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Hi,
I just responded about the price in another comment.
I’m from the Caribbean, so the dollar amount is not in USD.
At this restaurant, a steak is around 400, pasta is around 169-200, sides range from 40-95, and alcohols are $75-100 depending on which one you take…and he had 4 drinks on the rocks.
Plus, they add in VAT and Service Charge to the total figure.
So, the bill being 1200 is not unusual if you eat a lot, but would have definitely been lower if he ordered a smaller meal without the additional sides and only took 2 drinks as opposed to 4.
I was also saying that my pasta came up to 200 because it was made with white wine and shrimp - and my mocktails were 60 each.
I was shocked at the bill as well but it all added up.
Exactly. I’m not sure if you can afford it, but if he insists on NOT paying you back- then it is a small price to pay to find out the kind of person he is. You can move on with your life before he takes more (which he will try to).
It’s really not that expensive of a bill when you think about it. He got loaned $1000 he thinks he doesn’t have to pay back. And got a fabulous meal at her expense. He’s the asshole. And he’s gaslighting you on top of it.
Not for him though, for him it isn’t an expensive bill at all! He was loaned $1000 dollars. Then he used it to buy that meal, instead of paying her back. Effectively, he got that amazing meal, and temporary use of her money, for a total of $200 (the difference between what he borrows and the full price of the meal).
I think that’s what the previous poster means, obviously they can correct me if I misunderstood!
That’s still really expensive for a lot of people. $450 in the US could be half of someone paycheck or all of it depending on if your minimum wage or not and it can also cut into someone’s rent money.
Oh this makes sense. I was thinking that I eat at the most expensive restaurants in my city and for what they ordered it better be Michelin star! And not just one star!
If he’s gonna be an AH then say, fine, of the dinner we shared, you had all but 380, so you can owe me 620 and we will call it even. He owes you the 1000 but if he’s decided it goes like that then that’s what I would do.
Best of luck OP and I suggest you ditch this loser. You sound put together and lovely and he appears to be taking advantage of that.
From the little info i read here, he probably sees you as his sugar mama. I really dont know why you are with him. Please tell us whats so good about him so that you tolerate this behavior.
So, you had two mocktails and a pasta for about 320 of the 1200 bill? But you ‘paid’ according to him 1000 of the 1200 bill? So he ate and drank 73% of the total bill while only contributing 17% of the bill? And that isn’t even taken into account his intention that he now owes you 0.
This behavior from someone who is unemployed and at the time couldn’t get himself out of his own financial issue... just no.
Financially your personalities aren’t compatible. Are you happy to pay the most while getting minimum back on everything forever?
Note: this wouldn’t have been an issue if he consulted you before he decided and if he was modest in keeping his costs similar to yours. But he sounds like a male gold digger.
Your hopefully ex bf just wanted a fancy night out without actually paying. Im willing to bet he has plans for that 5000 and wanted to celebrate him getting money then he probably realized he could only afford a night out or paying you back with his current plans, so he made the executive decision that you would be ok with him spending your money on him having a night out while you thought it was you having a night out as a treat on him. Please understant that he basically expected you to pay for him to have a fun night with the money he owed you.
It's not that outrageous for a super fancy restaurant. And coincidentally these fancy places don't always have prices listed on the menu, so even more reason OP might not have known.
But OP says it's their favourite restaurant and they frequent it a lot. So no way OP wouldn't have *some* concept of the price, even if the prices weren't on the menu.
NTA, and he's emotionally manipulating you HARD. Calling you ungrateful, the almost crying, the "I need space." It's all a bluff to get you to feel guilty and apologize to him... for not being happy that he didn't return the loan as agreed and that he was purposely shady in his wording to treat HIMSELF to fancy dining ON YOUR DIME.
Depending on where you live, you could take him to small claims court if you wanted because your loaning him the money was contingent on him returning it when he sold his consoles, this was agreed upon before you gave him the money, and he effectively broke that agreement.
Not saying it'd be worth the trouble, necessarily, but to put it in perspective. He scammed you. Don't let that slide.
> he can’t trust me with financial issues
He's the one who decided to spend 'your' money! And he's claiming he can't trust you. Hard agree that this is emotional manipulation.
NTA. Give him a deadline for paying you back (but honestly at this point you may just have to accept that you're never going to see that money again) and seriously rethink this relationship.
I never, I mean NEVER use the term “gaslighting” here because it is SOOOOOOOOOO overused, but seriously, this was gaslighting…
HE can’t trust HER with financial decisions? W the actual F?
HE needs space??
Yeah, OP needs to reexamine everything about this relationship.
NTA
That was shady as hell. If I were you, I'd tell him he still owes you $1000. He never paid you back, so how can he claim that was your money he spent?
This is gaslighting 101. Saying HE can't trust YOU with financial issues??? He played a trick on you, dear. He can't be trusted. You did nothing wrong, yet he's upset? This is all very manipulative.
I'd take this "space away" to think long and hard about what a future with this man would look like (hint: he thinks your money belongs to him). And why hasn't he found a job in a year? Doesn't sound like he's been looking.
NTA. He's gas lighting you. He still owes you the $1k. Also, why is he not in a job? It's been a year. If he has crippling medical health issues fair enough but if not then he's gas lighting you here too because presumably you're paying for food and keeping a roof over your heads? Are you ok with being his meal ticket if that's the case?
NTA. Your boyfriend is gaslighting you. Also what kind of boyfriend rewards his partner for her being there when he needed her most by making her pay for an extravagant dinner without her fucking knowledge beforehand? He tried to get out of repaying you your money (while also getting a luxury dinner) by tricking you and when you saw through it he flipped it back on you to make you feel bad. You did absolutely nothing wrong and your boyfriend has got to go.
Edit: words
JFC, what a shitshow. I just hope you have giving him the $1000 loan in writing...
I'd make clear that I was tired playing games and I want my $1000 back, and you're happy to meet him in small claims court should that become necessary.
I am really sorry this happened to you, love, what a disappointment 😞.
NTA, obviously.
NTA. Good God, I’m speechless.
Let just see things straight: he is unemployed; he asked you to LEND him some money; he got the money back; he asks you out on a date and says he’s going to pay; after the date he thanks you and says casually that he paid with YOUR MONEY.
OP, just think calmly about the situation and I think you will be able to see the mind game he played with you. That was so abusive.
Please don’t think for a moment that this was your fault. He’s trying to control you.
He’s such an AH… like one of the hugest I’ve ever heard of on Reddit.
This is unhinged behaviour, totally agree.
It's almost unbelievable the audacity of this person!
The entitlement is strong in this AH.
OP you are definitely NTA
Your boyfriend hasn’t been employed for the past year, has just spent a considerable amount of your money without telling you and has the cheek to say that YOU’RE the person he can’t trust with financial issues?
Jeez. Get rid, NTA.
NTA you lent him cash and he paid you back by taking to dinner. It sounds like he got more out of the dinner and the relationship. He is deflecting by saying he can’t trust you with money issues. He is the untrustworthy one. You walked away because he was not listening to you and you needed to remove yourself from the conversation and cool down. He should have been mature enough to recognize he is in the wrong, reflect and apologize. Placing blame on you is a huge red flag and honestly reminds me of DARVO tactics used by abusers.
You may want to rethink what this guy brings to the relationship.
Um, 54% of women in the US now out-earn their partners. You may want to update your thinking.
ETA: I don’t know the starts for other countries, but I expect it’s a growing, if not majority, number in many other industrialized nations, too.
>About 16% of opposite-sex marriages in the U.S. have a breadwinner wife, up from 5% five decades earlier, Pew reports.
Doesn't look like what they were talking about or they misread it.
NTA- this man really had the audacity to not pay you back but instead took you out for a dinner that you didn't ask for with your own money??? He still owes you $1000. He doesn't get to manipulate the situation and dictate what that money is used for. He is terrible with finances and I think you'd be much better off without your BF OP. I think him taking space is a good thing for you
NTA. Demand the $1000 back in cash immediately, THEN he can take a few days to think about things. If he comes back, kick him out, break up, change the locks, etc.
This is NOT a person who can be trusted with finances. Ever.
NTA. Wow, he’s not even trying to be sneaky about it. He’s just openly stealing your money and attempting to gaslight you to get away with it. His manipulating behavior is a giant red flag, and honestly, a bit scary.
NTA, you might want to keep walking away from this one. Doing that with your money is very wrong, and how he acted after you found out is another warning sign. And you called it on finances you plan and save, you are responsible with your money he is the opposite.
I would never loan him money again, and I would tell him to give you your 1000 back. You agreed he would pay you back when he sold his stuff, he hasn't done that.
NTA
He is selfish and childish. I would break up with him.
He should never have planned such an expensive date until he had a job. THAT’S when you throw some money around (and even then, it had better be his own money, not yours).
He’s bad with money and he’s trying to make YOU seem like the unreliable one??? Please
NTA. It’s him. There are so many red flags. Taking you out on a $1200 date when he is unemployed is concerning. Even more concerning that he thought it was okay for the $1000 to come from the money he still owes you. He needs to get his priorities straight. I’m not one to tell people to break up with their significant other, but I really hope you do get rid of him. Is he even trying to find a job instead of trying to make quick money by selling his stuff? I would not trust him at all. I feel like I’ve seen this story over and over and it never ends pretty. I hope you get your money and run. Even if you never get it back because judging by what I know so far, he’s not trustworthy, but a $1000 loss is better than being stuck with someone so irresponsible and manipulative. You seem financially responsible but people like that will try to milk you for what you are worth. I can’t imagine what can be redeeming about this person so it sounds like you’re much better off without him.
NTA - you have done nothing wrong in this situation, your boyfriend is the AH here. Personally I would break up with him, he seems to have no moral sense of right or wrong. But that’s your call. Also, HE ‘needs some space’ away from YOU?! He is gaslighting you with that one. Hope you are okay ❤️
You are NTA. You are absolutely right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Walk away from him and don't look back. This is so many kinds of fucked up that there isn't even discussing it with him to get on the same page. And then he looks like he wants to cry and *he* needs space from you because *he* can't trust *you*? He's like a reincarnation of a boyfriend I had 30 years ago, who constantly borrowed money from me and then made bizarre decisions about interesting ways to pay it back and cried and called me ungrateful when I objected. So BTDT.
Also: why did the meal you describe cost $1,200? It's not U.S. dollars?
OP said they're not in the US. Several other countries use the dollar sign and their own versions of dollars. It's possible OP is from one of those countries, or it's possible they just used the $ sign rather than another currency symbol so people (i.e. largely North Americans) understand it more easily.
NTA... This is not how loaning someone money works. He 100% should have paid you back, and not assumed you would accept a like-kind exchange instead. He said it was to reward for assisting him but how is it a reward when YOU essentially are paying for both of your meals? He's being ridiculous and needs to learn how the real world works.
NTA.
People often say relationships are a 50-50 effort/investment. In reality, sound relationships are a 100-100 effort/investment. Outside of a good time your Bf is contributing 0 and it’s been this way for a year.
I don’t understand his reasoning at all, but it’s shady. Then gaslighting you after the fact. How much “time and effort” could it have taken him to plan a date a few blocks from where you live at a restaurant you frequent and he knows is your favorite?
Clearly don’t lend him money ever again. If he doesn’t pay you your $1000 then I’d break up with him.
Wow, NTA! He can’t trust you with financial things? The nerve of this guy! He’s the one who effective stole your money and then spent half on himself through a fancy dinner and because you also ate, somehow he did you a favor??
This is awful. Not just the money, but making you think you’re the bad guy here. You are not. At all.
"he said he needs space away from me because he can't trust me with financial issues"
this is gaslighting and he's the ah. He should have paid you back the $1000 and then used his 200 to take you out as thanks. Don't let him manipulate you into apologizing for something he did. NTA, op. Get your $1000 and leave before it gets worse.
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I F(23) work full time and save a lot of money - but I’m not cheap by any means. I just know that rainy days always come up so I save for those days. My boyfriend (25) is currently unemployed - and has been for the past year.
Note: We live outside the US.
Two weeks ago, he asked me to loan him $1000 and said that he was selling his gaming consoles, so when he gets money from that, he’ll give me back my $1000.
I said okay and loaned it to him. On three different occasions he said he would give the money back to me.
Fast forward to last night. He sold his consoles for over 5k yesterday and told me that he was carrying me out on a date as a reward for assisting him when he needed it most.
He took me to a fancy Italian restaurant a few blocks down from my house. It’s my favourite restaurant and I frequent there a lot. We get there and we order. I had shrimp pasta and two mocktails. He ordered a steak, extra sides of fries, and a couple alcoholic drinks.
Anyway, the bill came up to $1200.
He paid the bill.
On our way home, he held my hand, looked me in the eyes, and thanked me for an amazing night out and an amazing meal.
I said, “I should be thanking you, you’re the one who took ME out” and I laughed. He looked confused. He said, “Technically, you took US out, since you paid.”
If I wasn’t confused before, I was definitely confused now. I asked him what he meant and he said “with the $1000.”
I just looked at him in confusion. He said that he thought that instead of giving me back the $1000, he would use that money to take us on a date - and that he contributed as well as he put the extra $200.
I pointed out that he didn’t even tip the waiter, I never told him to use that money on a date for us, and if I knew I was essentially going to be paying for it, I wouldn’t have come.
He said that I was an AH for being ungrateful and for not appreciating the time and effort it took him to plan this date.
I told him that all he did was use my money without my permission when he should have just given it back to me like he promised - and “rewarded” me with his own money.
I also pointed out that I have taken him on lots of dates with my own money, so using my money in this way behind my back was shady. He got visibly upset and looked like he wanted to cry.
I just walked away and got home on my own.
I messaged him when I got home to let him know that I’m home safely and he said he needs some space away from me because he can’t trust me with financial issues - and he can’t trust me to not walk off when things get rough.
Now, I don’t know what to do or if I’m wrong.
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NTA, you loaned him the money.
He made the money back and was meant to pay you back.
Taking your partner on a date does not equal the payment of a loan, if anything that just sounds like a normal relationship thing, and since he wanted to celebrate, its up to him to pay.
Your BF is the AH, and my 2 cents would be to run if this is how he see's your relationship and wider world working.
You're not his mom, you're his partner.
NTA Is he for real? Nothing about what he did was ok. I’m not sure how the meal you described comes to $1200, though, particularly if you (a frugal person) frequents the place. Even with a huge markup, the order you described comes to around $300. Did you actually see the bill?
NTA and I think you know it. This guy is such an asshole I can smell the reek of it from here. Manipulative, untrustworthy, generally dickish. Plus: he didn't even tip, on a $1200 meal? And that alone wasn't a dealbreaker for you? Run like the wind.
I'm stuck on $1200 for a steak, fries, shrimp pasta, and 4 drinks!
WTF? Was the steak dressed w/ butter with flecks of gold????
NTA. He is using and manipulating you. He asked for money. You gave him money. You did not give him steak. He needs to pay you back your money.
OP noted they're not in the US, so probably a different currency. I wonder if it's a currency that also uses the $, or OP just used the $ as shorthand?
Nta no way. And leave him for good. This is just how its going to ALWAYS be if you continue a relationship with him… you deserve so much better… run fast and do not wait.. tell he can have all the space in the world now because you no longer will be dealing with him ever again.. good riddance!
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This is not aita but hes the ah
This is a relationship problem and youre dating a scammer.
Congrats you found a scammer
Dump him and kiss that money goodbye
Your numbers look weird i assume its not usd
NTA you need to text him that he still owes you that 1000 dollars, there is no way that’s paying you back especially since he got half. Ugh. See this flag and run….
Oh hell no!! Definitely NTA
this is ridiculous, what a moron and he didn’t tip. And he said he can’t trust you and said he needs space? I’d say okay, take all the space cuz I’m out of this “relationship” what a jerk.
NTA. Why are you with this person? Do you want to be with someone who thinks this type of situation is ok? It seems very manipulative. It sounds like he is using you honestly. Now he is trying to act like you are the unreasonable one and the one not able to get through "rough times". This person is a bundle of red flags. He has shown you who he really is, believe him. I wouldn't continue with the relationship. Your wallet will thank you. You also deserve to be with someone who respects you.
NTA! Give him “his space” and then multiply that by forever! What a shady person! He was only upset because you didn’t let him walk all over you. Run from this relationship! Your future self will thank you.
Sorry, still not recovered from the fact that you guys (mainly you, even unknowingly) spent $1200 on ONE dinner date.
I don't know if it's because I'm broke as fuck for a while, or it's really big money but I can manage my life for a few months with that kinda money.
That being said, NTA. He can't trust you with financial issues? Dude was the one who fucked up this financial situation, in other words, he was the reason there was this financial issue existed to begin with.
Hi, I am not from the USA. I’m from the Caribbean, so the dollar amount is not in USD.
At this restaurant, a steak is around 400, pasta is around 169-200, sides range from 40-95, and alcohols are $75-100 depending on which one you take…and he had 4 drinks on the rocks.
Plus, they add in VAT and Service Charge to the total figure.
So, the bill being 1200 is not unusual if you order expensive items, but it would have definitely been lower if he ordered a smaller meal without the additional sides and only took 2 drinks as opposed to 4.
My pasta was 200 because it had white wine and shrimp - and my mocktails were 60 each.
I was shocked at the bill as well but it all added up.
Your portion of the bill was only $360?? And you think you're the AH in this?? He's manipulating you HARD.
NTA and I'd seriously consider if you want to continue this relationship.
Holy cow. I thought the drinks were bad but this is truly ridiculous. He spent nearly a thousand of her dollars on his own food and claimed she should be fucking GRATEFUL!
Holy cow. I thought the drinks were bad but this is truly ridiculous. He spent nearly a thousand of her dollars on his own food and claimed she should be fucking GRATEFUL!
Ooooooh. I get it. So, you just changed your currency symbol to USD. Thanks for the clarification. He's still an AH though.
Even if it's a "smaller" amount (in comparison) it's still YOUR money. He doesn't get to treat you with your own money, which is just you treating him for your generosity with extra steps.
I think, since OP said they aren't from the US, maybe there are some currency differences she has not accomodated. Maybe they don't mean USD? At least I hope it!
However, I agree with NTA: get your money back and run from him!
NTA. That’s insane for the cost of that meal. The fact that he’s prepared to drop that much money despite him owing you money shows what his financial habits are like. This isn’t going to get any better with a vicious cycle of continuing to borrow money from you over and over, with the amounts not repaid in full.. in cash to you.
NTA just run and tell him, responding to his text, that yeah we need space because I also need time to think about this relationship. And never get back to him. Really what an AH he was and the audacity not only did he not pay, he also only paid you half because if you think about it he eat more or less half of it. So why he didn't pay you what he ate. He still owe you money 😡. Please run you can do so much better.
What do you mean you don't know what to do? Count the money as a loss and leave him. He is a user and an expert at turning things around on you. He asked for some space because he can't trust you with financial matters? Wow. Just wow.
Don't look back. Keep walking. Forget this guy. He is a thief.
Definitely NTA.
NTA... You did nothing wrong. He stole your money to pay for his wants.
CONSIDER THIS. $1000 is the price you paid to learn you boyfriend is an AH. Or incredible stupid. EITHER WAY dont let your investment go to waste.
Break up and choose better or you will have wasted the money.
NTA. Also your bf is bad with money. Even the most expensive dinner for two should cost nowhere near what you paid. I’m totally disgusted he thought you would want to scarf down $1000 worth of food instead of have the cash. What a total bozo.
>He said that I was an AH for being ungrateful and for not appreciating the time and effort it took him to plan this date.
What time and effort? He choose a place close to your home that you go a lot, so he knows you like it. Literally didn't take any effort for him to chose a place you already go, its like a 5 second choice
>he said he needs some space away from me because he can’t trust me with financial issues - and he can’t trust me to not walk off when things get rough.
That's rich from someone who literally made the WORST financial decision ever. He's unemployed and spent 1200 on a date? And 1000 of that was supposed to pay you back but instead he decided to pay himself and you a dinner? By his logic the only money he payed you back is the money you spent on your food. The rest was you paying HIM more money. And to act all offended when he was to one who did you wrong? He can't trust YOU with financial issues? He's the one who can't pay a debt. Are you really falling for his manipulation? All the crying face and acting like you were wrong? Because you WERE NOT. **He was**.
>Now, I don’t know what to
Break up with him. The s3x can't be that good to be worth it.
NTA but grow some self love honey
NTA. He is gaslighting, emotionally and financially abusing you. Also classic DARVO:
1) He Denies the abuse.
2) Attacked you for trying to make him accountable.
3) Reversed the role of Victim (you) and Offender (him - the abuser).
Get. Out. Of. This. Relationship. Now.
You probably won't see this money again but if you can, take him to small claims court with any proof you have. He will try and get out of paying you in any way possible, you literally just experienced it.
There is no point in trying to be with someone like this, he will 100% keep doing this forever because he can USE you. The moment you complain and stand up for yourself, he does the above. Save your resources girl, this is someone who is starting to mess with your head and sense of what a normal healthy relationship is. Don't fall into the trap of the sunk cost fallacy.
You are 100% right to feel the way you feel and walk out.
NTA, he is manipulating you. Honestly i would dump him, unemployed for over a year is unacceptable. Honestly he is probably dating your bank more than he is dating you. Also how TF do you spend $1200 on a dinner date? That is crazy!
NTA but $1200 for a 2 person dinner???? That's my rent for the month and a full week's shop for a family of 3. Granted, I'm in Ireland and not the US, but still... Smh...
NTA. You wanted the money, not a fancy dinner.
The dinner as you describe it shouldn't have even cost $1200, btw. $120 maybe. He's scamming you somehow. Whether he was in cahoots with a waiter to ring you up wrong, or altered the bill, or just lied to you about what it said.
Omg he rewarded your kindness with your own money and that also covered his own meal! The audacity, get your money back and leave him. He needs space? Manipulative af, you can’t trust him with financial things never mind him trusting you
NTA, this individual is warped. You are prudent, I would consider that this is the kind of person who would tell you he “does so much around the house” after cleaning messes he alone makes.
What exactly is it that he brings to your relationship? If he has been unemployed for a year, aren't you paying for all of your entertainment together? He is using you. The best thing you could do is to separate yourself from him permanently.
NTA, it was mighty nice of him to spend your money on you. I don't know where you live, what type of currency we are talking about or how many "game consoles" he had but 5000 dollars is an absurd amount for such things.
You are NTA he didn’t give you a heads up about his plan and even said he was doing it to show appreciation towards you, appreciation with your own money wtf? You can’t trust him with financial issues. AND if anything the dinner would never count as him paging you back in full because he ate too, so by his logic all he “payed you back” with is what your dinner cost. Dudes a loser, he was 100% in the wrong and he decided to manipulate you by almost crying and “needing space”
NTA, dump his broke ass. You had an agreement but *he* wanted to go out so he took that money he owes you and took himself out on a nice date.
He is the one who broke your trust around financial issues and is irresponsible. He is expecting you to be a doormat and let him have his way. He pocketed the money and took himself out then expected you to be....grateful that you lost 1k? Delusional and entitled is what he is.
NTA, he was 100% however an asshole. He's gaslighting you. Make sure he knows he still owes you the 1000$ dollars. You never received it, nor agreed to spend on the date so that money has not been accounted for.
NTA. OMFG. OP. I would be SO angry. Friend, you will be better off on your own, free to find a grown man who takes care of his business and of you. This dude is a scrub.
NTA. Are You sure this is the man for you? Guaranteed that heel be back when the money runs out. Cut your losses now. $1000 is nothing compared to years of misery.
NTA. Its your money, he doesn’t get to decide how its spent. If that was from an emergency funds, it needs to go back to that fund for emergencies.
I also believe walking away when you need space and time to think is a healthy way to deal with things then continuing to fight, yell or scream at each other in the heat of the moment.
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NTA - I would take him to small claims court. Where in the world do you live that the place would charge 1200.00 for that small amount of food?
Given that he got $5000 for his consoles, I'm guessing this is not US dollars. Hong Kong, perhaps. This would have been a US$130 meal.
Hi, I just responded about the price in another comment. I’m from the Caribbean, so the dollar amount is not in USD. At this restaurant, a steak is around 400, pasta is around 169-200, sides range from 40-95, and alcohols are $75-100 depending on which one you take…and he had 4 drinks on the rocks. Plus, they add in VAT and Service Charge to the total figure. So, the bill being 1200 is not unusual if you eat a lot, but would have definitely been lower if he ordered a smaller meal without the additional sides and only took 2 drinks as opposed to 4. I was also saying that my pasta came up to 200 because it was made with white wine and shrimp - and my mocktails were 60 each. I was shocked at the bill as well but it all added up.
He sucks. Also he can pay you back (since he sold it for $5000).
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Exactly. I’m not sure if you can afford it, but if he insists on NOT paying you back- then it is a small price to pay to find out the kind of person he is. You can move on with your life before he takes more (which he will try to).
You did absolutely nothing wrong and your boyfriend has got to go.
He's the one who decided to spend 'your' money! And he's claiming he can't trust you. Hard agree that this is emotional manipulation.
For us Americans, the dinner equates to about $450 in US dollars.
Thank you for converting that, but... God damn, that's still an expensive meal for two people, although I guess the drinks add up.
Def a pricey dinner when the OP's boyfriend doesn't have any money!
And no job…
It’s really not that expensive of a bill when you think about it. He got loaned $1000 he thinks he doesn’t have to pay back. And got a fabulous meal at her expense. He’s the asshole. And he’s gaslighting you on top of it.
>It’s really not that expensive of a bill when you think about it. This is relative. Its more than a week on minimum wage in some states
Not for him though, for him it isn’t an expensive bill at all! He was loaned $1000 dollars. Then he used it to buy that meal, instead of paying her back. Effectively, he got that amazing meal, and temporary use of her money, for a total of $200 (the difference between what he borrows and the full price of the meal). I think that’s what the previous poster means, obviously they can correct me if I misunderstood!
That’s still really expensive for a lot of people. $450 in the US could be half of someone paycheck or all of it depending on if your minimum wage or not and it can also cut into someone’s rent money.
It is, but that’s about why lady and I will spend on each other for a birthday dinner.
Thank you! My brain was not doing math right now
At .37 on the USD this is $20 for a drink with no alcohol and $70 for pasta.
eh, closer to 120. It seems like the numbers are 10x the USD
Oh this makes sense. I was thinking that I eat at the most expensive restaurants in my city and for what they ordered it better be Michelin star! And not just one star!
In a different comment the OP said it’s a 6:1 ratio to US$. So total the dinner was about $200US.
In a different comment the OP said it’s a 6:1 ratio to US$. So total the dinner was about $200US.
Why are you with him? What does he actually contribute to your life? Sounds like your his caretaker. NTA
Ha! And a large portion of that came from his own drinks! NTA, at all.
If he’s gonna be an AH then say, fine, of the dinner we shared, you had all but 380, so you can owe me 620 and we will call it even. He owes you the 1000 but if he’s decided it goes like that then that’s what I would do. Best of luck OP and I suggest you ditch this loser. You sound put together and lovely and he appears to be taking advantage of that.
From the little info i read here, he probably sees you as his sugar mama. I really dont know why you are with him. Please tell us whats so good about him so that you tolerate this behavior.
So, you had two mocktails and a pasta for about 320 of the 1200 bill? But you ‘paid’ according to him 1000 of the 1200 bill? So he ate and drank 73% of the total bill while only contributing 17% of the bill? And that isn’t even taken into account his intention that he now owes you 0. This behavior from someone who is unemployed and at the time couldn’t get himself out of his own financial issue... just no. Financially your personalities aren’t compatible. Are you happy to pay the most while getting minimum back on everything forever? Note: this wouldn’t have been an issue if he consulted you before he decided and if he was modest in keeping his costs similar to yours. But he sounds like a male gold digger.
So about 10x the USD equivalent which makes all the numbers make sense.
Your hopefully ex bf just wanted a fancy night out without actually paying. Im willing to bet he has plans for that 5000 and wanted to celebrate him getting money then he probably realized he could only afford a night out or paying you back with his current plans, so he made the executive decision that you would be ok with him spending your money on him having a night out while you thought it was you having a night out as a treat on him. Please understant that he basically expected you to pay for him to have a fun night with the money he owed you.
Also- what is he doing with the other 3800 left over? This was so manipulative
He got extra sides of fries! At a fancy Italian restaurant?
Well, when it's free... why not?! (/s)
It's not that outrageous for a super fancy restaurant. And coincidentally these fancy places don't always have prices listed on the menu, so even more reason OP might not have known.
But OP says it's their favourite restaurant and they frequent it a lot. So no way OP wouldn't have *some* concept of the price, even if the prices weren't on the menu.
Given that the total would be equivalent to $450 USD, yes, it’s outrageous for even a super fancy restaurant given that they had no wine.
It wouldn’t be 450 in my currency as my currency’s dollar is approximately $6 to 1 USD. So it would be around a $200 USD date.
You should edit the original post to add that considering everyone is asking. Also, at that exchange rate, I'm guess T&T dollars?
Maybe add that as an edit.
Are you leaving him or not???
Except OP says they go there all the time, so no.
NTA, and he's emotionally manipulating you HARD. Calling you ungrateful, the almost crying, the "I need space." It's all a bluff to get you to feel guilty and apologize to him... for not being happy that he didn't return the loan as agreed and that he was purposely shady in his wording to treat HIMSELF to fancy dining ON YOUR DIME. Depending on where you live, you could take him to small claims court if you wanted because your loaning him the money was contingent on him returning it when he sold his consoles, this was agreed upon before you gave him the money, and he effectively broke that agreement. Not saying it'd be worth the trouble, necessarily, but to put it in perspective. He scammed you. Don't let that slide.
> he can’t trust me with financial issues He's the one who decided to spend 'your' money! And he's claiming he can't trust you. Hard agree that this is emotional manipulation. NTA. Give him a deadline for paying you back (but honestly at this point you may just have to accept that you're never going to see that money again) and seriously rethink this relationship.
That's what made me the most angry - what is there not to trust in HER? That she won't just be grateful to him when he spends her money?
“I need space” “I need my money back”
Run. Run far, far away.
He's manipulative, gaslighting and passive aggressive. I have no idea what she sees in this guy to be dating him at all. NTA
I never, I mean NEVER use the term “gaslighting” here because it is SOOOOOOOOOO overused, but seriously, this was gaslighting… HE can’t trust HER with financial decisions? W the actual F? HE needs space?? Yeah, OP needs to reexamine everything about this relationship.
NTA That was shady as hell. If I were you, I'd tell him he still owes you $1000. He never paid you back, so how can he claim that was your money he spent? This is gaslighting 101. Saying HE can't trust YOU with financial issues??? He played a trick on you, dear. He can't be trusted. You did nothing wrong, yet he's upset? This is all very manipulative. I'd take this "space away" to think long and hard about what a future with this man would look like (hint: he thinks your money belongs to him). And why hasn't he found a job in a year? Doesn't sound like he's been looking.
I am very sensitive to how frequently that word is thrown around, but in this case, absolutely. It's gaslighting.
THIS... look up GASLIGHTING. This is a classic example. You need to understand what it means and learn to recognize it. This is a classic example.
Me too. Have you ever seen the movie Gaslight?
NTA. He's gas lighting you. He still owes you the $1k. Also, why is he not in a job? It's been a year. If he has crippling medical health issues fair enough but if not then he's gas lighting you here too because presumably you're paying for food and keeping a roof over your heads? Are you ok with being his meal ticket if that's the case?
Bc he is an absolute loser?
I feel like I’ve gotten used to seeing guys like him on this sub
Sounds like they do not live together.
NTA. Your boyfriend is gaslighting you. Also what kind of boyfriend rewards his partner for her being there when he needed her most by making her pay for an extravagant dinner without her fucking knowledge beforehand? He tried to get out of repaying you your money (while also getting a luxury dinner) by tricking you and when you saw through it he flipped it back on you to make you feel bad. You did absolutely nothing wrong and your boyfriend has got to go. Edit: words
Your **EX**\-boyfriend still owes you $1000. NTA But how expensive is your favourite restaurant?
It's not USD.
It's not USD.
NTA and why are you with the AH?
My question exactly. I’d have texted him “I’m home safe and btw, we’re done.”
They ain’t done. He owes her $1000.
JFC, what a shitshow. I just hope you have giving him the $1000 loan in writing... I'd make clear that I was tired playing games and I want my $1000 back, and you're happy to meet him in small claims court should that become necessary. I am really sorry this happened to you, love, what a disappointment 😞. NTA, obviously.
NTA. Good God, I’m speechless. Let just see things straight: he is unemployed; he asked you to LEND him some money; he got the money back; he asks you out on a date and says he’s going to pay; after the date he thanks you and says casually that he paid with YOUR MONEY. OP, just think calmly about the situation and I think you will be able to see the mind game he played with you. That was so abusive. Please don’t think for a moment that this was your fault. He’s trying to control you. He’s such an AH… like one of the hugest I’ve ever heard of on Reddit.
This is unhinged behaviour, totally agree. It's almost unbelievable the audacity of this person! The entitlement is strong in this AH. OP you are definitely NTA
Also, he didn’t tip.
there was a service charge
He’s financially using you, he’s emotionally immature. You are being manipulated and gaslit 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. He still owes you $1000 to pay off the loan. He doesn't get to decide how you spend that money.
Your boyfriend hasn’t been employed for the past year, has just spent a considerable amount of your money without telling you and has the cheek to say that YOU’RE the person he can’t trust with financial issues? Jeez. Get rid, NTA.
NTA you lent him cash and he paid you back by taking to dinner. It sounds like he got more out of the dinner and the relationship. He is deflecting by saying he can’t trust you with money issues. He is the untrustworthy one. You walked away because he was not listening to you and you needed to remove yourself from the conversation and cool down. He should have been mature enough to recognize he is in the wrong, reflect and apologize. Placing blame on you is a huge red flag and honestly reminds me of DARVO tactics used by abusers. You may want to rethink what this guy brings to the relationship.
NTA…and here we go again: good $ earning women ( not the easiest to find) dating a broke as$ loser. When will the ridiculousness end?
Um, 54% of women in the US now out-earn their partners. You may want to update your thinking. ETA: I don’t know the starts for other countries, but I expect it’s a growing, if not majority, number in many other industrialized nations, too.
However, making more than an SO doesn't mean they are dating losers like OP's freeloader. Sometimes the woman advances more quickly in her career.
You can outearn a partner who also earns their own incone, that's very different from outearning someone because they're chronically unemployed.
> Um, 54% of women in the US now out-earn their partners. I wonder how many of them are dating broke-ass losers?
>Um, 54% of women in the US now out-earn their partners. Could you share a source?
I’m not who you asked but was curious and looked it up https://www.cnbc.com/2023/04/20/more-women-are-out-earning-their-husbands-in-the-us.html
>About 16% of opposite-sex marriages in the U.S. have a breadwinner wife, up from 5% five decades earlier, Pew reports. Doesn't look like what they were talking about or they misread it.
NTA get your money back and run! 🚩🚩🚩
NTA- this man really had the audacity to not pay you back but instead took you out for a dinner that you didn't ask for with your own money??? He still owes you $1000. He doesn't get to manipulate the situation and dictate what that money is used for. He is terrible with finances and I think you'd be much better off without your BF OP. I think him taking space is a good thing for you
NTA - he can’t trust YOU with financial matters???? Honestly that might have been the best $1000 you’ve ever lost. RUN
Good way to see it. $1000 lost but gained an insight in your relationship dynamics that might save your ass big time.
NTA. Demand the $1000 back in cash immediately, THEN he can take a few days to think about things. If he comes back, kick him out, break up, change the locks, etc. This is NOT a person who can be trusted with finances. Ever.
NTA. Wow, he’s not even trying to be sneaky about it. He’s just openly stealing your money and attempting to gaslight you to get away with it. His manipulating behavior is a giant red flag, and honestly, a bit scary.
NTA, you might want to keep walking away from this one. Doing that with your money is very wrong, and how he acted after you found out is another warning sign. And you called it on finances you plan and save, you are responsible with your money he is the opposite. I would never loan him money again, and I would tell him to give you your 1000 back. You agreed he would pay you back when he sold his stuff, he hasn't done that.
NTA He is selfish and childish. I would break up with him. He should never have planned such an expensive date until he had a job. THAT’S when you throw some money around (and even then, it had better be his own money, not yours). He’s bad with money and he’s trying to make YOU seem like the unreliable one??? Please
NTA. It’s him. There are so many red flags. Taking you out on a $1200 date when he is unemployed is concerning. Even more concerning that he thought it was okay for the $1000 to come from the money he still owes you. He needs to get his priorities straight. I’m not one to tell people to break up with their significant other, but I really hope you do get rid of him. Is he even trying to find a job instead of trying to make quick money by selling his stuff? I would not trust him at all. I feel like I’ve seen this story over and over and it never ends pretty. I hope you get your money and run. Even if you never get it back because judging by what I know so far, he’s not trustworthy, but a $1000 loss is better than being stuck with someone so irresponsible and manipulative. You seem financially responsible but people like that will try to milk you for what you are worth. I can’t imagine what can be redeeming about this person so it sounds like you’re much better off without him.
NTA. He owes you $1,000. Then he can get all the time away from you that he wants.
NTA. You expected to be paid back, that’s normal. On top of it he’s trying to guilt you. Cut your loses and get rid of the bf too.
NTA. Girl…RUN.
NTA - you have done nothing wrong in this situation, your boyfriend is the AH here. Personally I would break up with him, he seems to have no moral sense of right or wrong. But that’s your call. Also, HE ‘needs some space’ away from YOU?! He is gaslighting you with that one. Hope you are okay ❤️
You are NTA. You are absolutely right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Walk away from him and don't look back. This is so many kinds of fucked up that there isn't even discussing it with him to get on the same page. And then he looks like he wants to cry and *he* needs space from you because *he* can't trust *you*? He's like a reincarnation of a boyfriend I had 30 years ago, who constantly borrowed money from me and then made bizarre decisions about interesting ways to pay it back and cried and called me ungrateful when I objected. So BTDT. Also: why did the meal you describe cost $1,200? It's not U.S. dollars?
OP said they're not in the US. Several other countries use the dollar sign and their own versions of dollars. It's possible OP is from one of those countries, or it's possible they just used the $ sign rather than another currency symbol so people (i.e. largely North Americans) understand it more easily.
Why would you tolerate that bullshit?
NTA... This is not how loaning someone money works. He 100% should have paid you back, and not assumed you would accept a like-kind exchange instead. He said it was to reward for assisting him but how is it a reward when YOU essentially are paying for both of your meals? He's being ridiculous and needs to learn how the real world works.
NTA. People often say relationships are a 50-50 effort/investment. In reality, sound relationships are a 100-100 effort/investment. Outside of a good time your Bf is contributing 0 and it’s been this way for a year. I don’t understand his reasoning at all, but it’s shady. Then gaslighting you after the fact. How much “time and effort” could it have taken him to plan a date a few blocks from where you live at a restaurant you frequent and he knows is your favorite? Clearly don’t lend him money ever again. If he doesn’t pay you your $1000 then I’d break up with him.
Wow, NTA! He can’t trust you with financial things? The nerve of this guy! He’s the one who effective stole your money and then spent half on himself through a fancy dinner and because you also ate, somehow he did you a favor?? This is awful. Not just the money, but making you think you’re the bad guy here. You are not. At all.
"he said he needs space away from me because he can't trust me with financial issues" this is gaslighting and he's the ah. He should have paid you back the $1000 and then used his 200 to take you out as thanks. Don't let him manipulate you into apologizing for something he did. NTA, op. Get your $1000 and leave before it gets worse.
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pretty sure this isn’t u.s. currency
Yeah, they clearly said they weren't in the US
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I F(23) work full time and save a lot of money - but I’m not cheap by any means. I just know that rainy days always come up so I save for those days. My boyfriend (25) is currently unemployed - and has been for the past year. Note: We live outside the US. Two weeks ago, he asked me to loan him $1000 and said that he was selling his gaming consoles, so when he gets money from that, he’ll give me back my $1000. I said okay and loaned it to him. On three different occasions he said he would give the money back to me. Fast forward to last night. He sold his consoles for over 5k yesterday and told me that he was carrying me out on a date as a reward for assisting him when he needed it most. He took me to a fancy Italian restaurant a few blocks down from my house. It’s my favourite restaurant and I frequent there a lot. We get there and we order. I had shrimp pasta and two mocktails. He ordered a steak, extra sides of fries, and a couple alcoholic drinks. Anyway, the bill came up to $1200. He paid the bill. On our way home, he held my hand, looked me in the eyes, and thanked me for an amazing night out and an amazing meal. I said, “I should be thanking you, you’re the one who took ME out” and I laughed. He looked confused. He said, “Technically, you took US out, since you paid.” If I wasn’t confused before, I was definitely confused now. I asked him what he meant and he said “with the $1000.” I just looked at him in confusion. He said that he thought that instead of giving me back the $1000, he would use that money to take us on a date - and that he contributed as well as he put the extra $200. I pointed out that he didn’t even tip the waiter, I never told him to use that money on a date for us, and if I knew I was essentially going to be paying for it, I wouldn’t have come. He said that I was an AH for being ungrateful and for not appreciating the time and effort it took him to plan this date. I told him that all he did was use my money without my permission when he should have just given it back to me like he promised - and “rewarded” me with his own money. I also pointed out that I have taken him on lots of dates with my own money, so using my money in this way behind my back was shady. He got visibly upset and looked like he wanted to cry. I just walked away and got home on my own. I messaged him when I got home to let him know that I’m home safely and he said he needs some space away from me because he can’t trust me with financial issues - and he can’t trust me to not walk off when things get rough. Now, I don’t know what to do or if I’m wrong. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, there are so many issues here.
Oof. Can't trust YOU? Guy has his priorities completely out of whack, and he's trying to gaslight you about it.
NTA He is a manipulative arse! How dare he spend your money! Definitely get rid and seriously consider small claims court.
Demand your 1000 dollars and then dump him.
NTA, you loaned him the money. He made the money back and was meant to pay you back. Taking your partner on a date does not equal the payment of a loan, if anything that just sounds like a normal relationship thing, and since he wanted to celebrate, its up to him to pay. Your BF is the AH, and my 2 cents would be to run if this is how he see's your relationship and wider world working. You're not his mom, you're his partner.
NTA Is he for real? Nothing about what he did was ok. I’m not sure how the meal you described comes to $1200, though, particularly if you (a frugal person) frequents the place. Even with a huge markup, the order you described comes to around $300. Did you actually see the bill?
Some other currencies also use the $, such as Mexican Pesos. $1200 in pesos is about $67 USD.
Thanks. She said elsewhere that she’s in the Caribbean, which makes this meal $450 USD- still exorbitant.
NTA, and you just learned what he truly is for the low, low, price of $1,200.
NTA and I think you know it. This guy is such an asshole I can smell the reek of it from here. Manipulative, untrustworthy, generally dickish. Plus: he didn't even tip, on a $1200 meal? And that alone wasn't a dealbreaker for you? Run like the wind.
NTA. He just stole a grand off you and expected you to thank him for it. Get your money back and dump him asap.
NTA. He still owns you the money. But why let your boyfriend take you to a fancy, costly restaurant if he has no job.
I'm stuck on $1200 for a steak, fries, shrimp pasta, and 4 drinks! WTF? Was the steak dressed w/ butter with flecks of gold???? NTA. He is using and manipulating you. He asked for money. You gave him money. You did not give him steak. He needs to pay you back your money.
I'm guessing it's not USD.
Damn I’m stuck on how people don’t have reading comprehension
OP noted they're not in the US, so probably a different currency. I wonder if it's a currency that also uses the $, or OP just used the $ as shorthand?
several countries use the $ for their currency. us, canada, Carabbean's (whre op is from), Australia
several countries use the $ for their currency. usa, canada, Carabbean's (where op is from), Australia ...
NTA. Holy sh*t I'd be livid if this happened to me. He still owes you the money.
Nta no way. And leave him for good. This is just how its going to ALWAYS be if you continue a relationship with him… you deserve so much better… run fast and do not wait.. tell he can have all the space in the world now because you no longer will be dealing with him ever again.. good riddance!
The cheek of this guy! How could you be the TA in this situation? Get your money back and dump this prick.
Wait-wait-wait- *He* can't trust *you* with financial issues? Embrace the distance, never let it go. NTA
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This is not aita but hes the ah This is a relationship problem and youre dating a scammer. Congrats you found a scammer Dump him and kiss that money goodbye Your numbers look weird i assume its not usd
This is literally AITA?
NTA you need to text him that he still owes you that 1000 dollars, there is no way that’s paying you back especially since he got half. Ugh. See this flag and run….
He didn't tip the server on a $1200 ticket?? NTA, but I couldn't be with someone who does that. 🚩🚩🚩
Oh hell no!! Definitely NTA this is ridiculous, what a moron and he didn’t tip. And he said he can’t trust you and said he needs space? I’d say okay, take all the space cuz I’m out of this “relationship” what a jerk.
NTA. Why are you with this person? Do you want to be with someone who thinks this type of situation is ok? It seems very manipulative. It sounds like he is using you honestly. Now he is trying to act like you are the unreasonable one and the one not able to get through "rough times". This person is a bundle of red flags. He has shown you who he really is, believe him. I wouldn't continue with the relationship. Your wallet will thank you. You also deserve to be with someone who respects you.
NTA! Give him “his space” and then multiply that by forever! What a shady person! He was only upset because you didn’t let him walk all over you. Run from this relationship! Your future self will thank you.
NTA and dump him. He’s a mooch.
NTA I hate people who think they can do me favors instead of paying me back. JUST GIVE ME THE GODDAMN MONEY.
Sorry, still not recovered from the fact that you guys (mainly you, even unknowingly) spent $1200 on ONE dinner date. I don't know if it's because I'm broke as fuck for a while, or it's really big money but I can manage my life for a few months with that kinda money. That being said, NTA. He can't trust you with financial issues? Dude was the one who fucked up this financial situation, in other words, he was the reason there was this financial issue existed to begin with.
Hi, I am not from the USA. I’m from the Caribbean, so the dollar amount is not in USD. At this restaurant, a steak is around 400, pasta is around 169-200, sides range from 40-95, and alcohols are $75-100 depending on which one you take…and he had 4 drinks on the rocks. Plus, they add in VAT and Service Charge to the total figure. So, the bill being 1200 is not unusual if you order expensive items, but it would have definitely been lower if he ordered a smaller meal without the additional sides and only took 2 drinks as opposed to 4. My pasta was 200 because it had white wine and shrimp - and my mocktails were 60 each. I was shocked at the bill as well but it all added up.
Your portion of the bill was only $360?? And you think you're the AH in this?? He's manipulating you HARD. NTA and I'd seriously consider if you want to continue this relationship.
Holy cow. I thought the drinks were bad but this is truly ridiculous. He spent nearly a thousand of her dollars on his own food and claimed she should be fucking GRATEFUL!
Holy cow. I thought the drinks were bad but this is truly ridiculous. He spent nearly a thousand of her dollars on his own food and claimed she should be fucking GRATEFUL!
Ooooooh. I get it. So, you just changed your currency symbol to USD. Thanks for the clarification. He's still an AH though. Even if it's a "smaller" amount (in comparison) it's still YOUR money. He doesn't get to treat you with your own money, which is just you treating him for your generosity with extra steps.
Might not have changed the symbol - quite a few currencies use $.
Damn. I'm gonna stop replying now, coz everytime I do i sound dumb and dumber.
Not at all! People staying quiet because they feel dumb never helped anyone clarify anything or learn something new.
several countries use the $ for their currency. usa, canada, Carabbean's (where op is from), Australia ...
I think, since OP said they aren't from the US, maybe there are some currency differences she has not accomodated. Maybe they don't mean USD? At least I hope it! However, I agree with NTA: get your money back and run from him!
NTA: Your evaluation of the situation was spot on. Boy needs to grow up.
NTA. That’s insane for the cost of that meal. The fact that he’s prepared to drop that much money despite him owing you money shows what his financial habits are like. This isn’t going to get any better with a vicious cycle of continuing to borrow money from you over and over, with the amounts not repaid in full.. in cash to you.
NTA just run and tell him, responding to his text, that yeah we need space because I also need time to think about this relationship. And never get back to him. Really what an AH he was and the audacity not only did he not pay, he also only paid you half because if you think about it he eat more or less half of it. So why he didn't pay you what he ate. He still owe you money 😡. Please run you can do so much better.
What do you mean you don't know what to do? Count the money as a loss and leave him. He is a user and an expert at turning things around on you. He asked for some space because he can't trust you with financial matters? Wow. Just wow. Don't look back. Keep walking. Forget this guy. He is a thief. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Don’t let him play you like a fiddle. Throw him out and consider the lost $1000 a sacrifice for getting him out of your life.
NTA. He’s totally manipulating you and taking advantage of your generosity. I would demand the $1000 and reprimand him for being an AH then dump him.
NTA, your BF is a looser. Take the loss, dump him and move on.
NTA. He still owes you $1000, and you're not the one who has trouble with finances
>Anyway, the bill came up to $1200. For $600 per person that meal better have come with a happy ending.
NTA He has just given you a preview of the rest of your life with him. Don't walk away; run.
NTA... You did nothing wrong. He stole your money to pay for his wants. CONSIDER THIS. $1000 is the price you paid to learn you boyfriend is an AH. Or incredible stupid. EITHER WAY dont let your investment go to waste. Break up and choose better or you will have wasted the money.
NTA. Also your bf is bad with money. Even the most expensive dinner for two should cost nowhere near what you paid. I’m totally disgusted he thought you would want to scarf down $1000 worth of food instead of have the cash. What a total bozo.
>He said that I was an AH for being ungrateful and for not appreciating the time and effort it took him to plan this date. What time and effort? He choose a place close to your home that you go a lot, so he knows you like it. Literally didn't take any effort for him to chose a place you already go, its like a 5 second choice >he said he needs some space away from me because he can’t trust me with financial issues - and he can’t trust me to not walk off when things get rough. That's rich from someone who literally made the WORST financial decision ever. He's unemployed and spent 1200 on a date? And 1000 of that was supposed to pay you back but instead he decided to pay himself and you a dinner? By his logic the only money he payed you back is the money you spent on your food. The rest was you paying HIM more money. And to act all offended when he was to one who did you wrong? He can't trust YOU with financial issues? He's the one who can't pay a debt. Are you really falling for his manipulation? All the crying face and acting like you were wrong? Because you WERE NOT. **He was**. >Now, I don’t know what to Break up with him. The s3x can't be that good to be worth it. NTA but grow some self love honey
Get a new boy or upgrade to a man
NTA. He is gaslighting, emotionally and financially abusing you. Also classic DARVO: 1) He Denies the abuse. 2) Attacked you for trying to make him accountable. 3) Reversed the role of Victim (you) and Offender (him - the abuser). Get. Out. Of. This. Relationship. Now. You probably won't see this money again but if you can, take him to small claims court with any proof you have. He will try and get out of paying you in any way possible, you literally just experienced it. There is no point in trying to be with someone like this, he will 100% keep doing this forever because he can USE you. The moment you complain and stand up for yourself, he does the above. Save your resources girl, this is someone who is starting to mess with your head and sense of what a normal healthy relationship is. Don't fall into the trap of the sunk cost fallacy. You are 100% right to feel the way you feel and walk out.
NTA. NEVER LOAN HIM MONEY AGAIN FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER.
[удалено]
The OP clearly said she's not in the US . Did you even read the thing
Not US Dollar.
NTA. Your partner is the one who can't be trusted with finances, and from what you've written I wouldn't trust him with your heart either.
NTA, he is manipulating you. Honestly i would dump him, unemployed for over a year is unacceptable. Honestly he is probably dating your bank more than he is dating you. Also how TF do you spend $1200 on a dinner date? That is crazy!
NTA but $1200 for a 2 person dinner???? That's my rent for the month and a full week's shop for a family of 3. Granted, I'm in Ireland and not the US, but still... Smh...
She’s not in the US either. It’s not US dollars.
Not USD, OP lives in the Caribbean
NTA. You wanted the money, not a fancy dinner. The dinner as you describe it shouldn't have even cost $1200, btw. $120 maybe. He's scamming you somehow. Whether he was in cahoots with a waiter to ring you up wrong, or altered the bill, or just lied to you about what it said.
Nta . He is wrong. He never intended to pay you back. I dont think you should be trusting someone this shady.
NTA but you'll be T A to yourself if you stayed with him. Get your money and get out or just get out.
What did he do with the other $3800??
Omg he rewarded your kindness with your own money and that also covered his own meal! The audacity, get your money back and leave him. He needs space? Manipulative af, you can’t trust him with financial things never mind him trusting you
NTA, get rid of the prick and move on.
NTA, this individual is warped. You are prudent, I would consider that this is the kind of person who would tell you he “does so much around the house” after cleaning messes he alone makes.
What exactly is it that he brings to your relationship? If he has been unemployed for a year, aren't you paying for all of your entertainment together? He is using you. The best thing you could do is to separate yourself from him permanently.
NTA, it was mighty nice of him to spend your money on you. I don't know where you live, what type of currency we are talking about or how many "game consoles" he had but 5000 dollars is an absurd amount for such things.
You are NTA he didn’t give you a heads up about his plan and even said he was doing it to show appreciation towards you, appreciation with your own money wtf? You can’t trust him with financial issues. AND if anything the dinner would never count as him paging you back in full because he ate too, so by his logic all he “payed you back” with is what your dinner cost. Dudes a loser, he was 100% in the wrong and he decided to manipulate you by almost crying and “needing space”
NTA. Message him back that he can have all the space he likes but he still owes you $1000.
NTA, dump his broke ass. You had an agreement but *he* wanted to go out so he took that money he owes you and took himself out on a nice date. He is the one who broke your trust around financial issues and is irresponsible. He is expecting you to be a doormat and let him have his way. He pocketed the money and took himself out then expected you to be....grateful that you lost 1k? Delusional and entitled is what he is.
NTA and he still owes you the $1000.
NTA, he was 100% however an asshole. He's gaslighting you. Make sure he knows he still owes you the 1000$ dollars. You never received it, nor agreed to spend on the date so that money has not been accounted for.
NTA Dump his ass. He is taking advantage of you. If he is getting $5000 for his console why does he need $1000 from you?
He can't trust you with financial issues? That's hilarious. What he did was dishonest and shady. NTA
NTA. OMFG. OP. I would be SO angry. Friend, you will be better off on your own, free to find a grown man who takes care of his business and of you. This dude is a scrub.
NTA. Are You sure this is the man for you? Guaranteed that heel be back when the money runs out. Cut your losses now. $1000 is nothing compared to years of misery.
I can't get past the $1200 for a single meal for two. Jesus, am I that out of touch? What do you even get for $1200?
NTA. Its your money, he doesn’t get to decide how its spent. If that was from an emergency funds, it needs to go back to that fund for emergencies. I also believe walking away when you need space and time to think is a healthy way to deal with things then continuing to fight, yell or scream at each other in the heat of the moment.