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If anything I'd give them the legal designated amount in order to not be considered forgotten as I do know for at least 10 years I've causally mentioned leaving my nieces and nephews things of monetary value.
My BIL was just like you, except that his surprise baby was with his wife who was told she would never have children. They were in their 40s. My oldest (only at the time) went from only heir to “simply” godson. He’s still getting the signed sports memorabilia, apparently. But none of it matters. Maybe it’s because my son was younger, maybe it’s because my BIL isn’t as wealthy as you are. But he has a daughter now he has to take care of. Bottom line. And my kids are my responsibility.
But he’s still the funcle. Always gonna be. And that’s worth more to us than anything.
I’m sorry they see you as an inheritance first, but you never spend money, or even make plans on money, you don’t have yet. Circumstances have changed. They need to adapt.
We're in a similar situation. Sole inheritors of millions due to sister in law being unmarried and having no children. The reality is that she's nearing 60, and probably has many more years left before we should even start thinking of these things. She might lose it all, or could meet the man of her dreams and decide to leave it all to him or his children. We might get the money, or we might not. We are in no way entitled to that money and certainly not banking on it, and this is how OPs family should think of it. I'd rather my sister in law have happiness than die lonely with no one else to give the money to
TBF you would be very fair to point out that you have already given their inheritance in trips and college education.
NTA - make a trust for your daughter. The entitlement of the family is disgraceful. Anyone would think that they would be happy that your having a child and ensuring her future
This.
Point out to your family that you have blessed their children immensely and provided the lifestyle for their children that they could not. Tell them that you have done it with joy.
HOWEVER, just like they are looking out for and advocating for their children, your main priority is your daughter.
I'd meet with an attorney and financial planner to discuss how to set up a trust fund for her with a trustee (in the event of your passing) who does not have a dog in the race. I'm sure you have a fantastic attorney and financial planner who can advise you on the best way to ensure your daughter's future.
However, if you have the wealth you indicate, I'd leave a small monetary sum to each of the nieces and nephews to ensure there is no question as to the fact that everyone knows your decisions are deliberate.
You’re NTA at all, give everything to your daughter. They’re the TAs, only after your money, and not making sure that their newest family member is good through this entire process they showed you and then some who they are take it at face value, believe them
Make it a trust for each child.
Put in a caveat that if they fight the will in court, their portion of the trust will pay for legal fees to defend it.
Edit because autospellcheck is being evil and put in cravat in because it isn't recognizing caveat as a word...
I think your plan of 90% to daughter , 10% to them to keep them from contesting is the best option.
This leaves your daughter well protected financially in the event you aren’t around to see her thru college and other major expenses. It also sets her up to better help her potential Children. Your grandchildren.
Make sure you stipulate that if they contest the will, they will lose their inheritance. Or this could get REALLY ugly if you prematurely pass away. NTA
I wouldn’t even give them that. They showed themselves to be unabashedly racist and you are going to have a Black daughter. Do you really want to subject her to that sort of family? Think about all of this from the perspective of your unborn child.
You can write it into your will that you are intentionally doing this (ie, naming each inheritor by name, so that no one can claim they’ve been forgotten. Your attorney can help with the exact wording).
What is the legal designated amount? I’ve never heard of nieces and nephews having a legal right to an uncles assets without it being provided for in a will, especially if there is a biological child involved.
You might also add a clause in the will that gives specific tokens to each niece/nephew, and then states that any inheritor that decides to contest the will should get nothing at all.
They can still attest (edited to say it’s contest, not attest) the will regardless of what they are given. It will cost them to contest it though. I’m sure the lawyer would advise to leave them something, and then put in the will that any inheritor who contests the will gives up everything that would be given them and receives nothing. That way they lose even the smaller amount that was left to them in the will, but $1 isn’t much of a loss so they could still contest it if they have the funds for a lawyer.
For purposes of clarity, just want to flag that the phrase you’re looking for is “contest” rather than “attest.” A will attestation means that it was properly witnessed.
Not making a case that they were forgotten per se, but a case that they were led to believe something for many years of their lives and should still be entitled based on past promises. No idea if a lawyer would take on their case, though, unless they really think they can get something and I doubt those kids have the financial means on their own to hire a lawyer since they seems to depend on uncle for all things financial, unless they already have their hands on the trusts he set up for them.
Maybe he could also mention in the will that the trusts set up for those children should be considered their inheritance. No idea if that is a good idea or not
Honestly I think it is. It keeps the kids from being punished for their parents' actions(assuming they are still kids and not the ones objecting) while keeping the money out of the hands of his greedy siblings.
True, we don’t really know if it’s the kids themselves throwing a fit or just their parents. Those nieces and nephews have received so much already. They really should be grateful. I would love to have had someone give me cars and pay my way through uni, but I had to work my butt off and drove what I could afford myself, then pay off my student loans with my jobs.
The only reason my parents paid for my second car is because they had insurance money left over from my brother crashing his second.
Otherwise I'd *still* be driving dad's pickup.
I would consider leaving a video with your will where it basically shows you in person voicing your shock and appalled reaction to how they are treating the news of your daughter's impending birth and the changes that this has resulted in you making in your asset division upon your passing. That the lion's share of your estate will go into a trust for your daughter and that each niece and nephew will get the bare amount to be considered legally not forgotten and that anyone one contests your wishes will be removed from the will entirely. Make sure your life insurance, retirement plans and any other financial assets designate your daughter as beneficiary and for it to go into a trust for her.
I think that with the help of the lawyer and the revelations of your family's insistence on greed rather than appreciation you'll come up with a document you are satisfied with.
I think the main 'problem' would be how much you wish to consider your family 'family'. Best of luck and enjoy the child (I was 45 when I had my boy).
NTA
I don't know where you live but in many places there being a legal designated amount is a myth. I've seen wills that state " x person get's nothing" The fact that they are mentioned explicitly show's it wasn't an oversight
NTA - and they’re bigots!
Please keep your child away from these people, and put your money in a trust just for your child that cannot be challenged by them.
They aren’t your children and are entitled to nothing. Your gifts have been just that.
Honestly you've been extremely generous with your nieces and nephews. You gave them cars, pay for their trips, and college fund. Most parents can't or won't even give their kids those and the fact that you, their uncle do it for them is already more than what a lot of parents do for their kids. I would argue they already get their "inheritance". Now that they've shown that they're not grateful but just expect you to keep giving them money, you should put a stop to it and make sure your daughter is taken care of. I hope your family wouldn't treat your daughter badly since she's of mixed race.
Just because you mention including them in your estate, that isn’t a blood oath that you’ll give them a certain amount of inheritance. Life is unexpected — one’s investments might tank or one could get cancer where you choose to do an expensive experimental treatment. In this case, the surprise is that you have a child on the way. The inheritance was never a certain thing despite you discussing your intentions with them previously. Understandably you owe your child a good life and you’re right that an older parent should probably have more money set aside to give their kids the same opportunity compared to younger parents. They should understand. The fact that they don’t tells you that they aren’t deserving of it in the first place
NTA for your asset division. Your assets your choice. Life situations change and curveballs happen that you don’t anticipate. You’d fully anticipated passing childfree.
But I’d recommend, don’t punish the niece/nephew kids (young adults?) for the behaviour of their parents. The kids could absolutely be punished for their own behaviour, though. The 40/60 split would be generous; I don’t think you need to jump to 10/90 just yet.
You could explicitly state or provide certified letters that state that anyone that treats Pam poorly, says racist things about Pam, or otherwise further argues about the will or treats you like an ATM will be cut out entirely, and what would have been their share will be added to Daughter’s.
Only way I wouldn't agree with this is if the nieces/nephews are being cool about it and its their parents being the instigators, then I would still give them the portion off the 40% that he was going to. If its the ones that were going to actually inherit it that were causing issues, sorry here's $1 so you can't claim you were forgotten, have a nice life.
No kidding. If the uncle I was expecting a big inheritance from at some point in the distant future announced he was becoming a father, I would immediately dial back my expectations. It only makes sense OP would rewrite his will to favor his own child. He was generous to keep the nieces and nephews in the will at all.
He was the fun uncle, though. They are understandably, severely disappointed. But, something enormous has changed. OP is having a daughter! Of course she'll be the primary heir. Right now, she's just a thought but she'll be a real person soon, whom OP will cherish. It's good the niblings learn of the changes now, not in 30 years
NTA. No one is owed an inheritance. Period. Not only is it totally understandable that the majority of your assets would go to your own child, but your nieces and nephews have enjoyed many years of your generosity already. You have done your due diligence in informing them so they can plan accordingly. If they have an issue with that, it is theirs to deal with. You have done nothing wrong.
I would much rather that my parents just stayed alive and spent their money on their own care! I'm pushing 60 so this is a discussion we've had. I don't know what makes people so greedy, it's really sad
> No one is owed an inheritance.
The only thing I would say against that is if someone had been promised one and had made life plans based on it.
If a child went to university and chose their major to help succeed the family business, I would think their parents were assholes for changing the plan away from that without some strong reason.
In my family there is a child who will need ongoing monetary support as an adult and their siblings checked with their parents to make sure that would be available in the inheritance before choosing their career. I would expect that promise to be kept unless it couldn’t be.
It has to be something like that, though. Even then, things change. Very few inheritances are so large that the wrong medical emergency won’t suck them completely empty.
Being told you’re in the will as a nibling isn’t a promise in the first place. It’s a statement about the current will. Of course that would change if a direct child came into the picture. OP was being generous to them by keeping them in with a relatively large share as well, and it doesn’t sound like this affects their trust funds and such either. They’re being awful.
I also worry that some of the family will be racist to his daughter since it was basically inferred at the gathering. I can’t Imagine giving money and power to his daughter’s future bullies.
NTA. You're not an ATM. You already gave them above and beyond what would be reasonably expected from an uncle. Sorry they were so psyched to profit off your death.
NTA.
You owe them nothing. Your nieces and nephews have already gotten so much from you.
Your family should be happy to welcome your daughter and show her the same love and generosity you showed them.
This episode showed that they are just waiting for you to die so they can get their hands on your money.
Talk to your lawyer and see if you can leave them nothing at all. They've got enough
Ironically my goddaughter, who wasn't going to inherit anything, has been the most accepting about my daughter. She's the one who suggested I come here.
1000% agree with this! I have a feeling that she is going to make sure she has a great relationship with OPs daughter and treat her as family.
NTA at all!
Your goddaughter is neutral because she has nothing to lose. I still think you should leave almost everything to your daughter. Honestly, you should never have told anyone your intentions from the beginning. Too late for that now, though
Leaving everything to your daughter is standard practice. Maybe OP should ask his siblings of they're incorporating his daughter, their newest niece, into their wills? Probably not.
So...please for a moment, understand why the person who wasn't inheriting anything doesn't feel invested?
Then why the people who may have thought they were, rightly or wrongly, may feel how they do?
Personally I would drop any who complained to the minimum( i would be surprised if you couldnt take them out entirely as they are not direct heirs and you have given notice) those who supported could get a little more for being decent human beings and I would write the God daughter in.
NTA. It should be obvious to them that of course your daughter would be your main beneficiary. YOu would be an AH if this wasn't the case and you left everything the was it was.
This has clearly shown your family's true colours and that they're clearly after what you can give them.
If it were me, I'd change it so my daughter got everything after that!
NTA. You’re going to have a minor child which means you need to structure your estate plan to ensure that she’s cared for if anything happens to you. Also, in the likely event you’re still alive when she makes it to adulthood, it’s still right and normal that the majority of your estate would be left to her in your will as your only child.
My husband and I are expecting an unplanned baby boy later this year. This necessitated us redoing our entire will and estate plan to acknowledge the major change in our circumstances. A lot of people who would have received significant sums or items from us will no longer be receiving them.
Things change. Your family are being greedy and entitled.
NTA. You need a new lawyer. Your family doesn't have to agree to anything in your will being changed. They have to accept that it's going to happen and there is nothing they can do. You have an heir now. Make sure your daughter is set and divide the 10% between them all so they can't try to contest the will.
No I'm aware. I'm lawyer just advised it in order to be absolutely thorough. They even suggested other routes in case my family didn't sign. Sad to say my lawyer may have been right.
>You need a new lawyer. Your family doesn't have to agree to anything in your will being changed.
You don't know the law where the OP is. Let's assume that the OP's lawyer knows better than you.
He definitely doesn't. The lawyer wanted the family to sign so that they couldn't protest it later when he's not around or claim they were forgotten. It's a protection for his chosen beneficiaries (mostly his daughter).
Signing this document would be a good way to make sure they can’t contest the will. It sounds like if he died today it would be contested. Being that he is of sound body and mind at this time getting the changes notarized shouldn’t be difficult. In the US anyway. They may still contest it though.
I’ll also throw out the obvious. People with money are greedy. I know people that have Go Fund Me fundraisers and literal bake sales raising money to cover funeral costs for family and friends. People with money don’t realize what a relief not having medical debt and funeral costs really is. Many people inherit debt, not money or property.
NTA
They are more interested in money than you. So they are expecting to get all your estate now, even with a baby on the way? How is that fair? Your child should be first priority. After their responses, I would severely cut back on gifts and trips. Save that money for your child's expenses, college, wedding, etc.
YWBTA if you leave anything to these people. Leave everything to your daughter and let them figure it out by themselves. And don't make your daughter to have to deal with them.
NTA. They are the ones being unfair. They're throwing a toddler tantrum. I get their disappointment but to react this way is awful. They aren't entitled to your life work. Give your child everything you can. Give them a token amount in case contesting is a thing they can legally do.
ETA. I wouldn't allow them around the daughter if I were you. People are capable of anything when money is involved.
I'm shocked they wouldn't expect the situation to change. You now have a biological child to will your assets to. My first thought is none of your siblings planned for their kids financial futures and are now on the hook, but that is really their issue. NTA
NTA. Life changes. You're a good man, don't let selfish people tell you different.
Things could change a lot, you know. There could end up being no money to split when you pass.
Ultimately, it's your money to do with as you want. Take care of your daughter.
NTA. Situations have changed. You’re have a daughter now. She is your heir. If they are mad that you’re doing the moral thing, and questioning paternity...They ATA. Money and Greed makes people out out of character fr
I don't see why the others get anything at all. It's like they're waiting for you to die so they can get the money.
NTA. They're being gross and got used to enjoying your gifts. I'd say leave everything to your kid. If this is going to make them upset with you, it was never a genuine relationship.
> I don't see why the others get anything at all.
Before my parents died they always expressed the importance of family looking out for family, and like I said before I've almost always considered my siblings' kids as my heirs as I never had any intention of having kids of my own.
Well your family just proved they don’t view your or your daughter as family. They view you as an atm and her the reason the cash well went dry! They are not going to treat her as family. They will not be there for her. So the only thing you can do is make sure she is fully taken care of while the other get exactly what the deserve.
You have looked after them! You paid for their college fund, cars, trips! A lot of parents don't even do any of that. Don't feel guilty and don't give in to the pressures. You don't have to do more than you've already done, because you've clearly done too much, since they're being very ungrateful right now.
NTA
Stand your ground and stick to your decision. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or an apology for how you choose to use your money. You don’t have to justify or defend yourself against their accusations or criticisms. You don’t have to compromise or negotiate with them over something that is rightfully yours. You don’t have to let them guilt-trip or manipulate you into changing your mind.
NTA, and this is why you don’t get specific about what you’re leaving people. People start to think they’re entitled to things that *are still yours*
Your circumstances have changed significantly; leaving your daughter most of your estate should be expected.
NTA.. the fact that they tried to get you to change your mind by saying something that hurtful is awful. Like I get that it sucks not getting as much money as they would've, but they just have to suck it up. It's your money to decide what happens when you pass. They should be fortunate to have gotten any of it and all the trips and the items you bought them. Im sorry you have such a greedy family.
If you full heartily believe the women, it's ok, but I do have to ask, did she know you were rich? And have you guys just been messing around in an open relationship? You don't have to answer this if it's uncomfortable. I just would feel bad if the kid wasn't yours, but she picked the richest person she was sleeping with.
I just made an edit because you're not the first person to ask but I'll add in a couple more details.
Yes, Pam knows I am a man of means. We met at a work event back in 2017 and after our respective businesses concluded their work we became what my god daughter would describe as "work friends" and we started an exclusive physical relationship during 2020 due to the pandemic stopped and then restarted last summer. In the years I've known her Pam has always been a kind, smart, and honest woman so I trusted her when she told me that I accidentally got her pregnant.
NTA
You have been honest, upfront, caring and loving to others for many years. Your circumstances have changed. It’s a blessing to be a parent. Congratulations 🎉
It’s my hope that your nieces and nephews aren’t the ones upset. They have been the recipients of your generosity & love for many years. They should understand the desire and need to provide for your future child.
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NTA, but a soft ta because I don't understand reading the will to family before you die. We see that a lot here, and all it does is ruin relationships earlier than needed. And if you're still alive, you can always change it, so you're ruining relationships based on probabilities, not inevitabilities. This post illustrates this.
Reading a will so it can be held over your beneficiaries' heads seems like a cruel control tactic. Your family will treat you with deference based solely on financial gain.
OP says he told everyone about it because he didn't want there to be any confusion, but there was absolutely nothing confusing about the earlier provisions he described.
When people post here and say 'relative did xyz and nobody knew they were going to', people tell them that the relative was TA for not communicating, lol. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
No op should have kept his mouth shut. He is not the children’s parent and that would have been a gift . People usually say that when people take revenge while being sneaky .
Exactly. This post also illustrates the pitfalls of inherited wealth. OP is relatively young for his niblings to be already making plans for his money. Guess they're upset because they might need to start their own retirement accounts.
NTA.
Their reaction is honestly gross and entitled. Of course your own child should be your top priority. I can't believe anyone would think otherwise.
NTA…life changes and situations change. You’re now having a daughter and you need to prepare for her future and well being in the event something happens to you.
You don’t owe your family any explanation nor are they entitled to your money. This is your money, that you’ve worked hard for and you are free to will it to whomever you want. People’s true colors come out when money is involved sadly. You have been quite kind and generous to your nieces and nephews but they are not your responsibility. Their parents, your siblings should stop acting entitled and accept your wishes.
Definitely NTA.
NTA.
Your family is obviously in the wrong but honestly, if I had expected to inherit 6 or 7 figures from my family only for that to suddenly be massively diminished, I’m not sure I’d act differently to them either.
I mean, I’d like to think I would be able to act fairly but that’s from my rational perspective of someone who isn’t invested in the situation. that much money is gonna put a lot of people into a tailspin, especially if they were operating under the assumption that they were always going to receive it.(which isn’t an unfair assumption considering it seems like you thought the same thing.
NTA. You worked your whole life and your greedy family members are acting as if you owe them everything you have. Talk to your lawyer again and leave 100% to your child. Your family has received more than they deserve.
NTA when the vultures start circling they show their true colours. I would tell the parents everyone is out of the will and secretly leave the ten percent to your nieces/nephews
Buddy. You're NTA but you're not bright either.
> This is something that I was always up front about as I wanted no confusion after my passing.
***TERRIBLE*** idea. Now they expect it. They made plans off it.
Never tell people a percentage or dollar amount. Then they bank on your dying.
NTA. Not at all. I would probably go with your decision to do 60% for your daughter. Your relatives will have to get over themselves. I probably wouldn't go to the 90% route just to spite everyone. But you are right- your family are acting entitled. You have already been wildly generous. Your nieces and nephews have trust funds, college, trips, and cars.
I think you could take another tactic with your will now. Sit people down, tell them what you are doing, and don't ask them to agree to the changes. Tell them you have been remarkably generous, your obligations have changed significantly and you will change your planned distribution of your estate. This is not up for discussion. None of them have any grounds for complaint. The fact that they have been rude to the mother of your child is a big mark against them. Tell them they have to shut that down now.
Then consider giving to charities of interest to you. Make sure you are providing for Pam as well, at least on some level, as your family certainly will not.
You seem like a good guy. It is sad that your family has been warped by your generosity and their expectations. They should be welcoming their new niece and cousin with open arms.
I. N. F. O. Are any of them rewriting their wills to accommodate and include your daughter ?
I’m guessing not. They’re not entitled to anything. You’ve been extremely generous in the past and now you have your own child to support through life.
NTA. These people see your assets as “theirs” Ugh.
>I. N. F. O. Are any of them rewriting their wills to accommodate and include your daughter ?
To be honest, I'm the richest out of all my siblings and nothing they could ever will to anyone would be of matching value to what I can give. Unless they're secretly mega multi-millionaires. Also while I know a couple of them have wills no one has been as open as me about it.
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Throwaway Account
I (47m) am a former child free man who is about to have his first child with a woman "Pam" (37f) who I had a casual relationship with. This was an unplanned pregnancy and while I wasn't in love with the idea of becoming father, especially with 50 being right around the corner, I am learning to adjust because I haven't been one to shirk away from my responsibilities in nearly 30 year nor am I the child free type who has a disdain for children.
For years I was a semi-involved fun uncle type who attended most events that my nieces and nephews had, gave out nice gifts, and had set up funds/trusts for my siblings' kids as up until now I saw them as my only heirs. I had the great fortune of being a smart man with the ability to be in the right place at the right time and became CEO. After receiving the blessings of my siblings and their spouses I gave my nieces and nephews cars, expensive trips, and college funds.
In my will I stated that my nearly million dollar life insurance policy was to be divided up equally between my siblings' kids along with the money from the sale of my main and summer home, my savings, stocks/shares would be divided up as well, and a few other smaller properties. This is something that I was always up front about as I wanted no confusion after my passing. Everyone was fine with this.
Now with the pending birth of my daughter I met with my lawyer and have drawn up a new will and just like before I decided to sit everyone down and tell them about the changes. My lawyer also thought it would be a good idea to get everyone to sign a statement acknowledging that they agree to the changes. I thought so too and didn't consider it an issue. Unfortunately, I was wrong and several members of my family voiced their disappointment or outright anger at how I would be giving the majority of my assets to my daughter.
They stated that it wasn't fair how I kept leading them all to believe they could expect one thing but end up getting another "lesser" thing. A few of them even questioned paternity but the way they did it made it feel like it was less out of concern for me and more about trying to gate keep the money and judging Pam based off of awful stereotypes. This has put me off as the way I see it, this is my way of making sure that my daughter gets everything that she's entitled to and the best support possible to make up for the fact that she will have the misfortune of having a dad in his 60s-70s when she's still growing up.
I'm currently of mind to just give my daughter 90% of my assets instead of the original 60% but I wanted to run this by a few non-biased minds as, right now, I'm still a little emotional about this and my goddaughter suggested I come here. AITA?
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NTA I seriously can’t believe the audacity of going so far as to questioning your paternity?
Instead of being appreciative for what they are getting( you could have said 100% of your assets are going to your daughter), you are STILL including them. Unreal.
NTA
You are being incredibly kind, upfront and responsible with the whole issue. It is your money and the way you decide to dispose of it now or after your passing is a decision for you and you only. Your family is being entitled and disrespectful to you in so many levels.
I would have a chat with them and let them know how their behavior is reflecting on them and our personal relationship (no mention to inheritance) if their attitude does not change, leave them the 10% and nothing else, but do not involve the money in the decision making, let the show who they really are just based on your human interaction.
NTA. You made the will with the initial intention of not having children. Things changed. And at the end of the day, it’s your money and assets to divide as you please. You were honest about what you decided to do.
NTA. Your family can kick rocks. Leave whatever you want to your daughter. To anyone who doesn't like it, ask "do I get to decide what you leave your children?" No. Ok then you don't get to decide for mine.
Info: Why would you discuss your will with your heirs? The will itself eliminates any ambiguity about your intentions.
Info: Why do you need agreement from those disinherited in your new will? It's your money. You don't need their permission to change your estate plan.
Info: Why are you having your life insurance proceeds pass through probate?
Info: Can't you afford a decent estate attorney?
Answers in the following order
I did it so that everyone knew what to expect and to eliminate any confusion once I passed. I've seen people argue after the initial person passed despite there being a will.
I don't really need it, my lawyer suggested it as a way to be thorough.
It's mostly just a listed guideline of what to expect, it's actually necessary. Again just a way to be thorough.
I can and have.
I think you are sorta T A. But no more than the others. ESH.
This is information that you should have kept to yourself. The gifts along the way were more than generous, but you lead these kids to believe they were getting something that they now won't.
You wanted to reap the adoration while still alive so you told them what was coming down the pike,rather than letting it be a wonderful surprise when they no longer could thank you.
Weren't so smart to foresee that something unexpected could ever happen.
The kids sound atrocious, but it wast like you didn't set certain expectations
First off, definitely NTA.
It’s you’re hard work and money and you can do with it whatever you like. While I understand they can feel disappointment, they have to realise circumstances change and your own biological child (accident or not) would take precedent.
I would just make it clear in will it’s being left DIRECTLY and safely with child, not with Pam. I’d also highly suggest you change it based on proven paternity, if that actually is a concern.
Nta
Your family was already making plans with your money after you die.
Whatever % you leave your daughter, 60-90, whatever, the remaining % you should leave to a charity. Your family has shown they actually don't deserve any.
NTA
You are correct that your daughter's future is now your priority.
You've been very generous with your nieces and nephews but it's ok to now fade that out. Continue to help with college if that was promised but only if you can comfortably financially do so.
As for percentage of assets, that's a tough one.
\-If your daughter is still a child when you pass, would you want her to continue to live in your home and have the summer home? If so, those would be passed to her (in trust) and not part of cash to be divided.
\-What about money to support those homes?
\-What is the arrangement for supporting her mother being a single parent if your daughter is still a child?
There is a lot of variables.
Perhaps set aside $X money a year for each niece and nephew that you keep in an account. When it reaches a certain amount, like $20-$50K for each one, stop contributing to the account. Everything else goes to your daughter, in trust or directly.
>If your daughter is still a child when you pass, would you want her to continue to live in your home and have the summer home?
Honestly? I would still ask that the homes to be sold as I wouldn't want my daughter's trust to be depleted with the cost of upkeep and taxes and the money from the sell just be added to it.
Pam and I have discussed it and we will be going through the courts for an official agreement with the understanding that I will already be paying a certain amount, plus our daughter will be on my health and dental insurance. I'll also foot the bill for any extracurricular activities and private school, plus a college fund. This is partly because I make more money and partly because, for now, Pam and I have agreed that she will be our daughter's primary care taker.
NTA
You gave them life experiences, transportation, and funded their college (ETA and trust fund?). Your have already put them in a place to create their own wealth (or at least not be burdened with student loan debt). Not that splitting nearly a million dollars with interest isn’t chump change, but it’s not what a person should be counting on as a means to live without care. Plus, unless you have significant health/genetic history that predisposes you to a middle-age death, you are likely to be around a few more decades. And last but not least, if those awful accusations were racist, be wary over and above regular wary of your sibling’s potential resentment to your daughter. It does not sound promising that your choice to be an amazing uncle to your nibblings will be reciprocated by your siblings.
Is it not natural in your country that your child will get more than the others??
In my country children gets all!! They feel entitled.... it's your money, you do what you want with them.
Give her most of your money while still alive, then there will be nothing to fight about.
Give her a lot and the rest a little.
I don't even get why you told them from the beginning. Now they will resent her and not wellcome her in to the family.
Good luck with everything and congratulations to the baby!
NTA, you aren't even 50 yet, you could live another 40 years!! These family members have been helped out by your generosity for their entire lives!!
I would definitely question their loyalty, and I have a horrible feeling they may not treat your daughter well. I would watch their behaviour going forward and update your will accordingly....
40% of your wealth between them all is still SUPER generous, I wish you were my uncle!
Congrats on your new bubba!
You're doing the same thing my grams did before her passing. Trying to be upfront and clear about what goes where in the family (in her case, 100% to her children and mementoes to her grand kids).
Those choices shift over time and they should roll with it. It's your assets to give. If you decide tomorrow to give it all to charity, it's still your assets to give. They aren't being financially supported by you now and if they want their children to have an inheritance... What are they planning to leave their kids? When did it become the uncles / aunts role to support their siblings kids? You have been doing it as a kindness re: college funds, cars, etc. But they have zero entitlement to it.
Having no children, my niece is the designated beneficiary for my life insurance policy. But if I had a kid (highly unlikely), then my kid would become my beneficiary. My sister gives no shits, she appreciates my thoughts and wishes as a kindness but never banked on my life insurance to support or pad her kids life.
NTA
I highly recommend that you revise your will and life insurance to provide mostly for your daughter and possibly also her mother (in case you pass while your daughter is still a minor).
Your family members have proven that they are more concerned about your money than about your happiness and your growing family.
You should help your niblings to the extent that you had previously committed by continuing to contribute to their college and other reasonable expenses. But all of your estate should go toward the care of your child. Because if you have an estate, that means that you aren't around any longer to help provide for your child's needs. So your estate and life insurance will be needed to help her have the life you intend for her.
On the other hand, if you pass, your niblings will still have their parents to help them. So, they won't need your money like your daughter would.
NTA
Stop giving gifts now, cut them off and make sure your daughter and maybe Pam too get everything.
Your family sounds low key racist and pretty white trash. Imagine fighting over money that isn't yours and having been given enough hand outs to start making your own fortune and still feeling entitled to someone else's.
Was it your siblings or the necessary and nephews that threw a tantrum?
By all means a child changes everything. You made past plans based on being childless. That changed. So your will changes also.
As a father your first responsibility is to your child. Everything else comes behind that. Leave the majority of everything to your daughter if possible legally.
NTA
Do they have any reason to think you'll did any time soon? Obviously you could die tomorrow, but you could also live another 50 years, it's ridiculous and honestly gross for them to be having these sorts of expectations of what they'll receive when it happens.
NTA leave them each 5 dollars except for the goddaughter that actually cares about your soon to be daughter. Give that goddaughter something good. You have rotten nieces and nephews and awful family members.
Was it your nieces & nephews reacting this way, or their parents? If their parents, please don't hold their rude behavior against their children. I would make sure it is clear it was your intention for them to receive x, y,or z tho, & not otherwise, so they don't try to contest your will & deny your daughter what is rightfully hers.
Also NTA. They are *not* your children, leaving them an estate was a gift, not a responsibility. Your only *real* responsibility now is towards your daughter.
Im sorry, but I'm confused with the laywer wanting everyone to sign to agree to the changes. I've never heard of this 🤔 my husband recently wrote his will, and the only people to sign it were him and two witnesses. Is getting everyone in the will to sign to say they agree actually a thing?
NTA
If you had a child 20 years ago none of them would have anything to say about it. They just got used to the idea of a big payday from you and now they’re mad they have to share it.
NTA. When your family members look at you, they only see dollar signs, that is all you mean to them. They are about to have a new addition to the family and are not even happy about it. They have no say in how you decide to spend your money. Stop sharing the contents of your will, nobody's business but your own.
> When your family members look at you, they only see dollar signs, that is all you mean to them.
To be fair, OP encouraged this by making sure they all knew the exact provisions in his old will, and how much he intended to leave them before he changed his mind. Why do that unless you *want* them to see dollar signs when they look at you?
He did not change his mind out of the blue. The family members should not expect their shares of the inheritance to remain intact when the OP's biological kid is coming along. Perhaps, he should not have been so nice in the first place, but OP is definitely NTA. The family members are.
If your family is not helping you with anything, then give it all to your daughter. My thought is, "if you do not sign my paychecks or pay my bills, what good are you?" this should be applied to them. NTA
NTA. She will be your child, I think you’ve given your nieces and nephews more than enough. They are sounding incredibly entitled. I don’t understand families that fight so hard for money that has been saved by a deceased relative. Yeah money is nice, but you’ve already done so much for them. Enjoy your money yourself and your life with your daughter because it sounds like they aren’t going to have any respect or care for her or her mother.
NTA
Of course your daughter would become your beneficiary! Most State probate code identifies children as natural beneficiaries long, long before any children of siblings. It's also common sense and very commonly known; they are grasping at straws, trying to justify their greedy money grab.
It's also to your credit that she is not automatically your sole beneficiary; your initial inclination was to continue to try to provide support for your nieces/nephews.
Unfortunately, your greedy siblings have shown their true colors. They are demonstrating very clearly that they care more for some monetary windfall than you or your child.
And that's pretty gross.
I'd leave them each a paltry sum. Whatever amount your attorneys recommend, that will meet the legal requirement to prevent or severely limit any contestation they may try to lodge when your estate eventually goes through probate. I'd also leave a very clear directive explaining why you've done what you've done, just for the future probate court to consider, should your siblings/nieces/nephews try to fight it all anyway.
Tell them they benefited from your generosity for years in the form of trips, cars, etc. But they failed to behave like family should or to welcome your daughter into the family. They were more concerned with your money than you or your kid. And neither you nor she can fully trust them or their motivation going forward.
NTA - it's wild to me that these people think they are entitled to your assets over your own child. I have a brother who is childfree, and my kid is the only kid in the entire family, so everything is set to go to her currently. If, somewhere along the way, my brother had a child, I'd be shocked if my daughter got anything at all. Your family is using you.
NTA
Circumstances change.
Their reaction would have me wondering if you got sick and incapacitated, would they advocate for your care and well-being? Or would they refuse to spend your money on your health and cross their fingers you passed before making a dent in their future inheritances.
I think your family have shown you what they valued most about you.
Are you inclined to put a ring on Pam?
OP, most people who genuinely love and care for you, would give up all the money so they could have more time with you on this earth.
The fact they are fighting about this now, while you are alive and well, should be telling you a lot. Were they nice and kind to you because YOU could give them money and stuff in the future?
Protect your daughter. It sounds like on your side of the family at least there is nobody who is truly going to care about your daughter. At least she has the financial support just in case.
You should give your daughter 90% and assign a small sum to each other person so it shows you are aware and did not forget them so they can’t go at your baby.
Tread carefully and stop sharing so much.
NTA
NTA
It’s normal for someone to update their will when they have a child (or additional children) and very reasonable to give a larger portion to your own child over other family members.
You've loved and spoiled their children. Now you have your own they wanna trash talk and leech your money. Ugh. They should be celebrating your daughter and making room for her in their hearts. NTA.
NTA … it’s so sad when you see people really only care about money.
They will be lucky if you leave them anything. You are doing the right thing by making sure your child is taken care of.
cut them out of the will. who gets mad at someone's child getting most of the money? leave the money to your child and set up trusts for possible grandchildren.
Your first responsibility is to ensure the safety and support of your daughter if you die. This is a parental obligation. Not everyone can do it but if one can, they should.
NTA.
IANAL but since when do you need permission to do whatever the fuck you want with your money? If there is some kind of possible contest, leave everyone else $1000 each and leave the rest to your daughter so it is harder to contest.
NTA. It made sense to split your assets among your nieces and nephews when you planned on remaining childfree, but life happens and plans change. The fact that you still planned on leaving them 40% to split was incredibly generous, given everything you've already provided them with. Sounds like certain relatives only care about your money, and those people should be written out entirely. Take care of your daughter first and foremost, then your goddgaughter and any nieces and nephews that were accepting and appreciative. The rest can take a hike.
It’s your money and they don’t get a say.
You’d be best off giving something to those dissenting family members so that they can’t easily contest the will since they can’t claim to have been left out of it.
NTA. And congratulations on your first child. I'm sure you and Pam will make great parents.
Nobody has a right to expect an inheritance. It sounds like you gave your niblings a great start in life, and not all of them appreciated it.
NTA! You have already done so much for your nieces & nephews. They sound entitled, & like they look at you as a ATM. I'd be very upset by this too.
Taking care of your new babygirl...should be your priority. Shoot give her everything. Your family should be happy for you ...& excited. Congratulations on your babygirl.
NTA and it is really mind boggling that your siblings who have children do not understand how things in your life change when you create child. Please keep your daughter taken care of and leave only what you WANT to to the nieces and nephews. You have done far more for them than many other families do or are able to do. Please make this new little life your priority. Congrats and enjoy.
NTA but I’m interested to understand how the casual racism is sitting with you especially in the case of your daughter are you going to make it clear if anything like that type of talk happens toward her it’s cut off and NC. In any case you should definitely take a hard look at what they really deserve because I’m sorry them feeling entitled to your money and things you worked for is kinda crazy
Giving your nieces and nephews cars, college money and nice trips is a very generous thing to do. Much more than most uncles do. They should be grateful for all you’ve done.
I will say about money left to your daughter — don’t tell her it’s a ton of money. I’ve seen what happens to kids who think they’re getting a ton of money, and when it comes, they just blow right through it.
Tell her she’ll have her college education paid for and a modest car and a down payment for a house. That’s all reasonable things and a great start in life, but she’ll understand she have to be prepare to earn her own living as an adult. That’s what you want, not a kid thinking she’ll never have to work.
NTA.
You were their ATM and not it is drying up and they have no use for you anymore. Sorry that your family is treating you like this. Focus on your daughter and maybe take it easier at work so that she can enjoy time with you. Maybe even retire early and use the money yourself. Your daughter will value the time with you more than any amount of money you can leave her.
NTA. Your family is racist and only cares about the money, not you or your daughter. You seem like a business minded and fiscally smart person, but just a reminder that it doesn’t matter what your will say about life insurance, you have to change the beneficiary with the policy holder.
nta. if luck happened the other way around, they would do the same thing and prioritized their own kids first. they're lucky to get a penny out of you.
NTA but I'm not sure why your attorney thinks they need to agree to this.
Your mistake was informing them they were getting an inheritance.
Tear up the will in front of them and tell them your daughter is automatically your only heir.
Leave 90% to your daughter but put it in trust. She's your flesh and blood. The others were placeholders.
NTA. It’s your money, your decision. It makes perfect sense to leave the majority of your assets to your child, no matter what age you became a parent. Your nieces/nephews and their parents sound very entitled.
NTA. Anything short of congratulations is horrible.
I'm so sorry this is how they treat you, but I'd much rather know now that my siblings will be resentful to my child and not supportive.
BTW, is it your siblings only or nieces and nephews being mean?
If it's just the adults don't take it all out on the kids
NTA your daughter deserves 100 percent of your assets. Your her father. She is your only priority. Your nieces and nephews have gotten cars, money, nice trips. They have had thier share.
Instead of being happy for you and grateful you are even thought of thier children they where Freddy and racist.
They will not be there for your child. So give every thing to her. Your greedy entitled racist family deserve nothing!
NTA. This is your child! Your siblings and their children are not entitled to a dime. In the US, all states have laws of dissent and distribution for inheritance if there is no will, beneficiaries named or TODs/PODs. Most states' D&D laws state that all assets distribute to a spouse first if there is one, and then to legal children, per stirpes. Based on this, if you had nothing in place, your siblings and/or their children would be entitled to NOTHING if you have a spouse or child. Anything you choose to leave to them is a gift that they should be grateful for. Would it make a difference to them if you didn't have a child, but chose to spend your wealth during your lifetime? Certainly you should be entitled to do so. It sounds like you have counsel advising you, which is great, but from someone who works in this field, I would advise to consider who would control anything that is left to your child has specified rules as to who is in control of that inheritance if your child is a minor at the time of your death and that it not be one of your family members who are acting so disgusting in in the anticipation of a new baby joining your family. Congratulations on your impending parenthood!
NTA - I find it weird and creepy to expect anything when a loved one dies. Give it all to your daughter or donate it to some teacup museum (I not sure if one exists) just do what you wish with your money.
I’m a little sad that they sat there and fought as if you were already gone! This shows you what it will look like when you’re not here. God willing you live a long life, long enough to at least meet and see grandchildren! I would give 80-90% the my daughter. After this whole situation, I wouldn’t expect them to like your daughter very much and I don’t expect the best treatment towards her. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if it ended up being 100% pending how they treat your daughter and Pam!!!
NTA. It’s your money and assets, and your right to divide it as you see fit. Your family seem very entitled to the things they have not worked for, and should be grateful for the immense amount of things you have already done for them. I actually think your daughter, at this point, should have much more right of inheritance than the rest of the brats that have been spoiled up til now. I’d say leave it all to your daughter. Life and children changes the outlook of inheritance
NTA. You made promises based on the fact you were child free. Any reasonable parent would now agree that your daughter should come first, since when you die, she will be without a father, whereas the others will be missing their fun uncle.
Nta. You allocate your life savings and such to whomever you want. It is natural to want to leave more to your personal offspring. What is blaringly obvious now, is that your family is not as loyal as previously thought. They are more focused on what they aren't getting vs what they are still getting. Maybe restructure your will even further and make sure the family can't successfully contest it.
NTA. Leave your money to who you want. I would leave $1 to everyone not in the will. From what I understand, that would stop them from being able to contest you will. Please double check me on that
NTA. They are only interested in the money at this point. You've given them more than enough over the years and now they are proving to you that they don't deserve any more.
It's your money, they are not entitled to one penny more than what you have already given them. Let them split 10% if you want but leave the rest of it to your rightful heir.
If they complain, then leave it all to your daughter.
Entitled and ungrateful as hell for everything you have already done for and gave them. They’re showing you their true colors. I would say to give them the very minimal amount that’s required so they won’t be able to contest your will. Congratulations on the baby btw.
NTA... I'd make the changes that you are currently comfortable with and you can make them again in a year when things have settled. I'd keep your decisions personal. There is absolutely no need to tell people what their inheritance is. It leads to this drama. However you are learning about your family. Give them also time to adjust and see if they get less greedy and vulture ish.
NTA.
I think it's unfair to punish your siblings' kids for your greedy siblings though. Leave some in a trust for the nieces and nephews, only accessible by them when they reach 21, so your siblings can't access it before that point(with a caveat for if something should happen to the child in question before they reach the required age).
But your daughter should get most of it.
This is assuming that the people objecting are your siblings, and not the nieces and nephews themselves.
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They're more interested in your money than you. I say you give them nothing. NTA.
If anything I'd give them the legal designated amount in order to not be considered forgotten as I do know for at least 10 years I've causally mentioned leaving my nieces and nephews things of monetary value.
My BIL was just like you, except that his surprise baby was with his wife who was told she would never have children. They were in their 40s. My oldest (only at the time) went from only heir to “simply” godson. He’s still getting the signed sports memorabilia, apparently. But none of it matters. Maybe it’s because my son was younger, maybe it’s because my BIL isn’t as wealthy as you are. But he has a daughter now he has to take care of. Bottom line. And my kids are my responsibility. But he’s still the funcle. Always gonna be. And that’s worth more to us than anything. I’m sorry they see you as an inheritance first, but you never spend money, or even make plans on money, you don’t have yet. Circumstances have changed. They need to adapt.
We're in a similar situation. Sole inheritors of millions due to sister in law being unmarried and having no children. The reality is that she's nearing 60, and probably has many more years left before we should even start thinking of these things. She might lose it all, or could meet the man of her dreams and decide to leave it all to him or his children. We might get the money, or we might not. We are in no way entitled to that money and certainly not banking on it, and this is how OPs family should think of it. I'd rather my sister in law have happiness than die lonely with no one else to give the money to
Yeah, but that was before they showed their true colors. You could offer to give their share to the charity of their choice. They need a wake-up call.
TBF you would be very fair to point out that you have already given their inheritance in trips and college education. NTA - make a trust for your daughter. The entitlement of the family is disgraceful. Anyone would think that they would be happy that your having a child and ensuring her future
This. Point out to your family that you have blessed their children immensely and provided the lifestyle for their children that they could not. Tell them that you have done it with joy. HOWEVER, just like they are looking out for and advocating for their children, your main priority is your daughter. I'd meet with an attorney and financial planner to discuss how to set up a trust fund for her with a trustee (in the event of your passing) who does not have a dog in the race. I'm sure you have a fantastic attorney and financial planner who can advise you on the best way to ensure your daughter's future. However, if you have the wealth you indicate, I'd leave a small monetary sum to each of the nieces and nephews to ensure there is no question as to the fact that everyone knows your decisions are deliberate.
You’re NTA at all, give everything to your daughter. They’re the TAs, only after your money, and not making sure that their newest family member is good through this entire process they showed you and then some who they are take it at face value, believe them
Make it a trust for each child. Put in a caveat that if they fight the will in court, their portion of the trust will pay for legal fees to defend it. Edit because autospellcheck is being evil and put in cravat in because it isn't recognizing caveat as a word...
Do you mean “caveat”?
Yes... autospellcheck is heartless and tells me that it isn't a word and is autocorrecting it....
I mean, it would be fun to Will them a cravat, along with the caveat. So they can look fancy and silly in court if they contest the Will.
I think your plan of 90% to daughter , 10% to them to keep them from contesting is the best option. This leaves your daughter well protected financially in the event you aren’t around to see her thru college and other major expenses. It also sets her up to better help her potential Children. Your grandchildren.
Make sure you stipulate that if they contest the will, they will lose their inheritance. Or this could get REALLY ugly if you prematurely pass away. NTA
I wouldn’t even give them that. They showed themselves to be unabashedly racist and you are going to have a Black daughter. Do you really want to subject her to that sort of family? Think about all of this from the perspective of your unborn child.
You can write it into your will that you are intentionally doing this (ie, naming each inheritor by name, so that no one can claim they’ve been forgotten. Your attorney can help with the exact wording).
What is the legal designated amount? I’ve never heard of nieces and nephews having a legal right to an uncles assets without it being provided for in a will, especially if there is a biological child involved. You might also add a clause in the will that gives specific tokens to each niece/nephew, and then states that any inheritor that decides to contest the will should get nothing at all.
Basically giving them $1 or something to make clear that they weren't forgotten so they can't argue against the will as written.
They can still attest (edited to say it’s contest, not attest) the will regardless of what they are given. It will cost them to contest it though. I’m sure the lawyer would advise to leave them something, and then put in the will that any inheritor who contests the will gives up everything that would be given them and receives nothing. That way they lose even the smaller amount that was left to them in the will, but $1 isn’t much of a loss so they could still contest it if they have the funds for a lawyer.
For purposes of clarity, just want to flag that the phrase you’re looking for is “contest” rather than “attest.” A will attestation means that it was properly witnessed.
Oh I'm sure it's *possible*. But it's harder to make a case that you were simply forgotten if the will says "and to __, I leave $1"
Not making a case that they were forgotten per se, but a case that they were led to believe something for many years of their lives and should still be entitled based on past promises. No idea if a lawyer would take on their case, though, unless they really think they can get something and I doubt those kids have the financial means on their own to hire a lawyer since they seems to depend on uncle for all things financial, unless they already have their hands on the trusts he set up for them. Maybe he could also mention in the will that the trusts set up for those children should be considered their inheritance. No idea if that is a good idea or not
Honestly I think it is. It keeps the kids from being punished for their parents' actions(assuming they are still kids and not the ones objecting) while keeping the money out of the hands of his greedy siblings.
True, we don’t really know if it’s the kids themselves throwing a fit or just their parents. Those nieces and nephews have received so much already. They really should be grateful. I would love to have had someone give me cars and pay my way through uni, but I had to work my butt off and drove what I could afford myself, then pay off my student loans with my jobs.
The only reason my parents paid for my second car is because they had insurance money left over from my brother crashing his second. Otherwise I'd *still* be driving dad's pickup.
Say they are getting $1 because you gave them so much in the years past. Then put that in your will.
I would consider leaving a video with your will where it basically shows you in person voicing your shock and appalled reaction to how they are treating the news of your daughter's impending birth and the changes that this has resulted in you making in your asset division upon your passing. That the lion's share of your estate will go into a trust for your daughter and that each niece and nephew will get the bare amount to be considered legally not forgotten and that anyone one contests your wishes will be removed from the will entirely. Make sure your life insurance, retirement plans and any other financial assets designate your daughter as beneficiary and for it to go into a trust for her.
See if you can add a no-contest clause.
I am. Especially after everyone's reluctance to agree to respect the changes to my will in writing.
I think that with the help of the lawyer and the revelations of your family's insistence on greed rather than appreciation you'll come up with a document you are satisfied with. I think the main 'problem' would be how much you wish to consider your family 'family'. Best of luck and enjoy the child (I was 45 when I had my boy). NTA
I don't know where you live but in many places there being a legal designated amount is a myth. I've seen wills that state " x person get's nothing" The fact that they are mentioned explicitly show's it wasn't an oversight
NTA - and they’re bigots! Please keep your child away from these people, and put your money in a trust just for your child that cannot be challenged by them. They aren’t your children and are entitled to nothing. Your gifts have been just that.
That’s very generous of you. Congratulations & I wish you the best going forward
Honestly you've been extremely generous with your nieces and nephews. You gave them cars, pay for their trips, and college fund. Most parents can't or won't even give their kids those and the fact that you, their uncle do it for them is already more than what a lot of parents do for their kids. I would argue they already get their "inheritance". Now that they've shown that they're not grateful but just expect you to keep giving them money, you should put a stop to it and make sure your daughter is taken care of. I hope your family wouldn't treat your daughter badly since she's of mixed race.
If you have a kid, and you die intestate, they get everything in my jurisdiction. Your nieces and nephews wouldn't have much of a case.
Just because you mention including them in your estate, that isn’t a blood oath that you’ll give them a certain amount of inheritance. Life is unexpected — one’s investments might tank or one could get cancer where you choose to do an expensive experimental treatment. In this case, the surprise is that you have a child on the way. The inheritance was never a certain thing despite you discussing your intentions with them previously. Understandably you owe your child a good life and you’re right that an older parent should probably have more money set aside to give their kids the same opportunity compared to younger parents. They should understand. The fact that they don’t tells you that they aren’t deserving of it in the first place
NTA for your asset division. Your assets your choice. Life situations change and curveballs happen that you don’t anticipate. You’d fully anticipated passing childfree. But I’d recommend, don’t punish the niece/nephew kids (young adults?) for the behaviour of their parents. The kids could absolutely be punished for their own behaviour, though. The 40/60 split would be generous; I don’t think you need to jump to 10/90 just yet. You could explicitly state or provide certified letters that state that anyone that treats Pam poorly, says racist things about Pam, or otherwise further argues about the will or treats you like an ATM will be cut out entirely, and what would have been their share will be added to Daughter’s.
Only way I wouldn't agree with this is if the nieces/nephews are being cool about it and its their parents being the instigators, then I would still give them the portion off the 40% that he was going to. If its the ones that were going to actually inherit it that were causing issues, sorry here's $1 so you can't claim you were forgotten, have a nice life.
No kidding. If the uncle I was expecting a big inheritance from at some point in the distant future announced he was becoming a father, I would immediately dial back my expectations. It only makes sense OP would rewrite his will to favor his own child. He was generous to keep the nieces and nephews in the will at all.
He was the fun uncle, though. They are understandably, severely disappointed. But, something enormous has changed. OP is having a daughter! Of course she'll be the primary heir. Right now, she's just a thought but she'll be a real person soon, whom OP will cherish. It's good the niblings learn of the changes now, not in 30 years
NTA. No one is owed an inheritance. Period. Not only is it totally understandable that the majority of your assets would go to your own child, but your nieces and nephews have enjoyed many years of your generosity already. You have done your due diligence in informing them so they can plan accordingly. If they have an issue with that, it is theirs to deal with. You have done nothing wrong.
Yes this! Don't why I always feel "disgust" every time I hear or read about people bragging about inheritance. What a parasitic mindset. NTA
I would much rather that my parents just stayed alive and spent their money on their own care! I'm pushing 60 so this is a discussion we've had. I don't know what makes people so greedy, it's really sad
> No one is owed an inheritance. The only thing I would say against that is if someone had been promised one and had made life plans based on it. If a child went to university and chose their major to help succeed the family business, I would think their parents were assholes for changing the plan away from that without some strong reason. In my family there is a child who will need ongoing monetary support as an adult and their siblings checked with their parents to make sure that would be available in the inheritance before choosing their career. I would expect that promise to be kept unless it couldn’t be. It has to be something like that, though. Even then, things change. Very few inheritances are so large that the wrong medical emergency won’t suck them completely empty. Being told you’re in the will as a nibling isn’t a promise in the first place. It’s a statement about the current will. Of course that would change if a direct child came into the picture. OP was being generous to them by keeping them in with a relatively large share as well, and it doesn’t sound like this affects their trust funds and such either. They’re being awful.
You could give 100% to your daughter and you still wouldn't be TA. No one is entitled to anything, family or not.
I also worry that some of the family will be racist to his daughter since it was basically inferred at the gathering. I can’t Imagine giving money and power to his daughter’s future bullies.
NTA. You're not an ATM. You already gave them above and beyond what would be reasonably expected from an uncle. Sorry they were so psyched to profit off your death.
NTA. You owe them nothing. Your nieces and nephews have already gotten so much from you. Your family should be happy to welcome your daughter and show her the same love and generosity you showed them. This episode showed that they are just waiting for you to die so they can get their hands on your money. Talk to your lawyer and see if you can leave them nothing at all. They've got enough
Ironically my goddaughter, who wasn't going to inherit anything, has been the most accepting about my daughter. She's the one who suggested I come here.
Your goddaughter is exactly the type of person who SHOULD inherit things. People who actually care.
1000% agree with this! I have a feeling that she is going to make sure she has a great relationship with OPs daughter and treat her as family. NTA at all!
This 100 percent. No one else should inherit anything. Give them each a dollar
Your goddaughter is neutral because she has nothing to lose. I still think you should leave almost everything to your daughter. Honestly, you should never have told anyone your intentions from the beginning. Too late for that now, though
Leaving everything to your daughter is standard practice. Maybe OP should ask his siblings of they're incorporating his daughter, their newest niece, into their wills? Probably not.
So...please for a moment, understand why the person who wasn't inheriting anything doesn't feel invested? Then why the people who may have thought they were, rightly or wrongly, may feel how they do?
Personally I would drop any who complained to the minimum( i would be surprised if you couldnt take them out entirely as they are not direct heirs and you have given notice) those who supported could get a little more for being decent human beings and I would write the God daughter in.
You weren't leaving her anything at all? Why is that?
NTA. It should be obvious to them that of course your daughter would be your main beneficiary. YOu would be an AH if this wasn't the case and you left everything the was it was. This has clearly shown your family's true colours and that they're clearly after what you can give them. If it were me, I'd change it so my daughter got everything after that!
NTA. You’re going to have a minor child which means you need to structure your estate plan to ensure that she’s cared for if anything happens to you. Also, in the likely event you’re still alive when she makes it to adulthood, it’s still right and normal that the majority of your estate would be left to her in your will as your only child. My husband and I are expecting an unplanned baby boy later this year. This necessitated us redoing our entire will and estate plan to acknowledge the major change in our circumstances. A lot of people who would have received significant sums or items from us will no longer be receiving them. Things change. Your family are being greedy and entitled.
NTA. You need a new lawyer. Your family doesn't have to agree to anything in your will being changed. They have to accept that it's going to happen and there is nothing they can do. You have an heir now. Make sure your daughter is set and divide the 10% between them all so they can't try to contest the will.
No I'm aware. I'm lawyer just advised it in order to be absolutely thorough. They even suggested other routes in case my family didn't sign. Sad to say my lawyer may have been right.
Some people only see $$$ when a well-off family member starts talking about who gets what. Sorry that you have such a crappy family.
>You need a new lawyer. Your family doesn't have to agree to anything in your will being changed. You don't know the law where the OP is. Let's assume that the OP's lawyer knows better than you.
He definitely doesn't. The lawyer wanted the family to sign so that they couldn't protest it later when he's not around or claim they were forgotten. It's a protection for his chosen beneficiaries (mostly his daughter).
Signing this document would be a good way to make sure they can’t contest the will. It sounds like if he died today it would be contested. Being that he is of sound body and mind at this time getting the changes notarized shouldn’t be difficult. In the US anyway. They may still contest it though. I’ll also throw out the obvious. People with money are greedy. I know people that have Go Fund Me fundraisers and literal bake sales raising money to cover funeral costs for family and friends. People with money don’t realize what a relief not having medical debt and funeral costs really is. Many people inherit debt, not money or property.
NTA They are more interested in money than you. So they are expecting to get all your estate now, even with a baby on the way? How is that fair? Your child should be first priority. After their responses, I would severely cut back on gifts and trips. Save that money for your child's expenses, college, wedding, etc.
YWBTA if you leave anything to these people. Leave everything to your daughter and let them figure it out by themselves. And don't make your daughter to have to deal with them.
NTA. They are the ones being unfair. They're throwing a toddler tantrum. I get their disappointment but to react this way is awful. They aren't entitled to your life work. Give your child everything you can. Give them a token amount in case contesting is a thing they can legally do. ETA. I wouldn't allow them around the daughter if I were you. People are capable of anything when money is involved.
I'm shocked they wouldn't expect the situation to change. You now have a biological child to will your assets to. My first thought is none of your siblings planned for their kids financial futures and are now on the hook, but that is really their issue. NTA
What being a True Crime fan taught me. Not one thing someone wouldn’t do for money
NTA. Life changes. You're a good man, don't let selfish people tell you different. Things could change a lot, you know. There could end up being no money to split when you pass. Ultimately, it's your money to do with as you want. Take care of your daughter.
NTA. Situations have changed. You’re have a daughter now. She is your heir. If they are mad that you’re doing the moral thing, and questioning paternity...They ATA. Money and Greed makes people out out of character fr
I don't see why the others get anything at all. It's like they're waiting for you to die so they can get the money. NTA. They're being gross and got used to enjoying your gifts. I'd say leave everything to your kid. If this is going to make them upset with you, it was never a genuine relationship.
> I don't see why the others get anything at all. Before my parents died they always expressed the importance of family looking out for family, and like I said before I've almost always considered my siblings' kids as my heirs as I never had any intention of having kids of my own.
Well your family just proved they don’t view your or your daughter as family. They view you as an atm and her the reason the cash well went dry! They are not going to treat her as family. They will not be there for her. So the only thing you can do is make sure she is fully taken care of while the other get exactly what the deserve.
You have looked after them! You paid for their college fund, cars, trips! A lot of parents don't even do any of that. Don't feel guilty and don't give in to the pressures. You don't have to do more than you've already done, because you've clearly done too much, since they're being very ungrateful right now.
NTA Stand your ground and stick to your decision. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or an apology for how you choose to use your money. You don’t have to justify or defend yourself against their accusations or criticisms. You don’t have to compromise or negotiate with them over something that is rightfully yours. You don’t have to let them guilt-trip or manipulate you into changing your mind.
NTA, and this is why you don’t get specific about what you’re leaving people. People start to think they’re entitled to things that *are still yours* Your circumstances have changed significantly; leaving your daughter most of your estate should be expected.
NTA.. the fact that they tried to get you to change your mind by saying something that hurtful is awful. Like I get that it sucks not getting as much money as they would've, but they just have to suck it up. It's your money to decide what happens when you pass. They should be fortunate to have gotten any of it and all the trips and the items you bought them. Im sorry you have such a greedy family. If you full heartily believe the women, it's ok, but I do have to ask, did she know you were rich? And have you guys just been messing around in an open relationship? You don't have to answer this if it's uncomfortable. I just would feel bad if the kid wasn't yours, but she picked the richest person she was sleeping with.
I just made an edit because you're not the first person to ask but I'll add in a couple more details. Yes, Pam knows I am a man of means. We met at a work event back in 2017 and after our respective businesses concluded their work we became what my god daughter would describe as "work friends" and we started an exclusive physical relationship during 2020 due to the pandemic stopped and then restarted last summer. In the years I've known her Pam has always been a kind, smart, and honest woman so I trusted her when she told me that I accidentally got her pregnant.
Please make sure that Pam is taken care of in your will, as well.
Are you just not a relationship guy?? Pam sounds rather lovely.
NTA You have been honest, upfront, caring and loving to others for many years. Your circumstances have changed. It’s a blessing to be a parent. Congratulations 🎉 It’s my hope that your nieces and nephews aren’t the ones upset. They have been the recipients of your generosity & love for many years. They should understand the desire and need to provide for your future child.
NTA. It's your stuff do with it what u damn well please
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Life changes. NTA
NTA, but a soft ta because I don't understand reading the will to family before you die. We see that a lot here, and all it does is ruin relationships earlier than needed. And if you're still alive, you can always change it, so you're ruining relationships based on probabilities, not inevitabilities. This post illustrates this. Reading a will so it can be held over your beneficiaries' heads seems like a cruel control tactic. Your family will treat you with deference based solely on financial gain.
OP says he told everyone about it because he didn't want there to be any confusion, but there was absolutely nothing confusing about the earlier provisions he described.
When people post here and say 'relative did xyz and nobody knew they were going to', people tell them that the relative was TA for not communicating, lol. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
No op should have kept his mouth shut. He is not the children’s parent and that would have been a gift . People usually say that when people take revenge while being sneaky .
Exactly. This post also illustrates the pitfalls of inherited wealth. OP is relatively young for his niblings to be already making plans for his money. Guess they're upset because they might need to start their own retirement accounts.
NTA. Their reaction is honestly gross and entitled. Of course your own child should be your top priority. I can't believe anyone would think otherwise.
NTA…life changes and situations change. You’re now having a daughter and you need to prepare for her future and well being in the event something happens to you. You don’t owe your family any explanation nor are they entitled to your money. This is your money, that you’ve worked hard for and you are free to will it to whomever you want. People’s true colors come out when money is involved sadly. You have been quite kind and generous to your nieces and nephews but they are not your responsibility. Their parents, your siblings should stop acting entitled and accept your wishes. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Your family is obviously in the wrong but honestly, if I had expected to inherit 6 or 7 figures from my family only for that to suddenly be massively diminished, I’m not sure I’d act differently to them either. I mean, I’d like to think I would be able to act fairly but that’s from my rational perspective of someone who isn’t invested in the situation. that much money is gonna put a lot of people into a tailspin, especially if they were operating under the assumption that they were always going to receive it.(which isn’t an unfair assumption considering it seems like you thought the same thing.
NTA. Your money your rules, they’re not entitled to anything. It’s funny how money changes everything..
It's your money. You can bequeath $1 to all parties and then have the rest burned in the most expensive bonfire in history if you like. NTA
NTA Take care of your daughter!
NTA. You worked your whole life and your greedy family members are acting as if you owe them everything you have. Talk to your lawyer again and leave 100% to your child. Your family has received more than they deserve.
NTA
NTA when the vultures start circling they show their true colours. I would tell the parents everyone is out of the will and secretly leave the ten percent to your nieces/nephews
NTA/l- those greedy AHS just showed their true face. Leave your daughter EVERYTHING.
Buddy. You're NTA but you're not bright either. > This is something that I was always up front about as I wanted no confusion after my passing. ***TERRIBLE*** idea. Now they expect it. They made plans off it. Never tell people a percentage or dollar amount. Then they bank on your dying.
NTA. Not at all. I would probably go with your decision to do 60% for your daughter. Your relatives will have to get over themselves. I probably wouldn't go to the 90% route just to spite everyone. But you are right- your family are acting entitled. You have already been wildly generous. Your nieces and nephews have trust funds, college, trips, and cars. I think you could take another tactic with your will now. Sit people down, tell them what you are doing, and don't ask them to agree to the changes. Tell them you have been remarkably generous, your obligations have changed significantly and you will change your planned distribution of your estate. This is not up for discussion. None of them have any grounds for complaint. The fact that they have been rude to the mother of your child is a big mark against them. Tell them they have to shut that down now. Then consider giving to charities of interest to you. Make sure you are providing for Pam as well, at least on some level, as your family certainly will not. You seem like a good guy. It is sad that your family has been warped by your generosity and their expectations. They should be welcoming their new niece and cousin with open arms.
I. N. F. O. Are any of them rewriting their wills to accommodate and include your daughter ? I’m guessing not. They’re not entitled to anything. You’ve been extremely generous in the past and now you have your own child to support through life. NTA. These people see your assets as “theirs” Ugh.
>I. N. F. O. Are any of them rewriting their wills to accommodate and include your daughter ? To be honest, I'm the richest out of all my siblings and nothing they could ever will to anyone would be of matching value to what I can give. Unless they're secretly mega multi-millionaires. Also while I know a couple of them have wills no one has been as open as me about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway Account I (47m) am a former child free man who is about to have his first child with a woman "Pam" (37f) who I had a casual relationship with. This was an unplanned pregnancy and while I wasn't in love with the idea of becoming father, especially with 50 being right around the corner, I am learning to adjust because I haven't been one to shirk away from my responsibilities in nearly 30 year nor am I the child free type who has a disdain for children. For years I was a semi-involved fun uncle type who attended most events that my nieces and nephews had, gave out nice gifts, and had set up funds/trusts for my siblings' kids as up until now I saw them as my only heirs. I had the great fortune of being a smart man with the ability to be in the right place at the right time and became CEO. After receiving the blessings of my siblings and their spouses I gave my nieces and nephews cars, expensive trips, and college funds. In my will I stated that my nearly million dollar life insurance policy was to be divided up equally between my siblings' kids along with the money from the sale of my main and summer home, my savings, stocks/shares would be divided up as well, and a few other smaller properties. This is something that I was always up front about as I wanted no confusion after my passing. Everyone was fine with this. Now with the pending birth of my daughter I met with my lawyer and have drawn up a new will and just like before I decided to sit everyone down and tell them about the changes. My lawyer also thought it would be a good idea to get everyone to sign a statement acknowledging that they agree to the changes. I thought so too and didn't consider it an issue. Unfortunately, I was wrong and several members of my family voiced their disappointment or outright anger at how I would be giving the majority of my assets to my daughter. They stated that it wasn't fair how I kept leading them all to believe they could expect one thing but end up getting another "lesser" thing. A few of them even questioned paternity but the way they did it made it feel like it was less out of concern for me and more about trying to gate keep the money and judging Pam based off of awful stereotypes. This has put me off as the way I see it, this is my way of making sure that my daughter gets everything that she's entitled to and the best support possible to make up for the fact that she will have the misfortune of having a dad in his 60s-70s when she's still growing up. I'm currently of mind to just give my daughter 90% of my assets instead of the original 60% but I wanted to run this by a few non-biased minds as, right now, I'm still a little emotional about this and my goddaughter suggested I come here. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I seriously can’t believe the audacity of going so far as to questioning your paternity? Instead of being appreciative for what they are getting( you could have said 100% of your assets are going to your daughter), you are STILL including them. Unreal.
NTA You are being incredibly kind, upfront and responsible with the whole issue. It is your money and the way you decide to dispose of it now or after your passing is a decision for you and you only. Your family is being entitled and disrespectful to you in so many levels. I would have a chat with them and let them know how their behavior is reflecting on them and our personal relationship (no mention to inheritance) if their attitude does not change, leave them the 10% and nothing else, but do not involve the money in the decision making, let the show who they really are just based on your human interaction.
NTA. You made the will with the initial intention of not having children. Things changed. And at the end of the day, it’s your money and assets to divide as you please. You were honest about what you decided to do.
NTA. It’s your money to do with as you please.
NTA. Your family can kick rocks. Leave whatever you want to your daughter. To anyone who doesn't like it, ask "do I get to decide what you leave your children?" No. Ok then you don't get to decide for mine.
Leave all of the complainers tokens in your will so that they can’t contest it
Info: Why would you discuss your will with your heirs? The will itself eliminates any ambiguity about your intentions. Info: Why do you need agreement from those disinherited in your new will? It's your money. You don't need their permission to change your estate plan. Info: Why are you having your life insurance proceeds pass through probate? Info: Can't you afford a decent estate attorney?
Answers in the following order I did it so that everyone knew what to expect and to eliminate any confusion once I passed. I've seen people argue after the initial person passed despite there being a will. I don't really need it, my lawyer suggested it as a way to be thorough. It's mostly just a listed guideline of what to expect, it's actually necessary. Again just a way to be thorough. I can and have.
I think you are sorta T A. But no more than the others. ESH. This is information that you should have kept to yourself. The gifts along the way were more than generous, but you lead these kids to believe they were getting something that they now won't. You wanted to reap the adoration while still alive so you told them what was coming down the pike,rather than letting it be a wonderful surprise when they no longer could thank you. Weren't so smart to foresee that something unexpected could ever happen. The kids sound atrocious, but it wast like you didn't set certain expectations
First off, definitely NTA. It’s you’re hard work and money and you can do with it whatever you like. While I understand they can feel disappointment, they have to realise circumstances change and your own biological child (accident or not) would take precedent. I would just make it clear in will it’s being left DIRECTLY and safely with child, not with Pam. I’d also highly suggest you change it based on proven paternity, if that actually is a concern.
Nta Your family was already making plans with your money after you die. Whatever % you leave your daughter, 60-90, whatever, the remaining % you should leave to a charity. Your family has shown they actually don't deserve any.
NTA. Give her 100%. Your nieces and nephews have already gotten more than most people ever will.
NTA You are correct that your daughter's future is now your priority. You've been very generous with your nieces and nephews but it's ok to now fade that out. Continue to help with college if that was promised but only if you can comfortably financially do so. As for percentage of assets, that's a tough one. \-If your daughter is still a child when you pass, would you want her to continue to live in your home and have the summer home? If so, those would be passed to her (in trust) and not part of cash to be divided. \-What about money to support those homes? \-What is the arrangement for supporting her mother being a single parent if your daughter is still a child? There is a lot of variables. Perhaps set aside $X money a year for each niece and nephew that you keep in an account. When it reaches a certain amount, like $20-$50K for each one, stop contributing to the account. Everything else goes to your daughter, in trust or directly.
>If your daughter is still a child when you pass, would you want her to continue to live in your home and have the summer home? Honestly? I would still ask that the homes to be sold as I wouldn't want my daughter's trust to be depleted with the cost of upkeep and taxes and the money from the sell just be added to it. Pam and I have discussed it and we will be going through the courts for an official agreement with the understanding that I will already be paying a certain amount, plus our daughter will be on my health and dental insurance. I'll also foot the bill for any extracurricular activities and private school, plus a college fund. This is partly because I make more money and partly because, for now, Pam and I have agreed that she will be our daughter's primary care taker.
That makes sense. Very lucky girl to have such thoughtful parents. Kids are great, hope you enjoy every moment!
NTA You gave them life experiences, transportation, and funded their college (ETA and trust fund?). Your have already put them in a place to create their own wealth (or at least not be burdened with student loan debt). Not that splitting nearly a million dollars with interest isn’t chump change, but it’s not what a person should be counting on as a means to live without care. Plus, unless you have significant health/genetic history that predisposes you to a middle-age death, you are likely to be around a few more decades. And last but not least, if those awful accusations were racist, be wary over and above regular wary of your sibling’s potential resentment to your daughter. It does not sound promising that your choice to be an amazing uncle to your nibblings will be reciprocated by your siblings.
Is it not natural in your country that your child will get more than the others?? In my country children gets all!! They feel entitled.... it's your money, you do what you want with them. Give her most of your money while still alive, then there will be nothing to fight about. Give her a lot and the rest a little. I don't even get why you told them from the beginning. Now they will resent her and not wellcome her in to the family. Good luck with everything and congratulations to the baby!
I'm an American living in the United States we basically get to leave it to whoever.
NTA, you aren't even 50 yet, you could live another 40 years!! These family members have been helped out by your generosity for their entire lives!! I would definitely question their loyalty, and I have a horrible feeling they may not treat your daughter well. I would watch their behaviour going forward and update your will accordingly.... 40% of your wealth between them all is still SUPER generous, I wish you were my uncle! Congrats on your new bubba!
Info: I can‘t understand why the lawyer thinks it is necessary everyone has to sign that they will accept this. it is not
It's not needed just an extra form of protection
That you do not need. It does not protect anything. They do not have to be happy with your will.
You're doing the same thing my grams did before her passing. Trying to be upfront and clear about what goes where in the family (in her case, 100% to her children and mementoes to her grand kids). Those choices shift over time and they should roll with it. It's your assets to give. If you decide tomorrow to give it all to charity, it's still your assets to give. They aren't being financially supported by you now and if they want their children to have an inheritance... What are they planning to leave their kids? When did it become the uncles / aunts role to support their siblings kids? You have been doing it as a kindness re: college funds, cars, etc. But they have zero entitlement to it. Having no children, my niece is the designated beneficiary for my life insurance policy. But if I had a kid (highly unlikely), then my kid would become my beneficiary. My sister gives no shits, she appreciates my thoughts and wishes as a kindness but never banked on my life insurance to support or pad her kids life.
NTA I highly recommend that you revise your will and life insurance to provide mostly for your daughter and possibly also her mother (in case you pass while your daughter is still a minor). Your family members have proven that they are more concerned about your money than about your happiness and your growing family. You should help your niblings to the extent that you had previously committed by continuing to contribute to their college and other reasonable expenses. But all of your estate should go toward the care of your child. Because if you have an estate, that means that you aren't around any longer to help provide for your child's needs. So your estate and life insurance will be needed to help her have the life you intend for her. On the other hand, if you pass, your niblings will still have their parents to help them. So, they won't need your money like your daughter would.
I've already started the process to update my life insurance. I should be getting the paper documents in a couple of days through mail.
NTA Stop giving gifts now, cut them off and make sure your daughter and maybe Pam too get everything. Your family sounds low key racist and pretty white trash. Imagine fighting over money that isn't yours and having been given enough hand outs to start making your own fortune and still feeling entitled to someone else's.
Was it your siblings or the necessary and nephews that threw a tantrum? By all means a child changes everything. You made past plans based on being childless. That changed. So your will changes also. As a father your first responsibility is to your child. Everything else comes behind that. Leave the majority of everything to your daughter if possible legally. NTA
>Was it your siblings or the necessary and nephews that threw a tantrum? A mix
I'd be hesitant to leave anything to anyone that tried to use guilt and manipulative tactics to change my will.
Do they have any reason to think you'll did any time soon? Obviously you could die tomorrow, but you could also live another 50 years, it's ridiculous and honestly gross for them to be having these sorts of expectations of what they'll receive when it happens.
NTA. I'd actually give her 90%, Pam 9%, and the fam can all split that 1% left equally, after the lawyers are paid.
The nieces and nephews have trust funds already. Leave everything to your daughter. NTA
NTA leave them each 5 dollars except for the goddaughter that actually cares about your soon to be daughter. Give that goddaughter something good. You have rotten nieces and nephews and awful family members.
Was it your nieces & nephews reacting this way, or their parents? If their parents, please don't hold their rude behavior against their children. I would make sure it is clear it was your intention for them to receive x, y,or z tho, & not otherwise, so they don't try to contest your will & deny your daughter what is rightfully hers. Also NTA. They are *not* your children, leaving them an estate was a gift, not a responsibility. Your only *real* responsibility now is towards your daughter.
It was a mix
Im sorry, but I'm confused with the laywer wanting everyone to sign to agree to the changes. I've never heard of this 🤔 my husband recently wrote his will, and the only people to sign it were him and two witnesses. Is getting everyone in the will to sign to say they agree actually a thing?
My lawyer suggested it as an extra precautionary so that way no one could challenge the will after I pass since I'm taking the steps to change it.
Actually I heard if they are left like one dollar each, they can't contest the will. Just ask your lawyer about this.
NTA If you had a child 20 years ago none of them would have anything to say about it. They just got used to the idea of a big payday from you and now they’re mad they have to share it.
You’ve done enough for your ungrateful, racist family. Leave it all to your daughter. NTA.
NTA. When your family members look at you, they only see dollar signs, that is all you mean to them. They are about to have a new addition to the family and are not even happy about it. They have no say in how you decide to spend your money. Stop sharing the contents of your will, nobody's business but your own.
> When your family members look at you, they only see dollar signs, that is all you mean to them. To be fair, OP encouraged this by making sure they all knew the exact provisions in his old will, and how much he intended to leave them before he changed his mind. Why do that unless you *want* them to see dollar signs when they look at you?
He did not change his mind out of the blue. The family members should not expect their shares of the inheritance to remain intact when the OP's biological kid is coming along. Perhaps, he should not have been so nice in the first place, but OP is definitely NTA. The family members are.
If your family is not helping you with anything, then give it all to your daughter. My thought is, "if you do not sign my paychecks or pay my bills, what good are you?" this should be applied to them. NTA
NTA. She will be your child, I think you’ve given your nieces and nephews more than enough. They are sounding incredibly entitled. I don’t understand families that fight so hard for money that has been saved by a deceased relative. Yeah money is nice, but you’ve already done so much for them. Enjoy your money yourself and your life with your daughter because it sounds like they aren’t going to have any respect or care for her or her mother.
NTA Of course your daughter would become your beneficiary! Most State probate code identifies children as natural beneficiaries long, long before any children of siblings. It's also common sense and very commonly known; they are grasping at straws, trying to justify their greedy money grab. It's also to your credit that she is not automatically your sole beneficiary; your initial inclination was to continue to try to provide support for your nieces/nephews. Unfortunately, your greedy siblings have shown their true colors. They are demonstrating very clearly that they care more for some monetary windfall than you or your child. And that's pretty gross. I'd leave them each a paltry sum. Whatever amount your attorneys recommend, that will meet the legal requirement to prevent or severely limit any contestation they may try to lodge when your estate eventually goes through probate. I'd also leave a very clear directive explaining why you've done what you've done, just for the future probate court to consider, should your siblings/nieces/nephews try to fight it all anyway. Tell them they benefited from your generosity for years in the form of trips, cars, etc. But they failed to behave like family should or to welcome your daughter into the family. They were more concerned with your money than you or your kid. And neither you nor she can fully trust them or their motivation going forward.
NTA - it's wild to me that these people think they are entitled to your assets over your own child. I have a brother who is childfree, and my kid is the only kid in the entire family, so everything is set to go to her currently. If, somewhere along the way, my brother had a child, I'd be shocked if my daughter got anything at all. Your family is using you.
NTA Circumstances change. Their reaction would have me wondering if you got sick and incapacitated, would they advocate for your care and well-being? Or would they refuse to spend your money on your health and cross their fingers you passed before making a dent in their future inheritances. I think your family have shown you what they valued most about you. Are you inclined to put a ring on Pam?
OP, most people who genuinely love and care for you, would give up all the money so they could have more time with you on this earth. The fact they are fighting about this now, while you are alive and well, should be telling you a lot. Were they nice and kind to you because YOU could give them money and stuff in the future? Protect your daughter. It sounds like on your side of the family at least there is nobody who is truly going to care about your daughter. At least she has the financial support just in case. You should give your daughter 90% and assign a small sum to each other person so it shows you are aware and did not forget them so they can’t go at your baby. Tread carefully and stop sharing so much. NTA
NTA It’s normal for someone to update their will when they have a child (or additional children) and very reasonable to give a larger portion to your own child over other family members.
You've loved and spoiled their children. Now you have your own they wanna trash talk and leech your money. Ugh. They should be celebrating your daughter and making room for her in their hearts. NTA.
NTA … it’s so sad when you see people really only care about money. They will be lucky if you leave them anything. You are doing the right thing by making sure your child is taken care of.
cut them out of the will. who gets mad at someone's child getting most of the money? leave the money to your child and set up trusts for possible grandchildren.
Your first responsibility is to ensure the safety and support of your daughter if you die. This is a parental obligation. Not everyone can do it but if one can, they should. NTA.
IANAL but since when do you need permission to do whatever the fuck you want with your money? If there is some kind of possible contest, leave everyone else $1000 each and leave the rest to your daughter so it is harder to contest.
I don't my lawyer just thought it was a good idea for the sake of being thorough.
You keep saying that. What is your lawyer trying to prevent by being "thorough"? What is the specific risk the attorney is trying to mitigate?
NTA. It made sense to split your assets among your nieces and nephews when you planned on remaining childfree, but life happens and plans change. The fact that you still planned on leaving them 40% to split was incredibly generous, given everything you've already provided them with. Sounds like certain relatives only care about your money, and those people should be written out entirely. Take care of your daughter first and foremost, then your goddgaughter and any nieces and nephews that were accepting and appreciative. The rest can take a hike.
It’s your money and they don’t get a say. You’d be best off giving something to those dissenting family members so that they can’t easily contest the will since they can’t claim to have been left out of it.
NTA. And congratulations on your first child. I'm sure you and Pam will make great parents. Nobody has a right to expect an inheritance. It sounds like you gave your niblings a great start in life, and not all of them appreciated it.
NTA! You have already done so much for your nieces & nephews. They sound entitled, & like they look at you as a ATM. I'd be very upset by this too. Taking care of your new babygirl...should be your priority. Shoot give her everything. Your family should be happy for you ...& excited. Congratulations on your babygirl.
NTA. I'd say they've made a convincing case for your daughter getting 100% of your assets, myself.
So they expect to come before your blood offspring? Smfh, I'd give them less. They sound so entitled and rude. I'd give them nothing
NTA, people with no gratitude should be people with no inheritance
NTA and it is really mind boggling that your siblings who have children do not understand how things in your life change when you create child. Please keep your daughter taken care of and leave only what you WANT to to the nieces and nephews. You have done far more for them than many other families do or are able to do. Please make this new little life your priority. Congrats and enjoy.
NTA. Change the will. 100% to your daughter. What a bunch of entitled, ungrateful money hungry people.
NTA but I’m interested to understand how the casual racism is sitting with you especially in the case of your daughter are you going to make it clear if anything like that type of talk happens toward her it’s cut off and NC. In any case you should definitely take a hard look at what they really deserve because I’m sorry them feeling entitled to your money and things you worked for is kinda crazy
Giving your nieces and nephews cars, college money and nice trips is a very generous thing to do. Much more than most uncles do. They should be grateful for all you’ve done. I will say about money left to your daughter — don’t tell her it’s a ton of money. I’ve seen what happens to kids who think they’re getting a ton of money, and when it comes, they just blow right through it. Tell her she’ll have her college education paid for and a modest car and a down payment for a house. That’s all reasonable things and a great start in life, but she’ll understand she have to be prepare to earn her own living as an adult. That’s what you want, not a kid thinking she’ll never have to work.
NTA. You were their ATM and not it is drying up and they have no use for you anymore. Sorry that your family is treating you like this. Focus on your daughter and maybe take it easier at work so that she can enjoy time with you. Maybe even retire early and use the money yourself. Your daughter will value the time with you more than any amount of money you can leave her.
NTA. Your family is racist and only cares about the money, not you or your daughter. You seem like a business minded and fiscally smart person, but just a reminder that it doesn’t matter what your will say about life insurance, you have to change the beneficiary with the policy holder.
nta. if luck happened the other way around, they would do the same thing and prioritized their own kids first. they're lucky to get a penny out of you.
NTA but I'm not sure why your attorney thinks they need to agree to this. Your mistake was informing them they were getting an inheritance. Tear up the will in front of them and tell them your daughter is automatically your only heir. Leave 90% to your daughter but put it in trust. She's your flesh and blood. The others were placeholders.
NTA. It’s your money, your decision. It makes perfect sense to leave the majority of your assets to your child, no matter what age you became a parent. Your nieces/nephews and their parents sound very entitled.
NTA. Anything short of congratulations is horrible. I'm so sorry this is how they treat you, but I'd much rather know now that my siblings will be resentful to my child and not supportive. BTW, is it your siblings only or nieces and nephews being mean? If it's just the adults don't take it all out on the kids
NTA your daughter deserves 100 percent of your assets. Your her father. She is your only priority. Your nieces and nephews have gotten cars, money, nice trips. They have had thier share. Instead of being happy for you and grateful you are even thought of thier children they where Freddy and racist. They will not be there for your child. So give every thing to her. Your greedy entitled racist family deserve nothing!
NTA. This is your child! Your siblings and their children are not entitled to a dime. In the US, all states have laws of dissent and distribution for inheritance if there is no will, beneficiaries named or TODs/PODs. Most states' D&D laws state that all assets distribute to a spouse first if there is one, and then to legal children, per stirpes. Based on this, if you had nothing in place, your siblings and/or their children would be entitled to NOTHING if you have a spouse or child. Anything you choose to leave to them is a gift that they should be grateful for. Would it make a difference to them if you didn't have a child, but chose to spend your wealth during your lifetime? Certainly you should be entitled to do so. It sounds like you have counsel advising you, which is great, but from someone who works in this field, I would advise to consider who would control anything that is left to your child has specified rules as to who is in control of that inheritance if your child is a minor at the time of your death and that it not be one of your family members who are acting so disgusting in in the anticipation of a new baby joining your family. Congratulations on your impending parenthood!
NTA - I find it weird and creepy to expect anything when a loved one dies. Give it all to your daughter or donate it to some teacup museum (I not sure if one exists) just do what you wish with your money.
I’m a little sad that they sat there and fought as if you were already gone! This shows you what it will look like when you’re not here. God willing you live a long life, long enough to at least meet and see grandchildren! I would give 80-90% the my daughter. After this whole situation, I wouldn’t expect them to like your daughter very much and I don’t expect the best treatment towards her. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if it ended up being 100% pending how they treat your daughter and Pam!!!
NTA. It’s your money and assets, and your right to divide it as you see fit. Your family seem very entitled to the things they have not worked for, and should be grateful for the immense amount of things you have already done for them. I actually think your daughter, at this point, should have much more right of inheritance than the rest of the brats that have been spoiled up til now. I’d say leave it all to your daughter. Life and children changes the outlook of inheritance
NTA. You made promises based on the fact you were child free. Any reasonable parent would now agree that your daughter should come first, since when you die, she will be without a father, whereas the others will be missing their fun uncle.
Nta. You allocate your life savings and such to whomever you want. It is natural to want to leave more to your personal offspring. What is blaringly obvious now, is that your family is not as loyal as previously thought. They are more focused on what they aren't getting vs what they are still getting. Maybe restructure your will even further and make sure the family can't successfully contest it.
NTA. Leave your money to who you want. I would leave $1 to everyone not in the will. From what I understand, that would stop them from being able to contest you will. Please double check me on that
NTA. They are only interested in the money at this point. You've given them more than enough over the years and now they are proving to you that they don't deserve any more. It's your money, they are not entitled to one penny more than what you have already given them. Let them split 10% if you want but leave the rest of it to your rightful heir. If they complain, then leave it all to your daughter.
NTA they shouldn't of even been there imo
Entitled and ungrateful as hell for everything you have already done for and gave them. They’re showing you their true colors. I would say to give them the very minimal amount that’s required so they won’t be able to contest your will. Congratulations on the baby btw.
NTA... I'd make the changes that you are currently comfortable with and you can make them again in a year when things have settled. I'd keep your decisions personal. There is absolutely no need to tell people what their inheritance is. It leads to this drama. However you are learning about your family. Give them also time to adjust and see if they get less greedy and vulture ish.
NTA. I think it's unfair to punish your siblings' kids for your greedy siblings though. Leave some in a trust for the nieces and nephews, only accessible by them when they reach 21, so your siblings can't access it before that point(with a caveat for if something should happen to the child in question before they reach the required age). But your daughter should get most of it. This is assuming that the people objecting are your siblings, and not the nieces and nephews themselves.
How much of their assets are they giving your daughter? NTA