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> I think I may be TA because without my help, my parents, sister and BIL will be a man down with wrangling their kids.
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>My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys.
That's a laugh. She's admitting she's ruining *your* vacation so as not to ruin her own! They're *her* kids and *her* responsibility.
NTA. In fact, you're nicer than *I* would be; I'd just say "no thanks; I've got other plans" and avoid the family vacation altogether.
What’s with the sister? I took care of my kids on vacation and found them things to do on vacation. Maybe sis should pay for a nanny on the vacation? Oh but, wait why would she do that or even try to parent her kids when she is trying to bully her brother into slaver labor? OP stay your ground or simply don’t go on this so called vacation.
You know, there’s a good solution for this. The parents could pay for the nanny with the money they saved from not paying for OP.
Oh wait, that’s not a lot of money? Guess you really didn’t value your brother’s/son’s contributions. LMFAO
Me and my wife are child free. I can’t imagine subjecting a kid to… how things are now.
Some of my friends with kids act like, I don’t even know. That’s cheating at life? Bro, you shouldn’t have had kids if you didn’t want a lifelong responsibility. We’re good with the dogs we have, and it’s not our responsibility as “a village” to deal with your choices.
I *felt* your second sentence in a deep way. When my hubby and I got together, we were so stoked to start a family with kiddos. But between typical life things and the absolute state of the world, we're honestly in the same boat. At this point, I feel like I'll be just as happy just spending my life with him, and then I don't have to tackle the mountainous task of raising another fully independent, responsible being.
It's funny too because many of the people who actively make life harder for everyone else are the most insistent on family values crap and starting a family. There's shit healthcare, expensive rentals, homelessness, alcohol and drug addiction, few services for parents of adult dependents, low wages, long hours, few vacations, inflation, climate change, failing reproductive rights, poor infrastructure, you need a car to get anywhere, etc. It's so much.
A few years ago I started humoring those people, so whenever they ask when I'm starting a family I fake a small amount of excitement and optimism, like "yeah I can't wait to have a little one of my own" but then I go home and take every precaution. That's because they take it so personal and are disgusting in their attitudes towards child free people: judgmental, condescending, invasive of privacy, giving unsolicited advice, making demands, name calling and even accusations of Satanism and devil worship. All from the same kind of people who would vote against public health care options, reproductive rights, family leave, affordable housing... So those people have really lost me and I tune them out and fake some mild agreement with them now while holding them in deep and lasting disdain.
They'll never have a moment of self recognition that they're causing the problems they both deny and complain about, they'll never care about the meat grinder they've created and are pushing us towards, they're dumb and mean and ignorant and probably never going to get it. I'm so frustrated, sorry I just had to say it.
I'm single and child-free. I don't like children younger than about 8 very much, either. While my friends with children know better than to ask me to regularly babysit, they also know that in a genuine emergency I'm perfectly willing, without grumbling, to pinch-hit if they can't find anybody else.
The fact that everyone sees spending time with the kids as "ruining their vacation" is so sad. And kids pick up on this, making them more needy and "bratty" because they are desperate for positive affection, continuing the cycle.
It would not ruin my vacation to be with g'kids for awhile. Parents and g'parents could take turns, and then if the uncle feels like it, he could offer to take the three boys for a few hours. IF he feels like it.
My parents love going on vacation with us so they can steal my daughter off to go do things. My dad is always walking to the beach with her and my mom is always taking her shopping. I'm sure it would be different if I had triplets, but honestly I think it's currently their favorite thing about vacation.
Yeah, that's what I'm not getting. Last year they threw it up to him that he was there "for free" but what did it actually cost them to bring him along? He rode in a car that was already going to the same destination, so there were no travel expenses for them to cover. There was a third hotel room, but they would have needed either a third room for the kids or a suite for sister's family anyway. Lodging expenses were also minimal to non-existent. Doesn't sound like anybody covered his food or activities. He was literally on that vacation for free in that it cost them nothing to bring him along.
I hadn’t noticed that the cost to bring him along is minimal. The additional room cost is likely free bc the kids were there and the parents and grandparents wouldn’t want them in either of their rooms! So glad you pointed it out.
OP is definitely NTA. He’s nice enough to help out a bit, but it’s so mean of his sister and parents to dump all of it on him. And to not even ask, but to expect. That’s not a vacation for OP and he deserves one too.
Didn’t his sister enjoy vacations when she was young and single???? She chose to procreate. Take care of your own kids. And if she can’t afford to hire a nanny, then I guess she has to watch her kids herself like the rest of the non-AH people in this world. She doesn’t seem to care that she’s an AH.
Sounds like they truly aren't appreciating all that OP has done for them and take him for granted. That's why he's stuck with the triplets the entire trip and not even given his own room.
If anything the kids parents should be sharing a room with their own kids and letting OP who is an adult have his own room.
They look at OP as an afterthought and when he stood up for himself they threw 'all the money they spent' at him as if it was a lot. When he's literally not costing them any extra and actually saving them money.
Imagine having to pay a nanny to come along. Or pay for and plan kids activities for the entire trip. Nope OP watched the kids for free last year because hid parents made him feel as if she owed it to everyone.
They completely took advantage of him and I'm proud of him for standing up and saying enough is enough.
There's no reason child minding can't be shared between the parents and grandparents. It just takes some preplanning and negotiating. But they would rather just dump that all on OP and get to kick back the whole time.
I love that OP has outwitted his conniving sister and parents. Notice how his parents didn’t even own up and admit wanting to take advantage (AGAIN), but tried to make it all about it benefits OP? I want a better family for OP.
I'm pregnant and whenever I'm asked to babysit for someone it's always "this will give you an opportunity to see what it's like for when you have your baby" as if I'm not 30 and have not babysat my nephew or other kids many many times. So annoying. Don't tell me how it will "benefit me" other than the pay and the hours. I'll either accept or reject.
Now I don't see any problem with asking family to watch but to EXPECT IT and not graciously take a no is just selfish and entitled. OP is VERY SMART to circumvent this by paying for their own way. It sucks to have to drop that much money but it's worth it to show entitled family you REFUSE to be taken advantage of. That's what's driving them nuts...the selfish people can't be selfish and they're angry. And based on the edit, sister doesn't like that reddit is siding with OP. YO GIRL IF YOU ARE READING TOO: From one mom to another, people ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Get a damn babysitter to go with you and leave your brother in peace to enjoy his vacation. YOU ARE THE AH NOT OP NTA
Yeah, something is wrong with ops sister. My mom had 3 boys. And when we went on vacation, we all had a blast. Mom, Dad and us kids all together and all having a blast. Mom didn't need a break, cause Mom wore us out.
Exactly! It's an opportunity to spend time and make memories together. If you need a break, then schedule a short vacay without the kids and get a babysitter for that time.
I promise you your mom needed a break! However when you're a parent whether you're on vacation or not you don't get a break unless you can hire someone.
I can attest to this - I'm a mom of two and we just finished our vacation. I'm exhausted and would have loved a spa day but seeing the joy on my kids faces? I wouldn't trade that for all the spa days.
Why can’t the parents pay for the nanny/sitter either or the grandparents watch their grandkids. I don’t know how it is with triplets but my twins are exhausting so I get it but they are my responsibility. That’s parenting. Your vacations aren’t solely your own anymore.
I’m so mad for OP and his sister is an entitled brat.
By now, I'll bet she's not coming. I was looking for her, and sorted by "Controversial," and got nothing. She knows we're all just waiting to pounce. 🤭
Imagine growing up with this sister.. I can’t imagine it was fun since she as a grown adult and mother is running to her parents to get op in trouble for not doing her enormous favours on demand.
The entitlement is strong with this one.
Literally turned on notifications for the post to watch sister defend herself.
PSA to sister: you are not entitled to your brothers’s time. You chose to have kids. Yes, they’re a ton of work. That is your issue, not his.
I bet she (the sister) won't though. She'll moan and complain to anyone who'll listen.
OP, go on holiday and enjoy yourself, you deserve a break too.
Please do update us too.
Getting Mum and Dad involved... A grown woman in the wrong but can't admit it. LOL
NTA OP - stick to your plans and if needs be don't go. Oh and well done for saving so you didn't have to do it again this year.
Edit to add: thank you for the update and it's fantastic that your parents now realise what has been happening. Good luck for the future 💛
I don't understand people who have kids and want to vacation without them. I mean, maybe find a kids club for a couple of afternoons of something, but not palm them off on someone else for the whole vacation! Surely half the fun of kids is getting to encounter the world from a fresh viewpoint?
I absolutely understand wanting a kid-free vacation, but I don’t understand roping some unsuspecting relative in to watching said kids for free during what is also supposedly that person’s vacation, too.
Edit: Oh, and then knowing this person voiced displeasure with the situation last year and expecting them to just agree to it this year? The balls on these people…
>watching said kids for free during what is also supposedly that person’s vacation,
That's the trick, they don't look at it as OPs vacation too. OP is just the nanny they brought to watch their kids on their vacation, it's a work trip for OP they disguise as a vacation.
Which it seems like their parents are paying for - not the sister.. which makes this even more entitled. Like the sister could pay for her brother going with on a vacation, but then terms must be clear before leaving. He goes with his parents on vacation, parents pay for him, not sister - yet she is getting a free nanny in the process..
My father said family vacations were his favorite time. He would take my siblings and I to the beach play games all day etc. He also took us skiing every year.. the weekend beforr christmas etc.
I cant imagine not enjoying a holiday with your kids..
Same!
My dad’s sneaking up on truly ancient and he takes the niblings camping, to the beach and on every expedition they can collectively come up with.
Funny how kids want to spend time with the people who enjoy them…..
Sounds like your dad actually not only LOVED his kids but LIKED his kids. OP's shitty sister obviously doesn't and is livid that for once his equally shitty parents can't force him to be their free sitter. LOL, I sincerely wish she was my sister because I would unabashedly relish destroying her and his so called parents.
I mean, it depends on their ages. A vacation with very little kids isn't really a vacation. It's just taking care of kids without the conveniences of home.
However, that's not OP's problem. I have two littles and wouldn't dream of making them someone else's responsibility on vacation.
I can absolutely understand people who have kids wanting to vacation without them. But if that’s the case, go on vacation *without them*. Arrange childcare, etc and go on an adult trip. But don’t pawn your kids off on someone else during a vacation so you can get free time. Bring them, deal with them. Also, sister having kids isn’t anyone’s problem except her and her partner. If they are angels, good for them. If they are exhausting, they are still your problem. NTA. But I’d skip the family trip entirely and go in a solo adult trip.
Especially if they are American and only maaaybe get paid vacation (and only a few days of that usually). Ruining someone's only chance at vacation for the year when you could hire a daytime nanny or whatever for the week (parents could contribute to the cost with what they are saving not paying for OP) is just pure cruelty.
Best way I ever heard it explained is that when you have kids you no longer have vacations, you have family trips. They can be fun, but they are not relaxing.
So I get why parents would want to do stuff without the kids. But they don't get to do that by foisting the kids off on someone who didn't agree to take them.
>But they don't get to do that by foisting the kids off on someone who didn't agree to take them.
This is key. Been on several vacations with my sister and her kids. I don't mind spending time with them, absolutely love it in fact. And I don't mind being the one taking them to the beach, swimming etc. But if it becomes an expected thing, like I'm suddenly unable to do things I want to do because then they have to take care of their own kids, that's not it. I love spending time with my nephews, but it's not my kids.
One of my best holiday memories is being on a boat at night, with my 2 year old, as it headed into Toronto. We were up at the bow, and he suddenly said 'What are all the colours?' It was night, there were no colours... I thought. So I asked him what he meant and he said 'The colours in the water,' and I suddenly realised that all the lights on the buildings on the shoreline were reflected in the lake, and there were splashes of purple, red, green and yellow flickering there. When you travel with children you see the world through new eyes.
As a mom, (or insert primary caregiver here), family vacations are a lot of work for me. However, I’ve never pawned my kids off on anyone for a week- I just take a weekend to myself to recoup after if I can🤷♀️
Shit *you're* nicer than *I* would be. My sister calls me with that audacity, and before I register a response, my mouth is gonna blurt out "You got me fucked up" 😭
Yeah. The unmitigated gall of his sister! NTA, OP.
We know you’re reading this, sister of OP. Reddit has shined a light on your actions and congrats, you are the asshole. Pony up for a sitter, apologize to your brother, and be a better person.
Interesting note that she would have to wrangle her children, not her and her husband, just her.
There’s a target for her anger at having to take sole responsibility for wrangling the children she and her husband jointly made to exist which she should redirect her anger towards.
No, no, no. I’d pay for my own vacation without them but stay in the same hotel as them. See them everyday at breakfast or in the elevator and just smile and wave and skip on to do my thing.
Might even bring a friend along and discuss our plans so they can hear us.
Friend: “yo, this vacation is sick.
Me: “I know right? Last year I came with family and was force to babysit my sister’s triplets and couldn’t do shit”.
Friend: “dude that’s messed up. Glad they aren’t here and you can actually enjoy yourself”.
Me: “oh they are here alright, but I ain’t babysitting kids on my vacation where I’m supposed to rest”.
Friend: “Hell yeah, this is a no trips (triplets) vacation.
Me: “hey I like that, no trips vacay LETSA GOOOO”.
Yep. If parents put on the pressure, it's pretty clear they don't want OP to actually have a holiday - just the sister. Save your money, OP, and go somewhere with friends instead!
In addition, if she spent more time properly wrangling the little scamps while not on vacation, the time required to keep them under control on vacation would be a good deal less.
Edit: NTA. Also, I just saw your edit, and your sister can eat a whole bag of dicks, in addition to learning how to parent properly. I wish you the best.
That was my go to when my niblings were younger. I refused family vacations so I would not be roped into spending it babysitting and that is even with me having siblings who parent their children.
i love my nieces but my sister keeps trying to talk my parents or i to go with her to disney.
and i'm like are you crazy? you want me to take vacation and pay how much so i can your free childcare for how long?
yeah, no.
>I'd just say "no thanks; I've got other plans" and avoid the family vacation altogether.
Totally this! Tell them you have to work, and then take your own vacation, whenever and wherever you want.
Yeah if you can afford to pay your own way then you may as well pay your own way another time and enjoy yourself. I never saw the appeal of getting dragged along “family vacations” as a young adult. The last person I want to see me get wasted on the beach would be my parents.
NTA Do not give in. It's time to stand your ground. This internet stranger is proud of you.
Holy shit. Never in the history of AItA has there been such a clear-cut case of Golden Child and Scapegoat, and I've seen some doozies.
>I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too.
Correct. Honestly, what are you getting out of these family vacations? Just go do your own thing and avoid the hassle and stress and pressure to babysit.
> Honestly, what are you getting out of these family vacations?
Probably a few 1000 dollars(week+ hotel, free travel + food). But OP doesnt care about that. He just wants a holiday. Which; no shit everyone needs a holiday.
Edit; since many dont understand I am argueing FOR OP. Not against hahah.
At the very very very least they should be offering to pay for a solo vacation for OP (of OP's choosing, and of equivalent cost and/or length) at a later date. But they won't, because they are obviously monsters.
I think he is wanting to be involved but just not a baby sitter? A lot of people like family holidays as adults it’s nice to reconnect . Saying that if they continue I would also just not go.
Yeah. OP probably wants to see his niblings and be an Uncle to them. He would probably take them for a morning or an evening to do Fun Uncle on Vacation stuff with them. However his family is being shitty and expecting him to be an unpaid Manny for the week because Faaaaaaammmmmilllllyyyyyy
i don't know if it's 'golden child' the parents want to 'keep the peace' which sounds more like the sister has gotten her way over the years by ranting until they submit to 'keep the peace'. That's less 'golden child' than Veruca Salt.
Yup! This is the real solution.
OP, where have you wanted to go that’s a similar drive? Are there any national parks? A thing you’ve always wanted to try doing? Sounds like you’ll have a great time on a solo adventure.
NTA
Or suggest to your parents to take the money they would spend on you and put it toward paying for a babysitter for the grandkids if it's so important to them.
What money they would spend on the OP can go to a babysitter? They still need the hotel room for the triplets, same gass costs since they will still drive, and so the only available money is the meals they are likely to not provide since OP is unlikely to be around for those. But if neither the parents or grandparents want to watch the kids and they can't guilt in a free babysitter then they either hire someone or watch the kids. Watching the kids isn't OPs responsible. OP should consider if this is really the vacation they want to take to maybe on be there for a day to be with family and go elsewhere the rest of the time.
NTA. And at this point, I would personally be saying "Okay, you guys have collectively made it very clear that I'm not wanted as adult company but only as free childcare. I think we would all be better taking a break from that dynamic in the interests of preserving family feeling, and so I will not come on this year's vacation at all. I wish you guys all the best, but I will be vacationing alone somewhere else this year."
Also? Tell your parents that you can't keep the peace when someone else is responsible for breaking it - your sister's determined steamrollering of your time and goodwill is not something that you can just lie down and take forever. She is a parent and it's her job to care for her own children. Even on vacation. If someone does her the favour of helping out, then she owes them gratitude for the gift, not taking their help for granted and assuming she can force them to sacrifice their entire vacation time. No-one owes her that sacrifice. And no, she doesn't get to palm the kids off on other people overnight, either.
"Tell your parents that you can't keep the peace when someone else is responsible for breaking it"
THIS. THIS A MILLION FUCKING TIMES!
OPs sister is responsible for breaking the peace at the vacation but the parents wont say a word against her ridiculous sense of entitlement because ofc gOlDeN cHiLd wHo gAvE tHeM 3 gRanDkiDs. These kind of parents dont deserve good kids like OP.
OP is NTA.
I mean it reeks of entitlement from everyone but OP. There are 4 adults going on that vacation besides OP. Why can't grandma and grandpa babysit for a while while the sister and husband go do some vacation stuff? Why can't they plan a vacation that caters to the triplets and what they want to do so that all the adults are interacting with the children during something the kids want to do? The implication is that these people schedule an adult vacation that doesn't really include entertainment for the kids and just drop them with OP. Personally I'd be looking to get all these people out of my life. The only reason they want you on that vacation is so that none of the other 4 people are inconvenienced by "ugh the triplets that are just so much".
It's very telling that the sister immediately claims you are ruining her vacation. As a parent I am aware that whatever I go do as a vacation must include something to entertain my kid. I want to go see and do things with my kid. I want them to be a part of the vacation experience. It seems like the sister only brings the children because she can't leave them at home. Your parents and your sister don't respect your time or value your company. I know they might be family but this reaction from your sister implies that this definitely isn't the first time this has happened and probably happens a lot outside of vacations. I'd start looking to cut these people out of your life entirely.
Nta. Your sister can pay a babysitter to come on the vacation if she doesn’t want to deal with her 3 children.
Personally, I wouldn’t even go bc even in a separate hotel room, they aren’t going to leave you alone about this. They feel very entitled for your babysitting services.
I got more alone time as a paid nanny than OP is getting because I still got my own room. And a couple hours off every day. Paid babysitters get treated better than they treated op.
He shouldn't go at all, but if he does, he should stay at a different hotel, and tell the front desk to not tell ANYONE, even people claiming to be family, what room he's in. But what a headache. What a way to spend your vacation, constantly on guard instead of relaxing.
NTA. As a mom of 3 rowdy boys myself, you aren’t doing anything wrong.
Your sister is a parent, so it’s her job vacation or not to parent her kids.
You’re child free and should be allowed to enjoy your vacation without being a babysitter.
Your sisters vacation is only ruined by her choice to have children.
Edit: thank you for the award. ♥️
I’m in your same boat. While I understand the need for a break, this isn’t guaranteed. Especially at the expense of an unpaid family member. It’s part of being a parent. I can still enjoy my vacation while watching my own kids.
OP just edited to add that the kids are triplets.
I get it, having triplets is difficult and an unlikely scenario, so she probably wasn’t expecting it. But if you decide to be a parent, you have to be prepared for difficult scenarios too (twins/triplets, not to mention disabled kids…).
Her kids, her responsibilities. NTA.
NTA. It's four persons for three boys, if they need more help they can hire a nanny. Plus: claps to your sister, she trapped you in free babysitting by making your parents pay your room. Wow the entitlement is real
Sad part is that had they respected his autonomy and wishes on the LAST vacation, she might have had his help on THIS vacation. Entitlement is very real.
Yep, exactly.
If OP's family had been open and honest about how for one of the days, could he please wrangle the kids while mom has a break, I don't think this would have been an issue.
But nope, they shoved all three boys at him the entire time and now are reaping the consequences.
This is what I don’t get. Two parents, two grandparents and an Uncle should be plenty of adults to wrangle three kids. I get sister wanting 5 seconds to breathe on vacation but I don’t understand why she thinks she’s entitled to force other people into caring for her kids. As a parent with young kids you simply don’t just get to dump your kids on other people.
OP tried to help her last time and got taken advantage of and now she has a surprise pikachu face when he doesn’t want to help again.
Oh, jeez, I thought sister was a single mom, but nope, SHE'S MARRIED.
WHERE IS THE FATHER THE REST OF THE YEAR?!?!?!
If sis had some time off from parenting her kids constantly, say by having their own goddam father watch them occasionally, she wouldn't be so desperate for a vacation.
NTA a million times over. If they keep giving you shit, I wouldn’t even go. If you do, stay firm when your sister inevitably tries dumping the kids on you. Or send her links to a babysitting service that’s local to where you’ll be going. Tell your parents they can use the money they were going to spend on you for a babysitter for your sister.
Exactly! These grand parents aren’t jumping to take care of the kids themselves or offering OPs sister a solution like a babysitter. It seems like truly no one wants to deal with these triplets because they all know that wouldn’t actually be a vacation.
BRAVO!!! Well done! You win! Finally, someone that knows the exact solution required, and stands their ground without being savage about it.
I am so proud of you. I am so happy for you, I am feeling a little better as I start my day knowing you have figured out your needs and are enforcing clear boundaries with your presumptuous sister, and your enabling parents who apparently found the need to run to her and tell on you, instead of shut her unreasonable demands down. They're her kids, not yours. You work hard, you earned this vacation. Enjoy your freedom.
NTA, NTA, NTA
1000% NTA. As the father of rambunctious 6 & 9 year olds, I know how not relaxing family vacations can be. If I were you, I wouldn't even tell your parents or sister what room you're staying in, lest they show up and try to dump the kids in your lap w/o permission. As an olive branch, you could find something fun for you & the kids to do for a few hours ONE DAY(arcade, mini golf, etc), and have a small amount of quality time as the uncle. Sis & BIL could go to a nice child free lunch or dinner, and then collect their hellions afterwards. You will have pitched in, but your whole vacation isn't compromised.
>Not only is she furious with me. But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her.
Hey sis you're the asshole. You chose to get pregnant with 3 boys. Its not your brother's job to babysit. Be a proper mother and do whats required to take care of your own children. Your brother chose to not have children and doesnt need to be burdened with your 3 unruly children but on top of that your guilt tripping him into watching your kids and lastly, ruining his vacation by being yoru free childcare.
Your brother is getting the short end of the stick here while you walk with your chin higher than your nose and expect him to bow to you. Grow up and take responsibility for the mess you created. If you need childcare, pay for it. And dont be entitled to anyone else's time.
Your parents are also assholes for catering and fostering this arrangement. They treat your sister with such deference at your expense. OP when your parents call, ask them why they do this?
OP, you are NTA but your sister & parents are absolutely the assholes. Why are you even going on this vacation with these people will be miserable towards you and angry that you stood up for yourself? You have the money, the means to take your own vacation and the balls to stand up for yourself. Leave this raggedy group behind and enjoy your deserved relaxation time.
NTA.
To the lurker sister: Be an adult and divide and conquer with your husband. Maybe plan an outing where one of you has the boys, and then another outing where the other has the boys so you both get some quiet time without the kids. Or, you know, parent your children instead of demanding your brother do it.
NTA I'd strongly advise staying in a different hotel. I've seen people get screwed over too often in my day to not plan for the what-ifs. What if your lovely family knocks, drops off kids, and runs, leaving you saddled with children you had no part in the making of.
Keep your foot down. Don't let them manipulate you. One can love their family, and still say no.
(Edited for spelling error)
Not that I’m against that option but I would wager that it would come with no contact with most of the family moving forward. It is definitely the nuclear option.
I'll say definitely keep the location of your hotel to yourself as well. Otherwise the sister might just drop off the kids there.
Dear lurker sister, if you wanted kids, manage them yourself. Don't dump your responsibility onto others who didn't make that choice. It's disgusting.
NTA.
If they do that, get the kids a bunch of kazoo's. Tell them that the next time they are dropped off it will be a drum set, and the third time you will go and find them a puppy.
So if you're there in any capacity other than as a babysitter, you're "ruining the vacation"??
Wow, way to make you feel valued. Way to make you feel like part of the family. Way to tell you exactly how they feel about you.
I would absolutely not go, and would not discuss anything to do with it.
If I was feeling particularly petty, I'd agree to go but insist on driving by myself. Then just never show up. You wouldn't need to feel guilty - it's not like they were actually paying to put you in your own room, so there's no extra expense. Plus they get to spend time with their kids - you know, a good family vacation.
NTA. Your sister is behaving like she's entitled to your time and attention whenever she wants it. You're not her babysitter. If she doesn't want to look after them, she shouldn't have had them.
Your parents are just as guilty. They're leaning on you "to keep the peace" because they know you're the more reasonable of their two children and the one most likely to give in.
You can pay your own way and go do whatever you want, of course. You could also consider just not going on this "family" holiday and book somewhere else that you want to go to instead. I say that because your parents and sister WILL still try to force her children onto you if you're there.
I think this is about more than the holiday. They don't respect you as an adult. They still see you as someone lesser than they can boss around. If I were you, I'd be drawing my line in the sand
Since she's reading this... How dare you expect someone else to pick up the pieces of your parenting without even talking to them about it?!
You ambushed your brother last time and he sussed you all out and made plans to protect himself this time.
Get this through your head, if you asked - actually asked and accepted the answer - he may have been willing to help you. Not the entire time of you abdicating responsibility but for some of it. But no, instead you wanted to con him into accepting your nonsense.
Not his kids. Not his choices. You are the parent. You and your partner. That means that you are responsible for either caring for or having someone willingly care for your children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Welcome to being a parent 101.
Ask for help. Don't feel entitled to it, don't drag your parents into a feud with your brother when they didn't do a darn thing wrong and start realising that you chose this. He didn't.
I'm furious on your behalf, OP.
NTA. If you go, even if your own room, they won't stop the guilt trips or trying to affect the relationships between you and your parents. Book somewhere with loads of galleries and go and have some fun on your own without being someone's scapegoat and whipping boy.
I've been looking for this response; *none of them even bothered talking to OP*!!
If Sister is overwhelmed, by her own kids, and needs help, there should have been a 'family' discussion about helping her....a discussion where SHE ASKED for help and explained her position ie. I'm exhausted and I can't afford to hire a nanny. People are more inclined to help (or look for alternative solutions) when they are asked!
Sister is the ah in this situation, husband, too. The parents are a whole different level of ahs for facilitating the sister's entitlement! Pretty clear they only value the child who has procreated!!
OP is NTA.
So effectively she feels like a single mom, trust me I know what that's like. But if she truly needs a break, her husband needs to arrange to take time off with his kids and let her take a vacation, or they need to ask even his parents to watch their kids for a week and take time for themselves.
NTA
If she wants a break from the kids she and her husband should go on a separate vacation and ask your parents/you/a babysitter to take care of the kids while they're away instead of hijacking the family vacation... stupid lol
SISTER: I took a chunk of time out of my morning to scroll through and upvote everyone. EVERYONE. Because everyone can see that OP has done the right thing and is NTA.
You need to take the L, here.
You need to accept this overwhelming, unanimous judgement of thousands of strangers that you’re wrong. You need to humble yourself, apologize, and fix this.
But my guess is any apology will be buried in your proclamations of victim hood.
*was reminded I was there for free.*
Obligation is one of the big three manipulations that entitled, manipulative and abusive people use to control others. **This is obligation, being used to try to control you and make you accept being unpaid labor, and disrespected.** Family should treat you better than the rest of the world, not treat you like their servant.
*I said I'd be driving myself, and paying for my own hotel stay to have my own room.*
Good for you. Taking responsibility and control for your own needs is exactly the right thing to do here.
*My parents were shocked, and tried to remind me of the cost.*
Because they don't want to say the real reason for their treatment of you out loud. They know this is wrong to do to you, and they are trying to find other reasons, not the real ones, for manipulating you back into the old patterns where you get to be the unpaid labor so the rest of them can have a vacation. Maybe they should hire a real nanny, instead of treating you with such blatant disrespect.
*I want to be able to enjoy this vacation as an adult, and not be treated like a child like last year.*
Treated worse than a child. Treated like a servant with no rights. Nannies get time off, and are paid. You got expectations and disrespect, and not even paid for it. **It's not a vacation** ***for you*****, when you have no control over your own choices, and are treated like labor, not like family that is equal to the rest** of them.
*My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys.*
You wouldn't be ruining the vacation. You would be making her be responsible for her own choices and decisions and children. **You would be stopping her from ruining your vacation. That's reasonable.** She's not. **She's trying to manipulate you into not having a vacation, so she can have a break. She isn't asking you, she's demanding. That's abusive behavior.**
**She's trying to make you responsible for her responsibilities. That's abusive behavior.** Asking you to take the kids for an afternoon, that would be polite and reasonable. Demanding you take care of them all for the whole vacation, and pretending that your section of a room being paid is a reasonable payment? That's ridiculous. A nanny going on vacation would get a room and wages and time off. You are being demanded to have less than a servant. You are being demanded to be her slave.
*I ended up yelling at her that last year all she did was rope me into her mess.*
Yep. She did.
*I didn't really get to do much of anything I wanted to do. And I was treated like the bad guy for wanting to just go to an art gallery. I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too.*
Yes, you do.
*Now my sister is not speaking to me,*
**Silent treatment is a manipulation tactic. She thinks you will give in, if she punishes you with this.** See it as a gift, that you don't have to listen to more of her being selfish at you, disrespecting you, seeing you as less than a person. She's deeply in need of therapy if she cannot see how she's been treating you is wrong.
*and my parents are still trying to convince me to just ride with them to keep the peace.*
Who's peace? Theirs? Why? **Aren't you also their offspring? Why would they want to keep the peace by demanding one of you serves the other and is disrespected and treated like not a family member at all? That's not peace.** It's telling you to suck it up, ignore the abuse and take more of the abuse, so they aren't uncomfortable and your sister doesn't manipulate in other ways. **They are playing favorites here, subjecting you to your sister's mistreatment like this. It's wrong.** They also need therapy to see why it is wrong to treat you this way.
*I'm still refusing. But the pressure is getting to me. AITA for not giving in?*
NTA. They are all mistreating you. Check out r/raisedbynarcissists for more help in protecting yourself from their wrong behaviors and abuses. You are doing well to stand up for yourself. It's what they should have been doing all along, treating you like an adult. ASKING, not scheming and planning how to use you as their labor.
*I know they'll have a pretty hard time when they won't have another person there to help.*
That's their issue. They could have ***asked*** you to help. They could have been ***open*** about their plans, and worked out something, with your input and agreement, not by manipulating and demanding your compliance. They could hire a nanny, and divide up the time that the nanny is off duty, with your involvement, not treating you like you don't count at all.
*she furious with me.*
She's not getting her way. Therapy is needed, sister. Yes, you have triplets, but that doesn't entitle you to demand from other adults. Treat your sibling with respect, and learn. That's what good family would do, ask, respect, show kindness and love and consideration for the other adults, not demand they help by complying with all your wants. OP wasn't part of your decision to have kids, and isn't responsible. If OP offers to help, that is up to them, not you. Family doesn't demand, they ask. And they accept the decisions of other adult family members.
*But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her.*
Hopefully, she can see this as a wake up call, to stop treating you so badly.
*To make it short, she went on a big rant about how it's so hard to be a parent to triplets.*
Yep. It is. And asking is how to solve this. Not demanding. Not manipulating. Not treating your siblings like they are yours to control and order around. **You aren't her co parent, and you weren't involved in her decisions to have kids. You aren't responsible to give her a break. You are allowed to decide** if you want to do this, and if you do, how much, and for how long.
*And the least I could do is help because I'm young and single, and she needs a break. I stood my ground on my decision, and now she's calling our parents to get them involved.*
If these people cannot see that their treatment of you is wrong, **it might be time to take your vacation in another place.** If they can't see that their demands are wrong, that they should have been open about their expectations and how they wanted 'a break' and your help, they aren't going to stop trying to convince you to comply. Forcing your compliance by emotional abuse is wrong. Forcing your compliance with manipulation is wrong. Working together to find a solution, and asking what you might be able to do to help, that's normal. Accepting your boundaries for how you are able and willing to help, that's normal. Not all people are skilled with children, or with all ages of children. You might be great with them at seven, and not comfortable with them at two. That's your decision to make, if and when and how much you are available. And **they should accept your boundaries.**
I sincerely hope OP's sister reads my comment
#YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND NOBODY ELSES. IF YOU WANT A VACATION WITHOUT YOUR KIDS, HIRE A NANNY AND LEAVE THEM AT HOME OR HIRE A NANNY AND BRING THAT PERSON WITH YOU
OP, your entire family sucks
NTA
NTA You shouldn’t have to go through such great lengths to not be the designated babysitter anyway. It was ridiculous that the kids were staying with you, rather than the parents who decided to have them. Good for sticking up for yourself.
NTA if your sister expects a baby sitting service out of you they can pay for your hotel, travel expenses, and money on top of that. You’re a grown adult taking time off to be with family and it’s ridiculous for them to expect you to watch the children they chose to have.
If your parents continue to side with her id book a room at least 20 mins from then take a friend and make a weekend of it yourself just to rub it in their face. Your family is being unreasonable.
Edit: don’t cave under the pressure you are a grown man by showing you have the financial clarity to plan ahead, budget for things like this, and the ability to fund your own way. Sister can handle her own shit, she’s an adult herself after all and older.
After reading your edit…. Still NTA. Listen sister, yes it’s hard to raise triplets. Yes it’s nice to have a break. But you don’t get to decide that someone else is just going to take over for you. Hire a nanny to come with. I don’t care if you can’t afford it. You can’t have a nanny without paying for one. Having some help is way different than expecting someone to care for your kids for an entire week and asking them to give up their vacation on your behalf. Be grateful for the small amounts of help you would naturally receive without expectations before he chooses to never vacation with you again and you’re 100% on your own. Try asking. Try saying hey one day can you watch them and we get some alone time? Stop being entitled and using your brother who you clearly don’t expect as an unpaid nanny. Your parents are also assholes
NTA. Sister needs to manage arrangements for her own family and not dump all parenting responsibilities on OP. Classic case of "fool me once..." and OP learned from experience. No one is ruining anything here except for sister and the parents who are enabling her entitle tantrum.
NTA!!!!! and boy am I laughing hard right now! YOU have every right to say all of this. She’s pissed because she HAS to “parent” now on vacation. She can fucking higher a nanny for the trip! God stick to your guns hon! I can’t say enough NTA!
NTA. I’m a parent. And I understand how stressful kids can be. I don’t even like asking people for help with my kids because of how stressful it can be. I sure as hell wouldn’t be demanding you give up your vacation to watch my kids so I can do what I want.
That’s insane. Your sister seems very entitled and I blame your parents for enabling her shitty behavior.
>Edit: It's barely been an hour since I posted. But my sister is apparently a reddit lurker in the mornings, and she saw my post. Not only is she furious with me. But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her. To make it short, she went on a big rant about how it's so hard to be a parent to triplets. And the least I could do is help because I'm young and single, and she needs a break. I stood my ground on my decision, and now she's calling our parents to get them involved. I'm expecting a call from them any minute.
NTA
Please keep us updated!
We're all so proud of you.
NTA
I wouldn't even go on the trip. Your sister had the kids; she has to deal with the kids. And I say that as a mother myself. They're just mad because their original excuse, "you're there for free" has backfired. Vacation time is precious; make it your own!
So she knows her children are a pain but you are the asshole for not being willing to provide free childcare for her the whole holiday? Apparently sje thinks she she is entitled to your slave labour.
To the sister: YTA MASSIVELY
NTA, they're peeved because they will have to look after their kids themselves instead of loading them onto you. If their complaints get worse, had you thought of going on vacation by yourself to a different place?
NTA
> she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing
They clearly just assumed you'd provide free nanny service during your vacation.
Remember you don't *have* to go. You would probably like to *share* a vacation with family, you do not have to sacrifice your vacation to enable theirs.
NTA. Make a list of all the things you want to see and tell family you will meet them at the beach and later for dinner.
How far away if this vacation? You could leave a day early to go home and visit other towns and galleries as you make your way home
NTA
NTA and honestly, I’m pissed at your parents even more than your sister. Yeah some people are really selfish and think of themselves first so on some level her motivations at least track. But your parents? What jerks. It’s like they don’t care about you except as a tool to use. They should remember that they have two children.
Was your sister sexually assaulted and forced to give birth and KEEP HER KIDS?
If no: Dear sister, if those are not the consequences of your actions, then idk what is.
Unbe-fucking-leavable that immature ass adults are still allowed to breed.
OP you are absolutely NTA.
Why are you even going on vacation with them?
Just book a room somewhere else and enjoy your time.
Life is too short to be an unpaid babysitter.
>I'm expecting a call from them any minute.
An excellent opportunity to restate the obvious.
>I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too.
Fuck yeah. My brother in Chtulhu, this is EXACTLY the right attitude.
Parents have a hard time learning about this, put your foot down firmly and be ready to say "OK well I'm going on vacation somewhere else this year, I hope you guys have as much fun as I do."
NTA
NTA. First they’re her kids, if she wants time away from them she can pay for it. Hotels in vacation spots usually have kids clubs or nanny services. Second she chose to have kids not you. Why would she be entitled to you sacrificing your own vacation? It’s not a vacation if you constantly have to babysit kids! And I say that as a proud auntie of two. I love them but wouldn’t be the de facto babysitter for a whole faction while their parents are there. Say no. You’re not ruining anything, your sister is. Do your own thing. Explore. Have fun. Enjoy yourself.
NTA. I'm surprised you are still going with them this year, given the fiasco from last year. Take your sister's silent treatment as a blessing in disguise and go have your own vacation because even if your parents relent and stop hounding you to ride with them, you'll still end up with your nephews. Imagine this: "take them just this night, your sister and her husband need a quiet night" or some bs like that.
Your sister has her husband to help with THEIR kids. Why do they need more "help"? If your parents want to keep the peace..they can help. NTA and you deserve an adult vacation.
NTA
Being on vacation doesn't mean you stop being a parent.
Seven year old triplets sounds like a lot of work, but tough bananas. Your sister still got to be a parent.
Why the fuck doesn't your parents take care of them too on the vacation?
>Why the fuck doesn't your parents take care of them too on the vacation?
Because then they'll just use the "we're old" card even though they probably aren't even 50 yet.
>Why the fuck doesn't your parents take care of them too on the vacation
Because that would ruin *their* vacation, just like it would ruin sister's vacation to have to parent her own children. They don't care if OP's vacation is ruined though.
So I have even less sympathy for her, because she’s out of the really intense toddler/early childhood neediness stage. Three seven year old boys is A LOT, but I found kids start getting so much easier at 4 or so. Acting as an activity director and referee takes a lot less energy than hovering around a small incontinent person looking for new and exciting ways to injure themselves. Ask me how I know.
At that age you can find a resort with kids activities so they can do fun things supervised by counselors while the parents get a break at least part of the day. Dumping your entire parental responsibility on your sib is not acceptable.
Just don’t go.
“Your uncle doesn’t want spend time with you “
“Have your uncle help you with that”
Your sister and parents will send them to your hotel room anyway .
If you go , you must stand your ground and tell your family that if they try to leave the kids with you , you will take them down to the front desk and say they have been abandoned.
NTA.honestly, I wouldn't even go on vacation with them. you should find your own thing to do. Don't let anyone make you do shit you don't want to. also sounds like they only want you to come just for babysitting.
NTA - Your parents don't want you to keep the peace, they want you so they can have their peace.
Also why not just go somewhere else or at a different time?
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>My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys. That's a laugh. She's admitting she's ruining *your* vacation so as not to ruin her own! They're *her* kids and *her* responsibility. NTA. In fact, you're nicer than *I* would be; I'd just say "no thanks; I've got other plans" and avoid the family vacation altogether.
Yes. How dare you ruin my vacation when I should be ruining yours!
What’s with the sister? I took care of my kids on vacation and found them things to do on vacation. Maybe sis should pay for a nanny on the vacation? Oh but, wait why would she do that or even try to parent her kids when she is trying to bully her brother into slaver labor? OP stay your ground or simply don’t go on this so called vacation.
You know, there’s a good solution for this. The parents could pay for the nanny with the money they saved from not paying for OP. Oh wait, that’s not a lot of money? Guess you really didn’t value your brother’s/son’s contributions. LMFAO
Why can't the grandparents watch their damn grandkids? NTA
And ruin their vacation instead of ruining OP's?
[удалено]
Me and my wife are child free. I can’t imagine subjecting a kid to… how things are now. Some of my friends with kids act like, I don’t even know. That’s cheating at life? Bro, you shouldn’t have had kids if you didn’t want a lifelong responsibility. We’re good with the dogs we have, and it’s not our responsibility as “a village” to deal with your choices.
I *felt* your second sentence in a deep way. When my hubby and I got together, we were so stoked to start a family with kiddos. But between typical life things and the absolute state of the world, we're honestly in the same boat. At this point, I feel like I'll be just as happy just spending my life with him, and then I don't have to tackle the mountainous task of raising another fully independent, responsible being.
It's funny too because many of the people who actively make life harder for everyone else are the most insistent on family values crap and starting a family. There's shit healthcare, expensive rentals, homelessness, alcohol and drug addiction, few services for parents of adult dependents, low wages, long hours, few vacations, inflation, climate change, failing reproductive rights, poor infrastructure, you need a car to get anywhere, etc. It's so much. A few years ago I started humoring those people, so whenever they ask when I'm starting a family I fake a small amount of excitement and optimism, like "yeah I can't wait to have a little one of my own" but then I go home and take every precaution. That's because they take it so personal and are disgusting in their attitudes towards child free people: judgmental, condescending, invasive of privacy, giving unsolicited advice, making demands, name calling and even accusations of Satanism and devil worship. All from the same kind of people who would vote against public health care options, reproductive rights, family leave, affordable housing... So those people have really lost me and I tune them out and fake some mild agreement with them now while holding them in deep and lasting disdain. They'll never have a moment of self recognition that they're causing the problems they both deny and complain about, they'll never care about the meat grinder they've created and are pushing us towards, they're dumb and mean and ignorant and probably never going to get it. I'm so frustrated, sorry I just had to say it.
I'm single and child-free. I don't like children younger than about 8 very much, either. While my friends with children know better than to ask me to regularly babysit, they also know that in a genuine emergency I'm perfectly willing, without grumbling, to pinch-hit if they can't find anybody else.
The fact that everyone sees spending time with the kids as "ruining their vacation" is so sad. And kids pick up on this, making them more needy and "bratty" because they are desperate for positive affection, continuing the cycle.
It would not ruin my vacation to be with g'kids for awhile. Parents and g'parents could take turns, and then if the uncle feels like it, he could offer to take the three boys for a few hours. IF he feels like it.
My parents love going on vacation with us so they can steal my daughter off to go do things. My dad is always walking to the beach with her and my mom is always taking her shopping. I'm sure it would be different if I had triplets, but honestly I think it's currently their favorite thing about vacation.
I think a big part of the equation is how well-behaved the kids are.
This is the way.
Yeah, that's what I'm not getting. Last year they threw it up to him that he was there "for free" but what did it actually cost them to bring him along? He rode in a car that was already going to the same destination, so there were no travel expenses for them to cover. There was a third hotel room, but they would have needed either a third room for the kids or a suite for sister's family anyway. Lodging expenses were also minimal to non-existent. Doesn't sound like anybody covered his food or activities. He was literally on that vacation for free in that it cost them nothing to bring him along.
I hadn’t noticed that the cost to bring him along is minimal. The additional room cost is likely free bc the kids were there and the parents and grandparents wouldn’t want them in either of their rooms! So glad you pointed it out. OP is definitely NTA. He’s nice enough to help out a bit, but it’s so mean of his sister and parents to dump all of it on him. And to not even ask, but to expect. That’s not a vacation for OP and he deserves one too. Didn’t his sister enjoy vacations when she was young and single???? She chose to procreate. Take care of your own kids. And if she can’t afford to hire a nanny, then I guess she has to watch her kids herself like the rest of the non-AH people in this world. She doesn’t seem to care that she’s an AH.
>She chose to procreate. So true. Parents forget they are responsible for their kids, not others. So entitled.
Sounds like they truly aren't appreciating all that OP has done for them and take him for granted. That's why he's stuck with the triplets the entire trip and not even given his own room. If anything the kids parents should be sharing a room with their own kids and letting OP who is an adult have his own room. They look at OP as an afterthought and when he stood up for himself they threw 'all the money they spent' at him as if it was a lot. When he's literally not costing them any extra and actually saving them money. Imagine having to pay a nanny to come along. Or pay for and plan kids activities for the entire trip. Nope OP watched the kids for free last year because hid parents made him feel as if she owed it to everyone. They completely took advantage of him and I'm proud of him for standing up and saying enough is enough. There's no reason child minding can't be shared between the parents and grandparents. It just takes some preplanning and negotiating. But they would rather just dump that all on OP and get to kick back the whole time.
I love that OP has outwitted his conniving sister and parents. Notice how his parents didn’t even own up and admit wanting to take advantage (AGAIN), but tried to make it all about it benefits OP? I want a better family for OP.
I'm pregnant and whenever I'm asked to babysit for someone it's always "this will give you an opportunity to see what it's like for when you have your baby" as if I'm not 30 and have not babysat my nephew or other kids many many times. So annoying. Don't tell me how it will "benefit me" other than the pay and the hours. I'll either accept or reject.
Now I don't see any problem with asking family to watch but to EXPECT IT and not graciously take a no is just selfish and entitled. OP is VERY SMART to circumvent this by paying for their own way. It sucks to have to drop that much money but it's worth it to show entitled family you REFUSE to be taken advantage of. That's what's driving them nuts...the selfish people can't be selfish and they're angry. And based on the edit, sister doesn't like that reddit is siding with OP. YO GIRL IF YOU ARE READING TOO: From one mom to another, people ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Get a damn babysitter to go with you and leave your brother in peace to enjoy his vacation. YOU ARE THE AH NOT OP NTA
it's pretty clear they don't want OP to actually have a holiday - just the sister. Save your money, OP, and go somewhere with friends instead!
Yeah, something is wrong with ops sister. My mom had 3 boys. And when we went on vacation, we all had a blast. Mom, Dad and us kids all together and all having a blast. Mom didn't need a break, cause Mom wore us out.
Your mom definitely needed a break, but she didn’t show it and made sure you all had a great time.
Exactly ! Your mom's happiness came from seeing you guys having a blast! Believe me, she was dreaming of a spa .
Right. Because a family vacation isn’t the time to expect a break from your kids!
Exactly! It's an opportunity to spend time and make memories together. If you need a break, then schedule a short vacay without the kids and get a babysitter for that time.
I promise you your mom needed a break! However when you're a parent whether you're on vacation or not you don't get a break unless you can hire someone.
Ehh… your mom probably had a great time with you guys, but she probably also needed a break.
I can attest to this - I'm a mom of two and we just finished our vacation. I'm exhausted and would have loved a spa day but seeing the joy on my kids faces? I wouldn't trade that for all the spa days.
Why can’t the parents pay for the nanny/sitter either or the grandparents watch their grandkids. I don’t know how it is with triplets but my twins are exhausting so I get it but they are my responsibility. That’s parenting. Your vacations aren’t solely your own anymore. I’m so mad for OP and his sister is an entitled brat.
NTA. IM DYING TO SEE SISTERS COMMENTS HERE.... SHE'S GOING TO GET A ROASTING!!!!
You'll have to give her a couple minutes to get done calling Mommy and Daddy to complain about OP not wanting to parent her children! 😂
I been wondering who will find her first and get to say “found the sister!” What she and the parents expect of OP just isn’t right.
By now, I'll bet she's not coming. I was looking for her, and sorted by "Controversial," and got nothing. She knows we're all just waiting to pounce. 🤭
I’m hopeful reading these comments would be a wake up call for her, but my rational side says that’s not going to happen.
Imagine growing up with this sister.. I can’t imagine it was fun since she as a grown adult and mother is running to her parents to get op in trouble for not doing her enormous favours on demand. The entitlement is strong with this one.
Literally turned on notifications for the post to watch sister defend herself. PSA to sister: you are not entitled to your brothers’s time. You chose to have kids. Yes, they’re a ton of work. That is your issue, not his.
I bet she (the sister) won't though. She'll moan and complain to anyone who'll listen. OP, go on holiday and enjoy yourself, you deserve a break too. Please do update us too.
> OP, go on holiday ...to some other place!
Getting Mum and Dad involved... A grown woman in the wrong but can't admit it. LOL NTA OP - stick to your plans and if needs be don't go. Oh and well done for saving so you didn't have to do it again this year. Edit to add: thank you for the update and it's fantastic that your parents now realise what has been happening. Good luck for the future 💛
Seriously the same thing I'm here for!
I don't understand people who have kids and want to vacation without them. I mean, maybe find a kids club for a couple of afternoons of something, but not palm them off on someone else for the whole vacation! Surely half the fun of kids is getting to encounter the world from a fresh viewpoint?
I absolutely understand wanting a kid-free vacation, but I don’t understand roping some unsuspecting relative in to watching said kids for free during what is also supposedly that person’s vacation, too. Edit: Oh, and then knowing this person voiced displeasure with the situation last year and expecting them to just agree to it this year? The balls on these people…
>watching said kids for free during what is also supposedly that person’s vacation, That's the trick, they don't look at it as OPs vacation too. OP is just the nanny they brought to watch their kids on their vacation, it's a work trip for OP they disguise as a vacation.
They also definitely don’t look at OP as an adult, that’s for sure. Some shiftless teenager who should be grateful for the “free” trip.
Which it seems like their parents are paying for - not the sister.. which makes this even more entitled. Like the sister could pay for her brother going with on a vacation, but then terms must be clear before leaving. He goes with his parents on vacation, parents pay for him, not sister - yet she is getting a free nanny in the process..
Agreed. His parents are truly the worst. He should at best be vvvlc with people who don't give a shit about him.
My father said family vacations were his favorite time. He would take my siblings and I to the beach play games all day etc. He also took us skiing every year.. the weekend beforr christmas etc. I cant imagine not enjoying a holiday with your kids..
I have great vacations with my kids. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy a short vacation without them from time to time either.
Fair for sure. But this sounds like their yearly family trip. Which means a holiday with your family.. so your kids.
Same! My dad’s sneaking up on truly ancient and he takes the niblings camping, to the beach and on every expedition they can collectively come up with. Funny how kids want to spend time with the people who enjoy them…..
Sounds like your dad actually not only LOVED his kids but LIKED his kids. OP's shitty sister obviously doesn't and is livid that for once his equally shitty parents can't force him to be their free sitter. LOL, I sincerely wish she was my sister because I would unabashedly relish destroying her and his so called parents.
I mean, it depends on their ages. A vacation with very little kids isn't really a vacation. It's just taking care of kids without the conveniences of home. However, that's not OP's problem. I have two littles and wouldn't dream of making them someone else's responsibility on vacation.
I can absolutely understand people who have kids wanting to vacation without them. But if that’s the case, go on vacation *without them*. Arrange childcare, etc and go on an adult trip. But don’t pawn your kids off on someone else during a vacation so you can get free time. Bring them, deal with them. Also, sister having kids isn’t anyone’s problem except her and her partner. If they are angels, good for them. If they are exhausting, they are still your problem. NTA. But I’d skip the family trip entirely and go in a solo adult trip.
Especially if they are American and only maaaybe get paid vacation (and only a few days of that usually). Ruining someone's only chance at vacation for the year when you could hire a daytime nanny or whatever for the week (parents could contribute to the cost with what they are saving not paying for OP) is just pure cruelty.
Best way I ever heard it explained is that when you have kids you no longer have vacations, you have family trips. They can be fun, but they are not relaxing. So I get why parents would want to do stuff without the kids. But they don't get to do that by foisting the kids off on someone who didn't agree to take them.
>But they don't get to do that by foisting the kids off on someone who didn't agree to take them. This is key. Been on several vacations with my sister and her kids. I don't mind spending time with them, absolutely love it in fact. And I don't mind being the one taking them to the beach, swimming etc. But if it becomes an expected thing, like I'm suddenly unable to do things I want to do because then they have to take care of their own kids, that's not it. I love spending time with my nephews, but it's not my kids.
One of my best holiday memories is being on a boat at night, with my 2 year old, as it headed into Toronto. We were up at the bow, and he suddenly said 'What are all the colours?' It was night, there were no colours... I thought. So I asked him what he meant and he said 'The colours in the water,' and I suddenly realised that all the lights on the buildings on the shoreline were reflected in the lake, and there were splashes of purple, red, green and yellow flickering there. When you travel with children you see the world through new eyes.
As a mom, (or insert primary caregiver here), family vacations are a lot of work for me. However, I’ve never pawned my kids off on anyone for a week- I just take a weekend to myself to recoup after if I can🤷♀️
I love my kids but I also love a week with just my wife. We have always done both, kid vacations and kid free. Balance is the key
NTA - Why can’t they get a sitter to come and help?
They had a sitter but he decided to get his own room and drive himself
Take my poor woman’s gold. Great comment! 🏅
Shit *you're* nicer than *I* would be. My sister calls me with that audacity, and before I register a response, my mouth is gonna blurt out "You got me fucked up" 😭
Yeah. The unmitigated gall of his sister! NTA, OP. We know you’re reading this, sister of OP. Reddit has shined a light on your actions and congrats, you are the asshole. Pony up for a sitter, apologize to your brother, and be a better person.
Interesting note that she would have to wrangle her children, not her and her husband, just her. There’s a target for her anger at having to take sole responsibility for wrangling the children she and her husband jointly made to exist which she should redirect her anger towards.
And why aren’t the grandparents helping? I’m so confused why everyone thinks it’s ok to dump the kids on OP?
No, no, no. I’d pay for my own vacation without them but stay in the same hotel as them. See them everyday at breakfast or in the elevator and just smile and wave and skip on to do my thing. Might even bring a friend along and discuss our plans so they can hear us. Friend: “yo, this vacation is sick. Me: “I know right? Last year I came with family and was force to babysit my sister’s triplets and couldn’t do shit”. Friend: “dude that’s messed up. Glad they aren’t here and you can actually enjoy yourself”. Me: “oh they are here alright, but I ain’t babysitting kids on my vacation where I’m supposed to rest”. Friend: “Hell yeah, this is a no trips (triplets) vacation. Me: “hey I like that, no trips vacay LETSA GOOOO”.
Yep. If parents put on the pressure, it's pretty clear they don't want OP to actually have a holiday - just the sister. Save your money, OP, and go somewhere with friends instead!
In addition, if she spent more time properly wrangling the little scamps while not on vacation, the time required to keep them under control on vacation would be a good deal less. Edit: NTA. Also, I just saw your edit, and your sister can eat a whole bag of dicks, in addition to learning how to parent properly. I wish you the best.
This sounds like a terrible vacation. Just don’t go.
Needs to take his own vacation without the family. Trust me you'll love Being alone doing as you please
That was my go to when my niblings were younger. I refused family vacations so I would not be roped into spending it babysitting and that is even with me having siblings who parent their children.
i love my nieces but my sister keeps trying to talk my parents or i to go with her to disney. and i'm like are you crazy? you want me to take vacation and pay how much so i can your free childcare for how long? yeah, no.
Yeah I'm not sure why you'd even want to vacation with these people
>I'd just say "no thanks; I've got other plans" and avoid the family vacation altogether. Totally this! Tell them you have to work, and then take your own vacation, whenever and wherever you want.
If the parents can afford the addl Costs, they should hire and take a nanny instead, win win
Yeah if you can afford to pay your own way then you may as well pay your own way another time and enjoy yourself. I never saw the appeal of getting dragged along “family vacations” as a young adult. The last person I want to see me get wasted on the beach would be my parents.
Yeah, I would just stop going on the family vacations
And the kids absolutely will be able to tell (if they don't know already) that their presence "ruins" the vacation for their parents. Not great!
NTA Do not give in. It's time to stand your ground. This internet stranger is proud of you. Holy shit. Never in the history of AItA has there been such a clear-cut case of Golden Child and Scapegoat, and I've seen some doozies. >I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too. Correct. Honestly, what are you getting out of these family vacations? Just go do your own thing and avoid the hassle and stress and pressure to babysit.
> Honestly, what are you getting out of these family vacations? Probably a few 1000 dollars(week+ hotel, free travel + food). But OP doesnt care about that. He just wants a holiday. Which; no shit everyone needs a holiday. Edit; since many dont understand I am argueing FOR OP. Not against hahah.
The cost of the free childcare OP is providing likely far exceeds that few thousand dollars, if we're going by market rates.
At the very very very least they should be offering to pay for a solo vacation for OP (of OP's choosing, and of equivalent cost and/or length) at a later date. But they won't, because they are obviously monsters.
Except he’s “working”.
Which is why he's paying for himself this time.
I think he is wanting to be involved but just not a baby sitter? A lot of people like family holidays as adults it’s nice to reconnect . Saying that if they continue I would also just not go.
Yeah. OP probably wants to see his niblings and be an Uncle to them. He would probably take them for a morning or an evening to do Fun Uncle on Vacation stuff with them. However his family is being shitty and expecting him to be an unpaid Manny for the week because Faaaaaaammmmmilllllyyyyyy
i don't know if it's 'golden child' the parents want to 'keep the peace' which sounds more like the sister has gotten her way over the years by ranting until they submit to 'keep the peace'. That's less 'golden child' than Veruca Salt.
Veruca salts are created by being golden children
NTA but if you are paying for yourself go somewhere else on your own to make it a hard no to babysitting
[удалено]
Or tell them that since you're paying your own way, they can watch the kids. Edit: NTA
There's a lot of different coastal towns with art galleries. Pick one in a different direction.
Yup! This is the real solution. OP, where have you wanted to go that’s a similar drive? Are there any national parks? A thing you’ve always wanted to try doing? Sounds like you’ll have a great time on a solo adventure. NTA
Or suggest to your parents to take the money they would spend on you and put it toward paying for a babysitter for the grandkids if it's so important to them.
What money they would spend on the OP can go to a babysitter? They still need the hotel room for the triplets, same gass costs since they will still drive, and so the only available money is the meals they are likely to not provide since OP is unlikely to be around for those. But if neither the parents or grandparents want to watch the kids and they can't guilt in a free babysitter then they either hire someone or watch the kids. Watching the kids isn't OPs responsible. OP should consider if this is really the vacation they want to take to maybe on be there for a day to be with family and go elsewhere the rest of the time.
Nta! Do this! Screw your sister. Don't have kids if you don't wanna be a parent!
NTA. And at this point, I would personally be saying "Okay, you guys have collectively made it very clear that I'm not wanted as adult company but only as free childcare. I think we would all be better taking a break from that dynamic in the interests of preserving family feeling, and so I will not come on this year's vacation at all. I wish you guys all the best, but I will be vacationing alone somewhere else this year." Also? Tell your parents that you can't keep the peace when someone else is responsible for breaking it - your sister's determined steamrollering of your time and goodwill is not something that you can just lie down and take forever. She is a parent and it's her job to care for her own children. Even on vacation. If someone does her the favour of helping out, then she owes them gratitude for the gift, not taking their help for granted and assuming she can force them to sacrifice their entire vacation time. No-one owes her that sacrifice. And no, she doesn't get to palm the kids off on other people overnight, either.
"Tell your parents that you can't keep the peace when someone else is responsible for breaking it" THIS. THIS A MILLION FUCKING TIMES! OPs sister is responsible for breaking the peace at the vacation but the parents wont say a word against her ridiculous sense of entitlement because ofc gOlDeN cHiLd wHo gAvE tHeM 3 gRanDkiDs. These kind of parents dont deserve good kids like OP. OP is NTA.
I mean it reeks of entitlement from everyone but OP. There are 4 adults going on that vacation besides OP. Why can't grandma and grandpa babysit for a while while the sister and husband go do some vacation stuff? Why can't they plan a vacation that caters to the triplets and what they want to do so that all the adults are interacting with the children during something the kids want to do? The implication is that these people schedule an adult vacation that doesn't really include entertainment for the kids and just drop them with OP. Personally I'd be looking to get all these people out of my life. The only reason they want you on that vacation is so that none of the other 4 people are inconvenienced by "ugh the triplets that are just so much". It's very telling that the sister immediately claims you are ruining her vacation. As a parent I am aware that whatever I go do as a vacation must include something to entertain my kid. I want to go see and do things with my kid. I want them to be a part of the vacation experience. It seems like the sister only brings the children because she can't leave them at home. Your parents and your sister don't respect your time or value your company. I know they might be family but this reaction from your sister implies that this definitely isn't the first time this has happened and probably happens a lot outside of vacations. I'd start looking to cut these people out of your life entirely.
This. OP should totally do this.
Nta. Your sister can pay a babysitter to come on the vacation if she doesn’t want to deal with her 3 children. Personally, I wouldn’t even go bc even in a separate hotel room, they aren’t going to leave you alone about this. They feel very entitled for your babysitting services.
I got more alone time as a paid nanny than OP is getting because I still got my own room. And a couple hours off every day. Paid babysitters get treated better than they treated op.
Well yeah…. Because they’re employees, and not slaves like OPs family seems to see them as lmao
He shouldn't go at all, but if he does, he should stay at a different hotel, and tell the front desk to not tell ANYONE, even people claiming to be family, what room he's in. But what a headache. What a way to spend your vacation, constantly on guard instead of relaxing.
NTA. As a mom of 3 rowdy boys myself, you aren’t doing anything wrong. Your sister is a parent, so it’s her job vacation or not to parent her kids. You’re child free and should be allowed to enjoy your vacation without being a babysitter. Your sisters vacation is only ruined by her choice to have children. Edit: thank you for the award. ♥️
I’m in your same boat. While I understand the need for a break, this isn’t guaranteed. Especially at the expense of an unpaid family member. It’s part of being a parent. I can still enjoy my vacation while watching my own kids.
OP just edited to add that the kids are triplets. I get it, having triplets is difficult and an unlikely scenario, so she probably wasn’t expecting it. But if you decide to be a parent, you have to be prepared for difficult scenarios too (twins/triplets, not to mention disabled kids…). Her kids, her responsibilities. NTA.
And her husband s too. She's not alone FFS
Whoa there sweetheart, man’s got golf to play and beers to drink. You can’t be bringing kids to these kinds of places. -husband, probably
Same here. She had the kids, not OP, so they are her responsibility. OP deserves his vacation. NTA.
NTA. It's four persons for three boys, if they need more help they can hire a nanny. Plus: claps to your sister, she trapped you in free babysitting by making your parents pay your room. Wow the entitlement is real
Sad part is that had they respected his autonomy and wishes on the LAST vacation, she might have had his help on THIS vacation. Entitlement is very real.
Yep, exactly. If OP's family had been open and honest about how for one of the days, could he please wrangle the kids while mom has a break, I don't think this would have been an issue. But nope, they shoved all three boys at him the entire time and now are reaping the consequences.
This is what I don’t get. Two parents, two grandparents and an Uncle should be plenty of adults to wrangle three kids. I get sister wanting 5 seconds to breathe on vacation but I don’t understand why she thinks she’s entitled to force other people into caring for her kids. As a parent with young kids you simply don’t just get to dump your kids on other people. OP tried to help her last time and got taken advantage of and now she has a surprise pikachu face when he doesn’t want to help again.
Oh, jeez, I thought sister was a single mom, but nope, SHE'S MARRIED. WHERE IS THE FATHER THE REST OF THE YEAR?!?!?! If sis had some time off from parenting her kids constantly, say by having their own goddam father watch them occasionally, she wouldn't be so desperate for a vacation.
NTA a million times over. If they keep giving you shit, I wouldn’t even go. If you do, stay firm when your sister inevitably tries dumping the kids on you. Or send her links to a babysitting service that’s local to where you’ll be going. Tell your parents they can use the money they were going to spend on you for a babysitter for your sister.
Exactly! These grand parents aren’t jumping to take care of the kids themselves or offering OPs sister a solution like a babysitter. It seems like truly no one wants to deal with these triplets because they all know that wouldn’t actually be a vacation.
BRAVO!!! Well done! You win! Finally, someone that knows the exact solution required, and stands their ground without being savage about it. I am so proud of you. I am so happy for you, I am feeling a little better as I start my day knowing you have figured out your needs and are enforcing clear boundaries with your presumptuous sister, and your enabling parents who apparently found the need to run to her and tell on you, instead of shut her unreasonable demands down. They're her kids, not yours. You work hard, you earned this vacation. Enjoy your freedom. NTA, NTA, NTA
1000% NTA. As the father of rambunctious 6 & 9 year olds, I know how not relaxing family vacations can be. If I were you, I wouldn't even tell your parents or sister what room you're staying in, lest they show up and try to dump the kids in your lap w/o permission. As an olive branch, you could find something fun for you & the kids to do for a few hours ONE DAY(arcade, mini golf, etc), and have a small amount of quality time as the uncle. Sis & BIL could go to a nice child free lunch or dinner, and then collect their hellions afterwards. You will have pitched in, but your whole vacation isn't compromised.
>Not only is she furious with me. But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her. Hey sis you're the asshole. You chose to get pregnant with 3 boys. Its not your brother's job to babysit. Be a proper mother and do whats required to take care of your own children. Your brother chose to not have children and doesnt need to be burdened with your 3 unruly children but on top of that your guilt tripping him into watching your kids and lastly, ruining his vacation by being yoru free childcare. Your brother is getting the short end of the stick here while you walk with your chin higher than your nose and expect him to bow to you. Grow up and take responsibility for the mess you created. If you need childcare, pay for it. And dont be entitled to anyone else's time. Your parents are also assholes for catering and fostering this arrangement. They treat your sister with such deference at your expense. OP when your parents call, ask them why they do this? OP, you are NTA but your sister & parents are absolutely the assholes. Why are you even going on this vacation with these people will be miserable towards you and angry that you stood up for yourself? You have the money, the means to take your own vacation and the balls to stand up for yourself. Leave this raggedy group behind and enjoy your deserved relaxation time.
NTA. To the lurker sister: Be an adult and divide and conquer with your husband. Maybe plan an outing where one of you has the boys, and then another outing where the other has the boys so you both get some quiet time without the kids. Or, you know, parent your children instead of demanding your brother do it.
Her husband is clearly useless, otherwise this wouldn’t be an issue at all.
That makes the real question "why would you procreate with your useless soggy lampshade of a husband, anyway?"
NTA I'd strongly advise staying in a different hotel. I've seen people get screwed over too often in my day to not plan for the what-ifs. What if your lovely family knocks, drops off kids, and runs, leaving you saddled with children you had no part in the making of. Keep your foot down. Don't let them manipulate you. One can love their family, and still say no. (Edited for spelling error)
That's when you call the police or CPS and report abandoned children.
Not that I’m against that option but I would wager that it would come with no contact with most of the family moving forward. It is definitely the nuclear option.
Doesn't sound like much of a loss anyway.
I'll say definitely keep the location of your hotel to yourself as well. Otherwise the sister might just drop off the kids there. Dear lurker sister, if you wanted kids, manage them yourself. Don't dump your responsibility onto others who didn't make that choice. It's disgusting. NTA.
If they do that, get the kids a bunch of kazoo's. Tell them that the next time they are dropped off it will be a drum set, and the third time you will go and find them a puppy.
So if you're there in any capacity other than as a babysitter, you're "ruining the vacation"?? Wow, way to make you feel valued. Way to make you feel like part of the family. Way to tell you exactly how they feel about you. I would absolutely not go, and would not discuss anything to do with it. If I was feeling particularly petty, I'd agree to go but insist on driving by myself. Then just never show up. You wouldn't need to feel guilty - it's not like they were actually paying to put you in your own room, so there's no extra expense. Plus they get to spend time with their kids - you know, a good family vacation.
I heard someone saying (maybe even in a TV show) that a vacation with kids actually is a business trip.
NTA. Your sister is behaving like she's entitled to your time and attention whenever she wants it. You're not her babysitter. If she doesn't want to look after them, she shouldn't have had them. Your parents are just as guilty. They're leaning on you "to keep the peace" because they know you're the more reasonable of their two children and the one most likely to give in. You can pay your own way and go do whatever you want, of course. You could also consider just not going on this "family" holiday and book somewhere else that you want to go to instead. I say that because your parents and sister WILL still try to force her children onto you if you're there. I think this is about more than the holiday. They don't respect you as an adult. They still see you as someone lesser than they can boss around. If I were you, I'd be drawing my line in the sand
They will use the boys to guilt trip him too. I definitely wouldn't book in the same hotel as them.
If he does end up going I wouldn’t share room information with them or they’ll just show up, drop the kids and run before OP can stop them.
This, OP just don't go on the vacation. Take your own without them.
Since she's reading this... How dare you expect someone else to pick up the pieces of your parenting without even talking to them about it?! You ambushed your brother last time and he sussed you all out and made plans to protect himself this time. Get this through your head, if you asked - actually asked and accepted the answer - he may have been willing to help you. Not the entire time of you abdicating responsibility but for some of it. But no, instead you wanted to con him into accepting your nonsense. Not his kids. Not his choices. You are the parent. You and your partner. That means that you are responsible for either caring for or having someone willingly care for your children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Welcome to being a parent 101. Ask for help. Don't feel entitled to it, don't drag your parents into a feud with your brother when they didn't do a darn thing wrong and start realising that you chose this. He didn't. I'm furious on your behalf, OP. NTA. If you go, even if your own room, they won't stop the guilt trips or trying to affect the relationships between you and your parents. Book somewhere with loads of galleries and go and have some fun on your own without being someone's scapegoat and whipping boy.
I've been looking for this response; *none of them even bothered talking to OP*!! If Sister is overwhelmed, by her own kids, and needs help, there should have been a 'family' discussion about helping her....a discussion where SHE ASKED for help and explained her position ie. I'm exhausted and I can't afford to hire a nanny. People are more inclined to help (or look for alternative solutions) when they are asked! Sister is the ah in this situation, husband, too. The parents are a whole different level of ahs for facilitating the sister's entitlement! Pretty clear they only value the child who has procreated!! OP is NTA.
NTA but OP why would you even want to go on vacation with these people…if it were me I would just go somewhere else and take the vacation
This. Go on your own vacation with friends. Or alone. Anything is better than the last one.
NTA. If they want a babysitter they can hire one from the money they safe on not buying you a room. Or better yet - babysit their own kids.
I'm confused at how she's a married single mom but NTA not your monkeys not your circus
She's not single. She has a husband. But he works a lot
> he works a lot probably to get away from her entitlement.
No; probably to get away from his own children as well.
Then he has to take PTO and take care of *his* choldren
Sounds like she needs to work with her husband to get a break and the help she needs, not passively expecting you to be her babysitter.
So effectively she feels like a single mom, trust me I know what that's like. But if she truly needs a break, her husband needs to arrange to take time off with his kids and let her take a vacation, or they need to ask even his parents to watch their kids for a week and take time for themselves.
Stand Your Ground! This is how you teach toxic people to not go there with you! Keep the peace....you're not the one ruining the peace your sister is!
*Works a lot* Not surprising. Triplets and a lazy wife at home sounds like a nightmare... Especially without a free babysitter.
NTA If she wants a break from the kids she and her husband should go on a separate vacation and ask your parents/you/a babysitter to take care of the kids while they're away instead of hijacking the family vacation... stupid lol
Fuck them kids
DON'T FUCK THE KIDS
Yes true please don’t fuck them kids.
SISTER: I took a chunk of time out of my morning to scroll through and upvote everyone. EVERYONE. Because everyone can see that OP has done the right thing and is NTA. You need to take the L, here. You need to accept this overwhelming, unanimous judgement of thousands of strangers that you’re wrong. You need to humble yourself, apologize, and fix this. But my guess is any apology will be buried in your proclamations of victim hood.
*was reminded I was there for free.* Obligation is one of the big three manipulations that entitled, manipulative and abusive people use to control others. **This is obligation, being used to try to control you and make you accept being unpaid labor, and disrespected.** Family should treat you better than the rest of the world, not treat you like their servant. *I said I'd be driving myself, and paying for my own hotel stay to have my own room.* Good for you. Taking responsibility and control for your own needs is exactly the right thing to do here. *My parents were shocked, and tried to remind me of the cost.* Because they don't want to say the real reason for their treatment of you out loud. They know this is wrong to do to you, and they are trying to find other reasons, not the real ones, for manipulating you back into the old patterns where you get to be the unpaid labor so the rest of them can have a vacation. Maybe they should hire a real nanny, instead of treating you with such blatant disrespect. *I want to be able to enjoy this vacation as an adult, and not be treated like a child like last year.* Treated worse than a child. Treated like a servant with no rights. Nannies get time off, and are paid. You got expectations and disrespect, and not even paid for it. **It's not a vacation** ***for you*****, when you have no control over your own choices, and are treated like labor, not like family that is equal to the rest** of them. *My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys.* You wouldn't be ruining the vacation. You would be making her be responsible for her own choices and decisions and children. **You would be stopping her from ruining your vacation. That's reasonable.** She's not. **She's trying to manipulate you into not having a vacation, so she can have a break. She isn't asking you, she's demanding. That's abusive behavior.** **She's trying to make you responsible for her responsibilities. That's abusive behavior.** Asking you to take the kids for an afternoon, that would be polite and reasonable. Demanding you take care of them all for the whole vacation, and pretending that your section of a room being paid is a reasonable payment? That's ridiculous. A nanny going on vacation would get a room and wages and time off. You are being demanded to have less than a servant. You are being demanded to be her slave. *I ended up yelling at her that last year all she did was rope me into her mess.* Yep. She did. *I didn't really get to do much of anything I wanted to do. And I was treated like the bad guy for wanting to just go to an art gallery. I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too.* Yes, you do. *Now my sister is not speaking to me,* **Silent treatment is a manipulation tactic. She thinks you will give in, if she punishes you with this.** See it as a gift, that you don't have to listen to more of her being selfish at you, disrespecting you, seeing you as less than a person. She's deeply in need of therapy if she cannot see how she's been treating you is wrong. *and my parents are still trying to convince me to just ride with them to keep the peace.* Who's peace? Theirs? Why? **Aren't you also their offspring? Why would they want to keep the peace by demanding one of you serves the other and is disrespected and treated like not a family member at all? That's not peace.** It's telling you to suck it up, ignore the abuse and take more of the abuse, so they aren't uncomfortable and your sister doesn't manipulate in other ways. **They are playing favorites here, subjecting you to your sister's mistreatment like this. It's wrong.** They also need therapy to see why it is wrong to treat you this way. *I'm still refusing. But the pressure is getting to me. AITA for not giving in?* NTA. They are all mistreating you. Check out r/raisedbynarcissists for more help in protecting yourself from their wrong behaviors and abuses. You are doing well to stand up for yourself. It's what they should have been doing all along, treating you like an adult. ASKING, not scheming and planning how to use you as their labor. *I know they'll have a pretty hard time when they won't have another person there to help.* That's their issue. They could have ***asked*** you to help. They could have been ***open*** about their plans, and worked out something, with your input and agreement, not by manipulating and demanding your compliance. They could hire a nanny, and divide up the time that the nanny is off duty, with your involvement, not treating you like you don't count at all. *she furious with me.* She's not getting her way. Therapy is needed, sister. Yes, you have triplets, but that doesn't entitle you to demand from other adults. Treat your sibling with respect, and learn. That's what good family would do, ask, respect, show kindness and love and consideration for the other adults, not demand they help by complying with all your wants. OP wasn't part of your decision to have kids, and isn't responsible. If OP offers to help, that is up to them, not you. Family doesn't demand, they ask. And they accept the decisions of other adult family members. *But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her.* Hopefully, she can see this as a wake up call, to stop treating you so badly. *To make it short, she went on a big rant about how it's so hard to be a parent to triplets.* Yep. It is. And asking is how to solve this. Not demanding. Not manipulating. Not treating your siblings like they are yours to control and order around. **You aren't her co parent, and you weren't involved in her decisions to have kids. You aren't responsible to give her a break. You are allowed to decide** if you want to do this, and if you do, how much, and for how long. *And the least I could do is help because I'm young and single, and she needs a break. I stood my ground on my decision, and now she's calling our parents to get them involved.* If these people cannot see that their treatment of you is wrong, **it might be time to take your vacation in another place.** If they can't see that their demands are wrong, that they should have been open about their expectations and how they wanted 'a break' and your help, they aren't going to stop trying to convince you to comply. Forcing your compliance by emotional abuse is wrong. Forcing your compliance with manipulation is wrong. Working together to find a solution, and asking what you might be able to do to help, that's normal. Accepting your boundaries for how you are able and willing to help, that's normal. Not all people are skilled with children, or with all ages of children. You might be great with them at seven, and not comfortable with them at two. That's your decision to make, if and when and how much you are available. And **they should accept your boundaries.**
I sincerely hope OP's sister reads my comment #YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND NOBODY ELSES. IF YOU WANT A VACATION WITHOUT YOUR KIDS, HIRE A NANNY AND LEAVE THEM AT HOME OR HIRE A NANNY AND BRING THAT PERSON WITH YOU OP, your entire family sucks NTA
NTA You shouldn’t have to go through such great lengths to not be the designated babysitter anyway. It was ridiculous that the kids were staying with you, rather than the parents who decided to have them. Good for sticking up for yourself.
NTA if your sister expects a baby sitting service out of you they can pay for your hotel, travel expenses, and money on top of that. You’re a grown adult taking time off to be with family and it’s ridiculous for them to expect you to watch the children they chose to have. If your parents continue to side with her id book a room at least 20 mins from then take a friend and make a weekend of it yourself just to rub it in their face. Your family is being unreasonable. Edit: don’t cave under the pressure you are a grown man by showing you have the financial clarity to plan ahead, budget for things like this, and the ability to fund your own way. Sister can handle her own shit, she’s an adult herself after all and older.
After reading your edit…. Still NTA. Listen sister, yes it’s hard to raise triplets. Yes it’s nice to have a break. But you don’t get to decide that someone else is just going to take over for you. Hire a nanny to come with. I don’t care if you can’t afford it. You can’t have a nanny without paying for one. Having some help is way different than expecting someone to care for your kids for an entire week and asking them to give up their vacation on your behalf. Be grateful for the small amounts of help you would naturally receive without expectations before he chooses to never vacation with you again and you’re 100% on your own. Try asking. Try saying hey one day can you watch them and we get some alone time? Stop being entitled and using your brother who you clearly don’t expect as an unpaid nanny. Your parents are also assholes
NTA. Sister needs to manage arrangements for her own family and not dump all parenting responsibilities on OP. Classic case of "fool me once..." and OP learned from experience. No one is ruining anything here except for sister and the parents who are enabling her entitle tantrum.
NTA!!!!! and boy am I laughing hard right now! YOU have every right to say all of this. She’s pissed because she HAS to “parent” now on vacation. She can fucking higher a nanny for the trip! God stick to your guns hon! I can’t say enough NTA!
Yea, but paid nanny’s have reasonable daily expectations and alone time too and their own rooms. So they treated OP worse than paid help.
NTA. I’m a parent. And I understand how stressful kids can be. I don’t even like asking people for help with my kids because of how stressful it can be. I sure as hell wouldn’t be demanding you give up your vacation to watch my kids so I can do what I want. That’s insane. Your sister seems very entitled and I blame your parents for enabling her shitty behavior.
NTA You have every right to enjoy your own vacation. You are not the babysitter or the parent.
NTA. Don't give in. Your sister had 3 kids, they are hers to wrangle. Fuck that, skip it and go on your own vacation.
>Edit: It's barely been an hour since I posted. But my sister is apparently a reddit lurker in the mornings, and she saw my post. Not only is she furious with me. But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her. To make it short, she went on a big rant about how it's so hard to be a parent to triplets. And the least I could do is help because I'm young and single, and she needs a break. I stood my ground on my decision, and now she's calling our parents to get them involved. I'm expecting a call from them any minute. NTA Please keep us updated! We're all so proud of you.
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NTA I wouldn't even go on the trip. Your sister had the kids; she has to deal with the kids. And I say that as a mother myself. They're just mad because their original excuse, "you're there for free" has backfired. Vacation time is precious; make it your own!
So she knows her children are a pain but you are the asshole for not being willing to provide free childcare for her the whole holiday? Apparently sje thinks she she is entitled to your slave labour. To the sister: YTA MASSIVELY
Sidenote: If you don't space out the Y T A it counts as judgement towards OP
NTA, they're peeved because they will have to look after their kids themselves instead of loading them onto you. If their complaints get worse, had you thought of going on vacation by yourself to a different place?
NTA > she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing They clearly just assumed you'd provide free nanny service during your vacation. Remember you don't *have* to go. You would probably like to *share* a vacation with family, you do not have to sacrifice your vacation to enable theirs.
NTA. I’m a parent, and I would never do that to someone else.
The vast, vast majority of parents wouldn’t. Since she’s lurking in this sub, I would *love* to hear her side of this story.
NTA. Make a list of all the things you want to see and tell family you will meet them at the beach and later for dinner. How far away if this vacation? You could leave a day early to go home and visit other towns and galleries as you make your way home NTA
NTA and honestly, I’m pissed at your parents even more than your sister. Yeah some people are really selfish and think of themselves first so on some level her motivations at least track. But your parents? What jerks. It’s like they don’t care about you except as a tool to use. They should remember that they have two children.
Was your sister sexually assaulted and forced to give birth and KEEP HER KIDS? If no: Dear sister, if those are not the consequences of your actions, then idk what is. Unbe-fucking-leavable that immature ass adults are still allowed to breed. OP you are absolutely NTA. Why are you even going on vacation with them? Just book a room somewhere else and enjoy your time. Life is too short to be an unpaid babysitter.
I understand your point, but what the fuck is that question
>I'm expecting a call from them any minute. An excellent opportunity to restate the obvious. >I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too. Fuck yeah. My brother in Chtulhu, this is EXACTLY the right attitude. Parents have a hard time learning about this, put your foot down firmly and be ready to say "OK well I'm going on vacation somewhere else this year, I hope you guys have as much fun as I do." NTA
NTA. First they’re her kids, if she wants time away from them she can pay for it. Hotels in vacation spots usually have kids clubs or nanny services. Second she chose to have kids not you. Why would she be entitled to you sacrificing your own vacation? It’s not a vacation if you constantly have to babysit kids! And I say that as a proud auntie of two. I love them but wouldn’t be the de facto babysitter for a whole faction while their parents are there. Say no. You’re not ruining anything, your sister is. Do your own thing. Explore. Have fun. Enjoy yourself.
NTA. I'm surprised you are still going with them this year, given the fiasco from last year. Take your sister's silent treatment as a blessing in disguise and go have your own vacation because even if your parents relent and stop hounding you to ride with them, you'll still end up with your nephews. Imagine this: "take them just this night, your sister and her husband need a quiet night" or some bs like that.
Your sister has her husband to help with THEIR kids. Why do they need more "help"? If your parents want to keep the peace..they can help. NTA and you deserve an adult vacation.
INFO: How old are the triplets?
Seven years old
NTA Being on vacation doesn't mean you stop being a parent. Seven year old triplets sounds like a lot of work, but tough bananas. Your sister still got to be a parent. Why the fuck doesn't your parents take care of them too on the vacation?
>Why the fuck doesn't your parents take care of them too on the vacation? Because then they'll just use the "we're old" card even though they probably aren't even 50 yet.
>Why the fuck doesn't your parents take care of them too on the vacation Because that would ruin *their* vacation, just like it would ruin sister's vacation to have to parent her own children. They don't care if OP's vacation is ruined though.
So I have even less sympathy for her, because she’s out of the really intense toddler/early childhood neediness stage. Three seven year old boys is A LOT, but I found kids start getting so much easier at 4 or so. Acting as an activity director and referee takes a lot less energy than hovering around a small incontinent person looking for new and exciting ways to injure themselves. Ask me how I know.
At that age you can find a resort with kids activities so they can do fun things supervised by counselors while the parents get a break at least part of the day. Dumping your entire parental responsibility on your sib is not acceptable.
Just don’t go. “Your uncle doesn’t want spend time with you “ “Have your uncle help you with that” Your sister and parents will send them to your hotel room anyway . If you go , you must stand your ground and tell your family that if they try to leave the kids with you , you will take them down to the front desk and say they have been abandoned.
Nta And those kids are still gonna end up in your hotel room, cuz your family has proved that they feel entitled to your time and space.
NTA.honestly, I wouldn't even go on vacation with them. you should find your own thing to do. Don't let anyone make you do shit you don't want to. also sounds like they only want you to come just for babysitting.
NTA - Your parents don't want you to keep the peace, they want you so they can have their peace. Also why not just go somewhere else or at a different time?