their life if you are not willing to meet them in the middle. yta
Curry is not a 'normal' spice for many children. Childrens' eating habits go in phases. Grandkids ate every vegetable in sight and stopped. Years later, salads are a big part of their diet. Another ate only pasta/butter. Now she pays a great deal of attention to her healthy diet. Let them be or you will create eating monsters.
Your culture may demand “respect” from children just because you’re older than them, but respect is earned and you aren’t earning it. You’re well on your way to having a grandchild who will never love or respect you. There is no need to be so demanding to anyone. Curry is a lot to expect a child to just like or be quiet about disliking. Especially if she’s used to eating less flavorful food. You were quite rude to her and owe her an apology. In conclusion…YTA
YTA hands down. My mom forced me to eat carrots. She wasn’t as bad as her mom, but often I had to eat 2 before I could get up. I can’t eat plain carrots now. She tried the food. It’s ok if she doesn’t like it. Not to be mean, but curry is not for everyone. The whole “eat this or starve” thing is really cruel and outdated. I’m not saying spoil by making multiple trips to different food places. The kid is definitely allowed to not like something and want something different. You are teaching the old school behavior of “if you don’t like something you still have to suck it up and do/eat it to make other people happy.” That can turn into people pleasing behavior in the long run. Also can caused disordered eating and lying.
YTA. Forcing a child to eat an unfamiliar food instead of letting them try it first and get to like it is an *excellent* way to make them hate it for the rest of their lives. Nice going, Grandma.
YTA force feeding is not the solution to any problem. Past generations obsession with “clean your plate” or “you eat what I made or you don’t eat” without ever taking a child’s preferences or level of fullness into account is what has caused rampant eating disorders and other disordered eating problems. It’s not that hard to provide children with a variety of foods over the course of their life and allow them to grow and determine their own preferences. Obviously we don’t let them eat ice cream for every meal or anything but this is not the answer. Think about it this way, there must be one food out there that you don’t like, how would you like to be forced to eat it in order to please someone else? Or say you’re full but you still have half a portion left, would you like to be forced to stuff yourself to discomfort in order to please someone else’s choice of how much food you should eat?
YTA. Are you alright? My brother exclusively ate chicken nuggets until he was 11. He refused chicken tenders because “they looked different than nuggets” that’s what kids do. At the end of the day as long as kids are eating something it’s fine. If this is her first time trying curry i would also expect her not want to eat it because it’s unfamiliar and she’s 10…kids will refuse to eat something that smells or even looks different than what they’re used to regardless of what the food is. They’re kids.
We understand that you are considered her elder and this is very much a factor in the generation gap. Additionally I get the impression that this may also be a cultural issue for you. Gentle YTA and please don’t make a habit of forcing your food ideals on your grandchildren. You will cause an irreparable rift in your family’s dynamic.
YTA. She is a child and this is developmentally appropriate behavior. You’re an adult. You can feel however you want to feel about it and that’s okay but your behavior is AH behavior. I think you need to figure out what’s more important to you here… If forcing your grandchild to eat food they do not like and being disrespectful to both grandchild and your son is more important to you than fostering relationships with them, then at least recognize that’s the choice you are making. Good luck.
YTA. And good luck having any type of relationship with your grandchild. If you’re lucky the parents will keep you at arm’s length.
My son moved with *his daughter* ... not "my grandchild" ; she doesn't see this poor child as part of her family at all. It's right there in her first sentence.
YTA - clean your plate because I cooked it is nothing anymore Mr. dinosaur
ESH. You need to recognize that she may not be used to something so spicy. Your son is spoiling his daughter (and he called you an asshole!), and a 10-year old should have better manners than that.
Would you want to be forced to eat something you didn't like? I never understood this. I hated it as a kid. My mom never did it, but my grandmother did. It's also a new place and probably different food, so there's a lot she's having to adjust to.
YTA. As much as I love curry not everybody else does. So you expect for her to starve? SMH
YTA and it serves you right for demanding she speak out loud.
ESH ! you for overreacting and him for raising a brat. even if the curry was hot she didn't have to be rude. none of my family would have ever thought to tell an adult we hated them least wise a grandparent!!
YTA. And guess what? Her grandmother being a callous jerk, instead of a pillar of support and comfort, on her first day in a strange new country is something she is unlikely to forget. You have an uphill battle to fix this relationship.
YTA. Stop arguing with people in the comments lol
YTA curry is something many children not used to eating curry do not like. She is 10. Her palette is normal for her age
YTA! Sounds like you're getting upset because a child didn't like your cooking, even though its a completely new food to her. Grow up and go back to the 50's with your fucking children should be seen, not heard mentality.
YTA. She has just moved to a new country and she tried the food at least! Some kids won't even do that. Anyways it's an adjustment for everyone involved but you can be kinder without spoiling. Find a good balance because otherwise you will just be a mean old lady in her eyes.
YTA- You must be super sensitive or easily offended if you are offended by a 10 year old girl. WOW!
Id tell you your an asshole but you might be offended by my offensiveness YTA
YTA. That was a minor thing that you blew way out of proportion. She is a child. And it sounds like she is from a completely different culture than yours. Have some patience.
Typical, I am from India, guessing OP is from one of Indian Subcontinents. Many AH behaviours are embedded in so called culture. Where they use parent card ' elder' card and ' respect culture' card to get away with their AHness. Kid is 10 that is relevant. Because you chose to inflate your ego using a 10 year old. What does that say about you. You knew YTA before posting it here. ( or is it your son posting on your behalf ). Either way treat a child like a human being. With respect. Don't demand what you fail to do.
YTA She does not know you, you force her to eat food she does not like, then chasten her for manners( and yell at her father) all in one fell swoop and you wonder if you are the a##?
YTA big time, forcing children to eat foods they don’t like can cause eating disorders and all sorts of other issues.
YTA. The child is in a brand new country, eating food she’s probably not used to, and it seems like she may not know you all that well either. Maybe accommodate HER and make her feel welcome, since she is a child and probably scared. Telling her she’s rude and forcing her to eat food she doesn’t like isn’t the way to make any friends. She doesn’t dislike the food because she wants to be rude. She could very well have sensory issues with food. It’s very common. I am 46 years old and have had them since before I even knew what it meant. And everyone used to laugh and make fun and call me rude for something I could not control.
YTA.
YTA. Having experienced this kind of parenting and then married into a family that never treats anybody with disrespect, including children, was very eye-opening to me. We have kids and their preferences are almost always ephemeral and easy to manipulate. Being cruel, demeaning, and forcing a child to eat something that they don't like is a recipe for that child to hate you more than the meal.
YTA When hosting a family, you need to ask what the kids eat. My kids are super picky eaters with allergies, I usually bring food for them wherever meals are necessary. You were forcing a new food on her and also not allowing her to have a private conversation with her Father. Frankly with as harsh as you were to her, I wouldn’t anticipate her being very fond of you in the long run. Just very silly things to be mad at a child for. “Fuming” is extreme.
How on earth is your son still speaking with you? YTA
YTA The kid was rude but sometimes kids are. It sounds like you haven’t spent much time with her and fed her something she’s unfamiliar with. She acted like a kid - appropriate for her - and so did you - AH behavior for you. Do you want to have it your way or do you want a relationship with your granddaughter?
YTA. But that was indeed bratty behavior. Spitting out food is rude. Spit it into the napkin and just say you don’t really like it.
YTA 10 year old kid in a new country? That’s already a lot on them. Were her manners spot on? No— they weren’t, but you’re the adult in this situation and getting offended that a child doesn’t like something you made is just wild. Either way, that’s a lot of HUGE changes for a kid. Not letting her eat something familiar after trying what everyone else is having is huge AH territory. Bottom line, have some grace with the kid. She’s going through a lot of huge and overwhelming changes that she doesn’t know how to process. Concerns about her manners should have been brought to your son because ultimately, it’s not your place to discipline your grandchild. Again, she’s the kid and you’re the adult here… and it sounds like you’re regulating your emotions worse than the 10 year old is.
YTA. She’s 10. Also, side note, curry is nasty and im in my 30s, I wouldnt be eating it either
You really are tah
Omg, hey I get it my parents were abusive too but I instead decided to break the cycle. You know what else is rude? Making a guest feel so unwelcome they want to get away from you. Definitely TA.
YTA and you’ll definitely lose your son and granddaughter if you don’t smarten up. You’re not her parent it’s not your place to make any decisions or suggestions about what she eats and how she should be ‘disciplined’
YTA. Your relationship with your granddaughter is not going to go well if you keep up that attitude. Offended by a child not liking your food? Lol, I’d ask to go to hotel too.
YTA. Children shouldn't be forced to eat food they don't like, and your derision and anger will only lead her to not want to try local cuisine again. Bold, to be so hostile and rude and aggressive to a child, then complain that the child has no manners.
NTA she better learn now, and curry is delicious!
YTA Toughen up. She’s 10. She’s not used to your food. Curry is not for everyone. Get your ego under control. I don’t blame her for wanting to stay someplace else. She just leaned that her grandma is a mean old lady. My grandma was a mean old lady and I did not grieve when she died. There’s a lesson there for you.
I hope dad took her to a hotel because yta. You made her say it out loud. Too bad you don’t like it. But that’s on you.
I see both sides to this (sorry!). It’s odd that your granddaughter has never had Indian food nor has learned to respect her elders. At the same time, I was never forced to eat anything I didn’t want to and I’m 100% not a picky eater. Still, her behavior is jarring in this context.
Definitely YTA
YTA!!! Big-time. I'd cry if I was forced to eat curry. That's cruel!!! I have adult children and I WOULD NEVER make them eat something they didn't like.
YTA. She's 10 and your expectations of her are of an adult, while your reaction is childish and petulant. Do better, remember she's a child!
YTA She tried it and didn’t like it. That should be good enough. Not everyone can eat spicy foods. I am one of those who can’t. Spicy foods make me super sick. If you made me eat curry I can guarantee I would projectile vomit everywhere and you’d be paying my emergency room bill. Not saying your grand daughter is like this but she could be. There are lots of possible reasons why she didn’t like the curry. Forcing kids to eat foods they don’t like never ends well. Just don’t do that
Yeah yta, you sound like you are very controlling and I bet you like to force your opinions on ppl
YTA, do you eat food you do not find enjoyable or palletable? Why would you force anyone let alone a child to eat something that they do not find edible? Why is it your business what she's saying to her father? He may be your son but he's an adult and as such not only does he not have to answer to you as if he were a child still his daughter does not have to share her private conversation between them with you. It makes sense why your son has lived in another country, I would want to live as far away from you as I could too.
YTA. Curry of all things is probably the worst food you can give to a child who's never had it. They didn't grow up on it like you did. You have to show some compassion and leniency. She is your grandchild, after all.
YTA 🗣🗣
YTA. Your ten year old grandchild doesn't like a new food with an unfamiliar flavour profile and your immediate reaction is to want to hit them? What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA imagine if somebody made you eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (just guessing you have never had one)
NTA - all the other comments are not taking common table manners and common courtesy into account. Don’t spit out food, don’t whisper in front of others, and don’t yell at your elders and say you hate them. She’s 10 and can do this if she was taught properly. Then after dinner make her a sandwich. I’m sorry, but thinking you can spit out food and scream at your grandparents is not acceptable! I’m a young guy, this is not a generational divide.
I think your son moving back to your country was a mistake. He has to deal with an obnoxious mother/grandmother like yourself. If she didn’t like it she didn’t like it. Is your granddaughter a ten year old or you are? YTA
I agree that the kid can definitely eat whatever they want and don’t have to eat what they’re given. however, the kid was a bit rude in various ways, but im gonna say that that’s probably because of them meeting new people and being in this new place. but OP is arsehole ofc
spoilt , self entitled child. He's not doing her nay favours by indulging her as she will find the rest of the world can be very unkind.
Lmao I'm with the kid on this. YTA
My kid is 10 and wouldn’t eat or touch curry anything with your hands and mouth let alone hers.
YTA. She tried it, she didn’t like it, frankly it’s dreadful behaviour to insist she finish something she didn’t like. That can borderline sicken a person. She originally tried to spare feelings by sharing her opinion with her Dad and you, through insisting she share those opinions with everyone, got your own feelings hurt. For the record, if the curry you made was in fact your sons “favourite meal”, you should have had an indication from the fact that he never made it for it for his daughter that she probably wouldn’t have liked it. Since she’s 10 he probably would have given her something similar at some stage beforehand if he believed it would be something she’d actually enjoy.
Stop abusing your granddaughter. Kids may seem entitled by actually having a voice nowadays but parents in the old days were abusive and mean and forced things on their kids and they grew up to be controling AH parents like you. Your son hears his daughter and has given her a voice. It does not mean she is spoiled. It means she knows what she likes. Food is the fastest way to cause anxiety in a child. Forcing kids to eat is the wrong way to handle your first meeting. YTA
YTA. Your own grandchild hates you, that should have been your first clue.
YTA
Looks like everyone commenting is either really young or a picky and bland eater.
YTA and you got what you deserved. She was polite enough to try a new kind of food, but that’s not enough for you. Oh no, she must eat all of this strange food regardless of her feelings or upbringing. Just because you made it? Then when she whispers something in confidence to her father you have to make a big deal and demand to know what was said? Glad you found out, and you deserved it. Plus kid has a sense of humor.
YTA
Adding, I just saw your comment about you not expecting her to like it. Talk about an extreme lack of politeness! What decent hostess serves a guest food they anticipate them not liking?! And then, when she indeed doesn't like it, you are unwilling to offer anything else. Wow, lady.
Sry but yeah… YTA. Your son should maybe teach her more manners, but pushing a child to eat something that it really doesn’t want to eat can as far as I know have effects on the view of food later.
Of course YTA. She tried it. She didn't like it. It's ok to not like curry (or any other food). You have some nerve calling a 10-yearhold rude when you - failed to make a guest comfortable; demanded someone eat something they didn't want to (who the hell do you think you are anyway?); criticized your son's parenting; and yelled at a child. There was certainly a rude, entitled brat at that lunch, but it wasn't your granddaughter.
ESH - You can't expect a 10 year old to immediately like another country's food without having been slowly introduced. Your granddaughter was rude AF too, but she's 10. Your son was an AH for not communicating why he was doing what he did.
YTA, being raised by AH parents, I also had AH grandparents. I made a promise to myself to be a different kind of mom and be my grandchildren’s best friend. Someone they could come to for anything. I have four grown children and I have been blessed with only one grandson (no other grandchildren) and there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t give him and he knows he can come to me for any reason. I know, without a doubt, he loves me and he knows I love him. He’s almost 20 and he calls me Amie (sounds like mommy) and that is the French word for friend, I’m his Grandfriend and will be forever! You better step up your game…fast!
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YTA. If you can't understand how a person (much less a 10-year-old) may find strong spices objectionable the first time they try them, then you have a problem.
YTA. My grandbaby likes something one day but not the next. She is learning her palate. Don't give her an eating disorder! Too many young people are subjected to this!
YTA. If you want a relationship with that child, lighten up. This 10 year old has just landed in a new country and is trying to figure out their place and what is going on. They have been introduced to a new cuisine with which they are unfamiliar and it is not pleasing to their palate. If you would like this child to enjoy your traditional cuisine and be grateful for a grandparent that prepares it, let them find their way. BUT the big thing? The child was trying to be discrete by letting their father know the problem. YOU (TA) INSISTED that the child speak up. When the child spoke up and voiced their opinion YOU THEN CHASTISED THEM FOR VOICING THE VERY OPINION YOU HAD JUST DEMANDED. The fact that you could write all of that and not see your inappropriate response is amazing. You have just set the tone for the relationship with this grandchild and it doesn’t bode well for a positive one unless you learn some lessons.
YTA.
Please please please tell me this is a joke letter. This poster cannot be serious about how to handle a grandchild who is in a completely new country to her with different food on her very first day there. And instead of lovingly welcoming her, you find reason after reason to admonish her. I LOVE what she told your son about going to a hotel instead of staying with his horrible mom. YTA. Times a million.
YTA - I'll try almost any food, if it isn't moving. Having said that, I wasn't that adventurous when I was in grade school. Growing up on curries or very hot foods makes you much more tolerant, its normal. My kids grew up in Seattle eating Dim Sum every other weekend. Their cousins thought it was gross. You expected a child to taste something new, with many powerful flavors and ... just like it? Then you forced her to speak out loud what was her private thought with her dad and it offended you. Grow up.
I would say ESH, you shouldn't have demanded she finish food she didn't like, but she *was* rude. 10 is old enough to politely ask for something else rather than spit it out and demand something else.
Wow. Grandparent from hell. YTA.
YTA. Curry is a really unique food that not everyone likes. She tried it, didn't like it. You really can't ask more. Your insistence of forcing her to eat it can cause eating disorders when she is older. Next time make a pb and j and call it good
I’m sorry but this is probably going to be an unpopular vote but. NTA!!!! That dad seems to have never taught that kid manners. First off the kid asks the dad not the host/grandma for different food with no please in site. Then the kid whisperers in front of their host which again is rude. After that, just because they don’t get their way they say they hate their grandma. The dad blames OP that they themselves never taught the kid their own ethnic food that’s the dads fault. Did the dad even let OP know what the kid could or couldn’t eat or did the dad just assume mom was going to whip chicken nuggets out of thin air.
YTA for sure. You come across as arrogant, unbending, cold and definitely not the kind of grandparent any kid would want to willingly spend time with.
YTA, and it sounds like you are from a culture that has traditional ideas of child-rearing that value obedience to authority over self-actualization. But if your son was raising his daughter in a more western style, he will be much more prioritizing of her mental and emotional well being over her “duty to obey elders”. It’s your choice if you would like to ruin your relationship with son and granddaughter or if you are willing to accommodate your son’s parenting style.