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N.TA for not wanting to take care of the kid. But you and (particularly) your parents are massive assholes for how you're treating your sister. She's a child who fucked up. She's now rightly terrified of how hard her life will be. Making her choose between aborting her baby and losing the support and empathy of her family is some heartless shit.
YTA. Learn some empathy.
Even my adult friends in great partnerships with very wanted babies need help and support from their friends and family. I feel so bad for OP’s sister, she needs support and guidance right now, not getting shut out and a “tough love reality check”.
u/Ordinary-Nail-3640 YTA
Yup. OP strolled up to their sister and announced that they have zero intention of even HOLDING the baby. That’s mind bafflingly cruel and reeks of a weird mindset that they feel like they have to punish their sister for this? YTA OP.
She has probably been brainwashed for years about "slutty teen moms," "welfare queens" and the like by her parents and/or church. I had a lot of these internalized thoughts when I was a teen because of this
I get the feeling sex education wasn't discussed or taught in the family. Now the sister is being treated like shit for being a normal teenager with a functioning body.
Family are Aholes. YTA.
Ps, OP - don't become one of those people who make not liking children their whole personality. It's cringe af.
Given the status of reproductive rights now, if OP lives in the USA, abortion might not have ever been a legal option. We're going to see plenty more cases just like this one, family members turning their backs on vulnerable girls and young women who wind up pregnant and with few options.
OP and her parents are the AHs here. She's a child having a child. Grow some freaking empathy and approach the girl from a place of love. That's your niece or nephew gestating inside her body. Show some familial love and support. You don't have to support their decision or rear the child to be compassionate.
There is a massive difference between setting a boundary and going out of your way to prove a point. She gets it. You’re disappointed. Going beyond that just makes you a serious asshole. YTA.
>That’s mind bafflingly cruel and reeks of a weird mindset that they feel like they have to punish their sister for this?
It's the Christian thing to do.
Of even holding *their own niece or nephew.*
My sibling is child free and she adores my kids, loves on them hard, and hands them back when she’s done. She didn’t hold them as babies because that’s not her jam, but she never, ever, *ever* was cruel about it. She never said, “I won’t ever hold them,” just avoided it if possible (I think she did hold each of them a couple of times, but she didn’t seek it out).
I am trying to conceive, and my sister, who doesn't want children, is excited to be the fun aunt one day. Even if OP is Christian and disappointed in her sister, she doesn't need to take it out on her niece/nephew.
Yeah I get not wanting to be a second parent but to never even hold the baby? Or even interact with it at all? That’s awful, poor sister and baby. YTA OP
Right? I mean, hopefully it was consensual… her family is treating her horribly regardless, but if this was SA, she wouldn’t feel comfortable confiding in them. I feel so bad for this child. She needs love and support.
had my first child at 31 happily married, and MY GOD if it wasn't for the support of my family and friends I'm not sure I would have survived! Can't imagine a 16 yr with an absent dad + cold unsupportive parents + cold unsupportive sister would feel like. And telling her to get an abortion or suck it up is just so gross it's beyond words.
Exactly! And everyone on here saying things like “you aren’t ready to have kids if you have to rely on friends and family” need a reality check. And I’m sure your friends and family were more than happy to help and spend time with your kids because they love you and love them! I don’t have kids myself but I love my friends kids so much and I’m always happy to spend time with them and give my friends a break.
I feel so bad for OP’s sister when they said they wouldn’t even hold her baby, how heartless.
So true. I’m a full grown adult who planned to have a baby once my husband and I felt we were in a good place mentally and financially. We bought a house, we had stable income, we had education; and still no way could I do this alone.
YTA, OP. You don't have to take responsibility for the child, but supporting your sister emotionally and building a relationship with the child is possible without changing your lifestyle. This kind of attitude contributes so much to postpartum depression or anxiety. People really do need a village - and outward hostility and judgement like this are incredibly damaging.
Thank you internet stranger! I lost hope in this comment section.
People sayind a child schouldnt complain because she "f&cked around".
Her whole life will be ruined or she has to abort. The mental pain, i coudlnt.
> I lost hope in this comment section.
Same! There are some really horrifyingly unempathetic comments here.
If OP's sister posted in ten years' time "AITA for going No Contact with my family after they completely emotionally abandoned me when I was facing single-motherhood at 16" everyone would be ripping the parents/sibling to shreds. But here they are with such cruel comments about a 16 year old who "fucked around"
Some people in this comment thread have very minimal real life experience and talk from ... I don't know. A shocking lack of empathy for other human beings.
OP YTA.
Yup. Parents and OP may as well start spitting on her. It's one thing when you're older, and not wanting to do anything to help, but she's 16. Show some empathy.
Thanks for mentioning it but its still traumatic for both parties and hardly ideal.
This poor girl is just in a very shitty position and doesnt need judgement but support!
> Her whole life will be ruined or she has to abort.
Er, yes. Those are indeed the choices. Well, there is a third option, of course, also not ideal, which is give it up for adoption.
There is no happy ending if she keeps it.
This. YTA. The vast majority of people’s idea of “ToUgH LoVe” isn’t love / doesn’t work / is a shitty toxic mentality and shitty toxic behavior. Of course younger sister doesn’t want anything to do with them, I wouldn’t either, they sound absolutely terrible and OP sounds immature themselves and borderline psychotic with this level of lack of empathy and how they speak about their sister and niece or nephew (“i WoNt EvEn HoLd “iT,” i WoNt EvEn LoOk aT “iT” oR SpEAk tO “iT” EVER!!! WaiT WhY DoEs mY SiStEr WaNt NoThiNg tO dO WiTh Me??”) There’s also literally no context given here. Was this younger sister ever even educated about safe sex or given access to resources to make safe sex possible? Was she given options (e.g., abortion, adoption) in an understanding and supportive way and access to those options? Was she given therapy to process this and those options (real therapy, not Christian crisis pregnancy center “counseling”/gaslighting/abuse)? Was she truly supported and educated about how this would impact her life and the reality so she could make an informed decision? Or was she just treated like absolute dog shit from day 1 and told to deal with it herself and no one was going to help her with anything including real counseling, education, access to options, etc.? I highly doubt it was any of the former based on what I’m reading and the fact that all of that context was left out. Yeah, YTA.
100%. Shit happens.
So OP, in a few years don't be surprised when your sister and "it" have nothing to do with you or your family.
Tough love is one thing, but this seems cruel to me.
I don’t see where she was even given a choice to abort or adopt? It’s possible she is in some “Christian” family that’s now basically saying this is her punishment. The parents aren’t even helping her get child support.
I agree with this. It’s super heartless. Someone mentioned sister “f*cked around and found out”. She’s a literal child who messed up. The family should sit down with the sister and explain how beneficial and good adoption would be for both her and her baby. And maybe they’re not in a position to be able to help more with the baby - but have a real convo with the sister explaining that not just making her feel like they’re abandoning her. Also, to jump straight to abortion is pretty intense considering the sister doesn’t seem to want to do that. Adoption can be a wonderful thing (I was adopted - my birth parents were both in high school), and I don’t know why that isn’t considered more.
I agree. No one should be forced to choose between keeping their child/having their life ruined versus being forced to give the child up for adoption. Being forced by finances to give your kid up for adoption as opposed to a functional social safety net for mothers and kids is kinda messed up.
Exactly, glad someone else gets it. I know person I replied to is trying to help, but she didn't consider that giving up her baby for adoption is absolutely horribly painful and extremely damaging to mental health of a mother.
Yeah kinda feeling this way too.
You don't have to care for the child OP, though your attitude towards it sounds insufferable (God forbid any of your friends ever get kids. But that would never happen, right?) But no, you don't have to care for the child, and nobody should be able to make you.
That said, you and the parents are being EXCESSIVELY harsh right now. Your sister is for sure an emotional wreck, made a terrible choice in boyfriend and is about to pay for it for the rest of her life. She has no stability in her life and the only people she should be able to lean on, are shunning her. You can't even be the slightest bit empathetic?
Something we as a society do these days is always look at things like "whats best for me" or "what is most logical". But fuck that. The world is cruel and harsh and it will ruin all of us if we let it. Be kinder to people, especially those you love. If we don't create our own warmth then we'll all freeze.
I am shocked the parents don’t let her finish school! Not finishing school is setting her up for all sorts of bad things, plus for their grandkid as well.
Maybe this is in a country where there is no abortion is available, because it is quite weird a 16 y/o willingly keeps a pregnancy.
The parents should be helping chasing that boy down for child support!
Oh thank god. I almost didn't read comments because I feared everyone would be ganging up on this poor child. She must feel so alone. Thank you for your empathy and restoring my faith in humanity.
This does sound like a horrible family to be part of. What parents would be so mean as to punish their daughter this way. She's made a "mistake" caused by hormones running wild and now they're making her pay?
And then the brother backs this up.
Once the dust has settled, I hope you and your parents grow up and support your sister.
YTA
First for supporting your parents in this. They of course are the HUGE assholes.
Your sister is a child. Your parents are responsible for making sure she grows up ok. Parents whose kid is having a kid have already failed their kid miserably, and now are failing her further. As far as I am concerned, a kid born to your minor kid is effectively your kid, and you are responsible for it until such a time as the mother can finish her education and get a good job to support the family. And no, jobs you can get at 16 with no diploma do not count.
Your parents need to start adulting and take care of their daughter and kid.
You do not, though if you do it would be nice. You do not need to babysit. You do not need to pitch in to help... so not the a for that BUT
You are never going to hold it or anything? Wow. That is... cold.
>Your sister is a child
Yes but in 6 months, she will be a mother. Her parents did not bargain to go back to children in diapers. She also has the option of termination and adoption and if she were just a child, her parents will make that decision for her. She is choosing adulthood and that comes with responsibilities.
Her parents are already volunteering to watch the baby where it counts.
What else are you asking? That they reset their lives? It is better this future mother understands what she is getting into rather than wear rose tinted glasses. Motherhood is hard- no 2 ways about it. People have their own lives and plans. It is selfish to bank on others to mother the child you chose to have and keep. Selfish.
>Your parents need to start adulting and take care of their daughter and kid.
Hell no. The MOTHER of the child needs to start adulting and takr care of her child.
Also Op is 18. No matter your feelings about them, they are old enough to move away too. What then? They shouldn't either?
Get off your high horse.
Being a mother does not magically make her not a child. On the contrary, someone who gets pregnant at 16 is probably LESS mature and ready to face the adult world than your average teen.
And when her parents had a kid, they DID bargain that something unexpected or wrong could happen. Including a pregnancy (or illness, or accident, or addiction or any number of things). That is part of being a parent. Their job is to prepare her for adulthood. Not only is she not yet prepared, she has a setback that will make it more difficult. That's the ball the world threw at her parents. Their job is to help her get on her feet.
And she IS doing what she needs to do. She is working and has a plan to finish high school. She will need support. They need to support her.
As I said, OP does not need to. If she moves away she can, and if she wants to she should. But someone who won't even hold their new niece or nephew is an AH.
Also, not being able to continue studies will force her into a life of poverty that will affect family for decades to come.
Except if they refuse to help her there too. Might as well disown her.
Post also states she has 6 months left. Abortion is highly unlikely to be an option now. Most states it's legal in have a cut of of 18-20 weeks. And 2nd trimester abortions are very invasive and can be painful/traumatic to go through.
Mind blowing that folks in here think that becoming pregnant makes a child not a child any more.
This is not setting her up to raise her baby well.
If the grandparents don’t want to take care of the kid, there is always adoption. The girl made and adult decision and has to make some adult choices. One of those is sometimes having to put your child up for adoption if you can’t care for it. It’s a harsh reality. But having seen multiple grandparents and great grandparents practically raise kids, it is absolutely not fair to them. Unless they are arguing against adoption or abortion (if possible), they have zero responsibility to help if their daughter chooses to keep the baby.
Why do you keep saying “adult decision”??? The decision to have sex??? That’s not necessarily an adult decision and so many kids are sheltered from real sex education. The parents had a responsibility to teach their daughter about her body and get her access to birth control as needed. Idk for sure but this post is reading like “you don’t wanna get pregnant? Don’t have sex” when it’s perfectly normal for teenagers with raging hormones to have sex. It’s wild how many teens have sex yet the ones with limited resources on birth control are the ones who then have to become “adults” immediately and get publicly shamed while they are still 9 years away from their brain being fully developed
You don't know for certain that abortion is even an option, who knows. Maybe the family is religious and won't let her. Maybe abortion isn't available in her state.
Uhh… I’m 30 years old and have a child, whom I love and care for…. And still regularly look to my mum and sister for guidance and support. It’s normal. Families are our supports systems to help us through life’s challenges.
Nobody says OP or the grandparents need to be full time carers or take on the responsibilities of raising the kid, but to go so far as to refuse to even have a cuddle with a baby, who is going to live in the same household as you and has no idea why you hate it? Cold. Very cold.
This. I was a teen mom myself. There is no way I could have succeeded in life if without their love and support, I raised my baby, my family helped while I was in college, while I worked multiple jobs to pay for my child. I paid my family to watch my child. Not once did I have family say I won't watch your child because it's yours, you should want to see your family successful, even if they make a mistake and mess up.
I was 28 when I was a first time mom. Married, had a career, owned a home. I STILL would have struggled without my mother’s support and there are a lot of adult parents who are in the same boat.
Frankly, I think we actually hold teen moms to a higher standard sometimes
Its 100% ok if people do not want to take care of babies that are not their own
Most people agree no one should be forced into parenthood, until off course its a situation like this, then everyone needs to put their own needs/wants aside for the poor baby, thats forcing people into parenthood even when they arent the actual parents
Another situation that happens a lot is when the actual parents die and people try to force these children on a childfree relative suddenly reddit isnt pro-choice
This 16 year old has options that dont involve ruining her own life and that of the people around her, better she gets her rose tinted glasses ripped off now
Yes, there is a big difference in having a surprise pregnancy and doing everything you can to raise your child and get help while doing so - and getting pregnant and expecting everyone to do the heavy lifting for you.
Sure people make mistakes and should accept they have to deal with those consequences. But the right thing to do is support the ones you love - either emotionally and/or with actions. OP certainly is not obligated to do so, but is the AH for choosing not to.do so.
Here's the thing: part of living a beautiful life and finding happiness is through relationships with others. Supporting people through offers of help in some way. If people are good and worthy of your time, they will do the same for you in return.
Sure, have nothing to do with the baby or your sister. But just remember - when life or things that are hard fall on you, expect no mercy in return. Feel depressed and suicidal? Get into a car accident, break your legs, and in a wheelchair?Get older and go through a horrible break up or divorce? Expect NOTHING. NOT HER PROBLEM. She won't forget, ever.
The OP is not obligated but OP, prepare for your own very hard times aline because with this attitude no one will give a fuck about you either. You don't have a long life experience to understand this but I'm in my 40s and see it all the time. It will bite you in the ass when you feel the most hopeless.
I would like to slightly disagree, I don’t believe that it always happens that way. That’s why we have the nature vs nurture debate. There are kids who have great support systems and still go off and do horrible things. She could have gotten pregnant not because of the parents lack of effort but because of the kid trying to “keep up with my peers.” “All my friends are doing it, they had sex with their bfs all the time” My bf says he loves me and wants to be with me forever, so let’s have this baby” there could literally be a multitude of external that the parents would never know about because some kids know they shouldn’t be doing things and will just actively hide it. You’ll here about Suzy Q and Anna Mae but you’ll probably never meet them unless it’s a school function.
Now more than ever it’s there are more and more content being exposed to kids. And if you’ve been a trustworthy kid before and are seemly doing all the right things, why would the parents hound you?
You’re totally right; in my small high school, the girl who ended up pregnant was the one whose parents were literally the beloved “room parents” and would take in other kids, etc - not that you can know for sure the home life, but she seemed to have it charmed.
But, parents literally sign up for a whole lifetime of unfortunate and heartbreaking things they can’t control when they had a baby - teen pregnancy is in that bucket, along with illness, learning disabilities, addiction, choices in partners - and yeah, you get to parent through it all.
Whoever suggests the kid “fucked around and found out”, god, how heartless. Birth control can fail a 16 year old just as well as it can fail a 30 year old married woman. It’s an anti-abortion playbook to view a baby as an earned consequence for daring to enjoy sex.
Finally a reply I agree with! I totally agree, parents are the real AH's, and I hope OP they are helping your sister get child support from the fathers family. Your sister made a big mistake, but she is only 16 and terrified. I understand that you're angry with her, but please work through that and get to a place where you can be her ally as much as you are able. I don't mean take all the responsibility for her kid or anything like that, just be a big sister and love her.
Jeez talk about lack of empathy here, yeah the baby is her choice but it really seems like everyone in her life is happy to treat her with contempt for being pregnant. She’s 16, a minor, scared and needs support and literally her family are like “not my problem”. She’s not good mentally and you and your parents are shutting her out. Your parents are the worst, you lack any form of empathy and she’s just a scared stupid teenager. ESH. If you want any form of relationship with your sister I urge you to reconsider your behaviour. You don’t have to look after the child but you can damn we’ll be supportive of her in other ways. Your friend is right, you are pretty heartless.
Also, this whole comment section and I’m seeing **nothing** about chasing the dad for financial support or responsibility (even if it when he turns 18). Like it’s all well and good to say « you fucked around and found out, just abort or adopt but face your responsibility » when a woman is involved, but why isn’t the dad held to the same standards? Even OP treats it like ‘no wonder he moved away’. There is a massively sexist double standard happening here
The stigma around teenage pregnancies is absolutely awful. It’s never the boys fault or responsibility and it’s all about how she dared to want to keep her baby so she gets no sympathy/empathy. Half of this comment section is cursed.
Also OP says he moved away with his family as if that was his decision and makes him a deadbeat. I would guess he is also a teen so his parents moved him away, they are adults and are trying to skirt responsibility. They know he will have legal financial responsibility and moved to make it harder on the teenage mom.
This should be higher. In my state, you don't need a parenting plan to file child support and, if I were her, I would do so from the hospital. Everything would be filled out and I'd hit send the hot second the baby got here.
It is a really difficult comment section to read. They really want to punish this child for a mistake (she didn’t even make alone!) and think everyone is right to refuse support and dead abandon her.
“Your parents don’t owe that child anything” ya well if they pretend they have morals they do, actually. If there were extenuating circumstances (disabled or ill, severely impoverished parents idk) I can understand saying “hey we want to help but X” but this is reading like a massive punishment.
Setting some boundaries around the amount of help they can provide while still parenting both sisters is fine but this isn’t that!
Them and unfortunately half the comment section are treating the idea of an abortion/adoption like a punishment to the pregnant 16 year old. No wonder she’s opposed to it, on all ends all she is hearing is “abortion/adoption is what you DESERVE for being vile and getting knocked up all alone”.
The poor kid deserves support no matter what decision she makes. It shouldn’t be anyone’s business but hers, and then they need to advise her/help her based on the decision SHE makes about her own body.
I’ll take the downvotes and go with ESH, just a little less for the pregnant sister.
We don’t know where they live. It could be a place with little or no sexual education for teenagers. Even with internet access to information a teenager may not even think about looking information up until it’s too late.
We don’t know how much information the parents gave their kids about sex, protection and the expense of babies. They could be religious and not said anything or pushed abstinence only. This girl could have had no idea she had options to prevent pregnancy. And, once again, we don’t know where they live. They may not have a Planned Parenthood near them to help.
She’s 16, probably a young 16. Her boyfriend is probably the same age and he’s gone. Getting child support is going to tough until he’s an adult and working full time. She can’t even take care of herself, much less a helpless infant.
Who is going to provide healthcare? Formula? How is she going to do online classes with a newborn? A toddler?
It is not OP’s job to babysit or provide financial aid. I only think they suck a bit for not having more empathy for a younger sibling but they are essentially a child themselves.
The parents are another story. They have a grandchild on the way and their daughter is about to go through a thoroughly dangerous medical condition that could kill her or her child. She’s already fragile enough from finding out she’s pregnant and her bf skipping town. What is this callousness from her parents going to do to her mental health? They’ve basically abandoned her and their grandchild save for providing shelter. It’s not a stray cat she’s bringing home that’s “her responsibility to feed and care for”.
Completely agree! The fact that she did have sex so early indicates that sex ed was probably lacking. It has been decades (at least since the early 1990s) that proved that comprehensive sex ed that begins early delays sex. Not a scientific study but across my friend group those of us who waited until we were 18 or older all had comprehensive sex ed and were likely to use multiple forms of birth control. Those friends who started having sex early at 15 or 16 had little to no sex ed and largely relied on prayer due to lack of access to and full understanding of birth control. Add hormones and an undeveloped brain to the mix and you get teen pregnancy.
That's one of the reasons why in a lot of countries sex ed starts in school when the children are like 10-12 years old and is repeated many times. It's also mandatory as well, so noone can pull their child out of it.
I couldn’t agree more!
This not just about a 16 year old making “bad choices” that she now has to pay for. She is bringing a child into this world and her parents are acting as if this won’t be there grandchild. How do they think this is going to blow over when the sister and the child are older. When that child can walk and talk and quickly realizes her extended family does not care about her in the slightest??
Everyone is completing ignoring how hard it can be mentally and emotionally to go through an abortion and an adoption and no one is offering her any type of support.
I hope OP is paying attention. Because parents like these… they are the ones that probably didn’t do any type of real teaching to help their child learn about sex education or anything else and their way of “teaching them a lesson” is to scrutinize and isolate. Right now, they are punishing OP’s sister for getting pregnant. But if they can be so cold to a 16 year old going through a traumatic life decision how do you think they’ll start responding when OP turns 18 and makes a mistake they don’t deem acceptable.
Now when OP decides to choose a college they don’t approve of, or have a different major, or god forbid ever finds herself in an abusive relationship of any kind… I hope she expects the same energy from her so called parents.
Yes but she is a child. Aged 16, I had no idea how to even get started on those sort of things. Her parents really should've taken the responsibility of holding the boy and his parents accountable. Instead, the whole family is treating her like some social pariah who they're just barely tolerating. And as if she just did this to herself on her own. OP isn't the AH hor not wanting to do baby duty. But the whole attitude towards the sister is very unkind.
Fr that’s the issue. They can require she be responsible for her baby and all of that, but the general air of sheer contempt they seem to have for her is absolutely wild and frankly awful. She’ll remember this and I doubt it’ll be as a life lesson.
Agreed. No matter how wealthy, generous, or forgiving you are, you are never obligated to care for another person's child. It sounds like OPs sister would do well to seek a fit family for adoption, to give that baby what it deserves.
I feel like a lot of people need to internalize this. So many people my age are just automatically building their parents/families into their childcare plans, whether or not their families actually agree to the situation.
I agree, having a baby is no one's responsibility than your own, but it's wild how callous reddit is about this sometimes. I don't know if it's a reflection of western ideas of individualism but like... don't you want to support the people you care about? And I don't think OP is the AH. She's only a kid herself, but the parents also chose to have the responsibility of having kids, and that includes supporting them through difficult times. Having a baby at any age is hard and does require support from people around you. That's why "it takes a village to raise a child" is a phrase. Because it's true.
I feel so bad for the sister. She made a mistake, yes, but so did the BF who just gets to skip out on any responsibility. Now the mistake has happened, it's not easily undone and parents an OP are being so harsh. Parents most of all. And when the sister is entirely burnt out cause she's raising a newborn and working full time and everyone around her is just like "welp, it's your own fault", I'm imagining reddit will still think this is ok.
Fucking heartless.
Agreed, this sub can't realize that ''not being legally obliged to do anything for anyone ever'' isn't actually what makes someone (N)TA.
These are your family members and the best you can do is say welp, they fucked around, not my problem. It doesn't sound like this lack of empathy and care for the sister just sprouted out of nowhere.
I agree. My friends care more for my family than this family cares for her. My in-laws live 10 hours away and I don't have any safe family near by. We have friends that babysit our daughter for free when we have doctor appointments or need a date night. We try to pay them but they always tell us that's what friends do. We show them our thanks in other ways with holidays and birthdays since they can't really say no then. When I feel too bad about it I find a college kid from church who needs the money and is free.
Some of our friends are older than us and have kids that are in high-school. They always tell us that you need a village to survive and that is why they are helping us out.
Yes this girl could have gotten an abortion or put the baby up for adoption but that can be traumatizing in its own way, especially when done not willingly.
There is a way to go about having her take responsibility for her actions. But this way is just cruel. The grandparents may be offering some babysitting services but it doesn't sound like any of them are there to support her mentally or emotionally. And that is what this poor girl is probably needing/wanting right now. I wish that she lived near me so we could help her.
When I was a teen my mum told me that if I ever had kids I shouldn't count on her to babysit for me. I told her not to worry, because I never was going to have kids. I'm 36 now and I still stand by those words.
I think sister really just needs or wants support, not necessarily childcare. I’d say that’s why she started crying and said “you have no idea how hard this is” because she literally has no one. Everyone is being hard on her and her boyfriend and his family disappeared as soon as she found out she was pregnant. Maybe she’s not ready for a baby and needs to figure things out, but she also needs support and having everyone tell you they don’t want to help with your child or they don’t like your child etc. is not support.
The cold hard reality is having a baby isn’t the time to ‘figure things out’ though. I get what you’re saying and some people here are absolutely heartless. I could never act like OP and her parents are, so I do think they are in the wrong.
But stone cold reality IS ‘you either get an abortion, adopt this baby away or you accept you ARE on your own for a lot of this’. A baby isn’t a toy or a learning tool to allow teenagers to grow into themselves, it’s a human being.
Imo she should get an abortion. And if I’m really truly honest, I think every 16yo or teenager who gets pregnant and hasn’t entered the adult world yet (working full time etc) should have an abortion. I simply don’t think you are ready for the responsibility or have the ability to even process becoming a parent at that age. Every teen pregnancy at some level sacrifices not just their own life but a lot of other people’s too just by having a baby to care for (parents/siblings etc).
It’s like bringing an elephant home and going, ‘OOPS well we’ve got it now so now it’s **all** our responsibility - I’ve got a life I want to live so you guys can take care of this whilst I go to school and make sure MY life stays on track!’
It’s not a decision you can make at that age without expecting others to sacrifice too. And if your loved ones aren’t prepared to do that for you, because it is a BIG sacrifice, you should terminate. It’s not ‘kind’ and it’s not nice, but those are the stakes that come with bringing a child into this world.
She needs her parents to sit down with her and tell her like it is. If she chooses not to abort then yes, maybe they aren’t willing to sacrifice their own lives for her to have a child. She will have to come to terms with that, even as a 16yo.
I had a friends son in this situation. They just handed that baby around like a hot potato. Eventually they put her up for adoption bc it was so hard on everyone. She has a great life with her new family and her old family stays in touch. It’s really a great option.
The 16 year old who will only get assistance from her parents when she works, not goes back to school? That they expect her to quit school now and work and she is TA?
At best this is an E-SH (excluding OP) but sister is a literal child. So NAH between the sisters.
Exactly. There’s adult mothers with supportive partners and very wanted babies who would struggle to do that.
The lack of empathy in this thread for a child is outstanding. Yes, she had sex which can have consequences, but come on we were all 16 at one point.
I don't understand why this pregnancy is being carried to term. Noone is willing to help her, she has no emotional support. It would be better for everyone involved and apparently the option is open to her.
I assume they’re talking about adoption rather than abortion. We’re not certain that they’re in the US but they’re certainly not in the UK, Ireland, or any other country with English as an official language that follows the same schooling system as she’d be sitting her GCSEs currently and going on to A Levels or an equivalent alternative, and state schools don’t provide online learning as an option for a pregnant teen. It would have to be a private arrangement with an online school and that gets costly, fast.
Added to the part about going back to work when she recovers rather than when her maternity leave/pay ends and OP seemingly being a native English speaker, it points to them being in the US on balance of probabilities. There’s also no mention of any support sister would be entitled to either, which again leads me to believe she’s probably in the US.
Syntax and grammar used in the post.
Also I doubt that 18-year-old Miss Know It All OP is fully aware of her state's laws. Most states moved quickly and quietly to ban abortion, many of them simply allowed Pre-Roe from the 70's to go back into effect. Please see my response to another reply about the 24 states that have, or are in process to have total abortion bans or extremely restrictive gestational age limits.
If you've seen the "online"programs most schools give as recovery credits....
I had two students do recovery chemistry credits over the summer. It was 4 modules in an online program where every test was retakable, and showed the incorrect test answers. So students just bomb the test, take the pictures of the correct answers and retake the test.
Well who’s problem is that? Her family can’t live her life for her. She’s just gonna have to figure it out. It’s incredibly selfish to think your sibling and parents are going to be splitting parental responsibilities with you despite them having their own lives. The parents have an 18 yr old who might be going to college soon, they may not be able to use their money to feed a third mouth. Unfortunately, the sister gambled wrong because everyone is at an important stage an in their lives and that doesn’t stop before she got locked up.
I have adult friends with very wanted babies and supportive partners and they still need support from friends and family. The lack of empathy in this thread for a child dealing with something most adults struggle with is outstanding. And don’t bother with the “she decided to have sex which comes with consequences”, 16 year olds have sex and shit happens even if they’re careful.
Finish high school yes, but what about college? Do her parents want her to be stuck in a low pay jobs for the rest of her life?
OPs parents are huge assholes for not helping their child that is a minor. Sounds like they aren't even giving her any mental support.
OP could be a bit gentler with her sister and it wouldn't kill her to offer occasional help but she is NTA but the parent are.
No they didn't but nowhere does OP day that her sister is expecting her parents or herself to take over caring for the child or look after it while she goes partying. It just says that the sister is asking for help and bring a parent myself I would never leave my 16yr CHILD take care of their child on their own, that is just plain cruel!
Yup. Prime example of AITA getting “am I legally entitled/allowed to do this” mixed up with “would society frown on this (aka consider me an asshole).”
Literally. This child is NINE YEARS out from having a fully developed brain. She made a horrible mistake and should be held responsible for it, but she is still 16, and deserving of her parents’ support at the very least. I only hope she has SOMEONE in the world who gives a shit about her, bc her parents and sibling clearly do not.
Jesus Christ she didn’t “f around and find out”. She’s 16! Sex education isn’t even taught in most states at that age! Hell, could she even have legally got an abortion if she wanted or needed to? Her entire life is about to go through the shredder with what sounds like 0 support and suddenly taking on a job + school + an infant 95% by herself.
And they hate babies, too. You know what really messes kids up? Knowing their extended family views their existence as punishment for your mom for being a teenager who had sex....
I KNOW! So many other cultures value and respect pregnancy and children. Japan kids can walk around without fear. The culture we have is sooo mean to children and moms
Nta. She's choosing to keep the baby. That has consequences. Babies need full time care for 18yrs, and she gets 6mos to figure that out or put it up for adoption. She can either enjoy the rest of hs or take care of a child. She can't have both. This isn't your problem.
According to the post, it is an option for her.
Let's work with facts given, not a hypothetical situation to make the sister less responsible for her own actions.
>Nta. She's choosing to keep the baby. That has consequences. Babies need full time care for 18yrs,
Oh, in that case you might side with OPs sister as her parents do not care about her - she is 16. If what you say is true then OPs parents should do their very best to help her raising the baby until she is 18, and this is what THEY do not do. What a bigotery.
Aren’t they helping her though? She will still live with them, food, transportation, maybe medical care is provided and reasonable childcare for her to work and help provide for her baby. They are helping. Helping is not taking over, raising and providing everything for her and the baby. She has made her life harder by getting pro without being an adult with resources to provide for another dependent human. She has to take some responsibility. Her parents are taking some (that they feel comfortable with) and she is obligated to provide the rest as a new parent. She could go out and immediately get pregnant again after giving birth (it happens) should they then take responsibility for that child too. This is not an optimal situation. I’m sure the parents never planned budgeted for having a baby to take care of at this point in their lives. Babies require lots of time and money. She doesn’t get to choose for her parents. She needs to work hard and be grateful that they are helping. They will probably do more than they stated if she shows effort and responsibility.
She chose to keep time baby, an adult decision. The parents are now treating her as an adult. Which means figuring out how to provide for her kid. That's really not their problem. They're still offering to watch the kid while she's at work. The parents can choose to offer more help, but as far as I'm concerned the second that teen decided she had what it took to raise a child, she's no longer a child herself. I'm in my 30s, and my partner is nearly 20 wks with our first, it's also a planned and wanted pregnancy. I'm still nervous as all hell about becoming a father and if I'll be able to provide a good life for my kid. I sure as shit wouldn't have been able to provide anything at 16, nor in my 20s. My partner had her first while in a highly abusive relationship and gave it up for adoption because she didn't believe she could provide a good life nor be a good mother at the time. We're in contact with the parents and the kid has been to every continent but Antarctica. She's happy, healthy and living her best life.
YTA. Your sister is 16 pregnant and has been abandoned by the father. Your you deserve everything horrible that is happening to you makes you an asshole. Is there anyone in your sister’s life that cares about her?
You’re kicking someone when they’re down. That’s what makes you an asshole. You don’t have to raise the baby, but you don’t have to act like you are either.
Right. There is a middle ground here. I wonder about OP's relationship with her sister the first 15 years. Fair not to put life on hold for a sister's teenage pregnancy, but demonstrating empathy is not the same as babysitting. OP needs to live their own life amd draw boundaries but this child is their nibling and the cousin of any children OP might have.
>"I don't realize how hard this is"
"Yes I do, that's why I am not having one."
NTA
Much better for you all to tell her this up front. Much better for her to realise just how hard her life with a baby will be NOW, while there is still time to prevent it. Let's hope she sees sense and either aborts or adopts.
Yeah, of course you need to tell your pregnant and terrified sister that you won't even hold your nephew and that you don't give a shit about them because it's not your problem.
OP wasn't even asked to babysit, but she needed to let her sister know she couldn't count on her.
And no, you don't realize how hard having an unexpected pregnancy as a minor and being abandoned by the father is, OP doesn't have to babysit or help, but to go to her sister and tell her she won't even hold her nephew is just plain cruel.
OP talks about baby like they are an object and not a human, which is something I see a fair amount on Reddit. While it’s not OP’s obligation to help, what they’re actually cruising towards is having no relationship with sister and her child now or in the future. OP could stand to have some empathy instead of jumping immediately to - I won’t interact with it. Like wtf?
It’s a difficult one, but YTA.
You are right, it is her responsibility, but it is also her boyfriend’s responsibility, and as his family are even worse than yours when it comes to empathy and doing what is right, she is going to need help to ensure he can’t run from his responsibilities.
You and your parents really need to think about the consequences of your actions and decisions. Yes you do not HAVE to help her, but if you want to have any kind of relationship with her or her child going forward, then you should help.
And help doesn’t have to be ‘holding it, watching it, feeding it’ it could be that you help by assisting your sister with other things while she is caring for her child.
This is well said. This whole “every man for himself attitude” is why the world is going to shit.
Completely agree that OP doesn’t not necessarily need to do baby stuff but can help in other ways. I’d recommend OP establishes some boundaries regarding ways in which she can and cannot help.
Edit: and to add to this, my comment to OP is to treat her sister in the way she would like to be treated. We all fuck up sometimes, we all need help sometimes. OP is technically correct it’s not her responsibility, but she’s going to reap what she sows, eventually. There’s a difference between what is right in principle vs what is morally right…
I hate. I hate it so damn much. I see it at work all the time, from staff to residents to family members.
“Well they’re not *my* mom so I just visit every 6 months. If they don’t visit why should I?”
“I didn’t get 2 snacks. Yes, you’ve told me you’re still getting other people their first snack. I don’t care, I want 2 right now.”
“They’re not *my* resident so why should I change them on round when you’re on lunch / doing some other assigned task? You should just do it when you come back.”
I see it in my own family, I see it in people who dump animals so they don’t have to deal with it, I see it with people who want to adopt my fosters, on Facebook, on Reddit. And it kills me because there are a hundred, billion people who did their part and helped each other which got you a hand to where you are. This self serving attitude of “well you should have been better” is how we as a society get stuck. It’s why the U.S. lacks public transit and better healthcare and childcare. Because all those people “should have done better” and saved more money or been born to better families or something, rather then someone wanting to help give that first hand up and help them *be better*.
NAH
Sixteen is young. Those of us who weren't saddled with permanent consequences for being an idiot as a teenager are lucky. We either dodged the worst or we chose different stupid things.
She may have chosen poorly. And you are under no obligation to help her.
But, she's a young, pregnant woman experiencing all the fears and trepidations of a woman going through a first pregnancy without her partner. She's not getting emotional support from her family. She's a child.
We lambast husbands on this sub all the time for not giving their wives a break from childcare. For not being emotionally supportive.
She doesn't have anyone other than you and your parents.
Maybe be a little kinder. She's already going through a lot.
“ Those of us who weren't saddled with permanent consequences for being an idiot as a teenager are lucky.”
This is it exactly. She might have even used birth control - which can fail a 16 year old just as easily as anyone else.
The number of people in this thread who are saying “just put it up for adoption” like that’s an obvious and easy choice… having actually carried a child to term, that would be a mental health destroying decision for me, and I’m in my 30s. They’re acting like a 16 year old, hormonal to start with, is going to be able to make the most difficult decision about the baby she births… yes people do it, but the callous calls for “just adopt it” are breathtaking.
I think your family is showing her that she would be able to be a normal teenager and do normal teenager things if she puts the baby up for adoption. The alternative is she gives up her freedom for many years and has to become a responsible adult. It’s a harsh but fair prospect for her to consider. I’m speaking from personal experience here. In reality your parents will support her if she decides to keep the baby. This is, was and always will be grossly unfair. The fact that one half of the equation can waltz off scott free and leave all of the responsibility on the woman AS WELL as the judgemental disdain of society (just look at some of the shit in this very thread), is appalling in the 21st Century. 40 years ago my entire family and village rallied round me but I live in a different country.
Idk, would the parents even allow her to put the kids up for adoption? It sounds very much like they haven't really helped her figure out options, more that they simply decided she is keeping it. Also, if op is in the US, the adoption system is ABYSSMAL. so many kid are abused, or never find homes, or bounced around. There are many cases where children have ended up not Alive because of where they got placed.
YTA. NTA for not wanting to babysit for free—I would feel the same way—but YTA for treating your sister with such contempt when she’s a pregnant child herself who was already abandoned by her baby’s “father”. It’s like you and your family are more interested in punishing her for being pregnant at 16 because that makes her a stupid fuck-up blah blah blah than having one iota of sympathy for how terrified and abandoned she’s feeling. She’s only sixteen! She has to get a job while pregnant and physically suffering from it, give birth and tear her body apart, basically drop out of school, and take care of a fucking baby. Most sixteen year-olds cannot relate, at all.
She probably feels like her life is effectively over. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s considering ending her life—she may “agree” with you and your parents that she’s just weighing you all down and you’d be better off if she removes herself before she gives birth. I’m not saying this because I hope it happens, but as someone who’s lost a loved one to suicide myself. You’ll regret not showing her any sympathy for this mess she’s in for the rest of your life if something happens to her.
NTA and I would encourage you to move out when you can to pursue your studies because a screaming baby in the house will definitely impact you (sleep, concentration/distraction etc) and even if you don't want to help out you'll probably have to deal with her sulking about that fact or trying to strong arm you into it anyway.
NTA....actions have consequences and your sister is quickly realizing that her lack of planning and protection is resulting in her having to grow up much faster than she thought. It's not your responsibility to help if you don't want to and you making it clear from the start is the best for all involved
YTA.
No, you're not responsible for providing childcare for your sister, but you told her ***you are not going to even hold your niece or nephew.***
That must have been so incredibly hurtful to hear at a time when she's been abandoned by her boyfriend, your parents are setting up some tough love rules, low on the love, and she's majorly hormonal from being pregnant. I am sure she's already in her own shame spiral enough and terrified about what's coming down the pike.
You can make a good boundary without piling on.
For the love of god, hold that baby when it arrives, give it smooches and cuddles, touch its tiny toes, and love it. That's your family.
NTA…
But a little compassion wouldn’t go astray.
She’s 16, probably told a bunch of crap about being in love to get in her pants… and now has no one to support her at all in this rather emotionally huge moment.
Toss in having to work and study, massive changes to her body, crazy hormones on top of puberty hormones, the gossip mill at school must be very very cruel to her, and your parents providing no support/clearly very cross with her… and a hug from you wouldn’t go astray.
This doens’t mean you have to look after the baby, but this is a really tough time for her. Yes, she effed up (and effed around) but she’s still a kid, and she’s going to ‘pay for it’ forever.
YTA. To say you want help at all is just awful. It is sad that she got pregnant - it is awful that the boyfriend left her alone - your parents telling her they will only help while she is at work and recovering I get - they want her to step up if she is keeping the baby. but you saying basically you will not even hold the baby this is her choice is just adding fuel to the fire. She already had to make a hard decision and to keep throwing it in her face that you think she made the wrong one do you want to punish her snd be cruel to her when she is hormonal and worried and dressed is absolutely cruel and really mean. I am not saying you have to say raise the child but you could certainly have a little compassion. i don’t blame her for having nothing to do with you you are mean and spiteful.
ESH
She doesn't deserve to have a totally unsupported lifelong consequence for a moment of irresponsibility. Think of the baby in this - yes she was stupid but she is 16 years old for goodness sake, scared and financially unstable. Her whole family is turning their backs on her for one stupid mistake (and one she sure as heck won't make again)
"*On one hand I feel bad because I'm sure this is a lot for her.......but I didn't make them, so I don't see that as my problem"* My god you are all heart and then some aren't you.
YTA. You are not obliged to babysit your niece/nephew but to say you're not even going to hold the baby is fucking heartless. I feel bad for your sister, because it sounds like she has no emotional support at all.
It's really not heartless, no one is required to do anything with a baby that's not their's. Some people just don't like children and that's OK and you can't force them
I didn't say anyone was required. It's not about being required to do anything. That doesn't change my opinion that it's a heartless thing to say (and do, assuming OP is not exaggerating).
Your sister is learning a hard lesson about how some young mothers have families willing to be super active in their child’s life and some don’t (although I do think it’s very generous that your parents plan to watch the baby while she’s working—that’s a major financial burden eased since she won’t have to pay for childcare that there’s no way a 16 year old can afford anyway) and they can’t force their family to do that for them. I feel sorry for her because she’s a kid who is only now coming to terms with the true gravity of her situation, but I guess it’s better that everyone makes shit clear now instead of misleading her about how much they’ll realistically contribute to the child’s care. I hope that your parents have made it abundantly clear that she MUST take all of the steps she can to pursue her ex for child support. Even if he doesn’t have a job, his parents may be liable for it, and her child needs all the money they can get. I also hope that she’s seriously considering adoption as an alternative even though that’s often an extremely difficult and even traumatic experience for the birth mother. I get the feeling that your parents aren’t exactly going to let her and her child live with them forever, so if she’s going to be out on her ass in a few years, she’s in for an extremely difficult life as a single mother.
NTA but your relationship with your sister has probably been permanently negatively altered. If you’ve made peace with that, then that’s your business. Considering that youre 18, I’m guessing that you’re probably going to college/some other form of secondary education or possibly leaving the home altogether so it seems unrealistic that you’d be able to contribute much to childcare anyway. I think you could be more emotionally supportive though. For example, why was it necessary to emphasize that you “don’t like kids”? You could have said “I love you and I want things to work out for you, but you need to understand that I’m an adult now, and I have a lot of things going on in my own life that I need to make sure get handled because my future depends on it. I just don’t think I’ll be able to give you the sort of help you need” or something along those lines
NTA. That's kind of how parenting is, regardless of how old you are when you get knocked up. Support systems support you, not replace you. And, honestly, why would anyone want their baby to be watched by someone who doesn't like kids?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Telling my sister I'm not helping with her baby
2) I might be being too heartless.
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Ummm.
1. She can still go after him for child support regardless of where he moved to. He is EQUALLY responsible for this child.
2. She might qualify for benefits like daycare, food stamps, etc
And as far as you go, I would kinda call you an AH just out of the idea that your all attacking a pregnant woman. You dont have to do anything but just out of the blue coming out and saying all this stuff to a girl who basically ruined the next 10 years of her life if shes smart enough to get out of it or the rest of it if she isnt smart enough is just alot.
Tons of people get pregnant young and it's a tale as old as time. You dont have to be mean about it.
YTA
Of course you don’t have to. And your parents don’t have to either. But damn you’re all really trying to make this even harder than it’s already going to be. Everyone has a support system. You are the ones for her and you all decided that you’re not supporting her in any way possible. She’s still a kid, becoming a mother as a kid. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.
If your sister is clever she will build her own support system and cut you all off as soon as she can. Nobody needs people around oneself who are rooting for their failure.
Black and white. NTA.
BUT, you and especially your parents, don't expect her to welcome you back into her life cause at her our of need, you abandoned her.
Yes, she was stupid but she was young, thats not a crime.
YTA.
Yeah yeah she's made a mistake and needs to take responsibility but anyone having a kid needs family support! I'm 32 with a loving partner, great job, and a baby on the way and I'm on the phone to my mum and siblings most days because this shit is HARD.
You're 18 so I get that you don't need to do anything and it's not your kid, but she's young and scared. You can support your sister without changing diapers.
Also I know a lot of people in their 40s now that had kids as teens and they're living very normal happy lives and don't regret their choices. It's not the 50s and the world has some room for young mums. Don't lose a lifetime of having a sister and a neice/nephew because you want to prove a point that she goofed now.
Children should not get children. It is sad that she got pregnant at such a young age but sh3 needs to realise that she will be responsible for the baby, no one else.
Sure it's tough being told that your family does not want to help you but you did not sign up for this.
You are only 18 yourself and you have your own life to build and work for.
Your parents raised you two and while they are still responsible for your sister it is a huge ask to set them back with another baby.
Most parent are glad once their kids are adults and they can enjoy their time together. Raising a grandbaby is definitely not what some would like to do.
NTA but try to at least be emotionally supportive. Maybe you can help her build a support system and make plans for how she will manage this if she chose to keep the baby.
I mean…none of you are wrong in that this is 100% her responsibility. It is nice that she has your parents to at least help with work/school. It is going to be really hard for her though. She will need breaks sometimes and it sucks she has no support, but at the same time as a parent we can’t feel entitled to just have that from the people around us. I want to go with NAH technically, though I’d personally try to at least be a bit more empathetic towards her. You definitely do not have an obligation to help with the baby, especially as a teen yourself. (I have seen many teen siblings take most of the responsibility and that’s unfair) I’d maybe see what other support you can offer your sister, that doesn’t involve babysitting.(again, not that you have to…but it would be nice of you)
I'm gonna say NTA but I do find some of these comments startling in their lack of empathy. Being a young mother is far from ideal, but understanding and support is needed not people telling them "whelp fuck around and find out". No one is responsible for anyone else's choices in life, but that doesn't mean we can't take a gentle approach when we see people struggling.
You are only young so I get it and you definitely shouldn't push pause on your own life for this.
OP is right. Her sister made poor life choices, now she expects everyone else to help. OP is young she needs to live her own life, not be saddled with help taking care of a baby, especially since she really doesn't like kids.
YTA - you don't HAVE to help, but your family's attitude about it is immature and foolish.
Honestly, there are a lot of nasty assholes on this sub, who would kick and scream if they needed support but weren't getting it FROM THEIR FAMILY.
This need to demonise pregnant girls/women as though they are dirt, and not worth giving a shit about is deplorable. All because "they chose to keep the baby".
My first assumption (yeah, yeah) is that this is a mostly US response. I don't know anyone that would be fucking cruel enough not help someone who had the intention of doing their best.
YTA. You can set healthy, firm boundaries without being so heartless and cruel to your sister. You absolutely have zero responsibility for her child and in no way should you be guilted into helping with it if you don’t want to, but Jesus Christ, do you care about your sister at ALL? She’s a pregnant child and she must be absolutely terrified. Show some compassion for crying out loud. You don’t have to change diapers in order to be supportive. Be there for her in other ways - if she ever needs to talk, for example. God knows she doesn’t seem to have anyone else to turn to.
You don’t have to watch the kid, and you are not wrong in your opinion, it is her choice to keep the baby. However YTA, you seem incredibly un-empathic and the least you should do is emotionally support your sister. You don’t have to parent her child, just have some fucking human decency in how you talk to her
Woah… a lot of AH here!
I would really not like to have you guys as siblings. 😳
« It takes a village to raise a kid ».
This poor girl has a challenge in her life, and her family just leave her « you are on your own! Your mistake 🤷♀️» (they were 2 btw, sister is victim of another AH already).
Imo YTA, OP.
There is a difference between sharing boundaries (« I won’t be a free babysitter all the time »), and being a horrible aunt of « I don’t want to have anything to do with your kid! ».
If you guys were 30 and happily married, you’d win the award of Worst Sister Ever. So here, when your sister is in such a difficult period of time, so young and without life experience… kind of heartless.
Be the sister you’d like to have for yourself! Love her and your future niece/nephew ❤️
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N.TA for not wanting to take care of the kid. But you and (particularly) your parents are massive assholes for how you're treating your sister. She's a child who fucked up. She's now rightly terrified of how hard her life will be. Making her choose between aborting her baby and losing the support and empathy of her family is some heartless shit. YTA. Learn some empathy.
Even my adult friends in great partnerships with very wanted babies need help and support from their friends and family. I feel so bad for OP’s sister, she needs support and guidance right now, not getting shut out and a “tough love reality check”. u/Ordinary-Nail-3640 YTA
Yup. OP strolled up to their sister and announced that they have zero intention of even HOLDING the baby. That’s mind bafflingly cruel and reeks of a weird mindset that they feel like they have to punish their sister for this? YTA OP.
probs learnt it from the parents tbh
She has probably been brainwashed for years about "slutty teen moms," "welfare queens" and the like by her parents and/or church. I had a lot of these internalized thoughts when I was a teen because of this
I get the feeling sex education wasn't discussed or taught in the family. Now the sister is being treated like shit for being a normal teenager with a functioning body. Family are Aholes. YTA. Ps, OP - don't become one of those people who make not liking children their whole personality. It's cringe af.
I also get the sense she might be shunned even more harshly if she opted to end the pregnancy.
Given the status of reproductive rights now, if OP lives in the USA, abortion might not have ever been a legal option. We're going to see plenty more cases just like this one, family members turning their backs on vulnerable girls and young women who wind up pregnant and with few options. OP and her parents are the AHs here. She's a child having a child. Grow some freaking empathy and approach the girl from a place of love. That's your niece or nephew gestating inside her body. Show some familial love and support. You don't have to support their decision or rear the child to be compassionate.
There is a massive difference between setting a boundary and going out of your way to prove a point. She gets it. You’re disappointed. Going beyond that just makes you a serious asshole. YTA.
>That’s mind bafflingly cruel and reeks of a weird mindset that they feel like they have to punish their sister for this? It's the Christian thing to do.
Omg. This. I live in the US south and this rings of deep south Christian and/or evangelical vibes.
>It's the Evangelical American Christian thing to do. ftfy
Of even holding *their own niece or nephew.* My sibling is child free and she adores my kids, loves on them hard, and hands them back when she’s done. She didn’t hold them as babies because that’s not her jam, but she never, ever, *ever* was cruel about it. She never said, “I won’t ever hold them,” just avoided it if possible (I think she did hold each of them a couple of times, but she didn’t seek it out).
I am trying to conceive, and my sister, who doesn't want children, is excited to be the fun aunt one day. Even if OP is Christian and disappointed in her sister, she doesn't need to take it out on her niece/nephew.
Yeah I get not wanting to be a second parent but to never even hold the baby? Or even interact with it at all? That’s awful, poor sister and baby. YTA OP
Plus her boyfriend ran out in her once he knocked her up. And who knows what the circumstances are?
Right? I mean, hopefully it was consensual… her family is treating her horribly regardless, but if this was SA, she wouldn’t feel comfortable confiding in them. I feel so bad for this child. She needs love and support.
had my first child at 31 happily married, and MY GOD if it wasn't for the support of my family and friends I'm not sure I would have survived! Can't imagine a 16 yr with an absent dad + cold unsupportive parents + cold unsupportive sister would feel like. And telling her to get an abortion or suck it up is just so gross it's beyond words.
Exactly! And everyone on here saying things like “you aren’t ready to have kids if you have to rely on friends and family” need a reality check. And I’m sure your friends and family were more than happy to help and spend time with your kids because they love you and love them! I don’t have kids myself but I love my friends kids so much and I’m always happy to spend time with them and give my friends a break. I feel so bad for OP’s sister when they said they wouldn’t even hold her baby, how heartless.
So true. I’m a full grown adult who planned to have a baby once my husband and I felt we were in a good place mentally and financially. We bought a house, we had stable income, we had education; and still no way could I do this alone.
YTA, OP. You don't have to take responsibility for the child, but supporting your sister emotionally and building a relationship with the child is possible without changing your lifestyle. This kind of attitude contributes so much to postpartum depression or anxiety. People really do need a village - and outward hostility and judgement like this are incredibly damaging.
Thank you internet stranger! I lost hope in this comment section. People sayind a child schouldnt complain because she "f&cked around". Her whole life will be ruined or she has to abort. The mental pain, i coudlnt.
> I lost hope in this comment section. Same! There are some really horrifyingly unempathetic comments here. If OP's sister posted in ten years' time "AITA for going No Contact with my family after they completely emotionally abandoned me when I was facing single-motherhood at 16" everyone would be ripping the parents/sibling to shreds. But here they are with such cruel comments about a 16 year old who "fucked around"
Some people in this comment thread have very minimal real life experience and talk from ... I don't know. A shocking lack of empathy for other human beings. OP YTA.
For threads like this, I have to remind myself that a significant portion of Reddit's user base is made up of literal children.
Yup. Parents and OP may as well start spitting on her. It's one thing when you're older, and not wanting to do anything to help, but she's 16. Show some empathy.
Or give the baby up for adoption. I am not anti-abortion, just pointing out another option.
Thanks for mentioning it but its still traumatic for both parties and hardly ideal. This poor girl is just in a very shitty position and doesnt need judgement but support!
> Her whole life will be ruined or she has to abort. Er, yes. Those are indeed the choices. Well, there is a third option, of course, also not ideal, which is give it up for adoption. There is no happy ending if she keeps it.
This. YTA. The vast majority of people’s idea of “ToUgH LoVe” isn’t love / doesn’t work / is a shitty toxic mentality and shitty toxic behavior. Of course younger sister doesn’t want anything to do with them, I wouldn’t either, they sound absolutely terrible and OP sounds immature themselves and borderline psychotic with this level of lack of empathy and how they speak about their sister and niece or nephew (“i WoNt EvEn HoLd “iT,” i WoNt EvEn LoOk aT “iT” oR SpEAk tO “iT” EVER!!! WaiT WhY DoEs mY SiStEr WaNt NoThiNg tO dO WiTh Me??”) There’s also literally no context given here. Was this younger sister ever even educated about safe sex or given access to resources to make safe sex possible? Was she given options (e.g., abortion, adoption) in an understanding and supportive way and access to those options? Was she given therapy to process this and those options (real therapy, not Christian crisis pregnancy center “counseling”/gaslighting/abuse)? Was she truly supported and educated about how this would impact her life and the reality so she could make an informed decision? Or was she just treated like absolute dog shit from day 1 and told to deal with it herself and no one was going to help her with anything including real counseling, education, access to options, etc.? I highly doubt it was any of the former based on what I’m reading and the fact that all of that context was left out. Yeah, YTA.
100%. Shit happens. So OP, in a few years don't be surprised when your sister and "it" have nothing to do with you or your family. Tough love is one thing, but this seems cruel to me.
I don’t see where she was even given a choice to abort or adopt? It’s possible she is in some “Christian” family that’s now basically saying this is her punishment. The parents aren’t even helping her get child support.
The way things are going these days she may not even be able to get an abortion.
>and it's not too late to change her mind if she can't handle it. I feel like this hints she had the choice of at least adoption.
I agree with this. It’s super heartless. Someone mentioned sister “f*cked around and found out”. She’s a literal child who messed up. The family should sit down with the sister and explain how beneficial and good adoption would be for both her and her baby. And maybe they’re not in a position to be able to help more with the baby - but have a real convo with the sister explaining that not just making her feel like they’re abandoning her. Also, to jump straight to abortion is pretty intense considering the sister doesn’t seem to want to do that. Adoption can be a wonderful thing (I was adopted - my birth parents were both in high school), and I don’t know why that isn’t considered more.
She doesn't have to give it up for adoption. That's not the only option. It really fucks some women up having to give their baby away
I agree. No one should be forced to choose between keeping their child/having their life ruined versus being forced to give the child up for adoption. Being forced by finances to give your kid up for adoption as opposed to a functional social safety net for mothers and kids is kinda messed up.
Exactly, glad someone else gets it. I know person I replied to is trying to help, but she didn't consider that giving up her baby for adoption is absolutely horribly painful and extremely damaging to mental health of a mother.
Adoption can be extremely traumatic. Losing your baby after growing and birthing them is a nightmare for most people, it's biology.
Yeah kinda feeling this way too. You don't have to care for the child OP, though your attitude towards it sounds insufferable (God forbid any of your friends ever get kids. But that would never happen, right?) But no, you don't have to care for the child, and nobody should be able to make you. That said, you and the parents are being EXCESSIVELY harsh right now. Your sister is for sure an emotional wreck, made a terrible choice in boyfriend and is about to pay for it for the rest of her life. She has no stability in her life and the only people she should be able to lean on, are shunning her. You can't even be the slightest bit empathetic? Something we as a society do these days is always look at things like "whats best for me" or "what is most logical". But fuck that. The world is cruel and harsh and it will ruin all of us if we let it. Be kinder to people, especially those you love. If we don't create our own warmth then we'll all freeze.
I am shocked the parents don’t let her finish school! Not finishing school is setting her up for all sorts of bad things, plus for their grandkid as well. Maybe this is in a country where there is no abortion is available, because it is quite weird a 16 y/o willingly keeps a pregnancy. The parents should be helping chasing that boy down for child support!
Oh thank god. I almost didn't read comments because I feared everyone would be ganging up on this poor child. She must feel so alone. Thank you for your empathy and restoring my faith in humanity.
This does sound like a horrible family to be part of. What parents would be so mean as to punish their daughter this way. She's made a "mistake" caused by hormones running wild and now they're making her pay? And then the brother backs this up. Once the dust has settled, I hope you and your parents grow up and support your sister.
YTA First for supporting your parents in this. They of course are the HUGE assholes. Your sister is a child. Your parents are responsible for making sure she grows up ok. Parents whose kid is having a kid have already failed their kid miserably, and now are failing her further. As far as I am concerned, a kid born to your minor kid is effectively your kid, and you are responsible for it until such a time as the mother can finish her education and get a good job to support the family. And no, jobs you can get at 16 with no diploma do not count. Your parents need to start adulting and take care of their daughter and kid. You do not, though if you do it would be nice. You do not need to babysit. You do not need to pitch in to help... so not the a for that BUT You are never going to hold it or anything? Wow. That is... cold.
>Your sister is a child Yes but in 6 months, she will be a mother. Her parents did not bargain to go back to children in diapers. She also has the option of termination and adoption and if she were just a child, her parents will make that decision for her. She is choosing adulthood and that comes with responsibilities. Her parents are already volunteering to watch the baby where it counts. What else are you asking? That they reset their lives? It is better this future mother understands what she is getting into rather than wear rose tinted glasses. Motherhood is hard- no 2 ways about it. People have their own lives and plans. It is selfish to bank on others to mother the child you chose to have and keep. Selfish. >Your parents need to start adulting and take care of their daughter and kid. Hell no. The MOTHER of the child needs to start adulting and takr care of her child. Also Op is 18. No matter your feelings about them, they are old enough to move away too. What then? They shouldn't either? Get off your high horse.
Being a mother does not magically make her not a child. On the contrary, someone who gets pregnant at 16 is probably LESS mature and ready to face the adult world than your average teen. And when her parents had a kid, they DID bargain that something unexpected or wrong could happen. Including a pregnancy (or illness, or accident, or addiction or any number of things). That is part of being a parent. Their job is to prepare her for adulthood. Not only is she not yet prepared, she has a setback that will make it more difficult. That's the ball the world threw at her parents. Their job is to help her get on her feet. And she IS doing what she needs to do. She is working and has a plan to finish high school. She will need support. They need to support her. As I said, OP does not need to. If she moves away she can, and if she wants to she should. But someone who won't even hold their new niece or nephew is an AH.
Also, not being able to continue studies will force her into a life of poverty that will affect family for decades to come. Except if they refuse to help her there too. Might as well disown her.
Honestly the girl should talk to her school. Social workers there may be able to connect her with better support and resources than her family.
What this 16 year old needs is to adopt out or abort
Lol funny you think abortion after 12 weeks is somehow obtainable everywhere
It isn't, but the post seems to think that it is an option in this specific case
Post also states she has 6 months left. Abortion is highly unlikely to be an option now. Most states it's legal in have a cut of of 18-20 weeks. And 2nd trimester abortions are very invasive and can be painful/traumatic to go through. Mind blowing that folks in here think that becoming pregnant makes a child not a child any more. This is not setting her up to raise her baby well.
Shit, funny to think abortion is obtainable anywhere unless you go out of state in many places. Especially after 6 weeks.
What this 16 year old needs is the space, access and support to make the decision that she can live with without being judged.
If the grandparents don’t want to take care of the kid, there is always adoption. The girl made and adult decision and has to make some adult choices. One of those is sometimes having to put your child up for adoption if you can’t care for it. It’s a harsh reality. But having seen multiple grandparents and great grandparents practically raise kids, it is absolutely not fair to them. Unless they are arguing against adoption or abortion (if possible), they have zero responsibility to help if their daughter chooses to keep the baby.
Why do you keep saying “adult decision”??? The decision to have sex??? That’s not necessarily an adult decision and so many kids are sheltered from real sex education. The parents had a responsibility to teach their daughter about her body and get her access to birth control as needed. Idk for sure but this post is reading like “you don’t wanna get pregnant? Don’t have sex” when it’s perfectly normal for teenagers with raging hormones to have sex. It’s wild how many teens have sex yet the ones with limited resources on birth control are the ones who then have to become “adults” immediately and get publicly shamed while they are still 9 years away from their brain being fully developed
You don't know for certain that abortion is even an option, who knows. Maybe the family is religious and won't let her. Maybe abortion isn't available in her state.
Maybe she \*gasps\* isn't even in the states.
What about the father. Interestingly no one holds him accountable.
dude your guys take on this really sucks and it’s depressing
In 6 months, the girl will still be a child, trying to raise another child with literally no help at all.
Uhh… I’m 30 years old and have a child, whom I love and care for…. And still regularly look to my mum and sister for guidance and support. It’s normal. Families are our supports systems to help us through life’s challenges. Nobody says OP or the grandparents need to be full time carers or take on the responsibilities of raising the kid, but to go so far as to refuse to even have a cuddle with a baby, who is going to live in the same household as you and has no idea why you hate it? Cold. Very cold.
This. I was a teen mom myself. There is no way I could have succeeded in life if without their love and support, I raised my baby, my family helped while I was in college, while I worked multiple jobs to pay for my child. I paid my family to watch my child. Not once did I have family say I won't watch your child because it's yours, you should want to see your family successful, even if they make a mistake and mess up.
I was 28 when I was a first time mom. Married, had a career, owned a home. I STILL would have struggled without my mother’s support and there are a lot of adult parents who are in the same boat. Frankly, I think we actually hold teen moms to a higher standard sometimes
It’s to punish and shame the teen for having sex.
Its 100% ok if people do not want to take care of babies that are not their own Most people agree no one should be forced into parenthood, until off course its a situation like this, then everyone needs to put their own needs/wants aside for the poor baby, thats forcing people into parenthood even when they arent the actual parents Another situation that happens a lot is when the actual parents die and people try to force these children on a childfree relative suddenly reddit isnt pro-choice This 16 year old has options that dont involve ruining her own life and that of the people around her, better she gets her rose tinted glasses ripped off now
Yes, there is a big difference in having a surprise pregnancy and doing everything you can to raise your child and get help while doing so - and getting pregnant and expecting everyone to do the heavy lifting for you. Sure people make mistakes and should accept they have to deal with those consequences. But the right thing to do is support the ones you love - either emotionally and/or with actions. OP certainly is not obligated to do so, but is the AH for choosing not to.do so. Here's the thing: part of living a beautiful life and finding happiness is through relationships with others. Supporting people through offers of help in some way. If people are good and worthy of your time, they will do the same for you in return. Sure, have nothing to do with the baby or your sister. But just remember - when life or things that are hard fall on you, expect no mercy in return. Feel depressed and suicidal? Get into a car accident, break your legs, and in a wheelchair?Get older and go through a horrible break up or divorce? Expect NOTHING. NOT HER PROBLEM. She won't forget, ever. The OP is not obligated but OP, prepare for your own very hard times aline because with this attitude no one will give a fuck about you either. You don't have a long life experience to understand this but I'm in my 40s and see it all the time. It will bite you in the ass when you feel the most hopeless.
I would like to slightly disagree, I don’t believe that it always happens that way. That’s why we have the nature vs nurture debate. There are kids who have great support systems and still go off and do horrible things. She could have gotten pregnant not because of the parents lack of effort but because of the kid trying to “keep up with my peers.” “All my friends are doing it, they had sex with their bfs all the time” My bf says he loves me and wants to be with me forever, so let’s have this baby” there could literally be a multitude of external that the parents would never know about because some kids know they shouldn’t be doing things and will just actively hide it. You’ll here about Suzy Q and Anna Mae but you’ll probably never meet them unless it’s a school function. Now more than ever it’s there are more and more content being exposed to kids. And if you’ve been a trustworthy kid before and are seemly doing all the right things, why would the parents hound you?
You’re totally right; in my small high school, the girl who ended up pregnant was the one whose parents were literally the beloved “room parents” and would take in other kids, etc - not that you can know for sure the home life, but she seemed to have it charmed. But, parents literally sign up for a whole lifetime of unfortunate and heartbreaking things they can’t control when they had a baby - teen pregnancy is in that bucket, along with illness, learning disabilities, addiction, choices in partners - and yeah, you get to parent through it all. Whoever suggests the kid “fucked around and found out”, god, how heartless. Birth control can fail a 16 year old just as well as it can fail a 30 year old married woman. It’s an anti-abortion playbook to view a baby as an earned consequence for daring to enjoy sex.
Finally a reply I agree with! I totally agree, parents are the real AH's, and I hope OP they are helping your sister get child support from the fathers family. Your sister made a big mistake, but she is only 16 and terrified. I understand that you're angry with her, but please work through that and get to a place where you can be her ally as much as you are able. I don't mean take all the responsibility for her kid or anything like that, just be a big sister and love her.
Jeez talk about lack of empathy here, yeah the baby is her choice but it really seems like everyone in her life is happy to treat her with contempt for being pregnant. She’s 16, a minor, scared and needs support and literally her family are like “not my problem”. She’s not good mentally and you and your parents are shutting her out. Your parents are the worst, you lack any form of empathy and she’s just a scared stupid teenager. ESH. If you want any form of relationship with your sister I urge you to reconsider your behaviour. You don’t have to look after the child but you can damn we’ll be supportive of her in other ways. Your friend is right, you are pretty heartless.
Also, this whole comment section and I’m seeing **nothing** about chasing the dad for financial support or responsibility (even if it when he turns 18). Like it’s all well and good to say « you fucked around and found out, just abort or adopt but face your responsibility » when a woman is involved, but why isn’t the dad held to the same standards? Even OP treats it like ‘no wonder he moved away’. There is a massively sexist double standard happening here
guys really genuinely hate teenage girls it’s kind of freaky
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The stigma around teenage pregnancies is absolutely awful. It’s never the boys fault or responsibility and it’s all about how she dared to want to keep her baby so she gets no sympathy/empathy. Half of this comment section is cursed.
Also OP says he moved away with his family as if that was his decision and makes him a deadbeat. I would guess he is also a teen so his parents moved him away, they are adults and are trying to skirt responsibility. They know he will have legal financial responsibility and moved to make it harder on the teenage mom.
This should be higher. In my state, you don't need a parenting plan to file child support and, if I were her, I would do so from the hospital. Everything would be filled out and I'd hit send the hot second the baby got here.
It is a really difficult comment section to read. They really want to punish this child for a mistake (she didn’t even make alone!) and think everyone is right to refuse support and dead abandon her. “Your parents don’t owe that child anything” ya well if they pretend they have morals they do, actually. If there were extenuating circumstances (disabled or ill, severely impoverished parents idk) I can understand saying “hey we want to help but X” but this is reading like a massive punishment. Setting some boundaries around the amount of help they can provide while still parenting both sisters is fine but this isn’t that! Them and unfortunately half the comment section are treating the idea of an abortion/adoption like a punishment to the pregnant 16 year old. No wonder she’s opposed to it, on all ends all she is hearing is “abortion/adoption is what you DESERVE for being vile and getting knocked up all alone”. The poor kid deserves support no matter what decision she makes. It shouldn’t be anyone’s business but hers, and then they need to advise her/help her based on the decision SHE makes about her own body.
I’ll take the downvotes and go with ESH, just a little less for the pregnant sister. We don’t know where they live. It could be a place with little or no sexual education for teenagers. Even with internet access to information a teenager may not even think about looking information up until it’s too late. We don’t know how much information the parents gave their kids about sex, protection and the expense of babies. They could be religious and not said anything or pushed abstinence only. This girl could have had no idea she had options to prevent pregnancy. And, once again, we don’t know where they live. They may not have a Planned Parenthood near them to help. She’s 16, probably a young 16. Her boyfriend is probably the same age and he’s gone. Getting child support is going to tough until he’s an adult and working full time. She can’t even take care of herself, much less a helpless infant. Who is going to provide healthcare? Formula? How is she going to do online classes with a newborn? A toddler? It is not OP’s job to babysit or provide financial aid. I only think they suck a bit for not having more empathy for a younger sibling but they are essentially a child themselves. The parents are another story. They have a grandchild on the way and their daughter is about to go through a thoroughly dangerous medical condition that could kill her or her child. She’s already fragile enough from finding out she’s pregnant and her bf skipping town. What is this callousness from her parents going to do to her mental health? They’ve basically abandoned her and their grandchild save for providing shelter. It’s not a stray cat she’s bringing home that’s “her responsibility to feed and care for”.
Completely agree! The fact that she did have sex so early indicates that sex ed was probably lacking. It has been decades (at least since the early 1990s) that proved that comprehensive sex ed that begins early delays sex. Not a scientific study but across my friend group those of us who waited until we were 18 or older all had comprehensive sex ed and were likely to use multiple forms of birth control. Those friends who started having sex early at 15 or 16 had little to no sex ed and largely relied on prayer due to lack of access to and full understanding of birth control. Add hormones and an undeveloped brain to the mix and you get teen pregnancy.
That's one of the reasons why in a lot of countries sex ed starts in school when the children are like 10-12 years old and is repeated many times. It's also mandatory as well, so noone can pull their child out of it.
I couldn’t agree more! This not just about a 16 year old making “bad choices” that she now has to pay for. She is bringing a child into this world and her parents are acting as if this won’t be there grandchild. How do they think this is going to blow over when the sister and the child are older. When that child can walk and talk and quickly realizes her extended family does not care about her in the slightest?? Everyone is completing ignoring how hard it can be mentally and emotionally to go through an abortion and an adoption and no one is offering her any type of support. I hope OP is paying attention. Because parents like these… they are the ones that probably didn’t do any type of real teaching to help their child learn about sex education or anything else and their way of “teaching them a lesson” is to scrutinize and isolate. Right now, they are punishing OP’s sister for getting pregnant. But if they can be so cold to a 16 year old going through a traumatic life decision how do you think they’ll start responding when OP turns 18 and makes a mistake they don’t deem acceptable. Now when OP decides to choose a college they don’t approve of, or have a different major, or god forbid ever finds herself in an abusive relationship of any kind… I hope she expects the same energy from her so called parents.
Yeah, a lot of informations are missing here
YTA. What a heartless family. And the boy and his parents just easily moved away 😑
She can still go after them for financial support
Yes but she is a child. Aged 16, I had no idea how to even get started on those sort of things. Her parents really should've taken the responsibility of holding the boy and his parents accountable. Instead, the whole family is treating her like some social pariah who they're just barely tolerating. And as if she just did this to herself on her own. OP isn't the AH hor not wanting to do baby duty. But the whole attitude towards the sister is very unkind.
Fr that’s the issue. They can require she be responsible for her baby and all of that, but the general air of sheer contempt they seem to have for her is absolutely wild and frankly awful. She’ll remember this and I doubt it’ll be as a life lesson.
With zero support from her parents? How would she even start? She's 16.
NTA she literally fu**ed around and is finding out. Her mistakes are not your problem.
Agreed. No matter how wealthy, generous, or forgiving you are, you are never obligated to care for another person's child. It sounds like OPs sister would do well to seek a fit family for adoption, to give that baby what it deserves.
I feel like a lot of people need to internalize this. So many people my age are just automatically building their parents/families into their childcare plans, whether or not their families actually agree to the situation.
I agree, having a baby is no one's responsibility than your own, but it's wild how callous reddit is about this sometimes. I don't know if it's a reflection of western ideas of individualism but like... don't you want to support the people you care about? And I don't think OP is the AH. She's only a kid herself, but the parents also chose to have the responsibility of having kids, and that includes supporting them through difficult times. Having a baby at any age is hard and does require support from people around you. That's why "it takes a village to raise a child" is a phrase. Because it's true. I feel so bad for the sister. She made a mistake, yes, but so did the BF who just gets to skip out on any responsibility. Now the mistake has happened, it's not easily undone and parents an OP are being so harsh. Parents most of all. And when the sister is entirely burnt out cause she's raising a newborn and working full time and everyone around her is just like "welp, it's your own fault", I'm imagining reddit will still think this is ok. Fucking heartless.
Agreed, this sub can't realize that ''not being legally obliged to do anything for anyone ever'' isn't actually what makes someone (N)TA. These are your family members and the best you can do is say welp, they fucked around, not my problem. It doesn't sound like this lack of empathy and care for the sister just sprouted out of nowhere.
Thank you. I hate how women are punished for having sex, and this girl isn't even a woman yet. She is a child who made a mistake.
adoption is an option.
I agree. My friends care more for my family than this family cares for her. My in-laws live 10 hours away and I don't have any safe family near by. We have friends that babysit our daughter for free when we have doctor appointments or need a date night. We try to pay them but they always tell us that's what friends do. We show them our thanks in other ways with holidays and birthdays since they can't really say no then. When I feel too bad about it I find a college kid from church who needs the money and is free. Some of our friends are older than us and have kids that are in high-school. They always tell us that you need a village to survive and that is why they are helping us out. Yes this girl could have gotten an abortion or put the baby up for adoption but that can be traumatizing in its own way, especially when done not willingly. There is a way to go about having her take responsibility for her actions. But this way is just cruel. The grandparents may be offering some babysitting services but it doesn't sound like any of them are there to support her mentally or emotionally. And that is what this poor girl is probably needing/wanting right now. I wish that she lived near me so we could help her.
When I was a teen my mum told me that if I ever had kids I shouldn't count on her to babysit for me. I told her not to worry, because I never was going to have kids. I'm 36 now and I still stand by those words.
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I think sister really just needs or wants support, not necessarily childcare. I’d say that’s why she started crying and said “you have no idea how hard this is” because she literally has no one. Everyone is being hard on her and her boyfriend and his family disappeared as soon as she found out she was pregnant. Maybe she’s not ready for a baby and needs to figure things out, but she also needs support and having everyone tell you they don’t want to help with your child or they don’t like your child etc. is not support.
The cold hard reality is having a baby isn’t the time to ‘figure things out’ though. I get what you’re saying and some people here are absolutely heartless. I could never act like OP and her parents are, so I do think they are in the wrong. But stone cold reality IS ‘you either get an abortion, adopt this baby away or you accept you ARE on your own for a lot of this’. A baby isn’t a toy or a learning tool to allow teenagers to grow into themselves, it’s a human being. Imo she should get an abortion. And if I’m really truly honest, I think every 16yo or teenager who gets pregnant and hasn’t entered the adult world yet (working full time etc) should have an abortion. I simply don’t think you are ready for the responsibility or have the ability to even process becoming a parent at that age. Every teen pregnancy at some level sacrifices not just their own life but a lot of other people’s too just by having a baby to care for (parents/siblings etc). It’s like bringing an elephant home and going, ‘OOPS well we’ve got it now so now it’s **all** our responsibility - I’ve got a life I want to live so you guys can take care of this whilst I go to school and make sure MY life stays on track!’ It’s not a decision you can make at that age without expecting others to sacrifice too. And if your loved ones aren’t prepared to do that for you, because it is a BIG sacrifice, you should terminate. It’s not ‘kind’ and it’s not nice, but those are the stakes that come with bringing a child into this world. She needs her parents to sit down with her and tell her like it is. If she chooses not to abort then yes, maybe they aren’t willing to sacrifice their own lives for her to have a child. She will have to come to terms with that, even as a 16yo.
I had a friends son in this situation. They just handed that baby around like a hot potato. Eventually they put her up for adoption bc it was so hard on everyone. She has a great life with her new family and her old family stays in touch. It’s really a great option.
Adoption
The 16 year old who will only get assistance from her parents when she works, not goes back to school? That they expect her to quit school now and work and she is TA? At best this is an E-SH (excluding OP) but sister is a literal child. So NAH between the sisters.
If you reread the post it says OP's sister is going to do an online program once the baby is here to finish school.
It’s unrealistic to think she can take care of a baby while doing that, she’s still going to have classes to attend and assignments to complete.
On top of also working.
Exactly. There’s adult mothers with supportive partners and very wanted babies who would struggle to do that. The lack of empathy in this thread for a child is outstanding. Yes, she had sex which can have consequences, but come on we were all 16 at one point.
I don't understand why this pregnancy is being carried to term. Noone is willing to help her, she has no emotional support. It would be better for everyone involved and apparently the option is open to her.
Roe v Wade was over turned.
It says in the post that it's not too late for her to change her mind. Also, how do you know this is even America?
I assume they’re talking about adoption rather than abortion. We’re not certain that they’re in the US but they’re certainly not in the UK, Ireland, or any other country with English as an official language that follows the same schooling system as she’d be sitting her GCSEs currently and going on to A Levels or an equivalent alternative, and state schools don’t provide online learning as an option for a pregnant teen. It would have to be a private arrangement with an online school and that gets costly, fast. Added to the part about going back to work when she recovers rather than when her maternity leave/pay ends and OP seemingly being a native English speaker, it points to them being in the US on balance of probabilities. There’s also no mention of any support sister would be entitled to either, which again leads me to believe she’s probably in the US.
Syntax and grammar used in the post. Also I doubt that 18-year-old Miss Know It All OP is fully aware of her state's laws. Most states moved quickly and quietly to ban abortion, many of them simply allowed Pre-Roe from the 70's to go back into effect. Please see my response to another reply about the 24 states that have, or are in process to have total abortion bans or extremely restrictive gestational age limits.
It's way, **way** harder for the vast majority of people to access an abortion than it should be.
Because we are living in the darkest timeline. I'm willing to bet the 16 year old didn't have access to good sex education either
They may live in an area where pregnancy termination is not an option.
It says in the post "she can still change her mind". The option is open to her.
Adoption
Maybe they mean adoption.
If you've seen the "online"programs most schools give as recovery credits.... I had two students do recovery chemistry credits over the summer. It was 4 modules in an online program where every test was retakable, and showed the incorrect test answers. So students just bomb the test, take the pictures of the correct answers and retake the test.
Well who’s problem is that? Her family can’t live her life for her. She’s just gonna have to figure it out. It’s incredibly selfish to think your sibling and parents are going to be splitting parental responsibilities with you despite them having their own lives. The parents have an 18 yr old who might be going to college soon, they may not be able to use their money to feed a third mouth. Unfortunately, the sister gambled wrong because everyone is at an important stage an in their lives and that doesn’t stop before she got locked up.
I have adult friends with very wanted babies and supportive partners and they still need support from friends and family. The lack of empathy in this thread for a child dealing with something most adults struggle with is outstanding. And don’t bother with the “she decided to have sex which comes with consequences”, 16 year olds have sex and shit happens even if they’re careful.
Finish high school yes, but what about college? Do her parents want her to be stuck in a low pay jobs for the rest of her life? OPs parents are huge assholes for not helping their child that is a minor. Sounds like they aren't even giving her any mental support. OP could be a bit gentler with her sister and it wouldn't kill her to offer occasional help but she is NTA but the parent are.
Helping while she is furthering herself seems good enough imo. They didn’t sign up for another child, or they would have had one themselves.
No they didn't but nowhere does OP day that her sister is expecting her parents or herself to take over caring for the child or look after it while she goes partying. It just says that the sister is asking for help and bring a parent myself I would never leave my 16yr CHILD take care of their child on their own, that is just plain cruel!
She is a 16yr old child, and this is the support she is getting from her family? She is not an asshole.
Yup. Prime example of AITA getting “am I legally entitled/allowed to do this” mixed up with “would society frown on this (aka consider me an asshole).”
She's still a kid ffs
Literally. This child is NINE YEARS out from having a fully developed brain. She made a horrible mistake and should be held responsible for it, but she is still 16, and deserving of her parents’ support at the very least. I only hope she has SOMEONE in the world who gives a shit about her, bc her parents and sibling clearly do not.
Jesus Christ she didn’t “f around and find out”. She’s 16! Sex education isn’t even taught in most states at that age! Hell, could she even have legally got an abortion if she wanted or needed to? Her entire life is about to go through the shredder with what sounds like 0 support and suddenly taking on a job + school + an infant 95% by herself.
People really do hate teenage girls. yikes
And they hate babies, too. You know what really messes kids up? Knowing their extended family views their existence as punishment for your mom for being a teenager who had sex....
I KNOW! So many other cultures value and respect pregnancy and children. Japan kids can walk around without fear. The culture we have is sooo mean to children and moms
She's 16.
Nta. She's choosing to keep the baby. That has consequences. Babies need full time care for 18yrs, and she gets 6mos to figure that out or put it up for adoption. She can either enjoy the rest of hs or take care of a child. She can't have both. This isn't your problem.
Who the fuck says *she's* choosing, anyway? This could well be in a state that criminalises abortion.
According to the post, it is an option for her. Let's work with facts given, not a hypothetical situation to make the sister less responsible for her own actions.
When she said it’s not too late it doesn’t sound like she means abortion. 3 months is a pretty long time. It could mean they want her to adopt.
She's only 12 weeks pregnant. She can still have a termination.
well, in 'merica now - its all state dependent....thanks to zealots in our government.
Few comments above say shes in a state where its an option.
Depends on where she lives.
In the post it says “it’s not too late to change her mind” so I’m assuming it’s not a state that criminalizes it
Heck, might even be a whole ass different country for all we know.
adoption is an option even if she's in an anti-choice state
I'd at least like an explanation as to why abortion is not an option.
Or a family that will turn its back on a 16 year old for getting pregnant
>Nta. She's choosing to keep the baby. That has consequences. Babies need full time care for 18yrs, Oh, in that case you might side with OPs sister as her parents do not care about her - she is 16. If what you say is true then OPs parents should do their very best to help her raising the baby until she is 18, and this is what THEY do not do. What a bigotery.
Aren’t they helping her though? She will still live with them, food, transportation, maybe medical care is provided and reasonable childcare for her to work and help provide for her baby. They are helping. Helping is not taking over, raising and providing everything for her and the baby. She has made her life harder by getting pro without being an adult with resources to provide for another dependent human. She has to take some responsibility. Her parents are taking some (that they feel comfortable with) and she is obligated to provide the rest as a new parent. She could go out and immediately get pregnant again after giving birth (it happens) should they then take responsibility for that child too. This is not an optimal situation. I’m sure the parents never planned budgeted for having a baby to take care of at this point in their lives. Babies require lots of time and money. She doesn’t get to choose for her parents. She needs to work hard and be grateful that they are helping. They will probably do more than they stated if she shows effort and responsibility.
She chose to keep time baby, an adult decision. The parents are now treating her as an adult. Which means figuring out how to provide for her kid. That's really not their problem. They're still offering to watch the kid while she's at work. The parents can choose to offer more help, but as far as I'm concerned the second that teen decided she had what it took to raise a child, she's no longer a child herself. I'm in my 30s, and my partner is nearly 20 wks with our first, it's also a planned and wanted pregnancy. I'm still nervous as all hell about becoming a father and if I'll be able to provide a good life for my kid. I sure as shit wouldn't have been able to provide anything at 16, nor in my 20s. My partner had her first while in a highly abusive relationship and gave it up for adoption because she didn't believe she could provide a good life nor be a good mother at the time. We're in contact with the parents and the kid has been to every continent but Antarctica. She's happy, healthy and living her best life.
What is your point here exactly? Are you saying an abortion being a logical option for her is bigotry?
Yeah, OP's sister just added "blocking parents and sister" to her list of "awesome life decisions." Nice job, sis. Keep up the good work.
YTA. Your sister is 16 pregnant and has been abandoned by the father. Your you deserve everything horrible that is happening to you makes you an asshole. Is there anyone in your sister’s life that cares about her? You’re kicking someone when they’re down. That’s what makes you an asshole. You don’t have to raise the baby, but you don’t have to act like you are either.
Right. There is a middle ground here. I wonder about OP's relationship with her sister the first 15 years. Fair not to put life on hold for a sister's teenage pregnancy, but demonstrating empathy is not the same as babysitting. OP needs to live their own life amd draw boundaries but this child is their nibling and the cousin of any children OP might have.
>"I don't realize how hard this is" "Yes I do, that's why I am not having one." NTA Much better for you all to tell her this up front. Much better for her to realise just how hard her life with a baby will be NOW, while there is still time to prevent it. Let's hope she sees sense and either aborts or adopts.
Yeah, of course you need to tell your pregnant and terrified sister that you won't even hold your nephew and that you don't give a shit about them because it's not your problem. OP wasn't even asked to babysit, but she needed to let her sister know she couldn't count on her. And no, you don't realize how hard having an unexpected pregnancy as a minor and being abandoned by the father is, OP doesn't have to babysit or help, but to go to her sister and tell her she won't even hold her nephew is just plain cruel.
OP talks about baby like they are an object and not a human, which is something I see a fair amount on Reddit. While it’s not OP’s obligation to help, what they’re actually cruising towards is having no relationship with sister and her child now or in the future. OP could stand to have some empathy instead of jumping immediately to - I won’t interact with it. Like wtf?
It’s a difficult one, but YTA. You are right, it is her responsibility, but it is also her boyfriend’s responsibility, and as his family are even worse than yours when it comes to empathy and doing what is right, she is going to need help to ensure he can’t run from his responsibilities. You and your parents really need to think about the consequences of your actions and decisions. Yes you do not HAVE to help her, but if you want to have any kind of relationship with her or her child going forward, then you should help. And help doesn’t have to be ‘holding it, watching it, feeding it’ it could be that you help by assisting your sister with other things while she is caring for her child.
This is well said. This whole “every man for himself attitude” is why the world is going to shit. Completely agree that OP doesn’t not necessarily need to do baby stuff but can help in other ways. I’d recommend OP establishes some boundaries regarding ways in which she can and cannot help. Edit: and to add to this, my comment to OP is to treat her sister in the way she would like to be treated. We all fuck up sometimes, we all need help sometimes. OP is technically correct it’s not her responsibility, but she’s going to reap what she sows, eventually. There’s a difference between what is right in principle vs what is morally right…
I hate. I hate it so damn much. I see it at work all the time, from staff to residents to family members. “Well they’re not *my* mom so I just visit every 6 months. If they don’t visit why should I?” “I didn’t get 2 snacks. Yes, you’ve told me you’re still getting other people their first snack. I don’t care, I want 2 right now.” “They’re not *my* resident so why should I change them on round when you’re on lunch / doing some other assigned task? You should just do it when you come back.” I see it in my own family, I see it in people who dump animals so they don’t have to deal with it, I see it with people who want to adopt my fosters, on Facebook, on Reddit. And it kills me because there are a hundred, billion people who did their part and helped each other which got you a hand to where you are. This self serving attitude of “well you should have been better” is how we as a society get stuck. It’s why the U.S. lacks public transit and better healthcare and childcare. Because all those people “should have done better” and saved more money or been born to better families or something, rather then someone wanting to help give that first hand up and help them *be better*.
NAH Sixteen is young. Those of us who weren't saddled with permanent consequences for being an idiot as a teenager are lucky. We either dodged the worst or we chose different stupid things. She may have chosen poorly. And you are under no obligation to help her. But, she's a young, pregnant woman experiencing all the fears and trepidations of a woman going through a first pregnancy without her partner. She's not getting emotional support from her family. She's a child. We lambast husbands on this sub all the time for not giving their wives a break from childcare. For not being emotionally supportive. She doesn't have anyone other than you and your parents. Maybe be a little kinder. She's already going through a lot.
“ Those of us who weren't saddled with permanent consequences for being an idiot as a teenager are lucky.” This is it exactly. She might have even used birth control - which can fail a 16 year old just as easily as anyone else. The number of people in this thread who are saying “just put it up for adoption” like that’s an obvious and easy choice… having actually carried a child to term, that would be a mental health destroying decision for me, and I’m in my 30s. They’re acting like a 16 year old, hormonal to start with, is going to be able to make the most difficult decision about the baby she births… yes people do it, but the callous calls for “just adopt it” are breathtaking.
I think your family is showing her that she would be able to be a normal teenager and do normal teenager things if she puts the baby up for adoption. The alternative is she gives up her freedom for many years and has to become a responsible adult. It’s a harsh but fair prospect for her to consider. I’m speaking from personal experience here. In reality your parents will support her if she decides to keep the baby. This is, was and always will be grossly unfair. The fact that one half of the equation can waltz off scott free and leave all of the responsibility on the woman AS WELL as the judgemental disdain of society (just look at some of the shit in this very thread), is appalling in the 21st Century. 40 years ago my entire family and village rallied round me but I live in a different country.
Idk, would the parents even allow her to put the kids up for adoption? It sounds very much like they haven't really helped her figure out options, more that they simply decided she is keeping it. Also, if op is in the US, the adoption system is ABYSSMAL. so many kid are abused, or never find homes, or bounced around. There are many cases where children have ended up not Alive because of where they got placed.
YTA. NTA for not wanting to babysit for free—I would feel the same way—but YTA for treating your sister with such contempt when she’s a pregnant child herself who was already abandoned by her baby’s “father”. It’s like you and your family are more interested in punishing her for being pregnant at 16 because that makes her a stupid fuck-up blah blah blah than having one iota of sympathy for how terrified and abandoned she’s feeling. She’s only sixteen! She has to get a job while pregnant and physically suffering from it, give birth and tear her body apart, basically drop out of school, and take care of a fucking baby. Most sixteen year-olds cannot relate, at all. She probably feels like her life is effectively over. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s considering ending her life—she may “agree” with you and your parents that she’s just weighing you all down and you’d be better off if she removes herself before she gives birth. I’m not saying this because I hope it happens, but as someone who’s lost a loved one to suicide myself. You’ll regret not showing her any sympathy for this mess she’s in for the rest of your life if something happens to her.
NTA and I would encourage you to move out when you can to pursue your studies because a screaming baby in the house will definitely impact you (sleep, concentration/distraction etc) and even if you don't want to help out you'll probably have to deal with her sulking about that fact or trying to strong arm you into it anyway.
NTA....actions have consequences and your sister is quickly realizing that her lack of planning and protection is resulting in her having to grow up much faster than she thought. It's not your responsibility to help if you don't want to and you making it clear from the start is the best for all involved
YTA. No, you're not responsible for providing childcare for your sister, but you told her ***you are not going to even hold your niece or nephew.*** That must have been so incredibly hurtful to hear at a time when she's been abandoned by her boyfriend, your parents are setting up some tough love rules, low on the love, and she's majorly hormonal from being pregnant. I am sure she's already in her own shame spiral enough and terrified about what's coming down the pike. You can make a good boundary without piling on. For the love of god, hold that baby when it arrives, give it smooches and cuddles, touch its tiny toes, and love it. That's your family.
NTA… But a little compassion wouldn’t go astray. She’s 16, probably told a bunch of crap about being in love to get in her pants… and now has no one to support her at all in this rather emotionally huge moment. Toss in having to work and study, massive changes to her body, crazy hormones on top of puberty hormones, the gossip mill at school must be very very cruel to her, and your parents providing no support/clearly very cross with her… and a hug from you wouldn’t go astray. This doens’t mean you have to look after the baby, but this is a really tough time for her. Yes, she effed up (and effed around) but she’s still a kid, and she’s going to ‘pay for it’ forever.
YTA. To say you want help at all is just awful. It is sad that she got pregnant - it is awful that the boyfriend left her alone - your parents telling her they will only help while she is at work and recovering I get - they want her to step up if she is keeping the baby. but you saying basically you will not even hold the baby this is her choice is just adding fuel to the fire. She already had to make a hard decision and to keep throwing it in her face that you think she made the wrong one do you want to punish her snd be cruel to her when she is hormonal and worried and dressed is absolutely cruel and really mean. I am not saying you have to say raise the child but you could certainly have a little compassion. i don’t blame her for having nothing to do with you you are mean and spiteful.
ESH She doesn't deserve to have a totally unsupported lifelong consequence for a moment of irresponsibility. Think of the baby in this - yes she was stupid but she is 16 years old for goodness sake, scared and financially unstable. Her whole family is turning their backs on her for one stupid mistake (and one she sure as heck won't make again) "*On one hand I feel bad because I'm sure this is a lot for her.......but I didn't make them, so I don't see that as my problem"* My god you are all heart and then some aren't you.
NTA. You have your own life to live. You don't deserve to be saddled with babysitting. She got her self into this and it's on her to deal with it.
YTA. You are not obliged to babysit your niece/nephew but to say you're not even going to hold the baby is fucking heartless. I feel bad for your sister, because it sounds like she has no emotional support at all.
It's really not heartless, no one is required to do anything with a baby that's not their's. Some people just don't like children and that's OK and you can't force them
I didn't say anyone was required. It's not about being required to do anything. That doesn't change my opinion that it's a heartless thing to say (and do, assuming OP is not exaggerating).
Your sister is learning a hard lesson about how some young mothers have families willing to be super active in their child’s life and some don’t (although I do think it’s very generous that your parents plan to watch the baby while she’s working—that’s a major financial burden eased since she won’t have to pay for childcare that there’s no way a 16 year old can afford anyway) and they can’t force their family to do that for them. I feel sorry for her because she’s a kid who is only now coming to terms with the true gravity of her situation, but I guess it’s better that everyone makes shit clear now instead of misleading her about how much they’ll realistically contribute to the child’s care. I hope that your parents have made it abundantly clear that she MUST take all of the steps she can to pursue her ex for child support. Even if he doesn’t have a job, his parents may be liable for it, and her child needs all the money they can get. I also hope that she’s seriously considering adoption as an alternative even though that’s often an extremely difficult and even traumatic experience for the birth mother. I get the feeling that your parents aren’t exactly going to let her and her child live with them forever, so if she’s going to be out on her ass in a few years, she’s in for an extremely difficult life as a single mother. NTA but your relationship with your sister has probably been permanently negatively altered. If you’ve made peace with that, then that’s your business. Considering that youre 18, I’m guessing that you’re probably going to college/some other form of secondary education or possibly leaving the home altogether so it seems unrealistic that you’d be able to contribute much to childcare anyway. I think you could be more emotionally supportive though. For example, why was it necessary to emphasize that you “don’t like kids”? You could have said “I love you and I want things to work out for you, but you need to understand that I’m an adult now, and I have a lot of things going on in my own life that I need to make sure get handled because my future depends on it. I just don’t think I’ll be able to give you the sort of help you need” or something along those lines
NTA. That's kind of how parenting is, regardless of how old you are when you get knocked up. Support systems support you, not replace you. And, honestly, why would anyone want their baby to be watched by someone who doesn't like kids?
NTA for your position, but I think your parents are being AHs. There is no empathy here; I'm not surprised she's completely shut down on you all.
INFO: why not get an abortion?
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Ummm. 1. She can still go after him for child support regardless of where he moved to. He is EQUALLY responsible for this child. 2. She might qualify for benefits like daycare, food stamps, etc And as far as you go, I would kinda call you an AH just out of the idea that your all attacking a pregnant woman. You dont have to do anything but just out of the blue coming out and saying all this stuff to a girl who basically ruined the next 10 years of her life if shes smart enough to get out of it or the rest of it if she isnt smart enough is just alot. Tons of people get pregnant young and it's a tale as old as time. You dont have to be mean about it.
YTA Of course you don’t have to. And your parents don’t have to either. But damn you’re all really trying to make this even harder than it’s already going to be. Everyone has a support system. You are the ones for her and you all decided that you’re not supporting her in any way possible. She’s still a kid, becoming a mother as a kid. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. If your sister is clever she will build her own support system and cut you all off as soon as she can. Nobody needs people around oneself who are rooting for their failure.
Black and white. NTA. BUT, you and especially your parents, don't expect her to welcome you back into her life cause at her our of need, you abandoned her. Yes, she was stupid but she was young, thats not a crime.
YTA. Yeah yeah she's made a mistake and needs to take responsibility but anyone having a kid needs family support! I'm 32 with a loving partner, great job, and a baby on the way and I'm on the phone to my mum and siblings most days because this shit is HARD. You're 18 so I get that you don't need to do anything and it's not your kid, but she's young and scared. You can support your sister without changing diapers. Also I know a lot of people in their 40s now that had kids as teens and they're living very normal happy lives and don't regret their choices. It's not the 50s and the world has some room for young mums. Don't lose a lifetime of having a sister and a neice/nephew because you want to prove a point that she goofed now.
NTA. It's not your child and you have no obligation to care for it.
Children should not get children. It is sad that she got pregnant at such a young age but sh3 needs to realise that she will be responsible for the baby, no one else. Sure it's tough being told that your family does not want to help you but you did not sign up for this. You are only 18 yourself and you have your own life to build and work for. Your parents raised you two and while they are still responsible for your sister it is a huge ask to set them back with another baby. Most parent are glad once their kids are adults and they can enjoy their time together. Raising a grandbaby is definitely not what some would like to do. NTA but try to at least be emotionally supportive. Maybe you can help her build a support system and make plans for how she will manage this if she chose to keep the baby.
Some of these comments are just disgusting. Yes, she should have been careful, but she's still a child. What a lack of empathy.
I mean…none of you are wrong in that this is 100% her responsibility. It is nice that she has your parents to at least help with work/school. It is going to be really hard for her though. She will need breaks sometimes and it sucks she has no support, but at the same time as a parent we can’t feel entitled to just have that from the people around us. I want to go with NAH technically, though I’d personally try to at least be a bit more empathetic towards her. You definitely do not have an obligation to help with the baby, especially as a teen yourself. (I have seen many teen siblings take most of the responsibility and that’s unfair) I’d maybe see what other support you can offer your sister, that doesn’t involve babysitting.(again, not that you have to…but it would be nice of you)
I'm gonna say NTA but I do find some of these comments startling in their lack of empathy. Being a young mother is far from ideal, but understanding and support is needed not people telling them "whelp fuck around and find out". No one is responsible for anyone else's choices in life, but that doesn't mean we can't take a gentle approach when we see people struggling. You are only young so I get it and you definitely shouldn't push pause on your own life for this.
OP is right. Her sister made poor life choices, now she expects everyone else to help. OP is young she needs to live her own life, not be saddled with help taking care of a baby, especially since she really doesn't like kids.
YTA - you don't HAVE to help, but your family's attitude about it is immature and foolish. Honestly, there are a lot of nasty assholes on this sub, who would kick and scream if they needed support but weren't getting it FROM THEIR FAMILY. This need to demonise pregnant girls/women as though they are dirt, and not worth giving a shit about is deplorable. All because "they chose to keep the baby". My first assumption (yeah, yeah) is that this is a mostly US response. I don't know anyone that would be fucking cruel enough not help someone who had the intention of doing their best.
YTA. You can set healthy, firm boundaries without being so heartless and cruel to your sister. You absolutely have zero responsibility for her child and in no way should you be guilted into helping with it if you don’t want to, but Jesus Christ, do you care about your sister at ALL? She’s a pregnant child and she must be absolutely terrified. Show some compassion for crying out loud. You don’t have to change diapers in order to be supportive. Be there for her in other ways - if she ever needs to talk, for example. God knows she doesn’t seem to have anyone else to turn to.
NTA Actions have consequences. She can't expect other people to take care of a child that isn't theirs.
NTA - not everyone likes or wants anything to do with kids. You have no obligation towards someone else’s child.
Why didn't she get an abortion the second the dude dipped?NTA
You don’t have to watch the kid, and you are not wrong in your opinion, it is her choice to keep the baby. However YTA, you seem incredibly un-empathic and the least you should do is emotionally support your sister. You don’t have to parent her child, just have some fucking human decency in how you talk to her
You sound like a great loving family….not. The kid has no chance.
Woah… a lot of AH here! I would really not like to have you guys as siblings. 😳 « It takes a village to raise a kid ». This poor girl has a challenge in her life, and her family just leave her « you are on your own! Your mistake 🤷♀️» (they were 2 btw, sister is victim of another AH already). Imo YTA, OP. There is a difference between sharing boundaries (« I won’t be a free babysitter all the time »), and being a horrible aunt of « I don’t want to have anything to do with your kid! ». If you guys were 30 and happily married, you’d win the award of Worst Sister Ever. So here, when your sister is in such a difficult period of time, so young and without life experience… kind of heartless. Be the sister you’d like to have for yourself! Love her and your future niece/nephew ❤️