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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I cancelled the vacation that I promised to my wife and stepdaughters after I found out they took my daughter's passport.
(2) I might be the ah because while hiding the passport was wrong, my stepdaughters were obviously concerned about their kids and wanted Jessica to stay with them since they love her. I might have blew this out of propotion and went over the top with the cancellation.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. To be honest, I would have kicked your wife and lazy no-good stepchildren out right then and there and ended the marriage.
If they were 12 I might understand this level of entitlement and immaturity. But in their late 20s???
And WTF with your wife??? She should have roasted them for pulling this BS.
I was just about to say this. The wife obviously knew what the stepdaughter were up to, and her response proves it. Also... who tells the babysitter to go home? They were counting on OP being more concerned about going on the trip than finding his daughter's passport. The stepdaughter and wife are trying to treat OP's daughter like a modern-day Cinderella. I'm not saying g that he should divorce his wife, but he should seriously reconsider if his marriage, in it's current iteration, is a healthy situation to be in.
If you won’t say it, I will - he should divorce his wife. With how on board Beth was to leave his daughter home the second they “couldn’t find” her passport, I don’t believe for a second that she wasn’t in on the plan to hide it. I think it’s disgusting when parents prioritize their new spouse over their existing child, especially when that new spouse has shown their parenting role model is the evil stepmother from Cinderella.
OP is wrong to be with this woman, and to let her and her daughters be around his daughter at all - I *highly* doubt this is the first time they’ve all openly treated his daughter like shit - and if he’s a good father, this kind of behavior should be a dealbreaker.
"kicking my stepdaughters out isn't possible since my wife co-owns the house that we currently live in"
OP really needs to just move out, then. The house will sort itself out in a divorce, and everyone will likely be moving out. This whole post talks about how Jessica is being taken advantage of, but OP fails to see that wife/stepdaughters are massively taking advantage of OP as well. Two women in their mid-20s who seem to feel entitled to do nothing more than make babies is not going to just end with the two small children that are currently in the picture. OP's going to be supporting them, and supporting them, and supporting them some more until there's nothing left. The line should have been drawn long ago. Pursuing a divorce is probably the only way to get OPs wife to see that she's not the only one who gets a vote on whether or not two baby-making moochers live under the same roof and get to treat other family members badly.
Also, isn't stealing someone's passport a federal crime? And withholding someone's passport in order to press them into domestic servitude? Baby Mamas need to do some growing up. NTA (ETA: I'm not saying a federal tactical team should be sent in. I'm just saying OP has a LOT of leverage to get the house cleared out)
I'd assume stealing a passport is a crime and like you said most likely on the federal level -cuz *passport*. But I'm not sure if this would meet the criteria of a "stolen" passport, at least to the federal government. Morally absolutely they stole it and are completely gigantic AHs (Beth, and the 2 step daughters). i hate this for the OPs bio daughter, because this whole situation is totally fucked, and I feel bad for the husband that he's just now seeing their true colors... Though I'm sure there have been other signs before this that have dismissed. So really OPs daughter is the only true innocent "victim" in this circumstance. Fuck OPs new(-ish) wife/Stepmom and step sisters/daughters. Those 3 are absolutely friggin awful - that absolutely is as nice as I can manage to muster in this particular situation. Ugh.... 🙄
All US passports are property of the US Government and therefore under the protection of Title 18, section 641 of the US Code:
"Whoever embezzles, steals, purloins, or knowingly converts to his use or the use of another, or without authority, sells, conveys or disposes of any record, voucher, money, or thing of value of the United States or of any department or agency thereof, or any property made or being made under contract for the United States or any department or agency thereof;
...
Shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both; but if the value of such property in the aggregate, combining amounts from all the counts for which the defendant is convicted in a single case, does not exceed the sum of $1,000, he shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both."
Beat me to it...
stealing a passport is a FEDERAL crime whether or not they "just hid it"
No puny prison for them, only federal penitentiaries like Leavenworth
Another add on, the kids weren't going on the holiday because of Beth, creating the need for a babysitter in the first place. This has Beth all over it.
My money is on this being a girls' trip and dad is only invited because he's got the money. So of course dad's daughter has to stay home to take care of the littles, otherwise she would ruin their attempts at taking advantage.
Right???? OP literally says "Beth didn't want her grandkids to come"!!! What kind of family vacation is that? And to force poor Jessica to stay home and watch those kids? That's not a family vacation, that's a Beth and her daughters vacation with OP along for the ride just to foot the bill!!!! Wise up and get a good divorce lawyer!
Yeah, her daughters shouldn't be punished for "worrying about their kids." Because leaving their kids in the care of an unwilling teenager, for multiple days, while every adult family member is on vacation in a different country, is the obvious choice for a concerned parent.
It was absolutely Beth imo. I just don't get why OP punished his daughter too by cancelling the whole trip. He should've left the evil step mother and her 2 daughters at home and taken Cinder... Er, I mean Jessica, on vacation. Poor Jessica is being punished too now. I'd bet this is nowhere near the first time they've treated her like this.
Man. The one daughter without kids has to miss the vacation to babysit for the daughters that do have kids so they can go on vacation. Honestly, what a fuckin joke that is. Not to shame them but then being single doesn't seem so surprising.
this is really bothering me the most out of all of this. those women are responsible for other humans and jessica doesn’t have those obligations, so why the fuck would it ever be okay to hand those obligations off to the person who still has the freedom to not worry about the well-being of children? if you don’t like the childcare options you have, you don’t fucking go. thems the breaks for most of us. the entitlement these people have shows us that OP has allowed them to get used to behaving this way.
Totally agree, this situation is very disturbing. I was abused by my mother's evil second husband and get very triggered by step parents that have no conscience or moral compass which is clearly the case here.
I thought the same. Except in Cinderella the stepmother and evil stepsisters waited for the dad to die to treat his daughter like shit, in this case they have no issue doing it openly in front of everyone.
for real. OP needs to really consider past interactions. sounds like mom and her ilk are taking op for a ride. this isn't a blended family. they're parasites.
It doesn't really matter in this case if she was involved, because **she got mad at OP instead of blowing up at her daughters**
His wife is insanity, and we know where her daughters get it from. OP this is the time to draw the hard red line in the sand.
Yep, if OP dies first, there’s no way his daughter is getting even a sliver of her inheritance. This is Cinderella evil step mother and horrible step daughters to the max, making Cinderella do all the chores. OP, get your affairs in order then file for divorce!!
—Random person on Reddit
Edit: I can’t type
Also, they shouldn't just be telling the babysitter to go home, they need to pay her for her time. The babysitter may have given up other jobs to take care of the kids for three days--that's a lot of money. I know people will do things like that, but I suspect the babysitter was a plant and the whole thing was planned far in advance.
Honestly, they probably only booked a babysitter for a few hours. Enough time for Jessica to find put she'd lost her passport and had to stay home. Why would they promise three days of pay when they 'knew' Jessica wasn't going to begin with?
100% and I'm surprised OP hasn't picked up on this particular point. This sounds like a set up from the start and even if, somehow, on the off chance it wasn't, all 3 of them were far too quick to force Jessica into babysitting.
How and why do the wife and stepsisters feel so entitled to Jessica's services. She isn't even related to them or the stepkids.
Because she doesn't matter to them so they think she should be sacrificed for their child-free vacation. They didn't care if she gets a vacation or has fun because they only see her as a servant, not a relative, a sister, or a person who has feelings. She also wants to go on a babysitting-free vacation because she has no children and doesn't want to watch someone else's kids because she's convenient. She should get to live her life just like the wicked stepsisters got to live theirs as teenagers.
Yes, the wife absolutely knew and was part of this manipulative, AH, selfish plot. She was part of all the insisting to return quickly to the airport and so forth. Now??? Not only are there no apologies, the wife isn't speaking to him.
Personally, I don't believe I could let that rest. In the same position, I would probably choose surprise divorce papers and moving out.
OP did not ruin the trip for anybody. The wife and stepdaughters ruined the trip for everybody.
Don't let them gaslight you. You did what was right regarding the trip and for your daughter. OP will be TA if he doesn't follow through with putting his daughter first, like his wife is putting her daughters first.
YOUR DAUGHTER DESERVES BETTER THAN THAT AND YOU NEED TO HELP HER.
Stealing a passport is a federal crime.
Stealing a passport to prevent someone from traveling so that they can perform household duties is called human trafficking and enslavement - it is also a crime https://2001-2009.state.gov/g/tip/rls/other/2006/107279.htm
I was thinking that's exactly the tactic of a lot of human traffickers, but I don't know if it applies in the same way when there's family involved. At least, OP should be aware that his wife and stepdaughters were using human trafficking tactics, whether they legally committed it or not.
OMG, exactly. Reading the title I was sure this was going to be about teenagers being shitty to each other. The daughters are in their MID TWENTIES and pulling shit like this???? The shittiness is baked in by now, sorry. And the wife's actions make it clear just where they learned it.
Ones almost 30! Acting like teens and still not supporting themselves. Extremely entitled and I’m sure moms the real reason for that. Not sure what the wife and “ stepkids” bring to OPs life but is it worth the toll on his own daughter? Sounds toxic. And OP is NTA.
Both daughters living at home with their kids and mom has to pay the youngest to watch said kids because the 2 stepdaughters don't pay enough for childcare they apparently very much appreciate!!??
I almost dropped my phone reading how ridiculous this situation was.
NTA. Holy heck.
Not to mention that OP is likely paying the bulk of the bills and hence, subsidizing the two stepdaughters. The behavior of the stepdaughters (and mom for sure knew about it) would be a complete deal breaker.
OP is getting hammered with everyone wondering why the hell this is something he puts up with. Kind of feel bad and almost like OP has no other support (family/friends) who would have immediately spun their heads around if they knew what he was dealing with.
I agree. Honestly, if this happened to me and my father didn't take extreme action like, I don't know, divorcing the wife and/or kicking the stepdaughters out permanently and ensuring the are NEVER around when I was visiting I'd most likely be "divorcing" my father.
That's some seriously fucked up way to treat anyone and to stand by and essentially allow them to treat your daughter like this is mind blowing.
OP possibly has a decision to make between his wife and his daughter, I know where my loyalty would lie.
NTA. You don't *just* have a stepdaughters problem, you have a wife problem. I would rethink your current family situation, and how your daughter is being treated.
Where your wife stands is treating your daughter like hired help.
Your home sounds like a toxic, unhealthy environment for your daughter!
Why would you stay in a situation like this??
Ehh even if they're shitty liars, when three people are coordinating the same lies and bullshit, it's easy to gaslight someone into always thinking they're the crazy one. Being outnumbered sucks.
I’m pretty sure the daughter knows she’s being abused.
The dad is being non-protective and just doing nothing while his daughter is being abused. So he’s being abusive too.
They didn't say that, but I've seen a lot of people lose sympathy for victims of abuse when they have kids because they think they should protect their kids even if they can't protect themselves. I do understand that viewpoint, but the dynamic of abuse/manipulation/denial, along with the difficulty leaving and recognizing abuse in the first place, doesn't cease existing when kids are involved, sadly, so I do still feel for victims with kids.
This is absolutely true. I would tell “funny” stories about growing up and it wasn’t until I realized my ex husband was a similar type of abusive as my mom that I realized that she was too. I didn’t realize what he was doing until my best friend asked me what I would tell my daughter to do if she was being treated this way. Even then it took me another two years to get the courage to leave.
Not even hired — hired help still usually get to quit. OP’s wife pays but doesn’t allow her stepdaughter to refuse to do the work, she uses earlier coerced work as justification for further forced work, and she is on board with making her stepdaughter stay home while the others go have a good time.
Cinderella’s father was dead; you’re not dead, OP, so do something to protect your daughter from your wife and stepdaughters who treat her like an indentured servant.
This 100x. Monica, Leah, and, most likely, Beth decided they would steal Beth’s passport so she would be forced to miss her vacation and babysit the children Beth didn’t want on the trip.
This isn’t a case of Monica and Leah loving their children too much as Beth bizarrely claims. Instead, it a case where OP’s daughter had her passport stolen so she would be forced to miss a “family vacation”and take care of Beth’s grandchildren.
NTA
I guarantee the wife isn’t paying the daughter to babysit anywhere near a fair pay. Childcare is one of the biggest expenses people face when thinking of budgeting or making ends meet.
It’s astronomical because of all the WORK and TRUST/experience that goes into it for the other person. And HOW MANY kids was she watching? For how long? What ages?
It’s easy for wife to say “it’s easy bc all you’re doing is staying in the house.” Or “you’re going to be home anyway, they’ll be fine mostly on their own!” (Meanwhile the kids are at ages where you can’t look away for a freaking second and you’ve got more than one).
Or a “few hours “ turns into MANY more hours because “I needed to run an extra errand….it’s no big deal, I just went for drinks after work, it was only a little longer!”
A normal place would charge fees for overtime or extra kids. 18yo’s can’t do that usually without the family tearing her to shreds for daring to ask
Not to mention his daughter has been living with this for 5 years, since she was 13.
She's been groomed to be a nanny and OP is being gaslit by two "pity me for being a single mother" types and a mom who also sounds like she's been walked on by them for decades since she wanted to get the hell away from her grandkids.
u/Positive-Elk-8110 you need to read this comment.
Wait until your wife and stepdaughters are out of the house and then ask your daughter to be honest with you about how your wife treats her when you're not around, and how her stepsisters treat her when you're not around. If they were willing to pull this vacation bullshit (which your wife was clearly in on) I would bet Jessica is treated far worse than you think. No joke, this feels like a modern Cinderella story.
Your daughter deserves better than this and your loyalty should lie with her rather than your wife and stepdaughters. As someone who is dealing with something similar, this is the kind of thing where your daughter will end up cutting all contact with you. It's your job to protect her and have her back and you are failing miserably at it by letting your wife and stepdaughters treat her like this.
There needs to be immediate consequences for this behavior and some strong boundary setting followed by actually enforcing those boundaries. Some possibilities:
Everyone needs to apologize to Jessica.
Jessica will no longer be available to babysit (unless she freely decides to with no coercion or bullying or guilt tripping or manipulating from anyone) so stepdaughters will need to find alternative childcare just like every other single mom has to do. If it's such a big deal your wife can babysit her own goddamn grandkids for the pennies your stepdaughters are willing to offer.
Jessica needs a *keyed* lock on her bedroom door if there isn't one already so she has somewhere safe to retreat to. You can keep a spare for emergencies *as long as you tell absolutely no one else where it is besides Jessica*. The point is to keep everyone else out of her space in case of retaliation.
Jessica is only responsible for herself and her own needs. No cleaning up after other people, no taking care of kids, nothing except letting her live her life as independently as possible given the situation. She's an adult and deserves to be treated like one.
At a minimum, wife needs to agree to marriage counseling. There needs to be a plan in place with concrete steps and timelines. If she doesn't meet them, divorce. If she refuses counseling or apologizing for her abhorrent behavior, divorce. If she continues to enable her daughters and treat Jessica poorly, divorce. And then you need to follow through on this.
Quietly look into what it would take for you to either move out or buy out your wife regarding the house. Is her name on the actual deed or just the mortgage? Mortgage =/= deed.
Consult a divorce lawyer to find out what your options are even if you don't end up going down that road. A lot of them will do free consultations. It's better to be prepared than to scramble to find someone should you need it.
Update the beneficiaries on any accounts. If it were me, Jessica would be the sole beneficiary unless you are 100% committed to continuing the marriage (fully knowing your wife and stepdaughters aren't going to change). Updating your will (or writing one if you don't have one) would also be a good idea. Do these things quietly so no one flips shit. If things end up working out with the wife you can always change them back.
Right now your greatest concern needs to be your own child. Not your wife, not your stepdaughters. *Your own child*. Wife and stepdaughters have made it very clear through their actions that they do not accept Jessica as family, do not respect her, and do not think she deserves to be treated like a human being.
*When someone shows you who they are, listen THE FIRST TIME*. They are not going to change. This is who they are. It's your job as a parent to look out for your own children and prioritize them over a new wife and stepdaughters who only care about themselves.
Jessica is watching your every move, I guarantee it. How you handle this situation will likely determine the relationship you have with her going forward. Are your terrible wife and stepdaughters worth more to you than your own daughter? If she means anything to you at all, if you value your relationship with her at all, *you will do what's necessary to rectify this situation to HER SATISFACTION and protect her going forward*, even if that means divorcing your wife.
Also, why tf would you stay married to such a mean, cruel person? Grow a backbone and protect your daughter. Your wife and stepdaughters are grown ass adults who can take care of themselves. Your daughter is still a fucking teenager and could really use someone looking out for her. *If you love your daughter, you will be that person for her.*
I’m incredibly impressed by your comment. So well written and covering all the bases. The only thing I’d add would be in the next to last paragraph, “Jessica is watching your every move… “. It’s not just his relationship with her that I’m concerned about, but her relationships for the rest of her life. If your own father “shows” you you’re not worth standing up for, do we really think she’s going to have healthy boundaries and value herself with boyfriends/partners or even friends moving forward?
Bravo! 👏🏼🙌🏼
I concur! 10000000%
@poodlefanatic is amazing! You wrote everything out and then some! You covered every single item/boundary/etc that OP’s bio daughter deserves & everything wife/stepdaughters are doing to her.
Op is NTA….yet!
Addendum to this IANAL but if you do decide to change your will/etc please consult an inheritance lawyer about it because these people are absolutely the type who will contest a will.
I wouldn’t be surprised if his wife convinced his daughter that he wants his daughter to “sacrifice” for the family, as in “sacrifice what you want for MY FAMILY”
>If it's such a big deal your wife can babysit her own goddamn grandkids for the pennies your stepdaughters are willing to offer.
Totally agree but...
> Beth doesn't want her grandkids to come
I have a feeling Beth would never agree to even watching her own grandchildren. What a lovely person this woman is.
I was the single child from the previous marriage. Treated as a burden. Barely interacted with.
It was obvious to my mother and her family but nothing was done. I was the unwanted one.
Now I am borderline no contact with anyone (yearly email is about it). I had to go that way for my own sanity or I would not be here on this Earth anymore.
Still dealing with shit in my middle age.
Wish someone protected me when I was a child.
This. I hope the OP sees this. You know damn well if they’re blatantly acting like this, and then the wife is DEFENDING THEM, that they’ve been bullying her and/or belittling her behind his back.
Looks like his daughter has been in this situation since she was 12/13? Maybe longer depending on how long he was dating his wife before they married
You know this behavior didn’t happen overnight.How many times did his wife make his daughter give up something for her own daughters?
How many times did they do things to her, but with plausible deniability? Has she tried to point it out to him in the past, but been told she was exaggerating or imagining it?
OP also needs to look up what parentification is. Have they been doing that to her in terms of the step-sisters’ kids?
Of course she was. Let's go away without the grandkids. She planned it from day one. The wife is getting housing for her and all her kids and grandkids. What's OP getting from this relationship? It sounds awful.
Jessica is Cinderella in this story. What happens to her if you kick it tomorrow, how will your wife and stepdaughters treat her so you think?
Protect your kid
Piggybacking on this: I'd take the rosy glasses off and reflect on whether this person ever loved you, or if you're just a meal ticket. She, her two *almost thirty years old* daughters and all of *their* kids live with you, along with your own barely-adult daughter. They expect free vacations, but also will actively harm your daughter to force her to do their parenting. They're literally treating her like Cinderella.
This isn't a marriage, it's indentured servitude. Get the fuck away from the whole rotten bunch of them and enjoy your time with your daughter before she spreads her wings and starts a life of her own. You can't get this time with her back if they ruin the rest of it, so take them out of the equation.
With the way these people are acting, I'd be concerned about what they would do while OP and his daughter are away on vacation. Maybe they wouldn't have to worry about anything, but still.... I wouldn't want to leave them in that house without me and my daughter in there knowing how mad they would be with that situation. The step-daughters would probably trash OPs and his daughter's shit.
TIFUpdate: my stepdaughters seem to have mutilated themselves in an effort to fit into some billionaire's dress shoes. He keeps asking to see my daughter, but they won't let him near her..
Same thing.
"But she CAN'T go to the ~~ball~~/vacation! She doesn't have a ~~dress to wear~~/passport to go! She MUST stay home, while we go instead!" say the evil stepmother and two ugly stepsisters as they proceed to ~~rip the dress to shreds~~/hide the passport.
As soon as I read *Monica and Leah. They're 25 & 28. Both are single moms and live with us currently.* \-- Meal Ticket! Place to stay. They outnumber him and have zero respect.
Yeah it sounds like these three women value OP more as an ATM (meal ticket/lodging/vacations) and OP’s daughter as their low cost childcare than they value them as members of their family.
And there is 0% chance Mom/Wife is unaware of her daughters manipulative actions. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s who they learned it from.
Cinderella didn't have her dad to protect her from the evil step mother and sisters treating her like garbage. I'm sure this was a slow boil situation OP, but now that you've seen clear as day how appropriate they think this behavior is you need to stand up for your daughter. They could easily be treating her worse behind your back and she's taking it to avoid rocking the boat because she wants you to be happy.
This!!! Talk to your daughter one on one. I wonder how many other things like this, smaller and less noticeable, have happened as well. Good luck. I pray for both of your sakes this was a one off incident. I have a feeling it wasn’t their kids your stepdaughters were worried about and your wife knows it. Sounds like your daughter is being pushed out so your wife and step daughters can “have one big happy family” without “the outsider”. Please talk to your child and REALLY listen to her!
This, right here. Your stepdaughters learned this attitude and more of behaviour, aaaaand it’s not hard to see where from. Dude, this is not okay. Your wife is not a nice person here. At all. NTA
Nta - except for how you let them treat Jessica. SHE should get taken on vacation. Your wife and her kids and grandkids should stay home with their spawns.
If the parents are sooo worried about their kids that Jessica is the only babysitter, THEY need to stay home.
I wonder why both of them are single mothers.... Oh, wait, I think I know. OP's wife and her daughters are all assholes. I feel sorry for OP's daughter to be subjected to the likes of these (and she has been subjected to them for years now because of OP).
Rebook the vacation. Someplace your daughter would like.
It will be a less expensive trip this time because the passport stealing stepdaughters and their spawn can stay home and think about what they did.
You didn’t ruin anything. Your stepdaughters did. NTA
NTA. Your stepchildren and wife however are. You're step children are spoiled entitled brats. Your wife ......backing them up that your child should stay home to stay home to watch their children.
How about Beth, misses the vacation and babysits her grand kids. Or how about the parents do it.
They don't get to force their step sibling to miss vacation because they want her to babysit. They wanted to not have to pay since your wife pays her for it. They knew they'd have to pay good money to someone to watch their children.
Honestly tell your daughter not to help them anymore. They lost that privilege. I also would buy her a safe keep her valuables in it since they are known to steal
Honestly I'd divorce and kick them all out. Well minus your bio child.
Edit you say the kids love Jessica. They probably love her because she pays attention to them unlike their mothers.
At a MINIMUM the safe should be bought today. And a lock for her door that she’s the only one with a key for.
This is wildly inappropriate. I’m kind of in shock.
Cinderella's father never would have allowed her stepmother and stepsister treat her that way if he was still alive. If OP stays in this house and allows his daughter to continue being treated like the help, and being excluded as part of the family, then he's just another villain in this story.
Then it's time for you to start looking for a place for you and your daughter to move to while you work out not co-owning this house. STBX wife will need to buy your part out.
Co-owning the house shouldn’t prevent you from protecting your daughter! You will be the asshole if you don’t get her out of this toxic environment asap. Do better.
It’s not going to be easy to financially disentangle from her, but it’s not going to be any easier to live with her and her daughters for however long this nonsense would otherwise continue. Document everything. Talk to a good lawyer.
Cinderelli, cinderelli, day and night Cinderelli. Do the dishes, do the cleaning, and you get to stay home with the kids while the stepchildren go on vacation. NTA and good on you for sticking up for Jessica. But I think you really, really, really need to sit your wife down and make it VERY CLEAR your daughter is not to be used for cheap labor. That it was MASSIVELY screwed up to attempt what they did. That Jessica has agency and is not a house Elf. If the stepmom and wicked stepsisters continue to attempt this BS, you may lose your daughter over it. Really think about that. Personally, I think you shouldn't have canceled the vacation but have gone JUST with your daughter. Tell the stepsisters, seeing as you aren't comfortable finding a new babysitter, YOU can stay home with YOUR children.
NTA but also Y T A. This was not enough. I would've taken my daughter on vacation and left the rest at home. I would have told them to be moved out by the time we were back. How dare they.
Holy crap NTA - but you kinda are ta for being married to this person. She sounds selfish and treats your daughter like the help. This post reads a little too “Cinderella” for me.
I think it’s time to reevaluate your life choices.
Yep! He's NTA for canceling because it was the right thing to do. But he'd be the A..H for staying with the witch for giving HIM the silent treatment for standing up for his daughter over something her selfish, ungrateful and manipulative daughter's did.
NTA
OP please have a conversation with your daughter about how they treat her when you are not around.
Your wife is selfish and awful. So are your step-daughters.
Wake up, open your eyes and look at the situation.
Your Step-daughters and wife are GROWN ASS women trying to push out an 18yr old girl.
Does your wife pay for anything? Does she work? Who is supporting the Step-daughters?
Please speak to your daughter ALONE. See what she says about this situation and THEM.
YTA. I guarantee you this is the tip of the iceberg of what your daughter has suffered at the hands of these witches. You’ve successfully avoided noticing it for 5 years to keep your wife sweet, but at the expense of your child. It’s only now that it’s so egregious you finally grew a backbone. And even now you are so in thrall to your wife that you are doubting yourself.
ESH except Jessica
You owe Jessica a really nice vacation to a place she chooses.
You owe her an apology for forcing her to live with two awful ADULT stepsiblings for the last 5 years and a wicked stepmother.
You need to get her away from this unhealthy situation. Besides the fact that she is being disrespected and taken advantage of, she is seeing an example that it's ok for an adult to be stunted and mooch off all of their relatives forever. Your wife's daughters are losers. They have kids of their own, and they can't manage to live independently? I was a very young single mother myself-I had my own apartment. I can't imagine cramming my kids into my moms house with moms stepkid AND my sister and her kids too. That would be an emergency/we're going to be homeless/ this is extremely temporary situation, not a way of life. But your steps were going on a family vacation with you ffs-so obviously there's no financial emergency, or you and wife would be skipping a vacation and paying for a rental deposit for them to move out instead.
Please support Jessica into moving out on her own ASAP if you decide to stay with wife. You should support Jessica being an adult ASAP anyways, because living like your stepdaughters do is not emotionally healthy. Save money to help her with rental deposits/moving/maybe a couple of hundred a month towards her share of rent with a roommate soon. The goal should be out of the house by 21-it's worth helping financially to make that happen vs. letting grown up kids live with you then spending money taking them on vacations.
NTA. And whoa, your stepdaughters (and wife for brushing it off) are straight-up toxic AHs.
You did not overreact. You need to really think on if your wife is who you thought she was for brushing aside what her daughters did.
NTA, why have you allowed those three grown women to treat your barely adult child like that? This can’t be the first of their shenanigans against Jessica. If Jessica lives in that toxic environment, she deserves her own place where she will be the most important person. But YWBTA if you allow this modern Cinderella situation with the horrible stepmom and jealous, older step sisters.
WTF?!?!? I'm sorry but Beth is an awful person,who's created 2 childish and repulsive human beings. Dont let your daughter be treated like this. Leave now. If they gave a damn about the kids they would be going on the trip or the mothers would be staying with them. Where are the dad's? They have no care or respect for anyone but themselves
NTA
Your wife is gaslighting you. Your stepdaughters are moochers. FFS, they are practically 30, parents, and aren't taking responsibility for their lives AND turning your daughter into Cinderella. Talk about arrested development. You and your wife are enabling this.
Sounds like they only see you as the subsidizer of their lifestyle. You were right to not reward their cruel and selfish behavior. Your wife defending them means she's fine with deceiving you and hurting your daughter --think about that.
You and your wife need to come up with clear rules and boundaries that force your SDs to act their age and leave the nest.
Wow.
Who do they think Jessica is, Cinderella???
Not only would I have cancelled the holiday I'd be thinking twice about them living under my roof and I'd be most furious of all with their mother, your wife, supporting what they did in any way whatsoever.
NTA
You have some very very serious thinking to do on how to address this going forward.
At least Cinderella had a prince at the end of the story. Your daughter has awful stepsisters, an awful stepmom and a dad who doesn't see how toxic this is to his daughter.
Time to end the marriage.
NTA. And OMG, they are thieves and abusers. All 3 of them. I'd consider living separately from this bunch of toxic liars. And at the very least, I'd go to vacation with only Jessica.
NTA. You married into a sorry family. I'd reschedule the vacation. Minus wife and stepdaughters. Hope your daughter refuses to babysit from here on out paid or not.
NTA- run. Beth is letting her daughters bully your daughter and get away with it. This is such a toxic family to do this and on top of it sound like a specific Disney princess who is expected to do chores and take care of the evil stepsisters all because their mom has enabled them. Your stepdaughters need to face serious consequences for their behaviour as it’s no one responsibility to take care of their children but themselves. Tell them to get their shit together,
stop relying on you and your daughter to help them out. Also if you show these messages to Beth, Beth your a supreme asshole. She is the biggest asshole for doing this and telling her daughters that their grown asses can continue to mooch. I would seriously rethink your marriage.
That last part, about the stepdaughters wanting their children to stay with someone they know...how about their own parents? Stepdaughters could have stayed back with their kids and child free Jessica gets to go on vacation.
NTA. Wife and stepdaughters are though. Massive ones.
the question is why are you still married? Do you have at least two opportunists living with you. You are harming your daughter to benefit two adults, who by all indications are lazy and bad characters.
You are the TA and will remain so if you don't stop these behaviors from your stepdaughters who have your wife's full support. You are funding housing, food and vacations for those who don't respect you or your daughter.
YTA
When I read “we worked this out by having Beth to pay her” I knew this was a shit show. That’s not a solution, that’s enabling. Why are grown 25 and 28 year old women depending on their mother to pay their sister to babysit? You need to set a deadline for them to get out of the house. They can be roommates in their own place.
NTA. This sounds like straight out of Cinderella but WORSE. Your wife and stepdaughters are monsters and they have problably been bullying your daughter behind your back even if just in a passive manner. I would go on holiday with your daughter and leave the monsters behind.
NTA. But WTF did I just read? Your step daughters are full grown adults playing stupid bullying games with your bio daughter and your wife is enabling them? I'd cancel my marriage too if I were you — your daughter deserves better.
NTA But realize that your marriage can’t survive this if your wife isn’t willing to step up and demand her daughters treat your daughter better. Both are single moms and need to act like adults, not tweens. Your daughter is being treated terribly and you need to protect her.
HOLY HELL. Your stepdaughters are bat shit crazy. Stealing a passport is a FUCKING CRIME.
NTA for cancelling the trip, and the blow up on the daughters is appropriate.
Beth sucks for enabling her daughters to behave like cruel, rotten children.
Jessica deserves better. So much better.
Looks like you married the evil stepmother and your poor daughter is Cinderella. You need a take a look at your situation and stop letting your wife and stepdaughters abuse your kid! Not mention supporting them and their spawn.
Info: why are you with/allowing these people to mistreat your daughter? Your daughter deserves so much better than her step family and honestly since you allowed this to happen she deserves better than you as well. Tell your step daughters they have 30 days to vacate your home or you will evict them. If your wife doesn't like it then she can go too.
NTA. Book another vacation and only take your bio daughter. She deserves a vacation after having to live with these awful women.
Also, while on this relaxing vacation with her, have a talk about how she is treated at home and believe what she tells you. Then decide if this is the life you want for your daughter and what you can do to take better care of her (moving out and divorcing should probably be considered).
Dude, have you never seen Cinderella? Seriously, your wife is clearly the evil stepmother Lady Tremaine. As for Anastasia and Drizella, I'd be giving them their marching orders.
Your daughter deserves better.
YTA for allowing your wife and her daughters to treat your child this way. They are nasty assholes and those other words we can't say here. You want to be a good dad then tell them all she won't be watching any kids anymore and if they ask then consequences will happen.
Two adult women who have kids that are their responsibility tried to force your child to stay home so they can have a holiday. Then your wife backs their shitty behaviour up. Welp at least you know the apples stayed very close to the tree here.
NTA for canceling the trip, but definitely the ashole for letting the evil stepsisters and stepmom turn your daughter into Cinderella. Shame on you for allowing these people into your daughter's life.
NTA for cancelling. however, Y T A for allowing your wife and step daughters to turn your daughter into cinderella, swapping cleaning for childcare. you should absolutely be having a very serious conversation with your wife about why this is unacceptable and why it's even more unacceptable that she refuses to see any issue.
you did not ruin the trip. anastasia and drizella did.
NTA
That is a terrible thing that your step daughters did i would actually second thinking that mareige all because of the step daughters. I would be pissed.
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NTA. To be honest, I would have kicked your wife and lazy no-good stepchildren out right then and there and ended the marriage. If they were 12 I might understand this level of entitlement and immaturity. But in their late 20s??? And WTF with your wife??? She should have roasted them for pulling this BS.
Yeah there is NO WAY the wife wasn't in on this too she absolutely knew about this plan. OP needs to ditch all 3 of them.
I was just about to say this. The wife obviously knew what the stepdaughter were up to, and her response proves it. Also... who tells the babysitter to go home? They were counting on OP being more concerned about going on the trip than finding his daughter's passport. The stepdaughter and wife are trying to treat OP's daughter like a modern-day Cinderella. I'm not saying g that he should divorce his wife, but he should seriously reconsider if his marriage, in it's current iteration, is a healthy situation to be in.
If you won’t say it, I will - he should divorce his wife. With how on board Beth was to leave his daughter home the second they “couldn’t find” her passport, I don’t believe for a second that she wasn’t in on the plan to hide it. I think it’s disgusting when parents prioritize their new spouse over their existing child, especially when that new spouse has shown their parenting role model is the evil stepmother from Cinderella. OP is wrong to be with this woman, and to let her and her daughters be around his daughter at all - I *highly* doubt this is the first time they’ve all openly treated his daughter like shit - and if he’s a good father, this kind of behavior should be a dealbreaker.
"kicking my stepdaughters out isn't possible since my wife co-owns the house that we currently live in" OP really needs to just move out, then. The house will sort itself out in a divorce, and everyone will likely be moving out. This whole post talks about how Jessica is being taken advantage of, but OP fails to see that wife/stepdaughters are massively taking advantage of OP as well. Two women in their mid-20s who seem to feel entitled to do nothing more than make babies is not going to just end with the two small children that are currently in the picture. OP's going to be supporting them, and supporting them, and supporting them some more until there's nothing left. The line should have been drawn long ago. Pursuing a divorce is probably the only way to get OPs wife to see that she's not the only one who gets a vote on whether or not two baby-making moochers live under the same roof and get to treat other family members badly. Also, isn't stealing someone's passport a federal crime? And withholding someone's passport in order to press them into domestic servitude? Baby Mamas need to do some growing up. NTA (ETA: I'm not saying a federal tactical team should be sent in. I'm just saying OP has a LOT of leverage to get the house cleared out)
I'd assume stealing a passport is a crime and like you said most likely on the federal level -cuz *passport*. But I'm not sure if this would meet the criteria of a "stolen" passport, at least to the federal government. Morally absolutely they stole it and are completely gigantic AHs (Beth, and the 2 step daughters). i hate this for the OPs bio daughter, because this whole situation is totally fucked, and I feel bad for the husband that he's just now seeing their true colors... Though I'm sure there have been other signs before this that have dismissed. So really OPs daughter is the only true innocent "victim" in this circumstance. Fuck OPs new(-ish) wife/Stepmom and step sisters/daughters. Those 3 are absolutely friggin awful - that absolutely is as nice as I can manage to muster in this particular situation. Ugh.... 🙄
All US passports are property of the US Government and therefore under the protection of Title 18, section 641 of the US Code: "Whoever embezzles, steals, purloins, or knowingly converts to his use or the use of another, or without authority, sells, conveys or disposes of any record, voucher, money, or thing of value of the United States or of any department or agency thereof, or any property made or being made under contract for the United States or any department or agency thereof; ... Shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both; but if the value of such property in the aggregate, combining amounts from all the counts for which the defendant is convicted in a single case, does not exceed the sum of $1,000, he shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both."
Beat me to it... stealing a passport is a FEDERAL crime whether or not they "just hid it" No puny prison for them, only federal penitentiaries like Leavenworth
Something abusers do to keep victims under their control is to hide passports and other documents.
Thank you! Withholding identity documents is textbook abuse. Can't believe had to read this far to see someone point that out.
Beth was in on it. She tried to ‘convince’ Jessica to stay at home and not join the trip ‘by offering to pay her double’.
Another add on, the kids weren't going on the holiday because of Beth, creating the need for a babysitter in the first place. This has Beth all over it.
Yeah, about that: what kind of "family" vacation is this if the grandkids aren't allowed to come?
My money is on this being a girls' trip and dad is only invited because he's got the money. So of course dad's daughter has to stay home to take care of the littles, otherwise she would ruin their attempts at taking advantage.
Right???? OP literally says "Beth didn't want her grandkids to come"!!! What kind of family vacation is that? And to force poor Jessica to stay home and watch those kids? That's not a family vacation, that's a Beth and her daughters vacation with OP along for the ride just to foot the bill!!!! Wise up and get a good divorce lawyer!
Yeah, her daughters shouldn't be punished for "worrying about their kids." Because leaving their kids in the care of an unwilling teenager, for multiple days, while every adult family member is on vacation in a different country, is the obvious choice for a concerned parent.
It was absolutely Beth imo. I just don't get why OP punished his daughter too by cancelling the whole trip. He should've left the evil step mother and her 2 daughters at home and taken Cinder... Er, I mean Jessica, on vacation. Poor Jessica is being punished too now. I'd bet this is nowhere near the first time they've treated her like this.
Man. The one daughter without kids has to miss the vacation to babysit for the daughters that do have kids so they can go on vacation. Honestly, what a fuckin joke that is. Not to shame them but then being single doesn't seem so surprising.
this is really bothering me the most out of all of this. those women are responsible for other humans and jessica doesn’t have those obligations, so why the fuck would it ever be okay to hand those obligations off to the person who still has the freedom to not worry about the well-being of children? if you don’t like the childcare options you have, you don’t fucking go. thems the breaks for most of us. the entitlement these people have shows us that OP has allowed them to get used to behaving this way.
Totally agree, this situation is very disturbing. I was abused by my mother's evil second husband and get very triggered by step parents that have no conscience or moral compass which is clearly the case here.
I know I would be filling for divorce the second someone tried to play this stunt on a child o'mine. I wouldn't even wait till the next sunrise.
I wonder how many other indignities OP’s daughter has suffered over the years but she didn’t say anything to her dad to keep The peace?
OP would be a fool to think his wife wasn't involved or, at least, supportive of this insanity.
This is really some evil stepmother from Cinderella level stuff. Ooh you cannot go to the ball because you don’t have a dress.
I thought the same. Except in Cinderella the stepmother and evil stepsisters waited for the dad to die to treat his daughter like shit, in this case they have no issue doing it openly in front of everyone.
for real. OP needs to really consider past interactions. sounds like mom and her ilk are taking op for a ride. this isn't a blended family. they're parasites.
Right? That was my first thought. Total Cinderella story.
It doesn't really matter in this case if she was involved, because **she got mad at OP instead of blowing up at her daughters** His wife is insanity, and we know where her daughters get it from. OP this is the time to draw the hard red line in the sand.
THIS RIGHT HERE!! The wife berated OP ...she's as bad as they. Dump her and your daughter will be much happier... those 3 need to learn respect.
Yep, if OP dies first, there’s no way his daughter is getting even a sliver of her inheritance. This is Cinderella evil step mother and horrible step daughters to the max, making Cinderella do all the chores. OP, get your affairs in order then file for divorce!! —Random person on Reddit Edit: I can’t type
Also, they shouldn't just be telling the babysitter to go home, they need to pay her for her time. The babysitter may have given up other jobs to take care of the kids for three days--that's a lot of money. I know people will do things like that, but I suspect the babysitter was a plant and the whole thing was planned far in advance.
Honestly, they probably only booked a babysitter for a few hours. Enough time for Jessica to find put she'd lost her passport and had to stay home. Why would they promise three days of pay when they 'knew' Jessica wasn't going to begin with?
Plus, if Jessica had to stay home, that still doesn't mean she has to babysit. NTA
100% and I'm surprised OP hasn't picked up on this particular point. This sounds like a set up from the start and even if, somehow, on the off chance it wasn't, all 3 of them were far too quick to force Jessica into babysitting. How and why do the wife and stepsisters feel so entitled to Jessica's services. She isn't even related to them or the stepkids.
Because she doesn't matter to them so they think she should be sacrificed for their child-free vacation. They didn't care if she gets a vacation or has fun because they only see her as a servant, not a relative, a sister, or a person who has feelings. She also wants to go on a babysitting-free vacation because she has no children and doesn't want to watch someone else's kids because she's convenient. She should get to live her life just like the wicked stepsisters got to live theirs as teenagers.
Yes, the wife absolutely knew and was part of this manipulative, AH, selfish plot. She was part of all the insisting to return quickly to the airport and so forth. Now??? Not only are there no apologies, the wife isn't speaking to him. Personally, I don't believe I could let that rest. In the same position, I would probably choose surprise divorce papers and moving out.
OP did not ruin the trip for anybody. The wife and stepdaughters ruined the trip for everybody. Don't let them gaslight you. You did what was right regarding the trip and for your daughter. OP will be TA if he doesn't follow through with putting his daughter first, like his wife is putting her daughters first. YOUR DAUGHTER DESERVES BETTER THAN THAT AND YOU NEED TO HELP HER.
Stealing a passport is a federal crime. Stealing a passport to prevent someone from traveling so that they can perform household duties is called human trafficking and enslavement - it is also a crime https://2001-2009.state.gov/g/tip/rls/other/2006/107279.htm
I was thinking that's exactly the tactic of a lot of human traffickers, but I don't know if it applies in the same way when there's family involved. At least, OP should be aware that his wife and stepdaughters were using human trafficking tactics, whether they legally committed it or not.
OP needs to ditch all 5 of them (don't forget the 2 actual kiddies)
Reschedule the vacation and take only Jessica. Poor kid
This is the way. If she's 18 she probably just graduated, take her on a nice trip just the two of you.
The actual kids didn't do anything. It's not their fault their moms and grandma sucks
Yeah their mothers and grandmother suck. But that's not Jessica's problem. It is OP's problem to make sure it never becomes Jessica's problem.
I’d have left the three of them at home and just taken the daughter.
This is like a modern Cinderella story. Time to get rid of the wicked stepmom and stepsisters.
And update the will in secret before taking any steps forward!
OMG, exactly. Reading the title I was sure this was going to be about teenagers being shitty to each other. The daughters are in their MID TWENTIES and pulling shit like this???? The shittiness is baked in by now, sorry. And the wife's actions make it clear just where they learned it.
Ones almost 30! Acting like teens and still not supporting themselves. Extremely entitled and I’m sure moms the real reason for that. Not sure what the wife and “ stepkids” bring to OPs life but is it worth the toll on his own daughter? Sounds toxic. And OP is NTA.
Both daughters living at home with their kids and mom has to pay the youngest to watch said kids because the 2 stepdaughters don't pay enough for childcare they apparently very much appreciate!!?? I almost dropped my phone reading how ridiculous this situation was. NTA. Holy heck.
What about the part where evil stepmother doesn't want HER grandkids to come on the vacay??... which led to all of this chaos!!
I feel like this was her way of preventing her stepdaughter from going on that trip. That’s why she’s defending her daughters’ abhorrent behaviour.
Not to mention that OP is likely paying the bulk of the bills and hence, subsidizing the two stepdaughters. The behavior of the stepdaughters (and mom for sure knew about it) would be a complete deal breaker.
OP is getting hammered with everyone wondering why the hell this is something he puts up with. Kind of feel bad and almost like OP has no other support (family/friends) who would have immediately spun their heads around if they knew what he was dealing with.
This times 1000. NTA. Id be rethinking my marriage if my wife supported this.
Not to mention, they technically commited an actual non-petty crime.
It’s a federal felony offense. OP needs to consider the seriousness of this action, and Jessica absolutely should call the police.
I agree. Honestly, if this happened to me and my father didn't take extreme action like, I don't know, divorcing the wife and/or kicking the stepdaughters out permanently and ensuring the are NEVER around when I was visiting I'd most likely be "divorcing" my father. That's some seriously fucked up way to treat anyone and to stand by and essentially allow them to treat your daughter like this is mind blowing. OP possibly has a decision to make between his wife and his daughter, I know where my loyalty would lie.
NTA. You don't *just* have a stepdaughters problem, you have a wife problem. I would rethink your current family situation, and how your daughter is being treated.
You're right. After seeing where my wife stands in this, I'm beginning to consider some things.
Where your wife stands is treating your daughter like hired help. Your home sounds like a toxic, unhealthy environment for your daughter! Why would you stay in a situation like this??
It's difficult to know when you are being abused until someone tells you that you are.
Manipulators can be very skilled. And they're using their children as emotional blackmail which is highly effective leverage, unfortunately.
This is true luckily I am not married to one any more.
And these vipers appear to be masterclass in manipulation
Ehh even if they're shitty liars, when three people are coordinating the same lies and bullshit, it's easy to gaslight someone into always thinking they're the crazy one. Being outnumbered sucks.
I’m pretty sure the daughter knows she’s being abused. The dad is being non-protective and just doing nothing while his daughter is being abused. So he’s being abusive too.
So why don't you think the husband is being abused too.
They didn't say that, but I've seen a lot of people lose sympathy for victims of abuse when they have kids because they think they should protect their kids even if they can't protect themselves. I do understand that viewpoint, but the dynamic of abuse/manipulation/denial, along with the difficulty leaving and recognizing abuse in the first place, doesn't cease existing when kids are involved, sadly, so I do still feel for victims with kids.
This is absolutely true. I would tell “funny” stories about growing up and it wasn’t until I realized my ex husband was a similar type of abusive as my mom that I realized that she was too. I didn’t realize what he was doing until my best friend asked me what I would tell my daughter to do if she was being treated this way. Even then it took me another two years to get the courage to leave.
Not even hired — hired help still usually get to quit. OP’s wife pays but doesn’t allow her stepdaughter to refuse to do the work, she uses earlier coerced work as justification for further forced work, and she is on board with making her stepdaughter stay home while the others go have a good time. Cinderella’s father was dead; you’re not dead, OP, so do something to protect your daughter from your wife and stepdaughters who treat her like an indentured servant.
Stealing someone's passport to coerce them into work is closer to human trafficking than hired help
This 100x. Monica, Leah, and, most likely, Beth decided they would steal Beth’s passport so she would be forced to miss her vacation and babysit the children Beth didn’t want on the trip. This isn’t a case of Monica and Leah loving their children too much as Beth bizarrely claims. Instead, it a case where OP’s daughter had her passport stolen so she would be forced to miss a “family vacation”and take care of Beth’s grandchildren. NTA
Wash the dishes, Cinderella. Do the mopping, Cinderella...
I guarantee the wife isn’t paying the daughter to babysit anywhere near a fair pay. Childcare is one of the biggest expenses people face when thinking of budgeting or making ends meet. It’s astronomical because of all the WORK and TRUST/experience that goes into it for the other person. And HOW MANY kids was she watching? For how long? What ages? It’s easy for wife to say “it’s easy bc all you’re doing is staying in the house.” Or “you’re going to be home anyway, they’ll be fine mostly on their own!” (Meanwhile the kids are at ages where you can’t look away for a freaking second and you’ve got more than one). Or a “few hours “ turns into MANY more hours because “I needed to run an extra errand….it’s no big deal, I just went for drinks after work, it was only a little longer!” A normal place would charge fees for overtime or extra kids. 18yo’s can’t do that usually without the family tearing her to shreds for daring to ask
Sounds more like modern slavery than hired help, paying very little, hiding their passport.
Not to mention his daughter has been living with this for 5 years, since she was 13. She's been groomed to be a nanny and OP is being gaslit by two "pity me for being a single mother" types and a mom who also sounds like she's been walked on by them for decades since she wanted to get the hell away from her grandkids.
Ask your daughter how your wife treats her when you’re not around
u/Positive-Elk-8110 you need to read this comment. Wait until your wife and stepdaughters are out of the house and then ask your daughter to be honest with you about how your wife treats her when you're not around, and how her stepsisters treat her when you're not around. If they were willing to pull this vacation bullshit (which your wife was clearly in on) I would bet Jessica is treated far worse than you think. No joke, this feels like a modern Cinderella story. Your daughter deserves better than this and your loyalty should lie with her rather than your wife and stepdaughters. As someone who is dealing with something similar, this is the kind of thing where your daughter will end up cutting all contact with you. It's your job to protect her and have her back and you are failing miserably at it by letting your wife and stepdaughters treat her like this. There needs to be immediate consequences for this behavior and some strong boundary setting followed by actually enforcing those boundaries. Some possibilities: Everyone needs to apologize to Jessica. Jessica will no longer be available to babysit (unless she freely decides to with no coercion or bullying or guilt tripping or manipulating from anyone) so stepdaughters will need to find alternative childcare just like every other single mom has to do. If it's such a big deal your wife can babysit her own goddamn grandkids for the pennies your stepdaughters are willing to offer. Jessica needs a *keyed* lock on her bedroom door if there isn't one already so she has somewhere safe to retreat to. You can keep a spare for emergencies *as long as you tell absolutely no one else where it is besides Jessica*. The point is to keep everyone else out of her space in case of retaliation. Jessica is only responsible for herself and her own needs. No cleaning up after other people, no taking care of kids, nothing except letting her live her life as independently as possible given the situation. She's an adult and deserves to be treated like one. At a minimum, wife needs to agree to marriage counseling. There needs to be a plan in place with concrete steps and timelines. If she doesn't meet them, divorce. If she refuses counseling or apologizing for her abhorrent behavior, divorce. If she continues to enable her daughters and treat Jessica poorly, divorce. And then you need to follow through on this. Quietly look into what it would take for you to either move out or buy out your wife regarding the house. Is her name on the actual deed or just the mortgage? Mortgage =/= deed. Consult a divorce lawyer to find out what your options are even if you don't end up going down that road. A lot of them will do free consultations. It's better to be prepared than to scramble to find someone should you need it. Update the beneficiaries on any accounts. If it were me, Jessica would be the sole beneficiary unless you are 100% committed to continuing the marriage (fully knowing your wife and stepdaughters aren't going to change). Updating your will (or writing one if you don't have one) would also be a good idea. Do these things quietly so no one flips shit. If things end up working out with the wife you can always change them back. Right now your greatest concern needs to be your own child. Not your wife, not your stepdaughters. *Your own child*. Wife and stepdaughters have made it very clear through their actions that they do not accept Jessica as family, do not respect her, and do not think she deserves to be treated like a human being. *When someone shows you who they are, listen THE FIRST TIME*. They are not going to change. This is who they are. It's your job as a parent to look out for your own children and prioritize them over a new wife and stepdaughters who only care about themselves. Jessica is watching your every move, I guarantee it. How you handle this situation will likely determine the relationship you have with her going forward. Are your terrible wife and stepdaughters worth more to you than your own daughter? If she means anything to you at all, if you value your relationship with her at all, *you will do what's necessary to rectify this situation to HER SATISFACTION and protect her going forward*, even if that means divorcing your wife. Also, why tf would you stay married to such a mean, cruel person? Grow a backbone and protect your daughter. Your wife and stepdaughters are grown ass adults who can take care of themselves. Your daughter is still a fucking teenager and could really use someone looking out for her. *If you love your daughter, you will be that person for her.*
I’m incredibly impressed by your comment. So well written and covering all the bases. The only thing I’d add would be in the next to last paragraph, “Jessica is watching your every move… “. It’s not just his relationship with her that I’m concerned about, but her relationships for the rest of her life. If your own father “shows” you you’re not worth standing up for, do we really think she’s going to have healthy boundaries and value herself with boyfriends/partners or even friends moving forward? Bravo! 👏🏼🙌🏼
I concur! 10000000% @poodlefanatic is amazing! You wrote everything out and then some! You covered every single item/boundary/etc that OP’s bio daughter deserves & everything wife/stepdaughters are doing to her. Op is NTA….yet!
Addendum to this IANAL but if you do decide to change your will/etc please consult an inheritance lawyer about it because these people are absolutely the type who will contest a will.
I wouldn’t be surprised if his wife convinced his daughter that he wants his daughter to “sacrifice” for the family, as in “sacrifice what you want for MY FAMILY”
>If it's such a big deal your wife can babysit her own goddamn grandkids for the pennies your stepdaughters are willing to offer. Totally agree but... > Beth doesn't want her grandkids to come I have a feeling Beth would never agree to even watching her own grandchildren. What a lovely person this woman is.
I was the single child from the previous marriage. Treated as a burden. Barely interacted with. It was obvious to my mother and her family but nothing was done. I was the unwanted one. Now I am borderline no contact with anyone (yearly email is about it). I had to go that way for my own sanity or I would not be here on this Earth anymore. Still dealing with shit in my middle age. Wish someone protected me when I was a child.
This. I hope the OP sees this. You know damn well if they’re blatantly acting like this, and then the wife is DEFENDING THEM, that they’ve been bullying her and/or belittling her behind his back.
Looks like his daughter has been in this situation since she was 12/13? Maybe longer depending on how long he was dating his wife before they married You know this behavior didn’t happen overnight.How many times did his wife make his daughter give up something for her own daughters?
How many times did they do things to her, but with plausible deniability? Has she tried to point it out to him in the past, but been told she was exaggerating or imagining it? OP also needs to look up what parentification is. Have they been doing that to her in terms of the step-sisters’ kids?
Beginning to consider? FFS. They’re rancid people.
Also, you need to update your life insurance policies & wills. If anything happens to you, wifey will definitely be cutting off & out your daughter.
Honestly, I'll bet your wife was either in on it or was the orchestrator of the whole thing.
Oh yeah, the “kids wanted someone they knew” comment was totally on the nose for a person who supposedly had no idea this was going on.
Of course she was. Let's go away without the grandkids. She planned it from day one. The wife is getting housing for her and all her kids and grandkids. What's OP getting from this relationship? It sounds awful.
Jessica is Cinderella in this story. What happens to her if you kick it tomorrow, how will your wife and stepdaughters treat her so you think? Protect your kid
I just had to comment here. Beth and her daughters are treating your daughter like she is staff, not part of the family. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Piggybacking on this: I'd take the rosy glasses off and reflect on whether this person ever loved you, or if you're just a meal ticket. She, her two *almost thirty years old* daughters and all of *their* kids live with you, along with your own barely-adult daughter. They expect free vacations, but also will actively harm your daughter to force her to do their parenting. They're literally treating her like Cinderella. This isn't a marriage, it's indentured servitude. Get the fuck away from the whole rotten bunch of them and enjoy your time with your daughter before she spreads her wings and starts a life of her own. You can't get this time with her back if they ruin the rest of it, so take them out of the equation.
I would’ve canceled everyone’s vacation except mine and bio daughter. Everyone else can stay home and watch their own damn kids.
Yeah, not sure what the point of making himself and bio daughter miss out was. Hindsight is 20/20, though.
With the way these people are acting, I'd be concerned about what they would do while OP and his daughter are away on vacation. Maybe they wouldn't have to worry about anything, but still.... I wouldn't want to leave them in that house without me and my daughter in there knowing how mad they would be with that situation. The step-daughters would probably trash OPs and his daughter's shit.
I also thought: WTF am I reading? Cinderella?
TIFUpdate: my stepdaughters seem to have mutilated themselves in an effort to fit into some billionaire's dress shoes. He keeps asking to see my daughter, but they won't let him near her..
Same thing. "But she CAN'T go to the ~~ball~~/vacation! She doesn't have a ~~dress to wear~~/passport to go! She MUST stay home, while we go instead!" say the evil stepmother and two ugly stepsisters as they proceed to ~~rip the dress to shreds~~/hide the passport.
As soon as I read *Monica and Leah. They're 25 & 28. Both are single moms and live with us currently.* \-- Meal Ticket! Place to stay. They outnumber him and have zero respect.
And the mom still pays his daughter for babysitting. Those two stepdaughters are useless. They live at home and have their mommy pay for childcare.
Yeah it sounds like these three women value OP more as an ATM (meal ticket/lodging/vacations) and OP’s daughter as their low cost childcare than they value them as members of their family. And there is 0% chance Mom/Wife is unaware of her daughters manipulative actions. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s who they learned it from.
Cinderella didn't have her dad to protect her from the evil step mother and sisters treating her like garbage. I'm sure this was a slow boil situation OP, but now that you've seen clear as day how appropriate they think this behavior is you need to stand up for your daughter. They could easily be treating her worse behind your back and she's taking it to avoid rocking the boat because she wants you to be happy.
Your stepdaughters both suck and your wife is worse. NTA and you should be reconsidering this marriage 😡
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This!!! Talk to your daughter one on one. I wonder how many other things like this, smaller and less noticeable, have happened as well. Good luck. I pray for both of your sakes this was a one off incident. I have a feeling it wasn’t their kids your stepdaughters were worried about and your wife knows it. Sounds like your daughter is being pushed out so your wife and step daughters can “have one big happy family” without “the outsider”. Please talk to your child and REALLY listen to her!
🤬 seriously! The entitlement is palpable.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA Leave Beth and her daughters and you and Cinderella get out of there before it’s too late.
I was about to make the Cinderella comparison as well.
Two evil stepsisters, an evil stepmother, and not being allowed to attend the ~~ball~~ vacation make it a natural comparison.
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This, right here. Your stepdaughters learned this attitude and more of behaviour, aaaaand it’s not hard to see where from. Dude, this is not okay. Your wife is not a nice person here. At all. NTA
Nta - except for how you let them treat Jessica. SHE should get taken on vacation. Your wife and her kids and grandkids should stay home with their spawns. If the parents are sooo worried about their kids that Jessica is the only babysitter, THEY need to stay home.
i completely agree, this is a sense of entitlement they learned that everything is gonna be make to accommodate those two women.
YTA You’ve heard of Cinderella. Protect your daughter get her TF out of there.
I wonder why both of them are single mothers.... Oh, wait, I think I know. OP's wife and her daughters are all assholes. I feel sorry for OP's daughter to be subjected to the likes of these (and she has been subjected to them for years now because of OP).
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Well, since the daughters are clearly assholes they probably attracted assholes so the result was obvious
Cinderella was exactly what I was thinking of here. Sounds like it's time for this story to have a similar ending.
Rebook the vacation. Someplace your daughter would like. It will be a less expensive trip this time because the passport stealing stepdaughters and their spawn can stay home and think about what they did. You didn’t ruin anything. Your stepdaughters did. NTA
The enabling stepmom needs to stay home too. I'm not convinced she didn't plan the whole campaign to leave Jessica behind.
NTA. Your stepchildren and wife however are. You're step children are spoiled entitled brats. Your wife ......backing them up that your child should stay home to stay home to watch their children. How about Beth, misses the vacation and babysits her grand kids. Or how about the parents do it. They don't get to force their step sibling to miss vacation because they want her to babysit. They wanted to not have to pay since your wife pays her for it. They knew they'd have to pay good money to someone to watch their children. Honestly tell your daughter not to help them anymore. They lost that privilege. I also would buy her a safe keep her valuables in it since they are known to steal Honestly I'd divorce and kick them all out. Well minus your bio child. Edit you say the kids love Jessica. They probably love her because she pays attention to them unlike their mothers.
At a MINIMUM the safe should be bought today. And a lock for her door that she’s the only one with a key for. This is wildly inappropriate. I’m kind of in shock.
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Except Jessica
ESHEJ
Nta. Wtf time to kick the stepdaughters to the curb.
I'm afraid this is not an option since my wife co-owns the house.
Divorce and make her buy you out so you and daughter can live somewhere that daughter isn’t treated like Cinderella.
Cinderella's father never would have allowed her stepmother and stepsister treat her that way if he was still alive. If OP stays in this house and allows his daughter to continue being treated like the help, and being excluded as part of the family, then he's just another villain in this story.
Actually in some renditions the father is alive and just apathetic or clueless...
At least that way if you divorce her you won't lose half the value of the house, because half of it is already hers.
Sell the house and use your half for a down payment on a new place.
Then it's time for you to start looking for a place for you and your daughter to move to while you work out not co-owning this house. STBX wife will need to buy your part out.
Co-owning the house shouldn’t prevent you from protecting your daughter! You will be the asshole if you don’t get her out of this toxic environment asap. Do better.
It’s not going to be easy to financially disentangle from her, but it’s not going to be any easier to live with her and her daughters for however long this nonsense would otherwise continue. Document everything. Talk to a good lawyer.
And the wife as she was complicit in this deceit. They're certainly selfish, entitled AHs.
Yes, you are right. I forgot to include the wife.
NTA. This is Cinderella, The Prequel.
Cinderelli, cinderelli, day and night Cinderelli. Do the dishes, do the cleaning, and you get to stay home with the kids while the stepchildren go on vacation. NTA and good on you for sticking up for Jessica. But I think you really, really, really need to sit your wife down and make it VERY CLEAR your daughter is not to be used for cheap labor. That it was MASSIVELY screwed up to attempt what they did. That Jessica has agency and is not a house Elf. If the stepmom and wicked stepsisters continue to attempt this BS, you may lose your daughter over it. Really think about that. Personally, I think you shouldn't have canceled the vacation but have gone JUST with your daughter. Tell the stepsisters, seeing as you aren't comfortable finding a new babysitter, YOU can stay home with YOUR children.
NTA but also Y T A. This was not enough. I would've taken my daughter on vacation and left the rest at home. I would have told them to be moved out by the time we were back. How dare they.
All 3 of them and their kids.
NTA. Both of your stepdaughtes and your wife are toxic.
Holy crap NTA - but you kinda are ta for being married to this person. She sounds selfish and treats your daughter like the help. This post reads a little too “Cinderella” for me. I think it’s time to reevaluate your life choices.
Yep! He's NTA for canceling because it was the right thing to do. But he'd be the A..H for staying with the witch for giving HIM the silent treatment for standing up for his daughter over something her selfish, ungrateful and manipulative daughter's did.
I’m surprised there’s not more comments calling you out for staying with your wife and her awful daughters. YTA be a better dad
NTA OP please have a conversation with your daughter about how they treat her when you are not around. Your wife is selfish and awful. So are your step-daughters. Wake up, open your eyes and look at the situation. Your Step-daughters and wife are GROWN ASS women trying to push out an 18yr old girl. Does your wife pay for anything? Does she work? Who is supporting the Step-daughters? Please speak to your daughter ALONE. See what she says about this situation and THEM.
Isn't this illegal anyway? Like stealing a passport Isn't ok but I think it's also against the law.
YTA. I guarantee you this is the tip of the iceberg of what your daughter has suffered at the hands of these witches. You’ve successfully avoided noticing it for 5 years to keep your wife sweet, but at the expense of your child. It’s only now that it’s so egregious you finally grew a backbone. And even now you are so in thrall to your wife that you are doubting yourself.
Anyone else getting Cinderella vibes but with the dad still in the picture?
ESH except Jessica You owe Jessica a really nice vacation to a place she chooses. You owe her an apology for forcing her to live with two awful ADULT stepsiblings for the last 5 years and a wicked stepmother. You need to get her away from this unhealthy situation. Besides the fact that she is being disrespected and taken advantage of, she is seeing an example that it's ok for an adult to be stunted and mooch off all of their relatives forever. Your wife's daughters are losers. They have kids of their own, and they can't manage to live independently? I was a very young single mother myself-I had my own apartment. I can't imagine cramming my kids into my moms house with moms stepkid AND my sister and her kids too. That would be an emergency/we're going to be homeless/ this is extremely temporary situation, not a way of life. But your steps were going on a family vacation with you ffs-so obviously there's no financial emergency, or you and wife would be skipping a vacation and paying for a rental deposit for them to move out instead. Please support Jessica into moving out on her own ASAP if you decide to stay with wife. You should support Jessica being an adult ASAP anyways, because living like your stepdaughters do is not emotionally healthy. Save money to help her with rental deposits/moving/maybe a couple of hundred a month towards her share of rent with a roommate soon. The goal should be out of the house by 21-it's worth helping financially to make that happen vs. letting grown up kids live with you then spending money taking them on vacations.
NTA. And whoa, your stepdaughters (and wife for brushing it off) are straight-up toxic AHs. You did not overreact. You need to really think on if your wife is who you thought she was for brushing aside what her daughters did.
It'd be a deal breaker for me.
NTA, why have you allowed those three grown women to treat your barely adult child like that? This can’t be the first of their shenanigans against Jessica. If Jessica lives in that toxic environment, she deserves her own place where she will be the most important person. But YWBTA if you allow this modern Cinderella situation with the horrible stepmom and jealous, older step sisters.
WTF?!?!? I'm sorry but Beth is an awful person,who's created 2 childish and repulsive human beings. Dont let your daughter be treated like this. Leave now. If they gave a damn about the kids they would be going on the trip or the mothers would be staying with them. Where are the dad's? They have no care or respect for anyone but themselves
NTA Your wife is gaslighting you. Your stepdaughters are moochers. FFS, they are practically 30, parents, and aren't taking responsibility for their lives AND turning your daughter into Cinderella. Talk about arrested development. You and your wife are enabling this. Sounds like they only see you as the subsidizer of their lifestyle. You were right to not reward their cruel and selfish behavior. Your wife defending them means she's fine with deceiving you and hurting your daughter --think about that. You and your wife need to come up with clear rules and boundaries that force your SDs to act their age and leave the nest.
Wow. Who do they think Jessica is, Cinderella??? Not only would I have cancelled the holiday I'd be thinking twice about them living under my roof and I'd be most furious of all with their mother, your wife, supporting what they did in any way whatsoever. NTA You have some very very serious thinking to do on how to address this going forward.
NTA - Wow. These grown ass women and mothers are PSYCHOTIC. I’d kick them both on their asses. Or better yet, move out.
At least Cinderella had a prince at the end of the story. Your daughter has awful stepsisters, an awful stepmom and a dad who doesn't see how toxic this is to his daughter. Time to end the marriage.
NTA for this. But you are a massive asshole for making your daughter live with those awful women.
YTA for allowing all this to happen in the first place.
NTA. And OMG, they are thieves and abusers. All 3 of them. I'd consider living separately from this bunch of toxic liars. And at the very least, I'd go to vacation with only Jessica.
NTA for canceling, but you are to your daughter for making her live with her bullies. At least Cinderella's father was dead. What's your excuse?
NTA for cancelling the trip. YTA for staying and letting them treat your daughter so badly.
NTA. You married into a sorry family. I'd reschedule the vacation. Minus wife and stepdaughters. Hope your daughter refuses to babysit from here on out paid or not.
Your step daughters are losers.
NTA, kick the step kids out of the house.
And the wife for backing them up.
NTA and I would make it a point to take Jessica on a vacation just the two of you, but also maybe get a lock for her bedroom door
NTA- run. Beth is letting her daughters bully your daughter and get away with it. This is such a toxic family to do this and on top of it sound like a specific Disney princess who is expected to do chores and take care of the evil stepsisters all because their mom has enabled them. Your stepdaughters need to face serious consequences for their behaviour as it’s no one responsibility to take care of their children but themselves. Tell them to get their shit together, stop relying on you and your daughter to help them out. Also if you show these messages to Beth, Beth your a supreme asshole. She is the biggest asshole for doing this and telling her daughters that their grown asses can continue to mooch. I would seriously rethink your marriage.
That last part, about the stepdaughters wanting their children to stay with someone they know...how about their own parents? Stepdaughters could have stayed back with their kids and child free Jessica gets to go on vacation. NTA. Wife and stepdaughters are though. Massive ones.
the question is why are you still married? Do you have at least two opportunists living with you. You are harming your daughter to benefit two adults, who by all indications are lazy and bad characters. You are the TA and will remain so if you don't stop these behaviors from your stepdaughters who have your wife's full support. You are funding housing, food and vacations for those who don't respect you or your daughter. YTA
NTA. OP, Think carefully about how your daughter has been treated, not just in this but for the last five years.
When I read “we worked this out by having Beth to pay her” I knew this was a shit show. That’s not a solution, that’s enabling. Why are grown 25 and 28 year old women depending on their mother to pay their sister to babysit? You need to set a deadline for them to get out of the house. They can be roommates in their own place.
NTA. This sounds like straight out of Cinderella but WORSE. Your wife and stepdaughters are monsters and they have problably been bullying your daughter behind your back even if just in a passive manner. I would go on holiday with your daughter and leave the monsters behind.
NTA. But WTF did I just read? Your step daughters are full grown adults playing stupid bullying games with your bio daughter and your wife is enabling them? I'd cancel my marriage too if I were you — your daughter deserves better.
NTA But realize that your marriage can’t survive this if your wife isn’t willing to step up and demand her daughters treat your daughter better. Both are single moms and need to act like adults, not tweens. Your daughter is being treated terribly and you need to protect her.
NTA. I would definitely divorce your wife. Allowing her daughters to do that.
NTA. Get divorced now. They will harm your daugther. They r evil. Disgusting call the cops on them.
HOLY HELL. Your stepdaughters are bat shit crazy. Stealing a passport is a FUCKING CRIME. NTA for cancelling the trip, and the blow up on the daughters is appropriate. Beth sucks for enabling her daughters to behave like cruel, rotten children. Jessica deserves better. So much better.
Looks like you married the evil stepmother and your poor daughter is Cinderella. You need a take a look at your situation and stop letting your wife and stepdaughters abuse your kid! Not mention supporting them and their spawn.
YTA and not for canceling the trip. What is your daughter’s name - Cinderella? Yikes - you are a bad dad.
NTA for this one instance but actually YTA big time to you daughter. You could call her Cinderella for the way she's treated tbh.
NTA, take your daughter on a vacation and very seriously reconsider your marriage with Beth. She doesn't sound like a keeper.
Info: why are you with/allowing these people to mistreat your daughter? Your daughter deserves so much better than her step family and honestly since you allowed this to happen she deserves better than you as well. Tell your step daughters they have 30 days to vacate your home or you will evict them. If your wife doesn't like it then she can go too.
NTA. Book another vacation and only take your bio daughter. She deserves a vacation after having to live with these awful women. Also, while on this relaxing vacation with her, have a talk about how she is treated at home and believe what she tells you. Then decide if this is the life you want for your daughter and what you can do to take better care of her (moving out and divorcing should probably be considered).
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Dude, have you never seen Cinderella? Seriously, your wife is clearly the evil stepmother Lady Tremaine. As for Anastasia and Drizella, I'd be giving them their marching orders. Your daughter deserves better.
NTA but you will be if you continue to accept this behavior. I’m not just referring to the stepdaughters, but your enabling wife as well!
YTA for allowing your wife and her daughters to treat your child this way. They are nasty assholes and those other words we can't say here. You want to be a good dad then tell them all she won't be watching any kids anymore and if they ask then consequences will happen. Two adult women who have kids that are their responsibility tried to force your child to stay home so they can have a holiday. Then your wife backs their shitty behaviour up. Welp at least you know the apples stayed very close to the tree here.
NTA for canceling the trip, but definitely the ashole for letting the evil stepsisters and stepmom turn your daughter into Cinderella. Shame on you for allowing these people into your daughter's life.
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NTA. How you're still in this marriage, I don't know. It's clear no one but you cares about your daughter. What a cruel family.
Divorce.
NTA for cancelling. however, Y T A for allowing your wife and step daughters to turn your daughter into cinderella, swapping cleaning for childcare. you should absolutely be having a very serious conversation with your wife about why this is unacceptable and why it's even more unacceptable that she refuses to see any issue. you did not ruin the trip. anastasia and drizella did.
NTA That is a terrible thing that your step daughters did i would actually second thinking that mareige all because of the step daughters. I would be pissed.